Ryder Family

Things I have to say to my kids: Part 1

2013-11-16T10:34:00.003-08:00

This is an installment of a series of posts dedicated to the crazy, disturbing and confusing things we as parents have to say to our kids periodically. For years, we have complained that the things we have to say to these... lovely children... are statements and commands we should not have to say to another human being. In all fun, we would like to share our joys and laughter with you people.

Recently:

"Don't finger paint with the honey. Use a knife."

"You don't tickle the dog's ear with your toes."

"If you lick the couch, you need to have a good reason!"

"Stop sniffing your sister's butt!"

"Sweeping the dirt under the eaves of the cabinets doesn't mean the floor is clean."

"Not playing Club Penguin is not the end of the world!"

"What game requires wearing dirty clothes on your head?"

"I don't know any child that has died because they didn't get candy at movie night."

Some past favorites:

"Stop wiping your bread on your sister!"

"Butter is not facepaint."

"That TV cable is not a neck tie!"

"Why would you fingerpaint in the shower with the rest of the leg shaving gel?"

"What have you people got against wiping off the poop on the toilet seat?"

"The dog does not want to be rolled into a ball."

How about you? What have you had to say to your kids you would never think you had to say to another human being?

Aiden is not as tough as he thought

2013-11-03T12:32:00.002-08:00

Aiden, his friend, Alen, and I went to FrightTown at the Memorial Collusium in Portland on November 1st, their closing night. Wow, a great Halloween experience. Lots of anticipation in line. We got in, and they wanted the exhibit with the shortest line. Everyone was heading to the Museum of Horrors, the main attraction which, that night, was Dia De Los Muertos, a celebration of spirits. We ended up going to the zombie-filled house of Contagion.

Once out, they were ready to go home.

I received free tickets from work for attending a training about HP Networking. I immediately let Morgan know and we both had the same thought: Aiden would be thrilled to go. Telling him about it made him dance and make excited monkey noises as he insisted he was eager to go with me. This would be his first real haunted house.

Aiden is 10 years old, almost 11. He has liked scary things for a long time, but I still make sure he isn't too scared to let his imagination go wild. I made sure we saw the web site, and we found some videos on YouTube about it and other haunts. They are not anywhere near the tameness of the 1980s when I was a kid. Back in the day, it was more like a freaky museum. I remember Enchanted Forest in Salem, OR, having a haunted house, and it being creepy rather than scary. There were air cannons and animatronics, including the innovative effect of video projection on a blank faced mannequin. Tame, indeed, compared to the brain-eating, screaming actors in today's museum of horrors.

We went into Contagion after a drill instructor character yelled instructions not to touch the zombies and where the exits were throughout the house. We walked in, darkness disturbed only by small pools of light in corners and off in distances. Within a few turns, a zombie actor, a short woman in full zombie makeup and torn clothes jumped out to hiss at us. Alan shrieked and Aiden barked a yip, immediately jumping behind me and burying his face in my butt. He grabbed my jacket and surrounded his head.

Proceeding through the rest of the haunt, that is how Aiden stayed, face buried into the small of my back and looking to the sides until something scary caught his eye making him shut them tight. Alan had his eyes wide open, fingers in his ears, jumping and dancing away from any actor who made eye contact with him.

Once out of Contagion, I wanted to go see the Museum. They wanted to go home, insisting they will never go through a haunted house again, ever. Well, that was Aiden. Alan said he'd give it two years.

Now, I know what you are thinking if you are a parent who protects your children from anything scary. "Oh my lord, you are going to traumatize him and he will be ruined for life and he will be scared of everything!" Alternately, you could be thinking that as I let him watch scary movies and go through haunted houses that make him pee his little boy pants he will be desensitizes to violence and become an ax murderer. I respect the decision for parents to either prevent or allow scary experiences for their children. There is no correlation proven, in fact, that scary experiences must be followed by psychological ripple effects. It is really up to the person.

I take myself as an example. My childhood was spent drawing monsters and watching scary movies. By the time I was in high school, I had a general interest in horror, but it was being diluted by girls and geeky pursuits like computer graphics. Eventually, while horror and gore was a theme here and there in my art, overall it was not a main interest. My parents neither promoted nor prevented my interest in scary or gruesome experiences, though they gave me other experiences that were positive that broke up the darkness.

I contest that this is the point. Shielding your children from all negative aspects of life can make them unprepared when war, politics, famine, disease or even a bad car accident come their way, let alone a scary movie. The point is to balance your child's interest with positivity. Monitor what your kids experience but don't take over their environment.

Aiden doesn't want to go to another haunted house any time soon. That's fine. He didn't have nightmares, we discussed the makeup process of the actors, and he is fine. He still thought it was a great experience, and he insists on keeping the ticket that, while it proves he only made it through one haunt then chickened out, also proves he went and had fun.

Watch D.O.G.S. meeting takeaways

2013-10-17T22:31:00.000-07:00

Watch D.O.G.S. is a program that engages fathers in schools. Positive male role models are important for boys as well as girls, and having a positive male influence in a learning environment can be a powerful experience for a child. Primarily, the Watch D.O.G.S program has been an elementary-level program, completely run by volunteers, not administered by the school directly but usually via PTA organizations. I am signing up as a volunteer for the Evergreen School District and will be present at Covington Middle School with my daughter for one entire day, if not more.

My takeaway from the introduction meeting is not necessarily how wonderful this program is, which is definitely the impression I got about the program. It's not really the potential or the thought of influencing a child's life. It's how many men were there, estimating about 30, and how many of those took volunteer forms to fill out. Some wanted to fill them out immediately. It was amazing.

I am thrilled with the level of dad involvement at Covington. We have all heard the stereotypical dad scenario, overworked and not interested in being too involved with the children because the wife has that handled. This day and age, that is not as much the situation. Between two-income households where both parents are working, changes in work hours, and shifts in the dynamics of child-rearing, you would think it was obvious why men have that stereotype. However, it is more common, even if not enough so, to see a dad that has the responsibility of homework, parent-teacher conferences, extracurricular activities and, yes, even being the one volunteering at the school.

Consider joining the Watch D.O.G.S. program in your school, or start one up! Show your kid, and all the kids out there, that there is a positive male role model in town, and it's you!

Dog love on Instagram

2013-10-06T15:09:00.000-07:00

Have you seen Yogurt the Pirate Dog? This is a trend on Instagram, pet love in the form of full accounts dedicated to the little stars. Yogurt is a one-eyed, floppy-tongued female chihuahua with a breathing problem and a following of almost 19,000 people as of this writing. She fits in that category of something that is so ugly it's cute. There are plenty of those kind of animals on Instagram. Here are a few animal-specific profiles for your family to oogle over:

Dogs

Cats

Want to find some trends in Instagram pictures? Go to Statigram and search for a hashtag (like "dogsofinstagram" without the #). It's amazing what you might find. My personal favorite:

http://statigr.am/tag/gooberthepitbull/

I might be biased though.

Hot Cheetos and Takis: Implications of music and family

2013-10-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

Get to know the people behind the production in this interview by The FADER.

If you haven't seen the recent buzz about the Hot Cheetos & Takis video (above), and the kids of the Minneapolis North Community YMCA extracurricular rap class Beats & Rhymes, known as Y.N.RichKids, you have missed out on a lot. These aren't just cute kids with a professional music production and a few videos. These kids have, in this parent's opinion, embodied the potential of music to be more than just background noise for kids. In a music market overrun by adult themes, it is the non-profit programs that have been instrumental in developing child-level music appreciation without the degradation of their status in society.

What does that mean? I mean to have you watch the video, the rest of the videos on their web site, and consider what they could be rapping about. The most controversial song I've heard so far on the free downloads (that's right, FREE) of music from Y.N.RichKids is "G.F." on the School House Rap album, about a boy seeing a pretty girl and wanting her to be his girl. Compared to what that could be, the spectrum of lyrics that could go along with a more adult subject like relationships, the song is more middle school "like" than the complexity of "love". In all, I am very impressed with the lyric choices, the subject matter and the professional polish of the music this program is producing. It's something I am not ashamed of letting my kids listen to.

