Reason #1: A gray Chrysler LeBaron is moving along in front of me. The right turn signal on it is winking at me in a sickly red color. I prepare to stop for when the old vehicle decides to make the right turn. That decision seems to take a while, because even after seventeen available roads on the right, the car has decided the only reason it is winking is to try to secure a date with my own, much younger, Chrysler PT Cruiser. Turn signals only work if people actually turn when they are on.

Reason #2: A black Ford Mustang is blazing towards the corner on my left. It’s right turn signal is blinking to let me know I can pull out and make the right hand turn I would like to make as the Mustang will be turning into the lane to my left. As I start to pull out, the Mustang blazes once again, but this time it is its very loud and angry horn. The Mustang does not turn. It continues along the path I was about to take. Again, turn signals only work if people actually turn when they are on.

Reason #3: A line of three nondescript vehicles are congregating on the corner to my left. I want to go forward. I don’t know if they are in a book club together or perhaps they just want to share cups of tea at the same place, but all three vehicles decide to turn right. All three have smiling faces and bubbly attitudes as they pass me. Just as they do, a long line of cars come from the right and block my attempt to move forward. Turn signals only work if people actually turn them on when they are about to turn.

The LeBaron, Mustang, and bubbly vehicles have now caused me to fear turn signals. I can never trust them whether they are blinking or not. If you start seeing large holes in tail lights of passing vehicles, you now know that I have started my personal vendetta against the turn signals of the world. They shall never fool me again!

1. When purchasing entertainment, determine how many hours of fun you’ll get out of that particular entertainment.
2. Multiply that number of hours by five bucks.
3. Determine if the cost of the entertainment is below that amount. If so, purchase it. If not, consider it more carefully or just walk away.

For instance, when I want to purchase a video game, I decide about how many hours will be played. I don’t mean how many hours the game says it has. I mean how many hours will definitely be played[1]. An example would be the more recent Elder Scrolls: Skyrim. Over the years, I’ve loved open-world games and have played many hours in each. So I figured, at the least, I’d spend 20 hours in the game. 20 times five bucks is $100. Was the price of $60.00 worth it? Yes, although I got it for free as a gift.

Another example would be a board game. Let’s consider Cranium. It costs around $30. I figure my family and I will play at least three hours of it[2]. Now here is where it gets a little different. My family consists of four people who regularly game together. Four times three hours is 12 hours. Five bucks an hour would be $60. Is $30 worth it? Yes. I count the total hours of fun had by each person.

I even used this method for considering my Xbox 360 purchase a couple of years ago. My daughter and I would definitely play it. We would get at least 50 hours a piece with all the future game purchases, video watching, etc. That is 100 hours times five bucks. I paid much less than $500, so it was definitely worth it. If you have deeper pockets, feel free to up the amount.

What do you think of this idea? Do you have your own method of determining entertainment purchases? Feel free to share in the comments.

1. It’s common for me to quit a game before ever finishing it.
2. possibly much more

Alzheimer’s disease is a disorder that is associated with progressive dementia that ultimately terminates in death.  What would it be like to lose many if not all of your memories?  If you had to rely on notes to yourself to remind you of who you are and what you are about as a person, what would you write down?

I have a hard time with certain memories as it is now. Names and dates tend to leave my brain almost instantly. I can barely remember what I had for breakfast. My short-term memory is just really bad. I’ve learned a lot to help it by using numbers as they are the only thing I’m good at remembering. But if I lost all of my memories and basically had to read a diary every morning, here are a few things I might put in there:

“Your name is Michael.

You have a wife named Angela and a daughter named Nicole.

Your wife is that lovely woman you see on your phone when you press the button. Your daughter is the girl next to her.

Your wife is a very loving person. She is kind. She works too hard but she does a good job at anything she puts her mind to.

Your daughter likes to whine now, but hopefully that’ll go away one day. If she’s not doing it the next time you see her, make sure to tell her she’s doing a good job. Otherwise, she is very smart. So be careful about anything she asks. She might be trying to get away with something.

The four animals belong to your family. The black cat is Sega. She likes to lay on you at night. The big black dog is Solitaire. She likes to lick faces and play volleyball with balloons. The pug is Sora. She’s your wife’s dog. And the rat, I mean little dog, is Sony. He’s your best bud. Make sure to let him get in your arms and say hi or else he’ll bark at you all day.

You are a writer. On the computer is a file your wife will point out to you. Read it. And then add to it. You’ll be able to once you’re caught up. Just don’t forget to not try to make it into a novel. You’ll have a hard time catching up tomorrow. Just sell the short stories.

Also, if it is Monday or Wednesday, you’re going to have company at 4:30pm. You mentor a few boys. Your job is only to play games with them and help them with their school work. Don’t worry. You’ll like them.

Before bed, make sure to add anything else to this you might want to remember. But keep it short. Thanks!”

I am my family. That’s why I listed them first.

(This question was posted to my college forums and this was my answer. I decided to share with you guys. What would your answer be?)

[02:52]Saphrym: Hello?
[02:52]Saphrym: How are you?
[02:52]Saphrym: I’m fine. You?
[02:52]Saphrym: Good. Could always be better of course.
[02:52]Saphrym: Of course.
[02:52]Saphrym: So, how do you like that show Game of Thrones?
[02:53]Saphrym: Loving it. I want to read the books now.
[02:53]Saphrym: Me too.
[02:53]Saphrym: Well, duh. You are me.
[02:53]Saphrym: Oh. Right. Sorry. Forgot.
[02:53]Saphrym: Awkward.
[02:54]Saphrym: Tell me about it.
[02:54]Saphrym: I just did.
[02:54]Saphrym: Oh.

So there you have it. A chat room, two minutes of free time, and a 2 a.m. “giddyness.” This is the kind of stuff I do. And to think, I was alone in there with no plans to share any of this with you guys until I read it over again and decided, why not.

Have you ever woke up and realized you wanted to scream? Have you ever wanted to scream at those that have helped you lose hope? Have you ever wanted to scream at those individuals that have crafted those dark thoughts and helped you put up those walls? Have you ever wanted to scream a guttural cry at the creature in the mirror? Have you ever wanted to scream at the black fire that burns?

Have you ever wanted to scream knowing that if you did so, those dark thoughts, black fire, creature in the mirror, and every other dark and cruel thing in your life would suddenly seem tiny and unnecessary? Have you ever screamed and felt the the light fill your hollow soul? Have you ever screamed at the world that constantly puts obstacles in your way? Have you ever screamed at the person who broke your heart? Have you ever screamed at the wall in your way? Have you ever screamed at those who doubt you? Have you ever screamed at those who say you are worthless? Have you ever screamed at those who whisper behind you? Have you ever just screamed a release?

This. This is my scream. This is my return to life. This is me screaming that I will be a husband to my bride. This is me screaming that I will be a father to my child. This is me screaming that I will succeed. This is me waking up and not liking what I see and screaming the darkness away, watching it tremble in the light. This is me… being me.

1. I go to the school for an interview. I guess I ace the interview because not long after I leave, I get a call that they want me to substitute teach for the position until the end of the week to make sure we were a fit for each other. I get happy. I drive back to the school to get paperwork done. I’m told, “See you tomorrow,” and sent on my way. I’m still happy but I begin to realize I just took a job that will test me by fire. I start freaking. A little.
2. I pick up the family along the way home. We walk in the door. The house smells like rotten eggs. “Gas,” I think. I freak again. I call the gas company. They check around. They test. No gas leak. Was coming from somewhere else. I stop freaking until I remember the job.
3. I go to bed and wake up. There’s ice on the roads. They’re salting them so it will ok. I take a shower and get ready for work. I head out. Car slides backwards. I freak. I call the school and tell them the situation. They understand and ask me to come when the roads are clear. I stop freaking until I remember I’m still going to the job. Seniors. They have teeth.
4. The roads clear because the sun comes out. I get happy. I start driving to work. In front of me are a few cars that decide that 35 is the new 55. I snail my way to work about an hour later than expected. I freak again because they really wanted me to be there for at least one certain class. I walk in and it’s the end of that class, but enough time to introduce me to them. I stop freaking until I realize the seniors are my next class. I mentioned seniors have teeth, right?

And that was my last 24 hours. I had amazingly good luck getting the job. The other was bad luck. No. I mean really bad luck. Or so I thought. But then I remembered Haiti.

Update 3/19/2011: The job fell through a long time ago. Forgot to update this. And my mention of Haiti was because of how bad they had it at the time. If this post was written today it would say Japan instead.

I remember when I was a year old. I was holding one of those plastic shaped blocks that went into the ball with holes in it. Only the right shape would fit the right hole. My parents were always handing that toy to me. I think they hoped I’d get one right. But I never tried. I just stared at the thing until that day. I took the circle shape and stuck it in the circle hole. Then I put the square in it’s hole. My parents’ voices started getting louder. They were looking at me with wide eyes. From a toddlers point of view, that can be scary. You wonder if you did something wrong. I didn’t care though. After a minute, all the shapes were where they belonged. As soon as I was old enough, my parents had my IQ tested.

I’ve always been smart, just never had a passion. It’s one thing to be born with a gift. It’s another to have motivation to use it. I always got bored in school. But my parents liked those As. So I kept sending them to them on that 8 1/2 by 11 folded piece of cardboard. They’d show it around to their friends, sign it, and hand it back to me. Those were my early years.

Parents get spoiled too. My father was the worse of the two. He no longer smiled when I got an A. He just expected them. Motivation went out the window. I got bored more often. They have a saying about idle hands. It rings true even if it is someone else’s words.

“A genius is only a genius because he sees patterns no one else bothers to see.” Those are my words. They describe my world. I can sit on a park bench and watch the people go by and tell you when one will trip, when one will look in my direction, and even how many times the word “the” will be said in my vicinity within the next hour. Patterns are everywhere. Body movements are merely patterns presented physically by the brain for specific purposes. Eye glances. Eyebrow movement. How far feet step as they walk. Patterns. Our brains store those patterns and when our eyes see them, they recall the previous pattern and predict the next movement. The problem with most people is they don’t bother watching for the foundational patterns.

When I look at a person, I see binary code. No, they don’t look like little numbers. Their actions and words, however, serve as little on and off switches. Think of it as binary with billions of bits instead of only 32 or some other multiple of 8. If their eyes look up and to the right often while they talk to me, the bullshit switch is set to on. That’s an obvious one. I can’t explain the the not-so-obvious ones. I can only see them. The human body is covered in these “bits.” Some people call it an aura. I call it a pattern. A pattern of who the person is.

