Sarahjoy Le Donner A Dieu

Comment/Response From My Kid About 'Empty Beer Cans Story'

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 14:58:00 +0000

My Mother is the author of "The Empty Beer Cans" article in this blog and this is my response/comment to that story. She wrote she envisioned 'messy-hair people, dark and dirty'. I'd like to make a few comments regarding societies view of the common addict.
Kids often excuse themselves from class to use the restroom, for a quick "wake-up".
Teens watch their older siblings experiment and follow in their footsteps. Often stealing from that very stash.
I've personally seen kids use with their own parents. I know people in recovery that used for the first time with a parent or other close family member. Almost anything can be crushed and snorted. That empty pen casing could have been used for cocaine, crushed pills (diet, muscle relaxers, sedatives, pain pills, etc), heroine, speed (aka meth, shit), etc. I personally didn't use until I was 21 years old. Drugs took me to my bottom by the age of 25, when I tried to get clean the first time. So, take a closer look at the kid bagging your groceries at your local market. Wonder why your co-worker seems so bi-polar. Your husband/wife sleeping next to you may have a dirty little secret of their own. Sarahjoy March 10, 2008 10:12 PM

Patricia, Editor said... I am left stunned, again. D*mn kid. March 11, 2008 3:27AM

The Empty Beer Cans

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:40:00 +0000

Now I'm a normie, but I'm a 'seasoned' normie. I have more familiarization with drug use because of my kid than I wish to. My druthers are I would like to be able to press the rewind button and be able to not choose my daughter getting involved in drugs, in that 'world' and in being a recovering addict. Where was that button, because I would have gladly chosen unenlightenment.
Yesterday walking the dog, I notice junk on the ground next to my car (mine's the one with the cute, little car-cover). Ick .... what is that stuff ... someone had a little party here I'm thinking, cuz' it's a plastic shopping bag with beer cans (empty of course). Well, they were picky little bugers, I decide, because each tall can is an individual brand name beer.
Ummmm.....closer though, I notice the tiny, tiny plastic packet, now also empty, a pen casing separate from its contents, erghhhhhh, these things are familiar to me as signs of meth use.
Already I am imagining what this looked like last night. Hush tones, excessive, meaningless talk, I wondered what the mix of beer and meth did. Does it heighten the high or is it to help to sleep, another sign of meth use (can't sleep or excessive sleeping). My world of words change, the jargon of drugs spins in my mind and I imagine icky, scary people: bad teeth, bad skin, messy-hair people, dark and dirty. I conjure up that their messy hair is to hide their horns but dismiss the image because that made-up picture is too innocent for this. Scary. What happens in that dark world happened here, right here. I feel so violated.
I look around the day's goings-on and notice the familiar maintenance guy for my apartment complex and point out the things to him. I decide that's what you are supposed to do. I even tell him I know there's nothing that can be done about it, but 'I wanted to show you just in case'. (Just in case what?) He and I discuss it a bit and he says 'yeah, you wish you could do more.'
I told him (because it is my habit, because I think perhaps it will somehow serve a purpose) that my 'perfectly adorable daughter' used and she is now clean. I think I am trying to remind myself that 'those kids' are 'our kids,' that those kids have mothers who know that deep inside they are perfectly adorable too.
He tells me that he will be sure to clean it up and I'm embarrassed because I certainly didn't show it to him for that purpose.
"You like to think we live in a safe place," he tells me.
"Oh, wait, lets stop there," I insist, because I need to, because I want the talk to stop, or because I need it to stop there, right there. "We live in a safe place," I say to him. "Let's say 'we live in a safe place," I appeal. Nervously and to divert his attention from my mother-of-a-recovering-addict needs, I add, "Now, don't f*ck with me," hoping my normie cute-mom look is working for me.
"No, I wouldn't do that," he laughs, "I haven't even had coffee yet," and he wishes me a good day.
I am still a lil' bit shaky as I write, but I'm holding hope and I really like the boringness of normies, normal people, telling other normies, 'to have a good day!' That is the way it should be.

Sarahjoy's "15 Things To Know_

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 02:44:00 +0000

MySpace.com Blogs - 15 Things to Know - Big Joy MySpace Blog Monday, January 05, 2009 15 Things to KnowCurrent mood: optimisticCategory: Life 1.At least 2 people in this world LOVE you so much they would DiE for you. 2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way. 3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you. 4. A SMiLE from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you. 5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep. 6. You mean the world to someone. 7. If not for you, someone may not be living. 8. You are special & unique. 9. Someone that you don't even know exists, loves you. 10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it. 11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world. 12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you BELiEVE in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it. 13. Always remember the compliments you received. FORGET about the rude remarks. 14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know. 15. If you have a GREAT FRiEND, take the time to let them know that they are great.

Girls Need To Realize

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Thu, 01 Jan 2009 02:51:00 +0000

