Sassality

Appreciating the Bad Times

2013-05-24T22:39:00.000-07:00

I crack open my journal and see it's been two months since my last entry. It's different than my blog. More personal. Full of details that won't see the light of day until I'm dead, if anyone cares to read it Still, I believe journals fill an important purpose- self reflection, paper to cry on. It's also unadulterated truth. While my dear readers have read about my thoughts and goings-on, there is a backstory...and it is this.

I've been further from the Lord than I would have liked.
I prayed to walk closer to Christ.
Our dog developed t-cell lymphoma.
My daughter started losing her hair.
My movie project was beset by challenges.
I got what I asked for: a true sign God loves me (for he chastens those He loves) so we may go through the refining process...e.g. humility, prayer, repentance, change etc)
My dog (Daisy) had to be put down.
Porsche had to get shots all over her head.
For Mother's Day, Rog got me (us) a new puppy we named Trudie
Porsche's hair is partially recovering, but she still needs more shots.
My movie project completed its fundraising this last Monday.
The last six weeks have been non-stop trials, including faith.

Is my faith perfected? No. It was strengthened, for the mantra I repeated over and over was "trust and faith" in the Lord. I found myself telling others of my philosophy when they asked how I was handling it.

"How can you say that?" asked one friend, implying that good things should happen to those who have faith.

Not so. God has known what was good for me then. Now. Tomorrow. Of all the hardships I've had in life, that seemed insurmountable at the time, each had a purpose-- a reason for being-- and from each one I learned much. I wouldn't take back the divorce, the financial ruin. None of it. I'm really grateful for knowing that bad things can produce really good outcomes. For instance...

All I care about is the health of my children.
I'm really grateful for a husband who will literally do anything for us.
I didn't see or care or even respond to trivial things in the middle of a crisis. I should probably be more like than when all is well.
I asked more about others during this time, and found myself listening a lot more. Also a trait I need to nurture.

When I replayed this to an acquaintance, he chastised me.

"Don't you know you should never, ever, ask to learn more or have your faith strengthened." He went on to say, essentially, 'you are asking for trouble.' Sure. I knew that might be an outcome, but that is part of having faith. Who knows what I need better than the person who created me? Next time, however, I may just wait until the end of summer.

Give me the high- mileage version, in cars and in men

2013-05-20T23:23:00.000-07:00

It's 10:27 according to the clock on the office wall, and I sneak up behind Rog. The glow of the two adjacent computer screens give an ethereal look to his body, like an angelic being facing down a site with lots of red. I creep. I wonder. I sigh.

It's a Porsche site, and I'm thinking, "please, no more parts. No more parts," for we could feed an Etheopian village at this point for the money he's been dumping in this thing.

"Whatcha doin?" I ask, making sure it is absent sarcasm, irritation or any non-happy-time manner. I must have been successful, for he answered with a hint of defensiveness.

"Checking out values." He's going to sell it? I wonder (nay, hope). "It looks like value has really gone up." I'm immediately commodities trader on the floor in Chicago. Sell! Sell! (but I say nary a word outloud). He points out one similar to his own that's just shy of $70K. Not bad for a 20 year old car.

"But that's low miles," I point out, seeing the odometer at around 20,000 miles. He disabuses my notion.

"Any good mechanic will tell you that low miles on an older sportscar, particularly a Porsche, is bad. The (here he loses me) will need a complete overhaul and that's spendy." Apparently, cars need to be driven, not just looked at.

As I stood there, only slightly disappointed we weren't going to free up the third bay in the garage, I'm thinking that yes, I'd rather have a well-running, high mileage car than one that newer and/or, not broken in. This then, got me thinking about older men in general, and the wisdom that comes with age. There is a value in experiences, and perhaps this is what attracted me to older men when I was of dating age, which really didn't get going until my early twenties, because I was so gawky etc. What I found, however, was the mental experience was there, but the physical compatibility wasn't, and I'm not talking about bedroom activity. I'm talking about jetskiing, skiing, climbing--just a few of the activities I liked to do, yet weren't appealing to some of the older men who appealed to me. When I met my Colorado-born outdoors guy, who'd grown up dirt-poor and had many challenges to overcome on his way to achieving professional success, I knew that I'd had it all backwards. Rog was like a young, shiny-new model wrapped around an engine that's had a few hundred thousand miles on it. He ran great and had smooth skin to boot.

"I say you keep the one you have with more miles," I say, offering my unsolicited advice. The kinks have already been worked out. The engine overhauled. Less cost. Less risk. I pat him on the shoulder and leave, content in my own thought process, and he keeps staring at the screen, completely oblivious to my moment of clarity, wherein I found myself a bit more content with him, and with our relationship.

Another day, another pitbull puppy

2013-05-18T12:24:00.001-07:00

The obvious sign: the bumps.

This started as a red mark so small that

we thought it was a bugbite.

Then it grew to the size of a quarter in a matter of days.

It wasn't a "mass cell" cancer,

rather, it was evidence of the lymphoma.

Our vet originally thought Daisy was going through

"puppy acne," a common occurrence in 'blue-haired' dogs,

such as great danes, wimeriners (sp?) pitbulls et all.

Two weeks ago daisy, our 8 month old blue haired pitbull was put down. She had t-cell lymphoma, which, as the canine pathologist said, was akin to having every part of your body burn from the inside out. In constant pain, she was literally trying to eat her skin off. Faced between drugging her up to the point where she stared into space drooling, perhaps seeing heffalumps and oozles, or seeing her knawing her legs off, we did the humane thing and sent her on her way.

Two weeks later, the tears had dried, and emptiness rang through the house when the girls were off to school. Mother's Day came, as did Rogs gift of a two month old black pitbull puppy I named Trudie. (As an aside, Rog named our first dog and our daughter named the second. My turn had finally come around, the fate of death spinning its wheel and landing on me).

Yesterday it's been a week, and Rog and I have marveled at the difference between a healthy puppy and a sick one. Since we had no idea, I figure others may be equally as clueless. Here is what we have noticed:

Putting Daisy down- the final moments of life

1. Barking. First dog whined like the baby she was when we put her in the kennel or were in the other room. Same with Trudie. The sick one, Daisy, never barked or whined. We bought it was a blessing- the pathologist said it likely her too much.

2. Growling. Playing tug of war elicits fun playful growling, that, if not managed properly, can actually be problematic later in a dogs life. However, daisy didn't do tug of war or growl. She dropped and was mellow. Again, we thought we got a laid back pitbull. With Trudie, we realize that there is no such thing.

Day 2. Trudie on Mom's pass-me-down-dog afgan

3. Fetch. Pitbulls are not alone in being interested in fetch, but one thing is owners really love is that pitties ate naturally inclined to play fetch and return it, as well as playing hide and seek. They are highly intelligent dogs and its fun to hide items and watch them go "in search of." Daisy was not down with this, nor did she have an attention span, even near the end.

I know it's wrong to dress a dog, but my type-A hard ***
husband went mushy on me and bought a friggin too-too

Contrast this with Trudie, who on day two, saw the toy in our hand, ran after it and brought it back. Again, a natural instinct.

Nothing heals the pain of loss like an all-consuming puppy

I could go on, but my thumbs don't type well, and I'm actually supposed to be watching my daughters dress rehearsal for Beauty and the Beast. There were other signs, although these were the most obvious- outside her wounds of course. Perhaps someone else will look for these items when in the process of selecting a dog.

Trudie at 2 months (she'd been with us one week). I know
my mother will vomit I had her on the breadboard, but honestly,she kept getting under my feet as I was in the kitchen, and I needed"just a second," to coral her.
She found a piece of apple and went at it.

Rotator cuffs and Romance

2013-05-15T22:15:00.003-07:00

"Can you please pay attention? I'm trying to share my world with you."

