“WTF?! You tell me you’re all hot for me and wanna ride me all night and then I see you taking care of not one, but TWO f**king kids the following week?! And they dont even look like they are from the same dad. Real classy, you dark-haired hussie. Congrats, you putz. You just lost out on the best piece o’ man you would evah have. Call me, tho, maybe we can hang out next week…you dusty slut.”

So sweet. Almost makes me cry. Actually it made me fall off my stool at the bar when I read it. Everybody loves a dark haired hussie.

Like, your father’s opinion about men’s tuxedo shirts is nice to get, but final decisions are made by the people getting married and paying the bill, ya know?

J has agreed to help out, which is fantastic, so I can get out of the process. I want to watch and laugh at the stress while drinking wine. Is that wrong?

They’re going small, so I’ve recommended she “hire” J to help out with planning and organizing things, she’s amazing at that. Plus, for someone who doesn’t believe in marriage, the woman sure knows an awful lot about wedding accessories.

I promised to do everything she asks as long as she doesn’t make any comments about when my wedding will be. In case you’re interested, the boyfriend and I will get married exactly one year after people stop asking.

On the bright side, we had a lot of fun shopping this afternoon. Looked at some mbt shoes and my mother bought herself some new boots, and actually wanted my opinion on them. That may sound like a little thing, but major for us.

I mean, there are not a lot of other people who want to spend all day measuring walls and angles, and researching the best choice of Amish fireplaces. Gotta love her for that.

But, on the other hand, all of this time together means plenty of opportunity for her to hassle me about my job and leaving DC. For whatever reason she doesn’t think I should stay here forever, and can’t wait for me to – as she puts it – “move onto the next phase.” I thought that was code for marriage and kids, but I think she really just wants me to live in a suburb somewhere and have a job that involves going into an office everyday. Sigh.

Police arrested 18 juveniles for disorderly conduct this afternoon after a large group of teens became unruly in Center City, police said.

Store owners on the 1400 block of Chestnut Street called police about 4:15 p.m. after a large fight broke out near a CVS drug store, said Lt. Frank Vanore, police spokesman.

[...]

In May, more than 100 young people gathered along South Street, ransacked a convenience store, and attacked several taxis. A bicyclist was severely beaten, and a 21-year-old man was arrested.

Is NOT a flash mob. Sheesh. Kids today

But nothing could be as interesting as eating cold pizza for breakfast, watching 80s movies all morning and shopping all afternoon.

Tomorrow I have some work I can’t skip, but after that I’m kidnapping the boyfriend and we’re going to Baltimore. Fun, fun, fun.

But this has gone too far. The next thing you know I’ll be discussing home equity in bars and wearing sensible shoes. To hell with that. I’m bailing on the rest of my work day and going to a movie. So there. Who’s grown up now?

This was the best black guy Republicans could find?