Introduction
We have not recognized fully the scope and nature of this problem, and we are paying a terrible price which will be realized more and more as time passes. We must treat pornography and sexual addiction as a full addiction and not from a behavioral/spiritual perspective alone.
• Individuals struggling with pornography and sexual addiction must understand that because this is a true addiction, they will not be able to stop unless they seek help from appropriate sources. The rationalization that “this is my private sin and I can resolve it privately with God,” will only produce escalation of the addiction, and entrench them in a double life.
• Disclosure of each incident of viewing or sexually acting out is essential to obtain both repentance and recovery.
• While we have emphasized prevention in the past, and should continue to do so, we must also recognize that virtually all of our young men and many of our young women are already seriously exposed.
• Understand that the majority of young men returning from missions are slipping quickly into addiction, and we must be ready to support them with 12 step support groups specific to pornography addiction immediately upon returning from their mission.
• We must recognize that many married men are secretly addicted, and have support groups ready to help them emerge from addiction.
• We must provide groups for the spouse who has been harmed by the pornography/sexual addiction of their partner.
• We need to realize the importance of educating young women as to the prevalence and tenacity of pornography addiction, so they will understand and be fully informed as they enter the world of dating.
• There is a need to educate and train leaders to understand addiction and the importance of addressing both repentance and recovery.
• While therapy and counseling are integral for many, 12 Step support groups should be the backbone of recovery.

PART I: ADDICTION

Chapter 1: Out of the Mouth of the Lion
• A picture of savanna grass in Africa shows a seemingly harmless, tranquil landscape. Closer examination reveals a lion lying in wait for unsuspecting prey. Pornography is a spiritual lion, hiding in the dark, waiting to strangle the life out of happiness, joy, companionship, learning, romantic and platonic love, spirituality, reason and life itself.
Chapter 2: What Is Addiction?
• Addiction is a repetitive behavior which damages the person and others in his life and which the person is unable to stop. Satisfaction of the addiction becomes the ultimate priority. The perspective of the person acting out in addiction is progressively constricted until nothing exists but obsession. Values change to accommodate the need to sate voracious desire and spirituality is one of the first casualties.
• The four phase addictive cycle:
o Preoccupation: obsessive thoughts and memories of past images return, again and again – the individual begins to withdraw from those he loves
o Ritualization: returning and recreating opportunities to view pornography and allowing pornographic images to remain in memories
o Acting Out: a viewing binge, usually associated with masturbation
o Despair: the binge ends and the addicted one feels shame and guilt, secrecy and deception.
• The four phase escalation cycle
o Addiction: the person finds he compulsively views pornography
o Escalation. The addicted person seeks progressively harder core pornography to get the same effect
o Desensitization. Tolerance increases to progressively explicit material
o Acting Out Sexually. The person seeks to act out fantasies viewed in the pornography
• An addicted person’s will power is not enough to overcome addiction.

Chapter 3: The Money Trail
• Pornography is now a major money maker in the US. Free on-line sites lead to pay sites, even the Marriott hotels, owned by a Mormon, offer pay-per-view adult movies.
• Recovery Story 1:

Chapter 4: Rome Re-visited
• The downfall of the Roman Empire is directly linked to the downfall of that society’s family values. As sex becomes disassociated from marriage and families, the foundation of society crumbles. Men can prefer pornography to actual sexual relations and can become unable to enjoy any close relationship with a woman.

Chapter 5: Even Among Us
• Hundreds of bishops and stake presidents list pornography as their No. 1 concern for Church members
• Research indicates that by their senior year in high school, 100% of males have viewed pornography; the average first exposure of males to pornography is age 11
• As many as 40% of Americans suffer from a compulsive sexual behavior or addiction. LDS are no different when it comes to prevalence or magnitude of sexual addictions.
• Because of this early exposure, pornography is becoming society’s sex education tool.
• Young males imprinted with pornography at an early age are very susceptible to addiction.
• A treatment plan based on willpower or moral character very often fails, causing increased feelings of guilt and hopelessness.
• We have emphasized the essential spiritual aspects of healing from this sin but have failed to fully realize the chemical power of this addiction.
• The three hooks of pornography, pride, guilt and shame, are snagging single and married men into compulsions which deeply damage their ability to be close to God and their families
• Virtually every family has been or will be affected in some way, by pornography.
Recovery Story 2 (p. 47)

