Sassie's Secrets

Happiness is what you make it!

2012-03-29T23:53:00.000-06:00

I remember when I came home off my mission, I thought I would get married within a year. Be able to help, support, and love my husband. And eventually have a couple of kiddos. Of course, we would have our problems, just like any normal family does. But we would work on it together and be stronger! My husband and I would fall madly in love with each other everyday and yet get annoyed with each other and maybe even hate one another. But in the end we would still love and adore each other.

Well that's what I thought it would be like anyways.

I would of NEVER imagined being where I am now! I thought I did everything right and the right way. What happened?

I'm not sure what happened, in fact I have no clue what happened. But I do know, everything does happen for a reason.

It makes me so frustrated when people look at me and think "She has got such an easy life". I know my life isn't hard by all means. And yes it is pretty easy compared to others. But I don't want an easy life. I don't want to only have to worry about myself forever. Of course its easy when its just me, because I'm the one making the decisions. So if i'm not happy, I can only blame myself and change it.

I'm making the best out of the situation. I don't know what else to do. I'm not going to be angry and depressed the rest of my life. I've moved on and becoming something bigger and better.

I'm so thankful for what happened. I would NEVER wish it upon anybody but i'm thankful it did happen. It needed to happen. But now looking at my life there would be NO WAY I would be where I am right now if it didn't happen. I've learned so much and I've become so much stronger.

Nights are still the worse for me. I'm still trying out how to deal with them. I get lonely and frustrated. It's almost like a slap in the face. When I come home from work and crawl into an empty bed. There is nobody there and it sucks! The companionship and being touched, is what I miss the most!

It makes me frustrated and mad when people don't understand. And then just think your amazing and perfect. Ummm.....NO i'm not!!! It just makes me want to scream at them and say "Do you not think I want what you had at 26? Married. Have 3 kids or even a kid. Living with somebody. Engaged. Dating. Whatever! No instead i'm single and have NO social life what so ever! Not to mention, starting completely over" That's what I would love to say but instead I just take it because unless you've been through something similar you wouldn't understand.

So the next time you think I have it soooo easy and i'm soooo spoiled...YES I DO and YES I AM!!! But if I could change it, believe me I would in a heart beat!!

However, I have never been so happier than I am right now. Except for parts of my mission. Seriously though, I am so happy. It's so funny and ironic how it all happens. I went from making lots and LOTS of money to minimum wage. Hanging out with tons and tons of friends to absolutely no social life. And now I'm so happy!!! Money doesn't even mean a thing to me. I've come to the conclusion that no matter how much money you make, you'll never have enough. I know as long as I'm paying my tithing and taking as many shifts as I can, I know my bills will get paid some how, some way. Honestly I have no clue how it works and i've even tried to do the math but some how it works! When I first took on the job at Target, I was struggling big time. In fact, some bills weren't even getting paid. I had to choose which bills were more important. Once I started making sure I paid tithing first, is when it all started falling into place. I had just enough to pay the bills and a little extra to save for a rainy day. Its amazing. I love the gospel and all the principles within it!!!

But man, if I could just get through this silly silly math class of mine!!! Then I can hopefully move on with my career! Not to mention my stress level would go down! If anybody would like to take on a challenge of being my tutor, that would be AWESOME!!! :D

no PAIN...no GAIN

2012-03-10T21:38:00.000-07:00

I found this cool website that helps you get a "bikini body"! What SERIOUSLY?? YES PLEASE!!!

ONE DAY!!! It will happen!

It's my second day. My inner thighs hurt so bad. I can barely walk up or down the stairs. Wearing heels is NOT a GOOD idea!!! Man, this is going to kick my butt! I worked on my abs today, and YES they are already hurting! Tomorrow is going to be horrific!

BUT I DID IT!!!

Check it out....8 week Bikini Body Program. I like it because it tells you exactly what to do everyday. Not to mention it's free! FREE!!! YIPPY...Do the happy dance!

Doing it for the last 2 days, has proven to me how out of shape I really am! Even though I've been very active for the last 9 weeks...My body's not use to its own strength. I've had to modify the reps and minutes to what I can do but also be able to push myself.

I'm not exactly sure why the pain feels so good...but it does!! When i'm done, I lay on the floor and breath in and out! It's an awesome work out. Not to mention its targeting the one thing I HATE the most...my inner thighs! They will be gone! NO MORE JIGGLE JIGGLE!!! That will be an awesome day!

Change "I can't" into "I can" and pretty soon you'll say "I did"!!!

2012-03-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

YES I DID!!! But don't get too excited for me yet because I'm not quite there but I will be! Because I CAN!!

The last week and a half have been SO HARD!!! Nothing was working! After a couple of days of not seeing any results, I was getting discouraged! After losing weight every week and then NOTHING...gets you so frustrated! But I wasn't about to give up because I want this so bad!! So I just kept at it. And some magic happened this morning. The scale was completely on my side! Not only did I reach my goal but I lost a little bit more. I couldn't stop dancing around!

So I tackled my closet! I tried on (not joking) every one of my pants, skirts, dresses, and shirts! If you have ever seen my closet, you would know there is A LOT of clothes in there. I was feeling a little good about myself and decided to CLEAN it out and get rid of everything that was TOO big. I WILL NEVER go back to the way I was. If any of you who are reading this, need clothes. Well I have some! So let me know!

So my Phase 1 goal has been achieved...now onto Phase 2! 19.8 pounds to go! After losing 34 pounds, 19.8 pounds sounds so silly but nonetheless just as important!

So you're probably thinking OK WE WANT TO SEE PICS....So here they are!

I bought this cute top to celebrate!

I wore this dress to my brother's wedding in 2004.

Yes, this feels good!

My pants I wore before!

They were baggy EVERYWHERE!

I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

In 8 weeks I lost 34 pounds. I pushed myself and then when I didn't want to do it anymore, I PUsHeD HArDeR! I want to do this for ME!! I am somebody! I am important.

Don't let ANYBODY tell you, "You can't do something"! Prove to them YOU CAN! Stand up for yourself because you too, are important! Now if you are reading this thinking, "man, I wish I was like her" or "I can't do what she is doing". The TRUTH is YOU CAN!!! I'm not doing any extreme diet or fitness program, I'm just eating healthy and i'm active. I make sure to do something active everyday. I just started swimming...which I rather do a million laps back and forth then run. But that's because swimming is my thing...I love it so much. But i've been running, walking, swimming, cycling, and weights. So do what you LOVE to do! Try different things, there is so much out there! JUST HAVE FUN!!!

THE SWEAT...THE PAIN...THE TIME...THE DEVOTION...IT ALL PAYS OFF!!!

