.....haven't had a dream in a long time

Bye bye Olympics

2012-08-15T12:48:00.002+01:00

I have a crush on Bradley Wiggins, I am a shallow, shallow cow. Its blatantly because he looks ace on a bike, wins shit, has the same musical taste as me and is a mod.

Mods and Jesus lookalikes are my two weaknesses in life alongside crispy creme donuts, curry, peanut butter kit kats, vodka, kittens and little puppies and soft porn. No I am only joking. I don't watch soft porn, except 'True Blood' which is basically socially acceptable porn. Alexander Skarsgard is a knicker pinger and I want him to bite my neck.

I also have a weakness for Fred Perry, Mods in Fred Perry slay me.

Right enough of this, I am getting hot under the collar. I just wanted to point out his amazing achievement ~~of looking shit hot in a polo shirt and growing impressive side burns~~ and congratulate the whole of Team GB for a fantabulous Olympics.

Now we can all go back to shit telly and hating each other again.

Peace out, Sam x x

What a winner looks like

2012-07-10T12:42:00.002+01:00

Well it's been a long time coming but after getting thrashed in the swim and half marathon last year I have finally defeated Kath.

What does victory taste like - sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.

I'm not letting Kath's sarcastic post dampen my spirits. She is still fit as a butchers dog so it was a fair win. Though Kath - I have to say if you're not going to put the time in then what do you expect.

Shaaaaa-ting.

There is some poor dude from the wave before us still doggy paddling in this bottom shot.

And as for my victory dance, well it went a little like this......

Kath suggested we run a 10km in September, I know why. She is so desperate to beat me again because I can't run very well anymore. What a cow. xxx

Great Manchester Swim 2012 - The Results

2012-07-03T19:31:00.000+01:00

I know Sam's natural modesty will prevent her from mentioning this so I'll confirm:

It's official - Sam beat me. She is a faster swimmer, she is the winner, I am the loser.

Sam has suggested that we include this information (i.e. that she is faster than me, she doesn't like to mention it) in our work's newsletter ~~in block capitals in bold~~, so I've put together an article for them:

"Plucky Samantha Ward has a reason to smile at last....

After her bruising defeat at the hands of her colleague Kath Henderson (41) last May, Sam (31) vowed not to be overtaken again. 'It's not fair' she whinged daily for over a year. 'She's taller than me. And she has bigger feet.'

Having spent the winter and the spring laboriously carbing up, diminutive Sam started training in earnest with weeks to go before the event, some or indeed everyone who knows her might even say to the point of obsession. 

"She's like an angry wasp on speed. She's going to do herself an injury." a concerned Kath said, as Sam dozed at her desk following yet another night ogling the Bodypump instructor punishing workout. 

"DO YOU WANT TO BEAT HER??!!!" screamed her swimming coach every time Sam looked like she was faltering.

The results speak for themselves. Best Performance: Samantha Ward.

And does Samantha plan on keeping fit? "Oh, yes" gushes Sam. "I've already been doing lots of victory dances around Kath's desk. I can see me doing this every day until Kath retires."*

And so I have a few bits of advice for any Olympic athletes out there wondering how best to prepare for an event:

It's best to do some training;

It's even better to train in the sport you're actually going to be doing. I've been doing a lot of cycling, but it turns out thighs of which a tree trunk would be justly proud are of no help at all when swimming;

It's best to do a sport you enjoy. This will definitely not be open water swimming at Salford Quays.

Cheers

Kath

* For the record, Kath will retire 11 years and 1 day before Sam. Ha.

Fat Muscler

2012-06-27T13:22:00.002+01:00

Today marks the 60th day of training preparation for the Great Manchester Swim.

And my total weight loss - between 0 and 3 pounds depending on if I have taken my earrings off before I have stepped off the scales. I dont think they are very accurate but then I don't think I have lost much weight, instead I have cleverly converted it into muscle in a bid to swim proper fast.

So I am now a fat muscler.

I'm not happy that I haven't lost weight, well because I have worked mighty hard over the last 2 months and thought I might have lost a bit more than nothing. Honestly, in the past I have lost more weight after having a really big wee than I have with all this training.

But then I do have freakishly muscley arms ~~for my standards~~ and I have one of those big muscles just above the knee like what them footballers have.

I don't recommend this to anyone, I become a little obsessed when I start something and inevitably end up on crutches or sobbing into a chiropractors spongey table whilst they try to put me back together again. I'm a real life humpty dumpty.

So here it is - my training log for the last 2 months:

13 swims, 3 of which open water ~~yes I know I am training for a swim and therefore should be swimming more but call me a shallow bitch but I just don't like getting my hair wet.~~

4 runs with a pretty poor total distance of 17km

but then here's the real impressive bit - a whopping 46 exercise classes including -

2x legs, bums and tum classes.

Verdict - I haven't felt such arse pain since I fell off a rope swing onto a pile of broken brick in 1989.

