Sandwich Flats

What Movie Is This From ? Episode CLXX

2009-11-10T10:05:00.000-05:00

We have a winner from last week! The lovely and talented Richard correctly identified

I want you to leave right now, stay away from me, and don't come near me again.We're not going to get involved. Last night was last night, and it's all there was, and it's all there is. There isn't going to be anything more between us. So please. Goodbye, good luck, no conversation, just leave.

from "North by Northwest". Bravo, Richard, bravo!!! Onto this week's clue, a movie from 1999:

Now, a question of etiquette - as I pass, do I give you the ass or the crotch?

Good luck, Crimestoppers!

Name That Lyric:Episode CLXVIII

2009-11-06T10:33:00.000-05:00

We have two winners from last week!! Both the lovely and talented Donna and the lovely and talented Kevin correctly identified

There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky
And a killer's on the bloodshot streets

from "Bat Out Of Hell" by Meat Loaf.

Facebook link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yBZDTK9Yhko

Brava,Donna and bravo,Kevin!!!

Onto this week's clue:

Take me now, we can spin the sun around
And the stars will all come out
Then we'll turn and come back down
Turn and come back down

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!

Would You Like Some WHINE With Your Self-Pity ?

2009-11-05T10:25:00.000-05:00

So, it's come to my attention that I mostly have this blog to amuse myself. I mean, sure, people will sometimes guess at the lyric or movie quote games, but I rarely garner, or earn,(or deserve for that matter), many comments on my posts. And I will be honest, that bothered me for awhile.I joined up with some of the site traffic things, and I did the old "comment to get comments" thing, and it really didn't work. And I really didn't care for it. I read the blogs I read, and if I have something to add, I'll comment. I don't like commenting just to comment, so that people will come to my blog.And I'd rather not have people comment here just to drive traffic back to their own blogs. If you have something to say, cool, share it. If not, cool too. I just hope you enjoy what you read, on some level.

  And I suppose it's probably that kind of attitude that accounts for my lack of comments. I just don't inspire people to say anything.And I guess that's okay.I guess it has to be.

  I'm not exactly why I'm writing this right now.I guess because I didn't really have much else to say, and I was thinking I should post anyway, and then I guess I started wondering WHY I should post anyway.And this is going to sound much more self-pitying than I intend it to, but I don't think anyone(besides me) really gives a crap if I don't write anything. I like this blog. I like posting my inane shit to it.

I have been writing up some short stories lately...I don't know if they will ever see the light of day, but I like those too.And I'ma keep on writing them.

  And again, I'm not doing this to drum up sympathy or get comments, because I do really think I have reached a point where I just don't envision this thing in that way anymore. It feels kinda good, actually.

  I'll check you later, Crimestoppers !!

I Can't Do Nothin' For Ya, Man....

2009-11-04T13:34:00.000-05:00

What the what ?
Is that post title a PE reference ?
Sure as shit, it is.

  Sorry this post is later than usual, I didn't have a chance to write it earlier this morning, so I'm gittin' to it when I kin git to it! Which today is whilst I am eating my lunch(PB&J on wheat, apple, and some Cheez-Its).

  I also don't have a helluva lot to say. things are things, Life is life and all that shit.

  Didn't sleep very well last night, But you don't really care do you ? I mean, shit, I don't even care about my fucking whining, why should you, right ?

  I'm re-reading "On the Road"-Man, that's a fucking fantastic book.

  My re-watch of Lost has entered Season 2. I'm pretty far behind schedule, but I think I'll be able to catch up by January. One thing I'll say about the re-watch, it's reminding me why I hated Charlie so much.I'm back to being glad he's dead.

  Got the new Weezer album last night. Digging it.

  Remind me to tell you the saga of replacing my under warranty broken cell phone. I don't really know that it qualifies as a saga, but it's a longer tale then i feel like telling you right now.Plus, it does not technically have a conclusion yet.

I suppose I need to write up a bit about Halloween as well. I can leave you with a shot for my costume:

I was Obi-Joe-Bob Kenobi. The theme of the party was "The Redneck Olympics". It was a blast.

Later, Crimestoppers. I'll try and do better tomorrow.

