Sage Mike Prattles

Weird Rites

Sage Mike — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 20:15:38 +0000

Conceptually, in a spiritual mumbo-jumbo sort of way, it is possible to love all of the Gods simultaneously. However, because there are an infinite number of Gods, it is, in a practical, real-world sense, impossible for us to properly worship all of Them individually. Consequently, most Infinitian churches focus on one or a small number [...]

Not Passing the Plate

Sage Mike — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 19:15:03 +0000

I’m often asked why the clergy at Infinitian churches don’t pass a collection plate as is done in the places of worship of many other religions. This perplexes the questioners particularly because giving to the church until it hurts to prove your love of the Gods is the most entrenched, hallowed dogma of our faith. [...]

Non-Disposable Words of Gods

Sage Mike — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 21:57:43 +0000

A few days ago I received the following letter from Björn Yësstordåe, a devout Infinitian originally from Sweden but now living in Allheavens, Louisiana: Dear Sage Mike, I love the Gods. In one way or another, every penny I have beyond the bare minimum I need to stave off starvation goes to the Church of [...]

Insurance Questions

Sage Mike — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 14:10:16 +0000

Do I look like an insurance agent or an insurance broker? I dress conservatively, I’m kind of boring and relentless in trying to sell my beliefs, but that is not enough to make me an insurance salesman. For that I’d have to, well, you know, sell insurance. I don’t. But people must think I do [...]

Revolutionary Knowledge

Sage Mike — Sat, 17 Mar 2012 20:14:34 +0000

Jane Fartalott, of Sceptique-de-Culte, France, recently emailed me the following question: Dear Sage Mike [the feeble-minded can be so well-mannered, can’t they?], If religion is divinely inspired and based on the true words that come directly from all-knowing Gods, why did religion believe up to the time of the Renaissance, and even beyond that, that [...]

Does God One Know Everything?

Sage Mike — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 14:38:22 +0000

I’m frequently asked if God One—or any God for that matter—knows everything. The simple and, for most people, surprising answer is no. The common misconception that God One knows everything about everything comes from the monotheistic religions. Their false God (false at least in the sense that the monotheists don’t go far enough; they don’t [...]

Infiniteness of a God … or not

Sage Mike — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 15:58:53 +0000

We all know that there are an infinite number of Gods. That is a perfectly logical, inescapable result of everything—including Gods—needing a creator. But is each God infinite in nature? For hundreds, or probably thousands, of years that question has plagued myriad people with way, way, way too much time on their hands. Considering how [...]

Mitt Parable

Sage Mike — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 02:14:17 +0000

A few days ago I posted the parable of the injured bird. Recounting that allegory brought a torrent of momentous, much loved, timeless Infinitian fables flooding into my mind. Unfortunately, most of them were God 69’s parables, all of which involve explicit oral sex. I won’t repeat them here lest this blog get a triple-X [...]

Laying on of Hans

Sage Mike — Sat, 25 Feb 2012 22:38:52 +0000

Many people have written, emailed and phoned the Church of Infinitiaty head office to complain about a typo in the headline of an ad that appeared in last month’s edition of the Infinitiaty Bulletin. Church officials have asked me to assure you that the headline was not in error. The wannabe nitpickers claimed that a [...]

Injured Bird Parable

Sage Mike — Fri, 24 Feb 2012 03:44:32 +0000

In one of his more lucid moments, a parishioner I visited recently in the heavily padded intensive-care ward of a local psychiatric hospital reminded me of the little known parable of the injured bird. This parable was usually attributed to God 7148, but God 7235 claimed that He was its author. This created a terrible [...]