Oh, the sexiness..,

I immediately snapped back to the present. I was, in fact, physically present, but my mind hand wandered to somewhere far more exciting than hearing him talk about a cam shaft, the rotator cuffs and what happens....well, I'm not sure what happens. It got blurry somewhere along the way, I think it was between the time he started pulling the metal items out of the box and explaining to me (in excruciating detail akin to a root canal), what each part did and what it was for. For really, what did it matter after he'd informed it was yet another two grand.

"When the engine is dropped, doing (this or that) is a few hundred bucks, but--"

"I know," I interrupted, "it will be $1,200 if we do it later." Quite honestly, I can't even dissect the conversations now, which one was a rotator, which one was a tube or a tire. In the end, the car should run, and that's all that matters. For car enthusiasts, this car is an old school Porsche turbo, 1995 vintage, and the heavy doors click, the engine rumbles, the tires are fat and the fin is wide. When oil leaks, it's spendy. When the muffler cracks, it's spendy. Really, when the wrong person farts in the car and leaves a stench, cleaning it's spendy.

But whatever. It was and is and always will be, Rog's dream car. Life is short. Keep the car. I have but one rule. Drive the **** thing. Don't let it sit and mold in the garage like a mummy that will take 4,000 years to be useful to someone.

I nod my head and give appropriately-timed grunts, but he saw my glassy, vacant-eye look.and he starts shoving the parts back into the box.

"I'm just doing what you said," Rog says as he sullenly puts back the parts. (e.g. get it running or get it gone, or something to that effect). In a last ditch attempt to mollify him, I draw upon a long, purposefully-forgotten image of one of those car and driver magazine covers flashed in my head, and you know what I'm talking about. Some half-dressed girl with big calves and a Hooters crop-top t-shirt stretched over the hood like she's going to give an X-rated wax job.

"Well," I drawled, putting my hand on his back. "If you intended this to get me rarin' to go, you succeeded." Of course I saw with the perfect combination of sincerity and come-hitherness. "After that explanation of how the camshaft lobes and rocker arms sit on the bearings, and that it has six rocker arms per camshaft, I can tell you that those aren't the only valves that are opening."

His mouth dropped open. His eyes popped wide. His 15 year-old boyish grin curls the corners of his lips skyward, and I detect an attitude of victory. He came. He communicated. He conquered. Most importantly, he shared his world and I actually listened,

Model Skin- get to the vitamins

2013-05-07T10:41:00.000-07:00

"What have you done to your skin?" my friend Melanie, the hair and makeup artist for the studio asks me. I'm not sure what to say, as I'm trying to gauge if her question is of the good, it-looks-great-type, or if its the 'girl, you need a lot of sleep,' nature.

"You aren't so pasty and it looks-- fresh!."

Ahh. It's the vitamins, I tell her.

My model friend, who recently landed the contract for Coke in Asia, and regularly appears in fitness magazine, has great skin, and not just on her face- her whole body. She looks polished, even on her arms, which is not an easy thing to pull off. About 6 wks ago, I bit the bullet and started training with her (she's a nutritionist and has a lot of degrees- modeling paid her way through college), she revealed to me what I will now reveal to you---for free. Love that!

When I convey my newfound wisdom to Rog, he walks me to our pill shelf in the kitchen, opens it up, and shows me every. single. item. GRR.

"Been doing this for years for hockey," he says, and pulls them out in the proper order. What the..?? I seethe of course, but am inwardly thankful I don't have to spend the money out of my grocery budget. No wonder Rog has the gluteous maximus fanny (here, the whole time, I thought it was the workout).

Pre-workout: (1 hour, ideally)

BCAA (pills, not the powder)
Vit D and A

Post workout: (within 30 min, you must eat and take the following)-

Glutamine (1 tsp)
Glucosamine (1 tsp)

*why within 30 minutes? Because the muscles need to repair themselves and this requires a little help. The food if for fuel and metabolism.

Evening

Zinc
Magnesium

A few tips:

Don't take all at once. It defeats the purpose. you need pre and post workout, then recuperation at night when you are done exercising. the other reason is that it's an overload on your stomach and it might come right back up.
Don't take combination vitamins. Many grocery stores sell vitamins, but they are combo. You don't want that (and for D and A, its impossible anyway).
The Glutamine and Glucosamine powders are absorbed faster. I tend to put both in a protein smoothie for post workout.

Stop the vomiting and pooping: homemade pedialyte

2013-05-03T09:45:00.000-07:00

There I was, crouched in the shower, suffering from vomiting seizures the likes that had not been seen in...well...since my last dog died, all due to the fact that my 8-month old puppy Daisy had to be put down, and Rog dares peek his head around the corner.

"You need anything?" He's in more misery than I am, because you see, men hate to be helpless. I've come to believe that a man would rather lose his hee-haw truck or get a medication-free root canal than watch his wife be in pain.

"Yes," I croaked. "Pedialyte."

This is my magic recovery drink, the only thing my stomach will retain after a spout of vomiting. In this case, it was about 6 hours on an off, through to dry-heaves and blood. Not good. When Rog tells me we are out, I block out his words and they become one with the falling water.

Sometime later, he comes back in (I hadn't noticed he'd left) and asks me to look up. I see a gallon jug full of water that looks yellowish-orange.

"I made my homebrew pedialyte," he proudly announces, with the hope-infused voice that expresses his sincere desire that all my grief over losing the second dog in less than a year will dissipate when I drink his concoction. "I got it off the World Health Organization site," he continued.

Later, when I have a glass of ice (I must have ice to crunch on this stuff) I take a sip. It wasn't bad. In fact, it lacked the "syrupy" nature of the real thing, and I got it down a lot easier because it wasn't so sweet. When I tell Rog this, he is clearly pleased with his efforts (the survivalist-in-training that he thinks he is), and he tells me that another recipe exists that is even more bare bones "for people who really are in the desert).

Ok then. For all you folks who will get sick, are sick or just believe in experimenting, here's the recipe. I couldn't actually find it off the WHO site, but Rog told me what was in it, so I went to several recipe sites. Rog said he substituted the packet of Cool-aid with 1/4 cup orange juice. walla! If only the grief could go away as easy as the vomiting.

INGREDIENTS:

4 cups water
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons sugar
1/2 packet Sugar-Free Kool-Aid (optional)- sub with 1/4 cup orange juice

DIRECTIONS:

Mix all until disolved.

Store in the refrigerator. Throw away any remaining after 1 week. You can also freeze some in ice cubes to use later, or keep drinks cold.

Use instead of juice or milk for diarrhea, vomiting, and fever. Children under 3 months old should go directly to the doctor if they have any of these symptoms.

Why Mormon's Pay Tithing

2013-04-28T20:43:00.000-07:00

"There they go again," remarked my husband Rog, he of the hee-haw pick-up truck-driving, Porsche-racing, fishing-and-heli-skiing kind. He was, of course, referring to the Mormon missionaries who fearlessly ride in the northwest rain. Before I could respond, he starts talking about the cars, or the lack thereof, for these guys. "The least they (the church) could do is give them cars."

This begat a conversation about "where all the money goes."

"The money," Rog is referring to is the "tithing money," that members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (or Mormons, or members of the LDS church are called), paid by the members of the church once a month. (It can be paid anytime, but is typically done on "fast Sunday," which is the first Sunday of the month.

His comment was timely, since a few weeks ago, the church held their semi-annual General Conference, where the church leaders provide statistics on just this kind of information. The media is ever-ready to pick up on the facts and figures, and the LDS church has a web page just for the news media, but it's accessible to all. So, when its a slow day (which it was Easter weekend), the statistics for 2012 got a lot of play. Let's just say 2012 was impressive.

