Sailing for Adventure

June 19, 2010

2010-06-19T14:01:00.000-07:00

And then five months go by and I don't write a thing...

Truth be told a lot has happened since my last update here, but to a degree where I wouldn't know what to write about.

I quit my job on the cruise ship and spent my last day there on April 11th. My last few months were a lot of the same with the added bonus of a lot of man-drama, which wasn't the point of this blog anyway.

Since then I spent about five weeks travelling around Europe and meeting a lot of exciting new people, as well as spending a fair amount of time with a guy I dated on my last ship for about three months.

I might use this blog to write about those travels, but it will be less blog and more stories since it's already over. I'd meant to write on the road, but while I was running around Paris with a group of Australians I didn't actually want to sit down for an hour or so and write about it. I preferred using that half hour to do more running around.

Either way I'll have to figure out something to do with this bog.

January 27, 2010

2010-01-28T00:38:00.001-08:00

Not a month goes by and I'm writing again. See, I knew I could do it! Unfortunately there's no promise as to when I finally get this up for anyone else to read, since today was my internet day and instead of write I spent it chatting with pals and sipping an iced latte. My current relaxed state assures me it was worth it.

The reality of my situation right now is that my contract is quickly coming to an end. Three more months turns into ten more cruises, or six more days in Long Beach, or five more times I'm likely to do my laundry. And, although there's still a whisper in the back of my mind saying "maybe just one more," I'm mostly sure this will be my last few months working on a cruise ship. Maybe this is premature, but I'm already thinking: will it have been enough? Is there anything more this job has to teach me? Which, naturally, makes me reflect on what I've learned so far.

The first and foremost lesson, which I'm sure anyone I've spent any amount of time with since coming home from my first contract away can attest to, is how to be social when I'd rather not. An introvert by nature, I've figured out how to pretend I'm not. Throw me in a room with a group of strangers and give me a hint of authority, and not only can I organize that group into some activity where I'm forcing THEM to be social, but I'm in there among them making small talk and becoming their best friend, or at least favorite adult-person, for the next week. And that's something to help me through both my social and career lives.

The second point I'm going to touch on here comes more from the general situation than any specific thing I've done, but in the course of moving rather far away from anyone I felt I could lean on into a new job where not only did I know no one, but I also had very little grasp of what I was actually getting myself into, I've figured out that I thrive in exactly that sort of situation. Throw me in the deep end, and I know that not only will I come out fine but I'll thrive in it. I've done better with challenges being thrown at me than I have with any task I already knew I could do. Unfortunately this has had the downside where I'm not sure I'm thriving as much as I used to here. I already proved I can kick butt here, so I don't need to prove it anymore. At least, I'm pretty sure that's the case.

The last idea I'll post right now is more a result of growing up and out from under mom and dad's wing than any job, but since it's something from the past year I'll include it anyway. And that is: the value of a dollar. Sure, I got some idea of it when mom and dad cut off funding to my beanie babie collection and I was suddenly scrambling for cash to buy the newest Patsy or Pokey or whatever those things were named, but it's one thing to find a way to come up with that $7.99 and entirely another to watch $150 leave my checking account as I purchase my own contacts for the first time. Saving money feels a lot harder when I think about every bill to come, and $150 feels like a lot more after getting my W-2 form and realizing exactly how little I made last year. It's a good thing I've had the idea of a budget drilled into my head since grade school.

I'm sure there's plenty else, but I'd rather read right now ($14.99 I spent last weekend) and I intend to do just that.

January 5, 2010

2010-01-05T19:12:00.000-08:00

I've gotten a lot of complaints, especially lately, that I have yet to write here while on my new ship. There's plenty of reasons why (I use internet a lot less, I'm busier than I was on the other ship) but mainly I've just been kind of bored. I can't write anything interesting if the subject itself bores even me. Because although in the grand scheme of things this ship is quite different from the last, my job and my life are essentially the same. Nothing major has changed, just my location and the people in it.

Except, lately things have gotten shaken up a bit, and that's because of the holidays.

Christmas wasn't half as bad as I expected it would be. On Christmas Eve I volunteered to stay on the ship as an orphanage from Mazatlan came on board. We took them to the ship's lobby for some sodas, gave them lunch on Lido Deck, and performed the ship's Christmas Show for them. The best part of the day was when Santa Claus appeared at the end of the show and gave each kid a backpack full of gifts. It was the only gift each kid would be getting this year, but despite having nothing personal for them there wasn't a disappointed face among them. The Christmas spirit finally caught up with me that day.

Christmas day wasn't half as exciting, but it was still nice. I woke up in the morning and went to a friend's cabin with M (my latest romantic interest, as of two months ago), where we exchanged gifts, drank champagne, and listened to Christmas Carols. Then M and I got off the ship to grab lunch, as we were docked in Cabo san Lucas that day, and spent some time just relaxing until we both had to go to work.

New Year's was fun as well, but that was to be expected. I had to work past midnight, but as soon as we'd finished shouting "happy new year!" my boss showed up with jello shots, M called, and I ran off to a crew party. I got my New Year's kiss at California's midnight and danced the rest of the night away, maybe with a little help from Jack Daniel's.

Now tomorrow is my birthday, but other matters have become more pressing. My roommate (also coworker and designated ship galpal) learned a few hours ago that her father had a heart attack last night and has been in the ICU ever since. As soon as I heard I told her to go home asap, and it didn't take much for the staff and our boss to start arranging for her to go home this Sunday. In the meantime the friend I spent Christmas morning with might also be going hom Sunday to take care of an injured shoulder and without any plans to return to this ship, and everyone else has visiting relatives or port manning. My birthday plans currently end at getting coffee, going to a bakery, and then relaxing on the ship all day watching movies... but at the rate things are going I wouldn't mind a day of relaxation.

And there's my update, just over three months into my contract. I'll try and get more in before I leave.

September 27, 2009

2009-09-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

September 27, 2009

My last post was when I had six days left on my last ship. Now I have six days until I board my next ship.

The time between has been spent trying to relax for the most part. Right now I'm in New York City, sitting in the upper east-side apartment belonging to a friend from the ship. This vacation has actually been full of encounters with people I met on the ship. I went to San Francisco with a trombone player, stayed for five days in Brooklyn with a guitarist, and have hung out with a musical director, drummer, and my old roommate in New York - all from the ship. I'm glad I'm getting to cash in on having friends in cool places so soon. I expect to do so again after this next ship, only in Europe that time.

