Prior to beginning my study of Alma 39 a few months ago, I’d never considered the idea that perhaps Alma was trying to help Corianton with anything other than sexual sin.

Many Prophets and Apostles, and therefore likely millions of Latter-day Saints have taught and discussed this chapter as a warning against the severity of sexual sin. The common interpretation is that Alma gives ranking to the 3 worst sins a person can commit:

1. Denying the Holy Ghost
2. Shedding innocent blood
3. Sexual sin (fornication / adultery)

If you’ve read many of my previous posts, you know that my scripture study is focused on the text itself. It’s not that I’m against outside commentary, and I often look to it for more insight and understanding. But only after I’ve carefully studied the text, and have questions I haven’t been able to shed any light on, with evidence in the text itself.

In short: I don’t want the traditional answers, I want to understand what the author is actually saying and whatever context we can glean from that. I’m more interested in what I can discern from the words of the scriptures themselves, the guidance and help of the Holy Ghost, and my growing understanding of the author who wrote the part I’m studying. So as per usual, I didn’t look up talks or commentary on Alma 39, until I’d had my own insights into what I thought was going on.

Why Doesn’t Alma Focus on Sexual Sin?

The first thing I noticed was that Alma doesn’t focus on sexual sin. Not even a little bit. Mirroring my study, let’s go to the text itself.

Alma first starts by listing some other sins that Corianton has committed: not being as steadfast, faithful, or diligent in keeping the commandments as his brother (Shiblon, we assume). He even points out specifically that Corianton “didst go on unto boasting in [his own] strength and wisdom.” (Alma 39:2). Then in verse 3 he gets to the heart of it all:

3. And this is not all, my son. Thou didst do that which was grievous unto me; for thou didst forsake the ministry, and did go over into the land of Siron among the borders of the Lamanites, after the harlot Isabel.

Alma 39:3 (emphasis added)

Now let’s look at that verse: does he say anything about sexual sin directly? No. There’s an implication that if he’s chasing a harlot, he was pursuing her for sexual gratification. But Alma doesn’t say that here.

Instead the first of the things he mentions that’s “grievous” to him, is that Corianton “didst forsake the ministry.” Traveling to Siron, chasing a harlot, almost seems like an afterthought. The “and” used here makes it seem like Alma mentions it for context in case the events or timeline are not clear. Or as if that’s just the events that followed. Or perhaps that was the motivation for his sin, but not the actual sin. The focus seems pretty clearly not on the chasing of the harlot.

4. Yea, she did steal away the hearts of many; but this was no excuse for thee, my son. Thou shouldst have tended to the ministry wherewith thou wast entrusted.

Alma 39:4 (emphasis added)

Once again, we see Alma doesn’t seem to focus on sexual sin here either. He doesn’t say “you shouldn’t have been consorting with a whore!” as you’d expect if that were his primary concern here. Instead his admonition parallels his main concern in verse 3: “Thou shouldst have tended to the ministry….” If that’s true, then verse 5 is also not about sexual sin:

5. Know ye not, my son, that these things are an abomination in the sight of the Lord; yea, most abominable above all sins save it be the shedding of innocent blood or denying the Holy Ghost?

Alma 39:5 (emphasis added)

So when he ranks Corianton’s sin as the third worst sin, he’s talking about something else. But what is it?

I’ve read and reread it, and read chapters 40-42 as well, and can’t find any hints of a better explanation when sticking to the text itself. In fact, let’s just address chapters 40-42 right now: there’s no mention of sexual sin in all of Alma’s lecture that follows this part, not even a hint or possible implied reference that I see.

If Not Sexual Sin, Then What?

So what is Alma talking about that’s so horrible?

6. For behold, if ye deny the Holy Ghost when it once has had place in you, and ye know that ye deny it, behold, this is a sin which is unpardonable; yea, and whosoever murdereth against the light and knowledge of God, it is not easy for him to obtain forgiveness; yea, I say unto you, my son, that it is not easy for him to obtain a forgiveness.

Alma 39:6 (emphasis added)

Try to look at this fresh, putting aside the way it’s frequently taught and discussed. He does seem to say that denying the Holy Ghost is the unpardonable sin, and therefore #1 on the list. And in verse 5, he did say that “shedding innocent blood” is in the top 2. So we’ll put it as #2.

But this is where context really changes how I see these verses. Alma talks about “murder[ing] against the light and knowledge of God.” I’d assumed this paralleled the “shedding of innocent blood” that he mentioned in verse 5. However, the wording is totally different. Plus it can’t be the same as “denying the Holy Ghost” because he just said that was unpardonable, while “murder[ing] against the light” can be forgiven, though it’s difficult.

Additionally, he repeats the warning that it’s not easy to obtain forgiveness, twice. It’s as if he’s trying to impress the gravity of it on Corianton. Then look what he says next:

7. And now, my son, I would to God that ye had not been guilty of so great a crime. I would not dwell upon your crimes, to harrow up your soul, if it were not for your good.

Alma 39:7 (emphasis added)

Here Alma specifically says Corianton committed the sin he’s talking about. And, as if repeating it twice weren’t enough, Alma invokes God in a sort of oath to show how deep his desire is on his son’s behalf. If we look at it as an isolated verse, then it could refer back to something mentioned before such as sexual sin.

However, Mormon didn’t write in verses and Alma didn’t speak in them. They were added nearly 2000 years after Alma spoke them. Since this longing immediately follows the part about murdering against the light, it appears he’s saying:

Murdering against the light and knowledge of God is one of the most serious sins, and it’s very difficult to obtain forgiveness. Do you understand what I’m saying? If you’ve committed this sin, it is terribly difficult to obtain forgiveness. So I hurt deeply for you, and wish God could somehow roll back time and undo this sin, because it is so particularly hard to repent of.

Tevya’s translation into modern English

Murdering Against the Light

So what is the sin? What is this 3rd-worst sin that Corianton has committed? It doesn’t seem to be sexual sin but instead this “murdering against the light and knowledge of God.” Fortunately for us, I think Alma told his other son Helaman exactly what he was talking about only a few chapters before.

Before talking to Corianton he spoke to his son Shiblon, and before Shiblon, to Helaman his eldest son. He told Helaman about his conversion experience when the angel appeared, changing the course of his life and that of the Sons of Mosiah.

While Alma was unconscious, he said that there was this period of clairvoyance where all his previous “sins and iniquities” were brought to his mind, and he was tormented “with the pains of hell” for them. He realized that he’d been rebelling against God and not keeping “his holy commandments” (Alma 36:11–13). Followed by this:

14. Yea, and I had murdered many of his children, or rather led them away unto destruction; yea, and in fine so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror.

Alma 36:14 (emphasis added)

In telling his own story to Helaman (with Corianton quite possibly in the room, listening) Alma used that same word, “murder” to mean killing the spirit by leading people to spiritual destruction.

A few verses before that he said “for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree.” Then afterward in verse 17, used that word again: “…while I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins.” And in verse 19 when he finally calls out to Jesus for mercy he is granted peace and “…was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.”

So he also used “harrowed” repeatedly to describe the torture of his soul, in repenting from that sin he called “murder.” Side note: one definition of “harrow” in Webster’s 1828 edition is “To tear; to lacerate; to torment.”

Now in chapter 38, he’s using those same words to explain to Corianton how horrible Corianton’s sins are. Here’s another attempt of mine to try and put it in modern English:

You murdered against the light of God by leading people away from the gospel. You left the ministry and set those people who followed you on a course to destruction. That sin of murdering souls is so serious that your soul will have to be harrowed as mine was, because that’s what is required to repent fully and obtain forgiveness for this sin.

Tevya’s translation into modern English

Jesus’ Millstone Curse

It was after going over this a few times, and not seeing any other way to interpret it based on the text alone, that I started looking for other sources. I found an excellent article written by Michael R. Ash, called “The Sin ‘Next to Murder‘” (Sunstone, November 2006).

He links the “murder against the light” to Jesus’ teaching in Matthew 18, where Jesus compares people who are converted to the gospel to little children. Jesus says we have to become humble (and I would translate that as “purified by the Atonement”) like a little child. Then Jesus gives this very serious warning:

6 But whoso shall offend one of these little ones which believe in me, it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and that he were drowned in the depth of the sea.