Girls need to realize... --We guys don't care if you talk to other guys. --We don't care if you're friends with other guys. --But when you're sitting next to us, and some random guy walks into the room and you jump up and tackle him, without even introducing us, yeah, it pisses us off. --It doesn't help if you sit there and talk to him for ten minutes without even acknowledging the fact that we're still thereWe don't care if a guy calls >OR TEXTS< you,but at 2 in the morning we do get a little concerned.. --Nothing is that important at 2 am. That it can't wait till the morning. --Also, when we tell you you're pretty/ beautiful/ gorgeous/cute/ stunning, we freaking mean it. --Don't tell us we're wrong.We'll stop trying to convince you otherwise --The sexiest thing about a girl is confidence. --Don't be mad when we hold the door openTake Advantage of the mood im in --Let us pay for you! Dont "feel bad". We enjoy doing it. It's expected. Smile and say "thank you". --Kiss us when no one's watching. --If you kiss us when you know somebody's looking, we'll be more impressed. --If we're going out with you in the first place, you don't have to feel the need towear the shortest skirt you have or put on every kind of makeup you own.We like you for who you are and not what you are --Honestly, i think a girl looks more beautiful when she's just in her pj's, or my tshirt and boxers, not all dolled up. --Don't take everything we say seriously. --Sarcasm is a beautiful thing. See the beauty in it. --Don't get angry easily. --Stop using magazines/media as your bible. --Don't talk about how hott Chris Brown,Brad Pitt, or Jesse McCartney is in front of usIt's boring, and we don't care. You have girlfriends for that. --Whatever happened to the word "handsome"/"beautiful"i'd be utterly stunned by a girl who greeted mewith "Hey handsome!" instead of "Hey baby/ stud/ cutie/ sexy" or whatever else you can think of. --On the other hand im not sayin i woulndnt like it ether ; )Girls, I cannot stress this enough: if you aren't being treated right by a guy, dont wait for him to change!!!!!Ditch his sorry @$$, HE is a disgrace to the male populationand find someone who will treat you with utter respectSomeone who will honor your morals. --Someone who will make you smile when you're at your lowest. --Someone who will care for you even when you make mistakes. --Someone who will love you, no matter how bad you make them feel. --Someone who will stop what they're doing just to look you in the eyes....and say "i love you" ..and actually mean it. --Give the nice guys a chance.___________________________________**Guys repost this if you agree. **Girls repost this if you think it's cute. **Every Guy who isn't a jerk will agree with this. so we hope that all the girls that read this will repost this.__________________________________ADVICE:*Holdin HandsGirls :If you want to hold his hand, gently bump into it a couple oftimes. *MoviesGirls : During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulderGuys : Lift her chin up and kiss her. *Loving each otherGuys : When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love hertoo...And mean it *Laying below the starsGirls : When you're both laying under the stars, put your head on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beatGuys : Whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. *******************************By 12 am tonight your one true love will realize how much they want you. =Girls repost as: written by a guy. =Guys post as: girls need to realize

April 8 Means She's 29

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 14:41:00 +0000

I was working with about 500 other people in the basement of a closed down, abandoned old department store, our temporary work site while the city hall building of the City of Whittier was being renovated (it had been determined it was cheaper to relocate all the workers rather than work around us). It was also where I turned 29, having a 5 year-old kid and was trying to reconstruct my life from a divorce. (Several years later that renovated municipal building would suffer during the Northridge earthquake and those same people became emergency response teams for the entire community.)

I knew my kid would be okay, cuz I had enough love to keep my arms around her forever.

It was walking-zombie-land for awhile; I was physically there, but not altogether. I recall having to go back home while I frantically drove (her to preschool and me to work at the City) and getting forgotten lunches, matching shoes and the sort.

There came a time that I knew I was gonna make it and being 29 and divorced and having a kid wasn't the worst thing in the world. I created friendships and re-connected with family. Not ever really a drinking person, I did the divorce initiation ceremony of overpartying, a night of too many tall Long Island Ice Tea's (the kind that have lots of different types of liquor and go down so smoothly) found me laying on the top of a six foot brick wall. It must have been easy to climb, but the fall hurt like hell.

My kid is 29 now. Her divorce initiation ceremony unfortunately found her meeting her neighbors, one of whom was a young 'puppy' and the other, a female, a registered nurse. Puppy boy turned out to be not just fun to hang with but between puppy-boy and the nurse who was a functioning methhead, my kid was introduced to meth.

I didn't have my arms around her cuz' she was an adult and needed to initiate on her own. It must have been easy for her to try meth the first time and become addicted, she says the fall hurt like hell.

She is lucky because she didn't sink as far as many people do from this particular drug. She's finally got most of her life together again, this is now three years later. Last month she celebrated her three-year sobriety mark, today she celebrates her 29 years' day.

She says she is proud of me and I am extremely proud of her. My kid.

Gwen's Bio, No Doubt

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 00:51:00 +0000

Gwen Stefani Bio From VH1 From VH1.Com Gwen Stefani: Before she discovered she could write songs, Gwen Stefani was looking forward to a life of marriage, children, and white picket fences. When her brother introduced her to ska and new wave music, it set off a chain of events that would eventually lead to millions of albums sold and a Madonna-sized public image that extended past music and into the worlds of film, fashion, and technology. Born and raised in Fullerton, CA, Stefani had a musical epiphany at the age of 17. She had fallen in love with the Madness and Selecter records her brother, Eric Stefani, was playing constantly. Seeing Fishbone, the Untouchables, and other bands involved in Los Angeles' ska revival scene only reinforced her interest in music, so she was more than ready when her brother asked her to join a ska band he was forming with a friend named named John Spence. G wen originally shared lead vocals with Spence but in December of 1987 he committed suicide, leaving the band -- now called No Doubt -- with an uncertain future. According to numerous interviews with the bandmembers after their breakthrough, Gwen was the glue that held No Doubt together during these hard times, pushing the group to keep trying. She was also romantically involved with the band's bass player, Tony Kanal, by this time. After playing numerous gigs and parties, No Doubt were signed to Interscope in 1991. The label considered their 1992 debut album a flop and refused to financially support a tour or further recordings, but the band refused to give up. The self-financed Beacon Street Collection appeared in 1994 and did well enough to make things nice with Interscope, but the band was once again going through a traumatic period behind the scenes. Eric Stefani left to become an animator for The Simpsons and Gwen and bass player Tony Kanal's relationship had ended. Gwen wrote a collection of songs focused on heartbreak and rebirth that would become No Doubt's third album, Tragic Kingdom, and the rest, as they say, is history. For more slideshow photos of Gwen, click here. From VH1 Bio, Gwen Stefani, View The Music Artists Bio Online

Gwen Stefani's House For Sale, Photos - It's Fun To Take A Peek!