Until I'm back on board and have things to say, I leave you with some travel wisdom I've picked up:
1. Always pack vitamin c and medicine. Every new place I visit seems to have a new cold virus for my immune system to check out. Rather than hope you're lucky and finding it at a corner drug store somewhere (like I did today), just carry it with you.
2. If it gets cold at night where you are, bring a sweater when you leave in the morning. You'll thank me when you stay out later than you meant to and have a sweater handy.
3. Carry mints! They're much more accessible and compact than a toothbrush, and you never know when you'll go back to your hotel room/hostel/what-have-you
4. Keep a list of phone numbers you'll need, for when your cell phone dies.
5. Always have at least $50 in cash on you in mostly $10s. You never know when they won't take visa.

2009-08-18T10:07:00.001-07:00

August 18, 2009

I've gotten pretty horrible at this blog thing. I've been writing, just not really posting anything. I couldn't tell you why.

I've been here over six and a half months now. I wasn't expecting to be here this long and, quite frankly, I wish I'd left three weeks ago. But now I have six more days and this will mark day four of training my replacement.

On ships, training the person taking over for you is called "handover". I don't know why, or if that's a term used off ships, but I'm going to call it handover here since... well, that's what it's called. I've been given nine days to teach this new guy everything he needs to know about the job and the ship to not completely sink when I'm gone. Since this was my first contract I haven't given one before, but I was GIVEN one and this one is nothing like what I remember.

Everyone's first week on a ship is rough. There's a lot of extra trainings that everyone has to go through and that probably don't make any sense to over half those people, there's the ship to get used to in every sense of the word, there's a new job you're being trained for, new people, new food, new lifestyle. It's all just so new and you're getting so little sleep that it's impossible to really relax that first week.

But other than getting lost a lot at first, I don't remember it being that difficult for me as a whole. If anything it was just the lifestyle and being tired that was rough, but I've never had much issue doing the job itself. For my handover, my trainer would explain things once, have me do them the second time, and after that could just supervise as I did my thing. I didn't need to ask a lot of questions, and I actually got a little annoyed with my trainer for going into such mundane and obvious details as "push the power button to turn this on".

For this NEW guy, it's kind of the opposite. I've actually NEEDED to tell him that he needs to push the power button to turn something on. I've needed to tell him half a dozen times and I'm still not confident that, when it comes down to it, he'll remember to push that power button. He also has this habit of getting some idea in his head that he needs to know how to do something RIGHT THEN and won't drop the topic, even after I've told him multiple times that whatever it is isn't something he needs to know right now and I'll show him later when we're actually doing it. Yesterday he got to work at 3:30 after a training he was at, and spent fourty-five minutes asking such questions that I kept telling him he didn't need to know yet and, don't worry, I'd be showing him tomorrow, and it got to a point where he wasn't doing the job at all in lieu of asking me questions. I ended up leaving him there by himself with instructions of what to do and how to run things (the kids were just playing video games, it was as easy a job as he's going to get) and went off to the office to get some work done there just so he could try and focus on the job for a minute.

So I am still in a constant state of stress, and I still really want to go home, but with only six days it'll be coming up here pretty fast. In the meantime there's a cute new photographer on board from London, England whom I'm hoping can cheer me up.

2009-08-18T10:06:00.001-07:00

July 28, 2009

In two days, I will have left California six months ago. It's a little overwhelming for me to think about. I'll have spent more time living on a ship in the past year than I have on land. I'm left wondering how much I'll miss the constant travel, or if I'll be able to sleep without the sound of engines. Cars are going to be a new adventure for me when I get back.

I don't know when I'm going home yet, but I know it will be soon. I'll be surprised if I'm still here in two weeks. And although this job has had some very low points, and I've had some dark days of wanting to do anything just to leave the ship, I'm going to miss it. I'll miss meeting all of these amazing people, and I'll miss getting to relax outside at night and just watch the stars while listening to the waves sloshing against the side of the ship, and I'll even miss living in such cramped corridors with all of my friends just down the hall.

I have some excitement planned for when I get home though. I'm going to visit some friends in Canada, and see a variety of friends from the ship in New York City. I've found someone to live with back on land, though I'm unsure of where we'll live right now. I get to reenter the dating-on-land scene, which is drastically different than the dating-on-ships scene. I get to buy real groceries. It's all going to be amazing, I know it already.

Current events on the ship boil down to a few main things.
Thing the First: I have a new boss these days, and she so far strikes me as a pretty cool Canadian woman.
Thing the Second: K got a promotion and is stressed to his limits, but I try and help the man out.
Thing the Third: C is leaving in four, count them FOUR days. I am a mix of jealousy and sadness right now. Her replacement can't possibly be as cool.

And that's really all there is to it.

2009-08-18T10:01:00.000-07:00

July 10, 2009

Today is an epic occasion that comes without precedent, because today... I have the day off.

...Saddly, it is not under happy circumstances. In fact, it's by doctor's orders, because I am just that sick.

Every other time I've been sick on this ship I just work through it. It probably isn't the wisest decision, since I ought to be resting, but there's no one else on this ship who can quite do my job. And my job isn't about me, it's about the kids, so I know that if I don't go to work it will negatively effect some poor kid's vacation. There's just too much guilt that comes along with that, so it's never been an option to me before.

Last night I was having similar thoughts. A few hours into the evening I was feeling pretty low, but I knew I wanted to go watch a movie with K later. It's like when I was little, and my parents told me that if I didn't go to school I couldn't do anything fun later and would just have to stay in bed all day. I told myself that if I gave into feeling sick last night, even to the extent of getting grumpy or not doing my job properly, I couldn't go out and watch a movie with K. So I took some non-aspirin, worked my way through it, actually finished LATER than I was scheduled for, and even felt pretty alright by then so that I could crash at K's cabin in good conscience. I figured we'd watch a movie and hang out for a bit, and I'd still be back in my own bed in time to get a full night's sleep. And then I'd feel all better. I thought I only felt sick because I'd only been getting 2-5 hours of sleep a night that whole cruise. Right?

Not so right.

I woke up this morning feeling worse. I still intended to go to work, but I thought about my track record with recovery and decided that I should go to the infirmary. At the very least they could give me some medicine to make me feel better faster. Plus, I thought all I had was an aching body. I was freezing cold, so I couldn't have a fever or anything. Only I walked into the infirmary, had a nurse shove a thermometer under my tongue, and was just as surprised as she was that I had a fever of 101.