I have only just discovered this class but will return quite simply for the soundtrack in class. We call our instructor 'Motown Man'. Which kind of makes him sound nice but really he is a sick sadist who hates your body.

22x Body Combat classes.

Verdict - There isn't anything in the world that can make me sweat like this. Though I am not sure if this is because it's dead hard work or because I am bad in love with the instructor.

4x Aerobics classes.

Verdict - Not for the uncoordinated, I have had a couple of my toes amputated from grapevine miscalculations.

Sweaty mind, very sweaty.

Actually, while we're on the topic will someone please explain to me what the f$£k is a grapevine? I always thought it was a Marvin Gaye single used to hoodwink women into bed.

6x Body Pump classes.

Verdict - This does really give you additional strength and tones you up like nothing I have ever known before. It also makes it hard to fooking walk anywhere for 3 days.

Not advised for people who have to climb stairs on a daily basis.

1x ~~Beginners~~ Spin Class

Enough said.

3x Yoga classes.

I really haven't done enough of these. Mostly because it would mean missing episodes of the 'Big Bang Theory'.

Though I shall be staying away from the 'Life Yoga' classes as I actually think I dislocated my ninny.

And finally, 8x Zumba classes.

Verdict - I think it's time to retire from Zumba as it is nothing less than an exercise of humiliation for me.

It hurts when your mate spends most of the lesson bent over double laughing at your boobie shakes. Especially when you haven't got much boobie to shake.

I don't think I sweat enough to make it worthwhile.

Oh and 1x abseil off my office block. I am sure that fear is a calorie burner cause I sweated more during that than Pete Doherty in a custom queue.

Now, I am too tired to write anymore. Only 2 more days of training & 4 days to the swim ~~with a bit of Stone Roses dancing in between~~

Sam out x

Paula Radcliffe on injury

2012-06-22T12:45:00.002+01:00

source

RACE PREP with PAULA RADCLIFFE:

"My advice to runners whose training is held back by an injury is to focus on what you can do. Eat the right things to heal faster, get the treatment and do the rehab religiously. Pour the frustration into the cross-training and don't forget the power of the mind too. Regularly visualise yourself back from the injury stronger and faster."

Paula Radcliffe never gives up. She's my hero.

And if all else fails, there is always anti-inflammatory gel which is (for me) brilliant. I have taken way too many ibruprofen tablets over the years and this is more topical for when my shit bits start to swell up like a fat kid in a cake shop.

Obvs check with your quack first it's okay to use.

Sweaty gym pants

2012-06-21T13:32:00.002+01:00

Ola

Yes, we are lapsed bloggers. There are three reasons that I have decided to post after a long break.

1. A very nice first aider from work recognised me from the blog and told me she read it as she herself was training for a sporty charity event. This made me feel all warm and funny inside and had a glimpse at why people like being famous. It also made me a little embarrassed and feel a bit weird like someone had just looked in my knickers drawer.

2 & 3. I've been contacted twice in the last week by people promoting exciting type sporting events. Which made me think people still read the blog even though Kath and I don't do anything to update it at the moment.

So here we are, I kind of have forgotten how to blog. I think I just used to write down wingey mutterings with poor grammar and punctuation - I don't see why I should change now.

You're probably wondering what the above photo is about, this one of my two gym bags I have on the go at the moment. I have to have two because I have been working so bloody hard and training near daily, it smells like a warm crappy nappy and I can't even remember what it's like to wear pretty clothes.

So since we've been away here's an update about what Kath and I have been doing.

1. We still sit next to each other at work which is unproductive and annoying. Roles have been reversed and Kath is now the lazy one whilst I have been training like Wayne Rooney high on Viagra in a Nursing Home. Kath still fancies me, I spend all my day feigning off her advances - it's tiresome. She has been especially enjoying me sing Jimmy Nail to her all day long today.

2. Kath went to a Kayaking event we were invited to last night - post to follow. YES Kath, I have put it up here now so you'll have to post you lazy cow.

3. Despite said training (see point 1) I am still fat and Kath is still skinny ~~despite eating chocolate fucking digestives all day whilst I have to constantly wipe sweat from my cracks from all the body combat classes I have been doing~~.

4. We are both swimming in the Great Manchester ~~even though its actually in Salford~~ Swim again a week on Sunday.

I would ask Kath to put up a training post but she hasn't done any apart from cycle to work yesterday ~~which she only did cause it was cycle to work day and she could get some free shit, including a full english breakfast~~.

The final photo is an example of what I have to sit next to each day, this is Kath smiling cause I came into work with a short skirt on. She loves it when I do that.

Peace out

Sammy x

Body Pump = Pain

2012-05-09T12:58:00.000+01:00

I cannot walks down the stairs, I don't think I'll be able to tie my shoes laces so I plan on wearing ballet pumps for the next week. The reason - body pump.