What Movie Is This From ? Episode CLXIX

2009-11-03T00:00:00.002-05:00

We have no winner from last week. Nobody recognized

"You know what Henry? You're a regular barnyard exhibit.
Sheep's eyes, chicken guts, piggy friends... and SHIT for
brains!"

from "Creepshow"!Onto this week's clue, A movie from 1959:

I want you to leave right now, stay away from me, and don't come near me again.We're not going to get involved. Last night was last night, and it's all there was, and it's all there is. There isn't going to be anything more between us. So please. Goodbye, good luck, no conversation, just leave.

Good luck, Crimestoppers !!!

Monday Memories...Number 9....Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9...Number 9....

2009-11-02T09:01:00.001-05:00

Wow, is it Monday again already ? Time sure does fly.

For today's Monday memory, we have set the wayback machine to May of 2006. A simpler time, when we suffered a bit of craziness through the baby monitor...Enjoy, Crimestoppers!

That's Not Our Baby....

Okay, so Saturday afternoon,/evening My Special Lady and I both notice a high pitched whine/buzz/squeal emanating from the baby monitor...My first thought is..."Sweet Jesus,a lemur has broken into the babies' room and is attempting to carry them off into the forest !!"(sadly enough, that really WAS my first thought) But then I realized that they were in the living room with us, so that made the lemur attack MUCH less likely...Truthfully, I was a little disappointed, as I thought that defending the girls from a lemur attack might score me some major points with My Special Lady, and maybe, just MAYBE get me a special interest story in that holy grail of special human interest, PEOPLE magazine !!
   But, I digress....So, just what the FUCK is that sound from the monitor ? I checked and our cell phones were not near it, so it wasn't that...I moved it around the room a little, didn't help any...Our ears were beginning to bleed, and we were going to soon act like extras from "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest"... Then we heard a conversation ever so faintly over the monitor...So we came to the conclusion that we were indeed picking up a signal from somewhere else...I tried all sort of permutations to try and fix the problem, I changed the channel on the monitors, I switched out the monitors with our "secondary" set(we bought a second monitor set to have one in the extra room, but that luckily worked with the first monitor, so we only had to use the speaker part)...Nothing worked...So we just figured that at some point the other machine(whatever, wherever it may be) would get turned off, and everything would be hunky dory.
   WRONG !!!!!...Bedtime arrived(much earlier than I would like to admit) and we still had the War Of the Worlds sound effects record playing through the baby monitor, so we resigned ourselves to dealing with it overnight, and then going out on Sunday to try and find another monitor that might be less likely to pick up extraneous signals...Somewhere around 1 a.m, My Special Lady and I are both blasted awake by a SCREAMING, CRYING BABY !!! Our system is that we each have one of the twins each night, so we usually figure out who is crying, and then the person assigned will deal with the baby...Well, this scream was unidentifiable, so we both did the zombie walk ALL THE WAY TO THE OTHER END OF THE APARTMENT(which, if you are tired enough is really really far away !!) and enter the girls room, both of us secretly hoping that the baby crying is the other parent's responsibility for the evening...And we see that both babies are fast asleep...We both just kinda stared for few minutes, waiting for Allen Funt or Bob Saget to come out.
   And then it occurs to my Special Lady..."That's not our baby" she says...And for a split second I though we were in a trailer for a new horror/thriller movie...Mother:"THAT'S NOT OUR BABY !!" Father: "Damn you, Genesis Project !!" Voice Over:Coming in May, "The Genesis Project:Who's Baby Is This?"...But then I realized what she was saying: we were picking up someone else's baby crying on our monitor, and man, they must have had the monitor tied to the front of the kid's face, because this shit was LOUD !!!! And it felt like it took the parents forever to come to the rescue...Luckily, that was the only incident that night, and the next morning, I realized that there was a channel control on the receiver as well as the monitor, and when I changed them all, we lost the whine/buzz/squeal for good...Huzzah for me for taking two days to figure that out !! And that is that story... Oh and by the way, this is my 300th post !!! Whoopeee !!! No, no don't get up...A standing ovation is not necessary...

School of Rock: Sonic Saturday- Super Spooooky Edition!

2009-10-31T00:00:00.006-05:00

BOO!

Ha! It's just me...But I scared you, didn't I ? Sure I did.It's okay to admit it...Do you need to change your shorts? I'm kidding, of course.

