Sacred Love Blog

7 Huge Differences Between Sex and Love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 12:40:00 +0000

There are many differences between sex and love. #Women enjoy seeing passionate love making in the movies, but sometimes are disappointed by their own experience that doesn't even come close. There is something so sensual and #beautiful when two people have chemistry together. But that isn't always the case when it comes to sex. Sometimes #people have sex just to have sex. #Below , I'm going to share with you 7 big differences between sex and love!

1. KNOWING EACH OTHER

The first time you are with someone can sometimes be a bit awkward. It takes time to get to know someone's #body and pleasure points. When you are in love with someone the #time you put into getting to know each other's bodies is intimate. You take pleasure in making sure you know what makes them tick. When you have sex with someone and you're just doing it to do it, that is a clear difference between sex and love. Sex is a physical act and when looking at it without any spark or chemistry thats when the love is missing.

2. FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

A lot of people say you can't be friends with benefits without someone developing feelings, which does tend to be true. But what is going on before those feelings are involved is simply a platonic need to fill ones craving for sex. If you both find each other attractive, and can turn each other on, then why not enjoy the #benefits ? When the feelings do become involved it becomes more then just a physical act. But again, they are feelings and emotions which is what love is. So just remember if you want to enjoy the friends part, stick to keeping a clear vision that it is not a #relationship ! Remember, having fears of being intimate is something that everyone deals with.

3. FOREPLAY

One of the best things I have heard is foreplay doesn't start in the bedroom, it starts in the flirting. When you first meet someone and have that chemistry, the sexual tension in itself is foreplay. Sex is just an action, but falling in love includes the foreplay. Foreplay means you don't want to rush sex, you want to take your #time and enjoy every bit of it. When there is no #foreplay there's no desire in wanting to please each other, and that is a major difference between sex and love.

4. ORGASM

A lot of #people misconstrue an orgasm as love. That toe curling, body shaking, want to scream from the top of your lungs feeling doesn't mean you just experienced love. It is just another part of sex, but getting to that moment does include intense passion and love between a #partner. it's hard to find yourself having the big "O" without being able to connect with the person.

5. SEX IS A RELEASE

Sex isn't just about romance. Sometimes #people use sex as a release the same way you want an after work drink. This is a big difference between sex and love. Love includes emotions, while sex is just the action. Having sex with someone is a release for yourself and can be a purely selfish motive. When you are doing it for that reason, it's not about love .

6. SELFLESSNESS

Love makes you want to please every part of your #partner physically and emotionally. There is something about it that feeds you inside. Think of every romance movie you have seen where the #guy courts, woos, and pleasures the woman he is fond over. It is never a rushed experience, but a sensual, caressing, and selfless moment. This is a big difference between sex and love. In comparison, sex can be fast with a goal of get off, and get done. When you're motive is selfish it's not about the love .

7. CHEMISTRY

Think of the movie, 'How to Lose a #Guy in 10 Days' where Matthew McConaghey and Kate Hudson have that epic moment in the shower where you literally see them fall in love with each other. It is not the most romantic love story but it is one I feel most #women can relate too. There's that moment in a relationship when you connect with your #partner on a new level, "love making" as most people call it. That chemistry is something two #people can create only when you have love between you two. Of course you can have sexual #attraction to each other and a spark. That's what makes sex hot and steamy, but it is not the full definition of lovemaking. There's all different levels of chemistry with someone, its just seeing where you truly connect.

A lot of times girls get confused with the differences between sex and love, but I hope these are helpful in relating to your experiences. With these in mind, whether you are single or in a #relationship , think about how you feel when you are with someone and if its truly love or truly a hot, steamy, passionate sex endeavor? Have you ever confused sex with love?

Original Article: allwomenstalk.com

Bring the Romance Back

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 18:23:00 +0000

Love is supposed to be in the air all year long and not just during Valentine's, birthdays and special holidays. In this time and age, we are too wrapped up in a lot of things such as our work, sports matches on tv that we forget some of the things that matters the most our partner, other half, honey, wife, husband,soulmate, we forget about the person we truly love us and that we love back.

Admit it, all of us are guilty one way or another. But it is never too late to catch up, isn't it? Well, let's certainly hope not! Here are a few tips to bring back the flame in your relationship..Let's see if we can work this out:

1. Skip The Take-Out. Surprise your partner with a home-cooked meal from time to time. It feels so nice to come home to the smell of grandma's age-old recipe, a rip-off from a cookbook or even a new concoction that someone discovered from Mount Tralala.

2. Turn off your phone. If things are heating up and you feel the need to PROCREATE, you better turn off your phone before you start your engine! Imagine when you're about to climax and the phone rings, it is a major turn off! It kills the momentum! Okay, I think I stressed too much on that, hehe.

3. Text or call no more than 2-3 times per day. All right people, this is a golden rule! It is nice to read an sms saying how much you care for each other but more than 3 a day is like what 15-16 year old's do. Anyway, 2-3 times of I-Love-You's sound like you really mean it. Agree? Checking up on him/her 20 times a day is so annoying. So, it's a matter of trusting the one on the other end.

4. Welcome mornings together. We all have morning breath, so let's say it's even. Kiss each other the moment you wake up, it'll make for a good start. If you have time, eat breakfast together. 15-20 minutes of morning chat is good for the both of you.

5. Take turns in taking care of the kids. To those couples with kids, it is the rule of thumb to share the responsibilities. Sometimes, moms feel the need for a trip to the salon or a night out with girlfriends. Sometimes, the dads feel the need to attend fantasy football club meetings or an October-fest during July. So all you have to do is to take turns in order not to be burned-out. Go ahead and spend some time-out from each other. Look what happened to Jon and Kate.

6. Shave. Okay, this sounds dumb but I guess it works. When you take care of yourself, it sends a message to your partner's brain that you are prepping up for him/her. It means that you want to be desirable in his/her eyes. So go ahead, surprise him with a brazilian wax one of these days! And for men, please don't forget the nose hair trimmer.

7. Go out together with his/her friends. Of course it's a given that you have different set of friends. But sometimes, it will do the both of you good if you get to know who belongs into your partner's clique. Go on and take the girlfriends out of town or the big boys into a sports game or something like that. It's sexy knowing that you care enough to know what's happening in your partner's circle.

8. Compromise. When things don't go well together, arguments take the best out of the situation. Learn to compromise and avoid relationship pitfalls such as conflicting schedules, making the other one feel taken for granted, or even promises that weren't kept. It works well in the bedroom as well!

9. Lingerie. It doesn't matter whether your love handles is as many as your fingers, lingerie is the way to go when you want sizzle instead of fizzle. It excites the brain. Some prefer tattered t-shirt and boxers or even birthday suit, though. Choose whatever works for you. If it takes a pair of red stilettos or a pair of boxers, so be it!

10. Do something together. Jogging, bingo, disco, watching tv there are a jillion things to do that can remind you how you used to enjoy hanging out with your best person in the whole world. Reminisce how the two of you met, it always works too!

Relationships are to be built on the context of love, trust and friendship. These are just tips, it will all boil down as to how you feel, how you see and how you value your significant other that can determine if romance will bounce back. Good luck, folks!

Original Article: saidaonline.com

7 Surefire Ways for Attracting True Love!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 02:02:00 +0000

by Joy Weston
"How do you spell Love? You don't spell it...You feel it." Winnie the Pooh -- A. Milne

Love, Love, Love, Love, LOVE... I could repeat that word over and over again... and each time my mind comes up with a different form of it that activates yet another delicious sense. Love is such a wonderful sensation, but unfortunately so many men and women are really so confused about it. They seem to get in their own way when it comes to finding True Love.

So often I am asked, "Where do you go to find it and how do you attract it once you do? Then once you have it, how can you tell if it's the real thing; i.e. True Love?" Whew, it's exhausting! But as Mark Twain said, "Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired," and who doesn't want that?

But let's get something clear -- no matter what the movies and novels want us to believe, Love at first sight doesn't really exist. Sexual attraction is such a huge part of dating that it's not surprising many of us get confused between what is LOVE and the feeling of Lust, which is an intense desire for someone.

Most people think of LOVE as a verb, "a feeling that is displayed in many varied actions and serves to indicate the occurrence or performance of an action. Certain kinds of expressed feelings that most people experience when in Love." That is a fine explanation, except it's not quite the whole truth.

Yes, it's true, LOVE is a "doing" word that can convey a physical or mental action or a state of being, but that is just too simplistic an answer. Love really originates as a noun that necessarily produces verbs. Love at its source creates it all, including everyone and everything. Our actions are merely manifestations of that Love.

To attract Love you need to understand that LOVE is first and foremost created in your mind. So your most important on-going work is to learn to Love yourself so completely you are never in need of someone else to complete you. Whoever you are and whatever you have done or are doing, trust me when I say, right now, YOU are more than enough just as you are.

Once I realized that the quality and quantity of LOVE I received from others was a direct reflection of how much, or how little, I truly loved and cared for myself, I made loving all of myself a top priority. The moment I began to assume the responsibilities of that job was the moment I began to attract the quality of people who were capable and wanted to love me as I have learned to Love myself.

When it comes to the heart, in order to receive true LOVE from another, it must first be expressed as an action. Behaving lovingly towards another shows that we love that person. When they behave lovingly in return, we feel loved. But just like you can talk loving without really loving, you can act loving without really loving.

Real LOVE, True LOVE, Deep LOVE doesn't want to own, control or possess you. It wants you to always feel supported, honored, adored, cherished and encouraged to be bigger and better. It is the desire to see yourself and the person you care for grow into the best people you can possibly be, no matter what, under all circumstances. So the more honesty and passion you can bring into your own self-relationship, the easier it will be to attract someone who shares those same qualities.

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE, LOVE... in all its various forms is the greatest of the God-given gifts. It is everywhere. "It is the essence we breathe, the essence of our heart- beat." It has all the power to add to, change, even alter and transform difficult challenges and circumstances into golden opportunities that can make your wildest dreams come true. It can turn a stranger into a life partner and the best of friends. And JOY...my favorite emotion of all, is the beautiful voice of LOVE heard around the world and remembered forever.

Seven JOY-filled Surefire Secrets for Attracting True Love.

1. Start by loving yourself unabashedly and without restrain. Become your most attentive lover and you can attract a true love from want and not need.

2. Open your heart to what's possible. Begin to take down the walls that have "protected you" from receiving the kind of love you desire and deserve.

3. Stop, Look, and Listen for the signs of real love that won't take NO for an answer and keeps moving forward with positive, loving actions.

4. Seek out the best kind of relationship; one where you are not only lovers, but trust-worthy best friends as well. Someone who cares and supports your goals.

5. Make Extraordinary your mirrored reflection. NEVER give your love to anyone who treats you as if you are ordinary. NEVER settle for less than you give.

6. Give and expect open-hearted acceptance. When you feel validated and approved of, it lights up the way for you to walk in the same direction toward happiness.

7. Have enough courage to trust loving one more time, and possibly even one more time again.

They might be right, "LOVE is nothing but a silly old fashioned notion," but it's also the closest thing we have to magic. So "What's love got to do with it?" Simply Everything! En-JOY!

Original Article: huffingtonpost.com

10 Fun Ideas for Couples

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 26 Aug 2015 21:28:00 +0000

by Shelli Proffitt Howells

Marriage is supposed to be fun! If you've fallen into a rut and forgotten that, it is time to find fun activities you and your spouse can enjoy together.

Happiness is being married to your best friend. But maybe these days, your husband is sitting at the computer playing video games while you sit on the couch knitting, and you feel more like comfortable strangers or accidental roommates than best friends.

It doesn't have to be that way. You can easily recapture the fun of your dating days by finding activities that you and your spouse can enjoy together.

Take an interest in your spouse's activities

Ladies, you don't have to be a football widow every fall. Learn the rules of the game and get to know some of the players. You might enjoy rooting for the underdog.

Men, you like to eat, don't you? Offer to plan a gourmet dinner you could cook together. You can choose a meal full of your favorites, or maybe you'll want to try something unusual and different.

My husband enjoys watching MMA, otherwise known as Ultimate Fighting. I started watching with him. I learned some of the athletes' histories, which made them more interesting to me. I discovered that it isn't as brutal a sport as it first appears, and there is a lot of strategy involved. I really enjoy going out to dinner at a sports bar and watching the fights. It has become a fun way to spend time together.

Invite your spouse to try something you enjoy

Ladies, your husband might not be content to sit quietly by your side and knit, but I'm sure there are a lot of other things that you do that will entertain him. Share your interests in literature, music and movies.

I'm an avid book lover. My husband will read many of the books I've recommended. We discuss it after he has finished, so it is kind of like our own personal book club.

He, on the other hand, loves discovering the latest, coolest bands. He shares with me the newest CDs that have come out, and we watch music videos together. We also enjoy going out to concerts.

Men, do you like playing video games? Invite your wife to join you. Many video games are multi-player and easy to pick up. Some games are more wife-friendly than others. Choose one that has role playing, encourage her to create a sexy character and flirt while you quest together.

Learn something new together

It's time to get out of that rut and try something new. Lifestyle Updated points out that learning something new can boost your self-esteem and give you a sense of accomplishment and pride. More importantly, perhaps, US News reports that trying new and challenging activities with your spouse can boost the brain chemical dopamine, which helps fuel sex drive.

Here are some ideas for hobbies you can do as a couple.

Arts and crafts. Take an art class together. Learn ceramics, photography or woodworking.
Outdoors. Go camping or hiking. Try spelunking, which is exploring caves. Learn how to canoe. If you live near the beach, try surfing, snorkeling or scuba diving.
Sports. Join a bowling league. Ride bicycles together. Take a dance class together or go line dancing. Learn to ride horses. Try racquet sports like tennis or racquetball. Learn an unusual sport like archery or sailing.
Culture. Visit art galleries or museums. Go to a comedy club. Watch a play or ballet. Go to a concert together.
Collecting. Visit auctions and collect antiques. Go to car shows. Collect coins, comic books or sports memorabilia. Visit a flea market for unusual finds. See if you can repurpose and flip your items to make a profit.
Go extreme. If you have a real taste for adventure, try a more extreme hobby like rafting, skydiving or rock climbing. Play a game of paintball or laser tag. Buy or rent a couple of ATVs and go off-roading.

