Sandi's Lament

My Final Blog Post

2015-07-01T23:07:00.002-04:00

If you're reading this post, then I've moved onto my next adventure. (C'mon zoo polar bear!!!) This will be my last chance to say

========================================================================

Hi, again. Tom here. She started this about a month ago and didn't get too far. If we were Hindu I'd believe this would be a step up from being a human, I think. As we are Atheists, we're accepting that we are going to take whatever we get and be glad and thankful for it. This doesn't mean that we won't grumble about it a bit and make snide and snarky remarks about it. That is the perogative of a non-believer when they're wrong. However, this time, I don't think so. So, inspite of our non-beliefs, I'm hoping zoo polar bear too. I can always visit her and talk to her and tell her about what's going on in the outside world and how terribly boring and empty it is without her. Thank you all for the many years and many posts that you've all read, followed and commented on. She really, really appreciated it. As she told me, this will be her legacy. But we all will be the couriers to carry her memory ever onward.

Sandra J Smith
2/5/1966 - 6/28/2015
Rest in Peace, My Sweet Sister.

A New (and Sadly Final) Road Trip to Massachusetts Cut Way Too Short

2015-07-01T22:15:00.001-04:00

If you remember correctly, my last posting indicated that now that my pain is in a controllable state that I'd start hitting the road again. I had planned a long weekend in Massachusetts and was looking forward to this trip for weeks. But as the old Biblical adage says: "The spirit is willing but the body is weak" (Matthew 26:41). It's not often you find me quoting this work of fiction but it seemed relevant.

I started out for Massachusetts on Thursday for a 5 day long weekend. The most important part of this visit was seeing my rock star students. I've been getting messages for months about when I would be back for a promised visit and I knew I just couldn't disappoint my cherubs, so in discussions with my former principal, we decided the last day of school would be the optimal day. This way there wouldn't be any disruption to their studies. But how do you make sure that students show up on that last day -- my kiddos are notorious about blowing off the final day of school. Simply enough, a few days before you spread the rumor that Ms. Smith will be coming to visit on that day. Instead of 4 or 5 students showing, we had a dozens. It warmed my heart.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello all. This is Sandi's brother Tom. The above was the last blog she completed. She came home Saturday extremely ill and yet she managed to start this blog. I believe she may have had more to say, but I believe you get the gist. She loved her kids and was ecstatic to see the turnout. However, I believe the trip and the excitement in her frail condition may have took a toll on her. But deep down, I think she knew. She piloted this cancer from the start. She was not going to let this cancer dictate or control her life. I'm proud of her. She was one of a kind and I'll miss her til the end of my days. There will be one more post after this one. I'll polish that one up and post soon.

The Much Ado About Nothing Cancer Update...

2015-06-09T13:54:00.001-04:00

This morning, I had a message from a friend stating that she hadn't seen any updates from me in awhile and asking how I was fairing. It occurred to me that I should probably update people even when there is not much to update on the cancer front.

Here's the latest:

Mostly my life is about pain management. My doctor has put me on a pain patch (Fentanyl) which slowly releases opiates into my system. The patch gets changed out every 3 days and for the most part is keeping my pain at a reasonable level. In no way am I pain free, but most days it's at a level that I can manage. For the days when the pain exceeds manageable levels, I have Tylenol or Aleve for when the pain becomes a nuisance and Percocet for when the pain is off the charts, which fortunately doesn't happen that often.

My biggest issues these days are motivation and exhaustion. Because my pain is fairly well managed, I could be spending my time traveling and sightseeing, but I'm having issues with motivation. Getting my butt up and out of the house is proving to be a difficulty that I hadn't counted on. Additionally, I get tired very easily. My days go something like this: wake up, watch The Today Show, read, nap, read some more, nap, watch Judge Judy. Or perhaps: wake up, watch The Today Show, watch a movie, nap, watch another movie, nap, watch Judge Judy, etc. It's quite tedious and boring, but it's what my life has become. I hope that eventually I'll get my energy and motivation back.

I have a planned trip to Massachusetts for a long weekend which will happen in a little more than a week, where I will visit with my students and see some friends. I'm hoping that perhaps that will be the kickstart that will get my motivation revved up and get me back on the road again.

That's it for the Much Ado update.

What's a Foodie to Do?!

2015-05-29T15:46:00.002-04:00

I've admitted to this before: I am a foodie. A foodie is "a gourmet, or a person who has an ardent or refined interest in food and alcoholic beverages. A foodie seeks new food experiences as a hobby rather than simply eating out of convenience or hunger" (Wikipedia). I love food. I love eating food. I love discovering different foods. I'm less interested in alcoholic beverages, but I've been known to imbibe a beverage or two in the past.

When I learned that my life span was being cut severely and that I had approximately a year to live, I decided to hell with "healthy" eating habits. I was going to eat what I want, when I want. It was a decision that played out well over the first few months. Traveling through Europe was a gastronomic delight! I experimented eating all the local foods: haggis, black and white pudding, a redonkulous amount of roasted pork (thank you, Germany, Czech Republic and Austria), and such. Did I care that the apfelstrudel I had in Austria was 500 calories a serving? Nope! Did I scarf down an entire plates of pasta in Italy? You betcha! I did skip the escargot in Paris because...well...yuck!! I even designed My Last Supper. I figured if I had to go, I'd go out with a gastronomic bang!

And then came the abdominal pain -- a foodie's worst nightmare! You see, I had developed a growth in my upper abdomen which is apparently sitting on a nerve which causes me to have unrelenting stomach pain. As a consequence, eating has become less fun. I now "eat to live" instead of "living to eat." I'm finding this turn of events truly saddening. After all, I don't have many things that I can enjoy about life right now. Food, books, movies, and friends and family are the extent of my world and now I've lost the joy of one. I now have to eat several small meals throughout the day and most of these meals are either of the liquid variety (protein shakes) or bland and boring. Anything more than that and I've got tummy troubles. In addition, my taste buds are all messed up right now so everything (even water) tastes terrible.

So I return to my original question: what's a foodie to do? Will I ever be able to have my dream Last Supper?? If I do decide to have my Last Supper, it'll have to be spread out over several days. Anyone have any suggestions? I'm open for any type of advice.

If I haven't said it lately, having cancer sucks! I wouldn't wish this disease on my worst enemy...well, maybe my worst enemy I would but certainly no one else.

Beef Wellington...yum!

Never Speak Ill of the Dead???

2015-05-18T15:59:00.000-04:00

It's been three weeks since I last posted. Wow. Probably my longest dry spell. But it's hard to feel motivated while lying on your brother's couch feeling like shite! Hopefully, now that I'm feeling a wee bit better these days, I'll have more motivation and can get back on track with my observations.

Here's today observation:

Everyone's heard that old aphorism "never speak ill of the dead" (De mortuis nil nisi bonum) and I've always wondered why that is. I get that it's socially inappropriate to speak ill of the dead, but what if the person who dies is an asshole??

What brought this thought on was a posting on Facebook. A friend and one-time colleague had posted about the passing of a colleague from one of the law firms for which I once worked. As I said to another friend/colleague, I wasn't terribly torn up over this person's death because quite frankly, I didn't like the man. He and I often butted heads and I thought he was an arrogant prick. So now that he's dead, I'm suddenly suppose to feel like he was a great guy for whom this is a tragic loss. Ummmm, no. Sorry, I cannot do it. It goes against my basic belief about honesty in all things.

I'm quite certain that when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil in a few months, there were be plenty of people who will speak ill of me - that I was a bitch or they disliked me or whatever. Trust me, I do not expect to be canonized for sainthood. And I certainly do not want someone for whom I dislike to suddenly espouse my greatness. That's being disingenuous.

Now, I'm not saying everyone should go around bashing those who have passed on before us, but neither do we need to root around in our heads and hearts to find something nice to say about people about whom we didn't care.

I will put this on record right here and now. For all those people who dislike me, feel free to say whatever you wish upon my demise. I promise that neither I nor my family will hold it against you. After all, I'll be dead and won't care. I won't even haunt you. Okay?

It's all about keeping it real, people!

Weirdest National Anthems...

2015-04-27T16:03:00.001-04:00

Last night, while waiting for the Yankees-Mets game to start, I watched the pre-game activities, which included a beautifully rendered version of our national anthem, sung by Glee star and Broadway performer Matthew Morrison. I'm always impressed whenever performers nail our national anthem, because let's face it, it's not an easy song to sing. Of course, there are the notoriously bad versions of the Star Spangled Banner (i.e., Roseanne Barr, Christina Aguilera, and others). Due to the difficulty of our national anthem, I'm all for the proposal of changing our national anthem. Why? Well, other than the Star Speckled Banana being difficult to sing, the lyrics are all about bombs and war and bloodshed -- and not in a good way. I'd recommend "America, the Beautiful".