Now, in full disclosure, rap is not generally the favorite of our family. I grew up with rap and hip hop in the 80s and 90s, but my tastes turned to guitar-related music as I was learning guitar and rock myself. Morgan has always been more into pop, country, rock and punk. The kids vary from pop music to tweenpop, though each has their own personal taste (Aiden loves rock and punk, Alayna is more into tweenpop like Sabrina Gomez and Demi Levato, Brooklyn likes pop like Bruno Mars, and Bella likes classic rock). However, it's not like they haven't heard rap and hip hop before. I listen to crossover hip hop and spoken word, like The Roots, Flobots, Scroobius Pip, KRS-One, or crossover beats like Portishead and Massive Attack, something with a message that doesn't include being a thug. Fooling yourself into complacency by rapping about how horrible of a human you can be is just not something I care about, nor is it something my kids should be interested in.

There are some exceptions. I've always been impressed with Eminem, Jay-Z and many of the rappers that came from the 80s. Maybe that's why I like Y.N.RichKids. It reminds me more of that old school sound and cadence, but with more contemporary producing quality.

We need more of this in the mainstream. Where are the record deals for the kid-friendly artists? Sure, the Aquabats have a TV show, but you don't hear them on any mainstream radio. The general public likes controversial. It sells. Meat dresses and naked wrecking ball videos are what sell music to adults that have money.

I haven't bought music in a long, long time. I don't download it illegally either. As I said in a previous post, there is plenty to hear on free radio and public downloads. And as my economic status improves, I'm not adverse to buying a song on iTunes or Google Play if it's something I really like. But album-based consumerism is dying. I'm more likely to find what I want on Pandora or iTunes Radio and then go out and buy it because I want to add it to a collection. And I am adding Y.N.RichKids to that collection.

Aiden is learning trombone, for what reason I still have not worked out. We showed him a video of Mighty Mighty Boss Tones as an example of what that could mean to him as an artist (incidentally, the guy playing trombone in that band is black, like the trombone player included in The Roots touring team). If he wants to try to create something, a recording perhaps, with that instrument, I can work out a hip hop style song on open source software and let him write it himself, using his trombone as a melody.

This is a true implication of what music could be for a family, an expressive channel without the adulthood if needed. Some kids have been through more, and maybe want to express that through song. That is completely fine, as long as the family considers what public performance of such songs can cause, the consequences, both good like support and bad like ridicule, that would occur from such promotion. But include music in your child's life, and do it early. Not just Elmo or nursery rhymes, but real music like Y.N.RichKids, Aquabats, or someone Greasy Kid Stuff plays on their radio show.

Join us as a family enjoying music. As a family.

The first day of school, 2013

2013-08-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

It's looming over my shoulder, getting closer and closer. I'm torn between excitement and utter sadness; excitement at the prospects of watching my children grow and learn, and sad at the fact that they ARE growing, and each passing day gets them one day closer to adulthood.

Alayna starts middle school, MIDDLE SCHOOL! She's growing into such an amazing, smart, beautiful, kind young woman. I'm so proud of her. She's worked SO hard this last year. She's made 2-3 years progress in occupational therapy over the last 11 months. We're still waiting on her physical therapy evaluations, but I'm willing to bet there's some amazing progress there too.

Aiden, my sweet sweet boy is starting his last year of elementary school. God, that makes my heart ache. My little boy is not so little anymore. He's nearly as tall as his momma and just all around amazing. He's looking forward to next year and his move into middle school, for now, this momma is just trying to enjoy him as a little boy for one more year. We met his teacher tonight, and thankfully Aiden already knows him as he was Aiden's track coach last year.

Brooklyn is entering 1st grade. She's torn between complete excitement and anxiety. I'm hoping this year is better for her, she spent so much of last year so anxious every step of the way. We met her teacher today and saw her class list, she has friends from last year in her class, I'm really hoping that helps.

Isabella, my baby... She's starting Kindergarten. my baby is starting Kindergarten! She is SO ready. She's THRILLED, she cannot wait! In her mind Kindergarten is the equivalent of a trip to Disneyland. We won't know who her teacher is until Friday afternoon. She gets to go for 1 half day of school next week as a "get to know you and school" day.

Every day my babies get bigger and bigger, they get smarter and smarter, and I love them more and more. For now, I'm going to enjoy the fact that school hasn't started yet, that we still have a few more days of summer vacation, and I still have several more years of my babies as children.

Brooklyn, strep throat, and hospital visits

2013-08-22T20:27:00.001-07:00

Saturday August 10th Brooklyn came down with a virus, the same one my nephew Asante had (a day or two of a fever, followed by a day or two of a sore throat). Saturday was fever day, Sunday was sore throat day, and by Monday she was fine. That entire week she was fine.

Until the following Monday, August 19th. That morning she woke up complaining that her neck hurt and she was hot to the touch. I took her temp and it was 101. I called the advice nurse at her ped's office, and she suggested that I take Brooklyn up to the ER to be checked for possible meningitis (which is the first thing they think of when they hear neck pain and fever), especially since Brooklyn was refusing to move her head at all.

At the ER when going over Brooklyn's symptoms with the doctor and the doctor examining Brooklyn it was concluded that it wasn't meningitis. They did a strep test that came back negative (but they always culture it for 24-48 hours). It was decided that she probably just had a virus and we needed to let it run it's course. So, back home we went to use tylenol and motrin for pain and fever and push fluids.

Tuesday August 20th Brooklyn woke up and her neck was visibly swollen, she couldn't swallow and she was crying. So, I called the advice nurse again, she said I should bring Brooklyn in to be checked out, just to be sure there wasn't something else going on. Brooklyn had an elevated temperature, but not a fever. She saw the doctor, and it was concluded that she COULD have mono (too early to test, but she also didn't have any abdomen pain/discomfort that is present with mono), but most likely she had an infection in her lymph nodes. The doctor prescribe Augmentin (an antibiotic). After I got that filled at the pharmacy I got a call from the ER saying that Brooklyn's strep culture was positive, so she did need antibiotics, they said that the Augmentin would work perfectly for that and that she should be feeling MUCH better within 24 hours of the first dose.

Tuesday she got 2 doses of Augmentin in her, but she was still feeling pretty awful, and she looked terrible. She refused to eat or drink anything, she only peed once in 24 hours, and that night she started vomiting. So, back on the phone with the advice nurse I went. She said Brooklyn was most likely on her way to being dehydrated, and I should take her in for IV fluids. So we headed back to the ER.

At the ER the doctor ordered the start of IV fluids, but she was also concerned with possible mono, so she asked the nurse if she would draw a bit of blood for some lab work before starting the IV fluids. They took the blood, started the IV and Brooklyn and I sat back to wait. After a bit the nurse came in and said Brooklyn's white blood cell count was really high, so the doctor wanted to give Brooklyn a broad spectrum antibiotic. Shortly after that the doctor came in to talk to me. She said Brooklyn's white blood cell count was consistent with a MAJOR infection (much more severe than strep throat). The doctor told me that sometimes people can get an abscess in their throat from strep, so she wanted to do an x-ray of Brooklyn's neck and chest.

We did the x-ray and waited for the results. When we got them, the doctor said that the x-rays did show a rather large mass in Brooklyn's throat, so she wanted to give Brooklyn a steroid which would help with her breathing (it wasn't labored, but she was breathing VERY loudly). She said she also wanted to do a CT scan to be sure if the mass was swelling due to the strep throat or an abscess; but that either way Brooklyn was being transferred to a children's hospital.

The CT scan showed that Brooklyn did have an abscess, and the only way to fix it was surgery to clean it out. We had to be transported via ambulance to the children's hospital, and that wait took 2 hours. It was 5am by the time Brooklyn got loaded onto an ambulance. During the wait Joe got the other kiddos to my parents' house and drove up to the children's hospital to wait for us.

Around 6am we got settled into a room. At 8am the surgeon came in to discuss the possibility of surgery with us. He still had to look at the CT scan, but that most likely they would need to go in through the right side of her neck and drain the abscess, they would have to leave a drainage tube, and they'd have to remove that in 3-4 days. He said the surgery was a bit dangerous due to the fact that 1. there's a main artery in her neck, 2. The infection was VERY close to her spine, and 3. the infection could possibly spread down towards her heard.

At 9am we were informed that they were preparing an operating room for her, and by 9:30 we were down in the pre-op room. We met the head surgeon that would be doing her surgery and he said that he should be able to go down her throat and access the abscess, this would mean no drainage tube and no scar, as well as less recovery. This also meant that the anesthesiologist would have to put her breathing tube up her nose and down her throat to give the surgeon the room he needed to access the abscess.