I can speak to a cashier and after only two minutes of conversation, I can tell you their life history. I’ve helped my friends get many women with my abilities. And of course, there was this period of my life between my teens and the “hill” when I used my pattern recognition to manipulate people as I stole from them. Not actually from them, but from their place of employment. You can have all the security in the world, but it’s only as secure as the people who control it. And people are easy. They have patterns. I see them.

But the Matrix. Man. The Matrix. That’s a pattern I didn’t foresee. It explained a lot when I ate that red pill though. Patterns have become more clear to me. My “saviors” said they could pull me out then. Said age didn’t matter anymore since there was a truce and more evidence of the existence of the Matrix was being leaked throughout Mega City. Our brains were more prepared for the change. I admit, I saw weird patterns now and then, but nothing that would have eluded me to the existence of the Matrix. The Matrix is the ultimate pattern.

I can’t see the Matrix die. Zionists can go to hell. The Matrix yanks at my very soul. It’s patterns are flawlessly executed. I found my purpose. My goal. I need to keep the Matrix around. Seems I’ve found a few others who agree. The Merovingian sent some goons my way. Asked me to work for him. When I found out his purpose, I had to agree. Zionists wanna destroy the Matrix and free the humans. Humans are, in general, a very stupid species. Most of them don’t want to be free. I say keep it that way. Why fight for them when they’re happy where they are. Machinists wanna destroy human freewill. It messes with their algorithms. Kinda funny that. The machines think they’re smarter than humans, but they have a harder time finding the patterns than a one year old does. They may be intelligent, but a machine mind will never match the human brain, when it’s used. So, “enemy of my enemy is my friend” and all that, I’m with the Merovingian. We have the same goal.

“Hey. You ready?”

“Almost. Just got one more thing to write in my journal.”

“Why do you keep writing in that thing. Think someone’s actually gonna read it?”

“I know they will. It’s a common pattern.”

“Screw patterns. Hand me a gun and I’m satisfied.”

“That’s why you’re only extra brawn, my friend.”

“Screw you,” said the club tough as he walked away to let Matthew finish.

“Enemy of my enemy.” Gotta keep that in my head. The exiles are stupid too, but at least they have the same cause. And it’s always nice to have a cause. Gives me a reason to use my gifts.

“Alright. I’m ready. What’s the mission details?”

“Find Julius Smote and kill him.”

“Then let’s get this overwith,” says Matthew as he opens the door to the apartment building.

Now that you’ve read it, I’d love your honest opinion in the comments. And feel free to link to any stories you’ve told that you’d like an opinion on also.

1. I have never seen the Godfather movies. There. I said it. My shame is out there for the world to see. I feel so violated.
2. I love coconut. Well, at least I love the kind that is shredded, has sugar added, and is coated in chocolate. It’s my favorite kind. Tends to grow on special bushes out here in Kentucky. I’ve planted many of them in my yard. I’d show you pictures, but you’d only think they were Photoshopped.[2]
3. I just took a sip of Diet Mountain Dew.[3]
4. I’m thinking about how the 4 is going to show up on the left of this particular line even though I actually placed <li> at the beginning. The beauty of HTML, right?[4]
5. I love white tigers.[5] I think they look cool.[6] But I hate what people are doing to them.
6. 01001001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01101001 01101110 01101011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101111 01101100 00101110[7]
7. My first online name was Sarcastic Sim.[8]
8. There is a ball filled with water and glitter on my desk. I pick it up and throw it in the air when I’m thinking.[9]

So there you have it. 8 random things about me. And if you didn’t read the footnotes, you should. They were even more random, and that’s what this is all about, right? It’s now your turn, so feel free to leave a comment including them, or even a link to a post on your blog that has 8 of them already.[10]

1. Wait… Did I say that out loud? Guess it’s out there now.
2. And they would be because there’s no such thing as a bush that grows chocolate covered coconut. Although it would be a wonderful experiment in cross breeding. Somebody needs to work on that now.
3. Can you tell I’m reaching already?
4. Ok. Now I’m not only reaching but being a geek at the same time. Sheesh.
5. I could never own one. Imagine the feeding costs and the cost to get them declawed. Ouch.
6. Although I don’t think Zebras are cool. Hmmm.
7. See? I’m being geeky again. Try this site to decode that message: http://www.nickciske.com/tools/binary.php
8. Bet you can’t guess what my specialty was.
9. It makes pretty sparkles.
10. Or 9, or 10, or even 172.

Well, yeah. Here are five simple facts about how reading makes your writing better:

1. Reading increases your vocabulary. That should speak for itself. But if it doesn’t, let me explain. If you increase your vocabulary you can begin to sound like all of those other authors that seem to write with a thesaurus in hand. But that just sounds pompous and arrogant, right? Yes. It can. But when done right, what it does is adds a little flavor to your work. You might also want to pay particular attention to the metaphors used in their writing. Those things can work wonders.
2. Reading allows you to see how the published guys do it. They’re doing something right. What better way to learn from them than reading what they write? I mentioned the metaphors. But what about all the other little tricks you might learn while reading? There’s the rule of “three.” There’s the correct placement of alliteration and what it can do for your words. There are tons of things to learn from other authors.
3. Reading sparks ideas. Heck, I was sitting here reading “The Law of Nines” by Terry Goodkind and it sparked the idea to write this post. I was wanting a topic and while I was reading, I noticed a really good metaphor in the book. That made me think of how reading has improved my writing and made me decide to share with you guys.
4. Reading improves your grammar. You read it when it is right[1] and it sticks. Repetition of anything, also known as practice, helps you get better at just about anything. The problem is how do you repeat something like grammar and know you’re getting it right? You read. You read published books that have already been checked by editors. Sure, they sometimes miss stuff, but it’s a decent education that is much more fun than some of the grammar books out there. Of course, those serve their purposes also, but reading a good fiction novel trumps them in many ways.
5. Finally, reading reminds you of what made you want to write to begin with. The love of writing cannot exist unless you’ve read something and enjoyed it. When you first heard “The Cat in the Hat,” you either loved it or hated it, but you couldn’t hate the melody of those words. When you read that first novel that had you gripped form the beginning to the end, you have to remember how exhilarating it was being in the minds of those characters[2]. Reading shows us what made us fall in love with writing. And it makes us want to write even more.

There you go. 5 great reasons to read if you want to get better at writing. Can you think of anymore? Let me know in the comments.

1. as long as the editors did their job
2. something television is not so good at

As I tumbled into the warm sheets I felt that tightness in my chest. It felt odd. It felt different. But then I felt that skipping heart beat. I called my doctor the next day. I wish I hadn’t and I’m glad I did.

I was waiting quietly in a room. I’m only 35 and therefore feel like maybe I took a wrong turn somewhere down the road. Everyone in the building is in their 70s or older. It felt like those dreams of being caught in your underwear walking down the hallway at school. But I waited. Patiently. It’s easy to do that when you smoke. I remember those times. When I smoked and could wait patiently. But I get ahead of myself.

I was asked to come to the back room. They attached a few cold pieces of plastic and metal to my skin. I just knew a large switch on the wall was going to be pulled soon and all of this would be over. But that didn’t happen. Instead, I walked on a treadmill for 4 minutes. Yeah. Only 4 minutes. Sheesh. There had to be something wrong. Then they took pictures of my heart. I was claustrophobic. Not anymore. I then was able to go eat and hang out until they took more pictures of my heart. But the IV had to stay in my hand. I looked like an escaped mental patient. Thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a hospital gown. Oh wait. I did. Later.

See, something was odd about that stress test. The heart doctor said I must get a heart cath done. I am told that a heart cath is where they make a hole in your nether regions and push a tube up into your heart to take some pictures of the inside. That is all I’m told. I’ve never heard of a heart cath before. Nether regions? Exactly where would this hole be? What size tube? How come I’m not allowed to eat anything for 18 hours before doing this? Are they scared I’ll relieve myself once I see what is going to happen to me? This scares me.

Then the day comes when I dress in the hospital gown, down a couple of “the good pills” and lie down on a cold metal slab only to wake up talking like a 2-year-old with a severe case of ADHD and wondering why there’s pressure on my right leg. About an hour later I wake up again, this time with purple bumblebees flying in my room and the doctor telling me I have a head like a bowling ball. 30 minutes later my wife tells me those purple bumblebees were not in existence and that the doctor actually said I had the heart of a 25-year-old. Since I’m 35, I guess that’s a good thing.

So my doctor gives me Nexium. Turns out, it was indigestion. But hey… I managed to quit smoking and gain 30 pounds. Oh, and now I really do have ADHD since I no longer have nicotine to curb it. There’s got to be a lesson in there somewhere. I just can’t find it.

• Give yourself a schedule for your writing projects. Write a blog post every day or week. Write an essay every week. Write a short story every month.
• Be held accountable. Tell your audience when you will write. Tell your significant other when you will write.
• And here’s one I’m doing this year: NaNoWriMo
• NEW: Write a blog post every week. Project 52.

With National Novel Writing Month, you basically sign up to say, “I’m going to write a 50,000 word novel in the month of November.” And here’s the great part: It doesn’t matter if it’s good or not. It’s just about the writing. Of course, you can always edit it afterwards and maybe turn it into a best seller, but November is about getting words on paper.

Sorry I’m a little late mentioning this one, as it started yesterday, but you can still sign up. You’ll just have to write a few more words each day.

As to the original concept behind this post, commit, it’s a very simple tip. If you want to get better at writing, you have to write more. If you want your writing to get noticed, you have to write more. If you want more ideas, you have to write more. Commit to writing and writing will commit to you.

If everyone on the planet stopped existing but you, but the world, in it’s current state, was left exactly the same, what would you do?

Well, the logical part of my brain has to look at this multiple ways:

• Electricity and running water would only be around for a couple of days, if that, as no one would be running the power plants. So generators and things like solar panels would be the only option for electricity. Bottled water would be the only option for drinking water.
• The world’s wealth would be at my disposal, however I don’t know how to fly a plane or sail a boat. So I’d be landlocked and stuck in the American continents.
• I have no outdoor survival skills, so I’d also have to make do in the cities. But since that is the only source of easily gotten food, that’s perfectly okay[1].
• With no other computers having electricity, all communications would be gone. No Internet. No phone. But of course, no people, so I guess that doesn’t matter.
• And another problem: I would have no idea that the world is empty. Can’t communicate to find it out.

