the monsters inside:

The 5 Pranks I Pulled Over On My Monsters This Morning

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 19:28:00 +0000

So, it definitely took some concerted effort this year, and even a couple of back-up plans, but I finally got my little April Fools!!

Cellophaned the Entrance to their Bedrooms

And put a sign on the floor on the other side to distract them enough that they (hopefully) wouldn't notice the shimmering. Was actually hoping they'd wake in the middle of the night to go pee, but they totally slept thru. Of course. Then my alarm goes off this morning and the dawn begins shining through, and I'm thinking that I'm completely screwed because now I have to leave all the lights off instead of 1-2-3'ing their lights on for their regular morning wake-up call. AND nevermind that I can't go into their rooms to kiss them awake because...yes, I've saran wrapped myself out. They're totally gonna figure this one out! Good thinking there, Mama.

So, I called them awake...a couple of times...from the hallway...from the kitchen. And they both just yelled at me from their beds that they thought I was playing a previous year's joke on them again where I moved all the clocks forward but it was really only four in the morning, so everyone refused to budge! Ugh. Finally convinced Saia to confirm the time on her iPod and she took the plunge, and like a giddy toddler on Christmas morning, I waited patiently in the dark hallway between their two rooms with my hand over my mouth as she turned her light on and stumbled toward the door.

It worked like a charm. She reached for the note on the other side of the invisible "door" and brushed up against it with her bedhead. She jumped back with a squeal, the delicate curtain static-clinging to her arms, legs, and head, as she tumbled backward onto her chaise, arms flailing about as though she were caught in a giant spiderweb. I nearly peed my pants. I had to rush in to cover her mouth quickly, laughing under my breath and whispering in her ear, "Happy April Fools' Day, babygirl!" but pointing down the hall to alert her that her brother hadn't yet fallen for the prank. Then she was all in!

The two of us danced on our tippy toes with our hands wringing at the thought of the boy plowing into the saran wrap on his sleepy way to the bathroom. We sprinted down the hallway as I faked hollered for him to hurry up and come to breakfast. And when his light went on, finally, we both nearly squeeeeeed. And then he says, as he carefully maneuvers his way off his bunk, "Hey, what's with the plastic curtain thingy?"

Ugh. Darn boy. Onto Plan B.

Baking Soda in the Potty

Once he hobbled his way to the kitchen, I realized in all the excitement and retelling of Plan A that he hadn't yet gone to the restroom, so I hurriedly poured some baking soda into my hand and casually went down the hall to drop it into the toilet bowl. About 30 seconds later, he remembered, and click-slide, click-slide, made his way back down the hall. As soon as he shut the door, I told Saia, and then we both stood outside the bathroom door...listening. (I know, I know. So not right.) But when he didn't react right away, even though the...er...sound clearly indicated that the chemical reaction should be in full effect, I scooted back towards the kitchen and yelled, "Everything okay in there?" Very inconspicuous like. Shut up. Yes, it was. But he just said, "What!? Uh, yeah, mom."

Darn oblivious monkey. Onto Plan C.

Extraterrestrial Cereal

Zooming back into the kitchen, I reached for my food coloring and stealthily added a few drops of green and blue at the bottom of their cereal bowls. Once they sat down (him first this time, thank goodness) and they poured the milk in, about 10 seconds later their cheerios, bananas and strawberries were all swimming in an ocean of teal colored milk.

"Hey!" he said with a huge smile on his face. "What in the world happened to my cereal?" :)

Okay, okay, so it was definitely something, but I still wasn't completely satisfied. Better throw in Plan D.

Salty Toothbrushes

But just for good measure, I carefully opened two leftover ringpops from Halloween, replaced the rings with baby carrots and broccoli florets, and superglued them closed to pop into their lunches this afternoon. Because duh!

TO WATCH OR BOYCOTT THE OLYMPICS???

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Thu, 06 Feb 2014 20:49:00 +0000

So…about the Olympics tonight…

I’m a self-admitted Olympics addict. I download the apps. I check for updates throughout the day at work. I watch from the moment the Today Show anchors travel to the games to every single interview and this-is-their-life story post-games. I adore them. All. And for all the reasons you’d expect. For those same reasons, in fact, I follow NASA posts, Nobel Prize nominations, research and development discoveries, and humanitarian / political / agricultural / and environmental activism. Because these folks were blessed with something by whatever God or fate or chance you believe in. They’ve got skills and talents that I could never possess. And they know how to wield them. They represent the best in all of us. And the games themselves still encourage a healthy level of international competition that always makes me feel idealistically encouraged and globally connected to the whole human race in a way that the horror stories on the world nightly news just can’t.

That being said, I can hardly believe how horrific things are in Russia today, and I’m genuinely finding it increasingly difficult to support not only the host choice, but the financial benefits they and the sponsors will reap because of this event.

BUT...were it not for the Olympics, we might not all have seen the reality of the situation come to light there. The rug has been pulled back; the closet doors flung open, as it were, and all their inhumane and culturally tyrannical skeletons are falling out all over the place. So, with the spotlight squarely on them now, and all those truths no longer secrets, maybe now some level of global social awareness and political activism can and will lead to change?

But at what cost? To those in harm’s way. To our children. To those who signed up to be athletes, not soldiers, who are suddenly thrust into a dangerous and tumultuous situation. Who are knowingly and willingly standing up for what is right in spite of what terror may rain down upon them. They’re kids. And this isn’t The Hunger Games.

But it's hard not to recall Jesse Owens in 1936 or the Black Power Salute in 1968 (which Tommie Smith himself later wrote was actually a "Human Rights Salute"). How frightened they must've been. The courage that must have taken. And the strength they had to pull from in order to not only continue to represent their country with character and integrity, but still excel as athletes! It was impressive and amazing and inspirational. And our current LGBT athletes and all of their supporters and allies are no less of an inspiration. But the dangers should not be diminished by the pomp and circumstance of the opening ceremonies tonight.