Matthew 18:6 (emphasis added)

People often take it out of context and teach it as a lesson in protecting the innocence of little children. And I think Jesus maybe intended that too, with some dualism. In context though, he’s talking about little children as a symbolic representation of a humble, converted follower of Christ.

Webster’s 1828 offers several very helpful definitions of the word “offend.”

1. To attack; to assail.

3. To shock; to wound; as, to offend the conscience.

7. To draw to evil, or hinder in obedience; to cause to sin or neglect duty.

While any of these are fitting, I especially like the last one. I think it gets right to the heart of this whole thing. Jesus uses “offend” in the same place Alma is using “murder.” He means to lead to evil, or at least to cause to stumble in their pursuit of discipleship. Look at how it’s translated in the New Living Translation (NLT) of the Bible:

But if you cause one of these little ones who trusts in me to fall into sin, it would be better for you to have a large millstone tied around your neck and be drowned in the depths of the sea.

NLT Matthew 18:6

To my understanding, Jesus is saying “if you kill a soul, that’s a very serious sin and difficult to obtain forgiveness.” Alma pretty directly accuses Corianton of this and calls him to repentance, in verses 11 and 12:

…Behold, O my son, how great iniquity ye brought upon the Zoramites; for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words.

12. And now the Spirit of the Lord doth say unto me: Command thy children to do good, lest they lead away the hearts of many people to destruction; therefore I command you, my son, in the fear of God, that ye refrain from your iniquities;

Alma 39: 11–12 (emphasis added)

The Actual Three Worst Sins

It seems Jesus and Alma agree that “murdering against the light” is among the worst sins. Therefore our list should look something more like this:

1. Denying the Holy Ghost (spiritual suicide)
2. Shedding innocent blood (murdering someone’s physical body)
3. Murdering against the light (murder of the soul)

Think about it—it makes sense! It’s all about destroying the soul one way or the other:

Denying the Holy Ghost

First is to have a level of knowledge where you know perfectly of God’s existence and plan, and then to deny it. It’s spiritual suicide. It’s a person destroying a soul, their own, permanently. They’ve chosen to be unforgivable. But it requires a perfect knowledge of God, so it’s not a sin most people are capable of committing.

Shedding Innocent Blood

Second is to murder an innocent person’s physical body. This prevents them from further spiritual progress in this life, and is one of the darkest, most soul-crushing actions a person can commit. It’s not as serious as #1, because there’s room for mercy and perhaps further repentance after death for the person whose life is ended prematurely. And so perhaps there can be forgiveness for the murderer too? Especially if they do it without the light of the gospel like King Lamoni. In either case, Alma seems to omit this the second time he talks about the unpardonable sin, perhaps because it’s not very applicable to his point.

Murdering Against the Light

Third is murdering a humble, converted person’s faith. It’s effectively destroying or killing their soul. It’s horrible, but still ranks slightly lower than the previous two, because (I assume) the affected person’s agency is involved, and they are still alive with opportunities to repent and regain their faith. They might still repent and continue the path of discipleship that they were violently removed from. And so the murderer also can gain forgiveness, though it’s “not easy for him [or her]….”

In Opposition to the First Two Commandments

While pre-reading this, my brother pointed out another interesting correlation: the first two worst sins go directly in opposition to Christ’s first and second commandments.

37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

38 This is the first and great commandment.

39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

Matthew 22:37–39

Denying the Holy Ghost is exactly the opposite: to hate God with all your heart and soul. Murder is to despise your neighbor to the point of deeming their life worth nothing, or even less than nothing. 

Put another way, the worst sin is the purest form of enmity toward God. Rather than loving God, a person with perfect knowledge of him is rejecting him of his own free will. And shedding innocent blood is the perfect antithesis of “love thy neighbor as thyself.” The person committing the act is deeming themselves as worthy of life, while judging their neighbor’s life as completely invaluable or even worthy of the work of murdering them and covering it up.

Murdering against the light, or offending a converted follower of Christ then, is a mix of the two. It’s showing antagonism toward God by killing the faith or soul of a fellow human and child of God. This suggests that the person committing the sin must have some knowledge of what they are doing, to be held responsible. But as mentioned above, it is also less permanent, thus leaving some room for repentance and forgiveness, as Alma was able to obtain.

Sexual Sin Is Very Serious Too

Now don’t get me wrong. My point is not to argue that sexual sin is not serious. It is! My point though is that it’s not #3 on the “top 3” list, and it’s not part of what Alma is teaching his son about. As I mentioned before, the only time he talks about it is in the verses we covered above, and a lot of that is by implication or assumption on our part. After that, he only mentions anything about it once more in verse 11: 

11. Suffer not yourself to be led away by any vain or foolish thing; suffer not the devil to lead away your heart again after those wicked harlots. Behold, O my son, how great iniquity ye brought upon the Zoramites; for when they saw your conduct they would not believe in my words.

Alma 39:11 (emphasis added)

After that he continues talking to Corianton for another 80 verses and doesn’t address it again from what I can tell. It appears it’s not even a little bit of the lesson.

Could sexual sin have been part of what Corianton did? Yes, most definitely. But compared against the third worst sin he could commit, it’s of much lesser importance to Alma. That’s why he doesn’t focus on it, if Corianton did actually “sleep” with Isabel the harlot.

Here’s the other thing that I think is often missed when Alma 39 is taught: Alma walked this path himself. He knows what it’s like to murder against the light. He also knows the pain and suffering that is required to repent of it. He uses words like “racked,” “tormented,” and “harrowed” to describe what he went through himself.

Alma seems terribly motivated to lead his whole life doing exactly the opposite of his early life: bringing souls to Christ, instead of driving them away. With that perspective, he’s chosen not to focus on sexual sin, if Corianton did commit sexual sin in addition to the third worst sin.

What About the Harlot?

I couldn’t think of any explanation of this mention of Isabel the Harlot, except for context. But in the article I mentioned before, Michael Ash points out some intriguing possibilities that could suggest there was no sexual sin involved. Or once again, that it was incidental to what was actually going on.

How could going after a Harlot not be sexual sin? It all hinges on the definition of “harlot.” I’m going to lean heavily on Bro Ash’s article here. But here’s one possibility: the word “harlot” was used in the Old Testament as a label for Jerusalem and/or Israel when they had stopped following the Lord and His Prophets. Their infidelity to the “one true God” was symbolically compared to a harlot who sleeps around. Here are a few examples:

21 ¶ How is the faithful city become an harlot! it was full of judgment; righteousness lodged in it; but now murderers.

Isaiah 1:21

1 They say, If a man put away his wife, and she go from him, and become another man’s, shall he return unto her again? shall not that land be greatly polluted? but thou hast played the harlot with many lovers; yet return again to me, saith the Lord.

Jeremiah 3:1

The whole of Ezekiel 16 is written to “…Jerusalem to know her abominations,” and uses the words “harlot,” “whore(s),” and “whoredoms” over and over. But it’s not about sexual sin specifically, it’s using the idea of an unfaithful woman as a metaphor for all of Jerusalem. Here’s a couple good examples:

17 Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them,

35 ¶ Wherefore, O harlot, hear the word of the Lord:

36 Thus saith the Lord God; Because thy filthiness was poured out, and thy nakedness discovered through thy whoredoms with thy lovers, and with all the idols of thy abominations, and by the blood of thy children, which thou didst give unto them;

Ezekiel 16:17, 35–36

So one possible interpretation is that the “harlot” is not a single woman named Isabel, but a whole city, or the cult of Isabel, or some other kind of group or organization that’s leading people away from the Lord and the church, including enticing Corianton.

How Did She “steal away the hearts of many”?

Nephi and Alma both repeatedly use “heart” as the primary indicator of a person’s faith. If their heart is turned toward the Lord then they are on the right path, but if their heart is led away after wickedness, then they’re in trouble. In fact, earlier Alma used similar language when describing Korihor:

18 And thus he did preach unto them, leading away the hearts of many, causing them to lift up their heads in their wickedness, yea, leading away many women, and also men, to commit whoredoms—telling them that when a man was dead, that was the end thereof.

