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2010-09-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

No Longer Being “Mr. Nice Guy” Can Improve Your Relationships and Life
By Amy Phillips-Gary

Are you a man who is nice at all costs?

Do you work hard to please others in your life-- your boss, your partner, your friends and family?

If so, you have joined what seems to be a trend lately. Some sources estimate that 1 in 4 men consider themselves “nice guys” who often bend over backwards to try and meet the needs of the people in their lives.

'So what's wrong with being 'Mr. Nice Guy' and trying to please others?” you might be asking yourself.

Of course, there's nothing wrong or bad about being a caring and sensitive person who is helpful and giving. Big troubles arise, however, when a man continually puts his needs first and always says “yes”-- even if inside he is shouting “NO!”

We've all been in situations in which we agreed to something that wasn't what we really wanted and then ended up feeling resentful about it.

Many men are working hard to counter the years of damage wrought by “macho men” or “chauvinist pigs.”

This was the stereotype of a man who expects to be served by the women in his life (especially when it comes to domestic matters). According to this image, he is tough and even crude at times.

The “macho man's” masculinity is all wrapped up in working toward and achieving his goals, regardless of whom he runs over to get there.

To be fair, even the most macho or chauvinistic men of decades past were probably not as uncaring and insensitive as they were portrayed as being.

But, the stereotype persists. Some men today have made the intention-- perhaps unconsciously-- to be a “nice guy” instead of a “macho man.”

Maybe you told your wife that you'd take the kids to the zoo when you desperately wanted some time to just relax and kick back that afternoon.

Perhaps you agreed to take on a co-worker's responsibility at the office to help out, even though you already feel overwhelmed by your own workload.

It could be that you said, “Of course, I will,” to a friend who asked you to help clear out his garage, even it's your only day off that week and your back has been hurting lately.

Why “Mr. Nice Guy” will only undermine your relationships and aspirations...
When you play the “nice guy” at all costs to you, not only do you often end up resentful, you may also feel powerless and trapped.

After all, when you have developed the belief that in order to succeed in relationships and life, you need to shove down your true desires and try to please everyone, you lose what's unique and authentic about you.

You may feel conflicted as what you truly want attempts to get your attention from the inside while you also are concerned about upsetting or letting someone down.

All of this internal conflict can lead you adrift. It can take you further from your own knowing and drive.

And, to compound all of this, it is really tough-- if not impossible-- to take responsibility for someone else's happiness.

In the end, when you ignore what you truly want and, instead, constantly try to please others, nobody actually benefits.

Does this mean that the “macho man” is back?
So if you stop being “Mr. Nice Guy,” does it mean that you need to flip into the stereotypes of the unfeeling and self-serving man?

Of course not.

What it does mean is that you can take responsibility for your own happiness and well-being and nobody else's.

You will no longer rely on your ability (or inability) to please others as your reason for feeling successful in relationships, at work or in life overall.

When you stop being a “nice guy,” you stay in touch with what you truly want in a situation.

Sometimes this will mean that you are willing to take the kids to the park and take some “me” time that evening instead.

Other times, it will mean that you are honest with your boss that you are not willing to take on your co-worker's project if you are also expected to do a satisfactory job on the projects for which you are already responsible.

Your honesty will most likely be appreciated and respected by everyone around you. Stay open to new options that you may not have considered before.

You can be sensitive, caring and giving to others and at the same time, honor what you want and need.

Here is the link to the article:

Mrniceguy

Friendship or relationship

2010-07-12T17:53:00.000-07:00

I was reading a short article from "YourRomanceGuide" and it had some interesting points. What struck me was this part:

"We are like a child in friendships but behave like an adult in relationships.
If you remain inside your boundaries in a relationship and not try to change it into a close friendship, you will have longer relationships. Telling all does not help in relationships."

I agree and disagree here. If one tries to change the relationship then ok maybe things can go off track, however, there is a certain amount of friendship that should be apart of the relationship. How many times have you heard from couples that have been together for many years (sometimes even 40 or 50 years), say that their partner is their best friend? Personally, I believe that this friendship is really the glue that can hold a relationship together through the really rough times.

Changing a romantic relationship to a friendship-no, but being friends or becoming better friends in a romantic relationship-YES!

The Three Points To a Successful Relationship

2010-02-05T15:02:00.000-08:00

The three points for successful relationships

1. Know who you are and what you want.

2. Know who they are and what they want.

3. Communicate openly and honestly .

As simple as this premise is however, I am oftentimes amazed at how often people are afraid of honesty. Hurt feelings, guilt or even shame may be some reasons for a person's lack of honesty. Most would agree I think that these reasons, the very ones we hide, come out in the end anyway and the end, tragically, is the end of the relationship. So what was solved? This premise can be used with just about any relationship, but I will venture to concentrate on romantic type relationships, especially pre-relationship. I will lay out and explain the three points, then continue on about general relationships.