I feel like I'm already rambling on quite a bit, but there is one other thing about this whole experience that I want to bring into light: my doctor didn't know how to type. I sat across his desk from him and watched him hunt and peck each key. Am I the only one who finds this worrying? How does anyone get through medical school without knowing how to type? I learned when I was eleven, and it wasn't that hard. Even if I didn't learn then I wouldn't have been able to make it through high school, let alone university, without knowing how. The fact that someone supposedly made it through medical school and can't even manage to type more than three words per minute is frightening.

So long story short, I'm sick and signed off. I get to lay in bed all day taking non-aspirin and vitamin C. ...and watch movies, and maybe get some writing done, and sleep a whole lot more. I have a feeling I'll be bored in about an hour. I also feel very guilty for not being at work since the girl covering for me has no idea what she's doing. I should've started work fifteen minutes ago and I've already gotten two calls with questions on how to do things in my club. Nnnngh.

And the real kicker is, I fell asleep about half an hour into the movie last night. When it was only half over we both gave up watching and went to bed.

July 1, 2009

2009-07-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

It is July 1st, which means I should be home in roughly thirty days. I won't be, because head office still won't tell me when I get to go home, but I SHOULD be and that's something.

The latest news on board is that we're going back to Mexico, and actually have been going back for two weeks now. First Cozumel, my friends and I all went back to our old stomping grounds of a crew bar, drank a silly amount, and went swimming. Last Cozumel that same group of friends lugged 4200 paint balls off the ship and shot each other with all but maybe 400 of them. I have some pretty epic bruising on account of this, but no one else does. Tomorrow (next Cozumel), five of us are renting jeeps and driving around the island in an attempt to get a pal as far away from his ex-girlfriend as humanly possible. It should be good times.

Only other news is that this is the month where everyone leaves. The drummer (we'll call him Fun Ship Frank, or FSF) left two cruises ago now, this is Dan's last cruise, the musical director is leaving on I believe the 9th?, and someone else is leaving mid-July. Pretty soon it'll just be C, Fed, K and I from this cool group (Fed being the fellow who replaced FSF on drums). Of course the people leaving will be replaced with new people and we can hope that they're just as cool, but we'll have to see. C, Fed and I are all leaving about the same time though, so this is kind of the group it'll be until the end... and poor K gets to stay by himself, but he'll be just fine because everyone likes K.

And really it's nothing new, is it? People leaving, people coming, and adventures in Mexico. Life could be worse. But I still have an eye on home and the shenanigans I have planned for when I get to leave, which includes a trip to Canada and maybe New York City... after I've gotten a little settled (but not too settled). Mostly I just look forward to taking advantage of some freedom.

June 16, 2009

2009-06-16T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to anyone who's ever suggested that my job doesn't really count as "work", or that my life on this ship is all fun and games.

This was my day yesterday, beginning to end:

8:30 AM: I wake up after about six hours of sleep, which isn't bad but it's still 8:30 in the morning. Struggle out of bed, get ready for my day.
9:00 AM: I'm off the ship and ring Martin so that we can talk for a whole 15 minutes before he has to get ready for work.
9:20 AM: I find a bagel and coffee and just relax, actually, until...
11:00 AM: I'm back on board, getting ready for work.
11:30 AM: A-pass duty, where I help check guests in. It is the least favorite job I've ever done, anywhere.
1:45 PM: I'm done with a-pass, changing out of my uniform...
2:00 PM: off the ship making phone calls, etc.
3:00 PM: back on the ship getting ready for boat drill
3:15 PM: boat drill, where I help hand out wristbands to children etc.
4:00 PM: As soon as boat drill is over I go to a department meeting. C and I are both more of an affiliation with the department than actual members, so we spend most of the time bored out of our minds while the others try and hash out some conflict they're having with one another.
5:15 PM: Meeting FINALLY over, I go to my club to try and get a bit of prep work done.
6:00 PM: What I thought was going to be ten minutes of preparation took 45 minutes, so when I finish I go straight to dinner. A disappointing dinner. I had salad with old lettuce and some really nasty hummus.
6:40 PM: Back to gather my things and begin registration what is supposed to be a half-hour registration time.
7:45 PM: Registration is finally over. C and I trek out together, find a photographer pal of ours, and end up having some fun with an impromptu photo shoot since we have our snazzy new uniforms now.
7:55 PM: I crash in the mess with some pals with a cup of tea, intending to relax for the half-hour I have before work should begin again.
7:58 PM: I get a call from the cruise director wanting me to go with him to suck up to some guests. It's all kind of a long story, but it has to do with another cruise director, a certain blog, and these folks having a bad time on one of our other ships. Except, they came on another cruise anyway despite their horrible horrible time. Hmm.
8:00 PM: I run up to the office to check my email to try and figure out what the cruise director was actually talking about.
8:20 PM: I meet with the cruise director beforehand so that we can go visit these people at dinner, only to have both of us discover that the other cruise director was wrong, they don't have teens traveling with them, and it's pointless to have me around. I run off since I should've finished prepping to open my club back up already.
8:30 PM: I arrive just in time to open, and spend the next 3 1/2 hours registering another 60 kids, struggling to convince them that they should stop being awkward, convince them again that they should be even LESS awkward and dance, and successfully DJing a dance party.
12:00 AM: wander around the ship with and without teens, make sure all is well, etc.
1:00 AM: I've given up by now, clock out, and drag one of my musician friends to the crew bar where C buys everyone a round, we all critique a dry martini, and for the first time since about ten that morning I relax a little bit.
3:00 AM: I get back to my cabin exhausted, crash, and manage to sleep seven whole hours.

And that was the end of my day. I think the real kicker of the story is that despite pulling what turned out to be just over an eleven-hour work day, I still spent 40 minutes in the office earlier playing catch-up on things I should've had done yesterday. And I'm still not entirely prepped for this cruise... I like getting everything together by the day before the cruise starts, but I'm not ready for the last day of this cruise yet. It's just one simple thing and won't be an issue, but still.

I am greatly looking forward to going home and getting some time where I don't have to work.

June 12, 2009

2009-06-12T14:38:00.000-07:00

The other day I was standing up on the very top deck of the ship, watching fog roll over Grand Cayman Island and wondering what I was going to miss about the ship when I left. I still have these moments of peace every now and then when I'm looking out a window or standing outside when I remember: I'm on a ship, and that's pretty cool. I can have had the worst group of kids after getting four hours of sleep, but nothing can change the fact that I'm on a cruise ship of all places. I don't really get that feeling on land very often.

Of course there's other things I'll miss as well, but honestly that's the main one. I'll miss people, but the people won't be on this ship after I leave anyway. I'll miss getting to go to another country every few days, but not enough to really matter. Maybe I'll miss parts of the lifestyle, but it's too soon to tell about that right now.