Alma 30:18

That’s very similar to the harlot Isabel who, “did steal away the hearts of many.” In talking about Korihor, Alma even used the word “whoredom” to describe their wickedness. Once again, in context, it’s not about sexual sin, but wickedness in general. They’re acting like a whore, by being unfaithful to their God who has thus far taken care of them, like an unfaithful wife who leaves her husband and sleeps with other men.

He uses similar language again, for his next challenge, the Zoramites:

…Alma having received tidings that the Zoramites were perverting the ways of the Lord, and that Zoram, who was their leader, was leading the hearts of the people to bow down to dumb idols, his heart again began to sicken because of the iniquity of the people.

Alma 31:1

Then jumping forward in time, back to his talk with Corianton, Alma’s final mention of anything potentially sexual is “suffer not the devil to lead away your heart again after those wicked harlots,” (Alma 39:11, quoted in full above). Note that he uses the same language and this time uses the plural “harlots.”

So it’s possible that the “harlot Isabel” who stole many hearts, wasn’t just a particularly beautiful seductress. Instead, “she” might have been a city or a cult, that were worshiping false idols as a community. Perhaps that cult even involved sexual rituals, or fostered a sexually “open” lifestyle. Or perhaps Isabel was a leader in such a cult or community. It’s quite possible it was both: most importantly turning away from God and his commandments, but also including sexual sin.

Physical Proximity

I think we can assume Siron was somewhat near Antionum since both are near the Lamanites, and that would make sense as to why Corianton takes this particular opportunity to go find this harlot. 

Assuming it was more than just a woman enticing him, we can also find a clue as to what kind of heresy or apostasy Isabel and the people of Siron were engaged in. If they are close to the Zoramites, then perhaps they’re also practicing idol worship like the Zoramites were?

Doctrinal Concerns

If that’s true, it becomes easier to understand why Alma spends the rest of chapter 39, plus chapters 40-42 talking about specific doctrinal concerns.

If the people of Siron (or Isabel) are an apostate group that are teaching and practicing idolatry, it makes a lot of sense why Alma would refer to Isabel as a harlot. They are a people who are “whoring” after false Gods. And Corianton joined them. Plus if the apostate doctrines they’re teaching include things similar to the following list, then it makes sense why Alma addresses issues with those doctrines and explains them better in the chapters that follow.

• We can’t believe in a Savior who hasn’t yet come (Alma 39:17–19)
• Resurrection means to be perfected despite wickedness (Alma 40)
• Resurrection isn’t real or doesn’t include a restoration (Alma 41)
• God doesn’t care what we become and will make punishment quick & easy (Alma 42)

It seems like Corianton has a number of doctrinal “faith challenges” he is struggling with along those lines. Those could have caused his faith to be too weak to overcome sexual temptation. But they could also be the very problem he’s struggling with. He already had questions along those lines and heard the people of Siron/Isabel were teaching some “amazing” doctrines or approaches and Corianton thought they might help his spiritual conflict?

This part is clearly a lot of speculation. However, looking at the various alternate interpretations of the key word “harlot” opens a lot of possibilities. In turn, it fits that Corianton’s “whoring” wasn’t giving in to the enticements of a woman and sexual desire, but instead a metaphorical lusting after apostate doctrines and groups.

A Parallel in the Odyssey

An interesting parallel came to mind from Homer’s Odyssey. In it, Odysseus and his men sail past the Sirens. They were forewarned of the Siren’s song, so they planned ahead.

All his crew plugged their ears with wax. But Odysseus was curious and wanted to hear. So he had his men tie him to the mast and promise not to let him go, no matter what he bargained or commanded them. The plan works as expected: Odysseus pleads, bargains, and commands them to let him loose, but they only tie him tighter until safely out of earshot of the deadly bird-women.

Modern translation and interpretations (think: O Brother Where Art Thou?) often depict them as having sexual appeal, their song luring men to physical pleasures. But that doesn’t seem to be the case:

It is strange and beautiful that Homer should make the Sirens appeal to the spirit, not to the flesh. To primitive man… the desire to know—to be as the gods—was the fatal desire.

Prolegomena to the Study of Greek Religion, Jane Ellen Harrison, pp 198 (emphasis added)

These sirens don’t offer a fulfillment of sexual desire, but instead the satisfaction of our desire for knowledge and godlike power. Perhaps in the same way, in modern times we often interpret Isabel the harlot as being a sexual seductress, when in fact she was seducing Corianton with heretical “knowledge” and falsehoods?

The sirens offer Odysseus what Satan offered Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden: knowledge that would help them become “as the gods.” They claim he’ll live to benefit from the knowledge he gains from them. But like Satan in the garden, it’s a deal that ends in death. If he goes to them, Odysseus will have to give his life for the enlightenment he receives, just as Adam and Eve became mortal and would eventually die as part of their transgression and reception of god-like knowledge.

In much the same way, Corianton could have found Isabel’s teachings seductive, whether she was an individual woman or religious organization of some kind. Like Odysseus, he longed to go to this supposed source of enlightenment. But as with the words of any ungodly messenger, there are lies mixed with the truth. Because he choose to hear and follow the siren’s song, Corianton suffers a spiritual death in that he’s led to commit “murder against the light.”

Did Corianton Repent of His Grievous Sin?

Fortunately for him, spiritual death is not final. Repentance, redemption, and spiritual resurrection are available to him as to all of us. His own father reveals the authentic truths, in contrast to the counterfeit “truths” that Isabel offered. Alma teaches him all about justice, mercy, repentance, resurrection, judgement, and the atonement, including mysteries Alma himself had only learned through much study and prayer. Alma seems to plead with him to begin the repentance process:

…turn to the Lord with all your mind, might, and strength; that ye lead away the hearts of no more to do wickedly; but rather return unto them, and acknowledge your faults and that wrong which ye have done.

Alma 39:13 (emphasis added)

Then again at the very end of talking to Corianton:

29. And now, my son, I desire that ye should let these things trouble you no more, and only let your sins trouble you, with that trouble which shall bring you down unto repentance.

30. O my son, I desire that ye should deny the justice of God no more. Do not endeavor to excuse yourself in the least point because of your sins, by denying the justice of God; but do you let the justice of God, and his mercy, and his long-suffering have full sway in your heart; and let it bring you down to the dust in humility.

Alma 42:29–30 (emphasis added)

But did Corianton follow this advice and take advantage of Christ’s atonement? Does Corianton hear the genuine gospel when his father teaches him in the chapters that follow? I went looking for clues, hoping to find indication that he repented of this very serious sin. The first 2 verses of Alma 43 says that Alma and his sons went out and,

…they preached the word, and the truth, according to the spirit of prophecy and revelation; and they preached after the holy order of God by which they were called.”

Alma 43:2

It doesn’t exclude Corianton from this, plus the context is immediately following Alma’s speaking with each of his three sons. So I think it’s very safe to assume he’s included in the group.

An online search of the scriptures revealed that Corianton is again mentioned in Alma 49:30, where Amalickiah and his Lamanites have lost their first great battle to Captain Moroni and the Nephites. It notes that the Nephites had peace and prosperity, partly

…because of their heed and diligence which they gave unto the word of God, which was declared unto them by Helaman, and Shiblon, and Corianton….

Alma 49:30

So Corianton was declaring the word to the people, contributing to the peace they experienced. 

Then finally, in Alma 63:10 Shiblon dies, and Corianton goes into the land north via ship to carry provisions to the people there. Helaman was dead by then and had passed the sacred things (plus office of High Priest, I assume) on to Shiblon. Without Corianton around, Shiblon passes the mantle to Helaman’s oldest son, also named Helaman. But the implication is that Corianton would have been the next in line to receive them, if he hadn’t gone to the land northward. This seems very likely another indication of his righteousness.

It appears that’s the end of Corianton, or at least what we know about him. I think we can safely assume that he had fully repented of this great sin and lived out his life as a righteous prophet who taught the word with power. He likely helped many more people to realize their divine potential, than those he’d hurt by chasing the harlot. Corianton seems to mirror his father Alma. When his personal watershed moment arrived, he chose to repent of murdering against the light no matter how difficult the process might have been.

