Sane at Home Mom

Nap Reminder

2010-03-16T14:32:00.004-05:00

As I sit here typing, and enjoying the rainy silence in my neck of the woods, I thought I would remind you all to:

STRETCH - really well. Work out those overtight muscles. I know I've got them from my weirded out sleep positions!

LISTEN - to the silence, the birds, and

then GO TAKE A NAP!

And as you lie there, (hopefully taking your mother's advice and drifting off to sleep) think about the people and beings in your life that you love. Send them that love and ....

then send that love to yourself.

p.s. Sorry if this is deep! Please excuse and skip this post, if you like. :-)

Diffusing, Coping, or Just Plain Not Goin' Looney

2009-12-28T16:59:00.005-06:00

In a previous post, not long after I'd had my third little one, I was SLIGHTLY overwhelmed. I absolutely think back now, and realize how EASY two children are and how could I ever have thought otherwise?!! LOL.
Anyway, I just thought I'd share these thoughts for when you do actually feel like running to the bathroom BY YOURSELF, and locking the door! Hopefully it is useful to someone.

1. The clock is your friend. Know it, look at it often, and schedule by it. Anticipate, don't just roll along and end up reactively parenting a melt down.

2. Get creative. It only takes brain power and a few seconds to change a scenario. For example: My 3 year old child's skin is as dry a piece of chalk and she HAS to wear lotion, but she has taken to not liking it. I mean, yelling and screaming not liking it. I've asked her and she just doesn't like the feeling of it...(she's rather texture sensitive), so instead of getting ugly with her, I just pointed out that the lotion looks like vanilla icing and she's the cake. We smeared it on and she helped and wha la! No more tantrum. We continue to do this every time, and while I know the novelty will wear off and we'll have to come up with something new soon, doing this reminded me to think outside of the box and not with my emotions, and be creative. It only takes a moment.

3. Turn on the music or sing a song. I actually prefer to sing, being that I'm a musical person, but for some reason the ACT of singing does the same thing as the ACT of smiling. Doing the motion, makes your heart feel happy. Having a danceathon doesn't hurt either. :-)

4. Go outside. The fresh air and change of scenary will do you and everyone else a world of good.

5. Give them a bath, prefaced by "Do you want to play in the water?". The soothing water occupies them, the wording takes out the old "bath" blah, and it gets them clean. Plus, seeing their tiny bodies reminds you of how little they actually are. Which leads me to #6...

6. Lower your expectations. Whether it be of their level of maturity or in the amount of chores or list of things to check off your list. Just accept that things won't get done and expect them to behave like children. We expect SO much out of them sometimes, forgetting that they are just little people.

7. Open your windows (or pretend they are open, if the weather doesn't permit). Doing so will perhaps make you aware that others are listening. If you live in a rural area, pretend your mother is in the other room!!

8. Warn them of your plans. If you are expecting them to behave a certain way, tell them of how you'd LIKE them to behave exactly and throw in a reward for doing so. If you are planning to leave somewhere and they will have to stop playing to do so, tell them you're leaving in 5 minutes. Knowledge and acceptance always helps everyone along the change curve.

9. COMMUNICATE!! This one I can't stress enough and goes along with just about all of the above. Even if you have a little one who never says a word, they most likely understand WAY more than you can ever imagine. Once we took a trip with my 18 month old daughter and she got SO upset and was a complete mess. There was a small time change, difficulties with napping, and she generally just wasn't enjoying the trip, as lots of little people often don't. I sat her down and told her "WE ARE GOING HOME. We'll go back to our house, with our dog, and your yellow room and it will all be OK." She immediately calmed down and was fine with naps and everything for the rest of the trip!! For all I know, she thought we were displaced!! It really was amazing and made me realize the power of my words.

10. If all else fails, schedule some time by yourself. Make it a priority. I know this is old, "new" news of moms taking care of themselves, but we need to be reminded of making it a priority. Email your friends with a date and time and location. Join a local moms group, if you haven't already. Even schedule some time with family or neighbors, as they can often give you the relief you need and they usually enjoy spending the time with the children. Raising children really DOES take a village.

Hello Again

2009-10-24T11:23:00.004-05:00

Remember me? Yes, I've carved out some time again to get back to my machine and blog a little! I've missed you guys!!!

Seems now that I have a moving 10 month old, a recent THREE year old (SO hard to grapple with a baby turning 3 for some reason), and a now 5 1/2 year old, along with teaching more piano students, adding homeschooling to my list of things to do, AND putting fitness at the top of my priority list, I am just extremely busy. Enthralled and really happy, but busy.

The thinking and writing is so therapeutic for me - it's amazing how good I feel after I get to share with the outside world a little. Sometimes it's useful, sometimes I'm just brain-farting. :-) But hopefully, we are more on the useful and thought-provoking side than the stinking up the room end. LOL.

There are so many amazing blogs out there for moms about crafts, money-saving, home management, time management.....and while I subscribe and enjoy more than my full share, that is just not what this blog is about. Sometime I DO provide helpful tips and things, but what I'm finding is my purpose is to MENTALLY be here for you, and vice verse. I want to discuss the emotions of our roles as moms, wives, friends, and sisters. I feel there just isn't enough out there for myself, and when I go to a play date or a mom's night out, that just isn't the forum for getting into deep conversations about our relationships with those so important in our lives. I need to work things out and by sharing with you, my readers, my inner thoughts and observations, maybe you will be helped as well.

There you have it. I hope you will continue with me on my journey of solving life's mental mysteries.....

Congratulations to My Friend

2009-08-14T22:13:00.004-05:00

I have to give a shout-out to my friend, Christina H., who won 1st prize in the Carraba's Contest back in June!! I loved your tribute! Yay, for free Carraba's yummy food too!!

It went down like this:
Thanks to wonderful bloggers out there who post about all kinds of sweepstakes (like freebies4mom), I found out about the Carraba's Fathers Day give-away in June, entered it and forwarded it to my friend, Christina. (I probably forwarded it late at night, because I forgot all about it!) She entered the contest and a couple of months later, she arrived home to find a FedEx package on her doorstep with a letter and three $45 gift certificates to Carraba's. How COOL is that??

Check out her Father's Day tribute here.

Btw, my favorite meal is a glass of wine and Pollo Rosa Maria with fettucini. Anyone who's familiar with the restaurant have a fav?

My Mistake

2009-07-22T10:41:00.006-05:00

Today the coffee was STRONG and I didn't know until after the fact! WOW. Now I'm charged and can't keep my focus. Bad combination...

Hubby and I are STILL working through our latest issue. Well, it's the same ole' issue, I guess, and nothing uncommon. The battle of whose job is more time-consuming, exhausting, and worth more, and who needs a break when, how it's implemented, etc. etc. There are no winners in that debate. We are doing equally very important things, both are feeling overwhelmed, and both don't feel appreciated or respected enough for our jobs. Typical of moms and dads in our situation, I guess. I guess, right??

It's tough to give more when you give all day, but it's also extremely important. I know our relationship is the backbone of the family...who doesn't really know that?? The problem comes when you're stressed, feel alone, and emotionally uncared for, and then all the words that you often think, but don't say, come tumbling out of your mouth in a fit of rage. You want to scream, and punch the fire out of something...then as the feeling of overwrought, repeated frustration sets in, you just slump your shoulders and give up. I don't mean on the daily things, I mean on the idea of being understood and of change. Change in the sense of growth. I don't like the place of giving up and I teeter on the edge of it often, and even visit it briefly, but something pulls me back in to trying. I really adore my husband. Truly. He may have his faults, as we all do, but I WANT to live my life with him in it - full time. I have never met another person who has impressed me as much as he does. I don't want him to feel like I don't respect him or love him....that would be hurtful. Extremely hurtful and I'm afraid I've made him feel that way on an occasion or two, due to my big mouth.

Funny. I thought I was going to talk about what I wanted and needed (same ole' - a recognition and an offering of time-away, given by the one I love) and in working through my thoughts, I realize what I'm not giving and what I AM giving. Not good.

A person once told me, "The focus of the marriage, from both of you, should be about giving and thinking about what YOU can do for the other person." I could see how that would work, if you both set that as a priority. Everyone is giving from the heart and everyone is receiving. That sounds wonderful.

I suppose a third conversation is in order with my dearest, although I sort of dread another one. I guess because I need to apologize. I was wrong, no matter what the initial action was.