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 22:57:00 +0000

We've loved Gwen since it was just little Gwen and her older brother Eric Stefani, a couple kids from Fullerton, CA. Eric started the band and their promotion of themselves consisted of posting stickers saying "NO DOUBT" on street signs, car bumpers, store fronts, they probably had friends that will willing to wear them on their foreheads. If it was stationary, it got sticker stuck. Besides the great photos that allow us sneak peaks inside the L.A. house for sale, the end of this post shares a bio of Gwen and No Doubt. If you are unfamiliar with their start up, spend a minute to read it. After all, she's 'just a girl' from Orange County, CA. Offered at $4,795,000 Truly one of the finest Mediterranean estates in Los Feliz, north of the boulevard. Originally built in 1928. Set behind gates and up a long private drive this gorgeous villa encompasses almost 5000 sq. ft on a lot size of more than 24,00 sq. ft (per assessor).Some of the features of this celebrity owned residence include• 2-story grand entry with sweeping wrought iron circular staircase and stenciled beams.• Step down living room with dramatic 25 ft. cathedral beamed ceiling and massive wood burning stone fireplace.• Dramatic stained glass atrium opens up to private courtyard.• Completely remodeled kitchen done to period with Malibu tile, top-of-the-line appliances, butlers sink and eat-in breakfast area. •Five bedrooms and four bathrooms.• Gorgeous Spanish tiled pool and spa with cascading waterfall• Private pool cabana. Outdoor sitting area and fireplace.• Media room complete with an automatic drop down movie screen and blackout shades.• 3-car garage and motor court. Info from realtor site. Listing Realtors Daniel And Judie Carson (tel (323) 671-2355 or write them at daniel.carson@sothebysrealty.com The Carsons have compiled a beautiful presention of the Los Angeles home and additionally would be pleased to set up a private showing. For more photos including exterior shots, Click For Slideshow

CasaSugar webpage offers numerous interior photos of the house for sale, click For Slideshow

For Gwen's bio and photos, click here

How Enabling Is This? Bug's First Easter

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 14:11:00 +0000

This Is A Post That Originated On The KCI Anti-Meth Forum

By: LdyOfWzdm , Reprinted Here With Permission

Most of you know that my daughter abandoned her 7 month old granddaughter (Bug) with me back in Dec., Dec. 15th was the last time she's laid eyes or hands on this beautiful little girl, and I now have custody. Last week my daughter's PO called looking for her (at 8 am), as he hadn't seen her in as much time. I told him if I talked with her I would tell her to get in touch with him, and when she called last week I told her (even though I had told her the week before I found a note from him say the same on the door of the trailer house that she had also abandoned with all the furniture and shyt I had given her to set up home with Bug). She came down here with NOTHING but a baby in her belly and a BIG appetite! She called him this Tuesday and he told her she must come back down here and see him by this coming Monday or he would have a warrant issued for her arrest. So she told him she would be there. She told me about this but not once did she mention anything about visitation with Bug. She has talked with me on several occasions and did know how or when she would be down here to see him. She could have come Tuesday, yesterday, today, tomorrow, or Monday....HOW am I to know what she's going to do. She did asked if I would check the online court records to see if a failure to report or warrant had been filed. I DID...there wasn't that I could see. Today my husband had a check up at the Transplant Center where he received his liver and kidney transplants in Dec. 2005. This was the first time since the transplants that we received bad news (it had always been GREAT news). It looks as if the ugly dragon of HepC is back. He has to go in next Monday for a liver biopsy, to see just how much damage. When my daughter called today I told her about my husband having to have the biopsy on Monday and that I was going to have to find a sitter for Bug. I had forgotten all about her having to be down here by Monday. She had discussed nothing with me about visitation with Bug if and when she did come down. They only thing she said when I told her about my husband was (and in a very pissy way) Oh, so I wont be able to see my daughter. I told her I had forgotten about that, but I didn't have any thing to do with the scheduling by the hospital to do the procedure. She wanted to meet me in OKC that's about half way between where she lives and where her PO is, and take Bug with her to her PO and then bring her back to the hospital. LIKE THAT IS GONNA HAPPEN! She was pissed because I said NO. I said how are you getting down here (she doesn't have a vehicle), who's bringing you??????? She didn't know the answers to any of the questions, but still turned her not being able to see Bug around on ME! Or at least that's the way her attitude made me feel. So being the enabler that I am I told her I would call her PO and see if she could wait until Tuesday of next week to come see him, so we would be able to schedule her a visit with Bug....and I DID. Well I left him a message requesting that he give her one more day. Now why did I do that??? She hasn't seen Bug in over 3 months. Bug hasn't spent much time with her since her birth. Bug has lived with me since the day we brought her home from the hospital, and my daughter was back using with in 2 months. Even when my daughter was living her for the first 4 months she would spend most her time sleeping and I cared for Bug. Here I am feeling so confused. Wondering why I keep doing things like this for my daughter...and second wondering why I question myself for doing it...because I feel I do it because I love her, and I want her Bug to know her mother. My feelings are also hurt that my daughter didn't express any sympathy or concern for my husband of over 10 years, or for me and my pain of possibly facing liver failure with him again.