890,000 people in 36 countries received clean water
70,000 people in 57 countries received wheelchairs
75,000 people in 25 countries received vision care
millions of dollars were provided in 52 countries following natural disasters
the LDS church provided immunizations for 8,000,000 men, women and children around the world (as well as neonatal efforts through their LDS Charities), also funded by tithing
the LDS church provided resources and assistance for displaced people in Syria, Turkey, Lebanon and Jordan

A snapshot of just a few welfare centers

This doesn't count the millions of dollars that the fast offerings provided to those needing welfare or welfare assistance, nor does it include the training given to refugees and immigrants that is provided at no cost all to individuals around the world. I also learned about the partners of the LDS church, including those in other faiths, like Islam. I found this link on the welfare locations around the world, just in case you or someone you know, is in need. (it's interactive, so click on it and scroll around around the world). As a side note, I think it's awesome that the church provides so much to people regardless of faith, status or anything else. The overall goal is to help people- and that's pretty inclusive. A heartbeat and two legs. Done.

An actual tithing slip from the LDS church

Since I got this information on my phone and gave it to Rog while we were still driving--during the same conversation-- we then started talking about how the LDS church "gets" it's money as well as"saves and spends."

Tithing--the principle and the purpose
Tithing was instituted at the foundation of the church, to do the above--help others. Members donate 10% of their increase (its up to the person as to whether that would be groresearchers at the Christian Post, a non-LDS org).
ss or net). The church as approximately 14M members around the world. Of these, nearly 90% are full tithe payers according to

More giving than just tithing...food, clothing and humanitarian aid....
Above the 10% tithing, the actual tithing slip has different categories where a member can elect to give money for other aspects of the church. For instance, in money can be given from a "fast offering." Once a month, members of the LDS church "fast," meaning, they skip eating for 2 meals, and the money that would have been spent on the meals is given for 'fast offerings.' This is a fund specifically set up for food supplies, and is used to feed those in need around the world. Have you ever heard of "the Bishop's storehouse?" These are enormous, central locations of food storage that individual pastors (called bishop's in the LDS church), are able to draw from for members (and their families) within their own congregations (called wards). In a way, it's like an entire sub-welfare system that runs parallel to the government (and since these are worldwide, government's plural).

A bishops storehouse for the LDS church.

Another category is education. This is designed for individuals who cannot afford to go to college, and LDS education system (colleges) provides a means for subsidizing the college education. It would be something if these schools were community colleges, but they aren't. The Brigham Young Universities are in Utah, Idaho and Hawaii, pumping out thousands of well-educated young adults who go on to graduate school.

Ok then, what about missionaries, coming full-circle. Back in the day (@10 yrs ago), missionaries paid the entire cost of their missions, and are still expected to do so. The difference was that if a poor guy was sent to San Francisco or Paris, their costs was hundreds (or thousands) more than someone sent to Africa or Louisiana. This put an undue burden on the young man or woman or their parents. The church changed this so it asks of missionaries a flat cost (I think it's $250 per month), and then the rest is subsidized by the LDS church. This keeps the cost extraordinarily low and is fair to all. According to the April statistics, 65,000 full-time missionaries are serving around the church at this present time. Whoa. That's a lot of money. And one of the line items on the tithing slip is for missionaries.

Save, save, save
Beyond the fact that members voluntarily contribute a lot of money, the LDS church isn't known for paying out. In other words, bishops, stake presidents, the auxiliary women organizations...every single position is volunteer and not compensated. (I found this study by the University of Pennsylvania on the merits of volunteerism in the LDS church interesting). Furthermore, those mowing the lawns on Saturday, or cleaning the building are also members of the church who take turns. The 117 geneology centers around the world are all staffed by members who are also volunteers or who have been asked to spend time helping others work on family history. That's millions of dollars saved, not spent-- and by the way, the latest news is that over a billion records have been processed.

When I kept related this to Rog (still in the car), he asked if we (meaning, anyone) could get in on the food storage part of it. (We've been restocking our food storage-- being in the hinterland, and sometimes without power for 1-2 weeks, and trees coming down, we have to be prepared!).

"Of course," I said, telling him the hours of the cannery, where anyone--and I do mean anyone-- can sign up and go in, take your own dry goods (or buy them) and fill up.

Need a Job? Hit the LDS site
Well, so once I got into the web site, I couldn't stop myself. The newsroom had so many great things (and I'm sooo sick of sites with nothing but bad news), I kept reading. The LDS employment network is huge and always looking for folks. It operates in 117 countries and as one bishop told me, is "open to everyone." Problem is, very few people know about it.

Cheap clothes? Go Desert Industries
Ever heard of Deseret Industries, the LDS church's version of Goodwill. The workers are disabled individuals, the items are inexpensive and the donations come primarily from members of the church but anyone can give. I remember we had one nearby when I was growing up, and our school had a 1970's disco dance and we all went down and got duded up for a few bucks. It was excellent. Even now, I hit the local "DI" (which is the abbreviated version) for all things I want inexpensive. The LDS church's standards seem to be higher than the Goodwill (e.g. nicer items) for less money.

At that point, Rog raised his hand, telling me it was "enough."

"Well, I've made my case," Rog saidas the missionaries went on their way, bowing their heads against the rain. "They should definitely have cars."

Increasing Revenue for your Business- pitching local editor

2013-04-28T16:43:00.000-07:00

Under my guise of a legitimate business person, I still get random emails from complete strangers asking for advise and assistance. Since I'm more of a writer now than an executive for hire, I typically do things for free because...well, I can. So when I received an email from a middle-aged woman based in Atlanta, who was hired to be the marketing manager for an independent healthcare company, I figured, why not? The press release was awful, so I rewrote it for her, along the way, educating her on the what's, why's and wherefor's of writing a good release.

About a month later, I was wondering what ever became of her effort, and sent her an email. Turns out she sent me a query on my suggestions for distribution, but I was traveling, and the email went to my junk folder. She was attempting local press only, and got one hit. In response to her question about-- what can I do now? and if she had any hope for more attention, I gave her the following response. After I press send, I realized this was relevant information for anyone with a business and a desire for more press.

Remember two things:
1- the media is always hungry for stories. Sending a 2 sentence pitch to an editor happens every day.
2- pitching is very simple and relies on 3 basic elements- a case study (or proof point), a visual, and access

Here was my response to Winnie M.

"The interesting thing about local media as that they typically love to give local organizations play. However, it almost always needs to have a visual or a hook. That typically comes in the form of case studies. Simply stated, the case study is no more than a person who has had an experience that can be used by the media as an example of someone who has been personally affected in a positive way. This gives the media outlets what they need—evidence of use, pictures of the event/subject (which means credibility and visuals) as well as a reason to write about it. For instance, you have a new partnership announcement, which provides a service to many people. Were you already providing this service (without a formal partnership) and then, because of the success you enjoyed, you elected to make it formal? This would be the 10 second verbal voice mail left to the editor(s), then you offer up several individuals who benefited, and they can take their pic.

That is essentially how I made my first pitches to the Wall Street Journal and many others- but it needs a national stage at that level. You are local, so it’s even more relevant when you provide locally-based individuals.

Hair loss in young women

2013-04-23T11:46:00.001-07:00

Four months, my 7 yr old Porsche started losing her hair. It resembled a widows peak on a man, but lower. It was on her right side, and kept extending across her hairline.

At first, I dismissed it. My older friends talked about hair loss with their daughters as a natural occurrence around age 7.

"Hormones kicking in," said one, a dermatologists assistant for many years. I didn't worry- I watched. And watched. Over the next four months, her hair continued receeding, and started on the other side of her head. Then right above her ear. During this time, rog kept telling me it was because she pulls her hair tight or twists it with her fingers. Friends continued to tell me it would grow back.