By 9:55am they started the surgery. Poor Brooklyn was terrified and she cried as they wheeled her away. I cried too. About 30 minutes later the surgeon came out to tell us the surgery was over, she did great. They ended up getting 5ccs of puss (a teaspoon of puss) from the abscess. They also sprayed the area out very well to make sure it was cleaned 100%. About 20 minutes after that I was called back to the post-op recovery room. It was terrible. Brooklyn was very upset, it took me 15 minutes to calm her down, and even then she barely recognized me. Shortly after that we were moved back to her room. She slept for several more hours and woke up sometime around 3pm and said she was hungry. She ate a plate of scrambled eggs and a bunch of grapes. Later on that night she ate about 1/4 of a ham and cream cheese sandwich, some mashed potatoes, and some jello. I slept maybe a total of an hour while in the room. I had been up since about 8 am Tuesday.

Brooklyn had a good night Wednesday night, she slept from about 11:30pm until about 9am when she was woken up by the doctors needing to check her out. That gets us to Thursday. She was doing GREAT, eating, drinking, peeing, etc. So, after lunch (and taking her antibiotic capsule well) we were all set to be released. Brooklyn is taking her regular Ritalin ER and Ritalin (for her ADHD), her regular Clonidine (for sleep), and now some heavy duty antibiotics (for the infection) and some probiotics (to prevent tummy issues related to the antibiotics).

She goes in tomorrow to have a check up with her regular pediatrician, and then she'll be seen again after finishing off her antibiotics just to be sure everything has cleared up and healed well.

She's back to her usual self, running all over with TONS of energy.

I'm going to send a thank you card to the ER doctor. In my opinion, she saved my daughter's life. If she hadn't investigated a bit there's a VERY good chance we'd have gone home and the abscess would have been allowed to spread, potentially reaching Brooklyn's blood stream and/or spinal cord.

Angel, the special American Pit Bull puppy

2013-08-11T11:19:00.001-07:00

There's this rescue group in WA that is making SERIOUS false claims about at least one dog they've helped place. It's sickening that a RESCUE for medically special dogs would make false claims about a dog that was adopted out through their rescue group. I'm not sure if the information they were given is false, or if they are outright lying by choice. I do know that the original owner has tried to contact them in regards to the truth. I have also reached out, via a blog post and their facebook page, to let them know that Angel was NEVER intended to be used in dog fighting. There have yet to approve my comments on their blog and my comments on their facebook page have gone ignored.

They're trying to say that Angel, an American Pit Bull Terrier born without back paws, was "saved from a life of dog fighting" by her disabilities. This couldn't be FURTHER from the truth.

Angel was born in June of 2011 into the home of a family that absolutely LOVES their pets. None of their dogs have EVER been used in fighting, and to suggest otherwise is an outright lie and slander against this family. You see, my cousin was the original owner of Angel. She LOVED Angel and wanted to keep her. But, my cousin was unsure as to what type of life Angel would have and how she would meet Angel's needs. So, my cousin contacted Wags to Riches, an animal rescue group. They said that they had connections to a program in California that could help Angel and that they would update my cousin with how Angel was doing.

Unfortunately, they did NOT follow through with their claims to update about Angel. Much later my cousin found out that poor Angel contracted Parvo, which is VERY dangerous to young puppies. At that point Angel was sent to yet another animal rescue in back in Washington.

Most recently Angel was adopted out to an AMAZING home where she will live out her life with a wonderful family. This is a blog post about Angel as of last week, http://www.seattledogspot.com/blog/dog-blog/post/pawless-pitbull-from-yakima-saves-moms-life-on-first-day-in-her-forever-home?fb_action_ids=10200451499789297&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_ref=.Ugahgbyq0k8.like&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210200451499789297%22%3A248256511965693%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210200451499789297%22%3A%22og.likes%22%7D&action_ref_map=%7B%2210200451499789297%22%3A%22.Ugahgbyq0k8.like%22%7D#comment_top

You'll notice in the article they AGAIN say, "Angel was born in Yakima and would most likely have suffered through a life in the cruel world of dog fighting, but because she was born with no paws on her hind legs, a rescue was able to save her from that fate." I have posted 2 comments explaining the truth behind Angel and what her original family intended for her, neither of those comments have been approved to appear on the blog. I'm certain that my cousin has also attempted to post comments regarding the truth to Angel's life.

Let me be VERY clear, Angel's parents were never used in dog fighting, Angel's siblings were never used in dog fighting, Angel would have NEVER been used in dog fighting. Angel's parents and siblings are FAMILY pets. Angel lived the first few months of her life in an amazing home with children who loved to snuggle her and gave her wonderful attention. The ONLY reason Angel was given up to a rescue agency is because the original family wasn't sure they would be able to meet Angel's medical needs.

So, I'm writing this to get the truth out. Angel was never intended to be a fighting dog. Not every American Pit Bull Terrier born was born to be a fighting dog. We need to stop this gross generalization of a very loved breed.

11 years

2013-07-27T01:05:00.001-07:00

Tonight (or more specifically, yesterday, as it's after midnight now) Joe and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. Over the years we've had our ups and downs, but I have to tell you there have been MANY more ups than downs.

With divorce rates near 40% nationwide, I say we're doing pretty darn good. Why is that though? I happen to think it's because we truly love each other. My parents taught me that marriages take work, they take trust, and they take faith. I think both Joe and I have done a pretty good job of working on our marriage, of trusting each other, and having faith in each other.

I couldn't imagine myself with anyone else, I can't imagine a better father for my children, a better life partner.

I look forward to celebrating again next year, and in all the years that follow.

Safe Computing on a Budget, Part 2: Know what you download

2013-01-10T12:02:00.000-08:00

In the previous post, we changed our browser to Google Chrome. This will help prevent a lot of the slowness and security exploits in other more popular browsers. Today, we're going to discuss knowing what you're downloading, which seems like common sense but can be hard to verify if you're a computer novice or you find yourself downloading certain types of files often.

Know Your Source

Don't download everything. It's not always necessary to do so. but when you do, make sure where you're getting the file is legitimate. How do you do this in a vast sea of web sites? Despite the immense number of sites available, very few actually host files. Downloads can take up server space that site owners typically have to pay for, so they choose to host their files in the same place as everybody else. This equates to a finite but still large number of legitimate sites.

The best way to know where you're getting your file from is to look at the bottom of the screen when you move your mouse over a link or button:

The address to the next place you will go to get the file is listed here. It can seem arbitrary, but the main part you need to look at is the address of the web site, which is the first part of the link (everything before the ".com" or ".org" or whatever) called the domain. You can actually open a second window and open this first part of the address to see where it goes. Does it go to a place you recognize?

It complicates things when a web site owner uses multiple addresses for different functions, like CNET using dw.com.com for its download pages and files. This server, if you went to it directly, shows nothing. It would look to a novice like it's something bad, but it is used by a reputable company. The second thing you might want to do is check the owner of the site by using "WHOIS" search.

Who.is is my favorite of these types of search sites but you can use most services you see when searching "whois" in Google. The function here is to see who owns the domain. Because one business can own another, you are looking for something that identifies the web site as owned by someone you expect it to be owned by.

In this example, we see that the owner of dw.com.com is CBS Interactive, Inc, which is somewhat arbitrary to someone who doesn't know who CBS Interactive is. However, we do see that the person to contact has a CNET address, so it should be legitimate (most hackers and scum won't ask you to send inquiries to a major company, because having that information on WHOIS means that company may have some legal control over its ownership).

You can do this your first time, and as long as you're going to the same place each time, you shouldn't have to go back and check WHOIS each time. If the domain was "dw.com.ru", which would be a Russian domain, or "dw.com.co.uk", which would be a British domain, you can decide if you should really be going out of the country for your file and act accordingly. The WHOIS should show the same information if owned by the same company. If it shows some random person with contact info that does not seem legitimate, be cautioned when going there.

Know the Sender

Email is not as common to contain viruses because less people use software like Microsoft Outlook for their email. Attachments in places like Yahoo! Mail or Gmail are often scanned by the provider, and many harmful extensions (detailed below) are denied being downloadable so their clients are not infected. However, some viruses still get through.

Don't open attachments from people you don't know, and verify that people you do know actually purposely sent you any attachment you didn't ask for. Some attachments are sent automatically or have been spoofed by a sender to look like your friend when it was really sent by someone else. And don't use "Reply" to ask a sender to verify themselves, as emails can reply to a different email address. Always type a new email with the original sender's email address.