Mostly just venting,

Lady

There Were Numerous Comments In Response To This Post, in addition to my response that is shown here. (Click to go to KCI Anti-Meth Forum For Entire Posting)

Lady, You Have Your Hat On The Right Way! You seem to be moving in a positive direction with ceasing enabling - getting to the point of trying to figure out what the 'triggers' are. I agree with 'LO' (one of the other people who had posted a helpful response). We do tend to continue habits that numb the hurt somehow, even if they are not healthy. I hit hard learning how to discontinue my enabling. After a couple years trying, trying, trying .....not understanding, the pain seemingly only growing larger than life, one situation finally occurred that 'was too much'. First I tried to kill myself with an entire bottle of xanax, along with glass of milk (somewhere I thought I needed to keep from vomiting unconsciously). When I awoke 18 hours later still alive, my husband broke the bedroom door down to find me with one of his rifles trying to position myself. Addiction is such a demon including the demons it infests in the families of the addict. I have never in my life been suicidal, but I wanted out of the pain in that particular situation, it was finally too much. I did get involuntarily hospitalized, slept alot and participated in a bit of the therapy. But I didn't need it, so much as my studing of enabling, my years of trying to keep my 'good mom hat' on correctly all came together for me. From that day on, I decided that I was worth living for and it has been easier to keep my hat on my head. I learned my 'good mom hat' would not fit correctly if I allowed my own family (my kid) to destroy me, to destroy what I was, who I was. I sure support your efforts for your grandchild and for your child. Girlfriend, I'd say watch out for balance, as you seem to be. Balance in our own heads and minds helps us keep our 'good mom and good grandmother hats' on straight.

Patricia

PatriciaLynne12@aol.com

Sarahjoy & Living

MY KID IS THREE YEARS CLEAN OF USING - GOD D*AMN RIGHT ITS A BEAUTIFUL DAY

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 05:25:00 +0000

Justin Hunt, filmmaker/producer of "American Meth" the movie, signed a cd for Sarahjoy in honor of her being three years clean. He wrote, "To Sarahjoy, for her third year. Keep up the good work. Justin"

For more information on the "American Meth" movie, click here.

Send wishes and comments to Sarahjoy, by clicking comments button below. She appreciates your support; her comment about it: "Recovery Is Not For The Weak."

She's Out Of Our Lives Again .......

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 11:52:00 +0000

Following is a posting from an anonymous mother of an adult addict: Haven't been here in a while. I am the Mom of a daughter who is 32. I was going to fill you all in on the details about her, but that's not important. We don't know where she is, once again, and it very difficult for me...I worry and then I worry some more. I think I could call some numbers that I have and maybe find out where she is...I guess the question I have is, should I do that? I then would at least know she is alive...not alive and well but just alive.

Thanks.

This is my comment back and note of support:

"GRAPPLING"

I apologize for my duplication, I have written this previously.

I am a mother of a recovering addict, 28 years old, 3 years clean. But, during her use. ............. I hurt so bad, prayed constantly, couldn't stop thinking of her if you gave me a million dollars. The pain of losing my best friend/daughter was killing me, and it almost did.

I advocate doing some calling if you want, but you have to be careful not to get too wrapped up in her. It is your daughter who will get clean or not. She is avoiding you for one reason because addicts KNOW they are behaving wrong and instinctively go underground, vs. alcoholics don't see it the same way, alcohol is legal, there is more 'normie' use of alcohol, etc. so they don't hide. She is also avoiding you because she is suffering intense shame from what she is doing and doing to you. As long as you can call, knowing that it is 'reminder that you'll help drive her to rehab,' etc. and not a way to find out about her or influence her somehow, then its cool. But, if in your heart, you know, you are calling to do anything, that just is grappling - give it up and read a book to help get inner peace, even for a few moments.

This is the often told story with my daughter: I hit hard learning how to discontinue my enabling. After a couple years trying, trying, trying .....not understanding, the pain seemingly only growing larger than life, one situation finally occurred that 'was too much'. First I tried to kill myself with an entire bottle of xanax, along with glass of milk (somewhere I thought I needed to keep from vomiting unconsciously). When I awoke 18 hours later still alive, my husband broke the bedroom door down to find me with one of his rifles trying to position myself. Addiction is such a demon including the demons it infests in the families of the addict. I have never in my life been suicidal, but I wanted out of the pain, that particular situation. I did get involuntarily hospitalized, slept a lot and participated in a bit of the therapy. But I didn't need it. My study of enabling, my years of trying to keep my 'good mom hat' on correctly all came together for me. From that day on, I decided that I was worth living for and it has been easier to keep my hat on my head. I learned my 'good mom hat' would not fit correctly if I allowed my own family (my kid) to destroy me, to destroy what I was, who I was.

I sure support your efforts for your daughter. Girlfriend, I'd encourage try to watch out for balance. Somedays that is easier than others, of course. Balance in our own heads and minds helps us keep our 'good mom hats' on straight.

Best to you.

Patricia PatriciaLynne12@aol.com

Sarahjoy & Living (My Kid's 3 Years Clean Of Using Meth)

April 7, 2008 7:15 PM

Following Is A Note Of Support/Comment, From Luvepiphany to me:

Mornin! I am glad you posted a little exerpt of your story for the mom worried about her daughter this morning. The new gal, jshmom, needs to hear it too. If you have time, please read through her posts. She reminds me of you and of me, I think you'll see it too. She could use some of you experience strength and hope as we all do.

luv

Luvepiphany

April 7, 2008 7:24 PM

I don't think being an addict means you had bad upbringing

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 12:42:00 +0000

This is a blog post started by keepitsimpleforme on the KCI Anti-Meth site, one of my favorite sites. Keepitsimpleforme's name is Susan, she's 40, female, from Loganville, GA. The KCI site is a great meth resource site for us normies struggling with a friend or family member in addiction, for addicts and for recovering addicts also. It is user-friendly, but as honest as it can be about the ugliness of the drug, so I keep it 'on my desktop' as an aid.