Well, last Tuesday I was washing her hair in the bathtub and while lifting it up, saw two huge gaping holes of skin where hair should have been. Imagine a Miley Cyrus Mohawk, and that's what her hair looked like underneath. Her hair is long up top but absent underneath. Worse, there are no visible follicles- it's flat skin like facial skin.

Calls to the dermatologist followed - after consulting the pediatrician. Alopecia, or hair loss. After making several appointments, a friend who is a research scientist dug up a whole lotta data not available to the common man (or woman).

Hair loss in children accounts for 3% of all pediatric appts.

Hair loss can be reverse in many cases by cortisone shots (ouch)

The shots or cream or treatment must occur before the follicle has time to close- permanently.

At this point, several other causes are possible, as well as treatments.

Last week, I did the mother thing and envisioned a daughter losing her hair, going through adolescence and adulthood wearing wigs. The businesswoman in me got to problem solving.

Here are the pictures of what we are dealing with:

Uses for Salt and Vinegar

2013-04-14T20:46:00.000-07:00

Today I was rummaging through my "Beginners Guide to Family Preparedness" because I've gotten the bug to beef up my supplies. Two days ago, we had a mild earthquake and it put a bit of the fear of God in me. I'm ashamed to say, I go in peaks and valleys on this topic. I store up, we use our supplies, I don't restock, then go through self-loathing.

Raw salt in all its glory

This time, I'm going to do it right. I pulled out this book, which I think was written 40 years ago, and even then, was in its 7th printing. I'm not about to go making my own candles and soap, but I can certainly stock up on the necessities.

I realized, thanks to the illustrious She, that it will cost me approximately $8,000 dollars to stock up a years supply of food and supplies- a combo of freeze dried, dehydrated and wet goods, along with the other basics. Better start saving.

In the meantime, I can at least start using my salt and vinegar more efficiently.

Salt has many uses other than flavorings, such as:
-1/2 tsp in a glass of warm water for headaches and indigestion.
-1 tsp in quart warm water for enema, cleanser, healer and natural bowel movement (nice)

Vinegar is more useful than for recipes.
-1 tsp of vinegar in a pint of furniture polish will add luster to furniture
-1 tsp vinegar added to the rinse water will help nylon stockings retain elasticity
-soaking clothes in warm vinegar removes perspiration stains
-1 tsp vinegar in frying oil will prevent the food from absorbing too much oil
-when boiling potatoes, add a tsp of vinegar to the water to keep the potatoes from turning dark
-when poaching eggs, add a tsp of vinegar to the water to keep the egg whites from spreading
-add 1 tsp vinegar to the water when boiling rice to keep the grains whole
-a tsp of vinegar added to the water in which beef is boiled will make the meat tender
to cause cream or milk to sour, add one TBS of vinegar per cup

Music for Writing

2013-04-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

I've recently started using our sound system which we spent way too much money and time on 10 yrs ago to install, and to be honest, didn't get hooked up for a decade due to a little, ah, shall we say, "marital dispute." In other words, after all the thousands it took, Rog flamed out at the ten-yard line, which I figured was going to be less than $1,500 to finish up.

Of course, he knew better, and I fought him for a decade (a long time of worthless arguing that a) I was wrong about and b) I'll never get back). But let's not dwell on my issues. Let's move on to the salient points.

Where, might you ask, did this need to be spent? (I know I'm digressing, but for my male readers who generally relate with Roger, and the female readers who share my pain, I'm exposing more of the bloody guts of our relationship).
1- he was afraid of the cost of the panels, which we have in most rooms of every floor
2- he was convinced we needed another receiver, and a stack of electronics, so avoidance was the best policy in his mind and
3- he simply couldn't justify spending money on a 'discretionary expense.'

Well, in the end, he was right. The panels are $400 a pop that Rog got for $325 through smart Internet shopping. We compromised. Well, actually, I compromised. I gave up a panel in one bathroom, but stood firm on having one in the two bathrooms where I soak my bones in the tubs. The stack of components was painful- about $10K, which Rog was able to cut down to about $8K thanks to his diligent shopping ways, so he was right all along. (By the way, have I ever told you that Roger's nickname for me is "rainman," because he says I think money rains from above. Rude isn't he?)

One of the beautiful things that all that money bought was a type of component that allows every sort of media known at this time. It's wide and flat, and can stream, play and store it all, from my SD card which takes me seconds to load songs, or switch to my iphone or whatever else I have going on. But the very best part, hands down, is the Internet radio feature.

Internet radio means thousands of channels in all genres. I point the remote, select a genre, then up comes a list of hundreds or thousands of channels. I'm not really down with bluegrass, but up with dance, and quite a few sub genres. It's crazy when I find a Paris-based country station, when a DJ is talking in a language I can't understand, then proceeds to play Taylor Switch. Likewise, I'm grooving out DJ Krush, and then a German-speaking DJ hops on and the only words I understand is the name of the group and the song. The upside is that I feel like I'm getting language lessons while I get grooving music.

All this backstory to tell you that I've zoned in on 6 channels (for now) and one in particular is writing, and it's Ambient. The other words for this are Chillout, and I'm telling you what, about a quarter of the songs I have on CDs already, the others are new. When I hear a song I don't have I Shazam it on my iphone and bam, a click of a credit card later, I have it on my system.

My favorite of all 202 Ambient stations is this one 1.FM Chillout Lounge. You can listen on any system you have.

A few of the songs I love are as follows (I should create another tab, but I have to give something up on my home page until then..)

updated 4/28/13
Come a Little Closer- Ambassadeurs
Central Reservation- Beth Orton (remix)
What the sun sees- people like you and me- Gloria
Turbulence- radio edit (ft lil john)- Turbulence
Inside your mind- Color in Rhythm Stimulate Mind Freedom
Steamworks- by the Presents- Beams
Take me Away- Chill Central
You are the One- Chill Central
Blood of Eden- US remastered- Peter Gabriel
Walk Tall- Sugar Tax- OMD
Sun Goes Down- no Silence- ATB
Scaffold- Coyote Remix) Chillout Lounge 3, Downtempo grooves
Rupture (Hylton Mix), Bedroom Escapades, Vol 1- Harry Vincent
Always (Ashley Beedle's) Best of Bent- BEnt
Jumiera Drive- Dubai Chill Lounge Vol. 2
Flipside- Chill Out Experience- Paradise Found
Girl and the Sea- by the presets- Beams
Miami Sunset- (feat Duality) by Invisible Sounds (Sunn Jellie Remix)

What I'm really thinking

2013-04-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

At the beginning of yoga, the instructors follow a routine. After raising the lights and lowering the music, a short introduction is followed by identifying the newcomers, a good way to see who is likely to faint or throw up, or who might need a little extra motivation during the 60 minutes during a free right to the underbelly of sun, otherwise known as hot yoga.

I like to be in the front, not because I'm necessarily good, but I have found that if I'm in the back, I'm distracting by all the sweat butts and can't concentrate on standing for a full sixty seconds on one leg as I try and stretch my other leg behind by back and over my shoulder (for who among isn't distracted by sweaty butts, I ask you).

In any case, as I'm standing there, breathing and sweating my way through poses that wring my body and mind out of the trials of the day, and I notice the man the woman to my right, powering her way through the movements, very jerky like. I'm wondering if she's in a profession that's rigid, or was a mime in another life.

A man to my left looks like he's in pain, but he's focusing on his chest, as if looking elsewhere might cause him to collapse. When we turn to the right, I notice a long-chaired man, whose body is tattooed up to his neck, and I wonder where he found an artist to create such a magnificent piece of work. I'm not really in favor of tattooing, mostly because I believe the human body itself is such a beautiful temple to worship, why defile it with pictures (I also can't see the sexy muscles ripple on the shoulders with tattoos). Still, every so often, I'm struck in near amazement at some of incredible scenes and imagery, and likelier than not, I'll approach the person and inquire.

