There’s a passage in Romans which I’m intrigued to examine through a very particular lens. It’s the one that says sin entered the world through the actions of one man, and that through the actions of another, righteousness became available again to all. The first part I can understand, and the second part I can loosely grasp by faith that “the Bible tells me so”; the power and goodness of God are mysterious. However, since my free will and my intelligence are involved in the belief and acceptance of what Jesus did, and I’m a deeply curious person, I’d like to poke around the space where psychology and spirituality work together. Firstly, here is the passage:

“Therefore, just as through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all mankind, because all sinned—

Nevertheless death reigned from Adam until Moses, even over those who had not sinned in the likeness of the violation committed by Adam, who is a type of Him who was to come. But the gracious gift is not like the offense. For if by the offense of the one the many died, much more did the grace of God and the gift by the grace of the one Man, Jesus Christ, overflow to the many. The gift is not like that which came through the one who sinned; for on the one hand the judgment arose from one offense, resulting in condemnation, but on the other hand the gracious gift arose from many offenses, resulting in justification. For if by the offense of the one, death reigned through the one, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ. So then, as through one offense the result was condemnation to all mankind, so also through one act of righteousness the result was justification of life to all mankind.”

Romans 5:12,14-18

As a sin-soaked human, it’s not hard for me to imagine how the first sin perpetuated more sins. I can’t fathom what it was like to have committed the very first sin after having lived the first part of my life in a dynamic of perfectly-loving relationships and in the presence of God. That had to be utterly gut-wrenching. But, wow! How rapidly shame set in! And fear! And then a cascade of blame tore through the garden. Sins multiplied like bacteria.

From a psychological perspective, I don’t know how they would’ve gotten past that experience and returned to life-as-usual with each other and with God. I remember an experience I had one time where a miscommunication led my actions to be experienced by someone else as quite distressing, and when I found out, I was mortified. I couldn’t stop worrying for months that it may have impaired our friendship. I couldn’t stop beating myself up for how I “caused” such concern and how I could’ve done things differently if I’d thought through things a little more. Never mind if I’d completely and permanently changed the ability to live in harmony for me and everyone around me. Even if they had said they forgive me, it would always weigh on my mind. There would always be a fear of repeated broken trust among us. A memory of that time we turned on each other to save ourselves.

That sort of thing becomes a part of us. It shapes our DNA. We pass it to our children in body and in mind. Next thing you know a whole world has suffered wars and infidelity and hunger. “Death reigned from Adam” makes sense.

But how does one righteous Man reverse this? A lot of us can get in sight of someone who seems a wildly better person than we and often we are at least tempted to feel ashamed, or resentful, or even hateful. It was feelings similar to those that drove Jesus contemporaries to kill Him. Yet, by Jesus, the only truly righteous Man, we are justified. How does my psychological experience with sin change just because He personally conquered sin and death?? Now, remember, I’m using a psychology lens, which accounts for only a piece of the puzzle. I can’t, by changing my psychological experience, become a righteous woman. But a modified psychological experience is certainly a part of experiencing Jesus. How?

Well, looking all the way back to the beginning, God chose a 3-factor task, as far as I see it. First, he had to deal with the character assassination campaign and hostile take-over of earth that Satan had launched: “God can’t be trusted. God is holding back on you. God is manipulating you. God’s ways can’t be done.” And, “See, God, they believe me. They choose me — that means they’re mine now.” Secondly, He would deal with the Sin problem that ruptured a chasm between us and Him, and broke our ability to consistently love each other well. Thirdly, He would need to convince us He’s actually doing the first two parts. What we’re talking about in this post is the convincing us part.

If all this time we’ve carried such bone-deep guilt, how on earth could God convince us to believe He’s not secretly mad at us? That he’s not waiting for the next mistake to finally be His last straw with us? Or how would he get around that our own devastating guilt awareness, when drawn too close to His utter righteous glory, would cause us to self-destruct in tormented despair? For, “It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.” (Hebrews 10:31) And, “They said to the mountains and the rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the sight of Him who sits on the throne.'” (Revelation 6:16) If this is the natural reaction of humanity to the sight of God, what can be done?

The Bible shows us examples, though, of people, like Moses, who sought and delighted in God’s (shielded) presence where others were terrified. So, it seems it has a lot to do with the psychological state — the perception — of the person experiencing God. We’ve already thought about that a bit. When we’re feeling guilty, or afraid of someone, we avoid them. When we’re not feeling guilty, we come comfortably into their company. God devised a most brilliant way to lower our defenses and build our trust.

He, in Jesus, became one of us. He was born a baby, in humble circumstances. He lived with righteousness and compassion. He won the hearts of the oppressed and vulnerable and challenged the powers that held them down. He bore temptation and offense with grace and mercy. Maybe our hearts were thinking, “Ok, maybe you tolerate and forgive what we do. Adam didn’t know what he didn’t know. People are scared and we do stupid things to defend ourselves. But what about this other thing? Could you forgive that? Surely there’s something we’ve done that you can’t forgive. I don’t know, God. I feel like there’s things I’m capable of that kind of scare me. There’s bad things I don’t yet want to let go of. How can I be sure you’ll forgive?”

What’s the ultimate “terrible, horrible, no good, very bad” thing humanity could do to possibly not be forgiven of? What if we killed God, Himself? But God is too big for us to kill. That’s impossible. So, is it not absolutely wild that the creator of all the universe chose to lay down his power and make himself as small as we are? That he was able to be abused, mocked, humiliated, tortured, and killed? And he let us?! That does a weird thing in my mind. First, it makes me feel as guilty as possible. I didn’t personally do it, but I know that given the right circumstances, I, a human, have been proven capable. I’m not in those circumstances, but my sins are steps on the same path that leads to the same place. But on the other side, I have to see that Jesus chose to do this in order for me to understand something about God.

“Looking only at Jesus, the originator and perfecter of the faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” (Hebrews 12:2)

Jesus looked past the suffering to a joy he and we would experience on the other side of it. He knew that there was something in the cross that would tell us what we needed to know in order to trust Him. And trusting Him means we get to be together again one day. The cross shows — not simply says — to me that there is truly, literally nothing that can come between God and his love for and acceptance of me. He let us do the very worst thing to Him, and never lost the compassion from His eyes. He never resented. Never hated. Never “got back at.” The cross made a mockery of Satan’s lies about an enemy God, and exposed the true enemy behind our suffering.

