South African Jokes

Last Dictator Standing

2011-12-01T19:31:00.001+02:00

[Fwd: Black Tuesday 2]

2011-11-23T00:40:00.003+02:00

The controversial Protection of Information Bill has been attractinginternational attention, most of it unfavourable, as it heads towardsadoption in Parliament.Newspapers in the US and Britain especially have written about theso-called "secrecy bill", focusing on sharp criticism of it by peoplesuch as Nobel Prize for Literature winner and ANC member NadineGordimer.Britain's Daily Telegraph said

[Fwd: Black Tuesday 1]

2011-11-23T00:40:00.001+02:00

The catch phrases are difficult to ignore: "right to know", "no tocensorship", "freedom of the press", "don't gag the media". Though thecolour black might be quite trendy today and #BlackTuesday will betrending on Twitter, it's important that we look a little deeper and notbe distracted by the fanfare - even as we all dress like waiters,bouncers and Goths.We the media often portray this as our

[Fwd: Julius Malema goes into a gallery]

2011-11-16T00:32:00.001+02:00

Julius Malema goes into a gallery.He looks at the paintings, and then he turns to a lady standing next to him and asks, "Did a white person actually paint all this shit?"The lady turns around and responds, "No sir, that's a mirror".

[Fwd: Winnie in London]

2011-11-14T09:45:00.000+02:00

While visiting the United Kingdom, Winnie Mandela was invited to a cocktail party which was also to be attended by Margaret Thatcher.When Winnie saw the ex-prime minister on the other side of the room she barged past everyone, spilling the drinks of several invited guests on the way.Winnie elbowed her way to Maggie, stood brazenly in front of her and declared, "I hear they call you the Iron Lady!

[Fwd: This is why we don't speak Dutch in SA]

2011-10-19T08:51:00.000+02:00

[Fwd: Certified and declared]

2011-10-08T12:40:00.001+02:00

[Fwd: South African Speed limit...]

2011-10-05T20:51:00.000+02:00

3 Roadside workers1 Pole1 Road signSpeed limit?("Slow, workers" -- or "slow workers"?)

[Fwd: We need proof!]

2011-10-05T20:46:00.001+02:00

Julius Malema walks into an FNB bank and asks to cash a cheque for R2000.Teller: "No problem Sir. Could you please show me your ID."?Malema: "Well, I didn't bring my ID with me as I didn't think therewas any need. After all, I am the President of the ANC Youth League."Teller: "Yes, I know who you are, but with all the regulations, I must insist on seeing ID."Malema: "Just ask anyone here who I am

[Fwd: David Bullard's article on Malema]

2011-10-02T11:21:00.001+02:00

AN EARLY WARNING WAKE UP CALL FOR US ALL!!The antics of Julius Malema may be good for a laugh now, but theyremind me of the early days of Idi Amin.Young JuJu is already allowed to travel in a car with no number plateswith no fear of prosecution.He refuses to give answers to the media as to how he acquired suchwealth in such a short time, and he may even enjoy special status withthe Receiver of

[Fwd: Simple logic]

2011-10-01T10:22:00.001+02:00

Dear Mr Malema and ANCYL members,I would like the opportunity to ask you some simple questions regarding your struggle for economic freedom. At the moment, I am failing to see how your actions are in the long term interests of South Africa.Please enlighten me by addressing the following points:MinesAt the moment, mines contribute roughly 8% to total GDP. I do notunderstand why you are so fixated

[Fwd: Rugby vir beginners...]

2011-09-23T21:35:00.000+02:00

Fwd: Don't forget next Sunday

2011-09-09T17:56:00.001+02:00

WALK NAKED IN SOUTH AFRICA DAY TO MARK THE 9/11 ANNIVERSARYDon't forget to mark your calendars!!As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see anywoman other than his wife naked -- and if he does, he must commitsuicide.So, next Sunday at 1 PM, all South African women are asked to walk outof their house **completely naked** to help weed out anyneighbourhood terrorists.Circling your

[Fwd: Poor strikers]

2011-08-16T08:46:00.000+02:00

Fwd: Laugh a little...

