Sarcasm and a little wit

valerina: notemily: the-uncensored-she: a-la-maquina: theheal...

Wed, 18 Dec 2013 08:31:24 -0600

notemily:

the-uncensored-she:

a-la-maquina:

thehealthyhusky:

Why I hate going on Facebook.

Yeah, rape culture doesn’t exist…

Feel free to publicly expose these guys. They’re all potential rapists and accomplices as far as I’m concerned.

fuck all of these fuckers

“The main cause of rape is women saying no” and “women not doing as they’re told” has me legitimately frightened. But all of these people are garbage.

This is legitimately horrifying. And really really really disheartening.

I like looking at your name on my chat list, idle as you always were, and feeling nothing. Not...

Fri, 08 Nov 2013 15:41:00 -0600

I like looking at your name on my chat list, idle as you always were, and feeling nothing.

Not feeling the old pangs of twisted longing. You were a ruler I measured myself to. You were a challenge I could never win, a believer I could never convert.

Not feeling the resentment of years wasted trying to be enough for you. Not the anger of how you pulled me in and pushed me away and pulled me back again, a sick little game you couldn’t help but play.

Not feeling the judgment of the boy you were, the man you wouldn’t be.

It’s been years now since we’ve even exchanged a text. I don’t think of you every day or even every week. You rarely pass through my mind at all which is a nice evolution from those years when you constantly lurked there.

I wanted so long for time to make the feelings go away, to make me move on. I am not sure what happened. I don’t think it was an exactly intentional move for me to cut the ties and stop seeking out your games. But I think it was a reordering of my life, my perspective, my view of myself. As I worked to change how I viewed myself, what I accepted and what I left behind, you faded out. I enriched my life and as I did, the space you occupied disappeared.

I don’t know that I was every really angry with you. I was angry with myself. For wanting your approval so badly. For not being able to feel okay about myself separate from you. For defining myself by how you treated me. You acted like a little boy, but I acted like a little girl.

So, maybe I do feel something when I see your name now. A little inner victory. I did it and I didn’t have to slander your name or cause a scene. I didn’t have to make a big show of walking away. I had to take control of my own life and when I did, you no longer belonged in it.

Got my first win today-first female, 7th overall. Smaller race...

Sun, 13 Oct 2013 13:50:50 -0500

Got my first win today-first female, 7th overall. Smaller race but still feels good. Was hoping for sub 1:30 but came in at 1:30:10. Still an almost 4 minute PR since late April so I’ll take it! Love my mom for always coming and supporting!

brklyn: ellegolightly:feelingoftemptation:born-torun10:self-love...

Fri, 06 Sep 2013 09:01:06 -0500

brklyn:

ellegolightly:feelingoftemptation:born-torun10:self-loved:chessieness:definitelydope:the-lunatic-luna

I have watched this 7 times now so I guess it belongs here.

“I asked five questions in genetics class today and all of them started with the the word "sorry.” I don’t know the capstone requirements for the sociology major because I spent the whole meeting deciding whether or not I could have another piece of pizza. A circular obsession I never wanted…"

Wow. This affected me.

Shortest race distance I’ve run before! And first 2nd...

Sat, 27 Jul 2013 09:20:00 -0500

Shortest race distance I’ve run before! And first 2nd place finish. Time somewhere around 26:37. And $50! I’ll take it! #iloverunning #happysaturday

"Decide what you want, and then own it without shame. Knowing what you want, even if you might never..."

Thu, 25 Jul 2013 16:04:19 -0500

“Decide what you want, and then own it without shame. Knowing what you want, even if you might never get it, doesn’t make you a loser. Owning what you want, and sticking your neck out for it: That’s what separates happy people from unhappy people. Standing up for your dreams and politely declining to “be cool" and “hang" and play along with the status quo? These actions are crucial. They shape your whole life. Without them, you are merely a spectator. As a woman, you will be denigrated for saying what you want. Because you have made your desires known, and because those desires might be inconvenient to others, you are a problem. People are very good at shaming desire out of women. This is not a conspiracy. This is social reproduction. These are the natural forces that uphold the status quo.”

