Salem Witch Wiles

The Salem Witches Hex Tim Tebow?

2012-01-19T15:06:00.000-05:00

This started off with The Boston Herald calling the owner of local witch shop Crow Haven Corner, Lorelei and asking about curses. Apparently the New England Patriots' star quarterback Tom Brady made the cover of Sports Illustrated, which is considered some sort of curse in the sports world. When she mentioned that rituals can be used to neutralize negative energy it became a bigger scoop for the Herald, as they were the ones to break the news that the ritual would be held a few days later at the shop. It also became a surprising opportunity for good publicity for Lorelei and the store, as the story was picked up by local news outlets and quickly spread to syndication and national news outlets.

I figured the story was cute and would get a bit of coverage, but had no idea that when I showed up to witness the ritual at Crow Haven Corner at 12pm on Friday the 13th I would have to shove past gigantic news cameras just to get into the store. Fox, CBS, NBC, etc etc - they were all there. Must have been a slow news day!

This doll isn't supposed to be scary, but tell that to my nightmares.

Honestly, I expected the ritual itself to be really cheesy after that whole Charlie Sheen thing last year, but it was surprisingly well-thought-out, politically correct, and positive. Lorelei even mentioned Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow saying he had "powerful energy..., magic[, and was] a force to be reckoned with," but went out of her way to say she wished him well, but wanted the Patriots to win. The whole thing was meant to be for neutralizing the Sports Illustrated "jinx" and to ask for victory for the team in the upcoming game, but still many news outlets sensationalized the story or just got it plain wrong, some going so far as to say things like " SALEM WITCHES HEX TIM TEBOW..."

Suddenly the story was everywhere, and the videos had gone viral.

That little circle second from the right represent bloggers.

All the publicity has been great in the eyes of the majority of most people. I have personally seen in the comments of may of these articles professed Christians and atheists going out of their way to say how this makes witches and religions associated with witchcraft look good. They are used to seeing witches in the media portrayed as a bunch of circus freaks, weirdos, and publicity whores and many noted how relieving it was to see a legitimate ritual; done in a fun way for a good cause.

The backlash, as always, came from the pagan community. Some pagans are so obsessed with the embarrassment associated with the aforementioned freaks and publicity whores they assume every witch in the news is just out to make a buck. This comes as no surprise to any witch that's ever been in the media. The moment you put yourself out there there are throngs of people shouting about how you're a sell out and judging you guilty of the crime of simply being in the media at all. These detractors inevitably end up resorting to making fun of the way you do your make-up, your weight, or accusing you of living in your parents basement playing Dungeons and Dragons.

Although sometimes the mockery is warranted.

It's just how it is. Don't know if that will ever change.

Laurie Cabot Closes Shop - Christian Day Opens Hex: New Orleans

2012-01-09T12:14:00.001-05:00

The Salem Witch Wars: Never Again.

When this cartoon was published in the newspaper October 2007 Laurie Cabot was a tiny bit annoyed by it. She always ran her business as well as her coven with integrity and class, and spent time being an activist and donating time and money to charity. Sure sometimes she was in the news for embarrassing things, but that was her personal life and no one else's business.

Christian Day, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious. He started his business knowing very well that regardless of all else haters gonna hate. I'm sure that on some level being compared to someone he looked up to was kind of an honor, and on the other hand, he just really loves controversy.

In the long run, it ended up that the witch wars all the gossipy folk in the pagan community were supposing went on between Christian and Laurie were much imagined and embellished. In fact, even after he went to her birthday party a few years ago, proving once and for all they were still friends, some people still say they hate each other.

And now, after 42 years, Salem's Official Witch, the most respected and beloved freak in New England, Laurie Cabot is closing her shop for good. Most people heard the news via her Facebook page where she wrote a lengthy status update explaining everything:

"As you can imagine running a store and trying to be available to the temple is a lot of work, and so I have decided to align myself with my new goals and close my store, The Official Witch Shoppe."

Of course, this wasn't her first shop. Over the years Laurie has become successful and world famous, but business has always been hard for her. Over the years she has been in the news for all kinds of things, some of them related to mistakes she had made business-wise, sometimes her problem was simply trusting people too much. But she is ending things on a good note...

She goes on, "...from the first, The Witch Shoppe to Crow Haven Corner and then The Cat, The Crow and The Crown and finally to The Official Witch Shoppe. It has been a dream come true to have had the experience of operating my stores and the countless wonderful people I have met and interacted with at each of my shop locations. "

1971(?) - The Witch Shoppe, Salem, MA

'Crow Haven Corner', now owned by a student/friend of Laurie's, Lorelei.

The location of 'The Cat, The Crow, & the Crown', which then became The Official Witch Shoppe.

Now, when it really comes down to it this isn't really all that shocking to someone that knows her. She really loves being who she is, interacting with people, etc., but everyone could always tell that Laurie didn't really like being a tourist attraction! I'm not sure how different she used to be, but for a long time now it's been clear she'd rather not harassed by pushy tourists, choosing rather to be more elusive and mysterious.

I'm sure at this point she can sell her products online and get more business than the physical shop does, and she will still be busy teaching classes - not to mention most psychics have regulars that call in for readings and I'm sure hers are extremely dedicated. In the long run, maybe the shop just wasn't worth her time and money anymore. Odds are she'll do more good for the community, make more money, and have more fun without it. I don't think she'll ever fully retire, so this might be the closest she ever comes.

Keep your eyes peeled for this sign at 1219 Decatur Street in The French Quarter.

The other big news in Salem is also big news for Vieux Carre. Salem's own Christian Day is opening up another incarnation of his successful shop, Hex, in the oldest neighborhood in New Orleans. "It happened very quickly," he said on his Facebook page. He's already headed down there and plans on opening as early as February. Rumor has it he plans on opening a third shop in Saudi Arabia in the future.

Ha.

So watch out, N'awlins, the Howard Stern/Kathy Griffin/Joan Crawford of witchcraft is on his way...

Oh wait, add Winifred Sanderson to that.[credit]

A Wicked Solstice Season in Salem

2011-12-05T15:05:00.001-05:00

She was resisting.

It snowed in time for Halloween this year, but December has been nice and mild so far - which is great considering how much there is to do.

Sure, I could keep busy online by joining the War on Christmas, I considered writing an article on the topic, maybe covering the holiday's pagan origins or just documenting conservative hubris, but so many others have already done so so eloquently. Also, I've been fairly busy getting into the holiday spirit - Salem Witch style.

Happy Horrordays!

This year's Krampus art show and holiday-ish party at the Fool's Mansion was pretty awesome. If you have never heard of the amazingly horrible and wonderfully terrifying myths surrounding Krampus consider the following excerpt from Wiki:

" Krampus is a mythical creature recognized in Alpine countries.^[1] According to legend, Krampus accompanies St. Nicholas during the Christmas season, warning and punishing bad children, in contrast to St. Nicholas, who gives gifts to good children. When the Krampus finds a particularly naughty child, it stuffs the child in its sack and carries the frightened thing away to its lair, presumably to devour for its Christmas dinner.

In the Alpine regions, Krampus is represented by a beast like creature, generally demonic in appearance. Traditionally young men dress up as the Krampus in Austria, southern Bavaria and South Tyrol during the first week of December, particularly on the evening of 5 December, and roam the streets frightening children with rusty chains and bells. "

The event was basically a goth Christmas/Solstice party art show with Dj Zombi starting off the night playing ambient tracks and spooky winter orchestral stuff before leading into the more dancable music. The art itself varied greatly. Some of the more expensive art was also available in card form. This is the card my mother will be receiving this year:

Basically Krampus is the bad to Santa's good cop.

We also visited Ye Old Pepper Candy Co., the oldest candy company in America, for their open house where they had the back open so you could watch how they make their candy.This place earns my respect by using a lot of the same old-fashioned gadgets that have been used to make candy for hundreds of years. I had no idea how complicated the device to make ribbon candy was. I found a video of another old fashioned candy company using the same equipment here. The good part starts at :45. Some people think it's kind of boring, but I always loved when Mr. Roger's brought us to the crayon factory growing up. Guess it's a geek thing.

I also tried to class it up a bit by bringing my wife to the Christmas event tours at The House of Seven Gables. Instead of their usual tours they have one which leads you through the different rooms in the house which are made into living stages with actors that do excerpts from famous holiday literature. Besides the fake British accents making me want to strangle myself with tinsel, it was pretty cool. Among others, they had scenes from Little Women, an excerpt from the Diary of Ann Frank (which was totally bittersweet), a dude desperately trying to do a Welsh accent for A Child's Christmas in Wales, as well as the standards like a scene from A Christmas Carol and the standard recitation of Twas the Night Before Christmas.

No, not NightMARE, that came later...

That's right, this weekend at Cinema Salem they had late night showings of The Nightmare Before Christmas complete with a shadow cast provided by the Teseracte Players of Boston. Saying there is room for improvement is by no means a criticism. These guys did a fantastic job, I just know they know they could do so much more. Jack Skelington moved his arms around a lot like he was in RUN D.M.C. or something and it was totally distracting, but decent. The cyclops mummy and The Clown with the Tear-away Face were crowd favorites when it came to costumes. The little girl playing Zero was adorable, and the dude playing the mayor had the jerky robotic movements down and the most hilarious look on his face for the duration of the performance, it was perfect.

... So that's it. Things die down after October's Haunted Happenings, but after December's Holiday Happenings are over the city becomes very very boring. Let's hope something interesting happens before spring!

Rob Zombie in Salem November 2011! [spoiler alert]

2011-11-17T13:43:00.007-05:00

[the movie's first SPOILER right here!]

Now that October is over you'd think the excitement in Salem would be over, but then on Monday a friend at a local ice cream shop asked me "Oh, do you know who Rob Zombie is?". Apparently she had no idea who he was but said either he or some of his crew had just been in there browsing. I searched all over online and asked around and no one else knew anything, but then Rob posted this on his Facebook page around 8pm:

The Lords had descended on Salem Towne.

Later on I noticed this tweet from the mayor of the city:

Awesome.

So, at this point random people started telling me all the random places they were running into his film crews, all over the city... From the beautiful Greenlawn Cemetery in North Salem, to Essex st., rumors of Pioneer Village in South Salem - he even was filming down The Point!

On Essex st. (picture via the Official Salem Facebook Page)

Now, honestly, I wasn't planning on running around town trying to find him with a Sharpie like a ton of other people were, I understand he is here to work. I left work early to look at an apartment and just happened to stumble upon the crew on Essex st. filming a scene! I just had to watch. Even though it was somewhat boring and to the crew just business as usual I found the entire situation just fascinating. The beautiful cameras and equipment, the way they used umbrellas and special tents to keep the rain off things, the way the crew all worked so well together - I ended up watching for hours and hours.

