Sack of Jam Productions

WE'VE MOVED!

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:46:00 +0000

Check out the new sack of jam blog all the fun, more updates, and all that jazz!
For a limited time only real sacks of jam as give away prizes, we're literally handing them out.*

We also will no longer be updating this url.

*Sacks of jam may not actually exist, are none negotiable and offers of free sacks of jam are not legally binding.

We're not dead. We're getting better. (Ok, we're not fooling anyone).

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Sat, 16 May 2009 15:56:00 +0000

So it looks like Sack of Jam has been well and truly liquidated. But it hasn't, honest. We've still got hundreds of free sacks of jam to give away, in various flavours*. So why the lack of updates? Well, since you asked... We're lazy. Not just that; we're completely starved of ideas. So, I now present, Sack of Jam deux! It's way more exciting, containing many more updates (i.e. at least one a month), and apart from that, is exactly the same as the old one.

So, look forward to more updates, and more of the same.

* Disclaimer: Free sacks of jam do not contain jam, or sacks; but may contain nuts.

Me? Update? Jack will be surprised.

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Sun, 05 Apr 2009 15:06:00 +0000

Ok, it's been an extreme while, and I apologise for the lack of updates. The reason is, I've been extremely busy with College work, and completely dried of ideas. I still am. Jack's always been the one to carefully construct his posts, with actual research, emailing people and reading stories that other people of written, whereas I just start writing my posts and hope they reach some kind of conclusion. Anyway, I really can't think of anything to write, so I'll just post one of my dreams from my other blog. Complete laziness yes, but at least it's an update..

P.s I have decided I shall post a list. I don't know what of but list-based posts seem to be what I'm best at.

P.P.S A while ago I wrote this short post about wanting to write a wild west story. In fact I've turned it into my film studies coursework. The plot's pretty generic, but that's the point of the coursework, to show genre. I'll post more info about it soon.

So, the dream. Copy and pasted straight from my other blog.

'Fiddling on the Roof'

'Ok, so here’s a quickie from the other day. Quite disturbing to experience, and in truth the only reason that it was a short dream was because I forced myself to wake up before it turned bad.

So, well this is a bit hazy in my memory. We (me and an Asian middle aged woman, yes fully clothed, in a suit actually, she seemed to be some kind of legal person, but just what I have no idea) were walking in the grounds of a large mansion, we had obviously just exited from the building and were talking about the events that had happened inside.

‘So do you think we’ll get the permit then?’ I asked, although I had no idea what the permit was for. I remember looking to my left as I was walking along the gravel path, and looking at some carefully sculpted hedges, representing cherubs firing arrows with hearts for arrowheads. You know the kind; you see them on crappy Valentines Day cards. Anyway, I digress.

So we (the woman and I) entered her car, her driving and me in the back in the seat behind the driver. She turned and gave me a reassuring smile, reassuring what exactly I’m not sure, probably something to do with the afore-mentioned ‘permit.’

So I put on my seatbelt (I want to be safe, even if it is a dream), and we set off. As we start to drive along the long, gravelly driveway, suddenly things get very nightmare-ish. My vision darkens. The sky blackens. Day turns to night. Sunshine turns to rain.

Suddenly the car speeds up and the driver woman disappears, and before I know it I can see from the point of view of the car (like you can in some driving games etc…). I drive forwards and try to get out of the driveway of the mansion (now resembling a haunted house).

As I sped forwards, suddenly I felt a breeze against my face, as if I had been thrown out of the front of the car (going faster than the car, obviously, otherwise I’d have been hit/gone behind the car). Then I realised I was back as the human version of me, and I flew through the air and landed face first in the gravel. My cheek scraped along the gravel and I could feel it bleeding.

I could feel a presence behind me. So without looking back I got up and started to run towards the gate of the mansion that lead to a dense forest (ah, clichés. I have a really good cliché at the end actually; and I woke up, and it was all a dream…not to ruin it or anything). So as I was running to the gate, an idea struck me: ‘I know, why I don’t fly out?’ So, with a lot of concentration, I started to hover, but a feeling of dread crept over me. I wasn’t controlling where I was going. I felt like I was out of control, and was worried where it was whatever it was that was controlling me would take me. I had started heading back to the house.

I was flying up the side of the house now, with large windows up the whole height of the building. My vision was extremely blackened at this point, as I was trying my best to wake myself up right now. In each window there was a different figure staring at me.