Every country has their own national anthem and, for the most part, none of us know any of their songs. I know the British national anthem - "God Save the King/Queen", but that's about it. During the Olympics, we often hear other nations' anthems, but we only hear the instrumental version. Of course, even if we heard the lyrics, as only a handful of songs are in English, we still would have no idea what they say because the songs are sung in the native language of the country.

So, I wondered - are there national anthem that are worse than our? I suspected there might be.

Algeria: "Qassaman"/"We Pledge"

Though it pre-dates both heavy metal and rap by several decades, the Algerian national anthem's lyrics expertly incorporate the prominent cornerstones of both genres' most violent moments. Destructive lightning? Check. Gratuitous bloodshed? Check. Machine guns? Check. Being held down by the man? Word up, son.

The lyrics, written in 1956 by Moufdi Zakaria, are about two "hos" shy of being a Lil' Wayne single. At the time of the writing, Zakaria was being held captive in Algiers by French colonial forces. Realizing that it was, in fact, France that was holding him and his country down, he spent his downtime penning a tune about the ass whooping his fellow countrymen would surely be dishing out sometime in the near future.

Disturbing Lyrics:
"We swear by the lightning that destroys, By the streams of generous blood being shed."

"When we spoke, none listened to us, So we have taken the noise of gunpowder as our rhythm, And the sound of machine guns as our melody."

Italy: "Il Canto degli Italiani"/"The Song of the Italians"

Throughout the majority of the Italian national anthem, things sound pretty bleak. Heck, the main line in the chorus is "we are ready to die!" But Goffredo Mameli, the 20 year old poet who wrote the lyrics, clearly understood that one can only be down for so long.

Like most good national anthems, this one was written in the shadow of a looming war for independence, this time with Austria. Listening to the first few verses, you would think Mameli thought independence was a lost cause. But then, the final verse rolls around and Mameli goes from defeated poet to a Nostradamus-like teller of fortunes.

On an unrelated note, can you imagine what state our collective national anthems would be in if written by the 20-year olds of today? Booty booty booty booty bursting everywhere!

Disturbing Lyrics:
"Mercenary swords, they're feeble reeds. The Austrian eagle has already lost its plumes. The blood of Italy and the Polish blood it drank, along with the Cossack. But it burned its heart."

Hungary: "Himnusz"/"Hymn"

Unlike most of the other anthems on this list, Hungary's really has no cause to be as violent as it is. There was no war for independence on the horizon. No foreign invader was occupying their homeland. Basically, a whole bunch of nothing was going on. It would appear that overall, Hungary is just such a shitty place to live that some dude decided to ask God to help him out.

That's right, this anthem is written as a direct address to God. Most national anthems implore the citizens of their grand country to take up arms and fight against oppression, transgression, whatever. "Himnusz" is having no part of that. Really, it's a bit unclear what the problem was at all. But whatever was up their ass, it apparently required divine intervention. It's basically the national anthem equivalent of what an unemployed, alcoholic friend might call and moan to you at 2:30 in the morning.

Disturbing Lyrics:
"No freedom's flowers return, from the spilt blood of the dead, and the tears of slavery burn, which the eyes of orphans shed."

Turkey: "İstiklal Marşı"/"Independence March"

Another anthem, another fight for independence. Noting that Turkish fighters were having a fair amount of success defending themselves against European invaders, it was decided that a motivational song to spur them onto victory and celebrate their inevitable success was in order. Basically, Independence March was the Super Bowl Shuffle of its day.

The lyrics focus mainly on how unbelievably awesome it would be to die for your country. We would prefer to, you know, defend our country while at the same time remaining alive. Silly us!

Disturbing Lyrics:
"I'm like the roaring flood; powerful and independent, I'll tear apart mountains, exceed the heavens and still gush out!"

"Render your chest as armor and your body as trench!"

"For only then, shall my fatigued tombstone, if there is one, prostrate a thousand times in ecstasy, and tears of fiery blood shall flow out of my every wound, and my lifeless body shall gush out from the earth like an eternal spirit."

France: "Le Marseillaise"/"The Song of Marseille"

"La Marseillaise" was written in April of 1792 by Claude-Joseph Rouget de Lisle in the midst of the French Revolution. It was originally called "Chant de guerre de l'armee du Rhin" ("War Song of the Army of the Rhine") but the name was later changed due to the song's popularity with volunteers on the streets of Marseilles. And, presumably, because "Chant de guerre de l'armee du Rhin" is a pretty goddamned long name for a song.

Depending on where you're reading it, the translation of the lyrics varies. But hey, you say a tainted blood irrigates your furrow, we say their impure blood should water our fields. To-mae-to, to-mah-to. Whichever you prefer, somebody's getting fucked up.

Disturbing Lyrics:
"The bloody flag is raised, the bloody flag is raised."

"Do you hear in the countryside, the roar of these savage soldiers, they come right into our arms, to cut the throats of your sons!"

"May a tainted blood irrigate our furrows!"

Vietnam: "Tien Quan Ca"/"Army March"

Anyone who didn't see trouble coming when we went to war with Vietnam had clearly never taken a gander at their national anthem. If they had, they would have seen that this is a country that does not take war lightly. Most of the other anthems on this list mix in a little bit of talk about peace, national pride or whatever else. The blood and guts talk just finds its way into a verse or two at random. Vietnam's anthem, on the other hand, is all war, all the time.

The lyrics start with the line "armies of Vietnam, forward!" And guess what? They mean it! There's blood on the flag! Guns are rumbling! Bases are being built! There are chains to be broken!

Vietnam's national anthem kicks more ass in two short verses than most countries do in a lifetime.

Disturbing Lyrics:
"Our flag, red with the blood of victory, bears the spirit of the country."

"The distant rumbling of the guns mingles with our marching song."

"The path to glory is built by the bodies of our foes."

"For too long have we swallowed our hatred. Be ready for all sacrifices."

-----------

After checking out some other national anthems, I suppose I can't complain too much about our national anthem. What do you think about our national anthem?

Not the Life I Imagined...

2015-04-22T15:52:00.001-04:00

I need to get something off my chest. When I was growing up, I had a certain mindset of what my adult life might be. It was a fairly simple dream. The dream life was: I'd have a career I loved, a spouse who adored me, a kid or two on whom I could dote, I'd live to a ripe old age surrounded by family and friends, and (hopefully) die peacefully in my sleep. How did my life go horribly wrong?

I don't usually give into self pity and sadness about my circumstances, but there are times that the direction my life has taken sends me down a negative path and I'm overwhelmed by the misery of it all. Of my imagined life, I was lucky to have a career that I adored - two in fact. My performing career was a failure, but hugely fun. My teaching career was moderately successful and I loved being a teacher, but my time teaching was cut painfully short. I've only known persistent heartache when it comes to love. No children, which in hindsight is probably for the best. No ripe old age for me, but I do have family and friends who love and support me. Definitely no dying peacefully in my sleep.

I didn't quite get my dream life, but added to not quite getting everything - I got a whole boat load of crap. Last night, as I lay in bed in excruciating pain - waiting for the meds to kick in, I was struck by how truly fucked up my life is. All I kept thinking is "why is everything so difficult? Life should not be this hard." It seems like I've had more than my fair share of problems in life. And yet, jackasses like Mel Gibson seem to just cruise through life.

Many of my friends, relatives, and students have crowned me with roses and think that I'm some sort of heroine with how I've been dealing with my cancer. But all I can think about is: how the hell am I going to get through the next few months of my life with grace and dignity? How do I avoid sinking further into a hole and not spend my time wallowing in self misery? Why can't life just be easier and not such a shit show?

Okay, time to get off the pity pot. This life is the only one I have and I must take what's dealt to me.

The Worst Board Games EVER!

2015-04-21T14:47:00.001-04:00

Today, I was looking through some of my past blog posts and came across my posting of "Strange Board Game Origins" which looked at the background of some of our most beloved board games. This walk down memory lane got me thinking about what board games have been produced which were probably best left in the imagination of its creator and not actually produced.

Some of the resulting games are a little terrifying and many are really offensive.

Sinking of the Titanic

This game from Milton Bradley sends players across around the board, rescuing passengers from the Titanic‘s staterooms. You have to escort all the passengers to lifeboats before the ship goes down, at which point the game shifts gears, and you must now hunt for food and fresh water -- by drawing cards. A rescue ship eventually shows up, and players must race to it. The first one there wins the game. Everyone else dies.

“The Sinking of the Titanic” received a ton of criticism when it was released in 1975. So the company released a sister version in the UK the following year, changing the title to “Abandon Ship.” This version is set in the Pacific Ocean, and the ship collides with a coral reef instead of an iceberg. The name change cost the company the all important name recognition of the doomed Titanic. But since people weren’t exactly eager for a game that made light of a famous tragedy, the switch was probably for the best.

