Sandbagger's Sandblogging

New Years Extravaganza

2009-02-05T10:04:00.000-08:00

Luckily for me I have had relatively few run ins with the cops during my drunken escapades. Unfortunately this story was one of the few. I have never been the biggest fan of New Years, it all seems so pretentious, and in all honesty I haven't celebrated one with a girl in a few years. This year was no different as my girlfriend was traveling halfway across the world. I decided to hang out with a few of my closest friends in Carlsbad to ring in the new year.
One of those friends had been going through a rough time in his life so I want to get there early to hang out with him and hope to cheer him up. This of course meant a ton of drinking. My friend is no average drinker so I knew it would take a lot for me to get him wasted. We started the day (it was probably around 1ish) with a bottle of Jack and a 12 pack of White Ale. He is very much a shot taker so we proceeded to work on the bottle shot after shot. By the time anyone else got to the house we had finished the first bottle and most of the beers. Knowing we would have to eat soon in order to stay up all night we decided to pig out for a while.
When most of the guys got home it was decided to go to a party at a friends girlfriends house. My college buddy was is town visiting his girlfriend and had asked to join us. Of course I said, meet us at my place. What can I say we needed a ride. He got there and realized he had a lot of catching up to do. We then took turns taking some more shots and filled up a flask to take with us.
Earlier that night I had heard that there would be a new friend at the party I needed to meet. According to the legend he was more if a drunk ass then me. Arriving at the place (probably 9ish) we realized this was not going to be a big party, but at least there were a lot of girls there, and the fridge was stocked with beer and booze. All good signs. I met the new drinking rival and we instantly decided that we needed to have a competition tonight. The rules were simple: each man much constantly have a drink in his hand, first to stop drinking or pass out loses. Seemed fair enough to me.
(For about the next hour I do not remember anything, I was blacked out drunk. This is from stories of others at the party.)
Being bored with the easiness of the game so far we evidently decided to play side games such as: how far back can you catch M&Ms in your mouth, how many girls can you piss off, how many random pictures can you get into, etc. At some point the place started to fill up as midnight got closer. Sooner or later I did something to piss off a group of marines that were there. Words were exchanged and the next thing I know I am being dragged out of the party by two of my friends. Being pinned down of the front lawn I am screaming at them and spitting in their faces as they are sitting on top of me to hold me down. Not the place you want to be. I am then told I am not allowed back in the party. So what else is there to do, run!
Now I had no idea where I was, NO IDEA. To top that off there was a thick fog coming in from the coast. And worse, in all the antics I had lost all of my money and my cell phone. Bad news. After what seemed like forever (later I would find it was at least 2 miles) I started to hear the familiar sound of cars. I must be close to the freeway, yes! Finding a spot close to the on-ramp I start to try to hitchhike my way home. It became clear early on the no one in their right mind was going to pick me up. This infuriated me. Soon if a car did not pick me up I ran into the street and started to kick their car. As fun as this was for a while, sooner of later it had to end.
Finally I kicked the wrong car and the guy got out and started to chase me down the street. The next thing I know a cop car is following me. Fuck! That asshole must have called the cops. After reading me my rights I was cuffed and put in the back of the car. Being close to the Camp Pendelton Military Base I had been picked up by the military police. They took me back to their base and I was transferred to a Oceanside police cruiser. Luckily by this point I had sobered up quite a bit. Having been in the drunk tank before I knew that was not how I wanted to spent my night. The officer was cool and tried to get me a cab home but I did not have any money with me. After a while of haggling I convinced him to take me home. But, because of jurisdiction he could not take me to where I was staying in Carlsbad. So luckily my sister lives in Oceanside and he took me there. After a little bit of hassle I was able to get into my sisters place to crash. (It was 330am)
In the morning my sister walked out and knew there must be a good story when her drunk ass brother had found his way to her couch in the middle of the night.

The vampire chronicles..

2008-04-10T12:02:00.000-07:00

In honor of my buddies birthday tomorrow I thought I should write a few things about him here to show how much I appreciate him as a friend. I have known this guys since college and have worked with him for a couple of years as well as gone on a month long backpacking trip to Europe. He is one of my closest friends and I am sure that is why some of these events were able to take place without any serious anger being retaliated by any party. So here are the chronicles of my vampire like friend:

The first encounter I want to share about the alter ego of my friend took place a few summers ago before he moved down to San Diego. Him, our friend MacGyver, and I were hanging out one Saturday afternoon when we decided to skate down to the local bars and drink. If you have read any of my other stories you will know that I cannot skate at all. We pre-gamed a little bit at the house at set off on our way, we lived about a mile and a half from the bars. Our first stop was a local pizza place and brewery called Pizza Port. Here we proceeded to down pitcher after pitcher of beer, which is excellent by the way, until we were kindly told to leave. It might have been the fact that Vampire boy asked which beer had the most alcohol in it after we were all already hammered and then proceeded to argue with the bartender when then wouldn't serve us any. After calmly leaving the restaurant we skated around for awhile and I got a few more scratches and bruises. The other two are good skaters. Suddenly a great idea came to my mind. My sister was working at the restaurant down the street and she would serve us and be able to hook us up too. The other guys thought this was a great idea and we headed to her place. There we pounded another three pitchers while I got the hiccups. To set this up we were sitting on the outside patio with a window next to us that looked inside. On the other side of the window was other tables with a view out. The whole time we were sitting there Vampire was mimicking the motions of the ladies sitting inside opposite of us on the window. We thought this was hilarious, they and my sisters boss did not. So, like I said, I got the hiccups and nothing I did made them go away. Vampire came up with the great idea of scaring me so he told me to walk away from the table and close my eyes. Being drunk I did what he said. I waited a few seconds then...WHACK!!! The fucker high kicked me hard right in the chest. People came running out from the restaurant thinking we were in a fight. My sister was laughing but pissed and we soon had to leave that place as well.

The next two stories deal with how he got his name Vampire. I had invited him and one of my other guy friends to come down and stay in PB with me and my girlfriend so we could all go out. After a night of heavy drinking both at her place and then at the bars he was very drunk. He kept muttering incoherent things to everyone and no one had any idea what he was talking about. I was put in charge of trying to get him to go to sleep. So as we got back to her place I set him up with blankets on the couch. Now her sister is a doctor and is often up late and has to wake up early for work. Her room is right next to the living room where the boys were sleeping. Connected to this room is the huge glass windows and sliders that lead to the balcony. After putting him down I walk back to my girlfriends room when I hear a loud banging on glass. I run back into the room to see him banging him head back and forth against the glass doors. Not sure what to do I try to reason with him but it doesn't work. Then I attempt to restrain him by putting him in a headlock and securing his arms. Being that he knows a lot more karate then me he easily escapes and soon has the advantage. So what does he do? Yeah, the idiot rears back and full on savagely bites through my shirt right into my back taking out a chunk of skin. I had marks on my back for almost 5 days.

Lastly I will tell my favorite Vampire story. About 5 of us had decided to go to a party at my sister's boyfriends house that was going to have a band. I drove my car there as I didn't really feel like drinking that night. The rest started drinking back at our place. There was very little parking at his place so we had to park down the road next to a fence that had huge trees on the other side. Walking into the party we said our highs and everyone started pounding beers. Another guy with us wasn't feeling that good so he decided to drive home so that I could drink. Now the running joke with my friends is how big a piece of shit my car is and on the way over there Vampire was already feeling the tequila shots and had on more then one occasion spit and kicked the front of my car. I took this at the time as harmless drunk fun. Well hours passed, we drank a lot, listened to live music, and played some pool. Pretty soon everyone was ready to go so I went to round everyone up. Vampire was still out listening to the band so I called him up the stairs. He then falls twice coming up the stairs as all of us laugh at his drunk ass. Then he remembers he left his bag of beer downstairs and tries to walk down but falls again down the stairs. I knew then this would be a long night. We all finally get outside and go to the car. Vampire calls out shotgun, clearly violating the rule that car owner gets shotgun in there own car when not driving, and runs to the car. Being as he can't get in because the door is right up against the fence we all jump in before him. But, in true Sandbagger fashion, this will not stop our boy. He convinces the driver to roll down the window before we pull out and then climbs the fence and gets in through the window. On this trek he accumulated a few tree branches for shits and giggles. To his amusement, and everyone else in the car, he continually turns from the front seat to try to beat me in the back with the sticks. On a few occasions he got me pretty good but eventually I got a stick from him and that ended his fun. We drive off and think things are over. Nope! We look up front and this guy is screaming some primeval scream at the top of his lungs and he bends over and bites into my car door upholstery. Seriously the only thing that stopped his teeth was the metal in the door frame. He then takes the chunk of cloth in his mouth and spits it back at us. We finally get him home to pass out. The next morning he has no recollection of any of this and doesn't believe any of us until we take him out to the car. The look of his face was priceless.

I love you man, Happy Birthday...

Back Again...

2008-04-07T09:41:00.000-07:00

Well it feels good to be back after a week in Vegas. Unfortunately I don't have any really good stories from this trip. I went with my girlfriend and we had a blast all week. So instead of what I intended this to be, a Vegas story, I will instead share a college story about my friend lightweight.

I stayed in San Luis Obispo the summer between my 3rd and 4th years of college. The town is amazing over the summer my group of friends had a blast together. This summer also happened to be the summer of my 21st birthday. That story will have to wait until another day though. Unfortunately Lightweight wasn't able to come up from Irvine to join me on my actual birthday. It was probably a month later when he finally made it up. By this time school was almost back in session and the town was filling up again.

Lightweight showed up on his motorcycle on Saturday planning to stay the night and ride back Sunday sometime. Our plan was to go out and do a fair amount of drinking and my girlfriend of the time had agreed to drive us around. We exchanged the normal pleasantries and then he pulled out my gift, a luminous bottle of Ketel One vodka. This had been our favorite drink since he introduced me to it a few weeks before. I knew it was all downhill from here but we poured ourselves a drink and started the party.

A couple hours, and few drinks, later my girlfriend showed up ready to take us downtown. She dropped us off at one of my favorite Italian restaurants that also has a really cool bar in the front. We grabbed two chairs and the bar and ordered two Ketel One martinis. Now if you have read any of my other stories you know that Lightweight always tries but can never really keep up with me drinking. After some appetizers and another drink we were well on the verge of a drunken stupor.

The girlfriend showed up to pick up our drunk asses and we headed back to my place to supposedly get ready to go out to some bars. We got back to my place and my girlfriend, bless her heart, decided to make us some cookies. At this time it was about 930 and everyone else was prepping to go out too. Lightweight poured a couple of stiff drinks and I could tell he was going to be hammered. Lightweight only pours strong drinks when he is super wasted. Within the next hour we realized two things; cookies are amazing when you are drunk and there was no way we were getting into any bar.

My girlfriend soon left us drunkard's and we proceeded to drink the rest of the bottle. I knew Lightweight was done when he started saying the drink tasted like water. I really knew he was done when the following happened. Know Lightweight is really into music and at this time in his life he was obsessed with the doors. He had just read a book on Jim Morrison and was enthralled with him. Stories about him on the road kept coming up in conversation and Lightweight was clearly envious of the rock star lifestyle. He soon grabbed the Ketel bottle, which was almost empty now, and his drink and headed to the front of my house. In his drunken stumbling I will have to admit I was more worried about him falling and breaking the bottle then hurting himself. This house that I lived in my final two years of college was on a corner lot. One side was on a fairly small and quiet road while the other side was next to one of the busier road in San Luis Obispo. As he continued towards the main road I knew this was trouble. He began to shout, with his arms up holding his drink and a bottle, "I want to be Jim Morrison, come arrest me, I want to be arrest, Jim Morrison was arrested, I want to be him" at the top of his lungs. Honestly at the time I was drunk too and didn't realize how stupid this was, all I could do was laugh my ass off. This fool was totally drunk out of his mind.

Soon he was running up and down the street and falling all over. Luckily he had the foresight to want to protect both his glass and the bottle so whenever he fell all that got damaged was him. Soon I figured out that this probably wasn't the best idea and I really didn't want to explain to his parents how I got their son arrested. I ran out to get him and calm him down. As soon as I got to him he kind of fell out of the trance, I really think he thought he was Jim Morrison for a while there. We went back to my room and grabbed my dog so we all could go to sleep. I let Lightweight take the bed and I slept on the couch. Soon I passed out in a drunken haze only to wake up to the sound of my dog eating something. Now the room was set up with the bed against the back wall and the couch perpendicular from the head of the bed on the other wall. So, my head was right next to the side of the bed. I looked over and my dog was licking up a huge trail of vomit coming down the side of the bed. This fucker had puked up all over my bed, asshole. I woke him up to make sure he was alive which luckily he was. I forced him to go and take a shower because he stank. We went out to get breakfast but he couldn't really eat. Soon he headed back to Irvine while I was left to clean up the sheets and my room. My only saving grace was knowing the fact that that fool had to go on a 5 hour motorcycle ride hungover like a bitch. Later I was told he had to pull over to puke again, and I think he deserved it...

The Spiderman Incident...

2008-03-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

While in Prague our group of travelers, four guys, met two other guys traveling around. We all instantly bonded and are still friends to this day. They ended up traveling with us for almost three weeks throughout Europe. This story takes place in Croatia after me and one of the guys had already earned the nickname The Watabi Brothers.

