Russelldad's blog

Ferocity

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Sun, 22 Jan 2012 18:00:09 PST

I was holding my own battling the kids one on one this morning. Then they got the idea to team up on me. Gulp...

The Day Every Father Dreams Of

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:00:04 PST

This morning Alex went out and made a positive contribution to shoveling the driveway before I even put on my boots.

Russelldad's Blog Joins #SOPAStrike

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Wed, 18 Jan 2012 17:17:08 PST

On January 18th I'm joining sites like Wikipedia and Google in the Internet strike of SOPA & PIPA. Thus if you're one of the many people that visit each day to find out How to Fix a Broken Guitar Nut With Baking Soda In Nine Steps or What's the Deal With Recycling Pizza Boxes? or even my kids latest antics then you're out of luck. Instead of those wildly popular posts you'll find this:

I'm doing this as a show of protest against SOPA and PIPA, two tragically written bills, that if passed by the US government would cripple the Internet. But you don't have to take my word for it. Have a look at the video and links below and make up your own mind. And then if you agree, please write or call your representitives. This website will actually place the call for you!

Learn More:

Watch the video · American Censorship page · View the Infographic

Read SOPA on OpenCongress · Read PIPA on OpenCongress

Here are the three most definitive articles on SOPA and PIPA: Free Speech, Problems, Security

Update January 18th 2012, 8:12PM EST: This blog was dark in protest for a little over 12 hours today. As of a few minutes ago it has been returned to usual state. Let's hope #SOPA and #PIPA go dark and don't come back.

Boys Are Hilarious

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 17:31:43 PST

Conner and Alex have just gone to bed. I'm sitting in the living room just down the hall. Everything is very quiet and then I hear the following:

Conner: [Drawn out] Saaay it.
Alex: Say What?
Conner: [Louder] Saaay it!
Alex: Say What!?
Conner: [Accusingly] YOU JUST FARTED!

Boys are hilarious.

Merry Christmas!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Thu, 29 Dec 2011 14:46:15 PST

Alex's Brilliant and Completely Appropriate Response to My Man Cold

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:21:45 PST

Yesterday I had a man cold that completely wiped me out. It was so bad that I took a sick day from work for the first time in close to a decade. Having never seen me sick, Alex was understandably worried. So, while on a grocery store run with his mother, he picked up not one, not two, but three Entenmann's Crumb Cakes and delivered them to my bedside.

This will no doubt go down in Russell lore as the most brilliant man cold remedy ever.

Ghostbuster Headquaters

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 18:19:50 PST

A few months back I took the train to NY for business. While riding through the Connecticut countryside I kept getting distracted from some work I wanted to get done thinking of all the cool stuff there would be to do in the city. In an effort to get back in control I tried to empty my head. "Don't think of anything," I said to myself.

But I couldn't help it. It just popped in there. Something I loved from my childhood. The time had come to visit Ghostbuster Headquarters.

The 4 Things I Did To Honor Veterans on Veterans Day - Support H.Res. 333

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 18:28:24 PST

The beginning of this post provides some background on my family and why I’m a strong supporter of H.Res. 333. If you’re just looking for the 4 other ways to honor veterans, jump to the bottom and take some action.

By the time I was in second grade I had things pretty well figured out. You see, my grandparents lived next door to us in Flushing NY, and I knew that if I walked to their house on my way home from school that I’d get a glass of milk, a substantial dose of cookies and a stream of funny stories from my Pop. Pop is what I called my grandfather.

He was a funny guy. He’d sit there in the kitchen while I scarfed down cookies. Sometimes he’d just make me laugh with funny rhymes “beans beans the musical fruit...” and other times he’d teach me important things like how to eat candy right in front of my school teacher and get away with it every time. The man was a genius.

He never mentioned a word of this to me when I was growing up but I eventually learned that Pop fought in the Philippines in WWII. He was captured when the U.S.A. surrendered their starving and badly diseased soldiers after four and a half months of jungle fighting at the Battle of Bataan. He survived the Bataan Death March, the Hell Ships, years as a slave in Japanese coal mines, and returned home after the war ended. As if that description left any doubt, during those years in Japan he and the other prisoners were treated horribly. So horribly that more than 60 years later, on May 30, 2009, Japan’s Ambassador to the United States delivered an official apology from the Government of Japan to the POWs that were captured at Bataan.

