Sanyata, Prinsesang Labandera

2007-02-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

To commemorate my 100th post, I will temporarily say goodbye - until further notice - to prinsesang labandera. Tsokolate na ang trip ko ngayon. Sa iba na muna kayo magpalaba. Nagsawa na kasi ako sa bubbles. Oo, alam ko, weird na inanounce ko ang pag-alis ko, pero ganun ako e. Haha.

http://chocolateferrari.blogspot.com/

99th post

2007-02-16T14:10:00.000+08:00

Ironic. Kung kailan ako nagsawa sa blog na to, saka pa malapit magkaroon ng commemorative date.

At isang pang April Fools Day na kwento - nagkagalit kami ng housemate ko dahil akala niya hindi ko siya kinakausap at akala ko naman hindi niya ko kinakausap. Pareho naming inisip na mababaw ang isa't isa. O diba? Nakakahiya ang kwento, lalo pa't kung iisipin mo na Communication students kami. Needless to say, bati na kami ngayon.

Kailangan nang magkalas ng booth mamaya. Eto ang isa sa mga panahong iniisip ko na dapat may boyfriend ako na matangkad, may kotse, at willing utusan. Kahit for one day lang.

Ang daming bumisita nitong linggong ito - Hilda, Shamdja, Madz, Jay. Mamaya si Elay, Apeng, at Jesy. Ayos.

Nakita ko na si Ebe. Sa wakas.

2007-02-10T00:12:00.000+08:00

Mean girl complex: The inexplicable need to be 'mean' and to assert power over others by means of mockery, subtle but malicious jokes, and threats of severing the 'friendship.'

Alipores complex: The inexplicable need to get on the good side of the mean girl due to fear that she and the gang will turn on you if you don't join in the 'fun.'

I know, I know. This is all freaking juvenile, so high school. I, too, thought that I had left this kind of mentality behind me when I left for college. Apparently not. I was too intricately woven in the whole mean girl system that I've only realize now (that I've been dismissed) how I've participated in something I abhor.

Anyway, at least I know now. Really, I do have rotten judgement. My fault is being trusting.

2007-02-04T21:36:00.000+08:00

The temperature here in LB is really getting to me. It is a bit paralyzing. Especially this weekend, when we were in Puypuy for my playwriting class workshop. Weird, it was just in Laguna, but somehow I felt it was so "probinsyang-probinsya". To which Jas replied: Tanggapin mo na, sa probinsya ka talaga nag-aaral. The mountain view was spectacular and inspiring.

Aside from the teeth-chattering weather, the workshop was a great learning experience. And I got to meet really great playwrights who were so kind to us - considering the quality of the plays our class wrote. I thought that I would regret coming, but I was wrong. It would be a total loss if I hadn't attended.

We didn't get to sleep though. My mind is so toxic. I want to lie in my bed, covered by my apple-green comforter, and sleep for 12 hours. I am that tired.

During one of the breaks in the workshop, someone sang "Insensitive". All the girls joined in. Haha, tells you about our bitter state of minds.

And I therefore conclude after the workshop that straight men are an endangered species. We have got to do something about it. Add that to the fact that about 65% of the straight men are jerks and chauvinists. Thank God for the remaining 35%.

Got my puppy from mam amy already. I originally planned to name it "Karenin" if it's a girl (from the dog in Unbearable Lightness of Being by Kundera), and "Kafka" if it's a boy (not meaning any disrespect for Franz Kafka, I just like the way it sounds). It is a boy. But he's so sad and he looks depressed that I am seriously considering calling him "Van Gogh".

2007-01-27T12:15:00.000+08:00

Ingredients for the perfect afternoon:

1. Gloomy and rainy but not stormy weather. Not too cold to need a jacket but cool enough not to use an electric fan.

2. Norah Jones playing in the background.

3. A cup of coffee. Mine was flavored Hazelnut.

4. Murakami's "Kafka on the Shore". Somehow Murakami's perfect for rainy days - brooding yet reflective.

Perfect days do not come as a gift, a wonderful package. What is given, I think, is just the potential to be 'perfect'. The rest is up to us. One must seize the opportunity to create the most fulfilling and satisfying moments.

