Sandra Chat

Balance

2012-05-07T16:41:00.000-04:00

I am back and it feels real good to start writing again. As you all know, I'm a mommy now and I absolutely love it, love it, love it! Kimora Celeste Pierre (KC for short) entered my life and changed it forever. I love my daughter so much; words can't even begin to explain. It's amazing how much of a difference a child can make in your life. Aside from adjusting to a totally different lifestyle that consist of Nickjr, dirty diapers, and strollers as oppose to my usual Happy Hour with my girlfriends and movie night with hubby; I can't help but to wonder how in the world did I go through life before KC was born (can't imagine life without her) and what in the world did I do with all my spare time.

Well, it hit me folks; as much as I love my daughter and want to spend every second with her, I realized that I need to get back to doing the things that I've always loved; acting, singing, and writing to name a few. How can I raise KC to follow her dreams and reach for the stars if I'm not doing it myself? As a new mother, it's been very difficult for me to find that balance between marriage, children, and my career. Not to mention quality time with me, myself and I. Finding that balance is a challenge but I'm determined to make it work.

Determination over powers procrastination folks. When you have to put on multiple hats such as myself, there's no time to complain, feel sorry for myself or sweat the small stuff that maybe hindering me from moving forward. My job is to succeed by any means necessary and if that means taking baby steps for the time being, so be it. Thank you Rudy Pierre for your continued support and encouragement. I can always rely on you to have my back. My goals are set and my plans are in action. However, balance is key.

Anyone dealing with finding that balance in their lives; specifically, new moms? Any tips you can give to myself and my readers would be greatly appreciated. As balance is still a work in progress for me.

Is It Appropriate To Go Out With A Friend Of The Opposite Sex While Married Or In A Committed Relationship?

2010-05-06T17:54:00.000-04:00

I had a very interesting conversation with a few of my coworkers the other day and thought it would be a great topic to blog about. Is it appropriate to go out (dinner, movies, sport outing, etc.) with a friend of the opposite sex while married or in a committed relationship? As you can imagine it was a battle of the sexes. In all honesty, my first answer was absolutely not, no way, you must be out of your mind. But after taking the time to listen to the guys point of view, my answer is still no way, absolutely not, you must be out of your mind! But I also added one thing, "It all depends on the couple".

My husband being a photographer and me being an actress, there were quite a few ground rules that had to be discussed and agreed upon before the relationship could go any further. Considering that we were both industry folks and networking was essential to the overall development and success of our careers, we had to be very careful how we interacted with individuals; especially those of the opposite sex. Trust was always the number one factor. Although my husband's profession requires him to be around all types of females (models, actresses, make up artists, stylists , etc.), he understands at the end of every work shift; there was a time to punch out and go home. Some business relationships turned into friendships but guess what? If she's my husband's friend then its most certain that she's my friend as well. And if she wants to go to the movies or dinner then we will just be double dating or it'll be the three of us. I just don't seem to understand the reasoning behind why one would think its alright or even want to go out to a movie or dinner for that matter with out your mate present. Business is one thing but socially?

With that said, there will be scenarios in which you will have to use your best judgment. After all, you and your mate will have friends of the opposite sex. And if a friend from the past comes into town and wants to meet up for drinks or dinner, you must know how to handle the situation. At times it may be harmless and other times it can truly affect your relationship. Trust is key.

Do you agree "Sandrachat Viewers"? I would love to hear your thoughts and opinions.

Flirting

2010-04-23T19:10:00.001-04:00

My definition of flirting is " the act of leading a person to believe that you are interested." Interested can mean that you are physically attracted to them or simply want something from them. Whether the persons' intentions were sexual or they simply needed a favor from you (i.e free tickets to the movies/discount at their favorite store), many people flirt to get what they want.

Flirting can be considered many things including but not limited to smiling, alluring eye contact, rubbing of the arms/back, using a seductive tone of voice when speaking, or dressing in attire that's somewhat revealing in hopes of attracting the other person. Everyone flirts or have flirted at some point in their life and thats perfectly healthy. Flirting becomes a problem when you're in a relationship.

Now everyone is different in terms of what they consider flirting to be and how it affects them. I tell my husband all the time, I don't mind if he looks at a beautiful woman and even compliments her on her appearance. However, if by him doing so, causes the woman to believe that it was more than what he had intended it to be than something is wrong and it is his responsibility to clear things up immediately. My motto is "Don't do to me what you would not like me to do to you." The difference between a compliment and flirting is as follows:

Compliment: "That is a beautiful dress you're wearing. My WIFE/Girlfriend has one just like it."
Flirting: "Wow that dress looks absolutely stunning on you! (While smiling with your eyes)

Compliment: "You have a beautiful smile. My WIFE/Girlfriend has that same glow in her eyes when she smiles."
Flirting: "Your smile is absolutely breath taking" (Smiling as you're saying it)

Compliment: "Those are nice jeans you have on. What store did you buy them from?"
Flirting: "You are looking mighty fine in those jeans" (While biting your bottom lip and winking)

To my readers who are in relationships, lets face it, there will always be someone out their who looks better than your mate and it's ok to look. There's no need for all that extra stuff. RESPECT PEOPLE!!! As for my single folks, the examples I gave are perfectly healthy for you. Giving someone a compliment is the best flirting etiquette out there. Everyone loves compliments and it's an easy way to break the ice. Be sure that you use the right approach with the right person. Some people are more conservative than others. Its important not to offend although many do.

Do you have flirting tips you'd like to share with my reader? Feel free to do so. We'd all love to know.