- Ask Polly: Should I Give My Commitment-Phobic Boyfriend An Ultimatum? - The Awl (via doree)

“It’s not creepy to talk about what you want from your life, no matter how much other people want to make you believe that. Don’t ever design your life around the need NOT to be That Woman. Because our culture makes every fucking one of us into That Woman. We are That Woman when we refuse to take whatever is dished out at work, without complaint. We are That Woman when we cry at some moment deemed inappropriate by someone without a fucking soul who’s incapable of feeling human emotions in the first place. We are That Woman when we live alone and we adopt a cat, because we fucking like cats. We are That Woman whenever we dare to behave like regular human beings.

Most of the good things in my life came out of being That Woman.“

could have just republished the whole thing. thanks, polly. i needed to hear this.

(via yrfriendliz)

WOW SO MUCH THIS.

(via ellegolightly)

Feel this is worthy of a reblog. I feel like I fight this all the time.

There is a guy at my work who always comments on my eating. We have staff meetings every other month...

Thu, 18 Jul 2013 12:26:59 -0500

There is a guy at my work who always comments on my eating.

We have staff meetings every other month that last from 9-12. Lunch is usually served afterwards. One time, I sat at the same table as him. I brought a couple of snacks with me in case I got hungry and I think I ate one of them. Then after the meeting I got a plate from the lunch that was catered. As I came back to the table, he said, “Wow, you’re eating AGAIN?”

I felt flustered and defensive and mumbled something about running a lot.

Just now, I was getting my lunch ready when he walked by my office. He peeked in and said, “Every time I see you, you’re eating!”

I know I don’t have to defend myself, but I run every day. I run over 50 miles a week. I need to eat. Often. So, even though I felt like a tool to say it, I said, “I run a lot.”

And he said, “Well, at least you’re burning it off.”

It really upsets me. It makes me really uncomfortable. I told my dad and my dad was like, “He’s just being friendly. He isn’t trying to piss you off. Just laugh it off.”

Just laugh it off? Seriously?

Full disclosure: I had anorexia in my teen years. I struggled with eating and weight for years and years after my initial “recovery” and work every single day to stay healthy and healthy minded about it. I understand I’m probably more sensitive to this than some, but on what planet does it seem appropriate to joke to a female, a stranger that you don’t know outside of these brief conversations, about how much she eats? These are literally the only interactions I have with him, when he’s commenting on the quantity of my food intake.

I guess I just needed to vent this. He’s also the kind of guy who makes sexist type jokes-once at that same staff meeting, he made some joke about how he has a wife so he never gets to talk.

I guess I’m just frustrated that there’s no way for me to deal with this without seeming like a bitch, but I also don’t think I should have to just take it and laugh it off every time.

My mom got me this cat spatula and I’m not even going to...

Thu, 11 Jul 2013 10:52:20 -0500

My mom got me this cat spatula and I’m not even going to pretend that I don’t love it.

How Not to Be Alone

Mon, 10 Jun 2013 12:46:25 -0500

How Not to Be Alone:

Technology may make it easier to communicate electronically, but more difficult to do so emotionally.

"in my generation, it was difficult to know that you could take control of your own life. you thought..."

Wed, 22 May 2013 12:26:45 -0500

““in my generation, it was difficult to know that you could take control of your own life. you thought your husband and children were supposed to dictate your life. now i see young women who feel they have to be a total success by 30, which is very different. and both things are equally wrong.””

- gloria steinem (via clarajudgypants)

(via eatingelephants )

I have a really hard time believing him when he says, “I love you.” There’s a part...

Tue, 21 May 2013 22:21:11 -0500

I have a really hard time believing him when he says, “I love you.” There’s a part of me that knows it’s true. Knows it’s a real love, not something that can change in a day or night. But there’s a part of me that has trouble holding onto it. There’s a part of me that craves reassurance, validation again and again that nothing has changed.

