IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. The Story of My Life
3. Sanitorium: A Novel
4. Vaisnava Compassion
5. Narada-bhakti-sutras
6. Prabhupada Meditations 5
7. Spiritualized Dictionary
8. Before It’s Too Late

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 11)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

The essence of all Vedic knowledge—comprehending the three kinds of Vedic activity (karma-kāṇḍa, jnāna-kāṇḍa, and upāsana-kāṇḍa) the chanting of Vedic hymns, and the processes for satisfying the demigods—is included in the eight syllables Hare Kṛṣṇa, Hare Rāma. This is the reality of all Vedānta.

******

The chanting of the holy name is the only means to cross the ocean of nescience. Chanting the holy name is the chief means of attaining love of Godhead. This chanting of devotional service does not depend on any paraphernalia, nor on one’s having taken birth in a good family.

******

“By humility and meekness, one attracts the attention of Kṛṣṇa. That is the verdict of all the Vedas. Therefore, if one becomes very humble and meek, he can easily attain the lotus feet of Kṛṣṇa in this Age of Kali. That is the fulfillment of all great sacrifices, penances and austerities, because when one achieves ecstatic love of Godhead, he attains the complete perfection of life. Therefore, whatever one does in executing devotional service must be accompanied with the chanting of the holy name of the Lord.” (Nārada Pañcarātra)

******

When we chant, we should enunciate clearly. If we are speaking to some important man, we take it as an important occasion; we don’t mumble to him. “What are you saying?” So similarly, Kṛṣṇa knows what you are saying, what you are thinking. As we are offering the name, the sound vibration, He knows His name, and He has many people glorifying Him already. But He will be pleased if you also glorify Him. So it should be done like that. It’s just another sign of care, concern, that you say the names nicely. You could even be chanting something less than the thirty-two-syllable mantra—leaving out one of the names. Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra is a scientific arrangement, so it has to be chanted in that order. Don’t be neglectful. Don’t leave out His name—Hare or Kṛṣṇa or Rāma.

******

Chanting and hearing in an attitude of service means when we chant Kṛṣṇa’s name we should be desiring to be engaged in His service. The eighth offense to the holy name is to chant as a pious act to get some material benefit. So we are not praying to God for material benefit. That is what is meant by service. Also, the act of chanting and hearing, when done very carefully, is also a service. Surrendering yourself to chanting clearly and hearing with rapt attention is also chanting and hearing in service attitude.

******

The chanting is deceivingly simple—just repeat some names. But the mind is rebelling because if you say these names, then all sense gratification will go away and you will become a devotee of Kṛṣṇa. The mind wants us to be a devotee of our nonsense mind. So although it is deceptively simple, it is hard to actually chant. Therefore, we stress it always. It is a simple process, and if you try it in a simple way it will not be difficult. But if you go on listening to your mind, it will be very difficult.

******

Unfortunately, we have no taste for hearing and glorifying the Lord’s name and activities. Developing a taste for hearing and chanting the holy sound is done through the medium of service to the pure devotee of the Lord. Sampradāya-vihīnā ye mantrās te niṣphalā matāḥ. The mantra has to be chanted in sampradāya, received from the bona fide spiritual master. As Prabhupāda says, “The taste for hearing and chanting the holy name is done through the medium of service to the pure devotee of the Lord. The Lord is reciprocally responding to His devotee. When He sees that a devotee is completely sincere in getting admittance to the transcendental service of the Lord and has become eager to hear about Him, He acts within the heart.

******

Don’t put any imposition on your mind. Just chant and try to hear the holy name. Everything will automatically come. Just drive out other thoughts and hear the holy name.

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From The Story of My Life, Volume 3

pp. 423-27

May 2, 2013
6:15 p.m.

Yasoda looks forward to more “joyous” art from me, free, like I was doing in Ireland. It’s getting warm. I’ll need my electric fans and air conditioning. I can’t write in flowing penmanship. The pen is too tight, and I can’t make it in large writing. I’m sweating as I write this. Baladeva has brought in colored ink and sprits bottles for the art. Just drawing many figures rather than three. Next I do a “surreal” one, prompted by music. Make it good quality. Go beyond yourself into new expressions. I used to start abstract and then make it a form. Now I go direct to form. Try the other. Poems and painting.

Going through Gopala-campu. I’m losing weight. You do a picture of a cow. Your painting in Ireland was free and evolved. Five spontaneous paintings in a day. Now you do two. Yasoda is painting a wooden Jagannatha for Lord Krishna to hold. I move through my day tired. Put color in your drawing. I’m a lucky boy. I have my Guru Maharaja. He guides me on the path. In the reading we are hearing of the lila-avataras. The Lord saved Gajendra and Prahlada. He favored Bali Maharaja. Hearing of the avataras from the Srimad-Bhagavatam and the faithful acaryas. The sun is beating on the front of Saci’s house. Mornings start with japa and a poem, then I dictate it. Indra was forgiven. I’m uncomfortably warm. The socks are too heavy. I look to paint freer. Make a joyous picture. I don’t want to paint seductive women and horny men. Go transcendental. Draw the vision of the soul. Make spiritual art. With sadhus? Yes, but in other ways. Paint the heart, paint the winning trait. Your truth as you struggle with old age. The crippled man doing his best carrying his physical baggage. But his soul is light and carefree. Show that. Be free and happy. Paint your way out of the corner. Free yourself from the chains. It is beautiful to make art. Paint a picture. Your memory can give you total recall of your mistakes and sufferings too. They rioted in India about the government’s poor response to the assaults on women. The government turned their hoses on the protesters.

May 3, 2013

6:30 p.m.

I painted in the basement, three multicolored iconic faces, and random lines and doodles after Miro. It was all right, nothing new or radical. Tomorrow I meet with Radhanatha Maharaja, and give him my latest book. They are printing in India. I am not traveling. Radhanatha Maharaja is a world famous preacher and leader, guru. He has organized massive programs. I won’t paint tomorrow. Symbolism? A tall man in auto. A squat woman. Then my drawing of Hawaiian dancers. Typical. What can you do that’s new? Figures on the page. The next door dog’s ferocious barking. The inane melody from the ice-cream truck. Tulips blossoming. My ankle hurts less but no miracle. Leave the hunchbacked to themselves. Draw a simple man. I just reviewed the illustrations and approved them. Yasoda-dulal dresses in a gamcha as if he were in Mayapura. There’s an electric saw buzzing.

May 4, 2013

Radhanatha Swami came for breakfast and a morning meeting. He scanned through the pages of volume one of the autobiography. I phoned Narayana in Mexico. He suggested I look at my old paintings and make copies of them. I just did a typical drawing. Narayana has finished his book. Now he’ll produce it and start another. He hopes it will be well received. My milk will be up soon. Tomorrow I will paint again. My heart is open to receive Krishna. The king of Jaipur told Radhanatha Swami that ISKCON had never done anything for Jagannatha Puri. Radhanatha Swami wrote sweet words in our guest book. You can write in a bigger hand but not faster. I don’t read Christian books anymore. Going through Gopala-campu. Two boys are narrating the pastimes of Krishna in Narada’s assembly hall in Krishna’s presence. I will never write my journal by talking to myself.

How are you doing?

I’m doing okay, receiving visitors, spending my early morning on japa and writing a poem for the website. I don’t waste my time. Copy some of your old art. I wake at 11:00 p.m. and start japa by 12:15 a.m. Quiet rounds uttered silently in the mind. I pray to please Radha-Govinda. Toward the end I slow down. Entering the Life of Prayer with Christian influences. I’m staying in one place by preaching. Radhanatha Swami is going to Ratha-yatra in Jagannatha Puri this year. The panditas are outraged that we hold Ratha-yatra on different dates in India. Radhanatha Swami argued back that we can’t take you seriously because you don’t let us enter the temple. Upfront seeing the Deities in procession. I rooted for the Brooklyn Dodgers when I was ten years old. Write an e-mail to Satyaraja. Praise Krishna in your journal. He is the dearest friend. He’s selling confidential knowledge, “Because you are very dear to Me.” He wanted us to give up all varieties of religion and just surrender to Him. He will protect us from sinful reactions, do not fear. When I’m repeating these words, what am I thinking of? Krishna is real, lightly covered from my eyes by the dust raised by the calves’ hoofs. I know He’s within the cloud.

May 5, 2013

6:19 p.m.

I used spray bottles on my painting today and thick Sharpie pens. It was good, but I’m still doing simple things and not taking on any new themes or chances. Anytime you can write, you can find your voice. What time will he return from Jersey? I do a simple Srila Prabhupada and a boy and girl holding hands. The graffiti sponge drippings. I’m a man who has written many poems. I will do stanzas for the website. I have found my creative voice. But not for the journal. You make an entry and tell your thoughts. Yasoda helped me in painting. He carved a wooden Jagannatha. He purposely made Him rough and imperfect. He’s a wonderful artist. Ramila changed Radha-Govinda into black and gold. The dogs have stopped barking for now. Heard about Libya in the news. The president doesn’t want to start a costly war. I keep a distance from the news. Even ISKCON news. Baladeva will be here any minute. I will hear from him how the party for Anartha went. I have nothing to say. He read that Krishna is the independent Supreme Personality of Godhead. He killed Putana when He was three months old. She expanded to 12 miles long, but Krishna kept His baby form because He didn’t want to disturb Yasoda’s maternal affection. He killed the cart demon: When He was crawling He uprooted the gigantic yamala-arjuna trees in courtyard of Nanda Maharaja. Anartha’s party was a great success. I’m walking on hallowed ground. Yasoda praised Ramila’s cooking. Old friends in Krishna consciousness gathered in New Jersey. I wanted Baladeva to put my face in here. The Pracetas practiced austerities and Lord Siva taught them a song, to Vishnu. I’m an artist and an author, but I am incoherent. The time is almost up, but I am glad I used it in writing.

From Sanitorium: A Novel

pp. 347-52

A big muscle-bound guy with a T-shirt revealing many tattoos, tight leather pants, and a belt with many metal studs in it walked into our office about 7:00 P.M. We had finished our work for the day and were watching an early Keystone production of a Charlie Chaplin film.
He said, “I’m Junior Barks’ father.” We turned off the video because he was an interruption, and a threatening one too.
“Oh yes,” said Tim the editor, “he’s a nice boy—very, very precocious. He’s been working in our kitchen and we advised him to keep a journal.”
“But how come you don’t print his stuff in the book?”
“Well, we have already printed some of his things. But we thought they were a little basic and repetitious. So we asked him to practice some on his own.”
“I read what he wrote and I think it’s excellent. I’d like you to print whatever he writes right away.”
“Is that an order, a threat?” said Jane our typist. She was the toughest of our bunch.
Mr. Barks backed down a little. “Well, what’s the problem? The rest of the stuff I read in your book is kind of zookie. Like jokes and stuff. And I just caught you guys watching Charlie Chaplin. Why weren’t you having kirtana?”
We let Bhaktin Jane speak up for us. She also had tattoos, and when she stood, she was as tall as Mr. Barks, and she worked out daily in a local gym.
“Now look here, Mr. Barks,” said Jane, “this is a free country, and there’s freedom of the press. If you’re so anxious to have your boy published, you can use some of your money from wherever you get it and print a real nice book of your own, and you can sell it in many ways. You can advertise on the Internet or sell it on the street corners. And we have a right to publish our own book without Junior Barks’ stuff, or his stuff only occasionally. We’re only doing him a favor by telling him how to write better.”
“Hmm.” Mr. Barks’ father seemed to have nothing more to say. “I’ll think about it,” he said, “but I might come back later. You ought to give the kid a chance and not be hogging everything yourself.”
Our staff waited for Jane to speak up. “We’re not hogging. It’s a free country. He can write as much as he likes and publish it. What’s the big deal? There’s not much prestige in getting into our book. We only print 1,000 copies, and hardly anybody buys it. And they don’t buy it because of the very reason Junior Barks doesn’t go over so well in our book. We like to write our way and he likes to write his way.”
“Yeah, I seem to understand now,” said Mr. Barks. “I think my son’s a better writer than you. So why should he try so hard to get into your book? I’ll work with the kid, and we’ll make our own book, better than yours. It’ll be more pleasing to Prabhupada. What’s your name?”
“Bhaktin Jane.”
“And what’s the Sanskrit tattoo around your wrist mean?”
She said, “Whom Krsna wants to kill, no one can protect.” She then raised her voice with emphasis, “Whom Krsna wants to protect, no one can kill.”
Mr. Barks seemed a bit cowed and exited the office, closing the door softly.
“That was great, Bhaktin Jane,” we said in unison.
“Okay, turn on the video again and let’s not worry about Mr. Barks.”
The next day there was a note under the door of the writing office. It was from Junior Barks. It said, “Two days ago I attended a meeting of a visiting acarya. He was speaking amazing realizations about Radha and Krsna, far above anything I ever saw in your books, or even Prabhupada’s books. It was like a new opening of the heavens for me. I decided I’m going to write a commentary on Rupa Gosvami’s Ujjvala-nilamani. I don’t know if you dopes even heard of the book. Compared to what I’m going to write, your stuff will look like Mad magazine. Don’t expect to see me coming around doing menial tasks in your kitchen anymore. I’ve gone on to better things. My dad is satisfied too and says he’ll put up the money. He was interested in your typist Jane, though, and asked if she’d like to go on a motorcycle ride with him. We live at 224 84th Street. My dad’s e-mail is tuff.stuff@knucks. com. I also have a new e-mail, rupa.manjari.barks@radhakunda.com. Goodbye, chumps, all glories to Radharani—Rasika Barks, no longer Junior to you.”
The man I love wears saffron, didn’t like to be called “a man,” he’s a spiritual master.
He changed the consciousness of the world. I’d like to speak about it. How can I leave his murti behind? You’ve got his books in early editions.
Don’t let the memories fade. He sang the tunes and they are all collected. Thousands of statues. People who are devoted to his mission.
He wants you to love Krsna. Not him? He never pointed to himself. Said I may be imperfect but Krsna is perfect.
That way he humbly but lionlike put down the nonbelievers.
It scared you how he cut them off in conversation and Joe said he seemed to lack some savvy as to getting on in this world.
We overlook the mistakes. The hurts he gave us because we were tender. Some soldiers understood it well.

He turned to them, “Get me Tamala.”
But some can be his gentle
heart. And more than before
extend the ways and innovations.
Room for everyone
in that expansive heart that surely
connects you to the One
and His parisads of varied
temperaments.¯

We very much thank Bhaktin Jane for her show of strength. Sorry I had not introduced you to her previously. She was our secret weapon so I kept her under wraps until needed—to confront Mr. Barks. Maybe she’ll be needed again. She’s a good typist, a loyal-to-us devotee (how much needed!) and fills the void of our hearts. She thinks of getting another tattoo, she’s been giving it a lot of thought, where to place it and what it would be, although definitely Krsna conscious. She was thinking of another Gaura-Nitai but then thought that for fighting, a Nrsimhadeva with Hiranyakasipu on his lap might be more effective. Anyway, she’s our Bhaktin Jane and we’re glad she’s on board. Some desert, some warn others to keep away from us, but Jane is solid. She likes this kind of writing.

From Vaisnava Compassion

pp. 88-90

Compassion vs. Justice

IT IS NATURAL WHEN WE DISCUSS COMPASSION to wonder how it measures up with justice. In the example of Draupadi wanting to excuse Asvatthama after her sons had been murdered, although we can praise Draupadi’s compassion, we also wonder whether justice was done. After all, Asvatthama’s crimes were heinous. In his purport to Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.7.42, Srila Prabhupada writes:

Asvatthama was condemned by the Lord Himself, and he was treated by Arjuna lust like a culprit, not like the son of a brahmana or teacher. But when he was brought before Srimati Draupadi, she, although begrieved for the murder of her sons, and although the murderer was present before her, could not withdraw the due respect generally offered to a brahmana or to the son of a brahmana. This is due to her mild nature as a woman. Women as a class are no better than boys, and therefore they have no discriminatory power like that of a man. Asvatthama proved himself to be an unworthy son of a brahmana, and for this reason he was condemned by the greatest authority, Lord Sri Krsna, and yet a mild woman could not withdraw her natural courtesy for a brahmana.

Even to date, in a Hindu family a woman shows proper respect to the brahmana caste, however fallen and heinous a brahma-bandhu may be. But the men have begun to protest against brahma-bandhus who are born in families of good brahmanas but by action are less than sudras.

The specific words used in this sloka are vāma-svabhāva, “mild and gentle by nature.” A good man or woman accepts anything very easily, but a man of average intelligence does not do so. But, anyway, we should not give up our reason and discriminatory power just to be gentle. One must have good discriminatory power to judge a thing on its merit. We should not follow the mild nature of a woman and thereby accept that which is not genuine. Asvatthama may be respected by a good-natured woman, but that does not mean that he is as good as a genuine brahmana.

The issue of compassion vs. justice is rarely settled once and for all. In ISKCON, we have had numerous occasions to debate the value of each. I remember attending one emergency GBC meeting in which we were to discuss the misdeeds of two of the ISKCON gurus. We were still new at dealing with such issues. Some of us wanted to punish the offenders, and some of us preferred to forgive them. I remember one Godbrother quoted this purport in favor of punishment.

I certainly cannot settle this issue in this book. The decision of whether to extend mercy or to deal justice is something that must be judged on a case-by-case basis. But Prabhupada’s point here is that while the compassionate response is usually best, based as it is on a Vaisnava’s gentle behavior, we should not lose our discrimination. In this case, Krsna Himself condemned Asvatthama, and in the end, after Arjuna had shamed him, Krsna chose to punish him further by exiling him from human society.
Discrimination will help us determine when to show mercy and when to punish. As we practice devotional service, we tend to become gentled. We begin to abhor violence and prefer peace. But there are times when violence is proper. Krsna ordered Arjuna to fight on the Battlefield of Kuruksetra. He has also empowered many divine monarchs (naradevas) to control and punish the criminal elements in human society. The Bhagavatam stories are full of such ksatriyas using violence to subdue those who act outside the law.

One somewhat different example of a ksatriya being prepared to use violence to protect the citizens is the story of Maharaja Prthu. Maharaja Prthu was prepared to kill the earth, even after she assumed the form of a cow, in order to feed the hungry citizens. The Bhagavatam refers to his willingness to take extreme measures for the citizens’ sake. The word ksatriya means to protect from hurt.

But even the ksatriya’s use of violence must be regulated and just. Ultimately, it must be based on the compassionate desire to protect the weak. When Uttama was killed, his brother Dhruva went out to avenge him. Although only one Yaksa had killed his brother, in anger, Dhruva decided to exterminate the entire Yaksa race. But “When Svayambhuva Manu saw that his grandson Dhruva Maharaja was killing so many of the Yaksas who were not actually offenders, out of his great compassion he approached Dhruva with great sages to give him good instruction.” (Bhag. 4.11.6) Such wholesale killing is never justified.

Still, a ksatriya should always protect—which may include resorting to violence—the defenseless members of society: women, children, brahmanas, cows, and the elderly. Thus violence according to scriptural principles and used by authorized persons is not condemned. Within those injunctions, the question of compassion vs. justice finds its only resolution.

From Narada-bhakti-sutras

pp. 23-26

SUTRA 5

A person engaged in such pure devotional service neither desires anything for sense gratification, nor laments for any loss, nor hates anything, nor enjoys anything on his personal account, nor becomes very enthusiastic in material activity.

PURPORT

According to Srila Rupa Gosvami, there are six impediments to the discharge of devotional service, and also six activities favorable to progress in devotional service.

The first impediment is atyahara, overeating or accumulating more wealth than we need. When we give free rein to the senses in an effort to enjoy to the highest degree, we become degraded. A devotee should therefore eat only enough to maintain his body and soul together; he should not allow his tongue unrestricted license to eat anything and everything it likes. The Bhagavad-gita and the great acaryas, or spiritual masters, have prescribed certain foods for human beings, and one who eats these foods eats in the mode of goodness. These foods include grains, fruits, vegetables, milk products, and sugar—and nothing more. A devotee does not eat: extravagantly; he simply eats what he offers to the Supreme Lord, Krsna. He is interested in krsna-prasadam (food offered to the Lord) and not in satisfying his tongue. Therefore he does not desire anything extraordinary to eat.

The first impediment is atyāhāra, overeating or accumulating more wealth than we need. When we give free rein to the senses in an effort to enjoy to the highest degree, we become degraded. A devotee should therefore eat only enough to maintain his body and soul together; he should not allow his tongue unrestricted license to eat anything and everything it likes. The Bhagavad-gītā and the great ācāryas, or spiritual masters, have prescribed certain foods for human beings, and one who eats these foods eats in the mode of goodness. These foods include grains, fruits, vegetables, milk products, and sugar—and nothing more. A devotee does not eat extravagantly; he simply eats what he offers to the Supreme Lord, Kṛṣṇa. He is interested in kṛṣṇa-prasādam (food offered to the Lord) and not in satisfying his tongue. Therefore he does not desire anything extraordinary to eat.

Similarly, a devotee does not wish to accumulate a large bank balance: he simply earns as much as he requires. This is called yāvad-artha or yuktāhāra. In the material world everyone is very active in earning more and more money and in increasing eating and sleeping and gratifying the senses; such is the mission of most people’s lives. But these activities should be absent from the life of a devotee.
The next impediment Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī mentions is prayāsa, endeavoring very hard for material things. A devotee should not be very enthusiastic about attaining any material goal. He should not be like persons who engage in fruitive activities, who work very hard day and night to attain material rewards. All such persons have some ambition—to become a very big businessman, to become a great industrialist, to become a great poet or philosopher. But they do not know that even if their ambition is fulfilled, the result is temporary. As soon as the body is finished, all material achievements are also finished. No one takes with him anything he has achieved materially in this world. The only thing he can carry with him is his asset of devotional service; that alone is never vanquished.

The next impediment to devotional service is prajalpa, talking of mundane subject matter. Many people unnecessarily talk of the daily happenings in the newspapers and pass the time without any profit. A devotee, however, does not indulge in unnecessary talks of politics or economics. Nor is a devotee very strict in following ritualistic rules and regulations mentioned in the Vedas. Becoming enamored of these rituals is the next impediment, called niyamāgraha. Because a devotee fully engages in the supreme service of the Lord, he automatically fulfills all other obligations and doesn’t have to execute all the details of Vedic rituals. As the Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (11.5.41) says,

devarṣi-bhūtāpta-nṛṇāṁ pitṝṇāṁ
na kiṅkaro nāyam ṛṇī ca rājan
sarvātmanā yaḥ śaraṇaṁ śaraṇyaṁ
gato mukundaṁ parihṛtya kartam

Every human being born in this world is immediately indebted to the demigods, the great sages, ordinary living entities, the family, society, and so on. But a person who surrenders unto the lotus feet of the Lord and engages fully in His service is no longer indebted to anyone. In other words, he has no obligations to fulfill except executing devotional service.

Finally, a devotee should not be greedy (laulyam), nor should he mix with ordinary materialistic men (jana-saṅga).

These are six negatives, or “do-nots,” for the devotee; therefore one who wants to attain the perfectional stage of love of Godhead refrains from these things.

Similarly, there are six positive items for advancing in devotional service. First, while one should not be enthusiastic to attain material achievements, one should be very enthusiastic to attain the perfectional stage of devotional service. This enthusiasm is called utsāha. A living entity cannot stop acting. So when he is forbidden to become enthusiastic about material achievements, he should at once be encouraged to be enthusiastic about spiritual achievements. Enthusiasm is a symptom of the living entity; it cannot be stopped. It is just like a powerful engine: if you utilize it properly, it will give immense production. Therefore enthusiasm should be purified. Instead of employing enthusiasm for attaining material goals, one should be enthusiastic about achieving the perfectional stage of devotional service. Indeed, enthusing His devotees in devotional service is the purpose for which Kṛṣṇa descends to this material world.

The next item favorable for devotional service is niścaya, confidence. When one becomes disappointed in his service to the Supreme Lord, that disappointment must be rejected and replaced with confidence in attaining the ultimate goal, love of Godhead. The devotee should patiently follow the rules and regulations of devotional service so that the day will come when he will achieve, all of a sudden, all the perfection of devotional service. He should not lament for any loss or any reverse in his advancement in spiritual life. This patience (dhairya) is the third positive item for advancing in devotional service.

Furthermore, a pure devotee is not envious, hateful, or lazy in the discharge of devotional service. Confident of his advancement, he continually performs his prescribed devotional duties. This is called tat-tat-karma-pravartana.

The last two items are saṅga-tyāga, giving up the association of nondevotees, and sato-vṛtti, following in the footsteps of the previous ācāryas. These practices greatly help the devotee remain fixed on the path of devotional service and avoid the tendency to enjoy temporary, material things. Thus the activities of a devotee remain always pure and without any contamination of the material world.

From Prabhupada Meditations, Volume 5

pp. 37-41

“If you did not mount your victorious jeweled chariot, whose mere presence threatens culprits, if you did not produce fierce sounds by the twanging of your bow… then all the moral laws… would be broken by the rogues and rascals” (Bhag. 3.21.52, 54).

I remember editing this around 1968. I was always satisfied to do that for Prabhupada, to type and edit. I took on tasks even though we weren’t professionally trained. That’s the way we did things in ISKCON. Srila Prabhupada encouraged us to learn on the job.

Learn to paint by painting. Learn to manage by managing. The main thing was to persist and not leave, even when teenage thugs broke our windows in Allston and challenged us to come out and fight. We persisted in fear, in anxiety, under threat, but we persisted.

We saw it as our duty to Prabhupada.

I am grateful for my youth spent so fully and actively in carrying out Prabhupada’s order. Were my activities external? You could say so. I worked hard, but did not rid myself of important anarthas. I didn’t know much. But we knew of Krsna consciousness, we asserted, we preached, we stuck to it no matter what the nondevotees said or thought. A youth well spent.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada! He was so close to us in those days through his letters, room conversations, and travels, and we loved and worshipped him. It doesn’t seem so simple now that he is gone, but I am still persisting and trying to go deeper. I am spending my middle age well and look forward to an old age full of promise.

These are Srila Prabhupada’s gifts.

Calling out to Srila Prabhupada #1

O Prabhupada, you inspire me to speak your glories. Please make
my heart big like yours so I can be fit to serve you. O Prabhupada,
you have quoted so many Vedic sastras, but I’m slow to learn them.
Please give me the strength to become a student you’ll be proud of,
a preacher who is willing to disturb the nondevotee mentality and
to make Krsna conscious waves in this unhappy world.

O Prabhupada, when you were born, you received many names
like Nandulal, Kacauri-mukhi, and Moti. Your father named you
Abhaya and your spiritual master added Caranaravinda. Now we
know you as Srila Prabhupada because you exactly followed the order
of your spiritual master. Not only did you follow, but you took
his instructions to heart and considered them nondifferent from
your life breath.

O Prabhupada, just thinking about you makes my mind fresh and strong and eager to search for ways to praise you more.

O Srila Prabhupada, you want substantial work from us, but you
were kind enough to recognize a few lectures at a college as “substantial work.” You were pleased with the photographs we sent,
showing you the simple decorations in a room we called a temple.
You wrote back and told us, “It gives me a nice idea.”

O Srila Prabhupada,
when you had only a few temples in America, you knew
everything about your devotees’ lives and service, and you were involved in so many of their personal details. As the movement grew,
this kind of rapport seemed to diminish, but I see that it has been
replaced by something enduring and affectionate: service to your
vani. There is so much more we can discover in our relationship
with you if we are just patient and sincere. Please bless us, Prabhupada, because we have no good qualities except what we receive
while serving you.

O Prabhupada, the winter is not far away. Soon devotees will
be stoking the fires of the annual Prabhupada book distribution
marathon. They are dear to you who go out and face the harsh cold
of passersby, offering them your books, even in the face of scorn
and rebuke. Who is willing to receive so many insults except those
proving themselves real Prabhupada followers? I bow at their feet
and thank them for the good example of courageous discipleship.

O Prabhupada, it is a great privilege to be able to see you and
hear from you. I never want to take this for granted or think that
there is something better to do than to gain your darsana, which is
available in so many ways.

O Prabhupada, in your commentaries on the prayers of Queen
Kunti you elaborate on her mood of wonder at the Supreme
Lord’s glories. You tell us that actually Mother Yasoda is the more
advanced devotee because she has forgotten Krsna’s opulence. Yet
you want us to be fully aware of Krsna’s inconceivable glories. He
is invisible to the nondevotee mental speculator. He can only be
known in the submissive heart of a devotee engaged in His service.

O Srila Prabhupada, you are most expert in presenting Krsna to
us in all the rasas and in teaching us to honor all pure devotees of
the Lord.

O Srila Prabhupada, one of your sannyasi disciples has written a
song about you in American English. He cries out, “Srila Prabhupada,
you’ve gone and left me all alone.” He sings that you are his
only hope and there’s no reason to go on unless we can serve you
in separation. “Lost and found by your grace/ without you I’ve got
no place/ at the Lord’s lotus feet.”

Dear Srila Prabhupada, you have many disciples who are calling
out to you and I am only one of them. What is it that we want? We
want different things, but all of us want to see you and serve you
to our heart’s content. We want clear reciprocation with you, just
like a man wants to see the dawn after the dark night is filled with
thieves and demons. We want to see our lord, at least in our hearts.
We want to feel that you know who we are and where we are, we
want your caresses, but if you must reprimand us for our own good,
then we want to take that medicine. Yes, we want to take it. We
are not sentimentalists. We want to sing your glories as we march
in the ranks of your sankirtana movement.

O Srila Prabhupada, please make my words come true. Let me
not waiver in my determination to call out to you now and at the
hour of my death. Please let me hold on to you and go to you in my
next life as I deserve or as you assign me according to the wishes of
your Lord Krsna.

All glories to Srila Prabhupada, and all glories to his devotees!

From Spiritualized Dictionary

pp. 74-77

lauhala (n.)

Hawaiian—reminds me of the lilt of Hawaiian words, frangipani blossoms, ocean breezes, a tropical paradise, pineapples and coconuts. “Lauhala” is a Hawaiian screw pine, from which the dried leaves known as “pandanus” are used as material for weaving textiles. “Lau” means leaf, “hala” means “pandanus.”

“Anything Hawaiian makes me think of ISKCON Hawaii and its checkered history. There seemed to be a kind of decadence there where people were interested in chanting Hare Krsna and wearing neck beads but wanted to mix the chanting with sensual living. Not only did they not want to follow the four regulative principles, they also didn’t want to be institutionalized or wear the garb of the devotees, and so on. Their different leaders in the early years encouraged those attitudes and Hawaii became a paradise of fringe.

I spent time in Hawaii with Prabhupada. We stayed in a hotel. I remember coming down from our room in the elevator. Hawaiian music was playing—guitar and a lilting male voice. Bali-mardana explained to Prabhupada that Hawaiians were well known for their singers. I don’t remember what Prabhupada said about that, but he showed interest in the fruits that were available, especially pineapples. Then we walked on the beach and in the park by the beach. Prabhupada wasn’t impressed by Waikiki Beach. He called it dirty and said he preferred Juhu Beach. He particularly criticized the American policy to take the coconuts off the coconut trees so that they wouldn’t fall and hit people on the head as they were walking. Prabhupada said it was an absurd theory, that nature knew how to conduct its own affairs. No one in India would even dream of cutting the coconuts down for that reason and there were no occurrences of people being injured by falling coconuts. He said that the coconut trees looked barren and ugly.

Hawaii presents one idea of paradise. Goloka Vrndavana is more forest and river than ocean and beach, although both places have warm, pleasant breezes. In the spiritual world, particles of water float in the air from the Yamuna, and the flowers are more beautiful than anything we can find in the material world. The material concept of paradise is that life should be easy—that is the spiritual idea also—but in the material paradise, we try to enjoy with ourselves as the center, and in the spiritual world, Krsna is in the center. Therefore, people who try to serve in “paradise”might sometimes get sidetracked and forget who the real enjoyer is.

There’s no point in a devotee looking for a paradise in this world.…There is ease in the spiritual world, but there is no material sense gratification to hinder our enjoyment, which is really based on service to Krsna. Prabhupada said because we have to work so hard to stop our attachment to sense gratification, “an easy-going life and Krsna consciousness go ill together.” If we want to make progress in spiritual life, we have to practice renunciation (vairagya), we have to gain knowledge (vidya), and we have to concentrate on bhakti-yoga, not karma.

The funny thing about material paradises is that people actually work very hard to enjoy. When we were in Hawaii accompanying Prabhupada on his morning walk, although it was still dark, the traffic was already horrendous. Everyone was already going to work. Prabhupada pointed out the ridiculousness of the illusion of physical ease.

A devotee works hard and doesn’t worry whether his surroundings are heaven or hell. He depends on Krsna, lives simply, and tries not to join the passionate stream of cars going to work at four in the morning. Still, he doesn’t take it easy. He works hard for Krsna whether in Hawaii or Montreal or Boston or any place. By Krsna conscious work, his material anxieties become eased and he is gradually freed from the influence of the modes of nature. Christ said, “Come to me. My way is easy. I will give you comfort.” Krsna said, “Surrender unto Me and I will protect you. Do not fear.” That’s all that’s required.

laureate (n.)

“Crowned with a laurel. 1 a. of an excellence especially in poetry worthy of the laurel wreath. b. of or relating to a prizewinner [laureate pension; Nobel laureate].” The archaic meaning is, “2. of, relating to, or resembling laurel [to grace by youthful brow the laurel wreath . . . she brings]. 3. crowned or decked with laurel [the laurel head of Caesar] [strew the laurel hearse].”

Laureate also means a recipient of an honor or award for outstanding achievement in an art or science. Nobel laureate in Physics. Poet laureate.

A poet who is honored. I remember John Milton saying, “What boots it?” in his old English, meaning, “Why does a poet labor at this lonely trade?” which he somehow compared to a shepherd’s life. “Fame is the spur,” he said. He didn’t mean fame amid the common man, but especially the appreciation of a few worthy readers who matter.

That’s in tune with “laureate,” but it seems that a Krsna conscious laureate would be different. We don’t become laureates by winning the Nobel Prize or achieving similar worldly honors. Of course, a Krsna conscious person would love to receive one of those prizes for praising Krsna because it would bring so much recognition to Prabhupada, Lord Caitanya, and the whole process of bhakti-yoga. Otherwise, we are not so interested in becoming laureates. The whole system of giving these prizes seems to emphasize competition and winning. Poetry is supposed to be so sublime and rendered with such integrity that one doesn’t think of prizes. Therefore, why award prizes that encourage competitiveness when striving for excellence?

It’s not that a devotee strives for excellence without desiring a prize, however. Although in ISKCON we may give some recognition, a devotee works hard at his service to be recognized by guru and Krsna. Sometimes that recognition is silent, something felt in the heart or manifest in a devotee’s making advancement. Sometimes it is more obvious as others come forward and give their appreciation or ask that particular devotee to guide them in spiritual life.

A devotee recognizes that everything comes from Krsna. Therefore, he makes no false claims on his own talents or successes. Krsna is the ultimate winner of everything, but He gives His prize to the devotee.

From Before It’s Too Late

pp. 39-43

October 25
4:30 A.M.

I just heard that I may have to go to Bombay around November 15. I am just writing until the next interruption.

Usually at this time, I am standing with my brothers in front of the altar of Radha-Syamasundara, but today I am staying back to write. Mostly I am skimming the surface of my consciousness, but I am aware there is a deeper life. I have a simple abiding faith that I am being purified as when I stand before the arca-vigraha and sing the Hare Krsna mantra.

(Now let me move into the area of true free-writing. I have to float out there and swim.)

Vrndavana is not a make-believe land where any neophyte can come and see it as it is described in KRSNA book—full of fragrant flowers and Krsna’s footprints in the soft sands. We have to go out and look at mundane India in Vrndavana. We will see and hear things we have never read about in KRSNA book. The road in front of the temple always has a large puddle from a drain overflowing from the shops. It is dirty, unkempt.

******

I want to go within. All I am hearing is asrama bells and the first sparrows of the morning. Write desperately. Give it all you can.

Thomas a Kempis wrote that a monk should stay in his cell and his cell will teach him everything.
When I am not actually writing, then I have to affirm that I am a responsible, sociable devotee. But now there’s no need to prove anything.

******

I am not on pada-yatra; I am not going to Mathura; I am not even walking across the field to Krishna-Balaram Mandir. I am here on a stiff chair with a sore right arm from writing, “Krsna Krsna.”

Why don’t you go out more and search for Krsna in temples and at the sites of His lila? The places are so covered over that I get embarrassed. It’s rough facing beggars and priests in reconstructed temples and thinking, “This is where Krsna and Radha danced five thousand years ago.”
Inner going is also tough. We have to go past the rubble of sense desires and doubts, old illusions and emptiness. Where am I trying to get to?

******

Someone is playing a flute (not Krsna)—a primitive, funky tune. I am sitting under a tree in a field where a few weeks ago, pilgrims had a city of tents. Madhu and I are on our way to Raman-Reti. I am not in the best mood. It is better to start out early in the morning. My head is already filled with letter exchanges and I have to give a lecture in the after-noon and another tomorrow morning.

Bicycle bell. Water buffalo grunting, headed my way. I am on the edge of the parikrama trail. Some people use this trail as a thoroughfare, but there are others too, in the exuberant mood of parikrama: “Jaya Radhe!” I am somewhere between these moods.

The air is still nice, not too hot yet. The un-melodic flute goes on.

I would like to stay in Vrndavana … ISKCON devotees are starting to go back to Sweden and England and wherever else they are from. Some are writing me a last note: “I leave with mixed feelings,” or, “I’m full of inspiration and hope that I can keep a little of it, like in a bottle I can sip from when I’m out on book distribution in London.”

******

Raman-Reti—under the full shade of a tree. Nearby, there is a black cow with one white patch on her side. She lifts her hooves to shake off the flies. Lots of turds in this field from cows and others. The cows are frisky, fighting each other by butting their heads. One black calf approached me and I patted her, but now she is interfering with my writing. A white, female dog wags her tail. The cows and calves surround me. Madhu is keeping them from getting too cozy. One brown and white speckled cow is picking fights with other cows and even with the dog.

******

Raman-Reti is right out of Krsna book. Parrots screech and fly from one tree to the next. But now it is a desert despite the rains. Still, I can imagine Kw na coming here and leaving the cows to pasture while He and His friends have a game of kitch-kitch in the field.

******

A well dressed lady stops at the sacred well and pays her respects. Indian men and women sitting near the Krishna-Balaram tree draw designs in the sand. A firecracker explodes and peacocks cry out in protest. Parikramers with beadbags walk the trail.

I’m like a calf, ready to jump at any loud sound. I look up at a passing tractor and strain my ears to catch the sound of a bicycle bell. Mourning doves, parrots—I can’t think much or sort it out, but I want to collect as much as I can before it’s over.

I started out with shoes, but then I took them off and felt smaller and electrically connected to the earth. Shoes give you material confidence; parikramers don’t wear shoes.

******

The sky is mostly filled with white clouds, al-though patches of blue show through. There is a pleasing, late-October breeze. This month has raced by. Tomorrow is Govardhana-puja.

My dear Lord Krsna, what shall I say to the devotees who come to hear from me? May I gather thoughts for that purpose as I sit in Raman-Reti?

– Newsletter join link –

<< Free Write Journal #400

Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

Read more »

The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

Read more »

Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

Read more »

Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

Read more »

Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

Read more »

Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

Read more »

The post Free Write Journal #401 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 10)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

I remember when Śrīla Prabhupāda came to the humble little temple we had in Boston. We had advertised all over town, painted and cleaned the building, and made so many different arrangements for the arrival of Kṛṣṇa’s pure devotee. We worked and worked and worked, and in the process, our hearts were cleansed. And when he actually came, Prabhupāda was praising the glories of the holy name, how Kṛṣṇa appears in the holy name in this fallen age.

******

Kṛṣṇa’s pure devotee was telling us, “What if Kṛṣṇa Himself were to come—and Kṛṣṇa can come through that door just like we can—how would you receive Him?” So, what if you heard this? What could you do? You wouldn’t know how to prepare. Certainly, you would try to make the most gorgeous reception, the greatest welcome; the Supreme Personality of Godhead Himself is coming. There is no limit of things you would do or the extent to which you would go to make a wonderful reception for Kṛṣṇa. The point is that Kṛṣṇa does come in the form of His holy name and because he is very kind, He doesn’t even require a reception. You can just chant Hare Kṛṣṇa.

******

Kṛṣṇa wants to make it easy in this age—there are no hard and fast rules for chanting. Śrutadeva was very poor, but certainly he did everything he could to receive the Lord. We are poor in heart, but because we are lazy and envious, we don’t even invite the Supreme Personality of Godhead—but He comes anyway. His pure devotee carries the holy name—“Please, you are suffering from material disease, and this is the best medicine. Except for he who is carrying the medicine, what friend do you have in this material world? Please take the medicine—hari-nāma mahā-mantra, and be happy.” So He comes to your door.

******

You don’t even want to receive the holy name, but He induces you to accept Him. “I am so unfortunate that I have no attraction for the holy name.” I am supposed to be a devotee, but when I hear that the Supreme Personality of Godhead is coming—I remain rascal number one. By my inattentiveness the reception is ruined.

******

Kṛṣṇa is coming and you remain inattentive; therefore, it is called nāma-aparādha. If you make an offense in cooking or Deity worship, what do you do? You chant Hare Kṛṣṇa. But if you make offenses to the holy name, then what do you do? There is nothing! There is no other way, no other way, no other way! This is the last mercy, and if you don’t take this mercy then there is no other mercy. A Vaiṣṇava poet says, “What is the value of my living?” Better if I were dead!

******

We should learn how to make our hearts pure and avoid the offenses in chanting, so Kṛṣṇa can come home. The spiritual master is representing Lord Caitanya in delivering this holy name to us and by accepting his guidance, we can chant Hare Kṛṣṇa and go back to Godhead.

******

Your japa is a barometer of your spiritual life. Your changes of consciousness will show up there. So, when your japa is strong, then you are strong. That is why I place emphasis on chanting. It is such a source of strength.

******

There are so many dangers in this material world that one may fall down from an exalted position at any time. Yet, if one keeps himself always pure and steady by chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra, he will be safe without a doubt.

—Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 6.1.63, purport

******

Too much mental anxiety indicates poor quality japa. Inattentive japa is a symptom of spiritual illness; certainly, it causes it. You must improve the quality of your japa. If you improve your chanting, all other anxieties will clear up, and immediately you’ll see in the proper perspective.

******

If, after chanting your rounds, you realize there was no furor, no urgency, no struggle, then that is a bad sign. A lot can be accomplished simply by approaching japa sincerely. Keep a daily progress report. Work daily on your japa and you will see a difference. Japa is especially weakened by material desires. Avoid the ten offenses. The best way to remember you are not your body but the soul, the servant of Kṛṣṇa, is to follow the orders of the guru.

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From With Srila Prabhupada in the Early Years: My Letters from Srila Prabhupada

pp. 271-74

July 2, 1968

My dear Satsvarupa,

Please accept my blessings and offer the same to Jadurany and others. Jadurany may be informed that I have received her letter and shall reply to her very soon.

In the meantime, in my last letter I requested you to see the District Director Mr. J. H. Hamilton of the Boston office U.S. Immigration (223–2361). You know that I have sent him one letter of June 11, 1968 per Reg’d Post No. 00619. It cannot be that he has not received my above letter, but why has he not replied to my letter? Please inquire.

Please try to convince him that my presence in the U.S.A. is essential because I have got to supervise at least eight branches in the U.S.A. I am a qualified religious minister. I have got sufficient money to maintain myself without being a public charge, and my health is fit, as it has already been examined by the public health department. Under the circumstance, I am feeling that by denying my application on some technical grounds—on which I was not at all responsible—injustice has been done to me. Simply request the District Director to give me the right direction for the next step so that I may take the right action. Please, therefore, see him and take a written reply to my letter dated 11 June 1968. I am very much surprised that letters are not properly replied to in such an important office. Please, therefore, inquire in the matter, and let me know why the letter is not replied to, which is so important in this case.

Hope you will do the needful and let me know the result immediately. Hope everything is well there.

Your ever well-wisher,
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

In response to Śrīla Prabhupāda’s direct order in this letter, I went to a government building in downtown Boston to see the District Director of U.S. Immigration. I was able to get an appointment with the Assistant Director Mr. Patrick Coomey in his private office, where he sat behind a big desk, a U.S. flag behind him. He had Śrīla Prabhupāda’s file before him and told me that they were not denying Prabhupāda’s residency on the basis of his not being qualified as a religious minister; rather, it was a technical matter. He told me he would be replying to Prabhupāda’s letter within a day or two. He assured me there was no legal case against Śrīla Prabhupāda, but we had to go through some procedures.

I remember thinking that he was a rather highly-placed official. I expressed my concern about the case to him, and I felt that there was nothing more I could do.

Śrīla Prabhupāda, however, had expressed in a letter to Brahmānanda that he felt there was some prejudice against him.

I understand that the government of the U.S.A. is disgusted with so-called swamis because they have exploited the people in so many ways. That is a fact. And if I would have been in the government, I would have also considered like that. So they have not a very good opinion about these rascal swamis. Under the circumstances, it will be difficult to get me admitted as a swami, although I am not a swami of the rascal group. But we have to prove it by action that this swami is not like those swamis. This remark was made by Mr. Allen Burke of the television company: He introduced me to the public as “Here is a real swami,” and he showed me all respectful compliments. Anyway, I am not after respectful compliments by the public. But I am concerned about my disciples. I want to see them quite able to preach this sublime doctrine of Krishna Consciousness, and therefore I wish to stay. Otherwise, I am not attracted for any place, either hell or heaven.

I had executed a simple errand, yet representing Prabhupāda that day I felt close to him. I reported my results to Prabhupāda my mail.

In his letter, Prabhupāda reasonably states his case, as he was always able to do in legal disputes or in cases of civil disagreements. Prabhupāda’s behavior was faultless, and when he appeared to become entangled in bureaucracies or legalities, or when he was unfairly treated like a common man by the worldly powers of Kali-yuga he could always reasonably and convincingly explain his case.

Once while Prabhupāda was away from New York, he had some of his disciples live in his apartment at 26 Second Avenue. A legal dispute for possession of the apartment began between the devotees and the members of an opposing party, who felt confident they could get a judge to remove us. Śrīla Prabhupāda, although not present when the case was heard, wrote a letter explaining his behavior, and it was read aloud in court to the judge. When the judge heard Śrīla Prabhupāda’s letter, he said, “That sounds reasonable to me,” and dismissed the case in Prabhupāda’s favor.

Similarly, Prabhupāda covered the points in his immigration case and clearly showed that there was no reason the immigration department should not consider him a qualified religious minister.

Also in this letter, Śrīla Prabhupāda firmly criticizes the U.S. immigration office, which was not answering his correspondence or dealing with his case efficiently, although he had said it was important to him. Prabhupāda had presented his case expertly. I had only to deliver the message to the immigration officials, thus showing them that Prabhupāda was represented by somewhat upstanding young American citizens, who indeed needed Prabhupāda present to supervise them. Little did they know how essential his presence was; they did not know the depth of Prabhupāda’s influence against the forces of māyā and the benefit he could give America if they allowed him to stay in their country.

Prabhupāda later told us how he had been denied residency in the United States, even after having spent so much money; yet he got it easily and inexpensively through the U.S. Consulate in Canada. In Canada he met with a black man, a U.S. official, and showed him the published copy of the Teachings of Lord Caitanya, which impressed him. The man must have been pious, because he made a point of passing Prabhupāda’s case.

If Prabhupāda’s work with American youth had been written down and fairly presented, it would have certainly been an impressive case for residency. He was doing meritorious work in a way that should have been appreciated by those concerned with good citizenship and character-building. That Prabhupāda had not received significant recognition by any official representative of the United States government was a testimony to its bankruptcy in values of goodness. Someone like me, a petty civil service worker, had to approach the U.S. government and inquire why they would not even answer Prabhupāda’s letters against their attempts to deny him American residency.

From Travel Diaries: Europe 1994, Volume 1

pp. 140-45

June 7, 1:20 A.M., Reading

This is the soul that stresses the oneness between the self and the atma. I (conditioned state) see God as a different person than me. He’s infinite, the enjoyer of the spiritual world, His home is different than mine. Body is different, etc. I see all differences.
But here He’s saying, see the oneness. See you and I as one.

” . . .We are both spiritual. . . .Those who are spiritually advanced scholars, who are in knowledge, do not find any qualitative difference between you and Me” (Bhag. 4.28.62).

Understand your position. (And while reading, don’t just cram, but keep the context and the theme that Srila Prabhupada is developing in a purport. Reading doesn’t mean just handling hunks of philosophy, but feeling them and understanding your position.) When you know I am a spiritual, eternal servant and the Supreme Lord is my best friend and well-wisher and He’s the Supreme, then our life will change. Then . . . we’ll be attracted more to Srimad-Bhagavatam. See Lord Krsna everywhere.
Then you’ll be able to write better, to your heart’s desire.
“When one gives up his unwanted superior attitude of superiority, he becomes situated in his original position.”

There’s a huge difference between a demon and devotee, between one who is disobedient to the Supreme and one who knows and accepts his eternal position. Liberation is to pursue the instruction of the Supersoul. He won’t give us instruction unless we are a little submissive.
He allows us our free-will.

(I’m here repeating the Krsna conscious philosophy in my own words. It’s not my invention. Someone may read what I’ve said here and ask, “But does this person realize all this as fact, or is he just a student writing down what the old sastras say?” If they ask, tell them I was writing down what Srimad-Bhagavatam says, putting what Krsna says on the printed page into my handwritten one. But in the act of transference, I do accept it; I value it, I believe in it. However, it is not my own invention. It is something more valuable than what I perceived, picked up, or felt in my gut. Why deny it? The value of the Vedas is better than my own manufacture. Yet I live it. If you want living testimony, see this dying man writing down a scriptural passage and desiring to know it in his bones. He wants to see the swan of the Supersoul and himself as a follower swan.)

Stand up for it.

Write something before it gets too hot.
Radio show tape #21 is done.
Krsna is the Lord of all, got to hear
it patiently in Bhagavad-gita.
I’m on my own time and I hope I’m spending it
without waste. I know every moment is
counted as karma. If you enjoy in
a temporary way, later you’ll suffer.
If you neglect your duties, you’ll get
neglected when it’s time to take next
life and when you can’t pay the price of
laulyam for chanting.
You ask as if it’s a puzzle, “How come
I can’t pay attention to His all-attractive
names?” The answer is you waste
your precious time. Yes, you who
think you’re so conscientious.
Get back to Srimad-Bhagavatam. Read it
slow and
carefully and beg for a little toehold
of attention and respect. Don’t find
fault with a perfect master.