And now it’s 2011, and it’s probably easy to think that this is all in the past. You’d be wrong. The way we remember and recognize our veterans of WWII is a clear message to the veterans returning from war today of how they will be treated in the future. Moreover, I learned in an email from my father that there are still living veterans, looking for recognition, that were imprisoned with Pop in WWII.

The prisoners of the Japanese in WWII were treated horribly and the Japanese companies profited from their labor as slaves. There are very few of these men and women left but they deserve recognition. I met about 20 of these veterans at a convention a few months ago and I can tell you that their memories are still very vivid and their stories are riveting.

- James Russell, Aug 2011

The right thing for the U.S.A. to do for it’s veterans is to publicly acknowledge Japan’s apology and to push to get the remaining companies that benefited from the slave labor of US soldiers to apologize as well. That’s what a bill called H.Res. (House Resolution) 333 introduced into congress in June of 2011 would do.

H. Res. 333 supports the 66-year effort for justice by the American POWs of Japan who suffered untold hardships and misery in captivity as well as gag orders and poor treatment upon return. These WWII veterans all in their 90s wish to see their dignity restored and memory honored before the last one passes on. The resolution thanks the Government of Japan for its apology and program of reconciliation given to the American POWs in September 2010. It further encourages Japan's great companies that used these POWs as slave labor to follow the example of their government to acknowledge and apologize to these American veterans. Japanese companies that used POW slave labor include Mitsui, Mitsubishi, Sumitomo, Hitachi, Kawasaki, Showa Denko, Nippon Steel, JMS, Japan Stainless, and Nippon Sharyo. - H.Res. 333 Petition Website

This bill is a no brain-er. Congress managed to pass a resolution reaffirming “In God We Trust” as the official motto of the USA last week. Seeing as it’s only been the US motto since 1956 and these veterans have been waiting for acknowledgement since 1945 it seems to me that getting H.Res. 333 passed is an extremely reasonable request. And yet, H.Res. 333 has gotten almost no attention since the day it was introduced.

So on this last Veterans Day I did something a little extra to honor my grandfather; four simple steps that took me about 10 minutes. I supported the bill on Opencongress.org and petitioned, called, and wrote my representatives. I told them that I wanted them to get H.Res. 333 passed.

Actions speak louder than words and I bet veterans like my Pop would appreciate it if you'd give 10 minutes for this cause.

The 4 Things I Did To Support H.Res. 333 on Veterans Day

Petitioned: Signed this Petition: Tell Congress to Support Vetrans of WWII
Voted: Visited The OpenCongress H.Res. 333 page and clicked on the green check mark saying I support this resolution.
Wrote: Clicked on the support button on the OpenCongress H.Res. 333 page, entered in my zip code and sent a message to my representatives. OpenCongress made this extremely easy.
Called: I clicked on the name of each of my Representatives from that support page, found their phone number, called them and told them I wanted them to support H.Res. 333.

Seven Stories of Summer

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 18:17:53 PDT

With snow falling last night and a storm on the way this weekend it's probably safe to say that summer is over. It just flew by this year. With few exceptions, the stories I meant to post here fell victim to the stories we were making next. It was a good summer.

As I sit here looking through pictures I realize I'd have to stop making new stories for weeks to recount all that we did. So instead, here are seven stories of this summer in pictures.

The kids learned to really swim at Grandma & Grandpa's lake house in NH.

We spent the 4^th of July in Pulaski with Memere and Pepere.

Allison invented a whole new standard for cuteness.

The Russellpours got together and we did the sort of ridiculous things we always did.

I traveled for work. A lot.

There were lots of projects, accomplishments and moments of awesome.

Finally the bus came and Conner and Alex headed off for a new year of school.

Life is Good Festival and Frisbee

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 19:53:04 PDT

This weekend we went to the Life is Good festival. It was a blast! This festival may very well surpass the Garlic Festival as the event we look forward to each year. Once you're in the gate there's a giant field with 3 live music stages, great bands for kids and adults, piles of games and really good food.

We started off the day in a tent full of these giant foam blocks.

And we did some sack racing. Both boys came very close to legitimately beating me.

Conner was Conner.

Alex and I took a stand.

Alex braved the pins of death.

And then the sort of moment every father dreams of happened; Alex and I picked up a disc and started throwing. We'd tried it before, but he used to throw like a little kid. But life was really good this weekend. Alex started throwing like a kid who played ultimate, and catching better than his father.