Chapter one- Defining ourselves

I truly believe that one of the main problems, and one of the hardest to conquer, is being honest with ourselves and as a by product of this, our prospective partner. How many times have you seen your friend act differently around the opposite sex, or the same sex if that's what they prefer? What about you? Are you completely at ease around a person that you are attracted to? Or, as Billy Joel wrote in a song, do you "*Wear a mask"? 1 Let's face it, we are social animals that want to be liked and looked upon in good favor. It's perfectly normal to be nervous or apprehensive in prospective type situations. To put our best foot forward as it were. Let's ask ourselves some simple questions. Are we really that courteous, respectful, playful, romantic or even punctual in a steady relationship, or are we just like this on the first few dates?

So how does one go about defining themselves? An easier way is to ask yourself who you are . Go ahead, sit down in your comfortable spot and think about this question. Remember, there's no one around that you would be lying to, just yourself. If you lie to yourself, then what real chance do you have of a successful relationship with another person?

Here are some examples of things you may want to think about :

1. My family upbringing

2. My religious beliefs (or belief system)

3. My past relationship experiences

4. Views on different topics (political, social etc)

5. Feedback from friends and family

6. Favorite pastimes

7. Worst traits/best traits

You get the idea, right? Look at where you came from and what you were taught, and by whom. Realize that much of who you became had to do with your upbringing. Were you bullied in school, or the bully or neither? Who was your first crush and what was the outcome? Were you taunted about your crush by a sibling or friend? Did you have a lot of support?

Chapter two- Defining them

Ok, it's a little harder to define someone else than it is yourself, especially when their putting on their nice face also, just like you. So what can you do? Two things come to mind, give it some time and cut them a little slack .

Most relationships develop over a period of time, not all, but most. Prepare to give him/her the same amount of time to get to know them as you would want them to give you. It's not only fair, but it gives them a chance to open up more when they get more comfortable with you, and visa versa. Time seems to define us better than we realize.

Also, remember that they are probably just as nervous and maybe intimidated as you are, so they are going to exibit a certain amount of shyness and/or awkwardness that they won't after some time. So just as you would want someone else to do for you, cut them some slack. Realize that just like you, they probably have there guard up.

Taking this all into consideration, ask the questions that you feel comfortable asking, don't rush though, you have time.

Chapter Three-Honest communication

Ah, the tricky part! Why tricky? Because many of us can't be honest with ourselves, and when that's the case, how can we be honest with a prospective partner? If you were able to define yourself well in chapter one, it shouldn't be too hard for you to communicate honesty with your partner. I mentioned in defining them that one needs to give it time, this is not so much the case in honest communication. One should be upfront right away. If your partner likes to go out and drink on the weekend, but you don't, let them know that. If your partner likes pets, but you don't, let them know that.

There is a tendency for us to want the person to like us and have things in common with us so much that we lie just a little bit-avoid this like the plague! Down the road these little white lies are going to come back to bite you in the butt. You already know who you are and what you want, so communicate that honestly with this person. In the long run it's the best chance you have of a solid relationship.

*from my upcoming e-book: "Relationship Digest, the three points for a successful relationship"

Details to follow :)

Happy holidays all

2009-12-19T12:23:00.000-08:00

As many of you can see, I have been lacking in my posting. Well, all is well in my life short of a few glitches. I have become the "Glitchmaster" and will polish these glitches off soon enough.

I want to take this time to tell all of you, my blog friends, that I sincerely wish each and every one of you a healthy and happy holiday season full of love, happiness and of course, great relationships :)

Be well my friends!

Being single really sucks!

2009-08-25T18:23:00.000-07:00

Oh I can hear the thoughts now, the compassion- cheer up Bobby, you'll find someone one day. There's someone out there just right for you. Everyone has a soul-mate Bobby, even you. Well thank you for the kind words and encouragement, but I had something different in mind when I said, "Being single really sucks!"

Being single really sucks, at least sometimes, because of the things singles have to deal with. Let me give you a few examples:

When you are perfectly content to be single, yet have everyone under the sun wondering why?

You tell people that you choose to be single and they wonder why. Is something wrong with you?

Singles don't get the same benefits, as say married couples ie: tax breaks.

Single people seem to loose life long friendships because, well, we may not fit in to our friends married lifestyle anymore like we use to.