I was just reading about working and so I
say I’m working. Or you read about war
and say I’m a soldier or you read a
poetry-minded
Russian poet and say I’m a poet too.
And you defend your use of time.
Who are you anyway?
I’m a writer of stories and sessions,
I lecture Srimad-Bhagavatam classes,
serve my master and disciples too,
show up like a surfacing mole
an above-the-water submarine—
show up with new false teeth
and a story about where I’ve been,
keep choosing words that have to stay
private. But it’s justified I guess, I guess.

Go indoors now with this poem—
you may call it “an excuse for a poem” just
to the satisfy the public. But actually you
like it.
It’s like your breakfast and lunch cooked
by your friends and offered to Prabhupada.
I like it because it says sannyasa, Krsna,
I believe, Vedas are my home,
and I stand by it
trembling
because it’s only a crumb, a prelude to katha.

This is turning into a productive stop in this cottage in between preaching tours. I feel physically tired and emotionally strained from the stays at Medolago and Matsya Avatara’s. Strain of travel also. Headaches were coming almost every day. Often you subdue them but they keep coming like a fire that never goes out. So this is a rest from that. Where I’m in one place with my own schedule and no social and lecturing demand, I usually don’t get headaches.

I’ve started up several readings in Srila Prabhupada’s books, writings, poems, radio show, proofreading a manuscript. But tomorrow starts medical appointments. They will make it less my own time, but still I’ll sneak in some sessions.

I asked a friend in New York City to find me a book called Mountain Tasting about a twentieth century wandering monk, Santoka Taneda. The book I want is out of print. But hearing of my inclination toward wandering monks, he sent me a new translation by Sam Hamill of Basho’s Narrow Road to the Interior. It begins like this:

The moon and the sun are eternal travelers. Even the years wander on. A lifetime adrift in a boat, or in old age leading a tired horse into the years every day is a journey, and the journey itself is home. From the earliest times, there have always been some who perished along the road. Still, I have always been drawn by wind-blown clouds into dreams of a lifetime of wandering. Coming home from a year’s walking tour of the coast last autumn, I swept the cobwebs from my hut on the banks of the Sumida just in time for a new year, but by the time spring mists began to rise from the fields, I longed to cross the Shirakawa barrier into the Northern Interior. Drawn by the wanderer-spirit Dosogin, I couldn’t concentrate on things. Mending my cotton pants, sewing a new strap on my bamboo hat, I daydreamed. Rubbing Moxa into my legs to strengthen them, I dreamed the bright moon rising over Matsushima. So I placed my house in another’s hands and moved to my patron Mr. Sampu’s summer house in preparation for my journey. And I left a verse by my door.

From The Writer of Pieces: Going Home to the Blue Boy

pp. 311-16

From the Dawn of Time

The Writer of Pieces doesn’t make a long treatise; they prefer short alternatives like, “Please let me serve You.”

Why do you say a writer speaks? Doesn’t he silently write?

“Writers” have existed since time immemorial. They scratch the name of God on a piece of brick.

Give What You Can

The Writer of Pieces strains to achieve something favorable for the Lord. He gives what he can, although often he fails to make the mark. But he tries; he tries to realize Kṛṣṇa and guru and please them. The first one he met who “pulled him out of the net” was Swami Prabhupāda. He carried him all the way to safety in the circle of Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

“All Natural Ingredients”

The Writer of Pieces is regularly trying to dig up gold. He is trying to find gems, even little tidbits of memories about Prabhupāda. One time, Prabhupāda, while standing on the street with a few devotees, ordered a can of 7-Up for himself, and he drank it there on the street. The devotees were pleased and amazed to see Prabhupāda acting in such an informal way. This started something of a fad in ISKCON, and some of Prabhupāda’s disciples started buying 7-Up. They all had their excuses and reasons. I know one sannyāsī who said he needed to drink it to improve his digestion, and there were other reasons for drinking 7-Up on the street after they had seen their master do it.

“I Did It My Way” … but Messed Up

The Writer of Pieces knows very well the story of the time Prabhupāda’s servant, Satsvarūpa, was learning how to cook for his master. He made a lot of mistakes. One mistake he made was to cut a raw cucumber the wrong way. It’s supposed to be cut lengthwise, but he cut it the other way. When Prabhupāda saw how he cut the cucumber, he said curtly, “This is wrong.” The servant replied, “Well I can learn to do it right, Prabhupāda,” somewhat defensively. Then Prabhupāda said to him, “You will not learn to cut a cucumber in three hundred years.”

Sir Isaac Newton

There is a story I took part in with Prabhupāda that I can record here for devotees’ amusement. It is again me making a mistake. I forget the exact mistake I made, but as a result of it Prabhupāda called me “Sir Isaac Newton.” And then he explained. He said the great learned scientist (of the seventeenth and eighteenth century) was extremely brilliant. But on the other hand he had a reputation for being absent-minded. One time a friend visited Sir Isaac Newton and saw that he had two different holes of different sizes in his door to the outside. The friend asked, “Why do you have two holes in your house door? Sir Isaac Newton said, “I have two cats. One cat is a little bigger than the other, so I have made a bigger hole. The smaller hole is for my smaller cat.” When the scientist said that, his friend laughed heartily at his big scientist-companion. He said, “How foolish you are! You could have made one hole in the door, and both cats could have fit through.” Prabhupāda called me this name on another occasion. I was going with him and others on a morning walk. First, we took the car to the place where we were going to walk. I was going to sit in the back seat, but as we were getting out of the car, I discovered that I had left my bead bag and beads locked in the car. When I noticed it I said, “Oh! I’ve locked my beads into the car! I turned to go back and get them, but nobody joined me. Prabhupāda kept walking ahead without paying any attention. But he turned his head as he walked, looked back at me, and said sarcastically, “Sir Isaac Newton.”

Mistakes

I can count many mistakes that I made when I was Prabhupāda’s servant. I was his cook at the same time. The only facilities I had to cook were a bare room with a linoleum floor, no burners, no kitchen stove. So, one time, while I was cooking, I placed a burning hot pot on the floor. I had no other spot to place it. Later Prabhupāda came in the room and asked me to pick up the pot. When I did so there was a big hole in the linoleum floor where the pot had burned through. Prabhupāda asked me, “What have you done?” I told him I had no other facility, so I just put the pot down on the floor. He didn’t call me “Sir Isaac Newton,” but some of the words like that may have gone through his head when he saw this foolishness. For an answer I could have said there were no other facilities, but I kept my mouth shut.

Wisps

The Writer of Pieces can remember almost countless incidents of being with Prabhupāda.

When I was composing (with others) Śrīla Prabhupāda-līlāmṛta, we used to try to remember everything about Prabhupāda. When there were only slight remembrances, we tried to use them and refer to them as “wisps.” Some wisps were so small and slight that we didn’t put them into Śrīla Prabhupāda-līlāmṛta, but I put them in other books about Prabhupāda. We simply couldn’t put EVERYTHING about Prabhupāda in our book. Many memoirists have written books since SPL and put new memories of Prabhupāda that I didn’t record, and there are still more wisps to be gathered by people who will only search their memories and come up with the sweet nectar that comes under the heading of “memories of Prabhupāda.” Bring on the wisps!

The Writer of Pieces means one who writes down short facts, memories, incidents, etc. about Prabhupāda, the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement, and anything we can think of that connects to ISKCON.

We like to tell good Pieces, not bad ones. Many unfortunate things have happened in ISKCON. But we prefer to remember the good Pieces. One nice thing that we used to do with Prabhupāda was stop for a picnic when he was being driven in a car from Calcutta to Māyāpura. We stopped about halfway there and had a picnic under mango trees. It was a mango tree orchard and a very pleasant place to sit and gather. What made it truly pleasant was that Prabhupāda was there in the center. The devotees had brought prasādam from Calcutta temple, and we opened the prasādam containers, sat on the ground, and distributed the prasādam, a lot of it. It is such a nice memory. I went many times with Prabhupāda. Unfortunately, now it is only a wisp. And I do remember, and I try to dig up more about those picnics between Calcutta and Mayapur.

From Seeking New Land: A Novel

pp. 30-35

September 6

CHAPTER SIX

Hemanta Swami had a dream that he was in the Navy, a Petty Officer/journalist in the Public Information Office. One morning he was delayed in getting through his bathing and dressing duties. His uniform seemed to be the sannyasa dhoti and kurta. Before he could even report to his office, a higher-ranking Petty Officer pressed him to work on his project. He wanted Hemanta to tape pictures together onto a board where they could be photographed. He justified this by saying that Hemanta was a do-nothing person who just sat around all day, whereas at least now he had been positively engaged. Hemanta Maharaja accepted this opinion and did the work as he was told. Also, he noted that the huge ship kept coming very close to the shore (to Surtsey Island?).

When Hemanta woke he asked himself, “Am I a do-nothing as he said?” But a person came forward in his mind and said, “We like the work you do for self-examination, journal writing, and so on.” There’s a place for it.”

There’s a place for us…
somewhere…

Hemanta didn’t even have his breakfast that morning, and then the officer in charge asked him why he didn’t report into his own journalist office? Should he say, “I am a do-nothing, so I worked elsewhere under someone who grabbed me.” No, make the best of your situation.

That includes being a diarist or journal writer. Not a journalist in the sense of a newspaper writer but the way we think of Thoreau as a writer of journals. A keeper of a journal – unabashed first-person accounts of how you feel in body, mind and soul.

If that’s who you are
if that’s your reality.

I am afraid.

I am elated when the lecture goes well. I am concerned with spiritual life and overcoming my guru-aparadha of doubt in the teachings of the Vedas and dislike for it. This is a period of life I am going through perhaps – a kind of teenage rebellion.

Ask me, “Then what do you want?” What do you believe?” and I won’t tell you Buddhism or something eclectic. (Before Swamiji, I used to think of myself as an eclectic.) But I’m not feeling Krishna consciousness spontaneously. And I’m saying, admitting that. I want taste. I don’t want to bluff.

We’ve heard all this before
now go and in blind faith
finger your japa—
pray not to be distracted
you whoever you are
authorial “I”
magisterial eye
cosmic eye like Henry Miller
eye of the egg
of the storm.

Open it and say it: I
want to be free of ego
faults and even phony
persona of pious loyal
Hare Krsna
lecturing monk…

Please allow me real
thing. I’ll wait and
try
but in the meantime
let him write it
without fear

In the narrow hallway of the ship, someone called out, “Out of the way!” And I run as fast as possible to keep out of the way of an officer. Then they are all standing and saluting – is it because we see land out the portholes?

Land-ho!
I see all people or
my own father
I see the devotees of the
temple and mortal
self, ISKCON,
a teeny bit of what
Vyasa saw in meditating–

see one’s own guilt
and see what to do
about it. Strength to do it.

See her walkin’ down the street…He strapped himself in. Go for a ride. Quicken. “Do you still have a sweet at 4:30?”

Yes, I do. In Italy I hope they translate after a sentence or two, thus giving me time to pause and range out. It is a fun thing to do.
Down we rode, and I didn’t much enjoy the talk so much.

It was high-grade better that he sought from me. I’m tired of the same old thing.

You make like or not
I say the Mayavadis
are less intelligent and devious
to take “I” spoken by
Krishna and try to make it
“the principle of I” instead

of Lord Brahma and the Supreme. That reminds me…it is I who before writing this book didn’t know how. Now it’s authorial “I” writing and living it…And after the book is finished it will be I. Tiny I.

They write again to think of themselves as gopis. Car alarm again and again!

Siren, don’t steal my car. Is there anyone I could talk to? Want to be alone. She asked, “If I can’t meditate on Krishna, is there anything I can do in between?” I said, “Meditate on service and execute it.” I gave the example of me-self as a writer and could have added Saunaka as trying to make the world sankirtana party friendly. Oh, ugh.
A snappy salute. “Request permission to go ashore.”
Check out whether his shoes are shined and he stands tall enough, a pressed and neat uniform. “Permission granted.” Let him go ruin his life. Don’t ask him what he’ll do on shore. With your life.

With your life, you write from that. Renewal. The car siren continues, “like a whippoorwill.” I’m not in the art room, not at the fair. Not at the laser fireworks show or opening night of Heritage Week here in Ireland. Take in a little fresh air.

Hemanta season. Hymen Herman Wouk, naval officer’s joke, ball bearings in the hand of Humphrey Bogart (Caine Mutiny). There, we’ve gone away a bit, now we can say it was done better.
Come down from Bel, pleasant enough, wished everyone wanted me to initiate them. Now, here we are. Can you carry a load?

Siren, rain/talked with a dancer/we agreed many artists in the sankirtana movement

Flight of a swan/I missed
them dancing on Janmastami
because I was conked,
out, not traveling in a
van, no story to tell…

barely a persona…no
island erupting. The trees
are shaking in the rain

and it’s back to school. But not for me.

You used to write the time of day and that helped. You could capture a little dusk. Not without that. Self-revival, no coasting.

Who…He. Machines. Dictaphones. Notepads and pens. It is not wrong if a monk stays in a room they give him rather than wander out and talk with the lady and man of the house and their children. The monk should concentrate on God and holy books.

Goin’ to Italy
going back to Godhead,
spirit of myself

meet politician in lobby
ask for a little of his time
later…In Phoenix Park
most prominent place
given to U.S. Ambassador

to Ireland white gates,
two flags

And the phoenix atop
the tall column, funny
stubby bird out of stone fire…

A “spiritual” country with small
army – “It doesn’t use iambic pentameter
but is tightened by assonance and…” And
dissonance and Monk’s rhythm.

Going to Africa, going to the
spirit in my heart going
above
to Krishna the King and dear-
most Lover of the gopis.

What was she getting at,
asked the same question she’s
asked many times –

“What is sahajiya and can
we go straight to nectar
Krishna?” Yes, I said,
not quite as much as I
liked to.

From Remembering Srila Prabhupada: A Free-Verse Rendition of the Life and Teachings of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, Founder-Acarya of the International Society for Krsna Consciousness

pp. 173-80

SEATTLE

October 1968

On the Occasion of
the Passing Away of Bhakti Prajna Keshava Maharaj,
the Sannyasa Guru of Srila Prabhupada

Prabhupada was in Seattle at the time,
reading from The Teachings of Lord Chaitanya
and speaking for hours each night
before his students (and maya’s)
in a room converted into a temple,
with Jagannath Deities on the altar
and the American sankirtan party at his feet,
eager to be there.
The program over for the night,
he returned to his room to find a telegram:
BHAKTI PRAJNA KESHAVA MAHARAJ
HAS PASSED AWAY.
Immediately composing a Sanskrit verse,
he returned to the temple,
although it was late,
to instruct his followers
about separation from the guru.
He played a taped bhajan
and then informed them,
“The person who gave me sannyasa
has left his body.”
Prabhupada wept,
remembering his own beloved guru,
Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur,
who had come to him in dreams
asking him to take sannyasa.
Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati was the one,
but through him a Godbrother, Keshava Maharaj,
had brought the message.
Prabhupada had been alone in Vrndavana
when this Godbrother had insisted,
“Bhaktivedanta, you must take sannyasa.”
vairagya-vidya-nija-bhakti-yogam
apayayam mam anavishnu andham
sri-keshava-bhakti-prajnanam.
“Devotional service is the way
of renunciation. I was unwilling,
like one blind. But he forcefully
made me drink the medicine.
His name is Sri Keshava, Bhakti Prajna Maharaj.”
“He has entered Krishna’s abode,” said Prabhupada.
And his little band in Seattle,
awed by the spiritual emotions
and the parampara mysteries
and especially thrilled
that Prabhupada was sharing with them,
duly signed the letter of condolence and praise
to be sent to Navadwipa.

IN AMERICA, 1969

To Santa Fe,
where your secretary thought
the altitude would be bad for your health,
so at the airport she tried to turn you back.
She was flustered and crying,
“Prabhupada, you know Krishna!
What does Krishna want us to do?”
But you retorted, “No!
Krishna wants to know what you are going to do!”
Finally you decided to ride
under a clear sky with high white clouds

to the Albuquerque center, where you shared
laddus and krsna-katha
with the hippie meditators,
who suddenly came down from the mountains
at the hour you arrived.

To Los Angeles,
where your devotees were nightly holding kirtan
in the thick of Hollywood Boulevard,
but who were soon evicted from their ideal location.
For weeks they were scattered,
and you lectured in different garages,
until finally you purchased the best building so far:
a wooden church on La Cienega.
You planted 108 rosebushes,
and a special era of burgeoning began,
with hundreds attending the weekly feasts,
with ecstatic kirtans and Back to Godhead sales,
and a festive, loving family of devotees.
Meanwhile you wrote in Beverly Hills,
turning out two books at once:
The Nectar of Devotion and
KRSNA, the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

To Columbus, Ohio,
where you conversed with Allen Ginsberg,
who was looking
for a more American mantra.
“Krishna is everything,” you said.
“He is universal.”
And you proved it the next night,
as two thousand students
in the All-American City chanted,
jumping up on the seats,
dancing in the aisles,
crying out,
grabbing for your thrown flowers—
as you led them:
“Hare Krishna, Hare Krishna, Krishna Krishna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.”

To New Vrindaban,
where you behaved as if
you had always lived there,
walking the two-mile road through the woods,
as if you were at home,
stepping on stones to cross the creek,
accompanied by Kirtanananda Swami
through thick forest and blue phlox.

To the old house on the New Vrindaban ridge,
you entered for the first time,
but as if just coming back from a walk—
to the room, to the chair where you sat,
declaring this the best way to live.
There was no need, you said, to live in the city
at the terrible cost of factory labor.
producing the unnecessary
objects of sense gratification.
Man can live simply, depending on nature—
from the fields, his food,
from the cow, nutritious milk—
and save time for chanting Hare Krishna.
You drank the milk of the black cow Kaliya,
sat at a low desk under the persimmon tree,
lived in an attic room with your Radha-Krishna Deities,
accepted simple corn cereal, pokeweed, blackberry chutney,
and spoke on the philosophy of varnashram-dharma,
yourself the personification
of simple living and high thinking.
A month passed in the backwoods.
Grasses grew, untrampled by civilization,
as you daily fashioned your Bhagwatam purports,
bathed outdoors, read and walked and breathed outdoors,
and spoke with your men of many plans.
Little mail and no phone could reach you,
but gradually the messages arrived:
your presence was greatly needed
throughout the U.S. and Europe.

To Los Angeles again,
where you installed golden Radha-Krishna Deities.
They stood for darshan
on Their velvet-canopied throne
and began to receive worship
with six daily offerings.
Should the devotees ever lose enthusiasm, you said,
the worship would become idolatry.
But where there was life, then Krishna,
“this very Krishna will talk with you.”

To San Francisco,
where you accompanied Jagannath, Baladeva, and Subhadra
during Ratha-yatra through Golden Gate Park.
At a low bridge the cart stopped,
because its super-mechanical-collapsible dome
failed to lower.
While the men tried, a thousand chanters sang
under the stone bridge, creating
a tremendous echo.
You stood at the front of the cart,
raised your arms to the people,
and began to dance,
jumping up and down,
causing the crowd to jump with you,
as flowers tumbled
from your broken garland and the chanting
became a roar.
When the cart moved on through the park,
10,000 people were following you,
and they were fed from 10,000 plates of prasadam—
halava, chutney, and fruits.
“Chant, dance, and take prasadam.”
you advised the multitude.
“And even if you do not hear the teachings,
you will be elevated
to the topmost platform of perfection.”

From At Gita Nagari

pp. 39-43

My feet are cold. This class is being conducted in the schoolroom. Drafts passing through the open door. I’m the teacher, big deal.

“Confidential” means “not everyone cares.”

6:30 P.M

I walked around the house again and again. Turiya said a heat wave is coming. at least the main ice melted. Walked around and around. See where he has his garden beds from the summer. See the houses in not too distance. I do not live here. Then a car came. Two ladies went into the house to talk with Madhu. I was left outside to talk their driver, Janaka. He tells me how his cooking course is going. Says you can bluff a Bhagavatam lecture with some quotes but you can’t bluff a cooking course; you have to produce before their eyes something sumptuous and colorful. He said maybe he and his wife will pack up in Colorado and come back to Gita Nagari. Good. Then the ladies came out of the house and they all drove off. Again I go walking around and around thinking I’m tired of servicing others, reading their writings; I’d like to work on my own self. What do I need? It comes to me: You haven’t been reading his books. No substitute for it. Then take some of this midnight writing time, even ten minutes of it, and read, read without preparing for a lecture, just read.

Drinking water, looking at my poems . . . This and that. Get ready, get ready. . . for the next day. More quotes, lectures. Janaka said, “Lecturing is good for me. It puts me in the mode of goodness, I have to be concerned for others.” He said he has to watch how they are doing and make sure they understand and are guided. Yeah, it is good for you. Give them the seven days and then come five days of disciples’ meetings. Squeeze in these little sorties (is that the word?) into the infinite, the self clear speak through.
The first day I spoke to them about free-writing and stated some rules, keep the hand moving, write what is scary, etc. But since then they are not so much writing like that. They write predictably, and so do I. My little piece on deathbed wasn’t different from theirs, want to go to Vrndavana, be surrounded by chanters, etc. So then what do you mean, they don’t take up free-writing? I guess I mean they don’t go completely wild. They don’t write so fast either. I shouldn’t complain. They are doing well. I don’t want them to become madmen.

One guy wrote that he’d like to die in a little
town in northwest Canada,
I think he called it Tofin or something.
He’d be all alone in his shack and he didn’t
remember Krsna.
He was screaming help or something.
I thought, “This isn’t
Krsna conscious,” and I passed it up.

I thought I couldn’t read it to the others, but actually it was the most original. He said he doesn’t think of dying in India because he’s a new devotee and never went there. It’s okay when they are original. But it’s safe to go with the pack too, to Vrndavana, the way of the Vaisnavas. Originality isn’t all. And Caitanya-daya hung up about the fact that she likes Lord Caitanya and can’t relate with the same intensity to Lord Krsna. I smile as her father.

Yeah, me I love Syamasundara,
know Him as Rasaraja,
He who has bellicose activities and rasa dance.
I am the servant of my spiritual master,
I know everything, I am like an Indian chief—
big sit on the bony haunch,
bottomed chief of the lean teepee
celibate headdress chicken feathers whoopee
chief, no smoke ’em pipe chief
japa mad, clipped hair,
Mohican sikha of the lost tribe
1966 bull, lean crewneck sweater
ex-Navy man of tribe no more
Allen Ginsberg, no more Howl, no more
Suffolk Street dregs escaped convict,
me, I the one,
chief toe-nail clipped
frozen food in oven no more
not even peach pies and cherry tarts
and no ice cream
except sometimes.

No more the raven, no more Shakespeare’s
sonnets, When in disgrace with fortune and
mens’ eyes . . . I envy this man’s art
and that man’s
scope,
then I think of you my friend (he’s
thinking of some
man and not the Supreme Lord Govinda)

January 10th, 6 A.M.

“Srila Sukadeva Gosvami said: O best of devotees, most fortunate Pariksit, you have inquired very nicely, for although constantly hearing the pastimes of the Lord, you are perceiving His activities to be newer and newer” (Bhag. 10.13.1).

This is a test of how spaced out you are, how distracted. You go to read Srimad-Bhagavatam and can’t concentrate enough to actually hear and relish. Usually this is due to an interruption in the practice. Nityam bhagavata sevaya

I am asking the writing seminar students to write their realizations. But you should read. And you should write from a life deeply absorbed in Krsna consciousness practices. Otherwise writing is itself a distraction.
Eliminate distractions.

(As I wrote this, I saw the “shadow” of a mouse run by. It was a mouse at the edge of my peripheral vision, not a delirium tremens but an actual house mouse, I’m almost sure. I threw down my pen in panic, splashing drops here and there on the Bhagavatam, the page of a notebook, and my Una. “I saw the mouse,” I said out loud. But now I can’t see him. So I’m writing until the next rush. This is another distraction. You have to live with them and push on trying to gain right attention in each and every way even for a little while— not that first you have to eliminate mice from your environment or try to rid your phobia of them).

I was saying . . . let writing serve my uppermost purpose—attainment of Krsna consciousness. Then it will help me and will also be best for others. You don’t have to worry about foot sores, shape of the novel, or how to write according to the book, Writing From The Body.

Especially I want my writing to be interesting while within Krsna consciousness. So be it, as interesting as it is. And so be your interested reader.

“Paramahamsas, devotees who have accepted the essence of life, are attached to Krsna in the core of their hearts, and He is the aim of their lives. It is their nature to talk only of Krsna at every moment, as if such topics were newer and newer. They are attached to such topics, just as materialists are attached to topics of women and sex” (Bhag. 10.13.2).

From Churning the Milk Ocean Collected Writings, 1993-1994

pp. 253-57

Introducing Bhakta Bob

Chapter 13

Dear reader, this is Bhakta Bob. After I wrote that last entry, I stayed up late talking with the author. We decided to have a parting of the ways. He’s going on to write other stories, probably not as fictional as this one, and I will conclude “Introducing Bhakta Bob” by telling you the story as I see it.

When I think of what we’ve written so far, a lot of energy has gone into trying to understand me, Bob. It’s not that I’ve done so much soul-searching, but the author is always asking on my behalf, “Who am I? Who created me?” As far as I know, fictional characters hardly ever talk that way. They just exist and do their thing like everyone else. Of course, some flesh and blood people do ask, “Who am I?” and it’s not a futile question. I heard in the Caitanya-caritamrta that when Sanatana Gosvami approached Lord Caitanya, Sanatana asked, “Who am I, and why do the material miseries always give me trouble? How can I get free of suffering?” Lord Caitanya told him that he was the eternal servant of Krsna. This is the actual identity of every “character” or jiva, living being.

If a fictional character asks the same question, then what’s the answer? Is it, “You were created by the author of this book”? That’s factually true, but then we have to go and ask the author for the origin of the character in the book. One author may tell you that he got him from a dream, and someone else may assert that he created him from a composite of people he knows in real life.

I heard another story in the Srimad-Bhagavatam that reminds me of this. One time Narada Muni approached his father, Lord Brahma, and said, “Are you actually the ultimate creator? You seem to have everything in your control, just like someone keeps a walnut within his fist, but sometimes I see you meditate. Is there a being higher than you?” Lord Brahma said honestly that he was a humble servant of the Supreme Personality of Godhead. If you ask an author, however, or if one of his characters could ask him, “Who created me? Are you the ultimate creator?” I think most authors would reply, “Yes, I am your creator. There is no creator other than me.” If it’s true that everything comes from God, though, then it should also be true of fictional characters.

In one sense, a literary character is a product of madness set loose by an egoistic author. Or what is he? I don’t know. But he’s definitely not supposed to be extremely self-conscious or too concerned about his origin. He is supposed to be, as far as possible, like a flesh and blood, heart-beating human (or animal) who eats and sleeps and mates and defends, sometimes thinks about God or doesn’t, and most important of all—has some conflict or obsession.

Putting these speculations aside, let me tell my story. You know some of it already. Before you met me in Chapter One, I was born in County Clare, Ireland, and was raised by my father, who was a shepherd, and my mother, who took care of the five kids, in a cottage. I was raised as a Catholic, went to the local schools and church, and played with kids in a simple way. We were somewhat removed from the heavy Kali-yuga influence of Dublin. Therefore, I didn’t take drugs or have much illicit sex. I can’t remember much of my days at home right now, and when I think back to them, although I have some nice memories, I realize I was as covered over as a tree.

Things really started happening the day I met the devotees and got the magazine. According to what the devotees say, someone who comes to Krsna consciousness in this lifetime must have practiced it before. On the other hand, that’s not so important, provided we get the mercy now from a pure devotee.
It’s another one of those things, like your origin, that you can’t really figure out. There is no definite conclusion. I take it that I am definitely the recipient of mercy coming from Lord Caitanya and Srila Prabhupada, which has reached out to the little suffering island known as Eire.

As for this story, I think my life since I became a devotee has pretty much been described, although sketchily. Actually, my whole devotional life is rather sketchy. I have an initial impetus to be a devotee, so it’s auspicious, but I still have to make that desire solid. I don’t think I’ve even begun. How easily I got knocked off the track and left that traveling party over a little quarrel and false ego. The real question is, where do I go from here?

I think I’ll stay here for a while. It doesn’t seem important for me to go back to Ireland. Better I get fixed up as a devotee. I need a spiritual master. I will try to find one who represents Srila Prabhupada. I accept that the parampara is continuing eternally and that I have to link up to it, but it can’t be done as a matter of convention. I want to learn as much as I can of the philosophy and practices and associate with good devotees. Then one day, I can only hope to meet my spiritual master. In fact, I’m sure I will. In the meantime, I wish to prepare myself for that moment by learning to balance sadhana with preaching. There’s plenty of preaching to do here in Antwerp. This center is small and it has a nice family feeling to it. The people in the town are pretty materialistic, just like everywhere in Europe, but there are interested people too. People visit the temple regularly, and the harinama, book distribution, and prasadam distribution are unlimited. Everything depends on our willingness to go out and meet people.

I would like to please Prabhupada by becoming a humble preacher and chanter of the holy name, and a reader of his books. I’m sure that by his pleasure, all the mercy I require will flow to me. I’ll get further guidance too, in the form of guru, Vaisnava, and scripture.

I would like to stay with you, dear reader, and live through different adventures in Krsna consciousness through this story, but sooner or later we’d have to part, even if this book ran into six hundred pages.

If a character is successful, the reader will remember him. In my case, perhaps my poor example will be of some use to you in your own efforts to become a devotee of Krsna. I wish you well. Who knows, perhaps we will meet again. Such things are not under the control of any mortal author, but under the control of the supreme author, who creates all meetings and partings and who lives as Supersoul in the hearts of everyone and everything. All glories to the Supreme Personality of Godhead, and all glories to you, dear reader. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.

– Newsletter join link –

<< Free Write Journal #399

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Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

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Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

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Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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The post Free Write Journal #400 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Human at Best
3. Srila Prabhupada Revival
4. From Copper to Touchstone
5. One Hundred Happy Ideas
6. Writing Sessions at Manu’s House
7. The Sunset Years
8. Narada-bhakti-sutra

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 10)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

So somehow, we are chanting, and we are not able to fully associate with Kṛṣṇa. We have to see what is the fault, whether it is inattention and the mind wandering. Of course, I am assuming that we are following the four rules and that we are actually motivated after Kṛṣṇa. Then only do these things apply. If our motive is right, then we will by and by learn how to chant correctly. Then our service to Kṛṣṇa will be enhanced, very very much. We are not talking about trying to just drown in some ecstasy all the time. We want to enhance our service. Just like someone saying, “Oh, I am very troubled with sex life.” But when Kṛṣṇa comes in His holy name, then we will see these other things as pale. We will just want to be the servant of Kṛṣṇa.

******

It seems that the good servant is also good at serving the holy name; specifically at the time of uttering his sixteen rounds.

******

To be concerned at one’s deficiencies in improving japa is the first requirement. Otherwise, if we just absentmindedly go on chanting without even stopping to think that our chanting needs improvement, then where is the question of actually improving? But if you are actually concerned, you have to do something about it. Do not simply allow yourself to stay on the mental platform. Just as we do not allow our senses to do what they like in other areas, so also the mind has to be restricted and brought under the control of the intelligence. You may not be able to control your mind every second of the day, but you should not become helpless and just let it roll on. Do your best, and Kṛṣṇa will help you as you struggle to chant in the morning.

******

Prabhupāda instructed everyone to chant sixteen rounds a day. That is a fact; we chant Hare Kṛṣṇa because Prabhupāda told us to. Although the name of Kṛṣṇa is fully nectarean and we should chant it spontaneously, we actually chant it on the order of our spiritual master. And whatever sweet taste we get progressively in chanting we also know is due to the mercy of our spiritual master, who has given us the hari-nāma.

******

We want to serve Kṛṣṇa, and chanting itself is service. In fact, the mahā-mantra, consisting of the three words hare, kṛṣṇa, and rāma, means, “O Lord, O energy of the Lord, please engage me in Your service.” So, the chanting in itself is a prayer to Kṛṣṇa to engage us further in His devotional service. If one is able to continue chanting like this, he can become purified of all sinful reactions from previous lives, because the chanting washes away all the accumulated dirt in the heart, ceto-darpaṇa-mārjanam.

******

If we chant the holy name, Kṛṣṇa takes that as giving love, even though our hearts are hard and devoid of feeling. Kṛṣṇa regards any little effort favorably. A gulf of qualitative difference lies between the little love offered in our beginning chanting and the love of Haridāsa Ṭhākura and Lord Caitanya’s chanting. In the prayers of lamentation by the ācāryas, like Narottama dāsa Ṭhākura and Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura, they take the role of the conditioned soul. They cry out that they have no devotion for Kṛṣṇa, and yet within this lamentation is purification. If I lament my sinful nature and yearn for Kṛṣṇa conscious love, then that is also an expression of love, is it not? At least I desire to have that love. So this is sādhana. Although I lack spontaneous love, I chant Hare Kṛṣṇa, because I have some love for the order of my spiritual master, rascal that I am.

******

Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī says duṣṭa mana, tumi kisera vaiṣṇava? “My dear mind, what kind of devotee are you? Simply for cheap adoration you sit in a solitary place and pretend to chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra. But this is all cheating.” So he is speaking to the heart about the cheating propensity that we all have to some degree; it can manifest itself even in such a pure activity as chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa. He’s talking about solitary chanting—a bābājī trying to get some credit. But in other ways also we may try to impress people that we are some kind of great chanter of the holy name. But especially he refers to this solitary bhajana. So, we should not cheat.

******

Early in the morning, walking, working, chanting the holy name, bead after bead, round after round, hour after hour, it takes hard work and endurance.

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From Human at Best

pp. 104-8

Dear Srila Prabhupada, I was a fool. So were we all. My dear Lord Krsna, here’s a picture of an elephant. Why do I critique others’ works and love my own? Give forgiving love to all, is that the required spirit? But with intelligence. Lie on that bed a few minutes and let the mind drift. Yet there is no time to lose. We need to hear about Krsna. Use your time well.

Oh boy, he goes up and down his musical scales and I don’t so much like the exercise. I want something straight and simple with an identifiable feeling to go with, not a tour de force of a religious maestro. Just give me devotional service performed by a human being who tries to dovetail what he is in Lord Hari’s service. No fancy stuff. Krsna, are You there? Do You hear this? Am I avoiding blasphemy and aparadha? Please guard me against it. I’m one of your innumerable servitors, a disciple of A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada.

Oh, I have no loving affair. I have no wide-awake take. I am coming up out of my body to the world of ideas. Please go above the mental and intellectual. Face to face in spirit.

Five minutes isn’t much. I wanted to say more. But I had to pause to absorb the beauty and forget myself. A sweet walk and talk with you. Even if they break us up they cannot take away our Krsna consciousness. As long as we pray to the Lord for service.

Oh man, I have to tell you something. I’m on a long-distance connection. Can you hear me? Okay, here’s the news—silent Sats has gone bonkers. He’s writing stuff he calls a mist, a mix. What? You say that’s nothing new? You already knew that? All his books have been like that since Shack Notes? I’m wasting your time with old news? Let him do his nonsense? Okay, boss, as you say. Yeah, I’ll call you only when something new and significant happens.

Who are you, preacher? Unless you know, how can you tell others what to do? It’s important to know yourself. Each devotee has to do that introspective work. Otherwise . . . I want to warn them against preachers who would presume to guide them but who don’t even know who they are.

My way is not your way. I don’t tell people how to live their lives. Even mine I’m not sure. If I go to the place between Delhi and Agra, will I just be shown my own lack of adhikara and laulyam? What’s the use of that? Get ground into the dirt and be envious of those who are better at it than I. I can’t believe what they believe. It hasn’t entered my heart. I try to console myself that even here, this solitude with Krsna consciousness will allow me to be with the Vrndavana Lord and please His pure devotee.
Does it bring you peace of mind? Yes, if I can eventually fall asleep in my bed. Not on the floor? No, in a bed. Not begging for your food? No, sometimes asparagus tips. Then where is your renunciation? Four rounds, sixteen rules—yes, six rules, ten symptoms, left-face, right-face, pledge of allegiance. Synthesis and antithesis. Pure devotion is one, imperfect reality is two, and the result is you and me in our living movement.

Who is contrite?
Who is right?
Who is wrong but right?

Good night not in sight. No fight except with fear itself.

Maybe the fear of death will straighten you. You know you’ll get no relief by dying because you have to come back here.

Oh, if I could only go there.
You don’t have the laulyam. Not yet.
Return? You mean as in those dreams of re-enrolling in college and the Navy and so on?

Oh, please
give me hari-nama
and humble heart
and guru’s shelter.

I asked, “At death, does consciousness continue or is it lost?” I never got an answer to that. He says the same soul goes on, but you forget your past body. But then . . . it’s almost like an entirely different person each life. I guess I am inordinately attached to my present identity. I grasp it. It’s all I know, me, old me, crippled me, art me, solitary me, growing old and pained. Me until the end and then gone forever. It was just a wisp, a spot life in the eternal journey of the self.

It’s Hard

So what if it’s a little hard?
Life is tough in the material world
sukha-dukha, asat
and all that. Those who reach
up into the nama have
grasped the essential lesson.

When your Rover has
gone he’s just another
dog. When your Mother
has finally gone at 90+
you hear it indirectly
in a letter and you have
no special feeling.

Maybe later. “Mother died today
or maybe it was yesterday we really
can’t be sure.” She cursed you and
you broke her heart. We
both ask forgiveness.

I hope her Christ—in whose bosom
I’m sure she lies—
will not curse me in
my Krsna camp. He knows
I did what I had to.

I could not abandon him, Srila Prabhupada
although I did it all
wrong with my fanatical
ways.

I’m going crazy trying to formulate a title for this volume. Whatever I pick might be dropped out in editing, but it seems important to get it right. It’s a kind of title that describes the heart of my effort—Devotional Service: Writing My Life. That’s it, pure and simple. An extended and perhaps too pompous (self-important) version is Devotional Service: My Life as Lit. I want to convey two main points. One is that the writing venture is my main form of service to Prabhupada and his movement. The other point describes the nature of this writing-offering. Its subject is my life. Whatever I do in daily Krsna conscious life—struggles, thoughts, obedience, yearnings, mistakes, suffering, rejoicing, dryness, final affirmations—this is the material for this book. Live and write it and offer it to Prabhupada and Krsna.

Got nothing new to report. It’s all there in Bhagavad-gita already, and we all know what to do. Why we don’t do it is the mystery.

From Srila Prabhupada Revival: The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 2

pp. 231-36

Śrīla Prabhupāda lecture, May 23^rd, 1966, in the Bowery loft

(Prabhupāda starts out by saying that we have discussed in our last meeting …)

We should eat after yajña. Our food is coming by the grace of God. We should not be so much interested in sense gratification. (By offering food in yajña) we become enlightened in spiritual life.

The humans are different from the animals. The animals engage themselves in only four things—eating, mating, sleeping and defending. These four necessities of animal life are not needed by the soul (but we are in a diseased condition). I have to put myself under treatment for the three miseries of life: ādhyātmika—those pains caused by one’s body or mind, ādhibhautika pains—those caused by other living creatures, and ādhidaivika pains—those due to supernatural disturbances.

We humans have more developed consciousness. We have to work. (There is ordinary work without yoga) but in karma-yoga you spiritualize your work.

Some people are trying to go to higher planets. But this is like trying to move from being a C-class prisoner to an A-class prisoner. You are not removed from prison life. Nature (like being in prison) is forcing us to act.

What do you have (what do you possess?) Everything is given to you (by God).

We are misusing our free will by indulging in sense gratification.

When I say that industry is not required. But no, work has to be done in yajña. Arjuna was a military man (he was not a Vedāntist, a brāhmaṇa, a sage etc.). He was a military man, but how did he become the greatest of the devotees? By karma-yoga. In the beginning he was hesitating whether to fight. In the end he decided to fight so both at the beginning and at the end he was a military man. You don’t have to change your position and become a mendicant like me.

Now one is working for sense gratification. But we have to work for Kṛṣṇa. It is not difficult. You don’t have to change (your way of life).

The battle was organized by Kṛṣṇa. There is always a supreme supervisor. We have to dovetail. In the beginning Arjuna said, “No” to fighting. In the end (of Bhagavad-gītā) he said, “Yes, I will fight.” We have to become a yes-man. Now we say, “No.” Correct this. If someone says, “There is no government,” he is a mad man. Similarly, if one says there is no God, he is a mad man.

We have consciousness and consciousness, is a symptom of the presence of the spirit soul.

You don’t know how your body is working (when you eat food, and it is digested and distributed in the body).

When the consciousness is gone, then the whole body stops working. The whole cosmos has consciousness, a superior consciousness. Can you deny it? (Prabhupāda seems to be directly asking the audience to challenge him.)

We are part and parcel of the Supreme Consciousness. We have to dovetail. Why has the Supreme expanded Himself into many? The answer is because He wants enjoyment. It is like the father who wants to have many children so he can enjoy them.

Yajña frees one from all contamination.

We have to eat, but we need to control it. There are other senses in the body. The tongue is the most uncontrollable: śarīra abidyā-jāl, joḍendriya tāhe kāl. We are offering (our food to Kṛṣṇa). Nothing is stopped. The other day we had feasting. Those who are serious (will offer their food to God). “What do you think, Mr. Green?” We can hear Mr. Green from the audience saying that the feast was very nice. This process has unlimited pleasure. Rāma means enjoyment. Bhakti is the highest. The bhakta is always trying to please Kṛṣṇa. What is the difficulty? We have to become a yes-man. Begin karma-yoga, we begin with eating.

One may say, “Why bother with yajña?” But the answer is (you have to) it is for your interest. Anna means grains. They are produced from the land. The cow’s milk has many vitamins, but from dry grass do you get vitamins? Prabhupāda says when he was a family man, he had a servant who was very stout and strong. Prabhupāda asked him, “What do you eat (that makes you so strong)?” The servant answered, “I eat corn (the audience added “cornmeal”).” Greens are for humans. Your body depends on food and food comes from the rain and rain comes from yajña. Prabhupāda says the other day he was talking with Mr. Karl about the reign of Mahārāja Yudhiṣṭhira, when everything was in abundance. There is supernatural power.

(Everything is in the scripture.)

Prabhupāda begins a verse from the Bhagavad-gītā:

annād bhavanti bhūtāni
parjanyād anna-sambhavaḥ
yajñād bhavati parjanyo
yajñaḥ karma-samudbhavaḥ

All living bodies subsist on food grains, which are produced from rains. Rains are produced by performance of yajña [sacrifice], and yajña is born of prescribed duties.

Life becomes spiritualized. There are proper directions in spiritual life. Even in driving a car there are directions, like “keep to the right” and “stop at the red light.”

If you devoted your life to sense gratification (you will be doomed).

Hare Kṛṣṇa.

(The audience was quiet while Prabhupāda was lecturing. When he ends, he asks if there are any questions. No one has any questions. He begins a kīrtana.)

In these early 1966’s lectures, Prabhupāda often speaks of controlling the tongue by offering your food to Kṛṣṇa as sacrifice. He says the tongue is the most difficult to control of all the senses, but if you control the tongue the other senses will come under control. He was able to demonstrate this principle of yajña in the Bowery loft by cooking a feast with the devotees (or people who came to the loft) and he said that they should do it in their own homes.

******

Afternoon writing session
04:00 P.M.

I am no longer writing a secret journal. I write privately but I intend to publish them so that my friends and readers of the future can read them. A small audience. I want the slower recording of Śrīla Prabhupāda chanting japa. I am experiencing a Prabhupāda revival in my life. The fire sirens go off here at Stuyvesant Falls, 04:00 P.M. Every twelve years they have a Kumbha-melā. I pray to go back home, back to Godhead at the end of this life. Prabhupāda encouraged us to aspire for it he would take me where He desires. He writes down what his mind dictates. “The faithful transcriber.” “Kṛṣṇa is the Life Force of my words” (I explained why these titles are not egotistical in the books).

From From Copper to Touchstone: Favorite Selections from the Caitanya-caritamrta

pp. 161-66

SRILA PRABHUPADA’S PURPORTS ON WRITING

A DEVOTEE WRITER MUST DEPEND ON KRSNA

A specialty listed by Prabhupada as characteristic of transcendental writing is that the Lord helps the devotee write. This does not mean that the Lord must dictate every word for a book to qualify as “transcendental,” although, of course, we also see that example in the history of how Vyasadeva com­posed the Srimad-Bhagavatam or Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami composed the Caitanya-caritamrta.*

Any devotee can preach, whether in speech or in writing, simply by strictly repeating the teachings of his bona fide spiritual master. A writer uses literary tools to deliver a mes­sage. Even a devotee who may have to struggle and pray and labor and use his intelligence to write can be helped by Krsna. This characteristic of Vaisnava writing, therefore, is an im­portant one to understand. By his dependence on Krsna, a devotee attains the qualification to write in Krsna conscious­ness. In his purport, Prabhupada writes, “Since a devotee writes in service to the Lord, the Lord from within gives him so much intelligence that he sits down near the Lord and goes on writing books.” (Adi 1.39, purport)

Such dependence on Krsna requires humility. When speak­ing about the Caitanya-bhagavata, Krsnadasa Kaviraja Go­svami humbly states, “What a wonderful description he has given of the pastimes of Lord Caitanya! Anyone in the three worlds who hears it is purified.” This statement reveals the non-envious, joyful spirit of the Vaisnava. Neither Vaisnava writers nor readers resemble mundane scholars. Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami and Vrndavana dasa Thakura were almost contemporaries. In the material world, a scholar takes the biography of one of his contemporaries and steps on it to increase the value of his own writing: “Of course, I have read Professor Jones’ biography on this subject. It is a very nice beginning work, filled with the author’s good intentions. However . . . ” The scholar then lists his colleague’s mistakes, his wrong vision of the hero, and tries to convince the reader that his colleague’s biography was useless. Fortunately, how­ever, we have this scholar’s work on the same subject to en­lighten us. Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami tells us that he is simply eating the remnants of Vrndavana dasa Thakura’s work.

A VAISNAVA AUTHOR SHOULD BE EMPOWERED

In his purport to Adi 8.72-3, Prabhupada states that to write transcendental literature, a devotee must be empowered. Pra­bhupada defines this empowerment as freedom from the four defects of the conditioned souls.

Therefore, are ISKCON devotees empowered or authorized to write transcendental literature? We cannot make any automatic claims that everything we do is perfect. Neither are we on the level of Srila Prabhupada or Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami. However, Prabhupada instructed all his followers to write. If we take this order sincerely, we will be authorized. Working under authorization allows us to become empowered.*

* Here is a selection of statements about writing from other sources:

“My Guru Maharaja, when he was selecting articles to be published in The Harmonist, if he sees simply that there is several times the writer has written, `Krsna,’ Lord Caitanya,’ like that, he passes immediately, ‘All right. It is all right. So many times he has uttered Krsna, so it is all right.'” (Srila Prabhupada lecture, 6/6/69, New Vrindaban)

Here is something Prabhupada heard Hayagriva’s mother say. (At that time, Prabhupada still called him Howard, even though he was initiated.) Hayagriva’s mother had written Prabhupada a letter telling him that she liked him and his books, and that “People who aren’t devotees may write books, and they may make a lot of noise in the world, but it won’t last.” Prabhupada loved that phrase, “make a lot of noise in the world, but it won’t last.” He said, “I very much like what Howard’s mother has written very nicely. If you talk of Krsna, you enjoy yourself and you give enjoyment to many others. But if you talk materialistic, you can create some noise. What is the exact word she has used? Noise. So if you are a good writer, if you are a good thinker, then just think of Krsna and write. Then it will please you and it will please all others. Our Back to Godhead is for that purpose. And if you write some fiction, you can please some man and create some noise for some time, but it will be useless after some time.”

Prabhupada wrote a letter to Ranadhira in which he praised Ranadhira’s writing. Ranadhira was not a particularly literary person—he mainly engaged in business—but if Ranadhira can be commended in this way, we can also feel hopeful about our own writing.

Prabhupada writes: “I liked your letter very much. You are a very de­scriptive writer and I enjoy very much your descriptions and use of words. Actually, if we are engaged in writing and speaking on behalf of Krsna, this is the best process for advancing in Krsna consciousness. Such activity forces us to think very clearly on the subject matter in order to speak or write and convince others. So I think you should develop your ability for writing and spend some time writing articles for Back to God­head.”

AN AUTHOR MUST BE AUTHORIZED BY KRSNA AND GURU

A Vaisnava author must receive permission from guru and Krsna. Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami refers to the various devo­tees who instructed him or encouraged him to write the Caitanya-caritamrta as his giksa-gurus. In addition to their order, he approached Madana-mohana in Vrndavana and asked His permission.

From a 1971 lecture: “We are writing books. If you sit down and write some article on Krsna, that means you have to concentrate on Krsna’s activities, devotees, and that very process will purify your heart. There­fore, we always recommend to our students that you write articles. Read our books.”

From a 1972 lecture: “Realization means you should write. Everyone of you. What is your realization? What for this Back to Godhead is? You write your realization, what you have realized about Krsna. That is required. It is not passive. Always you should be active. Whenever you find time, you write. Never mind two lines, four lines, but you write your realization. Writing means smaranam and then you have to remember what you’ve heard from your spiritual master.”

AN AUTHOR MUST RECEIVE CONFIRMATION IN THE HEART

What does it mean for a devotee to have his service con­firmed in the heart? There are two kinds of confirmation, direct and indirect. Baladeva Vidyabhasana went before the Deity of Govinda and was directly inspired to write a com­mentary on the Veclanta-sutra. Similarly, Krsnadasa Kaviraja Gosvami also received direct confirmation when he was offered Madana-mohana’s garland.

Confirmation can also come in an indirect way in the form of intelligence supplied by the Lord. If a devotee does not re­ceive direct confirmation, he can continue to seek confirma­tion by examining his motives and trying to purify his intelligence. Krsna will reciprocate with the devotee and then confirm his direction. A devotee can also receive confirmation through other devotees.

From One Hundred Happy Ideas

pp. 20-32

18

Prabhupada
comes back to me after my
performance at lecture in the schoolhouse.

Prabhupada wearing
his silk soft saffron

Swami hat, warm cadar
looks upon me.

Soon I’ll start the worship—
massage him, bathe him,
dress him again.

Happiness is absence of pain and
obvious danger and suffering.
There’s deeper happiness.

Ideas for making money and
for preaching—opening a
restaurant, doing nama-hatta on a
computer, going to England to sing
at Hare Kr§ha festivals, writing a
book. Making money, purifying it
yourself. Telling others good ideas
they can use.

19

Flowers dead in vase,
cow lowing in pasture
where she’s kept for
slaughter. Can you be
happy amid cruel nature
and men?

“Women have a different
psychological makeup,” he explained.
We tried to understand “Women are
less intelligent” in a way that would
not offend.

