Urban Forest ... Live Wise Live Nature

They retreat because in the city it’s hard to think clearly, but if every time you want to rejuvenate your mind you jump a bus to a forest, you’ll be taking more time traveling than doing those things you wish to retreat to find out about.So, the secret is a five minute, anytime you want it, retreat

1. Authenticate  ..... nothing adds value to a turbulent life more than authentic simplicity. That's a requirement of a retreat, simply cut down the multi-skilling, do one thing at a time, do it well, then do the next. This alone will ease the stress of a manic day

2. Masticate .. Glucose is needed for the brain to work, and the most important thing for you to enjoy, relax and chill out on retreat is a happy, healthy mind. Sugars produce short term stabs of glucose for the brain and then starve the brain soon after. What we need are low GI carbs and proteins consumed at two hour intervals (maximum) to sustain good brain function and therefore a healthy headspace. Remember to chew that's where food nutrition originates.

3. Appreciate.. What we don't appreciate, depreciates us. On retreat we get really thankful. You hear it over and over, people on retreat thankful for a glass of water, a lovely flower or bed at night. Thankful People live longer, stay happier and have incredible foresight. It's not only essential for the five minute retreat but it's really important to stay in relationships.

4. Incubate  .. The human right to be alone and quiet is under attack. We're under attack by media but mostly we're under attack by ourselves. We're just not turning off stuff, often enough. This leads to mental overrun a term I use to represent our ever increasing incapacity to finish what we're doing, and turn up at the next meeting, emotionally. We carry anger, frustration, excitement, worry and all sorts of unfinished business from one meeting to the next, it accumulates and this become the norm. There's no need for it, we can clean up before we move on, in fact, cleaning up our emotions and thoughts is how we do move on. That's the essence of a retreat, clearing the past.

5. Celebrate ... Human Nature thrives best in Nature. Being human is easy when you're out in nature, it brings peace and harmony to every life. The greatest tragedy of our time is that we marvel at scientific discovery, fight over religious principles and love technology and yet, in the simple magnificence of nature there is all the glory and inspiration we could ever dream of. It's this awareness that makes being in nature the essential ingredient of retreats for monks, nuns, entrepreneurs, and healers... And nature exists right outside your front door. We don't need to go far do we? Celebrate Nature .. all else flows from this.

Millions of people crammed into cities and it’s growing fast and city people are different: more competitive, challenged, self determined and ambitious. It’s all wonderful, but there’s a cost.

People are different in nature. More balanced, creative, generous and understanding. In nature people still compete, face challenge, are self determined and ambitious, but it’s different. Something special is there and this is what I want to bring back into city life.

We go to nature to relax and balance our life, to play and be with family and friends. We inherently know the benefits of being in nature, and yet, when we go to work or close the doors in our homes, we so easily forget, and then we become synthetic people, inventing our own reality, emotionally disturbed and ego-centric. It doesn’t have to be that harsh.

I went bush and discovered what makes people so different in nature. It’s not just nature and clean air and trees or the lack of invasion by commercial intensity, it’s something else. When we go to nature, somehow, we tune into that radio station that is nature, we get smarter, better and this, I believe is the essence of it. We intuitively know the Laws of Nature and feel good, do good and be good people when we remember them.

I’ve distilled the laws of nature into packages that can come home with you from nature. Packages that, I hope, will help you run your work life better, your health better and be a better person in your world. It’s like taking a permanent holiday, living and working like you are in nature but doing it right here in the city.

Sea change is nice, green change is great, but why run? Why not reap the gifts of the social, educational and financial benefits of being in a city AND have the gifts of living in nature. That’s my promise.. a permanent holiday retreat right here, right in the middle of your real, contributing, exciting, artistic and entrepreneurial city life.

Hello 

I want to give you a little present.

You know people are different in nature, right? I meant they are usually more tolerant, kind, creative and generous, well at least that’s what I found after running many retreats for stressed corporate people.

So, I went and found out why… and made some Amazon books and corporate training programs about it.

The whole idea is why wait? I mean, if people are great out in nature, why not find out what makes it so, and bring it back to the urban jungle – like work and family. That way, we can be happier, healthier people without having to pack our bags and go on holiday to recuperate. We can live in the city and have a country life.

Like when my clients come trekking in Nepal or Bhutan, they’re really happy, inspired in fact but I always ask them if they’d love to feel like that everyday when they get back home and the answer is a resounding, “yes please.”

• You can find the laws of nature explained in my book set “Nature’s Laws of Life”
• Add my blog to your RSS Feed or daily email to just keep in touch and stay Natured-up
• Make a big commitment and come and learn, be guided and coached so you can help others.. Nature’s laws really do solve problems and heal hurts. Getting out in Nature in the CIty is the first step

So, here we go, join me, and thousands of others on this wonderful earth who do really love nature and want to live in the city with the gifts of nature.

http://www.chriswalker.com.au

Do you run a business? Self Employed or have an Executive role in a major company? If so, this article is for you. It explains how one lady turned her life and fortunes around and how you might avoid needing to.

Jenny was really bereft. In another language, totally stuffed. Her business collapsed leaving her with a huge pile of hard work, massive worries and a personal accountability way beyond what appeared to be her means. She couldn't even pay my consulting fee, but at least she was up front about it. 

I don't work for free. People get what they pay for in life, and good advice doesn't come cheap. So, Jenny and I worked out a way and then got on with the job of rebuilding her enterprise. 

Step 1. Work Out What Went Wrong and make sure we close that potentiality for the future. Simply put, we evolved her by learning from the past. That's essential if we want to make the past the past. If we don't learn why stuff happened in the past, we either fear it happening again or stay stuck in the past. Just look at business people whose business is repeating and repeating old mistakes. To get past the past, learn from it. Jenny and I went through every step of her business and how things would have been different if she'd done things different. She learned, it was, in her words "almost worth failing to learn all that."

Step 2. No More Ground Hog Day .. Reinvent Yourself Often.. many people find themselves digging their way out of struggles and simply hoping for recovery, to get out of desperate places. They say things like "I just want to be free of this mess" or "If only I could free myself up from this crap" .. Jenny was no different, so I explained to her that escaping desperation is no way to create what she wants. What she really needs to do is to take a weekend to go into suspended animation and find a new picture, new vision of the future she wants to create, not based on escaping the drama, but on building success. We did this sitting by the beach for two whole days just talking, visioning and creating the model of the enterprise she wanted to create. It wasn't the same as the old one, we'd learned from the past, it was new and exciting but leveraged the past. (nature never destroys the past, she just builds new future's on top, greater in consciousness (smarter) less in number (simpler).

Step 3. Clean the Pipes... Sure Jenny was in the poo in her current situation and she was dragging that desperation wherever she went, including the future. That's like trying to put water through a blocked pipe, pressure builds up, hard work in business language - get put in but barely anything comes out. So, we needed a pipe cleaner. We sat for a day and cleared every fear, every disappointment, every insecurity, until we found all the order in her chaos, linked all outcomes to a cause and dealt with the causes. By the end of the day, I was looking at a woman ten years younger, with that child like spark in her eyes. Energy was back, not forced, just unblocked.

Step 4.. Healthy EGO.. When Jenny got into business she was enthusiastic about creating the company but in some wonderful way, detached. However, bit by bit she started to take everything personally, mainly because it was personal, and her personal assets were sucked into the business mix .. a big mistake ... what we needed to do was put a distance between Jenny and her business that would allow her to work on, not in her company. In other words .. give her some ego space. To do this, I simply raised the level of the horizon. Instead of a business vision, we created a life purpose for Jenny. A purpose bigger than herself. Now, all seven areas of her life had visions, which we all very personal and included the word, I, but there was something bigger, a bigger motive, an inspiration and that inspiration, her purpose was transportable across any area of her life. A sudden calm came over Jenny, a confidence I'd not seen in her before. Even her husband was awestruck and somewhat confronted by her new found sense of detachment.

Step 5. BE Real. A vision's purpose is to get what's in Jenny's head and heart, out and down onto paper. It's an artistic process because this vision is a picture in the mind, so sometimes we are best to draw, cut or paste pictures on the wall in order to jump the gap between mind's eye and real eye. We did it. She cut out thousands of magazine pictures, some for each of the seven areas of life. She also worked along the sequence of BE, DO, HAVE so there were seven areas of life, and three layers to each area. We hired a conference room, plastered the walls with pictures and got out the video camera and recorded Jenny, tearfully painting this magnificent story of where she would be in years to come. It took most of the day, but now, we sent the audio of the video to a transcribing service and there was a document, an amazing document, Jenny's dream, Vision, Inspiration and Purpose. 

Step 6. Turn Energy into Rocket Fuel. Because all the six human senses must work together to create a vision, we did a bunch of things for Jenny to make sure she would stay aligned. We didn't want her head in one place, her eyes in another, her ears another ... we wanted all Jenny's resources working together in harmony, not arguing. So, we created an audio of her vision for her iPhone, a video for her TV, some photos for her wall, and then, stunning as this might be for some to hear we associated taste and smell with it. We chose one healthy sweet she loved "dry ginger" and one fragrance, an essential oil to burn in the office, use in her car, and have at home. Her six senses were awake and tuned, 100% recruitment of even her subconscious brain. Now the energy was rocket fuel.

Step 7. Time to focus... Jenny, like most people, loved adrenalin. She loved the uppers and the downers of the roller coaster ride of business. She loved it. On the other hand she hated the roller coaster ride of her domestic relationship, health and mental anguish. So, it was time for a wake up for Jenny when we sat down an linked her uppers at work to her downers at home. Suddenly work wasn't work, and home wasn't home, and what happened in each place became linked through cause and effect. Suddenly Jenny recognised that she'd been blaming so many things for her unhappiness when really, 99% of it, was consequential. Consequential on Jenny's mistaken expectations. TIme for a reality check. It took a week. Time after time Jenny dropped back into her old model of seek uppers blame downers, and think smart hate dumb. It took a huge effort but finally after just a week Jenny started to see balance everywhere. She finally knew that the principles that build great business, kill great relationships. She had an epiphany, and with it, an overwhelming sense of focus. No more wasting time trying to create myth with real expectations of life, Jenny got on with cutting out wasted time.