The list goes on and on, but as I'm more of a relationship blogger (yeah, I know, being single is a relationship-with oneself), I'll steer you good folks to a few fantastic blogs that deal with this age old (problem?) of being single in a world full of couples.

Singletude is actually the singles blog that got me thinking about the world singles have to live in.

Onely don't you just love the name? This blog has two ladies that tag team the issues of being single.

Singlewomanrule is a collective of woman joining together to deal with issues that affect single woman.

Singlutionary is run by a lady with some very interesting, and humorous, perspectives on singles.

There are more links to some other good single blogs and sites on my side bar (go give a peek).

p.s. the McLinky you see here is a way for like minded bloggers to link together. I think it's a great idea :)

The HYLYM factor

2009-08-16T05:19:00.000-07:00

I was watching an episode of "Is she really going out with him", one of those reality shows where they show the relationship of a girl and a shmuck playboy type, and at the end the girl decides if she's going to stay with the shmuck or not. It was the third time I saw this show and as I watched the guy being a total jerk and treating the girl like so much trash, I actually said to the girl on the television, "Have you lost your mind!?" Hence the acronym HYLYM.

So after seeing this episode, and thinking about the premise along with being witness to real HYLYM situations, I decided to ask you guys what's up with this?

Why would a girl not see that a guy is being a cheating, disrespectful shmuck to her when everyone else not only sees it, but tells her so? Is there a gene involved or is it upbringing that makes her susceptible to the HYLYM factor?

Singletude giveaway contest.

2009-08-06T15:15:00.000-07:00

Win a Gift Basket from SingleEdition.com: A Singletude Contest

Elsie, of the singles blog Singltude, in partnership with SingleEdition.com, has decided to offer the possibility to win a gift basket.

I've decided to enter this contest for a few different reasons:

1. Single's have been getting a raw deal for way too long now.

Think of it this way. From the time a little girl can play with dolls, she is exposed, and somewhat primed towards her own fairytale wedding. She plays with her Barbie dolls, and of course her Ken doll in all kinds of arranged scenarios where the end result is going to be like Mom and Dad, happily married with children. She may dress as a princess, or read the story of one, where she gets saved by the handsome Prince. They then go off into the land of happiness, again married and probably with children.
I have nothing against marriage, not at all. I do however have a problem where a woman, and man for that matter, are expected to get married even if they choose to stay single. Let's face it, whether for tax purposes or political posturing, society is geared to benefit the married couple. Not married by the age of thirty? Then obviously there's something wrong with you, right? These thirty-somethings need some help on how to find that right person so they can get hitched!
The little lady of the house needs a man around to, you know, fix things and make the hard decisions. The guy of course needs a wife or else how is he going to eat or sort out his socks? Ok, maybe there's a tad bit of truth in there somewhere, but you get my point I hope. Singles can manage, and do manage, just fine on their own, even with the odds of society against them. It's time that singles are treated as equals in society, or do they have to conquer the over 50% present divorce rate here in the states in order to be equals? You tell me.

2. Singltude's author Elsie is by far one of the best writers on the net today.

Actually, I hadn't really given too much though to the hardships that singles can and do deal with until I came across Singltude. She not only got me interested in the subject, but held my attention from the very beginning with her strong writing style, research abilities and uncanny insight on the subject.

3. Attention needs to be brought to this subject.

Singltude also opened a world of other bloggers on the subject of singles that I love to read on a regular basis. Onely, Singlutionary and Dazilingly Single are just a few. Although I write about relationships, I felt that I should be part of bringing attention to a subject that is sorely in need of attention.

4. Appreciation for those, like Elsie, fighting the good fight!

I have been fighting bigotry, racism, sexism and oppression for most of my life. Being single is not a bad thing for those that want to be single and I think it's time that society realizes it. I think it's time to step up and aid those who are bringing the correct attention needed to the subject. To at least bring awareness. I can help to do that and because of my admiration for those like Elsie fighting the good fight, here I am.

The special K ME Meals challenge.

2009-08-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Special K ME Meals

A challenge from the thespecialktreatment blog.

A simple "Me meal" that I have never grown tired of since childhood is made with the good 'ole standby Tunafish (canned that is).

Put the tuna in a bowl and grind with fork until only small chunks are left. Add mayonnaise in the amount desired. Take 1/4 onion and dice into minuscule bits and add to bowl. Cut about half of a celery stick into very small pieces and add to the bowl also. Now here's a little secret, although you might think it's crazy-add just a few drops of lemon juice from a fresh lemon. Mix it altogether well. Cut up fresh lettuce into long threads and two slices of tomato very thin and put them to the side.