Marriage is supposed to be fun! If you've fallen into a rut and forgotten that, then it's time to try something new and rekindle your spirit of adventure.

Original Article: familyshare.com

Sure Ways to be Irresistible to Men

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Aug 2015 19:55:00 +0000

by Sabrina Alexis

Being irresistible to men isn’t about playing games, manipulation, or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. It’s not about what you wear or achieving a certain beauty look.

Being the kind of girl who intrigues a man to the point of real interest, and interests a man to the point where he is eager to commit, starts from within and then radiates outward. It’s important to have an awareness of what it is men want and also an understanding of why developing these traits will not only help you in dating and relationships, but will make your life better overall.

Over the years, I’ve analyzed and interviewed countless men. Through my research, I’ve discovered five traits that men across the board find irresistible in a woman. Learning what they are will help you attract the right guy if you’re single, and will help you re-ignite the spark if you’re already in a relationship.

Here they are:

1. Be Confident

This one is the winner every time. Guys want a confident, happy woman. A woman who loves herself, knows her worth, and knows she can get what she wants in this world.

Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite for healthy relationships. It gives you the confidence to choose who to be with and to believe someone worthwhile will want to be with you.

If you have low self-esteem, make it a priority to work on this. Learn to find more joy and meaning in your life. Until you get there, act like someone with high self-esteem. This means not being jealous of other people, not needing guys to validate you, not putting yourself down and complaining about your life.

Try to maintain a vision of who you want to be, and what confidence looks like, and try to act accordingly.

2. Be a Mystery

The only way to turn attraction into passion is to insert your way into a man’s thoughts. This doesn’t mean wearing something revealing so he’s picturing you naked while talking to you. It means making a strong impression, one that leaves him unable to stop thinking about you for days.

The best way to do this is to be a little mysterious. Be vague with the stories you tell him, this will cause him to ask more questions about you which will build intrigue. And don’t feel the need to tell him everything about yourself, just drop some clues and let him figure it out. The human mind loves to fill in missing gaps. A good way to monitor yourself is to only reveal as much as he reveals to you.
Being a mystery does not mean acting cold or bitchy. It means you only show him certain sides of yourself to start. The best way to start things off is to show him you’re a happy, confident, fun girl.

These are qualities every guys wants in a woman so he will immediately be drawn to you.

Also, don’t be too obvious with your level of interest. Give him just enough so he knows he has a chance, but not so much that he considers it a sure thing.

Studies have shown that we are most attracted to people when we don’t know exactly how they feel about us. If he knows exactly where you stand he’ll get bored and move on. If he knows he doesn’t have a chance, he won’t want to bother. If he thinks he might have a chance, you’ll have his full attention.

3. Be Easy to be Around- No Drama

Men like their lives to be easy and pleasant, no muss no fuss. The biggest turn off to a guy is a drama queen who makes mountains out of every molehill.

The way guys see it, they have enough stress in their lives as is and a relationship should be an escape from that.

If you’re cool and easy to be around, men will want to be around you!

Smile, relax, don’t over think or overanalyze. If you can take a more easygoing approach to relationships (and life in general), then suddenly, and without much effort, things will start to work out how you want them to.

4. Embrace Your Femininity

Most men want to feel like the man. The best way to encourage this is to embrace your femininity.

Tap into your soft, gentle, graceful side, we all have it in is somewhere.

I know today’s society encourages women to be bold, tough, and aggressive. I’m not saying you shouldn’t be a strong woman, I’m just saying to temper this out a bit by not neglecting your femininity.

Men want to be the providers, they want to feel like the man. If you dress like a girl, act like a girl, and let him take care of you a bit, you’ll tap into a deep fundamental need of his and he won’t want to let you go.

5. Have Your Own Life

A man’s greatest fear is losing his freedom and being trapped in a relationship. Men pick up on how much you need them and instantly feel pressured and back off.

If you have your own life (and maintain the life you had before the relationship once you’re in it), he won’t feel this pressure and will give more of himself to you.

No matter what stage of a relationship you’re in, it’s essential to remain passionate about your life and to never stop setting goals for yourself and pursuing your dreams. A relationship isn’t an final destination. It’s part of the journey that can help you reach your potential and get exactly what it is you want out of life.

Original Article: anewmode.com

Dating After Divorce

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 22 Aug 2015 22:14:00 +0000

by Jenny Erikson

Dating is rough, man. Well, sometimes it’s really good, but dang it if it doesn’t suck when that guy you thought you totally connected with doesn’t seem to return the feeling. Or maybe you’re getting along just fine, but then he says or does something that immediately snaps you to attention -- and not in a good way.

The fact of the matter is that if you’re dating after divorce, you’ve got baggage. It’s hard to go from a supposedly lifelong committed relationship to dinner with someone you met online, texted a couple of times, and maybe had a phone conversation or two with. It’s exciting, yes, but it can also be nerve-racking as all get out.

Here are some tips for surviving the beginning stages of a brand new relationship after divorce.

Remember that he’s not your ex: This is possibly the most important one to remember. Just because he mentions his mom doesn’t mean he’s a mama’s boy, and if he doesn’t text you for a day or two, it doesn’t mean he’s willfully ignoring you -- he may just be super busy. Of course he’s not perfect (neither are you) but he’s got his own unique issues that you’ll figure out eventually if the relationship keeps moving forward. For now, just enjoy the not knowing.

Don’t date to cheer yourself up: Date when you feel good enough about yourself to risk the rejection of, well, rejection. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll meet your next life partner two seconds after your marriage ended, which means that there are going to be some times where you’re just not that into each other, and of course the painful times when he’s just not that into you. Try to be in a healthy, emotional place before you open yourself up to that.

Play the field: If you’re fresh out of a divorce, chances are that you’ve been obsessing over your relationship with your ex-spouse for a while. The last thing you need is to obsess over one person again, which you may have a natural inclination to do if you put all your dating eggs in one basket.

Take care of yourself: Don’t expect a new flame to be an emotional crutch, or have anything to do with your honey-do list. This is the time to show him, but more importantly yourself, that you’re a capable lady who would like a man, but doesn’t need one.

Remember that men are like buses: Another one is always around the corner. Seriously, it’s ridiculous how many single people are out there looking for love just like you. If it doesn’t work out after a few dates with someone, don’t try to hold onto it with a death grip. Trying to fit a square peg into a round hole never does anyone any good. Take a deep breath, tell yourself you just prevented your second divorce, and let it go.

What was your biggest challenge dating after divorce?

Original Article: huffingtonpost.com

Sex Can Bring Your Relationship to a Higher Level

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 21 Aug 2015 19:32:00 +0000

by Vanessa Luis

Sex can be a much more passionate experience when you share it with a meaningful partner. Sex may feel like a mere means of pleasure and fun but there is a lot of good that it can do for your relationship. To some people sex may seem overrated, but we give you five reasons why sex is beneficial for your relationship.

Keeps you connected

Sex is an intimate experience, which can bring you closer to your partner not just physically but emotionally. Your bedroom chemistry can also improve the chemistry in your relationship. A sexless relationship can become vulnerable over time and therefore, you need sex to keep the fire burning.

Keeps stress at bay

With the kind of lives we live, stress has become an integral part of it. This often takes a toll on your relationship. However, research shows that sex releases a feel-good chemical in the brain, which reduces stress levels. Instead of resorting to antidepressants, engage in a heated sex session to improve your well being and strengthen your relationship.

Keeps the romance alive

Sex may seem like a physical activity but it has an emotional appeal to it. It causes the body to release oxytocin, which is also called the love hormone that will make you feel that you need to love and trust your partner.

Keeps the hormones balanced

We’ve already mentioned that being sexually active will calm stress but apart from that it also helps your body maintain hormonal balance. This hormonal balance will calm other emotional problems like depression and anxiety and will also increase fertility.

Keeps you both healthy

Sex can also benefit your overall health. Sex can also make you more flexible. It also acts as a metabolic and immune booster and can also fight the ageing process. This ensures that it not only keeps you and your partner healthy but also keeps your relationship vibrant.

Original Article: indiatimes.com

23 Romantic First Date Ideas

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 16 Aug 2015 15:06:00 +0000

by Jennifer Jackson

Skip the dinner and a movie (boring) and do something a little more original.

1. Go to the Beach
Frolic on the sand at a local beach. Whether you live by an ocean or a lake, take a blanket and a picnic lunch for a guaranteed fun time. Play touch football near the water, and talk about your favorite summer vacation trips. If you're really getting along, let him reapply sunscreen to your back later in the day.

2. Get Lost in a Cornfield Maze
Get lost together in a corn maze. It might take hours for you to find your way through, but who cares! After you get out, warm him up with a cup of hot cider and some cuddling. Check the Corn Maze Directory at cornmazedir.com for one in your area.

3. Go to a carnival
Appeal to his inner child (it shouldn't be too hard to tap into) and buy tickets for a carnival. Embrace the cheesiness — share cotton candy, let him try to win you a prize, and ride the Ferris wheel until you get nauseous. It's a great way to get to know each other if you've just started dating and will serve as a reminder of how much fun you can have together if you've been dating for awhile.

4. Head to the Aquarium
Filled with angel fish, tiger sharks, and ancient sea turtles, no place exudes romance more than an aquarium. Stroll through the hushed, darkened rooms, pointing out your favorite creatures, and he'll notice how beautiful you look, illuminated by the glow of fish tanks.

5. Learn to Dance
Sign up for an hour of swing dancing lessons. Even if he's not light on his feet, he'll enjoy grabbing your waist and twirling you around. Stay for the all-couple dance session afterward to get more practice — or as an excuse to keep touching each other.

6. Play Ball
Practice hitting curveballs at the batting cages. Keep increasing the speed after each round if you're feeling athletic, and tell him you think he would look great in a pair of tight baseball pants. Who knows? You could end up playing on the same coed softball team in the very near future.

7. Go Bungee Jumping
For the ultimate dating adrenaline rush, get your blood pumping by going bungee jumping. Ask for a double harness, and cling to each other as you soar through the air...just resist screaming in his ear. Once you survive the experience, plan your next extreme date: skydiving.

8. Feed the Ducks
Gather up your stale bread and feed it to ducks at a pond. Share some crumbs with children hovering around, and laugh at their excitement. Bring along fresh sandwiches and drinks for a picnic lunch next to the water.

9. Race Go-Karts
Race around a track in go-karts. Take turns behind the wheel to prove you don't "drive like a girl," and have fun trying to knock cocky teenage boys off course. If you're really feeling frisky, suggest driving your own cars for the ultimate Speed Racer showdown.

10. Go Horseback Riding
Take the reins and plan a get-together on horseback. Find the nearest stables and rent two trail horses for the afternoon. If neither of you have much equestrian experience, take a couple of laps around the arena before trotting out into nature. Hopefully, you'll be galloping together in sync before you know it.

11. Check Out a Jazz Club
Groove to sensual sounds at a jazz club. Sip martinis at a table for two, and tap your toes to trumpet solos and the thumping of a stand-up bass. You'll feel sophisticated and relaxed, and he'll be mesmerized at your beauty by the glow of candlelight.

12. Fly a Kite
Take a kite to the beach or a local park for an afternoon spent with your heads in the clouds. First, work together to get the kite up, then brush hands as you pass the handle back and forth. If the wind won't cooperate, head to the swing sets and catch some air there.

13. Hit Up a Karaoke Bar
Head to a karaoke bar and sing the night away. Even if your vocals aren't the strongest, the two of you will bond over sour notes and a great night.

14. Go to the Spa
Your hot metrosexual will enjoy an hour of pampering at the spa just as much as you. Suggest a polish-free mani and pedi, then stroll down your town's main street, window shopping along the way. Stop at a sidewalk bistro for cappuccinos and biscotti.

15. Play Mini Golf
Maneuver your way around windmills and closing doors at a mini golf course. Ask him about his putting technique, as you wait for the slow families in front of you. Add up your strokes for each hole, and loser buys the winner slushies at the concession stand.

16. Plant Trees
If you're the eco-conscious types, check with local environmental groups for an afternoon of planting trees and flowers at a city park. Your date will appreciate your commitment to the Earth, and you will appreciate working together for a good cause. Afterward, hit up a nearby health food store for fruit smoothies.

17. Stroll Through the Park
Keep it simple with a stroll through the park. Pick out your favorite frozen treat from an ice cream vendor, and get to know each other, while you people-watch from a park bench. Find a Little League team to root for, and share favorite memories from your childhood.

18. Take a Wine-Tasting Tour
Wander through vineyards on a wine-tasting tour. Rent a van to shuttle you from place to place, so you don't have to worry about driving. Set up private tastings at several different wineries, then pretend to taste the oak in a glass of pinot noir.

19. Go Rowing
Glide around a lake in a rowboat. Take turns mastering the oars, and try not to capsize your tiny craft. If you're feeling brave, recreate the "Kiss the Girl" scene in The Little Mermaid...minus the singing fish.

20. Sail Away
Rent a sailboat and take to the water. Play first mate to his captain by shoving off and rigging the mast. Then let him steer you to a secluded alcove, where you can drop anchor and enjoy the ripple of the waves — and each other's company.

21. Get Cooking
Channel Julia and Paul Child at a French cooking class. Master the art of separating egg whites, and taste each other's tartes straight out of the oven. If your soufflé falls flat, promise to make him your infamous pesto linguine another night.

22. Play Tennis
Impress him with your killer serve on the tennis courts. Keep the competition friendly by volleying back and forth, then challenge him to a real match to show off your skills. For a low-impact option, take him to a recreation center for a lively game of Ping-Pong.

23. Trivia Night
Combine powers to form a dream team at trivia night. You'll laugh as you wrack your brains for the capital of Zimbabwe and bond over your shared knowledge of obscure horror films. If you end up winning, put the prize money toward your next great date.

Original article: marieclaire.com

50 Very Simple Ways to Be Romantic

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 11:22:00 +0000

by K. Stone

Ok, so maybe Valentine’s Day isn’t for another month, but that doesn’t mean you can’t show your partner some special attention now. In fact, I invite you to join me in this experiment. The plan is to show your love for your partner in a small and different way each day for a whole month and see what magic happens.

