I think it's time to stop naming hurricanes after people!

I have always wondered why we name hurricanes after people, and particularly noticed it after hurricane Katrina, when I thought how difficult it must have been to have the name Katrina after the destruction that occurred.

Then I wondered again how anyone named Irene felt as that hurricane was being written about literally everywhere, and spoken about as "colossally destructive" and "devastating."

I've researched the reasons for the naming of hurricanes, and have read the most nonsensical, illogical "reasons," including that no one could remember any other naming methods. Have they really tried?

My sister-in-law Jennifer and I have come up with a brilliant new plan.

How about naming them after fish? Doesn't hurricane Lemon Shark have a good ring to it? Or hurricane Pufferfish?

This has the dual purpose of building awareness for the species of fish that's named, and the fish aren't bothered by reading about the mass destruction that their name is associated with. And we can be educated about all sorts of fish types.

If we need more names, how about food? Hurricane licorice whip sounds good. Or hurricane donut? That would perhaps reduce the obesity rate as people could associate unhealthy food with natural disasters.

My friend Valerie wasn't too concerned about all of this until I pointed out that her name is on the 2012 hurricane list- along with:

Alberto
Beryl
Chris
Debby
Ernesto
Florence
Gordon
Helene
Isaac
Joyce
Kirk
Leslie
Michael
Nadine
Oscar
Patty
Rafael
Sandy
Tony
Valerie
William

And here are the proposed plans for hurricane names from 2013-2016:

2013
Andrea, Barry, Chantal, Dorian, Erin, Fernand, Gabrielle, Humberto, Ingrid, Jerry, Karen, Lorenzo, Melissa, Nestor, Olga, Pablo, Rebekah, Sebastien, Tanya, Van Wendy

2014
Arthur, Bertha, Cristobal, Dolly, Edouard, Fay, Gonzalo, Hanna, Isaias, Josephine, Kyle, Laura, Marco, Nana, Omar, Paulette, Rene, Sally, Teddy, Vicky, Wilfred

2015
Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin, Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, Wanda

2016
Alex, Bonnie, Colin, Danielle, Earl, Fiona, Gaston, Hermine, Ian, Julia, Karl, Lisa, Matthew, Nicole, Otto, Paula, Richard, Shary, Tobias, Virginie, Walter

I think this all started for me with the invention and naming of the lazy Susan. No one consulted with me about the naming of this household space saver, and I don't appreciate the lazy reference. I found this from Wikipedia:

The term "Lazy Susan" made its first written appearance in a Vanity Fair advertisement for a "Revolving Server or Lazy Susan" in 1917, although their existence dates back to the 18th century. Prior to the use of the term 'Lazy Susan', they were referred to as dumbwaiters, a term today applied to a small elevator for transporting food.

[1] There is no clear evidence as to the origin of the Susan part of Lazy Susan.

[2] The Lazy Susan can be made from a variety of materials, commonly plastic, wood, or glass.

And clearly this issue of naming hurricanes after people has got to stop, and won't you join me in my "petition" for the new ways of naming?

Leave a comment here with your favorite fish, food, animal name, or other suggestion, and I will send a link to the naming entity with our suggestions.

And if someone else is willing to take over the lazy Susan, I'd be gratefull. Bill? Nancy? Jeff? Liz? Anyone?

Your very dear, and not lazy;-) and thankfully not yet named after a hurricane,   

Susan (aka SARK)

My 7 year-old spiritual godchild Jonah just graduated from first grade, and I felt guided to create a symbol of how loved and supported he is.

I made a big flower with space in the center for a face, then I wrote names in the petals, of people who love him.

I also wrote: "Dear Jonah, every day, in every way, people are thinking of you and love you as you play."

Then each of us at his little party put our faces in the flower and gave him our intentions for his summer.

He just sat there, grinning, drinking in the love. Later, he used the special pen I'd given him to add more names to the petals. He said excitedly:

"Susan! I added more names and still have 7 more petals to fill with love- isn't that lucky?"

And so, I extend this flower power of love to you and to your loved ones.

The face in the center of Jonah's flower is his mom, Valerie.

Love,
Susan
aka SARK

 

What does it mean to feel supported? How can we expand our experiences of it? We all have the opportunity to educate others in the best ways to support us. Most of us try to ask for as little as possible, and hope that someone guesses or knows what we want or need. Instead, we can specifically let others know what feels supportive to us and our particular ways.

