Saudi Birth Story

Aisha Takes the Plunge! Midwifery College Enrollment

2011-07-19T10:47:00.001+03:00

Your Donations Will Help Me Obtain the Skills Needed

to Make a Difference in the Births of Women, insha'Allah.

“Whoever relieves his brother [or sister] of a hardship from the hardships of this world, Allah shall relieve him of a hardship from the hardships of the Day of Judgment. And whoever makes things easy for a person in difficulty, Allah will ease for him in this world and the Next. And whoever conceals (the faults of) a Muslim, Allah will conceal him in this world and the Next. Allah is forever aiding a slave so long as he is in the aid of his brother.” [Sahih Muslim, al-Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah and others]

What better way to relieve your sister of hardship than by helping to provide her with natural midwifery care during the labor and birth of her child?

It's with as much nervousness as excitement that I announce my application to Midwifery College of Utah! I've been considering my role and my vision and mission in the birthing community of Saudi Arabia for quite a while. I've come to the conclusion that I need to increase my professional skills if I really want to make a difference for women and children.

I've researched a myriad of midwifery schools and training programs. I've chosen MCU for their academic training via distance learning as well as the degree programs that they offer. It is my intention to earn a BACHELOR OF SCIENCE IN MIDWIFERY.

There were many other programs that offered just general midwifery study without the bachelor degree.; however, because I do not already possess an underlying degree, I felt it prudent to pursue my studies at a bachelor level. This will also give me the credentials needed to pursue my work in Saudi, insha'Allah, since the level of study is beyond just vocational certificates.

The cost of the program is roughly $24,000 USD. Of course I haven't told my dear, supportive husband this number yet. It also does not include shipping books and supplies, compensating local institutions and preceptors for clinical practice and observations, traveling for workshops/clinical training/exams, etc. I'm sure by the time I factor in all these extras, that figure will at least double (especially if I have to do an internship overseas for clinical practice for the required out-of-hospital births that will not be available in Saudi).

I expect the program to take up the next four years of my life, insha'Allah. Of course, I still plan to continue my writing for Saudi Birth Story, Saudi Life Motherhood and Parenting columns, and freelance articles for Arab News; as well as home schooling my children, completing the AMANI Birth project and training Childbirth Educators and Doulas, working with Al Bidayah Center to open their breastfeeding center in Riyadh, and whatever other life commitments are on my plate. Please make dua for me!

May Allah make it easy; give me strength, commitment, and stamina; provide the rizq (funds) to follow through; and make my efforts a blessing to the births of our Ummah...

AMEEEN!

Read on if you'd like to read my goals for my training and interest in midwifery, as submitted on my application to MCU...

1. What are your goals as far as midwifery training? (300 word minimum)

My goals for midwifery training are to complete a course of study that will give me the skills and confidence needed to attend births. As a childbirth educator and doula, I already know a lot about birth and trust the natural process. However, I don't have a lot of knowledge around complications, how to manage them, or how to recognize the need for medical intervention. I also do not have the clinical or hands-on skills necessary to examine women during pregnancy or to intervene, if necessary, during labor, birth, and the postpartum period.

Because I live in Saudi Arabia, it is my goal to complete my academic study through an online medium. However, it is important for me to do so with an institution that can not only fulfill my educational goals, but one that can also issue a recognizable degree in midwifery.

Although I value the NARM designation and it is my goal to complete their requirements, they are not recognized by the Saudi government. However, as an American citizen, I must consider that I may someday return to the United States, albeit highly unlikely. Regardless, I appreciate the NARM outline for minimum levels of experience as well administration of standardized skills testing. Therefore it is my desire to study with an institution that is recognized by NARM and teaches to their requirements.

It is also my goal to complete as much of my clinical training as possible with a local preceptor. Although I realize that I will have to do my out of hospital birth requirements through an out of country internship program, as home birth midwifery is illegal in Saudi Arabia.

It is my desire to work with the college professionals to assess my situation and map the path of study that will ensure my successful completion of the NARM requirements as well as earning a Bachelor Degree in Midwifery.

2. Within what time period do you expect to complete your training?

2 to 4 years

3. Why are you interested in midwifery? (300 word minimum)

I am passionate about natural birth and the mother's and baby's rights to a gentle, safe start in life. I was fortunate to have found the Bradley Method® of Natural Childbirth during my first pregnancy, sixteen years ago. Due in part to my Bradley training, I personally have experienced birth without medical intervention, eight times.

Due to my personal birth experiences, I feel it my duty to share my knowledge with other women. Each woman deserves to be empowered with loving support to trust their bodies to birth naturally, in most cases. For this reason, I am a certified Bradley Method® Childbirth Educator and Doula. Although I have enjoyed teaching and attending births for the past year, it just isn’t enough.

This is especially true in Saudi Arabia, where the birthing culture is even more medical than in the States. I find that teaching about natural birth falls short when women are faced with no home birth or birth center options and hospital birth attendants are extremely dominant. I need to take my skills to the next level if I really want to make a difference for women and babies.

Additionally, I would like to earn a recognizable degree so that my skills are accepted within Saudi Arabia. With that designation I would like to become a midwifery educator and preceptor to help other women become midwives here as well. It is my ultimate desire to open the first midwifery led birth centers in the region. These centers will encourage natural birthing options and support student midwives in clinical training. In this way, I hope to make an impact on the birthing culture.

Currently, I have a public voice for natural birth in Saudi through my online blog, Saudi Birth Story (www.saudibirthstory.blogspot.com) and a weekly Motherhood column on Saudi Life (www.saudilife.net/motherhood). Both venues draw great interest and are raising awareness in the region.

However talk is cheap. I realize where my knowledge falls short as I receive a lot of inquires about complications and doctor suggested interventions. I owe it to the women who read my work to pursue the skills necessary to back up what I write.

4. What will be your major obstacles in completing your goals? (300 word minimum)

1. Time: I have eight children, three of which are under the age of five. I am also a childbirth educator, doula, and breastfeeding counselor. Additionally, I am an active writer and editor.

2. Logistics: Living in Saudi means that I will have to do all of my academic study via distance learning and I will not have the advantage of a peer study group. I will have to travel great distances for clinical workshops, internships, and testing.

3. Money: In addition to course fees and books, I have to consider the cost of shipping materials from overseas as well as the expenses for my travel for clinical workshops, internships, and testing.

4. Lack of Degree: I do not hold a college degree or any underlying medical study or experience. Although I do have some college credits. This will mean that I am starting almost at ground zero in my studies.

5. Age: I am over forty, so it has been quite a while since I have been enrolled in school. I am also fortunate to not need a career for income or security. This means that I will not be motivated by necessity to complete the program.

6. Religion: I am Muslim, which means that I should have a male relative accompany me for any travel away from home.

7. Internet Instability: The internet service here can be unstable at times, making it difficult to commit to specific times of online study or submission of assignments.

8. Obsolete Laptop: Not only is my laptop old, it is on it's last leg with very little working memory.

9. Telephone: Since I am overseas, I will have to make international calls for completion of my application, as well as for any followup communication with the college.

10. Difficult to Secure Transcripts: It may be difficult for me to request transcripts from overseas. Additionally, it's been several years since I attended college and under different names, so it may be difficult for the institutions to locate my records.