Step 8. Prioritise - Be Smart Don't Make it Harder than it Needs to be.... Now comes the coal face. Time for Jenny to take the big picture of her vision, inspiration and purpose and start translating this into her daily routine. We talked long and hard about how, if you do the right things every day, you eventually get where you want to go. She realised that about 70% of what felt great everyday, would never, ever ever result in the outcome she was working to create. For example: she'd spend hours talking about irrelevant things, go to exercise classes that occupied her best working time, spend too long giving free advice and some of her relaxation activities were just rhetorical band aides rather than real recuperation. Her focus became effectiveness, and targeting what she did and the time she spent with the outcomes she dreamed. We worked hard on this: creating four top priorities for her day: design, manufacture, promote, explore. Each task she did had to fit one of those groups which were her four top priorities. She delegated the rest. 

Step 9. Systematise... too much of what Jenny did was still manual. Her clients ordered by sales rep contact, her order system had mechanics involved, her accounts needed hand held management. I made a rule for Jenny, "anything that gets done the same way more than three times, becomes a system" She became emphatic about this, creating automation, systems and APPS for clients. She cut 70% of the workload that was distracting her focus simply through automation.. Organise, Supervise, Deputise... Jenny complained "I used to be busy, and that, in spite of the stress used to make me feel productive and useful. Now, I don't have much to fill the hours I have and it's confronting to earn so much money doing what feels to be so little. It's a miracle to cut out the repetitive rubbish that didn't need to be reinvented every day."

Step 10 Make it Sustainable ... Jenny carried a few extra kilo's and looked 10 years older than she needed to. She was not a shining example of the wonderful life a self employed entrepreneur can be. We needed to re-invent Jenny. First, I helped her find her body constitution. She's a water element and with that came a huge aha. She'd been spending half her time imitating her icons and heroes trying to emulate people whose whole constitution was different to hers. It's like trying to race a mac truck in a formula one car race. So much of Jenny's personal stuff had come from generic advice on management skills, leadership, diet, health and mind ... she is water element, and she can't change it. So, we simply gave her awareness of what's suits her constitution. With this, another piece of the puzzle fell into place and a whole heap of wasted time and energy was eliminated. Jenny spoke in awe "I am so angry about the time I've wasted trying to be someone I'm not. I just thought there was one management style, one best way... I've been trying to lose weight and be a good person but actually doing the complete opposite things to make it happen"

Step 11. Down TIme .. Shut up and Listen. Jenny had energy, she had incredible smarts, she was wise, and savvy... so why dod Jenny hit the brick wall? She hit the brick wall in business for many small reasons but the big one is that she stopped listening to herself. She stopped hearing her own voice. All she could hear were the noises and sounds of worry, anxiety, ambition, enthusiasm and drive. But there's another voice. Instinct, intuition or inspiration all add value in business life but stress blocks them or distorts them. Jenny needed more frequent time outs so she could hear herself think .. and to do that we created a sport goal. She'd do something she's always wanted to try and that has to be something that can be done easily each day (like running), is fun (like swimming) is intense (like tennis)  and demanding (like rock climbing). Jenny lives near a park and in the park there's a gym and in the gym there's a Zoomba class.. wooo hoo Jenny took up dancing again. First step, learn the Zoomba system and then, well maybe she'll get back into some gymnastics or even rock climbing... but there needed to be a competitive element. Jenny set the goal .. Dance the Tango in Cuba... in 18 months...... for a week.... alone.

Step 12 ... Be Nice... what's now obvious to Jenny is that she became obsessed about building new business and didn't spend enough time being humble and thankful and careful for what she had. Jenny resolved to displace Happiness with Contentment as the core objective of her life. She realised that happiness is always a want and sure it's great, but contentment, the appreciation for what she has already got is where the love for life, work and family really comes from. This shift changed Jenny's life and I'm happy to say, changed the lives of those she loved too. Jenny now had a big vision, a purpose bigger than herself, she'd unblocked the energy pipes and made space in her day to use all her resources including those that come from silence. Jenny was back, just like she was when she was 5 years old... 

Strange isn't it that we have to learn to be how we were...

Life is not complicated.  We are complicated.  When we stop doing the wrong things and start doing the right things, life is simple. Original Article Here ...

So starting today…

1. Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. – Start embracing it!  Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today.  It means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully.  It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share. May we all be works in progress forever, and celebrate the fact that we are!
2. Stop doing immoral things simply because you can. – Start being honest with yourself and everyone else.  Don’t cheat.  Be faithful.  Be kind.  Do the right thing!  It is a less complicated way to live.  Integrity is the essence of everything successful.  When you break the rules of integrity you invite serious complications into your life.  Keep life simple and enjoyable by doing what you know in your heart is right.
3. Stop meaning what you don’t say. – Start communicating clearly.  Don’t try to read other people’s minds, and don’t make other people try to read yours.  Most problems, big and small, within a family, friendship, or business relationship, start with bad communication.  Someone isn’t being clear.
4. Stop wasting time and money trying to acquire more of everything. – Start focusing on quality.  High quality is worth more than any quantity, in possessions, friends and experiences.  Truly ‘rich’ people need less to be happy.  Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.  Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.  Do not spend to impress others.  Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.  Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Read The Millionaire Next Door.
5. Stop spending time with negative people. – Start spending time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.  Relationships should help you, not hurt you.  Surround yourself with people who reflectthe person you want to be.  Choose friends who you are proud to know, people you admire, who love and respect you – people who make your day a little brighter simply by being in it.  Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  When you free yourself of negative people, you free yourself to be YOU – and being YOU is the simplest way to live.
6. Stop trying to change people. – Start accepting people just the way they are.  In most cases it’s impossible to change them anyway, and it’s rude to try.  So save yourself from needless stress.  Instead of trying to change others, give them your support and lead by example.
7. Stop being lazy and cutting corners. – Start avoiding future headaches by doing things right the first time.  Always put your best foot forward.  Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.  Why give less than 100%?  Life is too short to waste it by living below your full potential.  If something is worth doing, then it’s worth doing well.
8. Stop procrastinating. – Start taking action and making changes.  Action and change are often resisted when they’re needed most.  Get a hold of yourself and have discipline.  Discipline is choosing what you really want over what you want right now.  Putting something off makes it instantly harder and scarier.  What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow.  And there’s nothing more stressful than the perpetual lingering of an unfinished task.
9. Stop worrying and complaining. – Start focusing on the things you can control and do something about them.  Those who complain the most accomplish the least.  And when you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.  It’s usually only as good or bad as you think it is.
10. Stop being dramatic. – Start spending less time gossiping about problems and more time helping yourself and others solve them.  Stay out of people’s needless drama and don’t create your own.
11. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Start focusing on being everything to someone.  Helping or pleasing everyone is impossible.  But making one person smile can change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus and be yourself.
12. Stop making promises you can’t keep. – Starting under-promising and over-delivering on everything you do.  Period.
13. Stop blaming others. – Start accepting responsibility for everything in your life.  Blaming others accomplishes nothing and prolongs the complications you’re facing.  Either you own your problems, or they will own you.  Your choice.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give up your power over that part of your life.
14. Stop reacting without a plan. – Start planning and working toward specific goals.  Make a list of your top 3 - 5 goals.  What’s most important to you?  What do you value most?  What 3 - 5 things do you most want to do in your life?  Simplifying your life starts with these priorities, as you are trying to make room in your life so you have more time for these things.  Having a plan, even a flawed one at first, is better than no plan at all.  There is good reason why you should wake each morning and mindfully consider what and who you will give your day to: Because unlike other things in life – love, money, respect, good health, hope, opportunities, etc. – time is the one thing you can never get back once it’s gone.
15. Stop confusing ‘being busy’ with ‘being productive.’ – Start tracking and measuring your progress.  Being busy and being productiveare two very different things.  Results are more important than the time it takes to achieve them.
16. Stop over-committing and trying to do too much at once. – Start saying “no” more often.  If you never say “no,” you will take on too much and get nothing accomplished.  In the beginning, you need to say “yes” to a lot of things to discover and establish your goals.  Later on, you need to say “no” to a lot of things and concentrate on your goals.  Once your goals are established, focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it well.  Also, leave space around commitments in your day.  Whether you have appointments, or things you need to do, don’t stack them back-to-back.  Leave a little space between things you need to do, so you will have room for contingencies, and you’ll go through your day much more relaxed.
17. Stop being inefficient simply because you’ve always done it that way. – Start opening your mind to making positive changes.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Many times we live with unplanned, complex systems in our lives simply because we haven’t given them much thought.  Instead, streamline your life by finding better ways of handling common tasks.  Focus on one system at a time (your cleaning system, your errands system, your paperwork system, your email system, etc.) and try to make it simplified, efficient, and logical.  Then, once you have it perfected, stick to it.  Read Getting Things Doneand The Power of Less.
18. Stop cluttering your space. – Start clearing clutter.  Get rid of stuff you don’t use and then organize what’s left.  If you have a cluttered living or working space, it can be distracting and stressful.  A clear space is like a blank canvas, available to be used to create something great.  Getting truly organized and clutter-free can vastly improve anyone’s life.
19. Stop overloading your mind by consuming useless information.– Start unsubscribing from useless e-lists and news feeds, and keep the TV off.  Limit your time on Facebook, Twitter, CNN.com and your other favorite websites, etc.
20. Stop obsessing over the past and future. – Start being present. Paying more attention to the current moment can make a huge difference in simplifying your life.  It keeps you aware of life, of what’s going on around you and within you.  It does wonders for your sanity and stress levels.
21. Stop waiting for things to be perfect. – Start thinking of how many things don’t get done in this world simply because people are waiting for the perfect time, place and circumstance.  If you’re waiting for the perfect conditions, ideas or plans to get started, you’ll never achieve anything.  A good idea without action is nothing at all.  Keep it simple and just start.  Focus on the next positive step forward.
22. Stop focusing so much energy on trying to avoid mistakes. – Start learning from your mistakes, then smile and move on.  No matter how smart you are, you will make mistakes.  Trying to avoid them will only waste time and complicate your life.  There is a lesson in every mistake you make, and learning the lesson is how you move forward.
23. Stop making emotional decisions. – Start taking a few steps back so you can think things through.  When you’re caught up in the moment and your emotions are soaring, you’re bound to make poor decisions that will lead to needless complications.  The best advice here is simple:  Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence.  Slow down and think things through before you make any big decisions.
24. Stop being unhealthy. – Start taking care of your body.  Start sleeping eight hours every night.  A tired, malnourished mind is over-stressed and rarely productive.  Your health is your life, don’t let it go.  Eat right, exercise and get an annual physical check-up.  The The 4-Hour Body is an insightful and entertaining read on this topic.
25. Stop holding on to intimate relationships that make you unhappy. – Start looking out for yourself when it comes to intimate relationships.  It’s better to WAIT, and give your hand to someone who will never let go, rather than holding on to the outside of a hand that has never fully opened for you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  Remember, anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you.  But it takes someone really special to stay in your life and show you how much they love you.  So slow it down.  True love is worth the wait.
26. Stop holding on to hate. – Starting letting hate go!  Keep your sights set on the future.  Holding on to hate and anger is like grasping hot coals with the intent of throwing them at someone else – you are the one who gets burned.  If you want to forget someone, and move on, you must give up hating them.  It’s hard to forget someone you hate, because hate takes pieces of your heart – thereby keeping this person within your heart.  If you want to forget them, let go of the hate, and create peace in your heart instead.  Also, remember that whenever you hate something, it usually hates you back: people, situations, and inanimate objects alike; which will only further complicate your life.
27. Stop pretending like you know everything. – Start accepting the fact that there’s a lot you don’t know.  Nobody has it all figured out.  Nobody knows more than a minuscule fraction of what’s going on in the world.  Why?  Because the world is simply way too vast for any one person to know everything well.  And most of what we see is only what we think about what we see.  The sooner you accept this, the sooner you will stop making the same unnecessary mistakes, and the sooner new doors of opportunity will open in your life.
28. Stop giving what you don’t want to receive. – Start practicing the golden rule.  If you want love, give love.  If you want friends, be friendly.  If you want money, provide value.  It works.  It really is this simple.