The only thing that mar the afternoon is the fact that I shouldn't be reading at all. I should be sitting in front of the computer, finishing my manuscript.

I wasn't able to continue writing my manuscript until after I finshed "Kafka on the Shore". I don't quite know what to make of it. It's one of those books that you just have to finish yet I am hesitant to declare it as brilliant.

Also finished J.M. Coetzee's "Disgrace" which Jas lent me. I feel that I don't want to read anything for a while. I want his voice to linger in my mind.

2007-01-15T02:54:00.000+08:00

It's the same old pattern.

I should have known early enough that nothing would come out of it - just like all the other times. I would only end up with another close friend. Ooh, the word 'friend' bites, stings. It's like stale candy when you wanted Swiss chocolates.

Maybe, I really wanted this one to work out so bad that I ignored the flashing signals of warning.

Really, now that I've looked back, wasn't I just a modern-day Doña Jeronima*? Was I really genuinely taken by the so-called amazing 'connection'? Did I really admire all the good qualities I saw? Did I really think that the way we complemented each other was like one-in-a-million? Did I honestly love how we were such a good team?

Or did I just like the way I felt affirmed? Did I just ravish the feeling that someone enjoyed my company? Was the reason I wanted it to work the fact that finally I could prove to myself and the rest of the world that I was worthwhile? Was I just 'using' him as a probable mirror to reflect all thatI loved about myself? Was it all for my pride and vanity?

And is that the reason it hurts so much? Because I wounded my own ego? Does it hurt because I really believed we would have been good together, or because once again, I am the one who is inferior - the one not worth the affection?

Really, was it just all about me? Did I just prove that I am the selfish brat that I am and perhaps always will be(O God, I hope not)? If that's the case,then it's probably just as well that it didn't work out the way I wanted it to. Maybe I'm not just cut out for the whole love thing. I'm too selfish and self-centered, too insecure, too needy of assurance.

Next time I see myself falling in the same pattern all over again, for the nth time - I hope I have enough sense to run towards the opposite direction.

I've watched a thousand movies and read a thousand books on it; I've imagined it countless times in my mind; I've had numerous conversations about it with friends, teachers and acquaintances even. I'm also not lacking in good examples.

Yet I still don't know how to love. I don't know what it is or what it means. I do pray somebody teaches me before I die.

*Nick Joaquin's "Dona Jeronima" from Tropical Gothic

2007-01-09T14:00:00.000+08:00

I am seriously hating my blog. I hate the skin. I hate the dots. I hate the narcissistic photo marquee. I hate even my blog title. I tried to fix everything I hated over the weekend, but I just managed to almost ruin it. So I reverted back to the old, boring, prinsesang labandera. I think I already outgrew the concept of a noble princess washing laundry. I need a change. So if anyone out there is tech-savvy and has a teensy-weensy bit of pity for me, HELP!!!

Post Una Por 2007

2007-01-03T10:47:00.000+08:00

Because a lot of my friends from the blogging community (especially mga blogspot bloggers) have posted their new year's post, I was sort of pressure to produce one. Haha, ang inggitera ko talaga. Anyway, I'm just posting what I consider the best new year's greetings I've receive for 2007:

- "Sbi ni e.e. cummings:
let all go
the big small midling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things- let go dear
so comes love." happy new year!

- Happier year for you, ilia, i hope.

-My wish 4 u is to finally meet sum1 hu wud match ur wit and sensibility :)

- "It's been a Long December
And there's reason to believe
That maybe this year
will be better than the last" ** - counting crows
I pray '07 will be a gud yr for u...and 4 me too! hehe :)

- Hapi nw yr, Ailia. :-) continue 2 perfect d craft f writing n never limit urself bcoz f doubts. Hope 2 chka wid u.