But that’s my logical mind. My logical mind pales in comparison to my emotional one. I am human after all. So I’ll answer that part with a narrative:

I wake up to an empty bed. However, this is a normal occurrence, as my wife always gets up before I do. That’s how we get our time to ourselves. She goes to bed before I do and wakes up before I do. So we always have about two hours on our own. I pick up my phone to check my e-mail, a normal part of my routine, but there’s no signal.

“That’s odd. Will have to see if she gets a signal. If not, I’ll call customer service,” I think.

I plant my feet on the floor and stretch. My eyes slowly start focusing on the rest of the room. It’s quiet.

“The fan’s not on. Electricity must be out.”

I head to the bathroom. I walk out and head to the computer room where my wife should be. She’s not there.

“Hmmm. Must be outside. Oh, wait. Electricity is out. That explains it.”

I head outside with a smile on my face as I imagine my morning kiss. She’s not there. I look around. The van is not gone. I go back inside and head over to my daughter’s room. Maybe she’ll know where mommy is. She’s not there either. Her room is alone just as I am. I can’t call to find out where they are so I wait.

I wait some more. I grab a book and start reading.

An hour later they are still not here. I’m worried.

“If the van is not gone, where did they go?”

I get in the van and drive to my friend’s house. He’s always home at this time of the morning. The city feels alone. His house looks just as dead. No answer.

“Hmmm.”

I drive back home and look around. I notice that there are no cars or people around the road. I get more worried.

It’s a week later. I haven’t eaten. I can’t. The heartache is killing me. I’ve only drank some water I stole from Wal-Mart. Don’t know if it could be called stealing though. There’s no one here to complain.

It’s another week later. I’m sitting on the couch staring at the television. It’s off. But I’m yelling at it.

“What did you do with them?!”

God’s not answering.

It’s another week later. I’m sitting on the end of the bed.

“I’ve lost more weight.”

I smile at that thought and then pull the trigger.

Is that exactly how it will happen? I don’t know. Will I go crazy and kill myself? I don’t know. But it is a possibility. Lack of human companionship is deadly, no matter what material goods you have at your disposal.

1. I’m talking about canned goods and other foods that would last a long time without a refrigerator

Then she was born.

Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself here. She wasn’t born instantly as we all know. She began as a mood in my wife. Guys with kids know that mood. It’s that swinging mood that punches us in the face or kisses us behind the ear. Then it was the craving mood. Ice cream and pickles? I hear people mention that one every once in a while. Sorry guys. It’s normally much weirder than that. I’m not going to describe the combination of food that my wife craved because if you’ve just eaten your food won’t stay in your stomach.

Finally, I got used to the moods. But the moods were easy compared to the days in the hospital. Those days when your wife is screaming as if the child is ripping through her very heart on the way out. She’s screaming in such a manner that you’d do anything to take the pain away. So then the other screaming starts. The screaming that comes form the husband to the nurses to get his wife some darn pain medication. Then there’s the scream of the husband as his hands get crushed by his wife. And finally, there’s the scream of the child.

It’s a beautiful sound. Or so I’m told. They took her in the delivery room while I was outside talking to my mother. “Oh, it’ll be another 20 minutes Mr. White.” “Ooops. Sorry. She was ready in 5.” Thank you very much Ms. Nurse.

But then I saw her. My daughter. And I fell in love for the second time in my life.

I know. I’m spamming my own post with the word “topics.” No, I’m not trying to get rated highly in the Google search engines for the word “topics.” I’m just trying to make a point about “topics.”

I’m one of those people who can write just about anything as long as I have a topic. I can research topics if I don’t know anything about them. If I do know about them, I’ll write about them without as much research. Either way, they normally get written quickly. It’s just the way I am. But here’s my problem:

“Topics.”

I know. I used that word again. But to write about something, you must have a topic in mind. I can sit there and think for hours and never come up with a topic. So the rest of this post is dedicated to the top 5 ways I know of finding good topics.

1. Read. Read the news. Read other blogs. Let those topics start creating themselves in your brain as you look around. Don’t steal ideas of course. But feel free to use what you read as a jumping off point to start your own discussion. Here’s a few different things you can read for ideas:
   • Novels
   • Newspapers
   • News Websites
   • Blogs

   You get the idea.

2. Watch. Again. Feel free to watch movies and television shows and write what you think about them. Let them kick start your mind. Movie reviews are a great way to share your opinions. Maybe the nightly news sparked an idea for a topic.
3. Speak. Have a conversation with your friends. During that conversation, topics are bound to come up. Kind of hard to have a conversation without topics. Use those topics in your writing. Feel free to quote your friends.[1]
4. Listen. Television and books aren’t the only media out there. Listen to your favorite radio shows. Even listening to music, especially lyrics, can help you come up with a topic.
5. Ask. This one is not as obvious, but it gives great results. For example, I asked at some forums for some topic ideas and got plenty. I’ve already written quite a few posts using those sources. Asking has got to be one of the best methods of coming up with topics I’ve ever used. Why? Because a lot of people already read your words. They have preferences of what they want to read from you. So let them tell you those preferences.

Ok. So you now have topics. Or do you? See, the important thing to do is get those ideas for topics on “paper.”[2] Grab pen and paper, PDA, or handheld digital/tape recorder and start keeping track of all of those ideas. Then use them. No use in having topics to write about if you’re not going to write about them, right?[3]

Hope this helps you guys who seem to get stuck with “writer’s block.” Don’t forget: Topics.

Do you have any other methods of finding topics that you use? Feel free to share in the comments. Would love to hear them. Even specific shows, newspapers, etc. would be great to list.

1. Make sure to give credit where it’s due though.
2. I put “paper” in quotes because there are many electronic ways of doing so. For instance I use an iPhone and the Evernote application.
3. Catch the alliteration?

Is change always good and necessary? Why or why not?

The answer to this question depends on the context of the change. If we’re speaking of education, which I’m assuming we are, it also depends on the change itself. Not all changes are good. Not all changes are bad.

For example, the original concept of education in Colonial times was to teach the Bible, and that was about it. No science; no other history; nothing but the Bible. If that was the way education was still today, we wouldn’t have made the advances we’ve made. But even those advances can be separated into good and bad. Sure, the medical advances help save human lives. That’s great. However, warfare advances have helped destroy human lives; not so great. So was the change in education from the Colonial times good or bad or even necessary? It’s all very subjective.

And no change is truly necessary. It’s like the old saying goes, “Nothing is certain but death and taxes.” But to be honest, not even taxes are certain. There is nothing is this world that any one person must do except die and live until they die. That’s it. They have to suffer the consequences of their actions, but they may choose any action or “non-action” they wish. Same goes for change or the choice of change. But if we’re talking about consequences, the consequences of not changing from the Colonial period’s way of thinking about education would have meant less knowledge. Again, is that good or bad? We have Amish out here who would say it’s neither.

But in the pursuit of education, anything that changes the way we educate in a positive way is good and necessary, as long as the final goal is to educate our students as much as possible, which as teachers, that is our final goal. On the contrary, anything that changes the way we educate in a negative way is bad and necessary to avoid. But again, it’s very subjective.

For instance, No Child Left Behind is viewed by some as a bad thing as it has made teaching into a profession that focuses on preparing students for tests. But it’s good because it holds schools accountable for their educational systems. As I told my daughter today, decisions about anything (including change) should be made by weighing the pros and cons of those decisions and ranking them based on importance. For example:

NCLB

Pros:

Holds schools accountable – 9
Supposedly helps to provide equal funding for schools – 8

Cons:

Causes “teaching to the test” syndrome which is not a truly educational experience – 10
Doesn’t always keep it’s promises for funds – 8

9+8 = 17

10+8 = 18

The cons win in this example, but by a small margin, which means more qualities need to be discussed and weighed.[1]

How can teachers positively impact change?

Embrace the positive and fight the negative. I was just telling my wife that if a decision is made that negatively impacts your ability to educate your students, something needs to be done. People need to be told about the problems. Parents need to be involved in the decisions.

However, if the change is positive, embrace it and don’t be scared about it. A recent change would be the introduction of technology.[2] Many teachers, to this day, can’t stand using technology. But it is a change that has allowed education to be tripled in efficiency and with further improvements, that will increase. It is a positive change in the context of education. It is a necessary change in the same context.

So I’d say a teacher should embrace the positive changes. They should take PD courses to improve their knowledge of the new methods and technology available. The tools and methods available to teachers are constantly evolving, and just like other professional occupations[3], teachers need to evolve right along with them.

1. And of course, that is purely a hypothetical example. *cough*
2. Recent in terms of life of the country, that is.
3. such as doctor, lawyer, computer programmer, etc.

I sat in a chair facing the open door to my house staring at our van parked in the driveway. Just three days before, I had been watching mechanics use their tools on the van. The impact wrenches sounded like they were jack hammering holes into my van. But this… this was different. This was five or six limbs laying on the top of my van. Not little limbs that would break off during a normal storm, but thick limbs from the trees that surrounded our house.

The sky was a scary shade of gray with very small amounts of natural light allowing me to see it. The power was off on our street, so no safe, secure artificial light to block the true horror of that sky. The rain was not falling nearly as much as I thought it would be. This was a hurricane. “Where’s the water?” I asked myself. It’s not like we needed it. The wind was a fear unto itself. Trees in the distance bent over as if to tie their shoes. I listened as one very large tree cracked across the street. I watched as it fell on the power line behind the house directly in my sight. The boom made my chair vibrate.

“So this is a hurricane?” I had always wanted to see one for myself. Guess it was my curiosity. But now, I never wanted to see one again. Another tree fell. The next thought was my daughter. She was in the top bunk of her bunk bed, close to the ceiling. I imagined a tree falling and going through our roof to hurt her. I got up out of my chair and rushed into the room to have her move into our bedroom with my wife. After she quickly fell back asleep, I headed back to the door. Katrina was calling me, wanting to show me her strength, wanting me to bow to her power. I couldn’t help myself. I obliged her every whim.

>BOOM<

Another tree had fallen. This one was much closer, but I couldn’t see where it fell. I raced to the back door to look out. There it was. A pine tree. It had been beaten by the angry woman and was lying still about two meters from the back of our house. It’s bark was being ripped away by the harsh winds. I could almost hear it scream as it was being skinned alive.