The FAA terrorist threats are real. The Black Widow suicidal bombers are true. The brutal mass killing of stray dogs is absolutely reprehensible. But that's all really just a microcosm of the larger cultural dogma by which they govern their society. The constant, condoned, and public threats, the violence and the torture of the LGBT community in Russia is intolerable, unjustifiable, and impermissible. And it has to be stopped.

So, do we not watch the games? Does that stop anything? Does anyone care that I don’t have my TV on? No, of course not. Because we HAVE to watch the games. We have athletes to support. We have a country to support. We have to rise above the chaos and bigotry in our own nation, as well as others, in order to truly be the Americans represented by the Statue of Liberty. We have a great and powerful history of doing just that. But, and more importantly, we HAVE to continue to be vocal -- more active – louder, stronger -- and on social media, especially. No, walls haven't fallen because of Twitter, but we have more social activists now than ever before – with greater reach – and greater influence – and in greater numbers on a global scale than at any other time in history. And no, I don't know what the next steps should be or could be with Russia. Human rights tribunals? (at a minimum) An embargo? (oh, no, not the vodka!!), but something…SOMETHING…needs to happen...and will, with irrefutable certainty, ONLY happen if we raise our voices!

This is the most politically charged Olympics in some time. And while I agree that politics itself should not be the focus of the games, human rights and equality should -- always -- without a doubt.

Because the risks being wagered today are no less. And the message we were sending in ’36 and ‘68 is the same message we should be sending now. There are no sub-humans, no second-class citizens, no lesser thans. We are one in the same, and in many cases, yes, really terrifying versions of one another. But we. are. all. equal. And we won't be silenced.

YOUR CALL TO ACTION:

Speak up. Tweet, post, blog. Often. And encourage others to do so.
Change is viral. Infect someone today.

Passing down the tongs...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sat, 11 Jan 2014 05:48:00 +0000

So, after experiencing what seemed like an inordinate amount of illnesses and critical medical conditions and deaths this past holiday season and all the way into the new year, even, either too close for comfort, virtually through FB, or on TV, it's been sitting like a ball of acid in my belly, churning and grinding, hissing and spitting...

What if tomorrow never comes?

And although I'm not really emotionally ready to deal with the actual possibility of that all too inevitable reality, I decided that at the very least...

I could teach them how to cook.

Full meals. Great meals. Family meals. Because food is home. And sharing. And moments. And holidays. And love, and arguments, and weddings, and funerals. And that's what I want them to remember. All the levels and flavors and depths of love.

So tonight, Saita decided she would make Mama's Chicken Tacos. From scratch. On her own. And she did!! Three hours later, we're sitting down to the absolute best chicken taco meal I have ever had in my whole. entire. life.

And all I can taste...is her love.

When being alarmed is not so bad...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 10 Jan 2014 16:31:00 +0000

bwehhm...Bwehhm...BWEHHM...

I sat bolt upright in bed. What the hell was that?

BWEHHM BWEHHM!! BWEHHM!!!!

It was getting louder.

It was coming from Chago's room.

It was an...I think that's an...oh, dear God, I think he actually set his alarm!

And sure enough, in one fluid movement, he pops right off his top bunk, slams the snooze, flicks on his light without a second's hesitation that we normally have to 1-2-3, snatches his book off his desk, and hops right back into bed.

"Uhhhhh...Bubba? What's going on, babe?"

"Morning, Mama!!" says Chipper Charlie.

"What are you doing, son? It's 5:45 in the morning!"

"Huh?" he says without even lifting his eyes off the page.

"Son!" I say. "What. Are. You. Doing?"

"Oh," he finally acknowledges, "well, I didn't get to finish my book last night and it's really, really good, and I only have *this* much to go, and..."

I put my palm up. Smile from every little place inside me and out. And go back to bed.

Family SNAP Hunger Challenge: Day 4

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 06 Dec 2013 07:17:00 +0000

Up at 5:30 this morning. To make tortillas. Which is great, you know, that they loved them so much that they requested them for breakfast...and lunch. But it's a time-consuming task. And I'm not really a morning person. And had I just thought about it last night (here's the planning issue rearing its ugly head again) while I was already making a batch, I could've just doubled it and been ready. So this was very much a labor of love. Or something.

Homemade flour tortillas

BREAKFAST: Taquitos de papas con huevo

a dozen homemade flour tortillas
2 large eggs
1/2 c milk
1 small diced russet potato
1/4 c diced yellow onion
re-use fat rendered from pork sausage yesterday to saute potatoes and onion

Total for Breakfast: $1.43

A dozen goes a looong way

LUNCH: Burritos de frijoles refrito y queso

6 homemade flour torillas (2 for each of us)
1 c refried beans (from earlier this week)
1/2 c shredded cheddar cheese

Total for Lunch: $1.12

SNACKS: Morning and After School

2 baggies of chex cereal
2 carrots sliced down to sticks
2 tbsp of peanut butter for dipping
3 graham cracker sheets (1 for each of us)
1 cup of work coffee for mama (yay!)

Total for Snacks: $1.57

DINNER: Grilled Chicken Spaghetti

1 pkg whole wheat thin spaghetti (generic brand)
1 lg chicken breast
1 sm lemon
1/2 c chopped kale
2 cloves of garlic
1 tbsp olive oil
1 pkg frozen corn (generic brand)

Total for Dinner: $6.43

DESSERT: 2 Scoops Vanilla Ice Cream = $0.28

2 Flintstones Vitamins: $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $11.03

OBSERVATIONS

Too much flour, shortening, and beans in little bodies that aren't getting as many fresh veggies and fruit as they're used to, begins to take its toll...