If you have never been to Croatia it has some beautiful scenery. Most if the inland areas are still pretty tore up from the wars, but the coast is amazing. We were staying in the coastal town of Split, which was also a port city. One of the guys traveling with us had stayed there before and his Uncle lived there on a boat a few months each year. We had been there a few nights when Doug Watabi and me were itching to go out clubbing. If anyone knows me they know I am not a clubber, but in Europe that is kind of the thing to do and the only place girls went. Croatia was nice because it was probably the only place in Europe where we didn't see Americans everywhere we went.

After a long day and early night of drinking we convinced our driver to take us to a club he had recommended. This place was set up just like any American club except for one major difference; all of the girls were amazing. I mean supermodel hot. Croatian women were by far the best-looking women I met all through Europe. We had worked out a pretty good routine in the few weeks of knowing each other and it hadn't let us down yet. At this point in the trip we were honestly talking about moving to Croatia, so we used that as our in with the girls. Hey we are looking for a place do you know anything? Where is a good place to live around here? Most of the girls were a little standoffish towards Americans, for good reasons, so this approach helped ease some of those fears.

Eventually we found a few girls who bit on the bait and away we went. Within a few hours we were well past wasted and dancing the night away. This one girl either was trying to keep other guys off of her of was into me because she wanted to dance with me all night. Around 4ish the bar closed and we had to figure out what to do. We were both completely hammered but the girl Doug had been working on had already left. He was trying to get me to work on my girl to see if we could go back to her place hoping that she had friends there or that I would pass out and he could take her. Don't laugh this has actually happened.

Well, she wasn't to keen on us going back to her place but she was willing to give us a ride. This truly saved our ass because on the drive back we realized just how far away we were. Some guy with the girl, I assume a brother or friend, didn't trust us and followed us in his car. This was really creepy by the way. We got back to the hostel after both being unsuccessful with hooking up. To the Watabi Brothers though, this was not the end. Doug had the brilliant idea of knocking on people’s doors hoping we would catch some girls awake who would want to hook up. We had seen some cute girls earlier but couldn't remember what room they were in. Seriously picture our dumb asses, we were shit faced drunk stumbling through this hostel knocking on every door at 430 in the morning. What would we have done if someone actually answered? Soon our group heard us an ushered us to our rooms.

They weren't willing to let us go back into the hall to go to the bathroom so we did the only other option. Being on the third floor and facing the parking lot our window provided a perfect urinal. We both stood up in the window frame and started spraying. More points for the one with the most car hits. At this point I was ready to pass out. Doug however had other plans in mind. Having locked out door from the outside we had no way out. The rest of our group was in the room next to us. Doug proceeded to strip down to his boxer and climb out of the window. He then tries to climb over to their window full on Spiderman style. Soon he woke up the guys next door and they freaked out seeing him in their window. What a sight that crazy ass must have been. Luckily one of them was able to get their camera out and get a picture before that dumb ass finally came back inside. Seriously I am not sure how he did not fall three floors down, we were trashed. But the picture is priceless.

The worst part of the whole story for Doug, we had to go rafting the next day at 8am. Now I have the uncanny ability not to get hung over. Doug sadly was hurting. There is nothing worse with a hangover then an hour ride in a cramped van on your way to a day full of rafting. Poor guy...

Gotta love StumbleUpon...

2008-03-26T18:27:00.000-07:00

This is a funny site I found today:

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
Staple pages in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
type only in lowercase.
dont use any punctuation either
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
Ask people what gender they are.
While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Check out the whole site:
http://artlung.com/smorgasborg/how_to_tick_people_off.shtml

...

The Game....

2008-03-26T17:39:00.001-07:00

There are many things I loved while I was in Europe. Few however have left me the continual entertainment that the game had provided. My goal is to host most of the game videos on this site; if I cannot then I will offer a link to YouTube so that you can also experience the amazing thing that is The Game.

The game started on a train ride in Europe, and I have to give credit to it's founding to my friend, lets call him Doug Watabi. He earned this nickname because him and me were called the Watabi brothers all through Europe, but that story will have to be saved for another blog. These are the basis ingredients to play The Game: an Ipod, noise canceling headphones, lots of booze, and willing participants. The Game works like this: whoever wants to play gets really trashed, I mean really trashed. Then you choose who goes first, once decided this person then has to put on the headphones. If you have never worn noise cancellation headphones you literally can't hear shit while they are on. Once one and connected to an Ipod the other player get to scan through the song selection and pick any song they want. Once the song start the player has 30 seconds to say pass. Pass will only be granted if the player truly doesn't know the song, pass cannot be granted just to save embarrassment. Once a song is picked the player must sing the song as loud as possible with no regard for anyone else around them. Once done on to the next player.

Now you can obviously imagine how funny this would be on a packed train; especially if the Ipod has song on it like Britney Spears, Avril Lavigine, and N'Sync. Trust me this shit was hilarious. We played the game through towns, on trains, and in line to get into museums. It was freakin hilarious, especially when all of the people didn't speak English. There are a lot of funny Game stories but I am going to save them until I am able to post the video that goes along with them. Till then be ready to enjoy...

My worst date ever...

2008-03-25T16:51:00.001-07:00

So I had been "seeing" this chick in San Diego for a few weeks. I had just gotten out of two long term relationships so I wasn't looking for anything serious, and she provided that. Meeting her, lets call her Psycho, at a bar was probably my first mistake. Meeting her in a PB bar was my second. Anyone who knows the area realizes there are a few of what I would call PB floozies that just go out looking to meet new guys every week. This works well most of the time, in this instance it did not.

Now Psycho was about eight years older then me, which I didn't know the night I met her because luckily she looked good for her age. I should have known she was trouble when one-she went home with me, two-she bragged about how many people she had been with, and three-she went out in PB all of the time. So like I was saying we were hanging out for a few weeks when these events took place.

We were supposed to meet up with her friends at a local bar but they were running late so we decided to stop by a little dive bar. We had a couple of rounds and started in on a conversation about politics and religion. I know, I know, that was a huge mistake. Pretty soon we were in an argument over something I can't remember what. This is when I made the comment that would end our "relationship".

Psycho: What do you mean?
Me: I mean some things just aren't black and white. Don't get me wrong some things are, but some things only are to a certain amount on people, like abortion for instance.
Psycho: Do you have a problem with abortions? (Here look gave her away.)
Me: Ummmm.......

Seriously, what do you say to that? I personally am a big fan of a woman's right to choose, but I had never been sitting across from a girl who has actually had one. I didn't have anything to say, nothing. So what would any logical person do, I threw a $20 down on the table, didn't say a word, and just walked out of the bar and drove home. I can still remember the shocked look on her face. Honestly though, what was I supposed to do. My only goal of the night was to hook up with her, and now that was ruined. I couldn't even begin to imagine, or want to, putting any part of my body close to where a dead fetus had come out of. Seriously, that's like one of those things you try to think about when you're trying to last longer with a girl. There was no way I could possibly do it, no way. Call me a wuss, but even I won’t stoop that low, and honestly once you've had one wouldn't you stop being a slut...

Dude looks like a lady...

2008-03-24T11:10:00.000-07:00

Another gorgeous weekend here in San Diego. My best friend has been visiting for the past two weeks so I was glad with the nice weather we were able to end his trip in style, drinking all day by the beach. Here is a funny story that wrapped up our weekend.

We had been drinking all day at the beach playing the amazing game of Lasso Golf (if you haven't checked it out it is a great beach game). After showering up him, myself, and my girlfriend went out to Wine Steals to have a few drinks before the UCLA game and going out. Wine Steals is an awesome wine bar in Hillcrest. There we polished off two bottles of wine and not having eaten dinner we were getting pretty buzzed. My girlfriend had to be home to help here sister so we went back to here place to watch the game and have some drinks.

After the game we headed to the bars early to miss the typical Saturday night lines. We decided to go to Typhoon since both him and my girlfriend felt like dancing. Not that I am against dancing I am just more of a dive bar person myself. Since we were early we grabbed a table and proceeded to get liquored up. Now they last time I was there, Saint Patty's Day, I got kicked out so tonight I was on my best behavior. We through back 3-4 round and then saw the shuffleboard table open and went to play. Now I have never played shuffleboard before, and being pretty tipsy at the time I wasn't able to show off all of my skills. It was here at the table that something happened that would change my, and Lightweight's life forever.

It came up with a group of friends, laughing, giggling, and the normal stuff. I don't know how it started talking to Lightweight but instantly it was routing for our team. Lightweight had beer goggles on so I can't really blame him, at that point anything with two legs that quivers will turn you on. After the game, and some friendly touching, the two went to get drinks. Lightweight, being a gentleman and hearing that it was a law student, offered to but drinks. It then explained that she was Jewish and it's family was loaded. Shit, thought Lightweight, it can buy drinks. It bought a few rounds and Lightweight was well on his way to oblivion.

They separated and he ended up with us again. We felt like dancing now so the three of us went to the dance floor. Now my girlfriend is a very good dancer so we always had a plan when it was the three of us. She would take him on the dance floor first and kind of show him off. After a few minutes I would scout out the girls and see who was checking him out. Then I would come in and dance with her making it clear she was with me. This left him free and single to get one of the other girls. It sounds lame but works more often then not. The problem was this night he already had a target from earlier and she was with another guy on the dance floor. Typical PB floozy, I figured that Lightweight would be over this soon, as he typically hated that type of girl. She walked off holding another guys hand and I made my move to the floor. We danced for a while and then the next thing I know I look around and he is dancing with it.

Now I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. It was dark in there, and there was a lot of lights and smoke going on. But I swear to you when I looked over he was dancing with a man. Now yes it's body was ok, but still it was a dude. I instantly broke up laughing and had to text him to steer clear like any good friend would do. He wanted none of it and said he was having a great time. I imagine it went like this in his head:

Nice it came right over to me I didn't have to do anything. No way it is initiating everything, moving it's hands all over my body. It's almost as if it can read my mind. No way now it's buying me another drink. This is amazing, it's like I am with a guy.

Now I will never know what he really was thinking, and by no means do I think he thought it was a dude. The ramifications of such a reality would be way to much for me to handle. So I get tired and my girlfriend and me decide to go home. We find lightweight and tell him we are leaving. We ask if he wants to go with us. He gives us that look, you know the one, he just looks it up and down and then turns to us like why would I leave this. It takes all I have in me to not crack up. Knowing I am not going to win this battle I leave.

At this point its about 1am and I figured he would just go home with it when the bar closed. I text him a few more times that it is a man just to cover my bases the next morning. Now I was crashing at my girlfriends and Lightweight was staying on the couch. At around 230 in the morning we get a phone call that he is on his way home. We buzz him in the front gate and get ready to go back to sleep. From my girlfriends window you can see the walkway into the complex. We look out for him and cannot believe our eyes. He brought the fuckin He/She with him. What the fuck was he thinking. He babe, do you want to go back to my couch to hook up? Seriously, WTF. The next morning he told me that in his drunken stupor that he told her there was a great view from the balcony and wanted to show her. Idiot. I call him on his way up and tell him to get that thing out of here. Obviously upset, but knowing he has no argument, he walks her back to the car.

Now at this point I was convinced, but it wasn't till I got the full story the next morning that I really believed it was a man. First, the thing had a place in PB right down the street. Knowing that Lightweight didn't have a place why didn't it take him back with it. I know why, because it was worried that in the heat of the moment Lightweight would remove some of it's clothes to reveal it was a man. What he would do after that I don't even want to know. Second, on the way home from the bar Lightweight had to pee. He told it and instead of waiting or going to a gas station it pulls over and pees in the bushes with him. Seriously how many girls do you know that would do that? Anyways it makes for great entertainment all day Sunday making fun of his ass...

Please don't do it Obama, please...

2008-03-22T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well we knew it was going to happen, it was almost inevitable. Heaven forbid we go through an election season without dirty politics being used. I expected it from the Clinton's, they have done this before and really don't stand for change, they are simply the same old Washington. However, this year we had a hope, no not that hope that a certain candidate keeps talking about, but a hope in an actual candidate. Barack Obama was supposed to be different, the change all of us in the youth movement were waiting for. We have grown up disillusioned with modern day politics as more and more special interested and lobbying have stolen away the core belief that we can do anything to make a change. Apathy took over in the heart of most people my age, why care if nothing we do matters.

That all started to change a few years ago. Then an unknown senator gave a speech that touched me and many people I know in a profound way. I know a lot of pundits give him crap for supposedly only talking about change. But anyone who listened to that speech, and many of his other speeches, felt change. And isn't that what a leader should do, make you feel, make you care, make you hope. Once president they will get the chance to hire all sort of specialists, geniuses, and advisers to help them make decisions. No president makes decisions on their own so it is ridiculous to accuse any candidate of a lack of experience. You are there to lead.

This is why the past few weeks have upset me so much. Like I said I expected this from the Clintons. They have always been tied into the ugly Washington ways and always will be. So when pictures of Barack in Islamic garb came out on the eve of the Texas primaries where most rural voters are still extremely racist, I wasn't surprised. When she continued to lose and say that there was little to no chance of catching up in the delegate race and she decided to start playing Reverend Wright card, I wasn't surprised. When that didn't even work and she started calling him unpatriotic, I wasn't surprised. However, when Obama released a picture of Clinton with the reverend and then had a comment from his campaign that the Clinton's were like McCarthy , I was surprised.