DO YOU WANT IT? GO GET IT!!!

It's never a question of can you, but WILL YOU?

2012-02-21T14:40:00.000-07:00

Before...

6 weeks later!

Bottom half

YES...I know! I was DISGUSTING!!! I had NO neck. You couldn't see my awesome eyes because my cheeks were so chubby. I can try justifying why I let myself go but it all just comes down to not caring. I was hurting inside and I didn't care about myself, after all a part of me just wanted to die anyways. I had no clue it was so obvious though! It makes me sad looking at the 1st picture. Because I knew the pain...but now looking at the 2nd and 3rd picture it makes me so PROUD of my determination! It would of been so easy to give up after a week, 3 weeks, 5 weeks but I DIDN'T!!! I'm on my 7th week now and down 27.8 pounds! In 6 weeks, I lost an average of 4.6 pounds. WOW!!! Some of you may think...well that isn't healthy, she'll just gain it all back. But I can assure you, EVERYTHING i've been doing is healthy.

I was so tired of going to bed feeling guilty. I would ALWAYS say "Tomorrow I will!" But we all know that never works out. Did you know Tomorrow is the busiest day of the week? Yup we all do it. But I decided to change it! So that's exactly what I did.

I set a starting date, researched, found the right tools, and set goals. My start date I set was for January 9th. I made Ashlie aware that there was NO backing down and putting it off for tomorrow! I got myself as ready as I could be to start this new journey. I researched all sorts of different products and diets. The best one I found was the simplest...calories in, calories out! I keep track of EVERYTHING I eat and even though I don't know exactly how many calories I burn a day...I do keep track of what I do at the gym. You have to set goals! Goals are the most important thing you can do. If you don't set goals then you won't push yourself. PUSH YOURSELF!! It makes you stronger, more determined, and successful!

Something that would always get me down is how much weight I needed to lose. My ultimate goal is to lose 73.8 pounds. Wow!! That is A LOT!! I would start to feel over whelmed and just give up. I didn't think it was possible because it was sooo much! So I broke it down into 4 phases. 1st phase lose 33.8 pounds. 2nd phase lose 20 pounds. 3rd phase lose 20 pounds. 4th phase maintain the weight!

33.8 pounds still seemed like a lot of weight to lose but it sure as heck seemed better than 73.8 pounds. So mentally it made me think different. Instead of looking at 73.8 pounds and thinking "wow, really? I don't think I can do that! There is just no way!" I look at 33.8 pounds and say "Bring it! I can do that!" And then of course 20 pounds are nothing after 33.8 pounds.

I didn't set my self a time frame because I want this to last. I NEVER expected to lose this much weight so fast! I'm almost done with Phase 1 and its only been 6 weeks. I need to lose 6 more pounds to complete phase 1. So see 6 more pounds seems so easy!

NEVER GIVE UP!! I might be making it sound so easy but its been hard! For example, I hate running with a passion. But it drops the weight you hate. So I suck it up and jump on the treadmill and just start running. I'm not sure why people enjoy running because for me it is so boring. Even if I was outside, I find it boring. Its like "what are you running from?" I would just much rather take my time, enjoy my surroundings, and save myself a couple of breaths. I do it because I know it will pay off. But dang, I'll tell you sometimes its the last thing I want to do! When I don't want to do it anymore, I watch an episode of the biggest loser. Jillian scares me! But she motivates me at the same time!

So with a plan and goals set, I reached out to my parents because they are my biggest fans. They support me 110%. I appreciate them sooooo much! They provide everything I need to succeed.

I got shape ups for work and tone ups for the gym. YES they work!! But when I go to work, i'm on my feet for 6-8 hours a day. I'm not sure if I would have the same results as I do now, if I used them less than 4 hours a day. But for me they work! I got both pairs of shoes for $60. COUPONS!!!

Since I've had an iPhone, I've had the app called . But I started using it! Its GREAT! It helps you keep track of you goals, calories, and exercises. I love it! PLUS its free! Also, I forgot to mention my mom is doing a GREAT job as well. She is down 30 pounds and is almost at her ideal weight. With both of us doing it, we added each other as friends on Lose It and keep each other motivated. We are able to see what the other has done for the day or week. You can control what the other sees. So its completely private as well. Add me...sistergordon@gmail.com!

Bountiful Baskets is how I get all my fruits and Veggies. It costs $15 for a basket full of fruits and a basket full of veggies. It is a food co-op so its pure volunteer work. In Utah, they have locations mostly everywhere. You order your basket on Monday or Tuesday then pick it up on Saturday. You never know what you'll get until you pick it up. They have organic baskets and tons of add ons. But check them out...bountifulbaskets.org. My mom paid $60 for all this! We added on a couple of things. But there is NO WAY we could of gone to the store for all of this and went out the door with the same price! It's fun and changes up your food for the week.

My mom told me she would buy the for me this week. I'm SO EXCITED!! The Fitbit Ultra tracks your full day's steps, distance, and calories, allowing you to see how active you are and inspiring you to walk more and do more. It automatically syncs up with Lose It. So then I can finally keep track of calories out, not just what I do at the gym. I'm super excited for this tool!!

So this isn't a diet i'm on...but a lifestyle change. I know it sounds so cliche! But its the truth. I finally broke all my bad habits and i'm going to keep going! With all the right tools and the mind set, I'm ready to succeed!!

In a Nut Shell, Track everything you eat, Exercise, and drink LOTS of water!

Now everybody is different...we all have different body types, strengths, and weaknesses. You are the ONLY person that can determine whats right for you. But this is what i'm doing, and its working!!

DON'T COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING FAT, IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!

We had a million questions about our lives...

2011-11-08T00:40:00.001-07:00

Here we are, in the best years of our lives, with no way of knowing, when the wheel will stop spinning cause we don't know where we're going...and here we are and it's a go, lets make it last, so cheers to you 'cause this moment's never comin' back!!

Everyday, I'm faced with a million questions! I have no clue what the answers are...and obviously i've failed on so many tests!!! Maybe to some people i'm just stupid! LOL but I like to follow my heart and do what makes me happy. "I lift my voice to sing out and let the sound of my heart ring out". Maybe its me not giving a crap, taking crap, or realizing whats more important. But I haven't quite figured out why some people think they can just treat people the way they do!

Life is way too short to be miserable and unhappy! Maybe its me just giving up to easily but whatever it is, i'm not going to just sit there and put up with it because you think I should. Ummm...sorry but NO!!! I understand there are going to be hard times in life and stressful situations...duh isn't that what life is all about. And please name one person that doesn't have trails and tribulations. But its a matter of picking the battles you want to fight. I'm fighting the BIGGEST battle i've yet to be faced with, and adding another battle on top of it doesn't sound so appealing! So NO thank you, i'm not going to gear up!

