Sometimes people are cranky. Sometimes I am too, although as co-author of Get Along with Anyone, I do try to walk my talk and practice what I teach. Yet, I have my lessons in getting along, too. Indeed stressful days or situations can bring out the beast in all of us. Yet, creating positive and productive connections is critical for reducing stress and overall wellness and well-being.

We often don’t know when people are dealing with life issues that can impact positive connections with us. They’re frustrated, stressed out, and thorny behavior surfaces. Yet, others might exhibit more than occasional crankiness, what I term a Prickly personality.

When people get “prickly”, their thorny behavior can test us to the core. Our stamina. Our ability to maintain self-control. Our effectiveness in managing their difficult behavior. Our confusion about whether to confront an unpleasant interaction or just let it go. Our decision not to let their behavior control our own.

When you shift your focus, you enter interactions with a new perspective; this powerfully transforms difficult dynamics and makes a world of difference in how you respond and the experiences you create for yourself and others. It all depends on what you choose.

So I’m sharing “Shift Happens” as a reminder of changing some perspectives during difficult dynamics.

Shift Happens

Shift focus…

…To see those who are difficult to deal with, as those who may be dealing with many difficulties.

…To see those who do not smile, as those likely in need of one.

…To see those who are in your face, as those who really want to have your ear.

…To see those who have hurt you, as those who also hurt, often for reasons you cannot see.

…To see those whose ideas cause conflict, as those whose different perspectives may offer perfect solutions.

…To see those who upset you, as those who serve as the perfect teachers for opening your heart.

…To see those with a strong need to be right, as those who have a strong need to feel validated.

…To see those who hold grudges, as those who are choosing to invest their energy in hanging on rather than letting go; closed hearts cannot give or receive their intended gifts.

…To see the desire for connection, even when the possibility appears remote.

…To see how a hostile situation plagued with disconnection might be transformed into an opportunity for coming together.

…To see eye-to-eye, rather than an eye for an eye.

…When not seeing eye-to-eye, to seeing heart-to-heart.

…To see that you either choose to connect or choose something else; your actions either result in connection, or something else.

Recognize your feelings of irritation, annoyance, and anger as signals for dealing with challenging situations and the people who cause them. Don’t hold others responsible for your reactions. Shift your thoughts away from blame and toward solutions. Dwell on the possibilities for creating a more cooperative environment rather than condemning the problems you face.  Warning:  the prickly behavior of others can provoke prickly behavior in us; keep a tight rein on your responses so they don’t perpetuate or intensify prickly interactions.

Prickly People constantly challenge us to keep our hearts open when they’d rather close, to seek understanding when we wish they would change, and to forgive them for the anguish and distress they cause. You may not think you’re meeting the challenge, but if you’re doing whatever you can to maintain your self-respect and honor legitimate needs, you are. You are passing the test.

Remember that you always have a choice regarding what you think and do when people don’t treat you the way you want to be treated, or do what you want them to do. The best way to deal with difficult situations is to manage your reactions, and use assertive strategies to handle challenging communication dynamics with as much care and compassion as possible.

From Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere–8 Keys to Creating Enduring Connections with Customers, Co-Workers . . . Even Kids!  Arnold Sanow and Sandra Strauss, Morgan James Publishers, 2007

So there’s the gap–the difference between their current reality of where they are, and where they wish they were on a higher rung of the wellness scale. Closing the gap means taking action to transform a wellness wish into reality and knowing why you want or need to do that. Sometimes it’s because their doctor has recommended some changes, but often it comes from within, of not wanting to continue life without the vitality, the gusto, that comes with improved wellness.

This means changing a pattern that’s obviously not creating their desired results. That takes commitment of an intention to take action in closing the gap to experience a better state of wellness, that they’ve determined they want. And so it goes for all of us who desire a different reality to enjoy vibrant energy, vitality and a healthy weight.