Life as a Blackman

This Underground Games release from 1999 offered a simple yet heavy message: Life as a black man is hard. Delivering this message pretty much involved trotting out a parade of stereotypes, blurring the lines between satire and genuine racism.

Players all start as 18 year old black males either in Glamourwood, Black University, the Military, or in the Ghetto. Through die rolls, players work their way through the randomly selected starting areas and into Downtown, an approximation of life in the real world. Players may find themselves going to Church to right past wrongs, or spend time in Prison for making bad decisions. The first person to reach the Freedom space at the top of the board wins.

Unlike many games on this list, “Life as a Blackman” isn’t forgotten. An app of the game is coming soon for your iPhone.

Blacks & Whites

Here’s another example of a game that tries to illustrate racism, with pretty shocking results.

Produced in the 1970s, “Blacks & Whites,” according to publisher Dynamic Design Industries, depicts housing discrimination through “the absurdities of living in different worlds while playing on the same board.” At the beginning of the game, players choose to either be a “Black” or a “White,” and the choice handily determines who wins the game.

The Whites comprise the majority of players, start with $1 million, and can buy property anywhere on the board. Their black counterparts are the minority, start the game with only $10,000, and can’t buy many properties. These properties that the players fight over range from the “inner ghetto” and “outer ghetto” to “lower integrated” and “upper integrated” neighborhoods to, lastly, “newer estates” and “older estates.”

“Blacks” and “Whites” each draw from their own set of “opportunity cards.” A typical White opportunity card: “Stock dividend from a company that makes tear gas. Collect $40,000.” A typical Black one: “Government begins urban-renewal project. You lose both Harlem and Watts. Collect full price less 10% from Treasury.”

Project Pornstar

Produced in 2004, “Project Pornstar” casts players as directors of their own porn flicks. If you’ve ever played a trading card game, you have a rough idea of how this works -- the various cards in the game represent components for your film, and the best combinations win you the most points. Since you’re making a porno, one set of cards represents your actors (men, women, amenable livestock), and another represents objects (handcuffs, for instance, or a cucumber).

Another set, the “action cards,” further change the course of your film. If a performer’s face doesn’t quite meet expectations, you can play a card to throw a paper bag over it. There’s an “AIDS” card, too, of course.

Fun for the whole family!

Juden Raus! (Jews Out!)

Nazi Germany featured quite a few horrifically offensive anti-Semitic games, from shooting games to games tracking the triumphant rise of the swastika. But the most notorious of these games is probably “Juden Raus,” published in Dresden in 1938 approximately one month after “Kristallnacht” (the Night of Broken Glass).

It’s a simple game. You roll dice and move your token to Jewish homes, where you collect Jews. You must then escort your Jews to a “collection point” so they can be banished from the city. “If you are the first to expel six Jews,” reads the game’s original rules, “you are the undoubted winner.”

Still, the Nazis were the most evil people in history, so it’s unsurprising that they produced such a game, right?

Not exactly. “Juden Raus” was manufactured by some private German company, and surprisingly, a major Nazi journal, the SS paper "Das Schwarze Korps", heavily criticized the game (issue No. 52, December 29, 1938, p. 7): An (unknown) author claimed that the game trivialized the anti-Semitic Nazi policies and that the international press would use the game’s existence to make the policies look completely ridiculous. The author’s main objection was that the game manufacturer was trying to profit from the Nazi slogan “Juden raus” (Jews out) to promote the sale of the game; and not that it's an offensive game.

Dishonorable mentions: Gay Monopoly, What Shall I Be? The Exciting Game of Career Girls, and Busen Memo (Bosom Memory).

Random Acts of Kindness...

2015-04-16T15:20:00.001-04:00

I don't know about the rest of you, but I am tired of the cruelty of people toward others. News reports are filled with horror stories of death and destruction. It becomes very exhausting and disheartening to watch the news anymore. There has to be some heartwarming stories out there and today I was on the hunt to find some.

Here's what I found:

1. Pizza Delivery With Heart: This story could have gone horribly wrong for either of the people in it, but it turned out to be an amazing story of kindness. Sometimes pizza joints get special requests with their online pizza delivery ordering system (one woman asked them to write "I want a divorce" on her pie - they didn't), so they're used to getting requests. One pizza delivery guy showed his commitment to customer satisfaction. Pizza My Heart in Menlo Park, CA took an order that came with a special request: “Send us your cutest delivery boy. Tell me I'm pret.” Clearly, the customer ran out of characters to finish the instructions, but it's a no-brainer than they wanted to be told they were pretty.

Expecting to be greeted by a bunch of college girls when he delivered the insanely overpriced pizza, he instead encountered a room decorated for a birthday party, with only one woman in the room. The delivery boy reportedly wished the customer a happy birthday, and the girl told him how she had planned a party but nobody came. After a short conversation, she invited him in for some cake and the delivery guy ended up staying for an hour.

“We laughed and talked the whole time, as I was leaving I gave her a hug and told her she was pretty,” he said.

The only negative aspect of this story was that upon the delivery guy's return to the restaurant, he received a written warning for taking so long. But he says it didn’t matter as long as he made someone happy on their birthday. If only everyone was as nice as this guy.

2. A Good Chick-Fil-A Story: I'll be perfectly honest, I will not patronize Chick-Fil-A restaurants due to the company's religious beliefs and their CEO's antiquated same-sex marriage views. I just cannot abide giving money to bigots, but when I heard a story about a Chick-Fil-A team in Raleigh, NC, it warmed my heart.

Sheree Carter started working at Chick-Fil-A in October. At the time, she was living in shelters and temporary housing with her two young children and working hard to get family back on their feet after the loss of Ms. Carter's parents and her children's father. The family finally got an opportunity to move into their own apartment just before Christmas. Knowing how hard Carter had been struggling, her co-workers banded together and chipped in to fully furnish the apartment (including a dishwasher) as a surprise gift to the family.

Carter was overwhelmed by their generosity, as she didn't even think they knew that she was homeless because she never showed it. While I still will not step my big toe across the threshold of any Chick-Fil-A, it's nice to know that there are still people out there doing what they can for others.

3. Mystery Man Pulls Driver From SUV: Yesterday, in Idaho, an unidentified man may have saved the life of 23-year-old driver, whose 2000 GMC Yukon was heading south at approximately 8 a.m. when it left the road, drove through a yard and over two terraces before getting snared in a chain-link fence that prevented it from crashing into the canyon.

"As the Yukon's front end hung over the canyon's sheer edge, the man appeared, broke the vehicle's passenger-side window with a rock and removed Sitko [the driver] by dragging him through the opening" (AP story). The rescuer left the scene as the police arrived, stating that he had to go and then left.

Who this man is remains a mystery, but kudos to him for saving the life of a complete stranger!

-------------

These three stories restore a little bit of my faith in humanity, although I still think for the most part people are assholes to each other, but it's nice to know that there is still some kindness out there. Here's one of the songs that I find inspiring for promoting kindness:

Brain Droppings...

2015-04-14T15:56:00.001-04:00

Today's blog is just some general brain droppings that I wanted to get off my chest. I haven't been posting as much lately because I haven't been anywhere or done anything interesting or significant. While I had indicated that I was going to continue to travel by completing day trips from Philadelphia, I haven't been able to go anywhere for a couple of reasons.

First, the weather has only now just begun to be conducive to outdoor activities, like sightseeing. But that's not the real reason I haven't been traveling.

My old friend, Pain, has refused to leave me alone since arriving back in Philadelphia. You see, I go to bed with the idea that I'll get up the next day and go do something interesting/fun/entertaining/informative, etc. What I end up doing is spending most of the night being woken up by Pain every couple of hours. The pain medication that my doctor has put me on doesn't really work very well. It'll dull it for a couple of hours but then Pain comes roaring back, stronger than ever -- and a good couple of hours before I can take the next dose. I then spend the next hour or so trying to ignore Pain before giving in a taking the next dosage before I should. After a night of restless sleep and weeping due to this annoying little bugger, I get up, vomit from lingering Pain, take another dosage of meds and finally lay on my brother's couch and nap the morning away. By the time the afternoon rolls around I have zero energy to go and do anything. Plus Pain is still being a pain in the arse. I'm not loving my current situation.

But I have discovered something about myself: I am not a masochist. So, you know, that's something. Whenever I think about masochists, I always remember a scene from the musical film, Little Shop of Horrors. In the scene, masochist Arthur Denton (played brilliantly by Bill Murray) visits dentist Orin Scrivello (Steve Martin) and gets a painful thrill of a lifetime (see video below). The scene, of course, is fictional but there are people in this world who find pain to be a turn on. As I'm not one to cast aspersions on other people's interests, all you masochists out there I say "enjoy", but don't look for me at your parties.