I've been going to school for over a month now, and I totally LOVE it!!! I am taking my pre reqs for the pharmacy technician program. I turned in my application packet this week for the program. I am praying and crossing every body part that I can to get into the program. I was working as a Real Estate Assistant but going to school was too difficult so I found a night job at Target to make it a bit easier. And really the Real Estate Assistant just wasn't my thing, especially in that kind of atmosphere. Oh geez, talk about CRAZINESS!!!

Who ever was dealing the cards out, wasn't very nice to me. However, things do happen for a reason and I asked for some of those bad cards myself. So I only have myself to blame but hey look at me now...well I think i'm pretty awesome anyways! :)

Its CRAZY how fast life changes and how fast minutes turn to hours and hours turn to days!! Lets all just take a step back for a second and re-evaluate what is most important...and then prioritizing our time and energy fighting for it!!! If you don't fight for your own life and future then how can you expect others to?

3 to 5 to 4 now back to 5 and hopefully soon to be 6!!

2011-11-05T15:47:00.002-06:00

Its been so much fun having the house full of laughter!

For quite sometime, its only been my mom, dad, and me. The house was always cleaned and we kinda just did our own thing. We would go out to eat for suppers and go to a movie at least twice a week. We just got into such a routine with it just being the 3 of us. Dad would always pay for me, it was GREAT!!!

In September, Kheagan and Chance came and moved in. It was the biggest blessing for me!!! I love having them here and coming home to them at night!! We have had so much fun! All we do is laugh and mess around with one another.

My dad left to South Carolina the beginning of October. It always sucks when the man of the house leaves but now having 2 boys in the house with the priesthood helps relieve some of those worries. Don't get me wrong...I MISS my dad when he is gone!! I hate it. But it's been nice with the 2 boys here now.

My dad came back home last night. Just for a brief visit. Trey should be home any day now. So I hope this house doubles with laughter and not too much craziness!!!

GEOCACHING...WHERE??

2011-11-05T15:44:00.001-06:00

This last sunday the 3 of us kids were a little bored after church. So I came up with an idea to go...GEOCACHING!

Don't worry...there is an app for that. What is geocaching? Geocaching is a real-world, outdoor treasure hunting game using GPS-enabled devices. Participants navigate to a specific set of GPS coordinates and then attempt to find the geocache (container) hidden at that location.

We went to 5 places and found 2.

The first one was:

You are looking for a unique, small-medium sized container.

Located close to Davis Hospital and Medical Center. I am familiar with all of the waiting that goes on while loved-ones wage war with illness, disease, and brokeness. Often, a walk will help restore and refresh you, whether you are taking a break from work, or waiting for someone you care about. So, take a deep breath... and find a shelter from your storm.

We were a little freaked out about it and scared to open the box. It was just hanging in the middle of tree and in the shape of an acorn. LOL so funny...

We get back in the car and try to find another one. But didn't succeed. So we head back home and pass a park. I said, "I bet there is when in that park". So we stopped the car and yup sure enough there was one by the park. It was on a walking trail. So we park the car and go for a walk.

We got closer to the clue and looked for about 10 minutes...this is what the clue was:

This is an ammo can located on the new walking path that opened earlier this year.

The original contents of the cache are a log book, pens, play doh,silly putty, suction cup ball, and mini frisbee. This is not a difficult cache but we hope you enjoy it any way.

The hint:

twig in a trunk.

AND WE FOUND IT!!!

We had fun. It kept us busy for about 3 hours!

What a GREAT Family I have!!

2011-11-05T15:18:00.000-06:00

I have the greatest family ever!!! It's impossible to get EVERYBODY together at the same time because its that big! In fact, I don't even know some of my cousins because there is just way too many of them! But when we get together, we have so much fun together. (I think our common sense kinda goes out the window)

Michonne and Chandee came and slept over last weekend. We went to the Syracuse Family Fun Center and oh boy did we have fun!!!

SPOOKTACULAR!!

2011-11-05T13:46:00.000-06:00

With the boys here, we painted pumpkins and went to the pumpkin walk in Syracuse.

Sunday Funday!!

2011-10-16T22:18:00.000-06:00

I spoke with my bishop this afternoon. He told me that the Lord is mindful of me and that he feels like its ready to put everything in the past, in the past. He said that i've already been paying the ultimate price of guilt and shame and that I need to move on and fully partake of the goodness of the gospel. YIPPY!!! We continued to speak with each other and he said "is this the same person that I spoke to 3 weeks ago? You have changed."

YES, I have changed. Because i'm actually doing what i'm suppose to be doing. I feel so good with all of the choices i've been making and for the progress i've made. I'm so happy!!

I know that Heavenly Father loves us, each one of us. He is mindful of us. He wants us to be happy and to live life to the fulness. I'm so thankful to know that he has a plan for each one of us. Even though its hard to see the plan with our eyes, its there. And he's waiting for us to seek he's guidance. If you were lost in the woods, what would you do? The first thing I would do would be to reach for my iPhone and see if I have service and call my parents. Well you always have the connection you need to speak with our Heavenly Father! That connection NEveR gets interrupted no matter where you may be in your life. That's the beauty of it.

What would you do if you were lost?

LIFE...IS BeAutiFuL!!!

2011-10-16T02:33:00.000-06:00

Life. What a great opportunity we get to experience so much joy, happiness, sorrow, sadness, excitement, frustration, etc. Life...is about taking every second you have and enjoying it.

My life has been full of moments that I don't ever want to take away. There are some experiences or lessons that I would never want to re-live but I'm glad I went through those times. I would of never become the woman I'm suppose to become.

This year has been the hardest time in my life. It would of been so much easier if I didn't have to experience it but then what. What would have I learned? What difference would I know? I'm finally at the point where I can say I have officially moved on. I'm glad i'm a strong person and now i'm even stronger.

Just in the last month, the clouds lifted and I saw the rainbow! The things that Brendon did to me are not excusable. Even though the marriage was short and brief, those moments, words, and even the way he touched me, always playback in my mind. There hasn't been a day that has past where I remember those things. I hate it!!! I literally wish I could erase that portion of my life forever. Even though what he did to me and how horrible he treated me...I've forgiven him. I feel sorry for him. He lost the best thing that EVeR happened to him and he doesn't even realize it. How can you not feel bad for him? But I can't live my life feeling bad for him or wondering what if I did something different. Leaving him was the BEsT thing I could of done for myself. And now i'm so so happy!!! FInaLLy!!!

