Sarah's Desk

Nigella's Donut French Toast

2012-09-22T12:42:00.002-07:00

this is the most delicious thing I've eaten this week! ( in a while actually, so good)
So take a thick break, I used whole wheat bolo buns, cut in half. :)
1 egg for every 3-4 pieces of bread
Vanilla, milk
whisk it all together
If the bread is fresh, just leave it in for a few seconds. if the bread is stale ( I prefer it stale) you can leave it in a bit longer, so that it soaks all the way through.

Put it in a pan heated to medium heat, spray it with baking spray, and cook each side.
dredge it through sugar on a plate, rub the sugar on if needed, and then move it to another plate, and keep going til you have enough french toast to feed everyone! after that, maple syrup, and bam! delicious ( non diabetic friendly) Donut french toast.

Lee approved with several moans and statements to it's deliciousness. :)

Home made Chili ( Vegetarian)

2012-09-20T16:10:00.002-07:00

Chili!
1 14 oz can tomato sauce or 14 oz of your own, 1 3 ounce can of tomato paste, 1 can drained pinto beans, 1 can drained kidney beans, 1 can drained whole black olives, 1 bag frozen corn, cumin, thyme, garlic powder, chili powder, cayenne, salt and pepper

in a separate bowl put 1/4th of a cup flour, and 14 oz water, whisk until the flour is no longer clumpy, and add to pot, this is to thicken it up :)

bring it to a low boil, stirring gently, then lower the heat to lower medium ( about 3 or 4, and cover it, if you want to add meat, just cook it up drain it, and add it in.

It will simmer and thicken for about 3-4 hours, and in the mean time, you can make some biscuits or corn bread to go along with it!

This is another delicious simple recipe that takes almost no work!

Enjoy!

Flounder Po Boy

2012-09-19T16:21:00.002-07:00

For a Flounder Po Boy, you will need the following

2 Hoagie rolls ( Homemade is doable, not needed)
2 pieces of flounder
mayonnaise
pickles
lemon juice
salt and pepper
garlic minced ( 1 clove)
tomato
lettuce
Olive Oil

so for this to work, you will want to heat up your pan over medium high heat, and add a little bit of olive oil, if you have a grill pan great, I don't so a regular non stick skillet will do!
while the pan is heating up, go ahead and brush the olive oil on both sides of the fish a goodly amound, since flounder isn't all that fatty. after you brush the olive oil on, you will want to salt and pepper both sides as well, let it sit for a bit while the pan heats up.

once it's heated up ( that takes maybe three minutes, so not long) go ahead and set the fish into the pan, about 2-3 minutes on each side, and it's ready to be removed from the pan. Now it's time for the tartar sauce!

1.5 cups of mayonnaise
pickles ( you will need to cut them up yourself it's just easier to get the right consistency that way)
1 table spoon of lemon juice
salt and pepper
minced garlic

Mix all of these together, and VOILA! you have a delicious Tartar sauce!

Now! Take those Hoagies, cut them in half, and toast them

spread on the tartar sauce, and add the fish, then add the lettuce and tomatoes, and you will be good to go!

Pan fried lemon pepper Steak and Sides

2012-09-19T15:54:00.002-07:00

Pan Fried Lemon pepper Steak and sides

Take some sirloin about a half in or more thick, and put in a glass bowl with a good amount of lemon pepper seasoning, and just rub it well, put in the refrigerator for about 3-4 hours, it's just there to crust it up nicely, the flavor will be more in the meat itself, than the dry rub :)

After it's set for about two hours, you will want to make some yummy sides! So lets go with delicious homemade potato salad! You will need Mayonnaise or greek yogurt ( I'm preferring yogurt these days), thyme, rosemary, garlic, salt, pepper, lemon juice, cayenne, and vinegar ( red wine is ideal, not required) ( if you like Spice use the cayenne, if not then disregard)

Cut your potatoes to the size you like, I'd say that if you are using regular brown skinned potatoes, then you can cut them up into six pieces each. Boil them for approximately 15 minutes, then take them out and leave them to rest in the colander for a bit, wipe out the pot, and get ready to make the dressing!

into a small bowl, you will want to add a cup and a half of yogurt, the juice of one lemon, 2 teaspoons of pepper, 1 teaspoon salt, 1 teaspoon cayenne, 3 teaspoons thyme ( and you can just eyeball it, thyme and rosemary are BEAUTIFUl additions to any potato salad) 1 teaspoon Rosemary, garlic powder, and fresh garlic to taste, and 1 tablespoon red wine vinegar. mix it all together, and grab the potatoes, My suggestion is to mix the poatoes and the dressing in the pot you cooked the potatoes in! :) After you fold the dressing into the potatoes, you will move it to a bowl that can be refrigerated. ( Pretty bowls are nice, not needed lol)