We can all find Corianton in ourselves: we all sin and need to repent. We all die spiritually through our sins, and need the atonement of Christ to heal us. We all have it in us to destroy the faith of our neighbors, and need to be careful to challenge church culture and false doctrines in positive and constructive ways designed to increase the faith of others, rather than causing them to stumble.

Initially it didn’t seem to affect me too much. We had our fourth child on July 8th, and he was a bright shinning ray of light that maybe distracted me from the reality. As the days passed and especially when I saw Alex’s parents and siblings at the funeral, it began to deeply affect me. I cried a lot at the funeral. I mourned my cousin. As time went on, mourning turned into unhealthy thoughts. The questions “what if I had done more?” “What if I had reached out in recent years?” haunted me and plagued my idle mind.

That combined with the anxiety of other stresses in my life, began to deeply impact my mental health. I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life, and depression at times. Depression seemed to be lingering, waiting for it’s chance to pounce.

It was under those circumstances that my mother shared something with us that the coroner shared with her when the police were investigating Alex’s death. I combined it with a section of a talk by Elder Richard G. Scott that really came back to me at this time and sent it all out to family members through our Facebook group and via email:

Like many of you, I’ve struggled with Alex’s death. I thought I’d gather a few things that I found helpful, and that others have told me were helpful for them as well. On our [my parent’s] family chat, my mom shared some tips that the Coroner shared with her and Alex’s father:

When the coroner came to our house to confirm Alex’s death, he said this to us (Alex’s father and siblings): “we need to remember that in dealing with Alex’s death, for our own mental wellbeing we need to realize:

1. we can’t control what happened or what people do.

2. we didn’t cause it… we can’t blame ourselves.

3. we can’t correct it… so don’t mull it over in your mind trying to figure it out.

That ‘I should have done this or that’ thinking can drive us crazy and is not practicing good mental health.”

I thought his advice was wisdom and was glad he shared that with us.

It was helpful for me to understand and reminded me of some principles Richard G. Scott taught in a talk that I’d recently read. He talked about how he was able to overcome the severe anxiety that he suffered shortly after getting married and landing a great job:

Within eight months, I was in the office of a doctor being carefully examined to determine if I had ulcers. For weeks each night I would return home from work with a severe headache, and only after a long, quiet period of isolation could I calm my nerves sufficiently to sleep briefly and return to work the next day. I began to prayerfully consider my plight. It was ridiculous. All I wanted to do was to be a worthy husband and father and carry out honorably my Church and professional assignments. My best efforts produced frustration, worry, and illness. In time, I was prompted to divide mentally and physically, where possible, all of the challenges and tasks and assignments given to me into two categories: First, those for which I had some ability to control and to resolve, I put into a mental basket called “concern.” Second, all the rest of the things that were either brought to me or I imagined I had the responsibility to carry out, but over which I had no control, I put in a basket called “worry.” I realized I could not change them to any significant degree, so I studiously strove to completely forget them. The items in the “concern” basket were ordered in priority. I conscientiously tried to resolve them to the best of my ability. I realized that I could not always fulfill all of them on schedule or to the degree of competence I desired, but I did my conscientious best.

Occasionally as I sat in my office, I’d feel my stomach muscles tighten and tension overcome me. I would cease whatever activity I was engaged in and with earnest prayer for support, concentrate on relaxing and overcoming the barrier that worry produced in my life. Over a period of time, those efforts were blessed by the Lord. I again came to understand how the Lord is willing to strengthen, fortify, guide, and direct every phase of life. The symptoms of illness passed, and I learned to face tasks under pressure.

Richard G. Scott, “To the Lonely and Misunderstood“; Aug 10, 1982, BYU Devotional

Elder Scott’s method agrees directly with the Coroner’s advice, what other prophets have told us, and with books I’ve read about how our brains work: we have a lot more control over what gets “airtime” in our brains than we think we do. We should remember Alex, and we should mourn him. That’s healthy and normal. But second-guessing and feelings of guilt need to be pushed aside and put in that 2nd “worry” basket, where we should “studiously strive to forget them.”

I hope this doesn’t sound preachy. I know we’re all grieving, so hopefully this helps some of you.

Some people who weren’t able to attend asked for a copy of my Dad’s talk (also helpful) from the funeral. You can read it here.

The months that followed were very rough for me for a myriad of reasons. But the more I applied these concepts, and with the Lord’s help, those negative, unhelpful thoughts around Alex’s death diminished. I still mourned him, but was able to slowly push aside the “what if’s…” and other unhealthy and unhelpful thinking.

Now I remember him happily, though with some mourning and loss. The guilt is gone, and just the reality remains.

This time I decided (and felt nudged by the Spirit) to ask Heavenly Father to send his Spirit to help guide me as I wrote it. The results were surprising to myself. As I wrote, I realized several things I’ve posted on this blog previously were integral to it. New ideas and connections I’d never though of before, were introduced to my mind as I wrote and researched.

The Story

I want to tell you a story. It’s the story of a smart, intelligent, well-educated military man. He was selected as a spy to go to the homeland of his ancestors. His people had been away from their original homeland for many generations, but were attempting to return. To do so, they wanted to attack their enemies who had driven them out generations before. This man was tasked with spying on their enemies to discover how they could best be destroyed. While he was doing this, he saw goodness in his enemies. He returned to his army and recommended making a treaty with their enemies, so they could peacefully live together in the land.

When his commander refused to try the peaceful route, many of his fellow soldiers took this man’s side. His commander ordered that this man be executed for rebellion, and a battle ensued within their own ranks. They fought and killed each other. This man and his supporters ultimately won, but they were rewarded by having to return home and face the families of the men they’d killed.

The Reveal

Now if you haven’t guessed yet, this is the story of Zeniff from the Book of Mormon. He was the father of wicked King Noah, the one who’s famous for having Abinadi burned.

Zeniff was still set on his original plan to make a treaty with the Lamanites and live in the land of Nephi. He found many other people who shared his zeal. Rather than form another army, he gathered families to go with him.

Eventually this new group of Nephite families reached the land of Nephi. Zeniff and a few men met with King Laman. They made a treaty with him. They agreed that the Lamanites who were living in the land of Nephi would move out and allow the Nephites to settle in their place.

Let’s think about this for a moment: was Zeniff wrong in his desire to live in the land of Nephi? Probably not. In the Old Testament the major goal and blessing of the Israelites is their return to the land of their inheritance. So maybe Zeniff had studied those stories and found support for his desire to return to this land.

One thing is very clear: his hyper-focus on living in the land of Nephi was his greatest weakness. That weakness led him to make a deal with the Devil. The Lamanite King had no intention of letting the Nephites live on their lands for free. King Laman made the treaty so that he could make the Nephites his slaves and benefit from their prosperity.

Over-Zealousness

I’m sure we’ve all been there: we’ve worked and fought so hard for something, that it doesn’t matter anymore whether it’s still the right thing to do or not. Our stubbornness has kicked in and we’re going to finish it no matter what. Zeniff himself and his grandson both call him “over-zealous.”

Zeal can be a good thing, if it’s used correctly for righteousness that includes the entirety of the gospel. Elder Packer said it this way:

“The gospel might be likened to the keyboard of a piano—a full keyboard with a selection of keys on which one who is trained can play a variety without limits; a ballad to express love, a march to rally, a melody to soothe, and a hymn to inspire; an endless variety to suit every mood and satisfy every need.

“How shortsighted it is, then, to choose a single key and endlessly tap out the monotony of a single note, or even two or three notes, when the full keyboard of limitless harmony can be played.”

Boyd K. Packer – The Only True and Living Church

So Zeniff had great strength in leading people, in setting a goal and a vision and getting people behind it. He even had great compassion and wasn’t willing to wipe out the Lamanites to accomplish his goal. But those were the two or three notes that he kept tapping over and over until his strengths proved to be weaknesses and the Lamanite King exploited them.