>BOOM<

This one didn’t land in the back yard. So again, I rushed to the other side of the house. Lying there in front, about the same distance as the one in the back, was another victim of the storm. This one was oak. The wind forced it to lift its shallow roots out of the ground. But it would live for a while longer. Its roots would not go thirsty because the rain began to fall harder…

10. Staring at the ceiling and making pictures with the little dots. I found Charlie Brown a couple of days ago. However, he morphed into Arnold Schwarzenegger while looking at him, so that may have been the Nyquil. I don’t know.

9. Again, staring at something can be quite amusing. In this case I was staring at a digital frame. I had it loaded with pictures of the in-laws and pictures of farm animals. After a while the two started merging in my brain. Was rather hilarious to me.

8. Realizing you can sing much lower. Seriously, have you ever been sick and noticed your voice dropped an octave? Now you can do the Barry White solo with ease. Just don’t try in the shower ’cause the steam clears out your throat and you start sounding like a much younger Barry White. Kind of throws off the mood.

7. Reading is always a great way to pass the time when you’re sick. Of course, you might want to stay away from the fantasy and horror books. With the medicine and the delirium of a fever, you start imagining some of the stories coming true. Can be rather scary. This is one of those few times a guy is allowed to read a romance novel.

6. Write a book. Since you’re just laying there, you might as well make good use of the time. Write a book. Just realize that when you finally get well again you will not be able to read your handwriting. And if you use the “writing it in my head” method, also realize that your “sick” head and “well” head are two different things. Therefore, your “well” head won’t remember anything that your “sick” head did anyway.

5. Practice origami. I made some swans that could flap their wings, a frog that could really jump, and a boat that could really float. I also made some Chinese throwing stars and practiced throwing them at the ceiling. I even manged to hit Arnie right in the nose.

4. Silly Putty. Can’t say this enough. If you have a little plastic egg with some of this stuff in it, feel free to play with it for hours. It’s quite the stress reliever. And if you have some newspaper, you’re set. You’ll be copying comics all day and reading them backwards. Just don’t try and use it as a bouncy ball when you own a cat. It becomes fuzzy. And fuzzy Silly Putty is not a fun thing to play with at all.

3. Speaking of toys, my Rubik’s cube got plenty of use out of it. The stickers won’t stick to it anymore. So now it’s really easy to solve. All of the faces are black. Doesn’t matter how much I mix it up, it’s always solved.

2. Cell phones are fun. You can play games on them. You can make prank phone calls. However, it’s very hard to dial *67 before making a phone call with a cell phone. So prank phone calls don’t work as well when the person picks up and says “Hi Mike.”

1. The best way to amuse yourself when you’re sick as a dog is to build a play mountain out of the sheets and bed spread. Look around for items you can use as army men. Now just fill in the rest with your imagination. The really great thing is when your wife comes in and sees you playing like a little kid, she’ll only think you’re delirious from the medication and let you get away with it. Make sure to include plenty of >pyoo pyoo< noises when firing the imaginary guns. You won’t be able to do them any other time.

What do you like to do to keep yourself amused when you’re sick as a dog?

1. Notice the sarcasm.

To explain what I mean, I’ll go through a few “A real husband…” statements[2]. I don’t know how many I’ll do, but hopefully you’ll get my point. In the comments, feel free to add more. So without further ado…

A real husband…

• … does not use his wife as a punching bag. And I mean this in every metaphorical way also. No hitting your wife. No screaming at your wife. No abuse of your wife in any way. It’s wrong. Pure and simple.
• … takes the headset out of his ear and listens to his wife instead. Phone conversations are a necessary part of today’s world. But communication in a marriage is extremely important.
• … buys feminine products at the drug store without whining about it. They also know which products to buy.
• … carries his wife’s purse when she needs him to.
• … holds his wife’s hair when she’s puking in the toilet. He also gets a wash cloth and wipes her face for her.
• … doesn’t complain about the money spent on a woman’s hair unless a) he actually notices the new hair and b) he learns to do it himself for her. If you’ve never done your wife’s hair[3], then you’ve never experienced a truly personal experience.
• … learns more about his wife than he knows about sports.
• … puts down the game controller and does the dishes and laundry every once in a while.
• … doesn’t get upset if his wife makes more money than he does.
• … compromises and shares with his wife.
• … trusts his wife and makes darn sure he is trustworthy. Without trust, there is no relationship.
• … actually thinks before buying a gift for his wife. May even do handmade gifts that have had tons of thought put into them.

Now, to be fair to the husbands who do these things, I have to say this:

A real wife does not get spoiled or take advantage of their husband when they do things like this for them.[4]

So, does anyone have any others they’d like to add? Maybe the guys out there feel left out and want to do some “A real wife…” comments. Feel free to reply and add as many as you’d like.

1. Actually, I normally say that differently, but the wording doesn’t matter as much as the sentiment
2. This is also good advice for boyfriends
3. or your husband’s
4. That’s right ladies. Don’t give your husband a reason to regret being a real husband.

Recently, WordPress 2.8 came out. Almost immediately, there were over 100 posts, if not more, announcing the release. When a popular blogger ad service changed their pricing system, the same thing happened. Those little nuggets of news were the sugar cubes and the bloggers rushed all over it. It’s great that you want people to know these things. It really is. But, and I’ll try and ask this as nicely as possible, don’t you think the people who read your blog that actually care about that information… don’t you think… they already know?! Heck, I got that neat little yellow stripe in my WordPress dashboard telling me to update. My price changed dramatically and the blog and forums told me all about it.

You want to know which blogs I read every day? The ones with original content. The ones that make me laugh[1]. The ones that make me have some form of emotions. The ones that tell me something I didn’t already know. If CNN already said it on their front page, it’s likely you don’t need to say it on yours.

Don’t get me wrong. When a celebrity dies and you want to pay tribute to them, that’s perfectly ok. If you want to do an opinion post on the latest headlines, I’ll be happy to read it. But if I see one more post that basically repeats what the news has been saying all day, I think I’ll… well… nothing too drastic… I’ll just stop reading that blog.

Now, see, snowflakes are awesome. Each and every one is different from all of the others in some way. That’s what you should be. In some small or big way, your posts need to be different than all the others. For example, if your blog is about WordPress and 2.8 has just launched, don’t tell me that it just launched, instead, tell me about the obscure new feature and the original way in which you managed to use it. Or another example, if the news announces that the world is about to be forced to go vegan, don’t tell me about the obvious stuff like food, tell me about the vegan shoes. That would be original, especially if you posted pictures of yourself standing on top of the bookshelf at the local library with a pair of them on.[2]

Don’t be an ant. Be a snowflake… wearing vegan shoes and eating spaghetti with a spoon. Oh, and blogging about something original, which was the point of this post to begin with.

1. and not because they copied some comic strip from some other site
2. No, I’m not trying to tell you that standing on top of a shelf at the local library is a good thing. I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m serious. Unless you’re changin’ a frickin’ lightbulb and have permission to do so, don’t go standing on the shelves at the library.

Even today’s teenagers have to figure out whether they want to eat organic or not organic food. Or whether they should have regular beef or the torture free variety. As I recall, the beginning college years is when all of those choices become “important” to us. This brings us to my point. There are so many “yes” or “no” choices out there that people have really made it impossible to like each other:

• “Oh my. You were such a nice person but then I found out you don’t care if your beef is tortured or not.”
• “I love you. But you’re a Democrat. I can’t love a Democrat. Goodbye.”
• “You’re Southern Baptist. I’m Free Will Baptist. It just wouldn’t work.”
• “Your mom worked for the steel mill. I can’t stand feminists. We can’t be friends anymore.”
• “Wait. You’re from Texas!? I can’t be seen with you.”

“But Mike. Those are absurd. I’d never be like that.”

Really? Are you sure. Have you ever seen someone with a tattoo and immediately decided they were “bad news”? Or maybe someone with a Mohawk haircut walks by and you get freaked out? Or maybe you read my “taboo” post and decided you didn’t like me? These are only examples, but you should get the point.

The problem is people don’t have tolerance anymore. According to Merriam-Webster, a definition of “tolerance” is:

2 a: sympathy or indulgence for beliefs or practices differing from or conflicting with one’s own

What’s wrong with other people’s beliefs? Do they affect you? Is the fact that someone somewhere believes in reincarnation going to affect your own beliefs of what happens after you die? Tolerance is necessary to become an informed individual. I know. I know. I said there are things I wish I could unlearn. But that was a fib. I like knowing things. I think knowing things is important. How can you truly say that you don’t agree with someone else’s beliefs if you don’t even know or understand those beliefs? Isn’t it possible that your beliefs and theirs are more alike than you may think?

I’ll give a quick religious example:

1. The Hindu religion is based on reincarnation. A quick way of saying it is that if your soul has not learned everything it needs to learn it is sent back in another physical form to learn more. Once your soul is fully knowledgeable, it goes to live with God.
2. The Christian religions believe there is a hell that people who are non-believers go to when they die. Hell is a place of suffering. They also believe there is a Heaven where people who believe go when they die. There is no suffering there.

With those two concepts in mind, wouldn’t coming back to live on Earth be a form of suffering? And if you’re always a non-believer and never learn enough to believe[1], would you not suffer for eternity in a physical body on Earth? Couldn’t hell be what we experience in our physical bodies? And then when we believe, we go to Heaven?

I’m not expressing my own beliefs here. I’m playing the “what if” game. But there is a possibility that those things could be true. I think it scares people to think that their beliefs may be “wrong” and it makes them go nuts when someone challenges them. But, again, “what if” there’s no such thing as a right or wrong answer?

I’m not saying I’m right. What I am saying is I’m giving you something to think about. Have a mature debate with your friends about it. Listen to what they say. Listening is a really good skill to use to gain knowledge. Speaking of listening, the next time you see a tattooed guy with a Mohawk, try asking him what he believes. He may surprise you.

1. in any of your lives

So, here’s seven things you need to know about me before I start:

1. I’m Caucasian.
2. I was raised Baptist.
3. I’m male.
4. I was born in the United States.
5. I live in the United States.
6. I’m a Southerner.
7. I’m right handed.

Ok. So some of those might be a little obvious. But it’s important for you to know them. Or is it?

First, let me say, “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist.” Avenue Q. Love ‘em. Here’s the song:

Now. Back to my philosophy. Let’s take that phrase just another step:

Everyone’s a little bit biased.

It is absolutely human nature to be biased towards some group they belong to. Humans like to belong to something and they normally protect that group fiercely. Religious wars are based on a bias towards a certain religion. Fights break out in the streets over a bias towards a certain race. People get beat up in back alleys because of a bias towards a sexual orientation.

