Sam Brady's Blog

Puss in Boots

Sam Brady — Sun, 11 Dec 2011 10:38:51 -0800

I was in the cinema yesterday, watching Puss in Boots.

Yes I know it's a kid's film and my kids are all too grown up for this film and won't go and I had to go without them and really I probably shouldn't go either. But I did.

Anyway, here I was watching this film and there was this scene where we meet the goose that lays the golden eggs. And this goose - it's a chick. Well, technically, a gosling.

And I thought "What? A gosling can't lay an egg. It's not a mature adult bird. It isn't sufficiently developed to lay an egg. That's very unrealistic."

This is a film about two cats - one in boots, the other in a Mexican wrestling mask - who embark on adventure with a talking egg to steal from a giant who lives in a castle in the clouds. All of which I readily accepted as reasonable.

But a gosling laying an egg? Really?

Suspension of disbelief is weird, isn't it?

A Woman's Right to Kill

Sam Brady — Mon, 5 Dec 2011 22:49:50 -0800

Yesterday I was a bit freaked out by peoples' reaction to the news that Chantelle Taylor, a soldier in Afghanistan, had actually killed someone.

It seems that a lot of people are really weirded out by the idea of a woman being in a role where she might engage in combat.

Listening to the radio last night, all I heard was a procession of people - including ex-servicewomen - explaining how it was contrary to a woman's "protective nature" to kill, and how women just aren't suited to a role on the front line.

It's a very long time since I heard so many people talking about what women - that is to say all women, like every woman in the world, because apparently they're all the same - were or were not suited to do. It was like a flashback to the 70s.

Most people - men or women - could never do a job where they might be called upon to kill another person. But some can, and do. Should we really be surprised if some of those people are women? And if someone can do the job - just like any other job - does it matter what gender they are?

And anybody who thinks that women, by their nature, lack the killer instinct has obviously never been to the Next January sale, tried to jump the queue at a school open day or lost a house in a divorce. Or seen Kill Bill.

Happy Thanksgiving

Sam Brady — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 23:50:12 -0800

Today is Thanksgiving, which is basically the American version of The Harvest Festival.

In Britain, we see the Harvest Festival as an opportunity to get rid of any ancient tins of kidney beans at the back of the cupboard and foist them on "the poor".

But people in the US like to make a big noise about it. They see it as kind of a dry run for Christmas. They eat loads of stuff (even more than usual) and watch American Football (a game a bit like rugby but where the players are dressed as flamboyant bikers).

The traditional Thanksgiving food is Turkey. Turkeys actually originate from America and are the only animal known to have a foreskin on their faces.

The modern Thanksgiving holiday tradition traces its origins to a 1621 celebration at Plymouth, Massachusetts, prompted by a good harvest.

Initially, the Plymouth colony did not have enough food to feed half of the 102 colonists, so the local Wampanoag Native Americans helped them by providing seeds and teaching them to fish. Descendents of the settlers later "Gave Thanks" to the Native Americans by murdering them and taking their land.

Canadians also celebrate Thanksgiving. As with most things, they do it "slightly differently" from the US, in ways that we don't understand or care about. And they talk funny.

Lazy Scrounging Gits

Sam Brady — Sat, 19 Nov 2011 01:58:16 -0800

An independent think tank - made up of people chosen and paid by the Coalition government - has come up with a fantastic new plan to get the UK economy back on track.

Under new proposals, your GP will no longer determine whether you have long term health problems that will prevent you from being able to work. Instead, this judgement will fall to some pen pushing bell-end in a suit who will be under pressure to save money by denying you sickness benefits.

Professor Vincent K. Nobcheese, head of the think tank, said:

"Why pay money to loads of people who are just lying around looking pale? These people want to get their ruddy finger out."

"Anyway, I read in the Daily Mail the other day that most of these people are gypsies. And gay."

The government estimates that the plans will save millions in sick pay. Which means that they have already decided that most of the people who GPs say are sick, are actually just lazy.