I Don't Think Being An Addict Means You Had Bad Upbringing

The other topic we were talking about -- treatment, etc. and why some people get better some don't. And, how some people are already screwed up and so they have a harder time with recovery. Well, it got me thinking about a very good friend of mine. She is a BAD alcoholic. I haven't spoken to her in months. I basically had to cut her off because it got to where she was calling my house drunk and wanting to come stay there (because her husband was kicking her out again and her parents won't let her there either). Or her husband was calling me to come get her becasue she was drunk again. Which I did a few times trying to "help" her. This girl was a cheerleader in high school. Beautiful girl. Very funny with a very fun loving personality. Basically everybody loved her. Her parents were the nicest people too. They both worked full time and had a very nice home. I spent alot of time there and we also went on family vacations together. No drugs, no fighting, no tension. Very loving grounded people. Well, my friend was a partier as we all were. But, for whatever reason --- she couldn't shake it. She lost custody of her kids. Was arrested many times for domestic violence and public drunkeness. Got 2 dui's within a 24 hour period --- WHILE running away from a halfway house no less. Drove her kids around drunk. Got caught on video camera stealing wine from an Eckerds. Terrible stuff. I don't understand. She was a very well adjusted individual. But, she liked to party. And, ultimately -- she was and is a severe alcoholic. I went to visit her in rehab and she told me she knew she'd never stop drinking. I thought --- but LOOK at your life! She said "I like my wine". I also have a cousin who was a major alcoholic/drug addict. She had 2 kids. They had to basically take care themselves because she'd get drunk or high and pass out. They are doing outstanding today. Both married with kids, no drinking, no drugs. Both graduated college. So, does it really matter whether or not someone is well adjusted or not? Or are some people just the unlucky ones who have this "thing" in them that compels them to drink/do drugs to the point of their own self destruction?

To continue with this post and read the comments, click here.

My Inspiration For Staying Clean

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 02:40:00 +0000

I just wanted to show off my boy. This is from KCI-Anti Meth Group, Metheart

Miracles Are At Work Here ..... More Hope For Loved Ones!

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 14:38:00 +0000

My note to 'MLG' - MLG, thanks for sharing & do you mind ..... do you mind if I post your letter on my blog, I can post it exactly or with complete anonymity, if you like. it is a goosebump story. Patricia PatriciaLynne12@aol.com Sarahjoy & Living (My Kid's Almost 3 Years Clean Of Meth)

MLG's note to Me Patricia, be my guest, AND any others here who would like to post. I know as a loved one, we grasp on any flicker of hope we can get. I was truly a "smoldering flax" until I finally surrendered FULLY

Miracles are at work here...More hope for loved ones!

I have to share this...Two years ago at this time, I thought my daughter was probably dead. Hadn't heard/seen her in about a year. She was very, very sick from meth, after 15 yrs. of drug abuse/alcohol addiction. Today, as I write this, she has just been employed by a rehab ranch outside of town. It's very beautiful in a gorgeous setting. She will live there rent free, and be trained on the job to be a certified addiction counselor. Her personal Sponsor knew the woman that runs the place, and recommended our daughter. It is 12-Step based, and also embraces a lot of Native American philosophy, which our daughter has also been embracing. They focus on 2 things hugely: Proper Nutrition and testing the Neurotransmitters in the brains of the addicts there. I heard about this in a forum last Sept. and was impressed with the new focus on brain chemicals and lack there of that can be a huge contributor to addiction. Also, they ask that the employees do not smoke! Our daughter has lately embraced vegetarianism, however, the smoking will be tough. She has been smoking American Spirits lately and really does want to stop. The woman said they will help her with it. Anyway, just thought I'd share that JUST FOR TODAY, small miracles are happening. Two years ago, I was fantasizing about her funeral. mlg

This original post is from KCI Anti-Meth Site, to read it and the follow up comments, click here.

Consequences From Addiction Hit Our Family Hard Today

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sat, 08 Mar 2008 10:08:00 +0000

From: KCI.org Methamphetamine Abuse

I've posted before about my nephews and their problems with drug addiction, and their addict dad.

Two years ago my oldest nephew plea bargained a paraphernalia and possession charge down to probation. About a year ago he left Texas without permission, stopped paying his fees, stopped reporting. He didn't even tell my sister goodbye, or call her for over a year. He went to live with his addict Dad in Louisiana.

Last month he got picked up in Arizona (was there on a job) and was extradited back to Texas.

Today he plea bargained the 3 and a half year prison sentence that was the automatic penalty for violating probation down to 120 days.

So my 21 year old nephew will be spending the next 4 months in the Texas Prison system (Huntsville).

His younger brothers aren't doing much better. Both of them got picked up (together) 2 weeks ago for truancy and paraphernalia, and both tested positive for drugs. They are 15 and 17. The 15 year old just got out of Juvie (for 18 months) in December. This is a probation violation for him, as well, so he'll likely be going back to TYC. When he came home in December, he said he was "done" and never wanted to go back. I believe him that he meant what he said. I know it is not because these boys are bad or flawed or hopeless. They are addicts. They are compelled to behave this way because they don't know how to make a different choice when the going gets tough.

I'm trying to be there for my sister as best that I know how. She's to the point that she is numb. The pain of losing all 3 of her boys to the same lifestyle their Dad lives is too much for her.

While I knew they were struggling, and I knew this was always a possibility, it still leaves me with a feeling of shock. My nephew, who's diaper I changed, who's swing I pushed, who always had a hug for Aunt Lori is in prison.

I remember a while back someone posted about a board for family members of those in prisons. If someone could PM me that info, I'd really appreciate it.

Prison Talk Forums

There is a fourm specifically for people who have loved ones in prison. I visit this site on occasion and find the information there very useful and they have a good group of members in the various forums. HTH

How Can I Tell A Meth Addict's Symptons?