In one there was the girl from the exorcist grinning demonically at me, in another were the two ghost girls from The Shining, and the last window before I reached being level with the roof was the body of the Asian woman from the start of the dream, hanging from a rafter, smiling, and staring at me (it was one of the soul chilling-est things I’ve ever seen, even in my dreams).

At this point I was panicking. ‘I’ve got to wake up!’ I kept thinking. I was looking up at the roof, flying up. Something was up there, I could feel it. Whatever it was would be the worst thing I’ve ever seen, I’m sure of it, so I rose up to nearly the height of the building, I was ready to scream like I’ve never screamed before, and as I reached roof level, so close…I woke up. Phew.

Notes

It’s really difficult to create the atmosphere I felt, because obviously I have nothing to compare it to, so the dream on paper seems a lot less effective than in real life.'

Sorry about the laziness, peace.

links and stuff

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:36:00 +0000

So I was in the process of doing a article regarding Britain's disregard for civil rights in favour of anti- terrorism laws (yes another one of my rants (To be fair at least we have free speech... to a degree)).
However I feel this has been made slightly redundant by this article.

Yay, more links, 'cos we all love links. The first is a interesting article about the white house Arabic translator. Well I found it interesting.
The second is about "Proposition 8", the law in California that banned gay marriage.

I also found this "great" article on the KKK website about the filth on TV, well I found it funny.
Here's a fun extract:

Those in the racialist movement should continually strive to monitor their home's television viewing. America's future lies in our children and it is our responsibility as parents or future parents to safeguard our children's mind before ideas of abortion, homosexuality, racemixing, globalism, or euthanasia take root.

Otherwise known as brainwashing, also you may want to read their article aimed at young people (I guess I fall into that category) and I thought I'd provide an extract:

Of course, once you do get to college there are no Caucasian Student Unions or European Culture Clubs and don't even think about starting one just because there are tons of them for Blacks, Asians, or what ever. If you were daring enough to try, you would be called all kinds of horrible names. Why, you would wonder. You just wanted to have a club like everybody else. Welcome to the world of hypocrisy and illogical thought.

No welcome to the world of the white majority, to para-phrase Barack Obama in his book "Dreams from my father" (at least I think it was him, I couldn't find the original quote, sorry).

Blacks have to integrate into the White culture, the white's don't integrate into the blacks as they are not the minority.

Basically the white population doesn't need societies that promote white culture as there is less influence on their culture, whereas the black community needs to affirm it's values.
Here's another article from the KKK website this time about "Jewish slave owners" Interestingly it doesn't provide a source (curious that) and apart from other right-wing websites the only other mention to it I could find is in this book, which isn't very clear but it seems to show that although the Jewish population did own slaves it wasn't greater than that of the wasp population.
Also the BNP (known for their political correctness) have a section on their website entitled "Liars, Buggers and Thieves", with the obligatory extract (from the Labour Party):

Labour MP (Rhonda Valley) Chris Bryant poses in his pants on the Internet to advertise himself for casual gay sex encounters. Describes himself as “Horny as buggery” and says, “I’d love a good long fuck”.

Because we all care about his sex life, really?
A quick google search later and I found this from the BBC website, and wikipedia. Finally this from his website (his biography I must admit does not allude to the fact he's openly gay, but then again why should it?):

...Chris was re-elected as an MP (with an increased majority) in 2005...

Obviously the people of Rhondda don't seem to mind that he's gay, considering he had a greater majority after the "scandal".
It's interesting to note that none of the political parties mentioned have articles of a similar nature, how very confusing. Maybe that's why the BNP is considered a joke party?

edit: Woah, wait a sec just noticed this in the "How to get involved section" on the KKK website:

Klanswomen or Klansmen who must remain totally private with their Klan association may opt to become a volunteer in one of the two major political parties. By reaching positions of influence Klansmen and Klanswomen can help pave the way for future Knights' Party candidates by helping to change ballet access laws and making the present political system more "user friendly" for third parties.

. Isn't that illegal? Or at the very least morally wrong?

Edit2: After further investigation of the KKK website (I mean knight's party website obviously) it has to be said it's poorly built at best, even our humble website maintains a better standard than theirs. Scroll to the bottom third or so of the main page and all the pictures and text overlap, and on many of their articles, the page hasn't formatted properly meaning the text is outside the text window.

P.s. They never emailed me back when I emailed them ages ago, I wonder why?