The degree of your commitment to what you want, usually makes all the difference in achieving those goals. So does your belief.  Your beliefs are powerful and largely influence your success–if you can envision a different state of wellness and believe you can achieve it (even with periodic doubt), your positive belief will reinforce your desires. Same is true when people don’t believe they can transform their current circumstances–they’re likely to derail their success, because they’re putting more power into failure, likely based on a pattern that’s hounded them.

What you focus on expands, so the more attention given to success, the more times you’ll repeat patterns that lead to successful outcomes. Same is true when more attention is given to fear that you won’t succeed, or how horrible you feel and can’t imagine ever feeling good again because you’ve felt sick, tired or overweight so long it seems that’s your fate. Change begins when your thoughts do along with your intentions and staying focused on the actions that will create a new wellness reality.

The truth is change is possible and so is success in achieiving improved wellness. You don’t have to be stuck in the gap. The way from “here to there” is paved with 1) your beliefs in new possibilities of success, 2) of knowing your “why”and your clear intention of how achieving your goals will positively impact your life, 3) an action plan suited to your goals and, 4) a support system to help in keeping your eye on the prize.

Wherever your intention goes, energy flows, so what wellness wishes would you like to turn into a reality? Contact me if you’re ready to close the gap and turn those wishes into reality.

So when she sent me one recently about Caine’s Cardboard Arcade, the subject line in her email read, “Mom, you’ll love this! Take 10 minutes to watch.” She was right. Indeed moments that demonstrate how winning attitudes and creativity are recognized and rewarded, seemingly out of the blue, is time well spent, reminding me of the magic of life and how wonderful things can unfold. When you mix together a brilliant young boy’s creative talent, indomitable spirit and a winning smile with the power of social media, it’s bound to go viral which it has.  http://vimeo.com/40000072 

Caine simply put his gifts to work for the sheer joy of creating. He brought forth his brilliance in his father’s used auto parts shop, merely for entertainment. All that creativity could have gone unnoticed had it not been for another creative spirit, Nirvan Mullick, a man who stumbled upon the shop andwas instantly impressed by Caine’s talent. Wanting to share with others, he fired up the social media which not only made Caine’s day, but inspired massive action and changed Caine’s destiny: http://laist.com/2012/04/16/caines_arcade_check.php

Caine’s story is layered with lessons:

• Putting your gifts into expression has both inner rewards as well as the potential of recognition that opens doors of possibilities.
• Life can usher in just the right circumstances with the potential to change a life and sometimes many lives.
• People rally to support others with dreams in their heart and talent.
• Out of the blue, magical things can happen.
• Remain optimistic in spite of current circumstances when wishes haven’t yet turned to reality.

What possibilities would you like to attract? Are you putting your gifts to work? Out of the blue magical things can happen whenever we put our talents to work and a desire to share with others.

The disease is escalating, claiming a new victim every 68 seconds. Until you experience a loved one whose brain no longer works the same affecting memory, personality, grooming, independence, and exhibiting behaviors that are so unlike your loved one, it’s hard to imagine the countless ways the quality of life diminishes for them and the toll of the stresses and strains upon the caregiver.

A few startling statistics from the Alzheimer’s Association 2012 Facts and Figures report:

• One in eight Americans age 65+ has Alzheimer’s.
• By age 85, nearly half will have the disease.
• Today, 5.4 million Americans are living with Alzheimer’s and over 15 million family members and friends provide their unpaid care.
• By 2050, as many as 16 million will have the disease and the number of unpaid family caregivers will soar to 45 million.

I have many friends who are currently in the throes of caring for parents or spouses with dementia, and dealing with the drains and stresses from all of its challenges. I know it well, too.  Years ago, I was the caregiver for both my mother and husband whose brains were both ravaged by deterioration. It’s a constant battle of facing a continuing series of unexpected events that often require you to handle ultimately alone, and even with a support network, the extra burden become your responsibility.  