5. How do you plan on overcoming these challenges? (300 word minimum)

1. I will have to manage my time on a schedule. This must include study, teaching, writing, and family time. Fortunately, I have older children that are helpful around the house. My mother also lives with us and is a great help with the younger children.

2. Fortunately, your institution offers distance learning and online teacher support as needed. As for travel, I will have to plan for it ahead of time to ensure that I can meet the requirements of my training.

3. I have personal income from rental property in California that should cover most of the expenses. If it falls short, my husband is very supportive and I'm confident he will pick up the slack. [of course I didn't realize how much it's going to be when I wrote this...it's about four times what I expected, not including the cost of travel, etc.]

4. It's unfortunate that I never completed a degree. However, I believe I have enough credits to apply towards the Bachelors program. I'm hoping my credits are accepted.

5. Age is an advantage as much as it is a disadvantage. I am mature, dependable, and committed. I understand the amount of work involved in this endeavor and do not enter it lightly.

6. Fortunately, my husband is supportive and will make every effort to accompany me on any out of country trips. However, even if he is unable, I have an older son who can travel with me, as he studies via internet and is not tied to any physical school schedule or location.

7. Although the internet stability is an issue, I believe it is dependable enough to complete my course of study within a reasonable boundary of the planned schedule.

8. I have been wanted to buy a new lap top for a while. This course may be the motivation I need to go out and do it!

9. I have a California phone number through Yahoo's voice services online. Assuming internet cooperation, I can make my application call using the internet phone. If the school needs to reach me, it is a domestic call for them and voice mail is delivered to my email in box.

10. I have already looked up my colleges and am working on requesting transcripts. Hopefully they will be able to dig up my records.

With Allah's help and blessing,

anything is possible!

Comparing Birth Experiences: USA/KSA/MSR

2011-07-19T09:38:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Amani Sitting in front of a symbol of Saudi in Belgium

I am honored to have been asked to participate in the Mummy in Provence blog series on birth stories from around the world. I love her project to focus in the differences of birth around the globe.

I hope you enjoy reading this interview about my experiences with birthing. It is from the perspective of comparison between birthing in the United States, Egypt, and Saudi. I also hope you will visit the original blog post and browse the many different birthing cultures represented in the series.

Let me know if you'd like to share your birth story on Saudi Birth Story. It's always an honor and a pleasure to share my readers' birth stories. Now on to the interview..Comparing Birth Experiences: USA/KSA/MSR...

This week we go to Egypt and Saudi Arabia as part of the series of The Global Differences of Baby-Making. Aisha, who is originally from the USA, talks about the difference of having babies in the USA, Egypt and Saudia, her role as a natural birth lecturer (amongst other things) and the importance of being informed. Here is her story:

Tell me a bit about yourself? Where are you from? How old are your children and where did you have them?

I’m originally from the United States, but I’m married to a Saudi and live in Saudi Arabia.

I have a myriad of roles:

• Founder of AMANI Birth (Assisting Mothers for Active, Natural, Instinctive Birth)
• Childbirth Educator and Lecturer
• Labor/Birth Doula
• WHO/UNICEF Certified Breastfeeding Counselor
• Columnist and Editor for Saudi Life Motherhood and Parenting pages (www.saudilife.net)
• Saudi Birth Story Blogger (www.saudibirthstory.blogspot.com)
• Freelance Journalist for Arab News
• Home Schooling Mother

It’s not as busy as it seems. I’m blessed to do most of that from home and with my children around me all the time!

My first five children were born in California: Khalid 15, Sarah 13, Amina 12, Salman 10, and Rayan 8. My sixth was born in Egypt, Haider, 4. My last two were born in Saudi: Faris 2 and Amani 9 months.

Why did you have your children abroad?

It just happens to be where we lived at the time of their births. Since my husband is Saudi, we eventually migrated across the globe to his homeland.

What do you feel were the benefits to having children abroad?

First and foremost would be the birthing culture’s understanding of Islamic practice. I find it uplifting and refreshing when medical staff make dua (prayer) or say, “Bismallah (for Allah),” before any exam or procedure.

Also, respect for modesty in the Muslim countries during labor and birth; which was lacking in the first five births in the States. Not to mention, not being treated strangely for making dua (prayer) in Arabic during labor and birth.

As an expectant mother abroad how did you feel?

With the first one (sixth birth), I was very nervous about the quality of care. More than that, I was concerned about the high level of medical interventions routinely performed in the Egyptian birthing culture.

I found a doctor who respected my birthing experience and who basically allowed me to dictate what I did or did not want done. As a natural birth mama, this really was a blessing, especially since Egyptian protocols are not normally so “hands-off” for birth.

Did you encounter any opinions that would have been different in your home country with regards to your pregnancy or parenting choices?

Absolutely! First of all, there is simply no such thing as “informed consent” here. Once you admit into the hospital for birth, it’s as if you’ve handed your body over like you would your car to a mechanic. Questioning the doctor, or asking to be informed about what is going on and why, is often met with annoyed resistance. Patients and their families are met with an attitude that portrays that the doctor is “all-knowing” and whatever is happening is “beyond anyone else’s level of understanding.”

Sadly, it’s common to hear about women who have been “put under” for no reason and without warning just as their baby is about to be born. This and other unnecessary procedures and protocols are carried out without a word or explanation before, during, or after the event.

This is extremely disturbing and frightening for those of us from the West. We realize our birthing culture there is too medicalized. However, in the States we expect some level of respect and information and overall control over decisions made with regards to our care, unless a true life or death emergency arises.

As for parenting, most locals in Saudi and Egypt have no concept of home schooling. That’s just the tip of the iceberg though. I could probably write a whole post (or more) just on the cultural differences in parenting.

What advice would you give other mothers in your situation?

Knowledge is power. Get educated, be prepared to advocate for yourself and your baby as well as to make your case (and educate your care provider along the way) for what you want/don’t want done during your birth.

More importantly, don’t assume that the type of care or respect for your decisions is at the same level as your home country. Constant and detailed communication with your care providers is imperative. Also, shop around and ask other expats for their recommendations and don’t just go with the provider your insurance covers. When it comes to birth, it’s better to pay more for the experience you desire, then to regret it later.

Repeat Cesareans

2011-07-17T00:40:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

As I read a sister’s blog I came across a sweet post listing the top ten reasons she loves her husband. It was number ten that struck me most:

10. He gets sad when he thinks about children whose mothers work, are not breastfed, do not co-sleep, are left to cry it out, and who go to kafir schools.

Masha’Allah, he sounds like a really caring man. I began to wonder about her birth experiences. Of course I expected to find gushing stories about the compassion of her husband during her labors. But what I read was fitting for a different topic.

Instead of finding a story about the husband’s role in her birth, I found one of pregnancy complications and repeat Cesareans.

I am always honored to share birth stories from around the globe. Please let me know if you’d like to share yours. Now on to the story…Repeat Cesareans…

The History of My First Three Cesareans

All four of my children have been born via Cesarean. My first two were without incident, alhamdulelah. The first was in America, at full term, due to gestational diabetes and high blood pressure. The second was an emergency surgery in Bahrain, a few weeks early, due to high blood pressure and severe abdominal pains. It turns out the pains were caused by gallstones. I ended up having surgery for that, just two months after the C-section!