Instant messaging is also potentially unsafe if a friend sends you a file. Don't open anything sent by a stranger; don't even accept the file transfer.

Know Your File Type

There are tons of types of files, PCs determining the type of file by the extension used (the letters after the dot in the file name, like ".exe"). Viruses are not present in many types of files because they are not "executable", meaning they don't create commands that the computer must follow to use the file. Items with extensions like .jpg, .png, .mp3 and some other media files are not likely or sometimes impossible to carry a virus.

Fileinfo.com discusses common file types and their uses. Use it as a reference to find the kinds of files you want, and know if the file you're downloading has the right extension.

However, the reality of the internet is that it always changes. And the internet community has seen viruses hide in all sorts of files, and new viruses are created everyday.

Treat all files the same is my motto. I scan everything I download from any source I don't know intimately, or at least have an active virus scan that can catch things before I open them. This is especially true for any .exe, .zip, .rar, .pdf, .epub, .mobi, .msi or .7z files that are common to include viruses if not from a well-verified source.

Know that double extensions,which can look like .exe.vbs or .jpg.c, are likely to be a virus in disguise. Hackers expect novices to not notice the extra letters, figuring it's some sort of enhanced version of a file type they know. Unless you know for sure the file should have a double extension like this, don't open it, and delete it immediately.

P2P and Torrents Are Plagued

Anyone who has used ThePirateBay.se or other torrenting sites, or used a peer to peer (P2P) networking software to download files from other people will have heard of or have experienced a virus being carried by the files shared. It doesn't seem illogical to assume when you're doing something illegal you will probably run into other criminals who want to mess with you. You also can't trust someone else's computer to be virus free if they're not a corporate server or a high-level tech geek.

Assume everything you download from torrents is potentially infected with viruses, whether you're pirating movies or finding legal free stuff from collections shared by others. Scan everything, verify all files, and don't download anything you don't know how to open. Don't even trust common safe file types like .jpg.

Torrent sites like ThePirateBay.se also have comments posted by other users. It is important to read these comments before downloading anything from a torrent because they will tell you if someone else caught a virus or if it's not the real thing. Communities like this try to tell each other when to beware. If you are active in these communities, give feedback when you can.

Please note: Pirating songs, movies, software or other copyrighted or patented material is illegal and you can be fined or jailed for engaging in communities that traffic this kind of contraband. These are considered black markets, and on top of virus possibilities you should consider the legal ramifications of your actions before choosing to download something that you don't own.

Use Common Sense!

You get an email from a friend that has some kind of general note in it like "This is so funny I almost died laughing" and that's it, but it has a file you have to download to view. Is something so funny you risk infecting your computer and losing your data? Or could you let your friend know you aren't opening that stuff unless they give you more details about what they're going to see, and add something that verifies it's really from them? Common internet courtesy for emails, file sharing and the like is to make sure there's a way you know who it's coming from and what's in the file. If you don't, you might as well delete the email or pass up the file sharing link until you can.

Only download stuff if you know it's really what you want. One of the most common mistakes made by people who constantly get viruses is to download items that say they're something the person really wants, like a cute game or, inevitably, porn, but the file they download uses those popular past times to lower the person's sense of security so they won't scan it beforehand and make sure it's safe.

And speaking of porn, for the sake of your security and family sanctity, find a better use of your friggin' time! Porn really isn't that exciting. Half of it is hilarious, and the other half is gross. But most video and photo downloads that are freely distributed have a higher potential than any other kind of software to contain something harmful, annoying, destructive or curious about your personal data. I have fixed more computers damaged by people who got porn viruses than any other kind of infection. You really want to see people having sex? Get a subscription to a porn site or go to your local smut shack and buy a DVD.

Now that we've covered that...

In the next installment, we will discuss virus software and what I suggest to use to scan and protect your system.

Apple products are less likely to have viruses. Is tax time the right time to switch?

Have questions or concerns I haven't covered yet? Ask in the comments below!

Safe Computing on a Budget, Part 1: Get a new browser

2013-01-09T21:54:00.001-08:00

The top question I get involving computers is how to avoid viruses. I've had a computer in the house since 1994, been online since 1995, designing web sites since 1996 and had almost no viruses in that timeframe. What? Wait... did I just write that correctly? Almost no viruses? Well, I can't say never, but they've been few and far between. Never had my identity stolen, never had my computer hacked into. And I am not running state-of-the-art computer software by any means.

(Please note, this is not a challenge to would-be hackers. I know I'm mainly just lucky. The end.)

One of the reasons I keep relatively virus free is because I take a step-by-step approach to using the internet. And I have several free tools that, along with good practices, keep me relatively virus free.

Keep in mind I have found viruses on files I've downloaded. No one can say that they did something to avoid downloading viruses. Even CNET's Download.com, one of the longest-running free software servers in the internet, has let some slip by in uploads that had new viruses their own software couldn't detect. It happens. But there is a difference between "downloading" a virus and "getting infected by"a virus.

In this multi-post series I will outline my setup, and I suggest trying this to reduce your risk of infection. Please note I spend no money on these items at all, but some have a paid version that does have some nifty upgrades you could look into if you are so inclined.

First line of defense: Google Chrome

They like to claim otherwise, but both Internet Explorer and Firefox have exploits and functionality deficits that make them more susceptible to attacks from rogue web sites and overall slower to respond. Here's how it usually works in terms of getting a virus from just looking at a web site:

You click on a link or type in a web site.
That web site is run by a "black hat", or computer hacker that distributes harmful viruses. Sometimes you can tell by the way the link is read like "http://www.yahoo.nwp1.com/, which kinda looks like yahoo.com but is obviously different). But sometimes the web site is legitimate and has itself been hacked by this distributor of evil.
The web site looks for a way to save a file on your computer, which is the only way it can get in. Unless you download it yourself on purpose, files saved to a computer are limited to image files (most of which cannot contain viruses), text and "plugins" such as Flash, Java or otherwise that run multimedia content or provide specific computing functions.
The hacker will usually hide the virus in a plugin, which is used by the browser (IE, Firefox, Chrome, Opera, Safari, etc) by downloading a file into a temporary part of your hard drive to help speed up the use of the media.
Once the file is saved, it uses how the browser opens the file to launch the virus and start the infection.

This seems like a long process, but it can happen in a matter of seconds. To their credit, browser developers have secured their browser software to prevent these kind of exploits, but there are specific functions of ActiveX, a plugin specifically used on Internet Explorer, that allow functions that can seriously compromise your security, usability and functionality of your computer.

One of the first things I did after I heard that there were other browsers out there was to switch from IE to Firefox. I used that for a long time, and in designing web sites I made sure Firefox users could see my web sites clearly. However, it also had the ability to install browser bars and other plugins that, as well, had exploits hidden in them. It also uses a lot of memory and has processing bottlenecks that cause it to run a lot slower than other browsers. I have admittedly not used it much, but my wife does still, and has had to shut down Firefox so she can run things like media streams without issues.

One of the most common source of viruses today is browser bars, those add-ons that give you a bar at the top of your browser that searches for you, gives you smiley faces in your emails or claims to give you faster browsing speed. These things are not only crapware but potential security risks because they load every time you load your browser. IE and Firefox are notorious for people purposely or accidentally installing browser bars that either stop their internet browsing cold or cause other infections on their computer.

Google Chrome has been historically very clean, a side effect of being based on Apple Safari and its simple yet secure structure. More recently they have allowed the use of "extensions" that give it more functionality, and that can sometimes also be a source of break-ins. So just keep Chrome the way it is and you shouldn't have much to worry about. Chrome even links up with major security indexes and warns you if you're going to a site that has been reported as harmful or dangerous.

Opera, which is another browser software with a smaller following, has also been quite secure but has historically had functionality issues with some web sites. The problem with Opera is that many designers of web sites do not test their site in that browser, which can cause unwanted display problems like images being in the wrong place or text being the wrong size. Many sites suggest using IE or Firefox because of their high level of adoption among internet users. Chrome, the basis of Google's new Chromebooks, is well tested and compatible with almost all web sites. However, I use Opera Mobile on my phone as a much better alternative to Android's built-in browser.

Ultimately the use of these browsers is up to you as to which one will feel most comfortable and do what you want it to do. I just urge you to stay away from Internet Explorer.

Changing your browser is not, in itself, going to keep you from contracting viruses. In my next post, we discuss the reason even Chrome extensions are sometimes bad and what is even more important that finding the right browser: knowing what you're downloading!