Chapter 6: It Is A Drug!
• “Natural addiction” refers to an addiction to behavior or actions, rather than a physical substance. The brain becomes re-wired in the same way, for natural addiction and drug addiction.
• People can become addicted to gambling, food, pornography besides physical substances.
• All of these addictions appear to cause physical changes in the control and pleasure areas of the brain.
• Recovery from addiction allows the brain to return to a more normal state.
• Pornography causes release of adrenaline and dopamine, drugs which would require a prescription if they were taken in pill or injection. These chemical reactions can cause pornography to be a much more powerful stimulus than natural sexuality, in the sensitized brain. They can also set up a pattern of intense cravings which are never satisfied.
• It is likely that the chemicals released and the resulting changes in the brain account for negative changes in impulse control, compulsivity, ability to focus, and ability to gain pleasure from real life events.
• When a person who regularly uses pornography tries to stop, he commonly experiences headaches, irritability, restlessness, sleeplessness, and anxiety.
Chapter 7: The Personal Price of Addiction
• A common social pattern for people in their 20’s is to skip romantic relationships in favor of ‘hooking up’- a sexual relationship with no intimacy or emotional commitment.
• Pornography teaches immediate sexual gratification with no connection to love, commitment, or emotional connection. Pornography shows dehumanized sex, which leads to emotional isolation.
• The barrier to love and human intimacy caused by pornography continues after marriage.
Chapter 8: The Price Others Pay
• Pornography can become the ‘virtual’ mistress, with a wife feeling betrayed and cheated of her husband’s affection.
• Pornography addiction can result in lying, manipulation, deceit and can create a marriage which is devoid of compassion and empathy.
• Wives of men who view pornography often feel inadequate, depressed, betrayed.
Recovery Story 3

Chapter 9: Spiritual Effects
• Because the brain is the most tangible representative of the soul, the merging of the body and the spirit, pornographic damage to the rain literally damages the soul.
• Thomas S. Monson states, “Avoid any semblance of pornography. It will desensitize the spirit and erode the conscience.”
• Dallin H. Oaks states, “Those who seek out and use pornography forfeit the power of their Priesthood. . . Patrons of pornography also lose the companionship of the Spirit.”
• The feelings of hopelessness and despair that come with addiction can strengthen the ties of the addiction.
• The atonement of the Savior offers rescue from addiction.

Chapter 10: The Isolation of Pride
• Pride pits out will against God’s will. Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled.
• To act out in pornography addiction, it is necessary to first place personal desire above all else.
• When the god of lust becomes the most important focus in our lives, it replaces loved ones, peace and, eventually, all else.
• As addiction progresses, shame deepens secrecy, which is fed by fear, and the double life becomes established.

PART II: HEALING “He was afraid, and beginning to sink, be cried, saying Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him. Matthew 14:30-31.

Chapter 11: Support in Recovery
• The majority of successful addiction recovery programs utilize the 12 Step program, first started in Alcoholics Anonymous.
• Step 1 is, “Admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions and that your life has become unmanageable.
• Step 2 requires individuals to believe in a Power greater than themselves, a Power which can restore them to sanity and sobriety. It requires dependence on a Supreme Being to control addiction successfully.

Chapter 12: Confession
• Viewing pornography is a serious sin which must be confessed to gain spiritual forgiveness and to obtain the forgiveness of the Church. Unless duly confessed, the adversary will continue to have claim upon the person for this sin.
• Given the nature of addiction, it will be impossible to actually quit the behavior without the assistance of others. Will power alone is not sufficient.
• For those who are married, confession to a spouse is essential. However, the timing and actual disclosure should be undertaken after seeking the guidance of the Lord and counseling with those experienced in recovery.
• It will be easier for the wife to regain trust and feel safe about her husband again if the confession is free and clean, uncoerced and completely voluntary. Even in the most optimal situation, this confession may be the most traumatic news the wife will ever have received.
• Confession opens the person’s heart and eliminates the double life. However, it is only the first step in recovery.