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 06:36:00 +0000

COMMONLY ASKED METH QUESTIONS FROM KCI THE ANTI-METH SITE

American Meth Movie - Local Filmmaker Goes National

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 15:26:00 +0000

Editor's Note: I moved from California to New Mexico, a cheaper place to live, after a divorce but had been familiar with small Farmington, New Mexico as we'd owned two rental homes there. Justin Hunt of Farmington, New Mexico has made a highly acclaimed movie 'American Meth,' covering a two year span, addressing how methamphetamine abuse is affecting communities in different parts of the country. His project illustrates the problem by looking at the lives of middle-aged meth addicts trying to raise four children. I am the mother of a 28-year old meth addict in recovery (almost three years) and believe this issue could not be more heart-wrenching and it is one affecting families all over our country. 'American Meth' is a must see movie.

Farmington Daily Times By James Monteleone The Daily Times Article Launched: 10/13/2007 10:13:01 PM MDT

When a Farmington man makes a feature-length movie, it's unique. When it successfully targets a national drug epidemic, it's fascinating. But when that film also manages to win critical acclaim nationwide, it's unprecedented. Justin Hunt and his documentary "Ame rican Meth" brought

home top awards from three national film fests in recent weeks. "I think it kinda shocked everybody," Hunt said of the film's recent notoriety. Those awards included "Best Documentary" at the prestigious Cinema City International Film Festival in Los Angeles; "Most Socially Engaging" at the Eugene (Oregon) International Film Fest; and second place in "Best Cultural Issues" at the (Missoula) Montana CINE International. American Meth, which was written, directed, edited and produced by Hunt over two years, addresses how methamphetamine abuse affects communities in different parts of the country. It illustrates the problem by looking at the lives of middle-aged meth addicts trying to raise four children. The film is narrated by famed veteran actor Val Kilmer, a New Mexico resident. "It's a human story and that's what appeals to people, whether they're in Montana or Los Angeles," Hunt said. "It was just interesting to see how engaging it was in all three locations because those are three extremely different dynamics," (To continue this article, click here.)

History Of Meth - From American Meth Movie

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:19:00 +0000

From American Meth By most accounts, amphetamine first came to be in the late 1880s, after it was synthesized in Germany. At the time, it was a drug looking for a disease. It stayed that way until 1919, when a Japanese pharmacologist developed a derivative, known as Methamphetamine. The drug was harvested and used for a multitude of over-the-counter purposes, including asthma and narcolepsy. Meth was used in the 1930s on bomber pilots to maintain their alertness. It’s also been said the drug was given to kamikaze pilots and Nazi troops during the invasions of Poland and Russia. It’s been noted, as well, that Adolf Hitler received daily injections of meth from 1942 until his death in 1945. A meth epidemic hit post war Japan in the mid 1940’s, and spread to Guam and the U.S. Marshall Islands. In the 1950s, Meth was legally marketed in the United States as Benzedrine, used to fight obesity, narcolepsy and sinus inflammation. “Pep Pills” or “Bennies” were also being used on the social front by truck drivers and college students. Things took a drastic turn in the 1960s. It was during that time that meth made it’s way into the underground market and found a home in the growing biker gang population. In 1970, the Controlled Substances Act restricted the use of injectable meth, and the race to find a new way to get it began. Primitive meth labs began to appear and have continued to evolve, as has the drug. The once water-soluble drug that was taken in the pill form has progressed to a refined concoction that is more than 99% pure and more than six times more powerful. Mega labs, most of which are said to originate in Mexico, have begun to dissolve the need for the home lab, and can produce hundreds of pounds at a time.

Letters From KCI Anti-Meth Site

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 13:03:00 +0000

~ Warning - Some letters may "trigger" crystal meth users. ~

My sister who is 42 is a meth addict - She would love it if she could lead a normal life but she can't say no to meth. She has always been weak where drugs or alcohol is concerned. She was an alcoholic and used to abuse by men. Her 1st husband commited suicide and within a month she was using Ist smoking and then injecting it. Ater a year she lost her son and alot else. After spending 3 months in jail for child support non payment she came out clean. I couldn't believe it My little sister was back. It didn't take 2 months and she lost 30 lbs and shows all the signs of back on meth. Meth has affected us all terribly. She now lives with our mother who has her child. She lies and well, still steals. But we can't get my mom to quit enabling her.(To continue reading this letter, click here, this is first letter on site)

Meth Killed My Son - Numerous people write in about the devastation of meth, I want to write about my son, who died cause of meth. Jeff was 25 when he died, he had moved out 15 months earlier, he was in college, he was an artist, he was witty, clever, glib, sarcastic, incredibly smart. He was athletic, he break-danced, he was a barber, everyone loved him. I didn't know my son was on drugs, he didn't steal from me, he hid it from his brother and when I saw him he acted normal. I never had a chance to even try to help him, and I would of done anything to try and save him had I known. After he died I heard the story from many of his friends.... (To continue reading this story, click here, this is about eighth letter on site.)

From:

KCI The Anti-Meth Site

Fall Out Boy, 'Little Bunny Foo Foo' & Hoodies

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 12:18:00 +0000

From Rolling Stone Magazine, With Pete Wentz Of Fall Out Boy By AUSTIN SCAGGS What do you collect? I love Transformers. I used to collect hardcore records, but I don't take very good care of them, so actual collectors would make fun of me. I'm kind of a hoodie collector. I have two years' worth of hoodies, wearing a different one every day.

Fall Out Boy's Pete Wentz

momentarily forgets

the lyrics to a song and

launches into

"Little Bunny Foo Foo"

to distract the crowd

onstage in Manchester, U.K.,

April 3rd. Fall Out Boy

Photo by

Shirlaine Forrest/WireImage.com

Why do you love hoodies? A lot of people in the hardcore scene used to wear them. It's also like a comfort blanket. Long after I started wearing them, my manager told me that Bob Dylan would wear hoodies on tour. And when the hoodie was up, you couldn't talk to him. I was like, "That's fucking a amazing!"