- Therefore, snce we r surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside evry weight, n d sin which SO EASILY ensnares us, n let us run wit endurance d race dat is set b4 us. Heb 12:1. well, we are nt yet perfect. Yet we are in race, a pit stop, a landmark has cme and goe. Tapos na 2006. Lets focus on d finish line in spite of d many obstacles.

So there! happy new year =P

this too shall pass, i hope

2006-12-28T23:16:00.000+08:00

dead tired from the year-end meeting slash retreat. fell asleep while watching Studio 23's Grey's Anatomy 3-episode marathon. Didn't get to watch how the love affair between Christina Yang and Preston Burke blossomed. too tired to eat - even chocolate, my comfort food. so in need of comfort - from food or any other source - but too lazy and numb to do anything but cuddle up in bed and cry. sick of how I see-saw between euphoria and hopeless despair. freaky how just another human being can have this kind of effect. Scary how I allowed it. got to get back composure and peace of mind. have to have the appetite for literature and music to keep sane, because right now, I have no taste for both. just want to lie down, sleep until the feeling passes, until the world feels healed and whole again. trying to believe that this, this is a worthless kind of hoping, stupid expectations - bound to disappoint. but somehow that is no consolation. harnessing strength to believe that God knows what he's doing and what's best, but right at this moment, that is a bitter pill to swallow.

it's here

2006-12-20T17:50:00.001+08:00

It's already cold in Los Baños. One of the few signs that Christmas is finally here, however delayed its arrival. But now to leave one home for another. The nest which seems to have been passed over by the transforming powers of festivity. So barren, steel cold. No comfort, no tidings of great joy - just plate crusts colliding, smashing underneath the silent earth.

when dreams come true

2006-12-17T01:17:00.000+08:00

Ok, so Yeng won the title of Grand Star Dreamer. Predictable. It's not that I don't like her, because I do, but I think winning will not be good for her. Yeah right, since when is coming out on top bad for your career? But in her case, I believe it is.

There was something overwhelming about seeing all of them performing in Araneta (on TV). Even if you're just an apathetic viewer, you could see dreams being realized in front of your eyes. I can only imagine what it was like to see thousands of people coming to see them - them who were once nobodies. Asteeg. You can't help but be happy for them.

I read somewhere that if you didn't have any dreams left you might as well die. I guess dreams want to make you see another morning. Makes you want to get out of bed because maybe, just maybe, today will be the day.

I used to think that the ultimate question to find out who you're supposed to be with is "who do you want to spend the rest of your life with?" But somehow that's too easy. I can easily imagine a dozen future lives I'll potentially live. But those are just castles in the air. I don't even know yet what specific kind of life I want to lead let alone who I'll want to spend it with.

Perhaps the more apt question now is: Who do I want standing next to me, sharing my joy and triumph, when my dreams have finally come to pass?

prodigal daughter

2006-12-13T14:43:00.000+08:00

I said that I needed time and space to rebel. The yoke began to feel heavy, like an imposition. But really I had exchanged a feast for a measly piece of stale bread. I thought that the 'exploration' would give me freedom but it only led me to be caught in the trap of foul words, anger and envy, and unnecessary pain and confusion.

So I returned because I didn't want to rebel anymore. Because I didn't see the point, and because life is crappy when it's in my hands. And because I know He's waiting. I found indeed that "better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere." And it was more peaceful than anything I've felt for the past few weeks because I knew I was right with Him. Amazingly the yoke isn't heavy at all.

Admittedly, I'll probably rebel some time in the future (probably for totally different reasons) but I'll always come back and I'll always have a place to come back to. And I've learn to take it day by day. Strength to strength until I see Him.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

- From the inside out, Hillsong United

2006-12-10T16:11:00.000+08:00

You know the saying "sleep on it" before making a big decision? In cases of sending desperate and passionate letters, I say, wait a month. Then read it again. If you don't cringe, send it.

lost significance

2006-12-07T10:09:00.000+08:00

Going through my box
of knick-knacks, I see
candy bar wrappers,
play tickets and dried flowers.
I begin to wonder
what occasions, dates or
memories should they evoke
that they were carefully
kept? I honestly
cannot remember.