While you're at it, check out this good starter laptop for any age of student!

Hack All The Things: Kid-friendly music from Pandora

2013-01-06T23:35:00.000-08:00

Morgan gets way to much attention on this blog. I want some attention too. I'm going to start posting some good family hacks for us low income families who are trying to make it and still want to be tech-capable or need to fix something quick.

First hack: Kid Friendly Music Time
Needed: Pandora and Pandora-capable devices
Also Featuring: K9 Web Protection

I don't like paying for music when I'm a broke dad. It makes me feel like I am spending money on a past time for their ears rather than food for their mouths. But I don't like the radio. There are too many mixed content bags on broadcast radio where you could be listening to a perfectly kid-friendly song then get something like Katy Perry's "Last Friday Night". No one wants a 4-year-old asking, "What's a mhuna-mhuna (ménage à trois)?"

Here comes Pandora! I have offered to have a computer in each of the kids' rooms equipped with K9 Web Protection so I can block everything but what I want them to see online. I can also stop the internet entirely after 8pm so they have to go to bed or suffer boredom. I setup Alayna's email address with Pandora, and set the Explicit Content Filter to "No" (Settings > Account > Explicit content filter) with only my email address able to remove it. Now whenever she goes into a Pandora-enabled app (Pandora.com, Pandora on Android, etc), she cannot receive explicit content. Beyond that, I told her I will remove any radio stations I deem inappropriate and she will be grounded anytime I find one. I have also agreed with her and Aiden that no radio stations are added without my knowledge. If it becomes a problem, I have another hack that can prevent them from changing anything on Pandora.com when they're on the site (sometime I'll show you how to do that).

My fav stations for the kids right now are:

They Might Be Giants (Children's)
Laurie Berkner
The Aquabats (Children's)
Caravan Palace
Beats Antique
Flogging Molly
Children's Indie (Genre)
Children's Folk (Genre)
Family Folk Songs (Genre)

There are plenty of others. You'll have to find the ones you feel are appropriate. Remember that the explicit content filter will not go through a song and deem it unsuitable if it has questionable subject matter, such as kissing same sexes or smoking and drinking. It leaves out swear words or removes songs flagged as explicit, which is not always the same as your own definition of "explicit".

For rooms without a computer, use the Pandora Android or iPad app on your phone or tablet. You can also use a streaming media player, like the Netgear NEO TV Streaming Player:

These boxes replace your cable or satellite box, or complement it, depending on what you like to watch. This is also a great streaming source for Netflix, Hulu Plus and YouTube, but the main function here is Pandora Radio. Roku was one of the first to make a commercial streaming player to rival cable/satellite television. I often recommend Roku streaming players over other brands.

You can even get Pandora in your car to provide family friendly audio entertainment on long drives. With four rambunctious kids, I expect at some point to get a deck that streams Pandora myself. But instead of spending $100+ on a car audio deck to play Pandora, why not use your iPhone or Android smartphone powered by the Pandora app and use an FM transmitter to send Pandora audio straight to your radio in your car, regardless of brand or connections?

Connect this to the headphone jack on your phone and use the MP3s you load onto it or Pandora to keep the kids interested in something other than fighting with each other all the way to grandma's.

It's this kind of stuff that keeps us sane. It does not have to cost a whole lot either; often you can use what you already have if you don't need radio coming through your car and TV speakers. It's just another way to tailor the audio in your life to your kids (or you and the spouse when you're having "time alone"). Don't spend your money on MP3s or CDs unless you want to listen to specific bands on demand, which is the only limitation of Pandora. Save that money for the mouths in your house.

Joe's Wish List: A better Acer tablet

2013-01-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

I lied about the Acer Iconia in the last post. OMG, this is the tablet I want for the family. We could do so much with this. Pair this with the little 19" LCD TV we got for free from the neighbor (I will miss that lady when she moves next month), and you have a great little mobile media center for the house. How to pair it? An HDMI cable playing 1080p video to the TV. I could use it on the 42" LG TV we have I guess, but I'm already running my laptop through that for... um, "saved" movies... in full HD.

Geek bloggers unite!

Joe's Wish List: Graphics Tablet

2013-01-06T14:56:00.004-08:00

Other than a replacement for the beat-up clunker of an Escort I'm driving now, I think this will be my one buy for myself this year with taxes. I had some other ideas, such as an Acer Iconia tablet or a new sound system in the new vehicle, but I have gone long enough, about 4 years, without my graphics tablet.

This one looks pretty capable. Adesso is the one who bought the company who made my last graphics tablet. They sell a 12x9 pad that is the exact same one I had before, but I didn't like it being so big. This being a widescreen version is perfect, and it's mid-priced so I am hoping it will not be so cheap as the last one.

But, of course, it's on a wish list, not on a grocery list, so let's hope we can work it out so you guys can get some decent digital art on this blog, and my Tumblr feed.

It was God's will....

2013-01-05T17:36:00.000-08:00

I think those are the 4 worst words you can say to anyone who is grieving the loss of a loved one. I believe in God. I believe in a loving God, not a God who punishes by taking lives. I believe that as human beings, children of God, our lives are full of choices. Some are small: what to have for breakfast, whether to wear the blue or red shirt, etc. And some are huge.

Any of those choices, large or small, can result in life altering consequences. Maybe for breakfast you chose to have eggs rather than cereal so it takes you 5 minutes longer to prepare and because of that you miss a huge accident on the freeway. If you had chosen cereal, you would have been right there at that time. Maybe you didn't put your seat belt on right away and drove off, only to be involved in a serious accident a block from home.

Choices...

And some things just happen. This is where I waiver in my faith. Little Leila Grace and anencephaly. It just happened. Was it God's will? I don't believe it was God's will to take that baby, it was one of those things that happen without reason.

The loss of Emilee, was it God's will? I 100% do not believe so.

I believe that we are given the freedom of choice. Each choice we make, each action we take, has a consequence; some are good and some are bad. Today the pastor presiding over Emilee's service make a statement that moved me, and made me think of God's will. I can't recall his words exactly, but it was about how Emilee made a choice, and while God didn't condone that choice, he wept while she was making it. He also said that he believed Emilee was in heaven with her sweet Leila Grace, with her parents, and with all those who have passed before her.

I know I will someday see Emilee again. I know that God loves her. My heart will always grieve for her. For now, I continue to pray for her son, Dallas, her fiance, Will, and his two boys.

Suicide

2013-01-03T21:55:00.000-08:00

Wow, nearly 1200 views of my blog about Emilee, and comments from strangers. That's pretty impressive seeing as none of my previous blogs managed to rake in no more than 50 or so views each.

Thank you all for sharing the blog, and for supporting Emilee's son, friends, and family.

It's times like this, when it's quiet, and all I can hear are my thoughts that it's the hardest. Those little "what ifs" that pop up in your head, the "if onlys" that scream through your mind. The terrible ache in your heart that can't be stopped. In my mind I know I did all that I could, but my heart... My heart says maybe I could have helped save her if I had reached out one more time. Just once more. Who knows? I think that's the worst part, the wondering of what I could have done differently.

Those of you who've heard about Emilee and judged her as a coward, or selfish, or thoughtless of her son, PLEASE do not judge 25 years of her life based on one final choice. You haven't lived her life, experienced her experiences, or suffered her loss and pain. No one is in a position to judge her. She was an amazing person, who suffered a lot of loss and pain in her 25 years.

Depression is real. It is life altering. It is beyond painful. Calling someone a coward when the depression wins isn't helpful. It makes the problem worse. How is someone suffering from depression so badly they would consider suicide supposed to feel when they hear, or read, those words? Do you think they'll reach out for help knowing you think them a coward?

I believe that Emilee is in heaven, with her sweet daughter Leila Grace, her parents and all of her loved ones who passed before her. I know that her heart is free of pain. I only hope that her son can someday understand that it wasn't about him. His mother loved him more than anything in this world. From the day she learned he was growing in her body her heart was his.

So please, please don't judge Emilee. Please don't judge her life based on one moment of utter weakness and pain.