Chapter 13: Cerebral Software
• Reprogramming your thinking patterns is an essential part of recovery
• The first step is to imagine what life would be like without the addiction.
• What do you want to have happen? Consider the effect pornography has had on your life – what it has cost you.
• What are you willing to do? How strong is your desire for recovery – and are you willing to make the changes necessary to change?
• How far are you willing to go to get what you want? You need to write deflection programs for your mind, to replace pornography.
• A key mantra in addiction recovery is, “one day at a time.” Sobriety for a life time is overwhelming, but sobriety for one minute, one hour, one morning, one day are tasks we can work toward.
• There are stages of recovery, and relapse should be considered a detour, not a crash and burn. As long as a person promptly confesses, and seeks longer and longer periods of sobriety, recovery continues.
Recovery Story 4

Chapter 14: Binding Up the Broken Heart
• Repairing and rebuilding a relationship is a difficult task and can only be one with the Savior’s help
• Finding the ability to forgive, in the face of betrayal and pain, is a difficult task.
• Building and gaining trust is a long, difficult process.

Chapter 15: Parental Pain
• In visiting with mothers of young men who are addicted to pornography, it is apparent that they simply don’t understand how their sons could want to view pornography.
• Boyd K Packer states, “The measure of our success as parents, however, will not rest solely on how our children turn out. That judgment would be just only if we could raise our families in a perfectly moral environment, and that now is not possible. “
• The adversary is using sexual temptation to deceive many of the elect today.
Recovery Story 5

Chapter 16: Repentance and Recovery
• The Lord has revealed much to His children to help them with addiction. Help can be found for those who persist in their desire and actively seek recovery

Chapter 17: And My Soul Hungered
• Recovery is very serious business and must be assigned a high priority.
• You must consider which desire is strongest – desire for addiction or desire for recovery.
• Giving up your will to God is the most important thing we can do – we are giving up the only thing that is truly ours to give.

Chapter 18: Firm and Steadfast in Humility
• Like other addictions, there is no ‘cure’ for pornography addiction, there is only the hope of ‘being in recovery.’
• The stigma of pornography leads to shame and emotional isolation.
• Selfishness and pride are the seedbeds and daily diet of the addicted – and the antidote is gratitude and humility.
• Gratitude and humility bring perspective to both our trials and our triumphs. As we gratefully acknowledge Him we maintain a spirit of humility and insulate ourselves from pride. Gratitude and humility thus become a sanctifying cycle where each reinforces the other and helps us reach spiritual constancy.

Chapter 19: Spiritual Metaphors
• The spirit and the body and the soul of man.
• To overcome a ‘soul’ sin such as pornography, both physical (technical aspects of brain recovery in addiction) and spiritual (healing from sin by coming unto Christ) healing are needed.
• Pornography needs darkness – secrecy, shame, spiritual death – to thrive. It cannot exist in the light of Christ.
• Addiction destroys the ability of a person to see reality. The return to sanity from the insanity of addiction allows us to enter back into the light of reality.
• Pornography is a spiritual abscess in the brain and spirit. Unless drained through spiritual surgery, it will cause a spiritual coma leading to the second death.

Chapter 20: My Burden is Light
• To the addicted, the Lord sends this message, “I am the Lord that healeth thee.” “Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”
• The Lord can touch the damaged brain and soul, and cause it to feel and to think and to love again.
Appendices
Appendix A: What Works for Me: Thoughts From One in Recovery
Appendix B: Husband – Recovery Story
Appendix C: Letter to a Bishop From a Young Man in Recovery
Appendix D: An Approach to Counseling One Seeking Repentance and Recovery
Appendix E: Letter From One In Recovery From Sam-Sex Attraction
Appendix F: Counsel for Family Members Who Have Loved Ones in Addiction
Appendix G: Misconceptions About Pornography and Sexual Addiction

Please feel to comment.  We are happy to help in anyway that we can.

Visitor:

Greetings,

The assertion of this website is that pornography and the addiction that it causes, creates great havoc. In what way?   Removing religion and long held beliefs regarding marriage and sexuality (neither of which are in accordance with our nature), I don’t understand how pornography in any way harms sexually healthy adults. Drugs by definition will take a perfectly healthy person and kill them, or at best seriously damage their bodies. I have not found evidence that pornography does this in any way. I believe that what I am seeing is a way to make money off of people who don’t really need treatment or providing marginal benefits to someone who should be seeing a psychiatrist for serious psychological issues that manifest themselves through sexual “addiction”. Like treating the symptom instead of the cause, it is of marginal value. Much of your funding could come from churches and right wing moralists if it doesn’t already. “Financial tip of the day.”

Don Hilton’s response:

Your questions and assertions require more space and time than a simple blog permit, but I provide references for you to explore if you truly desire to learn more about this.  As you appear to discount any religious input to this discussion, we will examine this issue from a purely secular perspective.