Personally, I would give everything I own to rid myself of Pain. I remember my mother once saying when my dad was dealing with leukemia was that "at least he wasn't in pain." Sadly, this genetic marker is one that skipped me by.

Additionally, I have concluded that the likelihood of my traveling to the west coast is probably slim to none. The odds that I can withstand a five and a half hour flight to Los Angeles are pretty low; let alone getting my oncologist to agree to the trip. New York City is another questionable visit simply because I'm not certain I have the stamina for New York, but I'll have to think upon that one. I still would like to make a final trip to Massachusetts to see my students and friends up there. Even though it's a six hour drive, I can make stops along the way and take my time getting there.

All in all these past couple of months have been (and the upcoming months promise to be) physically exhausting and painful; and I'm over it. I would like for someone else to take on this burden please. Anyone, anyone? <sigh> I suppose there won't be any takers for that request and I don't blame you. Cancer is not very glamorous. Therefore, I will continue to muddle through.

More Weird, Yet Funny Facts...

2015-04-09T15:12:00.001-04:00

Another case of boredom caused me to find some more strange facts for your entertainment. Some of these are really crazy:

1. "Fart Battles" were popular art scrolls created in Japan during the Edo Period (1603-1868).

2. In Spanish, the "esposas" means both "wives" and "handcuffs". [Sounds about right.]

3. 2.6 million Kenyans practice the "sport" of naked night-running. [That's gotta be painful.]

4. In 2011, a woman bought a "non-visible" piece of art for $10,000. [Someone with way too much money.]

5. You can change your language of Facebook to "Pirate". [Try it - it's fun!]

6. Brazilian footballer Ronaldinho's deal with Coca-Cola ended after he was caught sipping a Pepsi in a news conference.

7. There is an official Rock Paper Scissors league in the United States. [What about Rock Paper Scissors Lizard Spock?]

8. If you search for "askew" in Google, the content will tilt slightly to the right.
9. Paris Syndrome is a psychological disorder, mainly suffered by Japanese people, caused after realizing Paris isn't what they expected. [Seriously? WTF!]

10. In Dorset, Minnesota, a 3-year old boy was elected as mayor. A year later, he was re-elected. [Makes sense -- most of our politicians act like toddlers.]

11. One in four Americans thinks the Sun goes around the Earth. [A sad statement of our education system.]

12. One in ten Americans thinks HTML -- the language of web pages -- is a sexually transmitted disease. [Yep, I'm still sad.]

13. In 2007, a Bosnian couple divorced after discovered both had an online affair with each other under fake names.

14. 35% of American workers said they would forgo a pay raise in exchange for having their boss fired. [Back in my corporate days, I would have been part of that 35%.]

15. The word pencil comes from a Latin word meaning "small penis".

16. British spies planned to lace Hitler's food with female hormones to make him less aggressive.

17. In Catalonia, Spain, a smiley-faced piece of wood called "shitting log" poops out the presents on Christmas (photo below).

18. A man named Moondyne Joe escaped prison so many times, that police built a special escape-proof cell for him, from which he escaped as well.

19. Benjamin Franklin wrote "Fart Proudly", a scientific essay about flatulence.

20. Cows moo in accents specific to their region, just like humans.

I'm Beginning to Loathe All Doctors!

2015-04-06T16:19:00.001-04:00

In my 40+ years on this fine planet, I've been to my fair share of doctors - all types of doctors. This fact is particularly true when you consider that I have had two cancer diagnoses and a major depressive episode -- you see lots and lots of doctors with all those issues.

Let's begin with the most annoying fact about doctors...wait times! Has anyone ever arrived at a doctor's office and been seen by the physician within a reasonable amount of time...say 5 or 10 minutes? A couple of weeks ago, I went to my first (and most likely final) visit to my new primary care physician. My appointment time was 12:15pm. I arrived at noon and was brought into the exam room at 1:55pm and finally saw the doctor at 2:05pm. An hour and 50 minutes past my appointment time. Does anyone else find that reprehensible? This scenario is typical of all doctor's offices. I've even had the first appointment of the day and still had to wait an hour before being seen by the doctor. <sigh>

After the annoying wait times, I find the "god complex" of doctors to be equally irritating. I know that they had a shit ton of schooling - 4 years undergrad, 4 years med school, and anywhere from 3-8 years of training for their specialty, but that does not make them the omnipotent or infallible. Yet, they expect their patients to follow their directions with no questions asked. Well, I say "screw that!" Question everything that your doctor recommends. For example, my oncologist set me up for a biopsy of one of my tumors to ascertain that my metastases are actually endometrial. The more I thought about it the more I questioned why I was putting myself through this test. I called the doctor to question why he recommended this test. He wanted to make sure that it was endometrial because that would determine the treatment recommendations he would make. That means that he did not listen to my decision which is to seek no further treatment! So, I cancelled the test because I'm not going to waste my time and money on unnecessary tests. Why don't doctors listen? Oh, right - because they're "god" and "know what's best for their patients". <grrrrrr>

Also, doctors seem to think that patients don't deserve to have all the information required to be fully informed. At least, that's been my experience. My last visit with the oncologist to review my CT scan, I was told that "as expected, everything was slightly worse." What I wasn't told was that I have new tumors in various places and a new complication. The only way I found out about this bit of news is that I asked the office to send me a copy of the report for my records. It made me feel like my doctor didn't want to bother me with the details. F**K THAT! It's my body and I deserve to have all the information so that I can make decisions based on knowledge. Fecking doctors!

Here's the full 411: In the two months since my last CT scan, there has been moderate growth of the existing nodules. In addition, I have "multiple [new] lesions" in the liver and the pelvic region, plus a small pericardial effusion (fluid around the heart). Now I don't know about you, but I believe these were important points that the oncologist should have mentioned to me because there are side effects from these developments of which I should be aware. Consequently, I have to return to my oncologist and have yet another conversation with him that he is to monitor my disease, not treat it. And if he can't deal with that, then I will ask to be assigned to a different doctor. There are several in this office.

FECKING DOCTORS!!!!

Random Weirdness...

2015-04-03T16:20:00.000-04:00

I was really bored today, so I dug up some really weird facts for your amusement and bemusement.

1. The Romans used to clean and whiten their teeth with urine. Apparently it works. Please don’t do it, though.
2. The world’s deepest postbox is in Susami Bay in Japan. It’s 10 meters underwater.

3. In 2007, an American man named Corey Taylor tried to fake his own death in order to get out of his cell phone contract without paying a fee. It didn’t work.
4. The oldest condoms ever found date back to the 1640s (they were found in a cesspit at Dudley Castle), and were made from animal and fish intestines.
5. In 1923, jockey Frank Hayes won a race at Belmont Park in New York despite being dead — he suffered a heart attack mid-race, but his body stayed in the saddle until his horse crossed the line for a 20-1 outsider victory.
6. Everyone has a unique tongue print, just like fingerprints.
7. Most Muppets are left-handed. (Because most Muppeteers are right-handed, so they operate the head with their favored hand.)
8. Female kangaroos have three vaginas.
9. It costs the U.S. Mint almost twice as much to mint each penny and nickel as the coins are actually worth. Taxpayers lost over $100 million in 2013 just through the coins being made.
10. A family of people with blue skin lived in Kentucky for many generations. The Fulgates of Troublesome Creek are thought to have gained their blue skin through combination of inbreeding and a rare genetic condition known as methemoglobinemia.

11. Casu marzu is a Sardinian cheese that contains live maggots. The maggots can jump up to five inches out of cheese while you’re eating it, so it’s a good idea to shield it with your hand to stop them jumping into your eyes.
12. The loneliest creature on Earth is a whale who has been calling out for a mate for over two decades — but whose high-pitched voice is so different to other whales that they never respond.
13. The spikes on the end of a stegosaurus’ tail are known among paleontologists as the “thagomizer” — a term coined by cartoonist Gary Larson in a 1982 Far Side drawing.
14. During World War II, the crew of the British submarine HMS Trident kept a fully grown reindeer called Pollyanna aboard their vessel for six weeks (it was a gift from the Russians).
15. The northern leopard frog swallows its prey using its eyes — it uses them to help push food down its throat by retracting them into its head.
16. The first man to urinate on the moon was Buzz Aldrin, shortly after stepping onto the lunar surface.

17. There is a glacier called "Blood Falls" in Antarctica that regularly pours out red liquid, making it look like the ice is bleeding. (It’s actually oxidized salty water.)
18. A U.S. park ranger named Roy C. Sullivan held the record for being struck by lightning the most times, having been struck — and surviving — seven times between 1942 and 1977. He died of a self-inflicted gunshot in 1983. Shocking!
19. The katzenklavier ("cat piano") was a musical instrument made out of cats. Designed by 17th-century German scholar Athanasius Kircher, it consisted of a row of caged cats with different voice pitches, who could be “played” by a keyboardist driving nails into their tails. Why?
20. The Dance Fever of 1518 was a month-long plague of inexplicable dancing in Strasbourg, in which hundreds of people danced for about a month for no apparent reason. Several of them danced themselves to death. There are worse ways to go, I suppose.