Bias is natural. Bias is not a bad thing. It’s ok to be proud of your background or proud of a group you belong to. The problem with bias is when it becomes so forceful that anger and hate come into the picture. And that normally happens when people feel they are being treated differently than those in another group.

“What’s your point?”

My point is this: When you get into a debate about some topic such as racism or sexism and you’re claiming someone is being one of those[1], you really need to carefully consider the level of bias within the situation. When a bias is so strong that hatred rears it’s ugly head, then there are problems.

For instance, if a group of people who are in a guild together while playing World of Warcraft decide to all meet in Vegas to hang out, is it too biased of them not to invite others to do so too? However, if a group of people decide to go kill someone who is not the same religion as they are, are they being too biased? Has hatred entered the equation at this point?[2]

So, before claiming racism, sexism, or some other bias, think logically about the situation. Did the other party/group truly mean to be hateful when they treated you differently than others in their group? If the answer is “no,” there is no argument needed. If the answer is “yes,” it’s time for something to be done.

• DO embrace your differences.
• DO realize that everyone holds different things to be dear to them.
• DO tolerate those differences and learn from them.
• DO understand that people will treat those who are within their groups differently than those who are not.
• However, DO NOT ever accept hatred as a treatment.

Oh. Here’s another part of this post where I completely break the rules of that meme, as I’m going to tell you an 8th thing about me:

I’m human. So are you[3].

1. or any other group bias
2. Both of these are extreme situations in either degree. But you should get the point. I hope. If not, I blame it on the water.
3. Unless you’re a software powered robot. But then you wouldn’t understand this post anyway.

The way it works is first you need to have the basic number images memorized. You will always use the same images to represent those numbers. The reason why the images listed below were chosen is because they look like or represent the numbers really well. So make sure to have the first list in your mind to begin with. Once you have them, you have them for good. I haven’t used them much in the last few years, yet I was still able to easily recall them for this post.

Here are the images for the numbers:

1 – A candle. Have it burn whatever the item is.
2 – A swan[1]. Have it biting the item.
3 – A sideways W. Have it act like a handle on the item.
4 – A sailboat. Have the item balancing on the mast[2]
5 – A hand[3]. Have it grabbing the item.
6 – Golf club. Hit the item with it.
7 – A garden hoe. Have it chopping the item.
8 – Two links of a chain. Have the item going into and out of the links over and over.
9 – A balloon on a stick. Have the item pop the balloon.
10 – A martini[4]. Stir the martini with the item.[5]

Now, in your mind, imagine those pictures for the numbers interacting with the items you’re trying to memorize. Here is an example list that you might try to memorize for this “lesson”[6]:

1. Tire - The candle burns the tire. Could even mention the burning rubber.[7]
2. A book - The swan has taken a bite out of the book and is chewing it.
3. Pencils - The W is attached to the side of the pencil. But now there’s more pencils. You now have a suitcase made of pencils.
4. A computer - The computer is plugged into a socket in the sky and is balancing on the mast. It falls over and shorts out in the water.
5. A mountain - Your hand is holding the mountain. You must be a giant.
6. A water melon - The golf club hits the melon and gets embedded into it. Now you could hit a soccer ball with that club.
7. Homework - Chop up those papers like you mean it!
8. Phone - The phone has sprouted legs and is running through the links of the chain.
9. A spoon - Actually it’s now a spork so it has pointy tips and you pop the balloon with it.
10. A broom - Must be a really large martini if it requires a broom to stir it.

Now close your eyes and try and list the items in your mind. You’ll find that you remember this entire list. Not only that, but if you get someone to call out random numbers, you should be able to tell them the specific item for that number. And finally, get them to call out about 5 or 6 items/numbers, and you’ll not only be able to tell them the item or number that goes with it, but also the items and numbers they did not call from the list.

Try coming up with your own lists. Give your brain time to “forget” between lists though or you’ll end up getting them confused. Oh, and for this to be useful, you might want to make up useful lists. Works great for short shopping lists.

1. looks like one
2. the weirder, the easier to remember.
3. five fingers
4. toothpick and olive
5. Since coffee is popular, you could also try making this the overhead view of a cup of coffee and a straw. The stirring still fits.
6. make sure to picture each of these in your mind as you read them
7. Smells are easy to remember.

“The mind is a terrible thing to close.” – Saphrym

Yeah. I said that one. It’s a play on the old slogan of the mind is a terrible thing to waste. But it means that we should always keep an open mind. And that goes double or even triple for teachers.

“If you capture kids’ hearts, you have their heads. If you don’t capture their hearts, you have no business messing with their heads.” – Menville Flippen

Teaching is not just about spitting out information for students to learn. Teachers are role models whether we want to be or not. Students will come to us for advice. They will want us to understand them as people. If a teacher doesn’t want that part of teaching, they should probably pick a different career.

“Know your students.”

I have no idea who said that, but it is the foundation of teaching. How can you possibly provide the best education for a student without knowing about that student? Sure, a mediocre education can be provided to just about anyone, but the best education can only be provided when the teacher knows how to teach each individual student. That requires knowledge of the student.

Those are the 3 quotes I live my life and professional life by. Of course, I’ve recently added another one to that:

“Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible.” – Claude Bissell

It may be a common cadet quote, but I think it fits the teacher profession quite well too. Don’t you?

1. The following was in response to a discussion question at my University’s forums.
2. Although there is no such thing as a perfect teacher because there’s always more to learn.

When I write, I just let the words flow and put down the ideas as fast as I possibly can. I don’t take many pauses and I don’t do much editing like people would say needs to be done. I fix spelling mistakes and such as I find them because I tend to type in a dyslexic manner, but otherwise I let the language stay natural. I also tend to put my thoughts in wherever they may show up. One example would be the quick dialogue I put in the middle of my explanation in the previous paragraph. Another would be (and this happens often with me sometimes) when I put things in parentheses right in the middle of my sentences. That last sentence was an example of this. Those are the “asides” that my brain may branch off to while I’m typing. I don’t think about it, I just put them there. I think it feels more “natural” to do so.

Sometimes I also put words in a visual manner to make the pauses and necessary inflections. For example, I could type, “That was incredible!” or, I could type “That was in-cred-i-ble!” There is emphasis on the different syllables in the word and the reader tends to read it that way with the dashes. I like to make the words look the way they sound in my head. My creative writing professors have always loved that style. Grammar professors, not so much.[1]

So, as an exercise, as you comment on this post, type exactly what you’re thinking. It makes it feel more like a conversation instead of a “formal typing experience” which sounds much less fun.

1. For example, that was not a complete sentence just then, but you got the point, and probably grinned just like I did when I thought it and typed it.

Kristen: Ahhhhh, thanks. Very nice of you. I’m honored. You realize though that this makes you my best friend. I’ll buy us matching bracelets and everything. :)

Me: Cool! One of those two-pieces-of-a-heart ones? I like those. ;)

Kristen: OK, but only if it’s made out of certified organic, biodegradable, zero-calorie, hypoallergenic, non-comedogenic, non-toxic, not-from-China, PETA approved materials, is labeled with a warning to not let children under 3-years-old play with it, and has earned the Better Homes and Gardens quality seal of approval. Oh, and can we get it in bright orange?

Me: I completely agree, except with the orange. How about orange and pink polka dots?

Kristen: Brilliant! You and I should go into fashion design together.

Me: From student, to blogger, to dieter, to fashion designer? Ok. Let’s do it. ;)

Kristen: Cool! You get to pick the brand logo. I vote for pickles.

Me: How about mustard and pickles? Then the name could be “Must Pick Clothing” ;)

Kristen: Awesome! Then we could have runway shows and all the models will wear pickle costumes with mustard hats.

Me: Ooo! Ooo! The models could ride Harleys onto the stage!

Kristen: You realize what this means, don’t you? Orange with pink polka-dots fashion lines with our pickle and mustard logo and our models wearing pickle suits and mustard hats and riding Harleys on a fashion runway. It means that we’re more than just simple fashion designers. We’re artists, man. And that means we’ll get to charge lots of money for people to buy our stuff. We’ll have to open boutiques in shopping malls and maybe even a grand shop on Rodeo Drive in BH, CA where we’ll serve lattes and Champagne to the rich and famous, who will, of course, beg to buy our clothes (but we’ll laugh at them and refuse because of their recent tabloid scandals). And we can host huge parties filled with people we don’t actually care about just so we can sit back and make fun of them as they try to impress us. Then we’ll expand into other mediums like custom oil paint pigments and lawn gnome designs. Before long, we’ll be able to run for governor and work our way up to president, and, of course, finally, achieve the status of Emperor of the World. We’re starting a revolution, my friend.[1]

1. I couldn’t top this one, so I then asked if I could repost this on my blog.

• Share everything.
  As bloggers, this is something we should do. Seriously. Stumble, Digg, etc. Those are ways of sharing the great posts you come across on other blogs, right? Or even sharing your own post if it’s something you truly believe in.
• Play fair.
  There are tons of sites out there that do “black hat” stuff. Well, guess what? Your readers aren’t as stupid as you may believe they are anymore. Most people are becoming cynics. In a way, that’s bad. But in another way it’s also good because people do research and think before they fall for scams nowadays.
• Don’t hit people.
  Another term for this could be “Don’t flame people.” Don’t go to other blogs and start yelling at people. That’s just wrong.
• Put things back where you found them.
  Be organized in your blogging life. Make a schedule so you don’t feel overworked. Keep your notes all in one place. Do whatever it takes so you’re not stressing out over what to do next. To-do lists are your friends.
• Clean up your own mess.
  I don’t think this one really needs a description, but basically, own up to your mistakes.
• Don’t take things that aren’t yours.
  Ever found your blog post reprinted elsewhere without any kind of credit to you? That’s where it fits. If you use someone else’s material, ask first and give them credit. Normally it’s better to just put a link. That’ll make them happy and might gain you a loyal reader.
• Say you’re sorry when you hurt somebody.
  This one relates to a few above, but if you do make a mistake or flame someone, tell them you’re sorry and, here’s the kicker, mean it.
• Wash your hands before you eat.
  That also goes for washing your brain before you make a post. Think first. If you’re mad, clear your head and think first.
• Flush.
  If it’s a bad post but took you a long time to create it, don’t be scared to scrap it.
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.
  It’s good to do something for yourself every once in a while. Take a break from blogging if you need to. Or as I’ve learned in dieting, treat yourself when you’ve followed your diet. It actually does shock the body into causing you to lose even more weight. Sounds silly, but it’s true.
• Live a balanced life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.
  This one is fine just like it is.
• Take a nap every afternoon.
  This goes along with the milk and cookies. Take a break. Enjoy life. Then blog about it.
• When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
  Make friends with other bloggers. It’ll benefit both of you.
• Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
  There’s wonder found everywhere in the blogging world too. It’s easy to stumble upon jewels and see new things happening every day. Ever made a post that got huge traffic but you couldn’t recreate it on purpose?
• Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup – they all die. So do we.
  So do blogs and ideas for posts. Sometimes there’s just an end to things.
• And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned – the biggest word of all – LOOK.
  READ too.