Thanks for "listening", y'all.

That Loud Sucking Sound

2009-07-18T21:46:00.004-05:00

WARNING: I am going to be very UN-PC, and blog a bitch post about my husband!! Yes, I'm doing it, damnit. And it's about time.

I have to say....or rather ask...why do men have their heads up their asses so frequently? Is it just that they are genetically coded to do this or is it because they figure doing so will prevent them from any future assumed responsibility?

My husband is most awesome in a lot of respects, such as intelligence, creativity, having a big heart, and just generally being courteous, but DAMN if I don't feel hung out to dry sometimes because of his selfishness, his lack of planning, and just the fact that his HEAD is NOT attached to his body.

He forgets 99% of our conversations and makes up in his mind what he believes to have transpired. Completely. Then when I expect him to do something and he doesn't because he got all the details wrong, he gripes at me for complaining. I just don't get it.

Yes, I complain. What woman doesn't?? Yes, men are short-sighted (OK, SOME men!) and can't see how their selfish ways when in a GROUP (eh-hem, like a FAMILY that THEY helped create??), can derail the whole balance, chi, or whatever. Maybe my complaining does too...but honestly, I don't sit around and THINK up things to complain about. I'm pretty laid back, but I REALLY hate not being able to count on someone and even more so, I hate it when I'm the one left holding the bag. Like when he makes plans for himself and NEVER considers to consult me...like I am the assumed sitter. Then when I even have a THOUGHT of going outside the house alone, I'd better consult him weeks in advance, so that he can bring in his reinforcements to help him, because as he says "If I don't have to do it alone, I won't."

It's just ridiculous!! And it pisses me off.

I'm done planning things that include him, when he does NOT plan a thing!! He lives in the now and that's it!! But then, approximately one night before we leave, or even like today, the MORNING of our plans, he complains about what we're doing, how we're doing it, and when, etc. etc. and will even try to alter those plans at the last minute. With vacations, this especially drives me crazy. I call it the "Swoop-in and Control, at the Eleventh Hour" and I have very little tolerance for it. I'd be happy to let him PLAN something....but PLANNING is the operative word!!

Why would he be like this? I can figure most people out, but this baffles me. Maybe it's his artsy side...I don't know. Any thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated, folks! Really.

Sorry if I sound like a bitchy, controlling, freak today. I'm just pissed because I planned a nice family outing, and endured a lot of stress because my partner fell through on me. I keep telling myself to accept that men, and people in general, will disapoint me. They just do. Accept it!

Guess we'll have to talk it out and smooth things over.....Then maybe a sickening, mushy post will be in order....

We'll see.

Shut Up, Mom! :-)

2009-05-14T21:59:00.003-05:00

I am back teaching piano now on Wednesdays and am now up to 8 students (hooray!). I am also fortunate in that my new sitter wants to take lessons so we are able to work out an exchange.

Anyway. A couple of my students are still fairly new and when they come to lessons, they are coming with no other siblings, so the parents get to sit in on a lesson. I think it's awesome to be able to sit in on a private lesson, of any kind, and I welcome my parents to do this. It becomes a benefit to both and the parents are involved, which I love. However, week after week now these same parents are sitting in and are just not the type of people who can observe without interjecting a little too much for my liking. Like I KNOW it would be hard not to correct my child if she didn't speak properly or if she weren't just generally behaving the way I'd like her to, so I am taking this into consideration.

It's just when the parent is also trying to explain things to the child, and the child is being then distracted by the parent (MUCH more engaged with me when they are not paying attention to the parent beside/slightly behind them), I kind of feel that it's sort of taking away from the teacher/student relationship...or rather the pace of the lesson. I had a mom yesterday that just wouldn't stop interjecting and explaining things to her daughter, when I KNOW that if it were just the student and I, I could have further explained things and also had a better understanding of the child's perception. I also think the mother was nervous (this was their second lesson) because her daughter was tired and was saying she didn't feel like coming. Granted, she really hasn't been able to get into the routine of coming yet and these things take time.

The daughter was SO interested in what I was saying and then the flow of things was so derailed when the mom would say things, that it was apparent to me that I had to say something. Luckily, the student went to the restroom and in that time we discussed her behavior and perceptions. I OH SO GENTLY told the mom that I think if she would move her chair back a little, that her daughter seemed more engaged and would respond better. I added (twice) that it was nothing personal and that I think her daughter was feeling OK now.

I haven't really laid out the ground rules for parents to be in the room and I guess I should. I certainly like to speak directly to the parents to ask them small questions and give them extra instructions about the assignments, but I really try to not let their presence be as participants, simply because that is not the kind of lessons I offer. Plus, I think if I guide the parents to sit in the chair behind me, instead of the one on the other side of the student, they won't be so close to their child and won't be so tempted to be such a presence in the room. I think if you observe any lesson, you have to put your type-A personality on the back burner and be just that. An observer.

On another related note, I've met so many of the dads this week too and I find it SO funny how the dads are all laid back and the moms are so anal and uptight. It has made me really ponder if motherhood accentuated these traits in the moms and if it's true that opposites attract. It just seems that every Dad that I know is the laid back one and the mom is the responsible, more "uptight" one. I know it's that way in our family!! Like the devil and the angel on the shoulder sometimes!! What the heck?? Maybe that's also why our children are so OPPOSITE in their personalities.

Thoughts anyone?

Sneak in Your Dinners

2009-05-02T15:29:00.002-05:00

We are trying more to have the children fed and down earlier for bed so that we can have a quiet dinner just for the two of us. It's hard to plan...but it's SUCH a nice thing to do. It's super relaxing and we can simply just EAT without helping anyone else with their dinners. It's also nice to not have to hire a sitter or spend the money on dining out. Plus, we'll lower the lights, put the candles on, nice music, wine....and we don't even have to wait for a table!

I stumbled upon a motivator this week though. I bought this summer package from OmahaSteaks (my first time to try them) that was a great deal in my eyes. When I was checking out the packages, I realized that all of them are individually frozen in vacuum bags. Like we can ONLY use the sole fish for the two of us...SO...that means we must have another dinner night together!

Just something to think about when you're buying in bulk and splitting and freezing. You might sneak out TWO of those steaks and freeze together, so that you HAVE to have dinner alone! :-)

(Incidentally, the OmahaSteaks package came in dry ice, so we even got to use that as a science learning project. We spent at least 30 minutes playing with it (of course, not touching it) and there was even a good portion still there when Daddy got home to enjoy with them as well!) A pretty good experience, indeed!

Slipping Out of My Grasp

2009-04-30T14:29:00.006-05:00

I had a dream last night. Pretty vivid. One of those that stick with you and sneak back in when you're still long enough to remember it.

I dreamt that I was in a two-seater contraption that was floating in the air, hanging below a big balloon-type thingy. The dream didn't start with any planning or getting into it, as they usually don't. I was just in it, floating over the world, showing my little four month old son everything that was small below. We were in two seats facing each other in four-point harnesses, then I noticed his seat wasn't a bucket, like it should have been. It was just a tiny regular seat so I reached out to hold onto him and just then, he slid out the side and fell below - FAR below. Because I'd just reached over to him with one hand, I was able to feel him slip through my grip and his tiny, soft arm went through my hand. Then I only had his itty bitty wrist in my hand and he was hanging below. I was terrified and was wondering WHY I'd had him up in this thing in the first place. That if I'd only thought it through, I would've been able to protect him better. At the same time, I was starting to pull him up and he was NOT going to fall. He was going to be all right and I was determined to get him back up. Then that was the end of the dream. I don't know if I woke up or what.

I keep thinking about this dream and how it applies to every day in this job or in my life or whatever. I often have dreams about my children growing up (the other day I had one that he was STANDING at the refrigerator with the door open, but he was still only 4 months! I've also had some where he's talking to us at the same age! heh.). Like, I am actually terrified of them killing themselves somehow, severely injuring themselves, or someone else contributing to their demise. It doesn't matter how, just that they're hurt or killed. It's a parental aging aid, I guess. I SO now don't know how my parents dealt with it, having five of us!

Anyway, maybe it's the hype of the swine flu or my husband who has me thinking about the possibility of the worst scenario (he tends to be a worrier)....Maybe because he's most likely our last child, I am thinking about his childhood slipping by. I don't know. But I did want to say a few words about my little boy, before he's too old for me to remember.