I've never been one for classes for the following reasons:

1. I used to be fat, I didn't want to be the fatty in the class bounding about like a pale space hopper in Lycra. In my mind exercise classes were generally filled with fake tanned goddesses and I couldn't think of a more intimidating environment.

2. I lack coordination, I am probably dyspraxic, if I ever let my boss get me tested by an educational psychologist then I am sure this would be confirmed. She keeps asking me of I want a test, if an experienced head of a disability service repeatedly asks you if you want a test then it's a pretty sure sign you've got a specific learning disability. Anyway lack of coordination - this is problematic for classes, I once did a aerobics class at uni - stood on about 4 people's feet and was hated by many for the remainder of the class.

3. Going to a class involves a level of organisation and planning that I lack, see point 2 - I probably have a specific learning difficulty.

4. Embarrassing gym attire, until recently I never spent any money on sports clothes as I saw it as a waste of time. I would much rather spend my money on many, many seventies style floppy hats that I will never wear. Wearing cotton joggers to an exercise class is only going to cause the following - a sweaty wit woo area, overheating danger and most probably some kind of sweat induced infection around creaky and crack type areas.

So back to Body Pump - I am actually writing half of this post after another class. It gets easier but it did take me 2 days to be able to walk down the stairs efficiently without sliding on my bum or making painful huffing noises. I can only now lower myself onto a toilet seat without screaming and no longer have reduced movement in my limbs.

It basically shags your muscles out, it must be good because 'no pain no gain' right?

source

Here's Wiki's explanation of Body pump -

"BodyPump is a weight-based group-fitness program, created and distributed globally by Les Mills International. Created in 1991 by Phillip Mills, it is now found in over 70 countries and 10,000 health-clubs and gyms worldwide.

BodyPump classes are 60 minutes long and contain eight separate muscle-group specific songs or "tracks" along with an opening warm up track and closing cooldown track. There is also a 45 minute class format, which omits two muscle groups /tracks (biceps and triceps) and is used in timeslots where participants generally don't have a full hour to spare.^"

I am going to keep going at this bad boy - I hope to see some results soon. I will let you know the results - maybe even show you a picture, woo what a treat.

Sam out x

RIP Caballo Blanco

2012-04-12T13:33:00.000+01:00

So Kath told me about the sad loss of Micah True (the white horse) yesterday, she is pondering getting into bare feet running so I guess this is how she stumbled upon the news.

I will let Kath tell you about her new fad but the basic gist of it is she has found some pretty looking bare feet style running trainers on Nike.com and is getting sucked in by their sale price.

source

Anyway, back to the post. Micah True was an inspirational ultra marathon runner who developed his running style from the TarahumaraRacers in Mexico.

He also created the 50 mile Copper Canyon Ultra Marathon and had a pretty zen outlook and was a true believer that running will set you free.

Then it dawned on me this is the dude who was the inspiration for Christoper McDougall's best selling book 'Born to run'. Which weirdly my mate just gave me a copy of this week - thanks Califia.

I haven't started reading it yet and find it a little sad starting it now knowing that his body was found a couple of weeks ago next to a stream in Mexico after heading out for a 12 mile run.

This is terribly sad but what warms me somewhat is that he died doing what he loved.

Sleep well man.

Peace out - Sam x

Micah True, a Legendary Extreme Distance Runner, Dies at 58

Big news beard trim

2012-04-11T13:25:00.001+01:00

Breaking news - Anton trimmed his beard - news done.

I love my Wii. Rhythym boxing and badass dancing to just dance 3 has taken over my life. Who needs runnning anyway, fook you bad hip!

Fecking Wii loves to point out that I am overweight. I prefer to imagine that I have a strong muscle base that is insulated by a fine layer of fat.

Check out that balance though - that's what yoga does for you.

yeah my Mii is somewhat portly. There is a weird thing that happens when you turn 30, you can't seem to lose a stone anymore after a night over heavy drinking followed by a morning of heavier vomiting. If this is ageing then I don't like it.

My Wii interpreting Beyonce's Crazy in love.

I would love to show you a video of some of my mates dancing to Just Dance 3 (after 6 hours of drunken Wii fun *not wee fun) but I promised I wouldn't.

So Instead I would like to share this piece of filmatic genius. These girls are brilliant and incidentally this is one of my favourite tracks to bound about to even though really I hate Katie Perry cause she is a twee annoying bint.

enjoy.....

If you have a Wii or an Xbox Konnect then get a Just Dance game immediately, you will have no regrets.

Sam

Living the Olympic Dream

2012-04-02T16:40:00.002+01:00

Well, despite the reported pandemonium and chaos at petrol stations, I managed to get to London for the Olympic Park Run. Anyone who didn't know better would think the media had nothing better to do than create stories out of thin air.