I'm very impressed with one or more of the large women on who hang out in the back row, new or on-going students. Rolls of skin hang over wide, thick bellies. Arm skin lifts up with the stretches to the ceiling, and all, spare none, are squished into skin-tight yoga outfits. I'm thinking
a) they have incredible stamina to even be in a room that's 104 degrees.
b) they are very brave to be wearing skin tight clothes. I don't even wear skintight clothes. too self-conscious and
c) who even sells clothes in those sizes? and finally,
d) self-loathing I had the above thought.

As we get on to the floor movements, I can't help but notice Andrew, the new guy behind me and to my right. He can't grip his one foot, but is trying to complete these movements. I wonder why. He continues, unsuccessfully, and when we turn around, I see that his left hand is missing four fingers. Only a part of his index finger remains, and the thumb has a quarter stub on it, but the far right three fingers are gone at the joint. I was am straining in airplane, I have a clear few, and wonder what could have happened to cause this? It wasn't a clean sheer of the fingers, but a ridge-like edge that reminded me of a rock wall. (No telling the things that hit you when its hallucinogenic hot).

The final stretches are now coming, and prayer position means its close to ending. The teacher, whom I've never had before, has us sitting on our ankles, hands on knees, and I think we are going to do the rapid breathing (don't ask me to give you the names of these 15-consonant-long words. I've been going on and off 7 years, and I still can't recall the names), but instead, she calls on a few people to say what they are thankful for.

I'm the second one she calls on. Flustered, I say "my kids are healthy and everyone is happy--no sickness!" and the class laughs. She then calls on Andrew "You knew you were next, she says," and he tells her that he is glad he came and made it through.

I wanted to tell him I was glad for him too, and I was proud of him, then thought, why not? I turned around and said "Good job! you did it!" which is what I would have liked someone saying to me my first time, when I felt foolish and was sweating like a stuck-pig in a mudbog in the middle of the summer. He gave a wobbly smile and all I saw was this great light of triumph in his eyes, and I was so happy for him. That's what I was really thinking.

Best mobile yoga apps

2013-04-07T15:30:00.001-07:00

Yoga on the beach- romantic and realistic?
If no one is around and I'm all alone, perhaps

Any yogi wants to find the name of a good yoga joint, wherever and whenever the desire to stretch and sweat occurs. Since I'm getting ready to embark on quite a bit of travel, I did some reading up on the best apps.

The first one I found was thanks to Yoga Journal's FindYoga application. It just became available for the iphone (it's free), and what I like about the app is that it includes the studios, but also trainings, the retreats and a lot more, like videos that includes the poses. I've found this helpful for when I've missed a class time, don't have a rental car or can't get a taxi (and in some cases, it's just not that safe for a woman to go out at night, wandering around with a modicum of clothes and a mat. That's just screaming for problems). In any case, I also like the tips on the styles. For as many years as I've been doing yoga, I'm an admitted creature of habit. I rarely venture beyond what I know, because I want a guaranteed outcome. It's like going to McDonald's or the Mormon church. I can go anywhere in the world, and I know exactly what I'm going to get, whether I like it or not. Another thing that's cool about the app is the 15 unique practice sessions, which mix things up if I'm in a hotel room, or on a friend's veranda, overlooking the water.

A few years ago, when I made a query on the topic of best iphone yoga applications, a blog came up from 2010 by Regis Chapman. Chapman gave a comprehensive list of all sorts of applications-- far better than I could think of doing. He listed 60, and what I really like about this list is that it's different from the FindYoga studios; these are true applications you personal use. The trends seems to be that relaxing and stretching applications are free, and the sessions run from .99 cents (US) to $9.99 (US) for multiple sessions.

Yoga.com's application listing offers a simple yoga application for nearly every phone, but I haven't used any of them, and the list doesn't offer user reviews. Still, if you under a time crunch and want something now, this certainly can't lead you astray.

Anatomy of an Acheiver

2013-04-05T12:32:00.001-07:00

"You did that?" Asked my 7-year old daughter as I placed the final pages of my manuscript on the 4 inch stack. Indeed, I respond, I did.

4 years, give or take, writing this novel in between writing two other books and a screenplay, but who cares really? No one, until it comes out and proves interesting, and thus, the point of this blog isn't about one more tree that's succumbed to a writers bad habit, but how, in fact, one achieves.

Ever notice that 'achieve' seems to connote success, while completion is merely finishing something? I realized that I rarely use the word 'complete' to describe finishing a task, rather, I always say 'I achieved my goal.'

Where do oddities like this come from? Was it inbred in my DNA, a Swedish thing that makes me look at this life and approach it like my personal version of celebrity apprentice? No idea, but I think it has served me well. I have yet to 'achieve' literary success, in the true meaning of the word, but it doesn't bother me in the least. I just keep going, acheiving the little milestones along the way.

And this gets me to the answer I gave to my husbands question, which is the same one he asks everytime I finish a manuscript.

"How do you do that?" (Clearly, we have a lot of 'how' questions in our home).

1. I focus in the sunshine. In other words, I write when I'd rather be doing something else. It's easy to write when it's gray and rainy. Not so much when it's beautiful and sunny and my jet ski is calling me to ride it on the lake.

2. I prioritize the dream. Yes, traveling, spa-ing, sleeping- all nice activities, but they get de-prioritized. Something has to, and I catch up on all the good stuff during editing cycles.

Two photos from my phone, since readers seem curious- one is that a big-A manuscript of 456 pages look like. The second is the most boring part of writing- the editing. Ugh. Red-lining never ends.

Seattle spring

2013-03-22T14:15:00.001-07:00

For those planning a trip to this great town of Seattle (for by the standards of anyone who has lived in a real city, knows that this is a town, not a city, for the restaurants shut early (9/10), as do the clubs and concerts) beware. Spring has arrived on the calendar, the weather has yet to catch up.

To wit: last night, drizzle becomes hail. Hail begets snow. This morning I have a finger length of snow. (As an aside, have you ever noticed ill describe the length or distance in a visual rather than inches? I do that because I remember being overseas and how I could never get the calculations correct. I do this in my books as well. Nothing more distracting than having a break from reality to do math).

After the snow comes ice. Branches fall. Internet craters. I'm stuck using my cell for blogging and my thick thumbs are not meant for phone typing.

It is in this dismal state of frigidity than I draw a hot bath (who 'draws' a bath, really? But it sounded very Jane Austen and took only one word instead of three- an authors plight of trying to reduce word count), from which I'm typing this blog.

So travelers attempting to come west, pick your time wisely. I'd suggest after the Fourth of July (it has rained on the fourth for 13 out of the 15 yrs I've lived here). And if you do come, bring your bath salts so you too, can draw a bath and be cozy.

Pitbull Writer

2013-03-05T13:56:00.001-08:00

If anyone doubts the ability for pitbull a to be long- suffering, attention-adoring companions, search no further. Daisy, our blue-haired puppy, now 7 months, likes my fiction.

(Here is the head on my lap)

Little reminders

2013-02-17T23:58:00.001-08:00

When I go dark, know this: things are rough. Neighbors making threats over a road (because in America we have no bigger problems), a pot of boiling water slipped from my hotpads, shooting water in front of me, but the tops of my bare feet were scalded.

On the bright side, casting has started for Run Like Hell, a movie I've been working on, and production is on track for May (may I just interject its wrong that I get paid for doing what I love, and working with awesome people can happen- and the 20 yr wait was worth it)--editor gave me back my latest manuscript tonight at 7:30, with a modicum of edits. Must write the last 30 pages then its gone-

In the midst of this- I took some time to tap into my inner, non-creative self and do a homey- wood-kitschy thing that I love. Actually, I made 4 diff ones after I got a taste of what a little paint can do to a flat slab of wood.