Surprisingly good surprises and a promise to keep

2006-12-04T15:46:00.000+08:00

Kimi is back in Manila, and for good. She's now working here. I was so surprised because she didn't warn me ahead of time. I guess that's what surprises are all about. And I'm estatic. She was welcomed with shrieks and bear hugs. When their family moved away, it sort of signaled the end of an era. But now it seems that the glory days are coming back and I do hope so. As T. said, "it's nice to have again that someone who can speak your language."

Another suprise: M. finally shaved his again after I egged him about it nonstop. Of course, I'm giving the credit to myself. Hehe. Anyway, I'm just so glad to see him clean again.

On a sadder note, it's sad to realize that people you loved and spent a lifetime with have changed so radically you no longer have anything in common with them except a few memories of a time long past. We've drifted apart so much, you now resemble someone I wouldn't even be friends with.

I'm scared of you, I'm scared for you. I do not understand the person you have become. But I love the person that you were, the person that I believe is still there despite the frivolity and superficiality you now seem to possess.

So to whom will I be loyal? To your past, to your present, or to what you may turn out to be? I am loyal to you, I promised you friendship forever. And even if it breaks my heart to see you like this, I still love you and I pray that this is just a phase, that "This too, shall pass."

*bananaducky: I imitated your style of putting just the initial of the name, hehe.

2006-11-27T14:58:00.000+08:00

Di ko alam ang masasabi ko. I don't believe in desire-universe-Paulo Coelho principle, but it does seem that the universe is conspiring against us. Basta parang ganun, ano ba yan, wala akong masyadong ma-reveal dahil hindi ko alam kung sino ang nagbabasa nito. Haha. Swimming upstream ito. Love is a battlefield nga daw diba? If I only knew what's on your mind. Would it be easier?

miss

2006-11-20T23:06:00.000+08:00

I never knew how much I missed LB until ths first day of classes. It's the first time in my entire college life that I arrived at Los Baños before 6am. We had to catch the early bus because my sister has, unfortunately, a 7AM class. The morning looked so inviting, so fresh. "Bukang liwayway" is so apt a phrase.

Our apartment is a bit musty and smellslike an old closet. But what did I expect? We left it for a month. So we're hiring housekeepers to clean tomorrow. Part of the welcome of the new sem. Our last sem together.

I'm glad to be back where I can see big and beloved trees everywhere. Here, everything I need is within a ten minute walk or a very short jeepney ride perhaps. forgot how I missed just walking around campus and accidentally bumping into a friend - a few minutes' chat turning into several hours of 'tambay' around benches or building stairs nearby.

And another thing I missed - the food! I had dinner with Mam Amy and Jaz at the place formerly called Ellen's Fried Chicken - it has a different name now but everyone still calls it Ellen's. They have the best fried chicken and monggo in the world. The only place Elbi needs is... GO NUTS DONUTS! Hehe, life would be sooo heavenly then.

One thing, or should I say person, is missing from Elbi though and that's Red. He's left teaching and is now in La Union (I think). Elbi life doesn't seem complete without him.
- no more late coffee and blueberry cheescake
no more joy rides to Forestry, Calamba and SLEX
no more ice cream binge eating
no more movie and LOST episodes marathon
no more raiding each other's private library (he's my main source of Yancey and Lewis books)
no more hours of conversation about theories, books, movies, Narnia, LOTR, Star trek, and everything under the sun
no more spur of the moment food trips
and no more Valerie (his ever dependable Vios).

In short, no more friend who could be right there the minute you text regardless of time or date. Yeah, I know it's selfish to wish him back here when this place is keeping him from fulfilling his dreams. It's just that it feels like losing a best friend, a brother. He's so far away now, it seems we're in different continents.