I stayed at the Oakley Court Hotel in Windsor, and very posh it was too. Riverside grounds, tennis courts (yes, I played tennis. No, I will not be repeating the experience), a pool, gym and a ~~bed big enough for three~~ luxurious room. They filmed the Rocky Horror Picture Show there you know.

I ditched the Magenta costume for this T-shirt


The daffodils and conservatory have been added since Frank N Furter's day

Very few men can carry this look off, so please don't try this at home.

Freezing my bits off waiting for it to start

We had to be at the stadium a couple of hours early to indulge in a spot of the great British sport of queuing, and it has to be said it was flipping chilly. The atmosphere was, if not electric as the announcers kept saying, friendly and good-humoured. We all huddled together for warmth in the starting enclosure, leaving our friends and family to the entertainment in the stadium itself - watching the officials struggling with a barrier that fell over on to the track every time there was a breeze.


I'm the one in the very attractive ~~socks~~ calf compression tights.

It was a nice-ish run (i.e pretty flat), if running around a building site is particularly your thing. We were encouraged along the way by random groups of musicians, and the occasional builder, before running under the stadium to strains of Chariots of Fire.

It was an inspired way to get us into the stadium, and running the last 300 yards round the track being cheered on was pretty amazing.

Crossing the finish line in a chip time of 40 minutes 40 seconds - that's over five minutes faster than a Princess, you know.

So that was my weekend - running at the Olympic stadium. I'm sure people who weren't able to get a place on the Park Run ~~because the organisers knew they were trouble~~ still had a lovely time. Sam, for example, got to watch a Twilight film that she has seen before on DVD. Rocking.

Cheers

Kath

Do it like Barrowman

2012-04-02T13:00:00.000+01:00

Reet - Sam here.....NOT Kath (there are two of us who write the blog - I am the other and significantly better half). ~~I write all the amazing funny posts. yeah, but don't tell Kath I said that.~~

So Kath ran the Olympic Park Run on Saturday at the Olympic Stadium in that there London.

I entered but didn't get in ~~and I am in no way bitter about it because it is clearly biased, they obviously are intimidated by my beauty.~~ I don't actually know what their criteria was for entrants but whatever it was, I wasn't it. If Kath got in the criteria is probably pretty weak - ha!

Have I just insulted myself with that? well whatever.

I haven't spoken to Kath yet but I sent her lots of good luck messages so hopefully she did it in a mega fast time and showed those southern pansies how it's done. I also am kind of hoping she didn't get bullied by the other kids because she was wearing her knee high compression socks which teamed up with her slim legs makes her look like the stunt double for dennis the menaces legs.

While Kath has been enjoying the big smoke and staying in Frank'n'furter's Mansion (from The Rocky Horror Picture Show), I have been doing some freaky exercising of my own......on my wii.

I am having serious trouble opening and closing doors as well as pulling my trousers up and down because of the amount of lactic acid flowing through my body because of this game...........

Feck me I hurt, its is so addictive. I have been throwing myself around my living room like John Barrowman on an 'E' for the last week. I don't think I have lost any weight ~~actually I know I haven't cause my fecking wii fit balance board keeps telling me so~~ but I my trousers fit me better.

It is proper funny, I thought I had rhythm but according to my scores it appears not ~~though I suspect the sensor is broken on my remote. yeah, that's it, the sensor is deffo broken~~. To be honest I always suspected I was rhythmically challenged and that's why I don't partake in any exercise classes that require coordination. I've tried before and stood on way to many girls feet and I am not popular with girls at the best of times.

So this game is ace for me because the only victims of my lack of balance and poise are the cat (sorry Morrissey, Mummy will take you the vets tonight and get you some new paws & you don't need a tail anyway) and the paper lampshade in my living room which I have stabbed 4 wii remote shaped holes in and knocked off the ceiling twice.

Anyway my point is it is brilliant and the best work out I have ever had in my living room. So stop buying Davina dvd's and get this. It is hilarious and has a multi player function so you can smash into your mates too.

Erm, my writers block has just kicked in again so I bid you goodbye.

Hopefully Kath will have an exciting London post for you soon to wet your blog appetite.

laters

Sam x x x

Olympic Park Run

2012-03-29T23:20:00.002+01:00

I'm off to Sunny London this weekend for the Olympic Park Run!

Not to be confused with parkrun (only a complete idiot would do that in their original ballot application), this is very much a one-off - a 5 mile run round the Olympic Park, ending in the Olympic stadium full of cheering supporters.

They've sent me a super-smug t-shirt to wear.

This will doubtless look amazing with my new Skins compression calf tights (otherwise known as "very tight socks") and shorts.

Hot, huh?

The packaging says "It's not like your sense of style falls asleep the moment your muscles go to work. Consequently Skins are also designed to make you look great."

Right.

It is all very exciting and once in a lifetime-esque. I'll be beating Paula Radcliffe over the Olympic finish line! Not that she's running on the same day as me, but still. And there'll be celebs doing it. Well, Princess Beatrice is running it anyway - here's hoping her crown doesn't fall off.