Here are a list of 50 things you can do to express your love.

If things aren’t good between you and your partner right now, this might be just the thing to slowly melt the ice between you both. If things are already good, this will strengthen your relationship further. By the way, there is nothing expensive on this list so there is no excuse not to give this a shot.

Write “I love you” in the steam on the bathroom mirror after he takes a shower.
Offer a back massage with some good smelling lotion.
Write a poem. Then use Google Translator to translate a poem into either French or Italian. Then handwrite it out with the translation on the back side. Or better yet, greet your partner at night and read it to them with passion and then hand them the translation.
While in public, declare “I love you, Matilda!” (not Matilda, but your partner’s name.)
Make a CD with a few songs that are meaningful to your relationship.
Invite him to take a bath complete with bubbles, champagne, candles, and maybe a little Barry White. (the music, not actually Barry White in your tub.)
Surprise her at work and take her out to lunch, maybe take-out food in the park or maybe to a little diner, for a midday romantic interlude.
Put together a little gift on his pillow: chocolate and a note that says “Your love is like chocolate: sweet and delicious.”
If your partner has a work presentation at an off site location, have flowers and a note of support delivered there.
Dedicate a song to him on the radio and send him an email telling him when to listen.
Cook a special love meal of your partner’s favorite foods. Play his favorite music and turn the lights low for a romantic dinner.
Give your partner a pedicure and foot rub.
Send a text message or email that says “I love you!”
Mail a card and inside write down the top 10 things you love about your partner.
Give him a picture of you for his wallet that says “I love you.”
Leave a love note in her car telling her to have a great day.
Carve your initials in a tree.
When your partner least expects it, give him a great big kiss, even if it’s in public!
Go see a romantic movie, sit in the back row, hold hands, and cuddle.
King for a Day/ Queen for a Day. Declare that you will dedicate a particular day just to your partner to do whatever they want. Maybe start with breakfast in bed.
Buy a tree and invite your partner to plant it with you explaining that this tree represents the love between you both that will grow over the years.
In the midst of talking about how your days went, the chores that need to be done, etc. interrupt and say “I have something important to tell you. I love you and here’s why.” Then list 5 things (or more) that you really appreciate about your partner. Finish with a kiss and say, “Ok, so you were talking about the water heater.”
Write an old fashioned love letter and mail it. Be romantic and lavish. Have some fun with it.
Before going to a party together come up with some secret code words you can use during conversation. You can be telling each other “I can’t wait to get you alone tonight!” without anyone knowing!
Find a hotel that has a jacuzzi and book it for a one night getaway somewhere close but fun.

Don’t stop now because there are more tips for being romantic ahead.

1. Place an ad in the classifieds declaring your love. Then take the newspaper, wrap it in a bow, and put a little note on it saying what page to look on.

2. Blindfold surprise. Blindfold your partner and drive them to the place where you had your first date, and have that date all over again!
3. Write a love poem for her.
4. Make an early valentine. Cut out some paper in the shape of a heart. Write something sweet on it in red and put it in her purse or his briefcase.
5. If your partner is going on a business trip secretly hide a love note inside their luggage.
6. Offer to help them with some dreaded chore they must complete and make it into a fun time maybe with some music. (cleaning out the basement, raking the leaves, shoveling after a big snow storm, giving the dog a bath, washing the car, etc.)
7. Do something romantic and spontaneous, like picking a flower and giving it to her right on the spot.
8. Invent a meal and name it after him or her.
9. Buy some body paint and write your love message on your body.
10. Record yourself reading a romantic love poem for your honey. Then give your partner a CD and tell them to play it in the car on their way to work.
11. Make a small postcard sized love collage. Then cover it with clear packing tape. Write a love message on the other side and mail it!
12. Keep a box with mementos of fun things you’ve done together. Later when the box is filled, arrange them on a board and have it framed.
13. Buy some underwear with special messages on it. Or buy your own and paint a special picture or message with fabric paints.
14. Make a donation to charity in the name of your love for your partner. Give your sweetheart a card that tells how grateful you are to share your life with her.
15. Keep a box with special cards, letters, photographs, and other mementos. On your anniversary or on Valentine’s day take a little time to share fond memories together as you review the contents.
16. Create a mindmap of all the things you love about your partner and make it into a card.
17. Take a walk on the beach together. Run up ahead and write a message in the sand, and then call your partner to see what you “found.”
18. Say “I love you” often, slowly, and with feeling.
19. Play hooky together. You work hard. Now today take a day to work easy at just sharing some fun time together. Call it an “I love you day.”
20. Send an e-card to your sweetie to brighten his day. Here are free e-card resources: Apple iCards, BlueMountain, Hallmark.
21. Make little “I love you” posters with either crayons, markers, collage, paint, whatever. Post them in surprising places: the bathroom, the closet, the car, under her pillow, on her pillow.
22. Create a small website or blog dedicated to your partner. Write a short love message each day for a month…or forever.
23. Complete that chore or favor that your partner has wanted you to do for a long time.
24. Be super kind for a whole day. Act like you would with a new love, a child, or a frail person. Show lots of kindness, generosity, and love no matter what for a whole day.
25. Take an interest in your partner’s interests. For a woman it might be watching a football game with your guy. And for men it might be going to see a chick-flick. Do it with a spirit of enthusiasm and love. Have fun.

Print this out and do one each day. Make up your own. You don’t have to tell your partner that this is something you are doing. Just do it. Who knows, maybe you’ll establish a positive habit of expressing your love on a daily basis.

Please share your favorite ways to tell your partner you love them!

Originally this article appeared in dumblittleman.com

16 Characteristics of Real Love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 11 Aug 2015 06:45:00 +0000

by Carol Morgan

Love. It makes the world go 'round, right? Well, at least that's the how the saying goes. But is it true? It should be, but so many people confuse love with things like jealousy or possessiveness. True love isn't either of those things. But these 16 things are.

So here are the characteristics of REAL love:

1. Love means saying goodbye to expectations.
Sure, we all want people to behave the way we want them to. We want them to be more affectionate. Or more outgoing. Or smarter. Or more ambitious. All of these things are expectations. Expectations are just your requirements for "acceptability" of loving someone. But true love has no expectations. It simply loves "as is."

2. Love doesn't play the victim role or blame others.
Love doesn't think others are "out to get them." Love doesn't think their loved ones are wrong. Love works together. It takes responsibility. It forgives and allows other people's actions to be their journey. Love doesn't take things personally.

3. Love includes letting go.
Love doesn't equal possession. Just as the saying goes, "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, then it never was." There is truth to that. Love allows people their freedom. It doesn't hold tightly and crush their wings in attempt to keep them. True love doesn't want to possess. It is willing to set you free if you want to be.

4. Love doesn't require you to continue a relationship.
You may love someone very much, but you may not be compatible with them. Or they may drive you crazy with their continued disregard for your feelings. You can still love them, but that doesn't mean you have to be with them. Love doesn't mean that you have to stay, and stay and stay. You can leave the relationship and love them anyway.

5. Love has no room for jealousy.
Like possession, jealousy doesn't equal love. We think that if we're not jealous of our loved ones that it means that we don't love them. True love has confidence in the quality of the relationship. It knows that the other person is happy and content coming back to you and only you.

6. Love is the absence of fear.
You can put all emotions on a continuum. On one end, you have love. Then appreciation. After that, it's joy, happiness, contentment and satisfaction. On the opposite end of the continuum of love is fear. Other fear-based emotions include, hatred, insecurity, jealousy or greed.

7. Love is not needing, but wanting.
One of the things we try to teach kids is that there is a clear difference between a want and a need. Needing someone is a feeling based in fear. You fear that you can't live without them, so you need them. And remember, fear is the opposite of love. Wanting someone in your life gives them the freedom to leave, but still shows them you love them.

8. Love is an action, not just a feeling.
Humans tend to be addicted to intense emotion -- especially when it feels good. So, when we're in love, we want to feel that way forever. But guess what? That higher than "Cloud 9" feeling goes away after a while. That doesn't mean you don't love the other person anymore, it just means that it's not new anymore. So that's where the action needs to kick in. Show the person you love them. Don't just assume they know.

9. Love is unconditional.
The word "unconditional" means that there are no expectations or limitations set. To love unconditionally is a difficult thing, and most humans aren't good at that. But true love really does love without trying to change the other person.

10. Love means putting other people's needs equal to -- or before -- your own.
While people may be inherently selfish for survival purposes, this does not serve us well in relationships. If you don't put other people's needs at least equal to your own, they will grow resentful. Real love truly, genuinely cares about other people's happiness and will go to great lengths to make people feel valued.

11. Love is the highest vibration emotion that there is.
Science has proven that emotions like love and fear have very different vibrations. They can actually measure them. Love vibrates very fast, whereas fear-based emotions (think jealousy, possessiveness, hatred, greed, etc.) vibrate very slowly. When you love completely and unconditionally, there is no fear involved. The vibrations of love make you feel good at all times.

12. Love requires attention.
Love doesn't ignore. It doesn't look the other way. It wants to be present and be together. When people are in love, sometimes they think that they don't have to "do any more work." But real love actually enjoys giving attention to another person. It feels good, and doesn't see giving attention to another person as a chore.

13. Love understands and accepts differences.
Let's face it: We're all different. Even identical twins aren't exactly the same. They have different experiences and outlooks about the world. Real love doesn't make other people wrong for being different. When people truly love another person, they accept their differences.

14. Love varies in how it is expressed and accepted.
What makes us "feel loved" varies. In the book The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, he explains the different ways people give and receive love: (1) Words (2) Acts of Service, (3) Giving Gifts, (4) Spending Time Together and (5) Touch. It's important to discover other people's love language so you can understand each other and give love in a way that the other person recognizes it.

15. Love makes you feel good, not bad.
Many people confuse being in a relationship with love. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean there is true love present. If there is jealousy, possessiveness, constant fighting, abuse (verbal, emotional or physical), that is not love. Refer back to #6. Those are fear-based emotions and actions.

16. Love has empathy.
Empathy is the ability to put yourself into another person's shoes and see a situation from his/her point of view. Love has deep empathy. "When you hurt, I hurt." People who truly love one another don't want to hurt them. They want them to feel good. They care about their feelings and try everything they can to make them feel valued and worthy.

Remember, love is happiness, appreciation and feeling good. Anything other than that is not love. If we all loved one another as ourselves, the world would be a better place!

Originally this article appeared in huffingtonpost.com

Why FIRST LOVE Never Dies

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 22:27:00 +0000

by Vladlena Lee

7 Reasons Why First Love is So Powerful...

There is no specific reason why first love is so powerful, because it’s an accumulation of small details that make it momentous. It’s filled with intense and passionate emotions that you think will last forever, which may be the reason why everyone says first love is hard to forget. However, it makes perfect sense because it’s the first time you truly love and feel loved by a person outside your family. Even when that #relationship is over, it remains as a big part of who you are. So in case you were wondering, here are a number of reasons why first love is so powerful.

1. EXPERIENCE FEELINGS FOR THE FIRST TIME

The second you fall in love for the first time, you suddenly realize the difference between loving someone and liking someone. You notice that having a #crush on someone is nothing compared to loving a person unconditionally. Getting a sudden surge of emotions that you may have never felt before and being introduced to those feelings for the first #time is why first love is so powerful.

2. MEMORIES WILL LAST FOREVER

It’s interesting how even years after falling in love and moving on to other #people, you never truly forget the first person you fell in love with and the memories you've shared. You might not think about them on a daily basis, but they pop into your head every once in a while. Nobody can blame you for that because at some point in your life, those memories made you extremely happy.

3. THERE IS NOTHING LIKE FIRST LOVE

Although the love of your life can’t really compare to your first love, first love always has a special place in your heart. There is something about that bond that you make with the first person you love that can’t be compared to anything else. Not only that, but first love is filled with firsts: first ‘I love you,’ first heartbreak, etc.

4. IT SETS THE CRITERION

Some often use their first love as a standard for their future relationships because that was all they knew back then. For example, if their first love was exciting and passionate, other relationships might seem dull in comparison. And when other relationships don’t meet their standards, first love becomes ever more valuable and memorable.

5. YOU WILL ALWAYS BE INTERESTED ABOUT HIM

Once your first love pops back into your mind, you always wonder how he is doing now and where life has taken him. You become so curious that you might check up on him using social media or casually ask an old friend who is still in touch with him. It’s completely normal to still be interested in him years later, as long as you are not overly curious.

6. FIRST BREAK UP

With first love, there is always first heartbreak because for most of us, first loves don't last. You might not be the same #people you used to be when you got together and go separate ways, but that first heartbreak will take a toll on you. Just like all the happy memories you've shared together, your first heartbreak registers in your brain and adds on to the importance of that #relationship.

7. FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES

No matter how much time passes, you will always care about the person you first fell in love with to some degree. You might not feel those same butterflies in your #stomach, but there will be something deep down in your heart for that person. You can’t really describe it, because it’s not love anymore but it’s not indifference either!

Memories of our first love are just reminders of young love that we have once experienced. So let’s take a trip down memory lane and remember the first #time we fell in love! How would you describe your first love? Share in the comments!

Originally this article appeared in love.allwomenstalk.com

The Art of Flirting

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 08 Aug 2015 17:58:00 +0000

by 'Surya' Angelique Shofar

The truth is, flirting is an art.

And like art, it can be mastered.

Flirting is an expression of the vibes, feelings and interaction between two people who are fully engaged, totally present and completely enthralled in any given moment. There are many kinds of flirting. The ‘first meet’ is where I take you into the field of flirting with a few of my own simple tips and insights that will bring out the flirt in you.

Here are 11 flirting tips:

1. Make Eye Contact

If you walk into a room, are sitting in a space or go someplace and see someone you are immediately attracted to you, you will naturally look at them. And nine out of 10 times they will feel your energy and turn to you or the other way around. The energies of the eyes are strong and the receiver can feel it. When they turn your way, do not look away. Keep looking at them. I do not encourage winking because it’s rather cheesy. It’s the looking of the gaze that will melt you away and bring out your flirtatious nature—and it hints if the other person is feeling you. Those few seconds may seem like eternity. Then…

2. Smile

Not just with your lips but also with your eyes. There is nothing more dazzling than smiling eyes. They are sexy and heart melting. Let your smile light up the room—from a light smile to a bright one that reveals you in a vulnerable, yet strong way. Let your smile naturally fill your organs and your entire body, making all of you beam a radiant smile at your target. After the gaze and the smile, gently return your attention to the moment—your moment.