My third cesarean was also an emergency surgery. But this time I was in Saudi and the surgery turned out to be very complicated. When they opened me up, they could not get to the baby. It turns out that my abdominal wall, uterus, and bladder were all stuck together due to adhesion (scar tissue) from the two previous Cesareans.

The Memory of the Trauma

The fourth was to be a planned C-section. When I arrived at the hospital to be admitted, the morning before the operation, I was nervous. But I was trying really hard to put my trust and reliance in Allah. Even so, the memory of my really bad previous Cesarean was looming in my memory.

For the first three deliveries, I was given a local anesthesia (spinal). However, the doctors for the third delivery were opposed to this. I had to get special permission as it is hospital policy to use a general anesthesia for Cesareans.

As lay waiting for my fourth section, I replayed the last in my head. There had been so much commotion in the room. I was awake, however, no one informed me of what was going on. I remember watching the monitors…and the staff’s reaction.

My body was shivering as I told them how cold I was. Looking back, it must have been from blood loss; at some point I had to have a blood transfusion. After they took the baby out, not much was happening. I remember thinking it was strange; usually, after the baby is out, they close me up and I’m sent to recovery within about fifteen minutes.

A while later, the head of obstetrics came in. I was later informed by a nurse that my doctor was not supposed to perform the operation without him present. But it seems he was in another operation. My doctor had just decided to do it with out him.

Once he came in, I heard whispering and then I heard him say, “Put her to sleep!” and the gas mask came down. I was out for the next four hours.

The Scheduled Cesarean

Needless to say, he was not pleased when he saw me in the hospital a few weeks before my fourth Cesarean. (It’s typical of me to spend a great part of my last trimester in and out the hospital regulating my blood pressure.)

“Didn’t I advise you not to get pregnant again?” he scolded.

I was like, “No, you did not, and I specifically asked you if I could have more children!”

I remember him looking at me like, “Why the heck would you want more?!?” But regardless, his answer had still been, “Yes.” Of course, he had not advised me to not have more. But in reality, I figured it wasn’t the best option.

So after the scheduled delivery, the head obstetrician my personal obstetrician came to visit me. “It took over four hours to do a twenty minute procedure,” they lectured. “This delivery was the worst and most extremely complicated we have done,” they went on. “Not only were yours and your baby’s lives at risk, but we were not sure, once we opened you up and found the mess, how they we could avoid causing damage to your organs!”

It seems, this time my bowels were stuck together with the bladder, uterus, and abdominal wall! They went on to tell me how difficult it was to get to my baby and even more difficult to get to my tubes; because, “The doctor determined that a tubal ligation was in order!”

Bed Rest

I was told to not to do ANYTHING once I was released to go home. Even though my incision wound may appear to heal normally, they said that my insides were raw from all the scraping away of the scar tissues.

I don’t ‘do nothing’ well; especially when I have so many people depending on me! However, my husband does ‘nothing’ very well, astagfirullah!

After this birth I was drained, exhausted, and in a state of confusion that I don’t recall ever being in before. To top it off, I had a bad reaction to some meds in the hospital. I was also sick with a sore throat and dry cough for two weeks after the surgery. As you can imagine, it was extremely painful to cough!

I was given a number of drugs, including a cough suppressant and antihistamine and just didn’t feel quite right in the mind or body during my recovery.

The Traumatic Recovery

Things started going from bad to worse. I suffered from intense bladder trauma. I went to the ER had a blood and urine investigation done. Nothing was conclusive, but I think the doctor was not well qualified, astagfirullah. Some protein showed up in my urine so he gave me a referral to the urologist. He said it could be my kidneys, but I doubt that. I believe it was the bladder or urinary tract.

I went from using the bathroom every hour, to every thirty minutes, to every fifteen minutes. I no longer had pain upon urinating, but I had extreme bladder spasms and what seems like crazy nerve damage for the first minute after using it.

I don’t know how I stayed sane! I had to go through this every fifteen minutes. To top it off, I could only sleep in fifteen minute intervals (in between frequent nursing and diaper changes)!
I felt like my insides must have looked like a failed attempt at putting Humpty Dumpty together! I would say the pain was unbearable, but Allah never gives us more than we can bear – alhamduillah!

Allah says:

“We shall surely test you with fear and hunger, and loss of property and lives and crops; but give glad tidings to those who have fortitude. Who when struck by misfortune, say: ‘We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.’ “ [Al-Qur'an 2:155-156]

As if that is not enough, I had resumed the five daily prayers (Muslim women are excused for up to forty days postpartum from the daily prayers due to postnatal bleeding). I feel awful to say this, but I felt cheated of my forty days! I thought that I would not be able to handle returning to prayers, but I was up most of the time anyway – I might as well pray! I know… still sounds bad, astagfirullah!

Allah also says previous to these two ayat:

“O Believers, seek help in patience and in the ritual prayer. Allah is with those that are patient.” [Al-Qur'an 2:154]

The Baby

Masha’allah! I don’t think I could have had a better baby, especially under these circumstances. He was a sweetie pie. I had two nicknames for him (Red Man and Sharwama). He was my smallest baby at 2.7kg (about 6lbs) at birth.

I remember praying for my growing family in those difficult days after his birth, “May he, his parents, siblings, and offspring be able to enter Jannah though any gate we please…aameen.”

My Family Back Home

This last pregnancy was lonely for me because I did not have the support of my family. I did not tell my siblings, mother, father, Aunts, Uncles or cousins. I did not want my mother to find out because she worries a lot.

When I was pregnant with my third child I called my mother a lot. She was like, “Are you pregnant?” She would say it in that irritated, “I-can’t-believe-my-teenage-daughter-is-pregnant” kind of way (even though I was a grown, married woman).

After I delivered him, she begged me not to get pregnant again. So this last time I avoided calling her for fear she would detect it in my voice (you know how mamas are!). I also did not tell any of my other family members back home.

I called my sister the night of the delivery. I was all drugged-out sounding and told her to tell ma. She was like, “I can’t believe you are thirty-something and hiding your pregnancies!”

All I could do was cry on the phone; I was so out of it. But I was glad my sister was there for me in my drugged-out state.

My Duas

With this experience came a lot of duas, alhamdulelah.

“Allahumma la sahla illa ma ja’lta sahlan wa anta taj’alu al-hazna idha shi’ta sahlan.”

“O Allah, there is no ease except by that which you have made easy; and you are able to make to change difficulty into ease if you wish.” [Sahih ibn Hibban]

“Qaddar Allahu masha’a fa’ala.”

“Allah has decreed and He does what He wills.” [Sahih Muslim]

“Hasbi Allahu wa ne’mal wakil.”

“Allah is sufficient for me and is the best trustee of affairs.” [Recorded by Abu Dawud and authenticated by Shaykh al-Albani]

“Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji’un.”

“We belong to Allah, and surely to Him we shall return.” [Al-Qur'an 2:156]

The Sister

Intisar, Umm Adam, is an American Muslim who has been residing in KSA for nine years, with her husband and four children. She enjoys sharing knowledge, inspiring success and motivating entrepreneurs.

