Sam Grittner.COM

Sam Grittner — Thu, 07 Nov 2019 20:46:40 +0000

Love to see a $50,000 Velcro wallet debate an anthropomorphic mimosa pic.twitter.com/8CZhLH3jLI

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) November 8, 2019

Sam Grittner — Wed, 06 Nov 2019 20:45:42 +0000

I’ve been buying floss when it’s just been inside of me this whole time? https://t.co/sk3UiEN0RU

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) November 6, 2019

Sam Grittner — Mon, 04 Nov 2019 20:45:03 +0000

The closest thing I have to a savings account is the drawer full of ketchup packages leftover from takeout.

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) November 5, 2019

Sam Grittner — Sun, 03 Nov 2019 20:44:05 +0000

Counterpoint: you’re a fucking idiot pic.twitter.com/aBf00yUgdP

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) November 3, 2019

Sam Grittner — Sat, 02 Nov 2019 20:43:08 +0000

Shoes? Laced.
Teeth? Brushed.
Fish? Gutted.
Eggs? Scrambled.
Gas? Pumped.
Crying? Always.
Death? Inevitable.
WiFi? Shoddy.
Bird? Watching.
Tree fetish? Still coming to terms with.
Satan? Not today.
Dressing? Thousand.
Adult braces? Gleaming.
Questions? Answered.

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) November 2, 2019

Sam Grittner — Thu, 31 Oct 2019 20:41:49 +0000

Any man you see dressed as The Joker today, you’re legally allowed to push down the stairs when he starts dancing on them.

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 31, 2019

Sam Grittner — Tue, 29 Oct 2019 20:40:43 +0000

God, grant me the serenity to exploit my enemies’ insecurities against them, the courage to drag them down into a hell of their own making, and the wisdom to document it so I can enjoy it again at a future date.

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 30, 2019

Sam Grittner — Mon, 28 Oct 2019 20:39:06 +0000

I’m trying to cut plastics out of my life but autoerotic asphyxiation just isn’t the same with a linen tote bag.

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 29, 2019

Sam Grittner — Sun, 27 Oct 2019 20:37:45 +0000

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present: Chewie Vuitton

(art by @Robsaysthings) pic.twitter.com/weGPub2r0k

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 28, 2019

Sam Grittner — Sat, 26 Oct 2019 20:36:46 +0000

Off-the-chart levels of Youth Pastor energy here pic.twitter.com/Uegld6D5Fd

— patrickswayze’spatrickgravy (@SamGrittner) October 26, 2019