After about 45 minutes of throwing we went to get some water. I figured we were done, but Alex insisted on going back for more.

So basically we spent the rest of the afternoon throwing, running and catching.

Allison was pretty tired but she managed to put up with us for a few more hours.

All in all it was a good day.

Mission Peak Hike in California

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 17:56:27 PDT

There are these great mountains in the backdrop of the offices in San Jose. For the last 10 years I have been traveling out there on business, and somehow in all that time I’d never taken a single night off to check out the area. Tuesday night I decided to change that, so I got out of the office early and hiked up Mission Peak.

I started the climb around 6:20, which gave me a little over an hour before sunset.

The beginning of the very dry path to the top.

The moon that would light my way back.

Cows just roam free in the absurd heat of the sun.

Not at the top yet and sunset was closing in.

The Peak

The marker at the top of Mission Peak.

Made it.

Sitting at the top of Mission Peak watching the sun set.

The sun set while I was at the top of the mountain. There were still plenty of people around and the moon was bright so I wasn't worried. I made my way down by moonlight and took this panoramic of the cities surrounding the bay from about 3/4 of the way up the mountain.

Full size image available here.

Full photoset and slideshow from the hike.

Here's the hike as captured by runkeeper.

Childhood Memories of Soldering and the Philco Radio

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 21:14:26 PDT

I have memories of being 8 years old, soldering circuits in our basement, while hiding from my mother as she desperately tried to get me out the door to school. Those were fun times. The thrill of experimentation while racing against the clock to build something. What a rush!

Christine's memories from 8 years old are a little different. Her parents had inherited a gorgeous 3 foot tall Philco radio from her grandmother and Christine would sit in front of it for hours. It brought old time radio shows and short wave signals from around the world. She smiles whenever she talks about it. Not the devious way I do when talking about sneaking a few extra seconds to get a solder joint just right, but with the sort of childhood happiness you imagine a kid would have staring up into a magnificent story telling piece of furniture.

This year that very same Philco radio was handed down to us. When it arrived in our living room it was in a state of disrepair. Apart from all the components being covered in a thick layer of dust the power cord was dangerously frayed. I started cleaning it up and quickly realized I was going to need break out my old childhood friend, the soldering iron to make the necessary repairs.

And that's when it hit me. Alex was about to turn 8 and he didn't even know what a soldering iron was. How did I let things get to this point?

It didn't take much to get the boys interested in soldering. I mentioned something about melting metal and they were sold. So the boys practiced.

And practiced...

Eventually I convinced them to take a break and we got the radio cleaned up and replaced the plug. I figured the chances of it actually working after all these years were pretty low, but to my surprise when we plugged it in it actually came to life. Christine was going to be so psyched!

That moment lasted for well, a moment. Then the original transformer from 1963 began pluming back smoke and sizzling like a well buttered frying pan. Allison started screaming something about a horrible smell and that was all she wrote for the Philco's original components.

I did some checking on the web and determined that with a serious investment of time and money I could get the Philco back in to it's orignal working condition. For a lot less of both I could stick an amplifier and streaming media access point in that same chassie and bring the Philco into the 21st century. So that's the plan.

The Philco, now on it's 3rd generation with our family, will rise like a Pheonix from the ashes of its burnt out transformer as a wireless internet streaming speaker we can control from our computer and phones. From the outside no one will be able to tell the difference between this new version and the original.

And our kids will either grow up with memories of curling up in a blinket listening to stories in front of the Philco, or with fond memories of sneaking passed their parent to build things with dad's soldering iron when they should be getting ready for school. If they're lucky, it'll be both.

Biking Against Cancer Over Comically Large Hills

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 20:24:36 PDT

My bike at the SAP (water refill) mile 17

Last weekend was my first time riding in the Prouty race against cancer. The bike route ran adjacent to the White Mountains in NH and crossed over into Vermont. It was, to put it mildly, a bit hilly.

The weather was perfect, the scenery magnificent and the hills were crushingly long. The ride starts with a 7% grade incline that last 1/2 a mile and if that doesn't kill you the rest of the ride is more hills. Fortunately, my friend Matt has been introducing me to some of the hillier bike routes of Harvard MA, so I managed to survive and even enjoy myself.

Details of the 35 mile ride were captured by the Runkeeper app on my iPhone.

