Sass & Sequins

Punk Rock Princess

2012-10-18T19:07:00.002-07:00

Not that this fashion statement is new, per say, but a touch of punk rock has found itself back into the fashion mainstream once again. I'm not going to even attempt a full history of punk rock, because I'm sure I'll be wrong and all of you a bit more well versed in the music genre will judge me more than you already do. But, just to get some basics, the punk era first started in the 1970's- think The Clash, The Ramones, and The Sex Pistols. Aside from inspiring a generation of rebellious youth, they also influenced fashion. The punk rock fashion started with leather jackets and grew into mohawks, dark eyeliner, spike and studs, and a general "I don't give a F#$K attitude". It's a statement I can stand behind since I love leather, and as I often say, "I'd rather wear something that says F$#K off so I don't have to say it myself."

This thing almost became the vice president of America...seriously republicans? SERIOUSLY!?

Yes, I'm a bit aggressive, but I'm not encouraging you all to become pitbull hockey moms, so relax.

Her abs will never stop making me feel bad about myself

I wouldn't recommend you all to slap on 10 pounds of black eye liner and start wearing anarchy shirts, but I think punk rock glam has an important place in the fashion world beyond Avril Lavigne's closet. Yes, I just mentioned Avril Lavigne. Yes I was sort of obsessed with her when she first put out an album. No, I don't want to talk about it. It's complicated. My favorite celebrities who pull off glam rock are Gwen Stefani (c'mon, who doesn't LOVE Gwen Stefani. EVERYONE loves Gwen.), Rihanna when she's not dying her hair red like an idiot, and Kristen Stewart. Yes, I just said Kristen Stewart- all you R-Patz loving twi-hards can keep your 12 year old opinions to yourself. There's something I like about K-Stew, I don't know why. Maybe because she just does whatever she wants.

I am not above stealing this from your closet

Gotta respect someone who can still look hot wearing sneakers with a dress and isn't a run away bride...just a run away adultress

What I've taken away from these ladies, is that a little bit of punk rock accessorizing goes a long way. You don't need the full garb, but some studded earrings or bracelets are just enough to add edge without needing a hair professional to reverse your failed hot pink mohawk. Below are my favorite accessories- keep it single, or stack them all together for the right amount of attitude. Half the reason I love this trend is just for the creative accessory names- Enjoy!

Starting with earrings first...

ModCloth "Keep it Sassy Earrings"
$12.99
www.modcloth.com or CLICK HERE

Forever 21 "Lacquered Rhinestoned Pyramid Studs"
$2.80
Available in black or white
www.forever21.com or CLICK HERE

Top Shop "Pyramid Studs"
$18.00
www.us.topshop.com or CLICK HERE

Top Shop "Triangle Top Rhinestone Studs"
$28.00
www.us.topshop.com or CLICK HERE

Juicy Couture "Pavé Pyramid Stud Earring"
$37.99
www.piperlime.com or CLICK HERE

Hive & Honey "Rectangular and Pyramid Stud Earrings"
$14
www.piperlime.com or CLICK HERE

Tinley Road "Pavé Pyramid Stud Earring"
$16.00
www.piperlime.com or CLICK HERE

Express "Pave X Enamel Stud Earring"
$13.93
Available in black and white
www.express.com or CLICK HERE

Moving onto bracelets

Woof

Forever21 "Studded Stretchy Bracelet"
$10.80
www.forever21.com or CLICK HERE

C. Wonder "Leopard Print Calf Hair Stud Cuff"
$128.00
www.cwonder.com or CLICK HERE

Forever 21 "Lacquered Pyramid Stud Bracelet"
14.90
www.forever21.com or CLICK HERE

Forever 21 "Rhinestoned Stud Bracelet"
$8.80
www.forever21.com or CLICK HERE

Top Shop "Studded Crock Cuff Bracelet"
$25.00
www.us.topshop.com or CLICK HERE

Asos "Pyramid Stud Stretch Bracelet"
$14.07
www.us.asos.com or CLICK HERE

Express "Double Pave Pyramid Stretch Bracelet"
$34.90
www.express.com or CLICK HERE

Express Pave Pyramid Stretch Bracelet
$22.90
www.express.com or CLICK HERE

Express "Pave Rectangle Stretch Bracelet"
$34.90
www.express.com or CLICK HERE

Madison "Studded Bangle Bracelet"
$20.00
Available in black, blue, pink
www.urbanoutfitters.com or
CLICK HERE

UO "Golden Sun Bracelet"
$14.00
Available in gold and silver
www.urbanoutfitters.com or
CLICK HERE

UO "Soho Studded Bracelet"
$14.00
Available in 3 colors
www.urbanoutfitters.com or
CLICK HERE

A.V. Max Studded Enamel Cuff Bracelet"
$68.00
Available in black, red, blue
www.urbanoutfitters.com or
CLICK HERE

UO "Pyramid Studded Watch"
$38.00
www.urbanoutfitters.com or
CLICK HERE

Juicy Couture "Skinny Leather Wrap Bracelet"
$78.00
www.shopbop.com or CLICK HERE

Linea Pelle "Studded Stackable Bracelet"
$35 available in 3 colors
www.shopbop.com or CLICK HERE

And lastly, rings, for the final 1-2 punch

Urban Outfitters "Studded Double-Finger Ring"
$16.00
www.urbanoutfitters.com or CLICK HERE

Juicy Couture "Pyramid Band Ring"
$48
www.revolveclothing.com or
CLICK HERE

Macau "Studded Rings"
$14.00
www.urbanoutfitters.com or CLICK HERE

Proper Peplum

2012-10-08T19:26:00.003-07:00

I finally have no excuse to not be blogging. I'd apologize, but I've already done that a few times, and I can't make promises it won't happen again. Most of you probably didn't even miss me, but, judging by my text messages, if you are a dude, then this has been the most painful hiatus you've endured yet. It's like ten times worse than anticipating the start of college football season, and twenty times worse than anticipating what would happen with the Zoe Hart love triangle on Hart of Dixie...no? That's just me?

I also would have chosen Wade... for the record

Anyway, I've recently fallen into my own love triangle. To be honest, I didn't really see it coming. Peplum has been around forever, and the way it accentuates a tiny waste and exaggerates hips, I'm starting to realize why. We aren't all built like Salma Hayek, but at least we can try. Peplum last made an appearance in the 80s, which is a decade I find myself more nostalgic for the older I get. Mostly because anything born in the 1990s scares me. I never cared much for peplum, but I've recently had a change of heart. It's kind of like showing up to a high school reunion and realizing that so and so who sat next to you in class kind of turned out to be cute, respectable, and more lovable than initially anticipated. Let's be honest, I've never experienced that. But I've heard that these things happen.

I love the classic, simple peplum dress. It seems very proper. I was initially going to make a "Proper like Kate Middleton having tea with the Queen Mum" comment... until, ya know, girl friend got caught running around in a whole lot less than peplum.

"So nice of you to show up wearing clothes, Dutchess."

Whoops.

So these are my favorite classic dresses and peplum pencil skirts, for all you classy ladies out there...scratch that...for all you ladies who know how to keep it classy between 8am and 5pm M-F. Anything classier than that is just excessive.

Pins and Needles "Knit Mini Peplum Dress"
$49
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Coincidence & Chance "Knit Mini Peplum Dress"
on sale $39.99
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Ann Taylor Loft "Tall Peplum Doubleface Sheath Dress"
$89.50
www.loft.com
CLICK HERE

Lulu's "Save the Date BLack Lace Dress"
$44
www.lulus.com
CLICK HERE

Lulu's "Tempting Fete Black Lace Dress"
$50
www.lulus.com
CLICK HERE

Lulu's "Audrey Pep-burn Royal Blue Dress"
$53
www.lulus.com
CLICK HERE

Thistlepearl "Two-Tone Peplum Dress"
$79
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Accidentally in Love "Kit Belted Peplum Dress"
$59
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

Tinley Road "Peplum Dress"
$48.50
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

Ark & Co. "Peplum Tie Back Dress"
on sale $47.99
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

Mossimo "Women's Refined Peplum Dress"
$27.99
www.target.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Cobalt Brilliance Dress"
$54.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Houndstooth of the Matter Dress"
$44.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Salt n Peplum Dress"
$47.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "Colorblocked Peplum Dress w/ Belt"
$22.80
www.forever21.com
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "Sleeveless Peplum Dress w/ Belt"
$22.80
www.forever21.com
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "3/4 Sleeve Dress"
$24.80
www.forever21.com
CLICK HERE

Aqua "Ponte Dress-Faux Leather Peplum"
$118
www.bloomingdales.com
CLICK HERE

Rhyme & Echo "Paris Peplum Mini"
on sale $38.50
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

C. Luce "Peplum Skirt"
$59
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

Express "High Waist Peplum Pencil Skirt"
$59.90
www.express.com
CLICK HERE

Sparkle & Fade "High/Low Peplum Skirt"
$49
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Ann Taylor "Mirabelle Peplum Hem Jacket"
$178
www.anntaylor.com
CLICK HERE

I've also been digging some modern twists on the vintage peplum. I'm pretty much obsessed with Urban Outfitter's Mesh Peplum Tanktop...and the vegan leather versions...Since I can only handle a love triangle, and not a love...dodecagon? Polygon? Yeah, that thing. (We can all see how much I retained from high school geometry). I figured it would only be proper of me to share.