Politics of this nature are what we are trying to get rid of in this country. Granted he probably is right. Clinton invited Wright to the White House, a little hypocritical. Still, he gained in the polls time after time while Clinton was utilizing dirty politics for one reason. People were sick of it and were seriously ready for a change from the norm. Obama was that change. I only hope he can regain that mantra and stay away from the trap the Clinton's are setting him up for. The last thing we need is another four years of the same old thing...

Obama on Larry King Live

2008-03-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

CNN LARRY KING LIVE

Sen. Barack Obama Speaks Out on the Iraq War, Race, Hillary Clinton and Pastor Jeremiah Wright

Aired March 20, 2008 - 21:00 ET

THIS IS A RUSH TRANSCRIPT. THIS COPY MAY NOT BE IN ITS FINAL FORM AND MAY BE UPDATED.

LARRY KING, HOST, LARRY KING LIVE: Tonight, Barack Obama on the definitive this week, explaining his views on race and his former pastor. Are those controversial issues behind him?
How does he address Iraq? America's role in the world? Barack Obama for the hour, next on LARRY KING LIVE.

Good evening.

Our special guest tonight is Senator Barack Obama, the Democrat of Illinois. He is in Beckley, West Virginia.

It's always good to see you. And it was great having your wife with us, by the way. She was terrific.

SEN. BARACK OBAMA (D-IL), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: She had a wonderful time, Larry. Thanks.

KING: All right, let's get first to the news of the day. Michigan apparently is not going to recount its already-held primary. Florida apparently is not going to do it. What's your solution to this?

OBAMA: Well, you know, we're going to abide by whatever rules the Democratic National Committee puts forward, as we've done from the start. You know, we were told it wasn't going to count and so we didn't campaign there. In fact, my name wasn't on the ballot in Michigan.

But I think it's important to make sure that the people of Michigan, the people of Florida, that their delegates are seated. And so, you know, we're committed to making sure that that happens in a fair and equitable way. And I'm confident that they will be participating fully in the Democratic convention. And I'm looking forward to hopefully campaigning there as the nominee.

KING: But if the decision is to seat the delegates voted on -- who went for Hillary Clinton -- wouldn't you protest that?

OBAMA: Well, I think it obviously wouldn't make sense to seat them proportionally to the results of a Michigan ballot, for example, where my name didn't appear. But I think that there should be some way for us to make sure that they're seated, figure out how their votes should count. And, you know, I'm confident that some solution can be resolved that makes sure that they're represented. But, you know, ultimately, the people of Michigan and the people of Florida, they're concerned about the same things that folks all across the country are concerned about. They're really concerned about what we're going to do about this economy, what we're going to do on the fifth anniversary of this war in Iraq. And so, you know, I will leave it to the Democratic National Committee to -- and their various Rules Committees and Credentials Committees -- to figure out something that's fair.

We'll be, you know, making sure that the Michigan and Florida delegation are seated. But what we want to do is, you know, make clear that the real focus of this election can't just be on the Rules Committee of the Democratic National Committee. It's got to be on the American people and how we're going to deal with the enormous problems that we're hearing about all across the country.

KING: Senator, do you fear any possible -- for want of a better word -- havoc at the convention over this?

OBAMA: I think it will get resolved well before the convention. You know, Larry, the truth is that we've had a vigorous contest. You know, Senator Clinton has been a tenacious competitor in this race. We, obviously, have built a terrific campaign that we're very proud of. And you know, we've won twice as many states as Senator Clinton and a larger share of the popular vote, more pledged delegates.

We feel good going into the convention. I'm sure that Senator Clinton, you know, feels good about the campaign she's run. I'm confident that Democrats will come together, because we recognize there's so much at stake. When you've got John McCain, the Republican nominee, who basically wants to continue Bush economic policies and wants to continue Bush's foreign policy, it is really looking at a third term for George Bush carrying on that legacy.

Democrats -- and I think a lot of Independents, and even some disaffected Republicans -- recognize we need to move in a different direction. And so whoever the nominee ends up being, I'm confident about the Democrats being unified and really focusing on winning in November.

KING: So no fear of that. Is there fear that you could go to Denver without a nominee?

OBAMA: My hope is, is that it gets resolved before that. I mean the last contest right now is scheduled for the third of June. That is almost three months before the convention. At that point, it should be pretty apparent who has the most delegates, who's won the largest popular vote, who's won the most states.

The superdelegates, I hope, at that stage, are going to weigh in heavily. And I think it should be apparent at that point who the nominee is going to be.

KING: There's a new national poll that shows Clinton now leading in the Gallup poll -- a tracking poll -- has Clinton ahead for the first time since February, 49-42. That's a national poll. How do you respond to that?

OBAMA: Well, you know, it's not surprising. Obviously, we took some hits over the last week-and-a-half as a consequence of this flap around Reverend Wright. And so that's the news that people have been absorbing.

But, you know, this campaign now has lasted 15 months. I mean there have been babies that have been born and are now walking and talking during the course of this campaign. And so we've had all kinds of ups and downs.

We were down 20 points at one stage. We were up. We were down again. We were up. You know, I haven't spent a lot of time paying attention to the day-to-day national polls. What I've tried to focus on is a message that the American people, you know, can hear, that speaks to the day-to-day issues they're talking about around the kitchen table.

You know, people are in fear of losing their homes because of the home foreclosure crisis. They're concerned about what are we going to do to spur the economy and create jobs that pay a living wage. They're worried about the lack of health care. And they're worried about loved ones who have been deployed three or four times to Iraq.

Those are the issues that we talked about, insisting that we've got to change how Washington does business if we're going to have an impact on those issues. That's why I think we've done well. We're going to keep on delivering that same message and I think that will carry us to the nomination and to victory in the general election.

KING: We'll discuss Iraq in the next segment. What about all of this has surprised you?

OBAMA: Well, you know what surprised me is how hungry Americans are for change. I mean I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you at this stage if the American people didn't recognize that we had to shift our politics in a fundamental way.

They know that special interests have dominated the agenda in Washington, that the insurance and the drug companies have, you know, helped to write our health care laws. So that on prescription drugs, for example, you know, senior citizens are still paying more than their counterparts in Canada or even counterparts who get their drugs through the V.A. because the pharmaceutical lobby was able to prevent Medicare from negotiating for the cheapest available price on drugs.

People recognize that we've got high gas bills. The oil companies are making record profits. And none of that's being reinvested in building new refinery capacity or making sure that we're developing alternative energies that can give relief at the pump.

And so they know we've got to change those things. And what's been surprising to me is how responsive they've been to our message of change.

KING: We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll talk about Iraq with Senator Barack Obama of Illinois.

Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: Yes, we can. We will change this country and we'll change the world. We are ready to stand up and turn the page. This is our time. We cannot wait. We are ready to write the next great chapter in America's story. They're looking backward. We're looking forwards. Our time for change has come.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with Senator Obama.

A "Washington Post" editorial today took issue with President Bush, with Senator Clinton and with you on all your respective positions on Iraq, calling them fantasies, saying that all your speeches promise the impossible.

On the suggestion of your troops withdrawal plans: "In the 16 months or so it would take to remove those forces, they envision" -- you and Senator Clinton -- "the near miraculous accomplishment of every political goal the Bush administration aimed at for five years -- from the establishment of a stable government to an agreement by Iraq's neighbors to support it."

Are you in fantasyland?

(LAUGHTER)

OBAMA: Well, no, Larry. And I think that "The Washington Post" mischaracterized my position. What I've said is that we need to begin a phased withdrawal out of Iraq. I've been saying this for a long time now. And I warned from the outset, from the beginning of this war -- which I opposed -- that this was going to distract us from the fight we needed to fight in Afghanistan, that this was going to fan the flames of anti-American sentiment.

And once we were in, I said there weren't going to be any good options. And I still believe that. There are no good options in Iraq. There are bad options and worse options. The least bad option, I believe, is to begin a phased redeployment, send a clear signal to the Iraqi government it is time for them to stand up and negotiate the kinds of agreements that can stick and stabilize the country, to get the neighbors in Iraq involved -- and that includes not just our allies like Saudi Arabia and Jordan, but also Iran and Syria.

And to get the international community involved in creating a humanitarian assistance program, to have an international war crimes commission that can monitor any efforts at ethnic cleansing inside the country and that we would still have a strike force that would go after any attempts to create al Qaeda bases in Iraq. Now is that going to be an ideal situation in which all the parties in Iraq have suddenly magically agreed? Of course not. And I don't know what "The Washington Post" thinks is going to happen if we just stay and continue in the same process we are now.

There are no magic bullets here. But what we can do is at least put some pressure on the Iraqi government to make sure that we start seeing some changes.

KING: Yes. The --

OBAMA: What we can do is start engaging all folks in the region around a plan to stabilize. And what we can do is start reducing the enormous toll on both military families and on our treasury, so that we can refocus attention on what should have been our focus in the first place -- going after bin Laden, going after al Qaeda, focusing on Afghanistan, which has become more violent than at any time since 2001. That's my plan. That, I think, is what ultimately is going to make us safer.

KING: The president warned yesterday that withdrawal would end in chaos.

Let's watch a little of what he said.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

GEORGE W. BUSH, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: If we were to allow our enemies to prevail in Iraq, the violence that is now declining would accelerate and Iraq would descend into chaos. Al Qaeda would regain its lost sanctuaries and establish new ones, fomenting violence and terror that could spread beyond Iraq's borders, with serious consequences for the world's economy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KING: All right. He's saying that al Qaeda will run rampant under your plan and plans to withdraw.

How do you respond?

OBAMA: Look, the -- you heard, I think, the other day, Senator McCain confuse al Qaeda with Shia radical militias inside of Iraq. The president makes the same error. He keeps on conflating al Qaeda with all that's going on inside of Iraq. In fact, Iraq is a majority Shia country that is violently opposed to al Qaeda. The Sunnis inside of Iraq are now opposed to al Qaeda.

There's no doubt that al Qaeda would try to get another foothold in there. But to the extent that we've brought Sunnis in and got them to buy into the central government, we can start making some progress.

In fact, that's part of the reason that violence is down. Not only have our troops performed magnificently and done everything we've asked them to do, but you've also got Sunni tribal leaders who have rejected al Qaeda and, in fact, are trying to cooperate. So the notion that al Qaeda would run roughshod over Iraq is just not correct. In contrast, you do have safe havens for al Qaeda in Afghanistan and Pakistan. That we know. We know for certain. The Taliban has strengthened itself. They're using the funds from the heroin trade in that region to help finance much of what they're doing. And we're seeing more suicide bombs, more violent attacks. It's starting to creep into the rest of Pakistan.

We know that's where the people who killed 3,000 Americans are located. And we have not been focused on that because of our obsession with Iraq.

So my argument about withdrawing out of Iraq is not because I don't think that we can sustain this current burden indefinitely -- although, the fact is that will break the bank eventually. We can't keep on spending $200 billion a year or $150 billion a year in Iraq.

It's not just because it is straining our military and military families in extraordinary ways. It's also because it's not the best strategy to deal with terrorism, which should have been our focus from the start and has unfortunately been diverted into an effort in Iraq that has been counterproductive to that effort.

KING: If elected, would you go to Iraq?

OBAMA: Absolutely. Not only do I intend to go to Iraq, but I intend to travel throughout the region. And I think that we should call a summit with Muslim leaders from around the world to talk to them about their need to partner with us to defeat radical terrorism and for our commitment to work with them as equal partners in creating opportunity for their people.

That attempt at broadening the conversation so that the Muslim world recognizes that we understand their aspirations and that we want them to be successful, stable societies, and to enlist them in the battle against the small corps of terrorists that are operating not just in the Middle East, but in many regions around the world, that effort, that message has not been delivered effectively by this president. It's something that I intend to do because, again, that's part of what's required to make us safer.

KING: By the way, would you go before taking office? Would you go between November and January?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think that I would like to go between November and January to talk to our troops and to thank them for their extraordinary efforts and to get a direct reading from commanders on the ground. Because I think that it's going to be important for us to make a clear-eyed assessment, not based on fact, not on the desire to save face from bad decisions that were made in the past, but to look very squarely at what is possible to achieve in Iraq at this point and how we can start executing a drawdown that is careful and prudent.

Keep in mind that, you know, the response oftentimes from people like President Bush or John McCain is that Obama is proposing a precipitous drawdown. There's nothing precipitous about what I'm talking about.

KING: Yes.

OBAMA: You know, if after five years, were where we are now and we're talking about another two years before we've gotten combat troops out of Iraq, if we can't have completed this mission in an intelligent way after seven years, when originally this was supposed to be a $50 billion to $60 billion enterprise that was going to take about six months, then I think the American people, understandably, are going to be pretty frustrated, because this is not at all what was promised them by Senator McCain or by George Bush.

KING: We will touch other bases and return with Senator Barack Obama of Illinois right after this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: I will bring this war to an end when I'm president of the United States of America.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

SEN. HILLARY CLINTON (D-NY), PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: I think it's imperative that each of us be able to demonstrate we can cross the commander-in-chief threshold. And I believe that I have done that. Certainly Senator McCain has done that. And you will have to ask Senator Obama with respect to his candidacy.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KING: Is there a danger in that kind of thing, only in the fact that it would presume that if you get the nomination, the McCain people would run that throughout the campaign in an advertisement against you?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think Senator Clinton has been running a campaign out of the Republican playbook over the last several weeks. And this whole notion that there is a commander-in-chief test that she feels she's passed, you know, is based on pure assertion. I mean, there's nothing behind it that would demonstrate that.