Screenshot of what you'll find on the Runkeeper ride detail page.

By far the most amusing and humbling part of the ride was watching our triathlon team captain ride 2 mile circles around us the entire time. She didn't even look like she was trying as she flew by me and then looped around to check on a teammate that had fallen miles behind.

Me and Alex just after I crossed the finish line.
It's not the worlds most flattering picture, but the fact that I'm standing at all is a small miracle.

Dad Look! I'm Peeing!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 11:20:49 PDT

"Dad Look! I'm Peeing!" were his exact words. He beamed with pride. This is what happens when you let the boys run around in the sprinklers. Comedy gold!

Lego Optimus Prime

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 19:38:55 PDT

Alex has been reading a Transformer's book lately. It's got pictures of the different generations of Transformers that have been produced in the last 20 or so years. I've been trying to explain to the boys how much cooler of the Generation 1 Transformer look is compared to with the abomination they're portraying in books and TV today.

The boys prefer the new Transformers look and I've explained that they are allowed to have their own opinions, but making up facts is just plain wrong. When that didn't work I tried "Because I said so." And when that didn't work I decided to enlist them in a major project with the hope of un-brainwashing them.

So Saturday morning we dumped out our legos and got to work on building a Generation I Optimus Prime.

We had a lot of fun.

A little pre-construction tube searching revealed a guy named Chris Roach who is a genius with Legos. We followed his design and made a few tweaks here an there which I will pretend were for aesthetics as opposed to compensating for pieces we didn't have. Chris's design for the body is really slick and his Prime head is a work of art. My thanks go out to him for being so cool and sharing his designs.

It took about 6 hours over two days, but with Chris Roach's designs and the kid's help we put together a pretty passable Generation I Optimus Prime.

We needed some wheels and flat panel parts to finish him off so I ordered the parts from Lego. They arrived yesterday, and we now have our finished Optimus Prime.

Seriously, how cool is this!

Oh, and did I mention he transforms?

Now that I've got one transformer under my belt I think I might take a stab at a Bumblebee without someone else's design. With work so busy and travel every other week lately, projects like this provide much needed time with the kids and a great way to clear my head. Plus it just looks really cool!

Fortunately, the debate over which generation of Transformers looks coolest rages on. Guess we'll just have to keep building stuff like this.

More pics of our Lego Optimus Prime.

Tom the Completely Inept Hunter

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Sun, 12 Jun 2011 19:45:53 PDT

This is my cat Tom. Most of the time we spend together consists of him curling up on my lap and going to sleep. I just assumed the other 23 hours a day he was off doing something productive. Hunting mice, making sure the varmints don't abuse the bird feeder and keeping the neighborhood dogs in line... You know, typical super-cat stuff.

The other day I looked out onto the back deck to witness a good five minutes of completely non-confrontational interaction between Tom and a squirrel.

The squirrel just walked right up to him.

And Tom barely got up the effort to stare at it.

They just hung out like that. Alternatively looking at each other and then staring off into the distance. There wasn't a hint of tension. The squirrel wasn't even mildly plussed by Tom's looming claws of death, and Tom didn't seem to mind the Squirrel's presence enough to move a single paw.

My dreams of Tom "The Great Protector" shattered, the squirrel eventually scampered off to try to break into the bird feeder again. Oh well. At least Tom keeps my legs warm in the winter.

Girls are different

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 11:26:54 PST

Four years ago today Allison was born. Allison was our third baby to be born and as such I felt I was somewhat prepared. I had navigated her brothers' entrance into the world with relative calmness and control. Christine did all the work of course, but at least I managed to stick around. That was with the boys. And As I've learned over and over through the last four years girls are different.

On Allison's birthday I managed to pass out cold just as Christine was declared technically in labor. You'd think having been through 2 births completely unscathed I'd be a pro at this. But nope, I passed out. When I began to regain consciousness, alone in a hospital room, I snapped this picture of the automatic blood pressure someone had strapped to my arm. It reads 70/42. For the none medical types, that's a lot low. Allison and Christine managed to wait a bit and I made it back on my feet in time to be there when Allison was born.

Over the last 4 years Allison has grown into an amazing little girl. Her capacity for happiness is contagious and irrepressible. Yesterday we had a conversation and it felt like I was talking to an articulate adult who smiled a lot. Just amazing.