I'm sure there'll be a lot of things and places and people that I will miss once I leave this place which I consider a home. But for now, I'll just enjoy the 5 months I have left, do really well in my studies, continue building lifelong friendships and desperately wish for a Go Nuts Donuts branch to open in LB.

Secular music - a guilty pleasure?

2006-11-08T17:47:00.000+08:00

I heard it once said on the pulpit that Christians should only listen to Christian music. I'm sorry but I disagree.

Music is one of those essential things that I don't want to live without. Not only is music a source of pleasure but it is also sometimes my spokesperson - creating with sounds and lyrics what my heart wants to say but my lips can't utter.

Music provides a pleasure that few other art forms can match. Music satisfies the entire being: physically through the senses, emotionally through the heart, rationally through the mind and wholly - mind, body and soul. It is a pleasure most people would not do without, whether we would disagree what exactly is good music.

I believe that music is a pleasure that God created to refresh us, to comfort us, to give us strength - to be our companions at times. Music is what I would count as 'legitimate pleasure'. Ravi Zacharias says that "Any pleasure that refreshes you without diminishing you, distracting you, or sidetracking you from the ultimate goal is a legitimate pleasure."

But of course, since the world is imperfect, music can also have a 'dangerous' side. It's somewhat accepted to say in songs what is not socially acceptable in real conversations. A lot of mainstream songs say something about sex, love, family issues and political issues that would not be normally heard in everyday conversations. Songwriters and singers have 'artistic license' and can give really ambiguous metaphors and whatnot for things not openly talked about. This is a freedom when used properly could give the song depth - but when misused, can be used to exploit and distort.

I can see the danger in this - that lyrics (and the music videos that come along with the song) could influence young minds. But I believe that it has less to do with what kind of music you listen to and more to do with what kind of character you have. If parents concentrate more on raising up their children in a way that builds the right kind of values, principles and ultimately character - then their children would have the proper foundation to choose for themselves what kind of music is appropriate and good.

I guess Christian parents, teachers, elders and pastors are afraid that worldly and secular music (and all forms of art and entertainment for that matter) might take away focus, desire and devotion for the Divine. I do admit there is that kind of tendency. But as Phillip Yancey says:

"Natural desire was not the enemy of the supernatural and repressing desire not the solution. Rather, to find the path of joy I needed to connect desire to its other-worldly source."

According to Yancey, we should view our earthly longings, desires and pleasures - things that give us enjoymentt - are clues and 'rumors' of another world. We should see these worldly pleasures not as threats but as glimpses or tastes of God's gifts and what He has in store for us. He made this world and I believe He also intends for us to enjoy it. We should approach good and appropriate secular music not as evil threats but as something that God gave us to enjoy, something that gives something more to hope and desire for.

For me, the enjoyment of music is not only in its message or lyrics but also the meshing of different instruments and sounds together to create something that gives delight to the listener. Often times, when lying in bed as i listen to my player, I would sit up because the drums or guitars would catch my ear and I would have to give it my full attention and appreciation. And that's delight for me - utter beauty and joy. And if secular music could give me that, how much more delight will I get in music that is made for our Lord's ears.

And I do hate to admit it, sometimes mainstream Christian music lacks that. It concentrates so much on the lyrics and sometimes forgets about the sound. I put emphasis on 'mainstream' because there are a lot of Christian artists out there who produce and create really great music that glorifies God and still delights the soul. I guess that's the challenge for Christian artists - to be able to give glory and praise due God through music and at the same time give us a taste, or should I say a whisper, of what music will sound like in heaven.

*sources: Phillip Yancey. Rumors of Another World. and Ravi Zacharias. Cries of the Heart.

A week's taste of a life to be

2006-10-30T15:12:00.000+08:00

Where there are rigid and angular and modern structures, where buildings probably came first before the trees and plants, where everything is in its proper place and where rules are made to be followed and not broken - here is a place I consider one of my 'second homes', where the 6th Ateneo National Writers Workshop was held.