Carl Rogers, a father of humanistic psychology, says we need to experience three things in a relationship to make it most likely that our psychological experience will shift for the better. I will apply them to God. First, God needs to be experienced by us as authentic, congruent within Himself. Jesus walked among us for an entire lifetime, and we always knew who he was, and how He felt. He never wore a mask or engaged in deception.

Secondly, He has to truly empathize with what our lived experience is like for us.

“Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let’s hold firmly to our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things just as we are, yet without sin.” (Hebrews 4:14-15)

Jesus entered directly into the human struggle. Not into the rich and powerful comfortable part — the lowly, dusty, sweaty part. He was tempted. He was hurt. He felt abandoned at times. He has not asked of us a thing He did not willingly do himself. When we talk to him, he truly, experientially, understands.

Lastly, we need to feel unconditionally accepted. This is the part we’ve spent the most time on. Is there a better way to prove that God accepts us than the fact that he lived and died with us, and did it with love and joy?

The reason these three qualities work towards growth in a therapeutic relationship is that a person experiences that there’s nothing inside them or their experience that will lead to their rejection or judgment, they hold no suspicion that the person they’re speaking to is putting on an act, and they believe that the person listening truly gets them and wants to understand more deeply. This creates and internal shift away from self-protective thoughts and behaviors and towards exploring needs and goals. Almost everyone wants to, and will, move in that positive direction toward greater wholeness under these conditions.

This means that as we experience congruence, empathy, and acceptance from God, through Jesus, we are already shifting in the direction of growth when His Spirit enters our lives with resurrection power. There is much more to say about the righteousness of Christ, our forgiveness and adoption, and all the incredible aspects of the cross that we will study for eternity, but I love how God has designed our minds to align our wills with His to live out his kingdom realities among us now.

“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” Jesus cries out from his anguish, yet incredibly also draws hearers’ attention to the theology of what is taking place.

As I ponder the weekend that we remember Jesus’ sacrifice and celebrate his victory over death, I come back to the question that constantly nags at my brain — what really happened on the cross? I mean, beyond the Christanese language that many of us have grown up hearing. How did this event close the gap between us and God and assure our future with Him?

There’s so much more to it than I can know right now, but my time in the Old Testament has shaped some concepts that make my heart leap with joy and adoration. I want to summarize what I’ve been seeing using a couple representative samples from the books of Hosea and Psalms.

Hosea 2 is a story of the relationship between God and His people, Israel, using the imagery of a husband and wife. In this case, Israel is portrayed as an extremely unfaithful wife. How does a nation commit adultery against a God? By living by the values and practices of other nations with other gods. By putting trust in other things above God, and by assigning credit for His blessing to others.

“For she said, ‘I will go after my lovers, Who give me my bread and my water, My wool and my flax, my oil and my drink…Yet she does not know that it was I myself who gave her the grain, the new wine, and the oil, And lavished on her silver and gold, Which they used for Baal.” (Hosea 2:5, 8)

God’s response is to add clarity to confusion. His bride is on a destructive path, misguided about where true security and joy lies. In his compassion, He makes the dangerous way more difficult, opening her eyes to the effects of Sin.

“Therefore, behold, I will obstruct her way with thorns, And I will build a stone wall against her so that she cannot find her paths. “And she will pursue her lovers, but she will not reach them; And she will seek them, but will not find them. Then she will say, ‘I will go back to my first husband, because it was better for me then than now!” (Hosea 2:6-7)

Punishment language is used, but if you examine the story, the punishment isn’t the point. It is a tool of redirection, which leads her to notice Him wooing her back. The reunion that happens next is not because a score was properly settled, or a due penalty applied. It happens because of a change of heart following a change of understanding.

“Therefore, behold, I am going to persuade her, Bring her into the wilderness, And speak kindly to her. “Then I will give her her vineyards from there, And the Valley of Achor as a door of hope. And she will respond there as in the days of her youth, As in the day when she went up from the land of Egypt. “And it will come about on that day,” declares the Lord , “That you will call Me my husband And no longer call Me my Baal.” (Hosea 2:14-16)

A restored forever relationship is what He seeks and accomplishes, and He does it by revealing his righteousness, justice, compassion, and faithfulness. When we experience those attributes in Him, it is then that we know the Lord.

“I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and in justice, in favor and in compassion, And I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.”(Hosea 2:19-20)

Not only do His own people recognize these things in Him, but His love expands to include all who had not experienced compassion or being called His. A great portion of the New Testament, by the way, is devoted to helping the descendants of Israel understand how the outsiders could be called Israel, too.

“I will sow her for Myself in the land. I will also have compassion on her who had not obtained compassion, And I will say to those who were not My people, ‘You are My people!’ And they will say, ‘ You are my God!'” (Hosea 2:23)

The themes in this story are widely repeated throughout the Old Testament. God is constantly working to rescue victims, even self-made ones, and to reveal His goodness to people’s understanding. We seem to be violator-focused in our ideas of justice – so-and-so needs to be punished! God seems to be victim-oriented in His justice; He wants to do the right thing by healing, restoring, liberating, and by separating evil from us. He wants to be known and to return to the intimacy of a trusting, loving relationship He created us to be in.

Let’s now look at Psalm 22, the chapter opening of which Jesus quoted on the cross. If the Bible is one great story leading up to the cross, then God had all of scripture to communicate what the cross would be about. He had all of scripture to describe how much we owed Him and how important it was to Him that He got His payment. He had all of scripture to describe how eager He has been for our sins to be punished. My journey is simply not catching this vibe. What I see is a love pursuit begging for relational restoration. It’s not a mushy and weakly-whispered sentiment, but a passionate and powerful love that does not compromise or hold back or sidestep pain. While collecting His thoughts for His final words, Jesus had a stage etched in history from which to point us to any scene explaining what He was doing. He chose Psalm 22. What does that chapter describe?

Firstly, it describes that Jesus felt desperately alone in a way He hadn’t felt before. He is in anguish, yet he paints an incredible picture of a God who is holy and good. He remembers from history what His people experienced when they trusted the Lord.

“In You our fathers trusted; They trusted and You rescued them. To You they cried out and they fled to safety; In You they trusted and were not disappointed.” (Psalm 22:4-5)

Next, Jesus describes, through reference to the Psalm, the dire circumstances he is in — despised, disgraced, sneered at — and the way they tempt him to give up and rescue himself. They press him, as the world does, to turn way from his trust in the Father, and to take matters into his own hands. But Jesus refuses to do that. He’s trusted the Father since his birth and he does not want to stop now, even though he is wrecked.