So, if you're watching the National Lottery Show on Saturday, look out for me (and find yourself something considerably better to do next Saturday night).

Cheers

Kath

A shoe review - New Balance 660

2012-03-19T13:00:00.000Z

Well now, the folks at SportsDirect offered me an opportunity to review a pair of running shoes for them from their range.

I have been given free rein to tell you the honest truth about these trainers folks so hold onto your knickers.

I went for the New Balance (NB) 660, why? - well I hadn't ever had a pair of New Balance before and I have a mate who swears by them so why the hell not.

Brand Comparisons

I am big Nike fan - they fit wide trotters and I like the bounce of the air and they can look a little cooler than the norm. I have had mixed reviews from my podiatrist on how they are for pronators. I have been told off for wearing them in the past & after all I am constantly injured. Though I think the reason why my doc didn't like my Nike's was because they didn't have a rigid sole.

I am currently running in Asics - which I am not 100% with, they seem to shock absorb okay but I had to get a larger size for my wide feet so I pull out of the back of them a little. New Balance do offer a wide fit on some shoes though - worth noting for the ones of us with fat feet.

Asics are like the big fat gypsy wedding dress of running shoes. They have gaudy colours and are uglier than a Pat Butcher frock (may you rest in peace Pat).

NB have a classic looking range, they are a bit like the Gap for shoes - classic and unoffensive but not fruity like Nikes. What I like is they seem to stock tomboy colours and girly pretty colours in the same shoe. They are a decent looking shoe as running trainers go and this was definitely what attracted me as I am a bit of a shallow cow.

They are super light, compared to the Asics they feel like jumping around on clouds. I notice this is because they have a foamish filled sole, Asics soles are full of gel and this makes them a little on the heavy side. Nike are pumped full of air so they bounce a bit.

The weight of these shoes excited me as I hate being dragged down by weight. Though, I didn't feel the NB shock absorption was enough for me personally. I pronate bad, really bad on one side and the 660's sadly didn't cushion my terrible biomechanics.

I chose the 660's for the stiffened sole, I found it to be very rigid which will offer protection around the arch area. As you can see in the photo above, if the shoes have a central grey block of colour on the inside sole you know that they have a rigid centre to protect the arch.

NB shoes seems to run small, you need to go up at least a size for them to fit. Also you will need to remember to incorporate half a size to allow for foot swelling when running.

So I STRONGLY recommend you try before you buy to ensure the right fit.

Positives -
Light shoe
Good looking
Comfortable from the second you put them on
Lightweight
Rigid sole

Negatives
Lack shock absorption
Run small
Not wide enough

Advise for
Neutral gait runners
Short competitive runs - 5km (light weight speed my friend)
Occasional short distance runners - road or other flat surfaces
Gym shoes
People on the feet all day

Advise against
Pronators
Long distance runners without a neutral gait
Running on uneven ground
Insole users
People with high arches

Despite my comments these shoes will not be joining all the others in my trainers graveyard, I intend to wear them in the gym and maybe for a competitive short distance race because they are so light.

New Balance 660 c/o of Sportsdirect

They are easy in the gym bag but not on the knees in my opinion.

In the interest of fairness I took these shoes out with both insoles and without. My insoles are half shoe ones and are designed to prevent my high arches dropping. I didn't find there was enough support in these shoes and I needed the insoles. I usually slip them under the trainer insoles but these were quite narrow and slipped about on top of my inserts.

There was no way enough arch support for me without my insoles.

Do not let my experience put you off these shoes, they are mid-priced and would deffo suit a neutral runner or gym bunny better. They are incredibly comfortable from the minute you put them on so if I had a job that involved being on my feet all day e.g nurse, physio then I would consider these but I don't think they are built for high impact running.

Saying that my mate runs probably at least 50 miles a week in New Balance trainers; she has no complaints and has never ever experienced an injury. It all depends on you, we're all different - thank shabba for that coz I wouldn't wish my Oprah thighs on any of you guys.

You won't know if these are truly for you without a gait analysis first. All the specialist running shops do this, do what I do - get a free analysis and then seek them out at a cheaper price.

I didn't have a gait analysis for these but I could see my left foot was out and my knee felt pulled after a few 5km runs.

I won't be hanging up my Asics for the 660's though I am willing to give New Balance another go as, despite my quibbles, they are comfy and light, I just need to find the right fit for my disco feet.

Laters

Sam x

Squirrels and Beards

2012-03-15T14:33:00.000Z

Now, I was going to write a little somethin' somethin' about things that motivate me to run because I have been serious lacking motivation.

I like cakes, I am motivated to eat a lot of them. I like running a lot when my bits and bobs work and it gets addictive but when I stop, well the cake part of my brain takes over.