I don’t want to be this way.

He’s never given me a reason to doubt it. He shows me love in little and big ways all the time. But every shift in mood, every little change, and I tense up. Internally I start to panic.

I had a lot of shitty interactions with guys before. I didn’t value myself, I settled for what I thought I deserved and I panicked over losing what little I had. Back then, things could change overnight. Sometimes it would be over without any warning.

This is not the same.

I watched my mom as I grew up constantly needing validation. Constantly asking my dad if he loved her. Constantly needing more, more, more. Partly because of her own insecurities, I’m sure partly because their relationship had issues.

I don’t want to follow that path. I want to do better, I want to be better for him. For us.

I don’t want to constantly be scared of losing, I want to be hanging out in the present, enjoying.

One of my FB friends shared this…I fucking love...

Fri, 10 May 2013 14:22:00 -0500

One of my FB friends shared this…I fucking love it.

(Originally posted on Endangered Bodies NYC)

The two years prior that I’ve run this race I’ve had...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 09:47:01 -0500

The two years prior that I’ve run this race I’ve had bad days where I really struggled at the end. It was pouring the whole race today but I loved it. I had so much fun and didn’t hit any rough patches. AND my manfriend is coming home tonight so it’s kind of the best day ever.

Two years ago tomorrow I ran my first half marathon. Tomorrow...

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 13:17:52 -0500

Two years ago tomorrow I ran my first half marathon. Tomorrow I’ll run my tenth. Jet lagged and dealing with IT band issues, my goal is just to have fun and take the pressure off but I’m so excited to be running my first race as part of the Athlete’s House racing team!

Favorite song(s) of the moment?

Fri, 19 Apr 2013 21:33:30 -0500

Help me populate my ‘holy shit I’m flying to London in less than 24 hours’ playlist!

I just realized...

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 21:02:42 -0500

I’ve eaten almost an entire box of cereal without ever once pouring it into a bowl and adding milk.

That means that I’ve eaten almost the entire box by going to the cabinet and taking handfuls.

Does Parks and Rec get better?

Wed, 17 Apr 2013 18:48:38 -0500

I watched the first couple episodes of season 1 recently. Mainly because I know most of you guys love it and I keep seeing gifs and quotes from the show that are hilarious. But I found the first two episodes…uncomfortable. Like, The Office levels of uncomfortable except I don’t know the characters well enough to find it endearing or funny. Did anyone else find this to be true? Should I keep going? How long do I trudge through?

Life Lately

Sun, 14 Apr 2013 16:39:57 -0500

I keep thinking about writing today and I keep opening tumblr and then deciding against it and then thinking, “no, I should really write something” and then opening tumblr again and questioning it again and on and on. I let so much time pass between blog posts now that it feels in some ways like there’s just too much to catch up on and it’s overwhelming.

But I guess I don’t need to say everything or even most things. Maybe just a snapshot of what life looks like lately is good enough.

Friday was my last day at my job. I worked there for 2 years and 7 months and at the institution itself for about 3.5 years. It’s a weird feeling in a lot of ways. So much is about to change. Just my routines and daily life. I worked for a great institution and I’ll miss some of the things about it, like the benefits and policies, etc. But the job where I worked was, honestly, soul sucking. The last two and a half years have worn on me and tested me in many ways but also led to a lot of personal growth. I don’t think I realized how much tension I’d been holding, how much the norm it was to feel tense, until the last hours of my workday on Friday. I could feel all week a subtle shift. But on Friday there was such relief. I start my new job tomorrow. It’s at a non-profit which is new for me and I’m excited but scared to get my hopes too far up yet. I’m cautiously optimistic. My last job has made me a bit skeptical and I’m a little afraid to be too excited but I have an open mind and I am definitely ready for a change.

I went into the studio last month to cut 4 more songs, so I’ll have 6 done hopefully within the next few months and I can’t wait to have a finished product. I’ve felt a bit stalled musically lately and I think getting these songs finished will help me feel like there’s still some hope there.