Umm Adam is considered as the “innovator” of niche, home-based and mobile businesses, in Saudi Arabia which focuses on providing customers with a variety of treatments/services.

She also helps small business owners and those looking to create a business to build niche businesses that fit their desired life goals through her niche business coaching.

For more information on Intisar, Umm Adam, visit: www.ummadam.com

Natural Pregnancy Spacing

2011-07-02T06:12:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

A sister recently asked me about my own experiences with natural spacing of pregnancies. I thought this might make a good post for others as well. As a mother of eight, it is probably easy to guess that I don't employ the use of pharmaceutical birth controls. But that wasn't always the case.

Insha'Allah, I will have a guest writer (either here or on Saudi Life Motherhood) in the coming weeks who will discuss contraceptives in more depth. I always enjoy sharing the work of guest writers. Please let me know if you are interested in contributing. Now on to my post...Natural Pregnancy Spacing...

It is important to note that this post is a recount of my personal experiences. It is not meant to be advice for anyone else. Each women must weigh the risks and benefits in her own situation, consider her medical condition and life situation, and most importantly consult with her partner as well as her medical team before making contraceptive decisions.

There are so many forms of birth control available today. Before my first pregnancy, I used several different contraceptive methods (birth control). Condom use was the least convenient; but also tampered the least with my health and reproductive system. I don't know the pharmaceutical names of the various pills I've taken, but I've had my fair share of different ones. I even used Depo-Provera injections; which I took for about two years.

At that time of my life, I was not "ready" for children, although I was married. I enjoyed the convenience of the Depo injections as it involved only a fifteen-minute trip to my gynecologist once every three months and was so much easier than remembering to take a pill every day.

I also liked the side effect of the Depo, as it suppresses menstruation. Not having to worry about my period seemed so carefree and convenient. However, looking back, it's really quite scary to realize that I voluntarily allowed an injection that interferes so greatly in my reproductive system that it completely stops menstruation.

Yikes! I really was so trusting of all things medical (and naive) in those days. In fact, it took about seven months for my period to return after ceasing the injections and about a year and a half to get pregnant.

At that time I was young and not Muslimah. I thought I had total control over the planning of my life. Of course, without knowledge of Allah, I had no trust in HIS plan or HIS promise of provision.

[Translation of Qur'an 6:151]

"...and do not kill your children for fear of poverty - [for] it is We who shall provide sustenance for you as well as for them..."

[Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Book 11, Number 2045]

"Narrated Ma'qil ibn Yasar:

...(the Prophet) said: Marry women who are loving and very prolific [producing many offspring], for I shall outnumber the peoples by you."

I am among the fortunate: not only was I guided to find Islam, but I was also able to recover from my contraceptive use and have many children, alhamdulelah. For many others, the inability to get pregnant after contraceptive use is far longer, or even permanent in some cases, audthobillah.

The sister who prompted this post had asked me about using the lactational amenorrhoea method. This means relying on the delayed return of menses while nursing to prevent the next pregnancy. Let me say here and now, you can get pregnant while nursing. Even if your menses has not returned.

For those of you who have not had children, did not nurse, or simply did not experience lactational amenorrhoea (delayed return of menses while nursing), I will simply say that it is a nice perk to nursing. It truly is carefree and convenient to not have to worry about your period and know that it is NATURAL (as opposed to pharmaceutical) suppression, subhanAllah.

However, the obstetrician for my second birth said it best when he told me, "Use the lactational amenorrhoea method only so much as you are not devastated should you find yourself pregnant again."

For me nursing seems to delay my next pregnancy by 8 to 12 months, but not much beyond that. This is true even though I did not experience my menses while nursing seven of the eight children. Here is my history with this, to help you understand:

1. My menses returned 12 months after my first birth, at the same time baby self-weaned from my breast. I became pregnant during the month after this one menses.

2. My menses never returned after my second birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 10 months old. I continued nursing her until about 15 months, when she self-weaned. Interestingly, I did not realize I was pregnant with the third until she kicked (about four months pregnant) since I had no classic signs of pregnancy (no menses missed, and was still nursing so no sore breasts).

3. My menses never returned after my third birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 10 months old. I continued nursing her until about 16 months, when she self-weaned.

4. My menses never returned after my fourth birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 18 months old. I continued nursing him until about 23 months, when I weaned him.

5. My menses returned about 12 months after my fifth birth. I did not become pregnant as I was divorced from my husband very soon after his birth. I continued nursing him until about 26 months, when he self-weaned.

6. Strange to me, my menses returned right away after my sixth birth. I just attributed that to having a new husband, but the strange pattern did not recur with our subsequent children. I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 16 months old (I probably would have conceived sooner, except that my husband and I were residing in different countries at the time and I only saw him every few months). I continued nursing him throughout the entire pregnancy until about 25 months, when he self-weaned. He tandem nursed with his younger brother for about one month.

7. Menses never returned after my seventh birth, as I became pregnant while nursing when the baby was about 8 months old. I continued nursing him until about 15 months, when he self-weaned.

8. My menses has not returned since the birth of my eighth baby, 9 1/2 months ago. I am not pregnant, that I know of, but wouldn't be surprised if I turn up pregnant in the next few months or so. Allahu alim.

So in conclusion, it is entirely possible and probable to conceive while nursing, even if the menses has not returned. It is not a method to rely on, however, it does seem to allow for "adequate" spacing of pregnancies. At least in my case and in my opinion of "adequate," and Allah knows best.

Unassisted, Unplanned, Surprise Water Birth!

2011-06-30T12:13:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Dr. Fernando Molina, Venezuela

What a blessing and and honor to share this story. Not only is it an unassisted, unplanned, home water birth, but it's a story of the love and intuition of a husband at birth. May Allah bless this family.

Note: The photo is not related to this particular story, it comes from a new friend, Dr. Fernando Molina in Venezuela. He is a male midwife who attends home water births with his wife as doula. I find their story inspiring and intriguing. I hope to find out more about them and share their story soon, insha'Allah. Now on to the post...Unassisted, Unplanned, Surprise Water Birth!...

Assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullah,

InshaAllaah, I'd like to share my birth story, as I am so happy and thankful to have experienced exactly what I had always wanted: a water birth; even though I was high risk. Allah is the best of planners!

Ayah's Unassisted Home/Water Birth

Ayah was born at appx 4:10 am on 11/3/2010. She was born a day shy of 37 weeks but was considered IGUR (severely growth restricted) and was just shy of 4 pounds at birth.

A few weeks earlier I had started to have really high blood pressure and was being monitored very closely. My dreams of a natural birth were not going to happen according to all of the doctors that I had seen. But little do they realized that it is not up to them, Allah does what he wills. They never "labeled" me pre-eclamptic until after the birth as my numbers fluctuated a lot. Sometimes they would be really high and sometimes they would be normal. I had no other signs of pre-eclampsia such as weight gain or seeing things, dizzyness etc…

Back to the birth… I don't know times as I wasn't paying attention so everything is approximate. I'd say contractions started around 12 or so at night. I was in bed and just dealt with them for a while. They were mild at that time. I'd say sometime around 1-1:30am my son wanted to come into our bed (my husband was asleep as well) and I was too uncomfortable to deal with that so when he got in, I got out and started laboring in the living room.