3. Move Your Body

I swear this one is easier than it sounds. There’s no need to have any moves in mind or practice any steps. When your eyes make contact and your lips turn up into a crescent moon smile, your body will follow and do its own dance. Get out of your mind and into your body. Descend into your heart and trust your body. Just make sure you are aware of your feet touching the earth so that you do not slip, twist or fall. Lengthen your spine and let your attention drop into the tail of your spine. Flirting is a natural bodily response to external stimuli that activates the good hormones. You just have to go with it.

If there were distance between you two, then a man would be inclined to find his way to you. A woman can do likewise, if she is at ease with going after what she wants. Let the moment guide you.

4. Speak up

Utter a few words acknowledging your crush. A simple ‘Hi’ can go a long way. Then notice what they are doing or see what’s around you two and ignite a conversation based on it. If that doesn’t come together easily, then by all means give them a compliment. I love complimenting a man on what’s organic about him, like his features—his eyes, his smile, or the way he expresses through his hair—men with long beautiful locks are easy to compliment but it would be difficult to do so with a bald headed guy. I think if you went for the lips or his buns it may turn up the flame a bit too high and too quick. You don’t want that, you want to be subtle. Remember less is more.

5. Introduce your self or maintain the mystery.

If you’re going to introduce yourself, a first name is sufficient. Remember it’s a ‘flirtatious’ moment not a business meeting. Besides, you’re not wearing a name tag so make it easy to remember. For me, I have a flirt name and then there’s my real name. I choose according to the situation. If you choose to remain a mystery, then refrain from giving your name. Make them work a bit harder to get you to tell your name. Then when you decide to tell your name, whisper it in their ear. What a sexy unveiling of the mystery.

6. Ignite a conversation.

You both should be in close proximity by now—hopefully a few inches apart and of course, not yelling across a room or a street. Find some common grounds with this person. You may both be at an event with a theme or focus, or you may be ordering the same take-out meal or your kids may attend the same school or you may be standing in the same voting line. Use your discretion in bringing up a conversation. Or be ready and mindful of the one he/she may ignite. Just keep it light and no heavy on the personal stuff. Avoid any debates or harsh criticisms and certainly no complaints. In fact, if he/she begins to complain then I would take it as a warning sign and immediately turn off the flirt switch. Flirting is what butterflies do with flowers. Touch, sniff, taste and go—nothing serious, dark or heavy—they just leave the light scent of a trail behind.

7. Be Mindful of Body Cues.

Keep yourself open and flowing, this will manifest through your body language. Crossed legs or arms are an indication that you are not open. Tension in your neck and shoulders may be a warning. Pay attention to your body and how you feel. Looks can be deceiving but your body knows. Always stand or sit facing the other person you are attracted to. Angle your torso toward him or her, or point your feet in their direction. Keep your face unwrinkled. Sometimes, stress, sadness and unresolved anger can show up in a person’s face. Make sure you are pleasant, peaceful and at ease in your face and body. All of these facial signs can project and speak of your inner world. You want to create a pleasant inner first and see it come out.

8. Break the touch barrier.

More times than not, it may be perfectly okay to initiate touch. And I don’t mean in an overly insinuating way nor clumsy way like falling or tripping over something or your crush, but more so in a safe and slightly conveying way. You are transmitting to them that you like them and feel comfortable enough with yourself and the moment. You may choose to brush against them gently as you make your way by or may remove an imaginary speck of dirt or dust on their arm or clothes. No face! In the event that he/she does really have something on their face, then you can let them know or say nothing. It has to feel natural inside of you. The supermarket can be a meet market. I run into a lot of men in Whole Foods Market. It’s always fun flirting with one or two of them.

One time I was at the check out when a man walked in. We were immediately drawn to each other. I could tell he was stunned by me. He gazed and I gazed for what seemed like eternity. I had to finally turn away. Before I could even check out of the line, he was at the café area waiting for me. Lucky for him, I sat down to have a snack. So he made his way over to me and began talking. I told him I only talked to him because he was wearing my color of the day—pink. That was my flirt line.

9. Keep it short & sweet!

To keep demand up, the supply must be scarce. Keep the sensual brush with human nature short and brief. No dragging it on or the rush to create an impromptu date. Not a good idea! You want to make your self be known and felt like a very nice and arresting breeze appearing out of nowhere, blankets you then moves on leaving an aromatic hint that leaves them dazzled and curious. Remember the butterfly rule.

10. Wrap it up!

Is there a difference between the gal/guy that asks you for her/his number or the one that gives you theirs? Well, I’ll let you figure that out. If there was a click then perhaps you two can meetup for a date. An event, or gathering or anything that is open and public would be a good start. You could even plan to meet at a library or coffee shop—someplace simple. And generally, if you both feel a need to exchange numbers, I would give a voice mail number, not a cell or home number. It’s just best to play the game in a detached way to once again obtain sustainable outcome, if not thing at all. A smile that includes eyes and body can go a long way.

11. Play of the Law of Attraction.

The law of attraction is a component of the game of flirting. And it derives from what appears to be a natural order. When you take flirting as a shift in the energy field of love vibrations, though for a fleeting moment, it can leave a mark that carries sustainable results. Every flirtatious moment can present conversations of possibilities: a moment to intermingle and connect with another projection of your self-portrait, lovers engaged in the stroke of the brush that gradually paints their most intimate and perpetual love bond.

Originally this article appeared in elephantjournal.com

How to Respond to "I Love You"

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 06 Aug 2015 23:38:00 +0000

by Gray Miller

Ever been in a situation where you've been wondering how to respond to "I love you"? The question can be heart-stopping in good ways, in bad ways, and in confusing ways. When the pressure's on, here are some tips to handle it.

The Good, the Bad, and the "Huh?"

"Love" is a funny word in the English language. It can mean a lot of things, from your opinion of a TV show to a lifelong commitment. If your best friend says "I love you" after you've done something nice for them, you usually don't have much trouble saying "Love you back!" because there's not a lot attached to the word.

It's not always so clear, though, what a person means when they say that. Sometimes it means everything that the romance novels and cinematic love stories portray: this person wants to give you their heart. At that point, figuring out how to respond to "I love you" is going to be a factor of your gut reaction.

Requited Love

The happiest outcome when you hear these words is to be able to genuinely say "I love you, too" right back. Don't worry if it sounds trite if it's how you genuinely feel. The person put themselves out on a limb for you, and it's your job to support them out there and let them know that you are feeling the same way. This leads to further conversations about what that love looks like in your lives, and the beginning of what is hopefully a beautiful new phase in your relationship.

Some people have trouble saying these three words because they have said it before and been disappointed. It's important to realize that the past is the past, and this person is not the one you said those words to before. Treat the new relationship with as much respect and attention it deserves, even if you have to work a little harder to let go of the past.

Unrequited Love

Unfortunately, you don't always feel the same way towards the person who is saying "I love you." If you don't care about them, it's not too big of a deal to simply refuse them. However, if you want to preserve a friendship without taking it to the "next level," you may need to find a way to let them down easy

Start by thanking them. As noted before, they're taking a chance by telling you their feelings, and that deserves some acknowledgment. However, you also need to be very clear that you don't share their feelings. Blunt honesty will almost always be less cruel in the long run, and you need to resist the urge to add qualifiers like "…right now" or "…in exactly that way." A simple statement of "I can't say that, because I don't feel that way" is almost always the best response, because it's honest. It also lets them begin the healing process of what can be a devastating realization.

The "Ummm…" Response

It would be nice if love were such a black-and-white situation. The fact is that our feelings are not always so clear, and when someone says "I love you" you may suddenly feel confusion. Love can be scary, but it can also be thrilling. So what do you do when you're not sure?

The first part is easy: thank you for telling me how you feel. The second part is easy to know, but not so easy to do: be honest. Express your uncertainty, and let them know that you need more time to think about that change in your relationship. They may be eager for a quick decision, but remind them and yourself that it's a very important one. It deserves the time it takes to know, one way or another. It may not be an easy process, but in the long run, you'll be glad you took the time to get past the confused emotions.

How to Respond to "I Love You"? Honestly.

The one common thread in all three scenarios is honesty. Make sure you tell the other person how you really feel. Telling the truth is the foundation for both friendship and love, and holding on to that will help you navigate safely through the sea of emotions no matter where it takes you.

Originally appeared in dating.lovetoknow.com

Is Love at First Sight Real?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 20:17:00 +0000

by Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D.

Love at first sight is more than sexual attraction

“This is going to sound crazy, but... from the moment I first set eyes on you I haven't been able to stop thinking about you.” Leigh Fallon, Carrier of the Mark

There are many reports about love at first sight. Thus, Carla Bruni said that it was love at first sight between her and the former French President Nicolas Sarkozy. She said that what happened "between Nicolas and me was not quick, it was instant. So for us, [the wedding] was actually very slow." Similarly, a woman said about her lover, "I loved him at first sight. And the very first time in my life I ever felt passionately was the moment I saw him. It was a feeling so loving, so tender, so wild, so overwhelming and breath-taking, and all-involving, a feeling I did not know before."

Love at first sight is not easy to explain. Some people even deny that it is possible claiming it is merely sexual attraction. Indeed, how can we fall profoundly in love after one quick glance? How can such a glance make us believe that we want to spend the rest of our life in the arms of a stranger we have just seen for the first time?

Arguments against love at first sight

“If you believe in love at first sight, you will never stop looking.” Closer (2004; directed by Mike Nichols)

Arguments against the possibility of love at first sight are usually based on two main reasons. The first is an epistemic reason that claims that as the agent does not have sufficient knowledge about the person's characteristics in order to fall in love, her response is merely imaginary wishful thinking and not a real emotion. The second reason is existential. It refers to the fact that as the agent does not have the time to exercise the activities typical of love, her emotional response cannot be that of romantic love.

The first argument implies that romantic love consists not merely of attraction to external appearance, which is the basis of sexual desire, but also of knowing the agent's character traits, such as kindness, honesty, wisdom and a sense of humor. Such knowledge cannot be present at first sight, as it requires familiarity and common history (see here).

The fundamental mistake in this argument is the assumption that we cannot attribute to a person characteristics that are not seen at the moment. This assumption is incorrect since we often spontaneously attribute such characteristics, by using certain stereotypical evaluations. This is, for example, what underlies the “attractiveness halo,” in which what is beautiful is evaluated as also good. Accordingly, attractive people are more likely to be the object of love at first sight. It is as if these people begin the struggle to be loved with the initial obstacle already behind them. In love at first sight, the high value accorded to the other’s external appearance is projected onto her internal characteristics. Love at first sight can often mislead since it is based more on imagination than on sight; however, it can still be love, and is often very intense.

The second argument against love at first sight refers to the fact that love does not merely consist of feelings; rather, it essentially involves activities, and these cannot be exercised at first sight. In this regard, we may distinguish between action readiness and behavioral manifestation. Action readiness, rather than actual behavior, underlies emotions. There are many instances of action readiness that are not translated into actual behavior because of moral considerations, actual cost, or other practical and normative concerns. Thus, someone who is suffering from total paralysis may be in love, although his love is unaccompanied by any muscular activity. In such cases, action readiness is also present.

The fact that love at first sight may be based upon unreliable information does not mean that it is not an instance of intense love. Research indicates that romantic love is often based upon idealization and positive illusions, and this is also true concerning love that lasts many years. This is also the case concerning other emotions. For instance, jealousyis often based upon incorrect beliefs about the partner's activities. The limited focus of emotions often leads people to hold distorted emotional beliefs.

The fact that love at first sight may perish after a while also does not imply that it was not an intense love. Time is not an exclusive, or even the major, measure of intense love. On the contrary, romantic intensity is likely to subside and even to disappear after a while.

Since love at first sight involves both the beliefs and action readiness that are typical of romantic love, it is an instance of romantic love. In order to explain the nature of love at first sight, romantic intensity must be distinguished from romantic profundity.

Romantic intensity and romantic profundity

“The only true love is love at first sight; second sight dispels it.” Israel Zangwill

“Whoever loves, loves at first sight.” William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

The distinction between romantic intensity and romantic profundity, a distinction that is seldom made, is crucial in understanding romantic love. In a nutshell, the main difference is that romantic profundity goes beyond sheer romantic intensity by including a temporal dimension.

Romantic intensity expresses a snapshot picture of a romantic experience at a given moment. In romantic profundity the temporal dimension of love is added. Romantic profundity involves shared activities, which fulfill essential needs that are constitutive of the couple's long-term flourishing. Accordingly, romantic profundity is described along two axes: intensity and the temporal (duration and frequency) dimension. Thus, a short episode of sexual desire may be more intense than a longer experience of romantic love, even though the former is less profound. The profundity of a romantic experience is different to the intensity with which it is felt.

Duration can indeed vary dramatically with comparable levels of intensity. In one empirical study, participants rated the positive emotion associated with having “someone you find attractive suggest you meet for coffee” as almost as high in intensity as the emotion experienced after “saving your neighbor’s child from a car accident.” However, the average estimated duration associated with the former was twenty minutes, whereas for the latter it was more than five hours; in this sense, the latter is more profound (Gilboa & Revelle, 1994).

The main added value in including the temporal dimension concerns the issue of (shared) activities. When we move from sheer emotional intensity to emotional profundity, what is vital is not merely that more time is spent together, but that it is time in which essential activities associated with the given emotion take place. If time is available but the activities are missing, the experience is not profound. Profound love can endure for a long time when it maintains romantic intensity on (at least) a moderate level while significantly advancing the personal flourishing of each partner.

Love at first sight is essentially intense love. The great attractiveness strikes you like a flash of lightening and you wish to prolong the time you spend with the other person. All measures of romantic intensity, such as the “heat” of feeling, the cognitive content of what the lover believes about the beloved, the strength of the positive evaluation of the beloved, and the measure and nature of the action readiness, are present in this response.