Next Saturday I leave for London and I keep willing time to pass more quickly (but once I get there I want it to slow down!). That’s why, even though I’m apprehensive about my new job in some ways, I’m ready to plunge right in so that London will get here faster!

I’ve learned a lot about relationships. They really are work. You can’t get lazy. I think watching my parents divorce taught me a lot about love and relationships. I work really hard to not get lazy about mine. Today I was thinking about how lucky I feel to have met him. I don’t have attachments about how things will work out in the future, I’m open minded and practical about it. And in a lot of ways, it’s not at all how I planned it (is it ever?). He’s significantly older than me which honestly I thought would be more of an issue than it’s turned out to be. Everyone in our lives sees the love between us and no one has ever been weird or judgmental, thankfully. But if I had written a list of qualities I wanted in a partner, kindness, empathy, sensitivity, ability to communicate, and intelligence would be at the top of the list. And I dated a lot of dudes who were distant and non-communicative and unemotional and my dude now is so the opposite and I feel so lucky for that. For the first time in a relationship, I think about how much I admire him. It’s not all about me and how he makes me feel. I am in awe of the amazing person he is. That’s how I knew this was different. It’s mature and I am enjoying it, even through the ups and downs.

A cat just crawled up and laid on my chest so I guess this is a good enough update. True to form this post is long and I am wordy.

Anyone super familiar with London?

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 12:44:18 -0500

Hey guys!

Next Saturday I head out for a short trip to London to meet up with my guy (he’s been out of the country for 4 weeks already and it’ll be 6 total by the time he gets home). I cannot wait!! I haven’t been to London in 7 years and that was just a brief trip. We stayed in a suburb that time so I am not super familiar with the area. We’re staying in the Covent Garden area of London and I am hoping to find some places to run!

If any of you are really familiar with London and have some good ideas about running routes, would you shoot me an email or message? I would so so appreciate it!

On Monday (the day before I turn 27), my guy is leaving for 6 weeks. He’s a musician and he is...

Fri, 15 Mar 2013 09:21:40 -0500

On Monday (the day before I turn 27), my guy is leaving for 6 weeks. He’s a musician and he is often gone for long stretches at a time. We were lucky to have 4 months together since the last tour. This time he’s going overseas and I am anxious to not know how often we’ll be able to talk or when. And thinking about his leaving, having it on the horizon, seeing how quickly is it coming, has left me pensive.

Our relationship is far from perfect. We have our things, our issues. But, there is no shortage of love between us. No shortage of mutual respect and affection. And even though he drives me crazy (like, why do you have 10 bars of soap in your shower (no really, I counted, it’s 10)? Why is it so hard to throw away your empty shampoo bottles? Why does it take so long for you to pick up the phone and make an important call?), he’s also my best friend. Before him, all those mushy, love cliches meant nothing to me. I couldn’t relate. But, now, when he leaves, he takes a little piece of me with him. When he’s gone, I walk around with a little void and it’s amazing to me how heavy that emptiness can feel.

This is not to say he completes me or that I need him to feel complete. Not at all. The only reason he and I are a we is because I finally came to a place where I knew I was okay just by myself. Where I finally quit searching for the wrong things to make me feel whole and started to just accept who I am. And when he came along, my feelings were confirmed. He has never once made me feel like any part of me is not okay. That he would prefer that I be anything else other than who I am.

And I know that if we ever end our relationship, I won’t walk around with a void forever. He and I will both heal. But no matter what happens, whether we’re together the rest of our lives or whether we’re not, he has changed me. He has made me see life in a new way. I want to be the person he sees in me all the time. I’m a little more patient, a little kinder, a little more laid back.

I don’t talk much about my relationship because it’s private and I’ve never been in a real, loving, equal relationship until him, but I guess what I’m saying really is he’s amazing, I am grateful, and I am really gonna miss him.