I don't know what life has in store for me...but whatever it is I can't wait to embrace it. This last week some things have changed my life around. And even though its been a week...its been a great one. Sunday night I was just being myself...doing the same things i've been doing for quite some bit now. Then POP COMES THE WEE-ZEAL!!! I never expected him to come in my life and I sure as heck wasn't searching for him. But it happened. And i'm so grateful. He has taught me so much in just a weeks timing. NOW Now....before some people jump the horn on this. Don't worry its not that serious. We are obviously still working on figuring each other out and just having fun with one another. But i'm grateful for the time we've had with each other and getting to know each other better and oh the kisses...oh my gosh the kisses!! I hope there are more times that we'll be able to spend with each other. But i'm happy he came in my life when he did. I don't know what is going to come out of it and what the purpose behind it really is suppose to mean. But the way he treats me, the kindness, sincerity, and the way he touches me I know I needed to experience those feelings again. When I see he's face my heart pounds, my hands get a bit sweaty, and my nerves go CraZy!! And I love it!!! Having those feelings inside me makes me feel like i'm alive again. I appreciate him so much. He is an amazing man. And i'm lucky to be on his arm!!

Yes time will tell and even then...things happen for a reason!!! Thank you Marcus!!! For teaching me again. ;)

I love changes especially when there joyous changes.

Life is a joyous adventure!! Wanna join?

MOTHER: Who loves unconditionally.

2011-09-29T21:24:00.002-06:00

How do you define your mother? What qualities does a woman need in order to teach children to have faith and to base their decisions on gospel truths?

My mother: "She is kind, she is smart, and she is important!" She has taught me how to laugh and to serve others. She is an incredible person and I know Heavenly Father is very proud of her and loves her dearly. I'm so blessed to have her as a mother. The things she has taught me are priceless.

Some of the qualities I think of are - Patience, understanding, lead by example, dependable, and honest.

Alma 56:45-48 & 57:21 - Heleman's stripling warriors did obey their mothers with exactness. Their mothers taught them not to doubt and to have faith. The stripling warriors were willing to sacrifice so much for others because they knew if they obeyed and have faith, they would be delivered from God.

What does "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" say about a mother's role?

Mother's are to nurture their children and stand by their husband as an equal partnership.

How can these principles help you in your life today and help you prepare to be a faithful woman, wife, and mother?

I may not be a wife or a mother yet, but I do have some great cousins, nieces, and nephews that I need to be a great example to. Having faith is the first principle of anything. You first have to believe in it or not, and that will determine your outcome. If you don't believe in yourself, how are you ever going to accomplish anything? When you believe in yourself, than you can accomplish so much!! I know through my faith that I will be able to become the person the Lord expects me to become. Sometimes i'm terrified and scared but then I just do it and I end up loving it!! Faith, for me, as never been hard. It makes the most sense and really easy to test. I'm grateful for the testimony faith has given to me. Faith has strengthen my testimony in so many ways. I remember when I was filling my mission papers out, I was still on the fence about going or not. But once I filled them out and gave them to the bishop, it was the right thing to do. Peace over filled me and I knew I was suppose to serve the Lord.

Keep the Goal in MIND!!!

PS...Papers have been signed!!!! YIPPA DEE DOO DA YIPPA DEE AA!!!!!!!! Things are finally looking good for me!!!! :D

Faith. What is Faith?

2011-09-28T20:25:00.000-06:00

Faith is believing in something that you cannot see.

Hebrews 11 - I learned that with faith we'll understand the word and work of God. In order to fully understand God and the plan he has for each one of us, we need to have faith. Once we show God we have it and we believe it then that is when he will show us it.

Alma 32: 17-43 - faith is like a seed. It needs to be planted and nourished, for it to become a tree. My favorite verse is 43, "Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you". I know there is a reason for everything. And even though i'm going through a HORRIBLE stage in my life right now, I know I must continue to have faith and know that there is something better for me in the future. If I continue to have faith and do what i'm suppose to, I know that one day I will be able to reap the rewards. Going through this stage of life is only going to make me stronger and my testimony stronger than before.

Ether 12:6-22 - We are not able to see Christ until after we have faith. I find this concept so interesting but yet so true. I remember when I was little and wanted something, I would have to save up every penny I earned and then I could go to the store and buy it. Why should we be able to see Christ before we earned it? We need to show him that we are willing to do everything and anything it takes. If you really want something, you'll do what ever it takes to have it. I really want to have an eternal family and have my family together forever and i'm willing to go through whatever I need to in order to do so. In fact, He never said it would be easy but it would be worth it.

Joseph Smith - History 1:11-20 -Joseph went through darkness before he saw Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. WOW, Can you relate? I know I can. I know Satan tries everything he possibly can for us to fail, and when we believe it our selves we just sink in further and further into darkness and despair. But until we want the light back in our lives, we need to get Satan out of the drivers seat. These past couple of months, i've just been in a dark place and feeling so sorry for myself. But I knew that isn't what my purpose of life was. I needed to get up and do something good. Serve others. Get my mind off those terrible things that make me feel horrible about myself.

Faith is something so little but yet so ginormous!! When I have faith and feel the Lord's spirit, I feel like I can do anything and everything!! I have so much confidence and my personality shines a little bit more. I love to laugh and smile and i'm seeing it come out more and more everyday!!! Life is really beautiful. We have such a great opportunity here on earth to enhance our talents and to show our love for everybody around us. I'm so thankful for this opportunity, i'm still wondering what I ever did to deserve it. I'm thankful for my trails and challenges I face everyday. Even though sometimes it gets to be too heavy to bare, I know I can turn to my Heavenly Father and through the atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ, my burdens become light. OOOOoooo....I'm so grateful for that!!! Nobody should EVER have to bare such horrible burdens but to know there is help, makes it so much easier!!

Personal Progress - Standing as a Witness of God

2011-09-27T22:21:00.000-06:00

This is the first time I've felt like i'm ready to go and speak with my Bishop since leaving Brendon. WOW i'm sooooo glad I did. I'm not sure why it has taken me this long to go to him but I know everything happens for a reason. I know its not over with but I feel so good about it now.

The Bishop sat me down and we spoke about what happened between our marriage. Nobody ever wants to be put in that situation. And I'll tell you, it WASN'T easy!! I wish I could sugar coat it but unfortunately there isn't a way to do so. Naturally there were tears involved. I knew he was genuine and sincere. I knew he was there to help me become the ASHLIE I need to become. Walking into the Bishops office is the 1st step, once your in there you can't walk out. He said so many things that I needed to hear and wanted to hear. I'm not a perfect person and I don't want to come off like I am. But I am trying my very best to seek the gospel and taste the sweetness it brings. I just want to be happy and the only time I have ever truly been happy was on my mission. Because I was doing what I was suppose to be doing.

