All it really takes is a quicky in the back seat and presto change-o: baby.

But the moment you consider raising another person’s biological child there are dozens of curious parties, all determining whether you are really fit to be a parent.

If the plumbing is busted, you might not have the common sense it takes to raise a child.

I’m kidding, of course.

I am grateful for the laws and practices in place to protect children who end up in the foster system. Sadly, foster care is a necessary service, and sadder still, the foster parents need to be thoroughly checked out.

Last week we spent two days at the NorCal State Adoptions offices attending our adoption preparation class. It focused mostly on adopting out of the foster system.

The class was tremendously helpful and much better than we were expecting. It wasn’t two days of lectures and horror stories. It was two days of real conversation and heartbreaking honesty.

We had a chance to talk though a lot of the major issues related to adoption and foster care with social workers and a child psychologist who specializes in foster care and adoption. The other three couples taking the class with us had very different situations and I believe we all benefited from the experiences and struggles shared. It was a very long and emotional two days, but well worth the time.

But we almost didn’t make it.

At 5pm the day before the class I very suddenly felt not quite right. The flu is going around here on The Mountain just as it is everywhere else, but I thought somehow it had passed me by. Jake had it a couple weeks ago and I never even had a sympathetic stomach cramp.

But Wednesday afternoon I knew something was wrong. I drank some water and laid down, convincing myself I was just dehydrated and tired. The grimace on my face must have given me away though, and Jake found the thermometer.

No fever, but I was throwing up within the hour.

We canceled our dinner plans with my dad (who was kind enough to bring over some ginger ale) and I tried to call our hotel to cancel our reservations. I felt like I was going to die. We definitely weren’t going to make it to the class.

The phone at the hotel just rang and rang. I called back a couple minutes later. Ring ring ring. I hung up and dozed on and off through the evening. My receipt said I wasn’t going to be able to get my money back for the room anyways. Jake and I talked about maybe trying to make it. Jake was praying. Friends were praying. I was praying…when I was conscious.

Why all the worry and fuss about one class? The adoption preparation class was the second to last step for us to be adoption ready. Because of our remote area the class isn’t offered very often. The next class isn’t until August.

Guys, we are just ready to be in the game.

Despite the fact that I couldn’t stand without feeling queasy, or sit upright for more than 3 minutes, Jake packed our bag and set the alarm for early, believing I’d be better by morning.

And I was. Immediately I started to rationalize. “It must have been food poisoning instead of the flu. Maybe all the organic produce I’ve been eating has bumped my immune system up to Super Hero Status.”

But really, I believe God healed me. I won’t say that it was spiritual opposition, or that we’ve been targeted by Satan himself. It probably was just the regular ol’ flu. But I serve a powerful king who is absolutely capable of healing, and the difference between Wednesday night and Thursday morning was nothing short of a miracle.

We’re so glad we got to go, and are one step away from being pregnant on paper.

As it is, we are foster certified and ready for a call.

Any time now…

This was not an immediate transformation, but rather a slowish overall change that is still in the works.

“How did you do this, Rachel? And how can I do it, too?!”

Why thank you for asking.

I did two things at first: bought organic (and local, in the summer) produce when possible, and stopped bringing processed foods into our home.

Honestly, it wasn’t too much of a challenge for us. We already weren’t really eating many processed or packaged foods. Start with something easy, right?

Buying local and organic produce was slightly more expensive, I have to admit. I am neither a very good blogger nor financier so I didn’t keep track of the cost difference for you. I did notice, however, that we had less wasted produce in general. I didn’t buy as much at one time and I tried to be creative to use up what we had. During the summer I went to the farmer’s market on Mondays and bought just a few things to get us through a few days, and then I’d head to one of our local organic grocery stores on Thursday (or Friday) and get a few more things to get us through to the following Monday.

Yes, I was shopping more often, but I would guess that all in all I was spending the same amount, if not a little less, when you factor in the waste we had before.

This fall, I bought the book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day and began baking all our own bread. We eat more bread now than we did before because it’s just so darn yummy and amazingly easy. The best part about this book is the dough is such that it can sit in your fridge for up to two weeks, depending on the recipe. That means I can make a single batch of dough, and over the course of two weeks have 3-4 loaves of fresh bread on the table any day with only an hour’s notice and less than five minutes of active preparation time. I can just as easily make more than one batch of dough or half a batch of dough if I know my bread needs will be different. I would highly recommend the book to anyone interested in making bread.

Yay for iphone food pictures. I didn’t even use instagram or notice my shadow in the corner before loading the picture. It’s my personal mission to make real foodie blogs look good.