“Turn him over to the Lord ; let Him save him; Let Him rescue him, because He delights in him. Yet You are He who brought me forth from the womb; You made me trust when upon my mother’s breasts. I was cast upon You from birth; You have been my God from my mother’s womb. Do not be far from me, for trouble is near; For there is no one to help… I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; It is melted within me. My strength is dried up like a piece of pottery, And my tongue clings to my jaws; And You lay me in the dust of death. For dogs have surrounded me; A band of evildoers has encompassed me; They pierced my hands and my feet. I can count all my bones. They look, they stare at me; They divide my garments among them, And they cast lots for my clothing.” (Psalm 22:8-11,14-18)

Again, Jesus calls to the Father to be near, to save, because Jesus has an objective:

“I will proclaim Your name to my brothers; In the midst of the assembly I will praise You.” (Psalm 22:22)

Here is the unspoken conversation my mind sees taking place on the cross. Suspended by the nails of some of the worst torture devised by men of the time, Jesus conveys, “Look. Look at me. I understand your pain. I understand your fear. I get why you scramble for power and security, but look. God is enough. He’s getting me through this. He can get you though your thing. Trust Him.”

And furthermore, “I and the Father are one. I am human like you; I have laid down my divine power to also show you that the Father is not out to get you. You are crucifying the very Son of God, and neither of us are fighting you back. If this doesn’t show you that I’m dead serious about loving you, then nothing will. Nothing can separate my love from you! If this doesn’t show you where the Sin-driven, self-reliant, pride-bound thirst for control that plagues humanity leads, then nothing will.”

He continues, “I know Satan has had you bound in helplessness to your own fallen nature all this time, because Adam handed over man’s regency through an act of deference to the enemy’s lies. You’ve never been the same since. I have come to free you. I have stepped in as a man to live a life of righteousness and to reclaim authority over the earth for the kingdom of God. I know this means I have to die. Though my commitment to you is sure, and my righteousness unfailing, I know that if I didn’t lay down my life, Satan would use any days remaining to claim that he could’ve made me fail. But I will not fail you. I will be faithful to the end. I will pay this price upon myself for you to know the Lord. I have been wrongfully accused and treated like a criminal, but you must know how far I will go for you. And you need to see how far Satan will go to destroy. Look at Me. Know Me. Trust Me. If you listen to Me and not the enemy, I can save you by my power and righteousness, and adopt you as heirs to my kingdom. Satan will have a say over earth no more, for you are Mine.”

This is the identity and work of God that Jesus proclaims to his brothers and sisters while on the cross. Jesus did not come to condemn the afflicted, but to share in our experience so that we can share in His. Not until all was and is revealed about the extent of God’s love and of Satan’s wickedness, can God destroy Sin forever, else we would think Him a monster and flee. By subjecting himself to our pride, he has opened our eyes. He knows that this weekend will be remembered forever. The true identity and saving power of God will be spoken of to every generation until the end of time. His righteousness will be known and bestowed throughout the earth. Psalm 22 cries, “Put your trust in the Lord!”

As Jesus’ breathes, “It is finished,” the Psalm ends with “He has done it!” Done what? Revealed the fullness of God’s love. Captivated our attention to the reality of suffering and hope before and around us, demonstrating for all time that there is no better place to go than in the arms of our First Love.

My keys were found today. I can’t say I, or anyone else, found them. I simply and bewilderingly became aware of them.

I was aware that they were lost five days ago. My typical weekend routine is that I place my keys in my purse every Saturday morning, as soon as I emerge from my room dressed for church and ready to eat breakfast. Time passes and I am home again, where I place my purse into a basket just inside my bedroom door, where it sits, undisturbed, until I become the driver again on Monday.

Well, Monday arrived, and my purse refused to cough up my keys. It insisted it had no keys. I shook it down and repacked it twice. It was speaking the truth. Next I tried another bag the purse had briefly nested in. I emptied the bag basket. I patted down my clothes. I searched our reliable old Ford Flex, whose black interior gobbles up everything. I returned with a trash can for a second attempt and fully investigate every crevice and remove every unattached object. No keys. I scoured the church on two occasions, and messaged staff to pretty please be on the lookout.

Brian, seeing my discouragement, reminded me that my keys will show up when I stop looking. So I left the matter at my small group’s prayer time on Tuesday, and I stopped looking. This morning, I got up and pulled some jeans off of my closet shelf. They flopped, unfolded, in my hand as I trudged around collecting other clothing items. I habitually opened a bathroom drawer and slung my clothes over it until I was ready for them. Once dressed, I found myself sitting in my favorite spot by the window with my coffee and my air-fried chicken biscuit.

Mom called. She sounded cheery as she made the usual query about what activities my day held. It was good to talk to her. I get zoned into my crazy homeschool mom life and time passes faster than my attention realizes. We’d been trying to get over for a visit for a while, but the schedules keep not lining up. It’s been on my heart to try harder to bridge the gap that had been forming. It’s hard to have teenagers approaching college the college phase, and parents aging; it feels like time is slipping away with all of them. Worries pop up in my heart for all of them. I asked mom if she’d like me to pick her up to go shopping. We haven’t done that in the longest time. She seemed excited for a little adventure together to the nearby big box store.

I hung up, went and told the guys my plan, buried my feet in some shoes, and approached the key rack to grab Brian’s keys and head over to Mom and Dad’s place. This is the part where my brain breaks. Heather Thompson Day, in her new book, “What If I’m Wrong,” talks about faith feeling like a fine line between trust and delusion. That’s exactly how I felt as I stood at the key rack, about to grab Brian’s keys, while my other hand robotically patted my pants pocket and my attention snapped to the realization that there was something under my hand that felt a whole lot like keys. I did a double take to the rack to make sure I hadn’t already mindlessly taken Brian’s keys. I pulled the small, solid bundle out of my pocket and stared into my very own keys. I looked back and forth between them and the key rack a few times.

Ian happened to be standing there as this transpired. “Are those your keys??” he wondered. “Apparently…” I puzzled, “But how…How are they in my pocket?!” I rather froze in time as my mind’s eye jogged again through every scenario of the week, searching for the moment where I could identify having put my keys in my jeans pocket — and how they could’ve remained there, undetected, as I slung my pants around and wore them about all that morning.