In the scene on Essex st. (the one I saw, there are others) Bruce Davidson, whom you may remember best from playing the father in the TV series version of Harry and the Hendersons, dressed in casual business attire carrying a leather messenger style briefcase walked down Essex st towards the camera, noticed a newsstand, saw the headline, grabbed a copy of the made-up paper "The Salem Breeze", stared at the paper for a moment and then walked off looking like it was something that made sense to him, surprised or shocked, or otherwise somehow affected him. It certainly made no sense to me, I got up really close and saw the headline "Local Host Lobster Joe Found Dead".

Anyone who is a fan of Rob Zombie or Salem Witch Wiles on Facebook will remember when Mr. Zombie posted the casting picture of Christopher Knight, aka Peter Brady, with a caption including a part that said "Chris plays Keith Williams aka Lobster Joe the host of Lobster Joe's Fishy Fun Show a staple of local Salem television."

So you heard it here first folks, Peter Brady dies in Lords of Salem.

Now at this point, considering how many locals normally walk down Essex st. in November and that they had been there long enough for word to get out online, a significant sized group had formed and lots of people were loudly mentioning how they wanted an autograph in the hopes he would overhear them. Come on guys, he's trying to work. Bother him when he's not working or on break between scenes. I payed close attention and noticed one guy who was making announcements to the crew say "Allright, pack it up. Charter's next and Sheri's on her way." I was the only non-crew person that heard him, no one else was paying attention.

I immediately knew he was referring to the Old Burying Point Cemetery, also known as Charter St. Cemetery.

Here's the lightning-struck oak where lots of local witches leave offerings. (picture courtesy one of my awesome tourists/friends!)

This is the cemetery I do my historic tours in. It's the oldest in the city, second oldest in the country, the one with the lightning struck oak tree, the Witch Trials Memorial, The Hanging Judge John Hathorne is buried here - hell, I got married in this cemetery! I decided to not tell anyone but one friend what I had heard and we snuck away from the crowd as the crew began packing up and the noticeably impatient people started getting closer and closer to all running up and asking for autographs in a frenzy. I knew if they knew Sheri Moon Zombie was going to be at the cemetery they would all stampede down there. Honestly, though, I was surprised people stayed out of the way and were as well behaved as they were, New England people can be pushy!

Down at Old Burying Point it started to rain a bit more moderately and they set up all the cameras. They filmed a scene of Sheri slowly walking through the cemetery in deep thought, taking a moment to stop and stare at a few stones before exiting into the area of The Witch Trials Memorial. Because there were hardly any locals in the way at this location I could stand very close. I could see the view through the camera, essentially what the shots will look like, and they were just beautiful.

I had figured her outfit would be able to tell me a lot about her character and hopefully make a few plot points more obvious but it further confused me. She was not dressed stereotypically goth or witchy at all. Firstly, she was wearing wide-leg flare-type jeans that dragged on the ground just enough to get the bottoms all wet from rain. She was wearing a faux-suede looking jacket with faux-fur trim and had an extremely realistic looking wig of luscious gorgeous amazing blonde dreadlocks. (My friend took pictures, I will edit this blog and add them in the moment he uploads them![edit 1/9/12: still waiting!])

Anyways, in the next shot she entered the Memorial and paused there for a few moments reading the quotes by the victims chiseled into the stones and they got a great close up of her from another angle. Then they filmed her walking around the corner and took a very long drawn-out shot of her slowly walking into the distance - it looked great. Very moody.

Based on the way she was acting I think it's safe to assume that her character feels a deep connection to the victims of the hysteria, what could that mean? A lot of things. Maybe she is a descendant of one of the victims, maybe she is a modern witch, who knows...

[edit: Oh, duh. Yeah, her character's name is Heidi Hawthorne so it's pretty safe to assume that makes her a descendant of the character Rev. John Hawthorne. He is taking some creative liberty here: the judge was John Hathorne and one of his descendants, famous author Nathaniel Hawthorne, actually added the 'w' in order to distance himself from the ignorant ancestor. The Reverend at the time was Samuel Parris.]

I was able to chat with a few random members of the crew at certain points and more than one of them made it a point to mentioned that this wasn't as bloody or gory, or as one of them put it "it's not as stabby", as his previous films and that it would be "more psychological". Based on the long shots and deep camera angles I am sensing something. I could be wrong, but I think this is Rob's attempt to be taken seriously by all the fans and critics that think all he can do is shock and gore. Personally, I have always seen how artistic his films are regardless, but I am getting a strong feeling that this is going to be a huge movie and really impress people.

This morning Rob posted this on his Facebook page with a goodbye message to the city saying today was his last day shooting.

Is that Samantha Stevens from Bewitched or William Defoe from Boondock Saints?

Last I heard they were going to put in a full day of filming today and then head back to LA. Let me be one of many people to say thank you to Rob and the crew for filming in Salem and not just doing this all in LA. Salem is a perfect spot for filming, so much to see. Being a native of Massachusetts I think he has more respect than others would, and we respect him back.

☠

Related articles:

Rob Zombie's Latest Visit to Salem for Location Scouting (With new Pics!)

Clues in Leaked "Lords of Salem" Photos with a Better Synopsis

God Hates the Lords of Salem - Rob Zombie Sightings in Salem, MA

Lost in a Maize Maze & What Happened at the Salem Zombie Walk?

2011-10-12T17:14:00.000-04:00

(Photo credit: Lucid Light)

This year's Zombie Walk was supposed to meet at Collins Cove Park at 3pm and start marching at 5pm, but many people were disappointed to show up closer to five and find they had missed the group leaving. The march itself less resembled a horde of zombies and was more like many disorganized wandering bands snaking through and around the downtown area pretty aimlessly.

I finished my 3pm tour, threw on some make up, splattered some blood on myself, and joined in as the groups were passing Crow Haven Corner on Essex st. My zombie ballerina wife and I had a great time, but the disorganization confused me. I asked a group of fellow zombies "Where is the leader?" to which I recieved shrugs, "You know, the guy with the top hat and megaphone? The guy who organizes the walk?" No one had seen him.

Checking online later it seemed a lot of people were angry about their perceived failures of the walk, but then I discovered what had happened - the leader had been arrested! Was this an anti-zombie conspiracy? How did this happen? We all know the city thought the walk was weird at first, but over the years has warmed up to it, with local business getting involved, and the Zombie Walk even being listed in this years tourist guide.

Speaking to the man himself I learned that the city had, for an unknown reason, revoked his permit(s) and only notified him via email. He doesn't really check his email too often so he had no idea. Because he had not cancelled the walk it seems the police wanted to check him out and when they ran his name they found he had a random unrelated bench warrant for something stupid like not paying court fines in time or something. They showed up to his work an hour before the walk and arrested him there. Thing is, the warrant was from 2007 and he has been processed since then so it makes no sense it would just come up now. The people at the police station made sure not to post his bail until after the walk had ended, so regardless of what they say, it's clear they simply didn't want him to be there. I don't think we are ever going to find out what exactly the motivations of the police were here.

Either way, the event was an overall success and gets bigger every year. Even if the police target the leader, we will still continue do it. It's good for the city and good clean (albeit bloody) fun. Every year I see families, babies, and kids having a good time -

and that's what Salem is all about. (photo: Peppered Productions)

[EDIT 10/13/11 12.30pm: It appears the city is also trying to ban the Zombie Walk by making it a crimnal offense. A meeting is scheduled for tonight at 6:30 at city Hall. Will update when I find out what happens.
EDIT 10/16/11: False alarm.]

Quick news roundup -

--Rocky Horror at Cinema Salem sold out last week so they added another midnight showing this Friday. See you there.

--I forget to mention earlier that two of my favorite street performers, illusionists, and local personalities, Vlad the vampire and Dan the bard of Theatre of the Night found a venue for their magic show this year! Good for tourists and locals alike, it's a family friendly magic show that is still dark, twisted, and evil. One of the few things in Salem where you get EXACTLY what you pay for. Go give them all your money because they are hilarious.

Here's a random video I found with them in it.

--If you missed last week's Haunted Happenings grand parade you can watch it online thanks to Salem Access Television even if you aren't from Salem. It's a pretty budget operation, but still fun. My favorite part is about three and a half minutes in when they cut to the man on the street and keep talking not knowing their microphones are still on, haha.

--The biggest Salem related story around right now is definitely the one about the family that got stuck in the Salem Village corn maze at Connors Farm in Danvers.

Their incredibly apt slogan is "GET LOST!"

About half an hour after closing time a frightened family who was out with their three week old baby for the first time called 911 which responded with a K9 unit in order to find them within the 7-acre maze - ended up they were about 25 feet from the exit and it took the cops less than five minutes to find them. A part of me feels bad for them, but most of me finds this hilarious - kudos to the maze creators for actually making it difficult enough to get people lost! This story will get bigger as it has already been covered by LA Times, NPR, USA Today, and The New York Post, but has also been picked up by CNN, Jay Leno, and Good Morning America.

[edit: Associated Press video here: LOL]

--Count Orlok's Nightmare Gallery reports having a great turnout to meet Jason of Friday the 13th VII-X and stuntman extraordinaire Kane Hodder. Here's a picture of him murdering gallery owner James.

Nice knowing you, pal.

Bill Johnson, Leatherface in Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2, is there this weekend and rumor has it that James found an antique puzzle box and will use it to summon Hellraiser's Pinhead the Cenobite himself, Doug Bradley, from the depths of hell for next weekend's celebrity appearance.

The Witch Trials Did Not Happen in Danvers

2011-10-06T15:32:00.001-04:00

With so many awesome things going on this month it's hard to keep track. Just this week we have things like today's Haunted Happenings Opening Day Parade, tomorrow's midnight showing of Rocky Horror at Cinema Salem, free movies on Salem Common at 8pm Saturdays (Oct 8-Monsters, Inc., Oct 15 Casper, Oct 22 Hocus Pocus, Oct 29 Beetlejuice), and this weekend is the first street fair of the month, so vendors and street performers will be out in droves.

Oh, and this Saturday is the annual Salem Zombie Walk so be sure and grab some corn syrup and red food coloring.

I like the part with the zombies.

In Lords of Salem news, Rob Zombie is posting pictures of people on his Facebook (which at the moment is the best way to keep updated about the movie) as they get cast and the last one was for Dee Wallace. The interesting things is part is of what he wrote for the caption:

"With less than 2 weeks until the start of filming the cast members are coming on board quickly. The latest addition to THE LORDS OF SALEM is our good friend DEE WALLACE. Dee plays the role of Sonny, a self-help guru."

