Rushing through life

Hate everywhere I look

2014-07-12T01:56:00.001-04:00

For the past few weeks I've been seen all the hate people has, it's everywhere, in the way people react to news, online in people's Facebook walls, just everywhere.

The way people judge others is really scary and sad, everything that is different is a real treat to them, and it's really not like that, just add some controversial subject and people will vomit plain hate. Many will get behind their believes, their religion and the way their parent told them about life, regardless of why they think like that is evident that change is a real scary thing for them.

I see people fighting over silly things all the time, they put just way too much energy about subjects that are not even affecting them directly, and also overreacting with the ones that would affect them, everything is a bad instead of a good.

Humanity just lost it's way, we are a race of hate, many will base that on their freedom of speech, and yes you have the freedom of speech but that doesn't mean it's ok to bully and hate someone just because has a different view, color, race, gender, way of life, legal status, made a mistake, economical situation, love preferences, has a bigger size, smaller size, etc, etc...

I could give thousands of examples, but that would only create more hate and bring it here, I try my best to accept people the way they are, even if they are assholes. Hating others only brings bad energies to my own self, and for that reason I refuse to become the hateful person they are.

Should I tell them why??

2013-10-17T22:13:00.001-04:00

Today was not the best day, emotionally meanly. I was faced with lots of questions coming from kids, about the age of my special needs daughter, about her skills, and her physical abilities...

I had to say an answer, but what to say?? should I tell them why? or should I lie to just continue without explaining anything?

We had a field trip today, and some of the kids started to ask me why Ashley has an stroller? I explain something simple for them to understand, I said that she needs the stroller because she has a problem with her legs and her heart, and if she gets really tired she can get really sick. That was the end of that question but opened the door for many more.

Then I was asked if she knew who much is 4x1... I said no!

After a few minutes the boy asked me how old was Ashley, and I said 8 years old, for what he replayed... she cant be 8 years old, and if she was she should be in 3rd grade not second... and she should know how much is 4x1....

My heart stopped!!! all the other kids looked at me waiting for an answer, and I just looked at them without knowing what to say, I said well, she is 8 years old, and she is not in 3rd grade because she is in your class... I had to ignore the other question... I don't want them to threat her different, but at the same time I don't want them to think that been different its wrong.

This reminded me of a conversation I had with the bis principal a day before, she wanted me to not take the stroller because of the "looks" she said that Ashley wanted to look more like her peers and not different, but this is not about looks, this is about health, I would give anything for my daughter to be healthy and not need that stroller, I don't love the idea of having my 8 year old on a special needs stroller, I do notice all the people looking at us everywhere we go and she is in it. I hate the way they look at her and then look at me, as if she was a weird object.

I am not ashamed and I will never be ashamed of my kids, but why are others so easy in judging? why our schools are not teaching this kids that been different its normal? why ? why the parents not talking to their kids about people with different needs and ways of life? its our job as parents to teach them equality, and its also the schools job to implement it.

how can they expect no bullying in their school grounds if they don't want them to see "different"?

At the end of the day, after all the kids walk for hours many told me that Ashley was so lucky because she was in her stroller and they were tired of walking. I couldn't help to think that they are the real lucky ones, because they don't need and stroller!!!

Easy judging.

2013-10-10T22:57:00.002-04:00

How easy we judge sometimes, we go around criticizing the way people talk, walk, dress, behave, and react. The really interesting question here is are we sure that we are right?

The answer is NO! we don't, and we might never know... Many times we judge without knowing the full story, we are so used to this practice that we don't even think about it, we just do it and continue.

Maybe that person has a problem, maybe that person has a disability that we cant see, or maybe just maybe they are having a bad day.

I have done it in the past, I'm not perfect, and if I sound as bad as I see others do, Please just let me know!!! the way we as human race coexist with all the taboos about the color of the skin, nationalities, religions, different points of view and opinions makes us fight and not feel the love for our neighbors and those that we don't know. Just because they are not like us, or because they don't share our same ideas and interests in life. Or even worst... they don't have the same economical stability.

I really don't care about many of this things and those that I find that bother me, I'm working on that to make myself stop feeling that way. I'm so sure that people judge me in a daily basis, their eyes are closed to see more than just the behaviors or things they don't like, we are all different and it would be really boring if we were all the same way, we need the different views and believes to complete us, we need the different hair types and different skin colors, we need the richness of all the different nationalities and religions.

We just need to protect each other instead of fight each other, if we could only do this, everything would be so much better for everyone in the world.

Tired beyond exhaustion.''

2013-10-04T00:51:00.004-04:00

This week has been really crazy, it started on Monday morning, I went to help a friend put together the school store at her son's school, and after working there for 3 hours we were able to leave and go have something to eat, we decided that Ihop was the place to go. After lunch we went to her house and I got to meet a wonderful lady, most of the day was gone and by the time I came home it was almost 5 pm, I had only time to fix dinner and do a little cleaning here and there.

Tuesday was also really busy, I had to take my daughter Ashley to one of her therapies, our schedule changed for this week so I had to take her on Tuesday morning, after therapy I went to the pediatrician to turn some papers in and then to the gas station, on our way home we stopped at MacDonald s for some food, then to the store we went, we found some really nice things there and by the time we came home it was past 3 pm, so again I just had time to fix dinner and clean a bit here and there...