I don't have the time to explain all the way's she is different from her brothers and amazing at the same time. Frankly I'd rather go play with her, so that's what I'm going to do.

But whenever I think about it, my memory goes back to that moment shortly before she was born when I realized she'd literally knocked me out and she hadn't even been born yet. That's kinda how I feel every time I see her.

Work Done. Going Home!

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Fri, 20 May 2011 01:08:21 PDT

Work done!

I've been in California in a closed door meeting with my team this week. It's been intense 16 hour days of intensity with one really fun break for sushi and sake. In a few hours I hop on a plane back home. I'm looking forward to seeing Christine and the kids tomorrow. There were so many meetings I barely spoke to them all week.

While most of the week was in a rather dull looking conference room, there were a few picture worthy moments on this trip.

Coming in for a landing in sunny CA.

Found this on the bottom floor of the SFO car rental building. Can't explain it. I'm assuming it's a job for the Ghostbusters.

The view from the building that is home to the windowless conference room where I've spent the week.

The donuts that didn't stand a chance against the collective might of our team.

And that's it. I'm heading home!

How to Make a Driveway Fence to Keep Your Basketball Out of The Street

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Wed, 27 Apr 2011 21:21:33 PDT

Our relatively flat driveway opens to the street smack in the middle of a big hill. To give you some sense of scale, if you were to go to the top of the hill and sit on a skateboard you'd be going 80 miles an hour when you passed our house and close to breaking the sound barrier when you reached the bottom.

The problem with this topography is that playing with a ball in the driveway lasts about 5 seconds before fate drags it into the street and gravity pulls the ball down the hill like a gerbil being sucked into a black hole. In both cases, by the time the gerbil/ball has passed the event horizon, the end of the driveway in our case, there's no hope of retrieving it any time soon. Even worse, the kids desire to chase the balls and small rodents into black holes is palpable.

The Solution

It was clear we needed a fence to block the back hole. My criteria for a driveway fence was as follows. It must...

Cover the entire driveway entrance
Stop a basketball, any ball kicked, bricked, hurled or rolled towards it
Be easy to move
Be weather resistant 365 days a year
Cost less than $100

There are a number of commercially available options, but most of them either got crappy reviews or cost at least a thousand dollars. So we went the home made route and came up with a perfect 3 fence solution for ~$80.

How To Build Driveway Fences

The first thing you're going to want to do is enlist some child labor. I was going to build these myself, but the kids were so eager to help I was able to pretty much sit there and watch while they worked.

Each Fence is made up of:

3 10’ x 1¼” PVC pipe. (This is a standard length at Lowes)
~ 2 feet of extra PVC
8 1¼” PVC T connectors
2 1¼” PVC elbows
4 1¼” PVC end caps
~50 8” Zip Ties
Orange Construction Barrier Mesh (I have a lot left over if you need some)

What to do:

Have a child cut a 10’ pipe into 3 equal lengths
Repeat step 1 again. Your child just made the top and bottom lengths of the fence.
Remind the child how much fun they are having. It helps to sound excited.
Have the child cut the 3rd 10’ pipe into four 2’ lengths. He/She just made the vertical posts.
Tell the child they have entered the bonus round!!!
Have the child make four 9” lengths out of the remaining PVC. These will be the feet.
Lay all the parts so they look like this. Cute little girl optional.

8. Give the child a mallet and either let them do what comes naturally or give them explicit instructions to put the pieces together. It should look something like this.

and this...

9. Praise your child on both their technique and a job well done. Seriously, while you were sitting there having a beer they just built a driveway fence that retails for $120.

10. Cut a single length of orange barrier mesh and use the zip ties to attach it to the fence frame. I put the ties on all corners and every 4 mesh loops. Seems to have worked. Note 3 year olds do not understand this task and can put 10 zip ties on the fence and not actually attach anything to anything. Even so, let them help. Zip ties are cheap and fun and the 3 year old will be thrilled to be helping.

11. Put the fence at the end of a driveway or top of a hill and throw some balls or gerbils at it. Watch how they bounce right back! Black hole averted!

Note: There is absolutely no need to put a car at the end of the driveway for these fences to work. At the time of this picture I had 9 freshly painted doors hanging in my garage so the car had to go somewhere.

Lessons in Easter Tradition and Zombies

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 19:55:17 PDT

Saturday night Alex asked me to read him the Bible. In our house this means reading from The Brick Testament because the kids love the pictures. Since it was Easter-eve I figured I'd read him the traditional holiday stories.