Living Together Doesn't Just Mean Living Together

2010-04-15T13:10:00.004-04:00

Whether you're newly weds, roommates or best friends, " Living together doesn't just mean living together". There are rules and responsibilities to abide by or should at least be discussed prior to moving in. Occasionally, circumstances may arise in which a person may feel as though they don't have much of a choice but to move in with someone but as an adult, the decision is typically by choice. Living together can be a great thing as long as both parties are aware of what's required of them.

I'm well familiar of several instances in which marriages and friendships break up after individuals decide to move in together. The idea always seems like a great one in the beginning but eventually, ones true colors will come out. Before you decide to make that step, take some time to really talk it through. I listed a few things below to get you started. Hopefully, you'll find my list to be helpful. Feel free to share other important factors that didn't make my top ten list.

1. Finances (Who will manage the bills?)

2. Cleanliness (How will the chores be divided?)

3. Respect for each other's property (I.e clothes, food, etc.)

4. Privacy

5. Time sensitivity (One may be a morning person and the other is a night person.)

6. Arguments/Disagreements (How do you deal with confrontation?)

7. Visitors/Friends

8. Curfew (Should there be one?)

9. Transportation/Parking

10. Children

Life Changes Will Effect Your Relationships

2010-04-08T12:50:00.000-04:00

Has your friend/family member been acting a bit distant or shady since you got engaged, married, had a baby, brought a home, been promoted from your job or moved away as a result of securing a better career opportunity? Perhaps the circumstances weren't so positive or drastic. Lets say your friend/family member was laid off from their job and was forced to be more frugal with their spending and could not hang out with you like they used to. A more common example would be that their lifestyle changed suddenly as a result of negative influences and they chose to get involved in things they weren't involved in before such as drugs, robbery, etc. With every change, progress or downfall in life; expect it to not only affect you but also the people around you.

I remember when I got engaged. It was as if my life flashed right before my eyes. In a good way of course. :-) I felt so many emotions; joy, fear, anxiety, excitement, and the list goes on. After all, it was the biggest thing that ever happened to me and my outlook on life changed instantly. It was no longer all about me and what I wanted but rather we and how can we grow together. I was more conscious on how and where I spent my money. I was no longer as flexible to hang out much with my friends because I was so caught up in planning for our wedding. Eventually my friends stopped inviting me out because they assumed I wasn't available. Although that was the case most of the time, after a bit, I simply did not have the desire to hang out like I used to. That doesn't make me a bad person or mean that my friends love me or I love them any less, it just so happened that a turn of events occurred in my life that shifted my priorities in a different direction. Despite what life throws at you, a true friend will stand by you as you transition and grow. Unfortunately, you will lose some along the way as I did and that's ok too. I've learned not to look toward others for affirmation because it's not everyone that will be happy for you when you are progressing in life and not everyone will understand your pain and suffering when you're grieving. You must learn to adapt or let go.

Whether its life's occurrences that steer us toward a different path or our own indiscretions that ultimately causes one to part from the other, people change. Some change for the better and others for the worse. So don't beat yourself up trying to make sense of it all. The truth is, some change that occur, you'll never be able to comprehend it fully. Learn to embrace change because it will happen. You too will change, lets just hope its for the better.

That was one example of how life changes effected me and my relationships. I'm sure you too have examples of how life changes effect your relationships. Please feel free to share. I would love to read your stories and learn from your experiences.

21+ And Dealing With Over Protective Parents While Dating

2010-03-26T12:33:00.000-04:00

If you grew up with parents nearly as over protective as mine then you're probably going through what I went through. And the worse part about it is, you find yourself constantly fighting with your mate because they cant seem to understand why you're 21+ and still sneaking around.

I grew up in a Haitian household with traditional Haitian parents that had set rules you wouldn't dare break nor challenge. Heaven forbids you did, you wouldn't just be answering to your parents but also to your aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and any other adult figure that happened to be present. The consequences were either a nice butt whooping or a good lecture that can go on for hours. I preferred the whooping; quick and to the point. The lectures were torture. In any rate, the bottom line is most traditional West Indian parents (I'm sure there are a lot of other cultures as well) are over protective because its part of their culture to be that way.

Now lets first understand there's a difference between having over protective parents and strict parents. Parents who are over protective allows you to have some freedom. You're allowed to date, go out with friends and perhaps even sleep out as long as they know where you're going, who you're with and what time you're coming home. They may ask for more detail such as phone numbers and addresses but the first three I mentioned are their main concern. Over protective parents have a little bit of trouble letting go because they love you so much and really just want to keep you from harms way. Can be a bit frustrating I know. However strict parents do not allow you any freedom. They show their love by instilling fear in you. Strict parents just don't know how to let go and they have no clue how much they're hurting their children by simply not allowing them to live. They feel the need to control your every move whether you're coming or going. This is the reason some children grow up, go away to school if they can manage that and totally lose control by getting involved in sex, drugs, alcohol, parties , etc. They feel the need to express themselves because they never had the chance to do it when they were younger.

My best advice for those of you who have to deal with strict or over protective parents is move out. Of course, you don't want to be ignorant about it and run off to live with someone you barely know. Finish school if you're going, save some money and leave when you are financially ready. At the end of the day you want to be smart yet have your sanity as well. I may have lived with my parents longer than I had hoped to but I had a plan. And the plan was to live home for free and save up enough money to by my own home which is what I did. When its all said and done I knew my parents loved me and only wanted the best so I stuck it out. But I understand that may not be the case for you. You have to choose what makes the best sense for you. There are parents who are intolerable and leave you with no choice but to move out. They will try and discourage you from leaving and may even become upset but eventually they will get over it. And if they truly love you, they'll understand.