One week in that campus taught me that UP does not have the monopoly of lovable quirky and eccentric people - other schools also have their fair share. I learned that I know close to nothing and that I haven't really done anything to be proud of yet.

One week in a cold conference room - dedicated to one born on Christmas Day- I learned that even 6 cups of coffee cannot keep you awake or wipe the 'required' look off your face. Here, where I cannot be without my trusty, blue, macrame jacket, I learned the value of having a poker expression and an eager heart.

One week in a room of 6 beds, 2 electric fans, one aircon and one bathroom taught me that even though at first glance people seem different from you - deep down they are not. All fourteen of you who lie on green bedsheets to rest at night (at least for a week) have the same passion and desire - it is only manifested in different genres, styles and voices.

In that semi-open space where green chairs, metal benches and plastic tin cans which serve as ashtrays abound, many conversations - serious or trivial - were woven in the history and memories of the fellows. You can learn a lot more in an hour of meaningful conversation than 5 hours of lecture in a class where the teacher does not like what he's teaching. In this gathering place where the cigarette smoke sometimes hurt my eyes - I met kindred spirits.

Over bottles of beer, fish crackers, calamares and baked tahong - I learned that laughter can be so fake it becomes real. And that having fun starts from scratch but once it gets going, it's hard to stop. I now know that my throat will hurt after attempting to make my voice audible over very loud music(?) and make sense at the same time - and that I will desperately fail every time. That night affirmed my preference for quiet places where coffee and ambiance is served rather than alcohol.

But when it's all over and done, I realized that over talent and craft - will, passion and desire will keep you going. My hands are trying hard to catch up with the constant churn of my mind. One week. Innumerable epiphanies. New friendships. Untainted memories.

So for all that, thank you.

Ten things I hate (and love) about you

2006-10-09T13:43:00.000+08:00

I love the way you remember what kind of food I like and don't like.

I love it when you smile your real smile - you look like a delighted kid.

I hate the way you're so responsible ALL the time.

But I love that you do know how to have fun.

I love it that you encourage not only me but other people as well.

I hate it when most of your observations hit right home,

but I love the way you tell me things I hope you don't tell anyone else.

I hate how you're appropriate in most circumstances
- it's hard to catch you off guard.

I love the way you love our God and find ways to serve Him.

But mostly I hate it the way we're really perfect for each other
and yet we're just friends.

Reflections after the storm

2006-10-01T21:41:00.000+08:00

As Luzon experienced the wrath of "Milenyo", all of us have different stories to tell and here's mine. I heard from my Diliman based friends that the day before the typhoon struck, the weather seemed fine - just a little gloomy. Well, since I'm based in Los Baños during weekdays, it was different for us. Wednesday pa lang, super rain na. Non stop. But since the weather is always kinda screwed up in Los Baños, it wasn't really alarming.

I was planning to have a movie marathon at home on Thursday because classes were suspended. But unfortunately, the power black out interrupted my plans. But that wasn't the worse of our problems. Rain started to pour real hard and our apartment was getting pretty flooded. We had to rearrange furniture and beds and other stuff - not without bickering of course (with a houseful of crabby girls, what do you expect? =P)

My housemates and I lingered in bed for about two hours until we heard the cries of our hungry stomachs. The problem was we couldn't go out of the house because outdoors were a bloody mess - branches and parts of the roof flying, flood water halfway to our knees, and biting wind and rain. Plus, we couldn't cook because our stove was electric.

Thank God for boy neighbours who are also VCF members, They faced the storm head on and bought food for us. To think these were the neighbours my housemates often complained about (because they were so noisy all the time), so it was very humbling.

I was really just so thankful that I was indoors at that time because when the rains and winds finally subsided, we went out and saw the real damage. The big acacia trees in our campus were uprooted, a bridge was destroyed - our campus looked liked a war zone. As my friend coined, "disasterland."