We started with the Last Supper, and covered Passover dinner, the example washing of feet, the bread, the wine, the nameless apostle sitting next to Jesus who seems way too physically familiar with Jesus to have been a guy, and Peter's eagerness to suss out the person that was going to betray Jesus. We read how Peter chops off a soldiers ear trying to stop him from arresting Jesus and prepares to dismember a few other soldiers before Jesus talks him down and goes peacefully. We read through the crucifixion where I deftly edited out the more gruesome bits so Alex would still be able to sleep that night. And we read about Mary Magdalene's discovery of the empty tomb and the resurrection.

Alex asked few questions and I did my best to explain the details of the story as we read. I thought I had done a pretty good job. Alex went to bed happy, woke up and made it through most of the morning before he came to me with this question.

If Jesus was dead and he came back to life wouldn't he be a zombie and try to take over the world?

Clearly I missed an important point in the story.

Julia Child's Got Nothin On Me

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 21:25:18 PDT

The other day between bouts of explosive sickness the kids asked me to make some popcorn. Being the master chef that I am I fired up the stove. A bit of oil, just enough kernels to cover the bottom of the pot... It was a work of popcorn preparation brilliance. I gave the pot a masterful shake as the kernels slowly absorbed the heat from the fire. Julia Child's got nothing on me...

The screaming came shortly after the the first kernel popped. As I sprinted toward the sound of my crying daughter the walls of the house echoed out with the words of Isaiah 28:8.

"For all the tables are full of filthy vomit, without a single clean place."

I arrived to witness Allison's best impression of misplaced biblical revenge. Puke buckets should really come with back-flow preventers. But I digress... The cleanup required a change of clothes for Allison, the installation of a floor drain in our living room, and an act involving one of our cats and a wet-vac that I'm pretty sure is illegal in Alabama. Not a short list of tasks by any means.

By the time I was done all of my effort was going into scrubbing the entire experience from my memory. So it was with a fair bit of surprise, when I made my way back to the kitchen, that I discovered someone had started cooking something resembling ash in our popcorn pot. I lifted the lid on the pot and smoke billowed out in a way that suggested that immediate action was required to avoid damage to the kitchen.

Alex chose this time to poke his head in the kitchen to check on the status of his popcorn request. "DADDY, is that the popcorn?!?" His surprise wasn't lost on his siblings who, shockingly not vomiting at that moment, ran into the room. Squinting through the smoke filled haze they saw enough to render their standard constructive criticism. "DADDY! YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!!!"

I ran the pot out to the back deck and put a fan in the window to vent the residual smoke. The kids made due with SmartFood brand popcorn and I declared another culinary victory. That was a few days ago...

Tonight at dinner we noticed that my cooking has not gone completely unappreciated. I'm glad to see someone around here has the taste buds for my delicately refined talents.

We named him Sam the Squirrel. The kids lined their chairs up at the back window and joyfully watched him feast on my popcorn masterpiece.

Mr. Mom Meets Tropic Thunder - Chunder Edition

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 21:16:25 PDT

This week I'm playing the role of Mr. Mom while Christine is out of town. I had elaborate plans show the kids a great time and do a little work at night, but Conner and Allison have decided, instead, to start a vomit contest. They're competing on volume, frequency and creativity.

Conner is taking the competition very seriously and went as far as to wake up at least once every 4 hours last night to add to his totals. Allison is taking a more measured approach, sleeping through the night to lull the judges into a false sense of finality before reentering the competition with all the vigor of an Olympian flu sufferer.

Last Night's Bedtime Ritual With A Twist

Around 7:30 last night Conner, in his most pathetic voice, asked me to read him a story in bed. Allison climbed next to him and Alex looked over my shoulder as I read Transformers Origins. For the first time all day there was quiet and everyone seemed at peace. But that peace would not last. What happened next happened in a span of 6 seconds.

I turned the final page of the book and read "The End." Conner chose this moment to break the mood by hurling into a bucket with such volume and force that bits of partially digested crackers splashed back onto him. I instantly attempted to pick him up and head for the bathroom, but gave up as I realized there was no way to move him without increasing his blast zone. Then things got interesting...