I’d say I’m okay but you’d
misunderstand. Words fail
and that’s okay too. I want to
be known as a blissful
devotee. Served his
guru, Prabhupada.

A happy idea: to wake and read
the words of Devahati in the last
chapter of Third Canto, then start
the Fourth. Alone in the house
all day but not lonely except in a
Krsna conscious way.

21

These helpful hints, man-made
are small-time.

The Great Idea in the mind of
God is loving service.

He wants to submit Himself to
best devotees. He’s
bhakta-vatsala, inclined to them.

Of all God’s glories that’s
the best. I want even a
little of His glory to brush over
me, assurance of His love.
They say pain has to
come first, but main thing is
nayam atma pravacanena labhyo . . .

Only to one whom He chooses
does He give His mercy.

A happy idea:
“Surrender to Me.”

23

Queen Kunti said,
“You come to us in danger.
So let the dangers remain
because when we see You—
apunar bhava-darsanam,
we’ll see no more of birth and death.”
“That is real happiness,”
said Srila Prabhupada.

24

A voice is chattering inside. The
mechanical man crosses his legs,
takes off his wool cap and scarf.
He’s aware he’s sitting in front of
Prabhupada.

26

Grin crooked.
I don’t want to go to Him,
not yet. I don’t know who
I am or what I love.

Happy ideas:
keep searching gently, take a
morning walk, read Srimad-Bhagavatam
even if you don’t love it.

You say, “I don’t want to go yet to
where my spiritual master is but I am
with him now every day listening to
his speeches and reading his books.”

I don’t know what will happen.
“Trust in Krsna.”

28

The gopis‘ joy is the
happiness of Krsna.
They desire it intensely.
Srimati Radharani says, “If
Kra takes pleasure in making
Me miserable, I will
consider that misery
the greatest happiness.”

Who can understand this?

29

I’m happy to be chanting.
I wish you all well.

Be—happy, sad,
remember
too. Give people
Krsna consciousness wherever you are.
This is the best idea
and that’s why He gave it,
Lord Caitanya.

From Writing Sessions at Manu’s House

pp. 34-37

September 28, 1996

I risked coming to the shed even with a little headache, because I wanted to write. Good. This is your discipline for October too. Try to say something each day. If it’s too hard to write with a pen on some days, you can talk. Pick up a Dictaphone, say what time of day it is and speak, speak travel data and any thoughts and feelings. Don’t worry, “But it’s increasing the volume of the book.” Please don’t bother about that. I have to keep telling you that.

I like your colored drawings. Poems are something else. You don’t “have to” write anything. It’s all gratis. It’s all your self-expression.

******

By His grace I am writing this. Even if the headache gets worse. I got my afternoon session in. Tomorrow morn 9 A.M. I speak to the devotees. Say I don’t know anything about the holy name except what’s in the scriptures and I will speak, however, what I know. I will address the problem some have, to chant sixteen rounds. Rock bottom. We may also consider improving the quality. Even if you do chant sixteen rounds every day, when we discuss it, it will underline for you the need to do it, so you appreciate and never fall below that.

Sixteen rounds and four rules.

******

You load sixteen rounds
and whaddya get?
Another day older
and deeper in—
attraction to the habit
of hari-nāma dīkṣā vow.

I promise I will
never abandon it,
sixteen rounds and whaddya
get?
Infinite mercy and freedom
from laws of karma—
liberation.

******

Keep going a full half-hour and then quit and go back in … the weeds are blowing, we will be gone from this peaceful place.

No turning back from our decision to move, travel, vamoose. We are off. Yes, you have a yearning to remain in this quiet place and write like this each day. But it’s good to get out. Within one week I’ll have three disciple’s meetings, one here in Geaglum, one in Belfast, and one in England.

That’s pretty good, Gurujī.

Get out and try and you’ll have adventures to write even if it’s the inner adventures that are scratched by enduring the outer ones. What can you write on a late-night ferry?

This silver pen, I keep wanting to give it up but it has a nice feel to it. Why don’t you stay with it? Each pen can help you in its own way. Best result of this week of writing sessions is to get me attached to (liking) the feel of the pen in the hand and a habit of writing. I like the shed. We will have no shed in the van but learn to adjust to confined space. Rest your head and hear the music in earphones as best you can. Khichari, no big desserts. Send tapes out, your life is what it is.

Holy Kṛṣṇa protect us,
we know the real thing
God not vague
but coming in Gītā
and learned sages love for
Him
transferred to me and you.
Haribol.

******

12:30 midnight

Keep an eye on Kṛṣṇa. If you can’t surrender, then at least chant, Śrīla Prabhupāda writes. Sixteen rounds are essential.

Report in here and leave record. But not just for the sake of a log or record. That is a clerical function or like a ship’s log kept by men on watch. It is just a history that no one reads except for official purposes. I’ve seen sometimes our security guards at Hare Krishna Land, Mumbai. They keep records of their standing watch, and this paperwork preoccupies them in a life of boredom with nothing else to do. My writing shouldn’t be like that, perfunctory.

But I do feel the need to record some things in that way of a daily round. The first signs of a flashing pain (no matter how slight) in the right eye are important to me because they warn me that I can’t even do this function of writing. They tell me I have to pull the plans right away. Can’t write long or passionately, have to decide what to do aside from the desire to go all out in writing or reading. What care and repair for the body?

That’s an example of why I do write down log material, “Slight flashing light in right eye. Reluctant to get up at midnight … Ship is plying smoothly. Steady as she goes.”

Harumph. Be quiet. Others are asleep. I like people to sleep while I write. Then I chant softly to not wake them. I’m a considerate person at least in that way—don’t disturb their sleep.

******

Last two days here, lots of packing to do. Madhu says he works slower as part of the general slowing down (growing older). I don’t think he’ll do this again, outfit a whole van from scratch. I also may not “forever” be willing to travel like this. We are hopeful of at least this October-November tour, but it occurred to me that it could be a bust. I might get so many headaches and pills cannot check them. And the whole thing gets out of control and we come back (like Francis of Assisi comes back from the Crusades) ill and apparently defeated—but try to turn that too into a victory for the spirit.

But if as we start out, we do get more headaches, that doesn’t mean we instantly push the panic button and come back. Tolerate and suffer for a while, staying in the van, lying down in the bunk there, not seeing people or giving temple classes until I get clear of the headache.

******

Steady as she goes. The tugboat, the boat crossing the sea, old boat, engine holding up but with a problem. Keep moving and chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa. Keep yourself together for giving the class today.

At 5:15 A.M. we do physical exercises but only if we feel up to it. And listen to Aindra’s kīrtanas.

******

Goodbye again, Geaglum. Rushes, weeds blowing by the lakeside. The little prefab shed poised there. When on the lake strait you can see the little shed in the field on the edge of the forest. It’s a good place to start. I’ve felt that I cannot write unless I go out there, it is so congenial for starting you.

From The Sunset Years: An Occasional Journal, Volume 1

pp. 355-58

August 31, 2025

In the material world, a beautiful young woman grows old, and her face turns into the look of a rotten peach. Her gentleman counterpart loses his muscles and interesting looks. Everyone changes like this as they grow older. Only in the spiritual world do folks maintain their beauty and mutual attraction and stay together forever with the Supreme Personality of Godhead.

******

When they were about to part, a gentleman asked the lady, “When will we meet again?” She answered with one word: “Krsna.” He took it to mean if they would ever meet again, it would be by the will of Krsna, nothing else.

******

There’s an old Japanese poem that describes a man and a woman like ripe peaches on a tree. They have great attraction for each other. But as they grow older and older, the “peaches” grow rotten, and attraction for them goes away.

In Goloka Vrndavana Krsna first manifests as a charming baby. He drinks His mother’s breast milk.
As He grows a little older, He plays with His cowherd friends.
When He grows to adolescence, He and the cowherd girls of an equal age fall in love with each other and have sportive pastimes of love.
Unlike in the material world, Krsna never grows older than adolescence
about sixteen years (and He perpetually enjoys loving pastimes with the girls, boys and cows of Vrndavana).

A few devotees of Krsna and Radha, even when they grow older, do not lose their charming ardor for the cowherd boy. If they are perfectly pure in their relationship with Him, they transfer at the time of their leaving this world to the spiritual world, where all is sat-cid-ananda vigraha.

******

New Poems

Bewildered souls live in the material world and suffer the pangs of material suffering.
There is no release from the pangs of nature for them.
But one who is fortunate to meet a pure devotee spiritual master
can be rescued from his bewilderment.

He is taught to avoid the mayic attractions.
He stays pure under the shelter of his Guru Maharaja. He becomes closer and closer to guru and Krsna and serves them with all his heart and soul.
When it’s time for him to kick off his mortal coil
he doesn’t actually die like an ordinary jiva
but he goes back to the spiritual world for forever-blissful pastimes with his guru, Krsna and all the pure parisads of Vraja.
They are protected by the Lord Himself, and His ever-watchful ones.
They follow this motto: “Whoever Krsna protects
no one can kill
whoever Krsna desires to kill, no one can protect.

Whoever stays in the protection of the pure devotees
never fears the asuras
and never ever falls down.
(Even if he slips, the Lord forgives
and protects him and maintains
his position as a fixed-up devotee.)

******

As I grow older, the remaining sand in my hourglass trickles down to the bottom.
I take shelter in poetry because the Lord and my guru
want me to do it as a legacy to my friends.

I am a spiritual juvenile or neophyte
and I have no hope of making verses
like the great Vaiṣṇava poets of the past.
But my own Guru Maharaja, Śrīla Prabhupāda
encouraged me from the beginning to “write! Write one or two lines praising Krsna.” In addition to praising Krsna, I love His friends, who are my friends also, and pure devotees. They also like to write poems
and I do my duty and encourage them.
Neophyte poet, show me your verses
and share them with likeminded souls.

As Swamiji encouraged me in making poems right
since 1966, he will encourage you also
if you speak with heart and soul.

Even if you’re a beginner spiritualist, you can benefit by hearing
the English poet, William Blake’s
“Introduction to Songs of Innocence”:

And I made a rural pen,
And I stain’d the water clear,
And I wrote my happy songs
Every child may joy to hear

******

I have two typists and I’m not sure who to dictate to. One is supposedly more confidential than the other. But they are both confidential. The difficulty is with myself.

There is a verse in Shakespeare that goes something like this, not exactly like this but roughly like this: “The fault is not in our stars but in ourselves.” I cannot speak deeply. I cannot speak honestly on a Dictaphone. But here I am with three points, and yet on another Dictaphone I have spoken more points. But I don’t know where that Dictaphone is right now.

I really want to talk to Krsna but I get so confused and try to hide the truth. I don’t speak straight—I’m trying to hide the truth. Besides that, I am a disoriented person because of my P. disease. Disoriented. “You are disoriented,” Baladeva sometimes says to me. I try to hide the truth from myself. I have more than one Dictaphone, and I say different things on the different ones. The batteries run low, and that’s another problem.

O Krsna, why don’t You allow me to speak the truth? Sraddha said to me that ever since she was a young teenager, she heard Hridayananda Maharaja speaking about the Mahabharata. He has been talking about the Mahabharata since he was many years younger than he is now, and now he is writing his multi-series of Mahabharata in modern language. He is far ahead of us all.

From Narada-bhakti-sutra by Srila Prabhupada and his disciples

pp. 355-58

SUTRA 35

One achieves bhakti by giving up sense gratification and mundane association.

PURPORT

Visaya refers to the objects of sense enjoyment, and one who indulges in sense enjoyment is called a visayi. A visayi cannot succeed in devotional service. The acaryas therefore set down regulations for eating, mating, and so on. Narada states that one should not only give up gross practices of sense indulgence but should even stop thinking of sense gratification. The word sanga-tyaga indicates that one should refrain from associating with sense objects even within the mind and heart. The acaryas of all religions so consistently recommend such renunciation of sense pleasure that the need for it may seem a truism. But to practice it is not easy. And yet if we want to advance in bhakti­yoga, practice it we must. As Lord Krsna says, “What is called renunciation you should know to be the same as yoga, or linking oneself with the Supreme, 0 son of Pandu, for one can never become a yogi unless he renounces the desire for sense gratification” (Bg. 6.2).

The Krsna conscious method of renunciation is to engage the mind and senses in devotional service. As Srila Rupa Gosvami says in his Bhakti-rasamrta-sindhu (2.255):

anasaktasya visayan
yatharham upayunjatah
nirbandhah krsna-sambandhe
yuktath vairagyam ucyate

“When one is not attached to anything but simultaneously accepts everything in relation to Krsna, one is situated above possessiveness.”

An active devotee is more complete in his renunciation than one who rejects material things without knowledge of their relationship to Krsna. This method of yukta-vairagya gives one great freedom, but it must be done rightly. Srila Prabhupada writes, “One should, however, note that after doing something whimsically he should not offer the results to the Supreme Lord. That sort of duty is not in the devotional service of Krsna consciousness. One should act according to the order of Krsna, [which] comes through disciplic succession from the bona fide spiritual master” (Bg. 18.57, purport). In short, sinful activity cannot be brought under the purview of “offering everything to Krsna.” Indeed, Srila Prabhupada would not accept disciples unless they agreed to follow the four regulative principles—no illicit sex, no intoxication, no gambling, and no meat-eating.

Renunciation is possible because of the higher pleasure attainable in spiritual life. As Krsna states in the Bhagavad-gita (2.59),

visaya vinivartante
niraharasya dehinah
rasa-varjah raso ‘py asya
param drstva nivartate

“Although the embodied soul may be restricted from sense enjoy­ment, the taste for sense objects remains. But ceasing such engagements by experiencing a higher taste, he is fixed in consciousness.”

In his purport to this verse, Srila Prabhupada compares the restriction from sense enjoyment mystic yogis observe to the restrictions a doctor places upon a patient that forbid him from taking certain types of food. In neither instance is the taste for the forbidden pleasures lost.

“But,” Srila Prabhupada writes, “one who has tasted the beauty of the Supreme Lord, Krsna, in the course of his advancement in Krsna consciousness no longer has a taste for dead, material things. There­fore, restrictions are there for the less intelligent neophytes in the spiritual advancement of life, but such restrictions are good only until one actually has a taste for Krsna consciousness.”

Previously Narada has stated that it is not sufficient merely to hear about spiritual life or to tell others about it without actually practicing it and realizing its fruits oneself. And so the sadhana-bhakta actually practices—he avoids., lusty attachments on the strength of his vows, and Krsna helps him from within. Eventually he relishes a higher taste and loses the desire for sense gratification. Bhakti-yoga, being a transcen­dental science, yields the expected results when carefully followed.

The phrase sanga-tyagat, which Narada uses here, also appears in Srila Rupa Gosvami’s Upadesamrta. According to Rupa Gosvami, sanga-tyaga, by which he means “abandoning the association of nondevotees,” is one of the most important requirements for the execution of pure devotional service. When Lord Caitanya was asked to define a Vaisnava, He replied, asat-saitga-tyaga—ei vaintava &dm “Characteristically, a Vaisnava is one who gives up the association of worldly people, or nondevotees” (Cc. Madhya 22.87). Just as asat-sanga increases our material attachment and impedes our devotional ser­vice, so sadhu-sanga furthers our devotional service by helping us become attached to Lord Krsna and detached from the practices of nondevotees.

In the Srimad-Bhagavatam Lord Kapila advises His mother, Devahuti, that while material attachment is the greatest entanglement for the spirit soul, “that same attachment, when applied to the self-realized devotees, opens the door of liberation” (Bhag. 3.25.20). In his purport, Srila Prabhupada writes, “This indicates that the propensity for attachment cannot be stopped; it must be utilized for the best purpose. Our attachment for material things perpetuates our conditioned state, but the same attachment, when transferred to the Supreme Personality of Godhead or His devotee, is the source of liberation.”

This sutra contains a stern order for the aspiring devotee: “If you want to progress in bhakti, you must give up sense gratification and material association.” In his Bhagavad-gita purports, Srila Prabhupada writes,

The supreme occupation for all humanity is that by which one can tell us how we should approach such orders:

“The Lord instructs that one has to become fully Krsna conscious to discharge duties, as if in military discipline. Such an injunction may make things a little diffi­cult; still, duties must be carried out, with dependence on Krsna, because that is the constitutional position of the living entity” (Bg. 3.30, purport).

Lethargy in the face of these orders should be thrown off. The alternative is great unhappiness, more than we can imagine, as the soul falls down into lower species of life, birth after birth.

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Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

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Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

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Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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The post Free Write Journal #399 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Appreciation of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami by Jayadvaita Maharaja
3. Appreciation of Jayadvaita Maharaja by Satsvarupa dasa Goswami
4. Best Use of a Bad Bargain
5. Vrndavana Writing
6. Prabhupada Meditations, V. 3
7. Niti-Sastras
8. Delaware Diaries, V. 2
9. Stories in April/ Gite Stories

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 10)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

What if you think of the day’s devotional service when chanting your rounds? It is not so easy to stop the flow of our thoughts. So better you are thinking of devotional service than māyā. But as far as possible try to steer your thinking back to the sound vibration of the holy name. Then after such absorption in chanting you can go forth to your day’s activities in the best condition.

******

Chanting is the first service—śravaṇaṁ kīrtanaṁ viṣṇoḥ smaraṇam. So, when your service attitude and all your service has come up to the offenseless position, then you automatically become perfect. This is very important.

******

There are many names for God throughout the universe, but Kṛṣṇa is the supreme name according to Vedic knowledge. Therefore, Lord Caitanya Mahāprabhu recommended the chanting of Hare Kṛṣṇa as the supreme means for realization in this age. —Rāja-Vidyā

******

You can diagnose the cause of your slow progress in self-realization as offensive, inattentive chanting. This has also been called failure to develop ecstatic love even after so many instructions on the matter. Beware of complacency in your devotional service. It is all a disease of hearing—a hearing deficiency.

******

By not hearing the philosophy one falls into illusion. He imagines injustices, difficulties, and becomes snared into material plan-making, etc. He forgets his own identity as a servant of the servant of the servant of Kṛṣṇa, and his mental activity replaces his concentration on his rounds—his japa becomes afflicted.

This illness in advanced stages results in a variety of maladies (vaiṣṇava-aparādha, guru-aparādha, blooping) and that can culminate in death (spiritual).

******

Take preliminary precautions to protect yourself from serious illness. Just as a person developing sniffles and sneezing may dress warmly, drink brahmāstra juice, etc., a person who finds himself “elsewhere” when chanting japa should immediately take precautionary measures.

******

Shake your mental laziness. Ultimately such a complacent attitude in japa means that you think you will never die. If you were conscious of your true position and how, factually, death could come at any moment, then your japa would not be so nonchalant. You would actually be grasping for the lotus feet of Kṛṣṇa in desperation—that in whatever small amount of time destined you, you must perfect your life, perfect your heart, and the only means is through the mercy of Lord Kṛṣṇa through His holy name.

******

If one chants and accepts the holy name as a material vibration, he falls down. One should worship and chant the holy name of the Lord by accepting it as the Lord Himself. During the chanting of the holy name, the tongue must work; the tongue is sevonmukha-jihvā—it is controlled by service.

—Caitanya-caritāmṛta

******

By our living submissively in Kṛṣṇa consciousness we are becoming entitled to reap the fruits of chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa. So now we just have to adjust those things that are preventing us from tasting or from obtaining the wealth. Committing these ten offenses prevents us from chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa purely, but many of them are avoided by the different regulative activities during the day—every day. We say, “Don’t sleep when you chant. Don’t mispronounce. Control your mind, and then it will come.” And other adjustments are there. Like one boy gave me this stereo system. It has so many complicated switches. So everything is working—the speakers are working, all the electronics are working. But there are so many switches sometimes somebody flicks one switch and turns the whole thing into the radio or turns off the something-or-other, and then it doesn’t work. It doesn’t mean everything is useless. But you have to see, “Oh, this switch.” You turn it, then immediately the sound comes.

2025 Vyasa-puja Appreciation of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami by Jayadvaita Swami

satsvarupabhidam vande vinitam sadhu-bhusanam
bhakti-granthana naipunyam bhaktivedanta siksitam

Standing out among the many credits of Satsvarupa Maharaja: Following Srila Prabhupada, he’s ISKCON’s most accomplished author. With nearly two hundred books, he’s certainly the most prolific.

But the books themselves are outstanding. First of all—and above all—they’re Krsna conscious. They glorify Krsna, they delve into the philosophy and practice of Krsna consciousness, they express Krsna conscious teachings and realizations, they bring readers closer to Krsna.

Then too, his books have a high literary quality. They’re the works of an author with his own voice, his own words, his own thoughts. This is what Srila Prabhupada called realized knowledge—the traditional teachings, brought into oneself, thought about, understood, and given new shape in one’s own words. And so, most often, his books are deeply personal. They represent Krsna consciousness as it pertains to the author himself—to his own challenges and accomplishments, his own doubts and convictions, his own people and surroundings, his own life. And so, as Srila Prabhupada said, we get “old wine in a new bottle”—or, in this case, two hundred new bottles.

And the bottles are of all sorts. That is to say, Satsvarupa Maharaja has written in a wide spread of genres: essays, memoirs, fiction, poetry, biography, autobiography, scriptural commentary, personal reflection, guides to practice and doctrine, and more. Looking for fiction? Come read Satsvarupa Maharaja. Poetry? Read Satsvarupa Maharaja. Guidance and inspiration in chanting japa and reading Srimad-Bhagavatam? Again, read Satsvarupa Maharaja. ISKCON history? Prabhupada pastimes? Pastimes of Krsna and His incarnations? Come read SDG.

His books have sometimes been ahead of their time. Decades before today’s proliferation of books and workshops for better japa, Satsvarupa Maharaja was there with such writings as Japa Reform Notebook. During the height of the “zonal guru era,” he aroused controversy with Guru Reform Notebook. Even the straight-laced Readings in Vedic Literature was bold and revolutionary in spotlighting the biases and Christian-colonialist agendas of the first Indologists. And all this, of course, stands aside from Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, the great history of Srila Prabhupada’s life.

Srila Prabhupada wrote that contributing some literary work for the benefit of others is “the first duty of a person in the renounced order of life.” And Satsvarupa Maharaja has produced not only some literary work but an entire literature, a body of work unique in itself.

We can hardly keep up with him. He can write faster than we can read. I predict that scholars in the future will comb through his works for insights on the Hare Krishna movement, its Founder-Acarya, its devotees—and Satsvarupa Maharaja himself. Devotees young and old will discover his books and find new inspirations and realizations, And readers yet to become devotees will be drawn in by Krsna conscious books that are intriguing, challenging, alive, and pleasing to read.

And so: Our humble respects again and again to our dear friend, the extraordinary author Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

Jayadvaita Swami
Brooklyn, New York

2026 Vyasa-puja Appreciation of Jayadvaita Swami by Satsvarupa dasa Goswami:

I read Jayadvaita Maharaja’s appreciation of my writings. I look up to him as a superior devotee, better preacher. (He lectures boldly several times a week, or rather, every day!) I offer my obeisances to his lotus feet. He doesn’t want to accept many disciples, but when they come and humbly ask him for shelter, what can he do? He will accept the best, the most qualified, those who can actually help him in his service to Srila Prabhupada. He once called a certain intelligent devotee a “smart cookie.” Those are his words for someone else, but they describe Jayadvaita Maharaja. You can’t get up early enough to outsmart him. He continues to be a leader of any worthwhile grass-roots reform movement. He’s controversial and he likes it that way. He’s as straight as an arrow in upholding what we can call “Prabhupada’s way.” He was with Prabhupada’s ISKCON from the beginning, and he knows firsthand what Prabhupada taught and what he desires to be followed. Go against Jayadvaita Maharaja at your risk. He’s whipped me a few times for deviating, so I know the bite of his whip. Although he catches me when I step too far out of line in my taste for experimentation, he has always “had my back,” as the saying goes. He has continued to suppo me and defend me in my lowest hours. He’s a great friend and guardian, seeing that I don’t quit the boundaries of the bona-fide ISKCON.

He has now become the author and publisher of important books, and Srila Prabhupada says books are the basis. His first book was Vanity Karma, and it won a significant literary prize. Next he wrote The Vanaprastha Adventure, and this has caught the attention of ISKCON’s older devotees. He has several other books in the making. Thus Jayadvaita’s following the maxim that the first duty of a renounced person is to write books.

Watch out for Jayadvaita Maharaja’s promised outpouring of books! All faithful followers of Srila Prabhupada, please listen carefully to what Jayadvaita Maharaja is saying. If you are deviating, not chanting your rounds, or leading a lazy life, look out for Jayadvaita Maharaja. He will catch you in your deviancy. Maharaja talks the talk and walks the walk—another well-worn expression, but applicable here, in this lifetime loyal devotee of Srila Prabhupada.

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From The Best Use of A Bad Bargain

pp. 119-122

It’s almost 3 P.M. Why do I write? What interests me? I like to create little interesting portraits with human beings in them, stories in Kṛṣṇa conscious prose and poetry to amuse and interest readers. William Carlos Williams writes in Spring and All, “In the imagination, we are from henceforth (so long as you read) locked in a fraternal embrace, the classic caress of author and reader. We are one. Whenever I say, ‘I’ I mean also, ‘You.’ And so, together, as one, we shall begin.”

He wanted to capture the moment. Of the reader he says, “The thing he never knows and never dares to know is what he is at the exact moment that he is. And this moment is the only thing in which I am at all interested.”

No story this, but raw notes. Qualms. In Nature Cure you practice restraint, not indulgence. What about in writing? Discipline is to write only truth and to not be attached to publishing it or even making it come out “right”.

Sometimes I doubt that process. Actually, I doubt it every day. The poor readers have to read through it all. It’s like having a neurotic husband and having to listen to the same complaints every day. A good wife will encourage him, and he may try to free himself, but the path is not always clear.

******

Two cleaning ladies, the old one and younger one, just knocked on the door. “Clean, clean?” No, I say, you already cleaned today. They don’t understand English. They think I’m refusing them for some other reason. I guess they don’t know that another lady cleaned this morning.

1:17 A.M.

I realized today that I forget from moment to moment what I am thinking of. I guess that’s the nature of the mind. Instead, I resort to writing about what I recently read in Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books or what I heard him speak on tape. That is my poverty as a thinker, but it’s also a virtue to simply present Prabhupāda. If I’m concerned about readers, then I can know that I am giving them the best thing when I repeat my spiritual master’s teachings.

Now my whole pre-dawn bhajana has to be done by sitting without back rest on the bed under the mosquito net. Madhu counted twenty mosquitoes sitting on his net waiting for the opportunity to bite him. Even if you stay under the net, but your hand or head touches the net during sleep, they get you. “Hey, guys, he’s touching! Let’s get him!”

******

From this morning’s reading: pariṇāma-vāda or vikāra, the teachings of the transformation of energies of the absolute, is taught by Lord Caitanya and the Vaiṣṇavas. Śaṅkara denies this and says that the Absolute’s oneness doesn’t change. He thought Vyāsadeva was mistaken, and he opposed theism all over the world.

O kid, posing
like a pretzel, what are you
doing?
I’m making my body resilient
for a little while longer, so I can
move lightly, be lighthearted,
and please Kṛṣṇa in
all my activities.

May He be pleased with
me and see that I’m ready to
leave the world to
reach Him 100%
for His pleasure and
the pleasure of His devotees.

******

The factory connected to this clinic produces bottled drinking water. Their engine is running all night, or is that the generator? Whatever it is, it spoils the silence. They say it may rain today.

It will be nice to go to Vṛndāvana again. I hope my health will have improved from being here, but I don’t expect it. This body is meant for pain. There is no way to free myself from it. Even while sitting in the hip bath this morning, a fierce mosquito bit me in four places, causing big swellings. I could become absorbed in the misery and meditate on mosquitoes as my enemies instead of thinking of Kṛṣṇa, but that is only more misery.

The Viṣṇu Purāṇa states that the material nature encourages fruitive activity. Therefore, the jīva who has fallen under its spell works hard to please his body and to find enjoyment in matter. He doesn’t want to hear the teachings of the Vedic sages because he can’t see that he will die. Rather, he prefers to chase after Cārvāka’s “ghee.” After all, death ends all.

Kṛṣṇa consciousness is the art of all work.

******

This morning’s japa looming up before me. It’s a vigorous workout here under my net. But now my mind is blank, my feelings blank, and I’m trying to connect with them through this pen.

I am not Mighty Mouse
soaring up to the sky while wearing a
trailing opera cloak.
I am just a bloke or
better, a spirit soul,
covered with mud. The
hose of bhakti-sādhana
washes it away.
Hari-nāma removes the
layers of māyā.

No point asking how badly I chant,
or, “Are the rounds good?” But surrender
to Nāma Prabhu, the holy name.
Fall at His feet
like the lost offender you are.
Beg Him to sprinkle a few drops
of His mercy on you so
that you may rise from
the pit of despair
where you are distracted by
a thousand mental mosquitoes.
Please give me the strength to work in
Your saṅkīrtana movement
in this world.

******

Day’s collage of short notes

Laḍḍu-Gopāla,
they may not care
for You,
but
during corpse pose
I went off somewhere
to think of You, and felt happy to write
my journey through
life. I am
just a tiny integer
at Your feet.

The Indian doctor tries
to stay active. To do good, he says.
He says he is
sixteen pounds underweight but strong.
I think, bhārata-bhūmite haila—
I prefer to do good
as my Swami’s celā.

This sprightly sannyāsī hopes
to be on the road next year,
to write and preach
to feel fresh and faithful.

Spent a busy morning in the simple therapies here. Do I feel keen hunger? No breakfast, of course. Stay on course. Humility’s the dad of other virtues.

******

I seek a way to better
writing. Kṛṣṇa will tell me
something.
A white rabbit here holds
the trash barrel to its bosom,
“Use me please.”
Gaṇeśa’s temple bell
rang when the fat boy paid
his last visit and prayed,
“Make me well and
prosperous like New York City”
before he left us.
Now we are alone with the little girl
in red choli and gold sari
who chastely, feebly stays
in the back of the gym
while M. and I try
our best to stay
balanced in that one-legged pose.

******

Use time well. Learn to improve your service. Be humble and grateful and determined. The writing remains similar, but I hope to improve in the same genre. If newness comes, let it come of its own accord.

From Vrndavana Writing

pp. 18-22

August 9, 6:21 P.M.

We made it to Vrndavana. Baladeva found us a house only five minutes from the Krishna-Balaram Mandir. I already spoke with Navadvipa dasa on varied topics, like how demanding it is to follow the teachings of raganuga and harmonize it with what Prabhupada is and what he teaches.

I propose a discipline of reading Srila Prabhupada’s books daily. I propose that bhakti-yoga is beyond my intellect, so I should pray. I propose bowing down physically and mentally, praying to become infused with humility and Krsna consciousness. I pray to be able to write.

Madhu says if it doesn’t work out in this asrama, we can move over to the Krishna-Balaram Mandir. We are still moving in, keeping only the essentials in the room in case we get robbed. They say a chowkidar with a gun patrols this area at night. No candles yet. Mosquitoes?

Leftover jet lag, Air France atmosphere . . . Navadvipa unshaven like a Vraja sadhu, me in the habit of shaving daily.

August 10, 12:15 A.M.

I woke to a loud noise and thought someone might be smashing the lock. Then I heard Madhu chanting loudly. I thought he must be scaring off an intruder, but when I went to his room, he said he was up because he was being bitten by mosquitoes. The noise I heard was him chasing a roach with a cup. Anyway, now we’re both up.

If I am to follow my “be here now” policy, I would have to start by describing the crickets. They make such a pleasing sound. I am writing with a Sheaffer “No Nonsense” pen. I also have indigestion and I wonder what is ahead for me during this monsoon season.

I will be reading Srila Prabhupada’s books as a discipline. A theme has been introduced—or it has appeared —I have to come to terms with the deeper implications of inquiry into raganuga. Navadvipa dasa told me that all the ISKCON devotees involved so far are all reaching a similar conclusion: we are insignificant. Direct service to Srimati Radharani is far away. We are aware that it is the conclusion of the Gaudiya Vaisnava acaryas and we are intrigued by it. But it is far away.

It is at this point I begin my visit to Vrndavana. I have my ways of spending time—planning out the lectures I will give here later, reading, praying, going to Mathura, and writing. The first four weeks are for writing.

******

As soon as we got out of the little van yesterday, I made prostrated obeisances in the dust. This place where we are staying is not an official tirtha; you won’t find it in the guidebooks. But we have a “lakeside” property. At least I can sidestep the “lake” to get in the front gate.

From Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, “Prabhupada in Vrndavana”:

“They should not expect to serve him sentimentally but should work hard. Devotional service was dynamic. Prabhupada wanted his disciples to help him with his projects to serve his guru maharaja—projects which, if successful, could save the world from misery” (Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, Vol. 5, p. 235).

What about preaching? What about his tears of compassion for suffering souls? Is this “lesser” than the inner mood of Raghunatha dasa Gosvami … whose tears were in separation from Radha? How to get through these various levels of teaching and viewpoints without minimizing any Vaisnava? We want to serve our guru maharaja. I want to do something to serve the people—at least some of them—who come to this movement.

******

We were stopped three or four times by police on our way out here from Delhi. Finally, we had to pay a fifty-rupee fine. Baladeva pointed out that this is only one side of India. Then he gave some examples of the other side: on his way to his room last night, some men stopped him and asked, “Swami, could you please come to our room?” They plied him with sincere questions. They were visiting Vrndavana from Delhi and were confused by the variety of answers they had received at different temples. Their questions: “Why did Krsna go to Dvaraka? If Vrndavana is the land of Krsna, why do the people here chant “Radhe, Radhe”? Do you really believe in transmigration? Can you explain it in the light of modern science?” Baladeva stayed up for three hours answering their questions and finally, one man began to cry tears of gratitude. Finally, he had received the answers in a way he could accept—by hearing from a follower of Prabhupada.

My main purpose here is to write without pretense. Dear reader, I have faith in this, so please bear with me.

O creatures residing in Vrndavana, this is 1992. I am a pilgrim to your land and I want to record some of your glories. I attempt it in an odd fashion, sometimes bemused at you, sometimes disturbed, usually at a distance, a stranger. But I mean no harm.

Please tell me what is below the surface of the dhama. How are Radha-Krsna’s pastimes which I read about in Sanskrit poetry, being manifest today? I am not an archeologist trying to dig up the facts. I really want to know. I know I am unqualified, but I still desire to serve the vrajavasis life after life.

******

The well water is salty—I can still taste it in my mouth. I hope that chowkidar’s whistle keeps the dacoits away. Madhu and I turned our passports and money over to the safe at the guesthouse. All I have left of interest to a dacoit is a few pens, and I won’t part with them easily.

6:25 A.M.

I’m writing this on the roof of—what should I call this place? The asrama? Cricket Hall? Anyway, the roof is nice. I can see the ISKCON Gurukula from here.

“Mathura . . . Syama … Yamuna …” the loud-speaker across from Fogel Asrama is trying to get my attention. “Jaya Sri Radhe!” Now a kid takes the microphone and shouts a few words.

Sadhus walking this way in that orange they wear . . . This land belonged to Swami Bon’s Oriental Institute. It is mostly open field and footpaths.

9:50 A.M.

It should be obvious that even equipped with the best pen and a secluded place, I won’t be able to at-tain the state of advanced Krsna consciousness. We have to serve the Vaisnavas and please the spiri¬tual master to get that. Otherwise, we get the result of our desires. I may write and someone may even read it, but what will be left in the end? The desire to fulfill our dreams leaves us holding only the work, the struggle. I am not saying this specifically to cut myself down. But it is something that has to be considered. We have to use our time well with the proper motivation.

From Prabhupada Meditations, Volume 3

pp. 231-235

Speaking Up for the Atheist Extentialists

I was with Prabhupada as his secretary for two weeks in Bhuvanesvara. We were far away from any big group of devotees, so those who were with Prabhupada at this remote outpost were able to get his association frequently and personally. For morning walks, we went through the park. Prabhupada stopped to look at the flowers and said, “How can they say there is no God?” We went through a zoo once, but mainly we walked in the park. The ground was unpaved, and the weather was warm, although it was January. Prabhupada looked beautiful in his saffron. He was beginning to have that illness which was an indication of his last days with us, and this was his last year. He was, nevertheless, in full spirits and alert consciousness. The illness hampered him only because he could not travel as much or do all the things he wanted to do.

On one walk, Prabhupada was scoffing at the theory of chance as a basis for life and creation. Bhagavata dasa said, “Actually, Isaac Newton disproved that theory of chance.” Hari Sauri mentioned a book that he had read, Life Has No Meaning. Prabhupada responded with a mere, “Humph.”

Then Prabhupada said, “Does that mean life has no meaning, but the rascal’s words in the book do have meaning?”

I took this as a cue to enter with some of my pet intellectual attachments.

“Life has no meaning, but we have to give it meaning.” I was trying to present the case of the atheist existentialists to Prabhupada. It was not that long ago that I was reading those books and believing in them. I was not presenting their case as something I though unimportant; it was something within my own psyche.

I said, “That is the glory of man: he finds the meaning. He gives the meaning to the meaningless.” When I said that, I felt a twinge of pride at my eloquence. I even thought that the other devotees could not really appreciate me because I was so intellectual and eloquent. I was not like others who might give Prabhupada crude, distorted things to think about—I was giving him some straight existentialism, relevant to the times in which Prabhupada was living.

Prabhupada was not impressed with me though. He did not respond. Some of the other devotees repeated their lines about a book called Life Has No Meaning and how it had won the Nobel Prize.

I spoke out again. This was unusual for me, but since there were so few of us on the walk, and since the devotees who were present were not heavy competitors, I felt more inclined to step forward and speak on behalf of the existentialists.

I said, “They say you have to face up to that uncertainty of no meaning, and just live your life without taking meaning from the sastra.”

“Simply take from him,” Prabhupada responded.

“Each person has to find within himself the meaning,” I said. Existential atheism was usually the furthest thing from my mind. I was faithfully engaged in duties as Prabhupada’s secretary, typing his letters, massaging him, but now all these old attachments started bubbling up. Rather than be silenced by Prabhupada’s first rebukes, I persisted.

“Then why you are distributing the meaning?” Prabhupada asked. This was his usual method, to address the person he was talking to by forcing him to identify with the person he was presenting. I was willing to play the role.

“Why are you anxious to give some meaning?” Prabhupada repeated. With this remark, Prabhupada exposed the motivation of the preachers of “no meaning.” If they believed in what they said, they should let people live their own lives without coming to take the Nobel Prize for being spokesman. This silenced me and I fell into saying, “Ummm.” Was it true that the “no meaning” philosophers had such a low motivation? Prabhupada said that they simply should not speak.

Sometimes you read in history about the wonderful atmosphere of ancient days in Athens when Socrates would walk with his students. However, in Bhuvanesvara Park in 1977, we knew something more transcendental than ancient Athens. Being with Prabhupada when he allowed us to express ourselves and when he answered these theories transported us beyond time and space. We lived in ideas in the invigorating form of a mock debate with the spiritual master.

Hari Sauri said, “Krishnamurti has written thirteen books, and the purport is that no one needs a guru.”

Bhagavata added, “At the end of one book he writes, ‘When you finish this book, you can throw it away.”

“He has written thirteen books? Throw it away.” Prabhupada sounded disgusted.

“One exponent of this philosophy,” I said, “is Albert Camus. He said, ‘Do not try to lead me, because I may not want to follow you. And do not try to follow, because I may not be capable of leading you. But walk beside me and be my friend.’ He said that by writing his books, he was not trying to lead other people, but to free them from false following, from following any absolute philosophy.” By now I was feeling heady. I was speaking up on a morning walk for one of the first times, not just with a cryptic remark or a distorted version of the materialists, but with some favorite lines from Camus for Prabhupada’s consideration. I thought that now, at least, the atheists were being given a better chance to present their side, and I, too, would be more satisfied to hear Prabhupada’s reply to an accurate statement.

“Then he has to follow you,” Prabhupada replied. “Because by taking your instruction, I shall stop following others. I will have to follow you.”

“Yes,” I agreed.

“Then what is the benefit? Instead of following others, I shall follow you. My following is still there.”

“Hmmm,” I said. “They claim they do not want to be leaders, but actually they do.”

“That means rascal. What he says, that is contradictory, that is rascal.” Again Prabhupada had exposed their motives. Perhaps I was doubtful whether that was actually their motive, but Prabhupada was so down-to-earth about it. He was unhampered by false reverence for these intellectual idols. He saw them for what they were—people who wrote books to gain fame as international authors, but who propound the philosophy that no one should teach anything. Prabhupada saw the innate hypocrisy in it. (I can say, in retrospect, that if one researches the personal lives of such existential philosophers as Sartre and Camus, he will certainly find much to corroborate Prabhupada’s point.) Prabhupada was not debunking them unfairly; he was getting at the root of their contradictory position.

As we walked along in our group, with Prabhupada’s cane punctuating the sounds of our tramping, Prabhupada began chanting the Hare Krsna mantra.

Prthu-putra, a French-born sannyasi, added, “Camus committed suicide at the end of his life.”
Prabhupada was not sufficiently interested to continue the discussion. We went on in silence for a little while. Prabhupada greeted a passerby, “Jai.”

Eventually, we began talking again on a different topic. On the previous day, Prabhupada had asked to hear some of the charges the anti-cultists were making against our movement, and I began mentioning some of them. Our conversation continued in that direction until the end of the walk.

From Niti-sastras: Sayings of Canakya and Hitopadesa as Quoted by Srila Prabhupada

pp. 42-47

6

Excessive leniency will produce many faults, while strictness will build good character. Therefore, be strict, not lenient, with the son or disciple.

COMMENTARY

The dictionary defines the word “strict” as follows: “characterized by or acting in close conformity with requirements or principles; stringent or exacting in or in enforcing rules, requirements, obligations, etc.; stern, severe, strict laws; closely or rigorously enforced or maintained.” Those of us who experienced Prabhupada’s personal treatment may question whether Prabhupada followed this definition to the fullest. Certainly, Prabhupada was always encouraging us. He once told us that Bhaktivinoda Thakura was “eighty percent lenient.” In order for Krsna consciousness to be spread to the Western world, especially in the beginning, Prabhupada also had to be lenient. Yet he approved of Canakya’s statement and sometimes quoted it. “Don’t be angry, but it is the business of the teacher and the father simply to find out your mistakes, not to find out your good things. . . . If you simply pat, then there will be so many faults. . . . And if you chastise, oh, they will be very much qualified.”‘

Prabhupada told us the story about the thief and murderer who was about to be killed by the government for his crimes. As one of his last requests, he asked to see his mother. As his mother came close, he leaned over and bit her ear. The criminal exclaimed, “Mother, in my childhood when I used to steal, you indulged me and did not punish me. Because of this leniency, I have come to this awful end.”

Devotees prefer to be reprimanded by their gurus than praised. Srila Prabhupada was fond of recalling the time when he was reprimanded by his spiritual master. “So far we are concerned, when our spiritual master used to chastise, we took it as a blessing.” Srila Prabhupada tells us how he was fond of hearing his spiritual master speak. Once, while Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakura was lecturing, a retired doctor leaned over to say something to our Prabhupada. Prabhupada then turned to this retired doctor, but Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Maharaja saw them and became angry. Prabhupada says, “He saw that my attention was drawn by him. He chastised me like anything . . . First he chastised the doctor, `Do you think that because you pay sixty rupees a month you have purchased us?’ A very strong word he used. Then he turned and said to me, ‘Do you think that I am speaking for others? You have learned everything? You are diverting your attention. Why don’t you come up here and speak instead of me?”‘ This was not a chance occasion, but Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati regularly reprimanded his disciples. “A little discrepancy he would chastise like anything. But we liked it very much.”

Other devotees also liked to be reprimanded or chastised. Advaita Acarya saw chastisement from Lord Caitanya as nectar, and He tried in one way or another to make the Lord angry enough to chastise Him. When Sanatana Gosvami heard Lord Caitanya reprimand Jagadananda Pandita, he said, “Sir, You are making Jagadananda drink the nectar of affectionate relationships, whereas by offering me honorable prayers, You are making me drink the bitter juice of nimba and nishinda. When Lord Caitanya became very hard, however, and banished someone from His association, no one wanted to experience that chastisement.

Similarly, we should accept the guru’s reprimand as mercy, and we should look for that attention from him. If we see that our spiritual master is not willing to be strict with us, then we should look within ourselves and determine whether we have given him the power over us that he needs to discipline us. The spiritual master has to be careful about applying stricture on an unsurrendered disciple, because if the disciple disobeys, it will be worse than if he was not given any instruction at all.

Srila Prabhupada was particularly attentive to ISKCON’s development in India, and he personally supervised many of the financial and managerial details. It was inevitable, therefore, that he would see his disciples’ faults in these areas and then reprimand them. When one of the managers became depressed by Prabhuoda’s criticisms, Prabhupada explained his teaching principle in a letter:

I know you are working hard and sincerely. I have no business to criticize you, but as head of the institution or your spiritual master, it is my duty to find out your faults. Even Caitanya Mahaprabhu presented Himself as faulty before His spiritual master. To remain faulty before the spiritual master is a good qualification so he is subjected to rectification. But if one thinks he is all perfect then there is no scope for rectification. Don’t be sorry when I find fault. That is my primary duty. Canakya Pandita says one must find fault with disciples and sons, it is good for them. (Letter, April 20, 1974)

As Prabhupada’s disciples advanced, they found themselves being corrected more often by their spiritual master. Prabhupada reprimanded them in different ways according to who they were and how serious their mistakes were. A newcomer might sit with his feet to the Deity in front of Prabhupada and receive a public correction, but if one of his senior disciples did the same thing, Prabhupada would speak strongly: “You are supposed to be a sannyasi! What kind of example is this?”

We could say that the reprimands were heavier for an older devotee because the older devotees were more advanced and more surrendered, but it is also true that the reprimands were heavier because those devotees were leading the movement. They were more capable of committing mistakes that affected many devotees. In 1974, Prabhupada gave a lecture in which he said that the Lord “punishes His GBC.” He went on to explain how Yamaraja is one of the twelve mahajanas and how he was punished and had to take birth as Vidura.

This Canakya sloka has some similar characteristics to Verse Three. After ten years of enforced discipline, a child reaches the age of sixteen and becomes a friend. This implies that the child or disciple is trustworthy and able to control his senses because he has achieved a higher taste.

For example, the devotees in Vrndavana had to get their checks signed by Prabhupada and by a man in Delhi whom Prabhupada trusted before they were able to spend any money. Prabhupada was strict about how money was spent, and he didn’t trust his disciples’ discretion in spending it. It’s true, however, that if the devotees could prove their trustworthiness, Prabhupada would relax his strictures. The system of checks and balances would remain intact, but Prabhupada would allow the devotees to take the responsibility upon themselves and sign the checks themselves.

From The Delaware Diaries, Volume 2: Oct 1, 2008–Jan 14, 2009

pp. 542-46

4:00 P.M.
Free write

Pure devotional service to Kṛṣṇa is rendered without any interest separate from the Lord. Lord Kapila teaches how the aṣṭāṅga yogi meditates on the four-armed form of the Lord in the heart, but the pure devotees prefer to meditate on the Śyāmasundara form in Goloka-Vṛndāvana. The yogi sits in āsana and practices remembrance (smaraṇam), but the devotees engage in active service and are always able to think of Kṛṣṇa. Moreover, the perfected yogīs and devotees see the spirit in all living beings.

Reading Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam opens my perception of the Lord. Prabhupāda condemns the impersonalists’ viewpoint that the Lord is only imagination and not a person. Kṛṣṇa, You are actual, the Supreme Person, the absolute fact. You are the source of all light and all life. Everything comes from You. And yet You remain an eternal youth.

I wish to approach You in writing. I ask You to allow me to speak to You. I don’t want to be an outsider. I like the way Augustine speaks to You. He is telling You the history of his sinful activities and how he turned away from You. I do not feel the need to speak of my inequities here, and You already know them. But I want to speak of my relationship with You and how I have tried to be Your devotee. I have served my spiritual master in many fields, and now I do it mostly by staying in my place and writing and reading and chanting and occasionally going out and seeing people here. I ask You to accept this quiet life of devotional service and make Yourself known to me in these ways. Please do not withhold yourself from me. Lord Kapila was pleased with His mother when she asked the Lord to kindly explain Himself for the benefit of fallen living beings. Therefore He was compassionate to her. I want to speak to You in ways that will be helpful to others. Let them hear of Your glories and of my attempt to reach You.

You are kind enough to come into my room and illuminate my chanting. May you also illumine my words. I believe You are the kindest and most important person in my life, You and my spiritual master. You’ve both given me many gifts. You have chiefly given me this gift of a human form of life and a chance to worship You. I wish I could take more advantage of it. Please give me the impetus to do so. I want to go on reading about You in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam because there You reveal everything I need to know. Please forgive and discount my distractions. Let me use the peaceful hours to be with You. I should never desert You.

Prabhupāda points out that the devotees choose to worship You in different forms, like Sītā-Rāma, Lakṣmī-Nārāyaṇa, etc. So I choose to worship You as Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa. Let the vision of You and Śrīmatī Rādhārāṇī in the groves of Vṛndāvana appear before me. And let the pastimes of Lord Caitanya play before my eyes. Let me realize these through the sound vibrations of Your holy names. Let me pay attention when I chant. I am not bereft of the greatest opportunity, and so I should not think so. Let me cherish my hope; it is not make-believe. Oh You who are adored and known so well by the Six Goswamis and their associates, let this latecomer, crippled and outworn, be part of your pariṣads. Don’t kick him away. See that he is trying and give him a little corner in your heart.

4:45 P.M.

The forms of devotional service are very basic and easy to perform. I am practicing the ideal behaviors, and I should not berate myself for it. But there is always room for improvement, within my limitations. I’m not sure what more I can do.

December 22, 1:00 A.M.

I had a dream that my sister and I went traveling. We went to a place that was a hangout for young wanderers—just a very simple place. We went in there, and it turned out to be the basement of the Los Angeles Hare Kṛṣṇa temple that we found instead. We couldn’t find the wanderers. Many old devotees were there. They were very quiet and were just hanging around, kind of sorrowfully but mildly, pensively, not having any kīrtana. I recognized some of them. They were friendly. When we went to look for the wanderers, I was hesitant at first. My sister said, “Don’t be hesitant on an adventure like this. It can turn out to be a good thing.” So in the basement, I found a few wanderers among the Hare Kṛṣṇa people, and I went up to them. They were young. I started speaking to them indirectly, telling them that there was something wonderful and that they could experience it. They were curious, and they gave me some grape juice. When I drank the grape juice, I started chanting Hare Kṛṣṇa very ecstatically. They could see that I was doing it and that I was a Hare Kṛṣṇa person. My chanting was genuine. I kept it up for a long time, and then all the people in the temple started chanting with me, and that was wonderful. I finally got too tired to chant anymore and I stopped. Then I said to them, “Now do you have this experience when you chant and when you drank the grape juice?” They said, “No, we didn’t have it.” I said, “Then we can talk further another time about the experience,” and I left them, but it was a wonderful occasion. My chanting was genuine, and the preaching experience was genuine, and they were affected by it, too. I felt that I was able to influence these young people because of my maturity in years.