After we spoke for a while, he challenged me to pray and read every night. He asked me to seek forgiveness and strength. He wants me to feel the love of Christ and to have him in my life everyday. Going through this whole or deal, its always in the back of my head but I can't seem to find the motivation to do it. But now I have it and I will give it my best shot.

He also wants me to start my personal progress. AWESOME right? 26 years old and i'm going to do this!!!! I have to do, I have no other options!!! I'll tell ya, it will be better than laying in bed feeling sorry for yourself!! So what harm will it do? I'm actually really excited to be doing this.

I started with FAITH. I'll complete it in 3 weeks.

AWWWWWwwww.....

2011-08-30T21:56:00.000-06:00

Yes Quazette always has told me I need my own camera crew to follow me around...I have to admit the life of Ashlie Gordon is super duper CRAZY!!!! I'm not sure why my luck has completely turned on me but it seems like if something can go wrong, well it does!

Disneyland was fun but the trip to California was not even worth it!! I didn't know the group I was going with that much and I was mostly going just to get out of my dramatic life for a week. Well next time, I'll think twice.

When I went to California for spring break a year and a half ago, it was sooooo much fun!! There were 4 girls and 9 or so guys...yes can you imagine how much fun we had! Camping on the beach and going to six flags was really a blast!! All of us got along and just went with it. Ok and not to mention I had 2 guys I was really into so of course that helps! It was just down to earth kind of fun!

Spring Break 2010

Enjoying the awesome sunset with such a great guy, Matt Stokes!! I still love this kid to this day! He is such a great friend!

One of my favorite cousins!!

Carlstad, CA beach 2010

Yup he wanted to eat my face off!

Six Flags 2010

There are my 2 hotties...ok Shadow make that 3.

All my favorites minus Sonny! Man why did I choose Brendon?

Well....So i'm thinking oh this time will be fun too right? Yeah, not so much! There were 5 guys and 11 girls....and YES drama had followed me!!! Now don't get me wrong I can get along with girls, but lets get real...REALLY? Did you have to cry over that? And really you expect me to sleep on this STD floor? And really??? I mean these girls were so needy, emotional, and wow hanging all over the guys like that. Could you have written in BOLD lettering DESPERATE on your forehead!? YES Disneyland was so much fun and I loved every second of it...but outside of Disneyland just wasn't my cup of tea. And then to top it all off, I hit something on the highway in Las Vegas and destroy poor Jet!! He has been such a great trooper for me on all my crazy road trips this summer and now this is how he gets repaid? He is still in Vegas trying to get repaired. Oh how I miss Jet!!! I can't wait for him to return back to me.

So I survived the Disneyland trip and come home to Brendon doing oh NOTHING but a big pain in my toosch!!! Still not divorce but seems like the cash flow is NEVER ending!! Oh you want another $1000 well here ya go! Well yes you can have $1500! Oh and here is some more!!! REALLY? Yup that's the life of Ashlie Gordon!! I hope somebody is envying it because i'm sure not!!!

Maybe its me or maybe its mayballine...but I just feel like i'm on a different playing field than others. I'm not sure if its because now I have a different outlook on life and i've been there done that type of attitude but people my age just don't interest me. I'm completely fine with staying home and not hanging out with anybody now days...before you would of seriously had to KILL me to stay home for longer than 2 hours. Everything happens for a reason!

"tender mercies"

2011-08-08T20:05:00.000-06:00

At the beginning of The Book of Mormon, Nephi's major goal is to show us the tender mercies of the Lord. At the end of The Book of Mormon, Moroni hopes we have noticed how merciful the Lord has been unto his children.

I know in my life he has been very merciful!!! There have been so many instances where things could of turned out so much worse than they really did. Sometimes its easier to see all the junk that's buried on the gold. But how wonderful is it when we actually can see the gold? I need to be better at this principle!

Last night, I got an email from my attorney. In the email was the bill for the month. Man, to see that number sure did suck!!! This divorce has been the hardest thing i've ever had to go through. I feel like I have spent the last 7 months in a closet just trying to get out, breath and see the sun! Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy now!!! But I just feel stuck and there's nothing I can do about it. I've been separated for 7 months and yet I can't fully move forward because technically i'm still married and I don't want anything to fall back on me. The worst thing about all of this is that the divorce isn't even final yet and we're probably looking at another 2 months before it becomes final. Which means theres alot more money involved than there should really be. But we're not focusing on the JUNK now are we??

There is soooo much I can and should be grateful for....and believe me I AM SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL THESE THINGS!!!! I have the GREATEST family on earth!!! I didn't get pregnant through this whole ordeal! I can come home to a peaceful atmosphere. I don't have to put up with the abuse for the day. I have so many things I don't necessary need! I have the knowledge and testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ!! I'm a daughter of Heavenly Father, who reminds me daily he loves me and hears my prayers! I have enough clothes, makeup, shoes, and jewelry to last me a lifetime!! I have a job, which one day I'll have some money again! I have music to keep me upbeat about life! I have a nice and comfy king size bed, which I find myself in more than 10 hours a day!!! I have been able to experience so much in my lifetime!! There's just too much good things that are in my life, I can't name them all! I need to focus on the good things daily and just discard the bad things when they come!

I just want to say thank you to everybody that has come into my life! You have all taught me something! I know everything does happen for a reason and things work out. I have seen it so many times in my life and in others. I know this too will pass and one day I will be able to fully laugh at all of it!

On Sunday, it was a year ago that I thought I was marrying my best friend and starting a marriage!! Well, it didn't end the way I thought or hoped it would. But I guess that will help me to think next time! But at the same time, next week i'll be in the happiest place on earth!!! DISNEYLAND!!! Man, sure hope this week goes by fast! :)

Traveling lady!!!

2011-08-04T21:46:00.000-06:00

Hallo! Wie gehts?

WOW!!! HAS IT REALLY BEEN 15 DAYS SINCE MY LAST POST? I assume it has!!!

Well first and foremost, I want to make a shout out to my awesome and amazing cousin Tanner Robertson!!! He is officially a Elder now. He left for the MTC on August 27th. We went down to New Harmony, UT to party one more time before he left. I was able to go through the temple with him on August 22nd. What an incredible moment that was!!! It was such a special day for Tanner. The St. George Temple was beautiful that day. It was my first time in that temple and wow what a gorgeous temple it is. The spirit was so strong and beautiful that day!!!

That following Sunday he spoke in sacrament and did an amazing job. He is going to be such a great missionary!!! Somebody came up to my uncle and said "It must be good to have him back"!! LOL yup it was like he already knew so much!!! I'm really excited for him to experience the next 2 years and then have him come home and tell me stories!!! I love you Tan the man!!