Now you want to heat up your pan to medium high, and add some canola oil, once the oil is heated to the correct temperature ( you can flick some water at it to find out, if it goes nuts, it's ready) and gently place the sirloin into the oil, 2 minutes on each side will give you a good medium rare, if you want to keep it medium rare, cut it immediately, if not, it will continue to cook on the plate. :)

now you can move on to vegetables! ( Potatoes are not counted, they are just starch)

Take some strips of bell pepper, and fresh greenbeans ( find them cheap at the grocery store produce aisle :D) and put them into a pot of already boiling water, you will cook them for 3.5 minutes! use a timer, it's important.

now you will just plate everything, and get some nice wine or cold sweet tea and you are ready to eat a delicious meal. It's another simple no brainer dinner that will wow your family!

Homemade sirloin fajitas

2012-09-19T15:13:00.002-07:00

THIS is a hugely delicious recipe, that made Lee so happy ( Warning it was SUPER DUPER spicy)

first you are going to make your own seasoning.

That requires the following
2 tablespoons cayenne
1 tablespoon Chili Powder
1 tablespoon cumin
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1/2 tablespoon salt
1/2 table spoon pepper
2 teaspoons red pepper flakes
( THis is Taco seasoning, and WAAAAAy more than you need, but it's nice ot have that extra for the next time you want to make tacos :D

Fajita Recipe
Sirlon ( half an inch thick is probably as thin as you want to go)
red bell peppers
jalapenos
canned black beans
corn ( frozen, fresh, canned no matter)
sour cream
cheese

take the sirloin and cut it into strips for 2 people you will want about 1.5 pounds ( I prefer to cut before I cook, because when you use the dry rub on it, it covers more area, and adds more flavor)

put the strips into a glass bowl ( Glass doesn't' absorb anything so I use it often ) and, then pour enough of the seasoning over it to make a decent rub, how much depends on how much meat you use :D

I used gloves and made sure to rub the seasoning all over the sirloin, and I put it in the fridge for about 19 hours, then I added tequila for the final 5 hours of marination.

after it was done I sprayed a skillet with non stick and let it heat up ( medium heat is all you need)
then I added the entire contents of the bowl to the skillet. Tequila and marniade and meat, all of it, and then I just let it go, occasionally going back and stirring and flipping, the tequila will slowly burn off, and the juices of the meat will seep out to keep the pan nice and lubricated. After the meat is about 90% complete, add in your sliced bell peppers and sliced jalapenos, sliced is important, so that you can easily wrap everything into a tortilla.

While that is cooking, you will want to make your beans and corn, and slice up your cheese :) Just put them in their own seperate pots, while they just sit and warm up, you can clean up any spills and messes. ( takes about 15 minutes to fully cook)

optional addition? add a teaspoon or two of your taco seasoning to each pot, and stir it in to make sure that the flavor really continues through everything in the fajita!

it's an easy, no brainer meal that your family will truly enjoy!

if you prefer to have it less spicy, use different peppers, :) Yellow and Green would be way less spicy than red and jalapeno!

Margarita Chicken, Lime and Basil rice

2012-09-19T14:26:00.000-07:00

Recipe for Margarita Chicken that I am making tonight!

4 boneless chicken breasts ( skin optional, remove for a healthier dish)
1/2 a bottle of basil lime vinaigrette
2 cups margarita mix of your choice
extra fresh or dry basil ( preference, if you use fresh, just use less)
a bowl and saran wrap

pour the lime basil vinaigrette into a large bowl, ( wear gloves for safety that's what I do) and add

in the chicken, make sure that you get all the chicken coated in it, and then add your 2 cups of margarita mix, cover bowl in saran wrap and allow to marinate for 4 hours

after 3 hours and 50 minutes, preheat your oven to 425, and move the chicken to a sprayed baking dish, then pour all of those lovely marinade juiced over to just cover the chicken, pop it into the oven for about 27 minutes ( give or take, use a thermometer and your knowledge to make sure it's fully cooked before you take it out, if you don't have a thermometer, just make a small cut to the center and check for pinkness)

after it is fully cooked allow it to set for about 15 minutes, in the time that this is cooking, you will want to make some lime basil rise to go with it! it's easy, just add the juice of one lime to the rice along with the appropriate amount of water ( I use a rice cooker, and it has measurements on the inside, so it's easy for me to add the lime juice to the rice first then fill the rest of the way with water, go ahead and sprinkle some dry or fresh basil into the rice before cooking, so that all of the rice is infused with those delicious flavors.

the vegetable you use it completely up to you, I am using Cauliflower, broccoli, and carrots for our dinner, it's going to be gorgeous! I like to use freshly made biscuits on the side of meals like this, instead of fresh bread, because I think it it easier to manage in the time you have. :)

If you have any suggestions, I'm open! I'd love to see yalls recipes too!