In the church today, we sometimes refer to this kind of overzealousness as “gospel hobbies.” We all have our favorite parts of the gospel. We all enjoy some callings more than others, or are better at doing or studying some parts of the gospel than others. We should certainly maintain our talents and not lose them. The danger comes when we over-emphasize those strengths like Zeniff, to the point that we become prideful. Satan is then able to use our pride to begin to pull us down. Elder Oaks said the devil can:

“…corrupt a person who has an unusual commitment to one particular doctrine or commandment of the gospel of Jesus Christ. This could be an unusual talent for family history work, an extraordinary commitment to constitutional government, a special talent in the acquisition of knowledge, or any other special talent or commitment.”

It all really comes down to pride. Pride in assuming that we know better or can do something better. It’s all pride. Our overzealousness for our gospel hobby crowds out other aspects of the gospel. And that’s why it’s so dangerous: it seems like we’re doing a good thing, something commanded by God. But ultimately, if we’re overzealous, we get in that same mindset as Zeniff and move forward without regard to what the Lord actually wants. There’s no room for the Spirit to guide us and keep us safe from the evil one and his demons.

Warning and Defense

After twelve years of prospering in the land of Nephi, King Laman decided the time was right to move forward with his plan to enslave the Nephites. So his armies attacked one group of Nephites at the edge of their lands. Many were killed. Zeniff then armed his people and they prayed mightily to the Lord to help and protect them. God strengthened them and they defeated the Lamanite army with minimal losses.

At this point, Zeniff had fully realized his mistake and what a terrible situation it had put him and his people in. It had become clear to him that he made a deal with the Devil and that his pride was going to cost him and his people dearly. He’d also repented of these sins, and was trying to make it right. So he went about arming the Nephites with weapons and put guards all around the land to give them early warning when the Lamanites attacked again.

The question is: “how can we create weapons for our own defense, and post guards around ourselves to warn us against overzealousness and Satan’s attacks?”

Temperance

Some people might respond, “so the answer is ‘moderation in all things’, right?” Actually we don’t believe in that at all. That would mean we’d only be moderately righteous, and also make sure to include a moderate amount of wickedness for balance.

It’s actually a misquotation of Alma the Younger who encouraged the people of Gideon to be “temperate in all things” (Alma 7:23). Today we often use “temperate” and “moderate” to mean the same thing. But they actually have slightly different meanings. The word “temperance” is closely related to self-control and is limited in scope so that it only applies to good things. It suggests that we have self-control in all good and positive things. It’s exactly the opposite of being overzealous. Being “temperate” means not being overzealous for one good thing, to the detriment of other righteous things.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell put it this way:

“How important it is to the symmetry of our souls that we interact with all the gospel principles and with all the Church programs, so that we do not become so highly specialized that, if we are deprived of one source of satisfaction… we are in difficulty. It is possible to be incarcerated within the prison of one principle. We are less vulnerable if our involvements with the kingdom are across the board. We are less vulnerable if we care deeply about many principles—not simply a few.”

Neal A. Maxwell – But for a Small Moment

Having temperance by embracing all parts of the gospel, is one way we can arm ourselves against Satan exploiting our strengths. Put another way, we need to spiritually cross-train. We can’t just go to the spiritual gym and bench-press every day because we’re good at it. If we do, our spiritual legs will be small and whoosie. Satan can then use our pride in our huge pecs and biceps and the top-heaviness that accompanies them, to trip up our wimpy legs and bring us down. As we visit the spiritual gym, we need to run, squat, jump, do balance exercises, work on our core, and all the other things that make our entire spirit strong in the gospel and ready for any challenge that might come our way.

A good warning sign is anytime you find yourself thinking, “my favorite part of the gospel is so good and safe that it can’t become a weakness.” Pretty much everything can be taken to unhealthy extremes.

For example, I love to study the scriptures. We’re taught that daily scripture study is one of the most powerful ways we can grow closer to God and strengthen ourselves against Satan’s attacks. On the other hand, I know of several men who took study of scriptures to the extreme, some even studying for many hours every day over many years. At least one studied the scriptures instead of providing properly for his family and eventually interpreted the scriptures in ways that took him and much of his family out of the Church, where they began practicing their own version of the gospel.

No matter how safe we feel, we need to use the whole gym, the whole Gospel.

Humility

Elder Oaks asked the same question when he said: “How, then, do we prevent our strengths from becoming our downfall?” He immediately answered that question with:

“The quality we must cultivate is humility. Humility is the great protector. Humility is the antidote against pride. Humility is the catalyst for all learning, especially spiritual things.”

It’s hard to want to run when your legs are atrophied and your lungs are only used to bench pressing. It’s embarrassing to go from benching respectable weights, to being last in the race, or not being able to squat as much as you bench. Trust me, I know. Our pride kicks in and we want to go to what we do best, what makes us look best. It’s safe, it’s easier, and it strokes our ego. But that’s exactly how Satan gets in. Elder Oaks continued:

“Those who engage in self-congratulation over a supposed strength have lost the protection of humility and are vulnerable to Satan’s using that strength to produce their downfall. In contrast, if we are humble and teachable, hearkening to the commandments of God, the counsel of his leaders, and the promptings of his Spirit, we can be guided in how to use our spiritual gifts, our accomplishments, and all of our other strengths for righteousness. And we can be guided in how to avoid Satan’s efforts to use our strengths to cause our downfall.”

Dallin H. Oaks – Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall (link added by me)

In fact, the Lord told Moroni that weaknesses are a good thing, a gift from Him:

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Ether 12:27

Returning to our gym metaphor, the Lord will help us make our legs strong and resilient too, if we’re humble enough to only care what He thinks of us, and let him coach us to become great at squatting and running, and all the other areas we are spiritually weak.

Becoming Disciplined Disciples

“Discipline” is another great word that’s very similar in meaning to “temperance.” It can mean punishment, but originally meant following a particular program of self-control and boundaries to become a better person. Interestingly, it comes from the same latin root word as “disciple.” A “disciple” is someone who follows a particular “discipline.” So, if we say we are “disciples of Christ,” that means that we will follow him in a disciplined way.

I testify that we can all be armed with the armor of God and have the Spirit to warn us of coming attacks. We can all become temperate, humble, disciplined disciples of Christ. We only have to give up our pride and be willing to repent. We only have to trust Jesus when he says His grace is sufficient. He knows how it feels. He knows how to arm us and warn us against Satan’s attacks. Through His grace and atoning sacrifice, our weaknesses can become strengths, and our strengths can remain strong but in balance with the rest of the gospel. I know this from personal experience and testify that it is true, in the name of our Savior Jesus Christ, amen.

Synopsis

The short version of this book is that they found one (probably several) lost cities in the deep Honduran jungle, that hadn’t been visited even by locals in probably hundreds of years, possibly since the conquistadors. There were legends of a “White City” and “City of the Monkey God” but nobody had ever penetrated deep enough into the jungle to find it. Even the locals didn’t go there because of curses, which turned out to be true since sandflies in the area cary a rare form of the desease “Leishmaniasis” that can eat your face away!

They found several very large cities that probably overlapped the Mayan classic period and went until the conquistadors arrived. But interestingly, they’re not Mayan. They interacted with the the Mayans, but were a different culture and society altogether. Very little is known about them at this point, but slowly it’s being excavated (and likely looted) and more is being learned. If you’re interested, here’s an article by the author of the book that covers basically the contents of one chapter late in the book.

Disclaimer

Now, before I proceed, let me clearly say: I’m very open to either a North American OR Mesoamerican setting for the Book of Mormon. I think those are the two best candidates and there’s a lot of fascinating things we can surmise in the Book of Mormon, based on both of those settings. This is not an argument for a Mesoamerican setting. Some of my friends, family, and online acquaintances are convinced of one or the other and have a really hard time accepting that I’m quite okay with both. They think they have to convince me, or I’m going to lose my testimony or something. I guess I should tease them more about being too closed-minded. ?

Book of Mormon Ties

Toward the beginning of the book, the author gives a quick synopsis of Mormon beliefs regarding Native Americans and how the “church” sent scholars to Mesoamerica to prove the Book of Mormon’s authenticity. Like many things written by people with little or no direct experience with the church, it’s pretty inaccurate and not worth reading much in to. Especially since he clearly didn’t research the matter or try to understand current perspectives.