Now two things can be surmised from this quote: firstly, that her character to will die a horrible death, as anyone described as a "self-help guru" inevitably will (and should) in a horror movie, but the part that really got me excited was him mentioning filming will be beginning just before the last week in October. Are we still safe to assume they will be taking shots of the crowds and filming certain scenes that might be dependent on crowds right downtown in the midst of the October excitement? It's way cheaper than paying extras! And a lot of people don't know, the way that filming permits work in Salem is that you only need to obtain one if you intend to block off streets. That means they can show up any day with no warning at all!

Boo! Imagine turning around and seeing this?

So Salem has been all over the national and international news, blogs, little local news segments around the country - everyone is getting into the spirit, but the only problem is how many journalists and bloggers are quick to add a little snarky jab about how the witch trials didn't even happen in Salem, but the next town over in Danvers.

This has always been a pet peeve of mine - when people hear a small amount of information and run around regurgitating it as if they are an authority. So let me take a moment to explain to anyone that doesn't know: the Salem Witch Trials happened in (surprise surprise) Salem!

What is now Salem was then called Salem Towne which was the downtown area surrounded by smaller farming communities. The small girls who made the initial accusations were from a part of Salem then known as Salem Village which is now modern Danvers starting in January. Arrests and examinations started in March (The first three victims arrested Feb 29th). Essentially, these "examinations" were insane verbally abusive arraignments where the victim was faced with the charge and given a chance to enter a plea, but not really because they would just yell at the person more and the little girls would bug out. They were not trials.

Things were getting out of hand as more and more people were being accused and arrested. The governor issued a commission for a Court of Oyer and Terminer and they chose a courthouse in what is now downtown Salem in the center of Washington st to house these, the actual trials - which started in JUNE with the trial of Bridget Bishop, first to be hanged on Gallow's Hill (also located in Salem btw) . All of the more than 150 people found guilty of witchcraft were tried in what is now modern day downtown Salem. There is even a plaque there that no one ever notices.

In addition, the site of the Witch Dungeon, where the victims were brought from other prisons and jails in order to be tortured and outside of which Giles Corey was pressed to death is in Salem.

Yes, many notable figures from the trials were from Danvers, but if you look into it you will see that there were also victims from Boxford, Andover, Ipswich, even as far as Welles Maine. On top of that, if you do the math you will find that more victims were from Salem Towne than Salem Village so if it was a contest hooray we win..., more people died from here. ...Yippie. Not really something to be proud of, but I am just sick of people spreading misinformation around.

October 2011: How to not be a Stupid Tourist in Salem

2011-09-29T17:59:00.000-04:00

             After living in working in Salem for as many Octobers as I have you start to notice the patterns and cycles of tourist behavior much like a primatologist notices the patterns of apes eating insects off each other and picking at their butts. In this entry I hope to create a handy guide for any tourist visiting this month not hoping to look stupid or have a horrible time.

A. FAQs
B. What to Visit
1. Witch Museums
2. Other Tourist Museums
3. Classy Stuff
4. Etc
C. Spooky Stuff
D. Where to Eat
E. Modern Witchcraft
F. Random Tips

Salem Witch Wiles' Guide to Not Being A Stupid Tourist

A. FAQs - Most Frequently Asked Questions
   1. Where is the House of Seven Gables?
   2. Where is the Witch Museum?
   3. Where is a bathroom?
   4. Where can I get a trolley ticket?
   5. Where is ____?

Answer: GET A FUCKING MAP. Seriously, they are free and all over the damn city. There are three or four different maps from a few different companies and they all compete and make all their revenue off advertising. Sit your ass down and look at the map, read the stupid guides with all the info and figure out what you're doing BEFORE you start aimlessly wandering around like a drunk guy in a Goofy hat in Disneyland.

B. What to Visit Whatever the hell you want! Seriously, you can't make your own decisions with the internet and all the free brochures everyone showers you with the moment you get into town? OK, fine. I will sum up for you, but keep in mind there is more:

1. Witch Museums -

The similar names of these museums are not only confusing to tourists, locals usually just choose one favorite and never even check the others out. Before we get into how these attractions are different let me sum up their similarities: They all seem to have broken animatronics that haven't worked in a long time, they all cost around the same amount and last around the same amount of time, and I have heard equally great and horrible reviews for each. Also, each one of these museums is about the hysteria of 1692, almost forgot to mention that.

The Salem Witch Museum - Stand and learn while scenes light up around you.
The Witch History Museum - Walk through the scenes as some educational stuff happens.
Witch Dungeon MuseumTrial scene followed by a walk through some scenes.

2. Other Tourist Museums -

There are other things to learn about in town besides 1692. Here is our list of other tourist museums. Reviews vary drastically.

Count Orlok's Nightmare Gallery - One of the few places in town I never feel uneasy recommending, even though it's not about Salem at all! It's a museum about the history of horror cinema, everything from Wolfman and The Creature from the Black Lagoon, to Freddy and Jason. It's an educational history museum for huge horror film nerds. Celebrity appearances this year by Doug Bradley (Pinhead), Kane Hodder (Jason), and Bill Johnson (Leatherface)! Careful though, during high traffic busy times like weekends in October this becomes a haunted attraction.
The Pirate Museum - Walk through scenes talking about Salem's pirate history, *SPOILER (lulz)* dude jumps out at you at the end.
The Wax Museum/Witch Village - The Wax Museum is one large room with scenes of Salem's history around it. If you don't read all the plaques and take your time you might think it's too short/small. The Witch Village is a guided tour half about Salem and half about witchcraft. BOTH of these attractions may or may not suddenly become dry ice filled strobe lit haunted houses during high-traffic times.
The Witch House - The name of this place has always bugged me. It's a way of tricking tourists into going there. They even painted it black to make it more "witchy". See, it is the only home still standing with direct ties to the hysteria trials - it's the house of Jonathan Corwin, who joined the Court of Oyer and Terminer to replace Nathaniel Saltonstall, who resigned after the first execution. So really, he was just a replacement, not even a first choice for the court. This museum isn't about 1692 at all, but more about the home itself, architecture, furnishings, and the history of the Corwin family. It has historic validity, it should just be called The Corwin House. The rumors about some of the examinations of victims of 1692 happening here are just bogus.
The World of Witches Museum - Haunted attraction that has been renovated into an educational tour about witchcraft.

3. Classy Stuff -

The PEM - class and style.

A few of the things that the average tourist wont have time for in October.

Salem Maritime National Historic Site - Check out the replica of The Friendship ship, museum, Custom House, etc.
Peabody Essex Museum - Super classy and cultural. If it isn't October or you have some extra time, dedicate a bunch of hours or a whole day to this place.
The House of Seven Gables - Historic house museum on which Nathaniel Hawthorne's book was based. Also, the author's birthplace has been moved here.
Salem Willows Park - A nice little ocean-side park with arcades, cotton candy, and a carousel.
There are lots of other guided tours through historic homes and such, but most of them are pretty similar.

4. Etc. -

Things I can't quite classify.

The Witch Trials Memorial - The only place you can pay respect to all the innocent people killed in 1692. Remember, we all have so much fun in Salem because a bunch of people were tortured and killed unjustly - how's that for a guilt trip? Take a little bit of time to reflect at the memorial and pay your respects.

The Bewitched Statue - A cheese-tastic homage to tourism in Salem.

C. Spooky Stuff

I found this picture of an actual Salem tourist entering one of our most horrific haunted attractions!

First things first, this is not Disney World. This is not even Spooky World. Things in Salem tend to be on a much smaller budget than standard haunted attractions you'll find in other places. I am not going to rate these because there are just so many variables involved in any individual experience, but I will say that The Boston Phoenix best described it by saying one "resembles a ransacked party store" . All last about the same amount of time and cost around the same amount of money. As of today there are exactly 4 haunted attractions in Salem (not including the few that become haunted mentioned above):

The Witch Mansion
The Nightmare Factory
13 Ghosts (The shortest)
Frankenstien's Laboratory (The longest)

D. Where to Eat -

VLT - BLT with vegan tempeh bacon at Coven.

With over 60 places to eat in Salem, it's pretty much impossible for me to review everything or make any recommendations, just a few things:

--If you are vegetarian you can check out my blog entry all about the best veggie places in Salem.

--Salem has just about every different type of food you can imagine - pubs, Chinese, pizza, cafes, classy expensive places, cheap family fare, a brewery, Thai, Indian, Caribbean, Polish and everything else - don't waste your money getting nasty sausages and junk from street vendors.

--There are ice cream shops all over town. If you can't find one just keep walking until you do.

--If you go to Dunkin Donuts I will fucking slap you. Sure, many New-Englanders have bad taste and prefer them over anything else, but there are some of us who would rather recommend one of our many many local cafes for your caffeine fix.

E. Modern Witchcraft -

These are places that witches visiting Salem will want to see. Mostly just shops, and there are lots more.

Crow Haven Corner - The oldest witch shop in the country, first opened up by Laurie Cabot.
The Salem Witch Walk Ever wonder why, if everyone in 1692 was an innocent victim and not a real witch, there are so many witches in Salem today? This tour explains what real witchcraft is while discussing the hysteria from a modern witch's perspective and starts with a participatory ritual at Crow Haven Corner. And I don't just love the tour because it helps clear things up for witches and Salemites alike, I'm also the tour guide!
Hex, Omen, & Festival of the Dead events - Halloween ringmaster Christian Day's October Circus
Laurie Cabot's Shop - Just changed names from "The Cat, the Crow, and the Crown" to "The Official Witch Shoppe". Don't get your hopes up and expect Laurie to be just chilling in her shop talking to tourists. She has better things to do.
Bewitched in Salem - Talk about eclectic, this witch shop has so many random things it's not even a witch shop anymore - it's an everything shop. From their website "A 4 inch ivory Jesus and a 4 foot steel Baphomet can share the same space. We do not discriminate."
Site of Laurie Cabot's first shop! - What the hell is a Crotchet, much less an entire box of them? 100 Derby st is where Laurie Cabot opened the very first (and extremely short-lived) witchcraft shop in America before she gave it a second try and succeeded with Crow Haven Corner. Nowadays it's an awkward looking red house with a sign that makes no sense and many tourists assume is some kind of dirty joke they just don't get..

Line waiting to go into Laurie's current shop before it's recent name change.