Gift Basket

2012-09-13T13:17:00.001-07:00

People always wonder what to get for someone crafty, and here is what I would love to get, maybe it will inspire someone to get something awesome for someone they love. :)

A gift basket, I would love to get a gift basket filled with treasures of my trade.

A couple of balls of nice yarn ( yes take the time to ball it, makes the presentation so much nicer, and if you hate balling yarn, you can get a nice yarn winder for them as well, and use it to ball their yarn before you give it to them :P). In their favorite tones. I would love jewel tones, deeps purples, blues, reds and greens.

a couple of charm packs, I would LOVE some charm packs and jelly rolls, in whatever design you want, just make sure that you get 2-3 of them ( all different of course) to help fill out the back of your basket. The charm packs would be the fanned throne.

a couple of cute embroidery kits, such as one for an apron with a whine bottle on it, and maybe you could add in some extra embroidery floss so that they can make a cute message on it, such as " But why is all the wine gone". ( We crafters seem to loooove our wine)

a Gift Certificate to Joanns, or lanternmoon, so that we can get some new needles, or something we have been wanting for a while.

and last but not least, Crafter snacks! A bottle of yummy Moscato, and chocolate, and maybe somthing salty as well. These things would make a beautiful gift basket for your crafter. I have named a lot of things, because, generally crafters are like me,a nd like a variety of crafts. If they like to scrap book but do not like to quilt, then get them packs of scrap book paper instead of charm packs, and pens and stamps instead of the other things. It's really very easy to purchase for a crafty person, as long as you have paid attention long enough to know what their particular craft is. :)

anyway, I must be off to work magic on other christmas gifts for my people!

Pioneer Pizza Dough ( baking mix)

2012-09-02T23:04:00.000-07:00

So, I love pizza, lately I've been making nearly everything from scratch, ( except when it comes to anything to do with Pioneer baking mix, I LOVE that stuff!) So here is my mostly from scratch recipe on a Home made Pizza!

3 cups pioneer baking mix
1.5 cups milk or water ( whichever you prefer is fine)
extra flour seperate)
non stick spray

1 big mixing bowl
1 seperate bowl to hold your baking mix'
rolling pin( or large smooth drinking glass)
knife
any sort of pan you want to cook your pizza in

pour 1 cup of the mix into the large bowl, and add the liquid, mix to your hearts content. Add the rest of the baking mix into the large bowl 1/2 a cup at a time. Once it stops being super sticky, it's time to get your hands dirty! take off your rings please, and dip your hands into the baking mix, then tip the rest into the large bowl and hand fold the mix in just like you are making a loaf of bread.
you will knead it until it's the right consistency for you, then you will flour the counter, and plop the lovely dryish mix onto it. Take the dough and separate it into 3 equal portions.

set two portions off the the side, you won't need them for a bit

take the portion you are working with right now, and roll it about in the flour, so that it's lightly coated, this is the keep it from sticking, and that may need to be done a few times before it's over.

roll the dough out to the shape and size of the dish you will be using to cook the pizza in, I've done it in deep pans, shallow pans, glass pie dishes, and even muffin tins, though that requires more cutting than stated above.

now remember when rolling out dough, you need to turn it and flip it over from time to time to keep it from sticking to the counter, it's quite easy once you get the hang of it. *heart*

once it's the right shape, size, and thickness, you will spray the pans, and lay the dough gently into them, :)

Preheat the oven to about 425, and then get to prepping the toppings!

I used homemade tomato sauce, I can put the recipe I use later in this blog. :)
Chop all of your veggies, and shred your cheese ( cheaper to buy it in blocks and shred it yourself, we have a beautiful food processor that we use to shred the cheese.

add just a bit of sauce at a time and spread it around the pie, it should be a nice thin layer, too much and it will make a rather soggy pizza ( I've done that a time or two)

after you add the sauce, you can top it any way you choose, My boyfriend likes jalepnos, and cheese, and black olives, and bell peppers, and roasted garlic, and meat. :)

I personally just prefer black olives and cheese, and my sister Kyrie likes Bell peppers and cheese and SOMETIMES pepperoni. :)

Here are the pictures!