 Original Article Here ...

Plant a seed in the garden, pee on it, and it will grow. It's nature, doing its thing. 

Plant two seeds in the garden side by side, and they too will grow, the only question is how fast?

Finding a relationship is easy, staying in one is also easy. But staying and keeping your relationship healthy requires some commitment, especially after the honeymoon period wears off.

Here are the major relationship killers in order of priority from the most severe to the least:

1. Tiredness from work or sport
2. Stress from anything (worry and anxiety)
3. Lost Vision, Inspiration and Purpose (complacency and boredom)
4. Repetitiveness
5. Lost self respect (letting the standards drop in order to keep your partner happy)
6. Financial Stress
7. Children consuming time and energy
8. Alcohol 
9. Illhealth and obesity
10. Drive and Ambition (what causes work success kills relationship success)
11. Lost libido (usually issues of unrespolved personl conflict)

All can be solved .. at the cause level not just at the effect level.

Why are you single? Because you are boring...

Why are you boring, because you dropped your Vision

Why did you drop your vision? 

Usually a big dissappointment is blamed, like a break up or something like that.

But the truth is always, that you lost your vision, and then got a break-up.

A person with a real inspired vision is magnetic. No one would or could break up from that person.

So, if you are single you lost your vision.

But if you think a vision is just a wild punt into the future, you are kidding yourself

Vision is VIP...

Vision ... a clear communication about what you are creating in the future

Inspiration... Something you'll put your heart and soul into

Purpose ... Something you'd be happy to die doing...

If relationship and children become more important than your Vision, you're in a dangerous land of mixed messages and divergent priorities. Better to find your VIP and include your children rather than gravitate to the easy way out and make them the focus of your choices.

If you are single its because you are boring yourself to death with logic, hard work and lost vision.

Your spirit, heart and your Innerwealth feed on Vision, Inspiration and Purpose....

I once hear a woman speaker cause an audience to cry with laughter by asking them to write down the traits of their perfect partner, then she asked them all to imagine that person in the flesh and ask "would that person go out with you?"

In the same way I ask people, "would somebody else love to live in your inner world?"

What goes on in our head and heart is what goes on in our relationship. We can fake a personality for just so long before that inner world starts to creap out and bore people to death or drive them away with anger.

One lady I dated was so loving but after a while she became insanely jealous. He inner world was really insecure and self deprecating so that's what oozed out after a time.

Innerwealth is about harvesting the inner life so that somebody wants to live in it. Whether its at work as a leader or at home as a lover, our inner world comes through eventually and people either want to live in it or change it. The latter is impossible.

So, for 2012 spend the time to nurture and develop your Innerwealth ... It'll make a world of difference for you and those who share your life.

Happy New Year 2012

  Download Newsletter 5 December 20 2011

I hope you enjoy the newsletter this week.

Top Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me

This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends

Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them.

They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier

This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Original source – http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html Check out the book THE TOP FIVE REGRETS OF THE DYING by Bronnie Ware.

I love this special place, up in the Himalayas of Nepal.. I still love it after 50 trips to it. But I wonder if I moved there and could walk out my front door to see it, I'd love it as much?

It takes 10 days of walking up and down hills at high altitude to find this special place. On the way, I pass monks and monasteries, Sherpa families, and many wonderful vistas. So, maybe the process of getting there is as important as the being there? 

Many people talk to me about Sacred Places .. I really understand that they mean they feel special in those places, or someone else does and therefore those places, including temples and meeting places are sacred.  But to me, this diminishes everything else and sets us on a bad road.

What moment isn't sacred? What place isn't special? If we diminish the wonderful space we're in right now and aspire to go down the path to a more sacred place we might become very loyal to someone or something, but we diminish the sanctity of our own sacred space: our heart and mind.

I am no guru, but nature is truly all around. And the laws that make a blade of grass green on your back lawn, or the bird fly past your window are the same laws that create "sacred places." I wonder whether it would be wiser to treat everywhere as sacred. 

To bring this idea into reality we need to calm down a bit. We do rush, and we do lose awareness and special places do make us slow down and smell the roses so to speak. So, why not do that once or twice an hour, rather than once or twice a week?

Have you ever asked yourself why most meditation monasteries are out in the wilderness?

And why people in the city argue a lot?

I guess the answer might make you feel tempted to go live in the countryside?

But a person without mind control and humility in the countryside or out in a meditation ashram in the wilderness will have more trouble than a person in the city. They just start arguing with themselves instead of a partner or someone else.

The great thing about the wilderness is that we can't blame somebody for our arguments.

In nature with a good teacher, we become wiser.

Inspiration has its roots in nature.

Music inspires us because it simply reminds us of the rhythm and love of nature

Children disconnected from nature become self obsessed and seek short term gratification.

People at work disconnected from nature "create their own reality"

How can we bring more inspiration to an office or home?

By sharing a common love of nature.

People are different in nature.. More inspired, more creative, more generous, less argumentative.

The love of nature has only one enemy... Separation.. And separation comes from our mind

Separation from nature can happen even in the wilderness...

Separation has four potential causes:

1. Fear or guilt
2. Self
3. Motivation
4. Gender

Our attachments to any or all of these lead us to separation from nature, even in the wilderness.

You can call them all... Stress

The Laws of Nature calm your stress and help you feel connected to nature, and therefore be inspired.

Love is the most natural thing on earth, and yet, we screw it up over and over and over. Ever asked yourself why?

No one person got into a relationship thinking it was going to end. But they do, and they usually do so, with amazing speed and shocking surprise. Why?

Because we don't sweat the small stuff.. Ya, that's right, the very opposite of what makes a great business person. If we don't sweat the small stuff in relationships, and keep an eagle eye on what's going on, the momentum for a crash and burn, slice and dice will built to unstoppable levels. Then, the old knife comes out and we've got to cut the chord.. It's all preventable with a little of Nature's Magic.

1. Go to nature.. sometimes it's holding hands, sometimes it's running or swimming or flying a kite but whatever you do, shut up. Yes I know it's rude to say that but gee, we go to nature all too often and talk, talk and talk and really, we never really arrive... So, I'll say it again... Go to nature and shut up... really... even throw a frisby without talking, you'll be so horny by the time it's over you'll be lucky to make it home.

2. Write Bucket lists.. the couole who dream together stay together. Most relationships die of boredom long before the couple dies. So, don't die in relationship create bucket lists of next year and the next and compare them once finished. If there's nothing in common, walk away. If there is stuff in common, flush out when, where, how and why and go do... It's the secret of sexual arousal, bucket lists.

3. Smooch under a tree.. don't worry about bird poo or flies or ants, just go smooch and I mean smooch. If the only time you smooch is when you're about to have an orgasm then you're going to be like pavlov's dog, you'll salivate each time you get into bed and dry mouth all the rest of the day. Instead, reverse it. Get horny where sex is impossible. In the movies, under a tree, at the traffic lights. Smooch and let the world see you smooch. There's not enough public smooching, that's what I think, and that's what nature teaches. Smooch more ... 

4. Play the Nature's Law Game Show... It goes like this: Walk around looking for attractive, sexy, delicious and wonderful amazing people of the sex you're attracted to. When you hone in on one, compare them to your partner. Make 1,000% your partner wins... that's called spin doctoring. So, if your comparitve person has a body 11/10 but your partner has a pimple the size of a blimp airship on their nose, find a benefit for that blimp ... I mean, it could be a storage cabinette for the car keys, whatever. Make sure your partner wins ... never rate someone else as a better catch than what you've got or you will, in that instant, poison your love affair.