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 11:30:00 +0000

As me and Sam post inconsistently (at best), I thought it's time for yet another update and this time include some proper stuff in it. Like real content and shizzle (sorry been playing GTA: San Andreas recently).
Recently I found this article about the state of the British transport system, which up until now I thought it was a joke yeah it's not great but it's not too bad either is it?
That was before I started using it for long journeys like say my trip back to Bradford from Portsmouth. I have so far made 2 return trips (so 4 journeys in all) and during this time I have experienced 8 train cancellations. Another point the article mentions is the fact that rail fares are sky-rocketing, some might say this is because of the recession etc. However if this is the case, how is it that I paid for a return ferry crossing to Caen for tomorrow (yes it is random (I bought it last night), no I wasn't drunk) for £20, when a single train trip to London is £27 (at off- peak).

I'd like to take this opportunity to remind you to read our disclaimer before being offended by anything you read on our blog and that a recent update to the disclaimer has occured:

"We also regret to inform you that our agreements to actively post and update either this disclaimer or the Sack of Jam blog may be false and are therefore not legally binding contracts. Inconvenience caused by our lack of content (wait, what?) are not the responsibility of the management."

Edit: Right I've found several things that I've been meaning to post all of which are news articles. The first one (contains some very graphic images so viewers have been warned) shows pictures from the recent incursion by Israel into Gaza.
The second two are both from the Guardian website. the first is an article about liberty in Britain and the second is an article about David Attenborough getting hate mail from creationists.

This is an automated message. I have in fact disappeared off the face of the Earth.

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 21:00:00 +0000

Well, it has been a while. I've been back online for a while, and what's funny is I actually did more posts when I was OFFLINE. Makes sense to me. I'm doing this now because I'm supposed to be writing an essay, and I'm being actively distracted. So this is a short post to confirm that I'm still alive. Just.

Anyway, for those who haven't heard what Christian Bale's being shouting (in a ridiculous fake American accent..seriously it's worse than Joss Stone [Ok maybe not]), click here.

After you've watched that, watch this hilarious remix. (You can get the free MP3 of the remix here).

Will post soon, promise..

Peace. Sam.

Edit: Must point out, on all those links there's bad language! You've been warned!

Yet another random post

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 01:22:00 +0000

So Kaka, the Brazilian Footballer, was offered £500,000 a week to play for Man. City, with a potential four year contract. This would give him £104 million by the end of his contract.
The question is what would someone do with this money? Here are some of my ideas (some are stolen ideas though)

First buy a fuck off house... obviously necessary (olympic swimming pool needed).

Fill olympic swimming pool with ball pit balls.

Buy a fuck tonne of Lego and fill several rooms with said Lego... Lego city, Lego star Wars... the list goes on.

Buy cool cars from films and tv... all the batmobiles, KITT, Delorean (kitted out like in the films), Speed Racer's Mach 5 and several others I struggle to remember at 2 in the morning.

Massive scalextric track and massive model railway.

Hire Jeremy Irons to narrate your life, Morgan Freeman to read stuff to you, and Samuel L. Jackson to answer your calls etc.

Buy Bradford City's Stadium (Valley Parade) and let the club use it for free (fucking rent) It'd also be good for a kick about mid-week and the Director's boxes look comfortable enough for a flat.

Enough Branston Pickle to last a millenium.

Flying Lessons and a cool jet.

Genetic Research labs and a lot of fossilised mosquitoes.

I'll add more as I think of them.

Great Story

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:14:00 +0000

Interesting story I just found on the BBC website.

A flat apparently untouched since before the fall of the Berlin Wall in 1989 has been discovered in the German city of Leipzig, German media report.
An architect who renovates buildings in eastern Germany unlocked the door last week and was shocked to find himself in a veritable East German time warp.
It appears the inhabitant of the humble flat fled in a hurry and shrivelled bread rolls still lay in a string bag.
Grocery brands from the Socialist state filled the kitchen.
"When we opened the door we felt like Howard Carter when he found the grave of Tutankhamun," Mark Aretz told the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung newspaper.
"Everything was a mess but it was like a historic treasure trove, a portal into an age long gone."
A wall calendar showed August 1988 and an empty bottle of Vita Cola, Marella margarine, Juwel cigarettes and a bottle of Kristall vodka were in the kitchen.
Plastic crockery and aluminium cutlery completed the picture of a bygone state.
The only foreign product to be found was a West German bottle of deodorant.
A zinc bath stood upright against a wardrobe. There was no toilet in the flat - the occupant had to use a communal one on the landing.
According to Mr Aretz, documents and letters in the flat suggest the occupant was a man aged 24 who was in trouble with the East German authorities, and who left in a hurry some time before the Wall came down in November 1989.