Through caregiving, you’re provided daily lessons of patience, compassion, and acceptance, along with coping with the potential for sheer exhaustion. Most importantly, your own reservoir of self-care must be replenished or you’re at risk of developing burn-out or illness and that has a domino effect, and vital that you support your own well-being. Fortunately, the Alzheimer’s Assn. has launched a social networking community, ALZConnected, for anyone impacted by Alzheimer’s disease. It provides a safe place for people to connect with others in similar situations to communicate, pose questions and offer solutions to dementia-related challenges, and create public and private groups organized around a dedicated topic.

If you are facing this challenge, get support and join the conversation at alzconnected.org.    
 

While having lunch yesterday with Arnold Sanow, fellow speaker and coach who coauthored with me, Get Along with Anyone, Anytime, Anywhere we talked about getting to the heart of needs in all of life’s connections.

Wouldn’t you agree that life is about quality connections? Our success, happiness, and well-being are largely the by-products of our ability to get along well with others and cultivate positive relationships. By revving up the connecting spirit, we attract cherished friendships, valuable relationships, memorable moments, and an abundance of opportunities throughout our circles of influence. At the same time, we reduce the numbers of misunderstandings and conflicts that cost us dearly whether in the form of frustration, confusion, stress, lost revenue, heartache, headaches, or other draining experiences.

Anytime two or more are gathered, there’s an opportunity for all sorts of communication challenges to occur.  However, with the intent to create harmony in our connections, along with arming ourselves with proven strategies to deploy from a vital ”get along”kit to either prevent or repair a communication chasm we’re rewarded with relationships that work and connect.

What people do want in their relationships, both personal and professional, is getting to the HEART of needs: to feel heard/honored, encouraged, appreciated, respected, trusted/treasured. If just one of these is missing in a connection, either one or both parties are likely to experience the potential for a  reaction and disconnection. This seems to universally resonate with people because it is what many participants list as one of the most memorable points of my presentations.

Getting along is energizing. We thrive in climates that cultivate the connecting spirit and the excellence it inspires. On the flip side, disharmony disrupts and destroys, creating chaos that crushes cooperation, creativity, and our spirits. When we live, work, or interact in a demoralized, unsupportive environment, our needs go unmet, and harmful things can happen to our health, vitality, and relationships.

Many studies conducted around the world during the last several decades have validated the healthful role played by the human “connection factor” of feeling supported, cared about, and appreciated. Functioning in a compassionate atmosphere significantly reduces our risk of getting sick, whether from colds or cancer (and not surprisingly, heart disease) as well as other life-threatening illnesses.

The need for connectedness carries into the world of work. Feeling connected and valued within the workplace is vital for bringing out the best in the workforce, cultivating peak productivity and performance.

When communication is ineffective and needs go unmet, people feeling alienated and powerless. In the workplace this can impact morale, motivation, creativity, and commitment—all of which are required for satisfactory performance and a rewarding work experience. Working under these conditions becomes more like an act of survival and creates a wasteland of talent, potential, and productivity.

Getting along and enjoying caring relationships is indeed good medicine for our health, well-being, and success—at work, at home, and in all of our connections. After all, having supportive relationships is what doctors recommend, whether they’re specialists in physical, social, or organizational systems. Research confirms that for us to thrive, connectedness is an essential requirement, and connectedness is about getting to the heart of our universal need to be nurtured, supported, and sustained.  That most definitely is in harmony with the needs of every heart.

Arnold and I offer strategies in both our presentations and our Get Along book that work to create positive and productive connections, for both home and business. It does indeed make our own hearts happy when people share with us how they’ve found a particular strategy effective in changing the dynamics of their personal and professional connections. Creating relationships that work often takes work, but the benefits of doing so is good for the hearts of all.

According to behavioral research conducted at Rutgers, The State University of New Jersey, nature provides us with a simple way to improve emotional health with flowers. The presence of flowers triggers happy emotions and heightens feelings of life satisfaction. Enjoying their beauty anywhere is a feast for the senses and the study demonstrated how receiving bouquets shifts moods, study participants reported feeling less depressed, anxious and agitated, and demonstrated a higher sense of enjoyment and life satisfaction and a natural and healthful moderator of moods.