“I think God’s being funny,” I tentatively concluded. Ian agreed. Either I’ve lost my mind or God did something. My heart somehow attached this moment to having taken an action to go connect with Mom. I can’t know for sure, but the timing is suspicious. Maybe it’s just a playful hug from God. Maybe perimenopause has me a little delusional. It definitely feels like it. But, I’m choosing to believe God answered a simple prayer for keys with a nod that he hears my prayers for my family, too.

First, let’s get back to God issuing commands. We need to look at what it is we are being commanded to do, or better yet, experience. Perhaps at the beginning, when we’re still loitering around the spiritual milk bar, or maybe we haven’t even noticed it yet, we need an impetus to engage our free will to try something different, or when we’re getting discouraged, we need a stronger voice to say, “keep going.” What do we need to “get started” or “keep going” at?

Let’s look at a few quotes that offer clues.

“The law of love being the foundation of the government of God, the happiness of all intelligent beings depends upon their perfect accord with its great principles of righteousness. God desires . . . service [of love] that springs from an appreciation of His character. He takes no pleasure in a forced obedience; and to all He grants freedom of will, that they may render Him voluntary service.” [Ellen White PP 34.3]

This is 1890’s language, and I am rankled by the invisible legalist voice in my head fixating on the words, “perfect” and “obedience.” I am a prideful and stubborn sort who feels quick resistance to being told what to do before I understand what’s going on and subsequently “buy in” to the idea.

I recently saw a video of a man demonstrating communication techniques at a company seminar. He had a volunteer come up front and, with very little dialogue, had the guy beside him, pacing off the width of the “stage” area. When they returned to center, the lecturer then faced the volunteer and, again, with almost no dialogue, pointed his fists at the volunteer, who then placed his own fists against the speaker’s. Within seconds, they were pushing at each other, and leaning into it, as if one was supposed to overpower the other. Demonstration over. The speaker explained the significance of posture in communication. With very few words spoken, people can get a sense when someone is “with” or “against” them.

It’s very easy for Biblical language to sound like it is coming “against” us, and our response is either to resist against it, or to put our chin down and submit to what feels like rightful spiritual domination — No fun, but, hey, we deserve this, right? We’re sinners. To keep our sanity, we’re often able to convince ourselves that this dynamic is good and this is love. Reward and punishment. Good and bad. Yes, this all makes sense. I got check marks by my name at school, too. Let’s look at another quote.

“God is the one being for whom self-exaltation is the most loving act, because he is exalting for us what alone can satisfy us fully and forever….God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in him.” – John Piper

The language here is more modern, and through the wording, I seem to be sensing more of a side-by-side dynamic from God. I hear God asking that I look at him, love him, listen to him, not because he’s a miffed parent and I just made a big inconvenience of myself again. And it’s not because God is quite enamored with himself. No, it seems to be because my happiness and contentment is a factor that God is interested in. Here is a final quote.

“You will show me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalms 16:11

Wow. I can’t help but notice the contrast between what my innards do to the sound of “obedience” and “perfection” versus how they respond to “life,” “joy,” and “pleasures.” Yet. . . God cannot be at odds with himself. These have to be interconnected somehow. And look at the posture: “In Your presence . . . At Your right hand.” Beside. Emmanuel: God with us. God is for us.

What if God is trying to say, “Get on with being truly, deeply, eternally happy?” What if, when he insists that we love him with all our heart and soul and strength, it means that when we make the effort to know him fully (not to be mistaken for knowing of him, or knowing about him), we’ll discover the greatest lover we’ve ever known, and we will be more satisfied than we could’ve imagined. Consequently, being someone so bursting full of this magnitude of love, we will mingle about with the sort of divine newlywed energy that is so fundamentally affected by our holy experience that we can’t stand for others to not experience it, too.

“Aghhh! That’s too idealistic!” you say. Maybe for us. But this is the vision straight from God’s imagination and he casts it for us to aim at. He has the power to get us there, with our cooperation. He has the eagerness to repeatedly stand us back on our feet and point our eyes back at the vision. Loving him, no, experiencing being loved by him, changes our desires bit by bit. It changes our regard for others, bit by bit.

We know love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a choice. Have you seen the cartoon of an elderly couple sitting at odds with each other on a bench. It’s raining, so the husband holds an umbrella over his wife, even as his face says he’s mad at her? Love insists upon the well-being of others, even if it doesn’t like “them” at the moment.

This is how we understand the whole package of God’s identity, revealed in the law as a shadow of God’s nature, and revealed fully in Jesus and in the mercy of God’s grace saying he chooses us as we are. We were made in his likeness, and he’s going to restore to us what we lost. In fact, he already sees us as we will be, so our ineptitude is no hurdle for him. He has no hesitance toward us. It is we who have hesitance toward him and toward each other.

Another way of looking at Ellen White’s and John Piper’s quotes is that we foolishly choose to minimize our own happiness and maximize our negative consequences by living apart from what God says will make us more whole and happy together. We choose to not experience the best lover, but to have miserable affairs with lesser lovers, when he “commands” we all be happy together here and now. Why do we do that? Perhaps it’s hard to believe what he says is true. Maybe it seems too simple. Possibly, we’re afraid to give our whole hearts to it, because it could be the last remaining hope to hold, and as long as that hope is out there, untested, we aren’t ultimately and completely disappointed.

Circling back, when we bristle at words like “obey,” or are not sure what precisely it is we’re intended to do, I believe there is a more “God with us” perspective. It means we are to start looking at God with the interest, curiosity, and delight with which we would approach a first love. We get to search out his qualities that make our infatuation grow into a deep longing. We get to realize that when we “marry” him, we’re “marrying” his family (of other people). We grow to be more than okay with that, because now we see his family through his eyes and we see why he loves them like he does. We recognize that when we commit to developing this relationship (or at any time in which he chooses to speak to us), the Holy Spirit is in our hearts teaching us to recognize when what we are doing, thinking, and saying doesn’t feel good for the relationship with him or someone else, and choosing to listen to that voice, especially when it’s extra hard to.

We make this harder than it is. We all have the sense of, “If you want to be in my life and in good standing with me, don’t come at my friends. Don’t come at my kids.” But the key is, this applies to a new relationship two people are actively receptive to. People who know each other well and admire each other don’t need to be told, “Don’t come at my kids.” The friend loves (or at least treats well) their friend’s kids as an outgrowth of their love for the friend. The law is still there to protect the kids, and it applies rather redundantly and unnecessarily to the friends, but mainly, it’s for strangers.