Independence is highly valued, and "doing things for ourselves" is thought of as a virtue. Some people have learned about the value of support through illness or aging, and are able to welcome care and attention from people in new and different ways. Others "soldier on" and just do it all alone.

Most of us carry an internal scorecard in our heads and measure how much is okay to accept, or how we will repay it.

My friend Patricia had cancer and was bald from chemotherapy in her home, with the electricity turned off, before she asked for help.

This kind of behavior is more common than not- perhaps not that dramatic, but the same core issues:

"I'm not worthy." "Others need help more than me." "I don't want to be dependent."

We are meant to feel supported by our communities, our loved ones, and by ourselves. Self-support starts with you practicing receiving more. Here's a mantra to practice with: "Ask more and more, don't keep score."

See what happens if you use this. Practice asking without attachment to the answer. You'll know you're expanding your capacities if you feel slightly, or more than slightly uncomfortable.

This kind of practice will result in you receiving as much as giving, and multiply feelings of support and love in your life. Tell me about your experiences. I want to hear.

 

 

The holidays are full of pressures to be glad even if you don't feel that way. People talk about "holiday cheer," "finding the silver lining," "looking on the bright side," all of which are fine when we feel those things, but can actually add to feelings of loneliness and depression when we don't. There is also a certain kind of "holiday tyranny" where we are encouraged to hide how we're actually feeling, for the "sake of the holidays."

We are meant to feel what we feel when we feel it, then let it go. Most people don't know how they're feeling, or that it's okay to feel it. We are not taught how to have, or hold multiple feelings simultaneously, so many people choose one and cling to it. That one feeling might be described as happy or sad, but it's not a true reflection of our complexities as humans, and results in our feelings not flowing. Instead they get stuck, or other feelings are left untended.

For example, you might feel happy to see your mom at Christmas, sad that she's physically declining, angry that your sister isn't doing more, and worried about the future. If you fixate on just one of those feelings, it will not be as productive or helpful. Instead, it would be much more effective to feel all that you feel, respond lovingly to yourself, your mother and your sister, and create good systems for your family and self-care practices too.

Practical Gladness means living in the "messy middle" of all of your feelings and finding your "glad ground" underneath. From this glad ground place, you can be aware of and hold all of your feelings, notice ways to respond instead of react, and transform what's possible to transform.

When we find our glad ground in the middle, it is possible to enjoy the holidays truly, authentically, and with grace and wisdom. Here are some practical ways you can experience more gladness this holiday season:

1. Create a new self-care plan — Think of what you need to feel good during the holidays, and provide it for yourself. Some of these things might be:

*Special foods that you know you will enjoy

*Call a friend to share how you're really feeling— not how you think you should be

*Practice ways to experience less stress, like going for a walk or attending a yoga class

*Write in a journal or book with lists of things that nourish you, and do the things.

2. Adjust and lower your expectations, or better yet — have none — Notice how your expectations bring suffering when they aren't met.  For example, if you feel ignored or overworked at holiday times, take yourself out for champagne and ignore some things you "should" be doing. Change your expectations about what you or others "should be" doing or acting like, and practice allowing how it actually IS. Focus on what's good and working

3. Educate others in the best ways to support you—Become clear about what actually feels supportive to you, and ask for others to contribute. For example, if you typically care for others and wish others would or could care for you, figure out what they could contribute to you that would be easy and fun. You might ask a friend to meet you for tea and laughter in the midst of a busy shopping or cleaning day, or sit with you while you wrap gifts or write cards

4. Experiment with new traditions and rituals for the holidays -- Do things differently. We all tend to repeat and become habituated. For example, "we always have our meal at _______." Some of my greatest holiday experiences have taken place at the movies, miniature golfing or serving food at a shelter instead of trying to participate in rituals or traditions that no longer represent who I am now.

5. Allow yourself to experience your holidays imperfectly — Revise your ideas of perfection and increase your capacity for spontaneous joy. For example, if you get tense and pressured about preparing a meal, buying gifts, sending cards, or trying to do it ALL, try:

*Doing less and feeling good about it-refuse to be a prisoner of others expectations

*Doing parts of things — fix the dessert, ask others to bring the other things

*Doing tiny amounts — consider attending a holiday party for 5- 15 minutes with no explanation about why

*Asking others to help and then don't control or manage "how they do it"

6. Practice transforming what hurts into what helps — Find the places that aren't working and speak up about them. For example, you might ask a group of people in your home to talk about different subjects like what they're loving in this moment, instead of sitting there judging how bored or dissatisfied you are feeling.