The assertion of this website is that pornography and the addiction that it causes, creates great havoc. In what way? Removing religion and long held beliefs regarding marriage and sexuality (neither of which are in accordance with our nature), I don’t understand how pornography in any way harms sexually healthy adults.

I will defer the brunt of this question to Dan Gray with regard to the social and emotional pathology pornography causes, but  I would suggest you read New York Time’s journalist Pamela Paul’s book Pornified.  It is written from a secular perspective, and also you might find Columbia neurologist Norman Doidge’s book The Brain that Changes Itself, particularly Chapter 4, enlightening.  Porn impotence is a growing phenomenon, and Pamela Paul interviewed many men who found themselves preferring masturbation to porn preferable to real women.  Certainly these men aren’t interested in marrying and having children, at least not in demographically sustainable numbers.  You might say “So what?”  From natural selection’s vantage, your viewpoint is not sound.  Countries and cultures which eschew marriage evaporate.  It makes sense; why have kids if sex is purely recreational as you opine, and spend money to educate and feed them in a progressively urbanized society?  Every country in Europe is below the 2.1 fertility rate needed to sustain population, and several are at 1.3, which is demographically unrecoverable.  I won’t argue causation here, but correlation is very strong with regard to crashing fertility rates and marital dissolution, particularly in the EU and Japan.  Who will pay the future pensions of those who aren’t having today’s children?

Drugs by definition will take a perfectly healthy person and kill them, or at best seriously damage their bodies. I have not found evidence that pornography does this in any way

Your premise is based on now outdated views of the scientific literature.  I would suggest you review the articles I will reference.  You are saying that compulsively used drugs change your brain, but compulsively used natural rewards don’t.  The current literature on addiction contradicts you on several fronts.  For instance, look at cortical hypofrontality, or brain shrinkage.  That drugs such as cocaine[1] and methamphetamine[2] cause shrinkage in the frontal lobes would not surprise you, but you would probably be interested to find that recent studies show shrinkage in natural addictions such as overeating leading to obesity[3] and sexual addictions such as pedophilia,[4] which, by the way, is intimately associated with pornography.

Your would not be surprised to learn that with regard to the mesolimbic dopaminergic reward systems targeting the nucleus accumbens, receptor downgrading and decreased presynaptic vesicular stores associated with a conditioned hypometabolic state are par for cocaine,[5] but you probably would be surprised to know that overeating leading to obesity[6] and even pathologic gambling[7] produce similar changes.

Indeed, the leading addiction scientists in the world, both from the basic science camp and from the clinical imaging perspective now believe that natural and drug addiction are one and the same with regard to structural and metabolic brain changes.  Dr. Eric Nestler, director of Neuroscience at Mount Cedar Sinai in New York stated,

Growing evidence indicates that the VTA-NAc pathway and the other limbic regions cited above similarly mediate, at least in part, the acute positive emotional effects of natural rewards, such as food, sex and social interactions. These same regions have also been implicated in the so-called ‘natural addictions’ (that is, compulsive consumption of natural rewards) such as pathological overeating, pathological gambling and sexual addictions. Preliminary findings suggest that shared pathways may be involved: [an example is] cross-sensitization that occurs between natural rewards and drugs of abuse.[8]

Equally compelling is Dr. Nestler’s recent work with DFosB, which he presented at the Royal Society in England last year.[9] This marker has been found only in addicted neurons, initially demonstrated in drug addiction.  Now, rats conditioned to overeat and “hypersexual” rats also show this marker, whereas rats which consume natural rewards in ‘normal’ frequencies found in nature do not show this chemical.  I know you may be thinking “What is hypersexual?”, but I am merely pointing out the evidence you say you have not found.

Also, at this same meeting Nora Volkow, director of the National Institute for Drug Abuse (NIDA) and one of the most published addiction scientists in the world spoke on obesity and correlates with drug addiction.[10]

Your skeptical use of the term “sexual addiction” is not shared by Dr. Volkow, who used the term addiction to encompass pornography, gambling, and food compulsion.  In fact, she recommended that a Senate panel change the name of the NIDA to the National Institute of Diseases of Addiction.  Her advisor Glen Hanson said “She would like to send the message that we should look at the whole field.” This appeared in the journal Science.[11]

As you can see, the evidence you refer to is actually very supportive of the addictive nature of natural rewards.  To disregard this evidence and say that a powerful natural reward such as pornography is not addictive could make you as biased as you feel the religious right are.

