SamY Scribbles

The past always seems like happier times

2014-03-15T00:03:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I was waiting outside my office for a shuttle to head back home. Someone had stepped into a Starbucks leaving their retriever tied to a post. The best part of Seattle is the number of dogs you get to see every day.

I was reminded of Simba (a retriever who was just 4.5 year old, who passed away recently), and I was smiling at him for no obvious reason. Yes, I am a sucker for dogs and don't ask me why I don't have one with me as yet!

He looked into me with his inquisitive eyes and the both of us wanting to make the connection. Interestingly, a couple of minutes back I saw a baby on a stroller with those same gleaming eyes. The retriever inched forward a bit expecting me to make my move and perhaps offer him some goodies or simply a hearty rub. I was hesitant to pet this dog without the owner around. Before I could take a picture of him, he had to leave. So you are going to have to imagine him :).

After that, I wondered about how insanely happy I was as a child or for that matter any new born. Look at a baby giggle and you'll notice their happiness in every cell of their body as they jolt themselves in happiness. What happened to that as we grew up?

We've been told and taught to contain our laughter in the name of social propriety. As I pondered more I realized that when I look back at my life, the times that went past always seems like happier than this moment.

I had a wicked awesome childhood, in my own way i.e. I was not a trouble maker like those who can narrate their shenanigans endlessly. But still, my childhood seemed so much more happier than my schooling days. I am fraught with memories of great times at school, and a wide grin just thinking about them. As much as there were petty politics, I would forget, forgive and move on with a smile and a hug. I have always been less than average at studies. But my grandparents blessed me with a great opportunity to pursue my dreams, even those that they couldn't help me understand. As much as college sucked in certain aspects, I made great friend who help me out in my life to this day. And then the years of struggle to find work close to my heart that made me decide to move away from my parents.

With each passing day of this life, my desires, my so called needs and other measures by which this society gauges a person have grown. With every passing day I only seem to be less happier than the days that have past. My eyes fill with tears as I look back at all those moments in my life that have gone past.

Some day in the future, I will perhaps look back at this moment and smile at it.

It is such moments that make me question my pursuits in life as I slowly realize that none of it will leave me in eternal bliss. Every time I see a dog or a toddler, they remind me of of happiness without any reason.

2010-04-02T22:12:00.000-07:00

ovvoru manidhanum thAn nEsippadhai thAne koNdru vidugirAn

sila paer oru muthathAlai. nAn orae oru sollAle.

God bless! (translate this yourself :P)

What did you get for me?

2010-02-27T23:39:00.002-08:00

Kids are amazing! I love them coz they are so open, honest and filled with happiness, for the most part unlike we grownups. I'd been to my uncle's place and his younger daughter (6 years old) asks me - "what did you get for me and my sister this time?". I couldn't help but have a happy laughter. Of course my uncle condemned her for asking it.

Then again in a day when she & I were sitting alone watching TV she asks me to get something the next time I come. Ha ha. I felt sooooo happy. And then I asked her what would she like me to get and she says - "I don't knoooow. I liked the dress you got me last time. So just think of something I'd like and GET it for me!". It was an order ;).

Their nagging is one part, but they are so adorable! Until they grow up i.e. Life is so full when we live like a child. Only we choose otherwise since we are "Grownups". Love my cousins!

Realizing it all

2010-02-13T16:50:00.002-08:00

First we are told that studies is everything and so we study hard so we can get onto a "dream" job with a "dream" salary. We are told that the world wouldn't be happy with us or treat us well if we don't. And then we work work not quite dedicating time to our families in hopes to see a world that would be happy about us. To prove our worth, so to speak.

Many of us still continue to believe that career is everything and live our lives that way. That having the best education, working in the top companies of the world etc. speaks of who we are. A friend of mine after lots of slogging and working like a dog realized that family matters most. Why? Coz every after he gave it all they said "you can do better". The truth is, the world will never be happy with you.

And this way some of us end up dedicating our lives for our family. And then there are those who have the courage to think that perhaps self is above family and venture into self realization. After all, the plethora and gods, their stories and scriptures are intended to realize the godliness within ourselves and live like gods. For some it takes discontentment in their family life to venture into it.

Its a shame to realize that we spend a lifetime to realize it all despite being bestowed with so much knowledge. We live indulging in the ways of the west only to realize their futility. Better yet, we mock those who have the courage to seek.

Waiting for the perfect moment

2010-02-06T22:56:00.003-08:00

I came across this a while back.

A college girl had got her dream scooter from her parents, but she never took it out on the streets. When her friends asked her she said - "I'll wait for the day when all traffic signals are green and then I'll take it out"!