Home made Tomato sauce recipe:

4 pounds sad, unloved tomatoes (some swear by romas, I’ve had success with all varieties)
1/4 cup olive oil
2 to 3 small cloves of garlic
lots and lots of fresh basil and rosemary tied up and wrappe din cheesecloth to prevent ickying up the sauce with soggy leaves)
black olives ( As many as you want, so delicious)
masa or flour 1/4th of a cup

ok, so you want to crush all your tomatoes, some people prefer to peel them I like the skin on there, makes the sauce chunkier and more delicious. Either way, put them in the pot and HULK SMASH!

add 2 cups of water bring to a roiling boil ( keep in mind that you can always add MORE water, you can't really take it away)

then after 20ish minutes ladle some into a bowl and add that flour we were talking about and whisk it til it all blends in, no joke that flour does not like to mix, it's obnoxious.

pour it back into the pot and stir a round a bit.

you are going to be stirring this for hours, every 20-30 minutes go stir the sauce, scrape up all the things from the bottom and don't worry, it honestly just adds to the flavor, the reason for scraping it every 20 minutes, is that oyu don't want a huge thick mass of caramalized tomato, that's just annoying.

add as much pepper and basila nd rosemary and garlic as you want . It's delicious! use some right away, freeze the rest!
oh also remember that this takes HOURS I simmered mine for 6 hours. totally worth it.

Lately It's been lovely

2012-07-24T09:41:00.001-07:00

Right now I"m kind of a hormonal mess, ( Go GO being a woman) but the past few weeks have been wonderful. :)
Time spent with friends and kids and Lee, and cleaning, and just all around awesome.

I've been a bit moody, which is just thanks to hormones going nuts, stupid cycle is out of WHACK. anyways here are pictures, which are way more interesting than me jabbering on and on and on.

Quick life update :D

2012-07-13T22:56:00.001-07:00

I am EXHAUSTED! ;) It's been an amazing couple of weeks, and I am happy. Some times I wonder about how life works, where you have to suffer so much before you can be happy, but at this point, I'm just glad o be happy!

I am down to 249 pounds, and SO STOKED. I have a fitbit, which I strongly recommend to anyone. It helps me track my steps, my calories, floors climbed, activity level etc, and I love it! it helps with my motivation!

I am in love with two wonderful people, and their kids, and I want to spend my life in this circle of love!

Hope everyone out there in blog land is as happy as I am, and if you aren't, it's probably just over the horizon!

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE!

cooking :)

2012-06-21T12:54:00.000-07:00

So I took the day off, I just didn't feel like going into work, and being whined at by all of my customers.

Instead I decided I needed to *laze about* and by laze about I mean cook all the things, and do the dishes. Which were pretty quick and easy to complete. ( Just as quickly and easily as I redirtied up the whooooole kitchen :P)

I planned out a meal for tonight for Lee and Myself. it's going to be delicious and healthy, and homemade. so I made my plan.

I went to the store, I got a big bag of frozen trout, 3 cartons of strawberries, and 2 cartons of blueberries, and cheese, and spices, and lemons and pie crusts, and some pie pans, and a muffin tin, and a BREAD MACHINE this is where the lazy comes in :P I didn't want to do all the work of baking a loaf of bread, so I bought a bread machine, and as far as I'm concerned it was a 70 dollars WELL spent. I don't have to beat the hell out of the dough anymore if I don't want to. :)

Anywhoodles, the menu for tonight is as below

Parmesean crusted baked trout, marinating right now in pepper, salt, thyme, rosemary, and basil ( that will be in the crust)

random assortment of veggies from Lee's fridge that just need to be used

1 loaf fresh sourdough bread

1 strawberry pie ( no sugar added tyvm!)
1 Blueberry pie ( no sugar added TYVM!)

and because I still feel the need to provide healthy homemade goods for the man, the left over strawberries and blueberries will be used in muffins! I'm going to ask Lee if he can perhaps stop by the store and grab me some apples as well, but maybe not, I want to also make apple cinnamon muffins, but I think that MIGHT be overkill for now. I mean shoot, I kinda already made a lot of food :P.

The strawberry pie is baking now, and the blueberry pie will go in next, the bread is in the machine baking away :).

I am a happy panda for the moment.

When Lee gets home tonight we are going to have dinner, go for our two mile walk, and then snuggle in for a movie. :D

Good times I say, good times!

I am contemplating doing some laundry for him, since I DO have my cat over here, and she and his dog are shedding like mofos, but meh, who knows what the day will bring! I have some time to figure it all out.

Recipes for the above items:
Baked breaded Trout:
3 pieces of frozen trout
Parmesean
cornbread mix
rosemary
basil
thyme
butter
water

Marinade
Water
Salt
Pepper
Olive oil
fresh thyme, rosemary, and basil ( chop that basil please want to release the aroma!)

take a medium sized bowl, fill with water, add olive oil, add all the spices, mix it up a bit
place the three pieces of fish in there with it, set the whole bowl uncovered in the fridge for a few hours, how long depends on when you need it, but I"m defrosting the fish before I cook it, so it's been in there for a while. and I won't take it out til it's time to bread it. :)

When I go to bread it I'll throw parmigiana, cornbread mix, and the abover mentioned salt pepper, roosemary, thyme, and basil into a bag mix it up a bit, and then toss in the fish, one at a time, and shake til coated. ( I suppose you could use shake and bake, but I'm allergic to a lot of things, so I make it all myself)

Pie:
Strawberries x 2 normal sized boxes cut the tops off and quarter them, toss into a large glass bowl ( glass isn't important mmkay?) take two tablespoons of flour, and put in with the berries, zest one whole lemon, then cut it in half and squeeze all the juice you can out of it into the berries, the whole lemon should be used.

take a rubber spatula ( for the love of god just use it) and mix everything around in it, until all the berries have a light coating of flour, 2 tbsps is plenty, just keep mixing, everything will get coated I promise.