Blood Falls

Tackling the Practical Tasks of Being Terminally Ill...

2015-03-30T15:27:00.001-04:00

There have been a number of tasks that I have ... well ... it's not that I've been avoiding them. I just put them on the back burner because I had better things to do: seeing Europe and the US, but today it was time to start tackling these necessary tasks.

Task 1 - Health Care Power of Attorney/Living Will

Quite frankly this task is one that everyone over the age of 18 should complete and keep up to date on a regular basis. A health care power of attorney/living will gives directions to your health care proxy about life prolonging medical treatments. I can hear people now: "But Sandi, I'm young" and "I'm not sick." Yes, and tomorrow you could walk out of your house and be hit by a bus. Do you want to be the next Terri Schiavo? I do not. Of course, I have had a living will for years, but it needed some updating. Now, it's all ready to be signed, witnessed, and delivered to my physicians. It's pretty standard. What are my wishes? Unsurprising, no life sustaining treatments are to be given. Done!

Task 2 - Last Will and Testament

Let's start with the knowledge that I did have a will drawn up -- years ago. But times have changed and so has my situation; therefore, I needed to update this document. Fortunately, thanks to online legal websites, this chore was easily accomplished - particularly as my will is pretty basic. Another document ready for signing, witnessing, and storing. Done!

Task 3 - Researching Pennsylvania Cremation

I decided decades ago that when it was my time to go, I did not want to be stuffed in a box and placed in the ground. My plan is to arrange and prepay for the disposal of my remains. I spent some time today looking into crematories in the area and the approximate cost. Next step is to choose one and make an appointment to finalize my plans.

Task 4 - Dispersal of Ashes

This assignment was more difficult than I expected. How do you decide where your ashes should be dispersed? First off, yes, I want my ashes spread somewhere. I don't want them sitting on someone's mantle. Ugh! Then I narrowed it down to something with water. One of the random facts I once listed about myself is that I love the water - any type (lakes, ponds, oceans, swimming pools, etc.). As I do love the ocean (but hate the beach), I have decided that I would like my ashes to be scattered into the ocean. I think my brother, Tom, needs to fly to Florida and he and my other brother, Tim, should rent a boat (bringing a case of beer with them) and take my ashes out into the ocean in order to scatter them properly. No throwing them into the ocean from the beach. Uh uh! I do not want to end up on the sand! With my luck, I'd end up in some jerk's ass crack.

Task 5 - Plan a "Good Death"

I read an article about tasks that the terminally ill need to accomplish and this task was one of them. What they meant by "good death" is: Where do you want your final moments to be -- your home, a hospital, a nursing home, or hospice facility? As with deciding on my ash dispersal, I found this task to be a bit difficult. Ordinarily, I would say I would prefer to die in the comforts of my home, but I don't actually have a home. Yes, my brother has kindly allowed me to live in his home, but it's not exactly my home. If it were, there would be different toilet paper in the bathroom. Plus, it's not fair for my brother to have that burden. A hospital is out. It's how my father died and that sucked! So I suppose I need to start looking for a good inpatient hospice facility. I started with making a list of some area facilities. The next steps would be to go and visit them to see what they're like and if they would fit into my "good death" scenario. Also, as cost is an issue, I have to find out if I can afford great hospice care. I'm sure I can afford crap hospice care, but that's not an option I'd want to consider.

Task 6 - Write my Final Blog

Okay, some people might find this ghoulish but I started to write my final blog which I will ask my brother to post after I croak. As this will be the last words that I will ever post, I want them to be perfect so I will continue to work and re-work this last blog in order to make it perfect. I doubt if it'll ever be perfect but I'll do my best to say goodbye to everyone in a way that will (hopefully) be equal parts of funny, interesting, and poignant.

----------------

I had a few other minor tasks that aren't worth listing but were completed. I feel like I did well today on getting started and, in some cases, completing some necessary tasks. All in all, today was one of my more productive days of late.

And the Pain Goes On, the Pain Goes On (Cancer Update)

2015-03-27T14:32:00.001-04:00

(What's the pop culture reference in the title that I co-opted?)

As I mentioned in my last update, this week was almost nothing but annoying medical appointments. After nearly 2 years of dealing with cancer, I'm over it. Can it all just go away? Even for a little bit? Nope, guess not. And as I'm in too much pain right now to do any sort of sightseeing and traveling, it gives me something to do, I suppose. Here was my week:

On Wednesday, I headed to the hospital in order to have a thoracentesis performed. You may remember that I had fluid building up in the pleura around my lungs and this procedure drains the fluid. I arrived at the hospital at 7:00am and registered. I was told to head up to the Short Procedure Unit. Short Procedure - that sounded promising; perhaps I would be in and out in a short time. Nope! The nurse asked me to wait in the waiting room until they had a bed available. Around 7:45, the nurse (Lee) brought me back, where I had to change into one of those very sexy hospital gowns. After climbing into the bed, I went over my medical history with Lee. She then placed an IV in my hand and told me that they would be up in about 30 minutes to take me down to radiology. An hour later, I was finally carted off to the 1st floor. Both the nurse and the doctor gave me the overview of what the procedure would entail. Here's what happened: I was brought into the room, told to scoot to the side of the bed and lean over the x-ray machine bed. Then the doctor used an ultrasound machine to locate the pleural effusion. After marking the location on my back with a marker and sterilizing the area, he then stuck a rather painful needle into the area in order to numb it. Then a slightly larger needle was placed and the cap removed. The fluid flowed out into a liter glass bottle. I just had to lean and wait for the fluid to flow out. Approximately 10-15 minutes later, I was done and they bandaged the site. While I was waiting for them to roll me out into the hall, the nurse asked me if I wanted to see what had been removed. I said, "sure." I turned and saw 950 milliliters of bloody fluid. Holy crap! If you're like me and are a Metric idiot, 950 milliliters is 1 quart. A normal amount of fluid in the pleura is 20 milliliters. Well, no wonder I was having trouble breathing. Although oddly, it didn't do much to improve how I'm feeling. I'm coughing less, but otherwise, I still feel like hell. After a chest x-ray to make sure there was no pneumothorax (a collapsed lung), I headed back to the Short Procedure Unit and about an hour later (a little before noon), I was released and headed home.

The next day (yesterday), I headed back to the hospital for a CT scan. It was pretty much like every other CT scan I've had over the past 2 years. Arrive, sit, choke down a nasty barium contrast drink, lay on the CT machine, hold breath, get injected with a contrast solution, hold breath, and leave.

Today, I met with my oncologist to discuss everything. While he didn't give me specifics, he did say that the CT results showed that everything has gotten slightly worse since my last CT two months ago. Not surprising. He was disappointed that the draining of the fluid didn't do more, but he suspects that I'm just unlucky enough that even though the lung nodules are still relatively small, they're positioned in places that are causing me pain. Lately, I've been having stomach pains as well, and he suspects that's from the abdominal nodules. Oh joy of joys. He is still advocating chemotherapy and I am still adamant about not wanting to do any more chemo. So we have reached an impasse. The next step: the oncologist wants to be sure that it really is endometrial cancer that we're dealing with and not breast cancer so he is recommending a biopsy of one of the nodules. As there are now abdominal nodules that can be biopsied, the risk is minimal (as opposed to any lung nodule). Sometime in the next couple of weeks, I will have the biopsy to confirm that we are dealing with endometrial. This procedure seems stupid to me. What difference does it make if I'm dying from endometrial or breast cancer? Whatever. I left the office with a prescription for Percocet for pain and an appointment to see him in three weeks.

Real Playgrounds Which are the Stuff of Nightmares!

2015-03-24T15:41:00.002-04:00

When I was growing up, playgrounds were places of happy and imaginative entertainment. Slides, see-saws, swings, and other innocent, fun recreational equipment were the mainstay of my youth. I think if I had come across some of the playgrounds shown below, I would not have the fond memories of innocence.

A picture is worth a 1,000 words. Enjoy!

Parents: I do not recommend you take your children to any of these places!!!

Pain, Pain, Go Away! (Cancer Update)

2015-03-23T16:38:00.000-04:00

As I mentioned 2 weeks ago, I made the decision to head back to Philadelphia instead of continuing on my road trip to California. There were many medical reasons why I made that decision but mostly it was an extreme pain issue. If you remember back in January, the test results indicated that I had pleural effusion, which I needed to keep an eye on.