This is how we tend to take life at times don't we? We wait for things to get perfect. Only it never does, and life could have been so much more if only we took chances despite its imperfections. Neither does taking chances guarantee anything, there is no certainty. Only an opportunity. Besides we've just got one life.

Missed opportunity

2010-01-03T19:28:00.003-08:00

Life gives you so many opportunities and yet we miss them owing to plain inaction. I guess it is true what they say - Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.

Am having a neat time here in Chennai and as part of my usual errands I was at HSB Fast Food Ashok Nagar for my breakfast. Like every now-and-then there was a pretty face who I kept eying on for a bit. No harm for I don't remember once having seen the same person again.

As I was bored waiting for my food I turned around at her and noticed her looking in my direction. (I wouldn't wanna get into thinking it was me.) I got my food and I took the same aisle as her but facing the other way for no particular reason. Perhaps to avoid it. Time pass over and I was relishing my breakfast.

And then I noticed her leaving for the wash and I realized it was "The End" as always. But to my surprise it wasn't. She came back for her coffee and this time stood right next to me. And I pretended not to be bothered and finished my pooris slowly and moved on. And I even managed to notice her staring at me for a bit standing just besides.

And then I was done and it was "THE END". For some strange reason I kept wondering why she kept starring at me? I wasn't even wearing any trousers without the zippers on or anything. But it made me wonder if I just missed an opportunity.

Yeah, I stood like an Idiot. Had it been one of my friends they'd have probably tried a pick up line and at least given a try. One of the handicaps of being nerdish.

The good thing is that this incident brought an interest in me for the so called pick-up lines :D. Any pointers? See, I am expanding ;). Only its too late. Darn these fantasies!

An Illusion

2009-12-01T08:05:00.002-08:00

adaivadar mun kadugEy AnAlum malayAy kATTi
adainda pin malayEy AnAlum kadugAi kATTum mAya manam
- Ramana Maharishi

Translation: Mind is that illusion which perceives a tiny mustard seed to be a huge mountain until it is attained, and a mountain to be as insignificant as such a seed once it has been attained.

This quote came across my mind as I read the following story:

Once there lived a stone cutter. He was not satisfied with his position in life. One day he was passing through a wealthy merchant's house. Through the gate which was open, he noticed many possessions and important visitors in the merchants's house. He though that the merchant much be very powerful. He became jealous and wished that he could be like the merchant.

To his great surprise, the stone cutter suddenly became the merchant, enjoying more luxuries and power than he had ever imagined. One day, he was standing on the road when he saw a high official pass by. He was carried in a beautiful chair, accompanied by attendants and escorted by soldiers beating gongs. Everyone, no matter how wealthy, had to bow down before the procession. He thought, 'How powerful that official is! I wish I could be a high official!'

Then, he became the high official, and he was carried everywhere in his beautiful chair. One day it was extremely hot, and he felt very uncomfortable in the sticky chair. He looked up at the sun. It was so bright and beautiful in the sky. He thought, 'How powerful the sun is! I wish that I could be the sun!'

He became the sun! And he enjoyed his powerful position over everything. One day, a huge black cloud moved between him and the earth, so that his light could no longer shine of everything below. He was surprised. He thought, 'How powerful that hugh black storm cloud is! How I wish I could be a cloud!

He became the storm cloud, flooding the fields and villages. Soon he found that he was being pushed away by some great force, and realized that it was the wind. He thought, 'How powerful the wind is! I wish to become the wind!'

He became the wind and powerfully blew over the roofs of houses and through forests. Soon, he came across something that would not move, no matter how forcefully he blew against it. It was a huge and towering rock. He thought, 'How powerful that rock is! I wish to become the rock!'

Then he became the rock, more powerful than anything else on earth. But as he stood there, he heard the sound of a hammer pounding a chisel into the hard surface, and felt himself being changed. He thought, 'What could be more powerful than a rock?'

He looked down and saw a stone cutter far below him!

nenjukkul mutham ittAL

2009-11-29T23:19:00.004-08:00

For about a month now I am totally lost in the song(s) - kaNNathil muthammittAl. Be it the female / male version it reaches deep within me and takes me to a different plane; read with goose bumps.

Just when I was going crazy about it I got link to a youtube video (removed since *grrr*) of a girl singing the song in a malayalam talent show for kids. She had me in tears left me wanting for go prostrate at her feet. Silly as it may sound this is probably me gaining the vulnerability that I have been taught to loose.

As I write this I am wishing to feel this same feeling of bliss as the last thing I'd ever feel :).