Take your pie pan ( I used the regular sized by anchor, cheapo at walmart I like them) and spray it with non stick, then if you are lazy like me, take that PREMADE pie crust, unroll it, and plop into pan, arrange nicely, take a fork and press down the edges and poke holes into the bottom, just press the fork into the crust gently, this is for venting, it's good for the pie, means less air bubbles in the crust, pour the berries in ( all of them man, you don't want to skimp on this) then take the OTHER crust ( since each package comes with two) and put it on top, arrange nice, then fold the edges under, and take a fork to the edges. Take a knife and make four slits in the top of the pie for more venting and pop into the preheated 450 degree oven! keep an eye on it, probably take about 20 minutes to bake, maaaaaybe 25 ( I didn't look ok, I'm a bad person) and then when it's all pretty and brown take it out, and snag a strawberry fromone of the top vents ( GENIUS RIGHT?) and then melt into heaven at that amazing and delicious fucking pie.

for the Blueberry pie do the same thing but don't chop anything up, and add 3 tbsps of flour instead of 2, more surface area to cover and all that.

mmm mmm delicious!

It's the day after summer solstice, and I feel lovely, as I generally do around the solstices.

Merry meet, Merry part, and Merry Meet again!

Blessed be my friends!

~Sarah~

mmmmmmmmmmmm

2012-06-08T10:57:00.003-07:00

I feel sleepy, I want a nap, I always want a nap these days though.

Sometimes I wonder about my marriage, it failed, and though the final reason for me leaving him was because of physical abuse, i cannot help but take some of the blame for the rest of the relationship. I wonder occasionally if there was anything else we could do to have made it better.

I took a friend from work to my old place today. She's looking for an inexpensive 2 bedroom home to live in, and I know that my old place is under 800 ( her budget). So I took her by it. I had a really tough time controlling my emotions. I wanted to just get out and go see my old home. I am sort of crying about it right now actually. It really hurt. way more than I was expecting it to.

I don't know why it is taking so long to heal from this, I'm the strong one, the one who can heal from anything super fast, shoulder any burden with ease. and I am just having a really hard time getting through/over THIS ISSUE. I am thinking very hard about a therapist, but I can't really afford it, so if anyone knows of a therapists who will take new patients who can't afford a large session price, please let me know.

Just keep swimming!

2012-06-04T20:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry about my bad attitude earlier, I was feeling shitty, and needed to vent.
I came home from work, and I baked two pineapple upside down cakes, and 1 pan of brownies, and cut up a bunch of veggies and meat and put it in the freezer for the next 2-4 weeks one off meals. some chicken breasts, and bells peppers for stirfry, some potroast and potatoes and belll peppers for potroasts...
and now I feel much more calm, and centered. It was needed.

4 months

2012-06-04T12:20:00.000-07:00

So it's been about 4 months since Eugene and I split. The reasons are in previous blogs.

Today I'm feeling it. Not just feeling the heart ache of him doing that, today I'm feeling unworthy, like I don't really matter, like I'm not good enough and that I did something to make myself unloveable.

I know that this is stupid, and I know WHY I feel this way, but damn if I can help it. My boyfriend asked out someone else ( We are open it's not a big deal that he did that, but we are supposed to talk about it before we do so) and the fact that he did it when I'm already feeling ugly and icky and emotional as all hell really hurt me. It's silly and doens't really matter. and were it not my time of the month I wouldn't have cared in the least. well maybe a smidge, but it wouldn't be this bad.

I am totally able to acknowledge that I am over reacting, and I want to stop it, but it's not possible.

Now my heart is going into broken mode over something that he didn't even do on purpose, and I want to know how long I have to deal with being this tender and fragile. I don't want to be here in this place of hurt and yuck any more. but time won't speed up for me.

I don't feel too beautiful today, I don't feel too sexy today. I just feel like a blobby emotional mess.

and I don't like it.

I'm going to try to forcemyself tofeel better

I don't need much in the way of comments, or support I just needed to get it out

So incredibly HAPPY

2012-02-16T22:16:00.000-08:00

So it's been a while since I blogged, and it was a little iffy the last time, but you know what? I am so incredibly happy!