Deadly Serpents

The first unintended, potential Book of Mormon theme was the snakes. The Fer-de-lance snake is the most deadly in the Western Hemisphere, and I’d never heard of it before! Apparently there are tons of them in that area and they’re hyper-aggressive. Where most poisonous snakes prefer to be left alone, the Fer-de-lance is more than happy to bite you if you get too close to it. They’re so venomous that people who survive a bite, almost always lose the leg or arm that was bitten. I’ve always wondered about that passage in Ether 9:31–33:

31 And there came forth poisonous serpents also upon the face of the land, and did poison many people. And it came to pass that their flocks began to flee before the poisonous serpents, towards the land southward, which was called by the Nephites Zarahemla.

32 And it came to pass that there were many of them which did perish by the way; nevertheless, there were some which fled into the land southward.

33 And it came to pass that the Lord did cause the serpents that they should pursue them no more, but that they should hedge up the way that the people could not pass, that whoso should attempt to pass might fall by the poisonous serpents.

I thought, “how could snakes be so bad that they drive the animals and people out? Just kill them!” Now I understand that if the Fer-de-lance moves into your area in large numbers, you usually just move on. They win, and will prevent people from going to that area even today. Suddenly those scriptures seemed much more real and convincing. Though obviously they can be killed and later (likely when the snake population had dwindled some as a result of all their prey leaving) king Lib was able to destroy them (Ether 10:19). This was a major factor in why these cities were still untouched: between the snakes and the disease, people just didn’t go into this deep part of the Honduran jungle.

Mayan Language Structures

The second part that really struck me was a quote from a Mayan text about the plague brought by the Spanish (though they didn’t know that’s where it came from when this was written). It’s from a text called “Annals of the Cakchiquels” and was written in a Mayan dialect by two Mayans from 1571-1604, after the Conquistadors had visited. One part is quoted in The Lost City to describe the destruction to the Mayans, caused by the diseases brought by the Conquistadors.

It starts with the translated words: “It happened that during the 25th year….” This sounds like a different way to translate the main way that the Book of Mormon records dates. For example: “And it came to pass that the twenty and second year of the reign of the judges…” (Alma 50:24). Then throughout the passage, it repeatedly says “Oh my sons” as a sort of transition or emphasis. That mirrors what Lehi, Alma, Helaman, and Mormon all say at least 17 times in the Book of Mormon when speaking or writing to their sons. And it’s similar to how Mormon laments the destruction of his people, saying: “O ye fair ones” (Mormon 6:17,19). You can read an 1885 translation of this text on Project Gutenberg.

Crystal Skulls

As a side note (because it fascinates me): there really are “crystal skulls.” I thought they were only those fabricated skulls made by scam artists that most people think of when someone says “crystal skull.” Those are the ones that influenced Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

But it turns out that the fabricators of those skulls, might have been influenced by real skulls that are coated in calcite. They were found in Mesoamerica in a place called “The Cave of the Glowing Skulls“. They’re not Mayan and may be the ancestors of the people in the recently discovered “white city.” If I understood right the cave drips on them or water runs through the cave, forming a layer of crystal and preserving the bones as the cave “grows” just like it grows stalactites and stalagmites. Preserved bones of this sort are very rare in Mesoamerica because most stuff decomposes completely and fairly rapidly, due to the wet jungle climate. See the featured image on this post for an image of them being examined and documented.

Image credit: UToledo.edu.

1. Behold my beloved brethren, seeing that I have been permitted to come unto you, therefore I attempt to address you in my language; yea, by my own mouth, seeing that it is the first time that I have spoken unto you by the words of my mouth, I having been wholly confined to the judgment-seat, having had much business that I could not come unto you.

2. And even I could not have come now at this time were it not that the judgment-seat hath been given to another, to reign in my stead; and the Lord in much mercy hath granted that I should come unto you.

It sounds like he’s indicating that either he shares a dialect with them that he doesn’t normally use, or that formal preaching wasn’t done in the common language, but he’s most comfortable with it, and is going to use it. Could he also be making reference to the idea that perhaps the language of Zennif’s break-off group had evolved enough over 3-4 generations that it was at least a different dialect of the Nephite language? Actually it seems extremely likely this was the case, especially since they were completely isolated from the main group of Nephites, but had lots of contact with Lamanites. It only makes sense that their language would have evolved separately, at least a little.

In turn, it would also make sense that in Zarahemla and elsewhere, Alma has to speak the main Nephite language/dialect. So that’s why he calls this variation “my language,” but also says he’ll “attempt” to use it. It might be his childhood language, but he’s used the main Nephite dialect so much as Chief Judge, leader of the Nephite army, and High Priest (and previously spreading discord in the church before his conversion), that this dialect has become atrophied for him. So that’s why he says he’ll “attempt” to use his language.

There are a couple things that have to line up to give this idea more support. And I think both have evidence elsewhere in the BoM:

A. These have to be the descendants of the same Zeniff-ite group that Alma is.

That seems likely for a few reasons:

1. The land is named after Gideon, one of their great leaders who was key in “delivering the people of Limhi out of bondage,” and later a great teacher. So unless Gideon had spent a bunch of time teaching another group of Nephites, and become well enough loved by them to have them name a different area after him, it seems likely these are specifically Alma’s people.
2. Alma 6:7 says “there having been a city built” and it’s also called Gideon. It makes sense that the people living there are somewhat new to that area if they only recently built a city. So the Zeniff-ite’s could have settled there.
3. Alma addresses them as “my beloved brethren.” In his previous teaching in Zarahemla, just prior to this (Alma 5), he didn’t start that way. He started by telling those people who is father was and the story of their escape from first Noah and later the Lamanites. But this people he calls “my beloved” and doesn’t bother telling that story.
4. As mentioned, he doesn’t tell them his father’s story. He doesn’t have to tell those same stories, because many of them lived it, or would have been taught the stories by their parents who lived it.

So if there is a “Zeniff-ite” dialect, these people that Alma feels a close affinity with, likely speak it.

B. Alma has to have grown up at least enough to learn their dialect, before being reunited with the main body of Nephites.

Since his father was the High Priest, he probably had to live in Zarahemla. This explains how he’d become partners in crime with Mosiah’s sons. So he would have likely spoken the main Nephite dialect very well. But for this theory to work, he had to have been exposed to the Zeniff-ite language enough to have learned it in his youth, or at some point.

This is supported in Alma 5:3–5 where Alma is telling the story of his Father and the people that followed him. He says “they” when telling how they were spared from King Noah and again when talking about their captivity to the Lamanites and subsequent delivery. But then he switches to “we” when telling about being “brought into this land” and establishing the church there. To me it sounds like his early memories start when escaping the Lamanite enslavement in the land of Helam. If that’s true, it suggests he was old enough to have understood his father’s language at that point.

Subsequently, he would have been closely associated with Mosiah’s household or at least the central place of government. There he would have learned the main Nephite dialect, and eventually become more comfortable with it, than his native tongue.

All this would make it much more clear why he almost seems apologetic about the fact he hasn’t been with them: they’re his people. He feels familial and social obligation to be with this sub-group of Nephites, even though he’d been the highest-ranking (and therefore busiest, I think we can assume) public and religious servant in the land. It also explains why he’s going to “attempt” to speak to them in a language that he considers his own.

What do you think? Did the Zennifite group develop a different dialect? If so, there’s further implications throughout the Book of Mormon, such as the idea that the Lamanites would have learned this variation of Nephite, since the Priests of Noah were the ones that taught them to speak Nephite.

4 And it came to pass that as many as did believe him did go forth to a place which was called Mormon, having received its name from the king, being in the borders of the land having been infested, by times or at seasons, by wild beasts.

Wait, what king? Where’s this King Mormon? Did his story get lost with the 116 pages? Was the Mormon that we know named after him? Wow, I can’t wait to someday find out what we missed. I can’t believe how intriguing this book is. I’d lament more about what we don’t know, but there’s still so much to discover in what we can read and know and learn. I hope someday the Lord will show me the visions of eternity as he did Nephi.