5. Bring nature into your home. A flower, a leaf, a fruit, a branch, a shell, a rock... gift your partner something from nature every day and, most importantly, give it with a thought about how this object from nature reminds you of their beauty or something special about them. It's too easy to drop the consciousness of a relationship to "Fear" and Thinking .. and only talk about the shallow ideas of what you want, and feel. THat's not a relatonship of love, it's one of need and it will soon become unsatisfying, even if you do get your physical, financial and social (friendship) needs met - a relationship with a lover is meant to provide much, much more... and we really can't live happy or inspired in life without that much, much, much, much more that relationships provide.

6. Turn off the friggin TV... Man if there was ever a relationship killer, TV has to be it. At least we could smooch listening to the radio, but smooch and watch TV is really hard. One person get's the brick wall. I'd go so far as to suggest you make out long before you hit the bed, even have sex on other occasions than just before sleep or just after waking up with EMF.

7. Don't compromise... Stinky farts under the sheets, not showering before bed, lazy sex, poor attitude, untidy bathroom, poor eating, too drunk, overweight, low fitness, stress from work, tiredness, depression, anger, self righteousness and more... they're all cracks in the relationship that will eventually - potentially, lead to a disaster. Don't accept an inch of compromise.. be prepared to draw stff lines in the sand, just like nature.

Please find this week's newsletter here 

I hope you enjoy

Chris

If you are an entrepreneur, business person or small business owner, you need to read this ... it's about containing the stresses of business so they don't come home and mess with your family, or visa versa. it's an important facility for all who want a good quality of life.

When I wrote my article last week about how long it takes to get back into a relationship after a smash, crash and burn many people emailed me saying something like... "that's hard work."

Well, of course it's hard work, and potentially it's dealing with the highest probability of why those people are single. They'd prefer to be right, than happy.

I used to think that feeling sorry for myself would attract a mate. It worked to an extent. I mean there are a lot of people out in the world who just love to rescue men who feel wounded. The problem is, that when they help heal the wound, they don't like the power the guy gets back, they prefered a wounded guy to a healthy one.

Walking wounded doesn't create great love affairs. In fact the opposite.

In working with people throughout the world there are both single people and in relationship people who can only love bits and pieces of a partner... just as long as it doesn't remind them of an ex they dumped or who dumped them. They end up with adds in the robots wanted column of the online dating service like this:

Wanted, half a man: must be happy, energetic, outdoors type, with care for healthy, and good food, sport and kindness. Must love animals and have great human rights record. Please, those who have occasional bouts of sadness, anger, frustration, over indulgence, boredom, judgement, lost romance, erectile dysfunction or flatulence, do not apply.

There's a different way:

I have taken every lover and partner I've ever shared time enough with to get to know. I listed all I liked and all I disliked and made sure I:

1. Acknowledged that I am what I've judged, witnessed, been attracted to, celebrated or resented in others.

2. I've found what's good about the bad stuff and what's bad about the good stuff in order to make sure I really ended that relationship in unconditional love.. no regrets, no blame, no victim, no walking wounded me.

3. I've reconised why I was with them (how I grew in business, personal or social life etc) and I've recognised why I am not with them (where the growth stopped).

4. I've gone back to my VIP (vision, inspiration and purpose for my life) and asked myself what sort of relationship, person and situation I need to create in order to attract someone who supports just 33% of that VIP.

And that's the person I attract .. spontaneously... 

I am thankful for whoever I attract... I don't necessary have to date that person... I can create a wonderful friendship without the sex and intimacy.. but I know, nature abhors a vacuum, so, if there's something missing in my life, that perception is all in my head.

Nothing is missing it just changes in form. I met a guy who fantasised so much about his perfect partner, a real one couldn't turn up, or at least, turned up in virtual form... so, 

If we don't appreciate things the way that we've got them, we don't get things the way that we want them... Part of Nature's law...

So, really there are no single people on earth... there are people who have life partner's soul mates in one form that they aren't thankful for, and think that keeping a vacuum mentality in their life will attract a partner in the form they want.

But really, the best way to attract a partner is acknowledge that nothing is missing.

For example: One lady still resented her ex... so, although she was single, she was still emotionally attached to her ex... her "form" of partner was her emotional connection to her ex partner.

Another guy loved race cars... he claimed to be single but really....

Another guy loved money.. he loved counting, sharing, spending, earning, and saving... he was never single... although he felt like he was

One lady was married but felt isolated from her man.. her relationship with her children, although not sexual, was so interdependent, so much of her ego got fed by their success and threatened by their failure her partner was really her children...

Nobody is single... it just changes in form.. and if you want it the way that you want it, first appreciate the way that you've got it...

 Life is going to change for everyone in 2012... primarily driven by a global drive for productivity and efficiencies in middle management, white colar workers in Europe, America and Asia. This in turn has the potential to drive a huge amount of "work life Balance" back to domestic santuaries. Hence, relationships are going to be threatened with stress.

How we judge the world, a situation, our neighbour, past, present and future determines so much of our life-quality ... and there are varying opinions about this. The most fundamentalist person has the greatest judgement and the most loving person has the least.. let's explore the process of moving to a more loving stand on judgements we all have.

Lets hear first from some other really wise teachers

"Often times, when we occupy the space of 'I'm right and you're wrong' it keeps us from seeing our own responsibility in matters. When we judge others' foibles and personality traits, what does it really say about us? What can we do to identify and get rid of judgment in ourselves and in our lives?" Borrowed  from the BLOG of Gwenth Paltrow.. http://www.goop.com/

Not every person gets to the point in their life when they question the value of judging against others. After all, society depends upon a healthy regard for the difference between right and wrong. Many people, perhaps the vast majority, are content with a system where rules are meant to be obeyed, lawbreakers are punished, and so on. But the mechanism of justice is not the whole of life. When I was young, I was struck by a passing remark from the lips of a spiritual teacher: 'Where love is not, there must be laws.'

At a certain point, a new and different kind of view begins to oppose our certainty that we have a right to judge others. Insight begins to dawn. It's not the same insight for everyone, yet I'd guess that something like the following begins to make sense:

• Judge not lest you be judged.
• We condemn in others what we are afraid to see in ourselves.
• Blame is the projection of guilt.
• Us-versus-them thinking is destructive to both sides of the equation.

How would you label such thoughts? If you are a rigid adherent to "an eye for an eye," these insights are corrosive; they must be rejected to keep your black-and-white moral code intact. But there's a reason, despite the intricacies and cruelties of the system of law, why the spiritual side of our nature is attracted to non-judgment. We want to love and be loved. At a deeper level, we realize that all suffering is ultimately related to self-judgment. Seeing yourself as fallen from grace, you feel justified in treating everyone else as fallen, to one degree or another.

Yet at a certain, highly unpredictable point, the urge arises to move beyond self-judgment, and when that urge arises, the need to judge others begins to decrease. There is an evolutionary impulse in everyone, or so the world's wisdom traditions teach us. We believe in our higher or better selves.

We want to reconnect with the soul. The selfish demands of the ego wear us down and begin to seem pointless. Whatever the trigger, moving beyond judgment is evolutionary. A breakthrough is possible, after which a path opens up.

Walking this path transforms the entire person, over a period of time, and leads to many stages of realization. At one stage you may want to rebel against rules and authority. That can be a satisfying stance, but eventually it is seen as untenable. At another stage you may feel humbled and therefore more judgmental against yourself than ever before. That, too, is just a stage. Ahead are various roles we attempt to play—martyr, saint, ascetic, child of God, child of Nature, etc. It would be too ironic to judge against any of these steps in personal growth; they are convincing while they last and rather empty once they are finished. Whatever the way stations that you experience on the path, the goal isn't the role you play; it's fulfillment within yourself.

Fulfillment is all-inclusive, which is why it is often labeled as unity consciousness. You exclude nothing from your being; there is a common thread running through you and everyone else. At that point, when empathy is effortless, you have succeeded in something that is at once very desirable and very rare. You have transcended the war between good and evil, light and darkness. Only in that state does the war end, and the perplexing issues around judgment are solved at last. Short of complete fulfillment within yourself, you cannot help but participate in duality, because the entire play of right and wrong, good and bad, light and darkness, depends upon self-division. Your ego will persist until the very end in labeling A as good and B as bad, for the simple reason that duality requires choices. As long as you prefer one thing over another, a mechanism will sneak in that says, 'If I like it, it must be good. If I don't like it, it must be bad.

Fortunately, even as the game of judgment keeps society running smoothly, constantly dictating our likes and dislikes, our loves and hates, human beings are born to transcend. We can go beyond the setup of society, the ego and judgment itself. In that innate capacity for seeking the higher self, every hope and promise offered by the world's great spiritual teachers rests."

Deepak Chopra is the President of the Alliance for A New Humanity.


From Michael Berg:

"It is easy to judge others and find fault in them; it is sometimes even enjoyable. Yet in reality, if our aim is to draw greater blessings and fulfillment into our lives, it is one of the most dangerous things we can do.

When we judge others we often think that we are simply making an observation, and that this action or thought will not affect us. However this is not the case. When we judge others we are awakening and connecting ourselves to a force of judgment. It is like trying to throw mud at someone – we might or might not hit them but we are definitely tainted by the mud. And by acting in this way we don't necessarily affect the other person, but we most definitely draw the energy of judgment and lack into ourselves.

I am often asked, 'We know that there are no coincidences, but why, then, do we see faults in others if it is wrong to judge people?' The kabbalists teach that as easy as it is to see shortcomings in others, it is almost impossible for an individual to truly find and assess his or her own faults. In order to change and grow we need to be able to know what it is about ourselves that we need to transform.

Yet if we are never completely capable of seeing our own faults, how will we change?

In order to assist us, the Creator created endless mirrors for each of us that allow us to clearly see what we have to change. These mirrors are all the people that are in our lives every day. Every fault we see in another person is an indication that we have an aspect of that issue within ourselves. In fact, the reality is that the only reason we are being shown these flaws in others is to realize that they also exist within ourselves. How silly is it then that we often disregard this and focus on what is wrong with other people?