***************************************************************
He is only a tiny one, but he is SO smart. He's been watching us since the day he was born - silently. NOTHING gets past him. He's a little jokester, and yet he's a solemn, serious one. He lets you know very much when he doesn't like something (i.e. his CAR SEAT). The expression on his face when he's wanting to play is priceless! Those eyebrows all up and his eyes all alert and round. He's a baby who LOVES to be carried around, since he can't walk himself, to see everything there is to see. He is totally bored with his play mat already and he'll cry to be picked up from his bassinet if he's bored with that toy too! He prefers you to STAND and hold him, not sit and when you sit, he'll honk at you to get up and MOVE IT! LOL.

His tiny toothless mouth gives me wide, slobbery kisses and his whole body SPRINGS into action, when you put a little toy in front of him. When he nurses now, he'll look up at me and just grin. It totally melts me.... The best smile of the whole day is in the morning, when he's laying in bed and has a full tummy. He is refreshed and ready to go!!!

His little legs are so soft and still sort of astronaut-like. He's gaining muscle though, as standing up is his favorite past-time. He's also not a baby who likes to face the back when you hold him (only if he's got a tummy ache) - UH UH. He's got the face the room to see what's going on. Stupid us didn't figure that out until he was 2 1/2 months old!

He is my precious, precious sweet boy and I can only wonder what kind of little person he's going to express himself to be....

The Quiet Game

2009-04-25T15:18:00.006-05:00

Heh. I find myself wanting quiet more and more these days. I guess the old adage is true - you want what you can't have! It's like EVERYWHERE I go, I am bombarded by audio or video. When I shop they have those irritating video screens on the isles (WHO thought up this damn marketing ploy??) that loop the same little store jingle over and over, along with the annoying spokesperson telling me how they made the quickest little meal out of this or that and for only X amount! Gees! I left the store the other day and was singing the damn store jingle!! Shouldn't they be paying ME for that???!

Then to circumvent this sound clutter, as I think of it - my dad would called it "rackit!", from entering my head, I have to plug in my own wonderful Sansa player and listen to music or an audio book (better, but still not my own thoughts). It just seems that with content being more portable, we are now, more than ever before, bombarded with digital media, whether it be video or audio, and all without our consent. Even if we choose not to have cellphones that text, do pictures, video, email, and connect online, we will inevitably be affected by someone else's content intruding upon our daily life. For instance, my husband LOVES his MP3 player and listens to Podcasts on the way to work. Yay for him - cool that he can get educated while driving in traffic. However, he then comes home and I don't know if he's listening to me or the damn player!! I keep telling him to take it out when he gets home or is just around me, so that it's like a courtesy to let me know he's not listening to it!! Maybe he secretly keeps it in, to circumvent MY noise from entering HIS head...Humm....:-)

Anyway, my bestie and I were talking this weekend, and she mentioned those online quizzes that ask "What are you listening to?" and how her response is "the wind in the grass!" because she's started turning off everything when the kids are not around. Diddo, honey!! The wind and the birds are some of my favorite sounds! It may sound boring to some, but the peaceful trickle of our pond waterfall, the wind blowing the tree leafs (we have like NO grass!!:0), and all of the wonderful different kinds of bird chirping is music to my ears! Also, I strangely like the sound of the lone, distant prop plane flying overhead every once in awhile...humm.

Well, I don't know why it surfaced to me, after all these years, but the other day I just blurted out "Let's play the quiet game!" to the girls, realizing that it would be simply humorous to see how long my 2 1/2 year old could actually last! ----- It was ABOUT five seconds! Since then, they want to play it all the time, even though it usually plays out exactly the same way. LOL. It's funny to be on THIS end of the perspective with The Quiet Game...heh. I know exactly what the grown ups were up to!!

Try it! You'll be amazed at how much they actually WANT to be quiet and possibly you'll get some sample of peace and quiet!! LMAO.

A Better Grade than I Thought

2009-04-21T15:03:00.003-05:00

When my husband and I were both working fulltime and didn't have kids, we really were able to push our contributions to our retirements savings. Even when I was working WITH my one child, I was still able to contribute and do pretty well with those savings accounts. Obviously, when I wanted to stay at home and it became a reality, our retirement contribution savings dropped. I believe you just can't save as much, when you lose half your income! However, in the years we did save together, I can say that we did pretty well. Not excellent, but pretty well.

What makes me think about this was a post over at Blogging Away Debt with a link to a financial calculator at CNN.com. I took the quiz and we actually came up with a B+!! I couldn't believe it. Is there a curve with this thing?? :-) While we are lacking in some areas, we do compensate for it in others, and do have a plan in place to "get right with God" on our finances. For instance, we have WAY more debt than I have EVER had in my life. More than some people and a lot less than others. Really, just more than I am comfortable with. BUT, we are diligently working on that. Again, when I quit working outside the home, we didn't adjust our spending enough. NOW we have fully adjusted our spending and then some. Also, I have always been really good with money, while my husband has had to mature in that area. (Mature, is a my nice word :=) When I was single, I might have had some small debts and paid them off by selling my car or just paid them off by paying extra a month. (Incidentally, I've NEVER traded in a car..because I could always sell it for more, even with the selling costs and leg-work involved. WAY worth it!) Here recently, we got our tax refund and a company bonus (yes, we were SHOCKED to even get a bonus at ALL) and paid off quite a bit of our debt. (Yay!! It was SO nice making those payments!) Now we continue to pay what we used to pay per month, in order to finish off the balance quicker. We are also planning to use my piano teaching money to fund our emergency fund.

I know, you are probably wondering why in the heck am I blabbing about finances again. Because - as with everything else, I am obsessed!!! Plus, we moms don't seem to have time to get into the details with each other and I need to sort this out in my head! I guess it's a very personal thing and the specifics are never really spoken about, unless you are in dire straights and are blogging about your huge debt hole that you are digging at (kudos to those folks too!). Also, I feel that financial education is something that our youth and our kids are lacking in. Where are our micro-economics requirements in junior high or high school?? I remember something about learning how to write a check in economics class, but that was my junior year and SO many kids have disposable incomes today! They start WAY younger than high school! Come on! Both my niece and my nephew (from different families) really have NO IDEA how to manage their money. They are both 19 and 20, do not live at home, and expect Mom and Dad to continue to support them completely. I just don't understand it at all!! As long as they have a LITTLE money in their pocket for gas, eating fast food, tanning, clothes, or entertainment, then they feel they have their bases covered. They do not expect to have to pay for the roof over their head, their cellphones, their utilities, or their car insurance!! WTF?? I say, WTF???

Listen up and please quote me on this as I live and die! I SWEAR on the head of my firstborn that my children WILL know the value of a dollar, how to WORK for it, how to manage it, how to save it and how to invest it AND that they WILL have to support their lifestyles AND their life amenities when they leave my house!! Even if they are in college, they will have to get a good P/T job and their other job will be to make A's. PERIOD.

OK, I'm done with that ranting. I just think that yes, I still have learning to do in the financial investments, etc. arena and have that as one of my short-term life goals. My parents DID teach me more than I ever realized about getting a good deal, managing a business, and working hard for my money, but they didn't teach me enough about how to save it and how to invest it. They were just from a different era and a different financial background. I fault them not.

Also, I'm trying to really live simply. Financially, stuff-wise, and activity-wise. I don't get my nails done, I color my hair myself (I am also fortunate to have a hairdresser in the family, so she will be doing my once-a-year highlights and children's haircuts OR teaching me how to!), I don't buy clothes very often -really hardly ever, we don't eat out much, my children get most of their clothes from other people, one of our cars was purchased used (our other car is a company program car), we do 85% of our home repairs, we don't have a housekeeper (although I'd REALLY like that to change!), we've given up paper towels and napkins, and we buy just about everything we have used or get it free, and we don't do any extra activities right now for the children. (running about is just too much for the baby anyway!!) Our house is rather on the low end price for our area, and we really rather like it (we were actually approved to purchase a home twice as expensive!! Unbelievable, the loan practices then!!). We brew our own cappuccinos at home, we do our lawn care, we don't smoke, and we don't drink (just the occasional wine from our favorite cheap,but very good bottle at home). I try not to even run the lights during the day!! We are fortunate enough to have great, huge natural light windows, so it's just really not necessary...And while I don't really have time to add anything else such as a small garden, but believe me, when I can, I will!! I'm SO wanting a little herb garden and to grow just a few different kinds of veggies. Not a huge maintenance crop, just a ultra-small garden. I'm also clipping coupons, playing The Grocery Game , and budgeting & planning our meals as well. I'm working it man, I'm doing my best!! I even feel that my breastfeeding, while being VERY developmentally beneficial to the baby, is another financial savings!! Really! I tell my husband all the time, that I am worth AT LEAST $20 a can! :-)

Where we do splurge is on the rare pedicure for me, an occasional reward toy for the children (although recently, I've really gone to used, since they don't know the difference!) or the night out with friends for dinner (again RARE to be able to do!) Plus, we do go out to eat sometimes on Mondays or Tuesday (when kids eat free!), to get away from the evening grind.