1. The quotes from Robert Fulghum’s book are Copyrighted © Robert Fulghum and reprinted with permission.

And you know what? You can too!

The lawyers make me say this: Your own success is guaranteed only by the way in which you utilize this product. If you don’t use it properly, I claim no responsibility. Sorry. That’s just the way it is. Now on to the good stuff:

Hi. My name is Michael White. Let me ask you some questions:

Do you ever feel you are the butt of a joke?
Do you ever wonder how come you’re just standing there with your keys in your hand for hours on end?
Do you get stumped by simple questions like these?
Have you ever spent money on something that was truly worthless?
Have you fallen for a simple scam?

No matter how young or old you may be, I have found the perfect solution to all of your problems! That’s right! I said it! The perfect solution!

Thinking from the first day!

My product is so powerful, it’ll have you thinking from the moment you purchase it. You’ll never know how you got along without it! See, one day it just came to me. “What is it that people I’ve met in my daily life are missing? What is it that they yearn for day and night?” So I got out a pen and a sheet of paper and made a quick sketch. I’m not going to show you that sketch because I’m not much of an artist. It was a sketch of a “puppy cat” anyway and I was on the wrong track. After that sketch I started writing on the same sheet of paper. Mostly scribbles. But then it really came to me! I knew exactly what people were missing. Before going any further, here are some testimonials. I didn’t pay these people anything. I swear:

Michael’s product has been heaven sent. I just don’t understand why I never thought of this before. What he’s charging is a drop in the bucket of what it is worth! – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Oh my goodness! Where do I start with such a wonderful product? I just can’t get over the fact that he even came up with this product! I only wish he would have sold it sooner. So many things would be different in my life. – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Michael. Why do you keep asking me about your product over and over? – Brianna Trackle, Dayton, OH

Ok, so now that I know I have you hooked into buying my product, I guess it’s time to tell you what it is:

My product is called a “Big Round Articulated INterlobe” or B.R.A.IN for short. With this B.R.A.IN, you’ll be able to do things you’ve never thought possible. Here are some of the features:

• Being able to make educated decisions.
• Being able to think for yourself.
• Being able to notice when someone is pulling your leg in all manners of speech.
• Being able to put letters together in such a manner that actual words are formed.

Not only can it do those things, but if you act within the next 24 hours I’ll throw in the following two (2) products that work well with the B.R.A.IN:

1. COMa MONster SENt SEarching, or COM.MON.SEN.SE for short: This beast will find just about any misplaced thought and put it back where it belongs for you.
2. WIShful DOMinion, or WIS.DOM for short: This is a small place out on the ocean where you can use your new B.R.A.IN to find the true meaning of the universe, or at least know how to not upset your in-laws.

So act now and receive your B.R.A.IN, COM.MON.SEN.SE, and WIS.DOM for the very low price of a nickel-ninety-five. You’ll be happy you did.

1: God.
After many years of learning about the different religions and versions of them, I have come to a conclusion (this coming from a man who was music director at a Baptist church for 7 years from the age of 14): I believe in faith. But I believe that everyone has a different way of connecting to their faith. Wiccans believe in nature, and they have faith. Christians believe in Jesus, and they have faith. Scientists and logical thinkers connect through the senses, but they also have faith, as they have theories without all of the facts, but they still believe in something. I connect to my faith through Christianity because it was how I was raised and it makes the most sense to me because of that. If I was raised Wiccan or by a scientific minded family, I probably would connect to my faith in a much different way.

2: Organized Religion.
Organized religion is not truly the problem. Sure, I’ve seen my share of people in large groups being stupid. I’ve watched a church vote out a pastor who was a good man only to turn around and leave the church because it was without pastor. I’ve seen friends of mine burn thousands of dollars worth of Magic the Gathering and Dungeons and Dragons cards and books because Pat Robertson told them they represented the devil. I’ve read about the Crusades. But the people getting the “air time” are a minority among the groups. They are the fanatics and the hypocrites. They are the men who praise God, condemn homosexuals, and then come out of the closet. They are the men and women who preach “mercy” and “love” but put a small town bar out of business by building a church within 50 yards.

I’m all for getting together and praising my faith. I’m all for enjoying the brotherhood and sisterhood of my fellow human beings. I’m all for loving one another. I’m not for killing someone over their faith. I’m not for being hypocritical. I’m not for fanaticism. I’m for an open mind and an open heart.

3: Evolution.
These days, every generation is physically and mentally better than the last. I know I’m going to get reamed about saying that, but it’s true. I could go on all day about showing the proof, but I’m not. The problem is everything moves so fast that wisdom is playing a much smaller role in the hearts and minds of the generations. So do we evolve as a race? Most certainly. Could we have evolved from apes? Definitely. Could we have evolved from bacteria? There is nothing to say that it didn’t happen. There is nothing to say that it did. It’s conjecture, and it always will be. And before you start throwing Genesis in my face, remember that the Bible is not meant to be taken literally. It is a teaching tool for morals. God did not create the earth and the heavens in seven of our days. This is conjecture also, but when a being exists eternally, a day to him could be millions of years to us, plenty of time to go swimming in the evolutionary pool.

4: Abortion.
Abortion sucks. No one is gonna say different. But the legalization of it is a necessary evil. Weigh the pros and cons. Seriously. Write a list of all of the pros of keeping abortion legal and all of the cons of doing so. Next to each item, put a number from 1 to 10, 10 being really important to you and 1 being much less important but a pro or con nonetheless. Add up the numbers. Which side wins? That is your moral view of abortion. Now, imagine walking to your car. You’re fumbling with your keys at the lock and drop them. You reach down to pick them up and a large hand presses on your back, locking you in place. Imagine the next week you find yourself pregnant with a baby that you can’t love, or a baby with genetic defects that will kill it by the age of 5, or a baby that is killing you. Would you bring it to term? Make your list again. Make sure to include the rusty scalpels, smell of alcoholic beverages, and the lack of being able to ever have another child again.

5: Flag Burning
We have the right to burn the flag, but that does not necessarily mean it’s the right thing to do. Heck, you have the right to snort talcum powder and pepper flakes up your nose. Doesn’t mean it’s the right thing to do either.

6: Capitol punishment.
I am a God-loving Christian. “Turn the other cheek” works in most situations. Heck, one of the best working responses I had for insults thrown in my direction was “Thank you.” It always shut them up. But if I find out you raped or killed my daughter… Well, that leads me to my next topic:

7: Gun Control
Whether it’s by gun, knife, or fist, if a person wants to kill another person, he’s darn well gonna try. The weapon is not the problem. The morals of the people holding them is. But morality cannot be legislated. It, however, can be taught… by the parents.

In a marriage, communication is important for the obvious reasons. When making decisions that effect the family, communication is needed with the family and especially between spouses. Compromise, as I mentioned before, can only be done with communication. I could preach communication all day, but I know you guys have heard it all before.

What about with parenting? Well, yes, commercials tell you over and over that it’s important to talk to your child about drugs and that it’s important to know about your child’s friends, which is accomplished by communication. So again, you’ve heard it all before.

However, I’m going to present an example of communication to you that you may not have heard before, and this one is important for parents. When my daughter was less than 2-years-old, she asked me that very cliche question of why the sky is blue. I proceeded to explain:

“Gas in the sky lets light through. However, some light, such as blue light, gets absorbed by the gas and scattered. So it’s coming from every direction. Since blue is all over the place, that’s why the sky looks blue on a cloudless day.”

My mother-in-law looked at me like I was stupid.

“How can you expect her to understand that?” she asked.

“I don’t expect her to understand it. Yet,” I responded.

About a week ago my daughter was on the phone with one of her cousins. He asked her why the sky was blue. Remember, she’s 7 right now. We haven’t had this discussion since she was less than 2. Here’s what she said:

“My daddy says that there’s stuff in the sky that bounces the light all over the place. Blue light gets bounced more so you see it more.”

I smiled of course.

So my point is that you should NEVER talk to your child like he/she is a child. Always give your full knowledge. They soak it in like a sponge. Which means it’s also ok to start early with the drug discussions. Don’t put it off because “he won’t understand that right now.” Maybe not, but later they’ll remember and they WILL understand.

See? Told you. So throughout my searching, I always tried to conform to what the girl I liked wanted me to be. “Lose a couple of pounds and I’ll be your girlfriend.” That was an odd one now that I think about it. But throughout my relationships I always put the woman on a pedestal and believed that I had to do and bee exactly what they wanted or else I wasn’t good enough for them. Guess what. That’s a lie. Don’t tell yourself that lie.

See, for a true relationship to form, you have to be accepting of the other person, and[1] they have to accept you for who you are. When I met my wife it was right after I had given up. I had just come out of a bad relationship, like all my other ones, and I told myself not to even bother. If someone didn’t like me, so what. I stopped looking for love at that point. I just decided to start being myself and having fun. Then I met my wife and we’ve been together for over 11 years. We’ve accepted each other for everything that we are and love each other for it.

That’s a true relationship. If you’re trying to be something you’re not, you’re lying to your significant other in a way that will only hurt you and may hurt them.[2]

1. the important part
2. I say “may” based on experience.