For those of you currently dating a woman (more likely than men) or a man who live with over protective or strict parents, don't give them a hard time. They're stressed enough just knowing that you too have to deal with it as well, if you're going to stay in the relationship. In most cases, it's a cultural thing and there's no getting around that. Just try to understand and be respectful. You won't be in that situation forever. Eventually your mate will move out.

Top 10 Turn Ons

2010-03-16T19:33:00.001-04:00

Ever wonder what really turns your man or woman on? There are probably a ton of things that turn them on so I did my own survey. I discovered some obvious as well as some very interesting things. According to 50 random men and women, this is what they had to say...

The top 10 turn ons for women are:
1. Swagger/Stature/Confidence (the total package)
2. Intelligence
3. Pheromones
4. Fresh cut / Shape up/Rugged look/Bald head
5. Physical (looks and body)
6. Butt
7. Witty
8. Smile/Lips
9. Nice hands
10. A man that knows how to pray

The top 10 turn ons for men are:
1. Attractive/Sexiness
2. Promiscuous/Takes control in the bedroom
3. Confidence/Comfortable with her body
4. Butt/Breasts
5. Pheromones
6. Smile/Eyes
7. Sexy Undies
8. Intelligence
9. Tattoos
10. New hairstyle/Manicured Nails

What is it that turns you on? Please share, I'm sure my viewers would love to know.

Be Careful Who You Are Seeking Advice From

2010-03-08T19:16:00.001-05:00

Maintaining a happy and healthy relationship is challenging in itself without having to deal with negative influences. In other words, do not seek relationship advice from someone who isn't in a healthy and steady relationship.

Every relationship goes through its stages. Whether you're just starting off, been together a while or married, its best to seek advice from someone more experienced than you. For example, if you are single and trying to find a mate, why would you get advice from your single friends who too are in search of Mr./Mrs. Right? Wouldn't it make more sense to talk to a friend who is happily married or have been in a long term committed relationship? Many of us make the mistake of discussing our relationship with friends because we feel comfortable or have known them for a while. Although that may be the case, it doesn't mean they'll give you the best possible advice.

I do not feel its wise to consult your problems with just anyone especially those that seem to have nothing but negative comments to make. For example, "I told you he/she was no good," "You should do the same thing to him/her and see how they feel," or agrees with you even when you're wrong. I'm sure it's not their intentions to steer you in the wrong direction but someone who is negative will almost always have a negative reaction. Instead, find that one person who can help you see your flaws if you are in fact wrong or help you to gain something positive from what you're going through. If you and your mate are disputing about something, a more experienced person will tell you that you are wrong if you are in fact wrong and advise on ways in which you can fix the problem. Or they may share with you a similar experience they encountered and how they were able to resolve it.

Everyone should have at least one person they can talk to when they are going through. Just be careful who you choose to be that person. They may be your friends and have the right intentions but can advise you wrong; simply because they lack that level of experience. As a result, it can be the end of your relationship.

When Its Over, Its Over!

2010-02-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

Why do we hold on so tight to something that's simply not meant to be? If you broke up then there's probably a good reason as to why they are now your ex. Whether it was you or them that messed up, the truth of the matter is that its over. Move on.

Do not meddle in your ex's new relationship. Do not call their phone from a blocked number and hang up. Don't stir up confrontation if you see them in public. Do not call their mother, brother, sister, cousin, or best friend; trying to plead your case in hopes that they will help you get them back. Do not show up at their job with a gift and pitiful look on your face expecting everything to be back to normal. When its over, it over!

Breaking up is hard to do; especially when you've been together a while and was deeply in love. I've been there and I get it! What I don't get is when one individual puts pressure on another individual to continue a relationship that's just not working. You cannot force someone to love you and want to be with you. There are too many single men and women out there for you to be in a relationship where you are unhappy.

The break up period should be a time of reflection. What could I have done differently to change the outcome of the relationship? What do I need to work on as an individual? What will I not tolerate again in a mate? What's important and what's not? Remember, its healthy to go through a few bad relationships before you get to the good one. This way, you learn a lot about yourself and can better appreciate your significant other for who they are.

Now my above statement applies more so to all my single viewers. Those of you who are married, you have more to think about for example; house, children , etc. Therefore its worth it, to put more effort into saving one's marriage. If an individual feels the need to do any of the items listed above to save their marriage then sole be it. But at the end of the day, you can't make someone love you and stay with you if they don't want to. Its sad but true. When its over, its over. Move on.

When Sorry Just Isn't Enough

2010-02-18T13:52:00.000-05:00

Have you ever had someone do or say something to you that was so hurtful that you couldn't find the words to verbally communicate your emotions or feelings? Have you ever been so angry with your mate that you couldn't stand to look them in the face and tell them how disappointed you were because you were just that mad? How do you accept ones apology when you're still hurting on the inside? What do you do when sorry is just not enough?

The answer is simple, forgive and forget or let them go. Its easier said then done. I know, but you can't continue to worry or burden yourself with things that you have no control over. In life, the people closest to you will let you down. They will say or do mean things out of spite just to hurt you because, you perhaps hurt them and they want to return the favor. Some just need to feel in control and will do or say anything to win the fight or make you feel powerless. You cannot change someone's heart or make them do what you want them to do so why get so worked up about it?