Professor Nobcheese explains:

"Since we decided to sack a load of civil servants from the NHS, GPs will soon be very busy taking on their workload and doing admin and shit. So it makes perfect sense to lighten the load for GPs and let civil servants decide if people are long term sick. And this will be easy because, apparently, there are a load of unemployed civil servants looking for work."

When asked whether he thought that health decisions would be better left to doctors, Prof. Nobcheese quipped:

"Doctors! What do they know? Only last year they had me committed to a mental health institution! And look at me now - I'm a government advisor! (And an incarnation of the Hindu god, Vishnu.)"

Prof. Nobcheese also dismissed claims that people with long term health conditions will be without benefits and will be forced to take a job.

"Don't be ridiculous," he said. "The are no jobs. Particularly for people who are ill all the time."

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Sunday 27th August

Sam Brady — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 11:14:04 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Saturday 26th August

Sam Brady — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 15:00:24 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Thursday 25th August

Sam Brady — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 12:31:07 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Wednesday 24th August

Sam Brady — Wed, 24 Aug 2011 16:44:41 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Tuesday 23rd August

Sam Brady — Tue, 23 Aug 2011 16:00:43 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Monday 22nd August

Sam Brady — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 16:55:38 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Sunday 21st August

Sam Brady — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 17:12:04 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Saturday 20th August

Sam Brady — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 23:40:20 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Friday 19th August

Sam Brady — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 15:17:51 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Thursday 18th August

Sam Brady — Thu, 18 Aug 2011 16:07:43 -0800

No time to post a video today so here's a quickly scribbled note of stuff that happened today in Edinburgh.

My show went down well this morning. Got a nice reaction from the punters, one of whom gave me a massive hug and a kiss on her way out. How lovely.

But the highlight of the day today was seeing Chris Ramsey's show Offermation. I knew Chris was a good comic, but I was totally unprepared for how jaw-droppingly outstanding this show was going to be. Me, Jane and Lottie all came out absolutely buzzing. We've seen a few big TV names this week but Chris's show was the best we have seen.

Anyway, enough gushing already. Will post a video tomorrow. xx

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Wednesday 17th August

Sam Brady — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 15:28:23 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Tuesday 16th August

Sam Brady — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 13:16:15 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Monday 15th August

Sam Brady — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 08:56:43 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Sunday 14th August

Sam Brady — Mon, 15 Aug 2011 03:08:01 -0800

Hello

No video today - sorry. I was too busy enjoying myself.

Had a good show. Biggest audience yet and a nice atmosphere. Then me and Jane went out to see a few things.

Jane persuaded me to go and see some ballet. (I know!) But we chose completely the wrong show. It was called Rock The Ballet and turned out to be a kind of soft porn show for middle-aged women and gay men. Just a bunch of toy boys prancing around with no tops on to Queen, Prince and Michael Jackson. We came out laughing about it. And now I'm interested to go and see some proper ballet to see what it's supposed to be like.

Then after that we went to see Shappi Khorsandi. She hasn't been on telly much lately so we thought we see what she was up to. It was a very gentle and heart-warming show.

Then we saw Mick Ferry - a stalwart of the Manchester comedy scene. Mick was great. Lots of big laughs. We both really enjoyed it.

Anyway I will try not to be so slack and will deliver a video for Monday.

Cheers

Sam x

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Saturday 13th August

Sam Brady — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 11:49:08 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Friday 12th August

Sam Brady — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 14:39:10 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Thursday 11th August

Sam Brady — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 10:35:23 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Wednesday 10th August

Sam Brady — Wed, 10 Aug 2011 14:14:54 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Tuesday 9th August

Sam Brady — Tue, 9 Aug 2011 11:57:27 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Monday 8th August

Sam Brady — Mon, 8 Aug 2011 13:50:55 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Sunday 7th August

Sam Brady — Sun, 7 Aug 2011 11:43:24 -0800

Edinburgh Fringe Diary Saturday 6th August

Sam Brady — Sat, 6 Aug 2011 11:10:05 -0800

So Long Lovely Judy

Sam Brady — Thu, 4 Aug 2011 14:59:22 -0800

Preparations for Edinburgh have been shelved for the day.