Feeling much less annoyed today, and more into the routine of things. Whatever the kids don't finish for snacks, they have to move to lunch or the next day's snack. Although no one particularly loves this plan, it really shed some unflattering light on how much food we let go to waste just because it didn't get "chosen" out of the snack bag that day.

Although I accounted for the lemon in our total, I actually picked it from our lemon tree. It occurred to me that I'm not doing enough home gardening, even with the small side yard that we have, and even though it's a rental. The kids and I will likely plant some herbs, tomatoes, onions, and leafy greens in the spring as a direct result of my realizing we're underutilizing the things we actually do have and can control. I acknowledge that many people won't have a lot of room to plant, but small urban gardens in pots and bowls can yield at least some injection of freshness into otherwise potentially lifeless meals. And community gardens, especially in cities with so many food deserts, should really be supported and encouraged at the local, state, and federal levels.

Finally, realizing that I'm not only counting the days until this challenge is over, but I'm now counting the hours. And then immediately grateful that I can say at least that.

For more details, to join the challenge, or to follow other participants' posts, please visit Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge.

Family SNAP Hunger Challenge: Day 3

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Thu, 05 Dec 2013 07:00:00 +0000

I didn't wake up thinking about food today. I knew what I'd be making for breakfast, and the leftovers from last night were going to be a more than adequate lunch for all 3 of us. The relief I feel in just saying that is a bit of a surprise to me. But it makes a huge difference.

I decided, after a pretty lengthy internal debate, to make waffles this morning. On the one hand, the ingredients are mostly things I've already used since Day 1; but on the other hand, I'm fortunate enough to have an electric waffle maker. So, my rationale went something like this...if I didn't have a waffle maker, but I did have kids, I still would want to be able to make them waffles once in a while. So, maybe, I might even try to find a waffle iron at a thrift shop. I know I've seen them there before. And I don't think it's at all too far fetched of an assumption.

Of course, I recognize as I write these words, that at least half of you are thinking how very useless, in the grand scheme of things, a waffle iron is. But I would counter that it's precisely in the grand scheme of things where something as small as a waffle iron, which changes the entire face and feel of an everyday meal, and makes my kids smile and maybe feel as though they're getting something a little special that morning, is where it counts most. And maybe especially under these circumstances.

That being said, the ingredients I'm using could just as easily make flat pancakes. So there you go.

WEDNESDAY'S MENU

BREAKFAST: Waffles with Pork Sausage Links

3 c flour
4 tbsp margarine
2 tbsp canola oil
1.5 c milk
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract (generic brand)
½ packet of self-rising yeast
4 maple sausage links (generic brand)
2 tsp drizzled honey

Total for Breakfast: $2.89

Surprisingly satisfying leftovers for lunch

LUNCH: Leftover Chicken and Rice Bowl

3 servings of chicken and rice from last night’s dinner
1 apple, sliced and sprinkled with cinnamon for each

Total for Lunch: $0.30

SNACKS: Morning and After School

2 hardboiled eggs for each of the monsters
small snack bag of red grapes for each of them
4 graham crackers for each of the 3 of us
6 cashews for mama
1 small cup of bad work coffee in the afternoon for mama (YAY!!!)

Total for Snacks: $1.98

DINNER: Quesadillas

4 slices of turkey lunchmeat (generic brand)
1 dz flour tortillas -- homemade: so…
3 cups of unbleached flour
2 tsp baking powder
3/4 c shortening (didn't have lard available)
3/4 c warm water
2 c shredded cheddar cheese

Total for Dinner for 3: $7.27

DESSERT: 2 Scoops Vanilla Ice Cream Each: $0.28

1 Flintstone Vitamin each: $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $12.92

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

As I work to change my perception of what I'm actually doing, I'm realizing that it's not completely different from things I do normally with regard to the children. I already cook and bake for them daily. I already make every single one of their lunches so that they don't ever have to ingest that sorry excuse for sustenance at their school's cafeteria. But it's definitely more structured, and requires so much more careful planning, and the variety of fresh fruit and vegetables has certainly suffered. I can't be as creative and spontaneous with what I feed them, but their overall diet and caloric intake hasn't actually changed too much, except for the elimination of all store-bought snacks. Which, really, was solely for convenience, and, truthfully, something I'm glad to see make it's way out of our daily routine.

But...it's me who's feeling the effects most. My usual -- nearly daily -- runs to Starbucks. My grabbing a quick lunch in the cafe at work, or splurging at the farmer's market on Wednesdays, or anytime I want to go out to eat sushi or Thai or Vietnamese or tapas. Gone. My afterwork drinks. My cheeses and salsas and chips. Gone. My midnight munching on chocolate covered pomegranate seeds. My glass of wine while making dinner. Gone. Gone. Gone. And that, as selfish and self-centered as it all sounds, is what's taking its toll the most.

I feel like I'm being punished for something, even though I should be grateful we have enough to fill our bellies. I feel like I'm being cheated out of something, even though there's nothing actually wrong. I feel angry and frustrated, and think about the vending machine up on the 4th floor way more than I should. And trust me when I say that I realize how horrible this all sounds when there are actually families who are struggling just to maintain some basic level of nourishment. But if I don't acknowledge how this is truly affecting me, then I'm not doing myself or this project any real good.

And this part. THIS PART. Was definitely unexpected.

For more details, to join the challenge, or to follow other participants' posts, please visit Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge.

Family SNAP Hunger Challenge: Day 2

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Wed, 04 Dec 2013 07:07:00 +0000

Woke up this morning with a headache and irritable from my unintended fast yesterday and my overall lack of caffeine. Did not plan appropriately (again) last night for today, so Day 2 of the Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge is turning out to be a bit of a bear.

After the monsters' recorded their video reflecting on Day 1 last night, my daughter pointed out to me that although they appreciated the fact that I wanted to ensure they received the majority of the food, they would prefer that I allotted myself a little more going forward in order to keep me from being so irritable and snappy at the end of the day.