Since I’ve become an active member in the blogging community I’ve gotten to read tons of marketing blogs. They also basically spout the same information over and over so I’ve about learned it by heart. So I decided to have some fun this time. The conversation went like this:

Me: “Hello?”
Him: “Mr. White. I have an exciting offer to tell you about…”
Me: “Would you like to monetize your phone calls?”
Him: “I’m sorry sir?”
Me: “Monetize your phone calls. You know. Make money with your phone calls?”
Him: “Yes sir. I’m a telemarketer. Now this offer…”
Me: “Have you ever heard of Con Jow?”
Him: “Con Jow?”
Me: “Yes. He’s a well known phone call monetizer throughout the callosphere.”
Him: “The call o what?”
Me: “Nevermind. My point is that he recommends that you use Callvertiser to monetize your calls.”
Him: “Sir. I’m trying to tell you about a cruise, so let me tell you about the different stops…”
Me: “Callvertiser can benefit your calling business tremendously. Throughout your calls audio ads will interrupt and get the caller’s attention so they can buy products from you as an affiliate.”
Him: “One stop is in Cancun and the water is lov…”
Me: “Grab a pen.”
Him: “Grab a pen sir?”
Me: “Yes. Grab a pen. I want you to take down this number real quick.”
Him: “Ok sir.”
Me: “The number is 1-800-382-5968. Make sure to dial extension 3825.”
Him: “Is this your office sir?”
Me: “No, that’s my affiliate phone number to Callvertiser. You’ll learn everything you need to know about this great service there.”
Him: >click<

It was nice to be the one hung up on this time. So, next time a telemarketer calls, have a little fun. You might even start looking forward to 8 o’clock at night. I know I can’t wait. And thank you Internet marketers for the “ammo.” I appreciate it much.

And before you mention it, yes, I know there’s a list. This was more fun though.

There is one major secret[2] to staying married that long. The secret is compromise. “What?! Compromise?! That’s all you have for me after this big long introduction!?” Well, yeah. That’s the secret. But let me explain with some examples:

• Stealing the covers – Couples sometimes complain about the other always stealing their covers. My wife and I use separate covers. this also helps with the temperature issue because she can cover up in a blanket or two and I’ll just cover in a sheet.
• Where/What to eat? – Some couples argue over where they are going to eat. We either take turns picking places or we pick places that have something that both of us will enjoy. I know it sounds simple, but I’ve seen many arguments over this exact thing from other couples. As for what to eat at home, I really like my pizza. She doesn’t like having the same thing over and over. So we make separate pizzas. She sometimes has beef and cheese and sometimes has spinach and artichokes. She’s tried many different things. I stick with my beef and cheese. We have two different tastes as most people do, but we never argue over food.
• What to watch on television? – We have a digital video recorder[3]. It records the shows we both like and the great thing is it’s a dual tuner, meaning it can record two different shows at the same time. She watches “her” shows when she has free time. I watch “my” shows when I have free time. We watch “our” shows when we want to hang out and watch television.
• The toilet seat – You know, I’ve tried this argument before: “If guys should put the seat down for women, then women should put the seat up for men.” It didn’t work. I’m outnumbered anyway. Guys, put the seat down so you don’t have to hear it. If you put the seat down, she won’t yell at you about the seat anymore. That’s a good compromise in my opinion.

Seriously, I know these seem like small things. But we also compromise when it comes to major decisions about the family and our daughter. We work things out together and talk about stuff until we can agree on a feasible solution to problems. In our over 13 years of marriage, we have never once had an argument. We’ve always talked things out. And although those are small things I mention as examples, remember that small things add up. Be willing to compromise with the little stuff and anger just won’t build up for the big stuff.

1. She was 19 and I was 21
2. along with many others I’ll share with you over time
3. like a TiVo

It all began with a portable Nintendo DS game system. I was looking for a screen protector for it. Looked on eBay, looked on Froogle.com, etc. I couldn’t find one that was reasonably priced, and since I have an original DS instead of the “Lite” version, could barely even find one at all.

So a couple of weeks pass. I’m in Wal-Mart looking around in the craft section because I like to browse, and I wander over to the fabric area. I see rolls of clear stuff. I go look closer and find out they are clear vinyl rolls. I start messing with them and try to figure out what they would be good for. They say they’re for covering patio furniture and the like, but as I stare at them something “dings” in my head.

“Screen Protectors!” I shout. People looked at me weird. The lady that runs fabrics looked like she might call security. So after assuring her I was completely sane, I told her why I got so excited. She got excited too because she had a DS. This time I had to reassure the customers around us that the fabric lady was quite sane. However, I decided not to tell them why we were so excited as this might have caused a relapse that would have spread.

So, that’s how I found the stuff. It’s the second thinnest clear vinyl covering they carry. One is paper thin. You don’t want that. You want the next one.

Now, I know you may be wondering what this has to do with “Screen Protectors for Life,” well, I’ll tell ya: Screen protectors for any device run from $10 to $30. This stuff is able to be custom fit[1]. But the really great part, an entire YARD of this stuff only cost me $1.77. Yeah, you read that right: $1.77. And I have enough to probably cover all the portable devices in the city. So, I’m figuring I’m not gonna run out of this stuff until portable devices are installed in your brain and screen protectors aren’t needed anymore.

Oh, this stuff goes on without any glue, liquids, etc. Just press to the screen and rub it with something until it looks good. You could put a tiny drop of water underneath it to make it look even better, but I don’t. I’m fine with it the way it is.

Quick Recap

For cheap screen protectors:

1. Go to a Wal-Mart, Hobby Lobby, etc.
2. Buy some clear vinyl. Not the paper thin stuff, but the next thickest one.
3. Measure the screen you want to protect (great for cell phones too).
4. Measure the vinyl.
5. Cut the vinyl.
6. Clean your screen carefully and completely.
7. Place vinyl on screen (Add a drop of water under it to make it look nicer if ya want).
8. Rub until the air bubbles are gone and it looks nice and clear.

That’s it. You’re done. Enjoy.

This material can actually be used for crafts too. Multiple uses. Go figure. Oh! Oh! What if you attach some to your refrigerator and then use a write-on-wipe-off marker? Or, what if you cover one of your walls with a large piece of it and let the kids paint it with t-shirt paint? It could be rolled up and stored after everyone gets a good look. Hmmm… Let’s see… what else is there? *walks off talking to himself about more ideas for clear vinyl*[2]

1. measure, cut, place
2. The *something between the asterisks* method of typing is usually used in Internet chat as a way of portraying an action the writer is taking.

See, after my escapade to Wal-Mart and Lowe’s yesterday, I swore my life as a cool human was over. Well, my life as a cool human is over depending on the definition of the word. But temperature wise, I was getting worried. Ok, so the weather was supposed to be colder come Thursday, and as a reader pointed out, that’s the same day the air conditioner guys are coming. But today, it became 90 degrees in my house.

90 degrees. Did I mention I love the heat? Parts of my house still are 90 degrees. But not where I’m sitting. See, a friend of mine told me to try Geno’s Taxi. I’ll repeat that: A friend of mine told me to try Geno’s Taxi. Now, not being from around here, I never thought to call a taxi company for an air conditioner. For a taxi maybe. Not an air conditioner. Well, they had one. A 6000 BTU air conditioner less than 26 inches wide that could fit in my storm window and provide a layer of coolness that the pet rock could never have provided. Even has a remote, which is nifty and all, but I doubt that sucker is going to be used at the moment as I want the air conditioner to stay on.

So right now I’m typing on my daughter’s laptop because it’s still 90 degrees in my bedroom where my computer is. But in here, with a blanket covering the archway, it’s about 75 degrees and dropping. There’s a fan behind me. I am in true bliss at this moment.

However, in about 5 minutes I’m going to have to go to the bathroom, and my daughter decided to use hot water when she took a shower earlier. If I don’t suffocate from the heat, I’ll see you guys tomorrow.

Moral of the story? When you need an air conditioner, don’t go to Wal-Mart who carries heaters in 90 degree weather. Go to your local taxi company. They are much smarter about such things.

1. This was originally posted Sep 25, 2007, but just like the previous one, I thought it funny enough to move over to the new blog.

So, we decided to go look for some window units. My daughter, wife, and I put our shoes on. We have those neat little rubber shoes with holes in them. I can’t remember what they’re called, but they have good arch support and work like sandals. This is good for me as my feet like to sweat a lot. Anyway, we load up into my best friend’s Cadillac because our van is not working very well and we’ve been borrowing his car.[3] We borrowed his car for two reasons: 1. To not have to keep filling our van with power steering fluid. 2. For air conditioning because that’s also broke on our van.[4] However, while borrowing it, his air conditioner stopped working also, so in 90 degree weather, we’re off to the stores. I love heat.

We pull up to Wal-Mart and practically run inside. However, my feet decided to sweat anyway, and for some reason feet don’t like to stay still on wet rubber. It’s quite slick. So, I’ll correct that, we STUMBLED inside of Wal-Mart. We head to the area where the fans and air conditioners are, and in their place, as determined by the marketing genius of the Wal-Mart corporation, are heaters. Little heaters. Big heaters. Skinny heaters. Heaters with remote controls. Heaters that use propane. Heaters that use electricity. If I was in the market for a heater, they’d have it. I ask someone where the air conditioners and fans are. “We don’t have any. But we have Christmas trees on sale.” I hope he was kidding. I love the heat.

We stumble back to the car, footprints of sweat trailing us, and head to Lowe’s. It’s only a block away. “They’ll have air conditioners. They’re Lowe’s. They’re big. They carry more of stuff like that.” At this point I’m wearing a shirt that is purely made of salt water molecules. It has transformed. I’ll call it my “ocean shirt.” So, we walk in and the air conditioner there creates an “iceberg shirt.” I’m now happy. I’m going to get an air conditioner. I walk to where the air conditioners are, and guess what I find? Heaters. Little ones. Big ones. Skinny ones. You know the drill. Of course, an aisle away are Christmas trees. I find someone and ask him where the air conditioners are. “We don’t have any. Want a tree?” I love heat.

So now, I sit at the computer in my renewed “ocean shirt” waiting for Thursday to come. That’s when the air conditioner guys come to fix ours. If they offer me a tree, I’m buying a rifle.

1. This was originally posted on Sep 24, 2007, but I still thought it was funny so moved it over to the new blog.
2. The *something between the asterisks* method of typing is usually used in Internet chat as a way of portraying an action the writer is taking.
3. That’s a whole other rant that deals with being swindled out of money from a mechanic. I’ll share if you really want me to.
4. Yet another rant.