Wednesday came, and I had to rush myself to my friends house as soon as the school bus left, She asked me to give her a ride, after the appointment we went to have some lunch, and again I had to eat out. We wanted to go see an old friend but when I was going to her house and after getting lost I got a reminder on my phone, it was about my daughters early out schedule for the day, I was more than 30 minutes without traffic away, and by that time the traffic was packing up, I had to rush home to get her, I had to go on back roads, I was calling friends on my way back to ask the to please get her just in case I was late, but nobody was able to, some were not home and other never answer the phone. Luckily I was able to get home on time for the bus, with my friend her daughter and mine I decided to go get my son, so we went to his school.

He had an appointment s well as my friends daughter, so we went to my friends house for about an hour before we could go to the appointment then after we had to stop at Walmart and then another store, by the time we went back to her house it was already 7 pm, she served us dinner and I came back home at almost 8:30 pm, this time I was not able to clean or fix any food.

Thursday came and again I had to go to my friends house because her other daughter had an appointment she is getting braces. And after that appointment we had to stop by their dentist to have an extraction done, fun stuff. Then it was my friends Dr appointment .. At around 1 pm I was on my way to my daughters school, I needed to pick her up and take her to the other therapy, we barely made it on time due to traffic, her therapist gave me horrible news, she got another job and will soon leave the therapy center. I started crying since she has helped my Ashley so much, she has done more than what a therapies has ever done, always goes way beyond expectation, its going to be really hard for Ashley, she loves her therapist. After therapy we came home stayed here for a bit and then went to Walmart to pick up some medicine and some cleaners I needed but again my day was gone and I did so little here at home, some cleaning here and there again.

I cant continue with this way of life, I barely have time to do my own things to be on top of someone else's appointments and kids... I need a brake...

Fears of a special needs parent.

2013-10-01T00:55:00.000-04:00

When you have a child you have so many hopes for that kid, you want your son or daughter to be able to crawl, walk, talk, grow up and be able to go to school, go to the university and get married, and why not? give you grand kids. But when you are faced with the challenges of raising a special needs child, regardless of the disability the world around you changes completely.

All the dreams that you had must disappear, you are faced with situations out of your control, health issues, learning disabilities and people that will never understand your kid, people that will not only say ignorant comments but also make fun or bully your child, they not only come in the shape of a child, but many times are adults the ones with the most hurtful and hateful comments.

The annoying way some people will look at your child, as if they have seen the most horrendous thing in life and it makes me sick.

This world is full of ignorant people, those that think that having a child with special needs its a curse from God, the ones that think that its contagious and don't want to get close to your kid and those that will use the "R" word with friends because its cool and they don't feel like its offensive because they are too busy been stupid to get a dictionary and actually read the definition. Oh, but please don't grab the urban dictionary, because that doesn't count as dictionary to me.

So the point is clear, we as parents of a special needs kids have lots of fears. We all agree on at least one, we don't know what the future might bring for our kids long or short term... And you might say, well, all parents worry about that. Yes and no!!! Let me tell you why.

I love my kids and I expect different things from my typical child and from my special needs one, my son has way more chances than my daughter, he has things the easy way. For him its not hard to do everyday things and tasks, and he can be pushed harder so he can succeed at school and in life. With my daughter is way different, she needs more time processing school work, she has a slight chance of not graduating high school, she will have a harder time learning everyday chores and tasks. I'm about 80% sure that my son will give me grand kids, but I'm and 80% sure as well that my daughter wont.

Its not because she is not capable of been a mother, but because there is a 50% chance that her kids will be born with the same disability, if the father has no disabilities, but if he does then the chance goes way up. So the question comes to my head, if she does have a child, typical or special. Who will take care of that baby? if my daughter will barely be able to take care of her own needs... She might even need help herself.

I wont be here forever, so what is my child going to do once I'm gone? who will take care of her? is she going to be ok? will she be protected? who will be there on her hard moments? who will put up with her bad choices? will she find love? or will she be lonely? those are the real fears of a special needs parent, because our normal daily life its really busy, we know more doctors than a regular parent will in their life time, we are ready to fight for that kid needs at school or at the doctors office, we will find our way around a no, we are most of the time exhausted beyond believe, but even that way we find energy to continue day or night, its easier for us to clean human fluids as long as its the fluids or our kids.

We multitask, I can at least cook a meal, clean or do the dishes and schedule doctor app's at the same time, we can lift the weight of our kid without complaining, and it doesn't matter if its a one year old or a 17 year old, if it must be done we will do it.

Some moms and dads require a little more time to adjust to all the new changes of a diagnosed child, some will take months to be able to accept, others will be on denial for longer time, whatever your case, just make sure to tell that child that you love them and that you will always do, it doesn't matter if its a newborn or a 10 year old, just tell that child how much you love him or her.

And please don't use the "R" word, life can teach you real lessons and you never know if your own child will be diagnosed with a learning disability or even your grand kid.

Out of frustration...

2013-09-30T00:59:00.004-04:00

Have you ever had that moment when everything its just frustrating you?

I have. Actually I get those moments really often, many factors will make me feel that way, the economical issues in the house, the way some people just are, or even how the dog is not listening to what I say.

Yes, its totally normal, But that gives no authorization for me to react in a bad way to my frustrations. Breath, I keep repeating to myself, just breath and let it go.

I get that really often, when I am looking at my friends posts on FB, I see a comment or picture of something that I don't agree with, I feel the need to comment BUT then I stop, breath and think... is it necessary? do I want to start a fight over something really stupid? they had all the right to post whatever they want... its their page after all. So I just let it go.

Frustration can be really bad at times, when the kids are misbehaving and you feel like you want to scream at them, or when you are doing something important and then you have to stop to fulfill the needs of someone else. I know you understand me, I know that I'm not alone in this one.