The kabbalists use a simple story to illustrate this lesson. A man spends all of his day in a coal mine and his entire body and face are filthy. As he arrives home he sees a mirror his wife has bought. He looks at the mirror and sees that his reflection is dirty, so he takes a rag and starts cleaning the mirror. He tries and tries with all his might but his face still remains dirty. Of course this man is acting foolishly, as it is not a problem with the mirror but rather his own filth. This is how we usually behave—we see a reflection of our less-than-perfect traits in others, and rather than realizing that we are seeing this in order to change and perfect ourselves, we stay focused on the faulty mirror.

If we truly integrate this understanding into our lives, the next time we feel the urge to judge others we will instead look inward and find how we too possess the fault we see and forget about judging anyone. By acting in this way we protect ourselves from drawing the energy of judgment and lack into our lives. And most importantly, we gain a clear direction for own transformation and growth."

Michael Berg is a Kabbalah scholar and author. He is co-Director of The Kabbalah Centre. You can follow Michael on twitter, twitter.com/inspiringchange. His latest book is What God Meant.


From Dr. Karen Binder Byrnes, Ph.D:

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." -Carl Gustave Jung

"As human beings, we are constantly searching for self-definition by viewing ourselves in the context of our fellow “others" on this earth. One of the ways we do this is to be continually searching for the "sameness" or "difference" with the people we encounter in life. Often, the search to realize our own uniqueness leads being judgmental. As a basic and primal evolutionary survival tool, judgement of the "other's" intentions could enable one to move toward or away from a threatening encounter.

However, on an everyday basis, most of us are more likely to be judgmental as a means of elevating our own self-importance and/or assuaging our feelings of inadequacy.

There is an underlying sense of moral superiority and righteousness when we are being judgmental. In this dynamic, whether we are judging ourselves or others, we lose the sense of tolerance, compassion and objectivity that is probably most required. Recently, I was in a car with a male friend who became irate and judgmental about another driver who cut in on us in a toll line. I laughed, as I had been in the car with him many times when he had done the very same thing to other drivers. This is a simple example.

Being judgmental can drain us. Having compassion and empathy restores and increases our energy and our sense of well-being. It helps us want to move toward others and allows others to move toward us. During this holiday season, when we are surrounded by family and friends, we should all try to be more tolerant and empathic to our differences and check some of our judgments both of others and of ourselves at the door. Be mindful of the tendency to be judgmental and find humor and acceptance the kaleidoscope of human foibles that make up our world! Happy Holidays!! Peace."

Dr. Karen Binder-Brynes is a leading psychologist with a private practice in New York City for the past 19 years. See her website, DrKarennyc.com, for more information.


From Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel:

"What I hear in this question is a common concern for all of us: we want to be able to respond to our relationships with skillfulness and clarity. But when we critically examine, say, a conflict we might be having with a friend or family member, we often find ourselves judging others based on 'right' or 'wrong.' So to me the fundamental question comes down to this: 'Is there a way of working with relationships without judging or ignoring?

For me this question opened up a query into the difference between discernment and judgment. When we look at another human being—or ourselves—we see that we are not 'one way.' Human beings are creative and destructive, cranky and kind, joyful and miserable…it's impossible to pin down a human being. We are always a 'work in progress.' So when we judge others (or ourselves) we are objectifying or seeing them in a one-dimensional way. There is a closing down around a negative idea, and simultaneously, there is a non-acceptance of the "fullness" of who they are. This is why, when we judge others, we experience first and foremost the negativity of our own mind.

One thing I like to do when I find myself in these situations is to try to remember at least two other qualities about the person whom I have just 'put in a box.' For instance, aside from what is irritating us, we may acknowledge that she is a good mother to her children. We may remember that she brought us soup when we were sick. In this way, all of us move out of our tendency to judge them—to form a solid picture of them—which in turn moves us out of our own negativity. This helps us see this person more fully, which, if we are honest with ourselves, is more accurate.

This doesn't mean that this person doesn't exhibit habits that challenge us. Nor does it mean that we shouldn't also find a way to work with or even communicate with this person, set boundaries, and so on… But when we don't shut down by making judgments, the atmosphere of our minds is open, gentle and non-reactive. This gives us a greater capacity for clear seeing and how to relate to them skillfully in order to obtain a positive outcome.

I deeply believe that seeing the fullness of others, in all their pain and glory, allows us to express the greatest love and respect we can offer. It is an unconditional kind of love. And this kind of love has a profound effect on our own minds.

Not long ago a dear friend of mine lost her father. She told me that after his passing, her family and friends began to praise and deify him. Although she adored and respected her father, this was hard for her. She said that her father was many things: he was intelligent and kind, but also sometimes rough and gritty, 'like a prickly pear cactus.' She had trouble listening to people describe her father in such a one-dimensional way. She felt that her love for her father included the fullness of his human-ness.

I found this touching because her love for her father was inclusive … she didn't have to forget or disregard him in any way. She could accept him completely for who he was. She was able to see him clearly and accept him fully, both at the same time.

We can have an inclusive stance that makes room for the full humanity of others. From this ground, we can respond to a parent, friend or co-worker without judgment. When we realize that we can be both open and discerning at the same time, we experience freedom from negativity and meaningfulness in our relationship with the world."

Elizabeth Mattis-Namgyel is a Buddhist scholar and the author of the book, The Power of an Open Question (Shambhala Publications).

Chris Walker ... MBA, BE

I think it's important not to quash judgement. For me, the most enlightened people that have walked this planet judged more, not less. 

However, their judgements did not lead them to a state of right and wrong. That's where the big challenge is.

Nature seeks the balance in everything, and, to be enlightened in real life, we must not avoid judgement, but rather we need to seek balance in all our judgements. 

Living in a cave or hybernating inside a religion we might not be exposed to things we would otherwise judge. So, a person in a cave might say, "I love the world" but their world is not real, it is small, it is a cave, a small universe, a small range of things to judge. They might say "I am enlightened" but take them out of the cave and see how they react to the world.

I like TV because it expands what I can be found judging as good or bad. In other words I can walk the earth from my lounge room, and see what I judge as half .. my unconsciousness. So, from my lounge chair I can see where I am not enlightened, simply by watching TV news and observing my reactions.

Nature seeks balance in all things. This is wise insight from nature. When we seek balance in our judgements we are in harmony with nature and the forces that created nature. Hence, we can say, with a balanced mind, our judgements will come to nothing more than acceptance and love.

I encourage my students to judge more, and balance their judgements, rather than judge less and delude themselves about being enlightened by living in a community, religious group or family where there's a consensus about right and wrong that endorses imbalanced thinking, one sided judgements.

Chris Walker is inspired and enjoys writing about himself in the third person on his blog...

This is an age old question. One in which social norms seem to override reality. 

The answer, in short, "nature abhors a vacuum"

So, the question is better asked "how long does it take me to let go of the past?"

And

"What does letting go the past, really mean"

I will start with the last question first.

Letting go the past, in this case your ex partner, takes a few hours if you are completely honest with yourself. Of course, that's not always as easy as it sounds. If you ask a person to put their hand in a hot fire, they'll usually say no. So, when we come to letting go somebody which requires us to go into our pain and attachments, we often try to avoid it.

And that's what determines the actual time it takes between letting one partner go and attracting another. In other words, if we are honest with ourselves it can be instantaneous.

Honesty however, is not as simply as it sounds.

And letting go of the past requires it.

Here is the simple process from Nature's Universal Law for letting go a person from the past. (your ex partner for example)

1. Take all your negative judgements about them and list them in a narrow colum. (there needs to be at least 1000 things in that column if you plan for the instantaneous meeting of your new partner.

2. If there are not 1,000 minimum things negative in that column you are just protecting yourself and remaining attached to them. That's ok, it will just protract the meeting of a new partner for whatever time it takes to complete this step. And the longer you leave it, the harder it gets.

3. Now make another list of all the positive things you see in your ex... there also must be 1,000 minimum .. think seven areas of life...

4. Now find where you have all those character fault and gifts in yourself... (ie stop putting them on a pedestal (I'm less than them) or putting yourself on a pedestal (I'm bettter than them)

5. Now, take each negative thing you've identified (each of us has 3,000 negative traits) and find the gift, the benefit of having that trait.. you'll be shocked that most things you like in people come from most things you don't like.

6. Now, take each positive thing you've identified (each of us has 3,000 positive traits) and find the downside, drawback of that.. you'll be shocked to find that most of the things you like in people cause most of the things you don't like.

At the end of these lists .. you will be close to unconditionally loving your ex. If they do things that piss you off or please you during the process, add them to your list and process them.

When you're done with this process, nature guarantees your new partner will appear.

So, how long does it take before your new partner replaces your old partner? It takes the amount of time your ego takes to let go of it's identification with emotional imbalanced perception... 

I do this form on my partners everyday. That way, if they leave, i don't have such a mamouth job ... I usually have a list of 2,000 positives and 2,000 negatives on anyone I want to love.

If you are with a partner and you want to be fertile and sexually aroused by that person, all you need to do is do the positive list, and the negative list ... but only process the negatives. In other words make them more positive than negative .. it's called infatuation and it causes sexual and hormonal arousal, a key for fertility.

Many couples I have helped get past infertility have been too much in unconditional love. They have come to know each other for so long or so wisely that they are no longer infatuated. 

Example:

A person I know really well hates her ex husband for cheating on her. She judges him harshly but has moved on and attracted a new mate. She remarried and keeps incredibly large distances between herself and her ex husband. She things she moved on...

But has she?

She certainly found a new man, she certainly got on with living. But is she really divorced from her first husband? Lets see:

1. She lives a life avoiding any circumstance that reminds her of what she judged in her ex husband, paranoid about being lied to or cheated on... So who is running her life? Her Ex...

2. She lives a life making sure her children do not exhibit any of the qualities she hates in her ex husband, so, in nature what we judge we breed, attract or become.. so, her children don't tell her the truth, her partner isn't honest, and she isn't really honest ... everybody walks on egg shells and has become very good at not being detected keeping secrets.