I'm probably very behind with this blog thing, since I don't really remember what I wrote about last. I've been sick for about three weeks, and am ALMOST at 100% again. I had to wake up at 8:00 AM this morning for a very pointless training. I got to eat in the guest dining room two nights ago. I got to hang out with J, the bloke mentioned towards the beginning of this thing quite often, twice in the last few weeks because our ships go to the same place on occasion, and K has returned to this ship. It's mostly same old, following a routine, and trying to make it these last six weeks before I burn out entirely.

May 17, 2009

2009-05-17T16:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't been writing, because I don't know what to say. I probably don't know what to say because so much has been happening, I don't know where to start. It is yet again one of those things that is hard to explain to people who have been living their own lives far away. But I guess it all really boils down to one thing: change.

When I left, and perhaps even the REASON I left, I knew that this experience would change me. It's just what made sense, and what past experiences with traveling and/or getting into a new stage in my life has taught me. So this was a double whammy, since I am both traveling AND living far away from everyone I knew AND I'm a recent university graduate striking out on her own. It's inevitable, even. And I knew it.

What I DIDN'T know was where it'd change me, or how it'd specifically go about doing so. I had my guesses, sure, but who knew? And turns out my guesses were all wrong, anyway, since nearly four months in I think I'm getting a good idea of where I'm going as an individual. It's probably pretty obvious just from reading this blog, even, if that's what you're looking for, since of what I remember I've mostly been writing about the people I'm meeting.

Really, that's what it all boils down to, and I suppose that's how it's always been. It was the friends I made in university who shaped me through those years, and that hasn't changed. Every new friend I make here is making some impact on me, whether big or small, and I think meeting so many people and getting close to so many of them so fast is just expediting the process. Normally it'd take years for me to find those four or five close friends who'll teach me something significant about myself, but I can name at least three I've met on the ship; and that's three definite, wow these people changed my life ones. I'm not sure I could count how many slightly-lesser ones there've been.

As to HOW I've changed, or what specifically it was about these three people that changed me, that's a bit trickier to answer. Again, it's one of those things that's just hard to put into words. I can say it has to do with a new way of looking at life and priorities, and I can say that I feel it's a good change, but otherwise... well, it's something people will have to see for themselves when I get back.

And as for more general life-updates... well, like I said earlier, I wouldn't know where to begin. One of those three people I was just referring to left three days ago, but I've been alright. Another pal, if not one of those three, is leaving tomorrow morning. She's actually been here longer than I have, and once she leaves I'll be the person in our little group who's been here the longest. When did I start to become one of the oldies around here?

May 1, 2009

2009-05-01T17:14:00.000-07:00

May already, and I've passed my half-way point. Passed my half-way point, and ran straight into a brick wall. Or at least that's what it feels like.

I was sitting at a table in the crew mess the other night with two of our musicians, unhappily pounding a $10 bill into the table, and the two just started laughing at me. One even said, "Wow, you've been here three months now haven't you?" I said yea, asked why, and he laughed more. "Because everyone gets that way at three-months. Don't worry, you'll develop stockholm syndrome soon." A small comfort.

I'm not sure I can talk about what's making me unhappy without breaking some rule (technically speaking, any higher-up could find this if they looked in the right places), but I will say: corporate corporate corporate. I think I need to work for myself. It's so unfortunate that such positions are in short supply. But through my anger I've come up with a plan, and I'd love to see anyone try and tell me I'll have to work on a ship over Christmas.

In your more typical news, PM is gone and life goes on. I've been feeling sick, again, but I'm still functional. I even made it to the gym for half a workout earlier, though the way I'm feeling now I kinda wish I didn't. At least I don't feel lazy.

My teens last cruise were spectacular. On the last night I closed the club at 12:45, went to say good-bye to one of the other girls in my department (in reality, I listened to said co-worker sing karaoke while explaining to my on-board boss why I was angry with corporate in as collected a manner as I could, and she actually took my side), and then went back to a few of my teens and hung out with them until 3:45. It was good times, and a joke from that night lead to me finding eight boxes of cereal outside my club the next morning. That's right, the kids left me a tip... in cereal.

I told my kids this week the story of my cereal-tip since I was that tickled by it, and today three of them brought me a box of rice-krispies. I laughed, then looked at the box and found a $20 slipped inside the top flap. It was amazing.

Last night we had some department bonding as well, in the form of grabbing some drinks between shifts and getting a table in the guest dining room together. Man do I love the guest dining room.

So all in all, things aren't going so bad. If it weren't for corporate I'd be happy as a hippo. If I still feel this way when I leave for good, I imagine I'll write them a letter that, in short, will say: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

April 28, 2009

2009-04-28T16:47:00.000-07:00

I am half-way through my contract. These last three months have been full of fun and adventure and work, and once I got used to ship life I fell quite easily into the routine of things around here. I expected another three uneventful months to come.

And then swine flu happened.

Today is April 28th, a Tuesday, and we're supposed to have gone to Cozumel. Actually, it's only 7:25 as I type this so we should still be IN Cozumel. I should be relaxing out on Lido deck supervising swimming teenagers right now, recovering from a day in the sun and possibly a mojito. But at 11:00 last night I learned we wouldn't be going to Cozumel, because of swine flu.

On a short-term scale, this doesn't mean much. It means we miss a port of call, which is a bummer and means I have to work an 11-hour day as opposed to a 6-hour day, but it happens. The guests get upset but it's not the end of their world. Life goes on, next cruise is back on track. But this isn't a missed port for weather or hurricanes or what-have-you, this is a missed port for a pandemic in Mexico. It won't go away before our next cruise. And our next cruise? It only goes to Cozumel.

I don't know what this will mean on a long-term scale. I haven't really been told anything, but rumor has it the higher-ups are looking for an alternative port and my ship will switch routes. Shadier rumor has it we might be going to Nassau. I don't know, but I'll try to keep things updated.

The worst part of this story isn't that I have to work two sea days in a row though. Oh no. The worst part of this story is the guests. At 11:15 this morning I called C, wondering if she knew where my nametag was, and it turned out she'd grabbed one of mine instead of hers. When I went up to switch with her, a riot was going on at the pursur's desk where the captain was answering questions. They moved things into our main lounge, and I snuck off to watch the going-ons with a photographer. And, man, what a show.