But I'm NOT kidding about the fact that it's HALLOWEEN!!!! Ooooh, scary! So here at the Sandwich Flats Campus of the School of Rock, we're gonna kick back on this Sonic Saturday with some spoooooky videos!!
Happy Halloween!!!!

Monster Mash- Bobby "Boris" Pickett & the Cryptkickers

Facebook link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0thH3qnHTbI

Bruce Springsteen: A Night With The Jersey Devil

A Night With The Jersey Devil - Bruce Springsteen

(Sorry about the ad at the beginning, it's a hard vid to embed)

Facebook link:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GN6nyWLnDkc
(No ad on the Facebook link, by the way)

And, of course...THRILLER!!!!!

Facebook link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kNP3jogfek

Have a spooky,spooky Halloween, and enjoy your weekend, Crimestoppers!

Name That Lyric: Episode CLXVII

2009-10-30T00:00:00.001-05:00

We have no winner from last week! Nobody recognized

See no evil in all directions
Resolution of happiness
Things have been dark for too long

from "Don't Change" by INXS.Better luck next time, or as the Ancient Babylonians referred to it: Right Freakin' Now!!!

There's evil in the air and there's thunder in the sky
And a killer's on the bloodshot streets

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!

Wanna Hear About The Dream I Had ?

2009-10-28T12:54:00.000-05:00

Sure you do.

That's right, I had another weird ass dream last night. This one did not have any celebrity cameos in it, but it did feature some people from my actual life.

It started out in some desert city. One of the Professors from the department I work here at Florida Sate was addressing a crowd while standing in front of what looked like a cave.I look to my left, and Bruce, one of my oldest friends(meaning one of the people with whom I have been friends the longest, not that he himself is old) in the world is standing next to me. He nods and smiles at me, not nearly as surprised to see me as I am to see him. I look to my right, and another professor from my Department is flanking me on that side. He also smiles and nods.

  The professor in front of the cave finishes her spiel, and then looks to me. I quickly walk down to where she is standing, and I understand that I am to open the cave. It has a large flat,round circular boulder in front of it. I lean against it with my shoulder and it rolls away from the cave. A bunch of people(I guess around 10, or maybe12(oooh, Biblical?), all walk into the cave. I peer inside as they are entering, and I see a big table, and a podium with a microphone, a digital projector, the whole works for some sort of presentation.

  The last person enters, and they thank me, and tell me that I can go now. I let go of the rock, and it slowly slides back into place. All the people watching outside let out a loud hurrah, and then the crowd starts to disperse.

  I walk back up to Bruce and the Professors, and we start to walk and talk. I notice that we are now walking in what looks like your average academic building, which is built around the desert/cave area where we just were.

  Bruce then asks if we're going to the Memorial, and we all say we are, and we take a left turn, and then we are in this cathedral-esque place. It looks fairly Roman Catholic, but that could just be because that's the type of house of worship that is most firmly implanted in my conciousness.

We walk up the aisles and sit down...And then I woke up.

What Movie Is This From ? Episode CLXVIII

2009-10-27T15:41:00.000-05:00

We have a winner from last week!! The lovely and talented B.E. Earl correctly identified

"If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming
from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all
having a real lousy day."

from "Waterworld". Bravo, Earl, bravo!! Onto this week's clue, a movie from 1982:

"You know what Henry? You're a regular barnyard exhibit.

Sheep's eyes, chicken guts, piggy friends... and SHIT for
brains!"

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!

Monday Memories...Volume 8.

2009-10-26T07:46:00.000-05:00

I thought in honor of the upcoming holiday, that I would go back to a post from October of 2008 that contained some pictures of some past Halloween costumes.

I don't think it needs much more explanation than that. Enjoy

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Paticus' Past, Volume 15 : Ghosts Of Halloween

Okay, in honor of Halloween, I have combed through the photo vaults at Sandwich Flats SouthEast, and I have come up with some of my past Halloween costumes. Unfortunately, some were apparently not captured for posterity. I do not have photos of me as Matt Foley the Motivational Speaker, Krusty The Clown, or Alice from Alice in Wonderland(for which I kept my full beard).
Here is what I do have:

Princess Leia(that is my real hair comprising the famous sidebuns), with My Special Lady as Charlie Brown in his ghost costume from the Great Pumpkin.