There were a lot of people also out searching for food, batteries and other necessities. Me - I forced my housemates to go out so we could find tripleA batteries for my mp3 player - yeah, I know, I'm so bratty. Anyway, as we were on our way home, I overheard some student council folks looking for people to help those whose homes were flooded. I felt a liitle shallow and trivial because here I was only concerned about my stupid mp3 player when there were matters that were of more urgency.

The next day, my room mate (Carmel), my sister and I went home by bus. We passed by other barangays of Los Baños and Calamba and were met by mud, floods and traffic. We left at about 10:30am and got home by 3pm. Talk about cramps. I really felt sad because there were landslides and people whose homes and business were destroyed. I saw this lamp shop in LB where most of their lamps were damaged and the owners were just sitting around looking very dejected and helpless. We also passed a bus sandwiched by those big steel billboards. Seeing all these made me very annoyed with other people in Manila who made it seem that what they experienced was the end of the world - because I had seen worse.

Of course, all bad things must end and as the Good Book says, "though the sorrow may last for a night, joy comes in the morning." And with 'Milenyo' this was a bit literal. Friday was so sunshine-ny it was hard to believe that Thursday night happened at all. I never experience a storm this paralyzing - no electricity, no cell sites, few open banks - let us go back to the primitive way of living haha.

One of the good things that happened to me was Ateneo called on Saturday and said that I was accepted for the writer's workshop. I'm still paranoid about it and I keep thinking that maybe they called the wrong number or they thought I was somebody else. The downside of this is I would not be able to watch UECG's Experiencing God the musical because the organizers want us checked in at Ateneo by Oct 22, afternoon. Too bad. So I'll just watch the technical dress rehearsal.

And now, we have no classes for an entire week until UPLB administration gets back on its feet and the campus is up and running again. This is bad news for me because classes will be extended and all my stuff's in LB so I can't do any work whatsoever. I don't know, maybe I'll just try and make the best of the forced vacation.

This storm really made an impact to me because it made me realized that there are more things important than what is going on in my life. My concerns seem trivial vis-a-vis the real problems of other people. Plus, "Milenyo" taught me to be grateful for all the things I had and the people who loved me. I learned that when it comes to the nitty-gritty, I really have almost nothing to complain about.

2006-09-26T18:59:00.000+08:00

I wish this sem was over. Ayoko na.

Haha. whatever.

Sana kasama kita.

You can know that a promise is a promise...

2006-09-21T21:26:00.000+08:00

Ang sabog ng utak ko these days. I don't do my assignments on time, make lame excuses and skip class for no viable reason. Can it be that I caught 'Senioritis'? Haha =P

I made a very big mistake of taking on more responsibility than I can handle this sem. And now I'm so overwhelmed that I'm stuck in a rut and became a lazy, escapist bum. Someone please knock some sense into me.

The weird thing is - I'm not failing or doing poorly. I'm quite surprised at my high grades in subjects that I take for granted. Maybe I need to fail so it'll bring me back to sanity, hard work and excellence.

Earlier this afternoon, we attended a symposium on call centers. Anna and I agreed that we don't want to be employed in one. That led to a discussion about our future plans after grad and possible careers. And it's scary. For the past few weeks, I've been reading classified ads trying to figure out what life after the university holds for me.

I've had the misfortune of being somewhat undecided and perennially discontented. During my first year, I wanted to shift to Biology and major in Genetics. In my second year, I seriously considered pursuing Education. And surprisingly, I wanted to shift to Management or Economics during my third year - but obviously it was too late, which made the idea quite stupid. This was further triggered by my disillusionment with my degree program and its curriculum.

Yeah, I'm sort of a scatterbrain who only has a vague idea of what she wants and seldom has the courage to pursue it. It doesn't help that I have a wide variety of interests as my weird combination of course options prove.