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:52:00 +0000

So yeah two weeks have been and gone since the last post, what's happpened since? well the world is now a better place (except maybe gaza), the uk economy is shitter than ever and yeah.
I've finished semester 1 at uni, sam's doing something at college (he's got internet so expect an update!).
We've had some fun and scary spam the first is an obvious hoax. The second one we've had from 3 different banks (none of them mine).

Norton Anti-Virus are gearing up for this virus!
apparently it is for real!!
Get this E-mail message sent around to your contacts ASAP.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS WARNING AMONG FRIENDS, FAMILY AND CONTACTS!
You should be alert during the next few days. Do not open any message
with an attachment entitled 'POSTCARD FROM HALLMARK,' regardless of who sent
it to you. It is a virus which opens A POSTCARD IMAGE, which 'burns' the
whole hard disc C of your computer. This virus will be received from someone
who has your e-mail address in his/her contact list. This is the reason
why you need to send this e-mail to all your contacts It is better to receive
this message 25 times than to receive the virus and open it.
If you receive a mail called' POSTCARD,' even though sent to you by a
friend, do not open it! Shut down your computer immediately..

This is the worst virus announced by CNN. It has been classified by
Microsoft as the most destructive virus ever. This virus was discovered by
McAfee yesterday, and there is no repair yet for this kind of virus. This
virus simply destroys the Zero Sector of the Hard Disc, where the vital
information is kept.
COPY THIS E-MAIL, AND SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS. REMEMBER: IF YOU SEND IT
TO THEM, YOU WILL BENEFIT ALL OF US

and this is the second one

Dear Customer,

During our regularly scheduled account maintenance and verification procedures, we have detected a slight error in your billing information.

This might be due to either of the following reasons:
-A recent update in our billing server ( Due to a slight problem )
-A recent change in your personal information ( i.e. Registration Number ).
-Inability to accurately verify your selected option of payment due to an internal error within our processors.

Please update and verify your information to stay 100% protected by clicking the link below:

Sign In to Online Banking

If your account information is not updated within 48 hours then your ability to access your account will become restricted.
Thank you

I copied that from the abbey national email and it has a link at the bottom that leads you to Lloyds TSB security information page. So that's a bit of a give away.

Sporadic random thought post

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 02:25:00 +0000

Red Faction is a bit like the miners' strikes during thatchers era only set in space and with firearms

Happy New Year!

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:23:00 +0000

God...This is horrible. Still no internet. Luckily, I'm on my Girlfriend's PC now, so I have limited time.

Well, It's New Year's eve, and I hope everyone had a good 2008, I certainly did; A year that pretty much turned my life around (for the better). 2009 will hopefully be better still, and maybe, just maybe, I'll get internet before 2010 (it's not looking likely).

So, since I last posted, very little has happened. I went for a curry and then drinking with Jack, went home for a couple of hours, then got picked up by my Girlfriend and brought to her house. It has been a good holiday all told, my Sister and her fiancé have been up, I've seen people who I don't see as often as I should (Jack for one) and I've just generally had a good time, as I hope everyone else has.

Anyway, sorry, again, for the lack of imagination in the post, but I've just woken up and I'm still reeling in the fact that I have (however limited) access to the internet.

Peace, and Happy New Year.

Inspired by xkcd part II and other developments

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 13:09:00 +0000

So after the post I did a few days ago I visited xkcd today and found this comic.
So I thought I'd redo some google trends I did when I first found it and post them here... Oh yeah Sam fails at the internet just so you all know and I don't think the hit counter is broken but I'll keep an eye on it

The first one I did can be found here.

So yeah Wii is the most console according to google trends.
Next superheroes =. Spiderman has had the greatest volume of hits overall but Batman is the most popular at time of posting. Confusingly aquaman hardly has any hits. i may do more at a later date but that's all for now.

Loneliness an Offlineliness.