Being that she was a month early, I was in denial that this was the actual thing so I was just "waiting it out" until it stopped. The same thing happened a week or so earlier so I "assumed" it was just false labor.

Contractions intensified, I was timing them and praying in between contractions. They were almost on the dot at 4 min apart lasting 30 seconds each. After an hour or so of that I felt I had to go to the bathroom....

Looking back all the signs of “real labor” were there but I was just not thinking that this would be it. When my bowels emptied, that's when I think the light came on that this might be it... so now the contractions were PAINFUL and in FULL FORCE. I dare-say more painful than my back labor with Abbaad that lasted 2 days. I decided to wake my husband and it was around 3am at this point.

I told him that I needed to go to the hospital because the pain was unbearable and she NEEDED to come out – NOW. He got up and started massaging my back and I kept saying, "I need to go to the hospital! It hurts so bad!"

Little did I know I was in transition!!! He suggested I move to the tub, like we did with Abbaad (alhamdulillah the water helped turn my son from posterior and brought the contractions from the back to the front, where they should be).

So he put the shower on and started filling it. I think I had 2 contractions in there when they seemed to go away or lighten. By this time he was on the phone with an ambulance. He noticed I had relaxed a bit and asked if contractions had stopped and I said I think so... then the pushing started.

I said, "This is it!... She's coming!"

Within 3 pushes she was out. I was on all fours and just caught her as she came out and put her to my chest and wrapped a towel around her alhamdulillah. He was still on the phone with the ambulance and told them the baby was here. She cried right away!

The rest is just boring hospital stay stuff. I spent 3 days in there, one day on magnesium due to really REALLY high blood pressures when I first got there. The magnesium was by far the worst part. Awful, awful stuff... and I’m so very thankful that I didn’t have to labor with that b/c had I delivered in the hospital they would have had me on both pitocin and magnesium (that's what I was told). They had no beds so they stuck me on a broken delivery bed to deliver the placenta and stitch me up as I had a second degree tear.

Turns out my placenta abrupted – I think that's the correct term and we are just so unbelievably thankful that everything turned out as it did and she is a perfectly healthy, tiny, little girl, Allaahu Akbar!

She's in the NICU right now (this was appx 8 months ago) and depending on how she does with her jaundice test (can't remember the name of it right now, billi ribbon something or other) and her eating she may be home in the next few days. (she ended up in the NICU for a week and was "kicked out" because babies who really needed to be there needed her space, she was perfectly fine alhamdulillah, just small so they let her come home)

So, I got my natural home/water birth, alhamdulelah, mashaAllaah!!! My husband and I made quite the team! Neither freaked out and it was as if we knew what to do, mashaAllaah. I would have preferred to have a midwife there in case something had gone wrong but there is nothing comparable to the feeling of delivering your own child… born right into your hands - alhamdulillah.

Ayah is now a few days shy of 8 months old and is doing great. She is still small, mashaAllaah, not like her big brother who was a chubby baby. She looks like a little doll mashaAllaah and is almost 17 pounds and according to her pediatrician is in about the 10th percentile (her brother was in the 90th).

Just Say No to Interventions!

2011-06-28T22:02:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I always enjoy reading birth stories and am especially pleased when I know the family personally. This particular story comes from such a dear and sweet sister whom I am particularly fond of, masha'Allah.

While reading through her story, the thing that kept festering inside me was the medical staff's repeated push for interventions. I am proud of this mama and baba for sticking to Allah's design for birth as best they could and achieving an unmedicated, natural birth, masha'Allah!

I'd love to read your story too! Please contact me if you'd like to share. Now on to the story...Just Say No to Interventions!...

When my real contractions finally started they took me by surprise.

I just came from a hospital checkup the day before. I was nearly a full week past by “due date”, my baby still hadn’t dropped, and my once in a blue moon Braxton hicks weren’t getting any stronger. After an hour holding a metal button to my belly, the nurse’s monitor showed that I was in fact having contractions but they were so small and so far apart that I wasn’t able to feel them.

A quick check by a doctor I had never seen before revealed that my cervix was only just starting to soften and still remain closed. Fearing that my pregnancy could continue for another week at least, the doctor scheduled me for an induction two days later. My husband and I had no intention of keeping that appointment and instead continued to make dua’a that Allah allowed me to deliver naturally.

The first contraction woke me from my sleep the next morning. It was a sharp pain in my abdomen, much like a period pain. It came and went so quickly, I thought it was just another pregnancy cramp. I became accustomed to cramps in my third trimester whenever I was still for too long. I gently stretched it out and went back to bed. A couple hours later, another contraction came. But this time, I felt it in both my abdomen and my upper thigh.

At just before 11AM, the contractions began to hit my abdomen, pelvis, thigh, and back all at once. That’s when I started writing them down. I kept a log of every contraction, the time they hit, where it hit, and whether or not it hurt. In between contractions, I did the math to figure out how much time had elapsed between each one.

In the meantime, I went about my housework, played it cool in front of my mom who was visiting from California and casually warned my husband that even though my real contractions had begun, my notes showed they were still inconsistent and nothing to worry about.

As the day passed, my contractions grew more and more intense and began to stop me in my tracks. By 8PM they still hadn’t reached a consistent timing but were so strong that I could only manage them by hanging onto the side of the bed while squatting. At this point, my husband insisted that we head to the hospital.

Half the car ride to the hospital was spent managing my contractions while the other half was spent trying to fight financial and logistical worries in my head. I had a few insurance issues during pregnancy which left me without the luxury of a midwife or a familiar doctor to assist me during birth. I wasn’t even allowed to check in through the maternity ward at this particular hospital because if I did, the bill would be much more than we could afford.

Had I chosen a hospital closer to home, or at least one located in the same county we lived in, the story could have been different. But I was determined to birth at Monmouth Medical. They were ranked one of the top hospitals in the nation, had the lowest c-section rate in all of New Jersey, and were known for being birth plan friendly. It didn’t matter to me that it was located over an hour away from home or that unless I managed to convince them I was an emergency case they probably wouldn’t cover my bill. I was determined. So of course, I made my husband get determined too. And as he sped down the highway to try and shave minutes off our driving time, I worked through my contractions and planned a killer emotional sob story to get me through the emergency door.

About ten minutes out from the hospital, I got a horrible urge to urinate. On top of that, all the speeding and swerving on the highway was making me carsick. We stopped at a grocery store so I could use the restroom and my husband could load up on snacks for the hospital. In the restroom, there was a lot of bright, red blood. I started to worry that I was somehow losing the baby. Did I wait too long? Should I have taken the induction? Fear overwhelmed me and I quickly waddled my way back to the car and we rushed to the hospital.

Alhamdulilah, when we reached the hospital, I started having another bad contraction so the nurse quickly admitted me though emergency and rushed me upstairs before I even tried to recant the fictional sob story I had planned. A new doctor I had never seen before confirmed that the blood was from my cervix opening (HUGE relief, alhamdulilah) but that I still wasn’t anywhere near being dilated enough for them to admit me into delivery.

They wanted to send me home but I told them I didn’t live in the county and insisted that I may end up delivering in the car just trying to get back home. Alhamdulilah, they took pity on me and gave me one hour to walk around the hospital in the hopes that it would speed things along. If after that hour I wasn’t progressing, they were for sure going to dismiss me.