Now, you can used whatever type bread that you like, I like whole wheat, but toast it up to the desired darkness. When it toasts, slap on a good amount of tuna sprinkled with lettuce and the two slices of tomato.

This is my simple to make, yet always satisfying me meal :)

A toast to myself: From childhood memories, to adult gratification. A me meal moment brings true satisfaction!

Cheers!

Single's in the news by Clever Elsie

2009-07-12T07:53:00.000-07:00

Clever Elsie of singletude, one of my favorite writers, has come up with:
"Singles in the News," a weekly digest of the most interesting and relevant headlines pertaining to singles.

"Here you'll find stories that will inspire, encourage, reassure, and sometimes agitate you, maybe enough to write your own op-ed. Plus, every week Singletude will bestow the Singles With Singletude Award to the article that highlights the most motivational single(s) and the Singleschmucker Award to the most egregious example of singlism in print."

I love the concept and really love the Singleschmucker Award :) There's something there for everyone and in the issue, "Singles in the News: 6/28/09-7/4/09", I found an article called, Cougar party By Melinda Maximova
which I found enjoyable having blogged about cougars recently Cougars on the loose.

There's also a write up about Elsie over at another great blog I frequent regularly, Onely. You can read it here EXTRA! EXTRA!

All in all, great stuff Elsie! Keep up the good work!

.

Can friendship prevent romantic relationship?

2009-07-03T13:35:00.000-07:00

Myself being a believer in getting to know one another well before becoming romantic (Usually being friends for a while first), the question popped into my head, Can friendship prevent romantic relationships? And if friendship can, why?

In case you guys hadn't realized, I'm no genius, not the brightest star in the sky, but for the life of me, it never accured to me that friendship could be a hindrance to a possible romantic relationship. I have always thought that it was only a benefit. Either you get to know each other well enough and know that you can give more a try, or you realize that you are better off as friends. Either way it works out.

In a recent post, the queenofrelationships said that if the friendship goes on too long, without sex, the woman will put the guy in the friend category. Interesting thought!

So, give me some feedback on what negatives there can be to being friends first that can hinder going further into a romantic relationship?

Gracias!

.

I'm back for a while.

2009-06-29T12:37:00.000-07:00

Having been gone for a short time from you, my blog family, I feel a short explanation is in order.

I had no catastrophes or deaths in my life recently (Thank God), but needed some time to get some things in order. Sometimes this is an easy task and sometimes it's almost impossible. I think the latter has been my dilemma for quite some time, years to be more precise. This has been the basis of my absence. I've been online doing some other things that I've committed to, but couldn't also fit in my blogging.

Some of the simplest things in life can have the biggest impact on us. They can bring a smile and a really warm feeling to you. They can make you feel that things, no matter how small, are worth it. I'm one who feels that the little things really are the big things. Let me share with you some of these very things I'm talking about and at a time where they were most appreciated.

Aphro-ME-siac
said...
"get yourself situated and don't be gone for too long:):)"

Special K said...
"hope your living life!" and "Hope you are out there living life and it's not living you....:)"

Tina T said... "I have to admit I've been wondering where you were. Lots of my fellow bloggers seem to have gone AWOL lately. Hope you're attending to some fun things and not all work."

Singlutionary
said
"Well. Then. Get yourself situated. Enjoy the sun. And then return to blogging."

Monique
said
"I've been kinda busy these days too. Hope everything goes well, but get back soon."

These are comments that don't say "Hey, I don't want to loose you passing by my blog and I'll loose traffic." No, they say "Bobby, we care and hope all is well with you!"

I blog about relationships, all kinds. Earlier I used the phrase, "My blog family" and the comments above show my reason for the term. I am almost always a guy with a positive attitude and believe in the compassion and caring nature of human beings. And even when times can be a little confusing or hectic, and my beliefs might slip a bit, there's always those good hearted people that come through, just at the right time, and tend to say, "Bobby, you're not wrong. The world is filled with loving and caring people at every turn."

Thanks guys, I feel the love :)

Be back shortly...

2009-06-02T15:13:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow bloggies, busy stuff happening that I'm attending to. Keep on blogging and I'll pass by when I get stuff situated.

Cheers!

Easier talking with the opposite sex

2009-05-18T16:59:00.000-07:00

Reading through one of Tina's comment's on a recent post of mine, it occurred to me that even though I have numerous male friends, I tend to have more open conversations with woman. I mean that I feel more at ease talking with ladies than the guys. Not about everything, but most things. It made me think:

Do most guys feel this way?
Do woman feel the same about men?
Are there any particular reasons for this?