“Common sense tells us that flowers make us happy,” says lead researcher, Dr. Haviland-Jones. “Now, science shows that not only do flowers make us happier than we know, they have strong positive effects on our emotional well being.”

It’s part of connecting to nature, and whether capturing the beauty of blooms and blossoms outdoors, or bringing them into your work or living space, their effects can indeed color your world brighter and your moods, too. Just planting a few tips for  well-being in full bloom.

Unexpected situations that assault our sensibilities is one form, as my daughter experienced last Saturday while celebrating her birthday with friends upon discovering that her new purse, wallet and jacket had been stolen.  Undoubtedly, at the moment of discovery, the stress response kicked in with the realization of what it all meant and everything she now had to do–reporting stolen credit cards, thinking about all the scheduled credit card payments that would have to be updated, changing locks, “doing time” at the DMV to get another license, replacing keys and the countless items stashed away in a purse. 

Then this morning, I received news that a friend’s car had been broken into for the seventh time in less than a year, and two days back-to-back!  For sure criminal assaults take their tolls in many ways, robbing us of our stuff, not to mention our serenity, but more commonly, we’re increasingly assaulted with feelings of too many responsibilities, competing priorities, unexpected events, interrupted plans, or any number of self-imposed expectations that breed chronic stress, all with the potential for creating a  noticeable toll upon our health.

In Stress in America™ survey released yesterday, attention is drawn to the serious physical and emotional implications of stress and the inextricable link between the mind and body. It measures the attitudes and perceptions of stress among the general public and identifies leading sources of stress, common behaviors used to manage it and the impact of it on our lives. The report reveals a troubling picture of how stress is impacting the health of Americans, especially noted, caregivers and people living with a chronic illness such as obesity or depression. It is well-documented that chronic stress is a major driver of chronic illness, leading to a a deteriorating quality of life and a negative health destiny. www.stressinamerica.org

When cortisol is secreted into the bloodstream in response to stress, changes occur and overtime with prolonged levels of cortisol in the bloodstream (like those associated with chronic stress) have negative effects:

• Impaired cognitive performance
• Suppressed thyroid function
• Blood sugar imbalances such as hyperglycemia
• Decreased bone density
• Decrease in muscle tissue
• Higher blood pressure
• Lowered immunity
• Reduced inflammatory responses in the body
• Increased abdominal fat which studies have linked to increased risk of heart attacks, strokes, cancer and dementia

Because stress is so deleterious to optimum health, implementing ways to manage it is vital. Exercise, therapy, connecting with others, talking, muscle relaxation, laughing, healthy eating and adequate sleep are important strategies. Well-nourished bodies are also better prepared to cope with stress. Multiple research studies have demonstrated that including adaptogenic herbs enhances the body’s resistance to stress, improving both physical and mental performance. http://bit.ly/weyo12.

Download more strategies “Save your Sanity through Life’s Stresses, Strains & Changes” at http://sandrastrauss.com/site/ We may not be able to stop life’s stressful events from occurring, but we can take action in both preparation and management of its impact by implementing proven strategies for both mind and body.

1. Direct Your Own Destiny
2. Believe in Yourself
3. Find Reasons to Smile
4. Embrace the Journey
5. Have Faith
6. Conquer New Heights
7. Follow Your Heart
8. Explore New Horizons
9. Dare to Dream
10. Let Laughter Happen
11. Share the Joy
12. Write Yourself a Happy Ending

I love this list and upon reviewing it more closely, recognized how in tune it is with our Guts, Grace & Gusto Guidelines featured in Dancing through Life with Guts, Grace & Gusto which I wrap my presentation talking points around.  These are vital to navigating the twists, turns and transitions encountered on our journeys. We’re all dancing along a tangled path of competing priorities, multiple challenges, squeezed by limitations of time and energy, meeting unexpected detours, collecting lessons for the heart along the way.  We need reminders to get us back on track, because our best intentions can get derailed at times.