Today it's my mother-in-law's funeral and memorial service down in Shrewsbury.

She was a remarkable woman who rose from working class beginnings in the 1930's to gain a university education. During her career she taught deaf children, raised thousands for charity, created an annual arts festival, served as a magistrate and became the Mayoress of Shrewsbury. Even in her final year when she was dying of cancer, she wrote a book on the subject called Nil By Mouth with the proceeds going to cancer charities.

While she was in the hospice, she made a list of things she wanted to do before she died. Top of the list was to see my one man show. Sadly she didn't manage it. But she'll be with me in spirit in Edinburgh and her indefatigable enthusiasm for life will continue to inspire me.

But today is her day.

So long Judy. It was a joy to know you!

Edinburgh Fringe 2011: Waiting for Kick-off

Sam Brady — Wed, 3 Aug 2011 05:27:58 -0800

Two days to go before my first performance at the Edinburgh Fringe and I am slightly bricking it.

This year I am doing my first one-man-show at the Fringe and it was my intention to treat the whole thing as a bit of a trial run. So far in my fledgeling career I've managed to stay under the radar and avoid the critics. So I thought it would be easy to go along to Edinburgh this year and quietly perform my show to a handful of Fringe-goers and treat the whole thing as a learning experience. I wasn't afraid of failure because, frankly, I thought nobody would notice whether I failed or not.

But things haven't gone entirely to plan. My Manchester preview - which I intended as a dry run in front of a few friends - attracted a substantial crowd. It then got a 5 star review and won an award.

The next thing I know the BBC are contacting me asking for complementary tickets to my show at the Fringe. "I can't give you complementary tickets," I tell them, "because the show is free. Just turn up and walk in. With the other six people I manage to drag in from the street."

So now I'm all worried about it. I keep having nightmares about Kate Copstick turning up and telling me I'm shit.

My lovely wife keeps telling me to forget about all these dark phantoms and just concentrate on entertaining the handful of real flesh-and-blood people who turn up each day. Good advice.

I know that once I'm on stage, the nerves will disappear and I'll have a great time. These few days are just a bit like being a footballer, nervously standing in the tunnel. You just want to get out there and play.

Adultery. Drugs. Prostitution.

Sam Brady — Mon, 18 Jul 2011 02:39:14 -0800

One of the hazards of being a working comedian is that you tend to spend a lot of time in the car, stuffing your face with late night snacks. Last night I was doing just that on the M6 when some bloke from the News of the World came on the radio and made me choke on my Cadbury’s Twirl.

He was bleating about what he called, Paper Snobs. “These people who are gloating over the demise of the NOTW are being disrespectful to the millions of people who used to read it every week.” The very fact that the paper was so popular, he chirped, just proves its quality and value.

I felt a bit confused by this.

I’m not a Paper Snob. Just because something is popular, doesn’t mean it’s rubbish. I like lot’s of popular things. Like football. And Adele. And.. well.. Cadbury’s Twirls.

But, by the same token, the fact that we like something doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. Given, for instance, that smoking was once very popular, it seems entirely possible that something could be loved by millions while, at the same time, being a deadly poisonous piece of shit.

Which brings me back to the News of The World. The things we enjoy the most are usually not very good for us. In fact, most of the activities reported in the tabloids are, like the papers themselves, hugely popular: adultery, cocaine and prostitution to name but three. But that doesn’t stop them from being a bit of a nuisance.

Just like the very vices they scream about in their headlines, the tabloids appeal to the worst side of our human nature. And I’m not immune. I chuckled at Charlie Sheen’s drug-fuelled meltdown. I felt superior when I heard about Katie Price’s failed marriage. And I shuddered when I heard that John Major had shagged Edwina Currie.

So yes, Mr NOTW Columnist, I acknowledge that your paper was immensely popular. Well done. You did what you were paid to do.

But please don’t forget that, like many of the most popular things in life, it was also squalid, damaging and - let’s face it - a bit shit.