Pins and Needles "Stripes and Mesh Peplum Tank Top"
$39
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

CO "Vegan Leather Peplum Tank Top"
$89
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Pins and Needles "Ponte Knit Peplum Top"
$34
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Tinley Road "Vegan Leather Peplum Top"
$98
www.piperlime.com
CLICK HERE

Ann Taylor "Peplum Jacket"
$129
www.anntaylor.com
CLICK HERE

Ann Taylor "Ponte Peplum Top"
$68
www.anntaylor.com
CLICK HERE

MadeWell "Flowersketch Peplum Top"
$108
www.madewell.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Bonbon Vivant Top"
$39.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Que'est Sara Sara Top"
$44.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

ModCloth "Bring Out the Peplum Top"
$37.99
www.modcloth.com
CLICK HERE

Express "Peplum Shell Top"
$39.90
www.express.com
CLICK HERE

Sparkle & Fade "Colorblock Peplum Top"
$39
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Kimchi Blue "Structured Peplum Top"
$49
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Sparkle & Fade "Square Neck Peplum Top"
$39
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Pins & Needles" Accordian Pleat Peplum Top"
$59
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Pins & Needles "Strapless Elastic-Back Peplum Top"
$44
www.urbanoutfitters.com
CLICK HERE

Lulu's "On The Bright Side Ivory Sequin Peplum Top"
$41
www.lulus.com
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "Animal Print Peplum Top"
$19.80
www.forever21.com
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "Flocked Peplum Top"
$17.80
www.forever21.com
CLICK HERE

Ann Taylor Loft "Structured Peplum Puff Sleeve Top"
$59.50
www.loft.com
CLICK HERE

Colorblocking with Attitude

2012-04-04T20:01:00.002-07:00

In the fashion community, I'm pretty sure everyone loves DVF. If someone doesn't, then they certainly aren't vocal about it, for fear of being shunned. And rightfully so- I love the majority of what she puts out on the runway because it's tasteful, cool, and most importantly it's 'wearable'. Maybe I'm just not creative enough to interpret some more 'artistic' designer's pieces and determine how to transition them into an outfit that won't make people thing I'm completely insane, but I think a real designer balances creativity with wearability... or at least a real designer who knows how to make money in the fashion industry for 40 years. But what I most love and adore most about DVF aside from her fashion, is that she seems like someone I'd like to hang out with. She's a pretty fierce woman who knew what she was talking about when she said, "Attitude is Everything."

So when DVF decided this spring/summer that she was going to do BIG OR GO HOME color combinations, people didn't think twice about following suit. And hence "color blocking" was born. But nonetheless, as with all things colorblocking can go terribly wrong, so with great color comes great responsibility. I decided to embark on the challenge of putting out some dresses and skirts that I thought were responsibly cute while still being appropriately bold and daring. Now all you have to do is pair the right amount of attitude with one of these little numbers and manage to pull off GOING BIG AND GOING HOME in one piece. How you do it, is up to you, but I've got some pretty good ideas as to how to accomplish this feat. The pieces from Aqua are hands down my favorite, but there's a range for everyone, or at least I like to think so.

Aqua "V Neck Color Block Dress"
$78
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Aqua "Cinch Waist Stripe Dress"
$78
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Aqua "Colorblock Cinch Waist Dress"
$88
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Aqua "V Neck Color Block Dress"
$78
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Express "Keyhole Halter Dress"
on sale $55.93
CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com

Lulu's "Ultra-Lounge Cutout Colorblock Dress"
$37
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Collective Concepts "Color Blocked Mini Skirt"
$64
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Chandi and Lia "Colorblock Stripe Dress"
$49
CLICK HERE or go to www.limewire.com

Lucca Couture "Carved Shoulder Ponte Cutout Dress"
$69
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Lucca Couture "Cutout Dress"
$59
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

BB Dakota "Vera Combo Dress"
$95
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

Forever 21 "V-Black Colorblock Dress"
$17.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Forever 21 "Colorblock Ponte Dress"
$15.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Sparkle and Fade "Colorblock Dress"
$59
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Lulu's "Lovely Peach Dress"
$46
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Accessory of the Week

2012-03-27T17:56:00.002-07:00

I've recently been on an iPhone accessorizing kick, which all started when my friends bought me an obnoxious gold metallic case for Christmas. Not only did people instantly RESPECT me when I busted that bad boy out of my white coat's front pocket like a metallic NINJA, but it was also a super handy mirror when no one was looking. Unfortunately, only 2 months later, I was abusing the mirror (aka probably making sure I didn't have food in my teeth... or gasping at the fact that I look like such a hot mess in public) and lost my grip, causing all that I've ever loved to go dramatically crashing to the ground...NOOOOOOO..well my iPhone survived the fatal crash but the case did not fare so well. I think I was actually more upset to lose the case than my iPhone... I felt like that case had become a part of me, you don't recover from a loss like this.
Since that tragic day of accessory demise, I've been searching for something that could fill the void in my life. I thought that it was only appropriate to celebrate the memory of my beautiful golden case by sharing my best, most fashion savvy findings so you too can feel such joy between texts and phone calls.

Incase "Chrome Slider Case"
$34.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.goincase.com

InCase "Animal Snap Case"
$34.95
available in three other colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.goincase.com

Marc by Marc Jacbos "Arrowhead Iphone Case"
$38
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

Incase "Warhol Snap Case"
$39.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.goincase.com

Marc by Marc Jacobs "Croc Iphone Case"
$38
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

Luxmo "Bling Bling Rhinestone Case"
$12.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.igearusa.com

Tory Burch "Duriez Iphone Case"
$48
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

CaseMate "Glam Sparkle"
$40
CLICK HERE or go to www.case-mate.com

Taking Back the White

2012-03-25T08:23:00.004-07:00

It's finally spring, which means that all the stores are packed with spring and summer essentials, that you usually want to buy but don't because you know it won't be warm enough to actually wear them for at least another 2 months. These are concerns for the average female. But March is also creeping real close to wedding season making it a peak time for finalizing wedding details, of which I've been reminded with the excessive number of pinterest wedding links popping up on my facebook or the save the date cards I have posted on my fridge. When it comes to wedding talk I always have to check myself to make sure I don't sound like a total biatch, or more of a biatch than normal since I like weddings... and not just because of the open bar. But all this weddingness got me thinking how we've become obsessed with the "white dress"- I mean there are actually shows dedicated to Bridezillas and Say Yes to the Dress. And even though white is a quintessential color for spring and summer, most of us don't bother buying dresses in white since you know Bridezilla would literally have your head if you showed up to her wedding in a white dress, especially if you looked better than she does.

A fairly accurate portrayal

Normally, this is not a fight I've chosen to take on, since without a tan, white is the last color I'm trying to buy. And forget about the spray tan option, cause we all know that white dress would quickly turn orange anywhere the fabric came in contact with your snookified skin. Plus white can be a pain in the butt if the fabric isn't thick enough- can you say hello underwear lines? Most of the options out there are random t-shirt type dresses that only really function as a bathing suit cover up, or form fitted club attire that only JLo would wear circa early 2000s... actually, circa her entire life.

No, putas, I didn't get into a pelea de gatos with a bridezilla in da club, this dress is supposed to be missing key pieces of fabric

DVF "Honoka Dress"
$385
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

But then, DVF came out with this dress which really reshaped my thoughts about white and off white dresses in the summer. Damn you Dianne, you're such a genius. What I love about this dress is that the texture and cut make it edgy while also making the fabric thick enough that it doesn't look cheap. Luckily, a few other brands caught onto DVF's genius and designed some textured white dresses using different laces and knits. They aren't quite as awesome, but arguably they can be done up with the right accessories. So back down bridezilla, I may still need to spend several hours at the pool to recruit enough melanin to pull this off, but it's a challenge I'm willing to accept.