3. Her infatuation with her new husband is on the basis that none of the character traits she hates in her ex husband exist in him. Of course, in nature we know everybody has every trait, so is she in love or living in hope, not in love? You answer that for yourself?

4. The mere mention of her ex husband sends shivers down her spine. SO, there is obviously some massive attachment to him she hasn't really dealt with. In order to deal with that inconvenient attachment, she surrounds herself with food, and has become obese. Guess what her new husband's issues are with his ex wife?

Dealing with Grief

Grieving is over rated. Emotional honesty is under rated. The longer we avoid emotional honesty the more the therapist and psychologist and institutions that support grief get solicited.. paid.

Grief is what we do until we unconditionally love the person we lost.

Grief is how we keep ourselves from putting our hand in the fire and facing our ego attachments and judgements.

Grief is essential when we don't really want to let go.

Grief is a culturally acceptable way of dealing with letting go. It is also convenient for others to support if they too do not want to let go.

Grief is what we do when we don't really trust nature, or love.

Grief is how we attract pity and we know, pity loves a party, pityparty.

Conclusion

1. Letting go the past means absolute unconditional love for it and the person in it.

2. How long should we wait before finding a new partner after the last? As long as it takes to find unconditional love for the ex... in my case, I live in that state, so, no time at all. Instantaneously, because nature abhors a vacuum.

3. What else delays a new partner arriving instantaneously? Choosing a different form of partner and filling the vacuum with work, sport, tv, reading, yoga, meditation, alcohol, food.... if you fill the vacuum left by a partner with some other product or service, don't ask nature to fill the vacuum, it's full. Remember in nature "nothing is missing, it just changes in form"

It's rare to find a couple who are equally inspired. In most cases, one is inspired and the other wishes they were, or, wishes you weren't.

So, it's a common problem. What do you do when you are inspired and your partner isn't?

1. Don't Compromise....
Being inspired has three core components: VIP... Vision, Inspiration and Purpose... if you compromise one of those in order to placate your partner's discomfort, you'll resent them, eventually.

2. Be Adaptive
Adaptation is a key in living your VIP. It isn't going to go the way you expect. Nature never grows in straight lines, so, your VIP will be continually adjusting, evolving, changing to suit the environment. Don't compromise your VIP but you can adapt to circumstance and environment.

3. Stay Focussed
It's hellishly easy to get side tracked in trying to adapt to the needs of an uninspired partner. Sometimes you'll feel like pulling your hair out. Getting over this attachment to pleasing people while remaining thankful and accepting their version of reality is a great learning experience. Balanced, Centred and Calm ... Patience.

4. Sell the Sizzle not the Sausage
Most often a partner who is not inspired will put the brakes on their own life and try to put the brakes on their partner's life because they see the inspiration but don't feel any benefit. It feels isolating to have an inspired partner. So, give them benefit for your inspiration: be more loving, generous, listen, understand, tolerant, give them rule of the stuff that they find important, be more attentive and link all this to you being more inspired... as it is.

5. Be Prepared to Let It Go
If your partner's approval is more important than your VIP ... (Vision, Inspiration and Purpose) then, it's wise for you to drop the VIP pretence and focus on saving your relationship. However, if you've come the full circle through a few compromised relationships and paid the price for giving up your VIP ... then like me you'll know that there's nothing worse as demonstrated in Walker's law of lesser passers... please people and piss yourself off or please yourself and piss others off. Your choice is simple.

Awareness is the key... you just have to admit sometimes that you partner's problems are caused by your partner's choices and two people making bad choices doesn't make two happy ones....

G'day,

People are different in nature: more generous, more creative, more open hearted.

This is what the nature of love is all about. It means bringing those wonderful qualities that make great relationships even better back from nature into our lives.

I invite your comments: but not self promotion or negative born again fanatisism, this is not the place for that... this blog is a celebration of love, relationships and longevity in family health and happiness.

Yours In Nature.

Chris

I'd love to share with you a fantastic recipe I learned from a Nepalese Monk... Would you love to try it tonight?

If you choose inspiration as your aspiration, it becomes an invitation for others.
No perspiration in inspiration, nor desperation at its worst.
Constipation is lost inspiration and hesitation, procrastination and cogitation are too.
Imagination comes from inspiration,
Transformation comes from inspiration,
And masturbation or self glorification and motivation are simply the desire to find inspiration
With Innerwealth I'm giving you and invitation,
a moment of contemplation
deep soul authentication
of the potential in you
for Inspiration
because when you live as nature intended, you get what nature intended
Inspiration.

We use words like heart, mind, soul, spirit and love and yet, it is hard to understand what these very personal impressions of life really mean in terms of outcome and activity. One can say, "I love" and yet, the course of action that is driven by that love can be quite obsessive, dangerous and harmful. Sometimes a person misinterprets these words as a permission to act unwisely toward others.

In fact, last week a man was arrested in NYC for making bombs. He got the instructions from an Islamic terrorist magazine called Inspire. He got inspired to make potentially devastating bombs.

I love this quote

"Words are Words.
Thoughts are Thoughts
Ideas are ideas
Action is just action
Results are the Only Reality"

What do you think?

Please enjoy this newsletter ... and share it around with those people who might enjoy reading it. Please make comments on this new format and anything you'd love to see themed for next week.

• Download Newsletter November
• Link Here to read it on this web site.
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For twenty years I have walked the planet speaking about love, inspiration and heart in life and in particular, business. Thousands of keynotes, tens of thousands of personal meetings, retreats, blogs and books, and yet, here, in a few minutes an old wise man and a young child say more than I could have dreamed.

Here are a few suggestions to make sure you are not bringing stress to bed.

1. Turn off the TV at night.. It’s not adding value.
2. Sit with your lover face to face and just be silent for a while each night before bed.
3. Do a “thank you for my day” prayer with your lover each morning in anticipation of the day ahead and in gratitude for the day past. Share this out loud and try to remember and imagine real events.
4. Make a collage on the wall not just of the kids school stuff but add pictures of where you, as a couple, plan to be, do and have in the future that excites you as individuals and as a couple together.
5. Separate love making and sleep time.
6. Make love when you are most energised not when you’re most exhausted
7. Don’t make excuses... You and your partner can overcome mental, emotional, spiritual and physical stress in order to be present in life for each other. Relationships are not the catch all for the crappy energy that’s left at the end of the day, quite the opposite.
8. Make love outdoors as often as possible. Just don’t wake the neighbours. 

Chris

Reader's Question ...

"I read your ezine article regarding and titled "Letting Go and Attachment". I specifically wanted to contact you to flesh our the concept of having no expectations in a person and therefore never having them unmet...is it really wrong to expect people to be humane and decent with us when dealing on an intimate level? Isn't that trust? How can you pursue a relationship without faith & trust? Your article was beautiful and heavy, just what I love. But I want to learn more in order to grow. Thank You."

My Answer

It's a beautiful question... one that has deep implicatoins.. If we are ready we will understand the answer, if we are not, it'll make no sense... so I'll try to be brief....

Firstly, there's a difference between love and relationship... To love somebody is absolutely impossible without learning to let go of our expectations. Expectations block love. But relationship, which can include love has expectations.. few people would stay in a relationship with someone they didn't trust or have faith in. But they are two different topics. So, I hope that explains a piece of your question.

For the second part, it is a little more "theoretical" and may not be a wisdom you are ready to hear because it makes a lot of people who are being hurt, responsible for that hurt, and that information might not be appropriate for them to hear at this time... the information is "nobody does more to us than we do to ourselves" hence, if a partner is not humane and decent to us, then, in the short term we may decide not to trust or have faith in them, and maintain our expectations of them, but in the long term, this perspective will lead to loneliness, bitterness and isolation. 

Your partner will not treat you better than you treat yourself. However, this may not be what you perceive in the first months of meeting them. In fact, if we are not trusting ourselves, or humanely treating ourselves well, then we'll seek someone who has those qualities, and that's the sad reality, Sometimes what we call love is just the infatuation we feel when our expectations get met. Ultimately all human beings have trustable and untrustable sides. The one who displays their trustability in the first meeting hides their dishonesty, and of course, meets your expectations. Eventually however, what we fear comes near, and we attract, not the perfect partner but the perfect person, one who has the contradiction to our expectatons built into them, hidden from view, at first.

So, the question is put "what is the purpose of a relationship?" Is it to meet your expectations and make you happy, or is it to contradict your expectations and teach you love? 

Expectations block love.. So, I guess the ultimate question lies there. What is my expectation of a relationship? To teach me to love those things I don't, or to make me happy by meeting my expectations?

In the material world, the answer will be different to the spiritual world. Of course, my priority as a teacher of nature's law is to respect both.

And, last, when it comes to expectations .. which really means, our judgements of good and bad, lovable or unlovable at our level of viewpoint, there's a sad but wise insight ..."What we judge (the inverse of our expectations) we CREATE in our children, ATTRACT in a partner, or BECOME in ourselves.

I guess, in nature's view, that's how we learn to love and move through our blocks (expectations)... Nothing of the senses (expectations) ever satisfied the soul (love).... 

Money can buy you the illusion of love but not love
Money can buy the illusion of happiness but not happiness
Money can buy you a partner in life but not a companion

Sent from my iPad
"Evolve Consultant - We help individuals, teams, families, corporations and communities evolve through challenging times because evolving is happier, better, faster than changing"

http://www.chriswalker.com.au

Can you come home from work each day, five or six days a week with more energy that you went to work with in the morning?

Pride in burnout is no base for self gratification, in fact it's an early warning sign that you're in over your depth and if that incompetence doesn't lead to some inspired change, things are going to get nasty...

So, I think the ultimate test of Inspired Change is whether we can remain on top of our game by continually adapting and evolving our process. What worked yesterday for balance, may be toxic today...