But the one frustration that really get me to the next level, its when I ask for help, and I get nothing, and by ask for help I mean ask a family member to so something or to stop doing something.

I had to deal with that today, and I had no luck.

I have lots of patience and I think that's the reason why people most of the time will abuse. That's the way I am, I was raised that way and I cant change my ways.

So again, frustration comes in many ways, in may shapes, but its ultimately up to us to decide if we put up a fight or we let it go. If its something small, just let it go, if its something big work it out, but definitely don't fight out of frustration.

four words one text.

2013-09-26T00:09:00.002-04:00

I have been thinking and thinking, in the last few months life has been really hard, I had my life changed and twisted in so many ways.

I learned a lot, I can tell you that I'm a better person, my heart has no hate, even when everything around me hurts me, I have no hate.

Yesterday I opened my eyes to something that maybe a few months ago I couldn't see. I got a text, only four words, "that girl is crazy" I felt a pain in my chest when I saw this text, it was not about a woman, it was about a girl, an eleven year old girl.

Why was I getting this? it reminded me when my daughter was called crazy, and I had to answer back, I didn't do it in a text but in person. Just as I got out of my car the person that wrote it came to my driveway and started talking about this fight that she has with a special needs 11 year old girl...

I listened to all the story and then I gave a piece of my mind, I was not mad, I was hurt. Not because it meant something to me but because the question kept bugging me... how can a woman feel the need of fight with an eleven year old girl?

This issue opened my eyes, we as adults feel that we are in control, we feel the need of getting people to respect us, but how are we respecting others? I'm sure that I made that same mistake before, nobody is perfect, but now I ask myself.... Is it necessary ? is it that important? is it worth the time and the energy? a fight, we fight for everything, and nothing at the same time.

I wont judge somebody based on the experiences of others, if that person is nice to me I will be nice, if that person is not nice, I will walk away from their life.

I don't know if it was the right thing to say but I asked to please not to share those issues with me. But those 4 words shook my heart, my daughter was called crazy before and I wanted to slap the one that said that, people can be so cruel with their comments, but we always have the chance to forget and forgive.

Insomnia

2013-09-14T01:08:00.001-04:00

I cant sleep and its just too hard to concentrate in the morning, and so hard to get up early... So far I've been doing it, but I don't know how much longer I can stay like this.

I've been really busy all week, I had to take Ashley to her therapy and did some things to collect money for the polar plunge, so far I have collected $65 with the help of my friend and her daughters.

We also had to go get my sons allergy shoot this week, and I saw someone there, the sister of the person that wanted to hurt my kids, so I had to talk to the doctor and tell him the story of my life, he assured me that I was not going to see that person next week when I have to go again.

I'm not a bad person, I don't go finding trouble, but if someone is looking for it I wont let them step on me and I wont let them get close to my kids, now changing to a more relaxed note...

I have been really happy during the last few days, my relationship its going great, I am waiting on a new curling iron that its on the mail on its way here, I cant wait to try it. I heard so many great things about it.

Tomorrow I will wax my face since its been a long time since I did it, it will hurt like a mofo but beauty hurts right? and I will look beautiful to my man, he brought me roses yesterday, he is so sweet...

I don't see him too often because he is been working a lot lately, but on the day that I get to see him and be with him I will cuddle on his chest and just close my eyes, sometimes I feel like I want to stay there all day long.

I will go to bed now, I have to take Ashley to practice tomorrow and its really late... have a great night !!!

Chocolate sale!!!

2013-09-11T00:34:00.001-04:00

Last year I had a real hard time getting donations for the polar plunge, I was really sad and depressed at the hotel a day before the plunge, finally an hour before I registered for the event the last few donations came with a whopping amount of money and I was able to reach the goal.

If you don't know what the polar plunge is, let me tell you what it is... every year I will go to the beach in February (the coldest month of the year) and I will jump to the ocean with 3000 more crazy people to support the special Olympics, its super cold and super fun at the same time.

Well this year I had to do something to get the money, I can't really just sit around and ask people to donate, I had to really do something to get that money, so I started to buy some basic things, like kitchen stuff and jewelry, and finally I got a box of chocolates. I have a friend that will help me all the time, she is really sweet, and I gave the box of chocolate to her, her daughters told their friends about the chocolates and they sold all the chocolates, all that money will go to the polar plunge, so far the idea is going well since they are asking for a donation and not an actual price.

I love them to pieces, and now I need to get more chocolate. Oh and the kitchen stuff will also be given with donations, I'm really confident that I will reach that goal and it won't be as stressing as it was last year, I will just have to worry about the expenses of the trip and the hotel and not the goal, we pay for our expenses, I don't use the donated money for any of the expenses all the donated money goes to the special Olympics.

I'm also super exited about this years Halloween, because we have season passes for a themed park and we will be going there as soon as they open the new Halloween attractions I also told you all about the new adventure.

I am making YouTube videos again and I will keep on making them, in English and Spanish, I have a few reviews now, you can check them out if you like... Let me know what you think.

http://www.youtube.com/user/cynthiag0522

http://www.youtube.com/user/hammy0522

if you want to donate you can do it here: http://www.firstgiving.com/fundraiser/cynthia-godinez/2014polarplungeVA

Fake people !!!

2013-09-07T02:16:00.001-04:00

wow, its been such a long time since I posted something, I have been really trying to figure life out, a lot of things happen during this few months, I found out who my real friends are and who the fake ones are... Its really sad that sometimes the person that you believe its the most trusting friend ends up been a fake one ready to hurt you and your family and blame insanity.