It’s still early, and I want to get back to sleep, so let me just put this nice dream aside and try to get back to sleep.

From Stories in April/ Gite Stories

pp. 100-5

The Dream of Losing Your Teeth

It was a good day for having your teeth pulled out, thought Sid Frances as he rode in the back seat of the car on the way to the dentist. He was an American in Italy. He was a devotee of Krsna, or as he said, “I’m aspiring to be a devotee.” It did look like a good day in terms of the sky, though the traffic was congested. You could always see some good in it. Sid remembered reading in Srila Prabhupada’s books that a great soul magnifies the good he sees in others, whereas puffed-up Daksa criticized the greatest Vaisnava, Lord Siva.

Ah, it will be all right, he thought. His car companions were quiet. It was Spring. They drove fast except when the traffic got slow. I’m not afraid of dental pain or having no teeth, thought Sid and he was surprised with himself. By coincidence that morning he had read about the demigod named Pusa who had lost all his teeth at the hands of Lord Siva’s followers. When Daksa had cursed Siva, this Pusa smiled and so his appropriate punishment was to have his teeth taken out. Later Lord Brahma approached Lord Siva and asked him to forgive the offenders.

“Give Pusa back his teeth, please,” said Lord Brahma.

But Lord Siva said, “The demigod Pusa will have to chew only through the teeth of his disciples, and if alone, he will have to satisfy himself by eating dough made from chickpea flour. But the demigods who have agreed to give me my share of the sacrifice will recover from all their injuries” (Bhag. 4.7.4).

This is interesting, thought Sid. Although Lord Siva forgives easily, he continued the punishment of Pusa and Daksa and others. Srila Prabhupada wrote, “He could not use his teeth for eating, since he had laughed at Lord Siva, deriding him by showing his teeth.” Of course if I mention this to my friends, thought Sid, they would say that it doesn’t apply in my case. They could say many sadhus in Vrndavana have no teeth; it’s just what happens with old age and in India poor people and mendicants don’t have the money to go to the dentist. But maybe their hearts are clean. So here I am going to the dentist. After he pulls them—and they won’t all come out at once as in the case of Pusa who had to suffer without anesthesia at the hands of a demon who sat on his chest and knocked him out—they will give me good false replacements. But there may be an interim where I have to drink my food. So maybe I could put in a bid for chickpea flour, on the authority of Bhagavatam.

The car stopped at the entrance to the Autostrata. The driver reached out and took a ticket from the ma-chine. A recorded voice of a woman said something Sid couldn’t understand except at the end she said Arrive derci. He remained silent in his thoughts. He was wondering if he had committed an offense. Maybe his inattentive chanting was the cause or something he had said blasphemous.

I am an author who incidentally is about to have his teeth removed today. It’s a notable milestone in life. But I don’t think like fictional Sid Frances, that I’m an offender. Oh it may play through my mind. But I am

more amused by it than anything else. To me the loss of teeth is an occasion for realizing that you are not your body. It’s a good joke; something to talk about, although I’m not even sure you can speak once they’re out. I’ll use it as one of those earned moments where you can practice mauna without the devotees telling you you’re in maya.

I can get back to Sid and his car, but what’s the use if his worry is made-up? There is enough real worry in the world, or rather unnecessary worry, worry by people who cannot think of Krsna as their protector. A fictional worrier could serve a good purpose I suppose. It could teach a moral. He could realize that he has it easy in life and that even if he can’t think of an offense for which he has lost his teeth, his very position in material life is one of an offender to the Supreme. Why seek to exonerate yourself? Realize that you are meant to suffer as long as you have a body. This would have to come through the story, not by my saying so. Let’s get back to Sid.

They drove along prayerfully. The dentist did not show up for the 7:15 A.M. appointment. Sid and his men waited in the car. They looked like gangsters. The gela-taria owner came to clean his store. Sid stayed in the car and watched. Then he fell asleep and dreamt of a little pet dog, his own, at least in the dream. The poor dog was growing old. Sid gave him some food, and the dog managed to behave with a little interest in life. Strange dream, the vulnerable, little pet dog . . . and then it disappeared.

Sid and the city. Remember Symphony Sid?

There are two people who have got to get together. There is Sid who’s about to be toothless (if the dentist shows up) and there’s me the author who is also about to have his teeth removed after the needle goes in and you taste the bitter liquid of local anesthesia. Sid and I have that in common. We also both thought of the demigod Pusa. What a coincidence.

I could talk with Sid by cellular telephone or deus ex machina, but I’d prefer not to. I don’t like his looks. He looks like Sid Caesar in a comedy skit. I mean he’s a character in a grade-B Hollywood movie. He wears a fedora and an unpressed suit. He is realistic fiction and that’s too formidable for me. But what Sid and I have in common is that we both desire to be serious. He in his way and me in mine. But does serious mean realistic fiction? Can’t you be serious in another way?

The author doesn’t mind going to the dentist. Maybe Sid can go in first. Maybe I’ll need him there. When it’s my turn and I lean back and close my eyes and try to relax my feet and legs as they tense up . . . I could see Sid in my mind’s eye. Think of what to do with him. Or where’s he going on his own? He could have such interesting adventures if he’d be willling not to mix with women or have dirty thoughts or complex…

I could better spend my time chanting Hare Krsna on this day. Celebrate it with flowers offered to your spiritual master. And why not be straightforward? Without any rigamarole, just tell Madhu, “When my teeth come out could you make bread with chickpea dough? A demigod who lost his teeth ate that way.” (I wouldn’t want to eat something someone else had chewed.)

Just be straightforward. But Sid is already loose. I wish him well. Hey Sid, chant Hare Krsna, there’s nothing to worry about. People lose their teeth every day. The real thing is to chant Hare Krsna Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna Hare Hare/Hare Rama Hare Rama, Rama Rama Hare Hare.

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Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

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Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

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Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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The post Free Write Journal #398 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Mama Tejas: A Spark of My Splendor
3. Human at Best
4. Journal and Poems, Volume 3
5. Kaleidoscope
6. Sanatorium
7. My Letters from Srila Prabhupada, Volume 3
8. Radio Shows, Vol. 2
9. Am I a Demon or a Vaisnava?

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 10)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

It is all right if one is doing Deity service and cannot chant in the early hours. Although early hours are the best according to śāstra, that he will have to sacrifice. But not that he sacrifices the good quality of his rounds. He should reserve time in the afternoon, and then eventually he will be able to chant well at that time. I work in the early morning hours myself on the biography of Srila Prabhupada, and I chant a good number of my rounds in the afternoon. But actually, the afternoon chanting is good because I have reserved time—not that I am trying to grab a round here or there.

******

As the sky is overcast with clouds, so my consciousness is covered with subtle material desire preventing me from purely serving the holy name. Whatever temporary thing is going on, it fully distracts me. Is attentive chanting important? Do I even believe that much can be found in japa? Have I lost my faith in great gains that can be made in japa? Thus, I lament.

******

Prabhupāda urges that we should practice chanting. Sometimes he says chant “constantly.” Chant constantly so that we will remember to chant Kṛṣṇa’s name at the time of death. Ante nārāyaṇa-smṛtiḥ.

******

Sometimes a person will try to remember ślokas when he chants Hare Kṛṣṇa. I think this is like trying to run two tracks on a tape recorder at once. If the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra is being recited then we should hear that and not try to recite ślokas at the same time.

******

Sometimes in India we have seen workers and even women balancing big loads on their head and doing other things at the same time, such as talking or something else. This is an interesting balancing, but I think it is better that we keep our consciousness tuned in to the chanting of Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra while we do our japa.

******

Good management begins by managing your sādhana—your life. It requires intelligence. A karmī has no time for self-realization. He has so many activities that he can’t manage to chant one day or even one round. So somehow you have to manage to chant sixteen nice rounds during your daily activities. You manage to take prasādam, don’t you?

******

“What nectar is in these two alphabets (syllables), Kṛṣ-ṇa!”

—Rūpa Gosvāmī (quoted by Prabhupāda, Chicago, July 1975)

******

Dear Lord, we may not be able to remember Your name, form and qualities due to stumbling, hunger, falling down, yawning or being in a miserable diseased condition at the time of death when there is a high fever. We therefore pray unto You, O Lord, for You are very affectionate to Your devotees. Please help us remember You and utter Your holy names, attributes and activities, which can dispel all the reactions to our sinful lives.

—Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 5.3.12

******

We can pray while chanting that the holy name bestows upon us love of God. At the same time, this is not different from careful hearing. We must have faith that Kṛṣṇa is in His name and that simply by hearing the name of the Lord we will enter association with Him. Then love of God will appear in our hearts by the grace of the Lord. Prabhupāda has said that the chanting doesn’t happen by a mechanical process but is initiated by the Lord by His free will. In this way, gradually all our material desires will evaporate.

******

Caitanya Mahāprabhu has recommended that everyone chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra just to cleanse the dust from the heart. If the dust of the heart is cleansed away, then one can actually understand the importance of the holy name. For persons who are not inclined to clean the dust from their heart and want to keep things as they are, it is not possible to derive the transcendental result of chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra. One should therefore be encouraged to develop his service attitude toward the Lord, because this will help him to chant without any offense. And so, under the guidance of a spiritual master the disciple is trained simultaneously to render service and at the same time to chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra. As soon as one develops a spontaneous service attitude, he can immediately understand the transcendental nature of the holy names of the mahā-mantra.

—The Nectar of Devotion

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From Mama Tejas: A Spark of My Splendor

pp. 56-58

May 2, 2025

Writing letters

I wrote a letter to Ranchor Prime, who lives in England. I have never met him, but I’ve read his books. I very much liked his book on Buddha. I am addressing him because I regard him as a learned devotee of Kṛṣṇa and a highly qualified writer. I’m writing to ask a number of devotees what they think of this idea, and whether they have done any dovetailing in their own writing. Alternatively, do they think the writing should always be strictly Kṛṣṇa conscious according to śāstra and Prabhupāda’s speeches, and that no outside literature should be introduced?

Hopefully I have written enough to Ranchor and other devote writers to convey the idea and to ask them the question, whether they ever do ‘dovetailing.’ If it’s wrong to do dovetailing in this way, then I have “a monkey on my back,” because I can’t stop writing about world literature and English literature. But if it is good to do, then I can go ahead and produce writing in the spirit of yukta-vairāgya, like Rūpa Gosvāmī advised.

I asked the devotees to please write to me and tell me their viewpoint and their own aims and opinions, if any, about using world literature, etc., in a Kṛṣṇa conscious context. In his 1961 Vyāsa-puja offering to Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura, Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote “‘Yukta-vairāgya’ is the essence of all Caitanya philosophy,” so I suspect that I am on solid ground but must ensure that I keep the connection to Kṛṣṇa evident in what I write.

I also wrote to my old Library Party friend, Kālakāṇṭha Prabhu, who has previously written and published a book of Kṛṣṇa conscious rap. I am eager to receive the responses of these devotees. I have written letters to several ISKCON intellectuals, especially those who are innovative, and asked them the same question.

Should I keep up my daily Journal, which gets posted for the devotees? Or my occasional journal that we call The Sunset Years and which tells mostly of my daily affairs. I always try to include verses from the Bhagavad-gītā with some small commentary by me.

The devotees are continuing to read Prabhupāda’s books daily. In the morning, they tell me sixteen devotees listen, but in the afternoon only a few. Guru dāsa is conducting the reading, and my disciples take part in reading out loud.

For the time being I am concentrating on writing the daily journal. I am not doing another type of writing, but I am waiting for answers in the mail from a selection of ISKCON intellectuals who are innovative. I have asked them a question about my writing, and I’m waiting for their answer to see whether I should change my direction. I have asked them what they think of inserting excerpts from great literature, Western and English. I don’t know whether Prabhupāda would approve of it. But he has spoken in favor of Rūpa Gosvāmī’s yukta-vairāgya. Otherwise, he has said sometimes that literature which is not directly Kṛṣṇa conscious is “rubbish.” I’m in between these viewpoints trying to make a decision, whether I will start using references to Western literature (the kind I used to read).

These fictions and novels … they are not books … actually, they are rubbish … That rubbish literature is compared with the enjoyable things of the crows, and spiritual literature, they are enjoyed by the white swans … they take pleasure in clear water where there are lilies, and … crows, they will go where you throw all rubbish things.

—Śrīla Prabhupāda lecture on Bhagavad-gītā 2.26,
Los Angeles, December 6, 1968

Śrīla Prabhupāda, quoting Śrīla Rūpa Gosvāmī’s Bhakti-rasāmṛta-sindhu, explains yukta-vairāgya as follows:

“Whatever is favorable for the rendering of service to the Lord should be accepted and should not be rejected as a material thing.” Yukta-vairāgya, or befitting renunciation, is thus explained:

anāsaktasya viṣayān
yathārham upayuñjataḥ
nirbandhaḥ kṛṣṇa-sambandhe
yuktaṁ vairāgyam ucyate

“Things should be accepted for the Lord’s service and not for one’s personal sense gratification. If one accepts something without attachment and accepts it because it is related to Kṛṣṇa, one’s renunciation is called yukta-vairāgya.” Since Kṛṣṇa is the Absolute Truth, whatever is accepted for His service is also the Absolute Truth.

—Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 16.238, purport

I have not been able to give up my attraction for Western literature. It is in my blood. When I came to Kṛṣṇa consciousness, I gave up all reading of Western literature. But now I’m thinking about it again and whether it can be used in Kṛṣṇa’s service. I’ve written to these ISKCON intellectuals, some of whom themselves have produced innovative literature outside of what would traditionally be considered Vaiṣṇava. However, they are reputed devotees and mostly stick to the straight śāstric point of view.

The main point is a devotee must keep up his sixteen rounds and four rules and regulations. Only then can he think of innovative creations while remaining in Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

******

When I was a young man, from nineteen to about twenty-one years old, I placed myself deep in the ecstasy of world literature. That was because Kṛṣṇa sent me a college professor, my English teacher, who was truly in love with English and world literature. From her I gained my devotion and lifelong vocation to reading and writing.

Now, in 2025 and at eighty-five years old, I look back at my beloved study of English literature with my wonderful teacher and get to taste it all again. I have been careful from the beginning to definitely state that all of this was before I met Śrīla Prabhupāda, and that once I met him, I mostly dropped out of my deep devotion to English literature. Prabhupāda has stated that it was “rubbish.” But he also followed the teaching of the greatest devotee, Rūpa Gosvāmī (direct disciple of Lord Caitanya) and used everything material in Kṛṣṇa’s service. As Prabhupāda used to teach the audience on the Bowery (composed mostly of young musicians, poets, and others like them—he would teach them “if you are a musician (and very many of them were), then play your music for Kṛṣṇa. If you are a painter, then paint for Kṛṣṇa. Whatever you are, you don’t have to give it up but do it for Kṛṣṇa. This is stated in the Bhagavad-gītā:

yat karoṣi yad aśnāsi
yaj juhoṣi dadāsi yat
yat tapasyasi kaunteya
tat kuruṣva mad-arpaṇam

Whatever you do, whatever you eat, whatever you offer or give away, and whatever austerities you perform—do that, O son of Kuntī, as an offering to Me.

—Bhagavad-gītā 9.27

From Human at Best

pp. 119-122

So many things can go wrong in the body, the complicated machine. And they do go wrong. You go to the doctor and show him what’s wrong. He gives you something for it. You go on chanting Hare Krishna and hope for the best.

In the meantime, life ebbs out. Are you chanting merely the outer shape of the holy names, material sound? Or do you chant with a pure heart of love and longing to serve Krishna? It seems I used to have more fervor than I do now. Relaxed to a lower level. How could that happen? It has, and one is honest. You’re not even attracted to those who appear to have fervor. You suspect them or just don’t want to go around with them, say, to the source of the Ganges or the Vraja-mandala parikrama. It takes too much effort. So you stay here in exile and come out with your own truths, admissions.

He said by the tongue you can become perfect, although this may seem odd. How is that? By the tongue you chant Hare Krishna always, and don’t let your tongue touch any food that has not been offered to Krishna. And it is actually taking place, these Europeans and American boys and girls are becoming perfect by this process. Still, after all these years? Yes, we are still not perfect, although we are only eating prasadam. We are not chanting so lovingly. I speak for myself. And I am not like a football tackle on the front line taking the punishment from the opposing players. Dugout Doug. [“Dugout Doug” was a term I heard my World War II vet father say the soldiers used for General Douglas MacArthur because he never exposed himself to enemy fire or danger.”—SDG]

You lacerate yourself with words. But it is all jest. You actually like yourself. Treat yourself to rhythm and words. Give to the world (a small portion of it) these books of paradise.

Do I look pretty to you? Did I say so? I told the guy, okay write your big classical novels but write poetic prose. I gave him an example from a play by Tennessee Williams. I fancy myself a poet. We go through life with these illusions. “My mother told me I look like Natalie Wood. Do you think I do?”

“My father said I look like Boris Karloff in Frankenstein.” Bukowski looks a little like that.

What else is on the menu? Tonight was good. Smashed (as Hari says) potatoes and little green peas, gravy and ice cream! Healthy, so I dutifully ate the peas. Do you think I look like Natalie Wood? Marlon Brando? Woody Allen? You look goofy like a guy with a big Adam’s apple, like Ichabod Crane in Walt Disney’s The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. Oh yeah? You look like Mao Tse Tung after he was beat up by a team of GIs.

Stop the silly stuff. Let’s have neoclassical prayers now. Not Muslim or reggae, but Bach will do just fine. He’s outlasted all the rest. Yeah, but he’s saying, “All glories to Christ,” we need some Krishna songs.
That’s exactly what I’m proposing—we write in a high classical standard that the whole world will accept. Oh. But will they know who we’re talking about?

Drive this tractor over the ground. Don’t get bogged down. You are alone with the birds and dark sky in the early morning, scratching the pen in your shed. Do you want . . . to be a first-class scout, an Eagle Scout, a bhakti-shastri, a kalpa-vrksha, a nama-hatta bhakta-vrksha? Want to be an author-official with a literary voice? “Once upon a time, your author was considering what to write to please you, dear reader, and this is what he decided—”

I know what, let’s play hide and seek. Beware of kids of the dark, the park, the danger we see everywhere. I want a Krishna conscious present to give to you. Give me credit. My name is dasa Goswami. He, the great one, gave us these names. That’s the only way.

Shoes tied on tight, he made it all the way down the road. He was carrying a pint of liquor on his hip, and baby, he was making tiny steps fast and clicking off Hare Krishna mantras.

Inclusions
Me and you. Come on,
play mridanga and karatalas and
leave the room if it
gets too noisy, just feel
free to be yourself.

Can’t even sing kirtan I
get so fragile.
Boy that’s some guitar
the young boys stood agape
watching the adults and
seeing which the baby
touched book or money.

“She touched both!” he said and
she also touched the harmonium
and the rug, her mouth, spoon,
anything in her wake.
And we were pleased to include
her as a member of the clan.

Goodnight, whoever you are. Proud pennants fly. Hash tree waving. Skylight cleaned by rain. How is your heart? Cardiac or Krishna conscious, do you mean? Krishna conscious.

Oh, it’s in the right place, but still in a dark night of the soul. The Lord isn’t giving me “consolations,” as the Christians say. Isn’t giving me special graces.

Why say that, ingrate! You’ve got everything you asked for. That’s Krishna rewarding. Now if you want His confidential service, you’ll have to ask for it, and sacrifice all else.

Hmmm. Goodnight. Enough for one day. To the land of waiting for sleep, and near dreams and dreams. Please protect me.

Will I paint something worthy today? I get so tired. I woke around 11:00 p.m. last night and got up and started reading and then started japa before I discovered it was 11:35! Good gosh, get back to bed. O acres of jokers and smokers, get back to sleep on your ortho pillow.

I see myself as a person with various interests. I want to preach, but I also want to write poems. I’m also interested in Vedic philosophy, and I like to read Srila Prabhupada’s books. How to integrate into an entire person when I am put into a situation where I can only act on one of these interests?”

Layers

I painted a sincere naive portrait of
Prabhupada, first drawn in pencil, then
filled in tan, then a simple square-headed
Oriental cat. Wrote “Nitai-pada-kamala”
below the cat and thought of a wild,
inarticulate ball of yarn unraveling—a painting
I wanted to see—a lion with a broad nose, roaring.
Then drew the Oldest Man and his house
his disciples built him despite his protest, “I
won’t live long.” Ani says devotees hit
the streets at 10 p.m. tonight and by midnight
plunge into New Year’s Eve bell-ringing
Cathedral crowds and the tense scene, possible
fights. I’ll be here in Wicklow where
I don’t expect to hear a single gunshot,
even a shout or the mooing of a cow
just me getting up and scraping my chair
against the floor
drawing lions that roar
and calm cats ushering in
a new year of hope.
I like to explode into color
if my head holds up
in the afternoons.
Creatures live in me, waiting
to be born. I don’t want to create
like Brahma, yet asuras attack me
and I have to throw off my body, paint a Balarama-
Nitai to deal with them and a simple
student’s rendition of Srila Prabhupada in
seven layers etched, the same
one again and again.

I don’t think having varied interests makes me less of a devotee, but I have to be honest about that. When I lecture and tend to disciples, it is, we might say, my religion. But there is more to me than that.

Rain again, and that familiar sound. Alive on earth. Newly made paints now standing in jars, delivered by Hare Krishna dasi—they appeared suddenly in the art room this morning. I saw them on my way to the bathroom. Shall I take that as an invitation to go in there and use them? Why not?

For the glory of Krishna,
I’ll go into the art room
and play Prabhupada bhajanas
while creatures creep onto
the page with those
Sanskrit letters, sure enough.

From Journal and Poems, Volume 3

pp. 49-53

PRAYERS OF THE SKEPTICS

When I saw the ad for An Exile from Silence by Patricia Wilcox, I was attracted to the book’s subtitle, Poems to God. But now that I’ve got the book, I’m turned away by doubtful, blasphemous addresses to the Supreme.

“The book’s most appreciative readers,” writes the editor in the introduction, “will be those who cannot abide by the various and conflicting certainties of the many religions available to them.” The chronic doubters become pleased to hear Poems to God, which deride the Supreme:

God, you murderer, you scapegrace,
MALINGERER!
. . . I will not call you Lord. Master, King, et al. You fail, as I fail, as people fail . . .

The doubt is complex, mixed with need for faith, but mostly I find these expressions incomprehensible. It reminds me of a more directly expressed collection of poems in the same mood, Psalms, by Ernesto Cardenal, a Catholic priest who was excommunicated.

O God . . .
don’t you care now
about victims of exploitation?
Are you happy
seeing the masses oppressed?

Both poets address God with doubts as to His existence. They disbelieve either His omnipotency or His all-goodness. How can He be all-powerful and allow evil in its various forms? Or if He is all-powerful, then how can He be good and yet create and allow evil? We expect these doubts from the atheists, but not from those who make prayers and devotional poems to God, and who presume to address Him in intimate language. When they spew out ignorance of the science of God, actual devotees of Godhead cannot appreciate it, and how will it help everyone else who is already in doubt?

These “prayers” are more like mental speculations, unguided by guru, sastra, and sadhu. Although there is an advanced stage of Krsna consciousness in which the intimate servant of the Lord chides the Lord, these poets have not earned such intimacy. They barely understand the God they address, and they do not take to the process of faithful hearing by which doubts may be cleared up.

The great stumbling block for them is the existence of evil. But Krsna clearly explains it. The conditioned souls have brought about suffering by their own doing, by misuse of their small amount of free will. Because we are of the same quality as God, we possess some free will, and when we misuse it, we create suffering and evil for ourselves and others. Krsna does not want us to create sinful life and its reactions, but when the spirit souls insist on such behavior, He allows them to carry out their illusions within the material world. The material existence, therefore, is a place constructed for those who desire to break the laws of God. But Krsna never abandons us, and so He comes to the material world to give us information of its suffering and illusory nature. He invites us to return back to Godhead, to devotional service in eternity, bliss, and knowledge.

Evil can be eliminated within ourselves and within the world only when we give up our independent ways and turn to the principles of devotional service. Therefore, only those who distribute real knowledge of God consciousness can bring relief from evil. Poems, prayers, and psalms based on knowledge of God and on faithful surrender to Him can actually inspire others to devotion, but not the outcries of doubters who think that God is dead or that God is a painful paradox never to be solved.

CREEKSIDE NOTES

As I write, Vaisnava dasa yells and whips the oxen. They
are trying to pull a car out of the mud.
Headaches came today as if to confirm our decision to go a
month into a sanatorium. But also, waves of optimism. Also, my

mind is filled with the busy particulars of moving tomorrow. We may not be back here for four months.

My optimism is in Krsna consciousness, but I can’t quite express it, nor do I need to. It is beyond me. The cause for great satisfaction is not my own achievement. I have many, many lackings. Stuck in the mud. But Krsna consciousness fills me with great hope.

Glory to the sri-krsna-sankirtana, which cleanses the heart of all the dust accumulated for years and extinguishes the fire of conditional life, of repeated birth and death. This sankirtana movement is the prime benediction for humanity at large because it spreads the rays of the benediction moon. It is the life of all transcendental knowledge. It increases the ocean of transcendental bliss, and it enables us to fully taste the nectar for which we are always anxious.

—Siksastaka, Verse 1

Wherever I go I will think of Gita-nagari. This is Paramananda’s project, given to him by Srila Prabhupada. So he meditates all day how to make Gita Nagari Krsna conscious, and he constantly deals with its affairs. I’m also connected here, resident of the cabin, the initiating spiritual master of many Gita Nagari-ites, lover of Tuscarora seasons, hankering for another return to this country.

what’s the creek saying?
washing by like surf on a beach
sometimes the ice cracks
just think—
how everyone dies.
and every soul lives.
think of Krsna
controller of the universe
the creekside is but a speck to Him
yet each and every creature
moves only by His will
the creek says
“Gita Nagari”
Lord Damodara is pleased
His devotees have succeeded;
these woods are a spiritual village

Paramananda says he’d rather not go to India for the festival this year. Too many things happening at Gita Nagari. Just about that time he hopes to start building the sewage plant and building a toolhouse, and then spring plowing. I said I didn’t mind his staying back. Rather, it gives me a feeling of security to know he’ll be here, even while I’m in India. And on Gaura-purnima, Paramananda intends to accept his first disciples. I’ll go to Mayapur as Gita Nagari’s representative.

Mud mixed with ox turd on the back road. Many shades of dull brown: dead leaves, the flowing creek, the bare trees, treetop squirrels’ nests made of brown leaves. Looking across the fields, I can see bright orange dhotis hanging on a line outside the brahmacari house. Manu dasa is slowly pedaling his bicycle from the temple down to the house.

This morning two teams of oxen went lumbering peacefully past my window, and three ox men walking beside them. The ox men had only to slightly flick their whips and speak a few words—and the oxen were willing at the beginning of the day, to go do their duty, hauling wood.

Outside my cabin, forsythia bushes seem surprisingly alive, although it’s mid-winter. The snow has vanished and these flower bushes are giving us a reminder that they’ll be blooming again in a few months. By the time I come back—in May?

From Kaleidoscope

pp. 152-59

I Ain’t Got No Choice

Light or heat take your choice, or
typewriter or pen, or celibacy…
remember all the choices.
The Hare Krishna mantra, look at
old ISKCON history, divide your
lines or make them long, play for the
nondevotee folks or the home
crowd. For Miss Eagan and/or your
mother or for the bad kids at school,
for the Navy guys, jazz aficionados
readers of The Realist…

It’s over, the movie is over
my thin wrists are
over for this lifetime, I am in the
Krishna-Balarama Guesthouse or
Baladeva’s pink palace I don’t care anymore
what people say, I am disgusted
with their opinions. I
have made all the choices
to lead me here and I am
no longer happy…

I don’t know what it has led to…here I am a little
lump, stack of bones and flesh lying on the last
bed…I am tired of them, the Philokalia,
it’s so serious and Christ-centered,
or the Buddhists or the Cubists,
or the trappoidists,
the wordists, voidists,

Hare Krishna planners, mice and men going into and
over the rapids and falls of the years,
wrap rapid in cannon push it
into the gun breach, fire
it to Murray Mednick on the West coast,
no more messages.

*****

I mean to say
a minnow regarded my songs
and arrested my flight.

I am telling almost everything that happened.
Make the pages look right, open up
the spaces, give light here, and
paint it and draw it.

TV don’t watch, from the ship watch the land.
Chant Hare Krishna with awareness that God
is close to you. She was able to do that
because God came to her
at a time of worst trouble.

I have it easy eating my cake.
It seems there is more you wanted
to say. Write it on a fax
cake. Put it on the optic nerve.
He’ll get it through and you’ll
experience the illusion that you are
watching a jazz band playing
sixteen inches big in your
room. The leaves are heavy,
a brank broke. He – who, that’s one of the
main questions – went out into the yard
without his shirt and without
hay-fever and said
if your specialist is going to speak against
my meds
I don’t want to see her.
He said, “She’ll just tell you
not to eat wheat.”

Jazz nose. How far you goin’ with this?
Just be true
I will not abandon my own truth. Why don’t you
just pass stool?
Would if I could – be healthy, look in and out for
spiritual or otherwise painting.
All is God,
Krishna with flute
original fly a kite.

Dickie Poo Dickie might
wish I may wish I might.
Oh go on home,
I’m happy, no heat
wave in this country.
Quiver and arrow. That’s enough. Score a triumph
for faith.

*****

Suicide. Sewer side?

I couldn’t hear over the
phone what
the other party was saying.

I can’t remember now.
It might have been tarts
or muffins or Nimai.
We just live here fairly
peacefully unless
death or disease visit
us harshly. Or we
fight. Compassion:
Preach about it.

*****

It’s August

(Sing with us, play with us
come out of the house, it’s
August)

They sallied they called me
out but I knew it was a
trap.
All right don’t remember
only that or your sister
saying, “The truth hurts
doesn’t it?”

There were some
times, picking black­
berries…

that’s true…Krishna Krishna
we went to the altar rail
I sallied forth in
repetition.

Got Communion and
Confirmation, my mother
was always there to offer
some sense
grat, Stevie,
dominating parents.

You were a victim too, get bonds
off, draw a painting
of what’s troubling you. I think it’s this here
pea under the
mattress.

*****

Prayer for Strength
(I don’t do those things)

We were believing in good
things
raucous but clear
chasing the bird
Roadrunner.

Listen, drunk in a
bar
monk in a cell
prisoner in the
fed
me in the head.

Wiggle instead the
dancers…back to the prayer-maker.
If you’re not one,
then what? Some
sort of preacher,
deliverer,
one who goes through

the morning program in the

ISKCON temple raises
hand to say “But wasn’t
that in Prabhupada’s time?
Have times changed?” –
and he’s told the guru’s
instructions are eternal.

We could make beautiful
music together. Just a
few years more
give me from Italy a
big journal with a

binding on the top,
I could write

to the music Beatrice,
or from the

heavenly one not
Greek or Roman
academic talk
I fall asleep

on my nose. Give me
just a light
summer prasadam
and hope of a better
song.

He roused himself on
his elbows and read the
health magazine – “No
I won’t cut wheat and
dairy from my diet,
dear.”

Pipe pipe, are you
planning for Karttika
in Vrindavan or
why you’re not going? Yeah I am
not desperate I am
going to keep writing in this genre.

Forty-five volumes and at least
four hundred and fifty to go
gimme strength.

From Sanatorium

pp. 35-39

There was an important statement for me when Gopa-kumāra was about to tell his own life story to the brāhmaṇa, when they were together in Vṛndāvana. One might think to talk about oneself is not bona fide. Gopa-kumāra didn’t want to appear puffed up talking about himself. But he knew talking about what he had gone through to reach the goal of perfection was the best way to instruct the brāhmaṇa. So, he was confident and went ahead. The commentator says, “Experience is the best form of proof.” There may be other statements about the best form of proof, but there it is in Bṛhad-bhāgavatāmṛta, and I rejoiced to see it and present it to you now. Even if your experience is not the experience of one who has reached the goal of truth, describing it is the best way of instructing someone or telling them what is real, what is true. Mary Oliver entitles her latest poetry book, What Do We Know? We know what we have experienced, that’s for sure. It may be faulty knowledge, but we know it happened. The person who hears from us will get authentic stuff. Even if it is a tale of woe, an uncouth tale, a tale of what we should not do. Of course, the experience of a perfect person is perfect proof in the very best sense. But I have taken it to mean that the experience of a struggler is also the best way to get a particular kind of truth. He’s not bluffing, and you can learn from him. In other words, one form of teaching by experience means, “Do as I did,” and the other is, “Don’t do as I did,” and both are instructive and even inspiring.

Bhakta Tim had so many worries, and now a new one to add to the others. He was in the sanatorium—and not on the front lines in the battle against māyā—because he was a Worrier and it caused him diabetes and arthritis and other diseases. He was thinking he’d let a friend run a horoscope on him, and the news came back that Rāhu, the dark, evil planet that covers the sun, would often visit him. If he could live past age thirty, lots of good things would manifest, but it was unlikely he’d live that long because of something about Jupiter mixing with another planet at a bad time and Rāhu moving in again. Tim worried like anything. His pro-astrology friend said, “Ask the astrologer if there’s something you can do to offset this shortened longevity.”

“It’s just garbage,” said Swami Swims. “If you start listening to those guys, you won’t be able to do anything unless they tell you it’s okay. Chant Hare Kṛṣṇa and all the palm lines in your hands will change. And if you’re going to die at twenty-two, so what? Get on the move and chant your beads and step up your advancement. Anyone of us may go at any moment, regardless of the stars’ prediction. Remember from Shakespeare,

‘The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves that we are thus or thus’” (from Julius Caesar).

When is snack time? When is rest time? When do the babies play in the backyard? A friend writes and says, “It was in Hawaii (ISKCON) that I found I was Prabhupāda’s son (after depression from a divorce) but in Māyāpur I found my heart,” cried tears there every day and wants to make yearly visits. But you can’t enter the temple with shoes on. You are expected to stand a lot and hear the class. He could do it and he loved it. Don’t exile yourself. The sanatorium is also a sacred place, and they’re getting a bigger altar for Prabhupāda and Rādhā-Govinda, with drawers for all their clothes. Go up there and chant. Discursive prayer, mantra meditation with an unsteady mind. Humble and grateful. Stay out of the firing line.

Why don’t you visit our house? Why don’t you look forward to the next dentist’s visit? The sub-persons get the call from the monitor. They have to go to the gym and exercise, like it or not. Drill time, visitors’ time. Don’t take a pill unless you absolutely need it. Left, right, left, right, left, right, oblique march, about face, left, right

They just had a little difference,
and it spoiled their performance.
You’ve got to play as lovers and
good humble friends to
discover the best in the group.

Looking for Kṛṣṇa. He’s everywhere.
Some place is concentrated. Make your
own temple in the heart. I
don’t have time to read a
Christian book, Difficulties in
Mental Prayer, sent
in the mail, but they said you can
talk to God even at awkward times
when you can’t sleep
or you’re in the
doctor’s waiting room.

All those magazines in waiting
rooms. All the fits you can
get from worries and threats.
Take it to God. A friend advises
you often write in your books
use everything for Kṛṣṇa so
why not try a psychic path
and pray to the Lord
“Could you please relieve me
from these pains?” Remember
Rūpa Gosvāmī said material things
unused in the Lord’s service
are phalgu-vairāgya.
Higher is to use everything for the Lord.

I’ll write to him and tell him I
am, to a limit. Except I don’t
know how to pray. But I do
talk to a counselor and we
hash it out and he’s very
good.

I blew it again. Should have let
the authorities enjoy having the
upper hand. I wrote back
pushing the envelope, reminding
them of their own wrongs and
stating that compassion
is best.

Counselor said it was a mistake.
“But that’s you. You take risks,
you’re innovative.” Just be
careful it doesn’t get you hanged
at the gallows.

Be more legalistic and cool and
that you have just been
given the “Get Out of
Jail Free” card. There’s no more
to say then. Not like Sgt. Bilko.
When he’s defeated, he touches
his authority on the shoulder and
says, “Two for flinching.”

I’m okay I think but I must learn
to seek legal advice before I
move so fast into blabbing about
compassion to those who seem
more concerned with judgment
and fines.

Under dark stars, said Bhakta Tim, I’ve been under dark stars and dangerous planets for a year and a half. I made it through by the skin of my teeth, the astrologer said. Death was in the sky. Does that mean bright skies and starry nights are ahead? I sure hope so. So much anxiety, worry, wrong on my part. Wondering how it would manifest in this material world. Because I want to be a good boy. “How I want to be loved!” said Charles Lamb, “And what I will do to be loved!” But if Rāhu passes, a worse scenario … no, I shall not worry myself to death. Everything is under control of the Lord.

A life of peace

you can’t have all the time.
Bumps in the road they point
you to the Lord, even if you’re
unseated. “Mahaprabhu’s
mercy is to those in the field.”
What about those in the
sanatorium?

Those who are moms busy
with their kids? The sannyasis
have a special role to play.

He’s calming us, assuring us, but
the sharp edge is warning us, you
live in an institution and there
are rules. Tote

them.

Peace is something deep.
Lord Rama had it even when he was
exiled, Yudhisthira too and
Haridasa Thakura while being
whipped. They were under the
control of Krsna and did not
care for the influences
of demons or in the case of a sadhaka,
reactions to their own wrongs. “This was
coming to me. I am not suffering as an
orphan but under the protection
of my Father, who is righting me.”

Peace.
So don’t complain.
Cry. I don’t deserve … but
now I see a light of dawning
Prabhupada’s son,
heart found in Nadia.

Krsna is a living being and wants you back,
you are transcendental
to the influence of those
malefic planets. If you
just call out hari-nama
and see the holy dhama at
least in your mind’s eye,
tomorrow?

From Letters from Srila Prabhupada, Volume 3: I am Never Displeased with Any Member

pp. 1-5

Los Angeles
9 January, 1970

My Dear Satsvarupa,

Please accept my blessings. I beg to acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 4 January, 1970 along with the newspaper cuttings and I have enjoyed the article with nice pictures. If you go on with your work sincerely, by following the footsteps of our predecessors, certainly our movement will be recognized by the people in general.

Recently, I have received a copy of one letter issued by the draft board recognizing our society as religious. So this means that both the public and government are gradually appreciating our position, and there is no doubt about it, if our motives are sincere, they will do it more and more. Now our immediate duty is that all our society members are strictly following the rules and regulations and chanting routine. That will make them steady and strong in their positions respectively.

Regarding Art Department, Muralidhar has already gone to Boston, and now you have a good board of artists. And I am glad that Devahuti is also returning, so all combined together produce at least one nice picture daily.

So, other news is very encouraging. So execute arotiks regularly and properly. So far my book is concerned, special attention is required in the composing department, otherwise, the whole scheme will be disturbed. Regarding Krishna, please make the MS ready because if George Harrison pays for the printing in Japan, we shall have to send it immediately for the purpose. Regarding transcribing, I have written to Detroit if they can do it. In the meantime, I have engaged Devananda transcribing the tape and a primary editing also, and the copy can be sent to you for final editing and then printing. We have to do things now very dexterously, simply we have to see that in our book there is no spelling or grammatical mistake. We do not mind for any good style, our style is Hare Krishna, but, still, we should not present a shabby thing. Although Krishna literatures are so nice that, even if they are presented in broken and irregular ways, such literatures are welcomed, read and respected by bonafide devotees.

That does not matter because you are not personally tending me in Boston that is formality. I want to see that all my disciples are engaged 24 hours in the service of the Lord. If one is engaged full time in the service of the Lord, under my direction, that is my personal service.

Your ever well-wisher,
A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

******

I don’t remember which newspaper clippings we sent Śrīla Prabhupāda, but perhaps it was the article written by Francine Daner, an anthropologist who often visited the temple. Eventually she wrote a book called The American Children of Krishna. In the late `60s and `70s, a variety of people visited the devotees in order to study and write about them. Many of them were friendly, and we developed relationships with them. Whatever Prabhupāda was given, the important point is his statement that “if you go on with your work sincerely, by following the footsteps of our predecessors, certainly our movement will be recognized by the people in general.”

This statement made a deep impression on me. We never thought of Prabhupāda’s statements as trite; we took him literally. Whatever he said motivated and directed us. Prabhupāda was deeply immersed in preaching, and he was in touch with Kṛṣṇa. His words encouraged us to become missionaries on his behalf. Assurances such as this one stating that our movement would be recognized by the dominant culture infected us with enthusiasm.

It may be difficult for devotees joining in the late `90s or thereafter to understand the intense missionary spirit Prabhupāda both exemplified and expected of his disciples. We lived austerely and had very little money with which to maintain temples, print books, or spread Kṛṣṇa consciousness. But we were preachers—all of us. We were caught up in Prabhupāda’s enthusiasm to make Kṛṣṇa a household name. We went out in all weather to distribute magazines and books, to hold harināma, and to try to raise money. In one sense, those things were a lot more difficult to accomplish than they are now, yet in another sense they were easier: we had Prabhupāda physically present to encourage and guide us, and especially to apply the necessary pressure. Who can describe the hope we felt in those days?

Prabhupāda mentions his own hopes in the next paragraph. He was hopeful when he saw our fledgling movement recognized by the government’s draft board. When Prabhupāda shared that recognition with us, we too became hopeful that one day we would have more influence.

Such recognition also increased our sense of righteousness. We were prepared to wait it out until the time when people would recognize us for what we were: pure followers of Kṛṣṇa.

Of course, we weren’t pure followers, and consequently, as a movement we have had to struggle with schisms and differences, falldowns and disillusionment. Neither have we received large-scale recognition from the American government or any other Western government. Still, we should not discount what Prabhupāda said in this letter, and we can understand from it that as we purify ourselves and our movement, we can hope in the future to attract the recognition and acceptance of others by our sincerity.

Here Prabhupāda defines what it means to follow purely: whatever we do in Kṛṣṇa consciousness should be done according to the rules and regulations and according to the philosophy taught by the Six Gosvāmis and Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Ṭhākura. In order to know how to apply such philosophy, we have to hear from our current link in the disciplic chain. Following the predecessor ācāryas for us means strictly following Śrīla Prabhupāda. Śrīla Prabhupāda instructed us to chant and hear, to worship and study, to preach and follow the regulative principles. None of this was his own concoction; rather, his instructions paralleled those given to him by his own Guru Mahārāja. At that time, none of us knew anything about our predecessor ācāryas beyond what our own Śrīla Prabhupāda had told us, but we had faith that he represented them and that he hadn’t come to the West—to us—as an independent agent. We knew he was teaching the same philosophy Nārada Muni had taught because we could read it for ourselves in the Bhāgavatam. We trusted Prabhupāda implicitly.

Prabhupāda mentions the draft board. I was not personally worried about the draft—I had already served my time both in the Naval Reserves and aboard the U.S.S. Saratoga—but other devotees were concerned. The United States president was sending more and more troops to fight in Vietnam. The Vietnam War was an unpopular war, and many young people, especially students, were demonstrating against it both by holding rallies and by dodging the draft. Those who became devotees were no longer involved in active demonstrations against the war, but they were not exempt from the draft. Those who were drafted were selected at random, and any male who had had his eighteenth birthday and was under twenty-six was automatically eligible. There were societal checks to ensure that young men registered for the draft, which they were required to do within two weeks of their eighteenth birthday. If a young man went to a bar, he had to show proof of age before being served. The only proof accepted was a draft card. It was also impossible to obtain a driver’s license without a draft card. College students could be drafted as soon as they had finished their under-graduate undergraduate degrees. Those who were selected received notice to appear before a board to be assessed physically and mentally for service. Many students burned their draft cards, risking imprisonment, and others fled the country to Canada. The Vietnam War fueled the counterculture and divided the country.

When devotees received their draft notices, they chose different paths of action. Some pretended they were insane when they went before the board; others fled to Canada (Acyutānanda went to India). In the meantime, Prabhupāda was trying to obtain ministerial status for his disciples, and in this letter we see that he had been successful. Here Prabhupāda states that the draft authorities had studied our credentials in Los Angeles and had written a significant acknowledgement of our movement. This pleased Prabhupāda because it meant that the United States government accepted ISKCON as a bona fide religion.

Although we would never have admitted it publicly, the devotees often invited young men to join the movement to avoid the draft. Of course, we immediately realized that draft dodgers were not necessarily devotees, and we gradually instituted a system by which we could test candidates’ interest in the Kṛṣṇa consciousness philosophy.

From Radio Shows, Volume 2

pp. 153-56

Prabhupada singing:

hare krsna hare krsna, krsna krsna hare hare
hare rama hare rama, rama rama hare hare

Broadcasting from Tamil Nadu, India. Faraway snatches of songs in my mind. “The Supreme Lord Sri Krsna is in everyone’s heart/ and each living creature is His own be-loved part./ How can we find freedom from anguish and strife,/ when we torture the helpless we destroy our own life.”
The Vaisnava acaryas sometimes call the Mayavadis Vedantis, “toothless,” playfully interpreting the flexible Sanskrit language. Acaryas such as Ramanuja break the teeth of the poor logical arguments given by Sankara and others. Actually, the Vedanta asserts that everything comes from the Absolute Truth. The Absolute Truth is eternal and un-changing, even though the poor creatures in this material world appear to be in flux. We don’t actually change, but that is the illusion. The Mayavadis say that we are transformations of the energy of the Absolute Truth (Brahman) and therefore Brahman is simultaneously ever-changing and never changed. We agree with that, but from a different angle. They think that if you take from something, it will be diminished, and that that is especially true of a person. Therefore, the Absolute Truth cannot be a person or He would be diminished. But it is impossible to diminish the Absolute Person. He has inconceivable energies and He is never compromised. The Mayavadis interpret this philosophy to mean that in order for the Absolute to be unchanging, He cannot have separated energies. The implication is that we are each one with the Absolute Truth, rather than separated parts and parcels. Well, they’re wrong. We know that because Krsna, the Absolute Person, describes Himself directly in many scriptures, and although He has an aspect of Himself that is the undifferentiated Brahman, that is only His partial manifestation.

Prabhupada singing:

hare krsna hare krsna, krsna krsna hare hare
hare rama hare rama, rama rama hare hare

I have different things to say on this show, reflecting my life here at the clinic and the kind of people who are here. It will be a mixed bag today. Nothing wrong with a little mixing of things, is there? We certainly mix things when we cook, or colors when we paint—all in Krsna’s service.
And that’s another point I have been thinking about: we want to use everything—everything—in Krsna’s service. If we reject something as unfit, Rupa Gosvami calls that phalgu-vairagya, a term denoting a particular river in India that although appearing dry on the surface, runs beneath the surface. In other words, the renunciation is only skin deep. We may say we are not using something that we have, and we may say that we have renounced that thing, but the energy of owning it, or the energy of enjoying it runs on beneath the surface. That energy flows within us. If we don’t use it for Krsna’s service, it doesn’t just go away. It will continue to flow beneath the surface, and our renunciation will remain false.
Of course, yukta-vairagya is not a license to do whatever we like. We have to learn how to make our offerings and to use whatever we have by hearing from the spiritual master.

From Stories of Devotion: Am I a Demon or a Vaisnava?

pp. 18-22

I don’t know what happened to the previous notes I wrote. Maybe they were confiscated. I haven’t written anything down for two weeks, so let me focus on what has happened since then.

After Prahlada Maharaja made his outrageous reply to his father—that the best thing he learned from his guru was to leave material life and go to Vrndavana—Prahlada’s teachers tried to pacify him and pry his secrets from him. They asked him how and from whom he had learned such deviant instructions. They thought some Vaisnavas may have stealthily taught him, and so they wanted their names in order to have them arrested and killed. But Prahlada replied, as he always did, in a philosophical, compassionate way. He said, “Why do you think in terms of friends and enemies? We are all souls, loving servants of God.” He was remarkably brave, you might even say foolhardy, to speak to Sanda and Amarka that way. But that’s Prahlada, he’s fearless.

The teachers were frustrated. They said, “Oh, bring me a stick!” Since their condescending talk didn’t work, they resorted to the fourth of the “four kinds of diplomacy,” argumentum ad baculum. Then they tried drilling him with their lessons in materialistic religion, economic development, and sense gratification. After a while, they thought he was sufficiently educated, and they tried to convince themselves that he would be all right.

Our palace is large, yet everyone knows, at least externally, what’s going on. People may have different opinions, but everyone acts as if they completely agree with the party line. So what I have said so far is common knowledge. Then one day, Prahlada’s mother personally washed the boy, dressed him, and decorated him with royal ornaments, and presented him before his father. Hiranyakasipu doesn’t have time to play with Prahlada on a regular basis, so these audiences, although infrequent, are significant. On this occasion, Prahlada bowed down before his father. This touched the emperor—after all, he does have strong family feelings—so he began blessing and embracing the boy. He took Prahlada on his lap and smelled his head. Then, with affectionate tears gliding down his cheeks onto Prahlada’s smiling face, Hiranyakasipu asked him that same question, “What is the best thing you have learned from your teachers?” Of course, Hiranyakasipu meant the teachers Sanda and Amarka, but Prahlada wanted to tell of the best thing he had learned from his spiritual master, Narada Muni. Prahlada never accepted Sanda and Amarka as real teachers, so he didn’t lie—there was nothing “best” to be learned from them.

Prahlada said, “The best thing is . . . ” and then he recited the names of the nine principles of bhakti, starting with hearing and chanting the holy name, form, qualities, paraphernalia, and pastimes of Lord Visnu! Hiranyakasipu became extremely angry. His lips trembled. He called for Sanda and Amarka and accused them of being heinous traitors. “What is this nonsense?!” He was ready to kill them at once. But they defended themselves, “We did not teach him this! He has learned it by himself! Do not insult brahmanas in this way!” They had always been faithful to the throne, so Hiranyakasipu accepted their version. He then directed his wrath at his little boy. He called Prahlada “rascal” and “most fallen of our family,” and he demanded, “Where did you get this knowledge?”

Prahlada replied eloquently that it wasn’t possible for Hiranyakasipu to learn Krsna consciousness because he was too sinful and he wasn’t inquiring in a submissive way. He said to his father, “People like you are blind rulers leading the blind. Unless you sincerely serve a pure Vaisnava, you cannot gain the education of Krsna consciousness and become free from material contamination.”