Allison started screaming. OK, I can deal with screaming I thought. Then the she added gagging. Scream-Gag-Scream-Gag-Scream-Gag. That's when the moment transformed before my eyes into a scene out of Mr. Mom meets Tropic Thunder. Voices in my head were simultaneously yelling "Irv, Clean up on aisle five!!!" and "Man Down! Man Down!!!"

Still holding a retching Conner I executed an immediate field promotion. "Alex, Grab your sister and get her out of here!" But it didn't take. "W-W-What!?!" he yelled back in shock.

I swear there were sounds of gunfire and the acrid smell of smoke. Or was that the puke? Alex's desperate look of confusion was only surpassed by the increasing loud gagging sounds coming from his sister. The situation was moments away from turning into vomit duet that had the potential to cover not just Conner's bed but possible the entire room.

"LIFT YOUR SISTER OUT OF THE BED AND GET HER OUT OF THIS ROOM!!!" I shouted. The fog apparently cleared because he jumped into action and carried his screaming, gagging sister out of the room. That was the last I saw of them until Conner was cleaned up.

A few minutes later, I found Alex on the couch reading a book to his laughing sister. She didn't throw up until the next morning.

Conner and Allison. Buckets At The Ready.

Needless to say, we canceled our big outing plans and I didn't get to any work the first night. Today the kids have spent most of the day passed out except when they were actively adding to their vomit totals. Oh well, there's always tomorrow.

Florida Vacation

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Tue, 29 Mar 2011 20:16:04 PDT

In February Christine took us (Michelle, Rick me and the kids) to Florida, Grandma and Disney for Vacation. I say "Christine took us" rather than "We took the kids" because she made it happen and made it awesome. She had the uber cool vacation house, disney tickets, disney touring plan, mobile apps that told us which rides had the shortest lines, the visit with Grandma and even a night out with friends from home that were in the area. It was amazing.

We took a little over a thousand pictures and I whittled it down to 82 pics and videos here on flickr. The slideshow is here. But wait, that's not all...

There's also this video montage of those same photos from our trip.

We also captured a few moments that were too fun to pass up. The first was Allison serenading us with her rendition of "We will Rock You."

We went to Mickey's Breakfast and Allison wen't nuts when Mini Mouse came out. Shortly after Conner got in on the action and hilarity ensued.

And lastly this was Conner's big run. He had sprained his knee a few weeks before our trip and we thought it was healed. After the first day his knee was swelling up and he spent the rest of the trip in a carriage or on my shoulders. But the first day he was his usual self jumping around an playing and making us laugh. That's what this video is about.

One last thing. This is one of my favorite pictures pre-kids. We took this on a Florida trip the year before Alex was born. Christine has this knack for spur of the moment hilarity. I guess that's where Conner gets it from. This pic is one of those moments we just happened to capture.

Falklin Hill Scotland - Yet Another Place to Keep Your Pants On

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Wed, 23 Mar 2011 14:09:53 PDT

So I find myself in Scotland on business again. Thus far the trip has been much smoother than my last one out here. Since my team is in California, 7 hours behind me, it's really easy to work 2 full days and then burn out. So I've been making a point to get out each day.

Yesterday I decided to climbed up Falklin Hill. It took some searching, but I arrived at a path 1.5 miles from the summit with 143 meters of vertical climb in front of me. I had 65 minutes till sunset.

The start of the path was pretty flat and the sun sank lower as I got closer.

Right around this part I remember thinking that I was all alone out there. Where I to twist my anlkle and I was spending the night where I fell. There was no one out there to help me. It's a strange, but cool feeling.

And as I got closer the texture of the hill started to reveal itself. This was going to be a bit of a climb at the end...

The hill itself was about a 60 degree climb so I looped my water bottle through my belt so I could use my hands to climb.

This was a flat-ish spot where I took a break climbing the hill. I didn't take any pictures of the steep parts because I was trying not to die.

As I reached the top the wind picked up a lot. I made it to the top in 20 minutes and was fairly tired. So I had a drink of water and enjoyed the view while the wind battered me around a bit.

There was not another soul in sight. I was alone. Really, really alone. It's a strange feeling.

The sun was getting ready to fall behind that other hill so I decided to make my way down. Wanting to keep my hands free for climbing I again unbuckled my belt and looped my water bottle on it. And then I wasn't alone anymore...

I looked up to find another guy standing 10 feet away from me just staring. And I mean _really_ staring. Like the way you might stare at a guy you just found in the middle of nowhere putting on his pants for no explicable reason. He must have come up over the other side of the hill while I was messing with my belt.