People might think that I'm a bad person, and as far as I'm concerned I don't really care, I know that I have done nothing wrong and that I own no explanation to anyone, I respect myself and would never go into a relationship with anyone that is not free, I am worth way too much to get the leftovers.

Just because I'm friendly and I do favors to people when they ask me to, doesn't mean that I will sleep with them, I am an educated person and I love myself way too much to be that kind of women.

The funny part is that the person that told about me doing things is the same person that wants something with the husband of this person, but guess what? I won't tell her that, because I want to see how karma gets them, she thinks she was so smart at blaming me for something I didn't do, when she was the one that was actually doing it... some day she will be faced with the true and she wont have a place to hide or a person to blame. as far as I am concerned, I'm at peace!!!

But now I know that I can't trust anyone, because you never know who wants to hurt you and your family for imaginary things, I'm glad that I can be the hardest person when it comes to protect my babies, and that all that made F think about everything and he wanted to fix our situation.

He knows me so well, not for nothing he is been with me for the last 15 years, he knows what I can be capable of doing and what I will absolutely not do ever, after all he knows me better than anyone else.

I'm working on a new adventure and I'm sure that I will succeed, I am learning little by little and its hard because its really a time consuming activity that I have to do, but its fun and I enjoy it!!! ready??? I'm back !!! I started again with my videos on Youtube and this time I will do everything I can to continue and not stop doing them.

Hard to understand.

2013-04-09T00:36:00.001-04:00

Life can be really difficult sometimes, I never thought that I was going to be raising my kids alone, but here I am... Doing just that the way my mom did, still dealing with doctor appts and therapies but doing it.

Life really will turn in a second, I was just fine with the life I had, been a stay at home mom, taking care or the kids and all. Now I have to do that plus provide to them what their dad did.

So far he is still helping me out with them on the days that I go hunting for a job, hard as I don't know what...

I'm still waiting for my ged certificate to get here... It's been more than a month since I did and past the test, so far no certificate, and I really need it.

Polar Plunge 2013

2013-02-04T00:26:00.003-05:00

This weekend was one of the most important weekends every year... We just did the Polar plunge, and it was awesome...

It was very cold, the wind on Friday was unbelievable, whenever the direction of the wind was right in front, hitting my face, I could feel my eyes water and it looked as if I was crying. My hand would go numb in a few seconds from the extreme coldness.

The resort was really beautiful, my room was absolutely stunning, so big with a view to the beach in the seventh floor. The kids had no problem getting comfortable in that room at all.

We actually went to the pool for about and hour, I was sad due that a day before my nine year old ferret died due to old age, he was my baby and we cried a lot on Thursday. Plus I had a fundraising going on for the polar plunge, and well lets just say that I was not been supported by the people I though had my back...

I was actually waiting to get registered for the event because my goal was $600 and I only had $395, and then... WOW!!! a whooper donation of $200 came to my rescue... I covered the rest and I was able to register with a smile knowing that I had a lot of awesome friends and that I had reached my goal...

I had an awesome Friday night making shirts for the plunge.

On Saturday I was able to wake up early, I got ready and got the kids ready, we went to have breakfast, it was so good, but then it was time to get things ready for the plunge...

We totally missed the first events, well all of them... except the plunge itself, it was so darn cold that I was OK with not been present for the other events.

I was running to the water and I was not expecting it to be as cold as it was, my body got so numb it started to hurt, even with that I kept walking forward, I was able to hi-five 3 of the rescue squad guys, even though I said that I was going to do that only "if" i reached the $800 dollars and I didn't... I just had to do something special for the $200 donation...

When I got out of the water my body was hurting so bad it was insane, it took me more than 25 minutes to get my normal temperature back, and that's when I notice the freeze burns on my legs...

Battle marks, that's what they are. After all it was a sacrifice for me to get in that cold water....

The rest of the day when really good, we ate with everyone in area 11 and had a good time. It was time to go pack and get thing ready for today, we went upstairs did laundry and started to pack.

This morning I had a hard time waking up, I finished packing and got everything in the car, after we went and had breakfast we had to enjoy our last moments in that amazing hotel...

The way back was really fast and smooth, we got home right before the mini snow storm... lol Next year I will do the plunge again, it will be my third time... and I am so making costumes for us, I have a year to think about what to make and actually make them, I also have a year to think about good ways to raise money...

The end of a story

2013-01-20T13:30:00.001-05:00

       It's been a hard few months, now I can really tell you what's going on..

        During the past year things have been not so good with F, what I didn't knew was that he was thinking about the end of our story.

        It hit me like a wall of bricks, and there is no going back. It's a very hard thing not only for me but for the kids as well, I just need to figure out a way to explain this to them.

         I just hope that with time resignation will also come, for now all I can do its look for a job and adjust to our new life, a life I so didn't wanted to have.

You see, I didn't had the chance to share my life with my dad, he was never in my life. I didn't wanted my kids to experience that dysfunctional life, the same that I had, with my mother working all the time and us as kids that had to be little adults.

          The life of a single parent family its not easy, so much more that the kids are so used to be with me all the time, now I will have to go to work so I can provide them with what they need.

           He made his choice and nothing will make him change his mind, we will just try to have a normal life as much as we can without him.

One christmas to NOT remember.

2012-12-17T02:18:00.001-05:00

Things are not going very well for us right now, every single year we go through something like this but never this bad...

Since F work depends on weather and other people, well let's just say that this season its been really bad, we are barely making our payments on the basic things but we defenetly have no budget for the Christmas things, if you know what I mean.... I can care less about things for me or for the house, I don't really care about that, what I really care is for the kids to have a normal Christmas filled with joy, love, family, food and of course their gifts.