We mostly navigate earthly relationships with a natural ease. We innately recognize the values and personalities of others, and are drawn to some, neutral to others, and avoidant of some. When we feel invited in, it is only the first few interactions that feel like work to get to know them. Then we come to enjoy the dialogue, adapt to each other’s favorite things and strong dislikes, we navigate conflicts, and we accumulate shared experiences. While there ought to be some healthy boundary-setting, there is little tendency to draw up contracts or consult lists of rules, and we certainly shouldn’t feel intimidated or controlled. Those would be huge red flags and a cue to find the exit. Yet, it has been common for Christians to use language that implies this is how God relates to us. God designed us to be people who have friends, spouses, and children precisely so we could begin to comprehend His depth of love and tenderness for us. Boy, the adversary has done a work.

I would argue that we have a discomfort relating to God as a best friend or doting lover or attentive parent because we perceive that our lives are on the line. We’ve fallen for the sentiment that if we don’t get it right, we’re dead. Never mind that Jesus already took care of the matter of our deadness. Rules make us feel like we have something to do about ourselves. While rules define our guilt, they also trick us into feeling better about our guilt. I messed up this time, but don’t look, because I’m going to fix it. I’ll do better next time. You’ll be proud of me. You’ll see.

Grace leaves us with nothing to do but stand exposed in the open, with our basest desires and impulses in hand, having to realize that’s actually how we are, even if our innocent Jesus dies by it. It’s a dreadful feeling having no currency with which to buy our consciences free of our guilt. But if we can stay in that moment with Jesus, until we can look away from ourselves to see the acceptance in his eyes and feel the healing of his embrace, we can’t help but be deeply and wonderfully affected.

God is the kind of person we can have our healthiest relationship with, because our own hearts are the only variable. He is the constant. If we define sin as those actions which injure a relationship, we will realize that sin is not a thing we want. It doesn’t fit right. Like a bad shot at the hoop, it feels off the moment we’ve released it. It is a thing that arises from the impulsivity of our corrupted nature and which brings us misery. We then turn back to our biblical obedience, realizing we prefer to aim at God’s high vision for us, trusting God to use our connection with him to help restore our impulses to ones that want not merely to resist doing harm, but to actively increase our interpersonal happiness and well-being. The call to obedience is the call to being our truest self, deeply in love with Christ.

I’ve forgotten for how long I’ve been tired. Definitely since having kids, but, for some time I’ve had and extra special flavor of tired. I have gone down a list of sensible areas to check, such as allergies, hydration, sleep habits, and so forth, and left actual sleep quality testing for last. There was no way I was going to assimilate myself into the sleep Borg (Star Trek nerd reference) known as a CPAP. That’s the Continuous Positive Airway Pressure device that senses when it needs to blow a collapsed airway open.

Welll, I finally did a home sleep study annd, it turns out my laziness extends to occasionally resting from breathing at night. After talking to some wise people and doing some mental origami, I got myself to the point of looking forward to trying CPAP, because, hey, feeling rested sounds like a win!

I found a good and reputable deal online for a popular machine and went yesterday to get fitted for a mask. It was quite an adventure. I worked with the respiratory therapist to select a minimalist “nasal pillow” style, since I also have a dislike for the feeling of things on my face.

With the mask “comfortably” strapped in place, the therapist turned on the air flow. Let me ask you a question. Have you ever blown on a baby’s face, or seen it done? If you don’t know, the baby usually gets a startled look, gasps, and maybe flings her arms out to catch a passing branch as her imagined Rock-A-Bye Baby cradle falls from the tree top. That basically describes my internal experience of the sudden air invasion. To not help matters, I reflexively opened my mouth, which invited the hurricane to unexpectedly leave my throat. It took some doing to right that ship.

If I were to use this gadget in the middle of the day, when I would be looking for an amusing reason to be distracted from the dishes, I could play with my tornado mouth powers for quite some time. However, the point of this is to help me sleep, and I could only envision accidentally opening my mouth in the middle of the night, causing me to clamber for a tree branch in the direction of my husband’s face. My RT and I agreed maybe a full-face style mask might be a better starting point. I picked two that I thought would be best to try at home and thanked my RT for her amazing help.

The first mask I’m trying combines a nasal pillow with a mouth covering so that I can breathe in any way that comes naturally and not be “disrupted” by any strange weather. I practiced with it, like suggested, until I got more used to the fit. I went to bed at a reasonable time to do some reading while starting with some “awake practice” of the CPAP.

First attempt: total fail. I set the “ramp” setting on, which starts at the lowest air pressure possible, and over time increases to the prescribed amount. My sinuses got very congested. Then, I spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to yawn. It was extremely dissatisfying. Like one of those itches that seems to move somewhere else the second you scratch. I guess this perturbed the machine. We ended up on divergent breathing plans. Our ins and outs were all catawampus. Also, my setting is “5.” It went to 6. I said no and turned it off. I took off the mask. Yawned. Got a drink. Gave ol’ C-Pappy a scowl. I accepted its apology and tried again.

I put the mask back on, ramp setting back on, my earbuds in and started my podcast. I eventually convinced my brain there were no attackers and that my lungs and I could act normally. My sinuses ultimately cleared, and I found that side sleeping wasn’t as uncomfortable as I expected. My brain checked in with itself periodically through the night, like a dog on patrol.

I woke up after 11 hours of what I presume was sleep, feeling like a space cadet. I now have Jell-O for brains. I slept through my alarm (and Brian’s, too). My lungs feel violated. Every time I inhale, I feel the memory of the air pushing its way in, sort of like when you get off a boat or a hotel elevator and everything is still sort of moving. I keep asking myself if the mask is still on my face. No? Are you sure?

So now my bedside looks like I’m staying at a posh hospital, which I’m super [not] thrilled about. I’m reminding myself that in a week or so I’ll be so glad I signed up for this. I’m going to feel so rested and human (right?). I’ll let you know. *wink*

Do you ever find yourself either frozen from meaningful action, or over-exerting because of the task master of Invisible Expectations? By “invisible,” I mean that no one is currently telling or otherwise coercing you to do or not do the thing. You just have this nagging discomfort inside about it, and that discomfort might sound like the voice of someone criticizing your alleged shortcomings (possibly an actual voice you’ve heard before), or which looks like a model of someone you’re supposed to be — a composite of others you know, perhaps.