Love at first sight can be the basis for profound, long-term love, provided that characteristics typically revealed in verbal communication later enhance—or, at least, do not contradict—the characteristics perceived at first sight.

Love at first sight cannot be profound as there has been no time for creating such profoundness. However, love at first sight should not be described as shallow; it is just that the issue of profoundness is not yet relevant. Shallowness may arise when the phenomenon does not last long, but it cannot be said to be present when it just begins. In the same manner, after thirty seconds of a football game we would not say that the team's performance is shallow because no goal has been scored yet or no impressive action has yet occurred. The most we can say is that so far we cannot tell whether their performance is shallow, but based on the high level of the team's engagement, such a conclusion is probably not warranted.

Love at first acquaintance

"Of course I liked you, but then you opened your mouth." A woman to a man on their first meeting

The survival chances of initial love increase when we consider love at first meeting (or acquaintance), rather than love at first sight. Such a meeting provides more time to get to know other characteristics of the person, such as wisdom, wittiness, and a sense of humor, and to become involved in initial common activities, such as conversation. Moreover, signs of the unique instant connection ("chemistry") between the two agents might arise at the first meeting, such as a tender, "accidental" touch. This touching can be one-sided, although the touched side (often the female at this stage) may wish for reciprocal touching, but is not ready yet to take that step.

Love at first meeting is linked to the “personality halo,” in which a person who is perceived as having a certain positive personality trait is perceived to be attractive and assumed to have some other positive characteristics. It should be noted that although beauty has a powerful impact at first sight, the weight of this impact decreases as time passes and after we get to know the person's other characteristics. Likewise, wittiness has a powerful impact at first chat, but its impact may be reduced once we know the person's other characteristics.

Is love at first sight a good indicator for the future?

"As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on." Steve Jobs

Should we follow our heart and seriously pursue love at first sight? We usually should, as such love is a genuine expression of our response. Love at first sight is a matter of the heart, and as Steve Jobs said, "you'll know when you find it." And perhaps "it just gets better and better as the years roll on." The issue is, however, more complex.

The relationship between love at first sight and the quality and the profundity of a subsequent relationship is mainly influenced by two opposing factors: (a) the initial positive impression has positive impact upon the quality of the relationship, and (b) the brevity of time in which the partner is selected prevents the agent from identifying a significant personality similarity, which is vital for future
relationship quality.

Research has demonstrated that initial evaluations have significant influence on long-term relationships. The positive evaluations present in love at first sight therefore have a positive impact upon the relationship. In this sense, if love at first sight develops into a long-term relationship, that relationship has a greater chance of achieving better quality. The importance of first impressions is illustrated in the well-known advertisement for hair shampoo, which declares that "You will never have a second chance to make a good first impression."

While positive first impressions increase the chances of long-term profound love, the superficial manner of choosing the partner in love at first sight may have a negative impact upon the subsequent loving relationship. The fact that the beloved was a complete stranger to you gives rise to the possibility that you do not have much in common. The love may be intense, but not profound. Indeed, studies have found that partners who fell in love at first sight, in comparison to partners who got involved more gradually, entered into intimate relationships more quickly after they met and had mates with less similar personalities,especially with regard to levels of extraversion, emotional stability and autonomy This, however, did not necessarily lead to a low relationship quality, as the positive impact of the first impression can compensate for the superficial manner of choosing the partner (Barelds & Barelds-Dijkstra, 2007; Sunnafrank & Ramirez, 2004).

Concluding remarks

"Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" Unknown

Love at first sight is not merely sexual attraction. It is an intense form of romantic love that has a good chance of developing into profound intense love, provided that the characteristics that are not seen at first sight are indeed similar to those the lover assumes, and that no external circumstances occur to terminate the relationship.

We should be aware, however, that love at first sight is merely intense and not profound love; hence, there is always a possibility that this love will not become profound enough to sustain a long-time loving relationship. The probability of this is considerably reduced in the case of love at first meeting, in which more of the agent's characteristics are revealed.

References

Barelds, D. & Barelds-Dijkstra, P. (2007), Love at first sight or friends first? Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24, 479-496.

Gilboa, E. & Revelle, W. (1994). Personality and the structure of affective responses. In S. H. M. van Goozen, N. E. van de Poll & J. A. Sergeant (Eds.), Emotions: Essays on emotion theory. Hillsdale: Erlbaum, pp. 135-159.

Sunnafrank, M. & Ramirez, A. (2004). At first sight: Persistent relational effects of get-acquainted conversations, Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 21, 361-379.

Original article appeared in psychologytoday.com

How to Know If You Are in Love

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Aug 2015 15:47:00 +0000

Falling in love is a wonderful and crazy feeling that’s worth experiencing at least once in our lives. When you know you are falling in love, the way you look at the world and experience life can change in a moment. But the bigger question is how to know if you are in love? Well, find out here.

Falling in love is an experience worth living for. And the first time you fall in love, that’s a memory of a lifetime. But how to know if you are in love in the first place?

All of us have our own experiences in love, and every moment is as unique as the person who is falling in love.

Many believe in love at first sight while many others think the best kind of love is one where two friends understand each other and fall in love gradually.

Now however you may fall in love, the feelings are all the same. And when you’re in love, you’ll just know!

When you fall in love with someone, you start to experience feelings and urges that are quite unexplainable and confusing.

Read these signs to know if you are in love.

How to know if you are in love

Falling is love may be a single emotion, but that single emotion can cause so many hormonal, chemical and emotional changes, it’s almost unbelievable.

You’re definitely in love if you’re experiencing these emotions.

Butterflies in your stomach

For anyone who experiences falling in love it first sight, you can’t really help but experience butterflies in your stomach.

It’s a vague sensation of wanting to throw up and trying to get to the loo at the same time.

Your stomach starts to perform intricate back flips and the insides of your stomach feel like they’re fluttering!

So why does this happen? Surprisingly, no one really knows why this even happens! But it just does.

Some scientists believe this is due to the release of adrenalin by your body because of the nervousness you experience when you fall in love at first sight.

Unexplained happiness

Do you find yourself kissing pillows, jumping up and down in excitement and joy for no apparent reason and giving your lover funny little pet names? You may just be in love.

According to Helen Fisher, anthropologist from Rutgers University, when you fall in love, the levels of dopamine in the brain increase due to the increased blood flow to the regions where the receptors of dopamine are present. Dopamine, a pleasure chemical, makes you more excited, energetic and full of life.

The dopamine released in the brain make you feel sleepless, restless, full of happiness and make you think about your lover, a lot. Ever taken cocaine? That’s just like an intense burst of dopamine!

You can’t think of anyone else

When you’re in love, you can’t really think of anything else but your lover. They’d be tirelessly running around in your mind and you can’t work, remember things or focus on other interests. This is due to norepinephrine, a chemical compound that gets released along with dopamine, in the brain.

You get sexually attracted… a lot!

In a study conducted on several young couples madly in love, it was seen that the levels of serotonin, a neurotransmitter found mostly in the intestinal tract, dropped dangerously low, something that’s experienced by people suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder.

But on the other hand, it was noticed that low serotonin levels in young couples increased the desire to have sex. Talk about evolution’s way of forcing the ritual of baby making while we’re completely attracted to each other!

You get depressed easily

Do you get upset easily if the person you like upsets you in any manner? Well, you may be in love. While the drop in the serotonin level makes you more horny, it also makes you depressed and anxious!

Even the smallest of things can upset you or your lover, and both of you may end up spending a lot of time trying to please each other with little acts of love and affection. While each act of love increases the love and attraction, each disappointment makes you more vulnerable to pain and depression.

How to know if you are in love

Falling in love with someone, and staying in love with someone are two completely different experiences. While most people believe it was love right from the beginning, falling in love actually begins with a note of lust and sexual excitement along with the flutter of love.

Falling in love is like a drug, and unfortunately, just like a drug, it doesn’t really last forever. While the levels of chemicals like dopamine and serotonin gradually come back to normal after a few months or years depending on the type of relationship, it’s up to the lovers to find ways to keep the excitement in love alive.

Every time you have a crush on someone, the whole game of chemistry in love starts firing the Bunsen burners and we’re back to square one all over again.

But evolution and the hormone oxytocin though, have found a way to make lovers seek commitment and make couples fall in love forever. It has created stages in love, and all these experiences are just one single stage in the process of falling in love.

So how to know if you are in love? You’re going to be experiencing every single emotion that’s been explained here. But is your love going to last forever? Well, that’s a whole different story!

Originally this article appeared in lovepanky.com

40 Tips for Finding Love After 40

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 31 Jul 2015 20:18:00 +0000

By Amy Meadows

"Enjoy yourself—that’s what your 20s are for. Your 30s are for learning the lessons. Your 40s are to pay for the drinks." —Sarah Jessica Parker as Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City: The Movie

That’s certainly one way to look at it. However, if you’re like the many single 40-somethings out there, you realize that you’re in the prime of your life, and enjoying yourself is the name of the game. In fact, with a myriad of life lessons already under your belt, now is probably the best time to find someone special—someone who is both a loyal companion and a true soul mate.

You may be on the lookout right now, using such successful online dating sites as Match.com or eHarmony, through which thousands upon thousands of people have found love. Or, you could be out on the singles scene in Atlanta, making connections as you visit the city’s numerous hot spots. There’s even a possibility that you’ve let yourself be fixed up on a blind date or two. Whatever avenue you prefer for meeting people, it never hurts to have some valuable, realistic advice from the experts as you navigate the sometimes choppy waters of finding real, everlasting love.

We’ve asked a panel of local experts to share their top tips for finding love after the age of 40. Their words of wisdom are designed to help you find the kind of relationship that meets your individual wishes and needs at this exciting point in your life. From professional matchmakers to experienced relationship coaches, we’ve gathered a group of love aficionados who understand what it takes for mature adults to identify what they want and how to achieve it.

40 tips from Atlanta’s Experts

Uli Eitel, president and CEO of Sterling
Introductions, a premier nationwide personal matchmaking service for upscale singles

Expert Tips 1-10

1. Get into the gratitude habit. When you are grateful, you feel good about yourself and you are in the right frame of mind to attract love into your life. Acknowledging what you have lays the foundation for bringing great things, events and people into your life.

2. Set realistic relationship goals. Define the values and qualities that you need to have in a life partner. Try to narrow it down to the most important ones. Remember, nobody is perfect! Trying to find Mr. or Mrs. Perfect will keep you single forever.

3. Visualize relationship success. Often, we are our worst enemies when it comes to having a healthy self-image and a positive vision for our life. Don’t let yourself be influenced by negative thoughts about your age. Every day, couples over 40 tie the knot! Love can and will happen at any age, if you are open and receptive.

4. Take good care of yourself. A healthy lifestyle and a positive mindset are a prerequisite for relationship success. How joyful and happy we feel is reflected in our appearance and energy level, and it is directly connected to our personal relationships.

5. Follow your passions. Many singles put their lives on hold until they meet “the one.” Don’t wait to take that special trip or try out a new restaurant. One of the great gifts I gave myself when I was single was a Caribbean Cruise. I had the time of my life and actually met a few eligible gentlemen on board.

6. Get out of your comfort zone. It is time to tackle your “bucket list!” If you always wanted to take that mountain climbing class, do it. Besides pushing your limits and challenging the status quo, trying new things also presents great opportunities to meet people.

7. Keep an open mind. If your ideal man is George Clooney without the commitment issues, it is time to revise your list. Be realistic about the type of partner you see yourself with. If you meet someone who has the core values and character traits that are important to you, but he may be a bit shorter than your ideal, give it a chance.

8. Learn from your past relationships. Being over 40 is the best age to finally know what’s important in life and relationships. We can now learn from past mistakes and get it right. Do you see unhealthy patterns in your past love relationships? Now is the time for change! You may hire a relationship coach to assist you in figuring out how to create that healthy relationship you deserve.

9. Practice flirting. Men love women who are easy-going, fun and flirtatious. Make eye contact and smile for an immediate connection. If your flirting skills could use some brushing up, practice in a non-threatening environment, such as a shopping mall or grocery store. Hold that gaze just a split second too long and you may be surprised by the positive responses you’ll receive.

10. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional assistance. We are open to reaching out for professional assistance in all areas of our lives—we hire tax consultants, investment professionals or personal trainers, yet when it comes to our love lives, we mistakenly believe that we can find our life partner by chance. Hiring a professional matchmaker will greatly enhance your chances of meeting the person who’s right for you. A reputable matchmaking service will only work with qualified individuals and will ensure a comfortable and respectful experience.

Arlene Ingram, executive director and owner
of Atlanta’s Upscale Singles, an Atlanta-based
service that offers singles aged 45 to
60 a positive, upscale, relaxed social environment
that provides opportunities for networking,
friendships, dating and relationships.

Expert Tips 11-20

11. Love yourself first. Self-appreciation is the first essential step to accepting or giving love. The value you place on yourself is measured and returned by others. If you do not love yourself, how can you expect others to love you?

12. Resolve relationship issues. Anyone above 10 years old has encountered disappointments and hurts in the area of relationships. Hence, past experiences and issues may need resolution before love becomes a possibility.

13. Learn something new. Take golf, tennis or dance lessons. Ladies, men congregate on the course for business and pleasure. Gentlemen, an invitation to dance is usually welcomed and provides just enough time for introductions. In Atlanta, tennis is a popular sport. There is sure to be love with mixed doubles on the courts.

14. Always wear a smile! Smiling makes you approachable, enhances your appearance and attracts others.

15. Join a social group for singles age 40 and better. These types of groups offer diverse activities monthly and provide an instant social network.

16. Volunteer your time and talents to a charitable organization. Helping others feels good and can be an opportunity to meet others with common values. (Visit www.bestselfconnect.com for volunteer opportunities.)

17. Get out of the house! Leave the office! The FedEX person will not deliver your significant other to your door. Rather than sipping coffee alone, go to the nearest Starbucks or coffee spot. It is a great place to meet other singles.

18. Attend networking events. Check online calendars such as Events in Your Area or Atlanta Buzz for local options. Approach others with a smile and your business card. Ask how you may assist them in their profession. Networking events are great places to make connections. (Visit www.bestselfconnect.com for networking opportunities.)