The cake part of my brain is like the grey squirrel, it's fat and generally takes over everything, kicking the red squirrels tinier little ass. So the red squirrel has to hide out in Scotland and the north east, it thinks about taking the power back but the grey squirrel is just too greedy.

BTW - the red squirrel is the running part of my brain. Did you like my little analogy? No, neither did I but I was basically trying to demonstrate that I like food and I am tubby.

Yes, I lured you into this post with another picture of the hot stuff that is Anton Krupicka but I will get to him in a minute.

My point about motivation being is that there is an element of environment that motivates me. A nice run in a pretty place with nice weather is one of the best things ever. Unfortunately, I live in Manchester, where the rain and the cold is as common as chlamydia at freshers week.

If I lived somewhere with proper amazabags weather and stunning scenery (enter Anton in the magnificent picture at the top) then I would obviously run more and would look fit as a butchers dog.

So there you have it, I have worked it out. Now let’s all move to Colorado and stalk Anton Krupicka in his micro shorts. I would be proper fit if I was trailing him.....which I would do purely because I admire him as an athlete and not because he has long hair and a beard.

Sam out x

Under Pressure

2012-03-04T22:49:00.000Z

This morning saw my Counsellor and me running up and down corridors in an empty School, before I pinned something to his chest.

The next line should of course be "and then I woke up" followed by a very Freudian explanation indeed, but in fact both of us turned up late for the Trotters 5 mile race this morning and had to register in a spot of a hurry before ~~warming up~~ sprinting up a hill to the start line with seconds to spare.

I should of course say that he is now my ex-Counsellor. I am cured, not depressed any more, I passed the self esteem exam, and am now sane. Marvellous.

In the last couple of months I have stopped running to take my mind off alcohol. I just run now. Life without booze is finally becoming "normal", the way I live life.

So, the last couple of weekends have seen me out at local club races. I did the Lostock 6 mile run last week, and then the Trotters 5 one today. These races are a bit more serious than ones I've been in before - there is a distinct lack of fancy dress - and I pounded round last week. I got a time that Sam wept to see and was second woman in her early forties wearing black with a ponytail (or whatever category it was).

Very smug I was too, before I realised the shin splints weren't going away when I stopped running. They're not that painful, but can be a precursor to something much nastier. Luckily there is lots of advice on the Internet about shin splints and I've followed ~~lots~~ ~~some~~ hardly any of it.

Stuff to do when you have shin splints

No running.
I've followed this to the letter. It doesn't include parkruns or races, right?

Take aspirin for painrelief and to reduce swelling.
Who's honestly got any aspirin?

Use ice packs after exercise.
Or I'm sure having a cup of tea and an Eccles cake in a hot bath works just as well.

Put your feet up.
And what better way to spend the time than Internet shopping? I have bought some Skins compression calf tights. These will work miracles - not only will I not have shin splints, I will also run more quickly. Bargain!

I will of course not look a tool in these, and will be certain to wear them every time I leave the house.

Cheers

Kath

Retro running fashion - Richie Tenenbaum

2012-02-28T09:00:00.000Z

It is impossible to look cool when playing sport but there are some worthy attempts that deserve a mention........

1. Richie Tenenbaum - okay he is a fictional character but handsome nevertheless, no?
2. Bjorn Borg - fricking amazing.

Yes, I do go out running like this. Its better you see as little of my face gurning as possible. Plus my hair keeps the Manchester wind from howling down my ears.

Result.

Sam x

Saturday binge

2012-02-26T12:56:00.000Z

The weather is definitely getting milder so it's running season.

I'm a definite seasonal runner, I hate running in the winter. It's gross, its dark, you get covered in mud, develop translecent skin that resembles corned beef and snot candles to rival a toddler.

But this weather is perfect. Feeling pretty smug I got out there but then I was starving when I got back and so swapped stretching for 3 packets of french fries crisps and 2 crackers with blue cheese. Fecking binge eating - bane of my life. It's the ultimate pleasure/pain.

anyway...check out my run, pretty huh......

Chorlton Ees

On route to Jackson's Boat

Calories burnt - 211
Calories consumed in post run binge - 288 ~~not including 3 slices of brown bread with Flora buttery~~
Actual calories consumed post run - approx 7 thousand

Chance of losing 1 stone in weight before wedding season without wiring my jaw shut - minimal.

I'm kind of the mindset that I enjoy food too much to restrict my diet, one life and all that. So I'm just going to have to exercise myself back down to a healthy BMI. That's fine I can do it, I've done it before but I am noticing it is getting harder as I am getting ahem, older.

I am not going to let that frigging wii avatar mock me anymore, no sir.

Laters
Sam x

Pancakes

2012-02-23T14:07:00.006Z

Pancake day is up there when it comes to the best days of the year.

I am a massive purist, as far as I am concerned you should only have lemon and sugar on them, anything else is heresy.

Say 'no' to savoury pancakes though, that's heresy.