Donald Hilton

[2] Paul M. Thompson, Kikralee M. Hayashi, Sara L. Simon, Jennifer A. Geaga, Michael S. Hong, Yihong Sui, Jessica Y. Lee, Arthur W. Toga, Walter Ling, and Edythe D. London, “Structural Abnormalities in the Brains of Human Subjects Who Use Methamphetamine,” The Journal of Neuroscience, 24(26) June 30 2004;6028-6036.

[3] Nicola Pannacciulli, Angelo Del Parigi, Kewei Chen, Dec Son N.T. Le, Eric M. Reiman and Pietro A. Tataranni, “Brain abnormalities in human obesity: A voxel-based morphometry study.” Neuroimage 31(4) July 15 2006, 1419-1425.

[4] Boris Schiffer, Thomas Peschel, Thomas Paul, Elke Gizewshi, Michael Forshing, Norbert Leygraf, Manfred Schedlowske, and Tillmann H.C. Krueger, “Structural Brain Abnormalities in the Frontostriatal System and Cerebellum in Pedophilia,” Journal of Psychiatric Research (41)9, November 2007, 754-762.

[5] Bruce E. Wexler, Christopher H. Gottschalk, Robert K. Fulbright, Isak Prohovnik, Cheryl M. Lacadie, Bruce J. Rounsaville, and John C. Gore, “Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging of Cocaine Craving,” American Journal of Psychiatry, 158, 2001, 86-95.

[6] Gene-Jack Wang, Nora D. Volkow, Jean Logan, Naomi R. Pappas, Christopher T. Wong, Wei Zhu, Noelwah Netusil, Joanna S Fowler, “Brain dopamine and obesity,” Lancet 357(9253) February 3 2001, 354-357.

[7] Marc N. Potenza, “The neurobiology of pathologic gambling and drug addiction: an overview and new findings,” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society, 363, 2008, 3181-3190

[8] Eric J. Nestler, “Is There a Common Molecular Pathway for Addiction?” Nature Neuroscience. 8(11), Nov 2005, 1445-9.

[9] Eric J. Nestler, “Transcriptional mechanisms of addiction: role of DFosB,” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society, 363, 2008, 3245-3256.

[10] Nora D. Volkow, Gene-Jack Wang, Joanna S. Fowler, Frank Telang, “Overlapping neuronal circuits in addiction and obesity: evidence of systems pathology,” Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society, 363, 2008, 3191-3200.

[11] “Officially a disease now? Science 6 July 2007, Vol. 317, no. 5834, pg 23.

Dan Gray’s response:

We also asked Dan Gray, LCSW to also respond to this questions.  Dan is a licensed clinical social worker specializing in addictions counseling. He has a master’s degree in social work and is a CSAT (Certified Sexual Addiction Therapist). He is also certified as an addictions counselor with the National Association of Forensic Counselors. He maintains a busy private practice, lecturing regularly and providing training and consultation to numerous civic, religious, and professional organizations throughout the country. In addition, he is the clinical director of the LifeSTAR Network program, which provides help for individuals and couples from around the country who are dealing with problems related to sexual addictions and compulsive behaviors. He recently co-authored the book, Discussing Pornography Problems with a Spouse: Confronting and Disclosing Secret Behaviors.

I believe Dr. Hilton thoroughly addressed your questions regarding the addictive nature of pornography and the effects it has upon the functioning of the brain. These effects impact a person’s ability to perform and function in every day life as well. The research and studies are consistent in reflecting this fact. The thousands of anecdotal and personal reports also support this research. Ask the employers of those that view pornography on the job site or stay up late looking at porn and come to work wasted and fatigued. They will tell you that once productive employees have become lethargic, non-productive and present an increased risk for sexual harrassment law suits. Ask the men who have lost their jobs, careers, income, homes, etc., if there are any negative effects of looking at pornography. Intimate relationships are also impacted. Spouses and partners of those viewing porn consistently report feeling unloved, undesired, distant emotionally and physically. Trust in the relationship is destroyed and feelings of betrayal, “not being enough” and low self worth ensue. Many who have viewed porn for long periods report developing an unrealistic view of sexuality and the opposite sex. Their expectations of a “healthy” sexual relationship are distorted as they have bought into these fake, staged sexual acts and tried to impose them onto their spouse or sexual partner, resulting in disappointment and disatisfaction for both partners. By the way, these reports come from a wide cross section of individuals, those who are religious and those who are not.
Your comment regarding the deeper psychological factors that should not be neglected in liew of treatment for the addicts is a point well taken. Any treatment program that does not appropriately diagnose and provide intervention for these conditions that require psychiatric care in tandom with addiction treatment would be considered negligent.
Finally, your point that “sexually healthy adults” are not negatively impacted by pornography may actually have some merit. I have not seen any studies supporting or disproving that notion. My guess is that may be a difficult population to study because our experience indicates that typically healthy sexual adults do not consistently view pornography. Of thousands of clients that have come to our clinic, I doubt that few, if any of them, would have described themselves as being sexually healthy while they were looking at pornography. What is reported by our overwhelming majority of clients is that as they progress in their recovery work and become increasingly healthy sexually, their craving, desire and need for pornography gradually lessens and becomes irrelevant and/or non existent. These factors may lead to a hypothesis that in general, “sexually healthy adults” are not typically drawn to pornography. It would be very interesting to see the results of a study addressing that issue.