Lean thighs & reduced waist for less than $50

2013-01-21T23:31:00.002-08:00

Trolling through my posts to get an idea of who's looked at what, it was immediately clear that nutrition, health and fitness were tops. Only my juicy, relationship blogs outnumbered visitors.

Thus, my dear readers, I'm admitting to holding back on a great find that is...well, two decades old. It's the mini-trampoline. Small enough to use in a tiny living room, bedroom or deck, removable legs make it convenient to store, this great exercise tool will trim your legs down a few sizes, knock inches off your waist and tone your arms, all for less than paying for a month at the gym ($60US). Once you go down to your local Target or gym, start out with the following. I've found I can do about 500 bounces every seven minutes, or roughly 1500 bounces in 20 minutes (depending on my speed). Once again, I must give a shout-out to my Mom, who had these over thirty years ago when I was a teenager. The rule in the house was simple and clear:

"If you are going to watch TV, do something useful." Little did she know this trampoline was how I fit in my Levi 501s skinny jeans.

Mini-Trampoline exercise routine

10 minutes will get and keep your heart rate pumping
Start with jogging, mid-height (I like to do sets of 100. count with each bounce, one per leg)
Twisting. Like snowskiing (ankles relatively close together), twist the waist back and forth.

Easy version: no weights in hands.
Harder version: use weights (1 lb per hand on up), and leg the arms hang loose to your side or at the waist.

Jogging--high knees and bicept curl.

Harder version: use weights.

Side kicks. Easier than it sounds. Keeping both knees locked, use your hips/waist to bounce from leg to leg, extending the non-bouncing leg out, in a rocking fashion, like an upside down V going back and forth.

Easy version: no weights.
Medium version: no weights, upside down bicept curl. Start with both arms out, and curled under. When the right leg goes out, the right bicept extends under the arm (thereby exercising the bicept).
Hard version: use weights. Same motions

Jogging-- medium knees-- pointed (ballet) toes on the lift. This strengthens and leans out the calve muscles.
Skiing move--side to side. Bring ankles close together and bounce side to side as you would skiing down a hill of mogels (snowboarders, make the leap here with the visual). Another aid would be the football players jumping back and forth between tires, but with both feet.
Back kicks. In this move, you have semi-locked knees (meaning whatever is comfortable for you-- slightly bent or locked), and you are kicking backwards.

Easy version: hands in front, no weights
Medium version: hands go back with legs (one at a time, in unison with same leg- right and right)
Hard version: use weights

Cross-overs. This is the more advanced. If you imagine a track or football player standing on the ground, lifting one leg then the other, that's the start. The advance it to lifting the ankle to the inside and up. This simultaneously works the outer thigh, the inner thigh (of the leg lifted) and the outer thigh, thigh and calf of the leg on the ground. The higher the lift, the more exertion required on the standing leg and harder the effort on the lifted leg.

Tip: try this on the ground first so you don't throw yourself off balance (and off the tramp). Then go for it on the tamp itself

Side to side twist. I like to slow it down with a twist, releasing my lower back muscles. Let your arms hang loose to your sides as you feel the sweat dripping from every pore.

Cook's Country Alert- We've been jipped on the Saltines

2013-01-21T14:11:00.000-08:00

Made meatloaf. It failed. Bad. The sides went a-dripping out the aluminum and onto the pan. The mold, which I'd perfected thanks to the tips in Cook's Illustrated, was more pancake flat than domed perfection. (For all my non-US readers, a meatloaf is what is sounds like--meat with lots of spices, eggs, and I throw in a punch of paprika, cayenne and spices)--it's supposed to resemble a loaf of bread, but alas, this time, it did not, and yesterday, whilst in the tub, I discovered the culprit.
Someone had jipped my Saltines.

Saltines, you see, is a cracker that originated in the US, and is dryer and less flavorful than its version made in other countries (apparently our neighbors to the south and east prefer moister versions). In any case, normally I'll use bread crumbs instead of Saltines, but when I'm out of bread or don't want to bother, I'll use the crackers.

Guess what? The brilliant, marketing powers that be, have changed from a square saltine to a round saltine. This was done to be" hip and contemportary." In other words, us unhip, backward-A** people only eat rounds. Really? I can imagine someone in a cubicle, white suit with a zipper going up the front, booties and googles, staring at a petry dish of saltines and having the epiphany.

"It tastes better when it's round!"

According to Editor Sarah Gabriel of Cook's Country Magazine (I LOVE love love it- just got it delivered, and it's published by the same folks at Cook's Illustrated), Ann Gabriel of Trenton, KY, submitted the same question I had sought to answer "TWF?" Kidding.

Different shape, same taste but
screwingup my recipes

She wrote, "One of your meatloaf recipes calls for 16 crushed saltines. Saltines used to be squares. Now they're round. Do I still add 16?"

The answer was no. We have been jipped by the makers of our favorite cracker brand. According to Gabriel, cutting the corners off the edges have reduced the Premium saltines about 12 percent!!

Did they stop to ask the cooks? The actual users of these bloody things? As the Irish sa7 (or Anuck-su-amun in the end of the Mummy Returns, say, "Nye! Nye!" (Rhyms with Lie. Repeat twice. It will make you feel good). When done, use the new calculations:

It now takes 18 round crackers to make up the volume as 16 square crackers.
Tip: Use one extra round square for every 8 crackers in the recipe.

There you have it. Who would've konwn. I now get to go make yet another round of meatloaf, no pun intended.

My House is Killing Me: Top toxins in the house

2013-01-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

What happened to the good old days of being offed in a car wreck or sitting in church and keeling over from a heart attack?

Things that are gonna kill me don't include a car wreck or a good, old-fashioned heart attack. No. My generation, like all things, has been corrupted by our own brilliance. I'm going to die from the inside, at least that's what all I'm reading is telling me.

Let me give you the run down of all the ills (and their perported effects).

The cell phone. Sheryl Crow claims the phone has given her a tumor (that was removed). If that's the case, my whole head is a tumor, no brains left. I had cell phones over twenty years ago, when they were the sie of a straightened banana (this, thanks to my Korean boss, who was a US-educated (Carnegie-Mellon) son of the chairman of the largest South Korean bank. He believed all his employees should have these devices- and so I had it, straight out of college). I thought it was having childrend that made me forgetful. no. It's the phone. Radiation that is. My thoughts on the matter? It's too late now.
Sodium Laurel Sulfate. Can 16,000 studies be wrong-seriously? It does, in fact, make my back and neck break out. It's in almost every cleaner. It's been identified with alzheimer's and all sorts of nice things..."inconclusively" of course, like global warming. Just a way to sell some books. Just a few more facts from

This is pesticides on skin- egads

Eye makeup can be absorbed by your highly sensitive mucous membranes.
Hair sprays, perfumes and powders can be inhaled, irritating your lungs.
Lipstick is licked off and swallowed.
Sunscreen and lotions are absorbed through your skin.
Shampoo can run into your eyes or your baby's eyes.
Laundry detergent, in small amounts, comes in contact with your skin via your clothes
In 2004, a six-month study was done about personal care product use ^[1] . More than 10,000 body care product ingredients were evaluated, involving 2,300 participants.
One of the findings was that the average adult uses nine personal care products each day, containing 126 different chemicals. The study also found that more than 250,000 women, and one out of every 100 men, use an average of 15 products daily.To get rid of this is to eliminate most US products that are in a plastic bottle...

Plastic. On this topic I got a jones for looking up the inventor of this well-intentioned and now evil substance. Several folks contributed to this effort, and I'd be genuinely happy their heirs are living in twelve different mansions were it not for the fact that the chemicals have a half-life of five-million years are seeping out into my fingers (the second most porous receptors in our body save the bottom of our feet).