Me as Harry Caray(or more exact, will Ferrell's impression of Harry Caray, which I do quite well if I do say so myself), and My Special Lady as Fall.

Me as Obi-Wan Kenobi

Me as the Mad Hatter, with My Special Lady as a Goddess.

Me as Velma from Scooby Doo(the last time I was clean shaven, by the way), and My Special Lady as Marge Simpson
Finally, me as the Bride of Frankenstein.

A closer look at the hair- my actual hair, and the grey streaks are real.

And finally. my favorite pumpkin, ever- the Pulp Fiction Pumpkin..It looks like the pumpkin has been shot in the forehead, and it's brains are all over the window.

There you have it. Some memories of Halloween's past...

If anyone reading this happens to have any other Halloween pictures of Paticus, send em to me, would ya ? Thanks.

Labels: Halloween, Paticus' Past

Sonic Saturday 10/24/2009

2009-10-24T00:03:00.000-05:00

This ain't no party, this ain't no disco...You know the rest...Just listen...And boogie!!!

Facebook link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_5yJZUyr_cM

Enjoy your weekend, Crimestoppers!!

Name That Lyric: Episode CLXVI

2009-10-23T08:54:00.000-05:00

We have no winner from last week! Nobody recognized

"In the basement, hunting gun and a hacksaw
Sip a beer and thirteen inches of barrel drop to the floor"

from "Straight Time" by Bruce Springsteen. Onto this week's clue:

  See no evil in all directions
  Resolution of happiness
  Things have been dark for too long

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!

Truckin' Into Jungleland....

2009-10-22T09:20:00.000-05:00

I had a very weird dream last night.

  Bruce Springsteen was appearing on some reality show. It was a talent show type thing, and they had all these celebrities dancing in a line, and singing songs.And they were working as a team, so I don't know if there was another group of celebrities they were going to compete against or not. In my dream, I was only watching this one team. It had Springsteen on it, and Fred Savage, and the girl who played Dee on "What's Happening", and a bunch of other celebs that I cannot remember.

  It was all surreal enough, and then, I was having a conversation with Springsteen, and he started singing the Grateful Dead's "Truckin" to me, just as if it was part of the conversation. And just as I started to realize that he was in fact singing this song, I woke up, and the good old Grateful Dead were playing "Truckin" in Europe in 1990 on my iPod.

  Then I had to pee.

Talk to ya later...

Saturday Morning Flashbaaaaaaaacks!!!!!

2009-10-21T07:47:00.000-05:00

Over the past week, I have had two separate incidents that sent me flying back to Saturday mornings in the mid/late '70's !

The first was an e-mail I received from Tee Vee Shows On Dee Vee Dee Dot Com alerting me(because I had asked them to alert me) that there is a planned release of "Laff-A-Lympics" on DVD!! It's only a couple of episodes, but I'm still pretty jazzed. This was one of my favorite Saturday Morning cartoons when I was a kid(SuperFriends was another major player), and I'm pretty excited to see it again.

For those of you unfamiliar, the Laff-A-Lympics was a cartoon that featured Hanna-Barbera characters competing in Olympic-esque events, itw as a combo of the Olym[pics and Battle of the Network Stars..There were three teams, The Scooby Doobies(led, of course, by Scooby Doo), The Yogi-Yahooeys(led by Yogi Bear) and the Really Rottens(led by Dick Dastardly). It was pretty much the same each week, the Really Rottens would cheat, it would bvackfire, and the Scoobys or Yogis would win. But it was madcap and slapsticky and I loved it!! Hosted by Snagglepuss and Mildew Wolf.

I used to sit on the couch, eat some cereal, and laugh and laugh(or laff and laff!).

And speaking of cereal, that was the second part of my flashback! We were in the supermarket on Saturday, and they had all three of the MONSTER CEREALS!!!!! SHAZAM!!!!!! After my lamented Vanilly Crunch, I think the monster cereals were probably my favorites. And they had all 3!!! They brought them back for Halloween!! Of course, we bought one of each:

Boo Berry, Count Chocula and FrankenBerry!! Boo Berry was my favorite(so, it was, of course, the first one discontinued) both for the blueberry flavor, and because Boo Berry sounded like Peter Lorre.Here's a commercial:

Link for Facebook: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTrPbX7zv2g
Great great cereals.