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Sun, 28 Dec 2008 23:04:00 +0000

Jesus Christ. I've been offline for 2 weeks. Feels like about a year. I can't stay on for long, I'm using one of them 'pay-as-you-go' internet dongle things, so don't have much time. Hope everyone who reads this blog has had a good christmas, and has a good new year if I don't get chance to post before then. Nothing very interesting has happened apart from the presents and the food and the family. I got a massive amp for my guitar, something that I'm sure my parents will regret buying me once I've had chance to turn it up, and also some new headphones and the best present (by far) has to be my Spongebob Flying V Ukelele. Now I have to learn it, whether I want to or not. (It's a good job I do). So I'm seeing Jack tomorrow and going out for some Great British Indian food, so no doubt we'll come up with some completely random, bat-shit insane ideas that Jack can post, as well as showing off that he still has his 'la-de-da' internet. And if you're reading this, you must have it too. So fuck you. Anyway, I'm afraid that's it for this extremely unexciting post, I just wanted you all to know that I'm still alive, yet, as always, wanted by the police and thousands of screaming women. Peace.

Oh, Happy New Year. I hope 2009 is going to be better than '08. Especially for film releases (apart from The Dark Knight, Wanted and maybe a couple of others (DEFINITELY NOT Mamma Mia, there were no good releases. This, I am officially declaring is the worst year for films since I was born). Anyway, in the words of System of a Down; My cock is much bigger than yours. Happy holidays everyone.

P.s. I think the Hit Counter's broken again.

Inspired by xkcd

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 03:31:00 +0000

Inspired by this xkcd "blag" post, I decided to make my own list of phrases (at time of publishing) that don't display results on google search 9and I just discovered google isn't a word in my online spell checker (neither is online).
So here's the list:

"extreme deep sea chess" (I'm inventing this sport, I thought of it first)
"penis extrapolation graph"
"plot penis size against intelligence" (that would be an interesting genetics test)
"my girlfriend watches too much star wars"
"my boyfriend watches too much star wars" (apparently there is no such thing as too much star wars)
"i like the moonpig advert"

"i plan to create a raptor army"
"i plan to create a zombie army"
"i plan to create a robot army"
"i plan to create a ninja army" (people have lame world domination plans)

Results that I didn't expect hits from:

"automatic condom fitter" ("mechanical condom fitter" brings up no results though)
"not enough spam mail" (that should be attached to our email)
"fat kids are popular" (cruel but...)
"conlon is god" (I fucking knew it)
"your mum jokes are funny"
"acne is sexy" (OH DEAR GOD.....)
"clever youtube comment"
"toast conspiracies" (I knew it wasn't just me)

Just Sack Of Jam:

"naked disco post office"
"will smith and his robot camel"

A little project i'm considering

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 01:22:00 +0000

So yeah... maybe look out for that. Basically for this blog I email far-right groups e.g. the KKK, terror-free oil, BNP and see if I can get replies from them for this blog...

Edit: Meant to also mention sam has no internet at the moment so he apologises for his lack of posts.

Edit2: Another thing i'm considering is this.
For our foreign readers the British government is slowly seemingly gaining more and more power with the idea of forced ID cards, an attempt to store everyones phone calls, emails and texts on a database etc. It seems as though a big brother situation is starting to occur.

Naked Disco Post Office and Confusion

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 00:12:00 +0000

So basically when I said we'd reached 400 hits I was forgetting that the hit counter was stuck at 730, so that may mean since I fixed it we've got that many more hits or it may just be something else entirely, I can't be sure.
Anyway the main topic of this is the Naked Disco Post Office, which was a random thing that I thought of the other day... while at uni and since my friend has been doing random youtube vids and spouting bullshit, I wanted to make a note of my bullshit before he could, so I get credit.
Basically what it entails is a post office (obviously) and then instead of standing around bored queueing to post stuff, there's a disco going on with strobe lights and everything, and basically everyone is nude... Doesn't seem to make much sense as i type it but... it makes sense in my mind.
I've thought up a theme song and everything which one day I may post... probably not though.

Spam, scams and 400

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:13:00 +0000

So we've reached over 400 unique user hits, (well 401 as I write this) which for us, seems like a good total.
Anyway we got a good bit of spam today.