On Sunday night, my cousin Michonne and I had decided to drive to Vegas at 8pm. LOL If you are asking if we are crazy...well YES we are!!! When we were approaching the orange ocean, we had decided to go the the cosmopolitan club and show off our moves. We promised each other we wouldn't back out. We got to McCall's house, my cousin and Michonne's sister, at about 10:30ish. We let the dogs out and put our feet in the pool. We looked at each other and said ok i'm tired!!! LOL yeah well we ended up not going out!!! We were so tired!!! We went straight to bed. The next day Michonne got a dramatic makeover!!!

I love it!!! Its so cute on her!! She's always had such long and beautiful hair but now she is just as beautiful as before!!! I love her!!!

We left vegas at 5 to head back home. :( Why does life have to be too short? It seems like anything we do fun as to be cut short because of work! So boring!! LOL we got home at 1am and let me tell you how tired we were!!! Poor Michonne had to drop me off in Syracuse and then head back south to Eagle Mountain! Thanks chonne!!! I had a blast with you, and if it wasn't for you I would of never found my love for Rockstars!!! mmmmm....yummy!!!

With a week of so much fun, traveling and no sleep from the previous night, I started a new job on Tuesday!!! YES I'M A WORKING LADY AGAIN!!!! It was exactly a month and 10 days that I was unemployed. Not too shabby!! I was able to enjoy myself and have fun. Even though I slept so much I am still so tired. So i've come to the conclusion no matter what you do, you'll always be tired!!

I work for a Real Estate agent Remax/Metro in Layton. I love being so close to work. I can actually leave my house 10 minutes before and arrive on time. The girls, Aubrey and Angela, are awesome girls. Its always a little scary to walk into work and not knowing who you are going to be working with for the next couple of months or years. I can relate with both of them and we have had so many great laughs already. I hope they like me and I can only continue to progress and enhance on all the things they teach me. Its been great! I love my new boss, Kelly. I forgot what a boss is suppose to be like. She's great and wants to know how we are doing. Which is very important! I think I will really enjoy it.

Everything works out the way it should. That last week at GRC I was really wondering how I was going to get through and then my last day I had it! I would of never imagined the way I left would of turned out that way but I couldn't have done it one more day with no changes. I walked out feeling so much better and relieved. One of the best chooses I made. Sometimes you just have to take a risk to find something better.

On Friday, 6 of us headed down south to Orangeville. Jettie was able to fit Michonne, Jodi, Leanna, Ricki, Chance and myself all in the car. The ride going to Orangeville will be a memorable one for sure. We had so much fun laughing and talking. Our favorite thing to do was to have the music blasting and singing and dancing. LOL good times!!!

We slept out under neath the stars and the boys picked on us. I felt like I was in HS again. We would get to sleep and then fireworks would go off or we would almost get back to sleep and the swing would start swinging. ALL NIGHT LONG!!!! We didn't get any sleep that night.

We went to the lake the next day and went cliff jumping. AWWW....I learned that i'm a chicken!!! I'm not sure how people get the guts or balls to just jump off those cliffs. I was terrified and only jumped once off a tine one! LOL

That night we got ready to cowboy it up at the RODEO!!!! We all had so much fun! The thing I love about going to Orangville is the country atmosphere of it all. When we went to the rodeo, there wasn't a crowd and no wannabe cowboys. Their all legit! When you go in the city, there so many people and then their all fake. The desertview rodeo was legit.

After the rodeo they move us all over to the park and there is a dance. I mostly just watched but it was fun to see all the people dancing and enjoying themselves. I love small towns like Orangeville. It makes me feel like I can do what ever I want when I want and not have to worry about getting in trouble. I just love the worries I leave behind when I visit!

We came home on Sunday and had to start preparing for the week ahead of us. I work Mon-Fri. So I needed to get back into the groove of things.

This week has been a bit boring because we have no tv anymore. Mom and I have to be a little bit more creative with things to do. We got our toes done on Wednesday. I sure love when I get to feel like a girl again!! My toes are down and I put some purty lashes in.

Yes I love them!!! I was able to do them myself. I really need to go to school so I can become a pro at this stuff.

I think i'm going to wrap it up now. 9 more days til i'm at the happiest place on earth....DISNEYLAND!!!!

Oh its just hair and working lady!!

2011-07-20T20:59:00.000-06:00

Since I left Brendon in February, I have been doing a lot of changes. I went from having long dark hair to short blondie. I want you to tell me which one you like the best. Because I'm debating if I should cut it shorter or keep it the way it is. Let me know. I will number them and then you can write the number on my wall on FB. Thanks!!!

So let me know what you think, I would greatly appreciate it!!! Thanks friends!!!

I got a phone call today from Remax offering me a position!!! That means I found myself a job!!! After submitting my resume and going to dozens of interviews, I finally snagged myself another job!! Such great news for the day! I'm not sure what my technical job title is but I will be helping a real estate agent with his portfolio. I'm excited to get back out there and have a life!! Don't get me wrong I loved staying home and relaxing but it got boring. I start on Tuesday. YIPPY!!! :D

On the lighter note, I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow morning discussing the stipulations of the divorce. YES, stipulations!!!! I'm so over being married!!! I just want it to be final so I can be single again! I don't even know what he would possibly want. I have NOTHING and i'm not asking anything from him except what needs to be done 1) Brendon pays for my attorney 2) Get my name off his car loan and 3) pay for the cell phone cancellation fee. That is it. Its not like i'm asking for alimony or anything! If he would of just took care of his car, I wouldn't of had to get an attorney. But whatever, I suppose I will find out tomorrow morning what the deal is. Hopefully i'll be single soon!!! Everybody pray!!

Headband delight!

2011-07-18T17:13:00.000-06:00

Went through my closet to see what clothes I could use for fabric to make a project. Found this old shirt...and thought let's cut it up!

I cut 5 stripes of 2 inches.

Stacked them on top of each other and sewed them together.

Tapped the top down to the table.

Then started braiding the 5 strips together. This was the 1st time I ever braided 5 strips. So its not that great.

Then at the end I sewed it again. And got an extra piece of fabric to connect the top and bottom. And voola!!! A HEADBAND we got!!

SO CUTE!!!

17 Miracles

2011-07-17T17:08:00.000-06:00

EXTRAORDINARY FILM!!!http://youtu.be/SResQFe35S8

I went with my cousin Stacey to see 17 Miracles today. There were so many trails and faith testing experiences the mormon pioneers went through. I cried as I watched some of the tortures things they had to endure. When I left the movie theater, there wasn't one trial i'm facing right now that could even compare with what they had to face. If they can keep putting a foot forward and know that the gospel is true, then why can't I? I know the gospel is true. I myself have seen so many miracles come to pass. I know if we do our very best and keep believing in Christ then all this will be worth it. Just like the pioneers had said, "It will all be worth it". This film will make you want to believe in yourself and give it your all.