Well, that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Hiranyakasipu threw Prahlada off his lap onto the ground. His eyes were as red and angry as when he fights the demigods. “Take this boy from me!” he ordered his servants. “Kill him as soon as possible!” Hiranyakasipu so much considers Lord Visnu his personal enemy, that he now takes Prahlada to be like a killer of his brother. By Hiranyakasipu’s logic, Prahlada deserves to be killed.

I personally observed this exchange from a distance, along with many other asuras who were at court on that day. But after this, I only know what has happened to me. As for Prahlada, I have heard only rumors. Hiranyakagipu’s secret police started a general purge in their attempt to find out who was corrupting Prahlada. Anybody who is the least suspicious has been arrested. The senior clerk was interrogated and he said that I had written down some principles of bhakti in a notebook. Someone said that they heard me once uttering some Krsna mantra. I wasn’t asked for my explanations. I was forcibly taken from my home during dinner, the same day that Hiranyakasipu gave his order to kill Prahlada. So now I am in the dungeon. I think my son may also be undergoing punishment.

– Newsletter join link –

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Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

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Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

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Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

Read more »

The post Free Write Journal #397 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. My Search Through Books
3. My Purpose at Isola di Albarella
4. Nimai’s Detour
5. Reading Among Friends
6. Progresso.
7. Notes from the Editor: BTG Essays 1978-1989

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 9)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

Anyone who is proud can move his mouth and chant Hare Krsna, but he will not be able to experience the actual taste of serving the holy name, unless he becomes very humble. “I am very fallen. I am not a big independent living entity. I am simply dependent on Your mercy, so please give me attention or else I cannot stand.”

******

Why is it a struggle on some days to concentrate while on other days it is easier? This is the very definition of unsteadiness. When you become steady, it will be good every day. You can make advancement in japa when you always look forward to doing it, feel pleasure when you do it, and do it with steady consciousness. Another measure is that you will feel less material desires. That symptom is more important than exactly how much bliss you feel while fingering the beads.

******

When the spiritual master asks you to chant Hare Krsna, which he especially does at the time of your initiation, that is an order different than is given to you by any other person in Krsna consciousness. His request that you chant Hare Krsna, when you take it up, forms the most intimate, personal relationship between yourself and your spiritual master, and yourself and Krsna in disciplic succession. So this is the real link for your friendship and your dependence on his instruction.

******

We might say chanting is a kind of lazy intelligence—you’re just chanting. But it’s very important. So if you know this is a priority, then you have to control your mind. The world is not going to end in those two hours that you chant your rounds. Don’t interrupt them. But sometimes you do have to interrupt them, and we see it’s not good. We should try to have a peaceful life. Don’t arrange your life so it’s always subject to such interruptions, which become a habit. There’s emergency crisis management, but not that you just go from one crisis to another. Try to arrange your life so that you can chant your japa with concentration.

******

If you chant your rounds with great attention you can feel your connection with your spiritual master in that way. As you chant you should think, “I have been told by my spiritual master to chant Hare Krsna, and that alone will give me pure love of God. So I feel very confident in my spiritual master’s words. Therefore, I shall chant as he instructed me.” In this way, by saying the names of Krsna, you will think both of your spiritual master and the Supreme Lord.

******

My disciples ask me how to improve their personal relationship with their spiritual master. Therefore, I have told them that if they chant Hare Krsna with great faith in the order as I have given it to them, this will constitute a very intimate and completely transcendental relationship between ourselves. So this is also proof of the connection that exists between us for improving your chanting and hearing for approaching Krsna. Please continue this and increase it, so that by chanting and hearing all impurities will go from your heart and before the end of life you will be ready to go back to Godhead.

******

It is all right that you pray to Krsna to make you pure while chanting. You should pray to Him to help you hear better. The holy name will Himself make you pure. You don’t need to pray while chanting for some separate purification. Just pray to be able to hear better.

******

You must have a reserved period of time, whether it be in the afternoon or whenever, in which you are able to chant the balance of your rounds every day. The important thing is regulation and a good place and time to chant. Aside from that, the whole thing is up to your determination.

Excerpts from the Published Books of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami (GN Press)

From Meditations and Poems

What Does it Cost?

You just write don’t worry

bout nuthin Whatever you have to say.
Then he said I want to be a devotee.
but what does it cost?

It costs your whole life.
But how is that to be measured out?
It depends on the case.
Will there be unbearable pain? I heard (in Bali
Maharaja) that the Lord will give
strength to pass a test.

Are there sweet moments?

Of course.

Does it get boring? I know the answer.
I’ll sign my name as when I joined the
Navy, but I don’t really know what
I’m into.

Please make it possible. Give me
enough light to see at least a foot ahead.
Or, if I must be thrown into darkness…
let me remember and have some friends

We can’t promise you your way. Just
chant Hare Krishna and remember Lord Caitanya

and be absorbed
in preaching and then whatever happens
you’ll get through in the right
consciousness.

Easier said than done. You quote
the perfect scripture, and I’ve seen it in you,
but how do I?

pp. 106–7

***

A Preacher Cannot be a Dead Man

Pause probably get interrupted. The door
is open and shut. The knocker is intruding. You
can’t have your own way. But for a while it may
seem so. Therefore, use it well. Don’t
get punished by the Lord when He comes
for your great waste of time in frivolous
or sinful pursuits.

So, I heard and made some songs
like others have done, but
I tried to make them my own.
Tried to remember the spiritual master
who came to us so kindly.

Tried to give a factual report
and in the way we write in
these times in the comic
mindset I can’t deny, I
sing these ditties maybe
not befitting the Supreme majestic,
the Vraja prince of teasing
gopis and that boy who pleased
his mother and the neighbors by
stealing butter.

I do worship here. I
massage my master daily.
Ah…what is there to say? An
underachiever…give me
strength and see what I may do
to preach the word of God
in towns and homes and be alive –
a preacher cannot be a dead man be
alive somehow even if it means to a
worldly beat, the song is You, Lord
Krishna, as we’ve been taught.

pp. 107–8

***

After Reading Poets #4

A vital Krishna conscious poem, say you
wanted to walk outside in the backyard
but coal smoke kept pouring down from the
chimney. So, it polluted my breathing, and I
had to come inside. Did you chant
Hare Krishna outside and inside?
Never mind. I’ll tell you later maybe.]

Inside, I read a little Srimad-Bhagavatam where
Srila Prabhupada was saying that those who have
taken the duty of preaching should be
kind and give others Krishna consciousness. I
thought about that for a while. Prayed
alone to my spiritual master to please
tell me what to do.

Then reading Zimmer poems and
Sandburg poems so you’ve got to
do your own. Your exact situation.

No mail, no bail necessary. Sandburg had one poem where he seemed to be talking of his parents: “You for the little hills and all the years alike / you with your patient cows… I’m going away.” Am I for the little hills and years alike and patient cows? It seems so. Take your choice, pray to your master what he wants of you. Be prepared to tell him honestly.

Maybe I can expand my limits. Travel again, care to lecture for my own purification. Keep praying that He’ll make it happen best for my surrender but in the meantime keep writing daily, schedule, the truth, as I catch it – and a quiet, uneventful life seems good for that – not too uneventful, that can’t happen anyway.

One of these days, hearing the Lord’s names, giving help to others…

pp. 115–16

***

On the Right Track

We were happy to work on the journey to
Krishna consciousness and get corrected
by a cowherder of
erring calves and cows. Get into the camp
with all your brothers and sisters of KC
way.

Sing bing you know
you are going to frown and grip at pen
there is the man to help you

clock ticks and waits for my bhakti is
it a stream? Why are you worried?

Are you able to be on top, underdog?
Print dress sari and dhoti uniformed
members in tilaka don’t knock it
appear in your insides of spirit will
follow like rod in the fire.

I’m on the right track conversing with
devotee friends of Krishna on
preaching tactics and going quiet
when prajalpa enters
but to plan an attack on maya
is not maya.

Krishna, the truth is in my pocket
I’m a dead tree, a new sprig
in spring he’s still alive
don’t give up trying and
begging for descent
of suddha sattva
from the Lord, source of
all genius and carobs
and skies and puddle
Krishna consciousness is nice.

pp. 128–29

***

From My Search Through Books

Preface, pp. i-vii

PREFACE

Śrīla Prabhupāda smashed Western culture and said it was no culture at all. Yet many millions of people live in Western culture, embrace it, and are educated in it. Those who join the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement have also been influenced by it. Therefore, devotee-writers must face the existence of Western culture in its various forms, either to expose its bankruptcy, or in some cases, to appreciate its traces of morality and God consciousness.

But what is the value of remembering nondevotee books? Didn’t Śrīla Prabhupāda tell us to forget all this? Yes, he certainly did. The attitude of a preacher is summed up in this statement by Prabodhānanda Sarasvatī Ṭhākura:

“My dear Sir, I know you are a learned scholar who has read many books. I humbly bow before you placing a straw in my teeth. But although you are a great sādhu, I humbly request you to please kick out all this rascaldom, all this hogwash, and listen instead to the philosophy of Lord Caitanya.”

A similar mood is expressed by Nārada Muni in Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam:

Those words which do not describe the glories of the Lord, who alone can sanctify the atmosphere of the whole universe, are considered by saintly persons to be like a place of pilgrimage for crows. Since the all-perfect persons are inhabitants of the transcendental abode, they do not derive any pleasure there.

—Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam 1.5.10

When we took to Kṛṣṇa consciousness under Prabhupāda’s direction, we threw out all of our past conditioning and entered into the spiritual world. But as the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement spreads around the world, it has to contend with Western culture. If someone asks us, “What do you think of Shakespeare’s plays?” it will not do to reply, “Who is Shakespeare?” People demand an explanation and evaluation, not just a categorical rejection. After all, many sincere persons have the conviction that there is something spiritual, profound and courageous in the writers they read. We will have to show that we also know the depth of those writers, and in some cases, sympathize by admitting that we too have been influenced by them.

When I first met Śrīla Prabhupāda in 1966, I was very attached to favorite authors. I expressed this to Prabhupāda. It would have hurt too much if he completely rejected them all as useless. When I presented their cases and said that they seemed to me to be God conscious in their own way, Prabhupāda sympathetically replied that their God consciousness was in their sincerity.

Newcomers to Kṛṣṇa consciousness have roots in Western culture, and even those who have been practicing bhakti-yoga for a few decades are still affected by the Western tradition. One time, when Śrīla Prabhupāda was taking a walk in Boston, he stopped for a few moments in front of a toy store window. I pointed out to Prabhupāda that the toys were mostly battleships and guns. I said, “This is what we played with as children instead of Rādhā-Kṛṣṇa dolls. Does this have an effect on us now?” Prabhupāda replied that the impressions are there. This doesn’t mean that we have to delve into the māyā of Western literature all over again. After receiving a treasure chest, why put it aside in search of a plastic trinket? Yet it is not wrong to come to terms with our past, especially once we are committed to Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

The purpose of my book is therefore mostly a warning that there is nothing of enduring value in Western nondevotional literature. I hope that it can serve as an explanation to those who are not yet acquainted with Kṛṣṇa consciousness but who are attached to Western literature. It may also please devotees to take a look down “memory lane” without danger, to reinforce their Kṛṣṇa conscious convictions.

There is a more personal reason for this book. I am drawn back to my own past and I want to purify it. I will tell of my search, naming the authors who helped me to cope with life. I will experience again why I had to go beyond them. I hope that this will convince others that they do not themselves have to read such authors in the search for truth.

I intend to go through the past honestly, so that the victory I will tell—of the supremacy of Kṛṣṇa consciousness—will not seem merely theoretical or dogmatic. May My Search Through Books please the Vaiṣṇavas. Although the subject matter is somewhat odd for a Kṛṣṇa conscious book, it is also odd and unprecedented that people born in mleccha civilizations can take to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Therefore, I hope I can come through this adventure with memoirs and commentaries in the disciplic line of the Six Gosvāmīs and Śrīla Prabhupāda.

1. BOYHOOD
   1. Coming Back?
   2. The Return of the Lost Servant
   3. On the Front Stoop
   4. Reg’lar Fellas
   5. Tell Me About God
   6. Newspapers
   7. Penrod
   8. Uncle Jim’s Books
   9. Rebel Without a Cause
2. JUNIOR COLLEGE
   1. From Karma to Jñāna
   2. World Literature
   3. The Artist’s Vision
   4. The Village Atheist
   5. The Catcher in the Rye
   6. On the Road
   7. Look Homeward, Angel
   8. Reading on the Job
   9. Nietzsche
3. BACHELOR OF ARTS
   1. Learning With a Teacher
   2. The Heart of Hamlet
   3. Fathers and Sons in Maya
   4. Steppenwolf, and Whatever Happened to All the Other Books I Read?
   5. Malte Laurids Brigge: Portrait of an Artist as a young neurotic
   6. Paradise Lost
4. ON MY OWN
   1. Entering a Cage of Fire
   2. Decadence
   3. Kierkegaard and Rilke: Friends in the Difficult
   4. A Zen Friend
   5. Franz Kafka’s Diaries
   6. Tao Te Ching: A Preface to God
   7. Reading Scriptures
   8. The Tibetan Book of the Dead—and Beyond
   9. Magister Ludi, the Glass Bead Game—Spiritual Life Exists
   10. I Too Could Have This If I Wanted

From My Purpose at Isola di Albarella

pp. 114-19

October 23, 1996

1:41 A.M.

Dream–living as objects of scorn and threat, members of Hare Krsna. A Godbrother was the main character in the dream, and I was there. He was living in a place where he was always gaging the nature of this threat and whether it would be carried out. People mostly didn’t carry it out but periodically threatened, with knives and once broke down the doors. My Godbrother seemed equal to the challenge, brave. I didn’t want to necessarily give up my life.

Life went on without much violence or incidents but always threats and awareness of the fact that the attack could take place.

What does the dream mean? I can philosophize in a general way about it. But dreams are usually more personal – something to be felt by me now. But maybe a devotee’s dream-producer is preaching to him the general message of K.C. philosophy. We are threatened by time. Better clear yourself of karma and get ready to die. A devotee is in that sense marked out whereas others are not. They are unaware.
In reality, Western society is not so prejudiced against devotees, not to the point of constant threats of physical attacks against us just because we are devotees. But it could come to that. Or is there a symbolic meaning in dreaming it?

What did it feel like? You simply have to live with that condition. My Godbrother had one attitude toward it. He perhaps provoked more than was necessary. I might have lived with it in a different way.
Another unsolved puzzle. But it seems right to mention them. Don’t let them get completely lost before you mention them and allow them to enter waking consciousness with whatever they want to say. I’m not trying to shut out the voice of the unconscious.

Gradually attaining time for reading and writing in this health retreat. It came to us as a kind of gift situation. It was Nanda-kisora dasa who suggested it when we were in the doctor’s office. The doctor may have said something about it. The main improvement is to give up the allopathic pills. That took inspiration and mental decisiveness. But by Krsna’s grace, it’s already been achieved. One might say that there is no need to stay on here. But devotees paid for us to stay four weeks. Neither am I up to spending the weeks in Italy traveling to temples. We already said that we have finished by a one-week visit to Prabhupada-desa. Whoever wanted to see me came there then.

So, it’s yours, two more full weeks here and then ten or so days in Avignon. Try to use it to read and write. Return to SP in the feeling of appreciation, whatever you’re capable of right now in your life. Overcome prejudice and fault-finding toward your great well-wisher. Find the time of loving service to him and improve yourself. Then give it to others.

6:50 A.M.

Reading and nodding but hanging on to the thread of interest. Maharaja Pariksit passed the first test of his guru when Maharaja Pariksit refused to accept atonement as the solution to sinful reactions. Atonement doesn’t remove the desire to again commit sinful acts. So, Sukadeva Goswami suggests jnana. But we will see that’s not good enough either if it lacks knowledge of the Supreme Personality of Godhead and His devotional service.

Love your littleness. Your fallenness? Be a servant of the Lord. Read, cram, think it over. One is meant to read the scriptures. I don’t know what the others are doing.

Trust open confession.

Do better. But nothing too stressful on the head. Therefore, I stopped reading and nodding because when you keep falling unconscious and regaining wakefulness, when the neck and head fall forward and you catch it, it’s a trip. Stay smooth and ready. But don’t waste time.

O Sukadeva Goswami, it is true what you say that if one doesn’t rid himself of bad karma, he’ll certainly have to suffer hellish miseries. We can think we are free of them – but are we? Keep on chanting, ceto-darpanam-marjanam. And work to help others. That is the spirit of the Vaisnavas.

Standing in the backyard chanting rounds by the little fence near the canal – suddenly I had a feeling of yearning. What was it?

At first, I thought maybe it was a yearning to be back into the heart of ISKCON temple life like I used to be. That complete confident security of purpose within Prabhupada’s mission, Prabhupada’s heart.
And so, I thought somehow, I’ve alienated myself from it and that I should find a way to get back into it.

But then I thought, no, it’s not there anymore, it’s gone. Certainly, I’m an ISKCON member but for me I can’t find that anymore the way it used to be.

Then I have to accept this loneliness. Staying on my own, writing and reading. But is it satisfying?
Or is the yearning just a yearning to be again clear about my connection with Prabhupada and to feel full appreciation for him in the innocent way I used to? Is it simply that I don’t have any taste for the holy names and I’m yearning for that?

Is the yearning good or bad?

Now that it’s over, I think the most significant was that it was not clear to me what I was feeling. My life is not even clear as to what I want and what I don’t want. And despite so much self-expression in writing, I don’t seem to know who I am.

9:45 A.M.

Externally the purpose of my stay on this island is to monitor my health. Even though I seem to have passed through the first dramatic stage easily enough, it’s still my purpose to emphasize health repair. Therefore, I’m not plunging into a reading or writing marathon. Also, a dim kind of diffuse head-fog is always nearby. So, I’m not clear. This stay in Albarella cannot be a test of my strength but a building up of it for when I do go out.

So, I should not feel frustrated that I don’t have a hot theme for writing and I’m not reading as much as I would like to at top form.

Did so far today:

1. Discarded all allopathic pills, fait accompli.
2. Looked at the Portable Kerouac and Merton and Lax’s Anti-Letters, as much as I wanted, put them back in the van.
3. Began reading Sixth Canto, S.B..

Oh, never-mind, you can’t quit writing, you can’t change so much.
I’m older to a point where I can’t truly relate to “it.”
Or maybe I’m exaggerating, imagining it – the difference between me and them, the distance of my alienation. Maybe I’m just near where I should be and similar to them (everyone is different anyway.

From Nimai’s Detour (The Nimai Series, Volume Two)

pp. 50-57

CHAPTER 8
(S.d.g.)

After taking the bitter tasting powders, Nimai thought that he was getting better. Since it was the appearance day of Lord Nityananda, he very much wanted to go with Puja and visit the Krishna-Balaram temple for the evening arati. Puja was reluctant at first to mix with so many Movement devotees, but Nimai persisted.

They entered into the midst of hundreds of Western devotees from different countries, as well as many Vrndavana pilgrims, all of whom had gathered for the festival. It was a few moments before the opening of the doors for the evening kirtana. As they waited, Nimai and Puja felt guilty and thought that they were being looked at critically. Nimai had not been shaving regularly, and his clothes were not so clean, and he imagined that devotees may have been looking at those things. He decided that even if they were criticizing, he wouldn’t care. As the doors were opening and the pujaris blew the conchshells, a cheer went up from the devotees.

And as the kirtana began, Nimai and Puja were able to forget their self consciousness. Everyone’s attention was fixed on the forms of the Deities, Gaura-Nitai, Krsna-Balarama, and Radha-Syamasundara, or on the chanting and dancing of the devotees. The dancers moved in lines back and forth before the Deities and then broke into a large circular dance. When some dancers left the circle to twirl about in the center, Nimai joined them. He was too weak to do any fancy dancing, nor was he ever able to do anything graceful. But he moved as best he could, a clumsy shuffle accentuated with leaps up and down as if on a basketball court. There were many drummers and karatala players. Those Indian devotees who were regular members of the Movement took part in the wild dancing, but others packed the walls and outer borders as curious spectators. The dancers changed into different patterns and the lead singer varied the melodies of the Hare Krsna mantra and sang bhajanas specially chosen for the Appearance Night of Lord Nityananda. Sometimes all the dancers grouped themselves in front of the altar of Gaura-Nitai, Who were dressed in the high standard of the Krishna-Balaram Mandir, tonight in tones of red and green. The Deities’ upraised arms showed Them clearly as the leaders of all the dancing and chanting, and sifting at Their feet were the unique forms of Srila Prabhupada and Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati, both wearing soft silk saffron and smiling mildly. The dancers moved to the middle altar and beheld the large forms of Krsna and Balarama. Everyone knew that Balarama was also Nityananda and relished, at least theoretically, the connection between the two Deities, and the way Lord Balarama leaned jauntily on the shoulder of His younger brother, Lord Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. The dancers moved to Radha-Syamasundara in madhurya-lila, and then back again to the middle of the floor where they could see all the Deities at once.

The formal arati stopped after the blowing of the conchshells, but the kirtana players continued. The leading kirtana men were shining with perspiration and beaming with energy. Nimai recognized only one or two devotees from America, but he felt he was with his family. They were all followers of Prabhupada and shared the confidential understanding of Krsna conscious philosophy. And at least in the kirtana, disagreements were put aside.

After a full hour, some of the ladies and gentlemen retired from the kirtana, but a large core of singers and dancers continued. Nimai felt faint. He had deliberately ignored his bodily pains in order to join the fun, but now the discomfort came back persistently—aching joints, a loose feeling in the bowels and stomach, and nausea. He sought out Puja dasa and asked if they could go back. Puja had been standing in the more staid ranks, but nonetheless he had been chanting the whole time. At Nimai’s suggestion, they left.

As they rode on their rickshaw through the mystical night, Puja remarked, “You dance pretty well for a sick man.”

“It was nice to be with all our Godbrothers,” said Nimai.

“Yes,” said Puja. “But I saw hardly any of the lead-ers. They were probably up in their rooms making politics.”

On returning to their asrama they found their room had been robbed. The door locks were broken and their possessions—tape recorders, sleeping bags, and suitcases—had been cleared out. Puja cursed and lamented at the loss of their return plane tickets, travelers checks, and his passport, which he had left in a suitcase. Puja decided to go at once to tell the police. Nimai lay down on the cement floor and covered himself with his War. But within minutes he had to rise and go to the latrine because of diarrhea. When he returned, he was shaking with chills. “Well, Chota,” he said, “at least we got to go to the kirtana.”

From Reading Among Friends

pp. 149-53

Everything is There In Śrīla Prabhupāda’s Books

When Prabhupāda describes the Lord and His devotees we believe him. That is his potency. He convinced me in person when he came to the Lower East Side, and I was lucky enough to stumble into his storefront. He caught me in his net. I fell into the safety net of the entire sampradāya. He said, “Maybe you lived in India and now you have been born again to help spread Lord Caitanya’s movement [born in America to take it up under Prabhupāda].” That may be, but we were totally bereft of Kṛṣṇa consciousness until he came. If we had any pious credits, we had already spent them.

I had also used up the reserves of youthful health by which we can, at least for a limited time, burn the candle at both ends. I had used up my Irish Luck and my Italian sense of physical well-being. I had used up my cheer, my hope, my belief in the sanctity of friends. I was ready to take the plunge in ways I couldn’t foresee.

Then Prabhupāda came. He didn’t come to save me particularly, but to cast his net for all the lost students, Māyāvādīs, hippies, and whomever else should chance to fall into it.

Dear Kṛṣṇa, we pray to You, knowing You hear us. We repeat the words of our spiritual master: “The Lord Himself gives instructions from within the heart of a pure devotee who is constantly engaged in the service of the Lord. Such instruction is given not for any material purpose, but only for going back to home back to Godhead.” Therefore, I ask You, indwelling guide, please instruct me, even though I don’t qualify as a pure devotee. I ask Your mercy. I hope You can inspire me so I will be confident to live out my Kṛṣṇa conscious life.

I want You to be proud of me. If someone tries to shake me in my conviction, I won’t be bothered, because I am naiṣṭhikā. But You want me to earn that right not to be shaken. You see my craving to be an independent creator-writer, so You are leaving me alone to try to gain my little fame. Is that it? But at least I am writing here to say I don’t want that independent position, I don’t want to indulge myself in what I like if it is not good for my ultimate self-interest. Therefore, You have to correct me. You may think I don’t mean it, but I do.

February 3, morning walk

I think I have “discovered” a method of combined reading and writing that I would like to follow for my whole life. I sometimes say that writing is my bhajana, but I may not really think out what I mean by that. It’s quite a claim to say that when you write with your own words, it qualifies as bhajana. Then when I read, I should take something that Prabhupāda said, express it, express my feelings about it, including an analysis of my present state, lack of surrender, etc., and weave it together as a reading and writing experience.

I doubt I will give up self-expressive writing. Today Prabhupāda said that we are not trying to kill desire, but to purify it, to use it in Kṛṣṇa’s service, to redirect it from our selfishness. He is strong on that point. He said that it is a Māyāvādī conception to try to become desireless, and it’s a vain attempt. Therefore, I hope that by writing as bhajana, and mixing that with reading Prabhupāda’s books, I can be most honest with myself and others.

There are still problems in trying to harmonize reading Prabhupāda’s books and writing. The reading requires that I slow down and become submissive and pure. Writing requires a different kind of energy. Sometimes I may want to consume what I read in writing without fully digesting it. For example, I may get a bright idea that I would like to write about prayer, so I take out my Bhagavad-gītā, choose a verse, and then start to pray in writing. But I’m going so fast. I haven’t dropped to a sincere enough level. The writer-self thinks, “I don’t have time to wait. Let me just write.”

******

This morning on the walk I saw a doe. She was standing on the open road, unaware of me. When I came within a few hundred feet, she sensed me and leaped across the road with those graceful arches which seem so ineffectual against a hunter’s gun. I could see her big white tail. Then I heard the crack indicating that there were more deer in the trees. I saw another deer suddenly flash her tail and disappear, white-tailed, into these woods.

******

In harmonizing reading and my writing, I don’t want to minimize writing. The writing is a gift from God. It’s so close to me that I really need to use it in Kṛṣṇa’s service. I just have to adjust things so that I don’t lose the integrity of the reading session. Even that “feverishness” is helpful, however. Because there’s an urge for self-expression, I take that urge to the purport and find something I can put to immediate use.

That kind of active seeking for Prabhupāda’s mercy is good. Still, I have to reconcile the different levels of energy. If there is sufficient time for both reading and writing, I don’t feel rushed to pull something out of the purport without actually experiencing it. That’s where things go wrong, when in the name of writing, you start saying things that aren’t true and that haven’t really happened yet. Then the very honesty which you desire in writing gets lost. Reading (and life itself) becomes a literary exercise instead of the real thing.

This is an exciting challenge for me because I have to keep writing in a way that is truthful and that goes beyond the literary game. Life is more important than literature, and certainly devotional service is more important than anything.

But it’s a mistake to think that in the name of humility, I shouldn’t write. I heard Prabhupāda say today that devotees should write vigorously and make propaganda against the scientists and speculators and philosophers. He may have been mainly thinking of devotees who are trained in science, but I think there’s also a place for American writers to bash on the head of the materialistic conceptions and speculations which make up the heritage of American literature. Write for Kṛṣṇa and defy the opposition. Give the people the mercy of Prabhupāda’s teachings. Don’t be silenced by inner critics but heed the call to write purely as the servant of the Lord.

From Progresso

pp. 61-66

A sign from God. His hand blessing His devotee, the sound of His voice. His garland drops from the Deity around a devotee’s bent neck. In a dream He appears. Sparrows on a hedge. Wake up and see. The signs are everywhere.

O Lord, O energy of the Lord, please engage me in Your service.

My life doesn’t permit me to say more. Experience first, then write about it. I can’t write a sequel to Chota’s Way saying that he went to Vrndavana and became a maha-bhagavata. What would I say? I only know that rye grass looks nice and means something. I also know some times are better than others, so I bide my time and pray for constant remembrance. And I write through all times. I can’t wait for Krsna consciousness, not for the millennium change or 1996 or Hong Kong going to the Chinese, for the promises of politicians or for my own perfection.

Free from all material conceptions of existence and never wonderstruck by anything, the Lord is always jubilant and fully satisfied by His own spiritual perfection. He has no material designations, and therefore He is steady and unattached. That Supreme Personality of Godhead is the only shelter of everyone. Anyone desiring to be protected by others is certainly a great fool who desires to cross the sea by holding the tail of a dog. (Bhag. 6.9.22)

Therefore, O killer of the Madhu demon, incessant transcendental bliss flows in the minds of those who have even once tasted but a drop of the nectar from the ocean of Your glories. Such exalted devotees forget the tiny reflection of so-called material happiness produced from the material senses of sight and sound. Free from all desires, such devotees are the real friends of all living entities. Offering their minds unto You and enjoying transcendental bliss, they’re expert in achieving the real goal of life. O Lord, You are the soul and dear friend of such devotees, who never need return to this material world. How could they give up engagement in Your devotional service? (Bhag. 6.9.39)

Late Morning

The secret’s out
but I’ve got another—
can a guy attain the prayer state?
Why does he dream of going
to see the guru and then the next night
of Allen Ginsberg receiving guests
himself among them, although he doesn’t
recognize that I’m a devotee and special?
Make your confessions.
Searching, hoping to walk again.
O Krsna, I pray,
the mantra in my
mind and down the
elevator to my heart.

Just theory still, I know. I am who I am when I face myself during mantra time. So give us an honest Hare Krsna struggling that good ol’ struggle to control his mind and senses and to love Krsna. No frills necessary.

Now touch your brow and get to work. Someone said, “I’m surprised he became a guru. I always thought of him as typist.” Others tittered when he said that. The objective picture.

Many happy returns.
He asked for a sign from God. Here’s one:
Go West, Young Man
Hey, how do I know that’s from God? Everything is from God.
(You spoofin?)
Here’s another:
Go East, Young John

Now you ISKCONites meet and establish what that means. “Go West” means that he should join California ISKCON either in L.A. or as a kamikaze in Badger. The words “young man” means he should join in a youthful spirit, the kind he had in the 1970s.

“Go East” means to throw off material allusions. Face the spotlife on the eternal journey. Young John, find them holy rivers.

Clear enough.
I look for the day when your memories will be
all ISKCON devotee times
and your body transformed into prasadam cells,
you go back only two times
when Hare Krsna is sung and the devotees
give you a bad time but it’s all in the movement.

Progresso, I forgot you for a moment. How are ya? I give you these days. Please accept them. I have nothing more. You have a sign from me—a wink and a palaver and a blarney smile (i.e., false) but intended to please, and I did work at it with trial webs and big sheets of paper and occasional straight dictation aimed at filling you. I do hope . . .

See you in Newcastle,
in a blues poem,
see you…
it’s 11 A.M.

Pardon me, Progresso, for such informal note-taking. You’re a playful book and I like you for that.

I hope you don’t mind
if I pause
to become a devotee.
Don’t object please
if I save my soul.
If I get serious and talk
Bhagavatam,
don’t get bored or glassy-eyed. It’s for your own good. I mean,
it’s not just a bitter Ayurvedic powder
or a sweetless health regime.
No, it’s just that I want to surrender to God’s way for me.

I’m planning a reading discipline. A reading discipline requires plans. The gremlin says, “I’ve seen it all before. It never amounts to much.” But I say I have many times made plans and carried them through. I have made schedules, created aims, quotas, and managed to read for three hours a day.

The subconscious resists. Somehow, it doesn’t like discipline. I don’t think this is the voice of the gremlin, but the voice of the creative self. He wants to work too, and reading is not so creative. It’s receptive.

I can’t deny the subconscious, so I will allow him to write his poems. We have no slaves in Krsna consciousness, either creative ones or receptive ones. Everyone is to be satisfied. Also, the subconscious is not always right. What if his resistance is due to his reluctance to surrender to Krsna? That’s at least possible—that I want to assert that I’m as much a person as He is, which is true, but as good as He is, which is not.

But a reading schedule. Srila Prabhupada will be pleased.

Strange how the mind and sub-persons speak up in turn and I try to heed them all and to balance their needs. But I tend to be an impartial judge. I listen to reason as easily as I listen to them.

A sign from God? Maybe this voice telling me to read more is it. How else could such an idea suddenly pop into my head after a nap?

Progress. We are all made for progress in the image of God, and this morning I quoted two Sixth Canto verses. We are up to reading the demigods’ prayers in relation to Vrtra. The demigods are devotees, but still their prayers are nice. They say they cannot comprehend the infinite Lord’s transcendental nature. He existed before creation, and they have only recently been born, so they have no ability to know Him. Therefore, they bow down at His feet. The Lord will instruct them to get Dadhici’s bones. Then Indra will fight Vrtra and we will come to hear Vrtra’s superior prayers.

Even a demon can be a devotee. Imagine that.

From Notes From the Editor: BTG Essays 1978–1989

A New York City Festival Diary

Friday night, and I’ve come to see the chariots. Three colorful Jagannatha chariots standing in a dark parking lot. I encourage the workers who will stay up all night. They are dirty and tired in their work clothes assembling the colorful chariots for Krishna to ride in. Anticipation of tomorrow. Four hundred devotees will be coming from Philadelphia, Boston, Baltimore, Washington.

******

HARE KRISHNA CENTER, the twelve-story Manhattan temple. I sit in the lobby waiting for the elevator and hear of a girl whose mother came to the temple crying because her daughter joined Krishna. Devotees are coming through the glass doors. I hear of a hybrid ape born in Atlanta. The New York Times says the ape is a breakthrough. Scientists are said to be thinking of crossing an ape with a human. They are trying to deny God. The New York temple is involved in a big court case; some people want to stop us from distributing our books.

In my room on the eleventh floor, I take rest under a smiling picture of Lord Krishna.

******

Saturday noon. At Fifty-ninth Street and Fifth Avenue the chariots are waiting. Forty feet high with spires atop. I bow to the statue of Srila Prabhupada which sits on an elegant throne in the second chariot. He is dressed in a saffron dhoti and short-sleeved kurta. He wears a wrist watch, and the soles of his soft feet show from beneath the dhoti. I take my seat beside him, and no sooner do I sit down than I discover a peacock fan beside me and begin fanning Prabhupada as we proceed down the avenue.

Young men, girls in saris, Indians, New Yorkers all are pulling the chariots. Silken towers billowing in the wind yellow, green, red, and blue. Slowly, majestically, we sail south. The sky is open above Fifth Avenue; it’s like being in a canyon and above is the blue, luminous, distant sky, with white clouds. The Lord of the Universe rides in splendor, and I am His servant’s servant.

What will I tell the people in Washington Square Park? It will be whatever Krishna allows me to say.

The police seem to be eyeing me curiously. They almost all wear mustaches, and all wear light blue shirts and dark blue pants, strapped with a waist load of gun, handcuffs, club, and pad for writing violations; our official protectors, walking peacefully along with the parade. Captain Coyle is the in-charge, stuck with the job.

“Stuck with it? I requested it,” says Captain Coyle. “Every year, somehow or other, the whole parade happens. You don’t know how it works and I don’t know how it works but every year it’s worked so far. Do you know why this parade happens?”

“Why?”

Captain Coyle: “Because the Swami said to have the parade down Fifth Avenue, and therefore the parade goes down Fifth Avenue. I saw your faces when the Swami joined the parade on Thirty-fourth Street back in ’76. I saw there was something special.”

******

Washington Square Park. Brahmananda Swami is manning the Question-and-Answer Booth. The police break up a bunch of “Jesus People” giving out pamphlets against Krishna consciousness. A policeman tells them, “One day out of the year the Hare Krishnas hold this festival, and everyone in New York likes it so why bother them?”

At the booth someone asks Brahmananda Swami what he thinks of NYU.

Brahmananda Swami: “As a graduate of NYU, I can say that I didn’t learn anything of value. Anything worthwhile I learned was from Srila Prabhupada.”

Question: “Then how come you are speaking so intelligently?”

Brahmananda Swami: “It was only after I met Srila Prabhupada that I learned anything.”

Question: “Why does the media treat you so badly?”

Brahmananda Swami: “That’s the media’s business. They are not going to tell you to chant Hare Krishna. But we have our own media—our books. That’s the real media.”

Question: “Why do you always hassle us for money?”

Brahmananda Swami: “What right do you have to challenge my right to ask you for money? The IRS demands your money on behalf of the government. We do the same. We are Krishna’s taxation department, and you have no right to challenge our right to ask for money.”

Thousands of free plates of prasada are distributed, and a big crowd stays to watch a two-hour play of the Ramayana. In my lecture to the crowd, I remind them: Washington Square Park was the site of the first public kirtana in America held by Srila Prabhupada in 1966.

******

“Are there any questions?” I ask. The small gathering of newcomers sit shyly, reluctant to answer. Now I am back in my room at the center, and Lord Jagannatha is back on His marble throne downstairs. Silence. No questions. Then… “Why doesn’t a spiritual master show miracles?”

Answer: “A yogi or devotee can develop mystic powers, such as being able to walk on water or to produce any object he desires, but such siddhis do not grant the actual goal of spiritual life: pure love of God. Often such powers mislead the yogi, and his followers begin to worship him as God. One who can awaken love of God in others is the real miracle worker. One time in India, at a large gathering, a man asked Srila Prabhupada whether he could produce miracles. Prabhupada, who was sitting on a stage surrounded by many of his Western disciples, gestured to his disciples and replied, ‘This is my miracle.’”

******

The eleven o’clock news. A doctor from Westchester is pulling on the chariot ropes, straining and sweating, his face bulging. As he pulls, a newscaster asks, “Do you think that this is a genuine religious experience?”
“Yes, definitely. This is definitely a genuine religious experience.”

None of us even know who the guy is. Like thousands of others, he had just grabbed the rope and pulled. He got Lord Jagannatha’s mercy.

******

It is warm, maybe ninety degrees. Alone, I walk to my window and look out at the proud, futile tower of the Empire State Building, its crowning floors lit up with floodlights. It is Saturday night, but the town seems different. A feeling as if the beast has a heart, the sinful machine has a soul within it somewhere. And it has been touched by the Ratha-yatra festival.

—Back to Godhead, 14(9) (September 1979): NOTES FROM THE EDITOR

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<< Free Write Journal #395

Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

Read more »

Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

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Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

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Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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The post Free Write Journal #396 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Japa with Pen
3. Memories
4. Vraja-mandala Lament
5. Visitors
6. Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name
7. The Wild Garden

ANNOUNCEMENT

Satsvarupa dasa Goswami Maharaja
Spiritual Family Celebration
Saturday, July 4, 2026

What

Meeting of Disciples and friends of SDG

Where

The Veterans of Foreign Wars Hall – 845 Hudson Avenue – Stuyvesant Falls, New York 12173

There is plenty of parking near the Hall. The facility is just a few minutes’ walk from SDG’s home at 909 Albany Ave.

Schedule

10:00 – 10:30 A.M. Kirtana
10:30 – 11:15 A.M. Presentation by Satsvarupa Maharaja
11:15 – 12:30 P.M. Book Table
12:30 – 1:15 P.M. Arati and kirtana
1:15 — 2:15 P.M. Prasadam Feast

Contact

Baladeva Vidyabhusana at bvdsdg@gmail.com or (518) 754-1108
Krsna dasi at Krsnadd@gmail.com or (518) 822-7636

SDG: “I request as many devotees as possible to attend so we can feel the family spirit strongly. I become very satisfied when we are all gathered together.”

*******

Śrī Caitanya-caritāmṛta, Madhya-līlā 20.124–125: “O great learned devotee, although there are many faults in this material world, there is one good opportunity—the association with devotees. Such association brings about great happiness. . . . .”

Srila Prabhupāda: “Therefore, our Society is association. If we keep good association, then we don’t touch the darkness. What is the association? There is a song, sat-saṅga chāḍi’ kainu asate vilāsa, te-kāraṇe lāgila mora karma-bandha-phāṅsa (Gaurā Pahū, verse 3). Sat-saṅga. Sat-saṅga means association with the devotees. So the one poet, Vaiṣṇava poet, is regretting that, ‘I did not keep association with the devotees, and I wanted to enjoy life with the nondevotees. Therefore I’m being entangled in the fruitive activities.’ Karma bandha phāṅsa. Entanglement.” [Conversation with David Wynne, July 9, 1973, London]

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 8)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

You just have to be aware of the importance of chanting. Whatever the leaders preach, the others will talk about and follow. But, you cannot artificially preach or introduce anything to someone else unless you first introduce it to yourself. First examine your own chanting, then you can convey your realization to the others. It is not like some legislation—if you want something to enter people’s hearts, it has to enter your heart first.

******

As you chant Hare Krsna, your dormant love of God will come out, just as butter comes out when we churn milk. Butter is already there in milk, but it has to be brought out by the process of churning. So your love of God is there, it just has to be brought out by your chanting.

******

Chanting Hare Krsna japa should be done by moving the tongue and lips, reciting audibly, and pronouncing the words. At least our sixteen rounds should be chanted in this way. Beyond this, if one can chant Hare Krsna at other times, it is good. Such chanting aloud should not be considered external. The sound vibration is part of the internal or spiritual energy. Not that because we chant aloud it is external, whereas quiet or silent or meditative chanting is internal. Lord Caitanya savored the external congregational chanting of kirtana, and even the japa is done aloud. Prabhupada once said if we try to chant in the mind, then without chanting aloud we may have to listen to the mind’s nonsense. So to overcome the devious mind we chant aloud. It is all right to recite the translation, but not that it should be done regularly after each mantra. Don’t concoct.

******

But how can I become determined to chant Hare Krsna? I have read Lord Caitanya’s prayer where He states that He has no attraction for the holy name. So I think certainly this is my position also, except I cannot even make it into a wonderful prayer of lamentation as did Lord Caitanya.

******

Whatever progress I have made in my chanting is due to Krsna’s mercy on me. We gain benefit by watching others chant with great absorption. The words should be chanted with clear utterance, and the whole body should be concentrated on the chanting. We can’t expect to do other things while chanting Hare Krsna. It is not such a thing that you can negligently chant and at the same time drive a car, dial a telephone, read a newspaper, etc.

******

We should not minimize the hearing. What are we hearing? Krsna’s name. Hearing oneself calling on Krsna’s name is really not different from addressing Krsna. It should not be that we are repeating the name dully, or unconsciously. So let your consciousness be that you think of calling on Krsna’s name while you actually recite that name. This is called attentive chanting.

******

As far as whether Krsna hears you—yes, Krsna hears you directly, but I do not think that Prabhupada is left out of that direct hearing. Brahmananda Maharaja calls this “Prabhupada consciousness.” That is, that when we chant as well as do any other service, we think I am doing this because it has been given to me by Prabhupada. So we are thanking Prabhupada as we chant. I know myself when I chant Hare Kona mantra and sometimes feel myself grow inattentive, I spontaneously call out, “Prabhupada!” This spontaneous call shows that I am thinking of the chanting in terms of my spiritual master who gave it to me. The chanting always goes through the spiritual master. At what point would we like to become so advanced that we now kick aside the spiritual master? At least I would not like to reap such advancement.

******

“Devahati shows us the process for understanding transcendental subject matters. It is not by challenge but by submission. The entire bhakti process is a process of submission. That is also Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s teaching.

trnad api sunicena
taror api sahisnuna
amanina manadena
kirtaniyah sada hari…

If one is interested in advancing in chanting Hare Krsna, Caitanya Mahaprabhu advises that one should be humbler than the grass and more tolerant than the trees. One should not be very proud of his intelligence but should give all respects to others. In this way one can chant Hare Krsna offenselessly.”

—Teachings of Lord Kapila

Excerpts From GN Press

From Japa With Pen: 20 Prayers Written in Vrndavana (Sept.—Oct. 1989)

Dear Prabhupada and dear Lord Krsna,
Thank you for bringing me to the sacred dhama, Vrndavana. I’m sure to become more Krsna conscious here if I can refrain from committing offenses. My japa is poor, however. I am mostly inattentive and without taste. That is due to offenses and a hard heart. I hope this environment will change me for the better. I wish to do as You desire. I will give up my own plans and follow Yours.

All glories to the holy names. I beg for Your mercy. Let me work at chanting, and polish the mirror of the mind.

Dear Lord Kṛṣṇa, dear Prabhupāda,
It’s a sensual pleasure to see the mahā-mantra flashing on the page in blue and red, sinking into the page in ink tones. Let my sensual faculties be absorbed in the beauty and potency of Your names in pen on page, and of course, in sound uttered by my tongue and heard by my ear—and please let my mind be absorbed in these names, which are as good as Your form, fame, presence, just as in the spiritual world. But I cannot chant with material senses. Please help me to hear and speak the spiritual sounds. I’ve no hope it seems, to achieve it. And so, I fall into lethargy and skepticism (mandāḥ sumanda-matayo). Please help me.

From Memories

pp. 34-39

BLACKBERRY PICKING

When I was a boy living at 125 Katan Avenue in our little Cape Cod house, we sometimes went blackberry picking at a place you could reach by walking down Katan Avenue and up a hill that had no housing development on it. There was a small wood there, although it was more like an overgrown field of brush and weeds, and plenty of blackberry bushes. I would bring my mother’s aluminum pots and pick and pick and pick. My fingers would be stained from the juice and pricked by the thorns until the whole bucket was filled and brought home to my mother. Those were happy days.

Someone once said that Thoreau had such good intelligence that he should be managing the nation, not managing a group to pick blackberries. Thoreau preferred to stay out of politics, though, and I can attest that blackberry picking is good fun.

I also read a poem once describing the suffering conditions the writer experienced on his rounds as a male nurse in a hospital ward. In the midst of his poem, he suddenly tells of a character in a Chekhov story who says he has achieved happiness because he was finally able to grow gooseberries on his own land. Another character in the story laments that people who think like this are suffocating the world. How can they possibly be happy amid so much suffering? Shouldn’t we all be doing something to alleviate world suffering?

In Krsna consciousness we pick blackberries and offer them to Krsna. Just to see the devotees honoring them as the Lord’s prasadam is wonderful. That’s Krsna conscious community life and it can alleviate the world’s misery because Krsna is in the center and His mercy is available to anyone who will take it. We can’t all be militant peacemakers as this poet suggests we become. We can’t just go out and spread the teachings, give out books, and call our duty complete. To be effective and to attract people, we need recreation, agriculture, and cow protection—culture. As long as we live in this world, we should take the opportunity to pick blackberries, and we shouldn’t be ashamed of our juice-stained fingers as if they prove we should be doing more.

SPIRITUAL ASPIRATIONS

The Lord told Brahma to tell the demigods that their wives (sura-striyah) should take birth in the families of cowherd people in Vrndavana. Thus they would have the privilege of joining in Krsna’s pastimes. Srila Prabhupada explains that if we are pure devotees at the end of our lives, we will take birth in the universe where Krsna is currently exhibiting His eternal lila and be trained for service in Goloka Vrndavana.

Do you remember that teaching?

Oh, yes.

Well, here it is again, right in the early verses of the Tenth Canto. It’s not something to debate or doubt. The material scientists can’t understand it, and we are also free to accept it or not.

When will we be able to join Krsna’s pastimes? We have to want it very badly, greedily, transcendentally. It takes lifetimes of devotional service. Better, therefore, to move along and not hang back doubting whether Krsna even exists or asking questions like, “How is it possible?” We are filled with Western material prejudice and that is our misfortune.

I remember hearing Prabhupada tell us about this training we would receive. I also remember joking about it in the sankirtana van on the way to the Boston Common. Lilavati said she would like to go back to Goloka Vrndavana for a feast or two with Krsna, play with Him awhile, and then return to this world to preach on His behalf. We’d heard that the highest aspiration of a devotee was to preach in Lord Caitanya’s movement in this world. We had heard it was even better than desiring to stay in Goloka. How superficial was our understanding! Our choice was not between staying in Goloka (as if that were within our grasp) and being a perpetual preaching-traveler, a Narada Muni. Our choice was between practicing vaidhi-bhakti and falling back into the material pool. Maya was not completely convinced that we wanted no more part of the material world, and she was always ready to test us to see whether we had actually come to disturb Krsna. If we are disruptive to the society of devotees in this world, how can we ever expect to fit in to the harmony of the spiritual world?

Still, the philosophy is there. If we become pure in this lifetime, we can go to be with Krsna somewhere in the material manifestation in our next life.

Lord Brahma told the demigods that Sankarsana would appear first as Krsna’s older brother, Balarama. Yogamaya or Visnumaya, the Lord’s potency, would also appear and bewilder persons like Kariisa into thinking he could kill Krsna. (That’s Mahamaya. Visnumaya would act as Yogamaya and make Yasoda and other intimate servants of the Lord think that they are His mother or friend or lover.)

In this way, Lord Brahma pacified Mother Earth by assuring her that Krsna would remove the burden she felt from the demons.

Does this news pacify me? Are my doubts and fears dispelled? I would like to respond as Arjuna did at the end of the Bhagavad-gita: “Yes, my Lord, my illusion is now gone. I am unafraid and prepared to act on Your order. I accept all that You have said. You are the Supreme Personality of Godhead.”

I remember hearing about Krsna from the Swami and concluding, “He is the most relishable form of God.” Krsna is the best. Even then it began to dawn on me that He wasn’t a myth or the God of the Hindus, and I began to have faith that this Vraja boy could be all that they say He is and all that He says He is. Mattah parataram nanyat: “O conqueror of wealth, there is no truth superior to Me. Everything rests upon Me, as pearls are strung on a thread.” (Bg. 7.7)

From Vraja Mandala Lament: A Writer’s Parikrama

pp. 126-29

WE COME TO BE HUMBLED

I like to look at pictures of the acaryas—Krsnadasa Kaviraja crouching as he writes, Srila Rupa Gosvami also crouching as he composes his Sanskrit poems. Srila Jiva Gosvami wore a white kaupina, his right hand raised in blessing. They lived simple lives. Their material amenities were reduced almost to nil. I keep thinking, “We have the nicest saints.”
Lord Krsna says,

” . . . without saintly persons for whom I am the only destination, I do not desire to enjoy My transcendental bliss and My supreme opulences.” (Bhag. 9.4.64)

The sky is a mild blue, the temperature in the high forties. It is Saturday. I am supposed to go to Krsnadasa Kaviraja’s bhajana-kutir. It will take concentration.

I have been there before. I touched the railing on the outside door, peered inside at the worn objects. I wasn’t sure which articles were actually used by Kaviraja Gosvami and which have been added since his disappearance. We have been raised on reading his Caitanya-caritamrta. I want to pray to him that I may come to love his book. Please, Kaviraja Gosvami, bring me to your lotus feet, chapter by chapter. Let me join you in the prayer you make at the end of each chapter:

Praying at the lotus feet of Sri Rupa and Sri Raghunatha, always desiring their mercy, I, Krsnadasa, narrate Sri Caitanya-caritamrta, following in their footsteps.