For the New Year, what do you want? Are you on track with your heart’s desires? You have the power within you to put a new spin on your life, to dance to a new rhythm in keeping with the music in your heart. It’s about tapping your guts to create the gusto of what’s calling you to bring forth, perhaps though not as gracefully as you might desire. Creating change is often untidy and not a graceful process. Yet, vital to take even the tiniest step in the direction of your dreams, or your gusto, your life force is in jeopardy.

So if you’re looking for some inspiration, read aloud the above recommendations coupled with the GGG Guidelines that follow and get ready for lighting up a happy or even happier heart in the New Year.

• Know your true worth and ability to manifest abundance.
• Seize your destiny. What you do today makes a difference tomorrow.
• Listen to your heart. Feed your spirit.
• Live boldly with intention.
• Let go of perfection. Say good-bye to guilt.
• Expect the unexpected. Visualize desired outcomes.
• Meet life’s challenges with courage, faith and wisdom.
• Cultivate nourishing relationships. Build a supportive network.
• Let your life be a work of art that showcases your gifts and passions.
• Create daily moments of delight.

These Guidelines are illustrated in our book with stories of women making choices to tap their talents, experience more supportive relationships, fulfill a fantasy, express their unlimited potential that yield gifts of greater clarity, purpose, passion, love and joy–the fruits of going for the gusto. May you create the happiest New Year with a heart that dances to the music in your soul. For some New Year inspiration to fire up your intention, enjoy the dance of change. http://sandrastrauss.com/site/products/

Do you know someone who”s been affected by this debilitating condition? Those chances are increasing with as many as one million Americans now living with Parkinson’s Disease (PD), and about 60,000 Americans diagnosed with it annually. Research studies reveal convincing evidence of its link to environmental exposure in our increasing toxic world.

My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s Disease  when he was 59, so it became a very personal research project as to its cause, managing symptoms and prognosis.  My fast moving, quick-witted, and animated dad was ultimately transformed–slowed down, sometimes unable to move or speak,and many of his characteristic facial expressions disappeared, among other heart-breaking symptoms.   When my dad was diagnosed in the 70′s, PD didn’t have the same visibility as it does today due to the public awareness generated by actor, Michael J. Fox who was stricken with PD in his mid-thirties.

A new study led by researchers at The Parkinson’s Institute, published Nov. 14 in the journal Annals of Neurology reports “Our study confirms that common environmental contaminants may increase the risk of developing [Parkinson's], which has considerable public health implications,” according to Dr. Samuel Goldman and his colleagues. This study indicates that exposure to the industrial solvent trichloroethylene (TCE) appears to greatly increase the risk of PD, a sixfold increased risk of Parkinson’s disease. Exposure to two other solvents perchloroethylene (PERC) and carbon tetrachloride (CCI4) also boost the chances of developing the neurodegenerative disorder. All three solvents linked to Parkinson’s are used extensively worldwide.  TCE is a common agent in paints, adhesives, carpet cleaners and dry-cleaning solutions. In the U.S., millions of pounds of TCE are released into the environment each year. While this study focused on job-related exposure, the solvents are common in soil, groundwater and the air in the United States. For example, TCE is detected in up to 30 percent of the nation’s drinking water supplies, according to the researchers.

“Our findings, as well as prior case reports, suggest a lag time of up to 40 years between TCE exposure and onset of [Parkinson's], providing a critical window of opportunity to potentially slow the disease process before clinical symptoms appear,” reports Goldman.

The toxic invasion of  thousands of chemicals in our world today, which are largely untested, especially for long-term consequences, enter our bodies and contribute to our “body burden.” This term refers to the mounting accumulation of chemicals in our bodies, whether inhaled, ingested or absorbed through skin. Some toxins can be excreted, but many cannot. Additionally, some people are genetically compromised in their ability to process them from their bodies, estimated to be about one in four today. These toxic agents lodge into body tissues and continue to accumulate, not manifesting symptoms for decades, as the Parkinson’s Institute research revealed.