I was really struck by this in a way that I wouldn't normally be because she was absolutely right. And it made me wonder how difficult it must be for parents who are always short on food to maintain a level state of emotion and thoughtfulness when you're just really digging as deep as you can to get the next task done and move on to the next day. But there has to be a balance. There has to. So, for the sake of their sanity and mine, I'm adjusting my portions a little today.

TUESDAY'S MENU

Cinnamon Oatmeal

BREAKFAST:

Oatmeal

1.5 c generic oats

1 tbsp generic brown sugar

1 tbsp margarine (cheapest I could find)

1 tbsp honey (from farmer's market jar)

Chunky Applesauce on the Stove

2 small diced over-ripe apples I was about to throw out

2 tbsp margarine (already beginning to realize I use this too much for it to be one that's so bad for us)

1 tsp sugar

2 tsp sprinkled cinnamon (grated stick)

water for both

Total for Breakfast: $2.11

LUNCH:

sliced chicken breast (the whole chicken I boiled will last for several meals, including the broth)

4 slices of wheat bread for 2 sandwiches

mustard for her

for me: leftover oatmeal the kids didn't finish at breakfast (almost 1.5 cups cooked, which was actually very filling, and which I ate over the course of 2 hours between breakfast and lunch), and, of course, lots more water

Total for Lunch: $1.22

Celery and carrot stix with peanut butter

and homemade chunky applesauce

SNACKS: Morning and After School
NOTE: This is where we found we were lacking most yesterday.

cut-up carrots and celery sticks

1 heaping tbsp of peanut butter for each

2 tbsp chunky applesauce from breakfast

1 string cheese for her

1 snack bag of chex mix for him

Total for Snacks: $2.10

DINNER: Chicken and Rice and Veggies

diced half boiled chicken from Monday

re-use 4 c chicken broth from the boil

re-use 2 egg yolks from Monday to thicken the sauce

Chicken and Rice with a
Side of Mixed Steamed Veggies

2 tbsp yellow onion

2 tsp ground comino seed

1/4 c diced bell pepper

4 crushed cloves garlic

1/4 c chopped cilantro

3 c white rice

1 tbsp flour

1 bag frozen mixed veggies (steamed)

Total for Dinner: $5.45

DESSERT: 2 Scoops Vanilla Ice Cream: $0.28

1 Flintstone vitamin each: $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $11.36

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

We had $13.68 to spend today. I only spent $11.36. That leaves $2.32. But I actually don't consider that a savings. I view that as an opportunity to maximize our spending and do better with my meal planning so that all 3 of us feel satisfied from morning until bedtime. Or, it could also mean I get to factor in a cup of coffee tomorrow. :)

Although dinner ended up being a pretty expensive meal, it was because it made so much that I was able to eat a full dinner myself, and we still have leftovers for all three of our lunches tomorrow.

By far, though, the biggest observation made today was that, as a parent, I still and always have to put the mask on myself first before taking care of my children.

For more details, to join the challenge, or to follow other participants' posts, please visit Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge.

Family SNAP Hunger Challenge: Day 1

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Tue, 03 Dec 2013 01:18:00 +0000

The Monsters' Lunches and Snacks - Day 1

This week, the kids and I will be participating in the Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge in order to bring awareness to the challenges faced by so many families just like ours all over the country who, for whatever reason, have found themselves in the situation where they must attempt to nourish themselves on the current government allotment of $4.56 a day.

Although we could never truly understand the circumstances and the full weight of living day to day in that situation in just seven days, this challenge is really meant to help stir discussion and shed some light on the fact that this is a reality for many -- and, as I explained to the monsters this morning, that may very well include some of their friends and they don't even know it.

Shockingly, this meager daily allotment for food stamps is actually decreasing in 2014. And this is something that, no matter your position on the politics of it, needs to be considered. These are our neighbors, our friends and family, our community, our countrymen.

Could you sustain yourself, your family, and attempt to also eat nutritiously, spending just $4.56 per person, per day?

That's $13.68 per day for my family of 3 -- breakfast, lunch, snacks, dinner, dessert, and all beverages.

So, this week, we have a total of $95.76 to spend, including condiments, oils, baking goods, and spices, which, when you add it up like that, actually sounds pretty reasonable. Until you think about what you spent the last time you went out for dinner. And all of our beautiful Thanksgiving leftovers have gone into hybernation in the freezer for a week. (But the fact that I can even complain about any that makes me immediately recoil with embarassment at our exorbitance.)

MONDAY'S MENU

Using the whites and saving
the yolks for another meal

Breakfast for the Monsters: French Toast

- 4 slices wheat bread (white is cheaper, but 100% whole wheat is more nutritious for us)

- 2 scrambled egg whites (saved the yolks for dinner) and added a splash of milk

- small glass of OJ (frozen generic brand and watered down a little to last longer)

- sprinkle of cinnamon (ground from sticks, which are cheapest in the ethnic spices section, but also taste better)

- 1 tbsp margarine to cook the toast

- 1 tsp drizzled honey (cheaper than our usual agave nectar, but better for us than syrup)

- half a banana for me and, of course, water

Total cost of breakfast for 3: $1.63

Lunch for the Monsters: PBJ

- 4 slices wheat bread for 2 sandwiches (thinking I may need to try and bake a couple of loaves this week instead)

- 2 tbsp peanut butter (low sodium is a little more expensive, but needed)

- strawberry jelly -- thinned with a little water to make it stretch (low sugar is a little more expensive, but needed)

- sliced 1/4 of a banana to bulk up both PBJ sandwiches

- sliced 1/4 of an apple for each with a sprinkle of cinnamon

- 4 graham crackers each

- large refillable water bottle for each (we typically don't send juices, so this is a standard)

- remaining half of the apple and 4 graham crackers, and of course, water for me

Total cost of lunch for 3: $2.11

Snack for Kids (mid-morning and after school)