Also, according to the CNN calculator, you should have less than 38% of your gross income spent on debt (house, car, loans) AND you should have life insurance for 10 years of your annual salary, if you have kids. WOW. I'm happy to say we definitely have that covered and I KNOW that we do.

I'm just wanting to get you thinking here. Where do most of your expenses go? What's the big picture of your family's finances? Are your bases really covered as much as you think they are??I thought the calculator was a great tool to get my head buzzing!!

Spring Clothing Archive

2009-04-19T22:07:00.003-05:00

I have talked about my mounting piles of children's clothing issues before (yes, there are SO many worse problems to have, right?) and how I end up completely emotionally and physically exhausted when the whole sorting process is done. You know, the tiny outfits they wore on a certain otherwise insignificant day, the dress they wore to the Zoo, the little hat that they always chose, but especially the little sleeper that you can hold up with your hands cupped under the arms while imagining they are THAT tiny again, and yet knowing that they will never, ever be that absolutely small and big-cheeked again. Ahhh....

Anyway, another season is upon us, and I can no longer ignore the girls's highwaters and too short dresses. Even their pajamas are RIDICULOUSLY too small!! I'm just going to have to call in reinforcements to help with the baby so that I can sort through all of the clothes and move out all the smallies. I mean, I have at least two bags sitting around for each child. One for "about to grow into", one for "outgrown, save for same gender", and a separate one for "outgrown, donate- not right gender" or "donate - I'm not having any more kids!" :-) It's crazy, all of the wonderful clothes that we've been given and I SO do appreciate them all, but I just can't believe all of the clothing management that's involved. Sometimes I feel like I own a resale shop with all of the sorting, organizing, assessing, and storing of clothes that goes on!

Awhile back, when I had to do some archiving, as I call it, I got really smart and measured Girl #1 and wrote down all of her measurements, with a little gingerbread type drawing of her body, in case I couldn't remember the specifics. That actually worked GREAT because I was then able to go through all of her clothes while she wasn't there, and know exactly if they fit or even how close to growing into the big clothes she was. This meant I didn't have to hear her complain when I kept holding them up to her (or wake her up trying to sneakily do this in her sleep!) and I didn't have to convince her to let that worn out, favorite dress go.... (SO hard and sad for me to do, and I have kept a few of the absolute favs in yet ANOTHER bag for her to get when she grows up.)

I am definitely going to get out the seamstress measuring tape again and do some measuring and jotting. They love measuring themselves anyway! My second inprovement to the process is to draw a lifesize outline of them, but WHERE/HOW do I find that size of paper??

Let's Be Honest

2009-04-06T23:01:00.005-05:00

Today I actually caught Oprah on the same day it aired, instead of a week later on my DVR. It was about being a mom and the honest truth of it all. So many things struck a chord with me, especially after the day I'd had. The kind of day where no one does as they're told or when they are told, no one sleeps like they're supposed to, there is screaming and crying and at least every hour, and moments where I turned my body to the corner and cried right along with them. Just too many of those moments where I thought "I'm not cut out to deal with this. This sucks. This is WAY more difficult than I think it should be!! This WILL pass, dammit!! Come on, MOVE ALONG already!!!" Then I'm riddled with the on slot of guilt. Guilt because I'm not enjoying this precious time in their babyhood, toddler hood, and childhood. I mean, like I can't enjoy the baby alone, because I'm making him wait whilst crying, while I take care of the others. And I can't enjoy the girls because I'm taking care of the baby! Jees! Just all these crazy feelings of guilt, feeling overwhelmed, exhaustion, a huge loss of self, craving adult interaction, the feeling that my husband TRULY has no idea what a J-O-B this is, and just the general flight sensation to go somewhere FAR, FAR, FAR away.

Then I remember, as a kid, my mom sometimes at the dinner table just being ZONED OUT. She was stressed about something and we weren't helping! I completely understand her now. Mother - THANK YOU and I'm so glad you let me live and live without being emotionally or physically scarred!! Right??

Anyway, the show said so many things that I've only slowly come to find as a common ground with other mothers in the last couple of years. Like we truly are wondering who is actually the better mother. Does she ACTUALLY keep it together like that all the time? I really don't think anyone does, personally...and I think there are lots of corners cut (or rather mother's magic) that we don't readily admit to using. Like I thought, until I had two kids, that we were supposed to bathe our kids every night. (I don't recall whether or not my mom did this, but I do remember getting my long hair washed at the kitchen sink while lying down on the counter though, so it must've not been an everyday thing.) I felt so guilty when I was unable to do the nightly bath because of the craziness of having two kids! I was ashamed!! Now I think, what the hell?

Now I'm lucky if they get a bath more than twice a week and a lot of the time, it's a "shower bath" with the hose shower head and sitting in an empty tub, or even just a "french shower" to get the most important parts. Hell, in the summer, if they have been at the pool, I consider that enough chlorine to kill anything! I mean, I also have been known to leave the t.v. on for 2 - 3 hours. Not often, but it has happened. Unlike my husband, I DO keep count of the shows, but Sesame Street and a couple Cliffords have been known to play back to back on occasion, while do whatever I want or need to do. Yep, I'll admit it. Today, I didn't have the t.v. on ALL and look what I got. A total destruction while I was cleaning up another room, and then THEIR clean-up was another huge PITA to get them to do it! It's ridiculous. T.V. DOES have a purpose, man.

Also on the show, there was a lot said about women losing their old life (and NO, it is true, you can never go back), friends, lifestyle, whatever, and having to find a new identity. I know you gain a new life and a wonderful one at that, but....I think if you are finding a new identity or at least accepting things about yourself, your sacrifices, and your finding your way back to your husband, you are also having to learn to love your new self as well. Somehow, you are supposed to love your new self immediately, love the baby, love the new clueless dad, know what to do to take care of everyone, AND all on about four hours of sleep a night. TOTAL craziness. Three words for you: LIVE NEAR FAMILY!!! or HAVE A NANNY!!!

It's all SO hard and yet, no one speaks of these things. We don't tell, lest no one else will reproduce and join the club!! Only after you are initiated , are you made aware of the exact details of the possibilities. I mean, I knew things changed and I knew having children was a VERY serious endeavour, but I did not I know that I'd have to choose between my children and my old friends or even my own "old" family? Hell, no. Those were not things that even crossed my mind.

And anyway, in a celebration of the show, I'd like to share a list. Perhaps you'd like to add to it in a comment and liberate yourself:

10 Honest-to-God Things that I Sometimes Do as a Mom.

1. Bathe my kids 1 - 2 times a week. (My hope is that as they get more independent, they'll be able to increase their odds of being more clean.)
2. Use my Ipod while in the car or grocery shopping, so I can have a moment of peace.
3. Read blogs while they are eating their breakfast...same room and I can listen for signs of choking, can't I?
4. Taken my screaming son and put him in his crib, so that I could clean up or make lunch without having to completely hear him.
5. Gone all day and realized I only went to the bathroom TWICE.
6. Eaten the last cookie, instead of saving it for the girls.
7. Watched the girls fight over something to see who's going to win.
8. Given them candy because I wanted some myself.
9. Convinced my two year old that she won't be able to ride her tricycle anymore if she doesn't act like a big girl and keep going in the potty.
10. Asked the girls questions about what Daddy does when Mommy isn't around. (I usually get a very detailed report).

About that Question

2009-04-04T22:53:00.004-05:00

As a follow-up to the post on asking your significant other to complete the question "I feel loved when you _____.", I recently asked my DH about our previous conversation.

It went like this:
"Remember when I asked you that question...I feel loved when__?" "Well, why didn't you ask me that question back?"

And you know what he said?

"I don't know...I guess I figured I knew the answers already."