Don't Worry

2009-11-13T12:34:00.001-08:00

Sometimes in life things get very uncertain. Something like cat on a wall. And for a while you worry what is gonna happen. Interestingly nothing might happen and yet we spend our time worrying. It is the fear that the society has instilled in us from childhood. After lot of contemplation you decide it not worth it and get on with other things in life.

But then people still continue to comfort you saying "Don't worry, everything will work out fine!". Agreed it is a moral support at a conscious level. But I wonder if all it would do is remind the person to worry :D. It kinda makes sure you don't forget to worry. He he.

What would it take to get over the fear driven attitude engraved as deep as our subconsciousness? I would wanna take a shot at it.

World Peace

2009-10-25T21:50:00.004-07:00

We all talk of world peace and how our life is inflicted by lack of peace in the world around us. I heard this story in context of explaining this.

A small kid was waiting on the shores of a sea. The kid's mother asked - "What are you waiting for? Why are you not taking your bath?".

The kid replied - "No No! Let all the waves settle down; then I'll take my bath."

This is how many of us are when it comes to peace. For certain we can make our perception of the world leave us without conflict and in peace. Yet, we disregard it and wait for the world to be in peace before we would.

On a related note, the more people try to bring peace in the world there only seem to be less of it ;). Think about it. Every war starts with the note to bring peace. It is interesting that we spend our efforts in vain efforts to bring peace to the rest of the world even before we realize peace within ourselves.

My Cousin Vinny

2009-10-04T00:55:00.002-07:00

After quite some time I saw this hilarious comedy thanks to my friends recommendation. It was much more convincing since he had watched it before.

Really neat movie with a nice entertaining flow all through. I can probably watch it again for the dialogues. If you ever get a chance to watch this movie please pay attention to the dialogues. Thats when you'd get the most fun out of it. A good movie for light hearted evening (perhaps not with the kids though).

And then this movie Surrogates! A sci-fi flick with the regular story and action. Something unexplained in the end, but otherwise watchable once. Not really thought provoking or anything. Not the first of its kind but interesting. Twists, turns and a happy ending.

Riculous Products

2009-09-04T09:08:00.003-07:00

Is it so hard for people to think how the customer would use a piece of software? Why in the world would someone write an installer for a piece of software that customers would potentially use only a few times on a machine? Beats my mind.

And so does Intel. I've been trying to use the Virtual XP Mode in Windows 7 and as part of the process I get advised to use in Intel Processor Identification Utility and check for the support. Now how many times would one want to use that? Not even a handful!

With such software plauging the PC world why wouldn't Windows suck? The OS is by itself a marvelous piece of work only surpassed by its monumental failure for having given power to the developers thinking they are *smart*. Most of them are NOT!

It is pretty disastrous to see a reputable software house coming up with something like this. End-customers end up paying the price for the developers technical inadequacies. Welcome to the world of bang-for-the-buck!

This is one reason why Apple products rule while the others plain suck. They let the customers do what they need to (for most part, read - bearing enterprise users), and not forcing them to do things coz of their engineers inadequacies. Apple split the consumer world into two - those who love Apple products and those who would do anything not to buy one just coz they want to be different (or can't afford blah blah blah) from the crowd.

Nothing else matters

2009-08-28T11:49:00.003-07:00

The only thing that matters in this world is me. Everything else is what I've been taught by society since I was a kid to hold on to, nourish, account for blah blah blah - family, friends, world affairs, work and all the diurnal things we do.

As long as these thing satisfies our ego we feel good about them and we live obliviously thinking they are the purpose of our existance. We happily faily to recognize that we exist despite it all.

But the moment they no longer satisfy my ego which at some point they will in our lives, it dawned on me that perhaps the ONLY thing that matters is me. Perhaps a fallback mechanism to fulfill my ego?

All of a sudden I don't care a damn about anything else! Don't care about the past, the future, those nearby, those far away. It all fades away, in my mind atleast if not my actions. All this while I keep up with all of the bondages, etiquette and nicety towards these attachments without any thought or deliberation. They seem to have become part of my reflexes.

Perhaps my situation is similar to those for whome every square meal is a struggle. Nothing else matters to them but to satisfy the hunger. Why would anything matter when in dire need of basic needs.

Strange that it is in our nature to live for the present moment while we spend a lifetime living for the so call future no one knows about. And here I am doing my part thinking so much instead of living my present, a plausible proof to my depraved mind.

Now, what a load of crap this was :D. I need a life!

Cameron is back with Avatar

2009-08-20T22:02:00.002-07:00

My most anticipated movie of this year. The Teaser Trailer was brilliant. ~ T-4 months and counting :).