Looking for these commercials I was reminded of Yummy Mummy. He was annoying, and the cereal was not good. Here's that commercial

Link for Facebook : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIuZDftRFvg

Certainly no Boo Berry. Not surprising it didn't last very long. Jerky Yummy Mummy.

Well, it's time for me to put on my footy pajamas and watch some cartoons !!

Later, Crimestoppers !!

What Movie Is This From ? Episode CLXVII

2009-10-20T11:27:00.000-05:00

We have a winner from last week! The lovely and talented B.E. Earl correctly identified

"I'm about as flamboyant as a bagel."

from "Fame". Bravo, Earl, Bravo!!!

Onto this week's clue, a movie from 1995:

"If you'll notice the arterial nature of the blood coming

from the hole in my head, you can assume that we're all

having a real lousy day."

Good luck, Crimestoppers !!

Monday Memories...Lucky Number Seven

2009-10-19T07:41:00.000-05:00

Well, there's a bit of irony...Calling this post "Lucky Number Seven" of the Monday Memories, and it has to do with one of the more painful(both physically AND emotionally) moments of my life as a world class figure skater...Please, read on, from February 10th, 2006:

Friday, February 10, 2006

Damn The Olympics: A Tale Of Thin Ice...

So it's Friday here in the Hassee...Sorry, I guess you thought that was supposed to lead to something didn't you ? I do sincerely apologize, I was just stating the obvious...That's just the facts...It IS Friday here in the Hassee, Of course it's Friday all over the place...Let's see what else is there to say...Oh yeah, the Winter Olympics start tonight...And I don't give a rat's ass...That's right, I would not relinquish a rat's ass to watch the Olympics...Now, why I would ever be in possession of a rat's ass, I don't know...But I wouldn't give it away for the Olympics..I guess that's what I was saying...I guess I have never really understood that statement, I don't know why saying(or typing- as the case may be) "I don't give a rat's ass " means exactly, I understand that through usage and time the implication is that I don't care, but I don't get the literal correlation between caring and "giving a rat's ass".

   Okay, that is enough of that, but back to my not caring about the Olympics...I might be able to care...If not for the "incident"....What ? I have never told you about the "incident" ? Well, shit on a shingle, y'all gather 'round here, grab yourself the beverage of your choice, have one of these here Nutter Butter cookies, and I'll spin you a yarn of Olympic proportions.

   It all started 4 years ago, shortly after the last Olympics in...in...Wherever the fuck they were...I was at the rink, practicing my ice dancing with my coach Svetlana, and doing rather well, if I do say so myself...I had really come a long way since I had wrenched my knee in a hackeysack accident back in 1994(damn that rainbow colored ball of beads !!! Damn it straight to hell)...The healing path had been long and gruelling and winding and chilly and populated by naysayers, but thanks to the lovely Svetlana, I was almost all the way back to my pre-hackeysack condition...But I had also apparently attracted the ire of the other ice dancers, particularly James "Jimmy" MacDougal, whom Svetlana had dumped as a student in order to train me instead(what can I say ? I have great calves, they can be almost hypnotic), and for that, he blamed me...I was also unpopular for my bold musical choices..It seems that a 30 minute "Dark Star Jam" from the Fillmore by the Grateful Dead was not appreciated...And my replacement choice of "London Calling" by the Clash was not received enthusiastically either, but that one was at least allowed...But I regularly found graffiti on my locker, along the lines of "Fat Irishmen Can't Skate" and "London's Calling you a dickhead" things like that...But I was not deterred, I had promised a boy dying the hospital that I would win a gold medal, and damnit, no small minds were gonna stop me.Okay, well, he wasn't dying, he was actually in for a simple hangnail operation, but he was in pain and had low spirits just the same, and my gold medal promise sure put a smile on his face...And isn't that what it's really all about ? Smiling children ? I like to think so.