With mounting exposure to thousands of chemicals and toxic agents, is it any wonder millions of people are experiencing complex and chronic health issues which rob their vitality? In my role as a wellness coach, I am working with more people who are awakening to 21st century realities–that our food, water and air now contain a toxic stew that is hazardous to our health. This is what has fired up my desire to reach people through my Smart Choices for Wellness presentations offering health-enhancing strategies, including detoxification recommendations for living in today’s toxic times. http://bit.ly/vsjojS

What a sight last Wednesday night to see throngs of people purchasing tickets for an Environmental Working Group event featuring author and food activist, Michael Pollan, who’s definitely concerned about what’s happening to American food, or as he referenced now appearing as “edible foodlike substances, which are no longer the products of nature but of food science.

Pollan walked on stage, carrying two grocery bags filled with a sampling from today’s supermarket. Pulling out item after item, he referenced failed nutrition policies, increasing nutritional deficiencies and how the food industry has changed what America eats and the correlations to increasing obesity, cancers and other health issues. In the past three decades since government has been doling out dietary advice, millions of Americans are now sicker and fatter.

While items are now packaged with health claims, they’re often anything but healthy. The more we worry and obsess about nutrition, the less healthy we’re becoming. With two-thirds of Americans now overweight, and one third clinically obese, and estimates projecting an entire nation of overweight citizens by 2040 based on current trends, our 21^st century Western diet, typically loaded with sugar, salt, chemicals and non-nutritive substances, has led Americans down the road to more illness and obesity.

While Pollan recommends to “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants,” another problem arises—which he didn’t include in his presentation, but one which is now well-known, the nutritional content of many whole foods is decreasing, in some cases significantly. The overuse of agrichemicals has severely depleted our soils. The microorganisms essential to retaining vital minerals in soil are adversely affected by agrichemicals which means plants cannot uptake the needed nutrients from the soil. Therefore, while the rainbow of fruits, vegetables and grains offer whole food options, they’re not packing the same nutritional punch.

Additionally, many are now loaded with fungicides, pesticides and herbicides linked to debilitating health conditions. As the Environmental Working Group has documented, some of the most popular conventionally grown produce items now contain between 47 and 67 pesticides per serving, they’ve dubbed as the Dirty Dozen! Pesticide use in the U.S. is about 30 times higher than it was in 1945.

During my Smart Choices for Wellness presentations, I’m hearing more people voice increasing concern about their health with frequent complaints about low energy, weight, digestive issues, and feeling their bodies are out of balance. Additionally, they’re frustrated and concerned about the availability of truly nutritious and healthful foods and their ability to sort out all the hype. Those doing their due diligence are often confused by misleading health claims.

Eating real food is indeed vital, and now even more importantly, knowing where it’s being sourced as well as how it’s processed is important. For instance, whey protein is an excellent source of protein, but varies widely as to its nutritional composition and how it’s processed. For instance, organic whey is sourced from cows that graze on grass in pesticide-free fields in New Zealand, not given antibiotics, steroids or hormones, a common practice from those in the U.S. and other countries and are cold-processed to retain their nutrient dense quality. Non-organic whey powders are sourced from cows given hormones, steroids and antibiotics, as well as processed at high temperatures which destroy enzymes. Testing has revealed some of the non-organic whey powders also contain heavy metals such as lead and arsenic.

The bottomline is people are often trying to do the right things, but confused as to what constitutes sound nutritional advice, and compounded in sorting out the nutritional claims of thousands of items in today’s supermarkets and online. Selecting real food is important for supporting a vibrant health destiny. In our fast food nation, whether dining in or out, don’t rush the process of exploring what you’re getting in your food selections, and how you’re feeling and meeting your health goals.

I’ve coached many who have transformed their weight, energy, mood, sleep, and many health issues by changing what they eat. In today’s toxic world, with many foods often nutritionally bankrupt, you can’t take for granted that what you’re eating is actually good for you. Especially if you’re dealing with weight issues, wonder where your gusto went, or just don’t feel good, consider what you’re eating and drinking as a possible link. What you eat or drink over time does indeed have considerable impact upon your health destiny.