F. Random tips

1. Dress appropriately - If you are wearing an expensive costume in Salem on Halloween night don't be upset if it gets stepped on, squashed, or otherwise soiled. That's right, I said soiled. All kinds of things are possible.
2. Be prepared to wait in line - Everywhere you go. Your whole trip. It sucks, I know, but just get used to it and get over it. The picture above is of people waiting in line just to get into Laurie Cabot's shop. The crowds can get a little dense, too, so be careful not to lose your friends.
3. Don't be fooled by signs - Apparently the laws about being able to say you are the "Official", "highest rated", "most popular", or "scariest" are pretty lax, because everything in town claims to be "the best".
4. Be weary of advice on the street - Unless it is someone dressed as a park ranger from the visitor center, someone from the official city tourist info booth (picture at top of page), or you just get lucky, odds are the person offering you friendly advice on what attraction to visit is being paid to do so by said attraction. Also, if you are stupid enough to keep taking flyers, DON'T LITTER!
5. And THE MOST IMPORTANT TIP for not being a stupid tourist is don't worry about being a stupid tourist! Relax, don't schedule every little thing, and don't be upset if things don't work out how you expect them to! With so much insanity all over the city all month you are bound to get caught up in something - make sure it's not drama!

Rob Zombie's Latest Visit to Salem for Location Scouting (With new Pics!)

2011-09-07T15:21:00.000-04:00

[11/21/11: Most recent article here.]

No update on Rob Zombie's visit to Salem yesterday on his blog yet, but he did stop to take lots of pictures and sign lots of autographs for fans, his Twitter says it was just more scouting and nothing too serious yet. If you don't know what I'm talking about you can read about it in these two previous entries.

Just now, though, he released some pictures so I'm sure his blog will be updated soon. Here's your first exclusive look at these pictures which I recognize as being taken in Salem's beautiful Greenlawn Cemetery , which is a mile or less north of downtown.

Since February, every blogger and news publication writing about this movie keeps recycling the same few bits of information over and over. Firstly, the synopsis, secondly the pictures (both from Wayne Toth's SFX studio and the location scouting), and the quote from Rob "Lords of Salem’ is probably the bleakest of all my films." There's a simple explanation for this: that's all the information we have so far.

On top of this is the constant changing of announced shooting times. Is this just a ploy to confuse fans? First we heard spring, then after his tour ended, now he is saying October. Will he really be shooting in Salem during October, with thousands of crazy tourists running around?

For now all we have to hold us over are these pictures and the ones from yesterday of him with some locals and baristas at the Gulu Gulu cafe where he ordered a vegan sandwich, and in Count Orloks Nightmare Gallery with the owner, James, who is such a huge horror film fan he has an awesome tourist attraction about the history of horror film [That's him in the main picture above, look how HAPPY he is!]. A lot of other people saw him on Essex st. He is said to have signed some autographs for some of the guys at a haunted house in the mall, The Nightmare Factory ... In fact, I just realized something - he visited all the places with the highest Tripadvisor ratings! I guess that makes sense, but that's still pretty funny. All the more reason to harass my tourists and make them all write good reviews for my tour! lol Also, the leader of The Salem Zombie Walk was able to give Rob a card and officially invite him to this year's FOURTH annual event. He will be in town, so maybe he'll show up!

If you are still thirsty for more info on this film go straight to the source, Rob Zombie's own film blog's entries have all the teaser pictures. Luckily he started numbering his posts about this project so it's easier to sort through them.

First Location Scout

First Image

Second Location Scout

First Special Effects Update

Second Special Effects Update

Third Special Effects Update

Next update - any moment now I'm sure. Will let you know.

What's Been Banished and What is Sacred Space - Changing businesses in Downtown Salem

2011-08-22T12:59:00.009-04:00

[Quick side note: Here's the new poster Rob Zombie released the other day for his upcoming movie Lords of Salem. Word is shooting has been pushed back ONCE AGAIN (from September to October this time). Personally, I think it was his plan to shoot in October all along and he has just been teasing fans. For more info check these two blog entries.]

Many people make the mistake of thinking Salem is a tourist town, but with the many faces the city wears we have infinite varieties of businesses.

One of the things I have always found fascinating is the ever-changing storefronts on Essex st, and the failure and success of local businesses. So what's new in Salem this year? What businesses have gone to the gallows? Here are a few of the ones I consider noteworthy.

Asahi is gone - The only truly authentic Japanese restaurant downtown closed suddenly and with no warning whatsoever. I went there for lunch one day and there was simply a sign on the door thanking loyal customers for years of service. I assume it was a simple lack of profit and the winter slow-season that did it. If you want soba or udon you'll have to DRIVE (or walk 30 minutes) to Okea all the way the hell in south Salem near the University. It's pretty depressing.

Spellbound still clings to life - Many people thought this staple of ghost tours was gone after the owner decided to close her museum of oddities and ghostly parlor show, but you can still find the booth selling tickets for their nightly walking tour on Essex st. Lot's of rumors about what actually went on here, but I can't verify anything. Some people were saying the owner had some health problems. I'm glad to hear she is ok.

The Lyceum goes hipster - I'm sorry, I just can't stop going on about how lame the new name for this restaurant is. This historic building located at 43 Church st was once a lyceum so when it became a restaurant, calling it "The Lyceum" seemed like a great way to pay homage to it's roots, but now that it's under new management (or someone said the owner just got someone else to revamp/run it for them or something, who cares) they decided it was time to get with the times and change the name to something more cryptic and bohemian sounding, like 43 church. How creative. Also, locals are lolling at their menu prices: $30-40 entrees and $45 steaks - yeah, good luck with that guys!

...and speaking of hipsters - Some new entrepreneurs in town somehow managed to open THREE separate shops downtown this year after only living in town for two years. They are hoping to draw more year-round local shoppers than tourists with their two gift shops Roost and The Beehive on Front st, and their bath and body shop, Scrub up on Essex. So what kinds of things do they have? Let me put it this way, my wife loves dragging me to these shops. The Beehive is a good place to buy gag gifts for your goofy uncle and Roost is where you get something a bit more classy for your mom.

Mary retires :( - If you've been to Bangkok Paradise more than a few times you were probably on a first name basis with the owner, Mary. And if you are a local musician you probably already knew it's pretty easy to convince her to let just about any musical act play there as long as you assure her there will be people buying drinks. That flexibility (and, let's be honest, highly visible location) is part of what has made this restaurant so popular and well-known. From what I understand, the business still exists and will be re-opening with little-to-no change, but will they still be a venue? I haven't been able to find that out yet.

New haunt is just like the old ones - Honestly, I don't care if 8 bucks for a five minute walk through a strobe and black lit haunted house is a total rip-off. I have always loved cheesey horrors regardless of how unscary they turn out. But when the hell did EVERYONE in Salem decide that John Denley was the only person in the world that designs haunted tourist attractions? And when did he lose his edge? Not only does Witch Mansion have exactly ONE witch in it (at the very end as you exit), but it also looks exactly like the last place in town he designed, 13 Ghosts. Like 13 Ghosts, it relies far too much on the 3D art on the walls and not enough on props, also Denley haunted houses always end up having tour guides that jump out and tell you stories to try to get you to stop walking and make it seem like a longer attraction. Really, you could walk through this place in two minutes flat if the actors just jumped out and said "boo", so instead they bore you with paragraphs of buzzwords while you try to push past them and adjust the stupid sweaty 3D glasses (which are only WIPED with a cloth between uses). Salem needs some new creative blood in haunted attraction design. Industry standard in Salem is to churn out cookie-cutter garbage, when the reality of the industry as a whole is that creativity always beats the status quo.

Life and Death passes away - Everything must die, but the only real goth shop in town was murdered in it's prime. The owner, Nichole, had a unique vision: part gift shop, part small venue, and with the most morbid nightly walking tour in town... An homage to the subculture and a favorite of any all-black-wearing tourist, while also being just barely family friendly enough to appeal to a wide demographic. What went wrong? It's not entirely clear, but I have a feeling that we can all blame raising rent from the greedy people that own the East India Mall where the shop was located. Stupid yuppies picking on the goth girl just like back in high school. As of now there is really only one place for freaks in Salem, Fool's Mansion, but it's mostly expensive clothing, not a gift shop at all - and certainly out of the average goth kid's price range. I recommend their Vlad Tepes t-shirts.

Bulk hippie feed at Salem's FIRST green grocer! - If you're like me, and think that weird crunchy granola hippie food is the best shit in the entire world then you are also going to FLIP OUT over how fantastic Milk and Honey is. Besides the fact that it's named after two animal byproducts, it's the only place in Salem with a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan groceries. Sick of paying Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck) prices for happy food? Then go here! I just can't say enough about how necessary this place was. I told the owner that if she ever had financial difficulties I would work there for free and I meant it. It's a beautiful oasis of tempeh and couscous. I want to paint rainbows and dreadlock my hair just thinking about it.

Finally, weird t-shirts for tourists - If you love Salem so much that you can also make fun of it then take your sense of humor to The Back Room. Located, literally, in the back room of a women's clothing shop, this new company has the funniest Salem shirts/hoodies I have seen in a decade. Some designs include a Mickey Mouse with a skull for a head that says "Salem, Disneyland of the dead" and the Starbucks logo made into a Salem witch. This shop is somehow affiliated with the local screen printing company Gorilla, which buys designs from artists, so I have been very curious to know if all these fun new designs are the work of one awesome individual or a collection of ideas from different artists.

So what will stand the test of time? Just as the first settlers and pioneers in town faced an arduous winter, Salem is well-known for failed businesses that start of full of promise only starve to death during the winter slow-season. Destination Salem has been desperately trying to promote Salem as a place to come to all year long and not just for touristy stuff, but will it work? If we build it will they come?

Cat Fight with a Dash of Pepper

2011-08-15T12:53:00.003-04:00

Instead of sharing witchy fashion tips and talking about their dogs it would seem that, for two particular Salem witches with shops on Essex st., having a lot in common just isn't enough. I am going to go ahead and try to trivialize the situation by referring to what occurred as a "cat fight" even though I wasn't there - and also because I really don't want to imagine these two people fighting, it just hurts my brain and makes me terribly terribly depressed.

Once again, another situation that I am too close to and probably shouldn't comment on. A particular fact is bothering me though - two people fighting is one thing, but when a young man steps in and maces a woman in the face you are approaching white trash territory. I mean, we all have arms and are capable of breaking up a fight without weapons. During the Essex st fair their are vendors, children, families, and dogs everywhere - there is no need to be flinging pepper spray around on a crowded st during tax-free weekend. It's irresponsible.

The police are sick of crap like this. They find it goofy and really try to pay as little attention as possible. I mean, in this case violence was alleged, weapons were used, and charges were pressed - yet there were no arrests? The police just don't want to deal with what they consider petty drama. They try to do their jobs but I can imagine them taking reports and just sighing and rolling their eyes the entire time.