I nicked a recipe from the brilliant LibertyGirlLondon blog - they were foolproof, try them!

Sam x

Into by Windows Phone event - NW preview of Roman Polanski's Carnage

2012-02-21T13:33:00.001Z

This post is out a lot later than I planned, life happens that's all I can say about that.

Well, a rare opportunity came up from the blogging world that allowed me and a mate to attend the northwest premier of the new Roman Polanski film 'Carnage' in association with Into by Windows phone.

Now, I am pretty grateful for the invite to the event because it was brilliant, the whole thing was beautifully executed with free booze and canapes at the Beehive Mill in Manchester. What's not to love about that building, its named after my favourite hairdo for a start not to mention is a gorgeous old brick, manhattan style loft with an envious view of the canal.

This is exactly the kind of place I imagine myself living when I am a proper grown up with a proper car and super high flying job ~~pah~~ ~~yeah right, more chance of platting p*ss~~.

Check me out getting on their stock photos (above) with me old chum Reid, she's the red & I'm the blonde. Tis funny really because we spent the whole time photo dodging, it's a bit like dodgeball but the aim is to make sure there is no photo evidence of your double chin.

The event was organised in association with Windows who were promoting their new phone and the 'dog eat my wookie' blog. I got a demo of the phone whilst I was there and though I am not a techie it looked very sleek and in keeping with my modernist taste. It looked super fast as well, there was even a feature to hook it up to your xbox and you could even use it as a remote control as well. Tres clever.

The bestest bit ~~other than the free cocktails, red wine & canapes~~ was the preview of 'Carnage'. I really really enjoyed the film, I'm generally not a fan of Kate Winslet but she really impressed me as did Jodie Foster and the other actors. The film was developed from a stage play and I think they have made the transition well. It is set all in one room, normally this format would put me off but the script is more than enough to stave off boredom.

Now I am not going to lie, I was dee-runk. Not horrible slur and fall over drunk but I had just had come from a particularly gruelling swim training session & I may have had a crack at a couple of cocktails and wines with only a couple of canapes to line my tummy.

Though there is nothing I like more I like doing more than watching films drunk, though it maybe meant I laughed a little louder than most at the funny bits. There was nearly an unfortunate popcorn choking incident which I dont want to discuss much further but needless to say don't drink and film people - well not without a responsible adult at hand.

This is me and the reid making the most of the bar, as you can see I am thoroughly paying attention to the phone demo whilst Reid is making sure we remain properly hydrated. I lost at this round of photo dodgeball, damned double chin making me look tubby and old.

There was also a dramatic reconstruction of a couple of the scenes, to be honest though I respect their trade I was pretty busy chasing the canape lady for a mini pizza to try and soak up the booze at this point. Then for their other scene I was trying my hardest to find the loo, then finding a way of holding the door shut because the lock was broken. The plight of women!

I did my bit though, a lady actor spilt her beer and I helped clean it up with a napkin. Though thinking back I wonder if this was part of her scene and I messed that up with my good samaritan intervention. Better to be nice than not though.

All in all it was brill, both Reid and I enjoyed ourselves immensely. It was brilliantly organised - thanks to all those involved. Without bias I would in the future consider checking out that phone, it looked swish but I have only recently invested in an iphone and that puppy was expensive so it ain't going anywhere.

This post is going on both blogs, Rubber Soul is still in it's infancy and I think Windows and Studio Canal deserve a bit more traffic for putting on a bloody good night.

Thanks

Sammy x x

p.s. there is a link to the Carnage trailor below - go and see it, it's immense.
p.p.s Big thanks to 3monkeys for the invite

Happy Birthday Kurt Cobain & new blog

2012-02-20T09:29:00.002Z

Hello readers

I have a new blog, check it out here....

http://rubbersoulmanchester.blogspot.com/

And remember it's Kurt Cobain's 45th birthday. I god damned loved that man, it was like taking a bullet when he died. Sad times.

Sammy x

Just practising

2012-02-19T10:07:00.000Z

Isn't Tom nice letting me borrow his OBE, it's nice to practice the face I'm going to pull on receipt of my own medal for services to something. Not decided what service I do well for my country yet.

Did you know he and his kids can get married at Westminster Abbey now he is an OBE. That is rocking.

Just call me 'OBE'

Tom McAlpine Officer of the British Empire

2012-02-17T10:00:00.000Z

No, this isn't a casting call for Fagen in a community production of Oliver.

Nope, this is Tom McAlpine's dress rehearsal for his OBE. This man is so fantastic Queenie has only gone and given him the title of 'Officer of the British Order' for services to mental health.

He is a one man depression fighting machine, well that's a fib he is dead good but he also has a dead good team behind him with the lovely Linda and the folks at Moodswings.

The Most Excellent Order of the British Empire is an order of chivalry established on 4 June 1917 by George V of the United Kingdom.