.

Kreative blogger award :)

2009-05-12T09:01:00.000-07:00

I was given this award by one of the most creative, and super talented bloggers of all time. She also happens to be one of my all time favorite bloggers as well as a great inspiration to me. (Don't tell her that though, we don't want her head getting too big) lol. Her name is Amy and she operates amyvenezia.com. Go check her out and see what I mean!

The criteria to receive this award is to come up with seven things I love:

1. I love the smell of the air after the rain.
2. The first time you grab her hand while you're walking.
3. The way I feel after watching "Pay it forward."
4. That care free laugh that only children have.
5. The smell of fresh brewed coffee.
6. When I give good advice that helps someone.
7. Being a part of this blog community and the friends I've met.

Next, I have to pass on this award to seven blogs I love:

amyvenezia
onely
singlutionary
happyskinnygirl
dazzlinglysingle
luvemorleavem
sex-lies-dating
ladyinpurple-jazzie

They're not in any particular order :)

Thanks Amy!

.

The diagnosis of relationships

2009-05-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

Over the course of my blogging, moderating and membership to many dating/pen pal sites, I've come across a theme, a structure that keeps seeping it's way into the advice I give to others. It seems that all the problems, or at least a good portion of problems that couples have, are not new in the scheme of relationships. I'd like to try and expand and refine one of the consistent ideas that I've said in reply to comments and advice given. If you've read my blog for any length of time, this will sound familiar to you, and hopefully, make some sense.

Before looking for a serious relationship, take a moment to think about what I'm saying here in this tenant. It may just solve some heartache before it ever has a chance to happen.

The tenants of relationships

1. Know who you are and what you want for yourself

2. Know who they are and what they want for themselves

3. Communicate openly and honestly with each other.

Know who you are and what you want for yourself.

This one should be the easiest because who knows us better than ourselves? If we are not sure who we are, then it's time for some soul searching. What we want can change over time, but being honest with ourselves should keep this somewhat simple to recognize.

Know who they are and what they want for themselves

We are not mind readers and can only hope that the other person knows themselves and what they want. More importantly, that they communicate that with us openly and honestly. Time is the key element here and most times we have plenty of it, so take your time in finding out who that person is and if they are what we are looking for.

Communicate openly and honestly with each other.

If both people do this, then wasted time will be cut down to a minimum. Unfortunately, in a world full of players, liars and phonies, we don't always have this benefit. I can only say see number 1 above and take your time.

Communication and honesty are so important to relationships that they both need to be defined, expanded and sincerely evaluated in each of us. I'll hopefully be dealing with these two shortly.

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Sexual vampires!

2009-04-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

I have never felt so wanted, yearned for, desired like these woman make me feel!

Janessa S

2 hours ago
Hi Handsom. Wanna chat on msn i m? I M me my ID is SWEETSUGAR387

Thee One and Only!

an hour ago
wow. what a long monday i have had. im soo bored. plz msg me on msn, my sn is on my pic!

Diane B

an hour ago
Hello i am interested in talking to you and maybe meeting. Message me on msn i m its CANDYSWEETS88 hope to hear from you soon!

Jeniffer H

Thanks for the add! Enjoyed the slideshow,Hope you all had a good 4th!

Krystal J

Hola, so are you ok to group up and have a good time? I barely log on Tagged, but if you send a msg to me on my MSN, devious25party@hotmail.com I'll flirt with you

Lori A

if youd wanna take a girl out to party? hello, guy, im new to frdster, dont have much time here, usually im here dancing in the salon in your city. im always like to meet cute guys here. if u are interested gonna my profile and see where i am. i hope i can chat online with u, you can pick up my information.

Serena J

Hello

It sure was with great interest that I read your ¡Profile¢ here.
Well, this is just a brief note to attempt to establish some
communication that, hopefully, could result in our getting to know each
other.
I must confess that I tend to be rather shy - and therefore feel a
little silly at this effort. On the other hand, with your ad having
caught my attention the way it did, I just couldn¢t resist an
opportunity to communicate with you. At this point, I¢m only listening
to my inner voice/natural instincts - in anticipation of a possibility
to get to know some very pleasant/sweet person out there - even if on a
casual basis. I sincerely pray for the opportunity to establish a
lasting communication and/or friendship out of this - and hopefully to
get to meet you some day. I¢ll be sure to make the time to keep the
communication lines open, and ultimately, to also make the time to meet
you whenever you are able to.

IM ME HERE:Serenajessy_111@yahoo.com

Serena Jessy...