Anyways, most people in town are hoping to avoid bad press and hoping this story doesn't get blown into something it wasn't. I am one of those people. I'm only posting this entry for posterity and not going to spam for hits. I am going to chalk the situation up to stressed-out business owners venting anger on each other instead of the people who really deserve it - TOURISTS.

[All information in this entry is stolen from: http://salem.patch.com/articles/business-owners-brawl-during-heritage-days-street-fair ]

Christian Day's Day of Reckoning

2011-07-21T13:31:00.006-04:00

So many good headline ideas for this one. Here's just a few more:

Salem Witch on Trial

Warlock Accused of Cursing!

Psychic Didn't Foresee Troubles

Angry Townspeople Rally Against Witch

Facebook Flamewar Witch-Wars Lead to IRL Problems

There are endless possibilities.

Basically, a few local shop owners and psychics, who are any combination of annoyed/angered/jealous of Christian's hyper-competitive attitude and constant media attention banded together with the intention of taking him down. Whether they actually felt threatened or are doing this for business reasons is up for debate. Once again, this is a story where I know people on both sides and would rather not make judgements.

Christian, like most people, shares too much of his thoughts and feelings on Facebook and sometimes gets into fights and flamewars (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=flame%20war). Some of these alleged victims, it seems, considered the insults and arguments as threats. Christian is quoted in the paper saying, "There were arguments on Facebook," he said. "I don't believe they rose to the level of threats."

Really, there is not too much to say about this story that The Salem News didn't already NOT cover. You see, the hearing itself was closed of to the media/public so unless the people present start blabbing, we will never know the nature of the actual "threats".

Either way, the Licensing Board decided to basically put him on a probationary period of one year where if he fucks up they'll revoke his fortune telling license for six months.

I have a feeling that his enemies are going to be following him around with tape recorders and taking screencaps of everything he says online in the hopes of getting rid of him. The people that hate him really hate him, it's pretty ridiculous. Like, a lot of people in the pagan community just roll their eyes at some of the stuff Christian says and does, but there are also people who are legitimately bent on taking him down. That's just weird.

To me, the most shocking thing about this whole situation is how two police detectives, a special investigator, the licensing board, the shop owners and psychics involved, and the media are all paying so much attention to people bitching at each other on Facebook. If these were all poor people involved no one would even pay attention.

In general I make it a point to defend people with "celebrity" status when they make mistakes that average people make. When someone is famous an allegation becomes a fact in the public's eye immediately. Something about society makes people want to destroy successful people.

Christian is actually describing himself as "humbled" by this experience. Hopefully a little humility is all that's needed in order to put this serious stuff behind him and get back to his usual ridiculious antics because they are way more fun to write about and this story is just lame.

On Metaphysical Reality and the Reality of Reality TV in Salem

2011-07-18T15:12:00.007-04:00

"Love your blog, Tom! You've got all the good gossip!"

Oops. I thought I was kind of like doing the news? I like to take advantage of my unique perspective of the goings on in Salem in order to inform others. I don't mean to gossip.

And today I have a few different things to get into.

Firstly, in a move that has got some Salem witches clutching their crystal balls the City Council decided to temporarily suspend the issuance of licenses to new psychics! The Salem News quoted the councilor-at-large as saying "This is a loophole here, and we want to be able to tighten it up." She also wouldn't say which business was taking advantage of this loophole, but I know who they are!

Here I need to quickly bring up the point and make it very clear to outsiders or those who don't know the full story, that this entire issue is pure business on all sides and has nothing to do with keeping Salem psychics authentic (lol, I know, I know...). I have to make the point that some people would consider taking advantage of a loophole an intelligent business decision. In this case it's not necessarily something I would personally do, but I am not going to judge these people for their choices.

See, the way it works, a shop has to be more than half (51% to be precise) "metaphysical" in nature in order to be allowed to get a psychic license. This is to make sure that every single shop downtown doesn't hire fly-by-night psychics for tourist season (although some still get away with it). So when one local business didn't make the 51% mark their lawyer noticed this trick: you can just start a second company that is located in the same shop. See, it's not based on how much merchandise you have, it's based on sales, so if there are two cash registers each dedicated to it's own company you can do psychic readings from your newly created company which is truly absolutely metaphysical considering metaphysics is the study of the nature of reality and it's questionable whether or not the company actually exists.

And, following that line of thought for a moment, how the holy quantum hell does the city define "metaphysical"? Does this mean if I had an art store that sold Man Ray and Picasso pieces I could have fortune tellers? The study of metaphysics is, in a way, the study of the study of things (and often times the study of the study of the study of...[etc. ad infinitum]... things)., so it's not necessarily spirituality, it is philosophical and surreal. In an existentialist's nightmare this term could technically include every single business that exists. In fact, it could specifically apply to non-existent businesses.

I think I just blew my mind.

The other big news in town is the hype surrounding the upcoming reality show The Young Witches of Salem. And when I say hype I mean it... LOT'S of local organizations are involved, The World of Witches Museum, Magick TV, The Temple of Tituba, WitchSchool.com, and even The First Chancellor and First Elder of the Corellian tradition of witchcraft located right here in Salem!

Are you excited?! Is the hype making you desperate to see the reality behind being a young witch living in Salem working in the tourist industry??? Is the finger holding down your shift button twitching with anticipation leaving a few exclamation points as ones??

Well before you get too excited check out this hilarious commercial that I file under "snarks itself".

0_o

Let me break it down for you: Witch School, the World of Witches Museum, Magick TV, ALL of the above mentioned organizations are actually creations of two dudes. And not just any two dudes, but two whom are infamous throughout the national pagan community for their get rich quick schemes. Don't get me wrong, these guys have both been super nice to me and their intentions always seem sincere, but their insistence that every single new project they have is going to revolutionize witchcraft and that they are at the forefront of the most modern technological advances in marketing is getting a little old. Everyone knows they lucked out by getting witchschool.com and the name is 90% of what sells it. It's their cash cow and they are bored with the milk and want to make gourmet cheese with it. But really, if the site was so successful it wouldn't look like something Richard Langly, Melvin Frohike and John Fitzgerald Byers created using HTML in 1994. With all the business pitches and press releases all the time, I am starting to see why some people compare them to two specific cartoon characters.

Salem is so Hip that The Fonz and the cast of Glee all Chill Here

2011-06-06T18:53:00.007-04:00

Essex street has been busy, I've been doing lots of witchcraft tours and life has been interesting. Around here there are lots of strange things. For instance, when it's early in the morning and you go to your local cafe what do you see out the window? This is what I see:

Only in Salem.

Gleeks, (or as I like to call them glorons, glidiots, or gleetards) in Salem, MA are all breaking their exclamation mark buttons posting about Chris Colfer and Ashley Fink from the popular tv show Glee visiting town. Apparently they were just chilling being tourists and I'm sure ended up having to run away and hide after people started realizing it was them. For some reason celebrities always get mobbed in Salem. Remember what happened to poor Shaq when he came here? Haha... So they are in town because they have a show at The Garden or something. I don't really care.

In much cooler news, there were reports that The Fonz(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MpraJYnbVtE) was in town the other day hanging out!! He, Selma Hayek and Kevin James have been filming around Boston and Quincy for a movie coming out in 2012 that sounds really boring called Here Comes the Boom(http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1648179/). There was also a Craigslist posting for extras a few weeks ago that said they were going to be needing people for the crowd in a scene where there is some sort of riot.

And one other thing I just have to mention. If you haven't seen it yet here is the horrible picture of the strange multi-breasted Baphomet type creature which is the latest behind the scenes photo released by Rob Zombie of some of the icky special effects we will be seeing in Lords of Salem. Warning: that link is not safe for work, people might look over your shoulder and think you are looking at some weeeeird stuff.

Next Big Thing for Salem: An Online Video Game about Puritans? (Updated with Gamescom Preview Videos!)

2011-05-23T12:51:00.011-04:00

A small game developing company named Seatribe is developing a game for Paradox Interactive which seems to be full of revolutionary ideas and has a lot of gamers buzzing.

Their new browser-based MMO Salem is to be set in a fantastical and mythical version of the harsh wilderness of colonial New England that the early settlers faced, the biggest difference being that in this case the magic and witchcraft is real and not just the product of ignorant fanatical religious fundamentalism.

The look of the game is right on the line between morbid and cutesy. The developer has stated his stylistic influences specifically include artists such as Herman Melville, H.P. Lovecraft, Tim Burton, and Edgar Allan Poe. This is most apparent in the design of the characters:

Aw, what a cute little zealot.

The one thing I am not a huge fan of, but many people are, is the fact that Salem is going to rely heavily on crafting. In other words, building, hunting, farming, cooking, pottery, blacksmithing, etc. - this is going to be the core of the game. According to developers there will be "no quests", so this gets some people worrying, does that mean that this is going to just be another one of those Farmville type games?

This is where the revolutionary part comes in. First, Salem will offer fully terraformable persistent and changing environments, which means when you change something it stays that way - forever. Secondly, the death system is full PVP (player vs player) and features perma-death - so once you die, you are dead forever. A good chunk of the hard work and wealth you've accumulated is gone for good, too, excepting a small amount passed on to your "heir" which is how you can continue to progress.

As to how they are going to balance out these two aspects of the game, which seem extreme and in opposition to each other is beyond me. No successful game to date has been crafting dependent and had open PVP with perma-death, it just seems too easy to exploit.

As this is an MMO time progresses at a normal pace whether you are playing or not, but day and night are being handled in a unique way that gives homage to the Puritan's actual historic beliefs. You see, the Puritans literally believed that darkness was evil. That which they could not understand or comprehend was therefore evil by default. Much in the same way, the virtual Puritans in Salem will be surrounded in darkness at the beginning of the game, but as they progress and gain more Civilization Points they will begin to be able to see and understand the forests, and the world around them.

So, where does witchcraft work it's way into the game? This is The Witch City of course.

Details seem sketchy so far, but it seems players will be able to choose one of two magical paths, one of which being witchcraft. I am assuming that the use of light or dark magic is what will divide the population into two opposing factions, because I couldn't imagine Puritans and witches working together towards a common goal, even if in just a video game.

Also, by the looks of the pictures the Puritans might be the evil ones. Just look at this little bastard:

Release date is set for Q4, which in non-video game person language means the fourth quarter of this year. Oh yes, and one last important thing. IT'S FREE.

Clues in Leaked "Lords of Salem" Photos with a Better Synopsis, and a Bit on Celebrity Witches in Salem

2011-05-16T11:28:00.002-04:00

[11/21/11: Most recent article here.]

Rob Zombie's Lords of Salem is taking shape as he slowly leaks more and more information. In the past month we have learned via his film blog (http://rzfilms.blogspot.com) that shooting for the movie is now going to be "after the summer" instead of throughout this spring as was earlier reported. He has also posted some pictures taken by Wayne Toth in his fx studio. If you look reeeally close you can see they might give away a bit more than it first seems. This picture in particular is very interesting to me.