Simple. Easy. Duh. Makes sense. Why didn't I think of that. Sometimes I let my imagination run a little freely. :-) Plus, I still do wonder if men are as simple as they make themselves out to be....Humm. (Not simple-minded, just simple emotionally, mind you.)

I then followed-up with "Well, maybe you'd be surprised or you might not know the details exactly."

Of course I'd already made my mental list, because well, it seems that I never let my mind rest AND I can't seem to keep things contained! I was prepared to spill. I had the home court advantage, so to speak. It was my question after all and I was ready to be specific...but not too much blah blah blah, or I'd lose him. I knew the drill.

To tell you the truth, if I hadn't gotten to think about this question and just been asked on the fly, I might have started answering with things that actually made me HAPPY. True, some of my answers would've included definite love-type things, but not all.....however, I'd already put a considerable amount of thought into this. I had my replies prepared.

Basically, here it is. I feel loved when I feel like we are a team. When he sees I'm struggling and goes to bat for me. When there are "my job" type of things that I can't possibly get done and without asking, he does them for me. I also feel loved when he stands up for me, brags about me, or especially like when I was pregnant and he would protect me. I feel loved when I see him playing with the children and he looks over at me and knowingly smiles over something they are saying or doing. I guess it's something shared...that we understand with each other...without talking about it.

That's what I told him. We'll see if/what he does with that information....

Love Question

2009-03-30T18:35:00.004-05:00

I saw a post somewhere (Sorry, I can't remember where) that said this.

Ask your spouse to finish this sentence: "I feel loved when you _____."

I asked my husband this (thinking I already knew his answer and it wouldn't be G-rated :-) and he surprised me. He finished it with "When you do little things for me that show me you care about me....like when you let me sleep in the other weekend. That was nice. Or when you buy me a candy bar when you're out."....then he added "Well, when you initiate s*x...that's cool too.!" I was like "What?? Initiating makes you feel loved?? Men are weird, but note taken..." Heh. I would've pegged the second answer, but not that specifically. Funny.

I then thought about it later and remembered that he didn't return the question to me. What does that mean?? Was he just too deep in thought to think about what my version of feeling love is? Does he NOT care??? WTH?? Humm.... I will have to bring that up to him.

Anyway, I challenge you to ask your spouse that question and see what he says. Will it be what you think it will be? Then go back a day later and ask him again and see if he comes up with something else....

I'm curious!

Lowering My Utility Bills - Part I

2009-03-30T14:49:00.003-05:00

I was reading a post by Get Rich Slowly about WhiteFence - a free online service that searches for prices among local home service companies, as well as helps transfer your services for a move to a new location. I did a quick search, using our home address, and while I didn't find much regarding our gas companies (Texas is still regulated, so we only have one choice at the moment), I did get a nice list of pricing and incentives for electrical supply companies. I'd forgotten all the choices that we now have and was surprised to see all of the cash back programs, free airline tickets etc. It also made me pull out our last three electrical bills and put on my analyst hat.

We are on a balanced billing with TXU and so I really haven't been paying that much attention to the bills, except to see how much the bill would've been without the balanced billing. With things being tight and the economy the way it is, I am really taking a fine tooth comb to our household budget (and enjoying it!!) and seeing exactly WHERE all of our money is going and how we can minimize our bills. I LOVE taking our bills down any way I can and really like it when I get our payee list down in size. We now have nine bills + 1 credit card and our small Netflix bill. I'm curious, how many do you guys have??

This time when I looked at the bill, I really looked at the kWt usage, the price per kWt, and the breakdown of charges. With their new billing system, the itemization was worded differently and prices on items didn't match previous bills, so I gave them a call. While I DREAD calling companies to talk about my account because I KNOW I will be on the line WAY longer than I can sanely stand, I know it will usually benefit us in some way. I had some major questions, such as why we were being charged $80+ dollars the last two months for an "energy charge adjustment", why we had a dramatic change in usage before the billing system change and a couple of other questions spurred on by the conversation that ensued.

I ended up asking to speak with a manager, because the representative I spoke with was SO vague and kept saying that I would receive a letter soon explaining it all. Well,...I didn't want to wait for a LETTER, that's why I was calling them!! Plus, I just got the feeling that I wasn't getting correct answers. 84 ridiculous minutes later, I had an explanation for everything from a service manager, whose answers were COMPLETELY different from the service rep's, btw, and she said she was going escalate the issue and get the employee trained on the correct information. Goes to show you to ASK for someone in charge, even at the risk of offending the person you are talking to. Plus, remember the name of all the people you talk to!

If you are a TXU customer, you might be interested to know that the "energy charge adjustment" is for the delivery and usage of the electricity....AND it was previously represented on your bill as a "fuel cost adjustment". I was totally thrown off by that. Plus, they put a paragraph or two on the bills that are quite informative! A couple of our bills from last year used "estimated reading", meaning they didn't even get a reading from our address and used weather and past usage to estimate our usage. What the hell???

I remember my mom reading our meters when I was little, because she would challenge the companies on their reading accuracy. I am thinking that I am going to try doing this...especially after I read that they don't even GET the readings and it doesn't hurt that I am looking for challenges/project/experiments around the home that might make domesticity more interesting! :-)

Anyway, I saw on the WhiteFence website that TXU offers the lowest kWt rate plan available and so I inquired about it. It is based on natural gas consumption to produce power, not coal, so the price is variable (we have a variable rate now anyway) and natural gas is really low right now. I did a little bit of research (and by no means am I an expert) but saw that natural gas prices have been dropping continuously, so I decided to go with this month-to-month plan. If natural gas goes up considerably higher, I can always call them and change back to our freedom plan, which was at about 16 cents/kWt, versus the 9.9 cents/kWt BusinessEdge TXU plan, with NG prices at around 4.02 BTU. I also like that we get 2% back every January for being in the TXU loyalty plan...that's a nice couple of dinners out. Alternatively, I can go back to the WhiteFence website and go with one of the lower priced plans from another provider. Who knows, I may even get a gift card to switch!!

Anyway, I'm excited and curious to see the dramatic savings in our electricity plan. I may EVEN call them again and get out of the balanced billing, since I believe we have a huge credit and with the additional potential savings we'll have, I might like to have that immediate gratification. (I found out that credits back from the balanced billing can not exceed 40% of your bill.)

Stay tuned for a follow-up post on our electric bill. We should see the savings at the beginning of the May bill.

As for our other bills....I am working on lowering our cable & Internet bill. I've already lowered it initially by 40% a month, by switching from Comcast to the same services with AT&T (referral code GE1419360!!), plus we received a $250 bonus for switching! How great is that?? Plus, we are very happy with the service. I digress. MORE on that utility bill in a later post!

Anyway, I will be posting more on my adventures in lowering our house bills, as well as any other bills I can think of. Besides our grocery bills, (which I've already lowered with the help of coupons, e-coupons, sales, and clearances), utility bills are the next thing that I can feasibly reduce rather quickly.

Plastic EVERYWHERE!!

2009-03-24T10:20:00.012-05:00

In the mood of spring cleaning, we recently had our A/C vents cleaned out and our carpets steam cleaned (both in pretty bad shape). We haven't had our new carpet cleaned in over two years, and with a baby to be crawling around this year, I thought it was time. (BTW, I like STEAM cleaning for carpets, not shampooing, since our carpet guy said shampoo leaves a slightly soapy residue and collects more dirt.) We've lived in our house for eight years and never had the vents cleaned, so when we got our tax refund, we had already ear-marked a small portion of it for just that job, knowing full well it BADLY needed to be done. Terrible home-owners, I know!

Anyway, the whole ordeal was so much more stressful this time around! Of course, last time, I was only pregnant and had a two year old, so EVERYTHING was much easier! Heh. This time, not only was the non-heavy furniture moved around, but with the addition of the vents being cleaned, there was plastic everywhere, and gunk on top of it. Note: If you can have your children stay at a friend or relative's house, or a responsible person over 18 stay at your house for you (and you are confident in their supervision skills), then I recommend that as the first line of action. If not, here are some tips from my lesson learned.

(We had 13 vents and the carpet of 3 rooms, a hall, and stairs cleaned and it took about 3 hours. They, of course, tried to sell me on more services once they were here, but I kept it at what we originally budgeted.)