Mary smith

Hello Handsome
I have read your profile and I will like to get to know more of you but first I will like to describe myself! It is very hard to describe myself because we see only one side of us and usually the best one I think so. I am usual woman with a lot of dreams. I am not looking for Mr Perfect or a millionaire. I am not searching easy life either because life is never easy I know, I am not interested in pen pals and game-players. I need someone who is tired of being alone, someone who wants to love and to be loved. Someone who knows how to treat a woman, a true gentle man. Someone who is not afraid of young and attractive woman. Someone who knows what he wants. Someone who does not want to settle for the less and always looks for more. Someone who loves kissing and cuddling. Someone who loves a warm bed and a sexy woman in it. What I'm seeking for? a long term relationship that could lead to marriage, someone that could bring out the best in me, someone that I can trust, a man that will listen to me when I need he, a man i can give my heart to, someone honest, someone that will not lie to me, someone that will there, for me when I need him, someone that we would both appreciate our high moral standards, respect ourselves the way we respect our self's. Someone that would love me as if each day is our last day together and that would be by my sides as if each day is our last day together. Moreover i would love you to contact me to my direct private mail marya00001@yahoo.com Or talk2cute1981@gmail.com I will send you more pics of me because they haven't approved my pics yet...And also tell me a little more about yourself and more pics..I am waiting to read from you there.. Reply to: marya00001@yahoo.com Or talk2cute1981@gmail.com Load of Love

Mary smith

I got a million of 'em folks!

Asian woman, the submissive world.

2009-04-21T16:02:00.000-07:00

On one of the blogs I read regularly singlutionary.blogspot.com, I got a reply from the author (below) that made me think if Asian woman were really submissive, or if it was just a stereotype, and if guys really want a submissive woman?

"Bobbyboy: Thank you for using the phrase "wow-o-meter" and "alpha asian
women who are confident". Putting "alpha" and "asian women" together in
the same sentence fights some big ole steriotypes!"

Here's the full article with comments: It's a man hailstorm

It got me to thinking, would guys really want a submissive woman? Apparently, there are those who actually seek out woman who would bow down to them. There are agencies that cater to this as well as men traveling 1000's of miles just to go and find their submissive bride.

I don't know, all the Asian female friends I have in NYC are far from submissive. Hey, they'll kick your ass if you pull any of that, "Get me a drink woman" stuff. Some have said that Asian woman who come to the states from other countries become Americanized, meaning they see how American woman are with their partners and the shit they don't take from their men. Could be, I don't know, but if it's true, then good!

With all the different categories that people can be in when it comes to relationships, I was never quite sure where I fit in to all of it. But, one thing I know for sure is that I'm not attracted to submissive woman. I like a woman that can think for herself, express her opinions and damn well knows her self worth in the world.

I know I can't be alone in this!

.

Photo-shopping for all our ego and vanity needs.

2009-04-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was looking at some online pictures of a lady friend I know for some time now. We've become good friends through the years. She's always been a really pretty girl and guys have always noticed that. So why then did I come across a few pictures where she looked like a smoothed over rock? Not only did her skin have no blemishes, but it had no pores either. It was like someone had buffed her skin down to one fine, continuous layer of, well, satin.

I know that we all want to look our best in pictures just as we do in person, but does picture manipulation applications such as photo shop do the trick? I think if we have unsightly blemishes or if we need to cover a cut or something, then yes. I really do think that it should end there though.

I'm writing this particular blog to remind the ladies, although men manipulate pictures too, that you are beautiful! Yes, I've said it before and I'm saying it again, natural looking ladies are beautiful. Your eyes, hair, nose and skin are very attractive. Have you ever seen a woman with a tremendous amount of makeup on her? You know, where you wonder why she doesn't realize that she has way too much on? It's kind of the same thing to over due manipulation of pictures.

I know the beauty industry tells us how we can't possibly look good without this product or that one. How they use young, attractive models to show us what we'll look like after we use these products. We all have common sense and hopefully, know these statements aren't exactly true, are they? Using just the right amount of makeup can really accentuate a woman's looks, or even just one facet of it. I can and do appreciate that. But please, don't forget to use your natural looks as well. I'm sure I'm not the only guy in the world that sees how beautiful you are, in pictures or in person.

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Cougars on the loose!

2009-04-11T15:43:00.000-07:00

It is fairly common to find a guy and a gal together where the guy is older than the gal. In most circles of my life while growing up, it was even preferred. Here in the states I'm going to guess up to 5 years difference in age is the norm, but 10 years not being all that uncommon. Anything above 10 years and we're going to start seeing some frowns.