19. Check out online dating sites. Many have met as a result of online sites such as Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, Match.com and Perfect Match. Submit an interesting profile with a current picture and let the communication begin!

20. Attend your high school reunion. Get reacquainted with old friends. There are plenty of stories about high school sweethearts rekindling the romance.

Irene LaCota of It’s Just Lunch,
a professional dating and matchmaking service
with franchises throughout Georgia

Expert Tips 21-30

21. Check the baggage. If you’re over 40 and single, you’ve either dated a lot in your life or not very much. (If you were married for years, the idea of dating again may be overwhelming!) It’s normal to have baggage from past relationships or feel drained by the dating process, but remember not to unload heavy emotional issues or hurt feelings about your ex on early dates.

22. Positivity attracts. Speaking of baggage ... not only should you check negativity at the door, but also focus your attention on what’s fun and interesting about your date, and you will enjoy the date more. Besides, people are drawn to people who are positive!

23. Network with people you know. Your friends and your network may be one of the best resources when you are single. Not only will they be there to support you, but they also can help facilitate introductions. Before you consider looking for love far away, consider that people in your community may have connections for you that you haven’t thought about.

24. Pick up new friends. At a certain age, it’s common for singles to feel that they are in a different life stage than their married friends. If most of your Saturday nights are spent hanging out with your friend, his or her spouse and two children, even if you adore them, it may be time to pick up new single women and men for friendship.

25. Know your deal breakers. If you keep dating the same type of person and it’s not working, it may be time to revise your checklist. Ask yourself: what are your top five deal breakers? You may want to base this list on qualities people possessed who were difficult for you to handle in past relationships. (You won’t have different results if you keep dating the same type!)

26. Look in the mirror. You’re fabulous, no doubt, but there are probably things you did—or didn’t do—in your last relationship or on dates that you can learn from. So often we blame others and don’t take time to reflect on how we showed up. Once you look at your self-defeating pattern, you are less likely to repeat it.

27. Play up your passions. What are you passionate about? Passion is one of the sexiest qualities you can possess. If you haven’t done something in a while that brings you pleasure, make a commitment to try it again and you will have a certain je nais se quoi that will make you irresistible in dating.

28. Focus on what makes you a fine catch. So many daters focus on their flaws and why someone they like would never be interested in them. If self-doubt creeps up, replace the negative thought with something you absolutely love about yourself. Write down 10 things that make you a great catch. If you can’t think of anything, enroll good friends to help.

29. Take the pressure off. Early dating shouldn’t be full of pressure. You shouldn’t know if you want to marry someone after the first five minutes (contrary to popular belief and speed networking events!). The only question you need to ask yourself on an early date is if you’re having fun and want to learn more about the other person or not.

30. Take risks. If you’ve been hurt (and let’s face it, at a certain point in life we all have!), you may be anxious about getting back into the dating game. Remember that the act of love requires taking risks and being open—with your mind and in your heart.

Amber Salisbury, love coach and owner of
Feel the Love International LLC, an Atlanta-based professional matchmaking service.es

Expert Tips 31-40

31. Look at it as an adventure. Look at this journey to love as an adventure, not a difficult task that may never end. Start getting excited about all the new people you will meet. Get excited about how much you will learn about yourself during this process. Pretend that you are a dating scientist and you are cataloging all of your interesting dating experiences. Do whatever you need to do to keep this experience fun, light and exciting. Fun people are ridiculously attractive.

32. Focus only on what you want. Whatever you focus on will grow. If you focus on fear, you become more fearful; if you focus on doubt, more doubtful. But if you focus on love and how much you already have in your life, you will find yourself more grateful, more satisfied and more loving. This will also help you to let go of any feelings of lack or neediness. Neediness is NOT sexy.

33. Don’t wait until you are in love to start loving. Now that you are focused on what you want—love—start acting on that emotion. Make a list of all the people you love. Friend love and family love are both very powerful emotions. Start concentrating on the relationships that you already have in your life. Let these people know how much you appreciate them.

34. Forget that you are 40. Instead, remind yourself of your brilliance and beauty. Make a list of all the things that are extraordinary about you. What do YOU bring to the party? Attraction doesn’t have much to do with age or even physical appearance but has everything to do with self-confidence—the way you carry yourself and the belief that you carry about YOU. Own and adore all that you know you are.

35. Don’t engage in negative conversations. Steer clear of any conversations about how terrible it is to be dating at 40, or how there are “no good men or women out there.” Remember to keep your focus on what you want and also remember that you only need one. With billions of people on the planet, I promise you there is at least one good one left.

36. Create a Dream Partner List. Creating a Dream Partner List is possibly the most important thing you can do when you are looking for love. Dedicate one evening to writing your list. Grab your journal and a glass of wine, put on some Barry White or whatever does it for you and then go to work on capturing all of the qualities that you want and desire in your partner. Don’t worry about being too specific. The truth is that your list is just an exercise to help you be clearer about what it is you want to attract and what you will be looking for in a mate.

37. Create a Partner from Hell List. This list is easy to do. We all know what we don’t want and have probably dated him or her several times. Think of all of the relationships that have not worked out in the past and capture—on paper—all of the qualities that you are certain that you don’t want in your Dream Man or Woman.

38. Be patient. Allow yourself to enjoy the process. Don’t become too anxious or fearful that it is not happening fast enough. Finding the right partner could happen overnight or it could take a little time. Just have fun with it. Remember—anxious, needy people are NOT sexy.

39. Make a vision board for your love life. Your brain thinks in pictures. It is easier for your mind to “create pictures” of how you want your love life unfold. Schedule an evening, invite some friends over and go through magazines, finding pictures that represent the life that you want and the partner that you want. Sunset cruises, a couple on a beach, a loving family—whatever it is that you desire. Look at this visual representation every night before bed and each morning as you wake up. Again, this is just another way to have fun with this process.

40. Celebrate bad dates. This one is key. Celebrating dates gone wrong is really important. As you are out in the dating world, experiencing many different people and dating experiences, take the time to open up your journal and capture the things you like and dislike from each person you encounter. Add to that Dream Partner List and the Partner From Hell List. Remember that each bad date is giving you more clarity about what you know you don’t want, which means that you now have an even more solid idea of the partner you want to attract. Saying NO to one thing is actually saying YES to something else.

Originally this article appeared in bestselfatlanta.com

The Difference Between True Love and Love Addiction

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Jul 2015 04:18:00 +0000

by Vironika Tugaleva

“We often say ‘love’ when we really mean, and are acting out, an addiction—a sterile, ingrown dependency relationship, with another person serving as the object of our need for security.” ~Stanton Peele

When I was sixteen, I fell in love. At least I thought I did. I had all the symptoms—quickened pulse, butterflies, and a head so full of him that all my pain and all my problems magically disappeared when we were together.

I called this love.

And why wouldn’t I? Why wouldn’t any young girl? Isn’t that what love is—when you can’t live without each other, when you can’t think about anything else, when it hurts to be apart?

Up until that first relationship, I’d already been through about a dozen different relationships with a dozen different people.

My first whirlwind romance was with a boy named Andrei in the first grade of Regional School #17 in Donetsk, Ukraine. I remember when he got up during naptime and, with a mischievous look on his face, peed all over the carpet. So rebellious, I sighed.

My romance with Andrei ended when we got on the plane to Toronto. I cried. I cried for the country I was leaving, for the friends I left behind, and I cried for Andrei. Andrei who had never spoken to me or held my hand. Andrei who was just a character inside a story in my mind.

One day, my eight-year-old self thought through her thick tears, I’ll love again.

After I got to Canada, I got into a very complicated, semi-violent relationship with Eminem. When it looked like he was getting back together with his ex wife (which broke my heart, obviously), I went on to Nathan, who was two grades above me at school, who had bleach blonde hair, just like Eminem. He was a rebound.

Neither of them ever knew I existed.

I couldn’t approach Nathan or any other boy I liked, but I knew what I had to do. By this time, I’d watched enough television to know—I was too ugly for a boyfriend. Too fat. And what was this cellulite? These pimples? These stretch marks? The girls with boyfriends didn’t have that—not the ones on TV and not the ones in my school.

I started wearing makeup in grade six. I still remember someone asking me why I had weird beige stuff on my eyebrows. My face turned red (or, as red as it could turn underneath the concealer cream that I’d literally just spread all over my entire face).

I just want to be pretty. I just want a boy to like me.

As my hormones raged hard, and my social anxiety raged harder, I started having relationships with guys on the Internet. It seemed like a step in the right direction. At least these were real people talking to me.

But that didn’t work and that got dangerous. I went back to making up relationships in my head.

All I wanted was a real boy. A real-life boy to call my own.

I’ll have to work extra hard to get him, I thought.

By the time I got to high school, I’d tried a handful of different crash diets and, soon enough, every moment of my day was devoted to maintaining 400 calories a day and exercising them all off.

I was exhausted. I weighed less. In the mirror, I looked no different.

When am I going to feel pretty? When will I fall in love?

And, one day, it happened. He was in my grade ten math class. I asked him for batteries. Since his Discman could have been considered an extra limb, it seemed like a safe bet. And it was.

One year later, we were inseparable. I thought it was finally happening. The relationship of my dreams was finally coming true.

I knew, at the time, that it was love because every time we were around each other, my head was clear. All the rest of the time, I was obsessing about my calorie intake and my skin. Around him, there was only him—nothing else.

With him, I felt euphoria. With him, I felt safe. With him, I felt alive. With him, I felt pretty.

How could I live without that?

And, soon enough, I couldn’t. The moments without him became torture as the inner voices screaming criticisms that echoed through each part of my psyche became louder and angrier from being suppressed. The moments with him became riddled with anxiety about when we’d next have to be apart.

I was hooked.

I called this love.

As the novelty wore off and real life set in, I couldn’t bear to lose that feeling. I came apart at the seams. And, in my mind, it was all his fault.

My journals from that time are filled with questions scribbled with ferocious pain on tear-stained pages.

Why doesn’t he love me anymore? Why can’t things feel like they used to? Why does love hurt so much?

No matter what he tried to do to make me happy, it wasn’t enough. Nothing was enough.

I was hooked on a feeling of euphoria that drowned out my inner demons and, after a while, he no longer produced that feeling. He couldn’t give me what I wanted, because I didn’t want him. I wanted a feeling that the novelty of obsession in human form had brought me.

I was so full of anger, so full of rage at him for not loving me. It wasn’t until I had a breakdown and almost killed myself four years after we broke up, the demons in my head having become so powerful that I had to learn to accept myself or die, that I realized it wasn’t him that didn’t love. It was me.

I didn’t love him, because I didn’t love myself. I didn’t love him, because that’s not love. Needing someone, using them to get away from your problems, acclimatizing to the good feelings so you need more and more, becoming psychotic when they’re away—that’s not love. That’s addiction.

I used him and abused him, like a drug, and when he couldn’t give me the feelings I was addicted to, I threw him away. He was a character in my fairy tale, an idea in my head, just like the others who came before him. There was no room for him to be a human being, because I didn’t give myself that room.

The more I’ve learned to love myself, stretch marks and all, the more I’ve been able to love other people, to forgive those who hurt me, to support my current partner through his light and his darkness.

When I gave myself the room to be imperfect, to be a human being, I could give other people that room. And, in that newly created space, the feeling of love has crept in and permeated each moment.

I’ve learned the hard way that love isn’t something we get from other people. It’s not even a feeling.

Love is a kind of awareness we have about ourselves, about people, about life.

Love is when we see ourselves and others for what we are, not what we think we should be. Love is when we stop trying to protect ourselves and open up to what’s here—the pain, the joy, the beauty, the darkness, everything.

Love is a decision to be open and stay open, to receive the beauty of what’s all around us instead of pushing fake beauty down our throats.

Love is a way of life, a state of mind.

It’s taken me a while to forgive myself for not knowing better all those years ago, for hurting the boy I thought I loved. While I can’t take back what I’ve done, I can do my best to share what I’ve learned so that it might help feed that love hunger in the world that used to torment me, that led me to torment other people.

And I can hope that whatever self-protective shields my ex built up from our messy romance are now disassembled. I hope that he’s found a way to let go, to be free, to open back up and learn to trust again, against all odds.

And I hope that you—no matter if you’re single or in a relationship, no matter if you’ve been hurt once or twenty times—I hope that you take that plunge into this moment, into the beauty and the suffering, even if it hurts, just one more time. And know, this is what true love is all about.

Originally appeared in tinybudhha.com

How to Communicate Your Sexual Desires to Your Partner

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 22 Jul 2015 09:23:00 +0000

by Pleasure Mechanics

These questions will change your sex life FOREVER.

To have a fulfilling, hot sex life, it's essential to get honest about your most authentic desires.

Once you know what you want out of your sex life, you're much more likely to get it! Plus, exploring your sexual fantasies gives you valuable insight into your true desires.

Of course, once you know what you want, you need to share your desires with your lover.

This can be a scary step for a lot of people. (Most couples rarely talk about sex, let alone share openly about their desires.) But if you can achieve open communication with your lover, your sex life's potential multiplies.

Think about planning a trip to a new city. If you had two days to explore the city, would you just show up and wander around? Or plan exactly what you want to see and do ahead of time? Planning doesn't eliminate spontaneity — it actually INCREASES the possibility of meaningful encounters. If you're a foodie, you might identify the great outdoor market and take notes about when it is open. If you love art, you'd know where the museums are.

Planning your erotic life is no different. You can spend your life having sex without any plan, simply hoping that you find fulfillment. Or you can get specific about what you want to experience and actually have a wildly satisfying sex life.

When you're in a relationship, you MUST talk about your sexual desires if you want a fulfilling sex life.

Is your partner defensive when you try to talk about sex?

Communicating about your desires can be an incredibly intimate and romantic process. Much is in how you approach one another's vulnerability and disclosures. You'll discover parts of your lover you never knew were there, clear up assumptions and misconceptions, and shatter patterns that don't serve you anymore. Make no mistake, discussing and negotiating your desires together changes your relationship — for the better.

Before you start talking about sex, agree to be as open-minded and non-judgmental as possible.