SubhanAllah, I never had such a hard time walking as I did in that one hour. My contractions were so strong that I couldn’t walk without supporting myself against a wall or hand rail. My husband had to constantly walk next to me to help keep me standing. Every contraction was more painful than the one before. My husband, may Allah bless him, trying to keep me in good spirits by cracking jokes, wasn’t helping either. Every time I laughed (he did manage to make me laugh mashaAllah) the pain came stronger and faster.

Close to the end of the hour, my whole body started to get chills and shake with each contraction. I began to vomit then too. For nearly ten minutes straight, every contraction brought with it uncontrollable shakes and a new pile of throw up on the hospital floor. We made our way back to the bed and the doctor, rather disappointed, said I had only progressed 1 centimeter! My heart sank but then another contraction came and I was back to shaking and throwing up again. Alhamdulilah, when the doctor saw I was in no condition to go anywhere, he had the nurses admit me.

At this point, I handed copies of my birth plan to the doctor and nurses tending to me. I made sure to include things like, “staying hydrated with fluids by mouth instead of IVs”, “intermittent, external fetal monitoring instead of constant internal monitoring”, and of course “natural, vaginal birth”. Alhamdulilah, they graciously accepted the plan but it wasn’t long before they came to debate with me about my choice not to receive pain medication. First, it was a nurse who rather sweetly tried to talk me into an epidural. Then, it was a different nurse who just “stopped by” to suggest that I change my mind. Finally, it was the doctor who sat in front of me as I labored and questioned my reasons and logic for refusing the epidural. I told him I didn’t want the medication to affect mine or my baby’s senses. I told him God made our bodies with everything we needed to birth naturally and that so long as baby and I were healthy, I intended to do things the natural way. After that they let me be.

MashaAllah, after working through about 12 hours of intense contractions (with my husband’s coaching and massage help) I was finally 10 centimeters dilated. But my water still hadn’t broken. I was exhausted and more than ready to get things moving along. I called the doctor to break my water and began to push. Alhamdulilah, between me, the nurses, and my husband, we had pushing down to a science. The nurse would tell me when to push, I would push, take a drink of ice cold water from my husband, push again, and then relax. Push, drink, push, relax. Push, drink, push, relax for almost a full hour before baby finally came out.

I remember when the baby crowned, the doctor asked me if I wanted a mirror so I could see and reach down to touch his little head. I flashed back to being totally grossed out by crowning images on YouTube and websites when I was pregnant, and responded with a firm, “NOPE!” The last push that got my baby out was a relief. I could feel the doctor pulling his wiggly body from me and my whole body relaxed. I kept asking, “Is he okay, is he okay?” MashaAllah, he was born healthy, weighing 7 pounds, 12 ounces and measured 19.75 inches long.

Against my birth plan (we can’t always have our way, right?) they immediately put him on a table and started checking him over head to toe, so I didn’t get to hold or breastfeed him right away. After they determined he was healthy and breathing properly, they gave him to my husband to hold while the doctor had me deliver the placenta. SubhanAllah, I’ll never forget that look of awe on my husband’s face. His eyes even started to tear. <3

After the placenta was out, I got to hold my baby briefly before they took him away again. This time it was to the nursery for his newborn check while the doctor stayed to stitch me up from a minor tear I incurred during the delivery. Unfortunately, it was more than an hour before I got to breastfeed him.

Alhamdulilah, as per my birth plan and my husband’s watchful eye, the nurses refrained from giving my son any breast milk substitutes so he was more than ready to eat when I finally got to room with him. Even though I had read a little about breastfeeding before giving birth, getting a good latch was difficult for me. It wasn’t until well into my second day at the hospital that I was able to get baby to latch on properly and breastfeed without feeling any pain. And that was with the help of a staff lactation consultant. Alhamdulilah, we live and we learn.

MashaAllah, the rooming in helped a lot. It allowed more one-on-one time for both my husband and I to get to know our new baby and allowed me to respond to my baby’s needs right away instead of him being left alone with strangers. It also gave me great opportunity to track my baby’s feeds, wet and soiled diapers. Alhamdulilah, I kept records of everything so I was more on top of how my baby was doing than the doctors and nurses were. I actually remember one time the nurse didn’t even bother to ask me how the baby was. Instead, she just asked for my journal so she could copy what I wrote down onto her paperwork. Haha.

Alhamdulilah, with lots of dua’a and a little determination, I had a blessed birth experience. Looking back, I’m actually very grateful to Allah, subhana wa ta ala, for putting resolve in the hearts of my husband and I to stick to what we felt was right and best for our family, despite the challenges we faced. Alhamdulilah.

The Shock and Lessons of Losing a Child

2011-06-26T10:48:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Ben Earwicker www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

My last post, Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss touched many readers who have experienced the loss of their unborn child May Allah grant them ease and provide peace and may their children who have gone before them meet them at the gates of Jannah.

I am honored to share this story from one such mother who also shared some excellent reminders on my Saudi Life Motherhood column this week, The Blessings of a Lost Child.

It's a blessing to remember the mercy of Allah and the divinity of HIS plan. May we all be as strong in our remembrance during times of emotional and physical pain and loss...Ammen.

Please contact me if you'd like to share your story...may you find peace and blessings in the words below...The Shock and Lessons of Losing a Child...

It was the morning of the 6^th of May 2008. I had my English Literature Exam that morning at University and was a bit nervous yet happy at the same time because it was the last exam I had before I was finished with that semester and waiting on the Arrival of my baby. I was only 34-35 weeks pregnant so I was supposed to have been finished with school and had just enough time to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy and continue to prepare myself for labour and delivery.

On this particular morning, things seemed to be going normal, got up, prayed, had the usual morning talk with my husband before he goes to work. But then, literally about 5 minutes after my husband walked out the door I got an excruciating pain in my abdomen! I literally curled up in pain on the side of the bed until it had passed, because I honestly thought it was just really really bad gas pain – just worse than I was accustomed to.

When the pain subsided I thought nothing of it and simply went to use to washroom. This time, when I wiped, I saw Blood! I checked again to make sure where it came from. When I was sure, I called my mother (we live in the same house) and told her. She was very excited as we both thought the baby was on its way – Just arriving early that was all. I was so nervous and afraid because I wasn’t prepared. I called my husband and within one hour’s time we were at the hospital, which was about 9 am.

In the examination room, the midwives hooked me up to the baby heart monitor machine. I didn’t know what was going on, except it was just taking a really long time to find the baby’s heart beat. I wasn’t too concerned at that moment because I thought possibly my baby was in distress and we would possibly need to do a c-section and get the baby out “safe and sound”. It wasn’t until I saw that the midwife called my mother and father into the room area that I realized ‘ok, maybe something isn’t right’ but even at THAT moment I didn’t think the worst!

My husband was by my side all the while as he called his parents to let them know what was going on. We recited Qur’an for our baby, and for ourselves to help us to find some comfort and in hopes that our baby would respond and make some movement. It seemed they had an idea before I did that something was definitely not right, and my in-laws made their way to the hospital in no time.