Banana Republic "Heritage Chevron Knit Dress"
$98
CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com

Asos "Skater Dress With Lace and Mesh"
$71.62
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

BB Dakota "Hansel Lace Dress"
$70
CLICK HERE or go to www.revolveclothing.com

Madewell "Circle Lace Dress"
$148
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

J. Crew "Tiered Shift Dress in Raindrop Eyelet"
$188
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Ladakh "Glamazon Dress"
$109
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Coraldial Coral

2012-03-22T17:43:00.002-07:00

Beauty...and the boring

These days I feel like I can't peruse a fashion website or gossip magazine without stumbling across a photo of Kate Middleton. Luckily, I'm quite fond of The Dutchess. First off, I think she's pretty adorable, and, to be completely honest, I could NEVER do what she does. Well I'm pretty sure I could honeymoon in Seychelles... and travel first class all around the world pretending to support random charities...I'm sorry, what exactly does she do? Well I know one thing, and that is that I could never smile at people constantly, and I DEFINITELY could not pull off dressing cute and totally conservative all the time. I'd probably have weekly meltdowns where the prince would catch me trying to sneak out the palace window in a gold sequined dress or 5 1/2 inch red stillettos in the name of freedom and jerseyness. I'd inevitably be caught mid-shimmy, hanging onto a gargoyle and pondering whether or not losing the shoes was most appropriate tactic for a graceful landing. Prince William had a pretty clear understanding that you can take the girl out of Jersey, but you just can't take the Jersey out of the girl... hence our amicable parting of ways.

An appropriate outfit for a Coraldial reception

Typically I respect that Kate's outfits are cute, but I wouldn't buy 90% of them... until The Dutchess showed up in these adorable coral colored jeans. I don't blog much about pants... maybe because I'm currently struggling to fit back into my own, but apparently The Dutchess has sparked quite the coral jean frenzy across the UK. I'd hate for all of you ladies to be a year behind our fashionable friends across the pond like always. Granted colored jeans have been around for a least a year now, but the orange-coral color in a medium to dark shade is new, adorable, flattering, and very "summery". They look particularly great in a skinny jean cut with a lace ivory top, navy, gray, or classic stripes. So I present to you a range of colors from more tangerine to coral to dark pink for a variety of options.

Citizens of Humanity "Medium Rise Skinny Jean"
color: mango tango
$194
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Express "Zelda Jean Legging"
color: neon
$79.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com

Aqua "Color Skinny"
color: coral
$54.40
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Madewell "Skinny Skinny Ankle Colorpop Jeans"
color: wild poppy
$88
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

Madewell "Skinny Jeans"
color: vivid poppy
$88
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

Blank Denim "The Ankle Skinny Jeans"
color: tangerine
$68
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

J. Crew "Toothpick Jean in Garment-Dyed Twill"
color: neon persimmon
$125
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Blank Denim "The Spray on Pant"
Color: Pop Me
$82
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Verdugo "Ultra Skinny Leggings Jeans"
color: Pixie
$169.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

7 For All Mankind "The Skinny Jeans"
Color: Neon Pink
$143.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Express "Luxe Sateen Stella Legging"
color: sweet raspberry
$69.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com

My Curves Will Go On

2012-03-21T16:45:00.009-07:00

I figure I didn't want to go on a blog hiatus for too long otherwise something awful might happen again, like Rick Santorum becoming president or other unspeakable things.

Ever heard that awful but sort of endearingly nerdy joke- "I'd love to be the tangent to your curves"? Okay maybe some of you don't have quite the same sex appeal with the nerdy white boys in calculus class as I do... too bad I wasn't wise enough back then to make them do my homework for me. Damn that type A personality of mine. Anyway, I'd like to think Kate Winslet decided to take a walk down derivative memory lane in the last year when she started showing up to award ceremonies representing just how important the area under the curve is. Now Kate Winslet isn't classically what I would define as "guy hot", she's more the type of woman that girls respect because "she has such great cheak bones" or "isn't afraid to work her curves". But either way, I think even my male audience can show some "Damn girl" respect. The whole look is simple, clean, and classy which is something a lo of the other curvaceous woman in hollywood haven't always mastered (Kim Karadashian, Christina Hendricks, Scarlet Johansson- THROWING YOUR BOOBS IN MY FACE 24/7 IS NOT NECESSARY, CAUSE ONE OF THESE DAY'S I'M GOING TO THROW THEM BACK... you heard me).

Here's a few pics of Kate WORKIN it on the runway with some of my favorite cheaper alternatives. You don't have curves? Don't worry, that's the beauty of these dresses, even the most rectangular, hipless skinny bitches out there can fool the untrained eye- you're secret is safe with me.

My Curves Will Go On...and ooooon

Not a bad reason to brush up on your calculus

Jack risked death trying to hold onto these curves

Asos "Body-Conscious Dress With Zip Front"
$53.72
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

ModCloth "On Your Side" Dress
$47.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

Lulu's "Raise the Bar Black Striped Dress"
$35
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Asos "Straples Dress in Stripe"
$32.33
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Lulu's "Dot's What She Said Black Dress"
$37.50
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Lulu's "Happy Hourglass Color Block Dress"
$62
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Everything goes to shit when I don't blog

2012-03-08T13:28:00.004-08:00

So it's been long, too long... I know, please don't be mad. This whole school thing is really cramping my blogging style, but apparently I can't get a degree in snarky commentary (clearly I should have gone to one of those hippie "design your own major" schools), so the blog has to assume its place on the back burner occasionally.

Is this outfit an elaborate metaphor for escaping the confines of your marriage?

I'm always amazed how much the world goes to shit when I'm not blogging. Like seriously, Heidi Klum gets divorced and starts dressing like a mechanic, someone let Lindsey Lohan make a public appearance, and someone let Rush Limbaugh speak...again. The worst part about all of it, is that Lindsey was the least embarrassing of all the aforementioned- go figure. Here Comes Midnight, Bitch pretty much the best thing that's come out of her mouth in the last five years.

Disney Housewives

But alas, back to my post for the week... I'm a little rusty, so please excuse me. So I've wanted to write this post for awhile because I feel like I've abandoned my loyal males. I decided it's an important part of male fashion education to understand what colors do and DON'T work on certain skin types. I've decided to use a modified version of the Pregnancy Drug Classification Scheme to best portray my feelings. This post may or may not exist just so I can post pictures of guys I think are hot... I'm fine with it.

Class A: Hot- you should basically buy fifty shirts in these colors
Class B: Suitable enough, there's no definitive research to prove that you shouldn't wear this color
Class D: This is not a great color, but if all your clothes are dirty, and the pros of needing to wear clothes outweigh the cons of showing up naked, then you can opt for this color
Class X: Contraindicated under ALL circumstances, you're basically warfarin during pregnancy... for those of you who are non-medical, a better comparison would be "it's like drinking and driving... doesn't end well for anyone"

Black Guys
General rule of thumb is that you can wear whatever you want... I don't know who to properly thank for creating that unspoken rule, but I'm going to give Jimmy Hendrix some credit for it. I mean what other dude can rock a velvet jacket and not be shunned... ask my roommate, she knows first hand.

Class	Colors
A	· Lavendar- I LOVE ME A BLACK MAN IN SOME LAVENDER · Pastels in general · Kelly green · Bright yellow · Christian Louboutin Red · GOLD · Bombay Sapphire Blue
B	· Gray · White · Slate gray · Orange
D	· Navy · Black
X	· Maroon · Brown

Tan/Olive Toned/AZN/INDIAN:
I know this seems like a broad part of the global population, but whatever you're all the same, and you should just be grateful that you hit the genetic melanin jackpot. You should also give me your # because I marry for melanin.. money is overrated these days anyway.

Class	Colors
A	· Pastels · Purple – all shades · Deep Blue · Black · White · Red · Kelly green or emerald green · Orange · Pink
B	· Slate gray · Royal blue · Gray
D	· Bright yellow · Neon green
X	· Brown · Maroon

White Blonde Guys-
I basically envisioned David Beckham when I created this category, so if you don't look like him, sorry, you are shit out of luck. But, if you're lucky enough to have blue or green eyes, you can at least bank on marching your shirt appropriately. Some tatts would help too.

Class	Colors
A	· Bold Primary colors- red, blue, yellow · Gray · Blue · Green · White
B	· Brown · Dark gray · Darker purples
D	· Pastel pink · Black · red
X	· yellow

Gingers
Well, I pretty much considered this to be a hopeless category (you can thank carrot top for this), but god knows I don't want you running around naked. So let's agree on a few rules so we can all get along- when it comes to the rainbow (ROY G BIV) JUST FORGET THAT ROY ever existed. And be weary of the color green, especially in march, leprechauns are only accepted at Notre Dame Football games or if you have LOTS of gold.

Class	Colors
A	· Navy · Blue · White
B	· Gray · Black · purple
D	· green
X	· Red · Yellow · Orange · Brown · Light pink · Maroon

Sequined Shout Out

2012-01-23T18:24:00.000-08:00

Dear Sofia,
I have mad respect for you rocking a fully sequined dress in a different color (deep red/wine... I never would have tested that out myself... okay that's a lie, but still), I have even more respect for the fact that you are 39 and working this... and by respect I mean deep deep seeded hatred. You are the hero to my puerto rican alter ego, which is pretty much the biggest compliment when can hope to receive, so be flattered.