You know, I have served on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee. She's served on the Senate Armed Services Committee. She has made, I believe, poor judgments when it comes to issues like the war in Iraq. I've made the right judgments.

And, so, really, the question for the commander-in-chief -- the next commander-in-chief -- is who is best-positioned to rally the world around a series of global threats that many countries have to deal with -- terrorism, you know, how are we going to deal with issues like climate change, how are we going to deal with issues like genocide and disease and refugees. And that requires the kind of judgment that I think I've shown not just on the issue on Iraq, but on questions like Pakistan, where I warned very early that we shouldn't put all our eggs in the President Musharraf basket, that we were alienating the people of Pakistan, even as we were neglecting going after terrorists' safe havens in Pakistan.

On issues like diplomacy, where I've talked about the need for direct diplomacy with countries like Iran to get them to stand down on nuclear weapons and stop the kinds of rhetoric against Israel and the funding of Hezbollah and Hamas.

You know, those are all issues that we need from the next commander-in-chief. You know, when I answer that phone call at 3:00 in the morning, you know, what is going to be at issue is the kind of judgment that I can apply. And I've shown, I think, over the last several months, during the course of this campaign and the last several years in major foreign policy issues, that the judgment I'm going to show is the judgment that's needed to make this country safer.

KING: All right. You've served with her in the Senate. Has her -- I don't want to put words in your mouth -- has her campaign disappointed you, surprised you?

OBAMA: Well, no. I mean, look, as I've said, she's a tenacious campaigner. I don't think either her or husband like to lose. And, you know, she herself and her campaign talked about a "kitchen sink" strategy, where we're just going to throw a bunch of stuff a Senator Obama and see what sticks.

I understand that that's the textbook way of operating in Washington. I mean that's what you do. When you're down, if you're down in the polls, if you've been losing a lot of races, then you throw a lot of negative stuff at your opponent.

That's the kind of politics, in part, that I'm looking to change. Now, you know, we don't mind drawing tough comparisons on issues. But part of what I think the country needs right now is a little less rhetoric, a little less P.R. and spin, a little more straight talk, a little more honesty about the difficult issues that we're going to solve.

And, you know, I have respect for Senator Clinton, her intelligence and her diligence. I think she's got some good ideas. I think John McCain is an American hero and, you know, quick to honor his service on behalf of our country.

But we've got some big problems that we're facing right now. You know, I meet families all of the time who literally are having to make decisions about do they drive to work this morning or do they pay the electricity bill. I meet families who don't have health care for their kids or themselves, despite the fact that they have one, two, three jobs, in some cases.

So those are the kinds of issues that aren't going to lend themselves to sound bites, they're not going to lend themselves to clever ads. What's needed is for us to sit down in a pragmatic, practical way and try to figure out how we're going to solve these problems.

And one last point I want to make, Larry. You know, both Senator Clinton and John McCain, when they talk about their experience or preparedness for president, what they're really referring to is how long they've been in Washington. And, you know, I think most of your viewers recognize Washington doesn't work and it hasn't worked. And part of the reason is, is because the special interests and the lobbyists are contributing enormous sums of money.

Lobbyists are active in writing legislation. And Senator Clinton has said that they're not really a problem, that they represent real people, that they represent ordinary Americans.

Well, I disagree with that. I think they're part of a problem in Washington. And both Senator McCain and Senator Clinton have been willing to take enormous sums of money from those lobbyists and those special interests. And that, I think, inhibits their ability to bring about the kinds of real change that Americans need to see -- the economy get better and for their lives to improve.

KING: We'll take a break and come back. The race issue has come to the forefront. We'll ask the senator about it right after this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: America is ready to embrace the policies of the future.

(APPLAUSE)

OBAMA: That's why we're here today. That's why I'm running for president of the United States of America.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: The race issue has come to the forefront. Our guest is Senator Barack Obama.

I guess most people would be saying, why not just leave the church of Reverend Wright? I know you have been in that church a long time, been close to him. He has a major involvement in your family, but based on what he said, why not just say goodbye?

OBAMA: Well, he has retired, Larry. So you know, he preached his last sermon already.

KING: But that was the church.

OBAMA: But -- let me...

KING: All right. Never mind, go ahead.

OBAMA: Yes, well, you know, let's just broaden this for a second. You know, I gave obviously a major speech about this issue and race in general on Tuesday. And you know, what I have said consistently is that what Reverend Wright said that has become the issue of controversy was completely inexcusable and unacceptable.

And I completely disavow any of those statement that were made. They were statements that I wasn't aware of, were not brought to my attention until fairly recently. I wasn't in the church when he said those things.

And there are no excuses for it. I think they were divisive. I think that they demeaned our country in powerful ways. What I have also said is that that wasn't typical of what I heard from Reverend Wright, that the church that I have attended for 15 years is a very conventional Christian church, a African-American church, squarely grounded in the tradition of the African-American church, that we talk mostly about Christ and salvation and sin and mercy and justice and hope, that it is a bedrock of the South Side of Chicago.

It has enormous attendance with people from all walks of life. And so given that Reverend Wright was retiring, I have no reason to leave the church. And what I also have tried to point out is that had I known that many of these comments were being made, I would have confronted Reverend Wright directly. And if he had continued to argue these points or if I had heard them in the church, I might have left. But that is not what happened.

KING: You are saying it wasn't the church, it was him. And since he is not there, you are still in the church.

OBAMA: You know, I mean, I -- I mean, I think that what is true is, is that Reverend Wright made some very reckless and hurtful statements. And -- but you know, he is also somebody who preached for 30 years. And what we have been seeing are sound bites compressed into 30 seconds or a minute or two minutes from somebody who performed three services at least a week for 20, 30 years.

KING: How do you --

OBAMA: And so that doesn't in any way excuse it, it just -- it is just to point out, Larry, that I don't think that typifies the service that I was attending on an on-going basis. And more broadly, the point that I tried to make on Tuesday was that, you know, there are a lot of objectionable things that are said within the African- American community when it comes to racial issues. There is a lot of anger that is pent-up.

You know, I hear it in a variety of settings. And what I want to be held accountable for are the things that I say, the things that I believe, the things I promote. And I think that anybody who has followed my career knows that my entire career has been built around the idea of bringing people together, listening to each other, engaging in understanding.

And that partly is necessitated from my own upbringing. I mean, I am somebody who comes from a mixed family. My mother was white. I was raised by her and my white grandparents in Hawaii, a place where there was great diversity.

And so, you know, I think it is important just to recognize that I am rooted in the African-American community. There are flaws within the African-American community, just as there are in any other community. But the basic approach that I have taken, not just to race issues, but to all issues, has been the need for us to come together as Americans and to perfect our union over time. And that is really what the speech was about on Tuesday.

KING: A couple of other things in that area. Have you have had any communication with the reverend since all of this?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I haven't. He was actually -- because, as I said, he preached his last sermon. He is on sabbatical. He went to take a cruise. He was not available by phone. You know, I had spoken to him earlier when some of these sermons first came to light.

I had spoken to him earlier and told him that, you know, I was uncomfortable and objected strongly to some of these statements. But that, you know, obviously he had played an important part in bringing me to my faith, and that I hoped our relationship would continue.

I haven't talked to him since that time. And I'm sure that, you know, he has a lot to think about, given the firestorm that has erupted over time. And you know, I suspect that I will talk to him at some point, to get his feelings on the issue.

KING: We'll take a look at the other side of the coin when we come back. Our guest is Senator Barack Obama of Illinois on this edition of LARRY KING LIVE. Don't go away.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: If we could just get past the divisions of race and religion and region, then there is nothing we could not do, no destiny we could not fulfill.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: We're back with Senator Obama. What might be the other side of the coin, Martin Marty, who is white, and one of America's foremost theologians, has known Reverend Wright for 35 years, attended many of his services, and is quoted in today's "New York Times" defending the reverend.

He says, "You hear hope, hope, hope. It's not anti-white. I don't know anyone who walks out of there not feeling affirmed."

How would you comment on that?

OBAMA: Well, Martin Marty I think is one of the greatest theologians that we have. And I think his characterization is accurate. As I said, there's been a caricature of Reverend Wright and the church that's been out there. Now, given the reckless and offensive statements that have been played, it's understandable that people have a negative reaction. And I understand that. And as I said, Reverend Wright's comments were inexcusable.

But I do think it's important just to recognize that this has been a church that's been the pillar of the community, that is part of a 99 percent white denomination, the United Church of Christ. People come to visit from within the denomination. They come from all across the country, mostly white visitors, always feel welcome. There are white members of the church.

And so there has been some distortion, in terms of what this church is about. It's engaged in tremendous ministries, in reaching out to people with HIV/AIDS. It has been very progressive on issues, for example, related to gays and other social issues that are difficult, but the church has dealt with in a generous, and hopeful, and welcoming way.

So some of this, I think, has been a distortion. But really what this did was open up, I think, a larger set of issues, which is there are still suspicions and misunderstandings, anger and resentments that bubble up between the races.

I don't think it should eclipse, though, what we have in common. And this is part of what I've talked about and written about in my two books, "Dreams for my Father" and "Audacity of Hope." I've talked about the fact that this is a difficult issue; it's one that we haven't overcome. But we've made enormous progress during my lifetime.

And what I find, when I travel all around the country, is that blacks, whites, Hispanics, Asians, Native Americans, we have so much more in common as Americans than we do what divides us.

And I regret the fact that Reverend Wright obsessed on the divisions instead of what brings us together. And I hope that, during the course of the remainder of the campaign, that this is something that we talk about, that it's out in the open, but that it doesn't override the common interests the people have in making sure that all our kids are getting a decent education and going to college, the common interest all of us have in making sure that the economy provides good jobs with good wages, the common interest all of us have in making sure that every single American has decent health care, the common interest we have in making sure that every senior citizen can retire with dignity and respect.

Those are the issues that I think sometimes we fail to deal with because we get distracted by issues related to race or some of these other hot-button issues that cause up a big stir. I mean, I wish that we had seen over the last week as much time devoted to my healthcare plan or Senator Clinton's healthcare plan or John McCain's healthcare plan or our plans to invest in science and technology, to keep our economy at the cutting edge. Those are not as sexy, but in some ways those are the things that all Americans have a great investment in. KING: The senator spoke eloquently the other night about his relationship with his white grandmother. And when we come back, we'll show you a clip of that and ask him about it. Watch.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

OBAMA: I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can disown my white grandmother, a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed her by on the street and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

KING: You called her today a "typical white person," meaning what, Senator?

OBAMA: Well, what I meant really was that some of the fears of street crime and some of the stereotypes that go along with that, you know, were responses that I think many people feel. She's not extraordinary in that regard. She's somebody who I love as much as anybody. I mean, she has literally helped to raise me.

But those are fears that are embedded in our culture and embedded in our society. And, you know, even within our own families, even within a family like mine that is diverse, you know, there are those gaps in understanding or the stereotypes that are fed by the news media and fed by what we see around us and, you know, in our popular culture.

And so the point I made is, is that good people, people who are not in any way racist, are still subject to some of these images and stereotypes and that it's very hard to escape from them.

KING: Do you think all this might hurt your campaign?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think that my campaign has always been built on a confidence in the American people, that we can talk honestly about issues, that we can acknowledge that they're complicated, that we can disagree without being disagreeable, that we can understand each other's point of view, and that if we take the time to listen to each other, if we're honest with each other, if we're not trying to demonize each other, then we can solve problems, that we can, in very practical ways, start investing in infrastructure to put people back to work in this country, that we can invest in clean energy, that solar and wind and, you know, loosen our dependence on foreign oil, that we can educate all our kids, that we can have a foreign policy that's sensible.

So I think that this is a good example of the kinds of tough, sometimes uncomfortable issues that are going to come up in our politics. But I have confidence in the American people's fairness, that they're going to judge me based on who I am, what I've talked about, the kind of campaign we've run, and the track record of 20 years of service.

And if they believe that I can help them in their lives and make their lives and their children's lives and grandkids' lives a little bit better, then I have confidence that they're going to support me and we have a chance to really change this country.

KING: We have a few brief minutes left with Senator Barack Obama, and we'll spend them right after this message.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

KING: A couple of quick things, Senator. Would you, in your administration, make use of Bill Clinton?

OBAMA: Absolutely. I think that, you know, Bill Clinton is a brilliant statesman and politician, and I think that any president would want to use his skills and his relationships around the world.

By the way, I would reach out to the first George Bush. You know, one of the things that I think George H.W. Bush doesn't get enough credit for was his foreign policy team and the way that he helped negotiate the end of the Cold War and prosecuted the Gulf War. That cost us 20 billion dollars. That's all it cost. It was extremely successful. I think there were a lot of very wise people. So I want a bipartisan team that can help to provide me good advice and counsel when I'm president of the United States.

KING: Would you consider Senator Hillary Clinton for a vice presidential nod?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think it's premature, but also presumptuous of me to start talking about her as a V.P. candidate when she's still contesting this nomination. And I think that --

KING: That's fair.

OBAMA: But I'll tell you she's a smart lady.

KING: The McCain campaign has suspended a staff member -- did it this afternoon -- for distributing a YouTube video that questioned your patriotism. It included footage from Reverend Wright's controversial sermons. Any comment on Senator McCain doing that?

OBAMA: Well, you know, Senator McCain actually has generally operated in an honorable way. We've got obviously strong disagreements, but when, for example, there was a supporter that kept on just repeating my middle name over and over again, obviously trying to implicate, you know, suggest somehow that I was not the kind of candidate that America would want, Senator McCain spoke out forcefully against it.