What does one say in this situation? I considered "You come here often?" but that seemed overly provocative. In the end I don't remember what I said, but that guy sure kept his distance from me.

As I made my way down the hill I thought about how privacy is really dead, but on a positive note the likelihood of a sprained ankle leading to death are much lesser for it.

If you're ever in Scotland, I recommend checking out Falklin Hill. You can't take your pants off, but the view is great.

The Hug That Took 4 Years

noreply@blogger.com (Paul Russell) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 18:23:05 PDT

As a baby my niece Emily took an almost instant disliking to me. I was there the day she was born with a Barbie Corvette, but that only seemed to add to her near instant animus.

We would see each other frequently at family events. Each time I'd ask her for a hug as we were parting and each time she declined. From time to time she and I would play a game but it seemed the games she enjoyed involved alternately hitting me with something or swinging on a swing and kicking me in the chest. At least we were bonding I would tell myself.

With age she became more articulate.

Me: So Emily, you're 4 years old now. Do you think I can get a hug today?
Emily [frustrated voice]: Uncle Paul. I'm only 3 and 3/4.

And so our relationship persisted. Until last year... Until the Story Land Polar rollar coaster.

Last fall we took Emily with us to StoryLand leaving her parents behind with her brother. I saw this as a chance to finally win her over. When we came across the Polar Coaster Emily lit up with excitement. She was literally vibrating with eagerness to go on this ride.

Now except when kicking me in the chest, Emily is not the most agressive kid. She doesn't like cats though she had 4 of them, and movement and sound are not her favorite things. As such I was skeptical, so I repeatedly checked with her.

Me: Emily, are you sure you want to go on this ride?
Emily: Yes! I want to go on now!
Me: You know this is a rollar coaster right?
Emily: I want to go on the roller coaster!!!
Me: You know this goes really fast right?
Emily: Lets go on the rollar coater right now Uncle Paul!

So we got in line and within minutes we were sitting in the rollar coaster seat. She seemed happy, and still I couldn't believe it. Just as the bar came down on our laps I checked one more time.

Me: Are you sure you want to go on this rollar coaster Emily?
Emily [frustrated voice]: Uncle Paul. I've been on a rollar coaster before!
Me [surprised]: You have?!? Where?
Emily: At Chuck-E-Cheese Silly!

Simultaneously the rollar coaster began to move forward and the words "Oh Shit!" poped into my head.

For those of you that have avoided Chuck-E-Cheese I congratulate you. Keep it up. But let me explain what the rollar coaster at Chuck-E-Cheese looks like. It is a box that is bolted to the ground with a TV in front of it that plays a blurry black and white video of an actually roller coaster ride. Emily loves that rollar coaster. The one that doesn't actually move.

As the Polar Coaster ascended making that typical click-clink-clink sound I tried to understand how I could have been so stupid as to take Emily, my niece that doesn't like to swing too high on a 6 foot swing, on an actual rollar coaster.

Me: Chucky-E- WHAT?!?
Emily: Chuck-E-CHEESE SILLY!! [happily oblivious to the meaning of the click-clink-clink sound]
Me: You mean the thing with the TV screen!?!?!?

The rollar coaster crested the hill.

Emily [frustrated voice again]: Uncle Paul. Don't you know what a rollar coaster is?

And that's when the screaming started...

The coaster smoothly descended as I held my apoplectic niece and tried to calculate how many decades this event was going to push back getting a hug out of her. In the 30 or so seconds it took to complete the ride I came to the conclusion that I was going to have to start investing in cryogenics as I was likely to die of old age before she forgave me for this event.

And then we got off the ride and this happened!

And then this!

Now to an outside observer it may seem as if I'm delighting in the terror of a little girl, but I don't see it that way. When she got off that ride she grabbed on to me and wouldn't let go. It wasn't exactly the hug I'd been looking for, but after 4 years you take what you can get.

The next day the crying had subsided, and in it's place was a new attitude from Emily. I wouldn't call it love, but let's call it tolerance.

Ever since then Emily has had a hug for me whenever we see each other. She even came over a week ago and offered to help me with a house project!

So that's the story of how it took me 4 years to get a hug form my niece Emily. She's a cute kid. Not much for the rollar coasters, but very skilled at bathroom molding installation.