Lookin awfully proud of herself

What I like to think my Puerto Rican Altar Ego looks like on a good day

Lana Del Rey Fashion Essentials: Portrait of a Retro WASP

2012-01-22T12:19:00.001-08:00

Pretty much how I envision myself in a few years, tigers included of course

So I stumbled upon Lana Del Rey a few months ago, and I'm sort of obsessed. She started writing songs a while back and then created her own music videos on you tube using vintage footage. I've included the videos below because I think they add to the complete image she's created of herself and her musical style. Her videos might not be the finest quality, but don't be fooled, she hardly came from humble beginnings. She grew up in New York as the daughter of a millionaire before she was shipped off to some swanky Connecticut boarding school. I have a feeling her background is why every hipster known to man has made it a point to hate on her, but there's no denying she's talented (Despite her epic fail on SNL all her other live performances have been good, no one sounds good on SNL), and for such a young artist she has already mastered not only creating a unique sound but a distinct image to go with it. I think I'm also a fan because in every interview I've seen of her she's incredibly humble, albeit almost awkwardly shy despite the overly confident images of her out there (not just anyone can get away with wearing brass knuckle bedazzled rings). There's definitely more than meets the eye with her and she's not afraid to have a bit of a dark side. Personally, I really dig her style, which is why I thought she was a perfect person to feature on my blog. She seems to play upon her WASPY Connecticut days by combining very 1960s Stepford housewife coifed hair and dresses with retro accessories. I've tried my best to find pieces that I think mimic her style. As for all you hating hipsters, what is that you've contributed to society again other than glasses you don't have a prescription for? Nothing. That's what I thought.

Her first official CD "Born to Die" is available for pre-order now on iTunes and Amazon, but won't be official out until January 31st. She may not be your cup of tea, but I'd definitely suggest checking her out.

FASHION ESSENTIALS

DRESSES- think classic A-line shape in red, white, mustard, or floral or dresses with collars

Kimchi Blue "Voile Corset Obi Sundress"
$69
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Urban Outfitters "Staring at Stars Crochet Mini Dress"
$79
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Oasis "Color Block Shirt Dress"
$98.48
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Asos "Mini Dress with Rose Applique"
$98.28 in black and peachskin
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Anthropologie "Even Flurry Dress"
$168
CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com

Anthropologie "Sweet Enticement" Dress
$118
CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com

Eva Franco "Pop Goes the Easel Dress"
$224.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

Modcloth "Seen in Quebec Dress"
$74.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

BB Dakota "Classic Stunner Dress"
$91.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

SHIRTS: I've seen her in a lot of sleeveless collared shirts, blouses, vintage T-shirts, and anything with flowers

Altru Mono "Rose Tee"
$32
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Pins and Needles "Mesh Inset Shirt"
$59
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

"Reformed by Reformation Bea Sleeveless Top"
$59 gray, pink
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Kimchi Blue "V-inset Crinkle Blouse"
$59 cream, black
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Pins and Needles "Silky Round Collar Blouse"
on sale $29.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Modcloth "Des Colores Top in Lemon"
$42.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

Madewell "Soft Silk Boyshirt"
$110 pink, white, lime
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

BRACELETS: When it comes to bracelets, think bedazzled feminine cuffs in the shape of flowers or bows

Stretchy Pearlescent Cross Bracelet
$7.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Floral Hinge Bracelet
$7.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Sparkling Cuff Bracelet
$10.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Sparkling Beaded Bracelet
$9.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

SUNGLASSES + RINGS: I'm obsessed with her use of brass knuckle rings combined with Chanel earrings, since it's just plain ridiculous. But there's something to be said for an accessory that also functions to intimidate, so naturally I'm a big fan.

Asos "Heart Shape Sunglasses"
$21.49
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Forever 21 "Heart Knuckle Ring"
$5.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Forever 21 "Wavy Rhinestone Ring"
$3.80 silver and gold
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Forever 21 "Rhinestone Three Finger Ring"
$4.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Urban Outfitters "Glossy Lips Ring"
$12
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Revolutionary Me "Silver/White Mic Ring"
$79.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Lucky Brand "Pavè Serpent Ring"
$45
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Gretchen Jones "Language of the World Ring"
on sale $46.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Miss Wax Jewelry "The Metropolis Stac Ring"
on sale $20
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Wildfox "The Foxy Two Finger Ring"
$40
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Soho Collection "The Pyramid Statement Ring"
on sale $16.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

WeSC "Bing Bang Bar Ring"
on sale $40.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Monserat De Lucca "Lighter Ring"
$55
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

BELTS: Feminine fabric or leather belts that pop make great additions to the simple A line dresses

Forever 21 "Double Rosette Belt"
$8.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Anthropologie "Moss Rose Belt"
$48
CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com

ModCloth "So Hip Belt"
$15.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

SHOES: What I've mostly seen on her so far have been some 1960's inspired mary jane heels and some white oxfords

Miss Me "Women's ORB-1 Oxford"
$19.50 multiple colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.endless.com

ModCloth "Strike a Prose Heel"
$49.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

Last but not least, lots, and lots of FLOWER HAIR ACCESSORIES

Forever 21 "Silky Floral Headwrap"
$1.50 multiple colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Forever 21 "Floral Accent Headband"
$6.80 coral or green
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Forever 21 "Flower Blossoms Headband"
$1.50 multiple colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Accessory of the Week

2012-01-21T15:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a bit of a busy week since I'm working a lot more lately, but still, no excuse, I must keep up with my new years resolution. So until I get to do a full write up, this will have to suffice for now. First off, a cheaper option to the sweet fluorescent chain link option I posted early from shopbop (thank you forever 21). I figured you can mix this necklace with a silver chain necklace (which you should already own, otherwise, you should seriously question 1. our friendship, 2. why you read my blog). Or there is also a cute option from Madewell with a little neon geometric flair if you don't mind spending a little extra money...but honestly, what else is there to do when there's 8 inches of snow outside?

Shopbop Inspiration
CLICK HERE

Forever21 "Enameled Chain Necklace"
$5.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.forever21.com

Madewell "Decoscape Necklace"
$62
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

Faux & Fierce

2012-01-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

I don't know what you weirdos do on Christmas,
but rocking faux fur like a ninja ganster is what you should have been doing

I always find it amusing that when we see knock off purses being sold on the street corner we turn up our noses and call them "fakes", and yet, when we find something that masters the art of mimicry in a chic way, we refer to it as "faux". I'm not sure who invented the distinction, but like most things in our American world, once you slap a french term on it, people give it respect. For example, would you rather stay in a large house or a chateau? We're such suckers. Well this season in particular, we've been fools for faux fur, and I'm okay with it. Not really from a PETA perspective, mostly because I'm a strong believer that I have canine teeth for a reason, but just because I can't honestly afford a real chinchilla jacket unless I make like American Gangster and start dealing drugs on the side. Blue magic anyone? As much as I do love me some Denzel Washington, the vision of jail time is enough of a deterrent... and fluorescent orange isn't really my color, although I did give it a chance, really, I did.

God, is it bad that I'm totally craving a cheese burger right now?

I'm a big fan of this trend, which really goes back to my days of scrounging around in my grandmother's closet as a child and finding her mink shawl complete with little mink heads, paws, and creepy glass eyes. It served a dual purpose of make an awesome dress up accessory while also scaring my older sister's friends whenever they came over. I was quite the popular younger sister, as you can imagine. I was simply trying to explain to them that fur is a glamorous girl's best friend and nothing to be afraid of... or I was just a complete pain in the ass, which explains why my sister pretty much ignored me until I hit high school. At least my grandma knew what was up, as she was quite the little fashion minx herself. So in her honor, I present to you a trend you probably already knew about, but on sale because the fashion industry is so foolishly preparing for their spring inventory while the rest of us our just finally seeing temperatures drop into the 20s.

What? Can't a brotha enjoy his fur in peace?