How many times do you have to hear "sorry" before you know the person is not going to change? If your mate continues to do or say things that offends you, annoys you, or hurts you and their solution or answer is always "sorry" then you only have two choices. It's either you learn to accept their flaw and forgive them with a pure heart (no resentment) or simply end the relationship. Now if you choose to stay and work it out, you may want to think of how you are now going to deal with the situation. Prayer always works for me. Sometimes we need to just put it in the "To Do Box" for God to handle. In a relationship, we must rely on one another for support and patience. Bad habits are hard to break so instead of getting annoyed or upset, try to think of ways in which you can help you partner. Retaliation or revenge aren't and never should be your solution. If you choose to walk away from the relationship, do so with assurance and don't look back. The truth of the matter is, that person was never the one God had intended for you to be with. Some people are placed in our lives only for a season and a purpose. Once that season has passed, you must move on otherwise you will never receive the true person God had created for you.

I've learned two very important lessons in my many years of dating and being married for almost two years and that's "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff & It's All Small Stuff" and "No Matter How Bad It Seems, It Can Always Be Worse". Lets face it folks, life is too short to spend precious time and energy being upset. So the next time your mate says "sorry" and you don't feel as if their apology is sincere or you're still hurting on the inside; learn to forgive and forget or simply let them go.

The Simple Things

2010-02-08T17:52:00.000-05:00

Remember all the simple things you used to do for each other when you first met? Do you remember how important it was to put a smile on your mates face and how good it felt to laugh together? What about the love notes you used to write for one another and the late night phone conversations that went on for hours? It's the simple things that matter in life.

I remember when my husband Rudy and I were dating, I would go over his place and we'd watch Kings of Comedy through a projector so it would feel like we were at the movies. Instead of popcorn, we'd feed each other grapes and strawberries. I know it may seem a bit corny to you but that was one of my favorite memories. Sadly, we don't do that much anymore but I hope to start that back up again.

Sometimes, as long-dating or married couples; we get so caught up in our daily routines that we forget about what truly makes us happy. We spend a lot of time planning vacations and long weekends but we forget the simple things that brought us together in the first place. There's no need to reinvent the wheel. Whatever worked then will work now.

What are the simple things that make your mate happy? Maybe it's a song or a love note. Perhaps it's a simple call to say I love you in the middle of the work day or surprising him or her with something special. What ever it is that your mate will enjoy and appreciate, make it a point to do that simple something for him or her this week and every week moving forward. I'm sure they won't see it coming and will appreciate you so much more. It's the simple things that brought us together and it's the simple things we're never going to forget.

Submission - Serving Your Spouse With A Loving Spirit

2010-02-01T18:53:00.000-05:00

Being submissive is on the top of my list of most difficult yet most important compromises to make in a relationship. Couples are often advised about the importance of love, communication, respect and loyalty. However, submission is left out because people just don't know how to explain it.

Although I'm addressing all couples, the focus is more so directed toward married couples. It is not until you're married that you realize the importance of being submissive and the overall effect it has on your relationship. Being submissive is not to be mistaken with being passive. A submissive person exemplifies strength and confidence whereas a passive individual shows signs of weakness and vulnerability. A person who's submissive knows when to speak up and when to back down. A submissive person understand what it means to serve their spouse with a Godly spirit without compromising who they are or what they believe.

To all my twentieth century, "Strong, independent, and successful women"; it's okay to be all that while still taking care of your men. It IS your responsibility to make sure he's taken care of. Whether it's preparing him a home cooked meal, maintaining a tidy home or even making passionate love to him, it IS your duty as a wife and as a woman. You should want to take care of and stand by your man. Being submissive is allowing your man to be a man yet having the ability to know when to question his judgment and when to obey his authorities.

As for the fellas, you too must be submissive toward your women. It IS your responsibility to love, honor and protect your women. You are to listen to her, guide her and learn when to simply agree to disagree. Women are complicated creatures yet full of wisdom. We may talk a lot and are easily angered but it's your job to comfort us and understand where we are coming from. Learn to read between the lines. Serving your women should be your hearts joy. For example, washing her car, shoveling snow and fixing things around the house shouldn't be considered a chore. She should be able to look to you for support, Not every man is handy, so if you can't fix it, leave it alone. Lol, these are simply examples of what I mean when I say to serve you women.

Too many marriages or relationships end up broken simply because we don't understand how to be submissive toward one another. There cannot be two kings or two queens in a castle. The king has his role and the queen has her role. As soon as the two realizes this, there's a chance they'll live happily ever after. Remember God is love and he must be in the center of all marriages and relationship. If you cannot submit to God, what make you think you'll be able to submit to man? Think about it.

Are you struggling with being submissive toward your spouse? If so why? Do you agree with me that being submissive is an important factor in a relationship? Why or why not? Love to hear your thoughts.

Can You Handle The Truth?

2010-01-25T18:13:00.000-05:00

Why ask questions to answers you truly don't want to know? You may think you're ready to hear the truth but in all honesty you're not. You may believe you know the answer to the question and simply asking for confirmation but when the truth is not what you had expected, all hell breaks loose. Do yourself and your mate a favor and don't ask questions you're not ready to know the answers to.

Its all right to ask questions. After all you have the right to know. Just prepare yourself to hear the truth whether its good or bad. For example, ladies, don't ask your men whether or not you gained a little bit of weight if you know for a fact you did. You're putting him in an awkward situation. If he is the type of guy that's straight forward and says yes, you may get offended. If he's not a straight forward guy and tells you no to avoid confrontation or hurting your feelings, he's not being truly honest with you. And if he can't be honest with something as simple as that, imagine what else he's not being honest about. Men are just as guilty. For example, gentlemen, don't ask your women whether or not she thinks you are the best partner she's ever had in bed. Chances are you are not. If that's in fact the case and she tells you the truth, your manhood will be forever emasculated. If she decide not to tell you the truth, you will go on thinking you're the best thing since slice bread while she continues to Fantasize about her ex-lover. No one wins.