*If you're cooking and get crabby, let others know and help you!

*If you hate shopping, ask others to create experiences or adventures for each other instead of buying gifts

*If you keep complaining about the holidays, see if you can put your complaints on paper and resolve to have new experiences

*If you feel ungrateful, find someone to listen to who is facing challenges that you're not.

Being glad no matter what is NOT about feeling glad when you don't- how annoying. It's about practicing with all of your feelings and feeling glad as often as you possibly can- especially during the holidays!

Based on the book Glad No Matter What © 2010 by SARK. Printed with permission of New World Library, Novato, CA. www.newworldlibrary.com

My newest book, Glad No Matter What: Transforming Loss and Change into Gift and Opportunity was just released from New World Library (I love them!).

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

While on the book tour in Arizona last week, I appeared on a morning TV show to talk about my new book. Soon after, my inner critics all showed up to tell me how I wasn't "good enough" and other mean things. After the show, I stopped at a grocery store and noticed a police officer just getting out of his car.

I approached and asked if he had time to hear an unusual request. He smiled and replied: "Depends on what it is!"

I explained that I was starting my book tour and had appeared on TV and was besieged by inner critics afterward, and asked if he could arrest them and take them to jail, and keep them there until after my book tour. He laughed and said: "Sure I can. I know about inner critics!"

He opened the squad car door and I escorted the critics in. He then asked what the book was about, and I told him it was about being Glad No Matter What, and that there are processes in it for utilizing our awakened wise selves, which is what I'd just done, by asking him to help with my inner critics.

He said he'd be getting the book, and wished me well. I watched the squad car drive off and felt such relief that the inner critics had a place to be while I connect with people and facilitate transformation and change.

To further inspire transformation and change, I invite you to invite you to join me in a playing one (or more!) of the games below.

1. Miracle Walk 

A "Miracle walk" is where you go out of your house or wherever you are, put your hands out, palms up and say; "Miracles, find me now." And then walk until you see or find one- or more! Be aware that miracles may be disguised or in unlikely places. Use love to recognize them. A variation is to say; "Miraculous people, find me now." 

Write or post a video or art in your blog or social media about your Miracle Walk or people, send and be entered to win a signed copy of the book and a 15 minute Scoop of SARK.

2. Transforming What Hurts Into What Helps

Share one thing in your life that's challenging or difficult, and one thing that you're glad about that challenge or difficulty. Something like this:
"I sometimes feel overwhelmed with all there is to do in my life and business, and am glad that I am healthy and able to do things" That reminds us of the "marvelous, messy middle" of feelings. I call it "Practical Gladness" This will further develop your transformational abilities.

Now you....Share your results on your blog or social media and be entered to win a signed copy of the book and a 15 minute Scoop of SARK

3. Be GLAD No Matter What -  Give Lovingly And Daringly

This does NOT mean feeling glad when you don't - how annoying. It means finding the glad parts in as many of your feelings as you can and then finding ways to help the world with your GLAD heart. Blog or post your GLAD offerings on social media. It might be large or tiny, common or uncommon. One of my GLAD heart gifts was singing Amazing Grace in the DMV office until everyone joined in! 

Write or post a video or art on your blog or social media about your GLAD heart gift and be entered to win a signed copy of the book and a 15 minute Scoop of SARK

We'll keep the games going till Fri/Dec 10 and announce the winners here by Wed/Dec 15!

Congratulations to Jennie, Joanna & Krysia! They have each won a signed copy of Glad No Matter What and a 15 minute Scoop of SARK! Thank you all for your exquisite and delightfull sharing, and game playing :-)

You can order your copy of Glad No Matter What and see free book tour events here! :-)

After you share in your blog or social media, leave your name and link below so we can enJOY and be inspired too ! 

 Your privacy is ultimately respected.

 

When I was 6 years old, I came home and said to my Mom:  "Mom, show and tell should be me every day!"

My inner perfectionist flipped out when I first heard this recommendation from one of my mentors; Rebecca Latimer, who wrote a book called You're Not Old Until You're Ninety: Best To Be Prepared, However.