2011-08-13T10:10:00.001+02:00

Julius Malema lost his cheque book. So he goes to the bank.Bank Manager: Be careful, anyone can forge your signature.Malema: I'm not a fool, I have already signed all the cheques!

Fwd: Jag-geleentheid

2011-08-04T18:56:00.001+02:00

'n Vriend van my het onlangs 'n wildsplaas gekoop, en dit in 'njagplaas omskep.Hy sukkel nog om 'n kliëntebasis op te bou en het gevra dat ek homhelp adverteer:Koedoes ± R2000, rooibok ± R400, blesbok ± R500Akkommodasie R280 per nag, drie etes per dag ingesluit.Kontak hom by: jan.jagplaas@yahoo.co.zaP.S. Ek sluit besonderhede van sy twee spoorsnyers / veldgidse in.(R70/dag ekstra)

[Fwd: Baboons]

2011-07-26T22:24:00.000+02:00

A racist comment made on Facebook landed a young HPCSA employee in hotwater when she was arrested and charged with crimen injuria on Mondaymorning.The woman, who cannot be named as she has not appeared in court, wasarrested after she compared strikers to *baboons* and said theyintimidated people with their *grunting noises*. She did not participatein the strike.Warrant Officer Duane Lightfoot, of

[Fwd: BUITE WERKING]

2011-07-23T13:11:00.001+02:00

Lost in translation...

[Fwd: Affirmative Action]

2011-07-03T02:14:00.001+02:00

Consider this:South Africa is the only country in the world where affirmative action is in the favour of the majority who has complete political control.The fact that the political majority requires affirmative action to protect them against a 9% minority group is testament to a complete failure on their part to build their own wealth-producing structures -- so that their only solution is to take

[Fwd: Widow, 80, relives rape by intruder]

2011-06-29T19:07:00.001+02:00

She begged their attackers not to kill her husband while they weretrying to strangle him with her jersey and she was throttled andrepeatedly punched in the face while one of the intruders raped her.This was the testimony of an 80-year-old woman on Monday in the PretoriaHigh Court.The dignified and composed woman pointed out her rapist in court, asbeing accused number one, Vincent Ramatsoma, 34,

[Fwd: Boere Computer Dictionary]

2011-06-28T06:45:00.001+02:00

Monitor - Keeping an eye on the braaiDownload - Get the firewood off the bakkieHard drive - Trip back home without any cold beerKeyboard - Where you hang the bakkie and bike keysWindow - What you shut when it's coldScreen - What you shut in the mosquito seasonByte - What mosquitoes doBit - What mosquitoes didMega Byte - What moerse big mosquitoes at the dam doChip - A bar snackMicro Chip - What's

[Fwd: Seks is soos 'n payslip]

2011-06-21T21:49:00.001+02:00

Seks is soos 'n payslip. Mens praat nie rerig daaroor nie, want dalk kry die ander ou meer as jy!!---------Juffrou gee wiskunde. "Gertjie verstaan jy alles?""Sjoe juffrou, net so kol kol!""Watter kol verstaan jy nie, Gertjie?""Fokol juffrou, fokol!"---------'n Les uit geskiedenis: Rasse intergrasie is soos om kak en roomys te meng. Dit doen niks regtig aan die kak nie, maar dit fok die roomys

[Fwd: Cops fail hijack victims]

2011-05-27T22:35:00.001+02:00

Cops fail hijack victimsMay 27 2011 at 07:45amBy Graeme HoskenAllegedly hijacked by police and driven around for hours before beingfaced with execution, a Pretoria father of three is battling a yearlater to get the SAPS to investigate the attack.After spending thousands of rands, Piet Erasmus, 52, says he has donemore in the past few months in investigating his brush with death thanthe police

Fwd: Why South Africans need a GPS

2011-05-05T19:23:00.001+02:00

Fwd: Only in Africa!

2011-05-01T01:07:00.000+02:00