Proud as punch

Tom getting his 'Jim will fix it' badge at Buckingham Palace

Ahh, I love these photos. It would have been good if we had a Queenie picture too but Prince Charles takes a pretty good snap and he is going to be king one day. Tom's met Queen Betty before any way so a change is as good as any.

Kath and I are so chuffed for him, he really bloody deserves it. When we say this man saves lives were not exaggerating.

If you want to know more about the sterling work Tom and Linda do with the Moodswings team check out their website and facebook pages. Moodswings is a registered charity and if you wish to make a donation you can do through justgiving or paypal.

Go on, at the very least give them a 'like' on facebook and spread the mental health love x x x x x

Sam x

Having a Wii

2012-02-15T21:08:00.001Z

Hey there mother truckers! How is thou?

Yeah, we are lazy bloggers. I have just been getting all round in the tummy and enjoying it - note that when I said round I mean like 'chubby, I like filling my cake hole' kind of round and not like 'baby in my belly' round. That isn't happening, no sir.

Kath is like all gangly still, she is running and other acrobatics. Biatch.

Me, well I got meself a Wii. Well my bro got me one and its top. I have a little mii avatar and I have of course made it more attractive than I am in the flesh - that's the point though isn't it, making a fitter version of yourself so you can pretend your sexy in a virtual world, whilst teenage lads self love themselves over your pixelated ~~though incredibly inaccurate~~ image, no?

Mii images nicked from show mii

Then legoman got me the old Wii fit for me birthday, that rocks.Well apart from when it weighed me and the little virtual Sam got all fat around the middle. I am officially overweight - yeah no shit Nintendo.

I wish my Mii looked like this

It's also a pretty dangerous tool for the uncoordinated. I twisted me knee in a rather vigorous hoola hooping session. I dare not have a go on the hula hooping when legoman is about as I think all the pelvic action would get him all excited and encourage amorous behaviour.

He needs no encouraging, look what I got for valentines day........

I kid you not, this was my Valentines Day card. I have no interest in Valentines Day and what's incredibly scary about this card is that it is pretty much a perfect representation of what legoman actually looks like.

We made a little wii of him too which is so amazingly true to life I wii a little with laughter every time I see it. 'Wii a little', I am fecking hilarious.

When I work out how to do it I'll show you a picture of my wii.

Anyway, the Wii as a fitness tool - yes. I like the yoga and I ached liked a Nana the next day which means it's doing something. The only problem is it takes a while to load and it's heartbreaking getting on the balance board for a weigh in.

Prepare for some before and after photos soon. 'Fat Sam' is going back to 'Fit Sam' in the next few months.

Sam out x

Swimming sucks

2012-01-27T14:20:00.000Z

It's Friday. I have been having fun singing Beatles at Kath at work. She likes my voice a lot. I like singing to her too.

So, I have started swimming again. I all the bad bits have come swimming back - ha 'swimming back', get it! I am funny and I sing the Beatles incredibly well and accurately.

an angry beaver

So here are the official bad bits about swimming:

1. Number one with a bullet, maintaining ones bikini line. Painful, arduous, expensive and dangerous.
I am not very good at this, I don't swim without it looking appropriate but I continue to think I can wax successfully myself. I can't and can be seen with rather red looking plucked chicken type skin with some regularity. There is nothing like freshly plucked ginger skin to make people sick in their mouths a little, I see them gulping it back down while they are swimming lengths.

2. Getting wet, not sexy. Wet hair, stinking of chlorine.

3. Other peoples feet, just fecking wrong. Kicking me in my face.

3. Swimming caps, ugly making machines.

4. Getting water in your inner ear. I spent most of last night with a cotton bud in my ear moshing violently over my bed. I now have a sore ear and whiplash.

5. Overly confident naked people in changing rooms. There is one woman in the changing room at Bannatynes that dances naked with a pair of plastic bags on her feet. Sometimes she bends over, I think I accidentally saw one of her ovaries when she did this last week.

There are plenty more but I can't be bothered finishing this post, here's some Beatles. YEAH - FRIDAY

Have a top weekend, both Kath and I are going to be a year older after this weekend. She is going to eat her weight in cake and I am going to put my eating pants and dancing shoes and stalk Mike Joyce of the Smiths at his club night.

Love

Sam

Happy Belated New Year Badgers

2012-01-25T13:32:00.001Z

I know we've been away for a while but everyone is entitled to a holiday are'nt they! Kath and I have been hibernating.

Well thats exactly what I have been doing, holidaying and hibernating. Oh and I have started swimming again to in anticipation for the newly named 'Great Manchester Swim'.

My new years resolution is to get the blog up and running again and soon maybe I will unveiling a new blog. Not sport or mentalness related.

Anyway. to re-wet your appetite I have included a few little photees of my jaunt to Paris. I bloody love Paris. We should all go immediately and eat nice cheese and steak and wash it down with a bucket of red wine.

See you soon

Sam x