So I respect that he, I think, so far, has run an honorable campaign, and I intend to show him the same courtesy when we meet in the general election. KING: Senator McCain has been a guest here a couple of weeks ago, been a frequent guest. Senator Clinton, of course, is always invited. And Senator Obama will always be invited back.

One other quick thing, how are you going to do in Pennsylvania?

OBAMA: Well, you know, I think Pennsylvania is going to be a real struggle and battle for us. We're going to be working hard. Senator Clinton, I think, has a significant lead and she's got a very popular governor in her corner, who's out there gathering up a lot of institutional support.

But we've always been best when we're the underdog. We're scrappy. And so we're going to work hard and reach out to as many people as possible. And I think we can do very well, as well as in the other states, North Carolina, I'm in West Virginia today, Oregon, Kentucky, Indiana, Montana, South Dakota, and Puerto Rico.

We've got a lot of contests still remaining. And in each of those, our attitude has been we work hard in all of them. We try to deliver our message of bringing people together and overcoming the special interests in Washington, speaking the truth. And that's been successful so far. Hopefully, it will be successful everywhere that remains.

KING: Thank you, Senator. Good luck down the trail. Always good seeing you.

Piece of shit car, I got a piece of shit car...

2008-03-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

...doesn't get me very far. Great Adam Sandler song. In that honor I am giving a brief overview of the cars I have owned to this point in my life:

1983 Toyota Celica, Blue-Grey, Automatic.
This car was a beauty. As my first car I really didn't care, I just wanted something to drive that would be able to get me out of the house. It had probably the smallest motor known to man so I would constantly be flooring it. I drove this car for about a year, never any long road trips or anything, mainly just to school and back. Sadly the car didn't have a stereo that worked. No problem for me, I hooked up an AC/DC cigarette lighter converter and rocked a boombox from the back seat. Now that is big pimpin. To add to the awesomeness of this car I painted on racing stripes with white curb paint from my job. Sadly I was rear ended during senior year of high school and the car was totaled.
1990 Jeep Cherokee, Red, Automatic This was my baby. At the time I thought she was a vast improvement over the Celica. With 4 wheel drive capabilities and plenty of room for my friends I was in heaven. All it needed was a sound system. My friend was upgrading his so I bought his old system: two solo-baric 12-inch kickers with a 1200-watt amp. This thing seriously bumped. The only problem was I had to hook it up myself. Not being professionals my friend and I decided to drill through firewall to hook up the power. After hooking it all up we soon realized the system took to much power for my car to handle. First I went out and bought the biggest battery possible for the car, no go. Second I bought one of the power cartridges that are supposed to add to the power coming from the battery. This help except for one major problem. When you would have the stereo turned up and you would use a turn signal the car would shut off. This caused a lot of problems especially in LA traffic. Sadly this car died driving back from LA on a long road trip, the piston rod shot through the engine block.
1994 Saturn SL2, Green, Automatic First car I actually bought on my own. This was a gem all right. My friends loved it because it had dent proof doors, and they constantly tested them with kicks and punches. Honestly, I loved this car and really don't have much bad to say. It got me through 3 1/2 yrs of college, over 50,000 miles, and a ton of hilarious road trips that I am sure will be documented later on in this blog. Probably to this day still the best car I have owned. Sadly, this ones engine died on me driving to class one day
1987 BMW 325i, Red, Automatic, AKA "Two part epoxy" This car was always meant to be a temporary fix. I needed a car to finish up school with and to get me down to San Diego. So for those purposes this car did great. It felt nice driving around a beamer; yeah I was one of those people. However, this car did have a few major flaws. The passenger side mirror was gone so what did we do? I took my friends shower mirror and glued it on in place, amazing (and fog free.). Also, the back window on the driver side was broken. If you haven't seen one of these cars the back windows are those old school pop out kind that you have to manually push out and then they lock in place. When I bought it the window was held in place by duck tape. I should have known it was a problem when on the way home the window flew off and I had to turn around to get it. To fix this problem I first employed the uses of black gorilla tape. At least it matched the color scheme. This lasted a little while but would constantly have to be replaced. So we turned towards every kind of super glue we could find. The one that finally did the trick, 2-part epoxy, hence the nickname. The car died by having the radiator go out on me on the freeway. A nice mechanic on his way home helped me get it to the closest gas station where I parked it. He told me he might have a used radiator at his shop so we exchanged numbers and planned on getting the car in the morning. I left my number with the gas station and got a ride home. The next morning I drove over and my car was gone. The station had lost my number and it was the day the truck came to fill up the gas tank. My car was in the way so they had it towed. I would have had to pay more to get it out of impound then I paid for the car originally so I said a sweet farewell.
1989 Toyota Corolla, White, Manual This is my current car, and my first manual. When I bought the car I was by myself and had to teach myself how to drive a stick, no fun. After stalling out a few times, once trying to start up again in third on accident, I got the hang of it. This car has been good to me so far. It's not much to look at but it has a good stereo system and gets me from A to B. Right now its also serving as my storage room since I don't have a room down here yet and all of my shit is packed into it. I’m sure there will be a good story to come with this one and I will update this when it happens.

Till next time...

Funny Quotes

2008-03-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

My goal in this section is to constantly update it with random quotes that made me laugh during the day:

In response to my whining at the refs during a Lakers game: "You can't foul yourself."
In response to why the radio wasn't working after I farted: "The poo particles are blocking the signal."
After a girl said she liked Kobe Bryant: Me- You know he's a rapist? Her-I like it like that. Me-Have you read the police report? Her- (Walks out the door.) My Friend- Yeah alone by candlelight.
After we all wished we could get home quicker by walking over water: "What you can't?"
My friend who we all tease for being a pedafile (he's not) as we walk by a park with two little kids birthday parties: "So I guess i'll see you guys in a few hours."
My pedafile friend watching a kid nation episode in which kids are broken up into different colored teams and forced to catch water being sprayed on them in buckets: "I wish there was a white team." (For you who don't know kid nation is a reality show with kids aged 8-15)
Friend talking about his ex-girlfriends slutty roommate: "She has gonaherphaciphalades."
Friends tag line all through Europe: "Jesus Christ on a fuckin rubber crutch."
After my friend took an extremely long and noisy shit: "Did you have an abortion in there?"
My friend talking about how he wants to be able to put pictures on condoms: "I want to be able to take a picture of my dick and put it on a condom. Cause then it's like the real thing."
Same conversation next line: "Except I'd make it black."
Asking a waitress if their fudge really is the best in town: "Of course it is, I am the best fudge packer around."
My friend (who kissed a he/she the night before) responding to me asking him if his ass hurt from the ass raping the night before: "No problems here, I am the pitcher not the catcher."
In response to a question to a girl of what I would be if I was a supermarket item: "You would be chocolate covered nuts, cause I love licking them."
When looking at our girls while drinking a beer: "You know why I love beer, they look better and I last longer."

Obama'a "More Perfect Union" Speech Transcript

2008-03-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

"We the people, in order to form a more perfect union."

Two hundred and twenty one years ago, in a hall that still stands across the street, a group of men gathered and, with these simple words, launched America's improbable experiment in democracy. Farmers and scholars; statesmen and patriots who had traveled across an ocean to escape tyranny and persecution finally made real their declaration of independence at a Philadelphia convention that lasted through the spring of 1787.

The document they produced was eventually signed but ultimately unfinished. It was stained by this nation's original sin of slavery, a question that divided the colonies and brought the convention to a stalemate until the founders chose to allow the slave trade to continue for at least twenty more years, and to leave any final resolution to future generations.

Of course, the answer to the slavery question was already embedded within our Constitution - a Constitution that had at is very core the ideal of equal citizenship under the law; a Constitution that promised its people liberty, and justice, and a union that could be and should be perfected over time.

And yet words on a parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage, or provide men and women of every color and creed their full rights and obligations as citizens of the United States. What would be needed were Americans in successive generations who were willing to do their part - through protests and struggle, on the streets and in the courts, through a civil war and civil disobedience and always at great risk - to narrow that gap between the promise of our ideals and the reality of their time.

This was one of the tasks we set forth at the beginning of this campaign - to continue the long march of those who came before us, a march for a more just, more equal, more free, more caring and more prosperous America. I chose to run for the presidency at this moment in history because I believe deeply that we cannot solve the challenges of our time unless we solve them together - unless we perfect our union by understanding that we may have different stories, but we hold common hopes; that we may not look the same and we may not have come from the same place, but we all want to move in the same direction - towards a better future for of children and our grandchildren.

This belief comes from my unyielding faith in the decency and generosity of the American people. But it also comes from my own American story.

I am the son of a black man from Kenya and a white woman from Kansas. I was raised with the help of a white grandfather who survived a Depression to serve in Patton's Army during World War II and a white grandmother who worked on a bomber assembly line at Fort Leavenworth while he was overseas. I've gone to some of the best schools in America and lived in one of the world's poorest nations. I am married to a black American who carries within her the blood of slaves and slaveowners - an inheritance we pass on to our two precious daughters. I have brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, uncles and cousins, of every race and every hue, scattered across three continents, and for as long as I live, I will never forget that in no other country on Earth is my story even possible.

It's a story that hasn't made me the most conventional candidate. But it is a story that has seared into my genetic makeup the idea that this nation is more than the sum of its parts - that out of many, we are truly one.

Throughout the first year of this campaign, against all predictions to the contrary, we saw how hungry the American people were for this message of unity. Despite the temptation to view my candidacy through a purely racial lens, we won commanding victories in states with some of the whitest populations in the country. In South Carolina, where the Confederate Flag still flies, we built a powerful coalition of African Americans and white Americans.

This is not to say that race has not been an issue in the campaign. At various stages in the campaign, some commentators have deemed me either "too black" or "not black enough." We saw racial tensions bubble to the surface during the week before the South Carolina primary. The press has scoured every exit poll for the latest evidence of racial polarization, not just in terms of white and black, but black and brown as well.

And yet, it has only been in the last couple of weeks that the discussion of race in this campaign has taken a particularly divisive turn.

On one end of the spectrum, we've heard the implication that my candidacy is somehow an exercise in affirmative action; that it's based solely on the desire of wide-eyed liberals to purchase racial reconciliation on the cheap. On the other end, we've heard my former pastor, Reverend Jeremiah Wright, use incendiary language to express views that have the potential not only to widen the racial divide, but views that denigrate both the greatness and the goodness of our nation; that rightly offend white and black alike.

I have already condemned, in unequivocal terms, the statements of Reverend Wright that have caused such controversy. For some, nagging questions remain. Did I know him to be an occasionally fierce critic of American domestic and foreign policy? Of course. Did I ever hear him make remarks that could be considered controversial while I sat in church? Yes. Did I strongly disagree with many of his political views? Absolutely - just as I'm sure many of you have heard remarks from your pastors, priests, or rabbis with which you strongly disagreed.

But the remarks that have caused this recent firestorm weren't simply controversial. They weren't simply a religious leader's effort to speak out against perceived injustice. Instead, they expressed a profoundly distorted view of this country - a view that sees white racism as endemic, and that elevates what is wrong with America above all that we know is right with America; a view that sees the conflicts in the Middle East as rooted primarily in the actions of stalwart allies like Israel, instead of emanating from the perverse and hateful ideologies of radical Islam.

As such, Reverend Wright's comments were not only wrong but divisive, divisive at a time when we need unity; racially charged at a time when we need to come together to solve a set of monumental problems - two wars, a terrorist threat, a falling economy, a chronic health care crisis and potentially devastating climate change; problems that are neither black or white or Latino or Asian, but rather problems that confront us all.

Given my background, my politics, and my professed values and ideals, there will no doubt be those for whom my statements of condemnation are not enough. Why associate myself with Reverend Wright in the first place, they may ask? Why not join another church? And I confess that if all that I knew of Reverend Wright were the snippets of those sermons that have run in an endless loop on the television and You Tube, or if Trinity United Church of Christ conformed to the caricatures being peddled by some commentators, there is no doubt that I would react in much the same way

But the truth is, that isn't all that I know of the man. The man I met more than twenty years ago is a man who helped introduce me to my Christian faith, a man who spoke to me about our obligations to love one another; to care for the sick and lift up the poor. He is a man who served his country as a U.S. Marine; who has studied and lectured at some of the finest universities and seminaries in the country, and who for over thirty years led a church that serves the community by doing God's work here on Earth - by housing the homeless, ministering to the needy, providing day care services and scholarships and prison ministries, and reaching out to those suffering from HIV/AIDS.

In my first book, Dreams From My Father, I described the experience of my first service at Trinity:

"People began to shout, to rise from their seats and clap and cry out, a forceful wind carrying the reverend's voice up into the rafters….And in that single note - hope! - I heard something else; at the foot of that cross, inside the thousands of churches across the city, I imagined the stories of ordinary black people merging with the stories of David and Goliath, Moses and Pharaoh, the Christians in the lion's den, Ezekiel's field of dry bones. Those stories - of survival, and freedom, and hope - became our story, my story; the blood that had spilled was our blood, the tears our tears; until this black church, on this bright day, seemed once more a vessel carrying the story of a people into future generations and into a larger world. Our trials and triumphs became at once unique and universal, black and more than black; in chronicling our journey, the stories and songs gave us a means to reclaim memories that we didn't need to feel shame about…memories that all people might study and cherish - and with which we could start to rebuild."