* Look for a coupon, of course. I found mine online, or you can look in your local mailers for more comparison. There also might be price-matching, so inquire about that as well.
* Carpet takes FOUR hours to fully dry. If you have little nappers in your house, schedule for the late morning, that way you have a lunch in between and a nap to take up some of the drying time.
* Have them clean the vents in your kitchen later in the process, so that you don't have to deal with that before your lunch. (I also recommend eating outside, if possible.) Also, ask that the vents over tiled rooms be cleaned first, that way you can clean up those areas first, while the carpet drying occurs in the other rooms.
* If you have a whole lot of time on your hands, dust the house first. Everything will be SO clean and to have dust fall onto the clean carpet is just plain wrong!
* Don't change your intake air filters too close to the visit. They should replace them, and that would be a waste!
* When you schedule your vent cleaning appointment, ask about the thickness of the drop-cloths. If they aren't sure, have some old sheets handy to use instead or you can buy plastic drop-cloths at your local hardware, if you don't have enough to place under each of the vents in your house. The plastic drop-cloths Blackmon Mooring used were terrible. They were very flimsy and just floated up in the air at the slightest breeze, making all of the crap go everywhere. VERY annoying and keeping the children away from the very interesting, dangerous, and aggravating plastic was not easy!
* If you have any ceiling fans, clean them the day before. You don't want to do this after the fact, since your carpets are all nice and clean. Yay! The ceiling fans WILL get cleaned for once!
* Of course, get all of the toys and miscellaneous stuff off the carpet the evening before. This is another opportunity for your little ones to practice their "Clean Up" skills. If you have anything that you don't want affected at all, that happens to be near a vent, then MOVE IT. Don't take any chances. I found the dirt and debris from the cleaning seemed to float about a little bit and I am SUPER paranoid about the baby things. (Your good drop cloths should help with this as well.)
* Keep your pets and family members away from the vent areas when they are being cleaned. There is just no way all of the crud from the vents can be contained, and breathing it while it's so concentrated just isn't good.
* Get cash ahead of time, if you don't already have some. If you don't plan on tipping, then at least have some in the chance the guy will throw in some extra stuff under the table, when cleaning the carpets. I'm sorry, but they ALL do this, and I leave that up to your conscience to decide...:-)
* Make sure that you see them messing with EVERY vent and every intake. I've heard of some people using smaller companies and the guys being lazy and just not cleaning them all. I didn't see this with Blackmon, thankfully.
* Contain your children to one area of the house with a gate if you can. (We are gate FREAKS in our house! The more containment, the better!) There are ladders and a wide open front door during the process - need I say more??
* Stick to your original budget, even if they tell you that you really need to have something else done. If it's really critical, as they say, then call someone you know who is knowledgeable about home maintenance, or look online, to get a second opinion. Then bargain or ask them if there is a compromise or work around in how it can be done. Tell them the price that you budgeted for!!
* Finally, check EVERYTHING before you sign the papers at the end. You are basically saying that you are happy with everything and agree to pay. Plus, having them coming back would be another hassle, right?

I'm so glad we don't have to have this done very often, but I DO LOVE the cleanliness and the fresh smell!! It's like we moved into a new house almost and so MUCH cheaper!

==================================================================

You might find this article on vent and duct cleaning helpful.

Keep the Long Distance, Not the Long Bill

2009-03-20T12:34:00.017-05:00

Let me first say that I am not affiliated with Ooma and do not work for them!! I just found a major money-saving product that I love, and think others should know about it as well, to have the opportunity to SAVE MONEY!!

The Problem:
When my husband’s employer announced they would be cutting costs by taking away the company paid cell phones, I knew I’d have to find a way to keep our new phone bills under control. Years earlier, we had cut out our landline and went to only two cell phones (one being the company phone), in order to take away that extra landline bill. At the time, I had planned to just increase my minutes and use my cell phone on the weekends and nights to call my out-of-town family members and friends.

That worked for awhile, until this last employer cost-cutting measure. I just couldn’t see increasing our cell phone bill for more minutes while obligating ourselves to another contract, AND having a bigger bill on top of that. Our bill for just one cell phone was already close to $80.00 a month, and sometimes more if we went over on our minutes. I also thought that we needed a home phone, since often my cell phone wasn’t nearby or even charged in some cases. My worst fear was that I’d need to dial out in an emergency and the cell phone would not be accessible.

I did a lot of research looking into Voice Over IP providers, such as Skype and Vonage, since I needed the long distance feature and didn’t like the phone service features and costs involved with traditional analog phone companies. Neither Vonage nor Skype provided the ability to call 911 and having to always have my computer on seemed cumbersome. Plus, I didn’t really need international calling included and having my long distance recipients required to have the software installed was next to impossible in my family! I especially didn’t like that we wouldn’t have 911 emergency services with those providers. Then I came across a blog that had raving comments about the Ooma system.

The Solution:
Ooma is a Voice Over IP device designed to hook up to your high speed modem, allowing you to call using a regular old “house phone” and it does not require the recipients of your call to be subscribers either. You purchase the DEVICE, not a service, and that is your only cost. That’s it. No monthly fees, unless you desire to purchase the Ooma Premier services, which include international minutes, among many other features.

*Note that the Ooma system is intended for residential use only and is limited to 3,000 minutes a month, per their website. 3,000 minutes is plenty of minutes in our household.

Now I don’t buy ANYTHING without researching it to the fullest first, even to a fault sometimes. I like to have lots of time before making a major purchase. I read about the company, the CEO, the specifics of the setup and what all would be provided to me. I even looked for deals and coupons online for the system; however, I wasn’t able to find much.

Here are just some of the reasons I am SO happy with my purchase made four months ago:

- I have free long distance within the United States, anytime, any day of the week.My phone cost average is $17.00 a month for the first year that I use it. ZERO thereafter. Yes, ZERO.
- I have voicemail, call-waiting, caller-id, and 9-1-1 calling, and a CRYSTAL CLEAR line for no additional fees. I can even listen to my voicemail online or have the voice messages sent to my cell phone or email account. How cool is that??
- I OWN the phone number. If we move, I don’t have to set up any installation or deposits with a phone company, and our number stays the same.
- My phone number has the same area code that I live in, so that my local contacts don’t incur long distance charges when calling me.

The Purchase and Set up:
I received my Ooma about five days after ordering it on Amazon.com, and had it set up completely in about 20 minutes total. It was SO easy, even a beginner non-technical person could do it. I hooked the hub up to the modem, which is in a room that does not have a phone jack. There are several ways you can hook up the system, but I liked plugging it directly into the modem since this doesn’t require having a computer turned on all the time. I then plugged a cordless phone into the Ooma hub only and placed an additional cordless phone, plugged into an electrical outlet, at the other end of our house, so I didn’t even need to use a phone jack at all!! Amazing, really!! Note: If you don’t have a dual cordless phone system and need to plug in an additional phone in a phone jack in another room, you will need to have the Ooma hub, modem and a phone jack all in one room to be able hook up an additional corded phone to a phone jack (via an Ooma scout which is included in the box) in another room.

The Cost-Savings:
As far as pricing, I found the best deal on the Ooma system at Amazon for $199 with free shipping. (If you are earning SwagBuck points, you can even get it cheaper by cashing in your Amazon gift certificates.) Now if you take that $199.00 cost and divide it by 12 months, it comes out to about $17.00 a month for the first year (versus $28.00 for my old landline cost with only call-waiting and no long distance charges). That’s at LEAST $132.00 saved in the first year and $336.00 in the next year!!

In addition to these savings, I reduced our cell phone minutes and existing plan to the minimum at $39.99 a month (400 peak time minutes + rollover minutes). Also, instead of locking ourselves into an additional cell phone contract, we spent $20.00 for a prepaid TracFone and 90 days of minutes and services. This cell phone is for me to use in emergencies while out of the house or in the case of a power outage at home. (TracFone, by the way, was the only pre-paid cell phone provider I could find that had rollover minutes.) That makes our total phone costs, per month, for this year $78.00 ($50.00 + $17.00 + $11.00), with taxes and everything. I do expect this cost to be even less once we move both of our cell phones to a prepaid plan, and the first year of using the Ooma is completed.

My Final Thoughts:
Our friends and family tell us that our phone calls are very clear. We are currently using a cable internet connection and are online all the time. We watch movies or just surf the internet while someone is often on the phone and haven’t seen any degradation in the quality of the phone line. I just couldn’t be happier with our Ooma system and am SO happy that I’m not paying cell phone providers, the cable company, or our local phone companies inflated prices to make phone calls!!!