- 1 string cheese each (but he didn't want his, so she had both)

- 1 ziploc snack bag of chex cereal each (which they both finished)

- 1 bag of goldfish crackers for him once he got to his Mommy's after school

- 1 honey yogurt for her once she got to her Mommy's after school

- no snack for me (which was a HUGE mistake)

Total cost of all snacks: $2.99

Refried pinto bean chalupas

Dinner for All of Us: Chalupas

- refried pinto beans (pot of beans will make for a few meals this week)

- 6 corn tortillas (bag of 30 will help with multiple meals this week)

- 2 tbsp canola oil for frying the corn tortillas, and then reused to refry the beans (other oils are cheaper, but canola is better for us)

- 2 tsp freshly ground comino seed

- 4 fresh garlic cloves

- 1 tbsp chopped large yellow onion

- 1 tbsp chopped fresh cilantro

- shredded kale (more expensive than iceberg lettuce, lasts longer than spinach, more nutritious and multi-purpose, and also picked up at the farmer's market)

- shredded cheddar cheese (cheapest generic block I could find)

- 1 diced vine ripe tomato (cheapest at the farmer's market, but romas are cheapest at the grocery store)

- ended up not using the 2 yolks from breakfast, so I'll save those for tomorrow

Total cost of dinner for 3: $4.68

Dessert (because, please, they're 10 and they'll never let me get away with it otherwise)

- 2 small scoops each of least expensive generic brand of vanilla ice cream

Total cost of dessert: $0.28

Flinstones Vitamins (1 each): $0.20

GRAND TOTAL: $11.89

NOTE: Our budget is only $13.68. That only gives me a savings of $1.79, which wasn't really a savings at all considering I didn't eat more than a half a banana for breakfast and a half an apple for lunch. Will need to make adjustments accordingly or Mama may hit road rage status by Tuesday afternoon...

TODAY'S OBSERVATIONS

- Found I was actually hungry first thing in the morning even though I never usually am, and am wondering if it's just because I'm suddenly hyper food conscious

- Found that I took smaller bites of my food and chewed slowly to try to make it last longer

- Realized the morning rush to prep for work and school makes it that much harder to pack smart lunches for all of us. Planning is really critical.

- Realized school snacks are actually going to be the hardest part for us; partly because the monsters are so picky and partly because it's harder to be creative with something that needs to be super quick, portable, and a dash of fast energy

- Recognize that much of what I did today and have tentatively planned for the rest of the week assumes that I have a working stove, oven, refrigerator, and freezer at my disposal. This revelation was a bit of a jolt.

- Found myself looking at the clock more often. When could I have another graham cracker? How long before I could eat my apple?

- Recognized around 1pm that I did a terrible job planning my own meals because I was so concerned about ensuring the kids got the lion's share of the $13.68. Hoping to plan a little better for tomorrow.

- Acknowledge that totalling up a cost per serving is not really necessarily the same thing as having to go out and spend per meal unless you're truly able to purchase, prepare, and store the majority of your items for re-use.

- Thinking that a glass of wine would be really, really great right about now...

To hear from the monsters' mouths exactly what they thought about their Day 1 experience, click HERE.

For more details, to join the challenge, or to follow other participants' posts, please visit Project Open Hand SNAP Hunger Challenge.

Weapons of Mass Destruction

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sat, 12 Oct 2013 16:57:00 +0000

Leave your sister alone.

Don't poke at your sister.

Don't prod your sister.

Don't hit your sister.

Don't harass your sister.

Don't chase your sister.

Don't attack your sister.

Don't antagonize your sister.

Don't...

Oh, just give me all your weapons...

Crushin'...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Wed, 18 Sep 2013 04:26:00 +0000

"Hey, Mama?"

Yeah, baby?

"How old were you when you had your first crush?"

[gulp] Oh...right about your age, I think. [lie!]

"So...did you kiss? Like a real kiss?"

[gulp...swallow]. Umm...no, I don't think so, not til much later... [lie!]

"Well...if your crush was moving away soon...what would you do, you think?"

[stop breathing] Oh, hmmm, I think...ummm... I would definitely...no, absolutely...without question...write a letter... [liar! liar! pants on fire!!!!]

THE GUY WHO JUMPED FROM SPACE

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Wed, 01 May 2013 16:07:00 +0000

"What was his name, Mom?"

Sideways look shot from my place over the sizzling French toast...

"Oh," he says, "the guy, you know? That guy who jumped from space?" gesturing skyward wildly with his hand like the good mini-me he is.

My eyes dart towards the upper lefthand corner of my sockets, clearly indicating I am stretching my 43-yr-old brain to try and uncover that little tidbit of info I used to be able to recall at the drop of a hat for a good Friday night trivia game, even after a couple of glasses of wine, but now can only seem to use tp form the best possible SEO sentence to plug into the googler.

"guy who jumped from space"

The results of which then sent me unexpectedly into tears for the next 10 minutes as I read him the whole story about how an 84-yr-old retired Air Force Colonel, Joe Kittinger, was essentially Felix Baumgartner's mission control and Jiminy Cricket, talking him thru some seriously intense moments on the way up as well as down, including an outer stratosphere out-of-control spin that nearly killed the very same Colonel a half century before.

And by the time I read about how the Austrian daredevil stood at the edge of his capsule, saluted, and marveled at feeling so very small standing there looking out over the entire world, I was literally heaving.

He plummeted at over 833 mph, released his parachute 1000 miles above New Mexico, and landed on his own two feet.

The data his crew of scientists and engineers were able to compile will be used for years to come, and only open up wider the inevitability of tourist space travel. And THAT idea just makes every hair on my body stand on end. Can you imagine? It would be like standing next to the first successful open-heart surgery. To be able to experience that, to feel that sense of hugeness and smallness at the same time, to actually be taking steps forward and beyond and into the infinite...