I am loved by a ridiculous amount of people! you all fill my heart with love and it spills over to all the people that I love, and that's so wonderful!!!

No other way to say it yall, I am a huge ball of sunshine lately! Smiling like a fool, and FREE so free, bills are a worry, but not really, and to be honest, they don't have to be, I make enough to live comfortable with no troubles <3. All I need to really remember yall is that I am A Child of the Goddess, and that the Universe is taking care of me. I've given myself over to her and the universe is going to use me for whatever it sees fit, and in the mean time it's going to give me JOY.

That's right I said it, I am FILLED WITH SUCH JOY! I am ALIVE I am FREE, I am SARAH HEAR ME RAWR BABY!!! There is nothing that I can't do if I put my mind to it, and nothing I could want more than the intense happiness that I have in my Heart right now!!

GODDESS THANK YOU FOR THIS JOY!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I can't express it enough, I'm dancing in my chair, and singing along to songs, and just so full of Joy I can hardly stand it! It's like Kittens, and Puppies, and Rainbows and Sunshine pouring out of my soul! I hope I can be this fountain of joy for the whole world! I've opened up something in my soul that I don't want to close! GODDESS I REJOICE IN THIS!!! <3

Vacation Week has been so nice

2012-02-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

So I've spent the last week up herein Ohio with My Mom and Stephi, and it's been awesome! I have loved it up here, and wish that I could stay another week, and just bask in the relaxation. Being an Adult, almost Divorced daughter gets you a lot of privilages that you don't get growing up, like being allowed to drive the car, not getting yelled at if you smoke.. ( yeah I quit, but I had a few, i think I deserved them) Divorce is hard yall, waaaaaaaaaaay harder than I thought it would be, not because we dont' talk anymore, more because we now talk ALL the time... way more than we did while we were married. We can actually communicate, and that's awesome, but I am so freaking angry at him, I know he's sick, and needs mental help to deal with his depression/Anger issues, so I am not yelling at him, but omfg I want to. I want to SCREAM at him.

Anyways, that's neither here nor there.

I rented a 17 foot uhual truck for Super bowl Sunday, and even if I have to move everything up those 3 flights of stairs myself, I will freaking do it, just so that I can have my OWN space set up, you know? It's a Beautiful apartment, and I will share with you all the wonderful Videos and Pictures of it later, ( when I get home and have access to a Computer Cord :) For now, It's just nice to know that I do have it, and that it's mine... and that when I get home I will be able to start taking loads and loads and loads of STUFF over there. I don't plan to jsut sit around you guys, oh no, I'm going to stuff whatever I can possible stuff into my car and take it over starting Saturday night, the table comes apart, so I will take that and the chairs can probably fit in my car as well, so those will come too. And of course all the boxes that are not too heavy to lift can come in with me saturday night. and I will start making that space mine!

this is rather disjointed I'll post more some other time, right now I have vacation Lethargy making me a bad blogger :P)

Just getting it all out on paper

2012-01-29T20:07:00.000-08:00

Normal Months Bills
Rent 688
phone 76
electricity 220
trash 5
water 40
house gas30
car insurance 120
car gas 50
netflix - 7.99

1236.99

After the first month electricity will be much much lower, this months bill is that high thanks to a deposit etc.

I will be working a few hours of overtime every week, 4-8 hours a week will be plenty to help me sock some money away into savings. so that eventually I can have a nice nest egg. Right now, I'm terrified that I'm going to be broke and alone, you know? thsi situation has seriously screwed with my trust, but I'm confident that I can mange this on my own!! and I'm supposed to get a raise in a few months as well, soooo it will be all good. Eventually things will be good, for now I will just pay my bills, and do everything I can to not go under. I may have to put off my surgery if I have to pay anythign out of pocket, but even if i do, I will still get it done.

taking all donations!

life moves on... :)

2012-01-29T18:11:00.000-08:00

It's been a week since the heart break. A very very very stressful, hard, diet unfriendly, painful, but productive week.

I have been staying with a friend, and went ahead and got my life started up again. I've been at work all week, but haven't really been sleeping much. so instead of sleep, I have been kicking it into high gear! i got a new apartment, in my price range, right near my job, so I can save a lot of money on gas, it has quite a few wonderful amenities, as it's a "Luxury Apartment" Thank GODDESS for my tax return, I was able to put the down payment on my new place, and get some new things.

my Friends and Family are going to help me move in to the new place over the month of February. Which is awesome, because I have a broken wrist, so I can't really do it myself.

Eugene and I have spoken a few times since this happened, but don't worry, I'm not going back to him, I'm going to stay in my new apartment, and we are going to get a divorce, I just have to do the paperwork and file it.

it's on the third floor, it's huge, and it has a garden tub :) Perfect environment for figuring out who I am. Perfect place to find the me i have never known.