****3/22/09 Update: FCC requires all VOIP to have 911 capability, even if it is routed to the national 911 operators and you have to provide them with the information (911 type of service depends on your area). Ooma 911 specifics can be read in the purchase agreement on their website. I do know that we did not have to do anything specific to get 911 activation or have our phone linked to our address. Please read the fine print of the VOIP you are considering. I just want everyone to know that 911 capabilities is something you should consider.
=======================================================================
Ooma FAQ: Read here to find the answers to all of your Ooma questions.

Free Reads

2009-03-19T15:43:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to share that I figured out that our local library system online has digital media that I can download and listen to for free. How COOL is that??

I just use my library card to log on, search through the MP3 audios and download the books that are available. I am going to TRY to see if I can listen to them on my Ipod knock off while around the house or in the car...

This is a great resource for my husband and I to "read" books in our little bookclub between us that we've created. He likes to listen to podcasts on his way to work, so now he'll be able to listen to our books too! Yeah!

I'm Busy

2009-03-17T15:22:00.007-05:00

Well, a lot has changed since my last post. I'm a LOT lighter and one child heavier - a beautiful boy, 8 pounds, 8 ounces and 20 inches long. Life is sometimes a perfect 10 and then sometimes there are moments (luckily only MOMENTS, and DO remind myself of this often!)of low "ones". The moments of TEN are when the baby is smiling at me, laughing, playing with me or just staring at me like I am a god. And I know that he won't look at me like that for long! Like I LOVE how he wakes up in the morning, after feeding, and just GRINS at me. SO, so adorable - the BEST medicine! Also, when the girls are playing nicely together or entertaining themselves or have successfully gone "potty" for hours - all by themselves. Or on the flip end of that, the baby is asleep and I'm getting some playtime with the girls and enjoying conversation with them. Like today, I gathered all three of them in my lap and we all hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed, saying "I love you, I love you, I love you", then it was all abruptly interrupted when baby 1 said "Stop!!! I have a wedgie!" It was SO funny. Then daughter 2 repeated what her older sister said. It was all just too funny.

The "one" moments are just about anytime the baby is screaming his head off (and SCREAMING is not exactly the right word...) and I've got something else I have to do...like in the car (pretty much guaranteed!), doing laundry, checking my email, or while I'm changing a pull-up. Seems he always sees and goes for just the perfect opportunity to wail! Heh.

Either way, it's pretty crazy around here. There is always some chore to do, a learning lesson I didn't get to teach (thank GOD for Sesame Street!), somewhere I can't take them, a house project not yet completed, or sleep to be had.

My point is that may people will tell you, "Enjoy this time - it goes by so fast" and they are SO right, but what they don't tell you is how to do it and balance it all. That YOU have to make the best of it, even if it's only in little increments. Sometimes you have to just settle for the small things and keeping it simple! It's up to you to listen to what the children say when they are playing and do something about it. Like when I got them all in my lap this morning, it was prompted by overhearing my baby # 2 playing with her dolls and the dialogue between the two dolls went something like this: (insert high pitched playing voice)

"I want you"
"I'm busy, I'm doing the dishes."

I know, sad right?? It's these little things that slap you in the face sometimes. We don't sit around making Halmark moments in our family everyday, trust me, but damn if I heard that and thought..."Hum...I was just doing the dishes. She did come to me fussing...did she SAY she wanted me? Wow, I really wasn't hearing her message", all the while feeling GUILTY as hell. YES, the dishes were sorely needing to be done, but dang. Are they worth making her feel badly? Yes, patience is something to be learned...sometimes them more than me! That's when I had to get her in my lap and try to make her feel the love I truely DO feel for her, even if I can't always show it.

I've come to the conclusion, that YES, I COULD do it all, but it's just not in my budget right now to have a hired staff on hand and it probably never will be. I've got a lot of balls up in the air, but I have to keep my sense of humor, scale down my list, say NO to more, and take time for myself in between. Planning, relaxing, making time and enjoying it with my husband, getting rid of the excess (physical clutter and brain clutter)and occasionally hiring a babysitter definitely helps ME. Watching the words I say to myself (the labels mostly), out loud or in my head! Keeping MY PERCEPTION in check is what keeps things happy or jaded, and I CAN control my perception. Mostly........right??? RIGHT??

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2008-10-11T15:07:00.006-05:00

Recently, I got the "opportunity" to subject my parenting skills (or lack there of) to the critical eye of a family member who is slightly outspoken and very "old school".

Now I've recently decided that adopting a new rule of not speaking about discipline strategies or philosophies to family members works pretty well. It's kind of like avoiding politics or religion for me. I mean, I do speak of such with friends, but family - NO WAY. We have blood at stake and I KNOW we most likely won't see eye to eye.

Anyway, as moms, I think most us work VERY hard at being better people because that is what makes us better moms. We stretch our patience (sometimes to a fault or ending detriment), we look inside ourselves and start asking WHY we do the things we do, how can we prevent this or that behavior from ourselves, and especially, spend countless hours lying awake in bed thinking about our own childhoods and our mother's actions. Sometimes with understanding, sometimes with blame. We go over an issue we had with our child in our heads over and over and analyze what happened, what he/she was thinking, what we could've done or said differently. I'm sure I'm not the only who does this.

So when someone is watching us and critiquing us (out loud or not - you know the feeling - like a hunted deer), we just can't help but feel the weight of responsibility, fear, and judgement. Perhaps it is because we care so much about our jobs and the little people whose lives are forever affected that we are so sensitive to outside views... ANYWAY, I think we all have the defense of telling ourselves that we don't care, but we simply just do. We can't help it.

To get back to what I was saying, I SWORE I wouldn't speak of discipline with this family member, but you know what? She's outspoken and I'd had enough of the little comments about my children getting away with things (WRONG, btw), and MOSTLY, I'm an adult now and I WILL be seen and HEARD, damn it. So, I told her my basic (and expanding, growing) philosophy on children. In a nutshell, it is this:

1. I think every day about who I want them to become 10 and 20 years from now. I am raising PEOPLE, not children. I want to strategize, not deal with just the day to day.

2. Most of all importance, I want them to have an extremely strong sense of self and be self confident (but not cocky). I don't want them to ever feel like a burden or to feel like their opinion doesn't matter. I want them to stand up for themselves and know that NO, adults aren't always right (this last diddy will come to light more as they grow older). They may not call all of the shots, they will not always get their way, but they will have choices in the right situations and although their opinion will not always influence, it will be heard. They do NOT have to lie down, go with the flow, and sacrifice themselves to please others.

3. I don't spank as a first form of discipline/action. I change my voice (yes, sometimes I yell, unfortunately ;-(), I give time-outs, I let it play out with a natural consequence and warn them of the coming doom. I make them speak again, respectfully. I evaluate the situation and try to decide if it's worth even doing anything about at all! I try to talk to them to tell them the other person's feelings and how they would feel. And then, sometimes, SOMETIMES I spank. I just do. I try to never spank without thinking - that is just bad and NOTHING good comes of it. I don't like it and I don't do it in full blown anger EVER, but well, sometimes all of the other things just don't seem to be affective. And Lord knows, I try.

4. My children exercise manners and I suspect, as they get older, they will do much more so and without as much reminding. I think manners and respect are lacking in a lot of people today, so I put this as one of the tops of my list. (This was another thing that my family member kept reminding my children of and it was actually bothering me, because they DO have good manners and use them frequently AND without being told. They ARE 2 & 4, btw.)

5. Learn, learn, learn. Even the best teachers, philosophers, scientists and religious leaders still have things to learn. Living life without looking for opportunities to learn and improve your knowledge, skills, or person, is not living. What is the point??

There are many others, but these are at the highlights for me. Well, my point was that my family member blatantly said that my children tell me NO and get away with it. (Yes, I was pissed at her WRONG opinion as I think she's WRONG about almost everything to do with children and will NEVER allow my children to be alone with her, btw.) Now, I wasn't sure what she meant by "get away with it", until she stated that her children (grown now, but five of them all a year apart and all screwed up in some form or fashion) didn't tell her no, and if they did, they got slapped!!

I just sternly told her "NO, they do NOT get away with it. They get corrected, don't get their way, or they get put in time-out." Inside my head I was screaming and BOILING that she would imply that my children are brats. How DARE she!?! And to basically tell me that I am not doing a good job. She obviously has not been around truly bratty children. MANY people compliment me on my children's behavior and damn it, I don't need to explain myself to this woman!!!