On my many excertions to South East Asia, I've found that the age difference between men and woman in relationships (Men being much older) is quite accepted and normal. I guess it just depends on cultural factors.

Older woman, as might be expected, are not as sought after by younger men. It probably has to do with men wanting children from younger woman, as well as the natural way that men are visual about woman. I'm sure that a Psychologist could sharpen the reasons better than me. Maybe older woman feel that there is no hope for them to find a solid loving relationship? Well, I have never believed that and it seems that I was right because now we have a new reality show called:

Cougars

More information about the new show can be found here.

Like all reality shows, Cougars will probably be exaggerated in any way that will bring in the dollars, but maybe the time has come for mature woman to get the attention they deserve? I hope so as they have quite a bit to offer a partner.

I don't think they could have made a reality show like cougars unless they felt there was a demand for it. I think our culture here in the states has been changing a bit. I believe there is more interest in older woman/younger men relationships, especially by young men.

Whatever changes are coming in our culture that relate to cougars relationships, I'm one who welcomes it as a long time coming. Let's see if the show can open some eyes that may have been shut a bit too tight in the past!

So, is a rise in older woman/younger men relationships a good thing, or are there negative ramifications to our society?

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Wearing sexy

2009-04-04T19:44:00.000-07:00

I gained a new perspective on sexy this afternoon while watching the reality show, "Tough love." Yes, I watch reality shows from time to time. If you aren't familiar with the show I'm talking about, here's a link to what the show's about: Tough love.

Sexiness can mean different things to different people as I have blogged about in the past. Well, in this episode, the ladies were allowed to pick something sexy to wear and were then photographed in a variety of positions on a couch. They pretty much posed in ways they thought were sexy.

Afterwards, a few men sat and looked at the pictures of the ladies posing on a tv screen for their review. When all was said and done, there were four things that these guys felt were sexy: eye contact, smiles, confidence and fun. I agree that these things are sexy, but I also realized that clothes can be sexy too. I hadn't realized this before. I kind of knew it, but now it sunk in.

I know, how can someone not realize that clothes can be sexy? I guess you've never known a guy that was really that basic about things, huh?

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Race relations

2009-04-02T18:52:00.000-07:00

I think I may have fooled you with the title. When I say race relations, I mean it in a relationship way-romantic. You probably figured that out already, didn't you? Well, I also mean physical characteristics, or "Looks" of a person. It doesn't have to be different races, but the title "Race relations" sounded better to me so I used it. Didn't know that though, did you?

I've probably heard most preferences that guys have when it comes to the looks of a woman. Big-small, dark-light skinned, blond-brunette-redhead, African American, Asian, white, Spanish, Indian, short-tall, lean-muscular-you name it, I've probably heard it. Then there's one that I hear once in a while that I must admit I fall into-WOMAN! Yep, I admit it, I like woman.

After hearing the preferences that some guys at work had when it came to the fairer sex, I admit that I thought about what my preferences were. Sound shallow? Of course it's not. Truth be told, we all have them.

I mulled it over in my head and realized that I can, at any given time, like any one of the previous mentioned characteristics and many times a combination of two or more. I like woman.

"Bobby, you have traveled to South East Asia many times, specifically Thailand, so you must like Asian woman, right?" You're damn skippy I do! "So, you prefer Asian woman then?" Um, no not quite. I like woman.

I'm not a dating machine, but the few woman I've had relationships with had one constant thing in common, they were woman. Dark hair, blond hair, Spanish, Italian etc. It came down to who they were, yes, I said who they were that was the deciding factor, not what color they were or how tall. I'm strange that way I guess.

The moral here is that if a lady and myself get along well, have some things in common and are looking for possibilities, we can hook up. The physical attraction can be built on if not already there. Can she have blond hair? Sure. What if she's tall and Asian? Fine by me. What if she's a bit over-weight or a bit under-weight? No worries. The important things are above in red. There are other things that are important also, and I've blogged about them, but we're talking physical attraction here.

So, do you have any preferences?

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Not loosing who we are.

2009-03-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

In many blogs that deal with relationships, or when we think of a relationship, we think of two (or more in some instances) people. These couples deal with each other and try to work with the other person. I think this is natural and the way it should be.

Today however, I was thinking whether we put enough, or the right amount, of work into ourselves, and more importantly, the all important "Me time." How many of us take the time to just be us? Or relax by reading a book, doing yoga or playing an instrument? Maybe a better question is, how many of us have this time for me time?

I think me time is a way of getting to know ourselves even better. A time to reflect as well as relax. I think this helps us in our relationships as well. It can help us to keep ourselves real. In other words, not loosing who we are when we are in a relationship.