Reminder: pleural effusion is a build up of fluid around the lungs. And it is effing painful. For the past two weeks I've experienced everything from mild to severe pain - with occasional pain so bad that I've either vomited or burst into tears. The pain takes the form of a stabbing pain - like someone jabbing me continually with an ice pick with the occasional axe to my side. Adding to the pain is a chronic cough which developed thanks to the lung irritation. Pretty much the past two weeks have been hell.

Today, I met with a new oncologist. The doctor I saw in January was not covered under my new health plan. Let's not discuss what those visits and tests are going to cost me! Anyway, I met with my new oncologist who seems to be an understanding sort, but also a bit stubborn. So stubborn meets stubborn. Yay! Wanna guess who'll win this contest? Once again, I had to review my cancer history and my thoughts on moving forward. While he completely gets the desire to travel, he is also advocating the use of chemotherapy and Tamoxifen. <sigh> He means well and he did talk me into getting a prescription for Tamoxifen. Even though I have the pills, it doesn't mean that I'll be taking them. He may think the minor chance of a stroke or blood clots is worth trying it, I do not. Right now though, we're both focused on getting rid of my pain

Here's what's on tap for this week: (i) a chest x-ray (which I did after leaving the oncologist's office), (ii) another CAT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis, (iii) a thoracentesis, which is a fancy word for draining the fluid around my lungs (see photo) - hopefully that will help with the pain, and (iv) meeting with the oncologist at the end of all this to see where we go next.

A busy week of medical stuff and I'm already bored with it. Stay tuned for further updates.

Our Modern Day Romeo & Juliet - an Update!

2015-03-20T11:17:00.002-04:00

Photo credit: Andrew Quilty, NY Times

If you've been reading my blog regularly, you know that I have been following a gut-wrenching story about a young couple from Afghanistan - Zakia and Mohammad Ali (past blog posts can be read here). It's been months since there was news about the young couple and I was hoping that "no news is good news". Alas, the troubles of our young couple continues.

A quick recap of the story: Boy and girl meet, fall in love, and wish to marry. But they are from different Muslim sects and the families disapprove. The couple elope and are forced to go on the run due to death threats to the couple by both families. Mohammad Ali is captured and charged with kidnapping and Zakia hides in a women's shelter. Eventually, Mohammad is released from custody after the charges were dropped and the couple were happily reunited. In a Hollywood movie, this story would end here with a "happily ever after" resolution. Sadly, that is not reality.

After the couple were reunited, they were welcomed and accepted by his family, but not hers, when they returned to their village. At one point, Mohammad Ali was chased by one of Zakia's brothers who was armed with a gun and a knife. Mohammad Ali managed to escape, and then he and a pregnant Zakia fled to some distant mountain villages for protection. They then moved to Kabul due to Zakia having a difficult pregnancy and the medical services available there. Finally the couple decided to seek refuge in another country.

A NY Times article reports that "[o]fficials at the United States Embassy, as well as at several European embassies in Kabul, told them they could consider their asylum request only if they first fled as refugees to a neighboring country" (NY Times article, 3/7/2015). In October, the couple and Mohammad Ali's father, Anwar crossed into Tajikistan on visas in order to apply for status as refugees which would then allow them to ask for asylum in the West. Officials told them that they qualify for refugee status on at least 5 different grounds. While in the process of registering, the couple and Anwar were stopped by two men identifying themselves as police officers who robbed them of their life savings (some $5,000), jewelry that Zakia was wearing, and their cellphones. They then deported the couple and Anwar back to Afghanistan.

With Zakia's pregnancy nearing term, the couple returned to their village and have (for the moment) decided to remain in their village. Mohammad Ali spends his days in working the fields of his family's farm, armed with a gun for protection. Zakia refuses to leave the house, living in fear of her large family who continue to publicly vow to kill her and Mohammad Ali. The good news in all this is that the couple's daughter was born in December and according to Mohammad Ali, "'This is our proof that we belonged together...Nobody can take this away from us now'" (NY Times article, 3/7/2015).

You can read the entire article on the NY Times website. It's a heartbreaking tale, but the hopeless romantic in me hopes that love will win out in the end. While I understand the decision to stay in the village and homeland which they love, I'm am fearful for their safety and hope that they try to seek asylum again.

Worst Job Ever...

2015-03-17T17:40:00.000-04:00

I've been wanting to write a new post for the past couple of days but I couldn't come up with a topic on which to write. Today, I found a random question generator and after generating a few terrible questions, the generator came up with "What is the worst job you have ever had?" That got me thinking.

I've had a lot of jobs in my lifetime of varying types. I've worked in many different industries: retail, legal, telecommunications, education, insurance, medical, entertainment, and others. A couple of my jobs were fabulous (teaching and performing), some were okay (retail and medical), but many, many were just awful (all others). But was there one job that made every other job look amazing? Oh, you betcha!

Picking just one job that was the lowest of the low was pretty difficult, but I decided to narrow it down to a job that I held after I left college. I departed college after completing just 2 years in order to pursue a performing career, but naturally I needed to get a "day job" to pay my bills. I searched the newspapers and came across an entry level position at an insurance company in Princeton, NJ. The position was the company's receptionist/telephone operator. I actually kind of liked that position, as it was right up my alley of greeting and talking people. I excel at those tasks. After four months in the position, management decided that my "talent was being wasted" being a 'mere' receptionist, so they offered me a choice between two different positions: claims adjuster or human resources assistant. Hindsight being 20-20, I should have taken the claims adjuster position, but I decided to take the HR position. That was a HUGE mistake!

The job consisted of dealing with recruiters (ugh!), calculating vacation/sick days (blech), dealing with health insurance issues (kill me!) and a whole host of other horrendous tasks. While I didn't like the position or the tasks and responsibilities that went with it, that was the least of my issues. What I didn't realize when I took the position was that the Human Resources manager (and my immediate supervisor, Julie*) was insane. That's not an exaggeration, she was what psychologists would call "bat shit crazy". She was also terribly inappropriate - especially for an HR person. I'll give you an example.

One day, Julie came to me to let me know that she needed to leave work early that day because she had a dentist appointment. I said "okay" and turned to go back to work. She then decided to share a story with me as to why she needed to see a dentist. It turns out that she had thrush (which she called a "yeast infection in [her] mouth"). Then she regaled me with the story on how she contracted thrush. It turns out that after she and her husband had sexual intercourse (when she had a yeast infection), she decided to provide her husband with oral gratification; thereby contracting the infection orally. Eeeeeuuuuwwwww!!! (By the way, this is the PC version; she was much, much more graphic in the retelling.)

This was a story that a 21-year old fresh out of college did not need to hear. And that is just one of many stories I could tell about this lunatic. I can't tell you how many times I went home crying from that job. I lasted all of 2 months in that position (six months at the company altogether). I decided enough was enough and I quit. I believe the dentist story was the last straw; although I can't be certain as it was 28 years ago. It made me never want to work in an HR position ever again.

Anyone have a worst job story to tell? I'd love to hear it.

*Name has been changed so I don't get sued!

Roadus Trippus Interruptus - A Reflection (GART)

2015-03-14T09:53:00.003-04:00

When I started my road trip back in January, my plan was to try to visit as many states as I could - especially those states that I have never visited before. As you can see from the graphic, I made some pretty decent headway in achieving that goal in the 7 weeks I spent driving around the country. When I started this trip, I had visited 22 of our great states. I have now had the pleasure of visiting a total of 35 - adding 13 on this trip. The last 15 will be far more difficult to tick off my list. At the very least, I need to add California. Notice something about the map - a lot of really snowy and cold states from the center of the country have not been visited by me. Hmmm...wonder why that is?!

First let me give the necessary props to my Saturn Ion which went the distance without a single hiccup. No engine troubles, no flat tires, no dead battery - nothing. She was quite the trouper. You cannot ask for more than that for an 8 year old. Additionally, she was getting amazing gas mileage. Always good for 30 mpg, she was getting 34-35 mpg at times. What a good girl! She even had her own milestone during the trip - somewhere in Missouri we celebrated her becoming an adult:

As my brother said: "Mazel tov!"

When I started this trip back in January, I had some sites that I very specifically wanted to visit. The short list was: the White House, the Smithsonian, Arlington National Cemetery, the Biltmore house, Graceland, Wizarding World of Harry Potter, New Orleans, San Antonio River Walk, the Grand Canyon, Redwood National Park, the Golden Gate Bridge, Pacific Coast Highway, Taos Pueblo, Mount Rushmore, Las Vegas, Mutter Museum, Rodeo Drive, Los Angeles. Okay, there's still a lot I have not seen on this list. Mostly in D.C. and California. I can do D.C. while I'm here in Philly. California will just have to wait. I think Vegas and the Taos Pueblo are not going to happen.