   Sorry, where was I ? Oh yeah, the ice dancers hatred for old Paticus...Well, one day I was practicing with Svetlana, I was working on my basic choreography...The simple jumps, the arm waves, my jazz hands...And things were going really well, if I do say so myself...Until....I skated into the west corner of the rink in order to start my routine from the top, when my skate caught in the ice, pitching me forward and impaling me on a very poorly placed pitchfork..The tines of the fork lodged themselves in my left knee, effectively ending my ice dancing career...I broke down crying on the ice, both because I realized that my Olympic dreams were fading faster than the blood was pouring out of my wounded knee, and also because a pitchfork in the knee is a really painful thing.

   A trip to the doctor confirmed what I had suspected, my ice dancing career was over...Svetlana quickly returned to training MacDougal, a move I understood, as she had Olympic dreams of her own...I couldn't begrudge her that...The IOC conducted an investigation into the incident, but they were going through the motions, they put that drunk Pulsipher on it, he couldn't find a zamboni at a hockey game, that hack, and surprise he found no incident of foul play...The IOC had won, and the pot stirring Irishman was off of Team USA forever.

   But that was not the end of it, my friend Jessica Fletcher, the famous mystery writer happened to be visiting, and she noticed that the ice where my skate got stuck was a slightly different shade, and upon further inspection, proved to be coated with white raspberry slushie syrup, an exclusive flavor of Big Paul's Gas Station and Sipperia, who just HAPPENED to be the sponsor of one Team USA ice dancer by the name of James "Jimmy" MacDougal...Coincidence ? I think not !! And neither did the sheriff, he brought Jimmy in for questioning and the kid sung like a canary, but it turned out he was the small fish, the head of the Ice Dancing Federation had promised him the choice endorsements if he removed the "undesirable element"(i.e. - yours truly) from the Olympics...Well, it was small consolation to me and to that poor hangnailed boy, but at least justice was served in the end...And there it is my friends, the reason why I don't give a rat's ass about the Olympics...Here, have another Nutter Butter...They're shaped like peanuts, isn't that darling ?

School of Rock: Sonic Saturday 10/17/2009

2009-10-17T00:00:00.002-05:00

I love this tune, and if you look closely, I think you might just recognize the host of this particular program....

The Afghan Whigs- Gentlemen

Link for the Facebook note: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EBYJl_p-P4E

Enjoy your weekend, Crimestoppers !

Name that Lyric: Episode CLXV

2009-10-16T07:53:00.000-05:00

We have no winner from last week! Nobody recognized

"I'd trade all the gold
That's buried in this land
For one small band of gold to place
On sweet Little Ginnie's hand"

from "North To Alaska" by Johnny Horton. Onto this week's clue:

"In the basement, hunting gun and a hacksaw
Sip a beer and thirteen inches of barrel drop to the floor"

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!

What Movie Is this From ? Episode CLXVI

2009-10-13T07:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, CLXVI already ? It doesn't feel like it's been more than CLXIII to me.

We have no winner from last week! Nobody recognized

"I have something to say about the difference between American and European cities. But I've forgotten what it is.I have it written down at home somewhere."

from "True Stories"! Aw, shucks!! Close, but you were way off.

Onto this week's clue, a movie from 1980:

"I'm about as flamboyant as a bagel."

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!!

Monday Memories...Volume Six

2009-10-12T09:47:00.000-05:00

Okay, Crimestoppers...We have set the Wayback machine for January of 2006...This particular blog post features our old cat, Arlo. Arlo no longer lives with us. He decided that he did not like our infant twins, and he turned on them, so it was time for him to move on.He's happier now, living with a grad student, and killing squirrels and such. We miss him, but it really was best for everyone. He now gets every bit of attention he craves.

Anyway, here is an episode of Wild Kingdom:Tallahassee:

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Wild Kingdom: Tallahassee

(The following tale is true...Names and details have NOT been changed...Fuck the innocent)
Welcome to Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom....Today we are visiting scenic Tallahassee...Home of this lizard we see to our left...You would think that as the host of a wildlife show, I might actually know what kind of lizard this is....You would, of course, be quite wrong...I haven't the slightest clue...He's a cute little bugger, isn't he ? I also don't actually know that it's a male, but in this phallic centric world of ours, why would I assume otherwise ? Let's just call him Ferdinand, shall we ? Okay. Well, in this photo, Ferdinand is clinging to the inside of one of the screens on the screened in porch of one Paticus, of Tallahassee...He seems pretty calm and serene, doesn't he ? And why shouldn't he be ? It's a nice sunny December day, and he has a nice piece of screen to hang from...Hell, there's even some nice juicy bugs around, which he may or may not want to eat,I really don't know... Again, I really have a very limited grasp of nature...But all is not well for Ferdinand...No it is not...There is danger afoot for Ferdinand...You might say, things are about to get WILD for Ferdinand...For Paticus is not the only resident of this house, no he is not...He lives there with his Special Lady, and their four month old twins...But that is also not of concern for Ferdinand...Oh no, there is another inhabitant of this house....A feline domesticus...A felinus domesticus ? What the hell is that ? Oh right, a cat...Well, why doesn't the bloody card just say cat then ? Feline domesticus...Honestly, Jim, what are you smoking ? Feline domesticus...If it's a god damned cat then bloody well say it's a god damned cat, okay ? Jiminy Christmas !!! Okay...Anyway, there is also a cat that lives there....His name is Arlo....One day Arlo and Ferdinand met...Let's let Paticus pick up the narration, shall we ?
Paticus: Thanks Steve...
Narrator:Um, it's Marlon
Paticus: Sure it is...Anyway, the other day I was sitting on my couch in Tallahassee, Florida, enjoying cool, refreshing Diet Black Cherry Vanilla Coca-Cola and watching a Tivo'd episode of Alias, when I saw the cat running madly around the apartment...He does that pretty regularly, so I sorta ignored it...Then he attacked my shoe, so I looked down, and I saw a string by my shoe...Oh, how cute and cliche, I said to myself, my cat is playing with a piece of string...Then, something unexpected happened(well, unexpected by me, anyway, I'm quite sure that the cat was probably expecting it)...The string moved away from my foot on it's own ! Shazam, people !! Shazam, indeed!!! It took a few seconds for it to register, and then I believe I exclaimed to My Special Lady,(as I grabbed the cat) " Oh Christ, he's got that fucking lizard !! It went under the couch !! You want to hold the cat or try to catch the lizard ?"( If had thought about it, I probably could have added something dirty after that, but I was in the moment, people) She opted to hold the cat, so I handed him to her, as he tried valiantly to escape and complete his hunt, and went after the lizard...The cat must have stunned him, because I grabbed the lizard pretty easy(insert off color joke here, as well) and he didn't try to get away...I got him outside and put him on the sidewalk. Where he remained for the next 30 minutes or so...I was afraid that he might actually be dead, but when I went out the last time, he had moved into the grass, and this time I was unable to pick him up, as he took off when I tried...A few days later, he was back on the OUTSIDE of the screened in porch, and he was driving the cat NUTS...It was pretty funny... Back to you Mervin...
Narrator: That's Marlon, Paticus...I bothered to learn your name, you hippie idiot...
Paticus: What's that, Merlin ?
Narrator: Nothing...Thanks Paticus for that riveting tale of the hunt...And thanks to all of you for tuning in...Until next time...Let's all kill and eat something, shall we ?

Enjoy your Monday, Crimestoppers!!

School of Rock:Sonic Saturday 10/10/2009

2009-10-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

This one's for my Dad...He would have been 75 yesterday...And he liked Johnny Horton.....Here you go...

Enjoy your weekend, Crimestoppers!!!

Name That Lyric: Episode CLXIV

2009-10-09T07:38:00.000-05:00

We have several winners from last week!! The lovely and talented B.E. Earl and the lovely and talented Brian both identified

We caught a rattlesnake
Now we got something for dinner

from "(Nothing But) Flowers" by the Talking Heads. Bravo, Earl & Brian, bravo!!! Onto this week's clue:
This week's lyric is dedicated to my Dad. Today is his birthday, and I love him and miss him very much.

"I'd trade all the gold
That's buried in this land
For one small band of gold to place
On sweet Little Ginnie's hand"

Good luck, Crimestoppers!!!

Huh ?

2009-10-08T09:26:00.000-05:00

There is really no way for this post to exist without my being a tiny bit indelicate, so you will have to bear with me.

   Sometimes, when I am at work, I need to use the bathroom.And of the times that I have to use the bathroom, sometimes I need to...Um...."drop the kids in the pool", if you know what I mean. And I think that you do.