No Opinions

2009-08-20T21:28:00.002-07:00

Off late I don't seem to have strong opinions or rather let go of em quite soon.

I had this feeling of disgust over some desi people but then I realized I am not too different. Just that we vary at the level of cheapness. Turns out that those were unacceptable for me, while it could be so about me for someone else.

Perhaps the reason why every time I think of making a post I dump it coz I feel it doesn't make sense! So much for a post :)

In spite of us

2009-07-17T22:16:00.003-07:00

Quite a while back I wrote a post on how we substantiate our existance in the name of others. Children substantiating their lives in the name of their parents, adults substatiating theirs in the name of their spouse and children.

We always have this thought that people depend on us and we have to live up for their comfort etc., in a way. But how often do you entertain the thought that they are going to be, "despite" us.

Imagine you cease to exist shortly. Every one of these dependents would continue to live one way or another, despite our absense. It is the very nature of existance - things exist despite others and not bound to the existance of others.

The only problem with this thought is it leaves people feeling of no importance, without attention and leaving their ego empty. Too much for the public I guess. Everyone wants to be a pillar and that they in as the purpose of their life.

On a related note, remember how we question the appropriateness of someone taking sanyAs, as we call it - "leaving their family behind". Lets put aside our instinctive counter arguments for a moment. It is all a matter of how we have been conditioned by society to look at this.

Try thinking beyong and perhaps you'll understand that everyone IS "Despite" you.

Following in AWE

2009-07-02T10:13:00.003-07:00

No it wasn't some lovely girl or something such :). It was just a blind man walking steadfast with his walking stick. All I felt was awe and zilch pity.

It was just amazing watching him navigate his way sensing the world with the end of a stick. He stood right at the pedestrian crossing waiting for the pedestrian signal and beeps to go.

I couldn't differentiate the beep between the direction I was to take and the perpendicular one. But he did :). We could say I never had to or haven't trained myself to do it. Bit still it was an awe moment.

He crossed the road at the signal and so flawlessly handled the curb. He was steadfast and in fact was walking quicker than I. Okie! he was tall and had a longer stride (and thats to satisfy my ego)!

After our ways split I wondered how I've taken my vision for granted and have never felt a pint of gratitude for it. And it reminded me of this anecdote -

A blind man went to a doctor who promised to restore his eyesight. The doctor explained it all and said - "Once you get your vision you wouldn't need you walking stick anymore. You can throw that away :).". The blind man got a little scared and asked - "I understand that I will be able to see, but how will I walk if I don't have my walking stick?"

Reminds me of how institutionalized we get to become as we "grow up".

The Madras Quartet is Back!!!

2009-06-18T11:03:00.006-07:00

After so many years of waiting (practically thavamAi thavamirundhu) for his next album the exuberance is finally here :). So fills my heart with bliss! If you are a fan of their first album - 'Resonance', you wouldn't wanna miss this.

rAgA saga is here folks! V S Narasimhan Sir and the Madras Quartet are Back!!!

Visit http://www.stringtemple.com for more information and to listen to music clips. Or search for V S Narasimhan in youtube and you'll find quite a treat incl. sneak peak into this album. More updates later.

My favourite for now is the Lalgudi G.Jayaraman's thillAnA set to dEsh. Brilliant rendition with a western touch! Love it.

After marriage

2009-06-07T11:25:00.004-07:00

Swamy gave his friend Sarathy a puppy as a wedding gift.

Three months later they meet each other on the street.

Swamy: "How is married life?"

Sarathy: "Oh just a few small changes over time, that's all"

Swamy: "What changes?"

Sarathy: "In the beginning, your puppy used to bark at me, and my wife used to bring me the newspaper. Now, my wife barks at me, and your puppy brings me the newspaper!"

Disclaimer: All characters in this story are purely fictitious. Resemblance of the names to anyone is purely unintentional.

The scare of a marriage reception

2009-05-25T09:37:00.002-07:00

Off late a good number of people I've known have got married and I've had a chance to be at the reception or look at those photos. And there is more coming in the months (gawd save me)! One thing that I see time and time again is the bride being atrociously gaudy in an attempt to look great.

I just don't get it. Most of these women look horrendous wearing eye-lashes, lip-stick, glitter and what not! They look much better being their normal self. And for many it is a first time too and they try it all. I know they have pressures from people to do it all but when they have all the sense to take all the trouble to make sure of a good partner they just give up on this even though they have a bitch of a look?

Perhaps they think the one night farce is not worth an effort :). Anyway, who am I to say what people should / should not do.