That has been my experience at Trinity. Like other predominantly black churches across the country, Trinity embodies the black community in its entirety - the doctor and the welfare mom, the model student and the former gang-banger. Like other black churches, Trinity's services are full of raucous laughter and sometimes bawdy humor. They are full of dancing, clapping, screaming and shouting that may seem jarring to the untrained ear. The church contains in full the kindness and cruelty, the fierce intelligence and the shocking ignorance, the struggles and successes, the love and yes, the bitterness and bias that make up the black experience in America.

And this helps explain, perhaps, my relationship with Reverend Wright. As imperfect as he may be, he has been like family to me. He strengthened my faith, officiated my wedding, and baptized my children. Not once in my conversations with him have I heard him talk about any ethnic group in derogatory terms, or treat whites with whom he interacted with anything but courtesy and respect. He contains within him the contradictions - the good and the bad - of the community that he has served diligently for so many years.

I can no more disown him than I can disown the black community. I can no more disown him than I can my white grandmother - a woman who helped raise me, a woman who sacrificed again and again for me, a woman who loves me as much as she loves anything in this world, but a woman who once confessed her fear of black men who passed by her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has uttered racial or ethnic stereotypes that made me cringe.

These people are a part of me. And they are a part of America, this country that I love.

Some will see this as an attempt to justify or excuse comments that are simply inexcusable. I can assure you it is not. I suppose the politically safe thing would be to move on from this episode and just hope that it fades into the woodwork. We can dismiss Reverend Wright as a crank or a demagogue, just as some have dismissed Geraldine Ferraro, in the aftermath of her recent statements, as harboring some deep-seated racial bias.

But race is an issue that I believe this nation cannot afford to ignore right now. We would be making the same mistake that Reverend Wright made in his offending sermons about America - to simplify and stereotype and amplify the negative to the point that it distorts reality.

The fact is that the comments that have been made and the issues that have surfaced over the last few weeks reflect the complexities of race in this country that we've never really worked through - a part of our union that we have yet to perfect. And if we walk away now, if we simply retreat into our respective corners, we will never be able to come together and solve challenges like health care, or education, or the need to find good jobs for every American.

Understanding this reality requires a reminder of how we arrived at this point. As William Faulkner once wrote, "The past isn't dead and buried. In fact, it isn't even past." We do not need to recite here the history of racial injustice in this country. But we do need to remind ourselves that so many of the disparities that exist in the African-American community today can be directly traced to inequalities passed on from an earlier generation that suffered under the brutal legacy of slavery and Jim Crow.

Segregated schools were, and are, inferior schools; we still haven't fixed them, fifty years after Brown v. Board of Education, and the inferior education they provided, then and now, helps explain the pervasive achievement gap between today's black and white students.

Legalized discrimination - where blacks were prevented, often through violence, from owning property, or loans were not granted to African-American business owners, or black homeowners could not access FHA mortgages, or blacks were excluded from unions, or the police force, or fire departments - meant that black families could not amass any meaningful wealth to bequeath to future generations. That history helps explain the wealth and income gap between black and white, and the concentrated pockets of poverty that persists in so many of today's urban and rural communities.

A lack of economic opportunity among black men, and the shame and frustration that came from not being able to provide for one's family, contributed to the erosion of black families - a problem that welfare policies for many years may have worsened. And the lack of basic services in so many urban black neighborhoods - parks for kids to play in, police walking the beat, regular garbage pick-up and building code enforcement - all helped create a cycle of violence, blight and neglect that continue to haunt us.

This is the reality in which Reverend Wright and other African-Americans of his generation grew up. They came of age in the late fifties and early sixties, a time when segregation was still the law of the land and opportunity was systematically constricted. What's remarkable is not how many failed in the face of discrimination, but rather how many men and women overcame the odds; how many were able to make a way out of no way for those like me who would come after them.

But for all those who scratched and clawed their way to get a piece of the American Dream, there were many who didn't make it - those who were ultimately defeated, in one way or another, by discrimination. That legacy of defeat was passed on to future generations - those young men and increasingly young women who we see standing on street corners or languishing in our prisons, without hope or prospects for the future. Even for those blacks who did make it, questions of race, and racism, continue to define their worldview in fundamental ways. For the men and women of Reverend Wright's generation, the memories of humiliation and doubt and fear have not gone away; nor has the anger and the bitterness of those years. That anger may not get expressed in public, in front of white co-workers or white friends. But it does find voice in the barbershop or around the kitchen table. At times, that anger is exploited by politicians, to gin up votes along racial lines, or to make up for a politician's own failings.

And occasionally it finds voice in the church on Sunday morning, in the pulpit and in the pews. The fact that so many people are surprised to hear that anger in some of Reverend Wright's sermons simply reminds us of the old truism that the most segregated hour in American life occurs on Sunday morning. That anger is not always productive; indeed, all too often it distracts attention from solving real problems; it keeps us from squarely facing our own complicity in our condition, and prevents the African-American community from forging the alliances it needs to bring about real change. But the anger is real; it is powerful; and to simply wish it away, to condemn it without understanding its roots, only serves to widen the chasm of misunderstanding that exists between the races.

In fact, a similar anger exists within segments of the white community. Most working- and middle-class white Americans don't feel that they have been particularly privileged by their race. Their experience is the immigrant experience - as far as they're concerned, no one's handed them anything, they've built it from scratch. They've worked hard all their lives, many times only to see their jobs shipped overseas or their pension dumped after a lifetime of labor. They are anxious about their futures, and feel their dreams slipping away; in an era of stagnant wages and global competition, opportunity comes to be seen as a zero sum game, in which your dreams come at my expense. So when they are told to bus their children to a school across town; when they hear that an African American is getting an advantage in landing a good job or a spot in a good college because of an injustice that they themselves never committed; when they're told that their fears about crime in urban neighborhoods are somehow prejudiced, resentment builds over time.

Like the anger within the black community, these resentments aren't always expressed in polite company. But they have helped shape the political landscape for at least a generation. Anger over welfare and affirmative action helped forge the Reagan Coalition. Politicians routinely exploited fears of crime for their own electoral ends. Talk show hosts and conservative commentators built entire careers unmasking bogus claims of racism while dismissing legitimate discussions of racial injustice and inequality as mere political correctness or reverse racism.

Just as black anger often proved counterproductive, so have these white resentments distracted attention from the real culprits of the middle class squeeze - a corporate culture rife with inside dealing, questionable accounting practices, and short-term greed; a Washington dominated by lobbyists and special interests; economic policies that favor the few over the many. And yet, to wish away the resentments of white Americans, to label them as misguided or even racist, without recognizing they are grounded in legitimate concerns - this too widens the racial divide, and blocks the path to understanding.

This is where we are right now. It's a racial stalemate we've been stuck in for years. Contrary to the claims of some of my critics, black and white, I have never been so naïve as to believe that we can get beyond our racial divisions in a single election cycle, or with a single candidacy - particularly a candidacy as imperfect as my own.

But I have asserted a firm conviction - a conviction rooted in my faith in God and my faith in the American people - that working together we can move beyond some of our old racial wounds, and that in fact we have no choice is we are to continue on the path of a more perfect union.

For the African-American community, that path means embracing the burdens of our past without becoming victims of our past. It means continuing to insist on a full measure of justice in every aspect of American life. But it also means binding our particular grievances - for better health care, and better schools, and better jobs - to the larger aspirations of all Americans -- the white woman struggling to break the glass ceiling, the white man whose been laid off, the immigrant trying to feed his family. And it means taking full responsibility for own lives - by demanding more from our fathers, and spending more time with our children, and reading to them, and teaching them that while they may face challenges and discrimination in their own lives, they must never succumb to despair or cynicism; they must always believe that they can write their own destiny.

Ironically, this quintessentially American - and yes, conservative - notion of self-help found frequent expression in Reverend Wright's sermons. But what my former pastor too often failed to understand is that embarking on a program of self-help also requires a belief that society can change.

The profound mistake of Reverend Wright's sermons is not that he spoke about racism in our society. It's that he spoke as if our society was static; as if no progress has been made; as if this country - a country that has made it possible for one of his own members to run for the highest office in the land and build a coalition of white and black; Latino and Asian, rich and poor, young and old -- is still irrevocably bound to a tragic past. But what we know -- what we have seen - is that America can change. That is true genius of this nation. What we have already achieved gives us hope - the audacity to hope - for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

In the white community, the path to a more perfect union means acknowledging that what ails the African-American community does not just exist in the minds of black people; that the legacy of discrimination - and current incidents of discrimination, while less overt than in the past - are real and must be addressed. Not just with words, but with deeds - by investing in our schools and our communities; by enforcing our civil rights laws and ensuring fairness in our criminal justice system; by providing this generation with ladders of opportunity that were unavailable for previous generations. It requires all Americans to realize that your dreams do not have to come at the expense of my dreams; that investing in the health, welfare, and education of black and brown and white children will ultimately help all of America prosper.

In the end, then, what is called for is nothing more, and nothing less, than what all the world's great religions demand - that we do unto others as we would have them do unto us. Let us be our brother's keeper, Scripture tells us. Let us be our sister's keeper. Let us find that common stake we all have in one another, and let our politics reflect that spirit as well.

For we have a choice in this country. We can accept a politics that breeds division, and conflict, and cynicism. We can tackle race only as spectacle - as we did in the OJ trial - or in the wake of tragedy, as we did in the aftermath of Katrina - or as fodder for the nightly news. We can play Reverend Wright's sermons on every channel, every day and talk about them from now until the election, and make the only question in this campaign whether or not the American people think that I somehow believe or sympathize with his most offensive words. We can pounce on some gaffe by a Hillary supporter as evidence that she's playing the race card, or we can speculate on whether white men will all flock to John McCain in the general election regardless of his policies.

We can do that.

But if we do, I can tell you that in the next election, we'll be talking about some other distraction. And then another one. And then another one. And nothing will change.

That is one option. Or, at this moment, in this election, we can come together and say, "Not this time." This time we want to talk about the crumbling schools that are stealing the future of black children and white children and Asian children and Hispanic children and Native American children. This time we want to reject the cynicism that tells us that these kids can't learn; that those kids who don't look like us are somebody else's problem. The children of America are not those kids, they are our kids, and we will not let them fall behind in a 21st century economy. Not this time.

This time we want to talk about how the lines in the Emergency Room are filled with whites and blacks and Hispanics who do not have health care; who don't have the power on their own to overcome the special interests in Washington, but who can take them on if we do it together.

This time we want to talk about the shuttered mills that once provided a decent life for men and women of every race, and the homes for sale that once belonged to Americans from every religion, every region, every walk of life. This time we want to talk about the fact that the real problem is not that someone who doesn't look like you might take your job; it's that the corporation you work for will ship it overseas for nothing more than a profit.

This time we want to talk about the men and women of every color and creed who serve together, and fight together, and bleed together under the same proud flag. We want to talk about how to bring them home from a war that never should've been authorized and never should've been waged, and we want to talk about how we'll show our patriotism by caring for them, and their families, and giving them the benefits they have earned.

I would not be running for President if I didn't believe with all my heart that this is what the vast majority of Americans want for this country. This union may never be perfect, but generation after generation has shown that it can always be perfected. And today, whenever I find myself feeling doubtful or cynical about this possibility, what gives me the most hope is the next generation - the young people whose attitudes and beliefs and openness to change have already made history in this election.

There is one story in particularly that I'd like to leave you with today - a story I told when I had the great honor of speaking on Dr. King's birthday at his home church, Ebenezer Baptist, in Atlanta.

There is a young, twenty-three year old white woman named Ashley Baia who organized for our campaign in Florence, South Carolina. She had been working to organize a mostly African-American community since the beginning of this campaign, and one day she was at a roundtable discussion where everyone went around telling their story and why they were there.

And Ashley said that when she was nine years old, her mother got cancer. And because she had to miss days of work, she was let go and lost her health care. They had to file for bankruptcy, and that's when Ashley decided that she had to do something to help her mom.

She knew that food was one of their most expensive costs, and so Ashley convinced her mother that what she really liked and really wanted to eat more than anything else was mustard and relish sandwiches. Because that was the cheapest way to eat.

She did this for a year until her mom got better, and she told everyone at the roundtable that the reason she joined our campaign was so that she could help the millions of other children in the country who want and need to help their parents too.

Now Ashley might have made a different choice. Perhaps somebody told her along the way that the source of her mother's problems were blacks who were on welfare and too lazy to work, or Hispanics who were coming into the country illegally. But she didn't. She sought out allies in her fight against injustice.

Anyway, Ashley finishes her story and then goes around the room and asks everyone else why they're supporting the campaign. They all have different stories and reasons. Many bring up a specific issue. And finally they come to this elderly black man who's been sitting there quietly the entire time. And Ashley asks him why he's there. And he does not bring up a specific issue. He does not say health care or the economy. He does not say education or the war. He does not say that he was there because of Barack Obama. He simply says to everyone in the room, "I am here because of Ashley."

"I'm here because of Ashley." By itself, that single moment of recognition between that young white girl and that old black man is not enough. It is not enough to give health care to the sick, or jobs to the jobless, or education to our children.

But it is where we start. It is where our union grows stronger. And as so many generations have come to realize over the course of the two-hundred and twenty one years since a band of patriots signed that document in Philadelphia, that is where the perfection begins.