The captain, staff captain (your second-in-command), hotel director, cruise director, chief pursur... pretty much all the head-haunchos were there doing a Q&A session with the guests, letting anyone ask a question on the microphone and doing their best to answer so that everyone understands what's going on. Sounds simple, right? It would've been, if these guests were at all reasonable. Instead they were just idiots, accusing Carnival of doing this just so that we could make more money, asking over and over again why we can't just go to a different port (because we don't have time; everywhere else is too far away at this point), why can't we just go back to Tampa early (because that would be lame?), and so on, so forth. There was one woman in particular instigating them all, yelling that everyone should boycott the casino and bars, and just being a pain in everyone's asses.

Now, don't get me wrong. I can understand why guests would be upset we missed a port. I can even understand some of their points. But there is a wrong way and a right way to do criticism, and they had it all wrong. Besides, do they not understand that this is still THEIR vacation? Make your complaints, sure. PLEASE, in fact. But once you've done that, go on and do your best to enjoy yourself. Have fun. Relax. Maybe take a second to realize that not getting to go snorkeling in Mexico beats out dying of swine flu.

As far as other things go... well, we had another crew party last night. Poor timing, but it was a lot of fun despite it all. They opened the water slides for us, and people went down them right through 3:00 AM. There was also food, dancing, drinking... your typical party. A good way to prepare for 48-hours of sea day.

April 19-21

2009-04-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

I didn't realize it'd been so long since I updated this thing. Plenty has happened, I suppose, but nothing particularly noteworthy.

Life continues as per usual. Easter night I went to the crew bar to try and unwind and cheer up, and ended up back at my club destroying the piano man at guitar hero. Piano Man (hereby refered to as 'PM'), by the way, is my new best friend on this ship. He's leaving in about two weeks now, but the last week has been lots of fun with him. This is the first day in awhile where I haven't seen him ...

...Okay scratch that, he called me while I was mid-sentence there and we hung out until we each had to go to work. It's now the next morning. All I was getting with that was: I made a new friend, he's pretty cool, and we got close pretty fast. And he'll leave me soon, but it'll be alright.

My teens this cruise were alright. Half of them were the sweetest little angels who renewed my hope that seventeen-year-olds can be anything besides messy sluts, and the other half were... well, messy sluts. And they were stressing me out something awful last night, but somehow they all calmed down by the time I put dance music on? It's usually the opposite, but until that point I was trying to keep a group of boys from tearing the room apart, literally, as a group of seventeen-year-old girls mooned over one of my coworker pals and how couldn't I call him and have him come hang out with them more? No, kids, no.

This company continues to prove to me how small it is as well. I mean, it's not small, but PM worked on the ship I was guest to last summer as well (albeit he got on the ship the day I left it, darn) and while at the crew bar in Cozumel the other day I turned around to find a bloke who played drums in the jazz trio on that ship, while I was there and hanging out in the jazz bar a lot. He didn't remember me, but he was still excited about it. He works on another ship now, and we port together every two weeks so I'm sure I'll see quite a bit of him before I head back to Cali.

I don't feel like I did the best job with this last group, but I feel pretty refreshed right NOW about getting a new group on board. Also, got another email from the boss saying I'm doing a good job, and she gave me a bonus of sorts in the form of gift certificates to a bar in Cozumel. I love my boss. Even if she did give me slide duty this Cozumel. I'm going to make PM keep me company by going down it as I have to sit there bored.

And that's about it. I'm about to go get some lunch with a group of guests I met this cruise. I have less and less teens each week the rest of this month. I'm still keeping an eye out for an email saying I can go home someday.

...except that I didn't get to go online and post that yet, since now it's 1:15 AM and I just finished work. Today in Tampa rather than do my usual phone-and-internet thing, two guests took PM and I to a little cafe on the other side of the channel, and then drove us around town a bit to show us Ybor. It was pretty awesome to get to hang around some people who weren't crew, and they were both really nice to talk to as well!

My new group is pretty great as well. I've met about thirty of them so far, know twenty of them decently well, and think the vibe is pretty great. I felt really refreshed going into tonight as well, and I think I'll do well this cruise. AND! AND! I HAVE HALF A UNIFORM NOW! I have my shirt, and I am stoked.

And that's all, for real.

April 12, 2009

2009-04-12T14:26:00.001-07:00

Happy Easter, though I can't say it feels much like Easter on the ship. I just made myself an egg salad sandwich in the mess, though my Scottish pal insisted it was just an "egg mayonaise" sandwich with "gerkins" thrown in. I accused him of not speaking English.

This is my last busy cruise for awhile, and the trouble has decided to all come out in force for the occasion. Last night was full of angry parents and disappointed eighteen-year-olds.

In particular, there was a pair of girls who came in. They told me they were both seventeen, but when I looked at my list (because I'm not stupid; I have a list) it turned out one was eighteen. I apologized but explained that the eighteen-year-old wasn't allowed, and the seventeen-year-old pitched herself a little hissy fit which ended with her tearing the sticker I put on the cards of kids in the RIGHT age group from her card. Because... well no, I still don't know what the point of tearing the sticker off was. All the sticker does is let you into my club, and it doesn't hurt to keep it there. But no. The Queen of Dramaland made a big show of tearing it off. I've seen twelve-year-olds behave with more grace.

I also don't understand this mentality that if someone can't get into my club, it will ruin their vacation. There are a lot of things to do on this ship. I don't even think my club is the most interesting of the bunch. If I had a night off, I'd be doing sing-alongs in the piano bar, not hanging around a bunch of fifteen-year-olds dry humping one another in a pretend dance club. Even if I WAS fifteen!

There's not much else going on. I think I get holiday pay today, which means a bit of extra cash... and today is payday anyhow. I am well-stocked up in granola bars, but my adventure to the mall in Tampa proved futile yesterday. There's a lot of new people on board but I got off work so late last night I didn't bother going up to the bar. I've also hit my ten-week mark, which means roughly fourteen weeks left to go, which also means I've worked on thirty cruises - this makes thirty-one. I'm still waiting on hearing about an official sign-off date AND whether or not I can get some work leave in June, but hopefully I'll hear soon.

April 5, 2009

2009-04-04T22:42:00.000-07:00

Not only is it April already, but it is April FIFTH. That half-way mark of my contract is coming closer at lightning speed these days, and people tell me it'll be that way for a bit. In reality, I think it's just because of how things have been going.

On the last cruise my parents were visiting. It was really nice to see them, but in reality I didn't get to see them much. It was odd to be around family while they're on vacation while I have to work every day. I wanted to go watch shows and point my friends out with them, but I only really saw them in port and at dinner.