I don’t. I was just asking. Pah! I can’t even type that with a straight face. Possibly my biggest victim of Expectations is my self-expression. For example, this blog does suffer from life-changes, technology hiccups, and time management, but it most profoundly suffers from Expectations. I write because I love it, and because, for myself and my family, I want to record snippets of the prismatic life of being a Stay At Home Mom.

I don’t write because what I want to say right now doesn’t fit what Expectations says I’m supposed to write. I’m >supposed< to tell a funny story about the kids. If it’s not funny, I won’t be that made-up person I’m >supposed< to be, and people will lose interest. Wow, where did those other people come from? Did I not just say I’m doing this for the joy of it? And, any way, what does this imply about you? That you can’t be trusted to appreciate depth and authenticity?? Mercy, me.

Let’s get a butter knife and cut into the gooey psychological center of this, but only just enough to find a hint at the cure. Emotionally- and spiritually-speaking, this is all connected to the anchoring of my identity. If everything is relative, that means my sense of worth has to be derived through comparison. I have to decide what I admire, and successfully be like that. I think we have all tried that to some extent and we know that exercise is exhausting and futile.

A beautiful alternative is the presence of an Absolute Good. My love relationship with Jesus invites me to exhale and experience Him transforming me into my truest self — the me He designed, and the me He already sees as a done deal in eternity. Jesus doesn’t accuse; He invites. My Invisible Expectations can dissolve in Jesus, the Living Water, and be washed away. It’s like standing next to a breathtaking waterfall, which renders a rusty, drippy faucet existentially irrelevant. I can do what he inspires my growing heart to do. No more, no less.

So, practically speaking, what am I doing about my frozen self? I am:

1. Filling my mind with His inspired written, and gently whispered words every day (staying close to the waterfall).
2. Staying connected to friends and family who know the metaphorical songs of my heart and will encourage me to sing them.
3. Re-forming creative habits, starting small with anything that resembles what I love to do.
4. Intentionally exposing myself to what inspires me – nature, other people’s creativity, humor, etc.

I hope you will join me by the Waterfall. And now, I leave you with this thought from Philippians 1:6.

“God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won’t stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.”

“A game where you have absolutely no choice in the matter.” 

Table One (1 d20) — Class
1) Warrior
2) Barbarian
3) Belly button lint inspector
4) Druid
5) Wizard
6-9) Man in bathrobe
10) Bill Gates
11) Healer
12-19) Servant
20) Hermes

Table 2 (1 d20) — Species
1) Duck
2) Elf
3) Used tissue
4-5) Dwarf
6) Ga-nome
7) Dentist
8-10) Bartender
11-15) Human
16) Orc
17) Dragon
18) Dodo Bird
19) Marsh-wiggle
20) Nerd

Table 3 (1 d6) — Age
1) Baby (1-3)
2) Child (4-12)
3) Teen (13-18)
4) Adult (19-50)
5) Old (51-120)
6) Corpse (dead-∞ )

Table 4 (2 d20 – first half  |  last half) — First Name
1) Ga-  |  min
2) Nor  |  way
3) Thwwe  |  jim
4) Oaf  |  ius
5) Dim  |  wit
6) Brown  |  barrel
7) Stout  |  mushroom
8) Mush  |  duck
9) W-w-  |  stomach
10) OoowwEEa  |  bosh
11) Slip  |  er
12) Ploomp  |  spear
13)   | 
14-19) Darr  |  in
20) Ω  (Omega)  |  π (pi)

Table 5 (1 d20) — Last Name
1) McDucker
2) Morningbreath
3-4) Dragonfire
5-6) Bleater
7-8) Weakling
9-10) Bedhead
11-12) Lonnnnnnnnnngnose
13-14) Purplear
15-16) Bumjuice
17-18) Cavitymouth
19-20) Sunburn

Table 6 (3 d20) — Items
1) Bowel discomfort pills
2) Bowel discomfort
3) Rubber sword
4) Wool sweater
5) Portable duck
6) Nose pick
7) Freeze-dried kitten munchies
8) Lice
9) Hand sanitizer
10) A hernia
11) Chocolate-covered nails
12) A really light rock
13) Ariel’s voice
14) Static electricity
15) Duckscalibur
16) Sandwich
17) Tube worms
18) Chunky milk
19) Giminems
20) Nose wings

Table 7 (1 d6) — Clothes
1) Duck suit
2) Loincloth
3) Tuxedo
4) Towel
5) Tie dye
6) Bushes

Table 8 (2 d20) — Weapons
1) Sword
2) Fish
3) Cobweb 
4) Melon husk
5) Flail
6) Bean bag
7) Dung
8) American eagle
9) Leaky acid vial
10) Gel pen
11) Stick-on teeth plaque
12) Jogging shoes
13) Chosen camporee pin
14) Tattoo gun
15) Heated toilet seat
16) Sword hilt
17) String cheese
18) Smokin’ Bear’s cigar
19) Zeus’ boxers 
20) Barbie doll

Table 9 (3 d6) — Wizard Spells
1) Lightning bolt
2) Conjure ducks
3) Teleport
4) Mayonnaise
5) Fireball
6) Belt loosen

Table 10 (3 d6) — Druid Spells
1) Shape change
2) Falafel
3) Summon creature
4) Gummy bear attack
5) Claws
6) Green noodles

*If you would like to build your character, but lack appropriate dice, you can Google “dice roller.”

A lot has happened in the eight months since I last forced myself to write. I suppose I chose this moment to catch up, because, why not. I’ve thrown my hands up, and a keyboard is as good a place as any to land. The hubs is on a plane to California, the kids are at Friday school, and I’m sitting in our new, currently stinky basement, deciding that IT FIGURES that this is the day the big white pipe needs to have an accident on my floor.

It’s been 40 days since we moved into this house and we LOVE it. I especially appreciate being closer to school and church, because, in spite of being a home school family, we’re at the school or church 6 days a week. Elijah is also absolutely giddily immersed in taekwondo, so I have turned into Uber Mom (the slightly more dizzy version of Mom’s Taxi). Incidentally, I have been amusing myself with the fun and slightly creepy Timeline function of Google Maps. Yesterday I drew a fish.

Unpacking

Even though this house has a lot more space than our old house, we’re still wondering how on earth we fit ALL THIS STUFF in it, and where it will go now.