Well not this year, we are so thight that I could only afford a few things for them, and that makes me really mad, it also mades me so mad that I can't spend the hollidays with my family because of some stupid issues between my mom and my brother, I'm so sick of that bs.

I was going to just drive there and have a few days with them and forget about the bad things happening at home, but its not going to happen.

My relationship with F its totally broken and the kids can feel and see it whenever we are together, that's just sad to see... They do preffer to be with me than with their dad. I can just say that I had nothing to do with that, they can be with whoever they want, I don't say bad things about him to them.

I guess its true what I have heard, if you don't show love people won't give you love... I really don't know, that's their relationship not mine... I just have no control over that.

Everything its really stressful right now, I need to do so many things in the next few months. I just hope that I will have the open doors and the strong mind that I need to do it all. Soon I will start beauty school, and who knows, maybe I will have a bussiness in the future.

I really don't want Christmas to come, I'm not looking forward see my kids cry their eyes out because Santa only got them sucky cheapy stuff... And I know, I know... They need to be grateful with the things they have... But try to explain that to them?

December already

2012-12-03T02:24:00.001-05:00

It's hard to believe that December is here, I just can't believe that the year its almost gone. Ashleys new school its ok, I can't tell its awesome or that its helping her so much, I see no advance, only in speech...

The kids started church school a few months ago, they are doing preparation for their first communion, that its really making me nervious, my mom and brother have issues between them, I want no part of it, but they seriously behave like kids fighting over a toy.

This Christmas doesn't look good, not only because we won't go to NJ but because it seems very unlikely that Santa will stop by this year, and that makes me sad. I need to find a way to make things work out the way I want them to.

Monday already, another week more problems to solve. By the way, I'm doing the polar plunge again Feb second, if you can, please go check my page out and donate, its for a good cause... As always we will post a video on YouTube about it, meanwhile you can go see last year's plunge, my YouTube name is hammy0522. Thank you !

I cant wake up!!!

2012-11-30T00:22:00.002-05:00

          Every day I get my alarm and hit the snooze button, and today I did it a little too many times, I woke up like a crazy person at 8:15am, I ran to the kids and woke them up, I don't know how, but we made it to the bus stop at 8:30am.

           From all the days in the week, today was the day the my sons bus broke down, so I was freaking out, it was late and I had to take them to their schools, I was making a map in my head about the fastest route to get to my sons school, and how to get from there to my daughters school as fast as I could. Then like and angel came my friend and told me she was taking her son to school, I send my son with her and drove my daughter to her school.

          She started crying and that just broke my heart, she is having separation anxiety, and I don't really know how to make her feel better, I do tell her that she will see me after school, but its not really working. I will find a way I'm sure, but I will need help with this.

         Today I found the best make up ever, I herded so many good things about the Kat Van D tattoo foundation that I just had to try it myself, so I went to get it, and its just amazing, I love it!!!

         what a boring day I had, at school we had a sub, again... She is nice, but wont explain what she is doing, I cant wait for my teacher to be back, the classroom is really cold, I cant even concentrate, so next week I will bring a little blanket, I told everyone. The girls at my table have a blast in class with me, I'm such a clown. I don't mean to be a clown, I'm just been myself.

I'm back....

2012-11-29T02:45:00.001-05:00

First of all I want to apologise for been away for so long, life its been hard.
I need to update all of you about what's going on, I started school and its really hard to keep up with everything, all the Dr. Appointments, therapies and house chores are not easy, and if we add all of the extra porblems...
Well its just been overwealming for me.

Medically everything its been the same, we found out gastro issues with my kids, yes... Not only my ws daughter but my typical son as well.

Winter its almost here, and that means Santa will be coming soon, the only problem its that Santa won't bring much this year, he is really struggling right now.

For now we are starting the blog again and soon we will return to our daily YouTube vlog.

Rush update

2012-07-14T02:22:00.002-04:00

Wow, its been such a long time since I wrote something here... I'm sorry, I haven't had much time left, but here... Let me tell you that thanks to our amazing PT my daughter was approved for a stroller, that really helps with so many things... We can now plan trips to the zoo or long wakings around the neighborhood, Ashley is improving so much in so many things... She was able to do her name by herself without help, she is getting stronger too.

My son is been extra nice to me... he is such a sweet boy, everyday he will come and give me a neck massage, bring me water or something to eat, he is such a big help in the house too, he knows how to make me laugh all the time...

F has been working and working, even weekends, I miss him, he is never home, that's just sad, the kids are home all day long since they are on vacations... that drives me nuts and some days I want to pull my hair out...

We found this game called no zombies allowed, we play it and some days my son and I have this little races about who can make more money or have more houses and businesses... so far he is winning... little stinker

I want to loose some weight but its really hard, especially when I have to cook them yummy food, and I have to eat like a rabbit... not fun...

My sister in law gave me a pack or some weird canary seed to loose weight, and yes its for humans... lol, it helps me be less hungry and its supposed to help me loose weight too... we will see... so far I feel like a bird... like "big bird"... lol you know, the one on sesame street!?....

We survived the "derecho" storm, we were without power for only 24 hours... nothing major here but some other people had really big problems with that storm... it was really scary and I am not going to lie, I almost pee my pants... not really but it was bad... The kids were also very scared and freaking out...

So far this is all that has been going on... some pool time, getting ready for a family trip and just chilling here in the house with the kids.

Memorial Weekend!!!