I've always heard the saying "Patience is a virtue", I just didn't fully appreciate it until I saw how amazing after Christmas sales can be when you're trying to hunt down a prized fur. FYI I went with options that had the most sizes available, but that's not to say some of these websites don't have more out there. I have two major words of advice MOVE FAST cause these items are selling out quickly, and be careful with the full fur numbers because certain styles can look wide and bulky on. Without further adue...I give you vests, jackets, and shawls all $150 or less

VS "Faux-Fur Collar Coat"
on sale $149 available in 3 colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.victoriassecret.com

Mod Cloth "Jubilant Jungle Cardigan"
$62.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

ModCloth "At First Plush Jacket"
$74.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.modcloth.com

A Wear "Textured Fur Jacket"
on sale $64.46
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Asos "Fluted Back Coat with Faux Fur Collar"
on sale $71.62 red and navy
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Vila Fur Trim Hood Belted Padded Parka
on sale $81.47 colors: black olive
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

Asos "Film Star Stole in Faux Fur"
on sale $78.78
CLICK HERE or go to www.us.asos.com

The Limited "Faux Fur Coverup"
$79.90 (40% of of this now)
CLICK HERE or go to www.thelimited.com

BB Dakota "The Garrett Vest"
$58
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

BB Dakota reversible "The Everett Coat"
on sale $70.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com (Cheaper than www.shopbop.com)

BB Dakota "The Braden Coat"
on sale $60.95 also in black
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Members Only "Kitty Fur Vest"
$98
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoufitters.com

BB Dakota "Janika Fur Vest"
on sale $49.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

BB Dakota "Faux Fur Collar Coat"
on sale $59.99 available on other sites in different colors
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Madewell "Furry Festival Vest"
on sale $79.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

T Tahari "Leopard Print Faux Fur Vest"
on sale 89.60
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Surrell "Faux Fur Hooded Vest"
on sale $103.60
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Kensie "Faux Fur Vest"
on sale $26.97
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Hazel "Faux Fur Vest"
on sale $37.97
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Blu Moon "No Fur Vest"
on sale $76.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Sanctuary "Rockin Natalie Vest"
on sale $78.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Express "Minus The Fur Grooved Coat"
on sale $99 (plus take 40% of that right now)
CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com

Esprit "Faux Fur Vest"
On sale $69.99 also in black
CLICK HERE or go to www.esprit.com

Like a (Botox) Virgin

2012-01-14T15:57:00.000-08:00

You can't NOT love Madonna (yes, double negative, deal with it english majors), but the instances where I have seriously questioned her fashion decisions have been more than few and far between lately. I know she is the queen of the 80's which means being the queen of fingerless leather gloves and lace, but it's okay to evolve, I'm pretty sure we'd still recognize her without them. To be honest, I don't even mind the gloves, but what the hell is up with the cape? Is she secretly a huge twilight fan?

I only emerge in the night

Yes my pet, let them all see my beauty

Cause she's starting to look like the botox vampire luring young, unassuming male models into her bat cave so she can suck their blood to stay young

Tell no one my secret to the fountain of youth

On second thought... sounds a lot less painful than plastic surgery, maybe she's onto something

Get Your Vintage Ne-On

2012-01-11T18:16:00.000-08:00

I've always had visions of walking into some "vintage" or second hand store and walking out with something awesome, but more often than not, the weird stench of fashion leftovers leaves you feeling disappointed and in need of a shower. The only decent second hand stores end up being super expensive designer items that someone rightfully regretted purchasing because they are over priced and fugly. But every once in awhile the universe throws you a bone- for me, it was a fabulous vintage store experience in none other than the STL. With a little inspiration from the America's Next Top Model Season 6 "Krumping" episode (please tell me you remember "Where there is a runway JADE WILL BE ON IT") my friend and I set out to make our own urban krumping photo shoot. Hunting for some prime krumping attire is no easy feat. (FYI krumping= 'street dance popularized in the US that is characterized by free, expressive, exaggerated, and highly energetic movement involving the arms, head, legs, chest, and feet... it was a way to escape "release anger, aggression positively) And since I have a lot of aggression I needed to ensure that I krumped all over STL in style... of course the only way to krump in style, is in aggressive neon shoes from the 80s, and thank god, the STL provided just that.

I HAVE SO MUCH AGGRESSION BUT I AM ALSO SO BEAUTIFUL

Tina would want it this way

Well imagine my surprise the other day when I learned that my little "vintage" purchase circa 2006, would be so valuable years later- yes that's right, NEON IS BACK. Before you run to your closet to bust our your hot pink sports bra, neon hair scrunchie and slap bracelets, hold up...mostly because I'm pretty sure slap bracelets were taken off the market because of their potential use as a tetanus biological warfare weapon...or something like that. Neon might be back but it's taking on a classier look. Stealing some themes from Chanel, Marc Jacobs, and Miu Miu, it's all about adding neon accents to neutral toned outfits (beige, cream, white, black, khaki). So that means fierce shoes, belts, bags, and bangles. I love the outfits shopbop put together, but all the items are basically unaffordable, and not everyone can bank on having vintage neon luck.

9 West "Paulyne"
$69
CLICK HERE or go to www.ninewest.com

Nine West "LookGlobal"
$89.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.ninewest.com

Qupid "Tatum 23 Turquoise Pat Color Block Peep Platform Pumps"
$35
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Michael Antonio "Tremain Pump"
$31.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.endless.com

Miss Me "Spiral-2A Pump"
$39.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.endless.com

Steve Madden "Skyle Thong Sandal"
$46.05
CLICK HERE or go to www.endless.com

Gap "Neon City Flat"
$39.95 orange and pink
CLICK HERE or go to www.gap.com

Gap "Wide Strap flip flops"
yellow, orange, pink $29.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.gap.com

Fergie "Protest"
available in orange, yellow, pink, green $69.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.heels.com

Gap "Neon Patent Belt"
orange and pink $24.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.gap.com

Hive & Honey "Perforated Skinny Neon Belt"
$28.20
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

La Mer Neon Wrap Watch
pink, yellow, orange $98
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Juicy Couture "Mesh Chain Bracelet"
yellow and pink $68.60
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

Banana Republic "Exotic Bracelet"
$45
CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com

Adia Kibur "Silver and Neon Chain Link Necklace"
blue, green, yellow, pink $144
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

Kenneth Jay Lane "Coral Link Necklage"
$80
CLICK HERE or go to www.shopbop.com

J. Crew "Wide Hand-Enameled Bracelet"
pink, orange, yellow $35
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Timex "80 Neon Digital Watch"
$58.18
CLICK HERE or go to www.asos.com

H&M "Bracelet"
$5.95
stores only

Bohemia "Leather Satchel"
green, yellow, pink $109.50
CLICK HERE or go to www.bohemiadesign.com

Sondra Roberts "SR Squared Ac21099A Clutch"
$45
CLICK HERE or go to www.endless.com

Gap "Neon Border Scarf"
$29.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.gap.com

Asos "Body Conscious Dress with Neon Strapping"
$63.63
CLICK HERE or go to www.asos.com

Lulu's "Get your Ne-On Strapless Taupe Dress"
$34.50
CLICK HERE or go to www.lulus.com

Asos "One Shoulder Dress with Contrast Strap"
$63.63
CLICK HERE or go to www.asos.com

H&M "Blazer"
$59.95
stores only

Accessory of the Week

2012-01-08T13:22:00.000-08:00

I wished I'd thought of this, it's exhausting trying to match our outfits all the time

Faux fur is a big hit this season, mostly in vest and jacket form, but why not think outside the box? I'm sort of obsessed with this furry little number. I think it's because it reminds me of wealthy women, like Paris Hilton, who think it's acceptable to turn living creatures into accessories they carry around. So for those of us who don't have the time to take care of our laundry let alone a living creature, and don't really want dog breath and slobber all up in our business 24/7, I feel like this is a healthy and hypogenic alternative.

Sonda Roberts "SR Squared" Purse
on sale $46.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

I Will Stab You With My Stiletto

2011-12-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

Yeah that's right, those are fightin words. And they are words that I think are appropriate to use on a regular basis just to let people know how seriously angry I am. Threatening to "cut people" is so casual these days that even my 88 year old grandpa uses it (fact, don't try to take a man's recliner). But, using a stiletto, now there's something original. What the hell is wrong with you? You might be asking, but at this point, are you even surprised? On a serious note, I grew up with a very paranoid mother and grandmother who have really insulted my fierceness all these years by demanding that I call whenever I get to where I'm going or always travel with a friend, etc etc. Granted, a wrong turn in Elizabeth, NJ one time made me realize just how fierce I wasn't, and what a panic attack feels like. So, I consider it my responsibility and in keeping with my genetic predisposition to pass on a level of awareness and paranoia to all of you. Ladies, it is a tough world out there, and I am not advocating that you pull a THELMA CARTER but there's no reason fashion and self defense cannot be allies. I mean what if you don't have time for self defense classes or your bottle of mace runs out? Concealed weapons rarely fit into clutches and wristlets, and we all saw what happened to Plaxico Burress who forgot to pop on his safety while he was busy poppin bottles in da club. Unless you're willing to wear a laura croft thigh high gun strap, which you can buy on amazon.com btw, a stiletto is the best and most fashionable alternative. PLUS I'm pretty sure you would earn mad street cred if you legit took down an assailant with a stiletto heel.

Where's PETA when I need them? Aren't hot dogs and bacon enough for you people!