But I have good reason. Two weeks ago we got called about scheduling our foster care homestudy. So we spent a week cleaning and organizing and putting chemicals on the top shelf like mentally stable people, and then spent the last two days FREAKING OUT for no reason. I laid awake the night before she came very worried about light switch face plates and a half painted bathroom ceiling…and all for nothing. It was no big deal. I guess they figure normal people sometimes have a bathroom ceiling that isn’t quite finished.

No matter that it’s stayed that way for two years.

Tuesday of last week we finished our homestudy and are now ready and waiting for the phone call. Squeeeeee!!

So since then I’ve been nesting. If I were hugely pregnant you’d all say I was gonna pop any day.

I’ve pulled everything out of our closet, decluttered, tossed a bunch of stuff, and put it all back nice and organized. My linen cabinet hasn’t been this clean since before it had stuff in it!

Today’s project is the pantry, and if I’m feeling REALLY excited I might hang some shelves in the laundry room. The kitchen floor is looking pretty nice, too. I’ll probably wander in to the bedroom that someday will have kids in it and finish moving things around. I’ve got to get some blinds for the window too…..There I go again. Adding things to the list.

Now, I know what you’re probably thinking. “Hold up…did she say foster care?”

Yes I did.

When God told us “Get ready to adopt” we decided to get paper ready in as many ways as we could, which includes foster care. We don’t know what that is going to look like. I know what I’d LIKE it to look like, but honestly we’re just trying to be obedient, patient, and able to say YES when the time comes.

By having a foster care certification, we’ll be able to say Yes if our child’s adoption circumstances are not “ideal.” It could be something as simple as the birth-mom not making a plan for her child before he or she is born, and it could be something infinitely more tragic. My heart is broken knowing that it likely will be the latter.

But that’s what we’re here for. When the “stuff” hits the fan, because it’s bound to, we are willing and able to help at least one person in that situation, no matter how small, pick up the pieces, heal, and grow up in a healthy environment.

So, we don’t know who the future holds, or when they’ll get here, but we’re ready for them.

Time to get on that pantry!

I was trying to be resourceful. We bought pumpkins in October and had intended to dry the seeds. One thing led to another and we forgot about them. Until it snowed, of course.

We’ve had lots of snow lately. Jake has diligently been plowing and shoveling and plowing and shoveling keeping our driveway and doorways clear. He’s so good at it.

So when he was finished digging out the front door…

I thought I’d try to make something yummy for him. I took the two pumpkins from the porch and brought them in to defrost by the fire.

Yes, they had sat outside freezing and thawing for a months time. Yes, they had sat buried in snow for more than a week.

But could I salvage the seeds?

The answer…was that we didn’t wait to find out. The next morning I had two deflated pumpkins in my living room. The stems pulled right off when I tried to move them.

Inside the seeds were floating in a nasty “pumpkin juice soup.”

We decided that we didn’t care if the seeds could be salvaged. Those pumpkins were going in the trash immediately.

And that was the end of the experiment.

1. Do things for my husband that make him feel loved and respected. This includes the “chores” that he appreciates most such as sweeping the floor, keeping the couch cleared and making meals, especially lunch, at least 4 times a week.
I guess you’d have to ask Jake how I did on this one, but I think I did pretty good. Not with lunches so much, but I kept our couch cleared most days. I’ll give myself 4 out of 5 stars.

2. Stay on top of paperwork. Not sure what this looks like yet, but it has to look different than piles of paperwork on my dining room table.
Well…sorta. Basically every month this year something major happened. This was not the year to figuring out how to manage business paperwork. I DID get really good at managing adoption paperwork, however. It wasn’t something I was planning on when I originally wrote this post in January though.   3 stars

3. Try “once a month cooking.” I imagine this will help with #1. Also, it’s always been interesting to me.
Well I froze some meals. And I planned a couple menus…Nope. Didn’t do this. At all.   0 stars.

4. Spend more time with women who(whom?) I aspire to be like.  Maybe they’ll rub off on me.
I started the year meeting with some awesome ladies every week. Summer came and we all got busy, but still managed to get together once or twice a month. Fall came, and with it soccer practice and school schedules. Here’s hoping January is mellow enough that we can start meeting again. I miss you ladies!   3 1/2 stars

5. Read more and learn the appropriate use of “who” vs “whom.”
I did read more. I did learn that “who” is the subject of a verb and “whom” is never the subject of a verb. I still use them incorrectly, but that wasn’t part of my resolution.   5 STARS!

6. See a doctor about my acne. Because enough is enough!
It took me until October, but I finally went and am 3 months away from acne free skin! (fingers crossed.)  5 STARS!