Obama's Speech

2008-03-20T23:09:00.000-07:00

If any of you missed Obama's speech today "A more perfect union" please check out the following link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pWe7wTVbLUU

This is the best speech I have seen of his since the Audacity of Hope speech at the convention. While the "Yes We Can" speech was very motivational it lacked any real substance. Clearly in this speech Barack had a lot on his mind and was fully ready and well prepared to defend himself, his race, his friends, and his beliefs to the nation. If you are not moved by this speech, whether or not you agree with him, you are truly lacking a pulse. I am happy to be alive in a time where I can listen to someone who can speak with his ability. I can only imagine living during JFK, Martin Luther King Jr, or Malcolm X; but I can feel what its like to be a part of this. I hope you all check it out, truly worth the time.

My Funniest Story (according to my friends)

2008-03-20T13:06:00.001-07:00

I will preface this story by stating that I don't think it is my funniest story. However, every time it is told by one of my friends it is sure to elicit laughter from all who hear. I have a few theories on that but I will leave that to you to decide. This took place a few months ago during a trip to San Francisco; I hope it was as fun to live as it will be to read.

My longtime friend Lightweight was living in San Francisco and I had made plans to go up and visit him. I was flying up for a week and then I was flying up my sister and her boyfriend to stay with us for the weekend. My sister had just turned 22 and she had wanted to go wine tasting. Lightweights mom lived up by Napa so we made plans to go out there for a couple days over the weekend. Now Lightweight and I had been partying all week so when my sister showed up Friday night we were almost partied out, almost.

We took it pretty easy Friday night and got on the road to head to wine country early on Saturday. Lightweight's mom lived in a small city called Healdsburg and it was about an hour and a half drive from the city. The weather was beautiful and we couldn't wait to start wine tasting. After a few stops we got to his mom's house and she gave us the locals guide to the wineries. Lightweight had to go to a family dinner later that night so he volunteered to drive the car for us.

I will summarize the next 3-4 hours as they well let you know what kind of state we were in but don't really add to the story. Drive...stop at winery...drink free wine list...drink a paid for wine list...maybe buy a bottle of wine...drive to next winery...continue. If you have never been to Healdsburg, or Napa for that matter, it is beautiful country. Lightweight had to be back for dinner at 5 so he dropped us off in downtown Healdsburg. At this point the three of us were all pretty hammered. My sister gets this glassed over look on her face when she is drunk and calls everyone "Honey Bunny" which is freakin hilarious in the moment. Not wanting to stop drinking we stop at a few more tasting rooms downtown then go to dinner where we polish off another two bottles.

By the time we finish dinner it was around 8 at night I had sobered up a bit and Lightweight was on his was to pick us up. I ran across the street to a bar to take a shot of Jaeger and have a beer to get my buzz back before he picked us up. Wanting to drink with us Lightweight thought we should drive back to his mom's house and then walk back to the bars together. We jumped in and headed back to his mom's place where we downed a few Ketel on the rocks. This would turn out to be one of the last moments I remembered.

The rest of the story is totally drawn from the three witnesses, as I have no recollection of any of it. A few things come back when I tried to remember the next day but for the most part I was completely blacked out. None of this has been embellished.

We headed to the closest bar so that Lightweight could catch up on our drunken stupor. Here I continued to drink Ketel until the bartender eventually cut me off. Not understanding why I am being cut of, and the bartender not being able to understand me, we got into a heated exchange. Soon all of the cooks in the back were coming out to kick me out of the bar. I am still yelling when Lightweight tries to explain to the bartender that he can get me to leave. His mom being from the town he knows most of the locals and this worked to his advantage. The cooks back off and they finally convince me to leave.

At this point I am both belligerent and pissed. We begin walking to the next bar and I am shouting and trying to run back to the bar, evidently to tell off the bartender who thought it was a bad idea to serve my drunken ass. Lightweight keeps trying to hold on to me so that I wont run away but I continue to squirm and try to run away. Being drunk I can't run straight and Lightweight soon catches up to me. The group soon decides they should just take me home and we change direction. Sensing what is going on I make a quick evasive move and start running down the street. Let me explain what I mean by running. The best way I have heard it described is if a retard placed Forest Gump during the scene where he runs out of his "special shoes." My arms were flailing, legs swinging, totally out of control, until....Smack!

I have been told that I laid on the ground for a good 5 minutes without moving. When lightweight finally got me up all I could utter was a drunken, "my head hurts." The side of my face was cut and scraped and I had a huge gash on my chin that was spouting out blood profusely. When my sister finally got there she started bawling seeing all of the blood. They hurriedly tried to get me back to the house. On the way back there was a restaurant we passed that was still open. I walked over to the window to check out the wound and proceeded to ask the patron if I was bleeding. Obviously grossed out they assured me that I was.

We finally got back to his mom's place and we started to try to clean up the cut with the first aid kit. The consensus was that the cut was really deep and I needed stitches. Being a drunken idiot I didn't want to go, even though I couldn't even stop the bleeding. They came up with the great idea of convincing me that we were going to another bar as a way of getting me into the car. Pulling into the emergency room parking lot I opened the door and peered out. It took a few seconds but I soon realized where we were, "Ohhhh Noooo," I exclaimed to the group and tried to get back into the car. The two guys grabbed my arms and started dragging me to the door. I played the dead weight card to protest such actions.

They finally got me to the nurse, who bless her soul put up with me through the rest of this. I had to sign a consent form in order to go in and get stitches and for some reason I was vehemently against doing so. After a prolonged argument with the nurse Lightweight tried to convince me of why I should sign.

M e: But dude I don't want to be operated on.

Him: They wont operate on you it's only stitches.

Me: Read the form, they can operate on me.

Thinking that there was no way I read the form Lightweight reads through it. Sure enough it says that you give permission to operate if it is deemed necessary.

Him: Shit!

At this point the nurse was on her final straw. I just stood there singing the Modest Mouse song "The Good Times Are Killing Me" mixing in Peter Bourne and Jon's "Amsterdam. Both great songs by the way. Every time I sang the modest mouse chorus, with my face dripping blood, Lightweight couldn't help but laugh. At this point I guess I was bored so I decided to run into the hospital. I ended up in a medium sized conference room where I proceeded to sit down at the head of the table and proclaim:

"Hi my name is ( ), and I am an Alcoholic."

I spent the next 15 minutes having an AA meeting with myself, all while the three others stood at the door busting up. Soon the nurse threatened to call the cops so Lightweight, giving up on the whole hospital thing, took us home. As we pulled up to his mom's place I was convinced they were trying to trick me again so I wouldn't leave the car. Being that they all were sick of me by this point they left me in the car to sleep. I woke up the next morning wondering, "What the fuck happened to my face?" ...

Ode to UC Irvine

2008-03-20T13:05:00.000-07:00

On the eve of the NCAA tournament I decided to write about on of my favorite college experiences. My best friend decided to attend UC Irvine, we will call him Lightweight from here on. This story takes place during freshman year of college during my first road trip down to visit him.

A little background for those who are unfamiliar with UCI. The school is located about 1 hour south of LA. The student body consist of roughly 60-65% Asians and less then 5% whites. My friend was one of two white kids in his entire dorm. And this was coming from a mostly white hometown where all but one of his friends were white. To make matters worse almost all of these students went home every weekend because their parents lived close by and wanted them home. This left lightweight alone a lot It is under these circumstances that this story takes place.

We had been in college for a few months and had been dieing to see each other. He kept telling me how bored he was and I couldn't believe it because I was having such a blast at college, I mean my true alcoholic tendencies were coming out. We planned on a weekend and I was really excited to go down, minus the 5-hour drive. Being a business major I didn't have class on Fridays so I drove down Friday morning to miss traffic. Lightweight had asked me to grab some booze since no one he knew could buy any. Wanting to show them a good time I had my friend pick up a 30 pack and a handle of rum. At this point in my life I was addicted to rum and cokes, heaven.

I arrived right after his last class and we did some lunch and he showed me around the campus. Getting to his dorm I couldn't help but feel out of place, we were literally the only white people. I finally realized, on the smallest level, what it feels like to be a minority. Everyone in the dorm seemed cool; although they were all really shy. Except for the gay guy, this was the first gay Asian I had ever met, who was freakin hilarious. His roommate was there as we got to his room. This guy was a piece of work. All of 5 foot nothing, with an obvious short man syndrome; he thought he was the man. I had to bite my tongue as I noticed his huge Mariah Carey posters on the wall. I mean this was back in 2002 but still, fuckin Mariah Carey, and you call yourself a man. The only reason you have gay pop singers pictures in your room is if you are using them to jack off. Anyways this young chap had the ambition to be president of the young democrats and bless his heart. Too bad he complained about everything and had a whiny voice. Even better the dorm had communal bathrooms and he wouldn't let anyone else even enter the bathroom while he was showering. If that’s not bad enough he would belt out Mariah Carey at the top of his lungs in the shower. From that point on his name was Little Bitchard.

The only other white kid in the dorm was a kid we will name Newbie and him and Lightweight were already friends. We all decided to hang out in his room that night and drink with some of the other people on the floor while Little Bitchard was gone for the weekend. To set up the situation only Lightweight and myself had ever drank before, and Lightweight hadn't drank since he started college. Also, none of the Asians weighted more then 120 pounds, even the guys.

I poured a few rum and cokes making sure to make all of theirs extra weak, especially the girls. We started playing a few of my favorite drinking games: high-low-red-black, up the river, kings, etc. It was soon clear that everyone less Lightweight, Newbie, and me was completely hammered. I was later told they all puked either that night or the next morning. They all had a blast though and we were laughing our asses off. The three of us still wanted to party and weren't even close to being tired. I noticed a skateboard against the wall and a brilliant idea came to mind.

Let me get this straight, I cannot by any means skateboard, not even sober. At UCI the inner part of campus was a park area surrounded by a paved walkway all the way around campus. Now parts of the walkway were smooth but most were of the gravely nature. Being drunk and wanting to have some fun I thought we should go and skate around a bit, for some reason I always wanted to skate when I was drunk and it never turned out pretty. Lightweight went first because he was the only one who knew how to skate. We followed after him drinking our beers.

We came to a particularly hilly stretch and I couldn't help but want to accept the challenge. Pushing Lightweight off of the board I jumped on and tried to make it down the hill. Not even 5 second into it...CRASH!! Right onto the asphalt scraping up my arm and knee. No under any other instance this would have been enough, but I was drunk and this was a challenge. I figured that my problem was gaining speed so my brilliant idea was to have the two of the push me so I wouldn't loose balance trying to kick. 1...2...3 and I went flying down the hill, this time I was able to make it to the bottom which posed another problem. How the hell do I stop? The road made a bend up ahead and I went straight into the grass, fell on my ass, and rolled a good 10 feet.

These high jinks went on for a good half hour as me and Newbie got more scrapes and bruises and Lightweight lost 10 pounds laughing at us. We skated around to a part of campus that had a bridge that linked center campus to various retail shops over the road. Lining the entrance to the bridge were several rose bushes and ferns. Logically I knew there was only one thing to do, push ourselves into them on the skateboard and make snow angels in the bushes. To give you a visual the bushes were about 4 ft tall, so once the board got to the bush you would have to jump off it, twist in the air, and land on your back. As you sunk down into the bush you were to flail your arms as if you were making a snow angel. To get to the bush we had one guy standing on each side of the skater pushing them in the back to gain speed before they jumped.

There are few moments of stupidity that I didn't have a camera around to capture and this was one of them. I regret it to this day, that was some of the funniest shit I have ever seen. Maybe not so much the falling into the bush, but the trying to climb your way back out of it. We were seriously tore up the next day. Well after doing this on multiple occasions and laughing our asses of the predictable happened, a security guard showed up. Newbie and lightweight took off with the skateboard over the bridge while I jumped behind a bush to hide. Peeking over I saw the guard coming towards me so I took off running.

Being super drunk I was fully convinced this man was running after me and was sure he was going to call the cops. Having never been to this campus before I was completely lost and confused. I kept dodging behind building and looking around for the chasing guard. I was later told that the guard had never followed me, nevertheless I ran around like an escaped convict for 30 minutes. Not knowing how far I was away, and being exhausted from running, I decided to steal a bike and ride it back. I rode back to the bridge to find Lightweight and Newbie sitting there. They didn't know where I went and were laughing there asses off when they saw me biking up to them sweating. We make it back to the dorm and passed out.

The rest of the weekend was pretty uneventful. Walking by the bushed the next day almost brought tears of laughter to our eyes, again I wish I had a camera. The best part of the weekend, my stolen bike had made the campus police report. Needless to say Newbie and Lightweight looked forward to the rest if my visits...

If you are too drunk to remember, it never really happened...

2008-03-20T13:04:00.000-07:00

In honor of the day after a major drinking holiday, and hopefully a few random drunken hookups, I have put together some of my favorite drunken hookup stories my friends have past on. Here it goes:

So my friend, we will call him the Butcher, used to go to his mom's house for the summer to work. His parents were divorced so he would stay with his dad during the school year then with her over the summer. She worked in a prestigious restaurant in the wine country of northern California so he would work there and make bank. This story takes place one summer when he was 16.

Like any restaurant this one had a good social network. Being that he was only there for the summer butcher drew even more attention from the women working there. And of course his mom said nothing but good things about him. Butcher is a good-looking guy and can pull his fair share of women, his game is lacking a little bit but you can't have everything right. So one night that summer one of the girls working there, and 18 year old we will call Lambchop, invited him to a party. He of course agreed to go as he didn't know a lot of people there and wanted something to do. That a girl invited him was also another plus.