Be curious! This isn't a critique of your existing sex life; rather, it's a map leading to even more pleasure and intimacy. These conversations are great on a walk, at a dinner date, or during a road trip. Dare to talk about sex whenever you have a private moment together.

If you are new to sharing your desires, start with simple questions.

1. What are your favorite kinds of full body touch — featherlight or deep massage?

2. Are there any parts of your body that you want touched more often?

3. What kinds of daily affection make you feel most loved?

Once successfully begin communicating about sex and desires, start deepening your conversation into more intimate topics.

4. What is something you've always wanted to try but have never done before?

5. Would you ever want to be blindfolded or tied up — or do the tying?

6. What is something you did when you were younger but haven't tried in awhile?

7. Is there a scene from a movie that really turns you on?

The most important thing is to establish open, friendly and relaxed conversation about sex.

The more you talk about sex as a couple, the more freedom and honesty you'll find when it comes to asking for what you want.

Originally Appeared in yourtango.com

6 Ways to Fall In Love With Your Partner All Over Again

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 19 Jul 2015 16:07:00 +0000

By Mila Kadelkova

Time can put the brakes on intimacy, so we’ve come up with a few fresh ways to reconnect with your partner both mentally and physically.

What you say and do every day in your relationship can determine the romance level and the health of your union in the long term. We take each other for granted then wonder why the flame has dwindled and how to revive it. Dr. Harville Hendrix, a couples therapist and author of Keeping the Love You Have, explains couples must become intentional and decide together what kind of relationship is desired. To get you started, we've come up with six quick and easy ways for you to take the first step in falling in love with your partner all over again.

Spice it up with some mystery
Plan a mystery date with your man to add some excitement and give you both something to look forward to. Set a day, but ask him to leave all the planning to you. He'll love the fact that he doesn't have to do anything but show up. Plan a date that revolves strictly around him. "Tending to each other's interests is really important," says Hendrix. Take him to do something you’ve neglected in the past like rock climbing or ice fishing. Don't be afraid to get creative: draw a map with directions and include instructions on what to wear and when to show up. Even if you live together, take separate vehicles. This will add flavor and spice to your date – just make sure you get there before him!

By doing something selfless you're showing your man that his interests are just as important as your own. This will encourage him to do the same for you. The next step is to set a day every week where you alternate planning secret dates.

Rev up your sex drive
Romance in the bedroom is one of the first things to go in a long-term relationship and can often play a significant role in divorces and breakups. Remember how ravenous and passionate you were when you first met each other? You can have that again. Quickies before work or after you've put the kids to bed shouldn't be the basis of your sex life. Find the time to lock yourself in the bedroom for an afternoon delight between the sheets. As little as 10 minutes of passion can do wonders for your relationship.

Pick your battles
We know to pick our battles at work and with family, but when it comes to relationships we feel justified in expecting getting everything we want down to a T. Communication about what may be bothering you is crucial but so is keeping your mouth shut. Next time you get annoyed at your partner not taking out the garbage, instead of nagging consider what he has done to keep you happy that week. Chances are you've missed many small gestures along the way because you're too busy focusing on what he didn’t do.

"There are two realities in a relationship, and both are valid. In most relationships, one person always wants to define when, how and what. With time, their partner begins to resent this. It's important for the one defining reality to be aware there's another point of view and if it's not forthcoming to solicit it," explains Hendrix.

Forgive and forget
We all know the saying but few of us live by it. Instead we forgive but continue to dwell on a problem for weeks, months – even years. As a result, feelings of resentment, anger and frustration percolate just below the surface and we punish each other for the same mistakes.

"Rough patches produce emotional memories to which we attach strong feelings," says Hendrix. "When we dwell on a mistake it gets charged with added energy and becomes dominant. Consciously decide not to recall that memory and move on. Don't continue to hold your partner accountable."

Stick confidently by your decision to forgive and forget about it. Don't guilt trip him for something that's happened in the past to get what you want and certainly don't expect to get away with something because of his past mistakes.

Listen
Some of us download a lot and unconsciously neglect our partner's need to express himself or herself. "The talker isn't usually a good listener. They don't realize their partners, who often become resentful because they always only listen, want a turn," says Hendrix.

If he comes home and wants to tell you about his day at work and you know you'll be bored to death, suck it up. Consider all the times he's patiently rubbed your back as you vented about your girlfriend's catty attitude. If he feels you're tuned to him, he'll notice your efforts and return the favor. "To have a fun, loving relationship, take turns. It's that equalizing of availability to each other that increases intimacy and respect."

Spend time apart
This may seem counterproductive at first, but give it a chance. Comfortable relationships aren't always exciting simply because we get too used to a routine. We need time apart to explore personal interests and passions. Send him off on a trip with his friends for a weekend, or go on a spa retreat with your ladies. Maintaining your personal friendships is necessary for the overall well-being of your relationship. Also, consider how much more you'll appreciate what he does around the house when he's not around to do it.

"Couples have to respect each other's privacy and figure out how much time apart is relevant to them. Sometimes, they can even take private time on vacation. But after, they need to come to an agreement that there will be intentional reconnection time," advises Hendrix.

Original Article: canadianliving.com

How to Ask for Forgiveness After Cheating

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 08:45:00 +0000

You have to understand that asking for forgiveness is not a “sybaritic” approach, which means it is not an easy process… It is hard and I can surely attest to that. If you want to find the best way to ask for forgiveness after cheating, what is important is to remember is that you have to find out some good ways to regain the trust of your spouse and do it slowly: not in a rush. The first step is to come to terms with yourself as to why this trust was lost and hold yourself accountable for what you have done. Never lose focus of the fact that you are accepting the wrong you have committed and you are willing to do whatever it takes to . Infidelity in marriage is not an easy thing to deal with but as I showed you on behalf of Dr. Huizenga most couples do not end their relationship after incident of an affair and with the right professional guidance are able to forgive one another.

How to Ask for Forgiveness After Cheating

How to Ask for Forgiveness After Cheating

Of course, you have to prove yourself once gain that your apologies are for real, give him or her some time to assess you and your honesty. But keep in mind getting forgiveness for infidelity is not overnight thing… a relationship may not be restored swiftly. Here are a few pointers to start you on the road of gaining forgiveness:

1. The Value of Apologies

A heartfelt and sincere apology is usually critical. Family experts who give relationship advice often suggest that when cheating occurs in a relationship, the person who has committed it should take the responsibility of being a cheater that has put their relationship at risk. Try to avoid using lame lines such as “it just happened” or “that was not my fault”. Instead accept your fault! You can write apologies or speak to your partner over the phone. Face to face conversation is also good, if can bring yourself do it properly. If you usually let too much emotions come out of you as opposed to reason then it maybe best to write an email or a note to your spouse. You have offended him or her so choose the meeting venue accordingly. Try different methods to apologize, but keep in mind that if your partner is not ready to receive your apology, then you should pace for a while. Do not sound desperate or risk the situation. Not everyone can accept an apology so quickly; your words will vibrate in her or his mind. So allow the seed to grow.

2. Understand How they Feel

Ok so you have cheated on our spouse an know you really feel bad about it but want to get back together and make up. You have promised yourself and her that it was nothing serious and you will not do it ever again. If you seriously want to find out how to ask for forgiveness after cheating try to understand how they feel as well. Usually when we become desperate we ignore the other person’s feelings, so again depending on your situation try to really understand how a man feels after being cheated on or how a woman feels after being cheated on.

3. Give it Time and Don’t Rush

Asking for forgiveness in a marriage is not always an easy task especially if it’s in regards to infidelity and cheating on their person as it depends on several factors. The more your partner loves you, the more she or he gets hurt due to the infidelity. So, if you are thinking about finding answer to how to make up after infidelity, think about the positive aspects of your relationship, and give it time. This is what we routinely see Hollywood movies where men who cheat are prone to cheat. However, in real life is completely different; men or women who cheat and come forward to ask for forgiveness are less likely to cheat again. If this is you then have to promise your partner that you will change yourself, and you will make sure that you will never do this again. You are willing to do whatever it takes to prove this to him or her.

Bottom Line

Forgiveness can’t be forced or rushed, so have patience and make sure you do not make mistakes in offering your apology that would make it worse. You must know how your partner feels at the moment, which means you have to work with their feelings to regain the trust. You are reading this because you really love your partner and want an apology as you are searching for ways on how to ask for forgiveness after cheating so do whatever possible to get your spouse back and make your love even stronger for each other.

Original Article: howtoforgiveacheater.com

10 Ways to Treat Your Husband Like a Man

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 14 Jul 2015 11:12:00 +0000

by Greg Smalley

How many husbands are secretly thinking, “Hey! What about me?” I know mine was—because he told me! During an argument… I mean, a discussion, he said, “You know, you do a great job taking care of the kids, and you always want to make things fun, fun, fun for them. But the things I need from you get pushed to the bottom of the list.” Not easy to hear, but he was right.

What about you? What do you put ahead of your husband? Your kids, your pets, your friends or hobbies?

Well think about this, if you don’t put your husband first, who will? Sadly, many men will look outside of their marriage for someone who will put them in the top spot.

Did you know that your husband craves your respect and admiration? In his book, Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage, Dr. Gary Smalley provides several practical ways to express admiration for your husband.

1. Seek His Advice.

By involving your husband in decisions, you are showing him that you respect his opinions and decision-making skills. Ask him his opinions on home decisions. Give him a few options for the dinner menu. Show him you value his advice by occasionally asking for it. However, Smalley warns, “Don’t overdo it though, for it might indicate to your husband that you are becoming too dependent and uncreative. Rather, maintain a balance by looking for special opportunities to seek his opinions and advice. As you carefully evaluate his ideas, he sees you consider him valuable.”

2. Remember His Requests.

Sometimes just simply remembering a comment in passing by your husband, then following through with it later, will make him feel incredibly special. Think back to a time where you casually mentioned an item you wanted and your husband surprised you with it. You felt special because he not only listened to you, but he made the effort to meet your need. Your husband is no different — he will appreciate signs of caring as well. Smalley explains, “Some facts about human relationships are as predicable as the laws of nature…. no one can continually ignore considerate, loving actions. If you make your husband feel special, you increase his desire to do the same for you.”

3. Brag on Him.

Casually lift your husband up in the presence of other people. This is not to say that you should obnoxiously brag about him to the point of annoying other people or embarrassing your husband. But simple comments to others about something nice he did for you, taking interest in what he says in group conversations, or a sincere compliment will go a long way toward making your husband feel appreciated. And be sure to always praise your husband to your children.

4. Understand His Job.

Take an active interest in your husband’s career and his feelings toward it. Smalley explains, “Many men are frustrated with their jobs, feeling that no one really appreciates their worth or value, their talents and abilities. When you appreciate what your husband does, you may become his only hope for achieving genuine self-worth. Until he really believes he is worth something, he will have difficulty focusing his attention on the worth of others — including you.” Smalley warns not to ever belittle his job, its importance to him, or his daily work activities. Smalley says, “Nothing destroys a man’s self-esteem more than to hear his wife cutting down his efforts to support her.” So show interest in your husband’s world of work, support him in his struggles, discover what he does on a daily basis, find out which projects he enjoys and which ones he doesn’t, and discover how he interacts with his co-workers. Don’t bombard him with questions all at once, but over time get to know who he is in his work life. And make sure he knows that your questions are meant to show interest in his life, not to pry or to imply that he loafs on the job. If you notice that he is unhappy with his job, Smalley advises, “When a man feels unimportant because of his job, it tears away at the very heart of his being. Help him discover the value of what he does.”

5. Be Open-Minded.

Listen to your husband’s decisions. This is not blind obedience, but rather open-minded listening. Rather than stubbornly holding on to your own wishes and immediately shooting down his wishes, discipline yourself to withhold your reaction and let his ideas sink in before you respond. By showing your husband that you respect his wisdom and leadership, you will be communicating that he is valuable. It is difficult for many of us to practice sacrificial love, and it is all too easy to make sure our own needs are being met, but try to show your husband you love him by respecting his leadership.

6. Express Admiration Verbally.

Who would you rather spend time with — someone who never says thank you or acknowledges your efforts to please him or someone who is considerate and makes you feel special? The same goes for your husband. He’s seeking affirmation and verbal appreciation from you. Smalley advises “Don’t let two days pass without expressing appreciation for at least one thing your husband has said or done during those forty-eight hours.”

7. Express Admiration Nonverbally.

According to Smalley, studies on marital communication show that verbal communication only accounts for 7 percent of the total communication between a husband and wife. The rest is comprised of voice tone (38 percent), and facial expressions and body movement (55 percent). That means that only a small portion of your meaning is conveyed through your actual words — the majority of your communication is in how you say it. So as you communicate with your husband, show you admire and respect him by reflecting it in your tone of voice and your body language.

8. Support His Goals.

Keep an eye out for your husband’s personal goals. He may not openly state them to you, so pay attention to his comments and actions that may reflect his deep desires for his life and your family. Give him plenty of support as he pursues his goals — whether they are advancing within his career, pursuing a higher educational degree, or enjoying a hobby or sport. For example, even though you may not particularly enjoy the social functions through his job, attend the company dinners with him to show you support his career. Or if he is actively involved in sports, attend his games. Encourage him when he feels like giving up on his dreams, and praise him when he accomplishes his goals.

9. Seek His Forgiveness.

Sometimes it’s difficult to admit we are wrong. Whenever you wrong your husband, don’t avoid the situation or blow it off with a casual, “I’m sorry.” Through sincere apology, acknowledge how you wronged him and seek his forgiveness. The best outcome of conflict is the strengthening of your relationship, so make sure conflict ends peacefully, and not as an unresolved issue. Show you respect and admire your husband by seeking reconciliation with him.

10. Concluding Thoughts…

Sometimes your husband may annoy you, and sometimes he may offend you, but Smalley says, “admiration looks beyond what he does to who he is. It’s unconditional.” And because men gravitate toward those who admire them, you will not only be meeting a need of your husband’s, but you will be improving your relationship as well.

This article is based on the book, Hidden Keys of a Loving, Lasting Marriage by Dr. Gary Smalley.