 

Rebecca said to me;

"Oh SARK, when you speak to groups of people, would you please let them know that if they meditate and do it badly, it still works? And that goes for everything else too. My best recommendation to you is to do more things badly."

 

I knew from experience that my perfectionistic ways were inhibiting my joy, so I took her recommendation to heart and began consciously practicing doing more things badly, or imperfectly, or just not up to my former standards. I discovered that the more I did "badly" the happier I felt.

 

I found that my perfectionist inside was exhausted by me and my ideas about how to do things. I'd learned really well from my perfectionistic Mother how to do things "the right way," which was basically HER way, but it took me years to figure that out.

 

So that's when I began doing things like eating a chocolate cake with no silverware, lying down in line at the bank, singing Amazing Grace at the Department of Motor Vehicles, doing a TV interview with the back of my hair soaked in coconut oil from a massage the night before and singing Karaoke- without alcohol. I also experimented with tinier, more mundane things too.

 

I've learned that not only is it fun to do things badly, it's such a relief to give up so many of the "rules" I'd grown up with and then imposed on myself. I've also learned that I'm a pretty high achiever, and in some cases, an over achiever, so my dialing down from a 10 on a 1 to 10 scale, to a 5 or 6, is barely noticeable to anyone else!

 

It was noticeable to me however, so I engaged in some practices to support my new freedom.

 

1. Giving myself "primary permission" to do some things badly or imperfectly, or just differently.

I do this by experimenting and practicing, and noticing the results. For example, I'm usually very quick to do favors for people, or fulfill requests. My younger brother had asked me to find out some information for him prior to his wedding, and I simply didn't do it. When he asked for the information, and I confessed that I didn't have it and hadn't done it, he was shocked and annoyed with me. I apologized, but didn't feel guilty. We processed what had happened, and both realized that I was ALWAYS reliable and so rarely faltered, that I'd given myself no room at all to just be human. It was really fun to watch him be "the responsible one" who was getting things done for his wedding, and I got to experience the role of "someone who hadn't come through." I am now really learning to consciously give myself that primary permission first, that I'd always automatically given to other people.

 

2. Ignoring or simply not noticing what others think

I used to get so scared or worried if someone felt disappointed, annoyed or irritated with me about something I had or hadn't done. I had been a people pleaser who relied on being filled up from outside sources in order to feel good. Now that I consistently practice self-love and exquisite self-care, I fill myself up first, and allow others to experience and take responsibility for their own emotions. I don't focus on other people's reactions much at all anymore, and it's felt like such a great relief. I also practice ignoring people when I do unusual things, or I invite them to join in. I got the whole room to sing Amazing Grace with me at the DMV. Several people sat, or laid down with me in the bank line, and it was no problem at all to find people to eat cake with me, with no silverware.

 

3. Practicing self-love and exquisite self-care consistently

I practice living as a "full cup of self-love," ready to share the overflow with the world. I used to live like a half empty cup, looking for people or substances to fill me. Now that I've learned how to care for myself exquisitely, I can respond to the world, instead of reacting. In response, there is a choice, in reaction, there is very little choice. Now I choose what to respond to, and why. When I feel less than self-loving or caring, which is often every day, I engage in specific practices and processes to recenter myself. I am then able to extend so much more love to the world.

 

And of course, in all of the above, I also fail, falter, stumble, flail and flounder and do a lot of things badly, and sometimes very badly. I've discovered that being truly self-loving is a long term relationship with myself that contains EVERYthing, as every relationship does. The point is not to love myself all the time. The point is to practice loving myself as consistently as I am able, in all sorts of conditions. This means practicing loving the fat, forgetful, resistant parts too. And when I turn away from myself in aversion, to bring myself back as lovingly as I am able. And perhaps an even greater challenge, to love the successful, brilliant and soaring parts of myself. Because I sometimes feel more afraid of my joy than my pain. Pain seems easier to relate to, and joy can feel lonely.

 

My early abuse experiences taught me that pain lasts, and joy is unreliable. I've now learned to live more often in a opposite state- joy is everlasting, and pain can't always be trusted. And in between those two states, is the glorious middle spaces where most of my growth takes place. My explorations in doing more things badly have shown me that there is a lot of joy in the mess and chaos of living as a "splendidly imperfect" human bean.