Its always better to know the truth but understand the truth may hurt. Next time you have a question you're absolutely dying to know the answer to, think about what the possible answers could be and brace yourself in the event that its bad.

Are there questions about your mate you really want to know but not sure you're ready for the truth? Are you the type of person that's direct or do you lie to avoid confrontation? Which do you find to be more affective, telling the truth or lying and why? Looking forward to hearing your comments.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

2010-01-19T18:36:00.002-05:00

If you knew that tomorrow would never come, how important would your today be? What would you do? What will truly matter and what wont? The truth is tomorrow isn't promised to anyone. We should live every day as if it were out last, no regrets.

Thousands of Haitians lost their lives last week in an event we (Haitians) will remember as one of the most devastating times in Haiti's history. Despite feeling helpless and burdened down with sorrow from the lost of love ones and the overall suffering of my country, it was a wake up call for me.

We get so caught up in life's distractions (work, school, luxury things, bills, money, vacations, etc) that we forget to live. We forget to be happy and enjoy life's simple pleasures such as laughing and being in the company of friends and family. We take our freedom and all the opportunities presented to us for granted. We complain about how much we don't have instead of giving thanks for the things we do have.

I challenge you all to take time out of your busy schedule and make time for your love ones. Call your distant relatives and tell them how much you miss and love them. Make an effort to spend quality time with your immediate family (husband,wife, children). Visit your grandparents and show them how much you appreciate them. Make an effort to rebuild broken relationships. Life is too short and tomorrow isn't promised to any of us. Make today count. No regrets!

Does Your Mate Speak A Different Language?

2010-01-11T19:34:00.003-05:00

Absolutely, positively YES!! Has your mate ever said one thing but you know they meant the opposite of what they said? Have you ever asked your mate a question and they answered it with another question or gave an answer that had nothing to do with the question asked? Do you ever say to yourself "Wow, my man or woman is really crazy?"
Well, stop burdening your selves with doubt or worry because it is in fact truth; men and women speak different languages.

Its obvious that men are the simple creatures. They are normally direct in their approach. Whether its verbally or physically, their actions are typically clear. If a guy likes you, chances are you will know. He will either tell you or show you. Women on the other hand are more complicated. Our sensitive and emotional genes causes us to be more cautious with our hearts. This is why we think so much; sometimes too deep. Conflict arises in our relationships because we don't understand each other. There's nothing wrong with speaking different languages; as long as you're willing to learn, understand and appreciate your differences.

I can't speak for all women, but one thing that used to drive my husband up the wall were my mood swings. If he said or did anything to offend me in any way, my mood would change at the drop of a dime. Not sure why, I think I get that from my mama; lol, but that's besides the point. Everything a woman does, know there's a reasoning behind every words or action.

Next time your woman has a mood swing, chances are you did something to cause that mood swing. Instead of acting nonchalant as if nothings wrong or simply ignoring her hoping that the mood swing would pass, ask her what's wrong and make a conscious effort to make things right. I know what you're all thinking. Why not just tell him what he did wrong, right? Again, I'm a woman and we are the complicated breed so that solution would obviously be too easy. If my man made me sad, I expect for him to figure it out and do what he needs to do to make me happy again. Period! Now this is just my story but its also an example how women think. We care about everything, it doesn't matter how small, it still matters. Nonetheless, my husband and I are still happy and in love because we took the time to learn and understand each other's languages. He knows I'm not crazy, I'm just being me.

What is it that your mate do to drive you crazy ? What do you do about it? I would love to hear your stories, thoughts and solutions. Please feel free to share with the rest of us as it will take a collaborative effort to understand the reasoning and thinking behind your mates actions and words.

Goal Setting

2010-01-03T23:02:00.012-05:00

Happy 2010 Everyone!! Its amazing how fast time flies. First and foremost I must give thanks to God who has spared my life in 2009 by his grace and mercies alone. There are many who did not receive the same privilege and for that, I give God the glory, honor and praise!!

I know its been a while since you've heard from me and for this I apologize. Sometimes I allow myself to be burdened down with so many activities that I fall short in managing my priorities. As the year was coming to an end, I realize how many goals I failed to accomplish in 2009 by simply taking on more than I was able to handle and picking up hobbies such as blogging which I love so much but took away precious time that could have been devoted elsewhere. For this reason, I thought it was relevant to start the year off with discussing the importance of goal setting and how critical it is to the overall success of your future.

When a new year begins, we're so fired-up and focused on what it is we hope to accomplish within the year and how we don't want to make the same mistakes from the previous year. However, all that passion fades away as soon as we hit a bump in the road or it gets difficult. I'm sorry to be the one to kick you back into reality folks but "you and you alone are responsible for your successes and failures". These are determined on the goals you set and the choices you make. Whether your goal was to lose that weight, go back to school, change careers, etc., the change begins with you. Every day that you decide not to work on pursuing that goal, your hurting no one but yourself.

If you are married or in a relationship, goal settings should be done together because its more than likely that it will affect the other person. You all know the saying "united we stand, divided we fall". Well its the truth. A relationship will never work without unity. Take a moment and sit down with your partners and discuss what it is that you want. Start off by taking baby steps. Set short term goals and work your way up to the bigger ones. This way you won't feel overwhelmed and disappointed if you fall short a few times before getting it right.