I will forever be haunted by the echoes of our old pest control guy annoyingly asserting, “You guys have too much STUFF,” every single time he visited (but that’s ok, because he won permanent bonus points years ago for letting my toddler brow-beat him into reading stories, and then making a habit of always coming early to chat with the kids, and he never forgot treats for the dog). The upstairs is looking pretty stinkin’ (er, better-smelling than the basement) close to put together (if you don’t look in my 9-year-old’s bedroom or on the kitchen counters, and if you can imagine more furniture in the gaps). But the basement still looks largely like a ransacked storage unit.

Bending Time

I’m majorly struggling to find good chunks of time to get unpacked AND get our school done, but I’m trying to get at least one significant thing done in the house each evening and to find time savers when possible. I feel so proud that I remembered yesterday that I could build a grocery order for pick up. Squee! I don’t have to go shopping!

I chose a time window that would nicely align with home school Friday drop-off. Even though we overslept from last-minute “dad time,” also “risking” my grocery pick-up window, we are also close enough now that we were only 13 minutes late to school. When I finally pulled into the Kroger pick-up lane, two employees were already out loading other vehicles. I opened my door to go lay the back seats down and nearly took out one of the employees who had come over to get my name. A lady in the van next to me cried, “Don’t hurt the Kroger person! I need them!” I laughed, fully agreeing with the sentiment. The Kroger delivery people are life.

Our old house should go on the market soon. The new floors and paint are looking great! Can’t wait to have it sold!

Meaning of “Abomination”

I think we all have a clear feel for the essence of “abomination,” but I find it interesting to identify the original Biblical words used. I am not an expert. I am using the Blue Letter Bible for reference. In the Old Testament (the books of Genesis through Malachi), these Hebrew words are mostly used:

tow`ebah (tow-a-VAH) – noun- means, “a disgusting thing, ritually unclean (food, idol, mixed marriage, etc), wicked, abhorrent”

pigguwl (pig-GOOL) – noun- means, “a foul thing, refuse, fetid, ceremonially unclean”

sheqets/shaqats (SHEK-ets) -noun/verb- means, “an idolatrous object, filth, an unclean thing”/”be filthy, to loathe, pollute, make abominable, contaminate”

ba’ash (bah-ASH) – verb- means, “to have a bad smell, stink, be morally offensive, be of an evil nature”

za`am (zai-AM) -verb- means, “denounce, express indignation, show anger, foam at the mouth, abhor, defy, curse”

In the New Testament (the books of Mathew through Revelation during and after Jesus’ Earthly arrival on scene), this Greek word is used:

bdelygma (basically pronounced as clumsily as it looks) -noun- meaning, “a foul thing, a detestable thing, loathsome on account of its stench

Biblical uses of “Abomination”

Next, let’s look at some things in the Bible that God called an “abomination” or “detestable.” I will provide the reference, but I will also be interpreting it based on my personal understanding. Please spend your own time with God to give him time and space to develop his words in your heart.

What are some examples of what God finds “abominable?” This may turn out to be good news and bad news all at once. Hang with me to the end, please, because you may not find my point to be what you expect.

1. Creatures God described as “unclean” for eating (Leviticus 11)
2. A man having sex with a man (Leviticus 18:22, 20:13 — don’t run away yet).
3. Eating 3-day-old meat (Leviticus 19:7)
4. Things that distract you from putting your complete trust in God (Deuteronomy 7)
5. Encouraging others to prioritize anything besides God, or to trust anything besides God for their fundamental well-being (Deuteronomy 13)
6. Actively relying on power that is not from God (Deuteronomy 18)
7. Minimizing (especially deceptively) the value of God’s biological and spiritual gender design (Deuteronomy 22:5 – This gets very complicated. I am not unsympathetic or preclusive to the possibility that genetic anomalies exist in a way that brains sometimes don’t match bodies. I don’t and can’t speak to this conclusively.).
8. Offerings to God of money attained by immoral means (Deuteronomy 23:18)
9. Volatile commitment to a wife (Deuteronomy 24:4)
10. Deception, extortion, cheating, taking advantage (Deuteronomy 25:16, Proverbs 11:1)
11. Devious people (Proverbs 3:32)
12. Pride, killing the innocent, wicked scheming, admiration of evil, lying (Proverbs 6:16, etc)
13. Insincere religious actions (Proverbs 15:8)
14. Leaders of nations behaving immorally (Proverbs 16:12)
15. Injustice and enabling evil (Proverbs 17:15)
16. Intentional disregard of God’s Law of Love (Proverbs 28:9)
17. Trusting your fundamental well-being to anything or anyone besides God (Isaiah 44:19, etc)
18. Not only feeling prideful and self-reliant in your well-off condition, but failing to help and share from your abundance (Ezekiel 16:49-50)
19. Violating the dignity, security, trust, or well-being of others; cheapening the holiness and sovereignty of God (Ezekiel 22).

And from the New Testament:

1. Our insufficient, human ideas of what is important (Luke 16:15)

A large part of the above list feels pretty easy to dismiss as being “nothing like me.” Unfortunately, other parts of it render it nearly inevitable that each of us, at times, triggers our own personal atomizer of Eau de Abomination, at least until we have only Jesus’ Perfect Love flowing through us. I think I’ve revealed the direction I intend to go, while also creating the problem of near-universal “stink.” I’ll get back to this after it airs out for a minute.

Old Testament vs. New Testament

A vast majority of the “abomination” comes from the Old Testament. What, perhaps, changed between Old Testament times and when Jesus arrived on the scene in the New Testament? Absolutely nothing changed about the nature, character, or expectations of God (Malachi 3:6, Hebrews 13:8). In the Old Testament, people were instructed to obey in faith, leaning on ritualistic symbols of a Hope to come, for grace, mercy, justice, and forgiveness. In the New Testament, Jesus became that Hope and Salvation, and the symbols became unnecessary. The Law – and by that I mean every contextualized command of God – neither saved nor vanished. Jesus elevated what actually resembled more of a bare minimum of non-injury to the higher plane of self-sacrificing concern for the welfare of others.

What About 1 Corinthians 6?

This chapter in the New Testament is a great example of a location that lists all sorts of juicy “pet sinners.” We’re deeply concerned for the salvation of “those kinds.” We may have to work with them, or decorate our family tree with them, but keep the 10-foot pole handy in the event the forecast starts looking too electively social.