Still, I had fun. The dinners were AMAZING after two months of eating staff food. I came to the conclusion that the bread and desserts we're served are all leftovers from what the guests got a few days ago, so I spent that week eating a LOT of bread and desserts. I'm making up for it this week by... going to the gym. And in Cozumel, the three of us went to the Mayan ruins at Tulum. It was hot, but a nice ocean breeze swept through and I got a lot of pictures of iguanas. They'll show up on facebook when I have a faster internet connection.

The one downside of my parents being here is that I didn't have ANY downtime. My days went: wake up, scarf down food, go to work, rush back to my cabin to change, go to dinner, shower, go to work, sleep... and do it all over again the next day. It was only broken up by a crew talent show, which meant one of those nights I actually hung out with friends until nearly 5:00 AM. And... well okay, actually two downsides. My parents also picked the cruise where I had the worst kids ever, although they can't have known that in advance. Not that all of my kids were terrible, but the few that were were REALLY terrible. One threatened to kill me, a lot were drunk, a good dozen weren't the right ages and kept trying to sneak in, and at one point there were 120 bodies in my tiny club and just me looking out for them. It was bad. But, you live and learn, and I definitely learned. I just got my ratings back from the cruise and I actually did pretty well in that aspect. I live to work another cruise.

This cruise is the exact opposite. I have a high kid count, but there's some sort of high school band onboard that makes up over half of them and those kids are all hanging out by themselves NOT in my club. The kids I do have are awesome, respectful, all kinds of fun, and they adore me. A lot of them have already asked if we can keep in touch so that the next time they cruise, they can come to wherever I'm working. We even have inside jokes! It's an amazing feeling when I've clicked with my group this well, and it was MUCH needed after the last cruise.

The other fun about this cruise was just today in general. Yesterday I learned that a friend of mine didn't know how to swim, and since we were in Cozumel today I told him I'd teach him. It turns out he actually CAN swim. When he's in shallow water he relaxes and does fine. But as soon as I took him out into deeper water he'd panic, and that obviously didn't work. So, swim lessons today were really just trying to get him to relax, and once he started getting that down things went fine. On top of that, I get a special fuzzy feeling when I've just watched someone learn something, so I've been living on that high all day.

After swim lessons we ran into S and the three of us sat for hours just chatting and sipping mojitos. Mojitos in Mexico. This is what makes this job worth being so far away from home. So we relaxed, took one last dip in the pool, and I flounced off to work while the rest of them got Chinese food. Since I hadn't eaten yet that day (other than the mojito) my trainee swimmer picked me up some tofu thing and brought it to me at work too! So the rest of the night was spent hanging out with teens, munching tofu, watching a movie, and then working the deck party. My teens had a blast all night, so so did I.

And now? Now I'm lathering myself in lotion to help that sunburn I accumulated go away, about to crash in bed with a great book. I might still miss home, but no one can deny: this is an awesome way to make a living.

March 22, 2009

2009-03-22T16:28:00.001-07:00

And so it continues...

My new best buddy is leaving tomorrow. Surprise, surprise. ...Actually, it was a big surprise even to him. We had our late night of devouring pizza, the next day I was hanging out in his cabin while he was at work, and when he got back he told me he'd just found out they were moving him to a different ship on Monday. He was really angry about this, naturally, since they should have just moved him there to begin with and not sent him to the other side of the country, but he'll be alright. Still... we were supposed to be great pals. I moped to Casino S about it at lunch earlier though, and he said he and I could be pals so long as I 'drank hard'. Oh the Scottish.

My teens this cruise are all kinds of trouble, but I only have about three more hours with them. Maybe less. I'm edging pretty close to my cap on how many hours I can work today before they owe me overtime (aka, how many hours they allow me to work because they are definitely not paying me more) so the kids will have a hard time convincing me to stay open later. Plus, I need to go say good-bye to the new best bud, not to mention one of the techs is leaving too. But Ang (another tech) told me about the new light tech coming soon, and I've already decided that will be my NEW new best friend. He'll be here in two weeks.

My only other big news is that I emailed my corporate boss yesterday asking for an official sign-off date. Fingers crossed.

March 20, 2009

2009-03-20T14:54:00.000-07:00

The worst part of working with kids is the parents.

Last night, I had a woman come in with two daughters. One had just turned sixteen, and one had turned thirteen a few months ago. I know this, because I have a list of names and everyone's birthdays, and when a new teen shows up at my club I look them up and make sure they're at the right age to be in my club (15-17, with a little wiggle-room for almost-15). So I talk to the two girls and their mom and let them know that the sixteen-year-old can stay, but the thirteen-year-old was a bit too young and had she gone to check out the club for 12-14-year-olds? The girls were silent as mom jumped in to say that yea, she'd been to the younger club, she didn't like it. It was pretty early in the evening at this point and neither club had been open for very long, so this girl can't have been in there for more than half an hour if that. Sooo I go on explaining that I'm really sorry, she's just too young, but she should definitely give the other club another chance because they do a lot of the same activities and blah, blah, I talk up the younger club like it's nobody's business.

Buuuut of course this wasn't good enough. The woman starts to get angry, asking me what's so different about my club that her thirteen-year-old can't be here (the ages, pretty much: she's thirteen and that's too young to be hanging around seventeen-year-olds). She starts to tell me about how her eleven-year-old is in the younger club and gosh they're just allowed to come and go as they please there and what's up with that and yet her thirteen-year-old can't be here? (I am still not sure how these two pieces of information relate but I still tell her no, her thirteen-year-old can't be here, and actually her eleven-year-old should be with the 9-11 group and they CAN'T come and go as they please but boy that didn't work).

AND THEN.

She tells me that she paid for this cruise, and she should be able to put her kids wherever she wants to.

Holy. Entitlement complex. Batman. I will never understand what makes these people think that because they forked over $200 they can do whatever they want, rules be damned. Of course I am very happy for her service, because if people weren't coming on cruises I wouldn't have a job, but come ON people! Not to sound like a fuddy duddy or what-have-you, but the rules are there for a reason! And why she wants her thirteen-year-old daughter hanging out with seventeen-year-olds is yet another mystery! She even met the seventeen-year-old boys in my club, they're a bunch of sluts. They told me straightaway they were only in my club to find girls. I don't blame the blokes, they're on vacation and they're seventeen, I'm just saying that if I were a parent I wouldn't even want my SEVENteen-year-old daughter around them.