On the bright side, I met a bride who took the onus of the entire expense of her marriage from her parents. Every single penny of it :). I am so used to seeing brides and grooms eating on their parents hard earned life savings into their marriages. Huge sums spent into attire which they wouldn't wear in their lives but on that day. When the D-day arrives everyone seems to give in to the temptation. Perhaps I will too.

It was a pleasant surprise to see someone taking on the onus of that. Thats the hard way to know what your wishes, fantasies and moments of a lifetime cost. Wonder if I he what it takes to do it, when the time comes! Do you?

Justifying our existence

2009-04-28T00:26:00.005-07:00

So many things in our lives seem like a way to justify our existence. It starts right from birth. But here are a few things that come up in the phase of life I am in.

Family - Parents justify their existence for their children. Children when they grow up justify their existence fir their parents. Its a catch 22-situation you see. A great way nature has come up with ensuring the survival of the human species. And then of course marriage. Since children outlive parents it is another way to justify our existence.

I am seeing more and more that society has conditioned our minds to justify our existence for others, and it is the same with other. Interestingly if not for this mutual thing I wonder how many of us would have a urge to exist. Reminds me of how old people just cease to exist when they reach a point when they no longer see a purpose for our existence.

Most part of people's life if you'd notice is only justified by those around them. Very little of it is lived for the individual.

Agent Smith was right indeed ;). Not to be idealistic but perhaps we should live more for thyself just for those around us. Now I get this thought that these "enlightened gurus", saadhus, saints and kind live more for themselves than we do.

Siva Manasula Sakthi ... Bleady Fantastic

2009-04-08T00:52:00.003-07:00

This is by far one of the most fantastic movies that I have seen. Off-late I am seeing a trend of some good movies in Tamil. This one definitely tops my list. It had all the elements of a movie in good proportion. I am seriously out of words. The movie was full of surprises. Sorta comparable to kungfu-panda :D. It was great drama in all. I'd love to own my own copy of it ;). You heard me!

The best part was that it reminded me of instances from my life. Dialogues that are considered taboo but those I've listened to in real. Word to word! There were so many things I could associate with my life. Petty things scattered across the movie that so reflected things from my life. Perhaps that explains my liking for it.

Apart from the main story line, the simple backdrop captivated me. Amongst movies which all portray the unreal since most people don't want to see what they experience for in real this movie really stands testament to how much can be said with the simplicity of our day to day lives. Brilliant piece of work!

GMail Autopilot

2009-04-01T01:08:00.005-07:00

At first I was like WTH and then I realized it was April 1st :). I don't quite remember what google did last year but I vaugly remember something to do with space or something called google paper. It was interesting then as well.

Looks like I am getting better at not making a fool of myself these days ;). He he.

Guyz at google are indeed innovative. Check it out here - http://mail.google.com/mail/help/autopilot/index.html. You can also see a "New! Gmail Autopilot" in the top of you gmail screen.

The Illogical us

2009-03-17T10:58:00.003-07:00

You might have wondered and awe at how logical a creature the human beings are. What if you realize it aint so.

The next time you make a decision or come to a conclusion, think about it. In mostly likelihood you would have made the judgement right at the start and then just assimilated those facts that apparently lead to a logical conclusion to your judgement. You don't see the rest which disprove it.

Interestingly we apply our mind only after we have a thought. Once you have a thought it either creates a chain reaction in you or outside of you both potentially leading to something undesireable.

So they urge humans to train themselves to apply / put your mind before your thought. If only we could understand this well we could plausibly be better at not being led by our thoughts.

Magical moments in life

2009-03-12T10:39:00.003-07:00

Everytime I watch a little child explore its environment it leave me in awe and all smiles :). A magical moment! It keeps reminding me how conditioned mind has become to the dogma of society, how unexplorative we are now and how we have lost that child in us. This is probably the reason I enjoy my time being with those kids than people of my age. I want to be that child in me while the society want me to grow up! And I just don't seem any good at living up to it :p.

There are so many such magical moments in life. Many of them don't last, some are an illusion, some purely biological driving us beyond sanity. And the some are plain false. Even though you felt it for real, it just wasn't true. Then we slowly begin to and condition our minds to accept them. We call this learning. Subjugating ourselves to just accept it in the name of understanding. Why? Coz we need a purpose to live.

I seriously now feel that the very purpose of our lives have become to find a purpose for our very existence, trying to justify an existence with a meaning and purpose we concoct. Does that sound familiar to you? ;)

And it is interesting that for many the purpose of their lives is to help others in their life indirectly fueling their quest for a purpose to theirs. Life is weird!