He is writing beside a flowing stream full of white lotuses. He wrote beside a potted tulasi plant. He kept a water pot beside him. He wrote on rectangular pages. He didn’t use a desk and lamp, but crouched on a mat, beside a tree. His body was marked with Vaisnava tilaka. He was old and ill, but felt a miraculous ability to write.

I infer that ‘I have written’ is a false understanding, for my body is like a wooden doll. . . . I am always exhausted by five kinds of disease. I may die at any time of the day or night. . . . It is because I have offered my prayers unto the lotus feet of all of you that whatever I have written about Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu has been possible. (Cc. Antya 20.92-101)

“When one remembers Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu everything becomes easy, and when one forgets Him everything seems hard.”

I would like to stay overnight at Radha-kunda and dream of this place. If I could just be a simple devotee chanting a lakh of rounds a day. If I could remain undisturbed through heat and cold. If I could be fastidious about what I eat. If I could just tolerate others’ opinions. If I could bathe in the kunda every day and realize that it is nondifferent from Radha and Krsna. If I could commune with the eternal saints here, with Raghunatha dasa Gosvami and Krsnadasa Kaviraja. Even if I could dream of something more modest, of praying and praying, of realizing that Prabhupada is always with me, blessing me. If I could dream of serving him day and night without cessation. If I could stay at Radha-kunda for just one night and pray to eventually attain all these things.

But if I desire simply to survive the parikrama experience, that desire will also come true. ‘Where else should I be at this exact moment in time other than at Radha-kunda?

Tonight while drinking milk, I heard Srila Prabhupada say that our bodies change throughout life, but death is the final change. Then we receive another body. He challenged, ‘Why don’t they think about these things?” It occurred to me that I don’t think about them much either. Sometimes it seems better to be so absorbed in service that you forget death. But we are growing older. I have always been a little older than most ISKCON devotees, because I was twenty-six when I joined. I started out older and I have continued to be so.

“Why don’t they think about these things?”

I don’t know. I just know I can’t think too deeply about them either, especially when it turns to considering the next life. I feel like a child who cannot reach up to the teacher’s desk, or who cannot understand the big words in the textbooks. I have no idea what it means to take a next life, and what I do know of it unnerves me. I dream of it. Yes, it’s something I find difficult to face with my conscious mind, so I face it with the unconscious mind in my sleep. My dream scenarios often involve wandering, returning to unpleasant situations I remember from this lifetime, trying to escape predicaments, and failure. They are parables of samsara. I don’t want to go through birth and growing up again, but neither do I have what it takes to return to eternal Vraja after this life. I am left to pray the best prayer: to take birth in the association of pure Vaisnavas.

Of course, if I could snap awake in this lifetime and become completely serious, that would be different, but even then I wouldn’t be looking for salvation (liberation). I would become serious to chant Hare Krsna and to serve Krsna, to remember Him and to cast off all gross and subtle sense gratification.
Radha-kunda is a good place to think these things out. Rasa is beyond logic and argumentation, and Radha-kunda represents the highest rasa. The gopis don’t discuss death and rebirth unless it enhances their love for Krsna.

From Visitors

pp. 162-66

Tomorrow the two visitors leave. It is good to hear Raya dasa’s kirtan. Better than watching hours of baseball. There was nothing spiritual in that, and it hurt your eyes. Better today to opt for some more kirtan, even if it is a little bit boring, and cancel the game. And maybe you can talk with Caitanya, since it is his last day, even though he is so reticent.

You also got an e-mail from a disciple in Ireland asking you to phone him in Los Angeles on October 12. On October 29 the video man comes for an hour or so for my memories of Srila Prabhupada. Pump them out. I’d rather hold my books to the camera and summarize each one. Tell him I have written more about Prabhupada than anyone. But what he wants is fresh recall, as if I’d never written a word.

Shyamasundar’s video memories were probably the best so far. He was pouring out memories—he had to stop several times for tears and being unable to speak out of affection for Prabhupada. Sometimes he’d burst into laughter at the charm of Prabhupada and the blunders of the early days. He was terrific. I could not imitate that. Just register some accurate data, especially from 1966-1968, tell how I needed special attention from Swamiji just before I would surrender and take initiation.

When you were in his room, having returned some typing, the phone rang. Swamiji picked it up, and it was someone making arrangements for the marriage of Mukunda and Janaki. He put the phone down and then told me about the marriage and invited me to come. He asked specifically, “Could you come?” “Yes,” I said, “I could.” This is what I needed, to be personally invited. Then I left, and he said, “If you love me, I will love you.” There was a similar incident when I had to stay late at work and missed the grand congregation at lunch in his room. I phoned and said, “This is Steve. Do you remember me? I can’t come to lunch today, but will you save something for me?” “Yes,” he said. I went there and he was alone. I bowed down to him. I’ll tell the interviewer how this boy had to be hauled in gently with special attention, call him in from where he was sitting on the curb and tell him about the Sunday feasts, which he had been too timid to attend, thinking that they were just for insiders. When I missed the first initiation, I was at once regretful, and definitely wanted to get initiated as soon as possible. I asked him if I could be initiated. “Yes, you can, and the next one is Radhastami.”

I look forward to no visitors
when I can lounge in or out of uniform,
and rest in the afternoon, don’t
have to schedule dates
time to myself. Don’t have to worry
how they are doing
and stretch myself in conversations
chewing the rag, worried they are not
having a good time.
It’ll be a break to be
your own man.
Oh I dreamt I could become
a great writer in a different
style. That could only happen
with more time.

Whew. Last night was their last night. In the bhakti-sastri class, Govinda asked us to draw pictures of a moment in which we were experiencing the higher taste in Krishna consciousness. I drew a picture of Bittersweet Swami facing the viewer and smiling. He was running along the surf on a sunny beach, just by the surf on the morning after he first attended the temple. He was celebrating his release from bad habits. Caitanya drew a well-constructed image of himself from the back, with a little sikha, cleaning a big stack of pots and pans and at a large kitchen sink and singing Hare Krsna mantra, an apparently demeaning task, but he was experiencing bliss.

Keli drew a picture from childhood experience when he first attended a party with adult devotees, and they had kirtan and delicious scones. On the way back home, he said a cute kid thing, “These are my people.” He really liked it. Magdalene drew a picture from her Catholic convent days. She drew a big blue cross of Jesus and a little cross which had a brown interior and a blue outer border. She said the first time she joined the convent, the nun told her to go alone inside a room and chant the rosary for an hour. Magdalene didn’t like it at first, and she didn’t want to surrender to God. This was represented in the drawing by the brown interior. But gradually she became humble, and she felt like butterflies and angels, and her crucifix grew borders of the blue colors of Jesus. Raya dasa drew a picture of the three domes of the Krishna-Balarama Mandir in Vrndavana and the sound of the Hare Krsna twenty-four-hour kirtan pouring out. Nanda drew a picture of himself restringing his broken beads. He said it was hard work but blissful to be fixing his favorite japa-mala.

How does a transcendentalist speak? What is his language, and how does he sit? Govinda said we should not take this in a simplistic way. He is equipoised, his language is controlled, his senses are like the tortoise’s limbs; he withdraws them unless he wishes to use them. The Krsna consciousness movement is a team, and the Founder-Acarya wants us to continue it. That will be a test to show how much we love him. Where does Mexico fit in? I hope he will accept it as a loving offering where his loving devotees are worshiping him.

From Begging for the Nectar of the Holy Name

pp. 171-76

I am free-writing. It is similar to japa. Both depend on their own processes. Let’s explore a comparison of writing to japa. In japa, you focus on hearing the clearly pronounced name and you look for a break from your confused mind. (The mind is confused by so many currents of thought that it feels like a telephone wire buzzing with hundreds of phone calls at once.) You look for a break wherein you can pray from your actual condition: “Krsna, please help me. Please engage me in Your service!”

And free-writing? It is a process to keep moving quickly over thoughts, selecting ones that are charged with emotion and using them to form prayers. Lately, this “mantra” for writing keeps occurring to me: “Help yourself.” It’s a cue—write something that will help you in Krsna consciousness. “Help yourself” starts with your actual state and goes to serving the Lord’s associates, making prayers to superiors, being friends with peers, and giving parampara instructions and examples to newcomers and younger devotees. It is communication.

Neither japa nor writing can be pursued artificially. I have to concentrate on what I need, what I actually am—the process values honesty. No rituals, no feigned emotions or imagination (kalpana).

Pen jumps up to shout, “Haribol!” Bows down to make pranamas at the mere thought of the name “Gauranga! Lord Caitanya!” Pen does hijinks of kirtana ecstasy. Goes to work with determination like any nine-to-five hard-effort karmi. Delights, solaces . . . Holds a key and uses all the keys it can find to try opening the doors—where is greed? Where is greed for greed? When can I find some service to hearing about Radha and Krsna?

Japa is a continual ride, the ultimate ride, the last word in solace (even for one thrown into prison with no books or for one gone blind—solace for the dying who have no time to write more books and who have no concentration or need for anything else). Japa is peace. Like free-writing, japa flows with whatever we have, with whatever we are. It doesn’t wait for a perfect stage before beginning. It doesn’t erase what it just did and go back to start again. If a bead or round is defective, then on to the next one and the next. Japa and writing take you past the material world.

Japa is my hope. Japa is my frustration. It is my embarrassment. It is my distracted performance and my lack of realization. I have been chanting japa for thirty years. I’m still a beginner. Japa humbles me and fills me with enthusiasm at the challenge. It is hopelessly beyond me; I cannot master it. I want to learn how to surrender to the name and let the name teach me how to chant. I love it. I appreciate the theistic brilliance of the Lord for introducing harer nama as the yuga-dharma for this sinful age. Kalau tad dhari-kirtanat.

Yesterday, Madhu and I shaved up like recruits, new bhaktas. Shaved up and chanted sixty-four rounds. Madhu said his sixty-four were a “token.” He meant they were a sincere gesture, a tapasya. He wanted to show Krsna that he cared, but as far as the performance of the japa, it was, he says, austerity all the way.

I put scotch tape on the corners of my valuable paperback books like Hari-nama-cintamani so they don’t get dog-eared. Some books I cover with paper. These measures are means to achieve longevity. During the temporary existence, why let your books get dog-eared? The message of Bhaktivinoda Thakura is eternal, and I am sanatana also, a servant of Krsna.

“God is eternal, and His instructions and followers are also eternal…..The more one glorifies Krsna, the more enthusiastic he becomes in glorifying, glorifying, glorifying. . . . this Hare Krsna maha-mantra can be chanted twenty-four hours daily, and one will still feel fresh and enthusiastic. . . . It is a spiritual sound that comes from the spiritual world” (Teachings of Lord Kapila, p. 208).

Yes, you have millions and trillions of “miles” to go before reaching the goal of direct service in Vraja. Life after life you can increase your greed in chanting. So why not learn to chant as well as you can right now so that you will do better with it in the next life? It doesn’t get lost from one life to the next. It’s not like your bodily organs that finally break down until the soul has to move out of the body. Chanting can go with you to the next life. Learn how to cry for Krsna. You will be needing that ability for the next life.

Just before going out for my walk, I spent a few minutes reading Entering the Life of Prayer and Japa Reform Notebook. The particular sections I picked—or maybe the mood I was in—made me think that they were imperfect. I felt sorry about that. Someone once told me that I ought to publish an apology for all the imperfect things I have written, the gropings, the focus on myself. That apology would mean apologizing for being an imperfect, groping person. How can you publish a repudiation or retraction of your own self? But anyway I do—I declare that I write imperfectly. I say things that later turn out not to be true. This is not the standard of the Vaisnava writers.

But actually I am happy, not happy that I write imperfectly, but happy that despite all my inadequacies, and despite the obstacles in the material world, Krsna sent Prabhupada. I am allowed to serve Srila Prabhupada. Prabhupada is so kind that any small service we attempt—even if there will always be others who don’t approve of it—he will accept it in the spirit it was rendered. There are so many different people serving Prabhupada, and some will find value in what another devotee is doing. We want to work toward perfection, toward improvement of ourselves. Unless we were imperfect, how could we improve?

I am especially grateful for the career Prabhupada has given me and all the different services he has encouraged me to do in ISKCON from the beginning. He has always given me a variety of adventure and responsibility, and a great sense of working in an important mission, his mission. He has always given me hope. Now he is making the goal clearer to me, more brilliant and sweet. At the same time, he has given me the vision of myself that I am just a beginner, a fumbler, I make so many mistakes. There is no end to the work that has to be done on myself; it doesn’t seem so likely that I will finish it all up in this lifetime. He has taught me to pray for faith and he has given me faith right from 1966.

From The Wild Garden

pp. 23-27

Vrndavana is glorious because it is Radha and Krsna’s playground. Srila Prabhupada was eager to bring his Western disciples here, so he constructed the Krishna-Balaram Mandir. He wanted us to live here carefully, avoiding offenses, chanting, hearing, and becoming purified by the spiritual atmosphere.
Then he wanted us to go out and preach.

From hundreds of yards away I see a monkey walking on all fours across the gurukula roof. If they came to this roof, it would be too distracting. That’s another opulence of the San Colony—no monkeys.

Yes, I know, this is surface stuff. I should know better. But I cannot expect to be one of those vairagi mendicants, mentioned by Prabodhananda Sarasvati, in this lifetime. They wear only torn cloth and wander homeless in Vraja, always crying in gopi-bhava. That form of worship is not even recommended by our spiritual master. At least I aspire to read verses like this:

I think the ultimate goal of life is to attain even a small amount of love for the land of Vrndavana, which is opulent with the splendid pastimes of Sri Radha-Murali-manohara’s lotus feet (Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sataka 4.65).

“O Sri Vrndavana, I am now very fortunate. I have become: the object of your very, very great mercy. You have given me the right to reside within your boundaries, a right that is prayed for by Lord Brahma, Sukadeva Gosvami, Sanaka Kumara, and other great souls. This gift gives me hope that someday I will directly serve the splendid, charming, eternally youthful, eternally amorous fair and dark Divine Couple’ (Vrndavana-mahimeimrta, Sataka 4.80).

It’s humid. I can’t get inspiring dictation from my own skin and right now, the sight of four young Vrajavasi boys loitering along the path doesn’t direct me to Krsna consciousness. Pray for mercy. You say you are what you are, but you pray, “Dear Lord, please forgive me and improve me.” Prabodhananda Sarasvati prays directly to Sri Vrndavana:

“. . . If you have granted me residence within your boundaries . . . then why do you now hesitate to allow me to serve the great souls that live within you?” (Vrndavana-mahimamrta, Sataka 4.81).

I can also pray to Vrndavana-dhama by Srila Prabhupada’s mercy: Let me beg for attachment to the dhama; let me travel to its holy sites. Let me one day aspire to live here all the time.
Recently, I read references to retiring to Vrndavana in your fifties as a vanaprastha (Prahlada recommended it to his father as “the best thing” he had learned.) But I am not a vanaprastha.

Srila Prabhupada once said to one of his disciples,

Preach while you are young. When you are old, retire to Vrndavana and chant Hare Krsna. . . . But you cannot retire unless you have preached sufficiently. The mind will agitate. If you have preached, you can retire and chant Hare Krsna—so preach as much as possible (Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, Vol. 5, p. 94).

What is young? What is a devotee’s retirement age? It varies. Retiring in the spiritual sense is for the very advanced. Mahanidhi Swami makes the point that Srila Prabhupada approves our living in Vrndavana if we continue preaching here (as I might do by writing—or if I could improve myself, as befits one who accepts disciples).
Although Srila Prabhupada rejected Subala’s idea for solitary bhajana, he did accept that one could continue living in Vrndavana provided he preached vigorously. Srila Prabhupada told Subala:

Better we spend our whole life and die just to make one person Krsna conscious. That is our line, to become so absorbed in preaching Krsna consciousness, whether in Vrndavana or anywhere. (Appreciating Sri Vrndavana-dhama, p. 247).

That is a good point—that one may also preach in Vrndavana. When a brother hears that someone is residing it Vrndavana he says, “Oh, but Srila Prabhupada wanted us to preach.” The six Gosvamis came here just to preach.

Thoughts on a humid afternoon.

A person in Vrndavana bows down. He is proud, foolish, bu he worships the dhama and the holy name. His writing is bhajana.

A bird like the whippoorwill . . . Now I will quit writing, he says, but no, go on.

I am a little nuts, and this isn’t a perfect pen. In Vrndavana, in Vrndavana. I keep saying it like a magic formula. I keep begging. But what do I want? I think I will be satisfied if I can write a pleasing, flowing record of my experiences.

Commendable, commendable.

I am not being sarcastic, but why not go deeper?

The writing should be the by-product of my prayer.

Okay, okay.

And you ought to know by now that writing is your dharma, so stop criticizing yourself for it. You may desire to go deeper, but writing isn’t exactly a “by-product.” It is your head on Thy earth and all parts of your body in dandavats.

My prayers to Vrndavana are for simple things like, “Please, let me chant with attention and love in the morning. Or let me feel unworthy that I cannot do it—but not in a neurotic way. Let me cry. Let me improve. Teach me how to chant.”

Yes, Lord, I would like to write sweet love songs to You, but am not qualified. So what does a guy do who wants to write in. Vrndavana, who has come to Vrndavana just to write? He car, write Prabhupada’s biography and purports to the “Prayers of King Kulasekhara,” and he can do this—the simple days and nights in a house of old bricks and cement in Raman Reti. It is the best situation I have ever had in Vrndavana, and I thank You for it.

I am just stressing and digging a little here to look for more. My wish-blessing: may you continue to hear in good consciousness. May Prabhupada’s words penetrate your thick skull and your dry heart.

O Vrndavana-dhama, I need to quiet down.

Certainly the trees will see you come and go from Vrndavana. They don’t write books trying to average a hundred pages a week, and they don’t make photocopies so it doesn’t get lost.

– Newsletter join link –

<< Free Write Journal #394

Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

Read more »

The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

Read more »

Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

Read more »

Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

Read more »

Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

Read more »

The post Free Write Journal #395 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

ANNOUNCEMENT

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 7)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

So while you are chanting, you don’t have to get to something else or go somewhere else or wait for “it” to happen, but you just have to realize that this is actually Krsna. Then, as you realize Krsna more, you get more into the chanting. You realize that the chanting is simply to chant Krsna’s name, and you want to do it more and more.

******

Of course, in a sense it is true that the chanting leads to a breakthrough and to higher understanding, but to higher understanding of the same thing—that Krsna is His name, that Krsna is actually His name. And then you realize it more—that actually Krsna is His name. Sometimes we gain a little understanding of it. We say, “You know, I’ve been chanting. I am understanding that actually the name is Krsna.” Or we may be reading and then understand, “Oh, actually the name is Krsna. Krsna is His name. Krsna is so wonderful, and Krsna is appearing in His name!” Improving chanting means realizing this more and more.

******

Just like with the Deity— Krsna is standing on the altar, so we keep going and seeing Krsna. The best way to take His darsana is to get more and more realization that Krsna is actually here. Not that you have to see a light coming from the Deity or see Him move, but He has come in this form. He’s exactly Krsna in this brass form. He’s not brass, He’s Krsna—but exactly as He is. The name is like this. The name is actually Krsna. Not that by chanting—then something else. But the sound vibration is Krsna. It’s just a matter of becoming submissive or receptive. Prabhupada uses the phrase “aural reception.” We produce this sound, and we hear it; this is yoga. Therefore, it’s such a simple process. We can make all advancement.

******

Chanting is done from the heart, as a way of life. That is inoffensive chanting. It is not just a technique. You have in the past been a victim of your uncontrolled senses. You should pray to Krsna when you chant, “Please save me from maya. Please save me from my raging senses. Please, Lord, engage my senses in Your service. Please let me chant Hare Krsna sincerely. Please do not let me go away from Your lotus feet into the jaws of maya.” This prayerful attitude as you chant, realizing your dangerous position, will be more effective than touching the tongue to the upper portion of the palate like the South Indian brahmana.

******

A few years ago on the inside cover of Back to Godhead we used an ad where different karmis would relate their experiences of chanting Hare Krsna. One man said, “It charges my batteries,” and others said different things. Prabhupada said, “That is all right, but you must also instruct them that they should take to the process.” Chanting involves the whole process. We don’t want people to introduce it in their lives as a cheap thing: “Oh, I chant because it relieves me of tension before I go to the executive board meeting,” or, “Before my performance, I chant Hare Krsna.” You have to take to the process.

Nama cintamani krsnas caitanya-rasa-vigrahah. Commenting on this verse, Srila Prabhupada said,

“. . .Gita or Srimad-Bhagavatam or Krsna’s name or Krsna’s form, pastimes, anything about Krsna—they are one. Therefore by chanting this Hare Krsna mantra, you directly contact Krsna. Krsna is the nami, and Hare Krsna mantra is His name. But they are nondifferent. Otherwise, how this Hare Krsna movement is so quickly appreciated all over the world? There’s no difference between chanting the Hare Kona mantra and meeting Krsna eye-to-eye, face-to-face. Simply one has to realize. The more you become purified by chanting Hare Krsna mantra, you will see Krsna face-to-face.”

******

“People are asking, ‘Can you show me God?’ You can see. Simply prepare your eyes. Simply prepare your ears, by hearing. Ceto-darpana-marjanam. So this is a very scientific, authorized, practical movement. You chant Hare Krsna mantra and you will realize that gradually you are advancing to meet Krsna face-to-face. It is possible.”
—Lecture by Srila Prabhupada 1/12/73 in Bombay

******

How can you control your mind by chanting? This is an honest question. Even if you don’t commit gross sinful activities, the subtle material desires in the mind, and the fact that the mind is uncontrolled makes you unable to chant. This is especially prominent in the age of Kali. The only solution is to work hard at chanting. Krsna says wherever the mind wanders bring it back under the control of the higher self. Just as when a parent takes care of a little child, the parent has to constantly see that the child does not go astray. The parent cannot say that the child should cooperate more and just stay in one place. But the parent lovingly has to constantly watch. In the same way, you have to lovingly and yet strongly discipline the mind and keep it concentrated on the holy name. Do not find fault with the process. And do not think that Krsna is not helping you. He has helped you by giving you Himself in His holy name. Now you have to take to the process sincerely and “God helps those who help themselves.”

Śrīla Satsvarūpa Dāsa Gosvāmī: A Life of Service, Expression, and Literary Devotion

By Satyarāja Dāsa (Steven J. Rosen)

I write these words as a humble offering in glorification of Śrīla Satsvarūpa dāsa Gosvāmī, my dear friend, senior godbrother, and an early disciple of His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedānta Svāmī Prabhupāda.

It has recently occurred to me that devotees of the present generation—what to speak of those yet to come—may not be fully aware of the pioneering service he rendered over the course of his long and dedicated life in Kṛṣṇa consciousness. His publishing oeuvre is, without exaggeration, more extensive than that of any other living Vaiṣṇava, and its importance cannot be overstated.

From his seminal multi-volume Śrīla Prabhupāda-līlāmṛta to the introspective Japa Reform Notebook, from Nīti-śāstras: Sayings of Cāṇakya and Hitopadeśa as Quoted by Śrīla Prabhupāda to Mama Tejas: A Spark of My Splendor—one of my personal favorites—Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s works illuminate Gauḍīya Vaiṣṇavism while simultaneously demonstrating how a devotee may be deeply personal, expressive, and artistic in presenting Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

Indeed, his disciples have undertaken the noble task of republishing his many books—numbering in the hundreds—in thoughtfully designed editions meant to nourish devotees of today and generations yet unborn.

Be it known: Satsvarūpa dāsa Gosvāmī joined Śrīla Prabhupāda at 26 Second Avenue in the early months of 1966. At that time, he was working as a social worker and cultivating his natural inclination as a writer. Who knew that Kṛṣṇa had a plan for him to become one of the preeminent writers of the Hare Kṛṣṇa movement?

In a spirit of sacrifice, he donated his earnings to help sustain the fledgling temple, and Śrīla Prabhupāda personally encouraged him to write for Back to Godhead magazine, and he soon became its chief editor. Later that same year, he was sent alone to establish a preaching center in Boston, marking the beginning of a lifetime of leadership and service.

He became one of the original members of the Governing Body Commission and accepted sannyāsa initiation in 1972. His service included extensive college preaching and numerous administrative responsibilities, yet throughout, Śrīla Prabhupāda consistently encouraged his literary efforts and expressed pleasure upon seeing his early works, such as Readings in Vedic Literature and Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

In 1978, he was entrusted by the GBC with the monumental responsibility of composing Śrīla Prabhupāda-līlāmṛta, the authorized biography of Śrīla Prabhupāda. It is said that Śrīla Prabhupāda himself had indicated Satsvarūpa dāsa Gosvāmī as a fitting author for such a sacred undertaking.

To accomplish this, Satsvarūpa Mahārāja assembled a dedicated production team, as the Bhaktivedanta Book Trust was then heavily engaged in numerous other projects. For nearly five years, this team labored with diligence and devotion, ultimately producing the original six-volume life of Prabhupāda.

Thereafter, the same team continued under the name Gītā Nāgarī Press, facilitating the publication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s vast and varied literary output. His writings span biography, devotional practice, reflections on devotee life, prayer, essays, poetry, journals, fiction, and art. These diverse genres are unified by a striking honesty and transparency, offering readers an intimate glimpse into the inner life of a practicing devotee. Truly, within his works, there is something for everyone.

In addition to his literary achievements, Satsvarūpa dāsa Gosvāmī is also an accomplished and widely appreciated “outsider” artist—unschooled in the conventional sense, yet vibrant, immediate, and deeply alive in expression.

Over the course of his career, he produced more than 2,500 works of art, many of which are displayed in private homes and offices, while others have been incorporated into the design of Gītā Nāgarī Press publications. Notably, one hundred of his pieces were acquired by the Museum of Sacred Art for their permanent collection.

Although he has now ceased painting due to health considerations, his artistic legacy remains substantial and enduring. All of this was accomplished despite maintaining a heavy institutional workload of management during the 1970s, 80s, and 90s, and even while enduring chronic migraine headaches. During all of this, he also took on the role of initiating spiritual master, guiding many disciples to the goal of Kṛṣṇa Consciousness on Śrīla Prabhupāda’s behalf.

Now retired from extensive travel, he continues to write and to correspond with devotees, remaining ever engaged in the service of guru and Kṛṣṇa.

As we look toward the future, it is my sincere hope that devotees of all generations will come to know the name and person Satsvarūpa Dāsa Gosvāmī—through the recorded history of ISKCON and, most importantly, through his precious books.

His life stands as a testament to steady service, creative expression, and deep fidelity to the instructions of the spiritual master. If we take the time to hear his voice through his writings, we will find not only historical insight, but also guidance, vulnerability, and the living example of a devotee striving, with sincerity, to serve Śrī Kṛṣṇa at every step. In this way, his legacy will continue to instruct, inspire, and uplift all who encounter it.

Excerpts From GN Press

From Entering the Life of Prayer

pp. 117-19

COMING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN

Gray, not cold. The dead trees are marked with red paint, which means that our men will cut them down when they get to them. I have some thoughts which I call “intellectual,” meaning not fully realized. One is that this whole idea of inner life and prayer is, for me, just a dim, intellectual awareness I have received from different sources, such as people telling me or my reading the books. I have much more distance to go than I ever dreamed of in terms of making real spiritual progress. In fact, I am stopped. I have so many anarthas, but I tend to become complacent because of the great distance that I have been lifted up from an abominable place. That safe distance is due to Prabhupada’s mercy and the process which I have been practicing. My awareness of my fallen state is merely an intellectual realization. If somebody mentions, though, that I am not advanced, I say, “Umph! No, everything is all right.” However, I don’t really feel it. Therefore, there are no tears or grief.

Another intellectual inkling I have is that I am taking it easy and that I am not performing the necessary austerities. This has been on my mind since reading Dark Night of the Soul, where the author describes the terrible purgations the soul has to go through as God leads one along. If one is weak, He leads one along very slowly, interspersing the purgations with sweetness. So I may be thinking that I have found an easy way to get through life by Krsna consciousness. Partly, of course, there was more willingness to do rigorous work when I was younger, but now, as I grow older, it may be that I am looking for an easy way, for comforts by my seniority, by my official sannyasa position, and by my reputation. I let people serve me, I take it easy, and now I have illnesses, arthritis in my foot, and headaches—these can be used to take it easy and this is not good.

I also have an intellectual awareness that there is so much suffering in the world, as well as the fact that there is so much suffering I may have to go through—a kind of suffering of tearing myself away from illusions. I’m so reluctant, however, to bear or be aware of even a bit of this suffering. So Krsna is “protecting” me from it because it is so much my desire not to see it. Lately, though, I have been making those little prayers (I don’t know if Krsna takes them as sincere yet) where I am asking, “Please show me the truth. Please reveal my faults to me. Please give me my orders just as the military commander gives orders. I won’t go on my own, but if You give me the orders I will go.” Out of my intellectual awareness, I am trying to be truthful and honest—and go for it.

Another day at Gita-nagari. Gray, not very cold. Noon. I just prayed to the Lord and didn’t have the courage to pray for a “dark night of the soul” purgation under His hand. If that comes, I wish io accept it. I pray to accept it. However, I did pray that I can become purified and to increase my desire for reading Prabhupada’s books.

There is no conflict or contradiction between the fact that we hear about Krsna in the scriptures in many different ways and that we also want to address Him personally as an individual spirit soul under His Lordship. Rather, what we hear from the scriptures convinces us about the Lord’s existence and His greatness. That helps us to know we are speaking individually to the same Lord who is described in the transcendental literature. To begin a genuine prayer, though (and I consider myself as hardly even begun), it takes a very clear attitude, a mind not cluttered by lots of other voices. Then you can come to the core of whatever sincerity you have. So, for this, a certain way of life is good: a quiet life perhaps, or a life, even if stressful, in which you deliberately take time out to pray with concentration. Think of Krsna and talk to Krsna. It takes some effort of communication.

Hare Krsna. It’s sixty degrees, patches of sun, the leaves really almost leathery-looking. Different shades of brown only, brown and tan. You can hardly see any green and I don’t see any yellow at all, and no red. Everything is brown, whereas just very recently the colors were there. Just see how everything changes, and the trees are all simply wood except for a few trees here and there that are retaining some leaves. Gunshots echoing on this Friday afternoon where the deer are being slaughtered. Our land is a refuge for the deer, with some “No Hunting” signs up. It is also a refuge for devotees, and I am taking refuge in the hill with only the trees to hear me chanting and walking.

As far as prayer is concerned, it is going on in a mild kind of way. I am very thankful for the peace and quiet in which to pray. I know all kinds of complete changes are no doubt ready to be made by the Lord upon me. I am just an insignificant living entity, but I pray that the Lord will help me to become a better devotee. I am specifically speaking here about prayer to encourage myself to continue it. Yes, I will.

I cannot expect such ideal situations as this. This peace is the kind of thing one remembers, rather, when he is in the hectic situation. At Gita Nagari I can find peaceful solitude at least for half an hour just by walking out the door. This is the greatest wealth. At the same time, I am daily able to see Radha-Damodara and give lectures, etc. So when I am in more hectic surroundings, I can remember this peaceful forest, and my thinking about Krsna and praying to Krsna.

Even here, though, my prayer has been thinning out, diminishing. I haven’t been concentrating as much; I tend to think within myself, without turning to the Lord and Prabhupada. All I can say is I do desire to keep it up, and when I stray from it I feel sorry, and I just come back and do it again and try not to feel too much guilt. My Lord, I am happy to be in Your protection and Your care, just as I hope I will be happy when You may handle me more roughly, because You are my Lord unconditionally.

From ISKCON in the 1970s: Diaries

pp. 42-46

January [?]

Tokyo

NOTES from morning walk:

If one serves a spiritual master and inquires, then the spiritual master is very liberal and generous and glad to answer. In Kali-yuga one disagrees even with his spiritual master. One cannot leave the association of the spiritual master and then claim interpretation of his instruction.

If I say I love Krsna but I kick His devotee, what kind of love is that?

If I want to be Krsna conscious, I should live with devotees and the Deity, not that I “love Krsna” and go live in a train station.

Early morning walk in tiny paths, snowy park. He quoted verses about the life of a mendicant who takes clothes people throw in the street, etc.—the Japanese work so hard to live in nice houses. A mendicant only approaches them for their good. I commented that hippies in Hawaii might say they follow these verses. He said, “Therefore, vairagya is useless [without Krsna consciousness]. Monkeys also live in the forest and eat fruits, but they have many girl friends and sex life.”

Riding through industrialized Tokyo he commented how it is all karma, bringing on the next life. Animal life—do you want to live as animals or go back to Godhead?

Deviators claim they are above the rules and regulations of devotional service. He said we never are. Follow these rules or other rules—we must follow—traffic rules, rule of birth, death, old age.

“Rascals claim they are higher devotees, but they didn’t come to see me and pay obeisances.”

January [?

Hong Kong

I asked about splits in the movement. He said there was no such thing—only insincerity. I chant sixteen rounds, follow the principles and preach, and you do also—there is no split, only if one is insincere and doesn’t follow.

He appreciated K., who couldn’t follow principles and left. Said G. was insincere for falling down, but was going on preaching without his conscience biting

February [?], 1974

New Delhi

That authority who is everyone’s authority is God.

A devotee said another devotee was planning how to take over the world for Krsna. Srila Prabhupada said this was very good. “Yes,” the boy said, “as long as it is not utopian.” No, Prabhupada said, even if it is utopian, it is very nice. After all, who is Krsna? He is not an ordinary man. Anything is possible if one sincerely wishes it for Krsna. He described how he came to the U.S.A. with no backing. (I was thinking of going preaching to a college to get devotees—utopian wish should be there: “I want these people to become Krsna’s devotees.”) Utopian for Krsna is all right.

February [?]

Vrndavana

He said he wanted to visit Dvaraka as he had never been there, and never been to Hardwar or other holy places all over India. “I was much more serious about hearing from my spiritual master than in visiting holy places. He noted this and he liked me for it.”

He said he knows the art, like karate, of pushing at a person’s weak point until he dies. In argument he said he finds out their weak point and pushes on it until they die.

A communist said that everything is based on economy, economy is the basic principle, even for Krsna conscious people. Prabhupada looked up economy in the dictionary. He said it actually means bodily comforts: eating, sleeping, mating, and defending. We have such economy in Krsna consciousness, but it is not our basic principle. The basic principle is transcendental loving service to Krsna. Please Krsna, then the economy problem is solved. Animals have no economic problem either, although they have no big philosophy. Men are all rascals who are not Krsna conscious. Communists, capitalists, all are taking and distributing poison by preaching on the bodily platform. If the communist sees material opulence and says, “Everyone should have poison in a gold pot,” will a sane man agree? “Here is poison in a gold pot.”

We say to everyone, “Come on.” Nonsectarian.

A devotee wrote him a letter saying, “You are doubting my business project and so I am not enthusiastic and I am beginning to doubt you.” Prabhupada said, “I do not doubt you as a sincere devotee, but I doubt your business capacity as no money is coming in. I am a layman. I don’t know the jewelry business, but if I doubt it, what is my fault?” Besides, the spiritual master can say to his disciple: “You are useless, you are stupid, you are a fool.” That is all right. Not that he has to flatter the disciple.

Starting out on a morning walk in Vrndavana, a devotee said, “You are like the hometown boy who made good. Here in Vrndavana the people are proud of you.” He said, “They should. They couldn’t do anything.”

On a walk in the parikrama area, a devotee saw female peacocks eating, and commented that the males are more beautiful among birds, also fish. Prabhupada said, “Among the humans, the women are.” Then, “Amongst Mohammedans, a man with big beard and mustaches is considered very beautiful.” The devotee said, “Then we are the least beautiful. We have no hairs.” Prabhupada: “Yes, nobody likes us. We are neither male nor female. No one knows who we are. That is very good. If you are attractive to neither male nor female, then you are liberated.”

Q: What is the difference between Goloka and Vrndavana?

A: None—but your mind is in America. Fix your mind at the lotus feet of Krsna and you are always in Vrndavana. Krsna is everywhere.

We cannot execute severe penances. Our penance is to try to reform the poor, crazy persons. Tapa means miseries. In any case, even if you try to live for comfort, it will be miserable. And if you think, “All right, it’s miserable, but let me enjoy,” still you will have to die. One should take the pains voluntarily for Krsna. He comes to save fallen souls; if you help a little, He’ll be pleased. He comes Himself, sends devotees, leaves books, but still we are mad for sense enjoyment. Our penance, therefore, is to try to reform (also those who come to ISKCON and are still troublesome).

From A Poor Man Reads the Bhagavatam, Vol. 2

pp. 41-47

SB 1.3.31

yathā nabhasi meghaugho
reṇur vā pārthivo ’nile
evaṁ draṣṭari dṛśyatvam
āropitam abuddhibhiḥ

Clouds and dust are carried by the air, but less intelligent per sons say that the sky is cloudy and the air is dirty. Similarly, they also implant material bodily conceptions on the spirit self.

Comment

We cannot see the individual spirit soul within the body. We can only assume the soul is there by its symptoms. We use inference rather than sensory proof. If the body is active, we take it for granted, on the basis of scripture, that the soul is present. Similarly, we cannot see God, whose form is all-spiritual. We have to be highly qualified to see the Lord’s spiritual form.

Foolish persons mistake the physical form of the individual soul to be original form. Therefore, they misidentify a person with his outer covering. This is not completely wrong; the outer covering indicates the presence of an inner person. Prabhupada gives the example that when we see the President’s limousine we exclaim, “Here comes the President!” We’ve seen only the car, but we are likely to be correct that the President is indeed inside.

Those who want to see God immediately despite their disqualification are encouraged to meditate on the “outer form” of God in this material universe, the universal form. By understanding the size and power of the gigantic cosmos, they can begin to understand the breadth of God. Still, that form is imaginary—one could almost say mistaken. The mistake is described in this verse: when you see dust or clouds in the air you say, “The sky is cloudy, the air is dirty.” In fact, the air is separate from the dust. It is simply carrying the dust. It has not itself become dust.

Our inability to see living spirit is described in the Vedic verse, atah sri-krsna-namadi na bhaved grahyam indriyaih. With our present blunt material senses, we cannot appreciate Krsna’s presence in His holy name. When we render devotional service, however, especially starting with the tongue by tasting prasadam and chanting Hare Krsna, then gradually the spiritual senses become uncovered and we learn to see spiritual reality. Chanting Hare Krsna cleans the dust from the mind and enables us to see that Krsna and His name are nondifferent. Those who demand to see spirit at once, although they’re unwilling to practice the process of purification, are arrogant and foolish. It certainly makes sense that in order to understand any subject matter, we have to qualify ourselves to learn it.

One of the first things we learn in Krsna consciousness is that we are not this body; we are spirit soul. Even as we begin to practice Krsna consciousness, however, this basic realization eludes us. I remember Prabhupada quoting aham brahmasmi and my being thrilled to hear it. Still it is theoretical, even after all these years.

Is that depressing? It’s horrible to look at ourselves and see the gross material desires that still live in our minds and hearts. Why can’t we act more like the Vaisnava we actually are? Why the persistence of the material identity? Sometimes the “dirt and clouds” seem inseparable from our air. We have so deeply identified with matter for so long that it is almost impossible to overcome the habit. A soul in a man’s body thinks he’s a man or an American or the son of a particular family. A soul in a body sees himself as fat or thin, strong or weak. Maya will be conquered when we can understand with what we should identify.

I have been writing my memories of material experience. I think in all honesty it’s necessary for me to own up to them because I still dream of my old neighborhood, think of myself as a child, remember my parents, and so on. The fact is, however, none of my material experiences have any connection with me. I don’t defy this conclusion. In fact, I respect it as transcendental knowledge. It just seems so long before the practices of sadhana-bhakti take hold and I actually begin to understand and identify with my real self.

The pure devotee’s situation is different. We’re advised not to see the spiritual master’s body as faulty, for example. We are told that if we think of the spiritual master as his body, it’s the same as seeing the moon mixed in the clouds and thinking that they are moving together. The moon is actually far away, quite separate from the clouds.

Although we may be mistaken when we see the spiritual master’s body as material, however, we still worship that form. It is actually a spiritual form. It may be hard to distinguish all this, and perhaps it is not even necessary. If the spiritual master’s form becomes dear to us, then whether we understand it as matter or spirit, we are safe if we continue to worship him and follow his words. At least we will have the gist of understanding. How his body is spiritual is something we may have to understand in the future.

Similarly, when we see the worshipable Deity on the altar, we understand that it is Krsna Himself, although simultaneously we know that He is made of marble or brass. We also know, theoretically, that marble can act as spirit, and that Krsna has appeared to us in this so-called material form because we are not yet qualified to see His sac-cid-ananda form. In this case, although we lack higher understanding, if our basic attitude is right, we can still make spiritual progress by properly receiving, worshiping, and serving the spiritual form of guru and Deity. The Vedic verse describes, arcye viṣṇau śilā-dhīr guruṣu nara-matir vaiṣṇave jāti-buddhir viṣṇor vā vaiṣṇsnavānāṁ kali-mala-mathane: “If someone fails to understand that the Deity is spiritual, that the spiritual master is not ordinary, and that a Vaisnava doesn’t appear in a particular nationality but is spirit, then that person has a hellish mentality.”

On hearing all this, we can grasp how difficult it is to gain realization of even the ABCs in spiritual life. This fact should humble us. We are not masters of Krsna consciousness just because we have attended a few Bhagavatam classes and have spent a few years busily engaged in the activities of the Krsna consciousness movement. Do we really know the difference between spirit and matter? Do we really act on the spiritual platform in all that we do? If not, why do claim we are learned devotees? Better to go before the guru as Sanatana Gosvami did and admit our foolishness.

Count your change.
I mean, calm down.
Dear spiritual master, I need to feel
God’s unconditional love for me.
I need to feel you’ll cut me
down, call me “fool!” You have
the right and I don’t mind. Still, I want to
feel God’s unconditional love
for me. These words
come to mind.

I want you to accept me as
I am. When I said that
to one of my big leader
Godbrothers (who used to call me
friend), he said, “Why should
I accept you as you are? There is right
and wrong.” He reserved the
right in our friendship to decide when
I was wrong and he, like a car mechanic,
could take me apart, spread out my
parts, and put me together again—as a sign
of his favor—as he wished me to be.
“No thanks,” I said, and that ended that.

Now dear God, You have the right,
and Gurudeva too, but
I’d like to feel Your all-accepting love
for me.
Let me improve who I am.
You, if You like, even on hearing
this conditional statement or
demand, may send a thunderbolt
or remain indifferent.
I accept You in any case.
I’m just telling you how I feel on
this February 17 in 1996.

From A Visit to Jagannatha Puri: A Pilgrimage Journal

pp. 49-52

ALALANATHA

When Jagannatha was absent from the temple, Caitanya Mahaprabhu, who could not see Him, felt separation and left Jagannatha Puri to go to a place known as Alalanatha. (Madhya-lila 1.122)

Alalanatha is also known as Brahmagiri. This place is about fourteen miles from Jagannatha Puri and is also on the beach. There is a temple of Jagannatha there. At the present moment a police station and post office are situated there because so many people come to see the temple. (Madhya-lila 1.22, purport)

As we arrived at the gate, it was still dawn, and none of the pujaris were present. The temple is very old. The entire walled-in area is about a hundred feet wide by two hundred feet long, with large stone blocks for a floor. The main dome is constructed in the Jagannath Puri style, with a red flag on top. At the base of the dome are sculpted figures of powerful warriors fighting one another. There is also a sculpture of the boar incarnation: At the rear of the dome there is an inset sculpture of Nrsimha, with Hiranyakasipu on His lap. Halfway up the dome, large gargoyle-like figures jut out. Coming ’round the dome, I see an inset sculpture of Lord Vamana piercing the outer shell of the universe. All these are very old but in fairly good shape. Unfortunately, there is also graffiti by Oriyan youths, saying the equivalent of “Ravi was here, 1971.” In the rear of the courtyard is a smaller, white-washed Orissan-style temple.

There are three buildings in a row. The first and smallest structure (about twenty feet tall) is the Jaga-mohana, and it encloses the Garuda stambha. The second building (about forty feet high) is the Majhi Devla, which once enclosed the bodily impression of Lord Caitanya. The third tower (60 feet) is Bada Devla, the temple of Alalanatha.

Soon after we arrived, a sweeper woman came and unlocked the first temple for us. Within is a bas-relief of Garbhodaksayi Visnu, with Brahma on the stem of the lotus. The Garuda on the stambha has an interesting nose-beak, a combination of human and bird. On either side of the entrance to the next temple are painted murtis—Brahma on the left, and Siva on the right. The sweeper woman was quite friendly and offered me a handful of tulasi. But she had no key to allow us entrance into the next temple, so we waited for the pujari, who was supposed to have been there by six.

While waiting, we sat outside the temple and read aloud:

After seeing the bathing ceremony of Lord Jagannatha. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu became very happy. But when Lord Jagannatha retired after this ceremony, Lord Caitanya became very unhappy because He could not see Him. Due to the separation of Lord Jagannatha, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu felt great anxiety such as the gopis feel in separation from Krsna. In this condition He gave up all association and went to Alalanatha. The devotees following the Lord came into His presence and requested Him to return to Puri. They submitted that the devotees from Bengal were coming to Purushottama-ksetra. In this way Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya brought Lord Caitanya back to Jagannatha Puri. (Madhya-lila 11.62-64)

It thus appears that Lord Caitanya had a very intimate relationship with the Deity here. After the annual bathing ceremony of Lord Jagannath, the Lord is removed to His private apartment for a period of about twenty days, and for that duration of time Lord Caitanya intended to stay alone at Alalanatha. Krsnadas Kaviraj writes, “Both Nityananda Prabhu and Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya greatly endeavored to take Sri Caitanya back to Jagannath Puri.”

For us, it is mercy that the proprietors of this temple will allow us to enter and thus share in these pastimes of Lord Caitanya. We do not know what it is like to feel such intense separation from Lord Jagannath, yet we can appreciate .it somewhat by hearing of the Lord’s pastimes. Even today in ISKCON temples, Prabhupada’s followers sometimes feel transcendental separation from Jagannath during anavasara. Although we are neophyte devotees, we become accustomed to the daily darsana of our worshipable Jagannath Deity, and it’s a shock when His altar is bare.

By 6:25 A.M. another worshiper showed up, wearing only a brief dhoti and hugging himself in the chilly air. He chanted the maha-mantra (which is the first time I can recall hearing someone chant it since we have been in Puri).

As the sun began to rise we decided to explore the little temple in the rear of the courtyard. Within this temple we saw a full-size Sadbhuj Deity. The Deity is painted in various colors—green arms of Lord Rama and blue arms of Krsna. The golden sannyasi holds large tulasi beads in the right hand and a waterpot in the left, He is wearing a white cloth dhoti. At the base of the Deity is a sign that says “Sarbanga Chinha,” which means “the entire body-print of Lord Caitanya.” The rest of the small temple building is taken up with a large piece of stone which has imprints in it that are said to be of the Lord’s body while He was resting. One cannot exactly make out the shape of a human body, but there are definite imprints in different places. While we were taking the darsana of Sadbhuj and the Lord’s imprints, a small old lady came in and prayed in Oriya, “O Lord, You are my only life.” She then placed her beads on the imprint of Lord Caitanya’s body and at the feet of the Sadbhuj. She indicated Sadbhuj and said to us, “Caitanyadeva.”

When the pujari finally arrived, he gave us only a brief entry. The middle temple seems to be mostly empty, but we could see into the last temple—the beautiful form of Krsna, Alalanatha. He is a full-size Deity, with slim waist, very black and shiny. He has an arch surrounding Him made of the same marble as His body. Two small deities at His feet are Laksmi and Sarasvati. He wore gold tilak. His whole appearance is shiny and light and happy.

Of course, the transcendental emotions of this tirtha are far away from me, and I cannot reach them even if I travel for millions of miles at the speed of mind. Therefore, I can only speak of what I saw and felt: the friendliness of the sweeping lady, the devotion of the old woman at the Sadbhuj temple, and the guarded friendliness of the pujari. We also have in our hands pieces of sandalwood from the feet of Alalanatha and some stories of recent happenings at the temple. Srila Prabhupada’s purport gives us the clue how to go further. He says that after Lord Caitanya was induced to return from Alalanatha to Jagannath Puri, He felt unbounded lamentation due to separation from Lord Jagannath. But when the devotees began chanting the holy name congregationally, His mind was pacified by the ecstasy of chanting.

Prabhupada writes:

Being absolute, Jagannatha is identical in person, form, picture, kirtana and all other circumstances. Therefore when Caitanya Mahaprabhu heard the chanting of the holy name of the Lord, He was pacified. Previously, he had been feeling very morose due to separation from Jagannatha. The conclusion is that whenever a kirtana of pure devotees takes place, the Lord is immediately present. By chanting the holy names of the Lord, we associate with the Lord personally. (Madhya-lila 1.126, purport)

From Day by Day: A Record of a Seven-Day Japa Vrata

pp. 58-62

Today is the fifth day of seven. The sixty-four rounds are ahead of me as I write this. It’s a chore, but not a dreaded one. You just enter it and start swimming all day, two hours here, an hour there (on the walk), three hours in the living room with the fire in the fireplace, another three hours in the afternoon . . .

Hare Krsna Hare Krsna comes to mind when you wake. You sleep soundly.

Dreamt that Jesus worship was introduced in ISKCON and one devotee was representing it by wearing a picture of Christ on his T-shirt. He was like the figurehead or representative. That’s a real “dream” which will never happen in ISKCON as far as I can see. One reason in the dream for this worship was that when devotees already have faith (as some do in Jesus), then that is something rare and should be taken advantage of and used. That was their explanation why this would work although even in the dream people were doubtful and were aware that it was controversial.

In reality, it is a private thing, not a worked out theology or something to advocate—or worry about.

Sri-krsna-caitanya-prabhu nityananda. Chant the names of Gaurahari and Lord Nityananda.

It’s another day, and don’t take it for granted. Each one comes from God through His energies. I hope I can chant sixty-four rounds and not get a headache. Need about nine hours. Chant so you can hear the chanting. All glories to Sri Krsna.

Getting more feel that I want to write something perhaps different than the usual timed books, but not sure of what it is. Face the fact that “I’m a writer.” It needn’t be seen as a bad thing. Why does it have to be a covert operation? It’s obvious that I publish many books.

(Just heard a noise in this house. What if robbers came? Remember the shock when they took our passports and money from the parked car in Brooklyn? What to speak of direct confrontation with men? Not likely.) (Go on writing while you can.)

Last night I also read a statement that we should chant Hare Krsna mantra as practice for death. At death, Srila Prabhupada says even a person who has an accustom to chanting all his life may find it very difficult to chant. Therefore while we are healthy and able, we should use the time in the chanting. Then it’s more likely that we’ll be able to chant at the difficult hour. I said if I get notice of my death, I would probably do this, go somewhere and stop all else except chanting sixty-four (or more) rounds. Therefore, we are doing that now.