Stopping the Leaks

Most people bleed energy at work. That's like a marathon runner wasting energy in a marathon. It's going to be a tough finish. So, most people bleed energy all day at work and go home exhausted, unnecessarily. I mean, if you work in a coal mine, or drive trucks around the city all day, understandable, but for the other 90% the hardest thing they do all day is park the car and push the elevator button.

There are four Energy Leak Pluggers

Gratitude, Presence, Certainty and Love.. and when all four are in a healthy state, your energy will be conserved. Whereas, in their opposite state, ingratitude sucks energy, lack of presence leads to overwhelm and uncertainty (doubt) is like an energy vacuum cleaner. Love, well love can be seen here as the opposite to all emotion, uppers and downers and emotion (energy in motion) is as its name implies, a bee in a bottle, lots of noise, not much result.

Storing and Holding the Energy

Now we've started to stop leaking energy, we get a sense of insecurity. We used to measure our productivity by how burned out we were at the end of a day, but now, crumbs, we're feeling pretty fired up. So, what happens next? 

Storying energy is a special and specific skill. It means we are able to stand still and not desempower ourselves, get caught up in unnecessary waste and be focussed. The skill set for this aspect of energy management is: BCC ... Balanced, Centred and Calm...

Balanced in the mind ... basically this defuses wasteful emotion and holds onto the energy in a healthy way. Centred in the body, both front and back and side to side it brings us down from our head into our heart. And Calm, no leader worth following is frantic. Calm is the essence of great leadership (not sloth or careless ) Calm is intensity with steadiness and it comes from a good big healthy perspective on things.


Building Energy

Now, so far we've plugged the leaks, stored the juice so we didn't get frazzled by this more strong way to work but there's something left. We asked if you came home from work with MORE energy so we need to build energy throughout the day, not just conserve it.

This leads us to VIP... VIsion, Inspiration and Purpose which is another product in the Inspired Change program.

Vision... the size of your vision determines the size of your life... keeping this front and centre in your day is a key to energy building.

Inspiration.. Inspiration is the inner voice but most importantly it activates through contentment and stillness. Inspiration is a state of focus and concentration in which all space and time evaporate.. For this reason, we set time limits on tasks so that we can "interrupt our inspiration" when it's time to move on...

Purpose.. and purpose is the big daddy of the three energy builders because when we have a purpose greater than ourselves we tap into a bigger picture of whatever we are doing right now. Remembering that we sabotage anything we can't link to our purpose, it makes remembering your purpose in life throughout the day, and linking whatever you do to your purpose, a vital key to energy expansion.

Hope you enjoyed this. If so, leave a comment. 

Cheers

Sexy people are born at work. The energy that is sexy and intimate at home comes from inspiration, purpose and vision at work. So, I'm not talking about those who are great lovers for the honeymoon and then burn out after a few months. I'm talking about those people who are incredible in bed and out of it. A partner in love, inspired and delicious in life.

Lets see what I'm talking about in the following blog post.

It is a common mistake people make to think that their overactive “busy-ness” is sexy. But do you see sexy people, leaders or global agents busy? I don't think so...

From my experience and observation, busy people are single people, or soon to be. 

Sure, there's the sort of life do you get from being in a relationship with a person who is always late, always exhausted from too much of this and that, and they just have to have sex to get to sleep or find peace.

Yes, there are those people think that being frantic is sexy. They define great love as jumping up and down on the bed making noises and sweat. But that's not what creates a long term, intimate, loving, delicious, sexy relationship - a frantic day doesn't lead to a sexy night, it's not sexy, it lacks intimacy and love, it's exercise and it's long term, really ugly. 

Yes, there are frantic people who make great lovers. They stress and panic so much in the day, they need stress relief at night. Their appetite however, is for sex, not love. 

Sometimes we make love to someone and we know they are just trying to find the place in their heart in bed that they can't find in life. This is not sexy.

In a business world, the company that turns a blind eye to the "fat guy" or the "nervous one" or the "over emotional one" is actually sending a lot of baggage home to the lover of that employee. The message is “Turn up at work and the rest we don't care about.”

In business I teach zero tolerance. 

Zero tolerance for "Got to" unconsciousness. Zero tolerance for burn-out and over work. 

I bring this to corporate culture not to cause people to be all "spiritual" and at peace around the office. No, I bring it because it makes those people at work, great lovers at home.

If a person learns to raise the consciousness at work they automatically turn up. They exude inspiration and they will automatically be intense and fulfilled in their work, and therefore complete and generous at home... That’s the bottom line required to be a great lover... Fulfilled, complete and generous in love.

You can tell who those bad lovers are just by meeting them at work. 

They are those who want cushion jobs, no stress, don't like being challenged, they always talk about too much work, too many boss', too poor leadership, too much change, too much pressure. And they often ride on the bicycle of discrimination or harassment. (not all so please don't spam me)

Anger, depression, violence and abuse are rife in the corporate world but they are not toward others in the office. People are angry and let it out where there’s the minimal resistance and the most opportunity not to get in trouble. They are angry to their spouse, their children and they are angry toward themselves (the source of mental depression, addiction and many more very common social diseases).

And that anger is impossible to address with Myer Brigg or Engagement studies so corporate training usually decides to focus on Work and leave the Bad lover, angry parent, frustrated self abuse to be negotiated and separated from work.

 Bad lovers are dysfunctional in the workplace and it shows.

The remedy starts with escaping from the paradigm that peace is productive and that stressless is a good thing. 

Intensity and purpose and focus and vision are where great lovers are born and it starts at work. 

You have to differentiate between the person who loves their work, loves the intensity and challenge, stays productive and is never so busy that they close their smile or close their heart and the unconscious person who desperately wants to be a great lover, and hates their work, or at least hates the challenges that come from it.

Great lovers are born at work they bring that inspiration into all aspects of their life. They turn up, 110% in whatever they do, not needy, celebrating life both in support and challenges.

This article is written for single people wanting to become double, and double people wanting to stay that way.

Single people often work long hours, play sport to excess, have friends that fill their social life and watch huge amounts of TV. All of which makes for double trouble if and when a relationship starts. It means either the relationship must fit into a lifestyle where romance has been absent, or, it means a lifestyle must change radically in order to accommodate a relationship. Either way, radical change means a lot of pressure on a relationship to work, and that, by definition, is what kills them. Instead, if you are single and wish to become double, follow a few nature based principles while you are single in order to make being in a relationship more likely.

Nature's laws bring nature to high rise offices, TV addicted children and relationships that struggle for balance. Nature's laws can bring a new understanding of an old theme, that really, our humanity is grounded in the balance of nature...

 First Step .. Resolve Your Issues, Don't Solve them....

• Unhappiness is not solved by happiness... it is resolved by thankfulness for what is as it is.
• Depression is not solve by elation.. it is resolved by realistic expectations.
• Anger is not solved by peace.. it is resolved by perception shifts.
• Loneliness is not solved by companionship.. it is resolved by self-worth.
• Frustration is not solved by holidays or work life balance... it is resolved by evolving.
• Confusion is not solved by clarity... it is resolved within the human heart.

In understanding the difference between solving our problems and resolving our problems, we understand that happiness is over-rated. Fulfilment, contentment, inspiration and inner peace are far more authentic and sustainable aspirations. Of course, it just depends a bit on where we are at in our life. So, with this principle you learn that the "Purpose of a Relationship is NOT happiness" - don't make that a goal and you'll be well on your way to new love.

Come into Harmony With True Human Nature

To be more balanced, our society, communities and work cultures need to Nature-Up a bit more. But we all can't live out in the forest or by the sea 24/7, so, to help us stay connected to nature even in our offices, we can help ourselves by living, working and breathing in harmony with nature's law.

To do that, you simply make a list of everything you want in your partner, sort of like the ad you'd put in an online dating web site or newspaper. 

Then, list the opposite qualities of the ones you've listed for the newspaper, for example ... if you day you want a kind partner, write down unkind.. because that's a real person, not a fantasy one, and you'll meet real people, and only think you've met a fantasy one.

So, if you meet someone and they display all the positive qualities on your list, know with 100% accuracy that to love that person, and enjoy a long term relationship with them, you will have to embrace their opposite side... can't do it? Don't start it.

 Be The One You Most Want to Meet

For years people have been sold the romantic notion that their partner will "COMPLETE ME" .. you complete me is a wedding vow, and it's 100% guaranteed to mess up any dating, romance or relationship ... eventually. When two people are the same, one isn't necessary. So, we're repelled from our exact likeness and suddenly think we want our exact opposite. This is also unstable and unsustainable.

Instead, take the list of your ideal mate, the one we already did in "Harmony" and make this your ambition. Become the partner you most want and to do that, you'll have to fess up and somehow like the fact that you are both the positive and negative you search for in others. 

Now, you might find this confronting, but remember, in nature, nothing is ever missing it just changes in form. So, you may not have a hairy chest, but that hairy chest might be a manly strength, and you will have that in one of the seven areas of life. (spiritual, mental, social, career, health, realtionship, financial)

Looking is the problem. Attracting is the key.. 

They need you, more than you need them. Be self assured. By becoming the person you most want to be around you'll start to suspect that others want to be around that person called you too. When you are looking you are wanting and when wanting you'll catch your prey but rarely are those catches as delicious as you first thought. Better to feel fantastic, look fantastic and have a purpose greater than you so, other people want some of it. 

Then, every train ride, bus ride, cafe purchase, swim club meeting and kayak paddle becomes a singles club. Chemistry flows and you are wise not to dive in and if you're not hungry, and like your own company, you'll be very attractive and extremely discerning who gets your phone number for phase 2.

Always base phase 2 on career.

 No man's land is an aweful place, it's up in the Whitsundays, near Someday Isle... Someday I'll do this, Someday I'll do that.. and when a person is living on Someday Isle, you are going to become a part of the fodder of their "gee if only" life script. 

If only you'd be different. If only you'd change that. If only we lived in Tasmania. If only the world was different. It's aweful, high maintenance, self depricating but highly sexually charged. Be careful of the "I wish I hadda" recruitment agency.. once in, it's really hard to get out with your head on your shoulders.