Every day is the beginning of the rest of your life. Lets make the right choices today so our tomorrow will be brighter. The key is to NEVER give up.

Dress to Impress!

2009-11-15T18:32:00.007-05:00

First impressions leave lasting impressions. We all know this when preparing for a job interview correct? Well the same applies in relationships. Lets face it, we all appreciate a little eye candy. Keeping up with your appearance is very important whether you are single, dating or married.

Personal hygiene is the most important factor as it relates to maintaining ones appearance. Although this may come across as a being natural for some; others just don't get it. I will put it plain and simple, its important to brush your teeth, shower/bathe and put on clean clothes EVERY SINGLE DAY! If you suffer from chronic diseases such as halitosis or excessive perspiration; be sure to always carry around mints and deodorant/wash cloth to freshen up throughout the day. Nothings worse than having to interact with someone whose breath or body odor is simply not up to par.

As for maintaining your appearance folks; its a must!!! Now I'm not referring to style because everyone has their own sense of style. I just want to encourage you all to make an effort each day to look your best. Whether its changing your hair style, adding a little color to your wardrobe, or simply taking your time to put yourself together makes a huge difference.

To my single folks, you have no right to set standards of how you want to meet Mr./Mrs. Right and expect them to look a certain way when you yourself hasn't gotten it together. Please keep this in mind.

To my dating/married folks; you must keep it fresh! Many of you have the mentality of "I already got him/her, I don't have to look good anymore." That's the biggest mistake ever! Yes its more difficult when you see this person every day. After all, how much better can you look?This is why its even more important to look your best. You have to keep the relationship interesting and fun! Also, you will begin to feel better about yourself and your mate will certainly appreciate it as well.

At the end of the day, look good for yourself. This will help build your confidence and self-esteem. Nothing looks better than a confident brother and sister walking side by side; complimenting one another.

Settling vs Compromising

2009-10-28T11:02:00.005-04:00

Settling and compromising are two words often misinterpreted in relationships. Its important to understand their meanings and difference as the two will surface at some point of your dating journey.

To settle as it relates to relationships in my book means to make a decision. To accept someone based on circumstances and fear of not finding the man or woman your heart truly desires. There's no true love or compassion when you settle. You do it just because. People settle for many reasons, a few include but not limited to the following:
1. They're getting old and want to have kids soon.
2. They have a child by someone and figure it would be easier for the child that the mother and father stay together.
3. They were in the same relationship for so long, they figured its easier to just stay with the person then starting all over again.
4. The person is nice to them and they don't want to hurt their feelings.
5. THEY DON'T THINK THEY CAN FIND BETTER!!!!

To compromise on the other hand means to love someone so much that you are willing to overlook their flaws to make the relationship work. Examples of flaws maybe a person who is messy, a person who passes gas/burps often, a person who talks a lot, a person who can't cook, a person who loves to tell jokes that aren't funny, a person who is short/tall, a person who is over weight or extremely thin, a person who is a neat freak, a person with a birth defect, a person with childhood bad habits (sucking of the thumb), etc. I can go on but you get my drift. To be able to compromise is actually a must in any successful relationship. Compromising requires that you give a little and you also take a little. Its important to understand that EVERYONE has flaws and its up to you to decide what flaws you can deal with and what flaws you can't. You're not perfect so don't expect to find someone that's perfect.

At the end of the day, if you are dating someone for any reason but love; know you have settled. However, if you're dating someone and the things that used to bother you doesn't anymore and you can't seem to get enough of this person; you've mastered the art of compromising and you are well on your way to a happy successful relationship.

How To Determine Whether He Or She Is "The One"!

2009-10-25T20:29:00.017-04:00

Determining whether or not he or she is "The One" is very simple. Be honest with yourself in terms of how you feel when you're around this person. I know this statement may come across as being too basic, but in all honesty, its really not that complicated.

Ask yourselves the following questions. Do you feel good when this person comes around or calls? Do you laugh together? Can this person get along with your friends and family? Does this person want kids? If so, how are they around young children in their family or community? Does this person have a happy spirit or are they always down and depressed? You may not be able to answer all these questions on your first date but it shouldn't take years either. No one knows you better than you know yourself. Therefore, spending unnecessary time with someone that doesn't compliment you is clearly a poor choice on your part.

Unfortunately, many people date for the wrong reasons; loneliness, good looks, money, social status, or even desperation. As a young adult, this may be more common and expected due to the lack of maturity and experience. However, many adults too fall victim to these idiosyncrasies. Thus, relationships resulting in breakup or divorce.

It doesn't matter if you're in your early twenties, thirties or forties, you'll never be able to determine whether he or she is "The One" unless you know what you want. Do yourself a favor and list the top 10 qualities you're looking for in a mate/spouse and the top 10 things you will not tolerate. This way, you'll be able to determine much quicker and easier if the person you are dating or interested in is "The One". The point of writing the list is to help guide you in the right direction. Therefore, if you decide to alter your list midway through your relationship , there's a pretty good chance problems will surface in the future. For example, if one of your top must have traits in your mate is "money" and you settle for someone who doesn't have much "money", you may later resent that person. Another example; if you decided that you will absolutely not accept a mate that's verbally abusive and you allow your mate to verbally abuse you one time; chances are he or she will continue to verbally abuse you.

When you reach a point in your life where you feel confident and happy within your own skin, it becomes easier to determine what you want in a partner. Most happily married couples can tell you they knew their spouses were "The One" fairly early on in their relationship because they knew what they wanted and refused to settle for just anyone. When you meet "The One" you will know. It will feel so right you won't be able to describe it.