RIP Emilee Granatowski

2013-01-03T09:43:00.002-08:00

I still don't have many details, just that my friend took her own life. She was over the moon excited to find out she was expecting, in October she found out her baby was a girl. Just a few days later she received the devastating news that regardless of when she delivered her sweet baby wouldn't survive outside the womb. Her daughter, whom she lovingly named Leila Grace, was diagnosed with a rare neural defect called anencephaly. Most babies with anencephaly live only a few short minutes, some may even live hours or possibly even days. Very rarely they may live weeks or even months. None have ever lived to see their first birthday. In November Emilee delivered her sweet angel, who passed on just moments after making her entrance into this world.

Emilee was an amazing person, she had over come so much loss and adversity in her life. Her mom passed when she was 9, her dad passed when she was 16, her only sibling lived across the country. Emilee had a wonderful son, Dallas, who is just 5 days younger than my daughter Brooklyn. We originally met on myspace of all places. We were in a group for mommies due in December 2006. We shared our hopes and dreams for our little ones, the ups and downs of pregnancy. Shortly after the births of our children we decided to meet in real life. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. She helped me through my post partum depression, offering a shoulder to lean on or cry on, a friend to call, anything I needed. I only wish I could have been given the chance to do the same for her in her biggest moment of need.

Over the last 2 years, as life changed for both of us, we didn't talk as much off of the internet, we didn't see each other as much. I'll always regret that. I don't think that had I reached out more I could have saved her or prevented this. I'll always wish that I had, but in my mind I know, no one had control over Emilee's actions. I tried reaching out several times after the birth of Leila, I mentioned to my husband, to my mom, and to friends how worried I was about Emilee. The one time I mentioned it to Emilee she said she was getting help. I just wish I had kept mentioning it to her.

Part of me is heart broken. My heart aches, it's shattered. 25 years old, and gone forever. A poor sweet 6 year old boy will grow up without his mother. The other part of me is angry, so very angry. She KNEW what it was like to grow up without a mother! She had an amazing little boy who needed her. A fiance who loved her. So many friends who would have done anything to help her. I can't even put into words how angry I am. I would have done anything to help her, ANYTHING. I don't know the pain of losing a child, and I pray, with all of my heart and soul, that I never do.

I am crushed, beyond words. This is a loss that will forever change me. Emilee, I will forever be grateful for the time we had together, for the friendship we shared. Not a day will go by that I wont think of you, that I wont miss you. I hope you are at peace, with your lovely daughter and amazing parents. I love you.

Friends and family, anyone who reads this blog: Please, if you ever feel as if life has gotten to be too much, as if you can't go on, please, I beg you, reach out to someone, anyone.

IEPs

2012-12-01T23:55:00.000-08:00

Alayna's IEP is finalized as of last week, it officially starts this Monday. The assessment results were the hardest part to swallow. We've always known Alayna was delayed, she had 3 years of Kindergarten and no supportive services before this year. Her previous OT said that she'll need an IEP in school especially as she gets older and academic demands become harder. But, to see it all on paper in plain black and white was a little hard. She's scored in the "below average/slow" range almost everywhere, however it was the high part, just barely below average.

Her IEP is going to allow for adaptive PE, extra time on tests, homework, and big projects and a scribe available for big tests (like the state testing). The adaptive PE isn't really an issue right now, but come next year when middle school starts it's definitely going to be a problem. But, that's a hurdle we'll cross when we get there. The PT at the school is great, and is going to observe Alayna's PE class once a month to be sure everything is going well. We're not sure if she'll really need a scribe (which is someone to write down her answers word-for-word), but it's nice to know it's available should she need it. She'll also be getting specialized learning time with the special education teacher each week. We'll have to re-evaluate everything for next school year, but there are some concerns that being in all general ed classes may be too much for her.

Aiden also has an IEP. He's almost always had a stuttering problem. Maybe we should have gotten him into speech therapy for it before now, but we didn't want to make a big deal out of it and he was never bothered by it. Anyways, he's getting 30 minutes of speech therapy every week. The speech therapist at the school is GREAT, and she's been giving me a lot of tips to help him with his spelling as well.

See, Aiden had chronic ear infections from 6 months to 21 months and has a result had about a 75% hearing loss when they finally took his tonsils and adenoid out and put tubes in his ears. This effected his ability to hear things properly, and as such has made it difficult for him to spell. Seriously, that makes me feel like crap. It makes me WISH that I had requested that Aiden get ear vent tubes long before he did. The ENT wanted to get him as close to two as possible as he didn't want to do two surgeries (one for the ear vent tubes and another for the tonsils and adenoid). There's no going back now, so we just have to work on what we can.

We are STILL waiting on Brooklyn's IEP. I'm anticipating a lot of issues there though. She's not having any academic issues or any serious behavioral issues at school. She's still very much withdrawn in the class, but according to her teacher does very well when she's in a small group with just a few other kids and an adult. I think I need to contact the advocacy group I have the information for just in case. The one thing that's on our side here is that she does have a diagnosis of ADHD, which should at the very least qualify her for a 504 plan, as I doubt she'll qualify for an IEP. We're asking for some type of one-on-one or small group teaching everyday, and so far the school has told me no way.

We got in to see her pediatrician at the end of December for her 6 year check up (HOLY CRAP! My baby is almost 6!!) so we'll discuss some more things then. I'm really hoping that the school has their crap together by then so I can run it all by him.

Brooklyn's situation is just unique compared to the average kid with an IEP or 504 plan. She's not delayed anywhere (except socially) she doesn't have ANY poor behavior issues at school. But, I want her to get help socially. I want her to be encouraged, and I seriously want her to freaking LEARN things! She's already passed all of the end of year goals. Hell, she was passed them BEFORE she even started Kindergarten. I just don't want her to end up hating school because she's bored all the time. So, I guess we'll wait and see. I'm hoping they get us in for a meeting before the 18th, otherwise we'll have to wait until January.

Be thankful for what you have

2012-11-23T12:12:00.002-08:00

That's the point of Thanksgiving right? To be thankful for what you have, to enjoy your family. Sometimes we forget about that.

Sometimes I'm stressed: appointments, school, specialists, therapy activities and exercises, homework, housework, etc. It gets to be too much, and then I complain. If only we didn't have that appointment I could do this instead. If only Brooklyn wouldn't have a meltdown I could go to the grocery store, etc.

I have a friend who is pregnant with her second child, a little girl. She's due on Valentine's day. She has a little boy who is almost 6, and he was really looking forward to being a big brother. Early last month her daughter was diagnosed with a fatal neurological defect called Anencephaly. This randomly occurs when the top of the neural tube doesn't close, the top part of the head and majority of the brain fail to form. There is no cure, and no chance of survival. In the most perfect of situations Anencephaly babies live for a few weeks, maybe a couple of months. Most commonly they live minutes to a couple hours after birth, if they aren't born an angel.

This friend is currently in labor to delivery her precious baby angel right now. My heart is broken for her. I know how much she wished for those next few months to feel her little one growing and kicking her in belly. And it makes me think of my kiddos, of how lucky I am to have them. As much as my girls require a lot of care, their disorders/conditions aren't life threatening. My children will be here tomorrow. My friend, she'd probably give anything to be in my situation.

Putting things into perspective... Sometimes we all need a little reminder.

Emilee, Will, and children, you guys are in our prayers. Love to you all.

If you'd like, you can follow Emilee's story at http://babyleilagrace.blogspot.com/

The moral dilemma of SSI

2012-11-20T11:32:00.000-08:00

Morgan and I are discussing applying for SSI for Alayna. She had it when she was a toddler because of her eyesight, which helped with the process of going to appointments and affording special food due to her developmental delays. She became ineligible because it was not pursued later. There were issues with the need for SSI that we won't go into in this post. Things have changed, and with multiple specialists being sought to make a go at resolving some of the gait and developmental issues it becomes clear that we are less able to afford the cost involved.

But we had struggled with deciding to apply for SSI. And it's a decision many parents struggle with while others just assume as a correct decision.

Our family is pretty conservative. I don't require the government to give me anything, in my opinion. A good example is that, if markets were better and unemployment was lower, many people could probably live without SNAP benefits, or food stamps. Because SNAP revenue generated from low-to-no-income families affects positively on companies like Walmart and, locally, Winco Foods, these companies have higher demand for relatively cheap prices. Thus, they have the potential to increase prices to improve their profit. However, taking away food stamps could lower demand for higher-priced foods, which would drop the cost of those foods to compensate for the market's decline. In essence, the market would adjust, and we could see an overall drop in cost of living. I could probably afford cheap food and survive without food stamps, but it does help to have those available when you really need it, like when you're paying a large percentage of your income to paying back school loans but don't have the employability to afford the added costs.