DON'T DO DRUGS

Because If You Do Drugs

You'll Go To Jail

And Drugs Are Expensive in Jail

Sarahjoys Shop

What other musician's T-shirt do you badly want? I don't know him well, but I saw Adam [Levine] from Maroon 5 in a store wearing a Prince Purple Rain T-shirt. It looked tattered, definitely from the era, and I wish I owned it. I actually just stole an old Thriller T-shirt from a photo shoot. It was on the rack -- for another band -- but I put it on, put a jacket over it and walked out. I seriously just stole it.

The T-Shirt Layer (An Important Layer)

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 11:23:00 +0000

From StyleDash: by Annie Scott with editor notes from Patricia Loya.

It's winter. In winter, one wears lots of sweaters. How does one avoid itchiness? One wears a t-shirt under their sweater. One also benefits from the added warmth of the t-shirt layer.

This t-shirt layer is an important layer. What if you find yourself doing some heavy lifting and have to remove your sweater? You don't want to be in that pit stained Calvin Klein undershirt your ex left at your house six years ago. Awkward.

No. The t-shirt layer is a perfect excuse for secret snarkege. Wearing a funny t-shirt under your sweater is akin to wearing your A-game underwear when you don't have a date. It's just a little something special. It doesn't matter if no one sees it. It enriches your experience of the day--and isn't that what style is all about?

Where oh where should you buy snarky t-shirts? Our pick is anything from Sarahjoys Shop, number one because alot of their stuff is addiction and recovery related and funny, number two is because we made it and number three is because we love you to support our Shop!)

Mice On Drugs

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:55:00 +0000

Let me tell you how meth makes users feel 'high' . . . . (like I really care, I'm thinking .....)

We'll review how drugs disrupt the synapse ..... (blah blah blah blah is all I'm hearing) ...... Take a look inside the brains of mice on drugs .......... (errghhhhh??? Did he say 'mice on drugs?')

According to The New Science Of Addiction, from the Genetic Science Learning Center at the University of Utah, drug addiction is a chronic disease characterized by changes in the brain which result in a compulsive desire to use a drug.

A combination of many factors including genetics,

environment and behavior influence a person's addiction

risk, making it an incredibly complicated disease.

The New Science Of Addiction considers all of these factors - from biology to family - to unravel the complexities of the addicted brain. The Genetic Science Learning Center discusses natural reward pathways that exist in the brain, that the reward pathway is responsible for driving our feelings of motivation, reward and behavior.

Research it, if you like...... Have had it. However, I liked the easier to understand cartoon pictoral diagram that is also offered by the Learning Center, you can visit it by clicking the following link (turn your sound on) entitled: ~ ~ MOUSE PARTY ~ ~

And, have a good day!

Not A Mouse Party By Patricia

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:09:00 +0000

I was married to an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic (he eventually shot himself) and as is discussed in this blog, my daughter is a recovering addict. Back to the 'not a mouse party'. I didn't know my husband was an alcoholic. Other people did, first. The girlfriend on the phone would be alarmed that I would have to go check the husby who falls asleep in the bathtub, to make sure he hasn't drown. After his numerous refills of scotch (from me, at his request), he'd eventually always fall asleep and if I tried to remove the half-empty glass, he'd wake insisting on finishing it. He'd burn food, forgetting he'd started cooking. He'd usually not need food, he had his drink. My kid interventioned him herself by picking him up in her dooley one day (having gotton him a bed at a sober living house). At 5'2," maybe 100lbs. dripping wet, Sarahjoy holds her own and then some. She tells me she introduced him to the house manager and drove off telling him, "Sober up or lose your family. Sober up or lose your relationship with me." I still really didn't know even then that was an alcoholic. Timing. Timing is important. All these years later, now I remember him telling me that another resident at the sober living house was surprised that 'someone like my husby' was in a place like that (high-paying job, family who loved him, house, car, etc.) and that he 'better get his shit together' before he lost everything. But he didn't and after I finally left him, our two rental homes went into foreclosure, our home mortgage is $16,000 behind in payments and he seems to not be working. I now often use the principles from the AA twelve steps programs. To me they are spiritual, plain-sense concepts or beliefs that anybody could benefit from. When I left, I took clothes, my computer and one of the dogs, Christopher, then a puppy, and drove to New Mexico. Our two rental homes were located in Farmington and I'd learned enough to know that California was no longer an option for me, and New Mexico was affordable and an adventure. Since then I've gone back and gotton my artwork, so the dog and I are living in a studio apartment surrounded by my beautiful artwork, it really is nice. I will make it; it ain't a mouse party. These a real doings.