  For the last few weeks, whenever I enter the stall to "take the Browns to the Super Bowl", I am greeted by this on the back of the stall door: I SUCK DICK.

   It's a little bit faded, and smudged, because someone half-assedly (no pun intended) tried to clean it off, but it's still easily readable.

  Now, here's my question about this: What's the point ? Is it a confession (either that they perform fellatio, or an admission to someone named Dick that the confessor sucks ) ?

  Is it an attempt to trick me into thinking that I suck dick ? Was writing it in the first person an attempted ruse? Am I supposed to look at it, read it and ask: "Do I ?"

  I just don't know why someone would write this. Some bathroom stall/wall graffiti I understand. I get the little rhymes and puns and such("Here I sit, brokenhearted.Tried to shit, but only farted" and so forth). Even casting espursions onto some else's character(For a good time call So and So)...That I understand. I don't agree with it, or condone it, but at least I understand the motivation.

  I just don't understand the motivation for this.It's just written in plain black ink, no stylish flourish to the lettering or anything. No real artistic value to it.

  It's just odd.

Well, It Was Kinda Like Psycho....

2009-10-07T08:12:00.000-05:00

What would you like to talk about today ? I was going to write a little something about the mutant Cheez-It that I found, but I realized(ahead of time, thankfully) that the pictures of said Cheez-It were even worse than the pictures I took of the mysterious object I found in the peanuts, so I will wait until I can get Annie Liebovitz to drop by for a photo shoot.

I know, I'll tell you about my sorta kinda horror movie moment:

Monday night, I actually got out of bed and grabbed a baseball bat because I thought there was someone in our house.It was the craziest thing. just before I went to bed, I heard a noise. I could not really tell where it was coming from, but I guessed that our rather portly cat, Fenwick, had once again tried to climb on top of this ottoman-type thing we had that had a pile of papers on it,. and had knocked them all on the floor.

I went to investigate, only to find that Fenwick had apparently not made the noise. Or certainly didn't by knocking the papers off of the ottoman. I looked at him suspiciously, but he was revealing nothing(that cagey bastard!)...He was as cool as a cucumber.

(file photo)

I figured that one of the girls' toys had shifted or something, and I went to bed. About ten minutes later, I heard another noise, this one included a bit of a clanking sound, which sounded like someone moving the safety gate we have set up in the hallway at night(keeps Fenwick out of our room, mostly). That kinda freaked me out, because while I think Fenwick is a pretty bright fellow, I do not believe he has figured out how to unlock the gate.

   I grabbed the baseball bat that I keep in the bedroom for just such an occasion, and I slowly walked out towards the living room.The gate was still in place, but that didn't really help me any. I unhooked it and moved it aside.I cut through the kitchen, since the light switch for the living room is on the wall as you exit the kitchen. .Did I mention that we had recently watched the remake of "Friday the 13th" ? Yeah, we had. It sucked, of course, and was not particularly scary, but I was blessed/cursed with an active imagination, and man does that fucker kick into overdrive when there are unexplained noises at midnight.So, I was half expecting to see a hulking, smelly(Jason's GOT to smell pretty rank, don't you think?) hockey mask wearing maniac in my living room.I took a few practice swings in the kitchen, took a deep breath, and then turned on the lights

  Nothing.Fenwick stared at me, clearly unhappy that I kept disturbing his "me time". I scanned the room, looking for something out of place that may have made the noise. Nothing. I checked the doors, both were locked.I shook my head, and I think I probably whispered "what the fuck was that ?" to myself a half dozen times.

  I turned the light back off, and went to peek in on the girls(though I was sure the sound had not come from their room, as their door was closed, and the sound definitely did not sound at all muffled), and as I walked towards their room, I turned my head to the left, and I saw the source of the noise- The shower curtain in the girls' bathroom had slid down the wall, and about half the curtain had dropped off the rod.So, I attacked it with the baseball bat. No, of course I didn't. I took the bathmat off of it and pushed it back up the wall, and seemed like it would stay in place until I could fix it(in the morning, I took the shower curtain off, as the girls take baths right now anyway, and it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen).

I peeked in on the girls anyway, and then went to bed.