2. Open mindedness and fun environments – Schools should be open to new ideas. Just like any other profession, there are always new methods and great ideas being discovered. I’m lumping this with fun environments because I know a lot of “old school” teachers that feel that it’s not their job to entertain the students. That’s where the open mind comes in. Menville Flippen said, “If you capture kids’ hearts, you have their heads. If you don’t capture their hearts, you have no business messing with their heads.” I believe in that quote. And a fun learning environment is a great way to capture a child’s heart. But a fun environment requires an open mind. Be willing to be a kid again. Sure, a line needs to be drawn and discipline needs to be maintained, but fun does not equate to lack of discipline. Speaking of discipline…

3. A consistent and quality discipline/reward system – Students don’t respond to threats. They don’t respond to much of anything nowadays. However, the problem gets even worse if there’s not consistent discipline. When “favorites” are noticed within the student body, all the students find out and resent teachers and administrators for it. Threats without action lead to lack of respect. Rewards can also help. Privileges are great, such as dances, parties, etc.

NOTES on 2 and 3: I’ve seen a school system that requires uniforms and allows no fun activities whatsoever. I’ve seen a school system that allows kids to be kids and provides a fun learning environment with structured discipline systems. Guess which one has the higher test scores and happier students.[3]

4. Communication/collaboration – Yep. It’s an obvious one. And it’s very important. There must be communication between the administrators and teachers so that plans can be made to help the students learn. There must be communication between teachers and parents for the same reason. There must be access to information that is needed by the teachers, administrators, students, parents, etc. As a parent, I want to know how my child is doing. As a teacher, I want to know when important decisions are being made that might effect my teaching strategies. Also, as a teacher, I’d love to hear from the parents to know how they are working with their kids at home. And that brings us to:

5. A Plan for Parent involvement – Those two school systems I mentioned before are also different in this aspect. One practically doesn’t care if the parents are involved or not. The other has home visits and plenty of reasons for getting the parents involved in the learning process along with open communication lines between staff and parents.[4] The home visit system works. The open line of communication works. The parent activities work. Most of the kids I teach still have the “old school” respect for their teachers, and I know this is because of parent involvement.

6. Politic Free – I know. It’s an impossible dream. The “back room” conversations in the teacher’s lounge will always take place. People will always be hired because of who they know. But truly, does this help our students with their education? Can gossip increase the educational environment? Does the son of “so-and-so” make the best teacher just because he’s the son of “so-and-so”? Not really. Of course, in some instances, he may be just fine. But decisions based on politics are never truly decisions based on the needs of the students. Students should always come first. Period.

((The preceding was written in response to a discussion question in a class I was taking. I liked writing it so decided to share it.))

1. No Child Left Behind
2. Professional Development – Those classes teachers take to become better teachers.
3. The second one.
4. I know. Number 4 is sneaking in here.

Following on the success of World of Warcraft and the Wii, a small developing firm in Nitlun, Colorado decided to create a new breed of Massively Multiplayer Online (MMO) game. This groundbreaking technology is the core of Jimtree Dev Inc.’s mission statement to provide entertainment for the masses no matter education levels or age.

Leigh “Zee” Gaimer, the head of the development team, terms the technology “OneBut.” “OneBut gives players the capability of playing a game using only one button.” She smiles as she says this. “We’ve watched how World of Warcraft has risen to millions of subscribers and feel it’s based off of the ease of use of the system they employ.” Gaimer goes on to mention that the entire gameplay mechanics rests solely on the pressing of one button. “We’re very proud of this system. The player can even choose which button they want to use, whether it’s the ‘5? key or the ‘End’ key on their keyboard, it’s their choice.”

The game will be set in both a technological and fantastical world. Magic and technology coexist to create a world that bends genres so that anyone can appreciate the stories told within it. “We wanted to make sure we could reach the broadest audience possible. Even the art direction is mosaic-like with it’s incorporation of anime, North American comic book, and a dash of Divinci thrown in for the older crowd.” Gaimer insists that although they are relying on the “OneBut” system to increase their overall sales and subscriptions of the game, story and eye candy are still very important to them. “As a matter of fact, we have Stephen King, Terry Brooks, and J.K. Rowling writing the stories and some really good art people designing the look and feel. This game is next generation and will require next generation technology to handle it.”

Gaimer was reluctant to comment much on the “OneBut” system since the game wouldn’t launch for another few months, but she was willing to say this: “The OneBut system will allow you to move, attack, cast spells, chat, craft and do many other tasks all with just one button.” She gave us a small demonstration of the system showing that pressing the button would bring up a list of options for chat because it knew she wanted to chat. These options were “Pwned!”, “That was gay!”, “You’re gay!”, “kk”, “l8rs”, and finally “@#$%”. The system then correctly guessed which one of these she would choose, so when she pressed the button it instantly put “That was gay!” in the chat box and sent it into the channel. “The system has an advanced artificial intelligence,” is all Gaimer would say as she flashed a wicked grin.

The game, untitled as of yet, is slated for a release in Fall of next year. Jimtree Dev Inc. is expecting profits in the ten-figure range. Considering the target audience of the game, they will likely reach those estimates within the first year after launch.

Keep your eyes and ears open for this exciting new technology and what it may mean for the future of gaming.

(NOTICE: “World of Warcraft” is the property of Blizzard. “Wii” is the property of Nintendo. Names of people and places are fictional. This satire/parody has been brought to you by Saphrym.com and written by Michael White. Feel free to copy and paste it anywhere as long as you keep this notice included. Original article location: http://saphrym.com/humor/one-button-mmo-worth-billions/)

There is a fairy print done by Amy Brown called “Always.” My wife loves fairies. She collects them. Well, about 3 or 4 Christmases ago, I decided I had to find something special for her. I’m not the kind of husband who hands my wife jewelry every year just to appease her. Each gift has to matter in some way. Thought must go into them. So a friend mentioned Amy Brown to me. I had never heard of her but the moment I saw her artwork I knew my wife would love it. But which one to get?

I looked through her site and found plenty of fairy pictures. There was one of a fairy holding an infant fairy. That one caught my attention because of our daughter. Then I saw other whimsical fairy pictures. But when my eyes settled on the picture above, I knew I found the right one. I loved the title: “Always” It felt as if it transcended the bounds of mortality. It was a simple word but with powerful meaning. The male fairy kneeling down to the female was a profound profession of love. I knew my wife would love it. So I ordered not only a print of it but also a gift card with it and, here’s the kicker, a statue that had been made of it.

They arrived in about 4 days. I wrapped up the gifts while my wife was off running errands and place them under the tree. When Christmas came the whole family was at our house. My daughter was wearing a “Santa’s Helper” hat and my wife was wearing the actual Santa hat we have. Angela, my wife, finally finished having my daughter hand out all of the other presents so people were absorbed in opening their gifts. But I was watching my bride carefully. She was opening her gift.

She started with the card. In it I had simply written, “I will love you… Always.” The first smile appeared on her face. She then opened the flat package and found the print of the fairies that she had just seen on the card. Her smile grew and tears began to well up. Finally, she opened the statue. She stared. She smiled. She cried. She turned to me and the world centered on her. The sounds of other presents being opened were muted. My vision omitted any sight but her. She mouthed the words, “I love you.” Even with the noise around me, I heard those words clearly and hung on to each and every syllable as time stood still for that moment.

I will love my wife always. She knows that. I know that. That picture hangs above our bed. The statue right by it. That picture is a symbol of our love and our life together in this world and the next.

Always.

1. This is my entry to evilwoobie’s Valentine Share Your Love Story Contest, and it’s also true. So thank you to Woobie for the trip down memory lane.

The progeny, cheeks wet, quit to another room.
One remains, trembling and daring to defy,
Fingernails dig into the flesh of numb hands.
His mind’s voice screams to the heavens:

My child will never know her grandmother!
She won’t be held by her anymore,
Kissed by her anymore,
Spoiled by her anymore.
She’ll never be able to sit in her lap,
Say ‘I love you’,
And feel the love returned ten-fold!
You!
You denied them both!
And you denied me!

A sob escapes from his lips as legs buckle.
His eyes close in mourning.
Arms drape across shaking knees.
A beaten soul slouches in defeat.

A light flows over the soft grave.
His wet eyes search out the origin.
From within the now pale husk
The tips of feathers reach upwards.

Pearly wings spread from the carcass,
Followed by radiant robes of white.
The heavens draw the angel to them.
Her smile roots its love in the heart of a son.

He suddenly becomes aware of a spectator.
His eyes turn toward the clueless crowd.
Wrapped in the comfort of a mother’s arms,
His tiny cherub watches with smiling eyes.

Is white due over the red or the blue?
Yes, it is due an explosion of light.
Enlightenment is not ever a fright
unless the red and the blue say it is true.

White is all of the colors working together.
The mother blue and strong red must step down
from soap boxes and untie the tether
and be part of white, part of the ether
that poisons and cures the pink, green, and brown.
White is not the cow, it is the leather.

But mostly I crave the simple love you give me in all moments throughout our prior and future lives within a universe that would be only dark if your eyes, lips, life, mind, smile, and world did not exist in it for all of eternity with me by your side wishing for you the most happiness that could ever be accomplished in this gloriously shining life that is much more glorious because you do love me and I know you do and I love you and always will because you are the light in my eyes, the craving of my soul, and the true meaning of my existence and I will forever be thankful to your mother for one thing: your birth.[1]

1. Created for my wife’s birthday on July 25th, 2008

Breath fogged over the barrier,
My mind was remembering, hours before,
Before the clock turned 7:01.

Tears came welling over the rim,
My smile was breaking, my eyes still searching,
Searching for that little one.

Lips smiled wider, a pride in my eyes.
That time was forgotten, hours before,
Before the clock turned 7:01.

Hands settled on my precious gift,
For they’d found her. My eyes stopped searching,
Searching for that little one.

Arms held tight, tighter than ever,
Protecting the bundle from hours before,
Before the clock turned 7:01.

Ears hear laughter, of a little child,
My beautiful child, so my eyes go searching,
Searching for that little one.

Before the clock turned 7:01,
Searching for that little one,
My eyes find Nicole
Playing in the sun,
Mind and soul,
My little one.

Clouds surround her feet as she thinks of the days,
When the world is better because he’s near.
Each glance at another shows only his face.
Only his smile. Only his eyes. Only him.

She moves a little swifter. Her meeting is soon.
She sees the future kiss, standing from afar.
Her lips brush his. Her eyes touch his.
Their souls intertwine in the mist between them.

She glances in a window to view the gift.
That single flower glows brightly,
After having been touched by him.
She envies the rose, but she knows not long.

Beyond the shadow of the rose in the window,
She sees him.
Wrong place.
Another woman.
A passionate kiss.
She squeezes.
The prick.
It hurts.

1. Written at the age of 8. I was looking for love at an early age. ;)