Let's see. I touch plastic when I open a bottled water, squeeze out toothpaste, hold my toothbrush, comb my hair, put in a clip, pick up the trash bag, use a ziplock container--and of course, when I try to save and recycle my ziplocks, I use a plastic food storage container, that then seeps into my organic food (which by the way, is still probably covered with pesticides because it's been proven that pesticides can travel around the world)...I'm exhausted, and that's just before breakfast.
the lightbulbs. I'm all for saving the planet, really, but I hate flourescent lighting. I want the natural look for lights. Well, I thought we were all saved from creating a black market for natural lights when the manufacturers introduced 'natural lighting' flourescents. But then what? They are 'linked' to cancer...and obesity....and lower sexual appetite. At last count, just about everything is linked to cancer right? Beyon the obvious (cigarettes) we have cancer cell-invigorating coffee, green tea (the other thing that's supposed the purify can hurt)..exhaust fumes, too much sun (that which gives us Vitamin D)...

Now that I've completely bummed you out, convincing you that you can't touch anything, clean yourself, eat the food you want or go out in the sun without dying well take heart. If you get hit by a bus on the way to church, it will be quick and the pain short. No third eyes, hair falling out or skin falling off. We have that to be thankful for.

Don't Swallow That

2013-01-16T22:33:00.005-08:00

It's Wednesday. I should have written a blog on health yesterday, but I was sick (ironic, isn't it). Today, I should be writing on career tips, so isn't it appropriate I'm taking a break from writing my presentation for 400 junior-high school kids to write this blog (on my career-what else?).

Dude, where's my key?

As I'm going to be up there with a guy from the FBI, a columnist, a doctor, and several other professionals, and want my presentation to stand out. I figure a video clip of movies. Items on producing, writing, screenwriting (when of course, all the students are going to want to know is how much people earn and did Brad and Angie really hook up on Mr and Mrs Smith- duh). I was half-way done when I cracked open the example presentation, given my an emergency room doctor.

This dude liked beer

whoa. First, an Xray on his first day on the job. Keys are meant for driving, not dessert.

The next one was clearly a person who should have not been using a hammer

Then it turned into a public service announcement for not drinking and driving.

Tattoos tend to get saggy and nasty as the wearer ages, and tend to be a living diary of your choices.

Cigars are meant for the mouth, not the arms

After seeing these images, I'm not so sure a 13 year old would say-GREAT, so excited to become an ER doctor! But then, I'm presently putting together a movie on zombies, who are going to run around with axes. How's that for improving the moral fiber of society? Clearly, I didn't have the right career role model as a junior-higher. Maybe I'll leave out the zombie movie and go straight for the space adventure.

Verbal backflips, why "no" is great, and other Friday thoughts

2013-01-11T09:55:00.000-08:00

The sun is bright. The sky blue (both anomalies in Washington, this time of yr, for it was snowing the last two days, the roads were icy and even the moles went deep underground). Saw a bald eagle on the way to school, which I took as "a sign." (In Sarah-speak, 'a-sign' is a phrase I use when it means- this is a good sign, good things are going to happen). Sure enough, by the time I get home, its come to fruition. Another person is going to invest in the movie that I'm putting together, the puppy kept it in until I arrived to let her out, and the director for Lindsay Lohan's recently wrapped film, the Canyon's, came to her defense, doing "verbal backflips," signing her praises.

That got me thinking (what doesn't, really? I'm an author. I think. It's what I do. It's who I am).

When was the last time I did a verbal backflip? Explosive, effusive, jump-for-joy push-from-the-bottom-of-my-legs triple-gainer. You know, the girly-squeely-I'm freaking out-thing? Well, last yr I got my first bonified publishing deal. Granted, it was from Thailand, a place I'll infrequently visit and will need to have translator and convert my baht, but whatever. A sound like a piglet in heat was emitting from my mouth, on and off, for about an hour. It was only slightly less-piggy (my Sarah, Don-king-ism for the day), when the publishing paperwork came in from Indonesia, a few days later. Other times? A 70" tv? yes, I eeked out a backflip. A surprise trip? Check. But it's not all big things. 5 dollar juicy tubes in my stocking 9(thx mom. Put them in my stocking, as I knew Rog would forget, which he surely did). A friend getting pregnant after a long struggle with infertility. A 19 yr-old young man getting his first acting job. All backflipping-while-squeeling-worthy.

Rog mentions my propensity to get excited over things, large and small (that sounded rather Jane Austin). This begat a discussion on why he doesn't get all that excited. Pay off the house? He smiles. The end. A new car. He drives it. My mental meandering that goes to the place of a person's personality (see, I'm that good of a writer. I can double up words in a way that would make my long-dead English teacher (poor man died of a heart attack whilst I was in 8th grade, thus, that's probably why I'm grammatically stunted))...but back to the personality bit. I'm an optimist by nature. A doer that refuses to take no for an answer.

I fondly recall an instances, 6 yrs ago, 5 months after I'd given birth to my second child. I was cold-calling for a client, out of my trailer, parked in our driveway, because a) I got Internet and b) my infant was sleeping in her crib within the house). I'd called and emailed the VP of Smith (as in, Goggles, helmets etc), about ten times over the period of three months (FYI, the average is 12 points of contact before an actual sales call is made). In any case, he finally got back to me, for he realized I was never, ever going to give up. The first call wasn't so bad. It was short. He listened. He asked for more information. A week later, I followed up, and continued until we had a second call (total time, 3 wks). He asked more questions that I answered. He said he'd consider it, and get back to me. More time passes. More calls/emails on my side left. Finally, about 3 weeks later, I get him on the phone.

"My answer is no. I'm just not interested. Don't call me anymore." I giggled. Seriously. I mean, it was sort of funny. All he had to do was send a quick email that said, no thanks, or not interested, or whatever. But never, EVER, tell a business development professional Not Now. That's like telling the homely, one-eyed toothless midget that you'll dance with him later in the evening. He will never go away, and end up stalking you like Lindsay Lohan on a bender. (okay, kidding. She would never...)

Point being, I felt victorious. I got my answer. It was a no. I checked him off the list and never looked back, but I got closure. This brought me full circle back to my outlook on life. A no is just fine, in fact, it's great. I don't have to spend another second with someone who doesn't want me. (Oh, if the rest of life was like a business call).

So now, at 9:48 in the morning, the recollection of that experience with the VP is making me giddy-like-a-schoolgirl all over again, for it is the very reason--nay-essence- of my twisted Swedish stubborn personality. The girls that said I was too short, bucktooth and stringy hair. They were right. But guess what? I grew. Got braces and the hair turned thick. I waited them out. The English teachers that said my English sucked--well too, were right--but did I let a little thing like that stop me? No. I just kept toiling away in my own personal desert and lo, someone, somewhere, likes my stuff (I know, it's not in English. Isn't that the ultimate irony? HAHAHA. I should have been writing in Thai my whole life. Damnit!)

I could go on, but I, like you, have probably got work to do. In fact, I've just had a breakthrough. I'm going to turn on the translator for Indonesian and start writing in another language I can't speak. Maybe then, someone in an English-speaking country will like my stuff. Why didn't I think of that before? I'm so excited, I'm no squeeling, doing a one-person verbal backflip.

It's a sign.

BIZTALK: Sell more by Improving your Presentation

2013-01-08T15:07:00.001-08:00

Quite often, the business folk in my world remind me that I have 20 yrs of learning, experience and perhaps a modicum of wisdom under my belt that I neglect to share on this blog. It's not by accident, it's on purpose. Business, work and everything therein, is the way I earn a living. This blog, (IMHO) is for fun.

Or so I thought.

I will bow to the powers that be, and start writing some blogs on business, since a) almost all of us still have to work so b) why don't I help all'yall out.