It would be wrong of me to assume full credit for my stiletto stabbing ways without paying respect to my inspirations. First I'd like to give a shout out to a few high school boys who dared to dream big and created the world's most ridiculous joke band "Pig Mutilator" that sometimes took themselves little too seriously at high school parties when were forced to listen to them sing and jump around nun costumes... sometimes you have to be creative living in suburbia. Well these angsty teenage boys wrote a song entitled "Give Me Death By a Stiletto Heel". Yeah, I also thought WTF when it came about, but now I see their pure genius. In case you'd like to check out some of their other fine work CLICK HERE... "Gonnasyphiherepelaids" is really an innovative piece of public health awareness.

Self defense has never looked so good

But where there is genius, there is usually Christian Louboutin, and naturally, where there is Christian Louboutin, close behind follows Jennifer Lopez. I like to think that CL was scanning the internet a year ago, since according to Wiki he went through a "punk phase", and stumbled upon Pig Mutilator's work, immediately causing a light bulb to go off in his head. Yes, he would have thought in a french accent, all this time I've been designing shoes to make women's feet beautiful, since I am French, and that is what we do, but what if designed a shoe for self-defense? Maybe the French could finally reverse the stereotype that they are total pansies who always lose in battle if every Parisian woman was outfitted in spiked heels! Yup, that's what hes thought, us geniuses, we understand each other. Well lucky for CL he had a lovely little latin minion to sell the idea to the world 1 year ago when Jennifer Lopez rolled into the 2011 Grammy's in this ensemble. Normally, I applaud any and all attempts at things aggressive and shiny... but I just hope she was also wearing some spiked and reflective underwear so her trip out of the limo didn't attract negative attention and reflect poorly on her character... see what I did there, it's called a pun.

I can't wait to use these spiky little numbers to push my way to the front of the bathroom line

Obligatory close up for full appreciation

What? You're still not TOTALLY sold that you want a pair of these immediately? Let me talk through five key and important every day scenarios where these shoes come in handy.

1. Aside from self defense, just wearing the shoes alone earns you a level of respect. What idiot in their right mind would start trouble with you when you walk into the room wearing those? Teddy Roosevelt always said "speak softly and carry a big stick", I like to think Hilary Clinton could create her own rendition of this with "speak softly and walk all over international leaders in spiked heels." Hilary, hunny, you let me know when you need someone to update your look from those monochromatic skirt suits, and I am there for you, in the name of diplomacy, of course.

2. Have you ever been at a bar and some hussy comes up and starts hitting on your man? (if you said no, you're boyfriend probably isn't cute, and you should dump him immediately) Well you don't really want to make a scene and get in her face which only makes YOU look bad, but you also don't want to just sit there and not do anything about it. Problem solved- casually walk by her in these, jam the side of your heel into her, disappear into the crowd. Voilà problem solved.

3. Ever been out on the dance floor and people keep pushing and shoving you because it's so crowded? Pretty sure no one is going to be pushing and shoving up against a porcupine stiletto automatically earning you a 2 foot radius of booty dropping freedom

4. Ever needed to shot gun a beer, everyone gathers around in excitement, but there are no keys to be found? Yup, you know where this is going

5. Lastly, how many times do you get stuck with a tag on your clothes that you don't want to just rip off but you can't find a pair of scissors anywhere? Don't sweat it, you've got an instant swiss army pocket knife right in front of your toes.

I'm going to assume my art of persuasion has worked its magic and you are all BEGGING me to provide you with spiked options. Well naturally we all desire to own a pair of Louboutins, but our bank accounts don't always support these noble aspirations. So I am here to ensure that no female foot goes unarmed in this world.

Sam Edelman "The Roza Shoe"
$225
CLICK HERE

Ziginy "Sly- Black Leather"
$199.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.heels.com

Dolce Vita "Phea"
$109.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.heels.com

Promise Shoes "Manchi"
$59.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.heels.com

Sam Edelman "Lorna"
$109.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Betsey Johnson "Caseyy"
$99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Steve Madden "Partyy-R"
$130
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Sole Boutique "The Iron Maiden Pump"
$37.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Zigi Shoes "The Strike Shoe"
$69.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Sam Edelman "The Scarlett Shoe"
$200
CLICK HERE or go to www.karmaloop.com

Colin Stuart "Studded Pump"
on sale $39.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.victoriassecret.com

Two Lips "Studded Sandal"
on sale $69.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.victoriassecret.com

Jessica Simpson "Faran"
on sale $59.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.jessicasimpsoncollection.com

Steve Madden "Brilance"
$99.95
CLICK HERE or go to www.stevemadden.com

Home for the Holidays

2011-12-21T20:00:00.000-08:00

First things first, I must express my most genuine apology to all of you (mostly men, strangely enough, that have been vocal about my absence... I won't name any names, you know who you are) that I have so heartlessly left you feeling so ABANDONED, DESPERATE, UNENTERTAINED (is that a word?) and MISGUIDED. Well, rest assured, Santa did acknowledge your requests, and now I'm officially back in your life (I can already hear the deep sighs of relief). I've realized a little time management should do the trick, even though my dad likes to continuously remind me of that fact that "my life is going to end" come January rotations. I accept that challenge.

I figured the best place to pick up where I left off was to address a very serious issue we are all facing- What the hell do I wear for the holidays. If you're like me, you're closet is about as polarized as the political milieu of our country (an odd analogy to most, but most of you don't have father's who are passionately dedicated to soaking up every morsel of republican propaganda that streams across the television). I feel like I have my whorish republican dresses on the right and my liberal hoodies and jeans on the left, with very little in between. Why, you may wonder, are my slutty dresses considered "republican", but seriously, have you not seen some of the shit Sarah Palin walks around in? Her pleather knee high boots still burn in my memory. And then there's Michele Bachmann, who make's Janice Dickinson's smacking fake lips look like sanity. Being the ridiculous person that I am, I rarely find myself drawn to the conservative or "classic" outfits that would be Christmas appropriate since party dresses are far more enticing. Plus, even if you have a backup black skirt or simple black dress you keep for occasions like this, there are times when the dark days of winter catch up with you and the next thing you realize is that the only think you're packing in that trunk of yours is junk instead of Christmas presents.
I'd like to share a lovely personal experience I once had with this situation so 1. you can rest assured someone understands your plight, and 2. you won't make the same mistake that I once did. So it was freshman year of college, and I made the trek back home for Thanksgiving. I was patting myself on the back for somehow managing to survive the weekly tailgating on football weekends while still doing very well in school. Of course, my waist line did not fair quite as well. So there I was, struggling before thanksgiving dinner to figure out what the hell I could squeeze my no longer size 0-2 body into. I started frantically going through old clothes in my closet since I didn't have enough foresight to pack properly before coming home. Skirt... some sort of top... heels... yeah whatever this should work. I trotted my fatass down the stairs to greet the family, and my soon to be brother-in-law. After taking one look at my black pleated too-short-because-my-ass-was-hoisting-it-up skirt and some weird three quarter length pink striped jacket and black suede pointy toe shoes, my lovely future brother-in-law turned to my sister whispered, "I didn't know it was THAT kind of Thanksgiving."

The horrified look on Piglet's face says it all...
sorry for the awkward head chop, I have to preserve some identity ambiguity

So, lovers, I am here to make sure it isn't THAT kind of Christmas, and even though you may be in a tizzy because Christmas is days away, there is TIME and SALES for you yet, even if it means taking a few bitches down at the mall to get your hands on something respectable. These are the best options I can find, and remember, LESS IS MORE, that's why God made accessories.
Lace is one of my favorite things for the holidays. Black lace is always classic, elegant, and very in season this year. But there is even a place for cream or neutral colored lace items, which always look good with black tights... so you aren't flashing the goods when you bend over to pick up your sister's puppy, not that I know anyone who would do that. These are my top pics under $200.

Madewell "Lily Lace Dress"
$158.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

Urban Outfitter's "Coincidence & Change Revel Dress"
$79.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Madewell "Flowerlace Slipdress"
$158.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

White House Black Market "Lace Sheath Dress"
$178.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.whitehouseblackmarket.com

Anthropologie "Dulcie Dress"
$158.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com

Urban Outfitters "Pins and Needles Lurex & Lace Dress"
$79.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.urbanoutfitters.com

Simple Dresses with bold color are also a favorite of mine, since color alone can make a statement. And since most of us haven't seen the sun, sunless tanner, or tanning beds in a long long time, a little color brightens up a pale complexion.

Express "Ruffle Front Dress"
$79.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.express.com

J.Crew "Women's Wool Sweater-Dress"
$168.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Theme "Cocktail Dress"
$54.50
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Anthropologie "Hourglass Form Dress"
$168.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.anthropologie.com

Aqua "V Neck Color Block" Dress
$88
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

J. Crew "No.2 Pencil Skirt in Double-Serge Wool"
$120.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Like any of you expected me to actually discuss clothes without mentioning something shiny, sequined, or metallic. I STRONGLY believe that everyone needs a little holidazzle for the season, and nothing does it better than simple, understated, black sequin or a black dress with some bedazzled detail. Throw a sweater over it to dial it down in church, or don't. And if you're feeling a bit more daring, you can always rock a metallic jacquard or casual glitter skirt.