Original Article: imom.com

11 Things Men Want From You But Will Never Tell You ...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 02:08:00 +0000

by Alicia Fannin

There are things men want from you but will never tell you that they do. I honestly don’t know why they don’t communicate their needs more clearly; it would certainly make things easier if they did. I think part of the reason they don’t is that they don’t think we need to be told. They really believe we know these things about them but sometimes we just don’t. Let’s talk about the things men want from you but will never tell you.

1. RESPECT

Through much reading and research, I have learned that men desperately want respect from the woman in their life. If you are in doubt of this, ask your guy and see what his response is. This is one of the most important things men want from you but will never tell you. So, what does it really mean to give a guy respect? Simply put, it means that you give their thoughts, ideas, actions and feelings merit. It means that you think that he is important and you show it with your actions.

2. ADMIRATION

Going hand in hand with respect is admiration. Guys typically love admiration, but there is a catch to this. It has to be sincere for it to work. Guys seem to have a radar to catch any insincere compliment you give them. But as long as you are telling him something you genuinely appreciate about him, he will be very pleased to hear it.

3. COMPANIONSHIP

Men like the companionship of the woman they care about. He may want you to come along when he golfs a Saturday morning game or just join him on the couch when he watches his favorite television show. The point is, he likes having you around and that is a really great thing. Sure, he needs his guy time but he likes spending time with you, too. So take advantage of that fact and find some ways you can spend more time with him.

4. ARM CANDY

Men appreciate when the woman in their life takes time to look her best. You don’t have to be a supermodel for him to be happy. Just putting some effort out there to look your best is enough and you can trust that you will look great in his eyes when you do. Take a little time to apply some makeup and fix your hair before you see each other. Wear something he likes to see you in and watch when he notices the effort you made.

5. A PLEASANT TONE OF VOICE

Men appreciate a pleasant tone of voice with the woman they are in a relationship with, and really, don’t we all? All of us appreciate a nice, friendly tone of voice. Of course, you won’t have a pleasant tone of voice all the time unless you are a Stepford Wife, but it is something you can try to work on. In fact, it is something that we can work on with everyone in our life. People respond much better to one another when they are speaking and hearing a kind tone of voice.

6. ENCOURAGEMENT

Men like and need encouragement. They like to know that the woman they love is in their corner, cheering them on. Your belief in them is important. They think that if you believe in them then surely they can accomplish whatever obstacles they are up against in their life. In return, you will find they are always in your corner.

7. APPRECIATION

Men like to be appreciated and it doesn’t take a lot to express this. A simple ‘thank you’ accompanied by a sweet smile can go far in showing you appreciate whatever it is they are doing for you. Maybe your guy took you out for a nice dinner or took care of some maintenance on your car. Whatever it is he is doing for you, appreciating the act will endear you to him. You will probably find that he wants to do more for you when you appreciate his efforts.

8. RECOGNITION

Sometimes, men have to play many different roles and they do a lot for their friends and families. Take time to mention these things to the man in your life so he knows that you recognize what a good son, brother, friend, boyfriend, husband or father he is. Men rarely get recognized for all that they do for others and he's sure to appreciate the recognition.

9. INDEPENDENCE

Men love their independence. This doesn't mean that they want to be left alone all of the time, but they do like to be able to do things on their own without having to check in or be made to feel guilty. Remember to give your guy time on his own to hang out with his friends or just have some alone time.

10. SUPPORT

We all need a good support network and men are no different. When your guy says he's going to try completing a triathlon or try to get promoted at work, support his efforts. Let him know that you're behind him all the way and no matter how far fetched the goal might seem to you, if it's important to your guy, he wants it to be important to you, too.

11. DESIRED

Even if you think he knows you want him, show him anyway! Men want to feel desired and when he doesn't feel wanted by you, it can get to his confidence. Flirt with him, let him know that you're excited by him and that you feel lucky to be with him!

Now it’s your turn to share with me. What have you found the man in your life needs the most from you? I can’t wait to read your responses!

Original Article: love.allwomenstalk.com

14 Ways to Add Spice to Your Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 11 Jul 2015 16:59:00 +0000

In a research it was found that maximum love life of a couple is only 30 months. After this period marriage life becomes a routine and a habit. Thrill and romance vanish out of it. And to rekindle the old feelings certain steps must be taken. In brief if you want to keep your marriage life sexy and spicy you need to act upon the following tips.

1. Saying I Love You should never be boring

As the time passes both husband and wife get busy with the demands of their life and start forgetting how they tried to woo and impress each other in the beginning period of their courtship. They also forget to say ‘I love you’ to each other. These three words are a wonderful way to keep the old feelings alive to some extent.

2. Repeated Kiss Attack

It means kissing your partner when it is least expected. Kiss vigorously even if your partner becomes angry. Don’t be too nice every time otherwise spice will be out of your life. Sudden kisses excite the feelings and enthuse the mind. Just try. It will become excellent tonic for your love life.

3. Renewing your Romance

Take a pledge that you will never allow the romance of your life die. Be romantic with your beloved one till the last breath of life. Old-fashioned romance still has value. Bring flowers, buy a gift, go out for dinner, go for a romantic ride, watch a movie, cook together – there are dozens of ways which can keep your heart mesmerizing.

4. Eating Together

Never eat alone unless your profession compels you. Try your best to adjust your timings in such a way that you are able to eat with each other more often. It helps to keep the bond strong. Now and then also plan to eat outside, in a restaurant or hotel.

5. Fun of Picnics

Going out for fun definitely adds spice to your love life. Picnic is one of the best ways to throw away your daily worries and relax. It also peps up the sex hunger and brings you closer physically as well as mentally.

6. Be Friends of each other

Don’t always treat each other like husband and wife. It becomes a boring routine. Sometimes it is necessary to sit and discuss like friends. Share views on various topics and have healthy debates. Life then certainly becomes more enjoyable.

7. Be somewhat mysterious

In spite of being good friends a touch of mystery in the relations adds thrill to it. Never talk like children – always speaking whatever is there in your heart. Now and then keep silence, talk less and study books or watch TV alone. It will improve the quality of your relations.

8. Cooperation at Home

If you think that by making your partner work like a machine at home won’t kill sex and spice between relationships then you are mistaken. You need to be cooperative at home. Cook, clean and wash with your partner. When you share the household work-load you bring new joys in the relationship. It enhances your image in the mind of your partner. You become more attractive.

9. Sharing Responsibilities

Other responsibilities of life like earning, taking care of children, social commitments etc. should also be shared whole-heartedly. With this way both of you not only be free from resentments but also respect each other more.

10. Give some breathing space

If you are each other’s neck always it may prove dangerous. Giving breathing space to each other is absolutely essential to maintain the tempo of romance and sexual thrill. Allow each other to meet friends, attend meetings, pursue individual hobbies. Never try to be dictator and kill your own relationship.

11. Assertiveness is a virtue

A good relationship never means that you should agree to each other’s point always. Be assertive and express your feelings. Do say what is your point of view in a certain matter. With this habit, instead of marring, you develop your relationship further.

12. Quarreling adds spice

Yes, quarreling now and then is certainly healthy to invoke the thrilling romance. While being assertive you may get angry with each other. It is ok. Don’t talk or come near each other for some time, even for a day or two. But don’t let this situation take a serious turn. After a bout of tiff it is time to woo or kiss your partner. The end of the quarrel will certainly be thrilling and fulfilling.

13. Visiting different places

Traveling always renews your life and relationships. Like enthusiastic children you share the fun of visiting new places. It has been found that traveling together often makes a couple sexually exciting. And they may have the bliss of physical intimacy at different places and in different way.

14. Give Variety to Physical Relations

Having physical relations at the same place and in the same way reduces the spice. After a certain period you even start losing your libido. Your partner also seems no more interested. The solution is to do it in a different way, position and at a different place. It may be in the bedroom, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, on the roof under the light of stars, even in the balcony of your house or in the park. But be careful you are not seen either by your neighbor or your children.

Original Article: anandrahi.com

Best Foods to Increase Your Sex Drive

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 09 Jul 2015 03:52:00 +0000

by Sarah Barns

Avocados, eggs, watermelon, oysters: Top 10 libido-boosting foods

WANT to improve your performance in the bedroom? Eat your way to a better sex life with these passion-inducing foods

There are a number of reasons why your sex life may have lost it's sizzle but you can help put the va-va-voom back into the bedroom with these lust-inducing foods.

Leading sex toy company We-Vibe reveals what you should be munching down at dinner to put that spark back into your libido.

AVOCADOS

The name for this South American fruit derives from the Aztec language Nahuatl, in which it meant "testicle" – a name chosen for the fruit’s unusual shape.

It may seem like a bit of a stretch to us, but avocadoes do have some sexy benefits. They are rich in unsaturated fats, making them very heart-healthy.

And a healthy heart keeps the blood flowing to all the right places. Men with underlying heart disease are twice as likely to suffer from erectile dysfunction, so feel free to add some extra avocado slices to your salads.

ALMONDS

These healthy nuts are said to act as a sexual stimulant and a fertility aid, so if you’re trying for a baby, start snacking.

They are rich in nutrients and in several minerals that are important for sexual health and reproduction, including zinc, selenium, and vitamin E. Zinc can also help enhance sexual desire.

STRAWBERRIES

Don’t forget to bring this mouth-watering dessert on your next picnic.

Strawberries are an excellent source of vitamin B, which has been linked to high sperm counts in men.

Go one step further and coat them in chocolate, as it is full of libido-boosting methylxanthines.

FIGS

These small fruits pack some big benefits. They are bursting with calcium, iron, potassium, and more of that stimulating zinc.

They are also packed with fibre, which boosts heart health and satisfies hunger without adding to your waistline.

EGGS

Poached, scrambled or fried, eggs are sure to rev you up after a long day at work.

They are full of protein, which keeps you going without packing on the calories.

They're also an excellent source of amino acids, which combat certain types of heart ailments as well as erectile dysfunction.

OYSTERS

The classic aphrodisiac! Research conducted by the American Chemical Society showed that oysters contain compounds that raise testosterone and oestrogen levels.

This hormone boost can translate into heightened sexual desire and stamina. These slimy creatures are another source of zinc to help aid blood flow to the genitals in both genders.

NUTS AND SEEDS

A very easy addition to any salad that can have your sex life rocketing from luke-warm to hot hot.

Cashews and almonds are full of zinc, whilst walnuts are high in omega-3. This may make you instantly think of fish but the essential fatty acids found in omega-3 help with sexual response by raising dopamine levels in the brain that trigger arousal. They’re also important for energy, memory, mood, and libido.

WATERMELON

The nutrient citrulline, found in watermelons can have a Viagra-like effect on the body as it boosts nitric oxide which relaxes the blood vessels.

This is the same effect that Viagra has to treat erectile dysfunction.

BLACK RASPBERRIES

We used to enjoy picking them off the bushes when we were younger and now these berries can keep bedroom boredom at bay. This phytochemical-rich food enhances both libido and sexual endurance.

GINSENG TEA

Consuming too much coffee on a regular basis leads to over-stimulation of the adrenal glands, flooding the body with hormones normally produced in times of stress.

These hormones negatively impact libido and sexual performance. As an alternative, try ginseng tea which contains the ginsenoside compound that increases sexual satisfaction and can prevent erectile dysfunction.

Original Article: express.co.uk

10 Ways to Be More Intimate with Your Lover

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 07 Jul 2015 23:19:00 +0000

by Jennifer Chowdhury

Honesty and communication make up the foundation for a healthy relationship. But, what exactly does it take to achieve these things? According to certified Sexologist Jaiya Hanauer, there are 10 important ways to build intimacy and make a deeper connection with your partner.

1. MAKING EYE CONTACT
The eyes are the doorways to a connected sex life. Although it may feel a little funny at first, making eye contact during sex tells your partner that all your attention is on him. It builds trust, which ultimately leads to a stronger sexual and emotional bond.

2. TOUCHING
Touching each other throughout the day builds longing for each other. Massaging, stroking, and caressing all produces oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. To build a deeper connection, try touching each other without having sex. Build up the tension for a few days to make your next intimate an explosive encounter.

3. BREATHING
We do it automatically everyday but most of us don't realize that breathing is a way to heighten pleasure and arousal. When you breathe deeper, you bring more oxygen into the body, which allows you to be aroused at greater heights. Alternating your breath as you breathe into each other's mouths is an intimate exercise that has been used in ancient traditions as a way to share the soul.

4. EXPLICIT TALK
The simple act of sending a sweet text message or complimenting your lover can send blood rushing into the genitals. Not only does it build anticipation, but will also keep your partner thinking about you all day.

5. SETTING THE SCENE
Nothing breaks the mood like cell phones blaring and clutter all over your bedroom. Set the scene for intimacy with sensual music, candles, clean sheets and a shift in environment. Don't limit intimacy to the bedroom only, you can also create a stage for an encore performance in the living room or kitchen. Think of sex as a theatrical piece—you need the right lighting, right mood and sets. Stimulating your creativity as you prepare actually stimulates the sexual drive.

6. DOING SOMETHING EXTRAORDINARY
Taking the time out to do things for your lover that shows that you care and respect his feelings is very important. Plan to go to his favorite restaurant, run a simple errand for him or cook him an exquisite meal. Doing something for him out of the blue will surely increase the love he has for you.

7. TRYING SOMETHING NEW
Many couples get into patterns when it comes to sex. To break free of the bedroom doldrums, do something adventurous. Take a class together at a sex boutique, go skydiving or do something else that you have never done in bed before, but have always wanted to try.

8. SENSUAL FEATS
Creating a romantic dinner together with specific foods can actually form deeper bonds. Chocolate, for example, contains the chemical Phenethylamine (PEA) which is responsible for the feeling of being in love. Avocados boost both the male and female libido.

9. ROLE PLAYING
Using your imagination always gives a great boost to your sex life. If you consciously take on a fantasy role in the bedroom, the level of intimacy is heightened when you come back to your more traditional roles in the relationship. Try role-playing as an erotic masseuse and client or as a captor and captive.

10. ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE VULNERABLE
In today's world, women are becoming stronger than ever and it takes a lot to let down our guards, especially if we've been hurt before. But, letting the walls around you melt and allowing your partner to penetrate you emotionally and physically are some of the best things you can do in a relationship. Share your deepest feelings with him and allow him to get to know all the different facets of your personality.

Original Article: sheknows.com