We may not have it all together but together we have it all

2011-07-16T22:20:00.000-06:00

Life is full of interesting moments that have so much influence in your life. Right now, i'm not even sure what i'm suppose to be doing. I feel like I just graduated again and am still figuring it out. Lately i'll get so disappointed with myself and just want to throw my hands up in the air. I just wish there was a manuel or something that could help me with what i'm suppose to be doing.

If you had asked me a year ago if I thought I would be completely lost, I would start laughing at you! A year ago I thought I had it all figured out and that it would only get better. Well here I am a year later and seem to have lost almost everything.

I still have my family and that is the only thing that keeps me going. When i'm with them, you can feel the energy, love, and support. I don't want to seem like i'm whining or anything but right now i'm having a hard time. Maybe its because my mom isn't home to lift my spirits up. People look at my life and wish they had it or could be like me but its only because I make it seem wonderful. I can hide a lot of things inside and come off like i'm tough. But really i'm a complete mess inside.

I would of never thought my life would of ended up this way. I would never wish this upon anybody not even my worse enemy. And yet I need to be thankful because its really not that bad of a deal. But it still sucks!!

When I'm with my family than I know i'm ok. I have such a wonderful family. I love how there is so many of us with so many qualities and personalities. They teach me so much and make me really thankful that i'm in this family!!! We have so much fun together. And I know there is always somebody I can talk to or go and hang out with.

Right now, I don't have too many friends. This is the first time in my life, i'm trying to deal with things completely by myself. I've always had a huge group of friends and I dated so much that this whole new life of mine is something I'm not use to. When I got married and moved down south, I kinda just lost touch of my friends. When I did hang out with them after moving back, it was just too weird. Its like i'm on the other side now and seeing this new perspective. I now have walls and keep to myself more. Before, I was such a free spirit, social butterfly, dare devil, risk taking kinda girl!! I want that girl back!! But will she ever come back?

I need to have a routine. For a month now, I've been sleeping in and going to bed late. Going on trips that weren't planned. Pretty much doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I've been completely selfish! A routine will help with the depression and will get me back on the path of happiness! Nobody wants to be alone but if I keep doing what i'm doing i'm going to be alone for ever!!! Only I can change that! Only I can change what I don't like about my life. So here I am full of hope that next week will be productive and full of happiness! Wish me luck!! :D

Spontaneous trip, flying flag, and lazy week

2011-07-11T02:27:00.000-06:00

On June 23rd, my cousin had texted me at 12:04am wondering where my sister lived in California. When I awoke that morning I had responded to him and then found out he was heading to California. I invited myself to join him and his friend on this wonderful trip. Since he owns a sports car that only sits 2 people, I told him I would drive and he could just drop me off at my sisters and have my car for the weekend. We planned to meet up at my uncle's house which is in St George. I never drove so fast in my life. I left my house around 9am and we were practically right behind each other. My sister had no clue we were coming. I knew I had to make it to her house before bedtime which is at 7pm. So we drove straight to California. No pitstops, no snaking, and no potty breaks. I was a girl on a mission! We made it there with plenty of time to spare! I was so happy to see my kids, which have gotten so big! It was such a nice surprise! They were so excited to see me and just kept hugging me!

The weekend was jammed full of fun! I did my first 5K...I won't be doing that again! My sister had signed me up and I wasn't going to back down. Even though I didn't come prepared, I wasn't going to let a 10, 9, and 7 year old do it without me. Even though I wasn't real fond of it, I did finish. The kids did really good! It was actually alot of fun! The Marine Corps had organized it very well.

We went swimming at a ward members home. It was so much fun to see everybody having a great time! The backyard was so pretty and just relaxing!

We had a great time just visiting and spending time with each other. The nice thing about me is I go with the flow. As long as i'm surrounded by my love ones, I don't feel the need to tour or sight see. The trip was short but a BLAST! I love those kids so much! The love and energy they provide can get you through anything! My sister and brother in law have been such a great support to me and great examples! I love the Bradbury's so much!! Thank you for letting me crash at your place! I know i'm always welcome! There is no ocean in between us anymore and i'm going to take full advantage of the opportunity to just stop by! :D

Once I got home on Sunday the 29th, it was ready to get things ready for the 4th of July extravaganza! It's been a tradition now for the past couple of years to all get together has the Robertson's on the 4th of July and camp. This year we had alot more people joining in on the fun after seeing pictures and hearing all the great stories from past years. My mom had put alot of time and effort on getting things ready and planning games, prizes, program, parade, and meals. She is the life of the party! She likes to have control and wants to make sure everybody is having a great time! So I needed to help her get things ready!

Once the trailers had arrived on the 2nd of July...it was finally time to pack up and get out of town! We went to Potter's Pond which is about a 3 1/2 hour trip. One thing I love about Emery county is you can just head up to the mountains and camp! No reservations and no paying! It is so beautiful and peaceful! We had a great time. We got to enjoy the mountains and go 4 wheeling in the deep woods. Get filthy dirty!! We had a very nice 4th of July celebration which included a flag ceremony, a very well done program done by Aunt Robyn. If I could just stick a USB in her brain and get half the information she has loaded up...I would be so happy! She knows so much about our ancestry, I love when she shares stories or whatever it may be. We got to get dress up and decorate our cars, camper, dirt bikes, and 4 wheelers and then went around Potter's Pond and had a parade! We threw candy to the audience and everything. We even got stopped by the forest ranger! EVERY YEAR SHE TELLS US TIME AND TIME AGAIN...TO PUT HELMETS ON THE LITTLE ONES...EVEN IF WE ARE ONLY GOING 2 MPH! LOL seriously? Get over it then! If you know us...you know we make our own rules. We expect to have the world revolve around us! hahaha...good times. One thing I love about my family is there is so many of us, we may not know each other that well or see each other that often but when we do get together we all get along and have such a good time! I got to know more of my cousins a little bit better and make connections with others that I haven't had the opportunity to do so before. I'm so grateful for our military men and women that volunteer to serve our country! I'm proud to say I have a dad, brothers, and cousins that are so willing to fight for our freedoms! My brother is out there right now on the front line and now I have 2 cousins heading out there in a month. Since the war started, it seems like there is always someone over there. You don't know what it's like until you know somebody over there. I'm so proud of my family! Thank you guys!

Well HELLO Blondie!!!