We give quotes and speak to encourage one another in the validity and rightness of this week vrata together.

While you can, chant. While the blood flows within the body and the bones are not cracked and you are not dead—chant.

Sure, there are many other services. I said it’s probably common in ISKCON to chant the sixteen rounds inattentively and get them out of the way. But this week we have gone beyond that. Since our vow is to do sixty-four each day, you can’t chant thinking, “I’ll get them out of the way as soon as possible and go on to more important activities of the day.” The chanting is the main activity.

And this is a written record of it.

The first two days here, the sun shone and it was gorgeous spring weather. Then a transition day, then two days rain and overcast sky. We don’t mind bad weather, remaining indoors is okay, taking shelter of the holy name.

Make your life simple.

Bhakti-rasa read Narada’s and Prabhupada’s advice that one should build a cottage (like the hunter did) and live there and chant Hare Krsna. People respected the chanter and brought him food. He lived simply. So where is your hut for chanting and your so simple and austere life? Srila Prabhupada said in his purport that you can build a hut with four logs and a grass roof and cleanse the inside—or you can live in a big city like New York or London and keep a tulasi plant there and go on chanting Hare Krsna and achieve full success.

If we develop the strong habit of chanting, then we can non-hypocritically tell people that spiritual life is very simple. All you need to do is take beads and chant Hare Krsna all the time, as Narada advised the hunter.

Sri-krsna-caitanya prabhu nityananda.

Cops and robbers. Financial woes. Drive to work in traffic jam. Eight hours or more at the workplace, drive back home in traffic jam. Problems at home. Where is the time for simple consciousness?

Now the upcoming challenge will be how much of this consciousness we can continue after our week is up. Our quota will go down to sixteen. Or can we keep a little increase? Can we stay above that offensive level of deliberate inattentive chanting where we mull over and live in our thoughts with the japa a mere background noise? I hope that there will be a continued improvement in my case.

I’m not an all-out lover of the holy names. But I do understand it is the most important (Prabhupada and the sastras say so) and it is the easiest access to love of God. Who but a stubborn fool will avoid it?

From Ista-Gosthi: Topics for Vaisnava Discussion: Volume 2

pp. 45-48

A LETTER TO THOMAS MERTON

January 1989

Dear Father Thomas Merton,

It is the twentieth anniversary of your death and a new diary of yours has just been published. People are taking the occasion to praise you, and your books are selling well. I wanted to write to you also. Please allow me to introduce myself.

I am a disciple of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada who I think you also know as the Founder-Acarya of the Krsna Consciousness Movement. In 1966 you wrote a foreword to Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada’s translation and commentary, and this appeared in the first edition of Bhagavad-gjta As It Is.

From the ecumenical point of view, the connection between us is your interest in Eastern spirituality. I am also interested in Catholic spirituality, or more accurately, in the universality of spiritual experience. But particularly, I have noted your interest in the Vaisnava authors, as well as in Sankaracarya. I hope I am not presumptuous to share some thoughts with you.

Aside from theological considerations, I feel akin to you in a number of personal ways. Your own spiritual life was inextricably connected to your vocation as a writer. Your main writing was autobiographical, and your journals are perhaps your best loved works. You have presented your Church’s doctrines, but with an individual point of view, which laymen have been able to understand and appreciate. You also came to your religious vocation by a conversion from materialistic life, at the age of thirty-three. After your conversion, you dedicated your life as a celibate monk. You wrote poetry, and especially in your published diaries, you honestly revealed your doubts, and your discontents with some of the institutionalism of your Church. . . . While I don’t compare myself to such a renowned monk as yourself, on all these ways, I have similar interests and commitments.

My main service to my spiritual master is writing, and I mostly write in the same genres that you have chosen. I am also in the renounced order of life. I am an American who was picked up from a sordid life by my spiritual master in 1966, when I was 26 years old, living on the Lower East Side of New York.

I have enjoyed some of your diaries and other books. Most recently, I read A Vow of Conversation, and was intrigued at your growing need for inwardness, which is something that has also intrigued me.

I will try not to be preachy, but I feel confident I can share some reflections with you without offending your own devotion to Lord Jesus Christ and the Catholic Church. My spiritual master was a great preacher, a follower of Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu, who is described in the Vedic literatures as a direct incarnation of Lord Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Lord Caitanya and His followers were very compassionate and always desired to give Krsna consciousness to people. So all the followers of Srila Prabhupada (A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami) are also, according to their individual capacity, interested in preaching the glories of Lord Krsna.

If this letter of mine results in further exchanges between us, I can write more at length. But if I have only one chance to speak to you, I would like to bring to your notice the jewel of bhakti which is present in the teachings of Lord Caitanya, and which is also elaborated in the translations and purports of Vaisnava literature by his Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. I think you will agree that the goal of religion is beyond petitioning God for material well-being, and it is also beyond the selfish desire only for one’s personal salvation. Lord Caitanya taught that all religious endeavor can be discussed in three stages: 1) awakening to our relationship with God (sambhanda), 2.) engaging in activities of that relationship, namely devotional service, and 3.) the final goal, which is prema-bhakti, pure love of God. This pure love of God is beyond meditation on the impersonal aspects of the Absolute Truth.

I noted in your Asian Journal that when you were traveling in India you read Vaisnava authors such as Ramanuja, and Bengali Vaisnava poets like Chandidasa, but you seemed to be more interested in Sankara. At least you transcribed more portions of his works into your diary. I also read a scholarly study, Thomas Merton and Eastern Religions, wherein the author said that you had more attraction for impersonal monism than for Vaisnavism. The author of that study was also surprised that you leaned more towards Sankara, since bhakti with its ultimate realization of love of God as a conjugal union between the lover and beloved, is similar to the “bridal mysticism” which is taught by St. John of the Cross and other Catholic mystics. I also was surprised, because I understood the ultimate Christian realization to be love of God through Jesus Christ—and not through an impersonal conclusion whereby one “merges” into Christ and loses individual identity. Further indication that you may be in this impersonal mood, is your absorption in Zen Buddhism and meditation, which was for you more serious study than your investigations of Indian bhakti, or even Sankara.

According to Lord Caitanya, who taught the exact same thing as Lord Krsna taught in Bhagavad-gita, the impersonal aspect of the Absolute Truth, as revealed in the Srimad-Bhagavatam, has three aspects: all pervading impersonal Brahman, localized Visnu (which is known as “God in the heart,” realized by the yogis) and the personal aspect, Sri Krsna, the Personality of Godhead. They are all different aspects of the one Absolute Truth, but the highest form is the Personality of Godhead. The science of Krsna is a vast subject, and something I can hardly broach in this first subject, and something I can hardly broach in this first letter to you. But when I read your Asian Journal, I so much wished to convey this to you, and also since I have developed a friendly feeling for you by reading your diaries, I cannot refrain from suggesting it to you. You were always an open thinker, ready to see God consciousness even in the conscientious thinking of atheists like Sartre. So surely you will be able to see the richness of pure theism in Krsna consciousness, as given in the Vedic literatures. I don’t know if this letter of mine can reach you or whether it is just a theoretical exercise—but I do sincerely wish I could communicate Krsna bhakti to “the late” Thomas Merton, wherever he may be.

If you get a chance, look into the teachings of Lord Caitanya, especially as given by His Divine Grace Srila Prabhupada in the Caitanya-caritamrta. I am sure you won’t be sorry.

One final point: I was moved to read of your increasing tendency for solitude and meditation. In this regard also, Lord Caitanya has given sound advice to those who have a yearning to escape the noise of this material world and to completely surrender to God. He has prescribed that in this age the best method is to chant the Holy Names of God. The process of contemplation or meditation, which was pioneered and fully developed in Vedic culture, really belongs to a past millennia, when people had very long life duration and a capacity to meditate which we do not have. You yourself experienced the frustration and inability to continuously practice meditation the twentieth century. So Lord Caitanya has kindly given us the method of chanting God’s names, either individually in the prayer-like japa, or in loud, melodious singing of kirtana for the benefit of other people. Even 5,000 years ago when Lord Krsna personally taught yoga meditation to His disciple, Arjuna, Arjuna said it seemed unendurable and too difficult to practice because of the wanderings of the mind. In reply, Lord Krsna assured Arjuna that he was actually the topmost meditator, because he had developed loving attraction to the Supreme Lord. In the present age, it is hardly possible to practice prolonged secluded meditation, and therefore the chanting of God’s names, according to the authorized names of God that one finds in his religion, is the best means for attaining love of God.

I hope this letter has been of some interest to you, and if we exchange any further, I am at your service. May you be well and advancing in love of God wherever you are

Yours sincerely,
Satsvarupa dasa Goswami

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Free Write Journal #395 >>

Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

Read more »

The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

Read more »

Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

Read more »

Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

Read more »

The post Free Write Journal #394 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Srila Prabhupada Samadhi Diary
3. The Delaware Diaries
4. Living with the Scriptures
5. Remembering Srila Prabhupada
6. Back to Godhead Essays
7. Seeking New Land
8. The Best Use of a Bad Bargain

ANNOUNCEMENT

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 6)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

Krsna appeared in the womb of ISKCON. Although the chanting of the holy name is absolute, if chanted by someone performing sinful acts, then the full effect is not there. Allen Ginsberg went to India and brought back the holy name even before Prabhupada, but how effective was that marijuana-homosexual chanting? The holy name has to be chanted by one who is serving Srila Prabhupada in the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Then the chanting is pure. Then the full effect is there.

******

There is no “secret” to japa; it is a struggle. There is no easy shortcut. The secret is to surrender to the struggle. The secret is to be afraid of death and to take it as very urgent that you must chant Hare Krsna. We used to have a slogan, “Chant while you can,” on some posters and show a scary picture of a graveyard. So we have to think like that: “Chant while you can.” That is the secret.

******

You develop love of Krsna by crying as a child cries for the mother, “Krsna, son of Nanda, I am stuck in this ocean of birth and death. Please save me and fix me as one of the atoms at Your lotus feet.”

******

The best thing is that you just pray to the holy name and hear the sound. The stage of thinking of Radha and Krsna and Their forms will come automatically. It cannot be so much forced. When the mind wanders, bring it back in a mood of prayer and supplication, thinking, “O holy name, I want to chant, I want to hear, I want to be engaged in Your service by chanting and hearing.” Then simply practice the mantra yoga of vibrating with the tongue and hearing with the ear.

******

Don’t make interpretations or imaginations on the holy name. As far as the love Krsnadasa Kaviraja speaks of in Caitanya¬caritamrta, that is the highest stage. We should aspire to that and make endeavor.

******

As far as controlling the mind, two senses engaged are sufficient. If we engage the process of hearing and the process of chanting with the tongue, then these two senses can capture the mind on the Hare Krsna mantra.

******

We have to invest more and more our thinking, feeling, and willing into our chanting, not thinking that we will surpass this chanting or that the chanting will lead to something different from chanting. I told this several times to one devotee who said he chanted sixty-four rounds on Janmastami. As he chanted he had this feeling that something was going to happen, that if he chanted enough, “it” was going to happen. But his conclusion at the end was that he was still a rascal, even after chanting sixty-four rounds. Another conclusion is that it’s not by chanting that “it” happens but “it” is happening while we chant. What we have to do is just invest more of our consciousness into it.

******

There is a pseudo-spiritual hippie impersonal philosophy that what’s really happening is whatever is happening now. It’s summed up in that phrase, “Be here now.” I had a friend who used to say, “As far as eternal, there’s no afterlife. But there is eternal—eternal means now, what’s happening now.” Actually that philosophy leads to hedonism—the moment, whatever is happening, is all there is, so you have to really get into it. And sometimes they try for spirituality that everything right now is holy, and this is what is transcendental. You just invest yourself, invest meaning into the temporary life, and that is religious. But that’s bogus because there is another life; there is Krsna, the Supreme Personality of Godhead, beyond this world. It’s not that this is all there is, so you have to invest everything here. We don’t subscribe to that philosophy. But we can take that mentality. We can apply it—”Be here now”—because we have got eternal transcendental life given to us in Krsna consciousness. The chanting is Krsna, so for us that is true, that everything is here. “Be here now”—Kona is actually here in His name. All you have to do is get into it or get with it, that this is Krsna’s name.

Excerpts From GN Press

From Srila Prabhupada Samadhi Diary

pp. 100-3

October 2, Prabhupada’s Room, 5:00 A.M .

Dear Srila Prabhupada,

My mind is my enemy, as the brahmana of Avanti-desa concluded. I come to you for relief. Your soft saffron, your kind look upon me, your youthfulness, your mercy. You sit behind your desk and chant on your beads. This is your last room on this earth. You preached all over the world and then came here to leave for the spiritual world.

That mind of mine, Srila Prabhupada, finds fault with Godbrothers, feels the tiredness of my body—my mind harasses me. He tells me I’m the best and then says, of course, that it’s not true. He stands alone and criticizes everyone and everything as superficial and flawed. What will we do with him? Why is he so insecure? At least I get relief when I see Radha-Syamasundara, Krsna-Balarama, and Gaura-Nitai.

In your last days, you spoke to your disciples about preaching and the basic philosophy of spirit versus matter. You spoke of Krsna’s will, which would determine whether you stayed in the world. You didn’t speak much about where you were going.

We can speculate on that next life or we can be in­tent about knowing our own places in the spiritual world, but I want to follow your example and preach in this world while regularly chanting and hearing of the name and nature of the Supreme Lord and His en­tourage as given in the Bhagavatam and Caitanya-caritamrta.

By studying and preaching I can forget the petty concerns of my anxious mind. The mind will be engaged in higher topics. You want this, Srila Prabhupada. There is no good reason for faultfinding or the constant lamentation over superficiality. Simply go to Krsna’s name, fame, qualities, and pastimes. Simply preach on the order of the spiritual master.
The double bed is low. I remember crowding around it during your last hours. Srila Prabhupada said we have to die like human beings, like Bhismadeva. Think of Krsna at the end. Either serve actively as long as we can and retire at the very end or keep going until the last breath.

Where will we go? We may not know. But we will go.

Samadhi Mandir, 10 A.M.

It’s Saturday—sparrows chirping loudly, cinema songs, and more visitors than usual. One lady wears an Indian Airlines cabin luggage tag on her bag. Where are they coming from? So many people were outside we had to thread through them before we could enter. Their clothes are all according to their region, but I don’t know how to tell which comes from where.

Srila Prabhupada, your Samadhi Mandir is so full of life. The populace is streaming in and out your doors. An ISKCON brahmacari explains to an older man, may­be his father, who you are. The hired pigeon-chaser is active and noisy. One of the Indian pujaris is cleaning the altar in front of you. I just came from reading the cleansing of the Gundica temple pastime.

Imagine if we did that here. Now there are a few leaves on the floor and a puddle of water in a place where we want to bow down.

Our brahmacari is sweeping up the leaves and the puddle, cleaning his heart. He wears the Vaisnava tilaka clear and artistically in twelve places.

Now another large group enters. Today they are well-dressed, not villagers with worn-out clothes, but city folk—men in fashionable Western clothes, ladies in clean saris. Some remind you of Americans—blue jeans, caps with beaks, fat mammas.

The crowds move in and out like breathing. Some­times it’s quiet and empty and then it fills up with people. Srila Prabhupada draws them in and then lets them go, draws them in and then lets them go.

It would be nice if everyone had more to do with Srila Prabhupada and became his follower, chanting on japa-mala and reading his Bhagavad-gita As It Is. The Cen­tennial aims to increase public awareness of Srila Prabhupada, and I’ll try to do something too.

He himself says that people are not interested be­cause they are attached to sense gratification. Srila Prabhupada insists, “No illicit sex, no intoxication, no meat-eating, and no gambling. Chant Hare Krsna at least sixteen rounds.” For most people, even for a lord of England, this is “impossible.”

I look up and can’t even see Srila Prabhupada. A solid wall of visitors blocks my view. I wonder what they are thinking as they look up to him. I can’t help but feel it’s incomplete, the half a moment in which their minds and senses are arrested by the shiny golden murti and then they’re out the door again.

Out of thousands, only a few seek perfection. Out of those who achieve perfection, hardly one knows Me in truth. What is true for Sri Krsna is also true for His pure representative. Hardly one knows Srila Prabhupada in truth.

As I watch the visitors, I beg for more enthusiasm and depth. I don’t want padding or show-off phoniness in my own declarations of prabhupada-seva. I look for true affection and connection. It’s there, I simply have to uncover it. Just as the brahmacari is sweeping the floor with a broom, always attentive to keeping the place clears, so I want to be a serious, simple caretaker of the samadhi mandira that’s in my heart.

When I leave Vrndavana, I want to remember how we circumambulated his murti here. I want to feel the pull of this most sacred and relevant holy place. I’m a stran­ger everywhere else in Vrndavana. I am expected to give my rupees and keep moving. I’m not welcome. I don’t understand the people or the mood. The great acaryas in the past are unapproachable by me. They are so intense. But with Srila Prabhupada, I’m at home. I have no material home, so this is my home. He is my father. He knows me. He won’t forget me.

(Today I congratulated the brahmacari who was clean­ing the Mandir. He then told me that he’s part of a group who are tending to the Mandir for a period of four months. They’re all disciples of H.H. Bhaktisvarupa Damodara Maharaja. This one brahmacari and his friend are from Burma and a few of the others are from Manipur.)

From The Delaware Diaries, Volume 1

pp. 59-62

April 15, 7:38 P.M.

Caitanya Mahāprabhu continued traveling and visiting temples and deities. At Mallikārjuna tīrtha, He saw the deity of Lord Śiva and induced the people there to chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra. He went to Ahovala, saw the Nṛsiṁha Deity and offered His prayers to the Lord there. Then He went to Siddhavaṭa, where He saw the Deity of Rāmacandra, the Lord of Sītādevi. At that place, a brāhmaṇa invited the Lord to take lunch. The brāhmaṇa constantly chanted the holy name of Rāmacandra and otherwise didn’t speak a word. The Lord then went to see the temple of Trivikrama and later went back to Siddhavata, where He again visited that brāhmaṇa who previously was chanting the name of Rāma. But this time He found the brāhmaṇa was constantly chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra. Lord Caitanya asked him, “My dear friend, kindly tell me what’s your position now?” The brāhmaṇa said that since his childhood, he had always chanted the name of Lord Rāma. But now, due to the influence of Lord Caitanya, he’s lost his lifelong practice. Since seeing Lord Caitanya, the name of Kṛṣṇa has been tightly fixed on his tongue, and the name of Lord Rāmacandra has gone far away. He then quoted from the scriptures:

“‘The pious results derived from chanting a thousand holy names of Viṣṇu three times can be obtained by only one utterance of the holy name of Kṛṣṇa.

“‘According to this statement of the śāstras, the glories of the holy name of Kṛṣṇa are unlimited. Still I could not chant this holy name. Please hear the reason for this.

“‘My worshipable Lord has been Lord Rāmacandra, and by chanting His holy name I received happiness. Because I received such happiness, I chanted the holy name of Lord Rāma day and night.

“‘By Your appearance, Lord Kṛṣṇa’s holy name has also appeared, and at that time the glories of Kṛṣṇa’s name awoke in my heart.

“‘Sir, You are that Lord Kṛṣṇa Himself. This is my conclusion.’

“Saying this, the brāhmaṇa fell down at the lotus feet of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu” (Cc. Madhya-līlā, 9.33–37).

April 16, 5:35 P.M.

Walk on the boardwalk with my two comrades. They talk of Leibniz, Kierkegaard, Woody Allen, professional boxers, a recent book called Love’s Executioner, the pleasant weather. I’m mostly silent, and it’s difficult walking. No kṛṣṇa-kathā. A burly man comes by and sits in the gazebo with us. He says, “That was a long walk.” Then he lights up a Camel cigarette. We laugh ironically. He says smoking is good for your health. His father lived to a hundred and five and smoked every day. Nitāi-Gaurāṅga said his uncle died in his fifties from lung cancer and was a smoker.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” says the Camel smoker. He’s from San Francisco, visiting here on a kind of holiday, but it’s boring, there’s nobody here.
“It’s the off-season,” says Nitāi.
“There is no off-season in San Francisco,” says the burly, friendly man.
We exchange a few pleasantries and then separate. “So long.” The waves come in.

Back at the house, I finish my sixteen rounds.

7:12 P.M.

Millions of people came to see Lord Caitanya because of His beauty and spiritual potency. Among them was a cult of Buddhists, who came to establish their own cult by argument. Vaiṣṇavas do not accept the truth based on logic and argument but by the truth of the revealed scriptures. But because preachers have to meet those who defend on logic and argument, the Vaiṣṇava preacher should also be able to defeat the nondevotees with strong, logical arguments. Lord Caitanya did this when He met the Buddhists on his southern tour. Bhaktivinoda Ṭhākura states that according to the Buddhists, there are ten principles of gaining knowledge. Lord Caitanya broke each and every one of those principles with strong arguments. The Buddhist philosophers felt both shame and fear. They became very unhappy, and they began to make a plot against Lord Caitanya. They took a plate of untouchable food and gave it to Him to eat as mahā-prasādam. Prabhupāda takes the opportunity to define what is actually prasādam. He says that sometimes preachers in the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement have to accept food in a home where the householder is a non-Vaiṣṇava. But if the food is offered to the Deity, it can be taken. Ordinary food cooked by avaiṣṇavas should not be accepted by Vaiṣṇavas. “Even if an avaiṣṇava cooks food without fault, he cannot offer it to Lord Viṣṇu, and it cannot be accepted as mahā-prasādam.” Lord Kṛṣṇa says He accepts food that is offered to Him with love and devotion.

“Kṛṣṇa can accept anything that is offered by His devotee with devotion. An avaiṣṇava may be a vegetarian and a very clean cook, but because he cannot offer Viṣṇu the food he cooks, it cannot be accepted as mahā-prasādam. It is better that a Vaiṣṇava abandon such food as untouchable” (Cc. Madhya-līlā 9.53, purport).

When the untouchable food was offered to Lord Caitanya, a very large bird appeared, picked up the plate and flew away. The bird then dropped the plate on the Buddhists. The plate fell on the head of the eldest Buddhist, cutting his head with the edge. He became unconscious, and his disciples ran to the feet of Lord Caitanya begging that He forgive their spiritual master and bring him back to life. Lord Caitanya replied to the Buddhist disciples, “You should all chant the names of Kṛṣṇa and Hari very loudly near the ear of your spiritual master” (Cc. Madhya-līlā 9.59). When they did this, their spiritual master regained consciousness, and he also began to chant the holy name of Lord Hari. In actuality, they all became Vaiṣṇava devotees as a result of this chanting. But it was the disciples of the Buddhist guru who chanted. They chanted, and he responded, so they were his guru, and he was the disciple.

From Living With the Scriptures

pp. 45-49

My Godbrother Ghanasyama dasa brahmacari (later awarded the sannyasa title Bhakti Tirtha Swami by Srila Prabhupada) and I were members of a traveling team distributing Srila Prabhupada’s books at the universities. So as not to alarm professors and librarians–who had their own stereotyped idea of how book salesmen should appear–we wore business suits and grew long hair or wore wigs. One freezing winter day, Ghanasyama and I found ourselves walking across the campus of the University of Wisconsin in Milwaukee, wearing overcoats we had purchased for two dollars each at a charity store and carrying our heavy book valises. Just as we were about to part company and go knocking on professors’ doors, Ghanasyama turned to me and said, “Wow! Who would have imagined that spiritual life would be like this?” My Godbrother and I laughed together to find ourselves serving our spiritual master in a way we had never before dreamed of. The contrast between our salesperson’s appearance and our actual lives as brahmacaris, as well as the contrast between what we had previously conceived of as spiritual activity and our present, unusual roles, made us both laugh. And the humor was pleasantly sustained by our strong convictions that selling books in Srila Prabhupada’s service was genuine spiritual life, and that acting in this way liberates us from material desires.

In a similar way, many of Srila Prabhupada’s followers find themselves in situations which smash their previously held stereotyped ideas of religious life. Just to be a servant is something most of us never thought of as either spiritual or desirable. A servant, we thought, was a black slave in the pre-Civil War days of America, or a hired valet or traditionally dressed butler as might appear in the Hollywood movies. Who could imagine that being a servant of God–and not even a direct servant but a servant of the servant of the servant of God, one hundred times removed–is actually the highest spiritual position?

Before meeting with Krishna consciousness, some of us may have thought that spiritual life must be dry or even boring, and meant fasting of observing vows of silence. If so, we were pleasantly surprised to find that it is filled with festivals and chanting Hare Krishna in ecstatic, dancing congregations, and feasting on sumptuously cooked prasadam. And upon reading Srila Prabhupada’s books, we may have been surprised to find not dry, intellectual wrangling but the delightful pastimes of the Supreme Lord and His associates. The childhood pastimes of Krishna in Vrndavana are very playful and charming, and Lord Caitanya’s pastimes are sometimes humorous, as when His devotees engage in joking or when they play at water sports. And Lord Caitanya’s dealings with His devotees are always loving. Srila Rupa Goswami encourages the devotees to engage in exchanges of love with each other by sharing and accepting gifts, by giving and accepting prasadam, by revealing their minds intimately, and by hearing the personal revelations of others. Spiritual theater, art, and music, as well as opportunities for wide travel, makes for a busy, active life.

The real conclusion of this phenomenon–and it is a triumphant one experienced by every devotee–it that despite the seemingly unusual activities which the Krishna consciousness devotee may occasionally take on in this world, Krishna consciousness is actually liberation from all material affairs. But even if we grant that Krishna conscious devotee is acting on the liberated platform, a big question remains: What do we mean by liberation?

Ultimately, liberation is not the goal of spiritual life, but it is an automatic byproduct of devotional service. As stated by the Vaisnava saint Srila Bilvamaìgala, “If I have unflinching devotion unto the lotus feet of the Supreme Lord, then mukti, or liberation, serves me as my maidservant.” A pure devotee serves the Supreme without any motive; he does not serve the Lord with the motive of some material return or even with the hope that by serving he will become liberated. As Lord Caitanya writes in His Siksastaka prayers,

O almighty Lord, I have no desire for accumulating wealth, nor have I any desire to enjoy beautiful women; neither do I want numbers of followers. What I only want is that I may have Your causeless devotional service in my life, birth after birth. (Siksastaka 4)

Out of humility, the pure devotee does not think himself fit for liberation. He is willing to be born again in the material world, and his only request is that he be allowed to associate with pure devotees and not forget his beloved, the Supreme Personality of Godhead. Although he does not serve for the purpose of going back to Godhead, the pure devotee’s mind and activities are so pleasing to Krishna that He brings His pure servant to Him for eternal association in the spiritual world.

Although the devotee’s services to the spiritual master are multifarious and easily award one liberation, they sometimes bring the devotee into direct conflict with the material world. These occasions provide tests of one’s sincerity and trust in Krishna consciousness. It is one thing to enjoy the liberated status of devotional service when one’s activities provide humorous contrasts to stereotyped ways of life. But when the execution of one’s spiritual duties seems to bring one only trouble, the tendency is to have second thoughts and in a different mood ask oneself, “Is this what I came to spiritual life for?”

Once while I was distributing books on a street in Tucson, Arizona, a storeowner assaulted me and broke my sannyasa rod over my head and shoulders. And once while singing in a kirtana at the Boston Commons, a thrown bottle hit me in the head. Many devotees have gone to jail for the offense of chanting Hare Krishna in public places. While living peacefully in their temples and ashrams, devotees have been shot at and bombed. The news media regularly blasphemes and abuses the Krishna consciousness movement, and if a devotee decides to dedicate his or her life to Krishna consciousness, there is a good chance that he or she will be rejected by family, friends, and society.

Aside from tolerating the negative attitudes, a devotee must be responsible to push on the mission of Krishna consciousness in a revolutionary spirit. The Krishna consciousness movement is not quietism or mere armchair speculation. It is war against maya. Thus we can understand that liberation does not mean that one simply meditates “I am eternal” and does nothing. In the Krishna consciousness movement, seemingly material duties are undertaken not for anyone’s personal gratification but for the purpose of pleasing Krishna. One who willingly undertakes and who does not resent the headaches and entanglements which may result from practical devotional service in this world, becomes very dear to Krishna and enters into an intimate relationship with Krishna in the spiritual world.

In an earlier essay, we quoted Prabhupada’s aphorism “Deserve and then desire.” One cannot enter into his relationship with Krishna and the gopis simply by desiring, but one has to deserve this by the good credits of service unto the spiritual master. Therefore a devotee should never feel sorry if his devotional service leads him into many difficulties and burdens. One should be assured that these burdens are qualifying him and training him to become the eternal associate of Krishna. The more burden and responsibility one is willing to take for Krishna, the more dear he becomes to the Lord.

From Remembering Srila Prabhupada: A Free-verse Rendition of the Life and Teachings of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, Founder-Acarya of the International Society for Krsna Consciousness

pp. 241-44

PRABHUPADA IS WRITING AGAIN

1.

He wasn’t writing much.
Sometimes weeks went by,
only a few digits each morning.
Demanding work had prevented him:
managing Bombay temple construction,
training us up in Vrndavana,
healing an ISKCON schism in Mayapur,
or worrying.
A conspiracy was working itself out
of his spiritual movement.
Was a trusted disciple in trouble?
Or it might be his personal health.
But diminishing in his writing
shouldn’t be, it was wrong,
it was like dying.
Sincere disciples had to right it,
find a place where he could go,
like Hawaii, peaceful, where
sometimes he had done
hundreds of digits per day.
He agreed, and even mentioned
Aurobindo’s practice of seeing people
only one day a year.
Just think, Prabhupada constantly writing—
at least for some time!
So he went, with a determined, trained group,
servant, editor, typist, cook,
and an attitude—
to concentrate on Srimad-Bhagavatam,
now in the Seventh Canto.

2.

We loved to see him at writing,
knew it wasn’t ordinary work,
went best when there were no door slams
(knew also not to demand him
to produce as if it were factory labor).
But we waited outside the door,
eager to see early morning results,
carrying out the tape to be typed,
good news for the world.
We had seen him
sometimes through a keyhole,
the microphone in hand,
pausing a second, then speaking,
head moving for emphasis,
his private audience with Krishna. And yet
he was addressing everyone for thousands of years
—and all-scholarly! Vaishnava-siddhanta!
Deep in the universe of eternal Sanskrit,
twelve commentators from different centuries
rushing together just as sages all came
to the meeting of Pariksit and Sukadeva.
Now they flew to join the Bhaktivedanta purports,
combined meeting of minds, speakers, hearers,
descending from spiritual planets,
to the clean, quiet room and desk of Prabhupada,
to the lips, the mouth, the gestured words,
the clicking off and on of the “pause” button.
We saw the externals, knew it was eternal
but could only wonder
at the extent of the intimacy
—Prabhupada, Krishna, and the acaryas.

3.

We could not even explain our own
inconceivable pleasure.
He had said it was his most
important service to his Guru Maharaj,
so for us also, it was like a benediction moon,
better than money, fame, women,
better than sports, politics, business.
It was extended, full kirtana,
singing and dancing,
the perfection of our family love,
and the most serious preaching to the world.
And, in Hawaii,
he immediately increased
to 200-300 digits a day.
One night he shut his door
at nine P.M. and stayed up all night,
finishing the Seventh Canto
“completed in the temple of the Panchatattwa
by the mercy of Sri Krishna Chaitanya . . .”
On Waikiki Beach one morning,
his servant exclaimed joy
that Prabhupada was working so fast.
“Oh, I can finish very quickly,”
Prabhupada said, “but I have to present it
for their understanding. It requires
deep thought. very carefully,
to present it for the common man.”

4.

And who was that common man?
It is me, and you, and everyone.
The big scholar is a common man—
he knows nothing of Krishna—
and Prabhupada made sure to give him
Krishna many times on every page.
The intellectuals, world-leaders,
youth-in-search, future generations, black, white, yellow races, all are common men, kirata-hunandhra-pulinda-pulkasa, because wherever you go, you find no one knows Krishna unless he has read these books. Common men become rare souls, led by his purports into comprehension—Krishna is the Supreme.
He knew these books were like gold.
They are also very grave, he said,
not everyone can understand,
but more than ever before
he was making it possible,
and as soon as he would write it,
it would be rushed—but carefully—
into print, and rushed,
sometimes not so carefully—
into the hands of conditioned souls.
Even Jagai and Madhai could be saved
at least by the touch,
and if he could read a single page . . .

Devanagari script, romanized spelling,
word-for-word synonyms, English text,
elaborate purport,
what he had begun in India in 1960
became his life’s method,
a complete tradition unto itself.
Were we pleased to be there
when he produced them,
or are we pleased to hear of it now?
Are we pleased to hear how they were sold?
But now we have to do it,
read them and distribute.
That is a life’s work also
for whoever is his follower.
The reading—every day—
is the best way to remember him.
He said so—to hear him
resonant in your mind and thinking,
creates faith anew,
builds strong the fibers of conviction,
or as he said, “protects us against
the onslaught of the atheist.”
We will see Krishna in Srimad-Bhagavatam
and know He is everywhere, always with us.
The careful reading daily
will also put us transcendental
to the constant tricks of fate and illusion
that try to plague us and harass us.
We will be safe and sound,
even in calamity,
when we remember Krishna
in the pages of the Bhagwat-book
from the purports of the Bhagwat-person,
and from that regular reading,
we will go back to Godhead.
The distribution—also every day
the best engagement for a devotee,
and Krishna says he is the best servant.
The honesty of living obedient—
“That you have received this knowledge
is not enough; you must
distribute it to others.”
How? Where?
Wherever people are,
for sale or gift,
by persuasion, or by mail,
to the passing crowds,
to people in their homes,
in classrooms—or if you know
a better way, then do it,
figure it out, but give them out.
And when you see someone reading,
who before knew nothing
and when later you see him
becoming a Krishnaite,
then you know, this is the potency.
This is why Prabhupada
stayed up all night,
and why we were so happy
to be with him
as he produced his priceless books.

From Back to Godhead Essays, Volume 1

pp. 286-92

Liberation at Last

Recently I spoke to an acquaintance who is practicing “meditation” and I asked him the goal of his practice. The answer was, “liberation. To merge with the one.” Expressions such as “annihilation of the ego” and “merging with the Supreme” are commonly passed back and forth in this age of the widely attended Yoga and meditation class. Regarding liberation, one significant question is, “What is liberation?” And also, we want to know—what are the chances of a person actually gaining liberation? For answers, we best go to the source of the very concept of liberation and the place where all its techniques are elaborately and carefully taught; that is, the scriptural literature of India, called the Vedas. Yoga technique and meditation are given in gist in the Bhagavad-gita, spoken by Lord Krsna, the Personality of Godhead, and expounded further in the Srimad-Bhagavatam which is considered the postgraduate study of the Bhagavad-gita.

Liberation generally refers to freedom from the bodily concept of life. But unless there is positive, non-bodily activity or spiritual activity, then liberation is a merely theoretical, lip-service liberation. To sit in a posture of meditation and think, “I am moving the moon, I am moving the sun, I am moving the stars,” and then 10 minutes later to be dictated to by the tongue—“I must have a cigarette”—is not liberation; nor at the time of death can such a “yogi” be expected to be liberated to the spiritual sky. Without practical devotional service to Krsna, Giver of Liberation, the idea of liberation is just a negative concept of material life. The Vedic literature describes four material categories of civilized life, and liberation is among them. The first is religiousness. This means to perform sacrifice, churchgoing or pious acts with the aim of being rewarded by promotion to a heavenly material planet. The aim behind such acts is personal gratification; by being religious I will be rewarded. It is noted by A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami in the Srimad-Bhagavatam that nowadays the church, mosque or temple is an empty place because the people believe that they can get their desired economic ends without making prayers to God. Therefore, the second material activity of civilized persons is economic development—building, making money, doing business. The third activity is sense gratification culminating in sex life. In fact, sex life is the essential background for the first two material activities. The fourth, mukti or liberation, is a little different, although it is a material activity. After being frustrated by all the material activities and seeing that either failure or success are really failure due to the disadvantages of birth, death, disease and old age, a person desires liberation. He desires to become one with the Supreme. He is too bitter with all his experiences to be happy in material life. But in itself this is only a negative concept. By such liberation he thinks he wants to lose the individuality which has caused him so much pain, and instead, to merge with the oneness of spiritual existence.

The background for understanding liberation starts with gaining true identity of the self. In the beginning stages it expresses itself in the desire to be one with the Spirit. This is called Brahman realization. If someone is actually realized in Brahman that is a great thing. It is called brahma-bhuta stage, and it is characterized by joyfulness. The joyfulness is due to understanding that, “I am not this body.” This is carefully described by Lord Krsna in the Second Chapter of the Bhagavad-gita. The living entity is there declared to be spirit-soul, or Brahman. In the Third Chapter Lord Krsna reveals that for full realization of Brahman, you have to work in Brahman. Bhagavad-gita (3.5) says, “Nobody can refrain from doing something, not even for a moment.” And in his Purport to that verse, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami writes, “This is not a question of embodied life; it is the nature of the soul to be always active. The proof is that without the presence of the spiritual soul there is no movement of the material body. The body is only a dead vehicle to be worked by the spirit soul and therefore it is the nature of the soul itself to be always active, and cannot stop even for a moment. The spirit soul has to be engaged in the good work of Krsna consciousness, otherwise it will be engaged in occupations dictated by the illusory energy.” When one realizes “I am Brahman,” that means he has no death, just like Krsna, the Supreme Brahman. This is a joyful position, “I am not this perishable body, that is not my self, I am spirit soul.” That is all well and good, but then, what do I do? It is not that the liberated state is without activities. This question was asked by Sanatana Gosvami, the learned disciple of Lord Caitanya: “You have said that I am already liberated, now what are my duties in the liberated state?” The impersonalists, however, do not like to take up the devotional service path; they are simply desirous of merging into the One, described as the brahmajyoti effulgence. That destination is explained in the Gita. Brahmajyoti is not material, it is the spiritual effulgence coming from the Body of Sri Krsna; it is eternal spiritual light. This light illumines the spiritual world and the naturally dark material world is lit by its reflection. And to merge in this light is the goal of the impersonal liberation. A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami, who is a fully realized devotee of the Personality of Godhead, states the disadvantages of aiming at the brahmajyoti as the topmost goal:

In the brahmajyoti the spirit souls on account of their impersonal views are devoid of a body, exactly as here in maya there are ghosts who are devoid of any gross bodies. The ghost, being devoid of a body, … suffers terribly because he is unable to satisfy his senses. The spirit souls in the brahmajyoti, although they have no desire for sense gratification, … feel inconvenience like the ghost; and they fall down again in … maya’s atmosphere and develop a material body. In the Bhagavatam therefore it is said that persons who are impersonalists and do not develop the dormant devotional attitude, their intelligence is not pure; because for want of a spiritual body, they come down again to the material world. In the Bhagavad-gita it is clearly said by the Lord that the only way of not coming back to the material world is to be promoted to the spiritual planets. For the impersonalists there is no such assurance of not falling down in the whole Vedic literature. The conclusion is that without developing the spiritual body and without being situated on one of the spiritual planets, the so-called liberation is also illusion, or it is not complete. A spirit-soul who falls down from the brahmajyoti to the Kingdom of maya may have a chance of associating with a pure devotee, and then he may be elevated to the spiritual planets of Vaikuntha or to the Goloka Vrndavana. From the brahmajyoti there is no direct promotion to the spiritual planets …

—Letter to Rupanuga, July 24, 1969

(Back to Godhead, Vol. 1 #32 (January/February 1970)

From Seeking New Land

pp. 95-99

Go ahead, go ahead, tell something to help people. Expose gently the inhuman situation in their religion and the lack of prayer in thy own heart. Ask, why do we have to rush through those japas?
Exposed, thy own heart – I cannot do much practical beyond these arts. When a man needed a plain rope to pull one car by another car, I could do nothing. Let me (here we go, reaching for the metaphor) provide the rope here then. The thick braided one that pulls you children out of the well. A rope on demand.

“Yes, I have one. Take, take it. Pull all your people out.” I am not a useless person in a skirt. I have what you need. You are like a demigod come to my door disguised as a beggar. You are God in need and I do not fail you.

Expose your failures. Be sorry. Get ready for the next test, study how to do better. It’s in science that one’s son didn’t do well and his family was concerned because it was the important subject. Couldn’t he maybe major in English?

Is there a place for just
singing, singers?

Transfer this embarrassment and shame into something you can do. And don’t’ blame Melodeon, he has his own troubles. Don’t blame Hemanta, Eire or even yourself. (But I perhaps blame the U.S.A. to some extent.) And Lewis Carrol, his excellent book.

He knows he doesn’t have far
to go, he and his chats
people like.

Here is the day after a storm,
heavy debris. Tuneful you are
still alive. Before night
comes you’ll get your car
out of the flood,

you’ll find a warm place to eat
and drink and bed down. As
for me I won’t even leave this
place

But maybe I should
simple melodies you
did forget

can’t make light of
another’s sufferings
with useless commiserations.

Then turn to the suffering of
the world (ex-welfare

worker) and in your own japa-
mala hold in your hands

Get off the false self and
its mind and intelligence
as taught in Sankhya

get onto Lord Caitanya’s
new generation my
timed books

get free of dross and petty
remorses – that guy’s already
well on his way…

Oh mind I ask once again
could you please…

would you please… hear the
Hare Krishna name. No one
is here to say, “Cult!” or
tease you, berate your
prayer, your failure…

Snuffy Smith.

In a dream, Srila Prabhupada was on a walk with followers. I ran real fast to catch up! By that time he’s paused to go somewhere. I made a public speech but he wasn’t present to hear it. Then he returned to the group and the walk continued and then back at the house, some men, not me, went inside for attention. Do you want it? Then get right.

Krishna and guru are ready to give. You have to ask for it.

Snuffy and Hermanta built their fire on the cliffs and they got out their book, Srimad-Bhagavatam. The Kumaras were still teaching Prthu Maharaja. They gave the example of rivers and compared them to uncontrollable sense desires. Best thing in such a situation is to ride on the stronger current of bhakti which is like the sea that overwhelms the rivers. Somehow or other, material desires have to be stopped.
Good to hear from that book. Hope they don’t get kicked off the hill. They found a little cove where they are reciting Srimad-Bhagavatam by the sunlight and they hope the recitation would bless the inhabitants, not only of Surtsey, but the whole world.

I.

Find some place deep
within at least where you care
you know the feeling factor
but don’t be misled.
Hare Krishna Hare Krishna

stops your breath
and you cannot even think
oh he struggled to

stay awake but t’was
to no avail. Oh how he
sought to tell the windy
hill a tale

of his making or even stolen
(as Shakespeare did) but
couldn’t find one.

II.

They were happy in
some artistic studio or
wild free jazz loft in
1960s when I was
subdued by the Swami

sweating in the kirtanas
with hands up and
saved attitude.

Evangelists on Lower East
Side distributing Back to Godhead and
incense to the head
shops.

The Sharp brothers…
send me to Boston I
gravitate to that story

III.

And here on the crater-
like moon…Boy the air
is fresh here and
Krishna is in the natural
elements raw…

Take my sandwich… I
have nothing to say to
you. But the author will
answer a few
letters at length

explain to a pal just
authorji slipped
from midnight rising
and lost all toehold
of reading Srimad-Bhagavatam
one thing after another

tell them, encourage the
student in the university
and the old woman with
the mending bones, a
little blarney jive from
my position

as if we didn’t have
to slide all the way
downhill.

You don’t give the time of day to anyone. Don’t tell your secrets. People should be kind, tells a storyteller. A man never hit his horse and so she was always faithful to him. But one day in a race he hit her and she won the race but kept running and jumped off a cliff killing herself and breaking the man’s thigh.

So what? Where is Krishna? He is everywhere, in every grain and flower. Raindrop.

Most of the time Madha-
vendra Puri is reaching
out to accept the bowl of
ksira

but I don’t notice it.
Mostly I think about
Vrndavana and don’t
go there,

return to pumping out another
letter. “What about after
you die?” he asked. I
said I have no plans.

What about all these
pictures of Radha-Krishna
and varied subjects

Do with them…Why
don’t you attain prema
as soon as possible?

I answered by saying I was
doing what I could,
keeping the body alive
with physical exercise and
pills and daily food and air
—so you can
live.

Hemanta Swami got a response from his letters to devotees in Scandinavia. Two brahmacaris joined him from Denmark, and a householder couple came from Sweden. The brahmacaris went out on book distribution, selling Prabhupada’s books to passersby. They gave a percentage of their collection to Hemanta to help pay his rent, and they squeezed in at HS’s house. On Saturdays, the devotees and the Green House students went out on harinama sankirtana in public, and the police left them alone. The harinamers tasted bliss as they sang and danced while some curious Greenlanders looked on.

from The Best of a Bad Bargain

pp. 23-26

The Nature Path Yoga Institute

A Godsister sent a statement from an herbal book that nourishment (good health practices and attitude) means to add onto your life. Pain and disease may appear as truth in life, so in health practice, we should not seek a fix, cure, or even balance. Rather, we should just gain the stamina to accept with grace the pains life sends.

The doctor is bald in front and has long hair in back. He’s also very thin, as is not unusual with Indians.

******

I wonder what this writing will become and how it will serve. I had a dream last night that a blues singer made a song out of his sorrowful remembrance of a dead friend. Someone recorded the song and then we all had it and could sing the lyrics and melody. The blues singer tried composing many songs, but none of them came up to the high level of that most inspired occasion. This dream seems to represent a view of expression in art. I tend to favor thinking that many occasions, all occasions are worth writing about and are memorable. If we strive to capture only the very best, we will end up with many continued attempts and preconceptions of the “best art,” as if we were looking for universal symbols or something so big that it was capable of making that just right expression. I try to go beyond that and leave a trail of many good songs.

******

They have their own ways here. We’re going to try and follow it all, including their morning prayer schedule, the enema, whatever. If we find that some of it is too much for us, we may drop some of it. I do want to do the detoxification program though. Just give me time enough to write my songs and to read the Caitanya-caritāmṛta. I don’t want to forget these projects while I’m working on my health. I need the strength to write and read not only in the future, but now. However, working to gain strength can be just as stressful as not having the strength.

This may mean I learn to write whenever I can. I’m also aware that I don’t want the writing to merely record health data. It should discuss the attempt to see Kṛṣṇa consciousness. Leap from the nature path clinic to the Akash Ganga. It doesn’t always have to make sense.

******

We are not among devotees here. No “Rādhe-Śyāma!” here. We’ll need to keep in touch with the integrity of Kṛṣṇa conscious sacred texts, the holy name, and the object of our worship—the purpose of life, Lord Caitanya and Śrīla Prabhupāda.

This fallen old devotee
of Prabhupāda
celā of the Swami
wants to gain strength
to fight the battles
with māyā.

******

1:55 P.M.

Flies, mosquitoes—we have both.

We also have servants who don’t knock on the door, but just open it and come in. The only way to keep them out is to lock the door. It’s awkward to accept service from someone who is only doing their job—no love involved—but if you refuse them, they’d be out of a job. One comes in with our papaya on a covered plate. Another brings water bottles. Today I met the sweeper who cleans my toilet.

The doctor is good at yoga. He chants oṁ during āsanas. Madhu and I hope we can improve our health so we can serve Kṛṣṇa and Śrīla Prabhupāda better. There’s a Śrīla Prabhupāda Centennial sticker in my room—put here by a previous occupant.

We have words too. And books to read, especially Caitanya-caritāmṛta. It refreshes my spirit. He taught beyond stereotypes.

There’s no desk to write on here. I use a legal pad folder on my knee. The ink sinks in anyway.

Maybe while I’m here, new ways of thinking will come. I’ll be sitting in the steam bath and—who knows? Maybe an idea of how to survive in spiritual life, how to see ISKCON kindly, something, will occur to me.

******

Prabhupāda, be kind to us. Give us service to Kṛṣṇa. At airport, a group gathered sitting around a large photo of Satya Sai Baba. They were greeting all those who came off the plane. I stared at the photo, but didn’t look at his followers. He had a mop of hair and sat casually. One has to be careful not to commit offense, but neither can we accept bogus incarnations or those who blaspheme Lord Caitanya and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

******

I am just here, you see,
to better myself with
mud packs. I heard they
might stimulate the veins’
ability to contract and expand
and maybe standoff that spastic
motor disability.
I heard that
Kṛṣṇa is kind to all His
devotees, but the internal
are the best and sometimes one
may promote oneself to
that level by His grace.

******

Man, you gotta get used to brushing away flies. If you were a cow, there would be no end to it. Of course, your consciousness would be duller.

One could say any ISKCON temple
is a clinic for the soul,
for intensive development of bhakti,
but why don’t we feel that way?
Temples are work and politics and
pressure and rituals, and long
lectures in the morning and
people often bored or not
liking each other.
They haven’t solved basic problems
such as how to make money
or sort out psychological disorders—
yet we are striving for the highest
spiritual ethic and ecstasy.
“It’s a madhouse,” said one
GBC guru. His friend
replied, “And you are one of
the leaders of the madhouse.”

******

Kṛṣṇa-darpaṇam. Hand moving. Truth. Juices. Ether in stomach. Cold water bath (I didn’t like that much). Prefer a snack, a snap (rest), and a volcano of words, and to say my Hare Kṛṣṇa mantras in a prayerfully attentive way.

In a place like this, with so much emphasis on the body, you have to bring your own bhakti program and practice it. Nourish your Kṛṣṇa consciousness. It’s up to you to draw yourself close to the fire in the heart just as someone who has been out in the cold draws near the fireplace. The fire of bhakti is kindled by the holy names. Try for it.

******

The health clinic routine is busy. I’m never sure when I’ll get time to write. I need at least 10–15 minutes without interruption to do a writing session, preferably half an hour. Therefore, when I get less, but still manage to scratch down a few lines, I’ll collect them at the end of the day into notes.

******

I am reluctant to discuss too explicitly what’s going on here. My yogi pants don’t fit well—legs too short and waist too big. I pray t0hat Lord Caitanya may not be offended by my being here. They placed Śrīla Prabhupāda’s picture on their altar in the prayer hall—he’s the only guru there—because ISKCON provides occasional clientele.

– Newsletter join link –

<< Free Write Journal #392

Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

Read more »

The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

Read more »

Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
that’s my only hope and desire.
May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa Kṛṣṇa he
Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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Obstacles on the Path of Devotional Service

You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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In Search of the Grand Metaphor

The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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Prabhupada Appreciation

Śrīla Prabhupāda was in the disciplic succession from the Brahmā-Mādhva-Gauḍīya sampradāya, the Vaiṣṇavas who advocate pure devotion to God and who understand Kṛṣṇa as the Supreme Personality of Godhead. He always described himself as simply a messenger who carried the paramparā teachings of his spiritual master and Lord Kṛṣṇa.