I think it's fair to ask a potential partner what they want in a relationship, and I think it's just as fair that we know who we are and if we can deliver for that potential partner, no?

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Big boobs, small boobs-big butts, small butts.

2009-03-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

Did you ever hear any of these phrases?

"Hey, look at the set of T*ts on that!"
"Nah man, she's gotta have knockers, big ones."
"Hell, I'd hit that!"

Chances are if you're a lady you didn't. But, you might have heard:

"Hey baby, shake it, don't break it."
"I better call heaven 'cause their missing an angel."
"Hey baby, don't hurt yourself."

I think woman know that men are visual creatures. We size woman up by appearance. I'm not saying it's right or wrong-it just is. I believe that it's ok to compliment a lady, but tastefully. Although many men would say that they would love the attention of woman, would they like cat calls?

Imagine a guy with a good body getting gawked at by just about every woman that he comes across. Getting cat calls, many sexual in nature, as though all the woman care about is doing him. Sure, for a little while it may feel good to get that kind of attention, but what about everyday? Everywhere you go, even when you're having a bad day? How would we guys feel if we knew that almost any lady that talked to us, or looked at us, was looking not at us, not talking to us, but to a piece of meat?

I have friends who seem obsessed with giving compliments of all kinds to just about any lady that passes their way. I see the frustration in the eyes of some of these ladies. If I can clearly see the woman's frustration, can't my friends as well? Maybe they just don't care or are proving some kind of manly thing to someone? Maybe, just like kryptonite feeds superman's weakness, the lack of saying something weakens a man's ego?

This is one of those situations where common sense comes into play. Where, I believe, we should put ourselves in woman's shoes and walk a mile.

I just don't think woman appreciate cat calls the way men seem to think they do. Am I wrong here?

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Why do woman go for the bad boys?

2009-03-26T13:40:00.000-07:00

Tina over at luvem-leavem.blogspot.com so elequently added the female perspective on a topic I posted a while ago Nice guys finish first.

I happily and highly recommend that you go read her thoughts and insight about nice guys at:

http://luvem-leavem.blogspot.com/2009/03/why-do-women-go-for-bad-boys.html

Guest author article: What is your breakup personality?

2009-03-22T19:31:00.000-07:00

This is a wonderful post from Tina at:

http://luvem-leavem.blogspot.com/

She gives some great insight to the different breakup personalities that woman have. I hope you enjoy this post as much as I did!
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What is your breakup personality?

Most women that I tend to handle each breakup in very specific ways. That's not to say that there isn't the occasional breakup that takes longer to get over depending on how long the relationship lasted and whether the breakup was mutual or felt more like being dumped. Needless to say, this is why I worry about some of my friends more than others after a breakup, because their past behavior is a definite indication of how they will handle their current breakup. Some of their reactions I view as healthier than others, and some I just don't understand at all, but these are the general breakup personalities that I've seen in my friends.

Zen Approach- This approach goes hand in hand with the women I know that believe strongly in karma and that everything in the universe has its place. For the most part they handle breakups well because they do seem to take the approach that the failed relationship "just wasn't meant to be." I don't worry too much about the women that fall in this category, although I can't say I understand their reaction. If their karma approach has merit, the guy that can't stop chasing after women should have his foot run over by a car to slow down his chasing, but that never seems to happen.

The Mourner- Some women just seem to need to go through a proper mourning period before they can get over a breakup. During this tear-filled time you can't say anything to the mourner without reminding her of "him." Just accept that "he" will be the topic of most conversations until she has finally cried him out of her system. Once that happens you'll have your old friend back again.

The Competitor- Some people call this woman obsessed or stalker, because she sees a breakup as one giant challenge to get "him" back. Although she's definitely intense, I don't see this woman as obsessed because it goes beyond the guy in question. She tends to be on the same quest to the guy back after any of her breakups. When it comes to "winning back the guy" it's the "winning" part that's her true focus. Try to help her focus her competitive nature into winning the attention of a new love instead of chasing after the old one.

The Woman Scorned- The woman scorned is filled with anger. Usually she's content to bad mouth him to anyone who will listen. Although there may be times when she'll decide to run over a box of his stuff that he left at her place before returning it to him. Eventually her anger will subside, but you may want to keep her away from his car until all thoughts of revenge have faded.

So there you have some of the most common breakup personalities. You've probably seen some of these behaviors after your own breakups and those of your friends. Everyone deals with a breakup in a different way although some of the types seem to go through a longer process than others. Of course no matter which recovery method you're prone to after a breakup a pint of Ben and Jerry's can always help to make a breakup more bearable.