But it gets better, because after I continue to explain (nicely, of course) that it's company policy and it isn't up to me at this point, she demands to speak to the captain. THE CAPTAIN. As if the captain cares AT ALL. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure he wants everyone to have a good time, but he's the CAPTAIN. He doesn't really deal with my program anyway. I mean, sure, if he told me to jump I'd have to do it, but I'd be surprised if he knew anything about my club's policies. He has more important things to deal with. So, I can't call the captain, but I do offer to call my boss for her and she decided that was alright. Basically my boss told her the same thing I did over the phone, that wasn't good enough so she told her the same thing in person, and that still wasn't good enough... so they go outside, I'm left without a word in, and when my boss comes back she tells me I have to let the girl in my club (with a few restrictions and extra rules, but that is beside my point here).

Sooo we learn this week that a bitching guest gets people to jump for her. Awesome. I am going to talk to my boss later to try and explain why I'm not happy about this. In professional terms of course... I'll focus more on the safety of this thirteen-year-old in my club or something. I don't know. I'll think about it, I have some hours.

On a happier note my Californian's friend's replacement is pretty awesome. He's my age, English, and will talk sports with me. We were up late devouring a pizza together last night and decided we were going to be best buddies for the whole five weeks he's here, though that may have been Jack Daniels talking. My plan to surround myself with men who have girlfriends (and won't cheat on them) is going swimmingly, though really I still think I need some solid female friends that I don't already live with (C is still great, we'd just go crazy spending every spare minute together).

As an addendum: I just got some mail delivered and it includes TWO CDs a friend from home sent. They will be epic, I already know, and my day has been officially made. Got a card from mom too which was cute, and not to sound ungrateful but how am I supposed to have a beer on you if you don't send me beer money mom?

March 17, 2009

2009-03-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

These past four nights have been really, really weird, but last night might take the cake.

I haven't gotten much sleep lately which is especially bad since I'm sick, but last night I decided that didn't matter and I headed up to the crew bar anyway. There wasn't really anyone I wanted to hang out with, but I ended up chatting for a minute with the male production singer and his girlfriend. They... well I don't remember what happened, but something happened where I had stepped back and was looking for someone else to talk to. There was a guy standing next to me, so I introduced myself to him, figuring I'd make a new friend. He told me his name, I recognized his Scottish accent, I eyed his nametag to learn he was a casino guy... and I asked if he was a worker on the ship I was a guest on last summer. Turns out that yes, yes he was, and not only that but he REMEMBERS me. He didn't remember the amount of money my brother and friends had lost to him in blackjack for that whole half hour I met him, but he remembered making a list of bars I should go to in Glasgow with Laura.

Clearly this random happenstance meant he had to buy me a beer, and a beer meant I spent the evening chatting with the man. He's a nice guy who seems genuinely interested in just being a friend, and I need something like that right now. Even if it's just a HOPE that a guy will just want to be my friend.

And right now I'm relaxing at my favorite crew bar in Cozumel with three of the musicians. K is gone, so his replacement is sitting here instead. It's different, but it's nice. I just got to talk to Reks too! He's in Latvia right now taking care of his sick little sister and is headed to Spain in a few days, so that'll be exciting for him. Getting in touch with Mr. Casino again (I will call him S) is making me feel a lot better about saying good-bye to people.

March 16, 2009

2009-03-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

I keep opening up my file-of-blog-entries to write something, but they either never get written or turn into an email to someone specific instead. Sorry mom and dad.

There's actually been a lot going on, I just don't want to tell the whole world about it. The guitarist (K) left last Tampa day, and I was really upset about that one. Moreso than I was about Reks, actually. The band has almost completely changed since I got here and it's changing even more soon. K, Manchester, and the trombone player (another Californian) have been my main social entertainment, and they'll all be gone by the 28th. I befriended another Brit last night and he's leaving this Tampa day with Henry, but there was still a few fun hours, including him using my hand as a map of the UK and trying to explain where Newcastle was. Maybe you had to be there...

I've been a bit mopey about K leaving, but I'll get over it. We have a new karaoke host around, and the new guitarist seems to be an alright dude. Another Canadian.

Last Tampa day I was busy running around the whole time. I got off the ship after a late night of saying good-bye to K, had to be back on at 11:30, and was back off at 2:00 to say good-bye to K again, make more phone calls, and lend Manchester my laptop. Then back to work, and to the crew deck to make more phone calls... in reality this all adds up to a call home and something like three hours of talking to Martin, but such is life.

And now? House is on, and I don't have to be at work another fifteen minutes. I've had a relaxing day so far and am going to go host karaoke for my kids and DJ all night. Maybe I'll head to the bar, but I'm hoping to run into my fellow Californian and end up watching movies instead. We saw Idiocracy the other day, it was good stuff.

March 11, 2009

2009-03-11T09:33:00.000-07:00

Nothing particularly new has happened, I just want to update on the status of my illness. I've learned that people call it the 'ship cold', and apparently everyone gets it when they start on a new ship - usually a lot sooner than I have. Now that I think of it, Reks and some of the other social hosts got it my second week here. I'm surprised I didn't just get it then with them. I'm feeling ever-better too, although my voice has taken on a particularly husky attribute. A gay man told me he wanted me yesterday (jokingly, of course, he is gay after all) because of it, so I guess that's alright.

I managed to have my first relaxing night in a long while yesterday. I went up to the bar but didn't drink, and instead hung around with the bassist onboard. He's an older Englishman from Manchester, and we managed to have a good chat about life in general. He's decided he needs to move to San Francisco and be friends with my father, making the assumption that anyone who raised me must be pretty cool. I think he and dad would get on pretty great.

Today we're in the Cayman Islands, but I slept in instead of getting off the ship. That may sound really lame, but it was much needed and this has been my favorite morning in weeks. I'm going to get offline in a minute and chill out with The Decemberists, and maybe find a movie and someone to watch it with.

March 10, 2009

2009-03-10T14:46:00.000-07:00

I've gotten some complaints about not writing enough in here anymore. I feel a little bad, since this is kind of what I do in place of emailing anyone, but I've been at a loss with how to put my current feelings to words. I know what I feel, I just don't know how to say what I feel. It's quite the pickle, isn't it?

But I can say what's been going on. I had my worst cruise ever last cruise, because a combination of personal drama, my worst group to date, and a continued lack of sleep. Yesterday I was in Tampa though, and I promised Martin I'd have a good week, so I'm doing my best to make good on it. It's a bit of a struggle right now since I have a cold or the flu, not sure which, but I'm attacking full-force with a combined effort of Robitussin (recommended by Martins everywhere) and Advil (for the fever). The infirmary still scares me, so I'm thinking it's a last resort. I have a good friend leaving next Tampa day, but I have a good group of kids so far this cruise. I have some things to work out, but I have a group of friends here who are trying to offer encouragement where they can. It's unfortunate that this group of friends are all leaving, but... well. There will be new people. I'm getting used to it.