Aqua "Sequin Cowlneck Dress"
$100.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Banana Republic "Bijoux Sheath Dress"
$119.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com

The Limited "High Waist Metallic Pencil Skirt"
$79.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.thelimited.com

Aqua "Sleeveless Necklace Dress"
$100.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Aqua "Sleeveless Metallic Dress"
$64.80
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

Madewell "Golden Glitter Skirt"
$88.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.madewell.com

J. Crew "Sequin Mesh Bell Skirt"
$148.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Granted my perspective is probably severely skewed, but I still think leopard print is acceptable winter wear. So whether it's an accessory or a whole dress, it shouldn't just be cougars who are allowed to claim territory over the leopard print this holiday season.

J. Crew "Leopard Sweater Dress"
$149.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Aqua "Leopard Print Dress"
$88.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.bloomingdales.com

BCBGeneration "Cross Pleat Dress"
$88.90
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

J. Crew "No. 2 Pencil Skirt in Leopard"
$98.00
CLICK HERE or go to www.jcrew.com

Sam Edelman "Portney" Shoe
$109.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Cynthia Vincent "Pouch"
$58.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.piperlime.com

Banana Republic "Jeweled Clasp Clutch"
$79.99
CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.om

FINALLY

2011-08-30T18:13:00.000-07:00

Clearly Riri has been reading my blog, and decided to do something awesome to win me over. Normally, I like to think I'm far too stubborn and principaled to just give in. I mean after all the horrendous crimes she's committed against fashion-manity, it would be remiss and irresponsible of me to just let her off the hook without an official trial. But Riri is much wiser than I anticipated, or at least she's hired someone wise enough to smack her into line. Whoever is responsible, they've clearly been doing their research, cause how else do you explain that fact that she changed her hair color from that nasty bozo the clown weave? That alone would have been a step in the right direction, but she really went above and beyond deciding to rock this amazing snakeskin metallic bandeau top. It practically brought a tear to my metallic loving eye, mostly because I have a purse that matches, so now I have to have my people call her people so we can sip on chocolatinis while she tells me her secret source for metallic snakeskin attire. That's how things work in the fashion world, in case no one has told you. I'm sure she's anxiously awaiting my phone call right now. Life lesson to live by- the only thing better than a metallic snakeskin purse, is an entire matching outfit. Obvi.

I would not Smack that all over the floor

2011-08-18T17:41:00.000-07:00

So I was minding my own business and unwinding after work today hoping to just relax. La, la, la, la... wait what the fuck? Is that Akon (one) on a segway? My first thought was "AWESOME" mostly because it reminds me of the magician brother in Arrested Development. But, naturally, my eyes began to wander down and... wait seriously? Are you really wearing a fanny pack? Please don't tell me we're trying to bring that shit back. I don't even think the hipsters have sunk that low...that's a lie, they probably have, but is that who you're really striving to be now? I can just hear Akon trying to defend himself now, "A$, baby, it's just a fine leather wallet." (Me speaking in fine puerto rican accent) Mmmm hmmm... listen boi, you can dress it up all you want with designer jeans and chains, throw on some louie v print all over that shit (exaggerated hand motions in a circle to show off my new fake nails), but it's still a glorified fanny pack no matter how you break it down. And I can't be walking around with some idiota in a fanny pack, I have a reputation, people know me.

If you envision him singing "I wanna make love right now now now" in this picture it makes it so much more entertaining

Akon: "But it's European!" Don't even, Don't even...you think you fancy, huh? Well you look like a chica because not only are you wearing a fanny pack, but you dropped a lot of cash money on it just because it's got that tacky LV all over it. Congratulations, papi, estas muy tonto.

Of course I didn't have to look far to figure out who's behind this... my arch fashion nemesis, Rihanna. A few years back she tried to rock the LV fanny pack, I think because she just likes to make me angry. RIRI GO SIT AND YOUR ROOM AND LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE....

I single handedly hold you responsible for letting people like this think it's okay to dress like this

Aren't there laws against this? C'mon dude, this is a family place

I still don't understand why it's called a "fanny pack" if it doesn't actually cover up your butt... very perplexing

Whoever this dude is never had a shot at getting a woman to begin with... but really, is that how you want to dress up your crotch?

Just Live Your Life

2011-08-09T15:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, today's theme will be TI related blog titles- why? you may ask. More like WHY NOT. Plus, he could probably use the boost in morale to get him through the next month and a half before he's released from prison... again. But I deviate, per usual. As I started up some research today, I couldn't help but be SUPER excited over these two ridiculous dresses I found today. It feels good to be back in the game when you stumble upon a dress or two that makes your mind start racing about potential theme parties you can throw or events you can try to get yourself invited into so you have an excuse to buy one of these numbers. Considering my life is relatively boring, I started to think as far in advance as December. It's not too early to plan a new years outfit, right? Plus, at least I could get a start on my usual New Years resolution which is "stop being a fat ass" since I'd have to figure out how best to laxatively diet for these. Jk laxatives are gross.

This is one thing you should know about me though- I'm a huge impulse buyer. I pulled a similar premature decision to buy a prom dress senior year of high school before I even had a date or set prom plans in general... lucky for me I had a guy friend stupid enough to answer my phone call that day and get roped into being my date. So really, it's the "enablers'" fault that my closet is such a hodge podge of work clothes and random shiny tight slut clothes that don't really go together instead of actually well thought out outfits.

So here's to those of you who are victims, much like TI and I, to all those enablers...

Electroplate One Shoulder Black Sequin Dress
$69
available at www.lulus.com

Sterling City One Shoulder Silver Sequin Dress
$63
available at www.lulus.com

Recognize (bitches) I'm back

2011-08-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

I know it's been REALLY long since my last post, and I couldn't think of a better analogy to celebrate my return than a song by TI about getting out of jail (we're pretty much the same person). I've got a few things on the agenda for this week, but I just wanted to let you know to get ready for it. I'll try to update 3 times a week, and, if you're really lucky, I can get some guest blogs from my partner in crime.

In the meantime... some quality entertainment

Blog Hiatus

2011-05-04T09:06:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone,
I know you're all super upset that I haven't blogged since friday, so I must apologize. Apparently this whole school thing is important- who knew? So with the boards quickly approaching, I'll probably post once or twice in the next week, but then I'm going to disappear from the world to study/hate my life for 40 days. I figured it would be very hypocritical of me to blog about fashion if I plan on wearing gym shorts/sweatpants for the next 40 days. Hopefully I can restart things in late June- so don't forget about me!

xoxo

P.S. If I start looking like this, take me out back, and put me out of my misery, k thanx

BAG OF THE WEEK: Commanding Royal Respect

2011-04-29T14:43:00.000-07:00

Kiss #2- apparently you do this when you like the person you're marrying

So I'm going to assume you all watched the Royal Wedding today. I actually spent the whole two hours of class I had this morning streaming it on my computer. I think the best part was the facilitator kept calling on my friend sitting next to me (who wasn't watching the wedding) to answer questions since he thought she was being too quiet, while I sat there mesmerized by my screen, only piping up to talk when something failed to interest me (or more like when those choir boys popped up on the screen because I genuinely felt bad for them and what they had to wear).

I hate my mom for making me wear this and smile at these creepy old royals

Part of me wants to pat myself on the back for being so stealth, but the other half of me wonders why he didn't call me out for not talking- maybe because I never shut up, and for once he was relieved that he didn't have to cut me off. Eh whatever. So several thoughts on all this wedding business, I like to pretend I hate weddings, but I cried like a damn fool during my sister's, mean while I don't even know if she shed any tears, but let's be honest, I was too busy crying look an idiot. So I got a little teary eyed when I saw Prince William clearly checking out his hot bride and making her laugh, SEE ALL YOU ROYALTY FOOLS, MARRYING A COMMONER IS WAY BETTER cause you might ACTUALLY like that person and your chances of having inbred children decreases DRAMATICALLY. It's about evolution people, and you just aren't genetically fit when you're making babies with your cousins cause then everyone ends up with hemophilia (if you aren't unaware of Queen Victoria and her role in the royal hemophilia epidemic, then, per usual, I tell you to EDUCATE YOURSELVES).