I was just a big bawling mess at the breakfast table this morning.

So...I'm either pregnant, which isn't really gonna happen without my research, order form, and signature of the FedEx delivery of the nitro tank, or I'm just pms'ing...

THE FRANTIC LAST MINUTE DIY SCHOOL BASKET PROJECT

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 16:04:00 +0000

"Oh, mom," she says during dinner last night, "I have to turn in my homemade basket tomorrow." Chomp, chomp, crunch.

"What basket, baby?"

And so begins the frantic scramble for any and all remotely applicable household materials to hurriedly create the best. basket. ever. in about...oh...30 minutes. Ugh!!!!

After floating a good six really pretty awesome ideas off the top of my head, she finally settled on this one and set to work.

Materials:
1 bottom half of a large Christmas sweater box
1 empty wrapping paper roll
3 different rolls of crazy designed duct tape
Newspaper cut into strips for filling
And multi-colored yarn cut into 5" strings for fringe

And the result, I have to say, was pretty darn fabulous!! Yay for last minute adrenaline rushes! :)

THE AGE-OLD DEBATE: CARESS VS HARASS

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 16:32:00 +0000

Overheard from the monsters' bathroom this morning:

[singing in unison, out of tune, and at the top of their lungs]

"MAY THE BIRD OF PARADISE FLY UP YOUR NOSE (UP YOUR NOSE) / MAY AN ELEPHANT CARmumbleHARmumbleASS YOU WITH HIS TOES..."

"Wait," he says, "did you say 'harass'?"

"Yes," she says, "why, what did you say?"

"It's 'caress,' not 'harass'!" he laughs.

"What's the difference?" she asks (as I shudder from my core).

"Well," he explains, "caressing is gentle, like this, and harassing is like bullying and mean. He's caressing you with his toes..."

"Ewww!!" she exclaims, "I'm pretty sure I'd feel harassed."

IT'S THE 4TH GRADE BEE!!

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Wed, 16 Jan 2013 18:40:00 +0000

"I don't think I wanna try out for the Spelling Bee this year," she said.

"Oh no? Why not?" I ask her.

"I just don't like being up there in front of everyone," she replies, which, in Saia language, means I'm not gonna set myself up for disappointment by showing how much I want to be selected, so I'll just feign disinterest instead.

But she couldn't really suppress her excitement when she was chosen to be an alternate and then went to bed last night secretly wishing the girl with the fever wouldn't show up for the competition this morning.

But she did. And Saia did a great job of being a good sport and supporting her classmates and, a little less enthusiastically, her brother.

The boy, on the other hand, makes no bones about his love of words and has been itching and raring to go for weeks. Despite his prep work, he sat unusually still on stage and looked uncharacteristically nervous. When he passed his 1st round with "honest," he let out a visible sigh of relief. Then came "huddled," which is not a difficult word, but it's hardly ever a big word that takes you down in the Bee, you know. It's a forgotten d or a missed double letter or a transposed l and e, but he took his time, and paced himself, and knocked it outta the park.

And it was on to round 3!

There are only 14 children left, and it's at this point that you find yourself, in spite of yourself, wishing not-so-well on the remaining pack of 9- and 10-year-olds. Just a little slip here. Just a little too fast there. Just a minor flub anywhere...

COME ON, ALREADY!!!!

And then he got "transatlantic." And I'm pretty certain I stopped breathing.

But he aced it, and is now TOP 8 OF THE 4th GRADE CLASS and moves on to the school-wide finals!!!!!!!! And, based solely on the number of exclamation points I've already used in this post today, I may just need to take a mild little sedative before that one.

WHAT'S REALLY IN YOUR FALL-OUT SHELTER?

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 22:08:00 +0000

So, the world didn’t end today. Maybe you heard.

But maybe the lesson here is actually that we should spend more time acting as though it were still going to. Maybe our take-away is to live our lives as though our days are actually numbered. Because they are, of course. And for some of us, even single-digit kinda numbers.

So, what would you do, WILL you do, now given the opportunity? Who would you reach out to? How many people would you contact to make amends for things? To heal old wounds? To tie up loose strings? To. Leave. No. Regrets.

How much tighter would you hold your loved ones tonight? How many more “I-love-yous” would you whisper? How many “I-hate-yous” would you retract?

How many hours would you shave off your work day just to have dinner at the table tonight instead of on the couch? How many battles with friends, siblings, coworkers, your children…would you concede just so that you can laugh one more time at a laffy taffy joke instead of yelling?

How many random strangers would you open doors for, give spare change to, take into your home, provide a warm meal, offer a smile, speak to as though they were actually human beings with lives and memories and histories written on their innermost inside walls that no one may ever know?

How many animals would you free from zoos, testing facilities, shelters, abusive homes?

How many foster children would you take in? How many elderly would you offer to read to, sing to, brush their hair?

How many meetings would you miss just to see the last sunrise or sunset? And how many colds would you risk to be able to run through the rain, fall down in the snow, sleep under the stars, or swim in the ocean…just…one…more…time?

How many ripples would you leave behind?

It’s not necessarily a bad thing that quite a huge chunk of us went to bed last night with just the teensiest bit of wonder about the fate of the world today. But it’s even better if we wake up tomorrow with that same wonder. And the day after that. And the day after that.

So, maybe tonight…take stock of what’s really in your fall-out shelter. It’s not all canned goods and Twinkies. With apologies to Prince and gratitude to Tim McGraw, to survive the apocalypse of humankind, you gotta live like you were dying, not like it’s 1999.

LAST-MINUTE TOY BUYING GUIDE: BOYS vs GIRLS

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Thu, 20 Dec 2012 01:42:00 +0000

Just a friendly reminder from Saia and Chago...