First, in the background you can see a chair covered in spikes that we can deduce is probably one of the torture devices used in the film, also you can see a second spiked iron mask on the counter which could be either a stage in the fx development of the one we've already seen or maybe a second one, which might imply that the masks are a theme we will see throughout the movie. BUT most strange about this picture is the back of the neck on the piece we see the artist working on... Are those some sort of tentacles?? What the holy hell is going on here?

Calamari anyone?

Let us assume that this is a beginning process in creating locks of hair or something until we know for sure what it is.

Also, I am curious to know what is hanging on the walls in the background of this one.

Something significant or just the usual random body parts you'd find in Mr. Toth's studio?

Well luckily Mr. Zombie has released a fleshed-out synopsis and, although it doesn't say anything about Davey Jones emerging from his locker to make an appearance, it does show us how cheesy the plot is going to be:

" Heidi, a blonde rock chick, DJs at a local radio station, and together with the two Hermans (Whitey and Munster) forms part of the "Big H Radio Team".

A mysterious wooden box containing a vinyl record arrives for Heidi, "a gift from the Lords". She assumes it's a rock band on a mission to spread their word. As Heidi and Whitey play the Lords' record, it starts to play backwards, and Heidi experiences a flashback to a past trauma.

Later Whitey plays the Lords' record, dubbing them the Lords of Salem, and to his surprise, the record plays normally and is a massive hit with listeners.

The arrival of another wooden box from the Lords presents the Big H Team with free tickets, posters and records to host a gig in Salem. Soon Heidi and her cohorts find that the gig is far from the rock spectacle they're expecting: the original Lords of Salem are returning, and they're out for BLOOD. " (from IMGlobal)

Sounds pretty typical. I have a feeling that this film is going to rely less on the story and more on disturbing and gory special effects and imagery, which is not a bad thing when you think about it. I mean, without seeing House of 1000 Corpses the synopsis sounds like garbage, and that turned out fantastic.

In more personal news, I thought not working for Spellbound Tours anymore would be very depressing, but really the only thing I miss about the company is the owner, my old boss Mollie, who had become a friend of mine throughout the years, but in reality switching to a new company is working out great for me.

The tour I am doing now, The Salem Witch Walk, is fantastic. I get to help tourists understand what real witchcraft is, and it's not one of those crappy fifteen minute tours through a renovated haunted house like some other sites in town, but an entire 90 minute walk around downtown. I basically have time to get into just about everything Salem/witch related, from the simple stuff like pagan holidays and associations to the hysteria of 1692, to quantum theory's relation to spellworking, commercialization and capitalization of witchcraft in Salem, and the complicated debate about the roll of cursing and hexing within the confines of the balance found in nature and in the context of the craft.

Haha, well the way I explain it makes it sound complicated but it's not.

Some people have voiced concern over my taking a position working for/with such fiery local celebrity witches as Christian Day and Lorelei after always being outspoken about my feelings towards "selling out" and such. I find that the people who say this type of thing are most often the people who actually know the LEAST about witchcraft, tourism, and what it even means to sell out.

With all the hype many people forget that these wily witches are just normal people, including such hugely famous people like Laurie Cabot (who clearly needs a website revamp). Of course working in a tourist town where your religion is a commodity is walking a fine line, but with all the cute and cheesy stuff that they do, for every time they do something that makes some pagans cringe, they also open up hearts and minds to the craft every single day. Like, LOTS of people. Every. Single. Day.

They also value our differences and encourage me to express myself and make the tour my own because they care about the business being successful and know I am great at what I do. They trust that I wont make them look bad even if we do differ in opinions on certain subjects because it's pretty clear I go out of my way to be politically correct - and on the tours it's the same. I give people an objective view devoid of personal opinion peppered with my usual satirical humanism and anti-nihilist quips. If someone has a problem with something, I offer the other side of the argument. People really appreciate when I play devil's advocate on the tours, because it makes it clear that I am not trying to make them think what I think, but help them understand for themselves.

A Salem Witch's Guide to Local Vegetarian and Vegan Food

2011-04-07T11:47:00.001-04:00

A divergence from my usual choice of topics, today I will be indulging in the percentage of me that is a huge hippie and reviewing vegan and vegetarian food in Salem. Next entry will be back to the usual stuff! [Update 8/22/11: Some things needed to be updated.]

First things first, Salem is not only a tourist town and a college town, but also a town with a lot of freaky green crunchy granola people, so just about every establishment that serves food has options available for those going cruelty-free. And secondly, there is absolutely not one entirely vegetarian restaurant or cafe in the city. I know, weird right? For 100% greentabulous you have to go to The Organic Garden in Beverly, which is the next town over, but for a tourist this is usually not the easiest option.

So what are the best places to get cruelty-free food in Salem Witch City?

1. Passage to India - If I had the money I would eat here every day. The menu is just good old standard Indian food, and if you are the average cultured vegetarian you could probably already order without looking at the menu. For anyone who has never been to an Indian food restaurant - the menu will confuse the hell out of you, don't be afraid to ask questions. The people here are super friendly as well.

2. Bankok Paradise and, (the aptly named) The Thai Place - These two places are competitors and a lot of locals choose one over the other. Either way - you have to specifically mention NO FISH SAUCE when you order a tofu curry because the waitstaff often get confused about what is an animal product and what isn't. Really, both places have the standard Thai style dishes, the only true difference is that Bankok Paradise also has music. Some nights it's just some bad local band, but we also have some really talented musicians in Salem. Most notably, Bankok Paradise hosts Darq, the only goth night in the city. I know, a goth night at a random Thai food place sounds weird, and sometimes it is, but it is also mostly exactly what you would expect in the good way. One of the most popular musical acts to come to Salem in years has been Voltaire at this venue and he is amazing. EDIT: Bangkok Paradise is under renovations and Mary, the awesome owner, is retiring! Rumors abound, some say the new owner will keep things the same, some are saying they wont! By October we should know.

3. Gulu-Gulu/Front St. Coffeehouse/Coven - My three favorite cafes in town are a tie, but I will mention what makes each place unique: Front St. is the only place with a juice bar and has the best prices for coffee and espresso drinks. Coven is the only place that is also a great bakery with funky cupcakes , ultra-retro decor (There are always three tvs playing stuff like The Neverending Story, Bill and Ted, campy classic horror movies etc.), and fun and interesting vegan sandwiches/muffins/etc. Gulu-Gulu is special because they have the best selection of beer (Front St. has none, and Coven has a decent selection), and not just any beer, but heady beer. Beer that will satisfy the beer snob in all of us. The Gulu, as the locals refer to it, is also the only cafe that consistently has live entertainment and music, film nights, and the infamous open mic night, which is the best/worst open mic night in the city.

[EDIT: Addition:
Bulk hippie feed at Salem's FIRST green grocer! - If you're like me, and think that weird crunchy granola hippie food is the best shit in the entire world then you are also going to FLIP OUT over how fantastic Milk and Honey is. Besides the fact that it's named after two animal byproducts, it's the only place in Salem with a wide variety of vegetarian and vegan groceries. Sick of paying Whole Foods (aka Whole Paycheck) prices for happy food? Then go here! I just can't say enough about how necessary this place was. I told the owner that if she ever had financial difficulties I would work there for free and I meant it. It's a beautiful oasis of tempeh and couscous. I want to paint rainbows and dreadlock my hair just thinking about it.

In closing I have to note that I consistently hit up just about every food place in Salem and I like them all. Some restaurants are better than others for vegan and vegetarian food, but just about every place will at least have veggie burgers. If you are the only veg*n in your group visiting town, don't be afraid to let your omnivore friends choose where you go for nomnoms. Even Boston Hotdog Co. has veggie dogs.

Oh, and for vegan ice cream the only place is still Cafe Kushco. Right in the center of town and very easy to find.

And some helpful links because Happycow.com is a huge fail:

http://www.thesaleminsider.com/2008/02/26/top-10-vegan-friendly-restaurants-in-salem/ - Old post, but somewhat useful. Some notes: Asahi no longer exists, Salem Beer Works is FANTASTIC, but they fry their fried pickles in the same oil as the fish (not cool guys). In fact, most places fry their french fries in the same oil as their meat and that's something a lot of vegetarians never consider.

http://www.veganinsalem.com/ - I just found this blog and had to link to it because I like it. See, this person actually goes to non-vegan restaurants in town to see what's up and write reviews, as well as post lots and lots of recipes. She also reviews places outside of Salem so don't get confused. Gooood stuff. [EDIT: Oh... guess it's gone now...]

http://twitter.com/salemvegan - The Salem Vegan Society. I have no clue what is up with these guys. It actually seems like just one dude that started a Twitter and Facebook account but has somehow accomplished organizing a vegan food drive for like four or five years now. Good job dude, but you need a real website that explains what the hell you are. XD

New Uniform Resource Locater!

2011-03-25T18:53:00.000-04:00

That's right, the URL will soon be simply www.salemwitchwiles.com !

They said it could take up to two days, until then some of the links and the archive page will be screwy. You can handle that though.

God Hates the Lords of Salem - Rob Zombie Sightings in Salem, MA

2011-03-24T15:01:00.001-04:00

[11/21/11: Most recent article here.]

"Lords of Salem is probably the bleakest of all my films."

Although I question the concept of Rob Zombie's upcoming movie Lord of Salem, I am still looking forward to it. It can't possibly disappoint me, nothing he has ever done has. In fact, Zombie always surprises and impresses people with his ability to imbue depth and emotion into movies that, on the outside, just seem like violence and gore.

In a recent interview with Empire Online ("www.EmpireOnline.com) Rob mentions that this is an idea he's had for a while, "Like a lot of my ideas, I had this one a long time ago, but it was never the right time to make it. Eventually it spun off into a song [see video below] but there were still no plans to turn it into a movie until the Paranormal Activity guys approached me and wanted to do something. I didn't have any specific plans, but I mentioned Lords of Salem and they really latched onto it."

He goes on to clear up the plot a bit, "There were twenty people that everyone knows about - obviously all innocent - executed as witches in Salem," explains Rob. "The basic premise of the film is that there were a further four who actually were witches, who were killed secretly, and vowed one day to return to wreak havoc on Salem's descendants. That's when the movie jumps ahead to the present day and things start to go wrong..."

Another interesting rumor is that Zombie is actually going to be using his own music in the film, creating an original score or just writing songs to use. I wonder if he will do a new version of the song that gives the movie it's title?