Create Space

Relationships take time out of your day. If you are busy, and single, you're stuffed. If you are busy and married, you're going to be stuffed. Relationships take time.

Last Saturday afternoon, after a long paddle on my ski, I came home, showered, ate, and lay on the lounge room floor to listen to some great music for two whole hours. I slept, dozed, watched the sky and if I was in a permanent relationship, my partner might be with me in that time. It's relationship time, or down time from wanting and doing and being. Whether I'm single or double, this time is precious and I do something like this every day. Just thankful to be, nowhere. 

If you're waiting for a partner to make you feel good about down time, you might find someone that fits that need for a year, but eventually, if you don't give it to yourself, nobody will.

Prevention is better than cure

It's important to intervene in situations of imbalance as soon as possible and preferably prevent them happening in the first place.

Clearly, if we spend too many years out of balance we end up doing permanent damage.

So, the key to balance and maintaining a healthy awareness of balance in relationships, is not to get out of balance in the first place.

It starts with YOU: breathing with balance, goes to thinking, posture and leads to expectations of balance.

The enemy of balance is YOUR EGO, and Ego thrives on emotion, and all emotion comes from imbalanced thinking. Even helping our children to use both sides of their brain, both hands and breathe right can make a huge difference to their long term well-being.

Getting Past the Crazy Notion of Work Life Balance.. to Work Work Balance

If you come home from work with less energy than you left home with in the morning, you are potentially destroying everything you are working to create.

So, the idea that, because you are single, you can practice the art of Burn-out on a daily basis is going to cause you grief.

I used to live one of those models of work life balance that separated what I experienced at work from what was going on at home. It was a real disconnect.

For example: I'd come home some days so full of pride for the day just past and cop a real mouthful of bitterness from my wife.

I resented her for this because I didn't recognise the links between my Ego at work and my partner's response at home. When we get up ourselves our partner brings us down and visa versa.

Compensating for overwork with Under Relationship stinks. This practice of Self Balance needs to be a habit, and a relationship will flow easily.

Bring Home the Love

When we are single it is very easy to become a legend in our own lunchbox. We come home tired, wounded and plonk ourselves in front of our night courses, TV, jogging or whatever.

I used to bring home worry, stress and anxiety and didn't really know how much this impacted the possibilities of my family life.

Nothing affects the child  more than the unlived life of the parent, and, nothing affects the relationship more than the unlived life of the partner. If we come home bitter and pissed about the challenges or confrontations of our work then our home is no home, it's an office and we're still there. 

No person with any level of self-worth would stay in a relationship with a person who isn't bringing home the love... not for kids or sex.. and for money - only for a few years.

Romance

Change modes between home and work .. at work you might be welcome to talk about improving things, making things better, aspirational talk... but if you bring that stuff home it's basically saying to your partner "I want to improve you because I'm not thankful for who you are." I know that's not what you're thinking, but that's the result. 

Now, all romance comes from thankfulness. Thank you for being you. When we say, "here's how you can improve" it's the opposite to romance. For me, as a management and personal consultant this awareness is vital because it's easy to find the problems to solve in business and come home to find the problems to solve in my partner... it's all an act of love but it's not received with equal welcome.

Simply in relationships... don't listen to advice you didn't ask for or/and wouldn't pay for.

Sustainable or Not?

If you ask me to do something for a day in order to get what I want for a week I'll do it. So, sometimes people turn into the most lovely, kind, seductive, delicious, friendly, caring, sweet, horny lover for a day, because they want the pleasure of a seduction that can last a week.

Poeple don't change. Simply, if that guy you meet has a reputation for shagging every girl in the office, and he's turned over a new leaf when you meet him, don't believe it. Poeple don't change, or at least, rarely do.

If a person blames their ex, blames their boss, blames their sister or brother, or lawyer for their past behaviours, nothing has changed. It's just a new suit. And becoming a yogi, a meditator or spiritual devotee doesn't change things, it just changes the form of things. 

Beware the illusion that somebody is different than who they used to be. It's based on denial and that's not the very long river in Egypt .. it's trouble.

A Tap on the Shoulder or a Kick in the Butt

"If you come home at night with less energy than you went to work with, adjust fast, it's an early warning sign from nature.. time to evolve"

I used to compromise this ideal.

I mean to say, I'd come home from work and in a weird sense be proud of how exhausted I was from a hard day, week, year's work.

I'd get some sympathy but in the long term, it affected my children, partner, friendships and health. If only someone loved me enough to confront my myth maybe I would have caused less hurt and been more authentic and cut the damage bill to a fraction of what it finally cost.

The investment in learning to respond, adapt, evolve, modify, improve from taps on the shoulder can save you a fortune in wealth, and more importantly, a lot of unnecessary disfunction in love.

Realistic... Not Idealistic

What you will find inspiring about nature's laws is that they are realistic, not idealistic. Infatuations, delusions and illusions come from idealistic thinking, and this most often happens when people get out of harmony with nature.

Disconnected from nature there is an opportunity to become ungrounded and be our own worst enemy.

We can begin to expect our partner, the world to be some cartoon character or movie role. Like the self sacrificing man who gives up his all to be with the love of his life ... and has no regret... eeeek.

Balance in life is a real joy, and one great key from nature is to be realistic. Balance is not static - it's about activation, adaptation and integration.

There are going to be times of great stress, demand and challenge in everyone's life and these are extremely healthy and important.

A person who tries to avoid stress is going to either bore themselves to an early grave or become stressed, avoiding stress.

We all know people whose fear of stress causes them to become weak and frail.

But there are serious problems with excess stress and sustained imbalance that often lead to obsessing over holidays, addiction to foods and alcohol, sexual affairs and some extreme forms of guru worship and new age paranoia.

We share realistic life balance awareness that embraces the need to "put in the hard yards" every now and then.

Live by these Principles ... Bring home the love

• Evolve through Challenge
• Stop Stress before it happens
• Commit to going Home with more energy than you come to work with
• Take Emotional Showers and do your own dirtily laundry before you get home
• Turn up 110% when you choose. Turn off 110% when you choose
• Take no bull, give no bull.. talk straight, walk straight, lead with integrity.

Avoid the Following Like the  Plague - Early Warning Signs of Imbalance are too often ignored at our own peril.

I'll list a few: great people who are all one sided, happy people who never show unhappiness, yes people who never disagree, sweet people who are never angry, sexy people who never fart, kind people who are never mean, generous people who are never demanding, spiritual people who never sware, vegetarians who don't harm animals... just be aware, there's no such thing as a half human... only Schizophrenic People and Psychopathic people think so, and in extreme, these people are dangerous.

To a less degree Bi-Polar individuals like born again, fundamentalists, terrorists, and environmentalists come from the same splintered world and may look and sound attractive, but with nature's law, you can see they become transparent. Danger averted.

More Obvious Warning Signs of Delusion and Unsustainable Lust are:

Elation, anger, rightoeusness, super spiritual, frustration, anxiety, addiction, obesity, violence, self abuse, withdrawal, immune system breakdown, anger at past partners, poor relationships with parents or over infatuation with parents.

Don't wait for advanced signals, learn to detect imbalance right at the root and that's what I am really keen to demonstrate.

Unhappiness is not solved by happiness ... it is resolved by thankfulness for what is as it is.
Depression is not solve by elation .. it is resolved by realistic expectations.
Anger is not solved by peace.. it is resolved by perception shifts.
Loneliness is not solved by companionship .. it is resolved by self-worth.
Frustration is not solved by holidays or work life balance... it is resolved by evolving.

The personal who lives and breathes without doubt is sadly missing some of the greatest spiritual and personal gifts available to humanity. Those include humility, kindness, compassion and love.. But they don't stop there.

Doubt is our deepest and closest spiritual guru. It can warn us when we have become hard headed, it can warn us when infatuation replaces love, it can warn us when enthusiasm, separation or even self sabotage is replacing wisdom. Therefore doubt must be welcomed into our authentic lives.

http://www.chriswalker.com.au

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http://www.chriswalker.com.au

I love being inspired and to achieve this wonderful creative state, I need as much inner peace as I can get.. Here's how:
I include things: By concluding that everything has its place in nature, and finding it, I become undisturbed by stuff and the further down this path I travel, the more inner peace and therefore Inspiration I enjoy.
Some people prefer right and wrong rather than inclusiveness. So, I include these right and wrong people in my picture model of life. I remain inclusive.
Stupid people, violent people, mean people, dark energy.. I include too... 
I prefer to be inclusive because exclusiveness leads to no inner peace.
I think fundamental religion and righteousness leads to the opposite of inner peace. Being right means exclusiveness and exclusiveness eliminates the opposition. With this strategy, there is no inner peace.

Gandhi used to claim that if someone insulted you, and you agreed that their insult was a valid statement, it was a way of handing the insulter back their insult. You just accepted it. 
I do this by saying "I am everything" and this is helpful when I wish to be inclusive to maintain my inner peace.
Inner peace is a good thing
I like inner peace because it's a place of giving. If I have inner peace I feel complete and relaxed, fulfilled and nourished so, I don't want much.
I think the statement "I need nothing, want nothing and therefore I have everything" leads to inner peace.
Contentment
At the foot of Inspiration is inner peace. It is a stillness that comes from taming the wild tiger that is my body, and defeating the taunt of my ego to be better or worse than others. I spent more time trying to achieve the latter.
At first I tried to defeat the ego by disciplining it. But this didn't work in every day life, it was based on models of good and bad and I ended up just reshaping my ego to become a yogi or meditator or whatever. 
So, I found a way to find a good relationship with my ego... I found wrong in what my ego said is right and I found right in what my ego said is wrong. I know this sounds like a MF but the spin leaves my ego powerless. I became inclusive.
Oh, there are still situations where I become exclusive and lose myself. I still judge Gadaffi and others like him. I am no saint but I am far, far, far down the track of contentment, inner peace and inclusiveness than I was before. And this, I think, is a good way to include my own incompetence in my model of life. 
I am, in short, a work in progress - and while I have a body, will continue to be so... I hope.