Start with the presentation. Like it or not, presenting is a fact of life, in church, in the office, in schools. Several companies paid good money to send me to corporate training, get videotaped and then shoved me out the door. Years later, by the time I was 27, Inc Magazine thought I was good enough (and apparently not completely dumb) and hired me to present and train their Inc 500 CEOs in some wonderfully expensive resort in Colorado.

Here are a few points. Get that video tape ready.

The red gumby has it right- use of hands

One and a half second rule. When presenting, look around the room, and periodically stop and make eye contact with someone. Hold it. For 1.5 seconds. It's long enough to give the rest of the audience a break, while not making your point of contact uncomfortable. Why? It establishes a direct, one-on-one feel with your audience. You transition from being all over the place, up on the stage, to some "who really cares." This works. I do this when I'm giving a talk even in church.
Wear pants, and here's why. (men, even you). You need a pocket. Pockets, or placing one hand in a pocket (periodically) conveys to the audience an extreme sense of self-confidence. It can be a small, intimate gathering of 25 at a networking dinner at the local Holiday Inn. You need to put one hand up, but every so often, place a hand in your pocket. It relaxes you by default. Then it relaxes the audience. You are not there to sell, it says, you are there to inform.
Get a wireless Mic. You need to use the stage. Podiums are for lectures. It puts people to sleep. If this is your goal, great. If not, try and get a Mic (small areas don't require either a mic or microphone)
Use the stage. Unless you are 100% tied to the podium (and must stay there) using the stage gives action and motion for the audience to follow. However, you have to follow two critical tips when walking on the stage (and by the way, stage isn't defined by a raised platform. It can be the five feet to the right or left in front of your audience).

You must walk 2-3 paces, stop, and look at the group. This is vital. You aren't a bee, in constant motion, buzzing from one side to the next. You have to give the audience time to follow you (and wake them up), then a time to focus.
Technique: Start a short story while you are walking, then hit the punchline when you stop. Do it when you have made eye contact with someone, then deliver your key message. It's powerful. It will stick with them. You will come across confident, knowledgable and personal.
Technique #2. Change the volume of your voice. Generally, you are going to lower or make your voice softer when you deliver the punchline. This conveys seriousness or importance. The only time you won't do this is if you are a stand-up comedian, or trying to be one.

Correct use of hands. When talking, use the following guidelines.

When making a single point, raise one hand, while the other is lowered (or in a pocket). This brings emphasis to your point.

If you are closing out a topic, spread your fingers then bring the fingers together in a point. It's a visual "closure," and very effective.

Another way to make an emphasis around a topic of unity or completion is to raise both hands about shoulder width apart ("the group was far apart on their goals and strategies") then provide your strategy for unity while bringing the hands together ("by doing so, the team came together and within three months, delivered the product to market")

Believe it or not, this works with almost any topic, from selling jewelry at home to paint installation

Tell it three times. This is about presentation technique, not content delivery. Even so, I want an even "6" suggestions, so this one is on the most fundamental aspect of a good presentation, and it's know as the "Tell it to them 3 times." It goes like this:

Tell them what you are going to tell them (this is a presentation about negotiating tactics)
Tell them what you are telling them (negotiation tactic number three is good for X)
Tell them what you told them (we have just covered the top 5 negotiation tactics

The reason you follow this rule is two-fold. One, people suffer from ADD and short term memory. They can't sit still for 10 minutes on tivo'd movie, why should they sit through your 30 min presentation? Make it easy. Give them something to look forward to, then tell them what they are learning so they believe they are getting value (and don't stand up and leave) and then reiterate why they paid good money (or gave up their time) to come listen to you. They will come back for more, and potentially hire you and/or your firm for a service.

Now go practice. On your dog or spouse or children. And be happy you just saved lots of money!

Heels. Spurs. Vegas. Don't go out. Go 'Glamping'

2013-01-07T16:14:00.000-08:00

It used to be that only the word Vegas popped up in my issue of Cowboy's & Indians when referring to the great wholesale events for all things dead and stretched (think furniture with brass tacks and ostrich trim). Not so anymore. Those marketing experts who created the global catchphrase "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" must have come up with another, and it's a dandy. It's called Glamping, short for Glamorous Camping.

Go western in Vegas or stay home

Here's how I figure. Vegas conjures images of half-naked bodies in pools, half-naked bodies on the stage and in clubs, and in general, half-naked bodies. For those of us who only travel to Vegas for trade shows (think Comdex, where one stands on ones feet for 12 hours, schlocking products), the indoors of a convention center is about as exciting as it gets. On the other hand, lots of people go to Vegas to

actually compete in a sport (drinking does not count as a sport, despite what you may have heard). My husband, for example, makes an annual trek to play in a national hockey tournament that's about as sacred to the stinky-hockey-players-society as the journey to Mecca is to those of the faith.

To each his own, I say. And that goes for Cowboys as well. Or, better said, for those that want to be a cowboy. Now you, (should you fall in this category) can go to Vegas, don your high heels and spurs, and go Glamping. The Cowboys and Indians Suite Package is offered at the Silverton, and I know this, because I got a brochure. This was followed up by my turning the page in the latest issue, and seeing yet another advertisement.

What does this buy you? A western-themed bed, replete with pine log bed posts (ties not included). Western decor to book. For an entire weekend (3 days/2 nights), 2 buffets, and $100 Bass Pro Shop Gift Card. Love that. Transportation to and from the airport and $25 to play slots. Of course, one must leave the room to take advantage of the buffet, gift shop or gift card. Details, details. If you do get out, don't forget to see if a western-type convention is in progress. Great couches, shoes and all things leather, or not.

Next time you try to get your friend, spouse, mother, on to camping, glam it up. Go Vegas. Go Glamping. Those Vegas marketing folks. I think they're onto something.

Bad weekend? Sex first, Not last

2013-01-06T17:33:00.001-08:00

Around 8 pm Friday night, it dawned on me why Rog and I have had such an up and down life "in the saddle" so to speak (for my non-English readers, which are many, getting in the saddle, riding on the saddle, and generally- anything referring to "saddle" typically means sex of some sort or other), has been less than it was pre-kids. We mistakenly thought, as so many flustered parents do, it was because of sleep deprivation, work, frustration, lack of time; all those fears that ensure people don't procreate. Two weeks ago, Friday night, we did something I insisted upon: having sex before going out.

"Give it to me now!!"

"Nope. Right now," I tell Rog, thinking of the spoiled peanut-heiress in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, whilst in a position of love, on the bed, awaiting my man. He stops. He stares. He smiles. "And why not?" is the look he gives me. All I do is shrug in response. I reminded him we could do what we always do. Go out. Eat, and both get stuffed in a turkey-gobble-carbo-loaded type of a way, followed by the thirty minute drive back that sucks out the libido faster than an eighteen-year old drinking Redbull from a firehose. The end. (seriously, the end).

He took my point. There it was. 5:30PM (kids were at the sitter already, FYI). Before dinner. Before the date. You know what? It took away the angst and anticipation. Removed all doubt of satisfaction by evenings' end. No arguments about little, stupid things that happened that day or during the week, and it's no wonder. All of life's inane irritations evaporated in that most harmonious of activities.

And must you share this?? my mother and aunts will cry (ok. shout). Yes. Yes I do. No one else does. It's simple. It's free. No therapy required. Just change the schedule. Friday evening last (two nights ago), I replicated the event, just to make sure it wasn't a fluke. Sure enough, same outcome. Same happy factor. No, scratch that. Higher happy factor. It's a legitimate tactic to support the objective of a better night out (and ideally, a healthier, more satisfying relationship).

Having issues getting your spouse to take you out? Suggest this strategy. Sex first, not last. I'm just sayin' it might work.