Yesterday, Zombie told his fans "Heading out for more location scouting on The Lords Of Salem," via Twitter, and today there have been multiple sightings of him around the city, including a stop into Coven, a local cafe. (I always wonder what famous people eat, so I asked around and found out he got a coffee and croissant. lol)

Honestly, I don't know how people scout locations in a town they don't know. I can think of at least a few different amazing places that would be great for filming near that the average person wouldn't just stumble across. Hell, ask some of the townie kids where they go to drink in the woods, those are usually the most isolated and scary places around!

And thank the gods that he scrapped his idea to remake The Blob "without the blob", and that it was only a rumor he would be directing the Motly Crue movie. Those both sounds like horrible ideas. Lords of Salem sounds far more interesting and I, for one, can't wait to hear more about it. When I do, you will be the first to know!

And as far as film, what's next for Zombie? "I'd love to make a Western too, but the trouble is that films are expensive."

[edit: One hour ago he updated his Twitter feed again "Just left Salem. Great day of scouting. Found some amazing locations." ... So exciting!]

Salem "Warlock" Uses Charlie Sheen Meme for Free Publicity

2011-03-03T11:45:00.000-05:00

Haha, I am so sorry Christian, but I have to write about you again. lol

Anyone who is watching this Charlie Sheen fiasco can see it's getting out of hand. It was an insta-meme that exploded the interwebz with the expected wins and fails, bad mspaint macros, and application of quotes into non-sequitur pics via the lolBuilder. Personally I am not a big fan of this meme. I like the nerdy ones a bit more.

But now, this meme has hit close to home.

Sheen's use of the word "warlock" resulted in some great jokes, but also an opportunity. As mentioned in a previous blog entry, local witch Christian Day has a habit of using controversy for publicity. How do you cause controversy? Through provocation or causing an argument - otherwise known as trolling. In fact, Christian has already been using the controversy surrounding the use of the word warlock to describe a male practitioner of the witchcraftness as a way to drum up publicity. This whole Charlie Sheen thing was just pure luck and opportunity for him, and he jumped at the chance.

So I wake up this morning and check my various news feeds to find our local Troll Warlock has achieved a certain level of media saturation. The Daily Telegraph, The Boston Herald, ONTD, Random morning radio shows so many blogs, so so many plugs for his new book. That's right. New Book. Who would have guessed?

So how did this happen? Well, by listening to his blogcast show it's pretty clear. He and a local shop owner made the decision to contact TMZ. You know, TMZ the entertainment show/website that exists only because of paparazzi embarrassing, stalking, and harassing people, gossip, and cheap media tricks - surely they will buy into the meme as well.

What has resulted is nothing short of absolute proliferation. At the time I write this article there are approximately 100 websites that come up when doing a Google news search for ' "christian day" warlock "charlie sheen" ' and it will continue to climb.

My opinion? I play a lot of online games and frequent many online communities where trolling can be considered a fun and entertaining addition to any forum or chat room - as long as it is witty and thought provoking. I have yet to make a decision whether I view Mr. Day's trolling as entertaining or think it just makes him look like a sell-out. The first thing to do is wait and see if all this publicity backfires on him.

Shout out to Christian: I'm worried about you, dude. You're playing with fire. Or trash rather. TMZ is a trashy trash fire. And it smells. Don't let that stink rub off on you because some Salem witches already smell bad enough!

[Edit: And how does the warlock himself feel about all this sudden media attention? A reliable anonymous source promises me that this is an ACTUAL status update from Christian's Facebook, it might not be true, but it totally sounds like him: "I hope that all this publicity has enabled me to potentially fulfill one of my important New Year's resolutions ... to find a midget personal assistant like Margaret Cho has. Well, ok, I think they're called little people now, but I've asked on three radio shows for one to come to me. I'm sure this will really put 'em over the edge, but I must find one! :-D"

Salem - Still Destroying History

2011-02-20T16:12:00.000-05:00

Tourist season is still a few months away, so nothing much is going on here, but an update is still needed in order to cover the more interesting things going on.

With Destination Salem's new Rorschach test of a logo, they hope to appeal to both the large witch tourism seeking demographic and the much smaller, but much more wealthy, yuppie/merchant history demographic. If you look closely it can be interpreted as either a witch's hat OR a sailboat looking sort of thing.

I hate the dichotomy that people insist exists between these two groups. Does it really exist? As a local tour guide and historian I can attest to the fact that the trading history of Salem can be interesting to everyone, it's just that the tourist institutions and the historians in Salem tell the stories in boring, dry, and uninteresting ways.

The other issue I have with the new logo is the new motto that goes along with it? "Still making history." ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Still making history how? By allowing a national television show to take a crap on our history? By allowing the historic Old Salem Jail to be renovated into condos and a restaurant that betrays and capitalizes on the history of the building at the same time? The Old Burying Point cemetery, one of the only respectable historic tourist destinations in the city has been falling apart for decades and we just allow it (I see people working on restoration in there no more than 1 or 2 days a year)? We allow tour companies to exist that blatantly lie, take advantage of tourists, and disgrace our history.

If by "making history" they mean allowing the past to die and creating a new history to take it's place, then yes, we are creating history every day. But the ultimate goal is to do a service to history a little less like Winston Smith at Minitrue and a little more like detached observers with a desire to simply preserve what once was.

I know there are other people out there who don't understand this new motto, and I have a feeling we will get a better re-explanation at some point.

A few rumors to go over quickly as well. From what I understand, one of the famous Laurie Cabot's daughters is opening up a shop in town this season. This is seen as a non-threatening and welcome addition to the witch shop community in town by most, but I'm sure bothers a few people. We'll have to wait and see.

Also, the Rob Zombie movie Lords of Salem looks like it's actually progressing into reality. I was hoping it was just a really bad idea that would fade away, but it looks like it's actually moving forward. Who knows, maybe the movie will be good. Everything else Rob Zombie has been involved with scared the fuck out of me. I just don't understand how the story or setting could possibly be scary! Seriously, what a horrible uncreative and unscary plot idea.

A Brief Critique on the Salem Ghost Adventures Episode <|:)

2011-02-19T10:37:00.001-05:00

A strange energy hung in the air all day yesterday. Was it the full moon? Maybe the thunderstorm rolling through?

A quick look at my news feed reminded what it was. This was the night that the Salem episode of *shudder* Ghost Adventures was airing. I get goose pimples just thinking about it. o.0

It ended up being mildly entertaining, although there were numerous problems and obvious historical inaccuracies. I mean lots. ...I could just let it go and said I had fun drinking root beer and watching tv on a huge movie screen at Cinema Salem, but that's not what you all want, is it? XD

I showed up five minutes late and slid int the back row after a brief trip to the concession stand. I don't want to complain too much about "reality" tv, because most people know a lot of it is staged, but, man, watching this just pissed me off! They were being really disrespectful towards witchcraft, for one. In one scene they were walking down Essex st as Zak Bagans pretended to run frantically around asking every person he saw "Are you a witch??" Well, I remember that day clearly, and they walked right past me as I stood in front of the Spellbound Museum with my super long hair and wizard beard wearing a shirt with a huge pentacle on it. I said "Hey, we're the local ghost hunters, come here if you want to know what's really going on in Salem." That prompted them to stare at me and film me speaking then all turn their backs on me at the same time and walk away without saying anything. Then my boss went up to them and introduced herself and her dog, Braveheart, and they actually showed a clip of her introducing the dog but not herself! Threatened much?

Later, at the Witch House, the very first time that Zak Bagans whips out his digital voice recorder and asks a question, he gets some scribbles that he claims are electronic voice phenomena ( or EVPs, which he later describes as "phenomenas[sic]" in the same way a child asks for "pesgetti"). And, of course, it's a little girl. Isn't it always?

Any time they mentioned Christian Day or his shop, Hex,there was boisterous laughter and yelling from a section up in the first few rows. I could hear his voice, which can only be described as 'fabulous' exclaiming "That's right, I'm a WARLOCK, baby!" I could only help but giggle at his attempts to troll someone into the witch/warlock debate, which has good and bad evidence on either side and which I am assuming he has been studying extensively lately as his first book is coming out soon and people are saying it might be called something about warlocks or something. He leaked some of it which I have read and I must admit he is truly reveling in his controversial image. Nonetheless, I can't wait to read it. [edit: as an aside, here is a video of him and the extremely magical and wise Lori Bruno helping out their realtor friend with a cleansing ritual that doubles as a fantastic publicity stun. They were just in the Wall street Journal as well for this same stuff.]

Later on, during a mention of the famous mysterious figure some of 1692's accusers claimed to be afflicted by, known as the "Dark/Shadow/Black Man", they showed shaded grainy footage of the statue of Roger Conant. Only the most unperceptive of tourists don't realize that the man with the walking stick and a cloak is not some spooky figure, but the man who founded Salem as a fishing village in 1626 before the ignorant Puritans showed up in 1629. A rookie mistake really.

During the investigation when they were visited by afore mentioned Salem Warlock and his friend Kelly (whom you can get psychic readings from over the phone for only 3.99 per minute!, lol), they were treated to a ritual that was pretty much devoid of any actual ritual, but contained a cute speech. Christian sure did raise a lot of energy in the room and the guys from the show were getting all worked up about him, but mostly about his skull, which he named Robert. The editing was hilarious, and if Christian did do anything respectful or authentic they completely removed it - but made sure to include him talking about blood sacrifice. Hats off to Mr. Day, though, he cut his finger (or faked it convincingly) and did a blood sacrifice on tv! Wicked awesome. I could tell from his cackling laughter he thought the editing made it a little cheesy, too, but it was good. He totally freaked the guys on the show out.

Now, after the ritual the digital voice recorder seemed to actually respond to multiple questions on cue with specific answers. Really? Wow. Let us suspend disbelief for a moment and say that this was true, only problem? Content! Historical accuracy!

They claimed the voice was Bridget Bishop and that Jonathan Corwin presided over her trial and may have even questioned or tortured her in his home. There are multiple issues with this. The first is that Jonathan Corwin was not made a judge in the court of Oyer and Terminer until after Nathanial Saltonstall left, and what motivated him to leave? The first hanging, of Bridget Bishop, and it's basis on spectral evidence.

TL;DR version: Corwin became a judge AFTER Bridget's execution and could not have presided over her trail.

Now, to move on, they moved the investigation to The Lyceum restaurant(a great place, but a bit pricey), which has never been proven to be the site of where Bridget Bishop's property once was, but it is possible. The show did not mention that this was only a theory, and completely accepted it as fact without question. I hope that the fashionable little steampunk kid from Beverly High that was the guest investigator on the show reads this because I wanted to ask, could you tell Zak Bagans was flattering you? This kid, Max, seemed very skeptical at first, but then after a pep talk from Zak about how cool he thought he was, he seemed much more likely to buy into whatever was going on around him. Did anyone else catch that, or am I wrong? Flattery is how a lot of psychics work, as well. It is a very easy way to manipulate someone.