There are two things I want to pay attention to. First, what is the context? The main point of the chapter is Paul calling out people who were refusing to settle civil disputes in a civilized Christian manner, while also being guilty of their own sinful behaviors. Lesson: Be humble and realistic about my own condition before I get too huffy about someone else’s.

Second, what of those sins? Specifically listed here are: fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, homosexuals, sodomites, thieves, covetous, drunkards, revilers, extortioners. “The unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Yikes. A similar list is found in Galatians 5, where its practitioners also will not inherit the kingdom of God. Additions to the above “lusts of the flesh” include hatred, jealousy, selfishness, entertaining objectifying or unloving thoughts, and treasuring or being satisfied by anything more than God. That just got disturbingly close to home. So, are we all hopeless messes? Yes. And no.

My Abomination Theory

Generally Speaking

We can’t really help ourselves. We rank sins. There are things that, to us, are devastatingly worse in their effect than others. There are other things that deeply challenge our understandings of how things are supposed to be. In either case, when it comes to perceiving Sin (the capital S soul poison kind), we’re thinking way too small. Many of us are familiar with the James 2:10-11 concept: For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles in one point, he has become guilty of all. The big, pink Truth Elephant in the room is that God has a universal Law of Love, and it is binary. Either we love, or we fail to love. “Sometimes love” is a failure. “Most of the time love” is a failure. God’s kind of love must be fully reliable and trustworthy. Unfailing.

We drastically minimize our personal sin, because it is SO familiar, and because we want to believe we are basically good and generally obedient. But, in God’s system, my little lie, my little envy, my little self-protective measure is…devastating. Maybe not to the perception of other people, but according to what God wants for us, it is a turn in the death spiral.

The twenty Abominations I drew attention to are called such because the environmental conditions necessary for these actions to take place stand in utter contrast to God’s created design, in which people experience only wholeness and joy in relationships, wellness in their bodies and minds, and unhindered satisfaction in God.

The difference between struggling with propensity and being cut out of the will is willfulness — what one clings to: God or self. Inspiration or inclination. The Problem is also much bigger than the individual. We are now affected from the genetic level to the systemic. According to my Algebra, Sin is lawlessness (1 John 3:4), and God’s law is Love, therefore, Sin is de-prioritizing love in actions and thoughts (my needs/impulses first), and it is a nature and a body that has mutated away from the template. God hates for us when we can’t experience what he wants to give.

Getting Specific

That some of us squirm in our seats over LGBTQIA topics, based on the above verses, isn’t all that odd. What IS concerning is when we don’t squirm in our seats about “prayer request” gossip, feeling secure because of our investments, hating that person that stole my promotion, yelling impatiently at the kids or spouse, not helping that person because *good reason*, clinging to worry — you get the idea. We need to be in a hot hurry to cling to Jesus.

His perfect love relationship is the only way to experience the deep, lasting sensation –no, reality — that all is OK. Better than OK.

The Wrap-Up

The take-away is this: we need to take all Sin more seriously, primarily our own. We need to hunger for more than “getting by” or “being good.” Thinking bigger, we can see that we are all, together, meant for more than what we’re currently enduring. Where we get to celebrate is that we can now begin to experience what we’re meant to have.

Consider the list of abominations we’re affected by and participate in, and let these words take effect:

“Blessed are those whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the one whose sin the Lord will never count against them.” Romans 4:7‭-‬8 NIV

As you learn to see the beauty of what God gave humanity, and is restoring to us, you finally recognize what you’re hungry for. You hate the hindrances you experience. God, here, offers freedom and restoration. You are blessed. You are covered.

“For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.” Hebrews 10:14 NIV

Be affected by the desolation of your sin. Then, be overwhelmed by your freedom.

This is not about how to simply focus on your own sinful state instead of someone else’s. Nor is it about calling all things good. What I’m trying to convey is the ability to observe and interact from an entirely alternate experience that is unshaken by external reflections of the spiritual war on our planet. I’m referring to Christ-filled hearts that close the gap.

Learn to crave God. Fight for each other to succeed, to belong, to experience the safety to grow, to claim inheritance in God’s kingdom. We need not be distracted by appearances or run from discomfort, but to show people what Jesus looks like up close. We need to trust God to be as powerful in anyone else’s life as he is in our own. Go to them as one snatched from a fire, as one compelled by relief. Be hope to someone.

Recently I attended a surprise birthday celebration for a more-experienced young person. I didn’t know most of the people there, because attendees were from every stage of her life, but I saw a remarkable pattern emerge as the microphone was passed around from table to table. Each story, account, and testimony reflected the persistent truth of her character and personality. Sometimes in the account she was the conscience, sometimes the co-conspirator, but always, always the deep-hearted friend of God. Sometimes she was the friend, the mother, the classmate, the co-worker. But she was unequivocally her.

If you didn’t know her when you sat down at the party, you would feel like you knew her when you left. You would know what to expect of a friendship with her. You would know what would make her smile. You would know how she would respond to need and pain and hardship. In seeing the widespread influence of this humble, gentle soul, you would see how big and strong she really is. Likely, you would realize that you feel endeared to her and that being in her presence would bring out the best in you.

What does a birthday party have to do with the Bible?

I realized that this is exactly what the Bible is. It is a chain of scenarios and accounts of who God is in relationship with us, and is, in Himself, a relationship in the relatable identities of Father, Son, and *Advocate. It is a unified testimony of solid, steady, unmoving Love. Daily use of spiritual disciplines (practices, tools) are important because I need to understand and engage in the relationship my ideal Father wants to have with me. It’s my father-in-law sitting with his surgeon, who is telling him the plans he has to remove his cancer. It’s my son eagerly learning Taekwondo discipline from his sa bum nim. It’s me leaning into my husband for strength and comfort. God has something enriching and life-changing to give and he wants to see us experience the joy of seeking it, experiencing it, and sharing it.

When I read my Bible, I am deepening my love and trust relationship with the Logos, the Word, Order, Reason, and Meaning of all existence, and yet, also the One who made himself small and fragile enough to relate to every joy and ache of my heart. He also surrendered himself so completely as to give his own life to ransom and heal all of Earth from Satan, the thief, the Father of Lies, who has stopped at nothing to steal, kill, and destroy every good and beautiful thing we have. I want to know this God. I am endeared by him and being in his Presence brings out the best in me.

*In John 14:26 the Greek Parakletos translates as, “an intercessor, consoler:—advocate, comforter”