There are sites that I visited not on the original list which I will remember in great detail and with much fondness: the MLK historic site in Atlanta, the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis, Little Rock Central High School in Little Rock, Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, the Grand Canyon in Arizona, and Lincoln Tomb in Springfield. These attractions resonate with me because they're all about either ideals/people I admire or nature at her finest. Things that are bigger and more important than my pathetic, nothing life.

But even more important than these places I've seen was spending time with family and friends. Being in Florida to see my niece walking down the aisle in her beautiful wedding dress was a dream come true. Visiting with some of my best friends from high school who I hadn't seen in 30 years - priceless. Certainly spending time with my nearly 90 year old aunt is nothing to sneeze at. Seeing old friends and making new ones all over the country was well worth the time taken.

Total stats to date:

Starting odometer mileage on January 24: 92,989

Odometer mileage on March 14: 101,182

Total miles in the 7 weeks: 8,193

Number of states visited: 25 (Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Tennessee, Arkansas, Louisiana, Texas, New Mexico, Utah, Colorado, Arizona, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia)

After traveling nearly 8,000 miles, about 250 miles from home, I was done. I thought I cannot drive one more second and then I realized "Shoot, I still have 3 and a half hours to go." It was quite the annoyance. It didn't help that I was in massive amounts of pain and had not taken any meds to combat the pain. But I finally made it back to Philadelphia around 5:30 pm yesterday. The last 10 miles in particular were the worst! Stuck in Philadelphia traffic stinks!

A reminder: this is not the end of my travels but merely a hiatus. Sadly, my little Saturn will not have the opportunity to see California, but she'll be with me when I visit D.C. and all the other places that I still need to see, especially when I make it back to Massachusetts to visit my students and other friends... once the snow melts. I'm thinking that's happening in mid-July.

Here are all the welcome signs:

Paying Respect to Our 16th President! (GART - Stop 23)

2015-03-12T22:04:00.001-04:00

When I left the Grand Canyon, I had planned on driving straight home, but then I figured that I might not make it back to the Midwest. On my rather long bucket list of places to see, I had listed Springfield, IL - mostly to see the Lincoln Tomb and the Lincoln Home. Today, I made my slight detour to Springfield in order to pay my respects to one of our best and most admired presidents: Abraham Lincoln.

History: Abraham Lincoln "presided over the most tumultuous period of America’s history: The American Civil War. He was elected to the presidency in 1861 and served until his assassination in 1865. His dedication to the preservation of the Union led the country through the difficult but transformative years of he Civil War, eventually leading to the eradication of slavery and reconciliation with the South. His place in the nation’s history is that of the Great Unifier as well as the Great Emancipator. Even to this day, elements of his legacy remain controversial, but his importance in the emergence of a modern, unified America is unquestioned. Much like Washington and FDR, Lincoln was revered as a political savior by those who supported him and derided as a tyrant by those who didn’t. He oversaw the beginnings of the industrial economy in America, expanded the role of the federal government and sought ernest reconciliation with those who sought to separate themselves from the Union. On April 15, 1865 Lincoln was assassinated by Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth" (Deseret News).

Lincoln Tomb: Lincoln Tomb is the final resting place of Abraham Lincoln, his wife, Mary Todd Lincoln, and three of their four sons. (Their fourth son, Robert Todd is buried at Arlington Cemetery.) Lincoln Tomb is located in Oak Ridge Cemetery in Springfield. After Lincoln's death, his body was placed in a nearby receiving tomb and later in the state tomb. The mausoleum is owned and administered by the State of Illinois as Lincoln Tomb State Historic Site. It was designated one of the first National Historic Landmarks in 1960, and thus became one of the first sites listed on the National Register of Historic Places in 1966, when that designation was created. With a 117-foot high obelisk and several sculptures on the exterior, this Tomb is impressive. Inside the tomb are several reproductions of famous sculptures of the President. The burial room features black and white marble walls and a ceiling of gold leaf. At its center stands the cenotaph, a 7-ton block of reddish marble inscribed with Lincoln's name and the years he lived. It marks the approximate location of the burial vault, which is 30 inches behind and 10 feet below. It was a moving site.

Lincoln Home: Beautifully restored to its 1860 appearance, the Greek Revival house was Abraham and Mary Lincoln's home for 17 years - the only home the Lincolns ever owned. In 1844 they bought it for $1,200 and some land from the Rev. Charles Dresser, who performed their marriage ceremony in 1842. When the house was built, it was much smaller than you see it today (photo). The Lincolns enlarged the house to a full two stories in 1856 to meet the needs of their growing family. Three of the four Lincoln sons were born here, and one (Edward) died here in 1850 at nearly four years of age. When Lincoln won the 1860 Republican Presidential nomination, he received a delegation of party officials in his parlor. When Lincoln became a presidential candidate the house became a magnet for visitors, parades, rallies and other political festivities. After holding farewell receptions there in 1861, the Lincolns rented it, sold most of their furniture, and entrusted the family dog to a neighbor.

After the President's assassination in 1865, the Lincoln family never lived in the house again. Lincoln's son, Robert Todd Lincoln deeded the family home to the State of Illinois in 1887 for $1 under the condition that it would forever be well-maintained and open to the public at no charge. Interestingly, about 90% of the furnishings in the house were owned and used by the Lincolns. There are only about 14 items of furniture which are replicas. The original 14 pieces had been purchased by the President of a Chicago railroad and he had a house fire which destroyed the Lincoln furniture.

It was an impressive stop in Springfield and I am so thrilled that I could make this stop on my way home. Please check out all my photos from Lincoln Tomb and Home on my GART photo site. Even though I will not actively been traveling for a couple of weeks, this is not my last stop. I plan on perhaps doing a couple of day trips from Philadelphia (perhaps Gettysburg, Valley Forge, other places).

Travel stats:

Grand Canyon odometer mileage: 98,796

Odometer mileage in Springfield: 100,340

Miles driven to Springfield: 1,544

Total miles driven to date: 7,331

States driven through: Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas, Missouri, Illinois (whew!)

A Visit to 4 States and the Majestic Grand Canyon! (GART - Stops 21 and 22)

2015-03-10T22:37:00.001-04:00

After resting all morning in my Albuquerque hotel, I sadly said "ciao" to my friends and left Albuquerque around 12:30, heading for the closest place to stay to my next destination, the Four Corners Monument. As I drove northwest, I wasn't sure what to expect. What I did not expect was such spectacular scenery. It was quite breath taking. The closest hotel to Four Corners is roughly 90 minutes away in Farmington. After a night's sleep, I was up at dawn and ready to head out. I left Farmington around 7:30 am. Somewhere along the ride, I actually drove through the Navajo Nation on my way to...

Four Corners Monument: Located in an incredibly remote location, Four Corners Monument marks the quadripoint in the Southwestern United States where the states of Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah meet. It is the only point in the United States shared by four states, leading to this area's being called the Four Corners region. The monument consists of a granite disk embedded with a smaller bronze disk around the point, surrounded by smaller, appropriately located state seals and flags representing both the states and tribal nations of the area. Circling the point, starting from north, the disk reads with two words in each state "Here meet in freedom under God four states". Around the monument, local Navajo and Ute artisans sell souvenirs and food. While some people might consider this cheating (myself included), I am adding Utah and Colorado to my list of states that I have visited. Yeah, okay, it was merely a few yards around the Four Corners, but I'm counting it. This means that I have visited 32 of the 50 states. Cooooooooool.

After leaving Four Corners, I made my way to...

The Grand Canyon: The Grand Canyon is a steep-sided canyon carved by the Colorado River in Arizona and is considered one of the seven natural wonders of the world. "The Grand Canyon is 277 miles long, up to 18 miles wide and attains a depth of over a mile (6,000 feet). Nearly two billion years of Earth's geological history have been exposed as the Colorado River and its tributaries cut their channels through layer after layer of rock while the Colorado Plateau was uplifted. While the specific geologic processes and timing that formed the Grand Canyon are the subject of debate by geologists, recent evidence suggests that the Colorado River established its course through the canyon at least 17 million years ago. Since that time, the Colorado River continued to erode and form the canyon to its present-day configuration" (Wikipedia). I arrived at the Park around 11:30 am and proceeded over the next couple of hours to make several stops along the route to stop and see the Canyon. It's impossible to describe the beauty and wonder of this site. It's definitely something that has to be experienced. After checking into my on-site hotel, I took a bit of a rest and then took a sunset bus tour of the Canyon. The tour guide had an encyclopedic knowledge of the Canyon and showed us some of the most beautiful vistas. We even saw a herd of elk! The sunset was amazing and worth the light blindness.

Today, I woke early and hit the road, heading back to Philadelphia. I ended up driving for 689 miles which is approximately 10 hours. I drove through 3 different time zones (Mountain (MST), Mountain (DST), and Central) and 3 states (Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas). I love traveling west because you gain extra time every time you cross a time zone. Conversely, traveling east sucks because you lose time. What can you do?