I do know in what line of work I'll eventually be involved with - I won't reveal to the world just yet since I don't need undue pressure. Only, I can't commit fully to it yet because that would mean giving up a lot of my dreams - studying abroad, go into some kind of business, travel, study forensics and astronomy, learn different skills and hobbies such as photography and film making, win Palanca awards and a lot more. I'm not sure I'm ready to do that. It's scary to trust in an unknown future but weirdly enough, God often works in that kind of environment.

I really don't know what I want. I guess I am too young and a lot of roads are still available. Maybe it's true - youth is wasted on the young. By the time I know what I really really was meant to do in my lifetime, I would be old enough to have regrets about lost time and strength - but wise enough to know that there's no time to lose and tackle it head on.

But I trust God knows what He's doing and I will become what He wants me to be in His time. I know coz He promised =P

If I were a SIMS character

2006-09-06T00:25:00.002+08:00

Ano kaya ang purpose ni God kung bakit 24 hours lang sa isang araw? Wala lang, sa dami ng kailangan kong tapusin, nauubusan na ako ng oras, nakakasira ng bait. O baka naman hindi lang ako marunong mag manage ng time.

Naisip ko tuloy, ano kaya kung character na lang ako sa SIMS. Sims people have no will power of their own. May ibang taong nagpapatakbo sa buhay nila. Kapag naiihi sila, di nila yun matiis - tulad ng totoong tao - so they'll just pee anwhere. If their sleep bar is empty - they will just fall down on the floor, grass or wherever they might be at the moment and sleep. Ano kaya kung ganun ang tao? Pag gusto na lang din nating mamatay - babagsak na lang tayo at mamamatay.

Sa mga panahong ganito, sana talaga naghihibernate ang tao. Tapos pag gising mo, tapos na ang lahat ng kailangan mong gawin - wala ka nang aalahanin.

The only consolation in SIMS is that they have cheats. They have things such as rejuvenation chambers, cheats to make you rich - you get the drift. Sana may tableta ng tulog at nabibili lang sa botika ang pahinga.

Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah 40: 30-31

Don't speak

2006-08-23T20:37:00.000+08:00

All-knowing (AK) people annoy me. And there is one just a few meters away from me. He's going on and on about literary criticism and appreciation.

"A good plot is not a standard of whether the book is good. A book can be good even if its plot is not. It's all in the deliverance. For example, Tolkien, Lord of The Rings' story is like hell asteeg, but the deliverance naman, ang boring. Tingnan mo naman ang Harry Potter, ang pangit ng story pero cool ang deliverance, diba?" (semi verbatim)

Offending Act Number 1: Speaking so loudly that I heard your opinions at all. Yeah, I know, I'm harsh pero harsh and sweeping din ang mga sinabi mo.

Offending Act Number 2: The word is 'delivery', dude. Please know your words before you act all wise and cocky.

Offending Act Number 3: Not knowing that a good plot is essential to a good book. Kung hindi maganda ang plot anong panghahawakan mo? Kung hindi maganda ang plot, babasahin pa rin ba yan?

Offending Act Number 4: Even daring to put LOTR and Harry Potter in the same comparison level. Hello? Malayo sila no, wala sa kalingkingan ni Tolkien si Rowling. Their fantasy worlds do not meet at all, ibang iba talaga.

Offending Act Number 5: Calling Tolkien boring. You wouldn't know genius if it slapped you in the face. Nabasa mo ba talaga si Tolkien o baka naman sinukuan mo kasi di mo gets? Kaya mong gumawa ng sariling language mula sa existing language ng mundo natin? Si Tolkien kaya. Buti na lang hindi si CS Lewis ang hiniritan mo or I would have walked over to you and given you a piece of my mind.

Please naman people, when you voice out your opinions please make sure they are valid and they have basis. As mama always tells me, 'little knowledge is dangerous." E kung may die-hard fan pala ni Tolkien ang nakarinig sayo e di kung ano na ang ginawa? haha =P Ingat lang, might as well keep your mouth shut.