7. Be wiser financially and actually put money aside to pay the taxes like I originally planned instead of freaking out every quarter.
Weeeeeeelllllllll….We started a Dave Ramsey course this fall. Our debt timeline is posted on our fridge. We still haven’t gotten the hang of budgeting correctly, but it will give me something to aim for in 2013.    2 1/2 stars

8. Not accrue any more debt this year. Pay with cash, or have the money IN ADVANCE to pay off any purchases made on a credit card.
We didn’t start paying with cash until recently, but we were always able to pay off our entire credit card payment each month. I did set up a payment plan for an advertisement bill rather than paying in full, even though I could have paid it. We paid it off early though and plan not to do that next year.  3 1/2 stars

9. Memorize scripture. For reals.
I didn’t. I never even got started on this one. I did read more scripture, but didn’t work on memorizing any of it.  0 stars

10. Paint my nails often. Because I feel more put together when my hands and feet are kept pretty.
I didn’t keep up on this. Haven’t painted my nails in months. 3 1/2 stars

Stay tuned next week for my 2013 resolutions. Not that making the list really holds me accountable, it just ensure that I have at least ONE blog post come next January. How’s that for thinking ahead?

And I woke up feeling cruddy this morning. My lungs feel like they weigh a hundred pounds each. Luckily I have a magic potion brewing on my stove as we speak.

About equal parts honey and lemon juice, and a pinch of cayenne pepper. Warm on the stove until well mixed, add to herbal tea. Tastes a little funny at first, but helps a ton. I’m hoping to have this gunk gone before tonight!

Call me optimistic.

I don’t have anything interesting on my mind today. I’m moving a little slow. I woke up around 9:30 and made my breakfast and tea….and it is now 11:30 and I haven’t gotten up from the kitchen table yet. Oops.

Guess I should get some stuff done. I already have all my Christmas shopping and wrapping done. I could make some roasted nuts for tomorrow…or I could just be lazy.

We have lots of snow here. A big storm rolled through on Thursday and snowed until yesterday afternoon. It may not snow tomorrow, but we are definitely going to have a white Christmas. I could take a picture…but that would take some effort.

Don’t forget, I’m sorta sick. When it’s convenient.

And that’s all the focus I have at the moment. Apparently, even at 23 (24 tomorrow) I still am easily distracted by Christmas.

Before I leave I’ll point you in the direction of last December’s posts.

The Santa Post

The super whiny birthday post

And there you have it.

Merry Christmas!!!!

and ask him to sketch a rough blue print of your house…

He will grab a pencil.

After a moment of free hand sketching he will become exasperated at the lack of precision and get up to find his scale.

You will remind him that the sketch doesn’t need to be anything fancy.

Then he will get his tape measure to find the actual length and width of the house.

After the outline is made, he will decide to measure the interior walls as well.

Once he has measured the walls he’ll find he needs to erase a line he’s already drawn.

He’ll mention that real draftsmen used to use electric erasers.

You will probably ask “What on earth is an electric eraser?”

The engineer will then go searching through his office to find his electric eraser.

The one his draftsman grandfather gave him years ago.

He’ll bring it out to demonstrate.

You will be thoroughly impressed by the erasing power.

After fixing a few lines he’ll get up and begin measuring closet sizes and counter tops.

While holding the other end of the tape measure, you’ll remind him again that this project only needed to take a few minutes.

“If I’m going to do this, I’m going to do it right,” he’ll say.

Counter tops will be added.

Toilets, showers, and the refrigerator will be drawn in.

Square-footage will be noted

Doors will swing in or out appropriately.

The fireplace will be drawn to scale.

Everything in it’s place.

After he is done, the engineer will proudly display his work.

You will thank him profusely for the superb job.

Surely this will be the most accurate house plan the foster family agency has ever received.

You will ask him to to sketch the property, noting driveway length, house placement, and fenced yard area.

He’ll look at you and ask…

For another piece of graft paper.

And then he’ll remember that he already has a plot map saved to his computer.

But I think I’ll just jump right back in.

First things first, I’d like to make a shout out to my Nana. It’s her birthday today. Yup, my dad’s Decembers are rough. His mother’s birthday, his wife’s birthday, his daughter’s birthday, and now his son-in-law’s birthday are all in December. Our family just really likes December.

The biggest non-baby related news from this past summer (while I was busy not blogging so as to keep from scaring you all away by my incoherent rantings about infertility) is that I became a food-hippie. I committed to cooking with mostly unprocessed foods, learning about nutrition, and discovering how best to use the food God put on the earth for our well being.*** I bought books like Nourishing Traditions and started following blogs like 100daysofrealfood.com.