I have a new email address!
You can now email me at: mercydavid45@yahoo.com

- Dearest,I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart.My name is Miss. Mercy David Steven, accountancy student in the university, my late father David Stevens was a farmer in the country and he was shot dead in an incident east of the capital, Harare. My father was killed during an incident involving a group of farmers who responded to a radio distress call from a neighbor in the Virginia Macheke district. My late father and another farmer were chased and shot at before taking refuge in a local police station and i was left alone with the twins my mother delivered before her death.The protesters came also to our house and destroyed everything, but i escaped with the twins and the briefcase that my father entrusted to me before his death, i went to my grand mother and stayed for while because of my studies, but life was very hard for me, it came to a point that students went into prostitution to pay for school fees and to feed.You can read from the news inhttp://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/715001.stm,When i opened the briefcase and found out the documents that my late father have deposited some mount of money which i am the next of kin in a bank in Burkina Faso, I traveled there to withdraw the money for a better life for me and for my twins brothers, when i get there i found out that my late father instructed the bank that i will withdraw the money when i am married, or with a trustee that will stand on my behalf.Actually in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me to withdra w the money and invest it i have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i believe you will not try to cheat me but rather take me as your own people. Though you may wonder why I am so soon giving in to you without seeing you, well I will say that my heart still tells that you could be true to me. Briefly,I will like to disclose much to you if you will help me to relocate to your country with the substance that i inherited from my parent. The amount of $14.4Million which i will like to invest in your country into any lucrative business venture which you are to advise and execute seeing that i have no business experience for now.However, I shall forward you with the necessary documents on confirmation of your acceptance to assist me for the transfer and investment of the fund.As you will help me in an investment, and i will like to complete my studies, as i was in my first year in the university, when the crisis started.It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my investment capital. This is the reason why I decided to contact you. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will put things into action immediately. In the light of the above, I shall appreciate an urgent message indicating your ability and willingness to handle this transaction sincerely. Awaiting your urgent and positive response. Please do keep this only to your self please i beg you not to disclose it till i come over , once the fund has been transfered.I will send you my picture in my next mail.With due respect, I am pleading that you help me, i am giving all this detailed information with every transparency believing that you will have a clear picture of the base of help i need from you. I hope to hear from you soon, May truth and love be the guiding word in my refuge in you dear helper.Yours Sincerely,Mercy.

So naturally I emailed back, Sack Of Jam Productions are always open to business proposals and I'm just waiting for a response, (we get a photo of the person). Now I know the email asks us to keep quiet, but if you read the sack of jam disclaimer (which you should) then you know we post emails we deem fit.
However I've just noticed a better scam of my little sister's, there's a note attached to her purse outside her door that says "Please give 1p or else you can't come in".

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 21:48:00 +0000

Small update the hit counter is now fixed

Discalimer (yeah we have one bitches read it)

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 00:07:00 +0000

Yeah so I've been editing our disclaimer and you should all check it out it's on the left, see it? That little box with "disclaimer" as the label at the top? Well read it, and every time you check the site re-read it as I edit it often.
Yes it is extensive but there are a lot of aspects to cover.

So yeah...

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 23:34:00 +0000

So... I kind of lied about updating when I got back, I completely forgot (see my last post). So Sam beat me to it... So now I'm back in sunny Bradford what's been happening? Not a lot really I went to watch Bradford City lose 2-1 to Brentford, that was fun... That's pretty much it, I haven't seen Sam in about 4 months due to me being at uni,My course at University (Palaeobiology and Evolution) is good fun though.
Yes, once again the hit counter is broken, stuck at 370 for no apparent reason I've already jiggered with the code and haven't managed to fix it so yet again I may have to start with another hit-counter... unless I can fix it.
So what's happened since we've been off-air as it were? Sterling is now worthless, The KKK are really fucked off at the US election (I emailed them, but they never replied), a man who lives in Bradford killed two people in a crash while drunk and "in throes of a sex act".
If you're feeling bored you can check out my youtube favourites (and if anyone asks yes I am 19 and from Syria). That'll be about it for now also check out a Phd student's (from my course, who is for my covering tutor) artwork it's ace. Recently he got to name a Pterosaur "Lacusovagus magnificens".

Also just noticed this, it's the site stats for our site from the world map thing (in the left hand column (now on the right), click on it). it shows the hits we get from each country (fucking insane). There's 40 countries and 1 which says Europe but only has 6 hits confusing.