I wonder if I’ll ever be up to the challenge? Nephi seems to have been deeply depressed, on multiple occasions, because of what he “saw and heard” in his visions. Will I ever be strong enough to shoulder that burden, so that the Lord would trust me with that knowledge?

In the past, I’ve always seen the pursuit of knowledge as an exciting and joyful quest. I realize now with time and age, that sometimes the process of questioning can be difficult and very taxing on us emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Imagine seeing in a more personal and powerful way than any movie (3D or otherwise), the wickedness of people, their downfall, the murder and rape, the horrible devastation. This is a heavy burden to bear. Nephi struggled deeply with it. I wonder if sometimes Joseph Smith was less burdened by it because of the burden of his life, especially once he started practicing polygamy?

I know the hope and the mercy and love of our Heavenly Father and Jesus would counter-balance all that. I think it’s an interesting perspective, though. One that I hadn’t previously contemplated in any depth. I hope that it’s not a deterrent to anyone in their pursuit of further light and knowledge. It shouldn’t be. But it is important to remember that this isn’t just flowers and rainbows we’re pursuing. If we feel impatient because we’re not receiving the insight, knowledge, or promised blessings we think we should, remember that the Lord knows when we’re ready to receive it. It’s not all easy. A great burden comes with it. There’s a certain mental and spiritual strength we’ll need to endure it’s effect upon us afterward. There’s also a higher standard that we’ll be expected to live up to. The Lord knows when we’re ready and can withstand the test and responsibility that comes with such knowledge.

What I didn’t tell in that series was “all of this has happened before….” Those events I described, where I struggled spiritually and then realized that my lack of scripture study was the key failure causing my regression, were a repeat of my own story a little over a decade ago. I won’t go into lots of detail here but want to make it clear how important scripture study is, and how I’ve had to relearn this lesson more than once.

I have suffered from social anxiety most of my life, though it’s rare now. One summer when I was home from college, a bad social situation followed me for most of a week. Now understand, it was “bad” by my social-anxiety-twisted perspective. It wasn’t ugly, or wrong, or anything that would bother people who don’t have social anxiety. But for me, at that time, it put me in a constant state of severe anxiety extending for longer than I’d ever experienced it.

It all came to a head when I was asked to talk to a bunch of my extended Washburn family about George Washington at a 4th of July celebration. Now I’m used to not having much of a real birthday “party” because everyone’s celebrating the 4th. It’s been that way since I was little, and so doesn’t bother me. But somehow it being my birthday made it all worse. It was my birthday! I shouldn’t have to endure this situation and anxiety on my birthday! Well, with social anxiety, anything that puts you in the spotlight brings anxiety. So after several days of continuous, extreme anxiety, I was suddenly the center of attention at a gathering of 40 or 50 people whom I knew and respected. It pushed me over the edge. I started crying and blubbered my way through what I had to say.

I think most of my family assumed I felt the Spirit as I talked about our 1st President being preserved to lead the armies of the Colonies, and later as President. A lot of Washburn’s cry when they feel the spirit. It’s genetic I guess. But some asked my parents and other people afterward: “is he okay?” So it must have shown through as something more than the normal feeling-the-spirit-and-crying. And it wasn’t: I was completely overwhelmed by the anxiety. Something snapped.

As the tears dried, so did my emotions. I was completely numb. I felt no joy, no purpose, no longing or passion or love. I was just numb. I couldn’t seem to cope. In a strange way, the feelings of anxiety were gone, but the numbness that replaced them was even worse. Anxiety goes through lulls and leaves with time or after the situation has abated. This felt like I was trapped. Like there was no way out, no way to feel again. And it was more constant. This new numbness seemed to have no end, it didn’t let up for a moment. It influenced everything, keeping me constant within it’s 2 confining limits: no highs, no lows. It was its own kind of low, but one that existed outside the normal range of emotions I was familiar with.

I was broken and I didn’t like it. That’s about all I really knew or felt. The situation abated, but the numbness remained. I tried increasing my exercising to just completely exhaust my body. Often that helped with anxiety. But it didn’t do anything. I still could hardly sleep. Now my body could hardly move, but nothing else changed. I didn’t really care. The apathy remained. I wanted to care, to feel, to get out of it. That was the only real emotion I felt: fear that I was stuck, that I’d never feel anything other than that fear again.

I prayed. I don’t remember how the answer came. But I remember that it came. It’s the same one I described in the 1st post in my series. Only this was a decade previous: “I’m here Tevya, I always have been. The problem is you’re not doing your part to keep this relationship growing.” “What is my part?” I begged. “You already know the answer to that.” And I did. I knew my scripture study had waned into almost nothing, and along with it, meaningful prayers. And so I did the same thing I would repeat almost a decade later: I started to really study the scriptures. I did it every day. I don’t remember how long it took for the numbness to let go of me. But it did. Slowly, but surely I began to feel again. One of the first things I felt was my Savior’s love and atonement working in my life to heal me. But He couldn’t do that until I did my part to invite Him into my life. I hope this helps you. Here are those posts:

The Scripture Study Habit That Changed My Life – Part 1: the Method

The Scripture Study Habit That Changed My Life – Part 2: the Doctrine

The Scripture Study Habit That Changed My Life – Part 3: the System

This is post 1 of 2 in the series “Misinterpreting Alma”

In Alma 7, he’s visiting the people in the land and city of Gideon. He goes hoping they won’t have the same problems as the people at Zarahemla did. He’s happily rewarded, to find them a righteous and good people. He takes the opportunity to instruct them further, since righteous people are naturally hungry for the word.

In verse 23 he tells them (emphasis added):

23. And now I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; being temperate in all things; being diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times; asking for whatsoever things ye stand in need, both spiritual and temporal; always returning thanks unto God for whatsoever things ye do receive.

This is where we get the incorrect phrase “moderation in all things.” Moderation in all things would mean we’d purposely include a healthy dose of wickedness, alongside only lukewarm righteousness. “Temperate” specifically applies moderation to appetites and passions that are actually a good thing, in moderation (Webster’s and the OED confirm the limited scope of “temperate”).

So “temperate in all things” specifically refers to things like eating, sleeping, physical intimacy, etc. All are good things when we’re moderate in them. In Alma’s time and location, it probably also referred to drinking alcoholic beverages as well.

Maybe this could also apply to “natural high’s” like runner’s high, or other adrenaline/endorphin highs. Or even spiritual highs that can come from doing good things. We probably don’t want to be the person who works out 4hrs a day, or as we’ve been warned, who over-emphasizes one aspect of the gospel above all others. See my previous post about this as exemplified by Zeniff. Also a quote from Elder Maxwell that was pointed out in the comments of that previous post:

How important it is to the symmetry of our souls that we interact with all the gospel principles and with all the Church programs, so that we do not become so highly specialized that, if we are deprived of one source of satisfaction, indeed we are in difficulty. It is possible to be incarcerated within the prison of one principle. We are less vulnerable if our involvements with the kingdom are across the board. We are less vulnerable if we care deeply about many principles—not simply a few.

So “temperate in all things” makes much more sense than “moderation in all things.” It conveys the idea of not being extremist in necessary and important things, that are good. The key is realizing that they’re only good as long as they’re done in moderation. In some ways it’s easiest to slip from temperance to extremism in these areas, specifically because they are sanctioned by God. Alma and other prophets have made it clear that they’re only sanctioned by Him, when done in temperance and with balance.

That theme flows throughout this verse though. He’s encouraging them to be humble, submissive, gentle, easily taught or coached, patient, long-suffering, temperate, diligent. Temperate just fits right in there, doesn’t it?

Eventually they put it to a vote (which is part of Mosiah’s laws) and the popular vote decides in favor of keeping Mosiah’s elected-judges-based system. But Amlici decides if he can’t become king legally, he’ll take the throne by force. A great battle is fought wherein the Nephites kill almost twice as many of the Amlicite’s as are killed of their own people. The remaining Amlicites flee and Alma (the younger who is, High Priest, Chief Judge, and Chief Captain of all the army) at the head of the Nephite army, pursues them a while, then camps and sends spies after them. Those spies return soon, breathless, with a scary story to tell.