A BUG'S LIFE: ELECTION 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Wed, 07 Nov 2012 19:51:00 +0000

…or "How women, Latinos, and the LGBT community rallied together to topple a formidable economic agenda in favor of establishing a new social order and issuing a mandate to the country that while we, too, are concerned about our jobs, our bank accounts, and our retirement, we refuse to be the kind of country that sacrifices our humanity in order to drive a Lexus."

And I do say all of this knowing that these are first-world problems we’re talking about. Without refute, there are innumerable other countries in more dire straits than ours. But everyone’s line in the sand is relative. And we drew ours last night.

It made me most proud, as a Latina, as a woman, and as a lesbian mother of two to be able to look my 9-year-old twins in their eyes this morning and tell them that this time, this time… the bullies did not win. This time, the ants banded together and overthrew the grasshoppers – and not because we truly believe we are in a better state economically than we might be with another leader, but because with that other leader we would have so assuredly suffered as a people, as a community, as a country, under the weight of what would mostly have been, and genuinely felt like, a racist, bigoted, mysoginistic, elitist decision.

And no, that is not to say that all Republicans are racists. Or bigots. Or misogynists. Or elitists. But the social impact of a Romney administration would unequivocally have crushed the dream that is our actual America. The dream of immigrants. The dream of minorities. The dream of the persecuted. The dream of the downtrodden. Those are the bootstraps from which we began. Those are. Those.

And we have to remain true to them. Because if we don’t…

If we don’t continue to fight to recognize that all of our minorities, all of our disenfranchised, and all of our marginalized people ARE equal, deserve equal rights, and STILL HAVE AN EQUAL VOTE, then we risk losing who we are at our core. Who we truly claim to be as Americans.

And yes, of course I realize how important it is that we have balance. Why having a Republican House but a Democratic President is actually a good thing. Why term limits on our top political seats are crucial to the reinventing of ourselves as a people, reinvigorating our public, redefining our collective goals, and restating our deal-breakers. And I have accepted, and will continue to accept, whenever a political leader wins with whom I fundamentally disagree because that is what makes our country better. But it’s equally important to note that I didn’t vote for Barack Obama yesterday. I voted for a better America. I voted for an ideal. I voted for the dream.

And this morning, I woke up feeling strong…and heard…and visible.

This morning, I didn’t have to swallow my pride anymore.

I didn’t have to apologize to my children for the people who mistreat them, us, others because we don’t look exactly like they think we should look or act or feel or believe. Because last night, America did what was right for our country as human beings. Last night, America played fair. Last night, America chose decency over pocketbooks. And now the foundation for real forward progress has been laid.

And while there will always and forever be slips and backward steps here and there, the miles we crossed last night and the streams that were forged mean that my children learned a lesson every parent hopes to be able to impart. They learned about optimism. Not hope. Not change. I don’t buy the rhetoric any more than you do. Because they’re fleeting. Because they’re taglines. But optimism is mindshift. It's a way of life. Optimism is not just about overcoming adversity. Optimism is not just about doing what’s right no matter what and believing that it’ll all work out in the end. Optimism is about knowing...in your bones...that your one little voice can change the world.

And the world. let me remind you, doesn’t look to America, envy America, respect America, and want to emulate America because we make more money than they do.

The world looks to us because here…an ant can overcome a grasshopper.

OUR "PUN"kin CONTEST ENTRIES THIS YEAR

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 26 Oct 2012 18:13:00 +0000

Saia's Content Entry:
"PEOPLE PIE: The Pumpkin's Revenge"

So, it started off last week with...

"I think I wanna carve out the Death Star," he says.

I googled it. Printed out the instructions. And we...and by that, I mean me...immediately ditched that idea, as just the thought of it made my carpal tunnel flare up.

"I think I really wanna do something spooky scary," she says, "like a haunted house...with vampires...and cats...and blood...and..."

But I still have FOUR...OTHER...PUMPKINS to carve for our own front yard, I'm trying to explain to them. Please have mercy on Mama.

Let's simplify, I prompt. Sometimes the simplest things carry the strongest message. And then that somehow triggered...

"Oh!" she yells, "How about we do Barrack Obama and Mitt Romney???"

"I'd rather do Obi Wan and Darth Vadar," he says.

What's the difference, Mama mumbles under her breath.

"Still too complicated," I beg. "It would require stenciling, and shading, and tools I just don't have in neither my physical nor artistic arsenals."

And then, somehow, during the busiest week I've ever had, the heavens opened up and my brilliant children came up with ideas that they could actually create all on their own.

And they...were...awesome!

Saia and I baked a little pie crust and put a couple of her dollhouse people inside the baked pie for her Pumpkin's Revenge: The People Pie.

And Chago, of course, decided to play with words...

Chago's Entry: "How does a pumpkin relax before Halloween?"

With "AcuPUMPture," of course!

A BOY AND A BIDET

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sat, 29 Sep 2012 14:42:00 +0000

"So, how was the party, bubba?" I ask him, as his sister and I walk him home under the full moon.

"Oh, it was great..." he begins, and then launches into a laundry list of oh-so-wonderful things he experienced, as his sister kicks rocks down the hill, seething with jealously.

You see, although they abhor attending parties to which they have BOTH been invited, they appear to be in complete agreement on the fact that the other can NEVER have a better time than they had without them whenever they're invited to separate parties.

So, as he describes the "waaay cool climbing tree," she tells him about the pumpkin spice sundae with caramel sauce she had at the ice creamery while he was gone. And as he shares his new fascination with Star Trek movies and proceeds to explain how each of his buddies clearly takes on each individual personality of the cast in the first movie (not the TV series), she makes sure to one-up him with details of our bike ride to the park to play soccer in the moonlight.

And for every cupcake, hamburger, party game, and goodie bag he puts forth, she's got an equally awesome story about walking Reynita, listening to the frogs at the park, and watching her bike reflectors light up with passing vehicle headlights.

And by 3/4 of the way home, my head is about to explode from the twin terror tête-à-tête...until...he gets to the toilet.