Thank you, Don Hilton JR. He restoreth my soul.

I started studying about domestic violence and addiction because I have been a victim  of that since childhood. It has been such a destructive thing in my life. My descendants and clients are plagued with addictions. I have struggled to get an education and use this knowledge to help others. Every client I have is a product of DV and Addiction(s) and I see children suffer and suffer because parents are blinded or without the necessary skills and education.

I have sent this book to Canada to family along with the 12 Step Program. I have talked to everyone that will listen about the phenomenal worth and wealth of this book. I tell my family ‘this is the book that stands next to my scriptures.’ I want to teach everything you have written in this book. I feel driven to be part of helping others find the rich message presented here.

I love you! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and insight! I feel I can connect the dots now and truly help others find peace in their lives. This is my mission. To Stop Abuse!

Brenda

In June of 2009, Lia McClanahan wrote a wonderful article outlining the resources available to those that suffer from addiction.  She shares uplifting and hopeful stories about those that have used these resources to overcome the addictions that have bound them.   This is an excerpt from her article.  

“When he was arrested a second time for drunk driving, he was ordered to get treatment. In the Church’s program, he learned that receiving forgiveness and regaining a sense of self-worth were possible. He attended church every Sunday, studied the 12 steps, and applied these gospel principles and actions to his life. He became willing to turn his life over to Heavenly Father and, in the process, learned how to love himself and how to let the Atonement work in his life. “I couldn’t overcome all these things by myself,” he says. “The Savior can do for me what I can’t do for myself.”

Those who struggle with addiction aren’t the only ones who can experience a mighty change: loved ones find that as they apply the 12 steps to their own lives and attend recovery meetings, they can experience the blessings of the Atonement in regard to their own grief. In some areas the addiction recovery program provides support groups for family and friends, who discover that the Savior can heal them of the pain, anger, and guilt that loved ones sometimes feel.“

Please take a minute and read or listen to this wonderful article.  We believe that it can help you as you look for answers on how to overcome your or anothers addiction with Pornography / Sexual Addiction.

You can view the article here:  Addiction Recovery, By Lia McClanahan

Or download it here:  Pornography / Sexual Addiction Recovery Lia McClanahan

We are sharing this speech with you becasue we believe that it delivers a pure message about Human Intimacy.  This speech was delivered over 20 years ago, and still has significant relevance in today’s society.   Please take the time to read this article as well as share it with anyone you think could benefit from it.

Please click on the link below to begin reading the article.

Of Souls, Symbols and Sacraments

The follwoing is an excerpt from this talk:

“My topic is that of human intimacy, a topic as sacred as any I know and more sacred than anything
I have ever addressed from this podium. If I am not careful and you are not supportive, this subject
can slide quickly from the sacred into the merely sensational, and I would be devastated if that happened.
It would be better not to address the topic at all than to damage it with casualness or carelessness.
Indeed, it is against such casualness and carelessness that I wish to speak. So I ask for your faith and
your prayers and your respect.”

He Restoreth my Soul, is one of the most informative and helpful books written to date on the subject of sexual  / pornography addiction. This is a must read by all who have been afflicted by pornography, the “plague of this generation”. 

Below you will find an Excerpt from his Donald L. Hilton’s book, “He restoreth My Soul”

“Most, if not all, families will be affected by pornography.  If you are a man, you must first safeguard yourself.  If you are secretly involved, hopefully this work will convince you there will never be peace for you until you are healed.  If you are free from addiction now, you must still guard yourself against future addiction, as all are vulnerable who are not “sober and vigilant,” as Peter warned.  If you are a father, it is essential to understand what your sons will be exposed to and that he will be at serious risk for addiction at some point in his life.  If you are a woman please understand that this problem is real and must be confronted head on.  You also need to be aware of the profound risk your sons face.