I was told when I started that I'd know whether or not I could do this at the six-week mark. I'm almost there - I'll be there next Saturday - but I'm still not positive. Well, that's not true. I know I CAN do this. I do not know if I can do this without becoming someone I don't want to be. And I don't know if I can do this and not come out of it feeling bitter towards the whole experience. But there are other times where I'm thinking about My Next Ship, that comes with a desire to see other bits of the world, meet more people, and gain different experiences with a different ship.

Maybe I'll know more Saturday.

March 3, 2009

2009-03-03T12:11:00.000-08:00

Here's one of those moments I'm sitting in a bar in Mexico with some galpals, and all is well. With the exception of last night I've been spending my evenings hanging out with a variety of interesting Englishmen.

Yesterday was a slow if long day at work, and when I headed off on my dinner break around 5:45 I went down the stairs, turned the corner, and found an unconscious coworker sprawled out at the bottom of the staircase. I feel like that is an inappropriate introduction to this story, but I can't really put to words the exact feeling I had upon seeing it. Though, I should say, there were also two men who barely spoke English standing over her and doing a lot of nothing.
But hey, I have first aid training! I ran down the rest of the stairs, checked that she was breathing, got someone calling 9-1-1, poked at her shoulder, tried waking her up, and made absolutely sure I did not move her back or head. No response, so I just sat with her until the nurse got there. But when the nurse DID get there I didn't know she was the nurse at first, and the first thing the woman did - even before saying anything - was to take the girl's head in one hand and start SHAKING it. SHAKING. HER. HEAD. I flipped out and told the nurse that, whoa, don't move her head don't move her head, at which point she snapped at me that, excuse her, she is the nurse, do not tell her how to do her job, and I apologized and backed off but holy smokes she SHOOK HER HEAD.

So. Yep. There are other aspects of the story that just complicate it even more, but I'm not sure I'd want to get into it here. But that's what I did right before dinner. I am more than a little frightened of the medical staff now.

None of that matters as much right now, though. I am content, despite the production singer just spilling his beer on me. The girl will be alright, I am full of guac, and I'm going to go find my friends and lay in the sun.

February 27, 2009

2009-02-27T15:29:00.001-08:00

I haven't actually done this pre-write journal entry thing in quite awhile. I guess I really am low on things to say.

Today has been kind of a grumpy one for me. I had slide duty and left wondering what I'd actually signed up for here. I did not get my bachelor's degree to argue with children over following the water slide rules, only to have their parents come and tell me their kids should get to do what they want because they're paying to be here, and oh my gosh I really don't like Southerners. It's no wonder foreigners dislike Americans so much, THIS is the crap they see.

This cruise has been a party cruise for me, though not on purpose. I don't remember what I did the first night (not because I'd been drinking or anything, it just feels like so long ago I can't recall), but the next night was formal night. After work a group of girls, myself included, decided to do a Sex and the City thing, cracking jokes about the ship being our boyfriend the whole time. I got more male attention just walking to the guest disco than I have all year. The night was kind of a bust in the girls'-night-out sense since one girl ended up having more guy-drama, C was grumpy and went home early, and most of the rest of us were hanging out with some male or another by the end of the night (I stuck by the production singer, his girlfriend, and the guitarist... simply because they're nice people; I'm doing my best to stay away from drama). The night after there was a crew toga party, where the lounge band played and the production singer sang and most of the showband stepped in for a few songs as well. People danced and drank and we got delicious food for once. Last night was far more low-key, but I was still up until 3:30 (the earliest I've gone to bed this cruise, to be sure) hanging out with musicians.

So in a social sense of the word, this cruise has been a success. In any other sense, not so much.

Work, I don't know, I made a lot of mistakes this week. Nothing I got called on, really, but I am my own worst critic and I KNOW I screwed up. The good thing about my cruises being so short is that tomorrow I start with a clean slate, sort of. I made some mistakes, but I'll learn from them. And my mistakes were generally of the office variety, not with my teens - they're pretty alright this time around. Certainly not my favorite group and they all think every activity I suggest is just so lame, but if I can talk them into trying something out they have fun. So it's a challenge, but things with them are going fine.

Social things as a whole are all drama this cruise. Poor C is getting stalked by one of our coworkers, though she tried to quiet bluntly straighten him out last night and we'll see how that goes. Other relationships are on ice or failing and gossip is ripe. One of my good friends' boyfriends is in the hospital for the next month because health care on this ship is actually really, really awful, and if I ever get that sick I'll quit before I let them convince me to try and stay onboard. But hey, I'm fine.

Tomorrow marks the official one-month mark for me. Tomorrow I'll be working almost non-stop, but I will celebrate when I get through eating pizza with a brand new, ever-awkward group of teens. And I'll be tired, because tonight a zillion people (okay, maybe a dozen) are signing off and there will be more social shenanigans. Only two of them are friends of mine though, and one of those two is coming back in about a month, so it could be worse.

As an addendum: I just had dinner with the cruise director, and something about that just makes me feel important. Now I'm going to go to a show for the first time, to see my friends perform before they all leave.

February 23, 2009

2009-02-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

There was a point last Saturday where I was laying on a bench, staring lazily out over what I think was the Atlantic ocean, letting the sun dry me off from the swim I'd gone on a few minutes ago, when everything felt right. I could forget being unsure and my insecurities about this job and just relax, even if it was just for an hour or so. And it was spectacular.

Everything else fades in and out of this routine I've fallen into. I didn't click so well with my group this last cruise, but they didn't mesh very well with one another either. By the time I kicked them out of the club at 12:30 last night, they still told me they had a good time. My club is 'pretty cool', they tell me. I'm not sure how I feel about getting my validation from a group of teenagers, but I guess I'll take it.

Saying good-bye to Reks last night/this morning wasn't quite as upsetting as I thought it'd be. Surprisingly, he was sad too. We could just silently be sad together, and even though he protested as I hug-attacked him, I think he'll miss me too. At least two more friends (not to mention, my boss) are leaving in five days, and there's a few each Tampa day for the weeks coming up as well. The musical director promises me that this isn't a normal thing, and all my friends won't always leave, but I have a hard time believing him for now. At the very least, some people will stick around. I hung out with the guy production singer last night, and I asked when he was leaving. He said May. I said, good, then we can be friends after all. And then we got pizza.