"So, the best part of the night," he says with his trademark smirk, "was their toilet."

"Their what?" I ask, as we round the corner past the house with the magnolia trees so fragrant I feel instantaneously transported back to the Garden District in New Orleans.

"The potty, Mom," he says, clearly translating now for the lesser species and snapping me out of my déjà vu.

"Yes, I understand, son, but what was so great about it?" -- fully aware that I just willingly and wontonly opened the door to a potential flood of boy birthday party bathroom humor...

"Well," he began, cocking his head slightly as he turned towards Saia, "it had all these buttons."

"Buttons?" she asks timidly, also well aware of his penchant for punning...

"Like a command center," he says.

"What were they for," she sidles up next to him.

"Oh, different things," he says, attempting nonchalance, but blatantly laying the bait.

"Did you push 'em?" she bites, so fully engaged now that they can barely put one foot in front of the other.

"Mmm-hmm," he says, smiling.

"Annnnnd?!" she gesticulates wildly.

"It squirted water," he says.

"Eww!!" she gasps. "It squirted water at you?! From the potty?!?!"

Quickly realizing he's about to lose her fascination to disgust, he stops walking to better explain with accompanying hand gestures.

"No, no," he says, "it's CLEAN water, like when you flush. It shoots up this little stream of water to your...(he glances over at me)...butoire (a made up Frenchified word we used when they were little to refer to their bottoms)."

She looks over at me immediately, knowing they were treading into territory verboten. Intent on hearing the end of this story myself -- without influencing the outcome, if possible -- I just nodded my silent assent for them to continue.

She turns back to him, as they begin walking slowing down the last hill, and he continues, "It's a soft spray. It doesn't go inside or anything," which, apparently, was a huge concern for her because it immediately put her at ease.

"Oh, so, what do the other buttons do?" she asks.

"Well, they pretty much all do the same kinda thing...just at...um...different places...and...um...different heights..."

"But what's it FOR?" she finally asks.

And I begin my very short explanation by alluding to that ridiculous toilet paper commercial with the family of bears with pieces of TP all stuck to their bottoms...

"So, anyway... how long were you in the bathroom, bubba?" I break in.

"Oh, I don't know," he said, "but Beckman had to come find me."

"Did you ask Max anything about the toilet? Did you even tell him you liked it?"

"Oh, no," he said, aggressively shaking
his head. "Not one person said anything about it all, but..."

"What?" she prods.

"Well, they all had this weird look on their face when they came out of there the first time."

"So...you know, son," I interject, "those toilets are actually called bidets. They're European..."

And the pun. Did not. Elude him.

Thoughts at 9:11 on 9/11

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 16:09:00 +0000

It was still dark out when my brother called me. My alarm hadn't even gone off yet. Nothing good ever comes from those calls.

He was in Texas. I was in Seattle. "Turn on your TV," he said. And we just sat there...for a good hour...just watching. Together.

I hate how the events of that day have redefined our personal and our nation's sense of security and freedom forever. I ache for the needless loss of life, for those that still suffer, and for those that will also mourn the other 364 days of every single year for those they've lost.

But there is something inexplicably magnificent for me about the fact that this day and that moment will always link my brother and me.

I Don't Drrrink Rrrrootbeer Often...

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 01:21:00 +0000

But when I do, I make sure it's IBC.

THE END OF THEIR CHILDHOOD

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 03:01:00 +0000

The last day of 3rd grade sucks.

It may as well be the end of the world, it sucks on the suck-o-matic scale of suckiness so bad.

And no, I'm not being melodramatic. You don't know! You're not here!

The days of single-digit birthdays...GONE!

The days of holding out on sleepovers precisely because of the single-digit age...GONE!

The days of holding hostage all-day, multi-kid play dates because they were just to young to be trusted in large groups, and too young meant until you're in 4th grade...GONE!

The days of school field trips if and only if one of their parents could tag along and photodocument the entire escapade for the eternal baby books...GONE!

The days of succumbing to my fashion desires because it would make a much better picture than a tank top and sports shorts...GONE!

The days of deciding for them what summer camps, extra-curricular activities, student council activities, talent show entries, and book reports they should do because, of course, I always know what's best, which also happened to be what they really really really want but didn't know they wanted...GONE!

The days of allowing your parents to influence your choice of buddies, which is almost always based on your parents' ability to even remotely tolerate their parents...GONE!

And, based on our recent viewing of "We Bought A Zoo," the days of not being so grossed out by two people kissing that you squirm yourself into a frenzied fit of giggles...

Well...luckily...I still have that one, dammit.
...

FUELING HER DESIRE

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 02:24:00 +0000

Silly, I know, that something as simple as her insisting on gassing up our vehicle and cleaning the windshield could suddenly make me see her as a CEO, Nobel Peace Prize Winner, Olympic champion, and mother of six.

But it does.

WHY SUNDAYS ARE FOR SUNNING

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sun, 03 Jun 2012 21:05:00 +0000

It's days like these that remind you why stopping to smell the roses is time-tested and true.

The boy out golfing with his Mommy. And the girl with me at her BFF's pool party. And for the first time in quite a few weeks, my shoulders have dropped below my ears and my sigh is is more inhale than exhale.

WHEN YOU'RE ON THE VERGE OF BEING "THAT" SPORTS MOM

noreply@blogger.com (Jo Anna Guerra) — Sat, 02 Jun 2012 23:29:00 +0000

I love to watch her pitch. Lovelovelove it. It thrills me from a place I all too often forget exists.

Her strength. Her confidence. Her style. Are all her own. And as much as her Mommy or I would love to take credit for it, I think she's actually become this in spite of us.

Today, she pitched like she's been playing for years, like it was second nature, like it would be silly to be doing just about anything else. And then, while we're all still sitting there jaw-dropped and grinning from ear to ear, she catches a line drive. Just 'cause she can.