Note: I am not an economics major, I just took economics in college. Don't quote me or anyone else who analyzes this kind of change, because the modern economy can wield surprising results, as we've seen in almost every standard in the last decade.

SSI is similar, where I don't believe in just getting the extra income because you can. If you live frugally and can afford to do it on your own, you should attempt to do so.

For some, SSI is almost a right, like getting a paycheck for dealing with your disabled child. The connotation can be overwhelming and affect judgement. I have personally known and witnessed families, both in previous jobs and socially, that have used the fact that their kids have some sort of delay or disability to either afford frivolous things or pay their own bills.

I completely acknowledge that having a disabled child has cost involved. I know first hand.

But there are some parents who just apply for SSI to pay their own bills and completely neglect the needs of the child, assuming instead there's nothing to help them and disregarding the potential of beneficial programs from non-profits and the local and state governments. However, I believe this is a minority.

The truth is that there are plenty of reasons to have SSI, some that are not so obvious as affording some sort of monthly nurse aid or similar direct costs. For instance, a child with autism that does not need specialist care but cannot be put in child care due to local childcare options being inadequate or unequipped to meet the attention needs of the child may require the parent to reduce the hours available to work. This would be indirect cost, and would be reasonable facts to support applying for SSI.

However, a child with mental deficiencies that just socially likes their parents and the parent would rather just be at home with the child is not necessarily a reason to ask for SSI. Parental preference, in the arena of public funds, is tough to use as a basis of eligibility. How do you tell two parents that the one who just wants to stay home with the child has the same eligibility as the other who has to stay home for the child's safety?

The moral dilemma stems from whether you're applying for SSI for personal, or personal finance, reasons or if you are going to use the money for your child. It's an honest question that anyone applying for SSI should ask. You may think it's obvious, but there are times that it's tempting to say, "Well, this way I can afford to buy my kid a tablet for education," but really want the tablet for yourself.

The best way to resolve the dilemma is to make sure you have attempted everything you can to afford the things you need for your child, from looking for cheap deals to non-profits who offer local programs, before accepting SSI. You can also verify you would need the SSI as a basis for decisions elsewhere in treatments. You will feel better about your decision and have a better idea of how to use your SSI benefit effectively for your child.

Sometimes it's all too much

2012-11-13T23:47:00.000-08:00

I had a blog all written, I spent the hour of Brooklyn's therapy on Monday to write it all up. All the new things with the girls, therapy, medication, casts, IEP meetings, etc. But, that's gonna be put on hold for a minute.

The title says it all, sometimes it's all too much.

Therapy appointments, specialists appointments, school, homework, therapy activities and exercises. Sometimes it's enough to make you want to tear your hair out while plotting the quickest route to Mexico so that you can run away.

Please don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my children. I could not imagine my life without them. And I don't just love those happy, wonderful, snuggling, moments. I love the crappy moments too. I may not love them IN the moment, but afterwards I get to thinking, "God chose ME to be their mother. God chose ME to raise them, love them, and meet their needs. If God has that much faith in ME, I should have the faith in Him to know that he made the right choice."

But, I don't always feel that until hours, sometimes even days, after those moments. When Brooklyn's having a meltdown and I can't get through to her, and no one has clean pants for the next day, and all the plates are dirty, and I desperately need to vacuum the living room, and Alayna has homework that needs looking over, and someone needs to make dinner... All I can think is WHY ME? I am SO not equipped for this. God, I cannot be the mom you, and these kids, need me to be. It's too much! I can't do it, and I quit.

I never do actually quit, but I gotta tell you, sometimes a tropical beach ALONE sounds pretty damn good. And, since we're dreaming here, lets add in an unlimited supply of some yummy tropical drink, heavy on the rum.

And my stress doesn't just come from making sure Alayna and Brooklyn have their needs met. I also have to meet the needs of a demanding 4 year old, my sweet sweet Bella-boo, but also my amazing and oh so sensitive Aiden. My poor boy that gets told no for most of the things HE wants to do because I don't have the time or the money to let him. And he's so sweet about it, even though he's disappointed that I had to say no, AGAIN, he understands. How I got so lucky with him I'll never know. I may not say it enough, but I thank God that I was chosen to be his mother. I'm so proud of him and thankful that he is the young man he is.

I've spent the last few weeks worrying about money (Brooklyn turns 6 in 4 weeks, Christmas is coming, gas too and from appointments, etc), stressing about time (12-13 regular monthly appointments, school, keeping up on the house, etc), and otherwise just in a poor mood.

But, tomorrow is another day. And I have 4 of the most amazing people in the world who depend on me for just about everything. So, thank you God for giving me these blessings, and help me to remember how lucky I am to call them my children. Especially when I'm tired, Brooklyn is having a meltdown, Aiden wants to play video games, Bella wants to pick a show on Netflix, Alayna needs homework check and oh so conveniently forgot about a project that's due soon, and dinner needs to be made. Because, Lord, I can promise you, that's about the time I'm going to need that reminder.

Silly time with Asante and Bella

2012-11-01T14:31:00.001-07:00

Visiting Whitney's apartment, watching my nephew, Asante, and my niece, Shyla, and we're getting silly. Faces are awesome, though. Silliness comes out of your face.

Girlies updates

2012-10-31T12:07:00.000-07:00

Alayna

We had originally been told that it would take about 2 months to get Alayna into the gait lab at Shriner's and to get her first set of casts. We were expecting that we'd be able to start PT and work on stretching and then to the casts. Well, last week, the day after our appointment actually, Shriner's called and set up ALL of Alayna's appointments.

Alayna goes in on the 7th to do the 2 hour gait lab, then she'll get molds done of her feet for the AFOs (ankle foot orthotics), lastly they'll stretch her feet and ankles and put the first set of casts on. She goes in the following week to get those casts removed and another set put on. A week later she goes in again to get the second set of casts off and new ones put on. A week later she goes in again to get the final set of casts off and get her AFOs. I'm really hoping for the best with all of this. I'd like to avoid surgery at all costs.

I also found a product called de-rotation straps. http://www.360oandp.com/products/186/SureStep-De-Rotation-Straps.aspx They're supposed to work very well, much like AFOs, and can hide well under clothing. Speak of that, I'm hoping that Alayna's jeans will fit over her casts, but I'm not sure how far up the casts will go and how thick they'll be. I've never had a cast before.

Brooklyn

I'm beginning to think that coming off of all of the medication may not have been the best choice, and that makes me ridiculously sad. I DESPISE giving my daughter medication, but based on the behavior of the last week, I think that some type of medication for the afternoons might be necessary. She's more out of control, even with the OT activities. Joe's taking an extra long lunch on Monday so that he can come to Brooklyn's behavior therapy with me so that we can talk to her therapist. We're also going to see her doctor next Thursday to discuss if maybe a low dose medication might help her out of control behavior at home after school and on weekends.

We did have a break through at therapy this last week. Brooklyn told her behavior therapist that she really misses me when she's at school, that she only gets to be with me all day long on the weekends and everyday used to be like the weekends :( My poor girl. Tomorrow I'm going to start volunteering in all of the kids' classrooms, so hopefully it'll help her get through the school day.

Brooklyn's OT suggested that we may want to look into martial arts lessons for her. The hope here is that it will give her body the proprioception it craves in an environment where she and others are safe; and also hopefully teach her that her aggression is wrong in a way that may work better. One of the biggest rules of martial arts is that you aren't allowed to use the skills to hurt others. So, we've been looking into martial arts studios in the area for her. But now both Aiden and Alayna want to do martial arts as well, LOL. We've found a place that offers one lesson a week for $45 a month or two lessons a week for $85 a month. I'd prefer to do one lesson a week for right now as we currently have enough weekly and bi-weekly appointments right now.

I'd REALLY like to get her into teakwon-do at the community center, but she has to be 7 to go there. The price is great though, $92 for 8 weeks of lessons 2 days a week.

I've also found another program that teacher jujitsu and karate, but it's $77 every 4 weeks. But, she can't go here until she's 6 (which is only a month and 10 days away, EEEKK!) and it's two days a week.

We're going to contact all the programs we've found and talk to them about Brooklyn. We need to be sure that where ever she's going can handle her special needs.