2011-06-18T20:07:00.000-06:00

I’m officially BLONDE!!! It really light but I love it. We’ve been working on getting it blonde for a couple of months now, but it would turn out a little orangey or yellowish but FINALLY we got it BLONDE!!!! I put in my blue contacts and felt completely fake…but oh well I like it. I Just hope that bratty snotty attitude doesn’t come along with this new look.

When I walk into a fabric store, I get all sorts of excitement inside me. Its like a fat kid and their chocolate cake. I LOVE FABRIC!!! When I start seeing all the different colors and textures, all these ideas start coming to mind. Well needless to say, today my mom and I went to Hobby Lobby to get things for out 4th of July campout. I made a bad decision to go by the fabric. I couldn't resist when I saw this 2. I bought 1 1/8 yard of each...I plan on making a nursing cover.

My mom and I have set a goal to either go to the gym or walk around the neighborhood. Well guess what....we've done it so far!!! Its so easy to just not do it, but once we do it and its over with we are so PROUD of ourselves. Tonight we got home from shopping and walked about 3.5 miles. By the time we got home, man were we DONE!!! BUT WE DID IT, AND WE ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO DO IT!!!!

What a GREAT day!!

2011-06-17T22:22:00.000-06:00

Mackenzie wanted to make a quilt for her camping trailer. So we spent all day tying a quilt. It was a lot of fun! We spent most of our time laughing. I'm not going to lie, I need a lot more practice when it comes to tying quilts. So I mostly just hang out on the side lines well they tied. They are super easy to make and make some of the best blankets.

I've had my quilt, that my mom tied, for years!! It is my favorite. I sleep with it every night. It goes with me on trips...especially camping. It's getting older and more worn but I still love it!!

And this is me...

2011-06-16T19:12:00.003-06:00

I just recently quit my day job and eliminated all those stressful, busy, and crazy days out of my life. Now I can breath and enjoy life. Life is AWESOME!!! We need to appreciate so many things we have, each and every day! I believe if you are a positive person and you look for the good in people, your whole life will change and you will be so happy! Life is so short, live it to the fullest! Life has dealt me with a bad set of cards lately, but its all about your attitude!

I am the youngest of 5 kids. I have the world's greatest parents, who would do anything for anybody. They have been married for 37 years...YES 37 years!!! And the remarkable thing is, they are still so head over heals for each other. Its got to be the cutest thing! My dad has taught me so many things through the years but most importantly the way a man should treat a woman. He has been such a great example of providing for he's family and never giving up. Growing up, I would hardly hear the words "I love you", he liked to show us how much he loved us by giving us the things we needed. My mom wouldn't let a day go by that she wouldn't say "I love you". If we ever wanted anything, mom was the one to go to.

My oldest brother, Travis, lives in Germany and is a crew chief on a Blackhawk for the Army! How rad is that? Travis has a such a great sense of humor! He can get anybody on the floor laughing so hard that your insides literally just hurt from laughing so hard. When he's around, there is never a dull moment. You have to be careful what you say to him because he might just play a joke on ya! He comes off like he's such a tough guy, which he is, but inside his soul is the biggest teddy bear!! He treats he's girlfriend, Claudia, so good!

My oldest sister, Stephanie, lives in California. She married her best friend Collin. I've known Collin my whole life and consider him one of my brothers. He takes care of me just like Travis and Trey do, by picking on me and giving me a hard time. Which I LOVE!! Steph and Collin have 5 remarkable children. Each one has a different personality and brings so much to the table. Caleb (10) is such a great big brother, he does anything he can to help out. Nathalie (9) is my little sister that I always wanted! When they come to UT, she sleeps with me and we can stay up all night just chitting chatting about life. I adore those times. Corbin (7) is such a sweet guy! He loves to cuddle! Copper (4) has complete control of the house! When he wants anything...he gets it! Don't you even think of messing with him. And then there is Miss Abrie (2) who is the queen bee! She just loves to talk.

My youngest sister, Mackenzie, lives down the street from my parents. She married her best friend Sean as well. Sean grew up in our neighborhood and would pick on Mackenzie, he actually ran her over on his bicycle once. But after they grew up one thing lead after another and they feel in love. They work hard for what they have. They like to play golf and camp during the summer. They have a shit tzu, Wickett. They consider him their kid. He's a cute dog!

My youngest brother, Trey, is in Afghanistan fighting for our freedom. He is a Military Police K-9 handler for the Army. He has always been the sweet boy that everybody loves! He can get along with anybody, all the kids love him. He likes to get down to their level and play with them. Well his been on this deployment, its been fun to be able to use technology to its fullest. Since I have the iphone 4, I can skype on my phone. Its really convenient for Trey to just call and talk to me. Its been really fun. Its like he's just around the corner when really he's clear across the world. We have been able to get really close these last couple of months.

Then there is ME!!! Ashlie, Sassie, or Idgie. I like to have fun and laugh. If I have to pick a color, its going to be PINK!! I love PINK!!! I'm a complete girly girl but also can get ready in 5 minutes and not have a care in the world of the way I look. I served an LDS mission in Berlin, Germany. That was the BEST decision I made. Serving a mission, taught me so much about life. It made me grateful for things I left behind. I didn't realize how much I had until I didn't have it for 18 months. Those 18 months, I was able to learn so much that I wouldn't have been able to learn if I didn't go. I will never regret my mission. I have been very fortunate with the opportunities presented to me. I am a hard worker, dedicated, smart, and strong willed individual. When I want something I will do whatever it takes to get it. I've always been able to make friends easy and have a fun time. Last year, I thought I found my "happily ever after". But after 6 months of being married and trying to work things out, it just wasn't working out. I finally decided to walk away from the abuse I was receiving. I was completely heart broken, ashamed, and devastated. But I knew I was worth more. I just want all you women out there to know, you are worth so much!!! And you deserve so much!!! Please don't settle for nothing less than that. Nobody needs to feel like they have to put up with the abuse or get treated that way. When I walked away, I knew I wasn't ever going back. Yes, it was the hardest thing to do. I was a complete mess. I loved being married and waking up to him. But the way I was getting treated, wasn't worth it. And to imagine raising children with him...I couldn't have done it. I don't know how or why but I have so much confidence in myself that I know I can do anything. That confidence I have for myself is what got me through the roughest time of my life. I knew it would all work out and it was for the best. Now I am finally at the peak of the mountain!! I feel like i've gotten some of my spice back. Yes, there are still tough days but totally due able. Now i'm trying to simplify my life and be grateful for everything that I have been blessed with. There is so much in the world to be happy about. Don't waste your time on being miserable and unhappy when you could be having the time of your life!! PS...people will enjoy being around you more!!

That is me in a nut shell....maybe a big nut shell....but nonetheless a nut shell. I hope you enjoy reading the thoughts and journey of my life.