We waited on the ultrasound technician for what seemed like forever to arrive to see what was going on with my baby. After about an hour and a half of arrival to the hospital, the ultrasound tech finally arrived and started the procedure. I remember being very nervous as the lights in the room was dimmed, my husband was at my side holding my hand and my family just outside the door waiting for some word. I remember not hearing any sound coming from the ultrasound machine – usually I would hear my baby’s heartbeat – but this time, silence. The technician was also solemn as she did not know how to give us the news. I turned to her and with great hoping and yearning in my voice, I asked “is the baby alive??” Even in that moment I didn’t think my baby was gone. I asked yet again “is my baby alive??” and then finally she replied “No, Rochelle, the baby isn’t alive”.

“WHAT??” was the only word I remember coming out of my lips as I stared up at the ceiling, my entire body in a state of shock. That moment was the worst moment of my life, and I felt as though I had no emotions. I remember hearing my mother calling out to us for some word of confirmation that everything was fine, and as the technician made her way out the door and she informed my family of our baby’s death, I heard my mother screaming and crying hysterically. I also heard my sister-in-law crying.

My immediate concern was for my mother so I got myself up off the bed and went outside to her. I held her face and tried to calm her down and told her “This is the Will of Allah, This is Will of Allah”. I realized after that my husband was crying as we hugged each other, yet I felt as though I had to force myself to cry! Why wasn’t I crying? Why? Why Did I have to force the tears ? I realized now that because I was in shock, the emotions remained locked away in order for me to deal with what was going on around me and to remember Allah in those moments.

When the doctor arrived and told me I had to go through labour to have my baby I went into more shock because I thought I would have had a c-section done right away. However I ended up being in “labour” for the rest of the day, with family and friends coming to visit me, and my dear Husband comforting me and reminding me of the Words of Allah “Inna Lillahi wa Inna Ilaihi Raaji’oon”. Over and over he made me repeat it, especially during the sporadic moments when I broke down and cried. I cried not so much for my baby, because I thanked Allah for having given my husband and I the blessing of having a daughter in Jannah, but I cried for my husband, as I watched him and remembered how much he loved our baby even before she was born.

Coming to the end of the day around 5pm, my doctor said that I was not progressing very quickly, so we decided that we would go ahead and do a c-section because I was emotionally tired and I felt that giving birth to a stillborn would have affected me psychologically.

It was just about 10 minutes before my surgery that my family and I found out that we had a daughter. We had decided to wait to find out the sex of the baby.

While I was still in surgery my husband and family members were able to see our daughter, hold her and spend some time with her. I was also given the opportunity to hold my baby after my c-section.

The next day, while still at the hospital, my husband and I were able to spend some time once again with our baby alone, just the three of us, before she was taken for the Janaazah. I was unable to attend the janaazah but all of my family and even some of my very dear friends prayed the funeral prayer for my baby girl.

The days, weeks and months after was a long road to recovery, both emotionally and physically. I experienced postpartum depression, but Alhamdulillah was surrounded by my husband and my parents and sister with whom I spoke to about my feelings every day. Allah was however my greatest source of help through that trying time in my life, because without Him I would not have been cured of my postartum depression and I would not have been able to come to terms with such a loss. Allah is the One to whom I turned in my most difficult moments and He answered my dua every single time I called out to Him for help.

I thank Allah always for the trial that we were faced with because I would not be the person I am today had I not gone through it. I have realized through it that Allah is the only source of Help there is when in time of difficulty and that without Him, we would surely be losers both in this world and the next.

Alhamdulillah, Allah blessed my husband and I with another beautiful baby a year and a half after our first.

I hope that by sharing my experience through this article, it would in some way help other sisters who may have gone through the same thing and in some way help them to realize that nothing is in our hands – Everything is in the hands of Allah and without Him there is no peace and comfort.

Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss

2011-06-16T19:22:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Ben Earwicker www.garrisonphoto.org/sxc

In recent months I have featured stories of pregnancy loss. This topic is emotional for everyone involved. Such stories even go beyond the families and affect anyone who reads or hears of them.

I have found the sharing of these stories to be a blessing. That is they bring us back to the reality that Allah (SWT) is all powerful and in command of all things. As we rush around in our busy, we lives we become forgetful and guilty of being caught up in the things of this life, dunya. The loss of a life not yet lived is a solid reminder of the uncertainty of our tomorrows on Earth.

I find it an honor to share stories of birth, whether the start of life or story of loss. I pray you find peace from this post and invite you to share your own stories here. Now on to the article...Seek Allah in Pregnancy Loss...

As much as we mourn for the loss of such precious little ones, we should also rejoice in knowing that Jennah is promised for them and our children will await us at its gates, insha’Allah.

I have personally been blessed with being on the other end of the line (be it mobile or internet chat) with three close friends as their miscarriage experiences began. I felt it an honor and a responsibility to morally and spiritually support these dear sisters as they were reaching out to me for guidance during such a heart wrenching time.

In each case the communication began with the expectant mother suspecting something was wrong or that she was losing her baby. Each one came to me for guidance and a glimmer of hope that maybe what they were experiencing was normal and I would tell them that everything was fine. But with each one, I knew the reality of what was happening and could only make dua for a miracle along with peace for the mother for what I was fairly sure she was about to go through.

Amazingly, in each situation, I found blessing in the experience, alhamdulelah. The mothers all remained strong and were able to be thankful to Allah for the time they were blessed to carry the little life within them, masha’Allah.

Today I dedicate my blog post and my duas to all sisters who have experienced the loss of a pregnancy or child. May Allah give you peace and strength to seek HIM during your time of grief and may your beautiful babe meet you at the gates of Jennah.

It is important for families who experience such loss to watch for depression, especially in the mother who experiences physical and hormonal changes in addition to the emotions of loss.

To read some beautiful stories on this topic review Absolute Faith and Absolute Faith a Father's Perspective.

No Place for Naivety in Birth

2011-06-09T13:44:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Baby Charlie

Too often we take for granted that our doctor or birth attendant will take care of everything. We sometimes go into labor blindly and find that being "taken care of" may not be what we had wanted.

The story here is an excellent example of the importance of quality childbirth education, coupled with mother's own involvement in her preparations, labor, and birth. Thanks so much to this mama for sharing her story!

I'm always looking for new birth stories to post. Please consider sharing yours. Now on to the story... No Place for Naivety in Birth...

The Birthday of My Dear Charlie Bear - by Danielle Sweetman

My beloved son Charlie was born on the 7th of December 2008 and it’s a day in my life that I’d rather forget. I want to forget my naivety, I want to forget my spinelessness, I want to forget the lack of support and understanding from the hospital staff, I want to forget the way that I greeted my baby as I first saw his face.

I suppose my birth story begins with my sister-in-law’s, back in 1999. I was 19 and still a teenager, still vague about life and swanning through it fairly thoughtlessly. My little nephew was the first bub to be born in the family since me, and everyone was excited. In fact, we were so excited that we were very much part of the birth! My sister-in-law started experiencing contractions at 1am Friday morning. She and my brother came to our place soon after. I remember witnessing how she coped with the pain, walking frequently, rocking on all fours, taking showers. I was with her in the car as she went to hospital on Saturday afternoon. That evening she had the help of midwives on the unit. Their encouragement and support was reassuring. Her doctor was positive that she would be able to birth vaginally. We helped how we could. The next morning, with my brother, my sister, my mother and myself as witnesses, my darling nephew was born.