I'm moving forward, and it's hard, but it's happening! I was shocked that I could still smile, and that I could still laugh, and joke... Just moving on.

here are some pictures.

Heart break... divorce...

2012-01-24T01:39:00.000-08:00

So... this is a rant... and a process and I am falling to pieces, and my heart is broken, and still somehow breaking more, and those bits are breaking even more.

Sunday 1/22/12 The day my life changed forever. We are just a month a way from our 4 month wedding anniversary.

it was about 2 am, and we were having lunch ( we work night shift) and things were going well. I asked him to make some extra shrimp Alfredo sauce, since he was making some for himself, and it smelled good, and he said fine,he would.

he brought it over for me to taste a few times, and it was good.

Then he started complaining about the dishes, and I told him I'd take care of them later, after he was out of the kitchen. He then started complaining about the general clutter in teh house, Well... yeah.. we both work 40 hours a week, our house is not going to be immaculate, you know?

So I told him I'd been working on it, and he knows I clean the house on sunday nights, when I'm home alone and he's at work, because then it's just easier, he's not in the way. and I can go at my own pace.

He started yelling at me. Which happens sometimes, he gets frustrated and it boils over, we usually have a fight, talk it out, make up and move on.

Not this time, he started yelling, and thenhe yelled more, and he just kept getitng more and more worked up, and he started calling me a liar, and just generally freaking out, He took my phone and threw it at the wall it didn't break, it came a part, and it's banged up pretty bad now, scratched up, the screen came loose. so that sparked another fight about how destructive he was.

He called me names, I called him names right back, and finally I said enough, We have got to stop this, this is not constructive, this is stupid. He was following me around the apartment cornering me in the kitchen, the bedroom, the living room, finally I sat down so he wouldn't be right in my face. he wouldn't let me alone, he kept pick pick picking at me. just wouldn't stop, so after about an hour and a half of this Ihad had enough and I said fine then, I'll just leave and come back when I've cooled off. He said he'd kill himself if I left, I said no you won't, that won't solve anything! I got up to leave, and he pushed me down, I was shocked, but just wanted to get out of there, so I got up to leave again, he pushed me down again, harder. it hurt.
I got up a third time grabbed my keys phone water bottle and purse and was headed out the door, because no way was I sticking around for that! He sat down in front of the door and wouldn't let me leave. I threatened to call the cops. we argued some more, and I was finally able to leave the house. I went to my car, he then called out to me " you forgot something! Take your dog or I'll kill her!" So of course I went back for my dog, then he got into the back seat, and stuck his leg through my door and the back door, so that I couldn't leave without harming him, which I was not willing to do.

I ignored him and went to turn the car on to maybe scare him into at least shutting the door, if he was going to come with me, we may as well come with me right? wrong, he turned and punched my dog in teh ribs three times. THREE TIMES he punched my dog.... I heard her sort of squeal and I freaked out he was hitting my DOG that's my baby! He was HITTING HER. I turned around and said you better fucking stop this right now you've just gone too fat, we are OVER, you won't ever touch my dog again. He flipped his shit. He reached up front and grabbed teh keys out of the ignition and then punched me in the face. right eye, swolled, minimal bruising, thank god. And I screamed, and got out of the car and started running away, he came after me. He tackled me to the ground and I got up and ran again and the process repeated itself over and over again my screaming at him to let me go, him refusing to do it, hurting me again and again and again, I called Crystal and she couldn't understand anythign I was hyper ventilating and could hardly breathe I was so panicked, he was hurting me. she called back and textedback trying to make sure I was ok but I'd dropped my phone and was running as much as I could to get away from him while he was grabbing and pulling and scratching me to keep me there. I made it nearly 2 blocks before the cops finally showed up, about 20 minutes of me trying to get away being thrown to the ground and hit, screaming at the top of my lungs for him to let me go... to just let me leave... he wouldn't do it.

The cops came, and he was put in jail, I will post the rest of the details later, reliving this is hard, I can only do so much at a time.

so I'm getting divorced. Bruised, sprained, heartbroken.. I'm so hurt my heart... it hurts

Woah random AWESOME idea! ( Crafty!)

2012-01-21T08:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas tree could be covered in homemade ornaments ( country christmas style) with everyone in your family's name embroidered on it, to make it a *Family Tree* Wouldn't that be neat?

todays work out... and food!

2012-01-20T05:07:00.000-08:00

20 minutes on teh treadmill between 11 and 15 incline.. that's really really high, ( 15 is the highest on these machines) at 2.3-3.1 mph, that was awesome, then 3 sets of twelve on the thigh press at 55 pounds, 3 sets of twelve at 45 pounds on the rower thingy ( technical name) and 3 sets of twelve on the leg extender thingy ( I need the names of the machines) 12 reps of 10 pound weights on both arms, 26 weighted twisty lunges ( 4 pound ball) and now I think I'm going to die... I celebrated the bad assery with breakfast tacos for protein noms!