Damn girl, genetic variation never looked so good

So I think we can all agree Kate Middleton looked beautiful, although really girl, you don't have someone do your hair and makeup when the wedding costs like 80 million pounds or god knows what? I mean she looked good, but still, now is not the time to cut corners where it matters, and, judging by the camera, it was her face that mattered the WHOLE TIME. Meanwhile, I wish someone had bathed her sister cause that's either an aggressive spray tan job of snookie status, or she literally rolled in mud. Kate's dress was pretty, given the limitations of having to be conservative and what not, and it was definitely classy. Apparently she had it designed to mimic the Grayce Kelly's dress, so I respect a woman with some fashion and historical insight.

Pippa: "Sis why are you waving at me?"
Kate: "Oh shit I thought you were Snooki and I got really excited for the celebrity spotting"

Le Inspiration: Kate on the left, Kelly on the right

But, in speaking to my friend today, we both sat there and agreed it needed something MORE. All these rules and regulations and conservative bla bla bla associated with the royal family, must really suck, but I'm pretty sure for a family that has crown jewels and family portraits of relatives draped in ermine and gold, extravagance is definitely allowed and encouraged. I mean really, no gold or dramatic diamonds? Every woman on their wedding day wants to look like a princess, now you are a damn princess (well I guess Dutchess for the time being), and you don't even dress the part? I know many of you may disagree with me, but if you knew me, you would also not be surprised.

The Queen of England rocking the ermine and bling bling

I'm just saying Kate, a number like this would have matched the rock on your finger

So to combat all this repressive conservativism, I've chosen to feature some obnoxiously sequined and metallic bags, because had I been a guest at the royal wedding (I had to cancel at the last minute, they were very sad to not have my in attendance, but I told them that PBL NEEDS ME) then I would have rocked one of these ridiculous items. Oh please, like those foolish hats are any better than what I'm about to show you, at least you won't look like Mad Hatter-Lady Gaga wannabes when you wear one of these.

Damn, I totally should have worn a meat dress to stand out, all these bitches look just as MAD as I do, NOW PRINCE HARRY WILL NEVER NOTICE ME!!!!

So COMMAND that attention- and who knew, that Le Sporte, of all companies would be in such support of my commanding presence?

LeSportsact "Sequined Small Passerby Tote"
$88
click on the link above

LeSportsac "Crackled Small Passerby Tote"
$88
click on the link above

The Bandage Elite

2011-04-28T09:52:00.000-07:00

The Bandage Elite

So a few days ago I posted something about fashion serving two main purposes: self expression and deception. However, I totally forgot about deception's evil twin, ELITISM. If any of you have paid any attention to a single celebrity in the last 2 years, you should know what I'm talking about when I reference Hervé Lége's signature "Bandage Dress." For those of you who don't, now would be a good time to EDUCATE YOURSELF . So why is this glorified spandex dress that looks like something a girl from New Jersey would find at a cheap store like Forever21 or Deb and wear out to trashy bar in Hoboken so damn elite?

1. You have to have MAD CASH $$ to even think about looking at one of these little numbers (I bet the sales women at Saks are commanded to keep them in the back room and only bring them out for clients who flash their/their husband's black cards, or who have names like "Cher", "Beyonce" or Giselle") since I've yet to find one that's less than a $1000. I'm not sure why, unless it is literally spun from gold (Rumpelstiltskin has now become Rump-Svelte-Skintight), but that's the beauty of fashion, make it unaffordable to the masses, and celebrities every where will pounce on that opportunity to be elite. I suppose, however, when you have D list celebrities like Kardashian sisters, especially Kim (who, for the record, has never left her house in something NOT SKIN TIGHT AND MADE OUT OF SPANDEX since the days of her feuding with Paris Hilton) it takes away some of the credibility. In fact, her wax figure at Madame Tussaud's is even wearing a skin tight bandage dress (now that's dedication). But who is HL to judge? Money is money, whether it comes from reality TV "stars" or oscar nominees.

Do you think she looks better than me?

2. You also better have lots of CASH $$ (I feel the need to emphasize cash $ excessively) set aside for a trainer before you even consider going into the dressing room with a bandage dress, even just for fun. I love clothing that deceives, because no one's body is perfect and half the battle of fashion is finding what works for your figure. Well, forget figure, the only F words that should be in your vocabulary when contemplating any of these dresses is "Fat Free, Famine, and Free weights." Since most of us weren't born models, and have jobs (ha that's funny, cause I don't have a job, but I like to pretend that school is the reason why I'm not 100 pounds because studying requires lots of brain food, aka chocolate, right?) so we don't have the time or money for a personal trainer (even if the new Kim Karadashian commercial for "Shape Up" sneakers claims that these ridiculous shoes can replace an exceptionally good looking personal trainer, common sense, and scientific evidence have proven otherwise)

3. You need to have exceptionally awesome genes. Even if you have the money, sought out the trainer, never touched a carb in the last five years, and somehow acquired hyperthyroidism, not everyone is going to look good in this dress. That's why super models keep wearing these dresses, just remind us that the word SUPER has meaning- like super freak, superman, and super not fair that I was not born with Giselle's body, mostly because I never would have made the mistake of marrying that clown, Tom Brady. There is really only one body type that works in this dress- skinny with a side of big boobs. I've seen some "curvier" celebrities, pull it off, but curvy is just a synonym for tiny tiny waist and boobs. The perfect example of this mythical creature is Marisa Miller, the Victoria's Secret model, who is arguably the most annoying woman on the planet. I mean she seems lovely, but her existence is the continuous reminder that as much as you work out, you were not born tall and blonde with six pack abs and boobs.

Don't hate me cause I'm beautiful

4. The day you are going to wear this dress, no matter who you are, water and food in general are your enemies. So just accept that after all your gym time, good genes, and money spent, the homestretch to dress time is all about ice chips and perseverance. I suppose if you are a model, or a male wrestler, this is just a way of life that you've excepted.

But with all the odds against me (short stature, brunette, BMI not below 18, no personal trainer, etc etc) I was not content with accepting that I can't somehow incorporate the bandage theme into my wardrobe. At first, I was pretty psyched when BCBG took the bandage idea and turned it into some really cute skirts because I love the look of a tight, high waisted skirt with a cute, looser fitting top. Until I realized, that

1. These were still very expensive

2. They are never so much as featured on a model unless her iliac crests are popping out because her stomach is totally concave, and...

3. God forbid you have to pee and can't find a bathroom in this compression stalking of a skirt

STILL I PERSEVERED, and after sorting through skirts made of cheap material that seemed to bulge more than bandage, weird waist bands that are tighter than the rest of the skirt, or awkward zippers that also bubble instead of laying flat across your body, I finally came across this little number from Urban Outfitters (the things that I do for you people). I haven't washed it yet, which I will have to do on the gentlest of gentle cycles in frigid waters, but the zipper actually lays flat, and the tiered fabric of the skirt gives the impression of "bandage" while still letting you breathe. It's available in several colors (blue, black, and cream are my favorite), and I would absolutely recommend ordering it in a size up from your normal. So Giselle, Kim, Beyonce, and Marisa, who's laughing now? Eh, probably still you...but can you at least respect my tenacity?

Silence and Noise "Zipper Miniskirt"
$48
click link above or www.urbanoutfitters.com

The Royal Wedding

2011-04-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

I just thought I'd get things up and running for the day, since the caffeine has finally hit my bloodstream... at 11:30 in the morning (better late than never, right?). So there's alllll this hype about the royal wedding, or at least my rooming has been shouting "I WANNA BE A PRINCESS, I WANNA BE A PRINCESS" for the last week, I dont know what the rest of you have been doing. At first I was really interested in what Kate Middleton was going to be wearing, mostly because I know I will never own a dress over $5,000 (or pounds) unless I flag down a prince who happens to need medical attention, drug him, and force him to marry me (Why didn't I think of this sooner?). But then I saw this photo (below) and realized that I was really missing the big picture of AWESOME that will be occurring at this wedding. And that is, that three of the most desirable British men (some for looks and hairline, others for title) will all be concentrated in the same place at the same time. Emergency flight booked for Londontown? I think so.

Sass & Sequins

Punk Rock Princess

Proper Peplum

Colorblocking with Attitude

Accessory of the Week

Taking Back the White

Banana Republic "Heritage Chevron Knit Dress" $98 CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com

Coraldial Coral

My Curves Will Go On

Everything goes to shit when I don't blog

Sequined Shout Out

Lana Del Rey Fashion Essentials: Portrait of a Retro WASP

Accessory of the Week

Faux & Fierce

Like a (Botox) Virgin

Get Your Vintage Ne-On

Accessory of the Week

I Will Stab You With My Stiletto

Home for the Holidays

FINALLY

I would not Smack that all over the floor

Just Live Your Life

Recognize (bitches) I'm back

Blog Hiatus

BAG OF THE WEEK: Commanding Royal Respect

The Bandage Elite

The Royal Wedding

Banana Republic "Heritage Chevron Knit Dress"
$98
CLICK HERE or go to www.bananarepublic.com