In one of those “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” situations, the Amlicite’s run into a vast Lamanite army that’s attacking a nearby Nephite city. They join forces and head toward the Nephite capital. Alma hurriedly mobilizes the encamped Nephite army and marches back to the capital as quickly as possible. When they get near the city…

27. And behold, as they were crossing the river Sidon, the Lamanites and the Amlicites, being as numerous almost, as it were, as the sands of the sea, came upon them to destroy them.

“Horde” sounds right. Man, these battles are filled with so much suspense. We have to use our imaginations some, but it’s not hard with all these movies with epic battles today. I can imagine Lamanites and Amlicites as far as the eye can see, pouring into the valley where Zarahemla lies (I don’t know that it is in a valley, that’s just what I imagine). And the people having their breath taken away in fear and anticipation.

28. Nevertheless, the Nephites being strengthened by the hand of the Lord, having prayed mightily to him that he would deliver them out of the hands of their enemies, therefore the Lord did hear their cries, and did strengthen them, and the Lamanites and the Amlicites did fall before them.

…But they’d prayed and knew the Lord would help them, so they swallow their fear, and “fresh courage take,” and their faith is rewarded right away. The Nephite army smashes into this incredibly massive horde, and immediately begins killing them far faster than their own are killed.

29. And it came to pass that Alma fought with Amlici with the sword, face to face; and they did contend mightily, one with another.

30. And it came to pass that Alma, being a man of God, being exercised with much faith, cried, saying: O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people.

I wonder how common this sort of thing was? It seems very “hollywood” to get the two leaders together, when there’s literally thousands of combatants on the field of battle. But maybe it’s a cultural thing where leaders sought each other out, and their men respected that and helped facilitate it?

I love that this is the same Alma that was once sewing the kinds of discontent and wickedness that led to this moment. It feels like an atonement moment. In sharp contrast to his former self, he stands as a completely different man, begging the Lord to help him be an instrument in the Lord’s hands. It just seems like a moment where he can finally complete the repentance process, and conquer his former self, and the wrongs he did, all embodied in Amlici. To defeat Amlici is to finally put all that behind him. And simultaneously it’s this great turning point for Mosiah’s representative-democracy experiment. It was previously tested legally, and held out. Now it’s attacked physically: a king trying to overthrow it through war, and install himself as ruler. So there’s all this stuff coming together at this powerful moment. Alma is truly relying on the Lord. Will the Lord help him win and complete his personal repentance journey? Will the Nephites win the day (which because of momentum and moral, likely hinges on this combat between the 2 leaders) and preserve Mosiah’s democracy? It’s just a powerful and critical moment. Hollywood couldn’t have written it better.

We learn later that Alma was wounded in this battle. Might it have been at this very moment? And that’s why he cries out to God to spare his life? Also note that he asks the Lord to keep him alive. He’s not asking to die in the service of God, to atone for his sins. He’s asking the Lord to let him live! He wants to do the Lord’s will, but believes he can best do that alive. Alive, he can preserve the people’s freedom, agency, and ability to worship their God.

31. Now when Alma had said these words he contended again with Amlici; and he was strengthened, insomuch that he slew Amlici with the sword.

I can imagine this epic combat where they’re going at each other with their swords slamming together, muscles bulging from the effort, blood and sweat on their faces and arms. There’s people fighting all around them, but as the two sides realize their two leaders are battling, they stop and just stand and watch in a thickening perimeter of Nephites, Amlicites, and Lamanites alike. Maybe they keep their guard up, but those closest to this duel are standing there, watching, waiting to see the outcome.

Amlici lands a blow that gashes Alma deeply, perhaps in his arm or thigh. Alma falls and Amlici looks down like a jaguar on fallen prey, catching his breath, thinking it’s all but over. Alma is up on one elbow, but otherwise lying down, and bleeding badly, but not badly enough to threaten his life in the next few moments. Then Alma closes his eyes. Amlici is intrigued by this, maybe even taking it as a sign that Alma is accepting his defeat and death. But instead he’s pleading humbly and quietly to the Lord: “O Lord, have mercy and spare my life, that I may be an instrument in thy hands to save and preserve this people.”

Amlici moves in closer to hear the words. As he realizes their intent, he raises his sword for a death blow. Alma opens his eyes, just in time to see Amlici’s sword coming down on him, he rolls out of the way and onto his feet. Alma charges Amlici with faith in the Lord. Amlici is surprised, his mind taking a moment to catch up with his loss of the tactical advantage. Like the warrior-priest that he is, Alma assails Amlici with a peace about him that’s a sharp contrast to the ferocity of his attack. As the record says, after this attack begins, he feels the strength of the Lord come upon him. This strength not only compensates for the debilitating wound, but makes him an even better fighter than he naturally is. Now Alma’s blows reign down on Amlici with such speed and persistence, that Amlici finds himself desperate to merely block the incoming blows. His face betrays the fear he feels as he realizes he’s suddenly outmatched in a fight he thought he’d already won. Alma sees an opening and stabs Amlici, killing him.

32. And he also contended with the king of the Lamanites; but the king of the Lamanites fled back from before Alma and sent his guards to contend with Alma.

…And maybe the King of the Lamanites watches this whole thing. Amlici’s body falls to the ground as Alma offers a silent prayer of gratitude. Then he looks around and everyone is still standing there… stunned. Even his Nephite’s thought Alma was done for. As he looks around, he locks eyes with the King of Lamanites and just runs straight at him. Alma’s guards who’ve been helping prevent anyone from interfering with this fight, run to keep up with him. Alma reacts so much quicker than everyone else that he gets to the Lamanite king before the King’s guards can block him and they exchange a few blows. But the Lamanite king is already afraid of him from watching him defeat Amlici and backs up quickly, calling to his guards to protect him. They do, and Alma fights several of them alone, until his own guards catch up.

Note: this and the previous paragraphs are my version. I’ve imagined details that don’t appear in the record. The wound is real, but it may not have occurred in this part of the battle.

33. But Alma, with his guards, contended with the guards of the king of the Lamanites until he slew and drove them back.

34. And thus he cleared the ground, or rather the bank, which was on the west of the river Sidon, throwing the bodies of the Lamanites who had been slain into the waters of Sidon, that thereby his people might have room to cross and contend with the Lamanites and the Amlicites on the west side of the river Sidon.

Now Alma, along with these great warriors chosen as his personal guard, fight like lions (or “dragons” as the BoM sometimes says), and down go the king’s elite guards right and left. Alone, this small band penetrates the Lamanite lines and gives the rest of the army a foothold on the other side of the river…. This is a huge tactical benefit to the Nephites, and allows them to have a real chance at winning this battle.

35. And it came to pass that when they had all crossed the river Sidon that the Lamanites and the Amlicites began to flee before them, notwithstanding they were so numerous that they could not be numbered.

36. And they fled before the Nephites towards the wilderness which was west and north, away beyond the borders of the land; and the Nephites did pursue them with their might, and did slay them.

37. Yea, they were met on every hand, and slain and driven, until they were scattered on the west, and on the north, until they had reached the wilderness, which was called Hermounts; and it was that part of the wilderness which was infested by wild and ravenous beasts.

38. And it came to pass that many died in the wilderness of their wounds, and were devoured by those beasts and also the vultures of the air; and their bones have been found, and have been heaped up on the earth.

So even the ones that “got away”, didn’t really get away…. Or at least not many of them. This is one of those times I wish so bad they gave us more clues as to the location. Was it grizzly bears, wolves, and cougars? Or Jaguars? Of course cougars and Jaguars are known to go into what we think of as the other’s territory. So maybe it wouldn’t really tell us anything.

Here’s the really strange part, after all this that Alma’s been through, he later says that the best way to correct these threats to the people’s agency and freedom is through the preaching of the word. In fact the entire book of Alma carries this theme: the word has greater power to change people than all the wars, famine, etc.

For another interesting take on Alma 2, check out my brother’s post from a few years ago, wherein he re-wrote Alma 2 in modern language.

You should also check out this explanation of how the Amlicites and Amalekites (who show up later) are likely the same people, but errors in the transcription and printing process altered the spelling causing it to read like 2 distinct peoples.

What Every Leader Can Learn from King Mosiah