So for the past few days I've been subbing two meals a day with shakes, breakfast and dinner, well I worked out HARRRRD today, that was a lot of work in 45 minutes lol, I try to make sure my workouts are packed full of punch, that way I can do it for shorter time periods, with the same results! ( spoke with my Dietitian about this and she agrres, upping your incline means you can spend less time so long as you keep your target heartrate for at least 10-15 minutes) oh boy do I! Inclines .... I hate them so lol <3

Anywhoodles, I had those two DELICIOUS breakfast tacos, and STILL ended my day under calories before you add in exercise, and I didn't even add in all of my walking today!

I'm debating what sort of "fitness tracker" to get I KNOW for a fact I want to get a Heart Rate Monitor for myself, I'm just debating on getting that and the new Nike Fuel, or just dropping an extra 160 and getting the Motactv + HRM that comes with it( for 60-70 bucks extra of course) it would end up being like 310 for that stuff, plus my juicer... so about 500 bucks total, not sure if Motoactv is right for me, but holy crap it's got some cool gadgets on it, like a gps tracker and MP3 player, it even tracks what songs motivate you the most and puts them into a special play list... ( Can you tell which one I'm leaning towards? lol)

Anyways, Have a great day all!

Edit: I just called Motorloa to ask them just a few question about their product, and they didn't know it at all! They had me on hold for over 30 minutes, and they didn't even listen to me the first time or they wouldn't have had to put me on hold at all! As cool as their tech is, it's honestly not worth it for the HORRIBLE customer service I recieved :( I will not be buying one... however the Nike Fuel sounds like its right up my ally, and I can get a heart rate monitor + the Nike fuel for less than just the motoactv.... besides I already have an ipod, so I'll just stick with that! <3

Weigh in this morning!!

2012-01-19T20:55:00.000-08:00

291.2!!!!!! Slowly but surely, kicking this weight in the keester! SO PROUD OF MYSELF and all of you out there doing the same thing! next week 180's!

It's not about a new years resolution really, I didn't really have one, I have goals sure, but goals are just words, what REALLY makes things happen is Action, I stopped talking about resolving and started just doing it... ACTION vs. TALK! <3

I choose Action!

YAY!!!!!!

2012-01-19T03:18:00.001-08:00

So today I skipped the gym....wanna know why?

I tried on my workout pants and they wouldn't stay up! ( That's an accomplishment with lycra!)

I went to walmart and spent 31 bucks on three new sports bras 1 new shirt and 1 new pair of pants all a size smaller! I feel SO AMAZING because it seems, that even though I haven't been losing pounds, I've been losing inches and gaining muscle!!! so stoked! so I"ll wash it all tonight and get ready to go to the gym again tomorrow! *STOKED*

Also I think I have already stated this, but I need to go ahead and restate it.

I HAVE A GOAL!!!

Micro Goal: No sweets for the rest of the week

Macro goal: no sweets for the rest of the month

Long term goal: NO LONGER ALLOWING SWEETS AND CARBS TO RULE MY LIFE!

seriously, it's gone on long enough! I'm over it!... <3

See yall later I'm going to Vlog, and shower and get to sleep! <3

ti today

2012-01-18T05:44:00.001-08:00

RA 16.5
LA 16.75
W@N 53
H 61
RT 29
LT 30
B 48

Total Inches lost since starting? 50... that's right FIFTY TOTAL INCHES LOST SINCE I BEGAN THIS TWO YEARS AGO! I'm proud! This was hard won!

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just thinking with my fingers

2012-01-18T03:29:00.000-08:00

Started reading a new book called 4 hour body, it's amazing, conversational, the writer is truly charismatic, and I am going to try his techniques!

Trying to decide how to make Valentines for my team this year, thinking that I am going to get my embroidery machine up and running with hearts and happy vdays :)

Day 2 week one of eating only one meal a day, and I'm feeling great :) Going to try my GNC lean shake today and see if it's as bad as the reviews say, I'm hoping it's tastier than reviews tell me! since I have 5 containers ( All given to me for free!:D) I really like Slimfast, but I really do not like the price! I'm hopeful that mind over matter will work and I will be able to love it, because I need to love it, you know? and if I don't then I will print out a crap ton of coupons for slimfast and go shopping :) Not a huge deal!

I'm sleepy though, not a lack of energy sleepy, but that " I worked hard and could use a good nights sleep" sleepy, so I think I'll hit the sack.

This year I'm trying to blog more often, because I think it's a wonderful way to get my thoughts down and not forget them. Helps me sort through things, and hopefully, it will improve my writing. <3

~ Sarah