United Kingdom (GB) 261
United States (US) 61
Sweden (SE) 11
Germany (DE) 11
Norway (NO) 9
Canada (CA) 9
Malaysia (MY) 7
Europe (EU) 6
Australia (AU) 6
Czech Republic (CZ) 5
Netherlands (NL) 4
Poland (PL) 3
Iceland (IS) 3
France (FR) 3
Denmark (DK) 3
Philippines (PH) 3
Belgium (BE) 3
Brazil (BR) 2
Austria (AT) 2
Singapore (SG) 2
Ireland (IE) 2
Romania (RO) 1
Lithuania (LT) 1
Russian Federation (RU) 1
Slovenia (SI) 1
Italy (IT) 1
Honduras (HN) 1
Dominican Republic (DO) 1
India (IN) 1
Nigeria (NG) 1
Argentina (AR) 1
Peru (PE) 1
Saudi Arabia (SA) 1
China (CN) 1
Portugal (PT) 1
Spain (ES) 1
Turkey (TR) 1
Algeria (DZ) 1
Japan (JP) 1
Israel (IL) 1
Iran, Islamic Republic of (IR) 1
Serbia (RS) 1

Edit: just noticed a link I'd labelled to be posted on the blog and I never did "What Bush and Batman have in common"
Also here's a fun thing for you boys and girls to do search "finding chuck norris" on google and hit i'm feeling lucky.

The comback of Sackofjam. And Will Smith and his Robot Camel (In Space)

noreply@blogger.com (Sam) — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 18:47:00 +0000

Wow it's been a long time. I have no excuse really, EXCEPT the hit counter's broken again, so I just assumed nobody was visiting the site, and therefore had no reason to post. It's probably the case but I thought I'd post this in case Jack checks to see if i've updated in the same way I always check to see if he has.

Anyway, I wanted to document this idea so a) it doesn't get stolen and b) if it does get stolen then I may get partial credit.

So, we were in film studies today (I do film studies by the way) and the teacher gave us a task. We're doing all about the relationships of producers and audiences, as well as how a film is made from pitching an idea to being written then shot etc. So she told us to come up with a typical 'Blockbuster' film. A high concept (i.e. 'Simple and basic' type of film. Just look at anything with Arnie in it) film. So, me and two other guys (Ok they just sat there looking perplexed but still it was a group effort) came up with this idea. So, in case any film producers are reading this, forward all requests to make this film as well as all fees etc to; Sam, sackofjamproductions@hotmail.co.uk

I fully expect a response people.

So here's the idea, we had to come up with a story, and consider actors for the roles. We had to pick something with actors who would sell the film, as well as merchandising possibilities and an easily marketable film. So here goes.

Right, so, Will Smith right, you know the guy, he's a bounty hunter. In space. And he has this robotic camel. I know, I know what you're saying; 'this film has been made a million times' but bare with me. So his camel is pretty sick, and needs an operation (but being a robot it's a robot operation). But Will Smith is a bit of a 'down-on-his-luck' bounty hunter, and can't afford it. He has a pretty beaten up ship and all. So, he decides to go after these infamous space pirates. They have a bounty on them which will cover the cost of the operation. But, obviously, noone can catch them.

Now the main space pirate is played by Samuel L Jackson (at some point in the movie he and Will Smith have a 'black off' involving bass guitars and basketball). And his right-hand-man is played by Robert Downey Junior, a suave wise-cracking racist (we did consider Mel Gibson for this role). (Note we do not actually believe this things about Downey Jr, but we like him, and we chose him after a long conversation that I will not bore you with) (P.S. We do believe them about Mel Gibson. I'm only joking, he's not suave at all...).

So yeh, Smith goes after them, but then he gets his wife/sister kidnapped. I say 'wife/sister' because we decided that either; throughout the film you think it's his wife but actually find out it's his sister at the end, OR you think it's his sister but turns out to be his wife. Now we didn't think of this next bit in class, but I thought that maybe it could be his wife but he makes believe it's his sister because this beautiful girl is helping him and she is obviously attracted to him and he doesn't want to disappoint her, but is disappointed at the end when she finds out (or...orgy?). Anyway, I DID think of this, until I realised that's exactly what Salma Hayek's character does in Wild Wild West (which coincidentally also has Smith in it) with her father who turns out to be her husband. Dang it.

However, when I was explaining to someone this story, I realised his wife/sister didn't need to get captured (but we're keeping it in damnit) because he already had a motive to get the pirates, which was his money. Anyway I think it would be better because Robert Downey Junior can fall in love with her, even though she's coloured and he's a racist, and she'll change his attitude and he can mutiny against Samuel L.

See this film will be FULL of morals.

Anyway, that's as far as we've got. I mean the ending will probably be pretty obvious, but maybe....NOT?!?!?!?!?

Tune in next week to find out.