Letting Go

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 03:07:00 +0000

My kid’s had the palomino job for over a year now, it puts food in her tummy and gas in her dooley. It’s that job with security, the one you don’t wanna’ let go of, not because you love it, but because it pays the bills. It originally came about when Sarahjoy was building a hunter jumper training business along with a friend/partner. (For more info, see Hunter-Jumper News.) She accepted it because it was good money, very good money, but a long drive and more so, it was pride- swallowin' - - the palomino work would be training western style (cough cough, ghads!). I know ….. hey, it’s all done on a horse, what’s the big deal . . . but the similarity ends there. She’s good at training horses and the palomino and its owner sorely appreciates her. The hunter jumper sport is performed for competition over obstacles (quantities of them, at varying difficulties) consisting of raised poles, hills, ponds with the horse and rider being judged for quality and speed; whereas this palomino job is gettin' her outta' bed early for a long drive, puttin' on her wranglers, ropers, cowboy hat and ridin' . . . cowboy-like. Again, money. So, Sarahjoy had been doing this Monday job along with her then regular training position job and as quickly as any horse can buck you off to the ground, that training partnership biz abruptly ended; and Sarahjoy found herself borrowing the corner of a friend's sofa for use as a bed, using clothes for covers while the window it was located next to was cracked and broken, in the coldest days of winter. Now a job is a great job when you have no job and so in addition to doin’ that palomino job, she worked her program (narcotics anonymous) like it was ‘goin out of style,’ getting herself back to being 100% healthy and functioning; basically, she persevered and it was hard at times to remember her dream. Time has passed and she called me, today. Sarahjoy is calling her mom, as she's driving the two-hour trek, one way to that palomino job. After 17 years of riding, after almost being 3 years clean of drugs, this year saw Sarahjoy get that dream job, that dream training job and she’s been doing it well. She's finally at the place where ‘her training barn’ is filled - where her students are electric with learning and empowerment. Success at the new job is overwhelming, innumerable hours and provides her with another new experience. She says she's exhausted and I know that she is and she wants me to know she is finally ready to give the palomino owner her 2 week notice as we discuss how the loyalty and sincerity was such that the palomino horse and owner had become a gift. She tells me the palomino job fed her literally for so long, that despite she got this new position, how do you give it up something like that? Further, how do you trust that it is gonna’ be ok and leave a position where you were believed in so much, when few did. When is it safe to let go…. We enjoy the wonderfulness of this moment, my kid and I. When your dreams are being realized and not just 'in sight,' you can and should let go with much grace that western palomino horse and owner, who believed in you. Let go so that you can grasp firmly your future. Sarahjoys mom, Patti

Sarahjoys Shop was originally started with drug recovery designs, but here are some samples of the other stuff - check it out.

Click For Sarahjoys Shop Cowgirl Theme Designs

Click For Just Darn' Cute Sarahjoys Shop 'Hottie Girl Apparel'

Valentines Day - Kiss And Hug Like Crazy!

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 14:16:00 +0000

No matter how little or big, girls love gifts. Take a look at some of these, aren't they darling!

Gifts For The Lil' Girls Girls Rule Boys Drool Onesie Lil' Cutie Onesie Future Rock Star Bib I Love Blue Horses Throw Pillow Sarahjoys Shop For Kids

Gifts For Girls Plaid Heart PJ Tank Heart Hipster Bikini Plaid PJ Pant Mirror Necklace Gifts For Big Girls Beaded Silk Gown

Lil' Sis And The Cowgirl

noreply@blogger.com (Patricia Loya) — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 00:50:00 +0000

She's just a lucky cowgirl. She grew up and gets to do her passion, riding horses. It's a little more than that, of course, but the kid basically as a hunter-jumper trainer teaches other riders who want to learn to ride or improve their riding and trains the horses by riding the horses herself also.

Sarahjoy bred her mare and a perfect little foal was born, which she of course named Perfect C. She always nicknames her horses, so Perfect C, is really called 'Sis' or 'Lil' Sis'.

Foals learn 80% of what they need to survive in the first few hours and days after birth, so newborn Sis through a process called imprinting was taught to lay comfortably in Sarahjoy's lap, wear a baby horse halter and form a bond. Because of the imprinting, they've developed a relationship where Sis never really had to be 'broken,' to be ridden the first time. Sarahjoy was always the trusted herd leader and grown up Sis today literally responds to just the touch of a finger.

Recently Sis came back from being out at pasture, recovering from an injury and the horse and trainer were overjoyed.

Little Sis had matured, developing more muscle and strength, and Sarahjoy had gone from an assistant training position to 'head honcho' at a significant training facility where she was riding bigger and more talented horses six days a week.

She tells me the story days later, she says she's sore all over, that she'd worn a white sweater and light colored breeches (that she never wears, reminding me, 'you know that,' and I mentally agree with her). Sis had been gone for six months and she got excited, the two were out together. I'm seeing muddy clothes in my mind when she tells me the weather was unusual, the grounds were mucky because a storm had recently pounded the area.

Sis was so happy, coming out of her skin she was so excited when she saw the jumps but was told, 'No, you can't jump today.'

At 5-1/2 years, she's actually not a huge size horse, so Sarahjoy, my 28-year old daughter, totally took her for granted, they were just gonna' walk her around, but Sis started getting a little crazy, she started a lil' buck, did a crow hop and a couple small bucks, wanting to go 'bucking bronco'. Sarahjoy's thinking, 'yeah, yeah,' all at walk.

She did a couple jump-off-the-ground spin-deal spheels and still Sarahjoys thinking, 'ha ha ha, that was funny,' Sis' excitement growing and then BAM! she was off! At one point Sarahjoy realized, 'she's gonna buck me off,' because she was getting quicker and she was figuring out what wasn't working and getting cattier. She said she didn't climb off, should have, didn't. Two pupils were watching from different directions, one kid saying later, 'she tried to buck you off; when it didn't work, she decided to try the rear-spin buck thing.'

The other kid said, 'yeah, its really hard when they do that.'

Because Sarahjoy had broken the young horse when she was young Sis had a hard time with balance sometimes because she 'gave everything' at such a young age. Sis learned that day that she is bigger and she's stronger. It's so easy to do things now 'with balance,' it's easy and Sis feels empowered.

So she continues to tell me, 'Mom, my lil mare grew muscles she didn't knew she had and knocked me in the mud,' and she added that she was banned from text messaging while riding, which she'd also been doing, and had broken the outside screen on her flip phone.

That is my kid, the little cowgirl.

For more information on imprinting, click here Dr. Miller & Imprint Training Of The Newborn Foal