2012-05-31T01:09:00.003-04:00

This weekend was a bit nuts, I had lots of plans and everything had to be modified, I wanted to go see my family to NJ, but at very last minute my mom called me and told me she was coming Saturday... I was going to go anyway since we had tickets for a soccer game...

But when F checked the tires... problemoooo!!! they needed to be replaced!!! What a fudgeroo... I had to stay... I was all sad and I was really about to cry when he told me that we could go buy some used ones to replace them and go to the game Sunday...

We spend the day with my mom and her political family, they ended up staying here too... :\
Sunday morning we left.... lol she staid here wahahahha

When we arrived at the stadium we looked for mu brother and his family... we had an awesome time there... the game was awesome, everything was great until some guys started a fight there and the police came and asked everyone to go home... so we had to take the party to my brothers house...

I had a jar of sangria... please don't ask me the name in English cause I have no idea... it had mango chopped, well I was drunk in no time... the kids where in bed and sleeping so we could have a grown up time...

Monday we went to a park, its so beautiful, you can see the Washington bridge from it... so beautiful...

we came back that day, the traffic gas not bad, and hubby invited us to eat at a chines buffet...

That day even the dog had to take a shower, he was all stinky... crazy weekend we had, but the kids had lost of fun and enjoyed the trip so much...

Williams Syndrome walk...

2012-05-13T00:58:00.000-04:00

First of all I have to tell you that I have been really sick and that's why I haven't updated the blog, This last week was really busy and hard for me, a lot of things to do and without energy or health its just like poo in a shoe...

Today we were supposed to have practice at 10am... But our awesome couch cancelled the practice and instead of that he joined me and Ashley this morning with not only his son but more awesome people from our area for the Williams Syndrome walk, it was awesome...

This was our very first one, I saw many of my FB friends there and got to meet new parents and kids, I felt really good, it was the first time that I could let Ashley play in the playground without worrying about other people judging her or asking questions...

My son had fun as well, my best friend was there, even tho she had lots to do today, she was there to support the walk...

Everything was perfect until the end, Ashley got punched on the stomach by a typical kid there, it was not a happy moment for us, but I think I did the right thing, I asked the boy to take me to his parents and I told them what he did... His dad was not really happy about it but he told me he was going to put the boy in time out...

After we came home, I was so tired I wanted to take a nap, but the kids had so much energy that it was impossible, They started playing with 2 boxes, they put eyes on the side of it and made a hole for their head to put in it...

Have you seen the guy that is on the videos of LMAO?? the one with the box instead of a head?... they wanted to replicate that, and after they started dancing with the box on their head... lmao that was funny...

This kids will always find a way to make me laugh... then they had a pillow fight and all I could hear was their laugh, that sure makes me feel like I'm doing something right...

I feel miserable ...

2012-05-13T00:24:00.000-04:00

It's been a few days since I wrote something.... I have been feeling sick and also I have been so busy, last Saturdays track meet was so awesome, just like the first one...
Ashley got to do standing long jump, 50 meters run 100 meters run and relay, she did awesome...
Sunday I had plans but I had to cancel it cause I woke up with my eye so red and swallowed, the darn thing stayed like that all day and Monday, but in the afternoon after taking Ashley to her OT therapy my eye was worst, and my ear was bugging me too, right before dinner I was going to change my scentsy scent and I got my favorite one jumping jelly beans... But I felt so bad, I was going to puke.
And then I was serving dinner and u had to run to actually vomit, everyone on fb was telling me that was a sign of been preggo... But I'm not. Today I had to go to the doctor cause I was feeling miserable, I had to get Ashley ready for Pt and Alder went to school on the bus, I called my doctor but they didn't answer so we went to the therapy and after that I went to the doctor...
I'm all broken, cause I have an ear, eye and throat infection...

oh my eye!!!

2012-04-30T23:42:00.003-04:00

This weekend was fun, exhausting and exiting at the same time... Ashley had her first competition and let me tell you that she did awesome... ran like a champion and did all she was told to... I almost cried when I heard all the crowd cheering for her...

It was far away, but the place was awesome, so many people and it was filled with enthusiasm and good vibes... everyone was hysterically supportive, I just had no idea that the special Olympics meet ups were so nice and invigorating, I can see myself next week there regardless of been tired or anything...

I took a lot of pictures and video, I cant help but smile when I see them... After the event was over we dared to go to a party, it was as far as the place we went to the meet... Its a farm a milk farm, but they have other animals and its awesome to see the kids play and be able to run without worry that there will be cars or danger...

Ashley was amazed with the goats, she was petting them, and they were so good with her, after that she started chasing the rooster chickens... They also behave so good, they didn't attack her even tho she was really trying to get them...

But the fun part was that after a few minutes I walked to check on her and I found her inside the chick cage, chasing them... And right after I said Ashley what are you doing in there, she graved one chick by the neck and told me... "look mommy a chicken", I had to ask her to not choke the poor chick and to leave them alone, not before taking some pics of her been inside the cage...

She had so much fun, then they found a frog, or toad, I don't even know what that was... but I had to save his life cause they wanted to put him under a lot of grass... and right when I was relaxing thinking that they had no more animals to chase... I heard my son say... Look!!! AFLAK... !!! I was like what?? and then I saw Ashley trying to get her little body inside the duck cage...

What is it with my child been so curious about animals all of the sudden?? she was not like this a few months ago...

We came back home way too late, and the way back was not so nice, since I had to drive back home and I had this thing going on with my right eye... its all red and it hurts, it looks like someone hit me, the weird part is that F has the same thing on the same eye... But his is now not as bad as mine.