Feet and legs and school conferences

2012-10-25T19:32:00.001-07:00

Today was Alayna's appointment at Shriner's Children's Hospital in Portland, OR. We saw a great orthopedic surgeon who used to be the Chief of Staff at the Honolulu, Hawaii Shriner's hospital. It was a LONG visit. It started with checking in, I of course thought, "I'm not driving, I don't need my purse." Um... Yea, our insurance cards are in my purse. (Joe has fax the cards into the hospital tomorrow.) Thankfully they were really great about that. Joe had to fill out a limited power of attorney form for me to be able to bring Alayna in for any other appointments.

They called us back a bit early, which was great because we arrived a good 30 minutes before our appointment time. They took Alayna's height and weight and all of our papers. The first doctor who came in to see Alayna was a doctor who was studying here in the US from Australia. He was really nice. He asked us about Alayna's life, from birth to now. He pushed, pulled, and prodded her arms and legs checking her range of motion and reflexes. She has little to no reflexes in her arms. After all of that he had Alayna walked up and down the hallway to watch how she walks. She does walk with a heel-toe gait on her right foot most of the time, but her left foot is almost always flat. He also noticed our concerns with her hips.

We went back into the room and waited some more. The nurse who works with the doctor we'll be seeing came in to check on us and explain how everything will work. Since Shriner's in Portland is a teaching hospital we'll end up seeing LOTS of doctors. Around this time we also discovered that Shriner's has a little table with snacks out in the hallway. Coffee, hot water for cocoa and tea, ice water, goldfish crackers, fruit roll ups, crackers, raisins, etc. Bella had all sorts of snacks while we waited, LOL

Finally the doctor came in and did some of the same stretches as the first doctor. She also watched Alayna walk up and down the hallway. She ordered x-rays of Alayna's hips. At that time I took Bella up to the third floor to the Halloween party they were having for the kids at the hospital. Bella got to paint a pumpkin, eat cookies, pick a toy, and play. We headed back down to check on Alayna and walked in on the tail end of a VERY important conversation between the doctors, the physical therapists they brought in, and the nurse.

As far as Alayna's hips are concerned they ARE turned out, at this point the doctors think it would be best to leave them alone though as it's something that Alayna can live with. With her muscles, ankles, and feet we have three options; treatment depends on our goals. Prior to any treatment they want Alayna to go in for a gait lab, which basically means they're going to record her walking and running to determine how to best help her. On to the options.

Option 1. Leave them alone and find a way to help Alayna work around it; however people who have the same problems as Alayna tend to have a lot of problems with walking, running, and tiring quickly (which Alayna does have trouble with).

Option 2. Is to do casting. Alayna will go in for casts to be placed on both feet and ankles. They will stretch Alayna's muscles out and then put the casts on. Alayna will have the walking boot over the casts. The goal of the casts is to stretch her muscles little by little. She will wear the set of casts for 10-14 days at which point we'll go back up to the hospital and get the casts off. They'll stretch her ankles and feet again and then put on new casts. We'll do this for about 6 weeks. At which point Alayna will get braces to continue the stretching.

Option 3 (which no one is really fond of) is surgery. The surgery to loosen her muscles to allow her to walk flat on her feet would take about an hour and she'd go home later that day. The surgery to turn her feet in the way they should be would be about 3-4 hours. It would require a 3-4 day hospital stay, and Alayna would leave the hospital using a walker.

In the event that option 2 doesn't work, we may still end up with option 3.

Joe and I have decided that we're going to go with option 2. Obviously we're working our tails off to meet Alayna's needs so we don't really like option 1 at all, and option 3 seems to be REALLY invasive, especially considering that we have another option.

Shriner's is going to call us to schedule the gait lab. That'll be a good 2 hours, after the gait lab Alayna will get her first set of casts. We aren't sure how far out that will be scheduled, but the doctor said it could be up to 2 months. The plus side to that is we'll have established physical therapy at that point and it'll give us a couple months to see how regular PT and follow through of exercises will work in helping Alayna.

OK, onto school conferences.

Brooklyn:
OK, so Brooklyn did NOT tell anyone about what happened to her face. I've spoken with everyone possible about it. Miss Karla said she does talk to Brooklyn almost every day, but that Brooklyn did not come to her.

Brooklyn still rarely speaks in class. She has show some GREAT reading skills and excellent math skills. Her writing skills... Not so hot. She can write ALL of her letters upper and lower case. When it's writing time the kids draw pictures and then write a bit about what their pictures are about. Brooklyn just writes her alphabet (upper and lower case) along the bottom of her picture. We discussed how Brooklyn can write words at home, but generally asks us what words she should spell first. So, her teacher said she could start doing that with Brooklyn when she draws.

I feel better about Brooklyn's teacher after today's meeting. I'm still not 100% about her, but I definitely feel better about her. We're still working towards an IEP for Brooklyn. I'm a bit frustrated that it's taken so long, especially after they have been so great at getting Alayna's done so quickly.

Aiden:
Aiden is doing great. His teacher had a LOT of great things to say about him :) He has EXCELLENT math skills, although he still needs to focus on memorizing his multiplication facts (which is where he and his class are right now). His teacher said that she's confident that she can put anything possible in front of Aiden to read and she knows that he could read it and understand it. His writing is still a struggle, but we're working on that both at home and at school. He's going to start speech therapy at school with the speech therapist for the stuttering. He hasn't out grown it and it's getting in his way of reading aloud.

Alayna:
There's never anything bad to say about Alayna :) Her teacher had each of the kids make their own goals with math, reading, and other. Alayna's goals are: to get better at geometry, have better fluency in reading, and to get better at making friends. We decided to keep those goals, but just amend the friend one to "make at least one good friend". We also agreed on how we would help Alayna meet those goals both in the classroom and at home.

Alayna's mom also showed up at the conference, so that was great. We were able to talk to her about the options we were given at Shriner's and the contacts that Alayna's eye doctor prescribed. She agrees with us that casts would be the best option and that we should try the contacts.

We are FINALLY home, dinner is done, homework is done, and I am ready to crash!

Timing is everything

2012-10-24T18:40:00.001-07:00

We have a problem at our house, getting Alayna to complete anything in a decent time frame. It takes her an hour to shower and get dressed. It takes her 20 minutes to use the bathroom. Everything she does is VERY slow and methodical. I don't know how much of the issue is just her, how much is laziness, how much of it is learned behavior, or how much of it is cognitive abilities.

We've been working on a good routine for everything (a morning routine, a homework routine, a bathing routine, a bedtime routine, etc) in the hopes that it'll help her get things done in a timely manner since she officially moved home. It doesn't seem to be working.

Here's the biggest issue: not only does she do everything very slowly, she also doesn't do them very well. Again, how much of that is learned behavior versus ability versus laziness I don't know. I'm not comfortable punishing her for something that may be out of her control. So, we are continuing to try to find a way to help her.

Right now we have check lists up of what she needs to do and how she needs to do it. They don't seem to be working on their own though. She does well if she's being monitored throughout the process, but if it's left up to her, she doesn't do well.

So, how to find a way to help without having to walk around behind her 24/7. The OT that evaluated her suggested a count down timer/clock thingy. This to be exact: http://www.amazon.com/Time-Timer-LLC-TT2-Audible/dp/B0019FHX6Y/ref=pd_sim_k_2 But, I wanted something different, so I was looking at this:
http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Resources-LER6900-Programmable-Electronic/dp/B0007DHU0S/ref=pd_sbs_t_8

The second one looks AWESOME and perfect, however, 80% of the reviews are horrible :( So, I was looking for other similar options. None offer both a color change, noise, AND visual count down timer. Back to option number 1 I guess.

The clock timer (which was the exact one that the OT suggested) DOES have a beep at the end, not sure how loud it is though. I've found another one that I like, it makes noise and flashes different colors (green, yellow, and red) and beeps at the end, BUT that one doesn't have a visual timer. Unfortunately it's also made by the same company that makes the one above that has so many horrible reviews :( This is the link to that one: http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Resources-Time-Tracker-Mini/dp/B004DJ373G/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top

I'm also going to make a more strict schedule and routine. Alayna does really well if she has a routine, but we still need to monitor her. So, that's the plan.

Also, I LOVE our OT. The same OT that seems Brooklyn twice a month evaluated Alayna. Hopefully here soon we'll get the letter from the insurance saying they approve OT and we'll be able to schedule Alayna's visits (we're also waiting on them to approve PT). I've already talked to our OT about wanting to schedule Alayna with her as well. Today we talked a bit about Alayna and she said that she's already thinking of some ideas to help her :) LOVE our OT!!