So this whole exchange got me to thinking about RESPECT in a parent/child relationship and exactly how it is gained or exercised. And obedience, as well. Obviously, this woman was raised in a very domineering matriarchal family and was just handing down the tradition of children should be seen and not heard kind of thing. Kind of sad, when I think about it, as she didn't take the opportunity to grow from motherhood, learn, seek out other ways of doing things, try to give her children something she didn't have. Just did what the monkey before her did and since she did it, it was right. Sad for her children too.

I wonder all of the time if respect is just easier to be gained by being the boss - what I say goes, or is respect out of fear really, truly respect at all? I know consistency plays a huge part, as well as being reasonable and patient, but does respect take longer to grow and is it possibly a deeper and broader level of respect when cultivated in the more layered approach?

Compliance and quick obedience are easiest to deal with out of children and I could totally see the attraction of parenting with an iron fist, but then I also remember some of that from my own childhood and damn if I ain't still affected by it.

I refuse to use this as my parenting mantra and it's MY prerogative to do so.

Want a Drag?

2008-10-04T09:13:00.006-05:00

My husband and I were celebrating our dating anniversary last night (18 years, thank you! :-) and were walking around a local shopping mall taking in the sights. Brilliant colors appeared in my vision and the many patterns and sweet smells of candy beckoned me into the candy store that I always visited as a child. (Did I mention I have an extreme weakness for sweets??)

Well, it was neat looking around and remembering all of the candies I enjoyed as a kid, including some that were more for novelty than for taste. For instance, those little wax coke bottles with the weird syrup inside, rock candy, Pez candy, etc.

And what did I see but a whole shelf of candy cigarettes!!! I've seen these in remote convenience stores, but I was surprised to see a whole array of them here. I laughed and then got a very wicked idea.

What if I bought some and passed them out to all of the kids at my next playgroup??! Can you imagine?? My kids puffing away on them and then myself handing them out? "Here ya go, little guy! Enjoy!"

Hilarious!!We laughed and laughed at that scenario and the reactions I'd get from the moms and how I'd be blackballed, being so non-PC, and all!! LOL.

We even had a good laugh again later at the mention of it!

I am blue

2008-09-29T16:28:00.003-05:00

I found a pre-school reading program online today that happens to be RIGHT around the corner from my house. After much thinking about how I really don't have the time to dedicate to teaching the materials myself, AND how baby #2 responds better to other teachers than me, (i.e. She thinks she's the teacher during piano lessons and that she knows how to play the piano...until I point out, "No, Honey. You know how to press the keys!"), other students in a classroom, etc., I decided to sign her up. She is SO into writing "words" and desparately wants to read, so she shouldn't be held back on account of MY time and energy.

I signed up for a slot that is undesirable, due to the time, and low and behold, she started today with only two other little girls in her class. The other parents in the waiting room told me they've put their other kids through the program with much happiness and success, so I am stoked. Plus, at four, it is OK to leave her there for the hour, while I run errands....majorly COOL.

For financial logistics, I'll state that I also decided to do this because I didn't sign her up for dance class this semester and will not do so until the Spring, when there is a concert and shorter class duration. Plus, this class is cheaper overall than dance lessons, at only $14 an hour. I think it will give her a tremendous boost in taking initiative and the empowerment in knowing that she can learn to read. (The program is based on sight-reading at first.)

Anyway, today we went over what she learned and she read the three words "I am blue" to me. I was SHOCKED...not because I didn't think she could do it, but because I was trying to teach her "I" before and she just didn't seem to get it, or most likely, to care! :-)

I have to beam in pride here folks. I was SO extremely happy for her and SO proud of her that I got a tear running down my cheek. My baby is old enough to READ and my OTHER baby is turning two in a week. Wow. How has this happened!?!

Well, baby #1 was just beaming in pride, happiness and joy that she was reading KINDERGARDEN words. She was just so in love with the process and the accomplishment and having her mom so proud of her.

Now I sit and wait until Dad comes home for her to share with him!!! Yeah!!!

Sit and Wait Game

2008-09-19T17:54:00.005-05:00

Hurricane Ike came and went a week ago, and my family and I are still evacuated. A FULL week has gone by and our house and 1.2 million other homes in Houston still do not have power restored.

While I am appreciative to have somewhere to go to that has electricity, water, etc. I do have to say that today I am having an extreme low. Our family, which includes a young 4 and almost 2 year old, as well as a 6 1/2 month old fetus in my stomach, is plopped into the middle of NOWHERE. We are located where the nearest thing for entertainment is a Walmart about 20 miles away. No movie houses, no grocery store, no park, no NOTHING. Just a local little place that has fried catfish on the weekends. The house we are staying in is consumed with tons of off-limits items for the children (I mean FLOOR to CEILING) and we are all sleeping in one room. I don't know about you, but anytime I take my children anywhere, they never sleep right and wake us up at all hours of the night. I will avoid traveling overnight at any and all costs. Today, my day started at five a.m. and after a brief - VERY BRIEF - nap this morning, baby #2 is now refusing a late afternoon nap. I'm telling you, today it doesn't feel like it could get any worse. I'm miserable and I want to GO HOME!!!

I've been checking online (slow connection, but at least there is that, right??) and the restored power numbers for our neighborhood haven't changed ALL DAY, after we expected to have our zip code to receive power by the end of today. In all grim aspects, it looks like we may be looking at restoration AFTER MONDAY.

I guess the trees that we have in our area are just laying on every power line there is and the power company doesn't have enough people clearing them.

I could and should go on about how thankful I am to not have sustained damage to our house, no trees down, (just the fence), how no one I know is hurt, the cooler than usual temperatures, etc. etc. But you know what??? Today, I feel like complaining. I've had it and my patience is at an end and I have nowhere to go to find more.

So there you have it. A complainy, whiny, depressed post. Maybe when I recover the area photos from my husband, I'll get them up....

In the meantime, I'm going to sit my piss stew.

Surrounded but Alone

2008-08-29T15:36:00.005-05:00

I'm usually a person who is happy to spend DAYS in my house, then I get a little stir crazy and have to get out for a little while. This and having young children has led to a VERY small social circle for myself. I don't really mind so much...for one, I qualify my friendships, not quantify, and thus tend to have close relationships that last a long time. On the other hand, I DO mind and it sometimes does bother me. While I really cherish my relationships, I often find myself having lunch at little restaurants, alone with my children, jealously watching other moms grouped together with their children, just enjoying each other's company. I always thought that once I quit working, I'd be socializing and enjoying the casual afternoons with other moms & kids, but well, this just doesn't happen very often and I'm pondering why, AND is this something I could easily do or really WANT to do. How much space is enough for me and could I have my cake and eat it too??

I don't prefer large groups, in fact, I really don't like them - unless I am on stage, performing to them!! :-) Really, I do. I'm a weird introvert in that way! I especially don't enjoy groups where more than half of the group is children. No offense, but it is usually loud and chaotic and I've come to realize that I need to avoid chaos at all costs - it's just not good for me or my children. I am part of a mom's group, which is awesome, but it is more focused on the mom, which is just FINE with me. About a year ago, I did join a playgroup and it was good at first, then I started seeing that I just didn't agree with the morals or well, "cattiness" of the leaders of the group, and my children were not matched by gender, so it was harder for them to make friends. Jees - women can be complicated, right??! I also feel that when there are playgroups with more than 4 or 5 moms, (adding about 2 - 3 kids for each mom) there is just too much going on and the moms can't really socialize anyway. I'm sure I'm not the only mom who is annoyed by the inability to talk due to interruptions and constantly supervising the kids and/or their safety. It just comes with the territory.

So..now I suppose I will try to get together with moms individually for playgroups, or only a couple of moms together at once. I think this is just the way to go for me. Hell, I don't know. I also know that I am LAZY when it comes to maintaining relationships and having BLARING heat outside and a long list of to-dos just adds to my laziness all together.

I guess I am just astounded by the loneliness motherhood holds. Perhaps if you live in a neighborhood full of young families (which we don't), are part of an active church (which we're not), or have lots of family in your city (which, again, we DON'T damnit!), then it isn't really so bad. Otherwise....you sit at home and chat to your online friends.

Tell me friends, what has been your loneliness experience in motherhood, or has it not been that bad for you?? I'd love to know and hear any socializing advice that you have to share.