Peace.

P.S. I'm copywriting the term 'Black off'.

Long time... no see

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 10:56:00 +0000

So what's happened since we last posted? I'm now in Portsmouth at university, Sam has gone into hiding or protective custody as I haven't managed to get in touch with him, and he hasn't done any blog posts, so I thought I'd do one quickly... Ah crap I have a lecture in 20 mins. Ok I'll do a longer post when I get back... Peace out.

Gee whiz mister you're doing a lot of updates

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 16:02:00 +0000

So yeah, I explained how our update system works in a different post, we aim to do one a week each and if we feel the urge to post something we do... So that's the reason for the frankly obsessive number of posts I'm doing at the moment. 1 is not enough!
So today's topic is really just a update of a previous topic, " music that may (Sack of Jam accepts no liability for it not doing so) save your life".
I was looking back through old posts and found this one I did and some of the videos have been removed and I added a few more I thought of later in other posts so I thought I'd compile them and add more.

Awww here goes....

Eye of the tiger-Survivor -Useful if you ever need to have a montage and train up your "skillz" quickly.

Gay Bar-Electric Six -Find your own reason I got none other than put it on your phone and drown out shitty chav music with it... always funny.

Minnie the Moocher-Cab Calloway -See the video really useful for sneaking past people like in the Blues Brothers and parodied by Family Guy.

Snakes On A Plane-Cobra Starship -This song plays at the end of the Snakes on a Plane film (one of the greatest films of all time (regardless of what Sam, Movie critics and anyone else says (they're lying to stop you watching the greatest film of all time (trust me)))), I think this song raises an important issue and you should listen to it while on long haul flights (particularly if you're flying from Hawaii to LA) as it'll keep you on your guard. (Yes that is a straight copy and paste from my last post (Hey sam did it with his dream I feel I have the same right to).

Can't touch this-Mc Hammer -useful if you're playing tig or in a sword fight. it's sure to annoy your opponent and distract them. -See also the Family Guy Version.

Never Gonna Give You Up-Rick Astley. Giving you the ability to Rickroll at will. Do it on public transport, sporting events, lectures, work, lessons and any othe appropriate time. Again check out the Family Guy version.

Kill Bill theme tune inspired by this xkcd comic.

Bitter Sweet symphony- The Verve -good if you want to be an arsehole (see the video).

Benny Hill theme -not only does it make everything around you more funny while listening to it (scientifically proven) but as can be seen from the video alien attacks are more manageable and a lot less scary with this music in the background.

Puberty love-Ronny Desmond -The song used in Mars attacks to destroy the aliens, and in attack of the killer tomatoes,see this video.

Run to the Hills-Iron Maiden -Useful in a flood, tsunami or other such catastrophe when running to the hills may be useful.

Ghostbusters theme -May be enough to scare off some kind of ghost trying to kill you.

500 miles-The Proclaimers -Useful if public transportation fails or you want to walk 500 miles. (listening to this song on repeat while walking 500 miles may cause internal haemorrhaging).

What is love?-Haddaway -I can't actually can't think of a situation that this isn't useful.

Mission Impossible theme -If you have to dodge lasers or absail or anything like that this is the song you need.
Which Side are you on?-Dropkick Murphys -Useful if you've got a picket line.

That's all for now

LHC webcam

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:30:00 +0000

Live feed I've managed to embed from the Hadron Collider under the Swiss/French Border.
type="application/x-shockwave-flash">

Edit: Ok so the flash player broke for some reason so here's the link to the website with the webcam on http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html

Even Matt Damon knows it's true

noreply@blogger.com (Jack Taylor) — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 12:29:00 +0000

Even Matt Damon criticizes Sarah Palin. Matt Damon! (cue Team America reference)

Also check out the video of her first speech, I took the liberty of making a transcript of the first 2 and a half minutes and it's amazing how much people cheer despite her not doing anything,

thank you, thank you thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much, thank you so much, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much,

mr chairman, delegates and fellow citizens, I would be honoured to accept your nomination for vice president of the united states,

thank you, thank you, thank you,

British political conventions are nothing like this, it's ridiculous like watching the state of the union address, they say a line then everyone claps for 5 minutes then they say another line. Even if it's complete and utter bullshit what they say. Not many people cheer after her "Hockey Mom" joke though so...

To compare here is a video of a different idiot speaking at a conference this time in Britain.

Note: Palin averages a "thank you" once every 7 seconds.