Great Staycation Ideas For You And Your Spouse

2009-10-18T23:20:00.009-04:00

Are you tired of doing the same things over and over?
Would you be interested in trying something new, fun and exciting but your budget is on the lower end? Well, you're in luck because I put a list of great staycation ideas for you and your spouse. Stop complaining about how bored and broke you are. Do yourself and your spouse a favor and take a "Staycation".

1. Have a picnic. (Indoors is just as romantic as outdoors)

2. Give each other your own signature massage treatment.

3. Purchase a comedy sitcom that you both enjoy and plan an evening to watching the entire series together.

4. Game night. Whoever wins the best out of 4 games wins a special prize. You decide what that prize is.

5. Take a Salsa class together. Practice your new moves all night.

6. Throw a small cocktail party. Invite a couple of close friends over and have some fun

7. Cook a romantic candlelight dinner together.

8. Go out on a date. (Doesn't have to be anywhere fancy but look nice and plan to have a good time. If you live in the same town, consider going to the place where the two of you first met. Will bring back good memories)

9. Day of pampering. (What is it that your spouse love? Figure it out and turn it into a special day just for them. Then perhaps the favor can be returned the next day)

10. Plan a day to visit friends and family that live close but you never have time to see them. (Shouldn't be more than an hour drive).

Hope you find my list to be helpful. If you do decide to try any of these ideas, let me know how it works for you. If you have any ideas that you would like to add, simply let me know. I'm sure my viewers would be grateful.

When Your Mate Cheats, Why Do You Get Upset With The Other Person?

2009-10-12T16:30:00.005-04:00

Both men and women share the universal understanding of "My man/woman is off limits." Meaning, if you are aware the individual you are pursuing or that's pursuing you is in a committed relationship; married or dating, you must simply not get involved with that person, even if he or she is willing. If they can cheat on their mates, what makes you think they won't cheat on you?

The reason why an individual may get upset and attack the other person before addressing their mate is because they're upset and they allow their emotions to take control of the situation, especially if they're caught in the act. Additionally, not only would one feel threatened and disrespected by the other person, but it maybe their only opportunity to confront them if they don't know them. If the individual does in fact know the other person, they may become even more outraged by the betrayal. After all, you've broken the universal code.

Its ok to confront the other person as long as you intend to address and settle things with your mate. Whether you decide to stay or leave is up to you. Having said that, it is not ok to put all the blame on the other person for interfering in your relationship. It takes two people to cheat, not one. Your mate is more guilty then they are.

Do we want to get cheated on? No, but we do. Should we confront and be mad at the other person? Yes, its expected that you'd be upset and feel the need to confront them. However, you must do it with class. You should never give away your power and control. Using extreme profanity and physical measures will only bring you down to their level. Should you be upset with your mate? Of course! They are more to blame then the other person. Should you stay with your mate after he or she has cheated? That's a decision you will have to make.

This goes back to my previous posts about loving yourself and knowing your mate. If you haven't read it, please check it out. When you can truly say that you love yourself, it will become easier to address situations such as these. If you're every cheated on, look at it as their loss and a lessons learned for yourself.

How To End A Relationship Before It Even Begins

2009-10-04T20:46:00.013-04:00

OK, so you finally meet someone you believe is compatible. The two of you exchange a few words and before you know it, you're getting ready for your first date. You are so excited at this point. You feel the butterflies swirling around in your stomach because you're almost positive"this is the one", at least that's what you tell yourself. After all, you've already made it through the awkward introduction stage and he/she's certainly pleasing to the eyes so what can go wrong? You finally meet up and the unthinkable happens; you have absolutely no interest in what your date has to say. As a matter of fact, this has quickly become the most boring date you've ever been on in your entire life and to your misfortune, your date on the other hand is into you and wants a second date. What do you do?

Run!!!!! Lol, just joking. Running is the last thing you want to do. After all, if the person is psycho, they will find you. When I say "Run", I mean avoiding the person's calls and never calling them back. We're all adults here and deserve to know the truth. Nothings worse then going the rest of your life saying "I wonder what happened to xyz". There's no nice way to get rejected but there's certainly a respectful way. Have you ever heard the saying "Honesty is the best policy?" Well, it's the truth.

You can lie and make up stories about how you're getting back with your ex or that you're dating someone else but what good would that really do? One lie would only leads to another and another until you're caught. Or if the person really likes you, they will not take no for an answer. Telling the person you're not interested anymore and would like to see other people is the best way to go. This clears your conscious and alleviates any questions the other person may have. Some may ask why and demand an explanation while the majority will simply agree and move on with their life.

Be prepared for negative reactions and obscene remarks. Not everyone takes rejection well and therefore may object. If this were the case, be firm and brief yet respectful. Say what you have to say and get off the phone or walk away. Below are two break up liners I wrote to better assist you in the event you find yourself in this situation. Good luck!

1. "Hi xyz. It was a pleasure meeting you the other night. I thing you're a great person however, I don't feel that we are as compatible as I originally thought. Through our conversations and getting to know you a little better, I can't see a future with you developing beyond where we are now. I think it would be best that we go our separate ways."

2. "Hi xyz, I'm flattered that you'd want to see me again but to be honest with you, I'm not interested in pursuing this relationship any further. I'm more interested in men/women who... and based on our conversations, you don't fit those qualification. I think you're a great person and would make someone else very happy, I'm just not that person. I hope you understand."

Does Age Matter In A Relationship?