I began shopping at locally owned health food stores as well as the farmer’s market, not to mention helping out at, and gleaning from, my farming friends’ house. The best part about having friends with a farm is the stuff I get sent home with. I’d still be friends with these particular friends even if they didn’t have a farm because they are awesome. They are awesome, and they just so happen to have a farm. Score.

I watched documentaries like Food Inc (available for rent at Netflix) and Farmageddon (available for rent or instant watch on Netflix). I started buying organic produce when available. Our eggs come from chickens we see every week. (Well, except not right at the moment because they are on a “laying strike” and I broke down and bought some at the store) We even purchased half a steer from those awesome farming friends of ours. (It’s delicious, by the way.)

The result? We’ve tried new foods and updated many old recipes. I like the challenge of making things from scratch that I might normally get at the store. I might even be motivated enough to start a garden this next spring. I canned salsa and BBQ sauce. I learned to take apart a whole chicken without wasting a single ounce. I’ve even begun to dabble in the art of homemade artisan bread.

And I’m starting to look at making more things homemade, like cleaning supplies, chapstick, and deodorant. Stay tuned.

***I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out that my mother did teach me about basic nutrition and healthful cooking. But, as many teenage girls, I was way more interested in boys and music than I was in learning to cook. I admit responsibility for not pursuing this knowledge before now and am thankful for the resources available, as well as my mom’s stash of cookbooks which I occasionally steal borrow.

My mom has one, my sister-in-law has one, and I wanted one too.

A place to keep all my jewelry that is organized and visible.

I’d been looking for framed cork board at the local thrift shops, but apparently everyone already thought of this idea and is using their cork board.

I picked up this four pack at Target on sale for five bucks. I mounted them using the sticky tape provided and my eyeballs. (I was too lazy to find the tape measure.) A few dozen clear push pins later and voila!

No more digging through drawers and untangling necklaces or hunting for two earrings that match.

This cork board is thinner than the push pin is long, so I did use a hammer to sink a couple pins that were holding extra heavy necklaces into the wall. This also helps keep the panels in place. The sticky tape wasn’t quite strong enough once I got everything on.

(Sorry for the poor picture quality. Camera phone + poor lighting)

I think my bathroom is now complete!! Except I need curtains for the window, and the ceiling still needs to be painted. Another project for another week.

And at that moment I noticed something was different. I wasn’t on the brink of tears…my heart didn’t hurt.

“God, am I just so bitter now that I no longer feel even pain?”

Very quietly I felt like the day was going to be ok. Good, even.

“No, this is craziness. I’m sad. I’m broken.”

I made my tea and sat down at my computer putting it out of my mind, fully intending to return to my comfortable funk.

This is my morning tea companion

Throughout the day I kept pushing. “Just be sad. This is still terrible. I’m not ready to move on. Moving on would be fake anyways.”

I love a little angst in my life.

Even by dinner time I was unable to have any real sadness or anger. Nothing spectacular had happened that day, but I hadn’t once thought of curling back up in bed. I ventured to tell Jake. “I am entitled to feel differently tomorrow…but today, I’m not angry. I’m not even sad.”

He stared at me for a moment, fork mid-air, and then said “Well that’s great.”

I love how he gets right to the point.

So what happened? The only explanation I have is God changed my heart. I know it was God because there was no way I was letting go of being pregnant. That was something I’d dreamed of and planned for my whole life. It was the way it works. The way things should be.

It was the miracle I’d prayed for. I still would love to be pregnant, but everything will be just fine if I never am because God is enough. I know it’s cliché, but it’s the honest truth.

Another amazing things has happened since August. I don’t know if I’d call it a miracle, but it’s definitely because of God. I’ve come to really love adoption. I’m no longer settling. It’s no longer just what we have to do.

I WANT to adopt. I’m excited about it.

I’ve been reading a book called Adopted For Life. It was given to my husband a couple months ago and he passed it along to me when he was done. It’s taken me a little while to get around to it, but I’m so glad I’d picked it up! I’m only into the third chapter and I’ve already been inspired. The author has been laying out the Biblical implications of adoption and the significance of our our own spiritual adoption through salvation. Powerful stuff. I’m sure I’ll make reference to it in the future.

Jake and I have been working, again, towards adoption. I think this time it’s going to stick. Learning of our infertility was a real punch in the gut and required some time off, but we’re back on our feet and running. We’ve picked an agency, done our first interview, and sent off our first packet of information (as of last Monday). The next step…well, we’ll know what it is when it shows up. Our commitment is to do what’s in front of us and faithfully move forward, even in the tiny steps. The timing has to be His because we are moving as fast as we can.

I won’t promise I’ll be writing more often because every time I’ve done that this year some major life changing situation pops up and I don’t open WordPress for months. I will say I’ve been feeling good, and inspired to blog. So…we’ll see.