            It is important for those who have daughters to understand that although the numbers are smaller for girls, there is still a risk, both from visual pornography and primarily from chat rooms, text messaging, and verbal pornography. Also, studies are showing that the young men whom they will date and consider for marriage have virtually all been exposed and many have been or are addicted, to a lesser or greater degree.  It is imperative that every young woman understands the scope and seriousness of this problem.  Her awareness will help her to be discerning in dating and eventually choosing a marriage partner.  Our extended family members are also at risk:  sons and daughters-in-law, grandchildren and their spouses, and other loved ones. 

Hopefully, bishops and ecclesiastical leaders will find this work to be helpful in understanding the difficulty of treating pornography and sexual addiction adequately from a spiritual perspective alone.  

            This problem is at least as serious as I have represented it to be and it will continue to escalate.  Knowledge is power:  we will become more empowered with each bit of knowledge we accrue in regard to pornography addiction. While we have been appropriately concerned about devastating physical diseases such as AIDS, with more understanding and emphasis we will also be able to protect ourselves and our loved ones from this other “overflowing scourge” of pornography.  I sincerely hope this work will be helpful to all, both men and women, boys and girls, who struggle with addictions of any kind, including related sexual addictions and compulsions such as same sex attraction, compulsive promiscuity, and also drug addictions.”

“Technology has accelerated our fascination with pleasure.  Indeed, the power of pleasure has been underestimated, and Internet pornography is changing the world in a fundamental way.  Over 200 years ago the poet Robert Burns said, ”But pleasures are like poppies spread, You seize the flow’r, its bloom is shed; Or like the snow falls in the river, A moment white – then melts forever.”  Yet to the person in addiction, the momentary pleasure is irresistible and all-important.  The price of acting out in addiction seems paltry compared to the temporary payoff, yet the despair in between episodes of acting out increases as losses accumulate.  In this work we explore the power of addiction, not just from a moral and spiritual perspective, but with the scrutiny of modern science, which now tells us that there is little difference in the physical or chemical changes in the pleasure and control centers of the brain regardless of whether the addiction is “from a chemical or an experience,” as stated in the journal Science.  It is imperative that we treat pornography and sexual addiction with the respect accorded any drug addiction, for, as we shall see, that is precisely what it is.”

It’s not uncommon for well-intentioned observers to inquire about the fuss being made over pornography. Many of them assume that pornography consumption is a victimless pastime. Their line of thinking generally supports the notion that a man who views pornography in isolation is not hurting anyone. They even debate the question of whether or not this same man is hurting himself by viewing pornography.

I would like to challenge these assumptions by sharing how pornography use damages not only the individuals who view it, but especially wives and girlfriends of these same men. I will also include suggestions for how women affected by their partner’s pornography use can cope as they begin the journey toward wholeness.

In all of my years of counseling individuals and couples, I have never seen any other behavior produce a pattern of pain and misery as predictable as that which happens to an individual and his marriage when he views pornography. Let me briefly outline the pattern as I see it.

First, long before his wife discovers his pornography use (either by his own disclosure or by her catching him), he will begin to slowly change into someone who becomes more self-centered, irritable, moody, and impatient. He will spend less focused time with his family, seek out more distractions, begin to mentally and even verbally devalue his marriage, become critical of his wife’s body and character, feel more spiritually empty, and experience more internal stress. He will become more dissatisfied with his work, become easily bored with things that used to interest him, and feel restless. He will also become more resentful and blaming when things don’t turn out the way he hoped.

This transformation may take years, depending on how often he views pornography. If he only seeks it out every few months, he may be able to fool himself that the aforementioned challenges are situational and will pass with time. For those who view pornography more frequently, each viewing produces more disconnection from the man he could become. The repeated viewings and subsequent self-deception deepen this transformation over time.

This gradual erosion eventually creates confusion and strife in the marriage. Although each case is different, most wives who knew nothing of their husband’s secretive pornography consumption have told me they felt like something was “off’ in their relationship with their husband. They usually second-guessed themselves, many of them even reflexively blaming themselves entirely for the disconnection in the marriage.