Later on, they caught a suspected EVP - a low and raspy sound that they deduced was the voice of Bridget Bishop saying "Mary". If that was Bridget Bishop, then she must have been fugly as hell, because she sounded like a nasty old drag queen.

A bunch of other stuff happened but, nothing notable or very exciting and this entry is too long already. Tomorrow, a quick update on the rest of what is going on in the world of witches, there has been too much to not update, but then back to winter blog break.

[Also, in researching this entry I found a fantastic article written by someone ten times more skeptical than I about this episode that I had to link because it's extremely funny. http://frothygirlz.com/2011/02/19/ghost-adventures-salem-witch-house/ ]

2011-01-04T13:30:00.000-05:00

On winter vacation from the blog.

iPhone Apps and Horse's Asses

2010-10-25T12:25:00.000-04:00

So far, I have had more than 2000 people on my tours this month with very little problems.

The 10pm tours on the weekends are always the worst because I'll not only having drunk people walking by yelling at the tours, but drunk people ON the tours as well. Some people actually turn the tour into a drinking game and hide booze in their sodas or coffees. After one tour these girls told me they had decided to take a sip anytime I said 'witch', 'ghost', or 'orb' - so you can imagine they were pretty wrecked by the end.

Asking business owners around town I am hearing that everyone's numbers are WAY up this year. The people over at Destination Salem (whose website was never completed this year because they apparently spent too much time on their new iPhone App) are saying, in all so far, the amount of tourists coming into the city has gone up 12%, but I think those numbers are only based on who visits the Visitor's Center, and many tourists never go there so we can assume it's higher.

Some people don't even know why they come to Salem in the first place, they just kind of come here based on herd mentality. I had these two dudes in their 20s come up to me and start asking about the tours because they could tell I was their age and would tell it like it is. One of them looked at me 100% seriously and asked "Is the tour scary?" and I couldn't help but laugh.

I said, "Scary? You are grown men. Unless I pull a knife on you I am not going to actually scare you. The history is messed up and disturbing and that leaves paranormal energy behind." Because I approach the paranormal in such a scientific way, nothing really scares me and I don't see why it should scare anyone else. The truly frightening part is reality. For instance, did you know one test for witchcraft in 1692 involved putting a pipe in a horse's butt and lighting it - and someone was killed based partially on the results of said test? Sounds pretty scary to me.

Another scary thing is all the street hustling ghost tour rip-offs in town this month trying to rope in tourists. One company that has a joke of a haunted attraction and has never done a ghost tour before suddenly hired and got licenses for more than 25 kids based on a Craigslist ad they put out. 25 tour guides for just the month of October, none of which are from Salem and most of which are still completing high school. How can they possibly be qualified or even trained remotely adequately? The haunted attraction this company has is a two-minute walk through two black-lit rooms while teenagers in drug-store Halloween costumes jump out and say "boo!" for eight bucks. I can only imagine how bad the tour is.

This year is the most crowded year since I have been a tour guide. There are literally DOUBLE the amount of tour groups vying for space this year than last year, many with unlicensed guides and many of which trespass WITH the tours. When my boss and I complained about it to an officer he said "We can't do anything unless someone calls," which is a complete contradiction from the letter every tour company in town received this summer from the Salem Police stating that if tours kept trespassing on private property we would all be brought before the city council in order to have our licenses revoked. Well I don't want my license revoked, I follow the rules, and I am going to be punished for these horse's asses that only operate during high tourist season anyways?

Plus, the stories these other groups tell people, and the gullibility of the average person is disturbing. Based on a ridiculous photo in which a tourist claimed to see the shape of a face in some stones, one tour company now stops directly in the path of my tour and encourages each and every person to put their hand on a door to feel for a dead little girl or something. Seeing the looks in the people's eyes as the touch the door is just amazing. They want to believe so much that they are being lemmings.

Truly fascinating. It's things like this that encourage me to study anthropology/sociology.

Hoax Adventures and Seasonal Witches

2010-10-05T18:06:00.000-04:00

"Who is that? The guy from American Idol?" I hear a young woman on Essex st ask.

Nope. That slick-haired celeb with the camera crew and boom following him while he walks down the street swinging his arms and popping his hips extra casually is Zak Bagans of Ghost Adventures mugging for the camera and stopping for photo ops with his biggest fans - little girls.

Even if I were to accept the flawed science on the show, I truly hate paranormal investigators that taunt and provoke in order to get results. It is not only a cheap and showy way to build excitement and energy, but just plain disrespectful. A paranormal investigator should show the utmost respect for the history of any place and the people that were once there. I bet during their filming in the witch house (see how they painted it black back in the day to trick tourists into thinking it is spooky?) they really play up the old legend about how some of the examinations of suspected witches may have taken place there, which has been mostly proven completely false.

Just a quick Youtube search results in countless amateurs casually debunking their "paranormal" activity. I wont even waste any more time talking about them.

One of the best things about Salem in October is seeing people I have never seen before swoop into town and represent the city as if they are locals. I say 'best' because I know they will be gone in November, but it does get a little annoying. On Saturday afternoon I counted EIGHT different people passing out flyers on a 1/4 mile stretch of Essex st and EVERY SINGLE ONE was a girl dressed like a stereotypical pointy-hatted cartoonish witch. And I may be wrong, but it seemed like at least HALF of those people were employed by the self proclaimed "Howard Stern of witchcraft". Give it a rest! I am so sick of seeing all the litter scattered everywhere ALL being from the same two shops: HEX and OMEN. Aren't these supposed to be the newest coolest shops in town? What's with the saturation campaign? Shouldn't their awesomeness speak for itself? Clearly not.

Honestly, I feel bad for all the seasonal October people. Most of the time they have no idea what they are getting themselves into. This one guy who is an awesome and funny magician who is doing shows for my friend's shop said "I'm used to renaissance fairs, so [Salem drama] is nothing compared to that." Haha, so true. But still, most intelligent enemies make sure you underestimate them! As Sun Tzu said in The Art of War, "...rely not on the likelihood of the enemy's coming, but on our own readiness to receive him..." Then there are the people who my boss yells at for handing out our competitor's flyers in front of her ticket office... Some don't even know what they are handing out. All they know is that ten bucks an hour to bother tourists is a great way to make beer money.

Oh and I have to mention... My 3pm tour goes by Salem City Hall right around closing time and I saw the mayor talking on her cellphone while driving as she pulled out of her parking spot onto Washington st! LMAO They JUST made that illegal in this state so I will give her a break, but my tourists were all dying laughing. It was pretty funny.

[Edit: I realized after I wrote this that it was TEXTING while driving that was made illegal. As far as just regular talking Massachusetts law states "Drivers can use their cell phone while driving as long as it does not get in the way of the vehicle's operation and one hand is on the wheel at all times." So, I was totally wrong. Sorry Mayor Driscoll! But just so you know I would love you even if you did break the law!]

October Insanity -or- Celebrity Salem

2010-09-28T12:20:00.000-04:00

My gods October is going to be insane.

So far, we have had the infamous Shaq debacle, which began with the newest Celtic casually visiting Salem with some family members and ended up with hundreds of people waiting for him to show up at the Salem Willows based on a rumor posted on the Salem Facebook page. Talk about a witch hunt! That's some good old-fashioned historical relevance for you there folks!

So many celebrities and TV shows are rumored to be coming to Salem this year.

So far, the guys from Travel Channel's Ghost Adventures are confirmed which I am not so excited about because of their image. Scientific methodology and skepticism aside, ads for the show look more like a Nickelback poster than a show about true paranormal investigators. Just look at a Google image search of the lead dude on the show Zak Bagans. Clearly these advertisers know their demographic is comprised mostly of impressionable (and horny) women. LOL Come to think of it, the older and nastier dudes over at the SyFy channel show Ghost Hunters asked at the same place and were turned down. Wonder if the person who makes these decisions for the Witch House is a single woman ;)

The Nightmare Gallery, a movie-monster museum whose owner is a fan of Salem Witch Wiles (hey, dude!), has some horror convention style celebrity autograph sessions set up which is going to be awesome. This weekend it's Tony Moran, the guy who was the face of Michael Myers right at the end of Halloween when Jamie Lee Curtis removes his mask! Wicked cool. But also they're going to have William Forsythe later on in the month who has been in a million movies but, to me, is most memorable for the wicked messed up parts he gets in Rob Zombie films! Haha, check out the quotes from his character in the newer Halloween on imdb - it takes a REALLY talented actor to say such massed up lines with such conviction!

So many more things going on that I don't want to speculate about though, too! Suffices to say that this October is going to be busy. XD

Salem Witch Wiles

The Salem Witches Hex Tim Tebow?

Laurie Cabot Closes Shop - Christian Day Opens Hex: New Orleans

A Wicked Solstice Season in Salem

Rob Zombie in Salem November 2011! [*spoiler alert*]

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Rob Zombie's Latest Visit to Salem for Location Scouting (With new Pics!)

Clues in Leaked "Lords of Salem" Photos with a Better Synopsis

God Hates the Lords of Salem - Rob Zombie Sightings in Salem, MA

Lost in a Maize Maze & What Happened at the Salem Zombie Walk?

The Witch Trials Did Not Happen in Danvers

October 2011: How to not be a Stupid Tourist in Salem

Rob Zombie's Latest Visit to Salem for Location Scouting (With new Pics!)

What's Been Banished and What is Sacred Space - Changing businesses in Downtown Salem

Cat Fight with a Dash of Pepper

Christian Day's Day of Reckoning

On Metaphysical Reality and the Reality of Reality TV in Salem

Salem is so Hip that The Fonz *and* the cast of Glee all Chill Here

Next Big Thing for Salem: An Online Video Game about Puritans? (Updated with Gamescom Preview Videos!)

Clues in Leaked "Lords of Salem" Photos with a Better Synopsis, and a Bit on Celebrity Witches in Salem

A Salem Witch's Guide to Local Vegetarian and Vegan Food

New Uniform Resource Locater!

God Hates the Lords of Salem - Rob Zombie Sightings in Salem, MA

Salem "Warlock" Uses Charlie Sheen Meme for Free Publicity

Salem - Still Destroying History

A Brief Critique on the Salem Ghost Adventures Episode <|:)

iPhone Apps and Horse's Asses

Hoax Adventures and Seasonal Witches

October Insanity -or- Celebrity Salem

Rob Zombie in Salem November 2011! [spoiler alert]

Salem is so Hip that The Fonz and the cast of Glee all Chill Here