Today I had to take Ashley to the cardiologist, they did the annual EKG and ultrasound, the results are the same as last year, no change on the blockage she has on one of the main arteries of the heart, and the abnormal palpitations are the same way they were last year, so no more cardiologist for 2 years... That is good news, no restrictions and she has the OK to do the special Olympics track season...

She was so tired after yesterday tho... and now my arms and legs are hurting cause I had to carry her after the event was done, she was beyond tired, she had no energy to even hold on to me... poor baby!!! But I am so proud of her...

Tomorrow we have PT and we must start OT as well...

Again I have this feeling that I want a baby!!! but I know that it will go away soon, I was holding my friends baby, she is super cute, 3 weeks old and loves my arms... she didn't cried and was so nice to have her... She reminds me of Ashley when she was a baby... awesome memories, and that reminds me that I need to make a video about Ashley!!!

For now that's all that its been going on, I read the last few post of this blog and they are so adult like... Wow, where is my fun going??

Oh I almost forgot this part... Sunday morning we had to be at the meet place at 9:30am, so I was ready to go at 8:00am, and we did, only to found out that I forgot the bag with Ashley's uniform and our lunch at home... it was 8:30 when I notice the bag was not in the car, what a fudgeroo, we had to come back home, I was so upset with myself, I wanted to cry, I send a text to my friend as ask her to please register Ashley for me, I was going to be so late, but I was determined to get there... What a ding dong!!! how could I forget something that important!!! I rushed to open the door only to find that I had not only forgot the bag but the video camera... really?? what a ding dong hopper I was to forget such an important bag... don't you think?

That was the mayor Fudgeroo of the day.

How unfair all this is!!!

2012-04-29T01:32:00.003-04:00

Its been a hard week, I have been working at school every day helping with the book fair, its fun to do that... I like working with kids, and I discovered that I like kindergartners better than older kids...

On the other hand I had a call about our schedule for OT, and it will be a bit problematic, since they want to see Ashley 2 hours a week the first few weeks and then it will go to an hour a week, the only problem is that I will have to go 3 times a week there, cause they want to see her Monday for OT, Tuesday for PT and Thursday for OT again... they will try to squeeze us on Tuesdays, so I will have to take her there only once a week... we are talking about a 45 min drive, and the gas is so expensive that I cant afford to do that 3 times a week...

Right now we are having some problems with money, F will get paid next Saturday and we have a few hundred to survive the week, the bad part is that we have to pay the rent and some bills in the next few days... our credit cards are almost on the limit and I haven't heard anything from SSI... We have a few groceries left that I will have to make it last for the week...

Tomorrow we have to go to our first special Olympics competition, and I wish we didn't had to go, since its so far away and that means expending money on gas, I will take some food for us, and hope that we will work something out for the week...

We always do at the end, I get to be creative with food and basic stuff, at the end is fun to do it with the kids, Today Ashley was really upset cause she wanted to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck, but I got her happy again when I gave her some Ice cream that we have here in the house, I told them that this one is way better than the one they have on that truck... I cant tell them that I cant buy it for them, they don't have to worry about money cause they are not supposed to... that is my job not theirs...

We played for a few hours, and watch movies here in the house, Alder is so happy with his books, I got him some cool books for free since I got vouchers for helping with the book fair, The weather is been a bit crazy, right now is raining and I cant sleep, I don't like storms, my ferret is sleeping on my lap and I should be looking for my Ipod since I use it as my alarm and I think it doesn't have battery... Ashley was using it all day long...

Its so hard to not think about what will life be once we get to an old age, I watch my ferret and I feel like I don't want to be that old, he cant barely walk and cant make it anymore to the litter box... he is loosing his hair, and will sleep almost all day long, I don't want my son to take care of me, and who will take care of Ashley? I know there is many that will take care of her, but I just cant help it, I worry too much about it!!!

I also have all this sadness that I cant control, I feel like crying, screaming and trowing a tantrum... there are so many thing going on right now that I cant believe how I take care of everything like nothings up...

The only one that seems to notice is the dog, he comes to me and stays close to me, as if he knows that I need someone to be with me, I haven't talked to my mom and sister in a month or more... I have no time, and whenever I find the time, its late or they are working... I hope that they wont feel that I don't call cause I don't want to... because that is really not the case.

Some people is making me feel like I shouldn't apply for help, like SSI... Someone told me that because people like me the system is the way it is... and that really doesn't make any sense, cause I am NOT making things up, I am not abusing the system, and I didn't lie to them about my income or Ashley's disability, I didn't apply because I feel its cool to have a disable child, I might get an stroller, but I would give everything in this world to not have a disable child, and I'm not saying this in a bad way, I love my daughter, but I would love to be able to do normal things like taking them to the park, zoo or mall without worrying about my daughter going with a total stranger and not even feel fear about it... I would give my own life to have my daughter as a typical child...

But I cant... and if I need an stroller for her, I shouldn't have to explain that to people, I will gladly explain why I need it to doctors and other providers, but not to random people that cant understand what it is to have a special needs child...

I am upset with life, and not because of me, but because it will be my daughter the one that will deal with this condition for life, she will want to do things that other people do, like drive a car, go to the mall by herself or with her friends, get her own family and kids... and then what?? how am I going to tell her that she will probably have to forget about that?

My best friend always tells me to live one day at a time, and I do try to do that, but sometimes I cant help it... I don't want to be mad at God, but in a way I am!!! its very unfair, even more when I see mothers that have typical kids and they just don't care about their kids, or when they take the life of that child, Many will be mad at me or will tell me that God is awesome etc... And maybe he is been awesome to you, but he hasn't been that awesome with me...

http://www.facebook.com/hammy0522
http://www.youtube.com/user/hammy0522?feature=mhee
https://twitter.com/#!/hammy0522

sounds easy!!!