Women who discover their husband’s pornography use will benefit from doing some emotional first-aid to help stabilize them so they can do the long-term work of healing. I will outline some of the most helpful first steps women can take when they discover their husband’s behavior. I will then briefly explain what is involved in long-term recovery for women affected by their husband’s pornography use.

First-Aid

1. Physical self-care is probably the most overlooked aspect of early recovery for women. Trauma is experienced both physiologically and emotionally. To ignore the body is to ignore one of the greatest resources for healing. I have found that women who make physical self-care a priority heal much faster from the impact of their husband’s secretive behaviors. Many women find that getting more sleep, eating healthy foods, exercising, meditating, stretching, soaking in warm water, and slowing down to nurture their physical body can help them shift out of survival mode so they can think clearly.

2. Spiritual grounding provides feelings of peace, hope, and reassurance in the face of so much uncertainty. Meditation, prayer, seeking comfort and counsel from holy writ, and counseling with spiritual leaders allows women access to power and strength beyond their own. It’s common for many women to be angry at God for letting them down. If this is the case, remember that spirituality is more than just religious behavior. It’s important to connect something bigger than oneself, which can include going into nature or immersing oneself in uplifting music.

3. Emotional expression is critical throughout all stages of recovery, but especially in the early stages. Many women find it helpful to write their feelings in a new journal that they have the option of throwing away at a later date. Emotions can be so strong early on in this process that some women worry about putting raw feelings in their regular journal. It’s important to have the freedom to express feelings in a healthy non-aggressive way. No feeling is inappropriate. Feelings come and go like the waves of sea, so it’s important to give them full expression so they can have resolution. Holding on to any strong emotion with the hope that it will disappear only keeps it stuck. Talking with others can also help, which is explained in the next item.

4. Connecting to others who can help is also difficult to do, but has tremendous benefits as well. It’s not recommended that a woman who learns about her husband’s behavior broadcast their pain to just anyone who will listen. Instead, it’s important to identify a few individuals who: 1) will keep confidences, 2) can provide a safe place to talk, 3) won’t judge her or her husband, and 4) can offer some support and direction. It can be beneficial for the long-term stability of the relationship for women to inform her husbands that they will be speaking to specific individuals. Helpful individuals often include ecclesiastical leaders, therapists, parents or siblings, 12-step support groups, therapy groups, and close friends.

This article was written by Geoff Steurer, and has been used by his permission.  You can read this and many other posts on his website.

by Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT
Director, LifeSTAR of St. George, Utah

I encourage individuals to lean into the pain of withdrawal and rely on their tools and support gained in the transformation phase to help train their brain learn to live without the chemical cocktail associated with their addiction.

Withdrawal can also create a feeling of loss and confusion about how to live life without the addiction. This loss will eventually disappear as the individual pushes forward in their recovery efforts.

The “sweet” part of this phase is the newfound awareness of how enjoyable life can be without pornography! There are some exciting discoveries in this phase of recovery. For example, the five senses become more active and engaged with the world. I have clients tell me that they can feel, see, and hear things that they never noticed before. They are often amazed at how much pornography numbed-out their senses. They start to re-connect with God, with their families, and with themselves.

As an individual becomes re-sensitized to life, they will experience additional motivation to continue in their recovery journey.

4. The Lonq-Term Recovery Journey

Recovery can be compared to launching a satellite into orbit. It takes tremendous energy to get a rocket out of the pull of earth’s gravity. As the rocket gains momentum, less power is needed to put it into its desired orbit. Eventually, the satellite is released into orbit and only requires small and consistent bursts of energy to keep it positioned in orbit. The satellite will stay in its correct orbit as long as those consistent corrections are applied.

Early recovery is often full of intensity, energy, and earth-shaking changes. Long-term recovery looks nothing like this. Instead, it’s made up of finely-tuned course corrections that keep the individual positioned in a healthy lifestyle. If an individual is constantly battling triggers and relapses, they will never get to really enjoy life and experience the long-term growth available to them.

Most individuals will pass through the first three stages of recovery within 6-12 months. The behavioral changes in these stages create stability necessary to do the long-term work of relapse prevention and life changes. As stated previously in the metaphor of the wind and tree, this stage is the work of strengthening the trunk of the tree.

Individuals risk becoming over-confident at this point in recovery. They often believe that they’ve “arrived” and don’t need to work as hard. While they have most certainly arrived at a new place of living life, it’s important to maintain their gains and understand clearly how to keep building a life free from the destructive pull of pornography.