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100 Prabhupada Poems

Dear Srila Prabhupada,
Please accept this or it’s worse than useless.
You have given me spiritual life
and so my time is yours.
You want me to be happy in Krishna consciousness
You want me to spread Krishna consciousness,

Read more »

Essays Volume 1: A Handbook for Krishna Consciousness

This collection of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1966 and 1978, and compiled in 1979 by Gita Nagari Press as the volume A Handbook for Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.

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Essays Volume 2: Notes From the Editor: Back to Godhead 1978–1989

This second volume of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s Back to Godhead essays encompasses the last 11 years of his 20-year tenure as Editor-in-Chief of Back to Godhead magazine. The essays in this book consist mostly of SDG’s ‘Notes from the Editor’ column, which was typically featured towards the end of each issue starting in 1978 and running until Mahārāja retired from his duties as editor in 1989.

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Essays Volume 3: Lessons from the Road

This collection of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s writings is comprised of essays that were originally published in Back to Godhead magazine between 1991 and 2002, picking up where Volume 2 leaves off. The volume is supplemented by essays about devotional service from issues of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami’s magazine, Among Friends, published in the 1990s.

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The Journals of Satsvarupa dasa Goswami, Volume 1: Worshiping with the Pen

“This is a different kind of book, written in my old age, observing Kṛṣṇa consciousness and assessing myself. I believe it fits under the category of ‘Literature in pursuance of the Vedic version.’ It is autobiography, from a Western-raised man, who has been transformed into a devotee of Kṛṣṇa by Śrīla Prabhupāda.”

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The Best I Could Do

I want to study this evolution of my art, my writing. I want to see what changed from the book In Search of the Grand Metaphor to the next book, The Last Days of the Year.

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Songs of a Hare Krishna Man

It’s world enlightenment day
And devotees are giving out books
By milk of kindness, read one page
And your life can become perfect.

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Calling Out to Srila Prabhupada: Poems and Prayers

O Prabhupāda, whose purports are wonderfully clear, having been gathered from what was taught by the previous ācāryas and made all new; O Prabhupāda, who is always sober to expose the material illusion and blissful in knowledge of Kṛṣṇa, may we carefully read your Bhaktivedanta purports.

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Here is Srila Prabhupada

I use free-writing in my devotional service as part of my sādhana. It is a way for me to enter those realms of myself where only honesty matters; free-writing enables me to reach deeper levels of realization by my repeated attempt to “tell the truth quickly.” Free-writing takes me past polished prose. It takes me past literary effect. It takes me past the need to present something and allows me to just get down and say it. From the viewpoint of a writer, this dropping of all pretense is desirable.

Read more »

Geaglum Free Write

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Geaglum Free Write Diary, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

Read more »

The post Free Write Journal #393 appeared first on Satsvarupa dasa Goswami.

IN THIS ISSUE:

1. Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook
2. Vaisnava Behavior
3. A Trip to Spain
4. A Poor Man Reads the Bhagavatam
5. Churning the Milk Ocean
6. Human at Best
7. Sanatorium

ANNOUNCEMENT

GN Press Needs / Services Available

We need to expand our team of proofreaders as we aim to increase the rate of republication of Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s books as well as new books that he writes.

This includes a need for fluent bilingual Spanish and English speakers to proofread Spanish translations (we currently have around 20 Spanish translations waiting to be proofread).

Anyone interested in this particular service should contact Manohara dāsa at mhd108layout@gmail.com

If you would like to help, please contact Kṛṣṇa-bhajana dāsa at onebigbookofmylife@gmail.com or Krsna-bhajana@gnpress.org and we will find you a service that utilizes your talents.

Japa Quotes from Japa Reform Notebook (part 5)

REFLECTIONS/JAPA MEDITATIONS

The main thing is to fix your mind on the sound of the chanting. As you strain and yearn to keep your attention fixed, this naturally brings a mood of devotion. This is the way you serve the holy name. Just as when cooking, if you try very hard not to burn the preparation, to spice it nicely, and to keep it cooking nicely, then you express your devotion in this way. You may think separately from the cooking, “Please, Krsna, accept this nice preparation I am cooking for You.” But the main devotion is in cooking it nicely for Krsna. So you have to actually chant nicely, and as you concentrate on it this is the best meditation. In later stages spontaneous thoughts of Krsna will come. But you simply keep your mind fixed on hearing the holy name.

******

You must be attentive and control your mind. Don’t chant unconsciously. That implies that you have an intellectual conception of chanting: “I just can’t get into it. It’s not important.” Sometimes people will read directions how to operate something, but they have so many other responsibilities that they just can’t pay attention to the directions. It doesn’t mean anything to them. It’s not important to them. They may say, “Somebody else can do it. I can’t concentrate on it. It’s just too trivial.” So don’t minimize the holy name in the back of your mind. It’s absurd if you cannot actually accept that you’re supposed to use your best intelligence to concentrate on the repetition of the holy name.

******

If you have an eight-track mind that disturbs you when you are chanting Hare Krsna, the only remedy is to put Krsna on all the eight tracks. Krsna says in the Gita, wherever the mind goes you have to bring it back under the control of the higher self. Be conscientious.

******

To say “I tried hard—I almost made it” is not perfection. If you chant with offenses, then your chanting will be offensive. Still, that doesn’t mean that you stop the chanting or stop the preaching. We should be encouraged just by our trying even though imperfect. Just go on. Maybe we won’t attain Krsna for some time by our devotional service, but we have to keep trying—being satisfied by the japa and the nectar we obtain by that trying. The higher stage of chanting is love, and at that point there is no more trying. It is spontaneous.

******

But not that the best chanter of the names of Krsna has developed his chanting like some great weightlifter. “Oh, he is a very famous chanter. He tried day after day for many years, and now he has perfected his chanting. He can control his mind!” I remember talking to one professor practicing Buddhist meditation. He was explaining how to keep all different thoughts out of the mind. When some thought enters like an intruder, then with great prowess you push it out; when another thought enters you push that thought out. In this way you meditate—very strenuously. We may think, “Now I’m avoiding the first offense, now I’m avoiding the second offense, now I’m avoiding all ten offenses —I’m awake, I’m attentive,” etc. But we are not like the juggler who puts another spinning plate on top, then another, then another, and then he is perfect. In other words, the holy name is Krsna, who when fully pleased appears on the tongue of an ideal chanter. He is not created by the chanter.

******

Ultimately only loving service pleases Him, and that is done by linking with one who is already known to Krsna. Of course, Krsna knows everyone, but in terms of devotional service it is different. I may say I have been a big rascal and now I am letting out a great crying of love, “O Krsna! O Krsna! Krsna!” He’ll say “Oh? Who is this with all these protestations of love for Me? Who is this upstart?” But, if He is informed by one of His intimate associates like Radharani, “This person chanting is actually a very good devotee. I recommend him,” then He will say “Oh, then all right.” He won’t take you without a recommendation; this is mercy.

******

Our trying to chant nicely is satisfying to Krsna, and He responds; but ultimately it is not just by our hard endeavor that He does so. In the Bhagavatam Prahlada tells his father, “You cannot know Krsna by the practice of austerities or sannyasa regulations or grhastha regulations.” And he mentions severe examples like going into the river up to your neck on a cold day. It is not that we can finally try so hard to chant our japa that we beat down the holy name into submission—”Now I’ve got you under my foot!” No, you have to cry for Krsna! And the chanter must be avoiding offenses in his service. Krsna will be attracted not just by hard endeavor but by rubbing yourself in the dust of the lotus feet of the pure devotees.

Excerpts From GN Press

From The Twenty-Six Qualities of a Devotee/ Vaisnava Behavior

pp. 93-96

A devotee is truthful, satya-sara

To be truthful you first have to know the truth. Being truthful is not just a matter of refraining from telling lies. There is a legend that young George Washington was very truthful because he admitted, “I cannot tell a lie; it was I who cut down the cherry tree.” But that is not truthful. Young George was candid in honestly admitting that he did a stupid thing. Real truthfulness, however, begins when one knows the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the Absolute Truth:

Just try to learn the truth by approaching a spiritual master. Inquire from him submissively and render service unto him. The self-realized soul can impart knowledge unto you because he has seen the truth

—Bg. 4.34

The Absolute Truth is Krsna, as He is described in the first verse of Srimad-Bhagavatam:

O my Lord, Sri Krsna, son of Vasudeva, 0 all-pervading Personality of Godhead, I offer my respectful obeisances unto You. I meditate upon Lord Sri Krsna because He is the Absolute Truth and the primeval cause of all cause of the creation, sustenance and destruction of the manifested universes. He is directly and indirectly conscious of all manifestations, and He is independent because there is no other cause beyond Him. It is He only who first imparted the Vedic knowledge unto the heart of Brahmaji, the original living being. By Him even the great sages and demigods are placed into illusion, as one is bewildered by the illusory representations of water seen in fire, or land seen on water. Only because of Him do the material universes, temporarily manifested by the reactions of the three modes of nature, appear factual, although they are unreal. I therefore meditate upon Him, Lord Sri Krsna, who is eternally existent in the transcendental abode, which is forever free from the illusory representations of the material world. I meditate upon Him, for He is the Absolute Truth.

—Bhag. 1.1.1

One can study this verse for his entire lifetime to appreciate how Krsna is the Absolute Truth. In his Introduction to Srimad-Bhagavatam, Srila Prabhupada takes the phrase param satyam from this verse and translates it “the Absolute Truth.” He then defines param satyam as “the ultimate source of all energies.” In other words, the Absolute Truth is the cause of all causes, and Srimad-Bhagavatam, in the first verse, has hit the target of the Absolute Truth by defining Him in His personal feature as the Supreme God. God is a personal term to describe the controller. There are many gods, or controllers, but when we speak of the Supreme Godhead, then we mean Krsna, the cause of all causes.

So the Absolute Truth as the Supreme Person, Sri Krsna, is revealed in Srimad-Bhagavatam’s opening verse. In fact, the entire Vedic literature is proclaiming Krsna as the Absolute Truth. This is also stated in Bhagavad-gita [10.8], aham sarvasya prabhavah — the Absolute Truth is that from which everything else emanates. Since there are countless living beings coming from the Absolute Truth, the Absolute Truth must also contain personality. Elsewhere in Srimad-Bhagavatam, the author, Srila Vyasadeva, describes that the highest feature of the Absolute Truth is Bhagavan, the Supreme Person.

Atheistic philosophers deny Krsna as the Absolute Truth and even deny Him as a historical person. They also deny the existence of the spirit soul and reject the concept of a personal God. Yet despite their evolution¬ary theories, speculations about life coming from chemicals, and wild theories about creation, they are unable to explain the origin of existence. The question vital for every human being—”What is the meaning of existence? Where have I come from? What is the mission of life beyond animal survival? What is after death?”—cannot be reduced to chemical and biological theories. The answers to these questions lie in the realm of philosophy. But philosophy without religion is dry speculation, whereas religion without philosophy is merely sentiment. Srimad-Bhagavatam’s presentation of Lord Krsna as the Supreme Truth, however, satisfies the criteria of both perfect philosophy and perfect religion. The perfect philosophy is Vedanta, wherein the cause of all causes is explained with logic and reasoning, and the perfect religious practice is bhakti-yoga, or devotional service to the Supreme Lord.

Persons seeking the Absolute Truth, who are dissatisfied with material sense gratification and mental speculation, must approach the genuine authorities in disciplic succession. Even if a person wants to learn a mundane skill, he has to learn from authorities. In the philosophic search for truth there are many contesting philosophers, all speculating on the mental level. But the only possible way to reach transcendence is the path of the acaryas, the recognized saintly philosophers who have themselves realized the Absolute Truth through the process of disciplic succession. The words of Vedic authorities like Sukadeva Gosvami, Srila Vyasadeva, and others, and the evidence of their personal spiritual attainment, are sufficient to convince a sincere inquirer.

Once we recognize that Krsna is the Absolute Truth, there is an obligation to distribute this truth widely and thus combat falsity. Most people blindly try to deny the fact that everything in this universe is owned and con¬trolled by the Supreme Lord. Only if civilized human¬ity recognizes the proprietorship of God can there be peace and prosperity in the world. For want of this most basic knowledge of the Supreme Personality of Godhead as the proprietor, men violate the laws of God and nature, incurring great karmic suffering.

Knowledge of the truth makes us free. The concept of the body as the self is false, as anyone who witnesses the death of a dear one can testify. We see our friend, relative or pet is gone, and yet the body remains. The body, therefore, is not the self but the vehicle that car¬ries the self, just as a car carries the driver. The real self is the eternal spirit soul. Life in the material world, suf¬fering the changes of birth, death, disease, and old age, is not the true, constitutional situation of the self. We are meant for the eternal, spiritual world. The spiritual world is true, and only due to a false notion of the self (false ego) are the living entities imprisoned in the material world birth after birth. Distribution of the knowledge of Krsna consciousness is meant to free the soul from his bondage to material life.

From A Trip to Spain 1994

pp. 121-23

Who will go: the Visiting Sannyasi and Narahari, who will drive fast.

Why are they going? To preach the glories of Lord Krsna as ordered by Srila Prabhupada.

Will this take place on a high level? That depends on how much the Supreme Lord is willing to appear in my words. This is described by Srila Prabhupada in his purports to the narration of Dhruva Maharaja:

“Devotees are always interested in hearing about the Lord’s transcendental qualities, and they’re always eager to glorify these qualities, but sometimes they feel inconvenienced by humbleness. The Personality of Godhead, being situated in everyone’s heart, specifically gives a devotee intelligence to describe Him. It is therefore understood that when a devotee write or speaks about the Supreme Personality of Godhead, his words are dictated by the Lord within” (Bg. 9.4, purport).

Are you feeling inconvenienced by humbleness?

Unfortunately I’m inconvenienced by various anarthas. Therefore I admit that this story is going to be more what happened to some conditioned souls trying to practice vaidhi-bhakti and sannyasa-dharma in ISKCON in 1994, rather than a story of full glorification with the Supreme Lord in the center.

They are scheduled to leave their place near Brescia. They will leave on April 20, which is the appearance day of Lord Ramacandra, at five in the morning. If Lord Ramacandra desires, they will be able to go on time and with His blessings. They’ll head south on Autostrade 21 which connects to A-7, to A-26 and into A-10. This brings them down through the small city of Alessandria and on to Torino. They plan to stop at 8 A.M. but not take breakfast because it’s a fasting day. They estimate 300 kilometers in three hours. After a little rest and japa, they will continue and try to make another 200 kilometers and stop for lunch. They will bypass Genova, go down the Riviera coast, and cross the borders of Monaco and into Nice, France. They’ll keep driving along the Cote d’Azur. Their schedule is to reach Aix-en-Provence by 3 P.M. There they will set up for the night, probably parked at a gas station beside trucks and cars.

The second day of travel they will do some early morning sadhana of japa and then leave by 5 A.M. The itinerary is to pick up Route A-8 and travel until it turns into A-7, then N-119, A-9 and then stop at 7:30 A.M. for breakfast. After two hours (including rest time)

they will drive on until a lunch stop and another break, another driving stretch, and reach the Spanish border at 4 P.M. They will set up for the night.

Third day of travel they again leave at 5 A.M. They hope to drive 250 kilometers along A-2 and stop for breakfast then rest, continue again another 200 kilometers, lunch again, continue driving again at night, then reach the ISKCON farm around 5:30 P.M.

Narahari tried to join the European automobile club, but he couldn’t due to the fact that his residence is in Ireland and the car is registered in Italy. The devotees wanted this membership because on two previous visits to Spain the car broke down on the highway, and it took a long time before they could get rescued and fixed. Devotees in Spain said that there’s a jinx in their country, or something like that. Narahari also complained that their Renault master van has an unusually small gas tank; he tried to get a bigger one but couldn’t do it. The van only runs for three hours before needing to refill. Basically it appears to be in good shape and has been recently serviced.

Their van is chock-full of cooking supplies, Prabhupada’s books and other paraphernalia, so that it’s a self-sufficient “traveling bhajana-kutir.” Narahari has been looking into all his different supplies and filling the different cubbyholes with everything needed from rice to pots to screwdrivers, to desk light bulbs, votive candles — literally hundreds and hundreds of items which only he knows about to full extent and which the Visiting Sannyasi knows about partially.

The van is legally owned, but there’s a complication. It’s overdue for a road test. Narahari said it’s no problem for traveling in other countries, and he’ll do it in the future when they return to Italy.

In these last days before they begin traveling, they have been frequenting a local store that operates a facsimile machine. With the luxury of having their “own” FAX number, they’ve been engaged in rapid communications with an Ayurvedic doctor in Canada to locate some source of anti-constipation medicine, with a devotee in New York who wants to come and join them in Spain, and who they’re asking to bring some books, with a devotee who promises to forward the Visiting Sannyasi’s mail to Spain, and the details for these communications go back and forth, sometimes with four or five FAXes a day. Seeing the benefit of this kind of rapid exchange, Narahari included in one of his FAXes to New York a request for some information about compu¬ters and the possibility of their keeping a computer with FAX capability in the van. When the Visiting Sannyasi saw this message, he said, “Hold on. I don’t want this. If we get a FAX, then that means we have a FAX number.”

“No one has to know it,” said Narahari.

“They’ll find out. And the next thing you know, they’ll ask us to be on COM and LINK and we’ll never have any peace. Please give up this idea of a FAX in the van.”

Story thus far:

The Visiting Sannyasi took part in an informal symposium of devotees arranged by the editor of Back to Godhead. The editor wanted them all to talk about community and hoped he could use it in his magazine.

During that meeting, the Visiting Sannyasi mentioned that he sometimes wrote poetry. Another member remarked, “I think a sannyasi has to do a lot more than write poetry if we are going to develop true community in our movement.” This remark drew several assents: “Yeah!” “Right!” All this was later published in the magazine and it made our sannyasi feel ashamed and guilty. And chagrined. He started writing again but kept the poems to himself and kept even the practice of writing a secret. He also tried to show a profile in various ways of one tangibly engaged in duties of sannyasa preaching.

The sannyasi had several problems connected with the writing of poetry. He was frustrated because he had so little time to write or even think in that way. Another problem was that whenever he expressed himself, he found he was filled with worldly allusions and images, whereas a Vaisnava poet ought to write about Krsna directly. He found statements in Srila Prabhupada’s writings which supported his poem-writing, and he took it as solace. He found such support not only in direct references encouraging disciples to write and pray but in many other places. For example, he took courage from a 1967 letter by Srila Prabhupada encouraging Murari dasa to go on playing his guitar in the kirtana and there was no need to learn to play sitar—”the best part of valor is to utilize properly whatever talents and qualifications we have got for the service of the Lord” (Letter of August 3, 1967).

The Visiting Sannyasi confided all this to his companion and brahmacari assistant, Narahari dasa. Narahari sympathized deeply and encouraged his friend to go on writing poems if it inspired him in Krsna consciousness.

From A Poor Man Reads the Bhagavatam, Volume 2: Canto 1 Chapters 3 and 4

pp. 66-70

Text 39

atheha dhanyā bhagavanta itthaṁ
yad vāsudeve ’khila-loka-nāthe
kurvanti sarvātmakam ātma-bhāvaṁ
na yatra bhūyaḥ parivarta ugraḥ

Only by making such inquiries in this world can one be successful and perfectly cognizant, for such inquiries invoke transcendental ecstatic love unto the Personality of Godhead, who is the proprietor of all the universes, and guarantee cent-percent immunity from the dreadful repetition of birth and death.

Comment

Suta Gosvami praises the sages’ inquires. This is one of those inspiring verses to give us strength to hear krsna-katha. I like to quote such verses to devotees to remind us all to read and chant. The Krsna consciousness movement is active in response to Srila Prabhupada’s order that we preach, but he probably gave even more instruction on hearing. He wanted both. He said of himself, “Because I was good at sravanam, therefore I am good at kirtanam.”

Suta praises the sages because their questions were transcendental. They didn’t ask, “Where is the bathroom?” Everybody asks mundane questions, but only a devotee can ask the kind of questions that free him from the dreadful repetition of birth and death.

A devotee’s questions are about the Personality of Godhead. Krsna is unknowable except to the extent that He reveals Himself, but Krsna does not reveal Himself to the nondevotees. He reveals Himself to those who want to know Him out of devotion. Otherwise, He is a mystery. Because they fail to worship His lotus feet, even the perfected brahmavadis fall back down into the material world. They don’t know where else to go.

The pure devotee is guaranteed liberation. What more assurance do we want? Well, usually we want to know if it’s possible to become one hundred percent liberated with only fifty percent investment on our parts. But we cannot cheat Krsna. Or, we can engage in cheating, but we will not attain genuine realization and success. Therefore, we have to inquire into the meaning of life, into the meaning of the Supreme Lord, and we have to make those inquiries in the association of devotees.

All right, then what about this? This verse assures us that a devotee is immune to repeated birth and death, but it doesn’t assure us that a devotee is immune from suffering. Prahlada Maharaja was tortured, Narada Muni lost his mother when he was only five years old, Queen Kunti suffered on behalf of her sons, Vasudeva and Devaki lost all their children and spent years in prison, and even Prabhupada appeared to experience tribulation. What about that?

I remember a disciple asking Prabhupada this question on a morning walk. Prabhupada said that at least a devotee knows that when he is suffering, he is suffering for the last time. His suffering is not useless, but it is purifying him so that he can go back to Godhead. At least we can take that much solace when we are suffering.

Beyond that, however, we shouldn’t approach devotional service as a means to relieve or eliminate suffering. Bhakti is not a painkiller. If we approach devotional service in that way, we are looking for salvation—a material desire—and not pure devotion. I remember one Indian man who complained to me that his wife was threatening to divorce him. Then he joined the temple, attended it regularly, and his wife divorced him anyway. He became disappointed in Bhagavan. We shouldn’t be like that. Krsna consciousness is not to be approached as an antidote to suffering, although ultimately, it relieves the greatest pain.

Once a devotee approached Prabhupada in tears and asked, “Why does Krsna make us suffer?” Rather than respond gently, Prabhupada became stern. “You should not come to Krsna to reduce your suffering. Come to Krsna to surrender and to serve.”

This will be our last time suffering in this place of suffering. When we go back to Godhead there will be no more misery. Rather, we will enjoy eternal, transcendental pleasure serving Krsna.

As for those great devotees who suffered, they weren’t suffering in an ordinary way. They were always in contact with Krsna and remained in internal bliss.

We should be grateful to the sadhus from whom we can inquire confidentially and with trust about Krsna. These inquiries are the only way in which we can invoke love of Godhead. Therefore, the association of learned Vaisnavas is the greatest gift. Prabhupada said we shouldn’t dare to think we are Vaisnavas, but that we are the servants of the Vaisnavas. The servant inquires, “How may I serve Krsna?”

What is a cent percent devotee? It means someone who has attained perfection. Sometimes a student excels on a test and receives a perfect score. There is a similar rank in spiritual life. A pure devotee makes no mistakes, and the teacher blesses the student with recognition of his achievement. In devotional terms, it means no karma or jnana. Ready to go back to Godhead.

The expert spiritual master stimulates us to ask questions. In the beginning, out of ignorance, our questions may not be focused on the Absolute Truth. We may want to know what we will get out of serving Krsna. Will we be free of pain? How does the universe function, anyway? If the questions are directed toward Krsna, the guru will lead us forward into the heart of bhakti.

According to this verse, it’s not good to be silent. Although in other places the silent worker is praised, nowhere does the sastra praise dullness. To make inquiry means we have to be at least curious. Gradually, curiosity develops into eagerness to hear. Eagerness to hear is as good as voicing a question. What we are meant to give is our undivided attention. The material world is not conducive for mental focus, but yoga means to practice control of the mind and senses.

The beginning of asking questions may be recognizing and nurturing that side of us that is serious and devotional. Often, devotees tend to disregard that side in their attempts to practice humility. We don’t have to mock ourselves. Better to go forward on our most sincere foot and ask questions regardless of that other voice that tells us we are being holy Joes or that our sincerity isn’t real. There is no point in starving ourselves spiritually in the name of humility. Then we will also be in a better position to seek answers to our daily dilemmas in our sadhana.

From Churning the Milk Ocean: Collected Writings 1993-1994

pp. 34-37

Writing Sessions: Introduction

Writing sessions are my daily bread, my writing staple. Writing sessions are rough-hewn free spirits. They are rich, like a forest filled with trees and undergrowth and wildlife. They are my “wild garden.” They are my way to “churn the milk ocean.” They are my exercise for the spirit, my way to relax, my prime writer’s duty. They are my way to fill notebooks. It’s practice.

Writing sessions return to the same themes over and over. In that way, they represent my life and they are true to that life. Writing sessions are the matrix from which other things may come. I keep returning to them, heeding the little voice in my head that says, “Isn’t it about time you get to working on writing sessions again?”

Writing sessions cannot really be defined in terms of genre. Having said that, I will give a simple and stark definition of what they are: they are timed (usually one-hour) writings in which I write whatever comes.

Here are some other statements about them that I have culled from the sessions themselves:

“I am performing this [writing session] for myself, for my betterment, so that I may come to praise and serve guru and Krsna one day, and not for my selfishness.”

“A desire to think over alone what has happened.”

“Don’t write to explain yourself to an objective reader so that no one will misunderstand you. That’s a bore. You’re not in a court of justice. Just speak as the flute blows.”

“You mean you go on writing even when you don’t have sober intent of a Krsna conscious topic in mind?

“Yes, because the loss of control helps me to get access to material without the censor-editor.”
“Every sentence proclaims a sorrow that I am not Krsna conscious and that I have to die and that all these people are here … we don’t seem to be doing what we should, not enough. Can’t say it. Can’t feel it. Can’t even dream it.”

“If you ask me what I think of something, I say, ‘I don’t know. I’ll have to do a writing session to find out.’ That’s a joke, but there’s truth in it.”

I began the journey toward my present writing around 1977 when I read Writing Without Teachers by Peter Elbow. He taught “free-writing,” something I later discovered was being taught by a whole generation of writing teachers. In 1977, despite its popularity among writing teachers, free-writing was still a challenged concept. Now it is taught across the writing school curriculum.

“Free-writing” means writing whatever comes to mind within a certain time limit. As a method, it is meant to free a writer from writer’s block. Writer’s block paralyzes a writer when it makes him unable to write and stifles him when he gets stuck on the surface, writing with competence but no heart.

Therefore, free-writing was intended as a warm-up to other writing. Elbow suggested a writer give himself a time limit and then write without concern for grammar, punctuation, spelling, or coherent communication. He said that the free- writer shouldn’t stop to think at all, but should write whatever comes to mind, even if that means writing repeatedly, “I can’t think of anything to say.”

He said that free-writing should not be used to produce publishable writing but should serve only as a warm-up. He also said that an author would write some of his best lines during a free-write session, but that it would be laziness or even cheating to scoop from those lines to develop a finished piece. Then he described how although he was once interested in what his free-writing produced, now he simply throws it in the trash.

I remember when I first started free-writing, I was living in Los Angeles and working as editor-in-chief for Back to Godhead magazine. I was interested in the technique because I was trying to improve my own writing. At that time, I was trying to write a book on varnasrama to fulfill Prabhupada’s request that I write something called, “All Things Fail Without Krsna.” At Peter Elbow’s advice, I started to use free-writing as my warm-up. But I didn’t find it satisfying. It seemed too roundabout and I couldn’t get to the point. I thought I couldn’t discover what it was I wanted to say simply by writing and writing and writing about it.

Free-writing didn’t have a real impact on my writing until almost ten years later when I read Natalie Goldberg’s book, Writing Down the Bones. Goldberg calls free-writing “writing practice,” and she gives it rules: keep the hand moving, don’t think, go for the jugular (go for whatever is filled with energy), don’t be logical, use first thoughts. Her emphasis on how to be free of the internal editor, her dedication to writing practice as a way of life, and her definition of writing practice as something more than journal-writing were all helpful to me in my own writing.

That’s when I coined the phrase “writing sessions” for my free-writing. Not long after that, I wrote Shack Notes. (Shack Notes contains definitions of what writing practice is to me. If you would like to read those definitions, they’re gathered in the Introduction to that book.)

Writing Shack Notes was exhilarating. I wanted to see whether expressing my feelings in a relaxed way throughout many sessions during a concentrated writing time would help me discover myself. I wanted to know whether the actual person I was was different from the person I knew I was supposed to be according to institutional expectations. It was one of the first times in my twenty-five years as a devotee that I allowed such release from the strictures and asked myself whether I wanted to be a devotee of Krsna.

We are often afraid that if we let our guards down, we will fall into may a and leave Krsna consciousness. We have all seen devotees who have maintained their guards fall down suddenly. It’s almost as if they discovered some latent or repressed desires. I wanted to know whether I really wanted to be a devotee, whether I was spontaneously attracted to devotional service. Writing sessions were a good way to carry out that internal search.

I wrote the Shack Notes sessions at different times of the day, starting at one o’clock in the morning. I would write for more than an hour before stopping and then go on with my morning sadhana of hearing and chanting. Later, I would go out in the shack behind Samika Rsi’s house and write again, and then again in the afternoon. During that time, I was writing for about five and a half hours a day.

When I first began free-writing in earnest, I spent a lot of time battling the inner censor and critic. These internal voices ordered me to stop free-writing, to stop writing at all. The censor tried to convince me I wasn’t writing devotionally enough. The critic had a slightly different angle. He said I wasn’t writing anything valuable. It took a lot of energy to fend these voices off. I dialogued with them, argued back and forth, and tried to kill them off for good, but they are still there, always ready to attack. I doubt I’ll ever be free of them forever, but I no longer mount such bloody, frontal attacks that consume entire writing sessions. Just by writing regardless of their opinion is triumph enough.

From Human At Best

pp. 286-92

Voila

We have our own way
please believe me
you took the part that
once was my heart

he played behind her
singing he’s delayed
a half second behind the
beat hang back and
airy.

They call him Pres.
But you know it all comes
from the supreme and
some acknowledge it
directly as religion.

That’s not always the
best way to “preach.”§
The viola! Surprise
is sometimes better.

Or the indirect—leave
it to the reader.

They don’t like the
Gita-thumping sermon.
As for me—

he has rhythm if that’s
important.

I got rhythm. Something happy. But if I try to think of it, it will probably dampen any complexities and dualities. Only Krishna works, and He’s so far away, like a beautiful star, the Southern Cross. Oh yes, at least I listened well today.

“I don’t like his book,” he said of Poor Man. “I can’t even understand it.” But the other person said, “Why should he say he can’t understand it? He’s lived in the West.” Yes, it is filled with Western allusions. Marlborough cigarette cowboys, baseball players and jazz musicians. Even if one does know of them, why should they be put in a spiritual book? Now that’s a better question. The answer is . . . he can’t think of something else to say. Yes, the ladies are speaking philosophical prayers from the roofs of Hastinapura, but I may not be one of them. The gopas were whispering into Krishna’s ear or shouting a boast to Him, and the gopis were casting sidelong glances and playful words, cutting jokes in Sanskrit. The trees and the birds were appreciating Him. All—all but you down here in the Hebrides.

Prayer

1

You depend on Krishna and
on His devotees. You are
a freeloader in some
ways.

Getting the gravy, on
the bandwagon the
homeless men’s shelter.

2

He says his prayers at a
rapid clip—they all do that—
and some prayers to patron
saints.

Don’t forget not to ask
for anything since He
already knows.

Pray rockabye baby
put me to sleep. Pray
Krishna, you know best
how to handle a
reluctant soul.

3

My feet are dragging
but you and I know I must
give up this place and
my attachment to fame
and ease.

Make it happen, O Lord,
when You will. Thank
You for letting me write,
thank You for letting
me go.

Bhadra and Silavati’s—sleep, sleep your life away. Extra nap in the house before we left and nap in the back seat in the car as we rode here. I wasn’t exactly sleeping. I rehearsed the parts of my lecture. Who was the man who was envious of Srila Haridasa Thakura? Ramacandra Khan. And the other? Gopala Cakravarti. Who was envious of Ambarisha Maharaja? Durvasa Muni.

What about my own envy? Yes. And how to remedy it? Appreciate that they are pleasing Srila Prabhupada. You do this by using your intelligence. Make friends with them who please Srila Prabhupada or serve them. Don’t try to tear them down or their valuable service. Also, be glad you’re you and no one else.

Here I am “doing nothing,” either sectarian Krishna consciousness or broad-minded just listening to people with problems. I write books and live with a headache syndrome. Don’t dare to tell what I’m really thinking to a lecture audience. But at least here, getting it off your chest, your ambivalent and confused “feelings.”

Your belief is somewhat superficial. Or is it deep personally but troubled on the surface?

Etude

Sliding I told them to
please regret no
longer.

The devotee couldn’t
think what to say.
He quoted Bellow:
“Only fifteen minutes a day
can I write clearly.”
I said I’d like
explain to 150 students—
I’m responsible for—
that I am this way.
Accept it.

Which way?
Semiretired?
Fired?
Fried?
Thoreauvian.
No. What kind of guru
are you? I’ve got a lecture
with the history outlined,
but I hate explaining that stuff.
Just tell them something
new. Say

I live on the top of
a hill. You know I pray
sometimes a tiny spark
of it. Keep your mouth shut.
But I like his anxiety
for his family.

Keep your mouth shut.
Open it to lecture. Your
lecture outline looks like
shit to me.

Speak from experience.
There’s a leak in this
faucet. I live at home
and wait for the
inspiration.

Getting sentimental over
you he slows down
to end it.

What have you been doing? Did you multiply the capital he gave you? Or did you waste away? Like the first time the Swami left us for San Francisco and came back a few months later.

Yes, I remember those times—so many you could bring up . . . Going to Mayapur and Vrndavana. The issues now forgotten. Sweet and innocent, but power-hungry.

There’s no way a guy can
be a burnout in this movement
and not go back to Godhead.

Maybe it’s good to absorb shocks. As I glance at poems from a 1984 collection, I see a distrust of going alone, a sense that I must stay on the frontlines of duty. For me, God consciousness meant to fry myself in the fires of stress. There was no other way to prove my loyalty to Prabhupada. Passing thoughts of peace or of doing things my own way were temptations to accept defeat:

Sometimes I think I should go away
to be alone, to chant and hear,
but I know I cannot do it;
I would sink in lust and perish.
There is no point renouncing real duty.

You mean that the first work is to know yourself in something other than the svarupa-siddhi way? You mean give no real importance to the fact that you are a generic spirit soul but an individual? If that’s what you’re saying, how does one go about it? Is it time to explore mundane psychology?

No, I don’t mean that. But take care of yourself and think it out. I’m not going to come out with it here. Find out what you need to know by plumbing your own heart.

I know I sound as if I think I have an inside track, and that’s exactly why I don’t want to say too much here. Let me stick to my own work. When it’s my turn to lecture, I hope to tell simple truths and avoid manipulating others.

We have to be who we are and offer that to Krishna—our intention has to be pure.

From “You Cannot Leave Boston”: My Letters from Srila Prabhupada, Volume 2

pp. 150-54

Los Angeles
5th August, 1969

My Dear Satsvarupa,

Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of both of your letters, one dated July 31, 1969 and the other August 2, 1969. The letter of August 2nd appears to be a practical proposal. The calculations for the house are nice. But everything should be done very carefully. If the landlord allows you to take possession of the house on payment of $12,000 on the terms and conditions as stated by you, then you must enter the house immediately, and we take it for granted it is Krishna’s offer. As far as you having to pay $6,000 down payment by October, from your calculation it appears that you shall be able to pay it. So in that case, the money paid by Giriraj may be deposited in a separate bank account for this purpose. If things go on according to your calculation, this opportunity must be taken; but I am always afraid of persons like Mr. Payne. You know the incident in New York how the real estate man, Payne, entrapped us by $6,000. I think Giriraj’s father is a lawyer, so he can help you in this connection, or any other lawyer friend. So if things are done very carefully, this scheme is approved by me. If they will give you immediate occupation of the house, and if there are no other tenants there, then it is all right. But if there are tenants, it will be botheration. We cannot deal with tenants, so if they are there, you may not accept it. But if the house is occupied by ourselves only, then it is all right. I think Giriraj is a very intelligent boy, so do everything carefully, and let me know the result. If this house can be occupied as our own, then the press department may be established in Boston immediately. If I go to New York on my way to Europe, then most probably I will stop at Boston also to see the new house. So do everything very carefully, and I shall await your further report in this connection.

Please offer my blessings to the others. I hope this will meet you in good health.

Your ever well-wisher,

A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami

P.S. I have also received another letter by Special delivery. So everything is Krishna’s Grace. Take the risk for Krishna but do everything very diligently. I sanction it.

We were moving forward to purchase the new house. It seemed like such a great deal. Prabhupada liked the idea of a bigger building and in this letter, mentions that perhaps the ISKCON Press would be moved to Boston. It’s obvious from this letter that he went over my calculations on how we would pay for the house, and of course, he reminded me of the time we were cheated in New York by Mr. Payne. Prabhupada trusted us to negotiate this deal on ISKCON’s behalf, but he was also aware of how easily we could be cheated.

Our real estate agent’s name was Mr. MacDonald. He was a cheater, an Irish-American, crass and materialistic. He came from South Boston, and he reminded us of a tough, cheap, foul-mouthed gangster. The owner of the house was an undertaker. He had used the house to showcase his coffins and to store his supplies. (I still remembering finding bottles of embalming liquid in the basement.) They pretended to be interested in us, but we could see through their artificiality. They seemed willing to risk us as buyers, even though it was obvious that we were all young, that none of us had money or a business, and that all we did to support ourselves was to sell magazines on the street. They probably thought they could suck some money out of us until we defaulted and then foreclose and keep their profits. When Giriraja and I met with MacDonald and the owner during a pre-purchase meeting, they suddenly told us to wait and they went outside to confer. I found it odd how they withdrew from the room and then returned in a positive spirit, ready to accept our offer.

Giriraja was careful and cautious. We expected to be cheated, so we decided to show the contract to Giriraja’s father. As far as we could see, however, it was a good deal. The house was selling for $75,000. They were giving it to us with a $12,000 down payment.

I told Prabhupada we could earn the money by increasing our book and magazine distribution. I had held an ista-gosthi with the devotees—the few of us that were there—and told them that my paycheck was the sole support of the temple. To pay for this house, we would have to increase our magazine distribution dramatically. This was at a time when the devotees had dramatically increased their distribution, but we needed still more. It was a risk, but the devotees were spirited.

We had a sweet group of devotees in Boston in those days—Nanda-kisora and Jahnavi, Vaikunthanatha, Jadurani. All of them agreed to do the needful. It was such a good deal that we didn’t want to pass it up.
Our mortgage payments were to be over a thousand dollars a month. When we finally did move in, we were late with our payments a few months in a row. Even though Mr. MacDonald had been nice to us when we were still potential buyers, he would come by and curse us with foul language when we were late.

Finally, he and the owner called us in for a meeting at the owner’s funeral parlor. (Actually, the owner used to sell us old flowers.) The owner and Mr. MacDonald were of similar character, so it was a hard-nosed meeting. The owner told us that because we had been late twice, he was going to add an extra thousand dollars onto the purchase price as a penalty. If we didn’t agree to the increase, he would evict us immediately. “But I very much like your group and what you are doing,” he said, “and that’s why I am adding on the extra thousand dollars. You have to learn discipline. It’s for your own good.”

We assured him that we would pay on time in the future and we presented our excuses for being late, but we only gave the appearance of accepting the thousand-dollar penalty.

As soon as we returned to the temple, however, I called an ACLU lawyer named Friedman, who had helped us with problems in the past. He was young and idealistic, and when I related the details of our meeting with MacDonald and the owner, he immediately became angry and told us that MacDonald had no right to charge us an extra thousand dollars, that it wasn’t legal, and that he would do something about it. I’m sure he saw us as idealistic kids being cheated by tough businessmen.

MacDonald was furious that we had dared approach a lawyer. To make matters worse, we publicized the event by speaking about it with a reporter from Boston magazine. I spoke candidly about the initial terms under which we had purchased the property and told him about our dissatisfaction with MacDonald’s dealings. MacDonald became even more furious.

We never did fail in making our payments, although we were late once in a while. I appreciated that even from a distance, Prabhupada knew to warn us not to trust these men despite the fact that they were so well- dressed. He knew they were only interested in cheating us. At the same time, Prabhupada encouraged us to take the risk.

from Sanatorium: A Novel

pp. 14-19

The Holy Name is absolute. Even if you chant mockingly or by accident or the sounds aren’t spaced—words like “Ramada”—still, it has the effect of chanting the Holy Name. The inmates knew this and so they chanted, knowing even a poor recitation was the most important thing to accomplish in a day. The numerical strength is also important. So don’t excuse yourself. Meet you in the spiritual world. Don’t fall behind.

The sun began to pour through the window blinds. Another day had begun. They filed into the temple room to watch a few brahmanas undress and bathe and redress Radha-Govinda. Then they went down for breakfast. There was an early-morning guest so they got prepared to see him and embrace him, half-regretful that it would take away some japa time. But they tried for it later. Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna Krsna, Hare Hare/ Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare.
Inmates recover in this way. They live in harmony under the shelter of the Holy Name.

Light blue, chipped teeth,
mashed hand, my good friend
brings an unbroken sringasana
across the sea and now
Radha-Govinda and Prabhupada
are joined happily on the little
altar in Radha’s barn.

We can climb the stairs and
sit on our rockers and
listen to Swami sing a half-
hour and join in the chorus.
We can bathe them in the morning.
No time to do Prabhupada in
weakened condition. Pray to him
early in the morning even
if it takes a walk upstairs,
you can do it. Hare Krsna
music and art.

Light blue means
he’s not outgoing but he’s happy
he gets to go near the
japa quota and he’s so
dependent on dear friends
who don’t mind taking care of
him even though he’s
a grownup man.

He’s making it up, he
never loved and read
like he said in his
younger days. He’s making up
everything as he goes along
praying to keep a decent reputation.

He’s keeping to the outskirts but
meeting famous people as they
come through. They lecture to
crowds and give him a little
private time in his private
room of the sanatorium.

Keep the tune. To a friend
who does not mind he plays
“Coming on the Hudson” and
says “I just like it always
even though now I’m an
enrolled renunciate for
my whole life.”

I dig it says A.
and they don’t let the others hear
because they couldn’t understand a monk
loving God in his own
way each one, and God accepts them all.

“I got an astrology reading,” said Bhakta Tim on his bed, “and it said if I could handle it, a pilgrimage would be good for me for a few weeks in October and November this year. But I’d have to have someone help me administer my medicines and so on.”

Some of the other subpersons gave their different opinions that he probably wasn’t up to it but some said it was an excellent idea and he ought to get off his duff and go and get the mercy.

One of them quoted from the Brhad-bhagavatamrta which had just been read to them at lunchtime where it said that the highest goal can be attained by chanting the Holy Names of God and visiting holy places.

Another remarked, “But it’s such a strain to go to India, so austere for a weak fellow like you, Bhakta Tim. You have to take astrology with a grain of salt. It could turn out to be a nightmare. You know you’d meet up with all kinds of people you don’t like. And your regulated life like we have in the sanatorium wouldn’t be possible But what do I know? There’s great benefit in going to the dhama they say, and that’s an absolute truth.”

“Maybe if some of you guys went with me,” Tim said, “you could help me get through it.”

“I ain’t going nowhere,” said Anuttama dasa. “We have a very good deal right here for being with good people, being taken care of, and there’s no shortage of hearing and chanting. We’re in the best circumstances. So don’t throw that away in a premature trip to wild India.”

“But it’s not ‘India,'” said another. “That’s just the covering. If Bhakta Tim goes, he’ll have to suffer the covering to get to the inside. He’ll have to be prepared for that. Good things don’t come so easily.”

“You’re getting your pains every day right here, in the best situation for an invalid. How can we fly off and act like a rigorous renunciate? And look, Swami Swims has a cane, and he has to wear those orthopedic shoes. He wouldn’t even be allowed in the temple.”

“Don’t put Tim down. Encourage the idea. If not this year, then the next.”

There was an important statement for me when Gopa-kumara was about to tell his own life story to the brahmana, when they were together in Vrndavana. One might think to talk about oneself is not bona fide. Gopa-kumara didn’t want to appear puffed up talking about himself. But he knew talking about what he had gone through to reach the goal of perfection was the best way to instruct the brahmana.

So he was confident and went ahead. The commentator says, “Experience is the best form of proof.” There may be other statements about the best form of proof, but there it is in Brhad-bhagavatamrta, and I rejoiced to see it and present it to you now. Even if your experience is not the experience of one who has reached the goal of truth, describing it is the best way of instructing someone or telling them what is real, what is true. Mary Oliver entitles her latest poetry book, What Do We Know? We know what we have experienced, that’s for sure. It may be faulty knowledge, but we know it happened. The person who hears from us will get authentic stuff. Even if it is a tale of woe, an uncouth tale, a tale of what we should not do. Of course, the experience of a perfect person is perfect proof in the very best sense. But I have taken it to mean that the experience of a struggler is also the best way to get a particular kind of truth. He’s not bluffing, and you can learn from him. In other words, one form of teaching by experience means, “Do as I did,” and the other is, “Don’t do as I did,” and both are instructive and even inspiring.

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Viraha Bhavan Journal

Viraha Bhavan Journal (2017–2018) was written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja following a brief hiatus in writing activity, and was originally intended to be volume 1 in a series of published journals. However, following its completion and publication, Mahārāja again stopped writing books, subsequently focusing only on what became his current online journal, which began in August of 2018.

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The Mystical Firehouse

At first, I took it hard that I would have to live surrounded by the firemen, and without my own solitude. After all, for decades I had lived in my own house with my own books and my own friends. I was also now a crippled person who couldn’t walk, living among men who did active duties. But when Baladeva explained it to me, how it was not so bad living continually with other firemen and living in the firehouse with its limited facilities, I came to partially accept it and to accept the other men. I came to accept my new situation. I would live continually in the firehouse and mostly not go outside. I would not lead such a solitary life but associate with the other firemen.

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Writing Sessions on the Final Frontier

Let me write sweet prose.
Let me write not for my own benefit
but for the pleasure of Their Lordships.
Let me please Kṛṣṇa,
that’s my only wish.
May Kṛṣṇa be pleased with me,
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May Kṛṣṇa give me His blessings:
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Rāma Rāghava Rāma Rāghava
Rāma Rāghava rakṣa mām.

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You mentioned that your pathway has become filled with stumbling blocks, but there are no stumbling blocks. I can kick out all those stumbling blocks immediately, provided you accept my guidance. With one stroke of my kick, I can kick out all stumbling blocks. —Letter by Śrīla Prabhupāda, December 9, 1972.

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Writing Sessions in the Wilderness of Old Age

The Writing Sessions are my heart and soul. I’m trying my best to keep up with them. I am working with a few devotees, and they are far ahead of me. I wander in the wilderness of old age. I make my Writing Sessions as best I can. Every day I try to come up with a new subject. Today I am thinking of my parents. But I don’t think of them deeply. They are long gone from my life. Śrīla Prabhupāda wrote a poem when he was a sannyāsī, and he said now all my friends and relatives are gone. They are just a list of names now. I am like that too. I am a sannyāsī with a few friends. I love the books of Śrīla Prabhupāda. I try to keep up with them. I read as much as I can and then listen to his bhajanas.

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The metaphor is song. Explain it. Yes, particulars may not seem interesting or profound to readers who want structured books.
Wait a minute. Don’t pander to readers or concepts of Art. But Kṛṣṇa conscious criteria are important and must be followed. So, if your little splayed-out life-thoughts are all Kṛṣṇa conscious, then it’s no problem.

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Writing Sessions in the Depths of Winter

I am near the end of my days. But I do like the company of like-minded souls, especially those who are Kṛṣṇa conscious. Yes! I am prone to Kṛṣṇa consciousness. I have been a disciple of Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda for maybe almost sixty years. Sometimes I fail him. But I always bounce back and fall at his feet. It is a terrible thing that I sometimes do not have the highest love for him. It is a terrible thing. Actually, however, I never fall away from him. He always comes and catches me and brings me back to his loving arms.

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Upsate: Room to Write: May 21–May 29, 1996

This edition of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami’s 1996 timed book, Upstate: Room to Write, is published as part of a legacy project to restore Satsvarūpa Mahārāja’s writings to ‘in print’ status and make them globally available for current and future readers.

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Guru Reform Notebook

A factual record of the reform and change in ISKCON guru system of mid ’80s.

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June Bug

Readers will find, in the Appendix of this book, scans of a cover letter written by Satsvarūpa Mahārāja to the GN Press typist at the time, along with some of the original handwritten pages of June Bug. Together, these help to illustrate the process used by Mahārāja when writing his books during this period. These were timed books, in the sense that a distinct time period was allotted for the writing, during SDG’s travels as a visiting sannyāsī

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The Writer of Pieces

Don’t take my pieces away from me. I need them dearly. My pieces are my prayers to Kṛṣṇa. He wants me to have them, this is my way to love Him. Never take my pieces away.

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The Waves of Time

Many planks and sticks, unable to stay together, are carried away by the force of a river’s waves. Similarly, although we are intimately related with friends and family members, we are unable to stay together because of our varied past deeds and the waves of time.

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Śrīla Prabhupāda Revival: The Journals of Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami (Volume Two)

To Śrīla Prabhupāda, who encouraged his devotees (including me) To write articles and books about Kṛṣṇa Consciousness.
I wrote him personally and asked if it was alright for his disciples to write books, Since he, our spiritual master, was already doing that. He wrote back and said that it was certainly alright For us to produce books.

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Life with the Perfect master: A Personal Servant’s Account

I have a personal story to tell. It is a about a time (January–July 1974) I spent as a personal servant and secretary of my spiritual master, His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupäda, founder-äcärya of the International Society for Krishna Consciousness. Although I have written extensively about Çréla Prabhupäda, I’ve hesitated to give this account, for fear it would expose me as a poor disciple. But now I’m going ahead, confident that the truth will purify both my readers and myself.

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Best Use of a Bad Bargain

First published by The Gītā-nāgarī Press/GN Press in serialized form in the magazine Among Friends between 1996 and 2001, Best Use of a Bad Bargain is collected here for the first time in this new edition. This volume also contains essays written by Satsvarūpa dāsa Goswami for the occasional periodical, Hope This Meets You in Good Health, between 1994 and 2002, published by the ISKCON Health and Welfare Ministry.

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He Lives Forever

This book has two purposes: to arouse our transcendental feelings of separation from a great personality, Śrīla Prabhupāda, and to encourage all sincere seekers of the Absolute Truth to go forward like an army under the banner of His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupāda and the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement.

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The Nimai Series: Single Volume Edition

A single volume collection of the Nimai novels.

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