2009-09-23T00:03:00.007-04:00

Age is certainly a key factor in a relationship especially if it involves minors. (Minors meaning under the age of 18). Regardless of whether the teenager appears older or acts "mature" for their age, its illegal. Period!! Any adult (over the age of 19) who would even consider dating a teenager has personal issues. For example, a 16 year old dating a 19 year old in my book wouldn't be appropriate. (Visualize a junior in high school dating a sophomore in college). Although there's only a three year difference between the two; the maturity level, education and experience of the 19 year old surpasses that of the 16 year old by a long shot.

You can understand a great deal about a person by knowing their age alone. I believe that with age comes wisdom. This is not to be confused with intelligence. We can all go to school or read a book and get educated. But, wisdom comes from experience.

If an individual who is of age decides to date someone, 10, 20, or even 30 year older/younger, that's totally fine. After all, its their happiness and love for each other that truly matters. However, the age difference will impact their relationship physically, mentally and emotionally.

Physically, your mate may not be equipped to maintain the physical lifestyle of one half their age.

Mentally, you will have to deal with life's constant reminders of your age difference through media and your day to day activities.

Emotionally, a strong bond and love between the two will be required to withstand the bickering and disapproval of family and friends.

Nonetheless, age does matter. As an adult, you are expected to understand what it is that you're are doing and take full responsibility for your actions.

Living Together Before Marriage

2009-09-09T14:54:00.016-04:00

Living together before marriage has become a norm in our society today. Couples move in together without thinking twice. Some believe moving in together before marriage will help determine whether the two are right for each other. Others think it will bring them closer while the majority are certain it will allow them two save money in preparation for their future. I believe these all are excuses used by individual who are afraid to commit. Playing "house" goes against God's plan for our lives. Call me old fashioned, this is simply my opinion.

1. If you're not sure whether or not you and your partner are right for each other then moving in together should be the last thing on your mind. Why would you want to move in with someone you don't feel you know well enough? Let me fill you in on a little secret; you'll never stop learning about your partner. You can be together for twenty years and still discover something new. What are you going to do after finding out you're not compatible? Move out and move in with the next person you decide to date? Some may say at least they uncovered the truth before it was too late. I say it was a lot of money and time spent wasted and they probably would have discovered this anyway.

2. For those who want to get closer to their mate, understand it takes time. Although moving in together will allow you to be around each other more and even give you a better idea of what it would be like if the two of you were to be married; nothing compares to the real thing. When you're single and live together, you always have the option to walk out if something goes wrong because legally, you're not obligated to stay with this person and its easier to walk away from a situation than to deal with it. Closeness develops through tough times and struggles. When you get deathly ill, will your partner be there to take care of you? If you lose your six figure income job, will your partner stand by you and hold it down until you're back on your feet? If you really want to get close, these are the things you should be watching out for.

3. Moving in together to save money is the biggest excuse of them all. I used to think after getting married, I'd save so much more money because there would now be double the income and I'd be able to split the bills. Boy was I wrong. What I failed to consider was how much everything else would increase. (i.e electricity, heat, water, groceries, laundry etc.) I'm not saying that you wouldn't save at all, perhaps if the two of you budget right, you may do all right. However, my experiences have proven otherwise. I was able to save so much more when I was dating and living alone than I do now that I'm married.

My advice is, enjoy being single as long as you can. (You're still considered single if you're not married). After all, you have the rest of your life to live together and get to know one another. THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (at least that's the intention). Why would you want to be in a rush to give up your privacy, freedom and space? Most importantly, its not aligned with God's plan for us.

If There Were No Such Thing As Divorce, Would You Get Married?

2009-09-01T16:52:00.006-04:00

Now a days, it seems to me that too many people get married for the wrong reasons. Love and marriage are just not what they used to be. Couples fight over everything and anything which in turn leads to separation and eventually divorce. So I thought to myself, what would it be like if there were no such thing as divorce? If the words "Until death do us part" were in fact the only way to part, would you get married to your spouse all over again?

I pondered on this for a while myself and although my answer is yes, I would still marry my wonderful husband Rudy Pierre today for the simple fact that I am truly in love with him. But more importantly God is the source and foundation of our relationship. If God is love and love conquers all, then nothing or no one can break us.

My cousin said something very wise that stuck with me. "If your man or woman are not God-fearing, what makes you think they'll be loyal to you?" In other words, if you can't answer to and obey God's rules; the creator of the universe" chances are you won't submit, respect or be loyal to your spouse. It just won't work. In this day and age without the foundation of God's love, you will fall short to temptation, greed and selfishness.

My advice for the married folks, before you become another statistic, take yourselves back to the day you and your spouse first met. Think about all those great feeling and how much you desired to be with one another. Ask God to come into your lives and help build back the love that you two once shared. For those of you who got married for any reason other than the fact that you loved each other, pray for love. Pray that God will allow you to experience the true meaning of love and to value and appreciate one another for who they are.

My advice for the single folks looking for love, stability and companionship; understand what it means to be married. Marriage is a life-long commitment. In order for a marriage to work, you will have to compromise, be loyal, be respectful and even submissive at times. Seek advice from couples who've been married for a while and are still in love. Most importantly, make sure you're in love. Having a child together or being together for a long time aren't good enough reasons to get married. You should be in love with each other; period! Therefore, before you decide to tie the knot., ask yourself this simple question; "If there were no such thing as divorce, would I still want to marry this person?" If your answer is yes, than you are on your way to a happy, healthy relationship. If your answer is no, then keep it moving. Don't waste your time or money.

My advice for the non believers and pessimists who don't believe in God and think they can make it on their own; I challenge you to try him.