As he got to the party it was clear that the girl was getting drunk, so as a naive 16 year old he decided to get wasted too. A few hours and a lot of drinks later and they were both plastered. Some making out ensued and pretty soon she was inviting him back to her place. Seeing that neither of them can drive she had her friend drive them home. On the way Lambchop whispered in his ears that she was a virgin and she wanted to have sex with him. Being drun, and a virgin himself, Butcher couldn't help but be ecstatic. Getting his consent Lambchop asked the driver to stop by a store and pick up some condoms for her.

Getting back to her place excitement filled his body, this might actually happen. The girl proceeds to light some candles and turns on Marvin Gaye's "Lets get it on." Seriously I couldn't make this up if I tried, the fucken girl turns on Lets Get it On, hilarious. I honestly don't know if I could even do it after that, I would be laughing too hard. However, my friend is more of a man then me. After the beginning awkwardness they started fucking like rabbits. Being a male, and completely wasted, he couldn't get off for the life of him. For the female readers when drunk a male can barely feel his penis. After a few hours he finally gets off. Ready to lay down in relaxation and exhaustion he looks down at his dick. To his dismay, and utter horror, his dick and surrounding areas are covered in blood. Not only did he pop this chick’s cherry, she was on her period. Seriously, if he parents came in they would have thought he butchered the poor girl. My friend was so traumatized that when the girl invited him over the next weekend he couldn't even get it up. Poor guy.

My second story comes from a friend of mine in college, we will call him Tinkle. Tinkle was a few years older then me and was known as the ultimate party/ladies man. He lived with 4 other friends of ours and they always had parties at their place. On night during the summer between school years they had a pretty big party. Over summer it was well known that high school kids would show up at parties because they had nothing else to do. This night was no exception. I enjoyed getting them way to drunk; Tinkle enjoyed hitting on the girls. This one was all over him as soon as she walked in the door. So you understand Tinkle likes to play hard to get right up until the point that he is hammered and then he well practically molest the girl, not in a bad way though.

Not knowing that the girl was underage he proceeds to play his normal game with her. But as the night went on he got completely belligerent and began to make out with her. Conveniently his room was in the house so they ended up there. He began to close the deal when she told him she was only 17, but her birthday was a week away. Not wanting to have sex with her Tinkle passed out with her in his arms.

The next morning he woke up with wetness down his legs. The fool had passed out so drunk he had pissed himself and got it all over the girl we was laying next to him. Luckily she was too drunk to realize it. He quickly jumped up and got in the shower, maybe she would think she did it he thought. As he got in the shower she came in the bathroom with him. Realizing she had pee on her face was horrified, "I'm so sorry, this has never happened before I swear." The poor girl thought she peed herself. Doing what any guy would didn't want to have sex with a minor would do Tinkle let her give him a handjob in the shower to show how sorry he was. Worse the girls phone was broken because of the amount of liquid so she couldn't even call to get a ride home and had to walk, with piss drenched clothes. Talk about a walk of shame. Even better she called him on her 18th birthday and they hooked up.

My last story takes place in San Francisco with my friend, call him Drunky. Drunky was out in the city with his friend and two girls. The two guys, and one of the girls, had been drinking together all day. By 5pm all 3 of them were hammered. The other girl was meeting up with them after work around 630. The other three grabbed some dinner then headed to a bar to wait for the last girl. Drunky had never met the last girl before; we will call her Mrs. SexAlot. All he had been told from her friend, the other girl, was that she would sleep with him, a comment Drunky took as a joke.

As Mrs. SexAlot walked into the var Drunky was instantly happy with what she saw. Her face took a little to be desired but she had a killer ass and set of tits. She was from Brazil so she also had a sexy accent. They began talking and were both soon really drunk and all over each other. The other couple was tired and wanted to go home but Drunky and SexAlot decided to go out dancing. Drunky at this point would do about anything to get in her pants, like it would take much. They proceeded to bar hop around town and SexAlot danced like a stripper with every guy she met all through San Francisco. Drunky didn't care, she kept whispering in his ear that it was all for him.

They finally took a cab home, or I should say to the other girl’s house where the other couple was sleeping because SexAlot couldn't go to her place that night. She began to give Drunky a handjob in the back of the cab and tried to give him a blowjob. They finally got to the apartment where they were to sleep in the living room. As soon as they got inside they were all over each other. Soon his clothes were off and he was fucking here in her dress. Being as they both were drunk they began to tear up the room, pillows were flying, furniture was being slammed around, and surely everyone else in the house was woken up.

They finished the first round and SexAlot checked her phone for voicemails. She had a message saying that he uncle had died and instantly began crying. Drunky did all he could do to calm her down and soon they were fucking again, this time even harder then before. By now it was about 4 in the morning and drunky was spent. He finally came and then rolled over and passed out. A few minutes later he was woken up by SexAlot crying again and hitting him with pillows. She was soon screaming at him and finally her friend came out to see what was going on. To set up the scene the room was about 15 x 20 with a couple of couches and a TV. All of the pillows were thrown around the room, the couches were out of place, and a set of blinds was broken. And here was her friend-crying butt naked and hitting a guy she barely knew who was also butt naked. Seriously, what do you do in that situation? She soon realized her friend was crazy and was going off about her dead uncle. It later turns out all of the dead uncle stuff was made up by the girl. The friend then kicks the girl out of the house to find a cab home at 5 in the morning. Only my friends...

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2008-03-20T13:01:00.000-07:00

In the honor of my favorite holiday I am going to write a story with some religious background. It is a religious holiday isn't it? This story takes place a few years back on a backtracking trip through Europe. During the last few weeks of the trip we were on our way through Italy and of course we had to stop in Rome, home of the holiest of holy places the Vatican.

After being in Rome for a day and realizing that despite all of the wonderful history we thoroughly hated the place, we did what any good sandbagger would do, we got drunk. This night in particular started early as we did all of the tourist stuff in the morning. Ed and myself picked up a few bottles of wine and sat around a fountain in the middle of the city and drank. It wasn't long before we started a conversation with two girls who were drinking as well. I know what a coincidence. They seemed cool enough so we decided to invite them out to drink with us. They whole heartedly agreed and soon would realize how bad of a decision that was. Now every guy knows there are certain rules that go along with having guy friends. One of these sacred rules is that of the wingman. If you start hitting on a girl and she is with a girl who isn't as cute, it is the duty of the friend you were with to hang out and distract the ugly one. Ed like to call this "holding the grenade," still not sure why, I assume it has something to do with wanting to blow yourself up because the girl is that bad.

Well anyways, by a highly scientific process, i.e. who had gotten laid most recently, I was able to get the hot one while Ed had to play wingman. To be fair to the story neither girl was a knockout but that’s what booze was for right. Knowing that Ed, and with all honesty myself, would need to be drunk to enjoy the rest of the night we came up with a great idea. I believe the conversation went like this:

Me: Well there are a bunch of bars on this street where do you want to go.

Ed: (With a look of hating life) I have an idea, do you girls like Jaeger?

Girls: Yeah

Ed: Why don't we take Jaeger bombs in every bar down the street?

Girls: That sounds great.

To paint the picture we were on one of the main roads in Rome, there were literally at least 10 bars on the block. Within the next hour and a half we preceded to hit up all but one of these bars, they didn't have Jaeger, and get pretty shit faced. Having been doing this for over a month already Ed and I had a pretty good tolerance, the same could not be said of the girls. Words started being slurred, they were hanging all over us, and trying to make out. Ryan, obviously not drunk enough, saw a club as an easy way to get out of his duty. All he would have to do is get us in then he could ditch the girl on the dance floor. Unfortunately I was wearing sandals so they wouldn't let me in. So instead we found a bar on a side street that had dancing in the back.

Ed headed right for the bar as I took the girls to the dance floor. By this point I was pretty drunk and the girl was looking cuter by the minute. As we drunkenly maneuvered around the floor it was obvious that the other girl who heretofore will be called "ugly" was bored and was not going to allow us to hang out without entertaining her. We headed back to the bar and proceeded to drink more with Ed. He was done with Ugly and told me that I had taken to long to seal the deal. We couldn't take the girls home with us so I hoped they had a place we could go to. Unfortunately both were soooo drunk they had no idea where they were let alone where they were staying. So what would any guy do, take her on the dance floor and see how far she would go there. After a few minutes of making out we began the heavy petting. At this point I went in for a nice French one when I tasted something on my tongue. Holy Shit!! Did this bitch just throw up while I was kissing her? I mean I have repulsed a lot of girls but not like this.

I ran her outside where she began to vomit vile green shit all over the street. I mean all over. I couldn't help but think, I was just kissing THAT? It took all I could not to throw up myself. Ugly and Ed came out and brought here some water. Knowing that my shot with her was over, and not wanting the night to be a complete waste, I began hitting on Ugly. Don't ask me why, I was drunk. Ed was just on the side laughing his ass off. Being totally repulsed by my audacity, and the fact that she had a boyfriend (don't ask me how, poor guy), she wanted nothing to do with me.

Well Ed had had enough so we left the girls, had a few more shots, and headed to find a cab. Since it was already like 2 in the morning and we were going to the Vatican tomorrow anyways I came up with the great idea that we should just go there now, sleep in line, then we would be first to get in the morning. Ed was drunk enough to agree to this and we headed to the Vatican. Once there, and completely drunk at this point, I had the brilliant idea to jump the Vatican fence in order to take some pictures. About 2 minutes after jumping the fence I heard Ed yelling at me. Evidently the Swiss Guard had noticed me and was coming to get me. I have been told since then that the Swiss Guard is the most lethal force on the planet, thank god I didn't know this at the time or I might have pissed myself. They were dressed in sissy looking outfits so I didn't take them seriously. They began to yell at me in Italian and I couldn't understand anything they were saying. I climbed back over the fence and played the stupid American card while constantly holding up my camera saying "picture, picture". How I got out of there without being arrested I have no idea.

Ed, for obvious reasons, was laughing his ass of telling me how much of an idiot I was. We headed towards what we thought was the direction of the main entrance. Now if you haven't been there a huge wall surrounds Vatican City. Being drunk, and not seeing any signs we continued walking along this wall for what seemed like eternity. The next thing I know I look over and Ed is lying in the middle of the street doing snow angles and rambling incoherently about the cosmos. I decide I need to pee and proceed to piss on the Vatican wall, yes the Vatican wall. I turn back and try to understand what he is saying, realizing the hilarity that is in front of me I turn on the camera and start recording his drunken stupor. If I can get the video on this site then I will. The last thing I remember is slapping Ed and us having a shouting match in the middle of the street. He ended up leaving, how he got home I have no idea, and I headed to the entrance.

I woke up with a crowd already behind me and a smile on my face. I did it, I was first in line. Everyone behind me had nametags and I couldn't find out why. About 20 minutes later the doors open and I walked in. "What group are you with sir?" Umm, I am by myself I responded. "Well sir, that is the group line, if you’re not with a group you have to wait in the regular line." In my drunken state I had fell asleep in the front of the group line like an idiot. I had to go to the back of the regular line, which was already a 2-hour wait, and wait there. The poor people all around, I was still drunk, smelled like shit, was sweating booze, and was making all kinds of strange noises as my body felt like shit. Somehow I made it through and it really is beautiful. However, after that night I have no desire to go to Rome, or Vatican City ever again…

Welcome

2008-03-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

Oh the wonderful world of blogging, so happy am I to join this joyous land. We are entering my favorite time of the year: favorite holiday - St Patties Day, favorite sporting event - March Madness, 2nd favorite sporting event- NBA Playoffs, and of course the start of Summer. Luckily for me this year I don't have a job so I can fully enjoy these entire event without the need to make up fake diseases or "accidents" to family members to get out of work.

Ok that’s about it for now, I will try to keep this up as often as possible. I will finish with a funny story from last weekend. (Names will be change to protect those involved). The Sandbaggers crew, who this blog is named after and who I am sure will be explained more later in this blog, were having a reunion of sorts due to everyone of us being in town. IE we all got really shit faced and probably were on our way to getting kicked out of a few bars. We were taking to cars and the two soberest people were asked to drive. Me not being one of them for obvious reasons choose to ride down with Frank in the first car. After pounding a beer I poured a roadie into a plastic cup and got in the car. The drive was about 30 minutes, but after finishing my beer I quickly realized I wasn’t going to make it without a pee break. Just for explanation purposes I have the bladder of a two year old when I drink, honestly if they made depends that were fashionable I would be all about it. Well not wanting to pull over I quickly thought of the great idea of peeing in the cup. Knowing full well that Frank was used to this debauchery I proceeded to unzip and fire. Soon I felt the warmness only pee creates filling up the cup. Seeing that I wasn’t going to make it with only one cup I did what anyone would do and pinched it off. In case you have never done this, or you have a vagina, the process involves pinching off your penis to stop the flow of urine. It is a painful operation and can't be done for long. With nowhere else to put the pee I rolled down the window. Not wanting to spill beer all over Frank's car I slowly moved the cup out of the window to where I could poor it out. I learned a major lesson that night. A full cup of pee plus high-speed winds equals piss all over your face. Seeing the look on Frank's face was priceless. Here I am sitting in his car one hand pinching off my dick the other holding a now less then full cup of beer out the window with beads of piss running down my face. If that’s not a sight for sore eyes I don't know what is. Anyways I learned a valuable lesson that night and wanted to share it with you, throw the pee out fast, and preferably aim for a car next to you on the freeway.

Till next time...