Today's bit of annoyance: As I was heading into Amarillo and my hotel, I was stopped on the interstate by a police officer who pulled me over for speeding. Apparently I was doing 80 in a 75 -- even though my speedometer said 75, which means either his machine was off or my speedometer is. Either way, he let me off with a warning, but seriously, who pulls over someone for doing 5 miles over the speed limit?????

Check out all my photos from Four Corners and the Grand Canyon on my GART photo site. I've decided that I'm going to make one more stop before I go home. As I will be traveling very near Springfield, IL, I will make a stop there to see Lincoln's Tomb and Home, especially as I doubt I'll get back to the Midwest anytime soon.

Travel stats:

Albuquerque odometer mileage: 98,330

Odometer mileage in Grand Canyon: 98,796

Miles driven to Grand Canyon (with a stop at 4 Corners): 466

Total miles driven to date: 5,787

States driven through: New Mexico and Arizona (and Utah and Colorado)

A Change in Plans - Sadly (GART)

2015-03-08T12:06:00.001-04:00

Early this morning, I had to come to the difficult decision to cut short my road trip. After hours of extreme pain which no medication could seem to alleviate (leading me to a pain-induced vomit fest), I decided that I needed to head home. I'm hoping that once I'm home, the doctor can stabilize my symptoms. Then, hopefully after a couple weeks of rest, I can fly to California, in order to visit friends and see the sites of Los Angeles and San Francisco. Yes, flying is a cheat, but I can't make that cross country trip again. My intention is to drive back to Philadelphia, but if it turns out to be too much, I'll stop at the nearest airport and fly the rest of the way home. How my car will get back to Philly with that scenario I have no clue.

But before heading home, I plan on visiting two more sites. Tomorrow, my plan is to visit the Four Corners Monument and then head to the Grand Canyon for the day. These sites are just too close to not to make a visit. I think I can push through another day or so before heading back East. I've decided not to go to the pueblo as planned today, so that I can spend the morning resting my aching weary body.

These turns of events are a disappointment. I really wanted to finish this road trip, but I didn't count on my body breaking down so fast. Perhaps I've pushed it too much over the past couple of months. It's been fun so far, but for the past few days, it's also be extremely painful. I suspect it's only to get worse. Let's hope that after a couple of weeks rest, I can continue with my travels. Fingers crossed.

A Fun Day in Albuquerque (GART - Stop 20)

2015-03-07T21:00:00.000-05:00

Today, I woke up -- feeling like death warmed over and thinking that I might have to stay in bed all day. Fortunately, my plans to meet up with friends was for late morning and I manage to rally myself after resting for a couple of hours. Man, I'm going to be pissed if I have to cancel this trip before I get to California!

Anyway, today I spent the day with a few friends. Okay, one friend (Melody), her wife (Hannah), and their friend (Allyson), but now they are all my friends. It turned out to be an amazing and relaxing day. After meeting up with my friends, we decided to visit some artists' studio as part of the Albuquerque Museum's celebration of local artists. On three consecutive Saturdays in March, participating New Mexico artists will open their studios to the public; visitors will be asked to vote for the artists they would most like to see included in an exhibition at the Albuquerque Museum.

We started with visiting a studio (and home) of a friend of theirs. The neat thing about this first stop is that the couple designed and built their beautiful adobe house and artists studio in the back. It was stunning. We then moved onto another site in which three different artists shared the space. I found one artist to be particularly interesting. Jessamyn Lovell created an art project/book, entitled Dear Erin Hart. Ms. Lovell's identity was stolen and she created an art project in response to crimes Erin Hart committed using her name and identity. I was so interested in her project that I pre-ordered the book.

We decided that we had built up a hunger, so it was time to find some excellent New Mexican food. We traveled a few minutes away to Old Town. Old Town is a historic district in Albuquerque, which dates back to the founding of the city by the Spanish in 1706. Old Town comprises about ten blocks of historic adobe buildings grouped around a central plaza. Many of the buildings in Old Town are houses that have been converted into restaurants and small art and souvenir shops, so yes, it's very touristy. Lunch was at High Noon restaurant and I had one delicious enchilada.

Seeing as how we were in Old Town and I am a tourist, we decided to spend a little time checking out Old Town. We visited a few shops, and made a stop in the historic church of San Felipe de Neri which was built in 1793. Ordinarily, I'm pretty good at not purchasing stuff, but I tried on a Mexican baja hoodie and I couldn't resist the purchase. It was only $13, plus it looks good on me!

Check out my very limited photos from Albuquerque (only 10 photos) on my GART photo site. Tomorrow, Melody, Allyson and I will be traveling west of Albuquerque to visit a pueblo: Acoma. Originally, I had wanted to see Taos Pueblo but it's in the middle of its winter quiet time and is closed until mid-March, so Acoma it is.

Fun photos from the day!

Current travel stats:

Carlsbad Caverns odometer mileage: 98,034

Odometer mileage in Albuquerque: 98,330

Miles driven to Albuquerque: 276

Total miles driven to date: 5,321

States driven through: New Mexico

Mother Nature in all her Glory! (GART - Stop 19)

2015-03-07T09:50:00.001-05:00

The best "welcome" sign yet!

Why is it when things are going well something happens to change all that? It appears that I might have to cut my road trip short due to an unforeseen medical issue. I'll know better on Monday when I speak to my doctor on whether I have to go home to take care of this issue or if perhaps I can find a doctor on the road to deal with the problem. I'll know more on Monday, but in the meantime let's continue with my adventures.

Thursday, I left San Antonio at 8am to start my travels to Albuquerque, NM. As I mentioned in my last blog, there are parts of northern Texas which are quite beautiful. There are also miles and miles of cotton fields, oil fields, and cattle ranches. I've never seen so much open space. Halfway to my final destination, I stopped for the evening. Yesterday morning, I left Lamesa, TX to head toward my next adventure - Carlsbad Caverns. I decided that I wanted to make a stop or two before I arrived in Albuquerque. Thanks to an early departure and gaining an hour of time when I crossed into New Mexico, I had plenty of time to explore my first, and what turned out to be my only, stop.

Carlsbad Caverns National Park is a United States National Park in the Guadalupe Mountains in southeastern New Mexico. The park contains over 119 caves. Three caves are open to public tours. Carlsbad Caverns is the most famous and is fully developed with electric lights, paved trails, and elevators. Slaughter Canyon Cave and Spider Cave are undeveloped, excepted for designated paths for the guided "adventure" caving tours. The primary attraction of the park is the show cave, Carlsbad Cavern. Carlsbad Cavern includes a large cave chamber, the Big Room, a natural limestone chamber that is almost 4,000 feet long, 625 feet wide, and 255 feet high at the highest point. It is the fifth largest chamber in North America and the twenty-eighth largest in the world. It's approximately the size of 14 football fields and is beautiful!

In addition to the beauty of the caves, the Carlsbad bats are a major attraction for visitors. Seventeen species of bats live in the park, including a large number of Mexican free-tailed bats. The Mexican free-tailed bats are present from April or May to late October or early November. On summer evenings, the park has a bat flight attraction where visitors can watch the exodus of the bats from the cave on their way out to hunt for food. I hear it's an amazing scene, which sadly I couldn't see. Mostly because the bats are still in Mexico for the winter.

When visiting the cavern, there are two ways to enter. The first is to take an elevator down to the Big Room, the second is to enter through the natural entrance and walk a mile and quarter of a switch back ramp-sidewalk that takes the visitor 750 feet below the surface. Stupidly, I went through the natural entrance. I keep forgetting that my lungs are compromised and I really shouldn't over exert them. I'm an idiot, but I took it slow and stopped for regular breaks. Despite the effect on my body, it was well worth the walk to see some of the most stunning views. My entire visit took 2.5 hours to walk the entire path that has been laid out by the park service.

I departed the cavern around 12:30 to head north to Albuquerque. Along the way, I drove through Roswell which was going to be my second stop, but I was tired and changed my mind. The only thing that I thought I might visit while in Roswell was the UFO Museum, but I heard that all visitors had to have a full examination including an anal probe and I decided to just keep trucking. Roswell was surprising because they didn't have nearly as much UFO/alien paraphernalia as I thought it would. There was the odd green alien in front of a hotel and an Arbys with a sign saying "aliens welcome", but otherwise it was a fairly normal looking town.

I arrived at my hotel in Albuquerque at 6pm last night. It was 8 hours of driving and 2.5 hours of exploring a cave which made for a very long, very exhausting day!!

Check out all my photos of Carlsbad Caverns on my GART photo site! Time to explore Albuquerque and visit with some friends.

Current travel stats:

San Antonio odometer mileage: 97,533

Odometer mileage in Carlsbad Caverns: 98,034

Miles driven to Carlsbad Caverns: 501

Total miles driven to date: 5,045

States driven through: Texas and New Mexico