2012-04-25T18:51:00.003-04:00

OK, talking with a friend last night made me realize that many have just no idea what is to have a Williams Syndrome child, now, I will talk about how it is here in my house, but remember that every child is different just like typical kids...

I will tell you step by step how my day goes...

I have to put on at least 5 alarms to get myself up and ready to start my day, and the reason why I do that is not because I'm lazy and I don't want to get up, but because I am exhausted most of the time, I will go to sleep every night at around 2 am, and its not because I want to become a vampire or I'm having fun so late, but because I feel like I must make sure that Ashley wont wake up at midnight vomiting, if she does, she wont call me or get up, she will just start crying very quietly... and I also have to make sure that my son doesn't get an asthma attack, they usually come at around 1 am or so... but I cant tell if they will come or not...

OK, so after I get myself up my bed, I will go wake Alder up so he can get ready and he can get the dog out, that's his morning job, in the mean time I will wake Ashley up and get her clothes ready for her approval... Yes, she is really particular about what she will wear, after she did approve the outfit of the day, I will put it on her, everything including socks and shoes, after that I will call her to fix her hair and brush her teeth, then its time to get her book bag and snack ready... if they are riding the bus that morning I will take them to the bus stop and wait with them until the bus gets here, but if we are all going to school they will ride with me...

Once at school I will send my son to class and get someone to come to the office to get Ashley, (cause I am not allowed to take her to class anymore) she has a bad day if I do that... Then I go to the school store and help there, if there is anything else after the store ours that needs to be done I will usually stay and help, on Tuesdays its a different story cause I do the same morning routine but instead of getting someone to walk Ashley to class, I will take her to the store with me, and then after that we will go to her therapy, its a 40 min drive, then if we are not to late to come back to school I will take her back, if not I will just keep her for the day, so after all this I will come home and fix lunch, take my medicine and get the dog out, start my cleaning and check my emails...

At around 4 I will go get the kids, I do have to wait at the bus stop at least 10 minutes, then I will get Ashley off the bus, yes I literally have to take her off that bus... Give them something to eat and ask my son about 100 times to clean his room, do his homework and chores... That usually will drive me insane and I will end up taking my happy pill before getting really upset, if that day is grocery day, we will have to go to the store and buy some groceries... come back home so I can fix dinner...

Once every 3 weeks I have to take Alder to his allergy shoot, and deal with traffic and them fighting all the way back...

after dinner they have time to relax for a little bit before taking a shower, and yes I have to give Ashley a bath cause she cant do it by herself, oh and lets just add all the extra stuff that I have to do with her everyday, like practicing letters, numbers, colors, shapes, playing with her, and wiping her butt... remind her a 100 times a day to wash her hands and flush the toilet... be nice with the ferret and dog, get away from the stove when I'm cooking and to not open the door ever... to get off the chairs and to not jump on the bed, to check on her every 5 minutes to see what is she up to, and to multitask at the same time...

If we have an appointment that day.... well lets just add it to all the things that I just told you about...

On weekends its a bit different, Saturdays we have practice for special Olympics, after that she is exhausted and wont want to do anything else, so we are usually home, cause she cant walk much without asking to be carried, and she is now too heavy for me... Their dad wont help me so everything needs to be done by their favorite person "me"...

On top of all that if F wants me to go to the bank or do something for him, that will just add to my day...

So now you know how a day goes in my house... I almost forgot...

Ashley will ask unstoppable about events like Halloween, her Birthday and other things, EVERYDAY!!!

Am I Pregnant...o.O!?

2012-04-25T00:02:00.000-04:00

I started taking supplements, I need more energy cause I just don't have any, my day goes so fast that I end up with lots of things that I didn't had time to do, and that its not good cause then I have all this unfinished things that must be done!!!

My son had a science project a few days ago, I ended up helping him with it, but today he had an event at school, and he had to go do his presentation about it... He had so much fun making that volcano erupt lots of times...

We had PT today and I asked the therapist about a recommendation for Ashley cause she gets tired so soon when she is walking, and most of the time we have to carry her, or just don't take them places cause of that reason, she will walk for 10 or 15 minutes and then she is tired and wants to go home... I just know that it must be so hard and tiring to walk on your tip toes all the time...

So I ask her!!! cause we wanted to get a stroller for Ashley but she is now too big for them, she was so nice and told me that we can get a special needs one for her and my insurance will pay for it, we have to go through the process but its OK... At last we will be able to go to the zoo or a museum, a park or just walk around the neighborhood without worrying that she will want us to carry her around...

Oh and no I'm not pregnant... lol I have this intolerance to some foods and the reaction is a belly like if I was pregnant, I looked at myself in the mirror and I was surprised to see a belly of a 6 month pregnant women... it hurts so much tho... I'm so not enjoying this... at least when you are pregnant you look like that for a reason, but in my case, well its like poo in a shoe...

We also went to the book fair at school today, and Ashley wanted a toy from there, and a book... I asked her if she was going to pay for it and she said YES!!
so I let her, but when it was time to pay she got very upset because she only wanted to give them $.25 and she had to pay $7.50, she was not happy, but she paid for the toy, I had to pay for her book, thank goodness I had a volunteer voucher and that did covered the amount of the book...

I missed a big event that my best friend son invited us to... But I had to take my son to the science fair :(

I got The Hunger Games book, and I cant wait to read it...

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