So when I found out 10 years later that I was pregnant, I felt pretty assured as to what the process would be like. But I hated pregnancy – I couldn’t even walk into the kitchen for retching and vomiting. I was also caught up in a project that was extremely stressful and caused a lot of anxiety and crying through the whole of my pregnancy. I was obsessed by this project and the thought of birthing didn’t register a lot with me.

I decided to go with the one gynae I met with, who seemed nice and said that I would pretty much have a natural birth. During the coming months I met about three midwives who all told me, “just let whatever happens happen. Don’t even worry about a birth plan”. I hardly knew anyone who had had babies in Malaysia! I knew a number of mothers who had had positive caesareans. I thought if it came to my having a caesarean, I would be fine too.

The ante-natal class at the hospital was really pretty pathetic – very disorganised. A lot of talk about diet during pregnancy and confinement, how to look after baby and what vaccines would be given; there was a short talk by an obgyn who was too busy to stay for the whole of his scheduled session. They showed a video on epidurals. There was a breathing seminar which was quite good. The breastfeeding seminar was cancelled as they had had to wait for the obgyn to arrive for his talk. Overall, it was very skimpy. But it didn’t really matter to me because when it came to the crunch time, I thought I would have the support of the midwives on the floor anyway.

Up to my due date, my obgyn seemed pretty positive that I’d be able to birth naturally. That was nice. I also thought he’d be actively advising me on the labour and birth as well, and I’d welcome his presence.

On the 7th of December, my husband left early to attend to a work meeting, even though it was a Sunday. A friend asked me to have coffee at about 2pm. During that morning I was not feeling well, with regular aches that were not as bad as period pains, but seemed fairly regular. When my husband returned home at 11am he suggested I call the hospital, who then suggested that I come in just to be checked out. I cancelled the coffee, though in hindsight I wished I kept the appointment!

Upon arrival on the maternal floor, we found it fairly deserted. There was a woman at the registration desk and another person I think. I was taken to a room, and laid down on the bed while they strapped the monitor to me. The midwife disappeared. I waited and waited with my husband but it felt a bit eerie. And rather lonely too. I wondered if they were going to check me then send me home.

She came back in and looked at the chart, and said, ‘yep you’re in labour’. She gave me an vaginal examination and said I was 4cm dilated. She left to call the doctor in.

We waited and waited. A nurse came in and gave me an enema. I felt so embarrassed. Then doctor came in and examined me. He was still positive, although he said baby was high. My husband heard the doctor then say vaguely, “I’ll just break your waters now”, and then he did. That was one thing I really didn’t want but I didn’t have a birth plan, so this wasn’t communicated to him beforehand. I was shocked that he didn’t ask my permission. I couldn’t stop him. I also couldn’t stop the pain, I felt like I was being hit by a truck over and over. Lying down on the bed, strapped to a monitor made it worse, I felt like I was in a prison of my own pain. My brain went haywire.

The doctor spent about 10 minutes with us in total. Very soon a nice little nurse with a worried look on her face offered an epidural. I said yes! Not too long after, the anaesthetist arrived and I was terrified that the epidural was going to be inserted while I was having a contraction. It felt horrible as it went in. Although the pain soon vanished I felt like I was in even more of a prison, paralysed flat on a bed with my legs feeling like rubber chickens. I didn’t feel happy, even if the pain had gone. My husband left to get lunch and I was alone in the room trying to watch TV but feeling very lonely. I started to feel cold and began shaking slightly.

At about 7pm the doctor returned and said that I was fully dilated but the baby hadn’t descended and I was going to need a caesarean. I felt like I had failed. I hadn’t done anything to help my baby descend naturally. My husband was bewildered and sad. The nurse shaved me for surgery which I felt even more humiliated by. I had a new nurse this time, a lady who could not stop talking as she wheeled me to the operating theatre. I tried to be polite and return her conversation about her social life and nightclubs, and a horrific landslide that had happened nearby, but it all felt rather weird. As I was being prepped in the theatre, she suddenly stopped talking and stared at my face. She said “did you get orthodontics on your teeth? They are so straight”. I answered yes, and then she started to get the other staff in the room to come and look at my teeth. I mean, my teeth are pretty straight but they’re not Miss Universe teeth you know!

I was shaking pretty badly by that stage. They put a heat lamp over me and another blanket but that didn’t help. There was music playing in the room, music from a Top 40 radio channel, not very relaxing. My jaw started shivering and all of a sudden that was all I could think about. The pain, the pain, the pain in my jaw. My husband came in dressed for the operation, and it was all I could do to whisper “my jaw hurts”. That was all I kept saying.

The doctor came in and the process of surgery began. It was all about my jaw still. All of a sudden I felt a tugging, and baby was out. He cried. I turned my head and saw my husband in happy tears. But no emotion registered with me.

The nurse literally plopped my baby onto my face – literally on my face! – and said “here is your baby!”. All I could say, was “my jaw hurts”.

Baby left and my husband remained by my side, silently supportive. All of a sudden, doctor said to him, “would you like to have a look?”. My husband was surprised but thought, “maybe I’ll see the cut stitched up”. The doctor was holding something in his hand. “This is the uterus” he said, pointing at it, “and these are the ovaries”, which he flicked with a finger. “They all look good”. “That’s nice”, my husband said, then leaned over and whispered in my ear in a shocked voice, “I think I just saw your uterus!”

“My jaw hurts!” I whispered.

He left, and I started going even crazier. I felt so weak too. I kept whispering “my jaw hurts”. One man heard me – the anaesthetist? But I don’t think he did anything. After a while, I managed to tell him again. I’m quite sure that my recollection is correct here, that he heaved a sigh, pressed a button or turned a switch, and I blacked out.

I woke up being wheeled to my room. Hubby was there, very upset that baby hadn’t arrived yet. He had followed baby to the nursery and was told he couldn’t go in. He was asked to leave and go upstairs to my room, that they would send baby in an hour, but baby didn’t arrive when he was meant to. Hubby kept calling nursery to see what was going on. Finally we saw baby wheeled in.

Hubby picked him up first and held him – a beautiful moment. Then I held him. I was shell-shocked still but thankfully my intellect stayed intact, I knew I’d have to work extra hard to make sure I bonded with him. Baby was beautiful, though my heart still felt cold. I knew straight away to try and breastfeed him. Thankfully I had taken an excellent breastfeeding course beforehand so knew what to expect every step of the way, and what commitment was needed. If not for this course I think I may given up breastfeeding soon after.

I kept baby as close to me as often as possible. But with the pain and discomfort of the wound, it was hard to hold him. When he was in his bassinet and cried, I couldn’t pick him up while lying on the bed. When hubby was too exhausted to wake and pick up baby to give to me, I had to call the nurse. But once the button was too far away to reach. I was still in prison!

I tried to raise my bed so that I could lie a hand on my baby while he was in the bassinet, but a nurse told me off. “That’s too high!” she said.

Some hours after the birth, during one of the next rounds of breastfeeding, a nurse came in to see if we were ok. We said to her that we thought we were doing fine with breastfeeding, but weren’t very sure, and what does she think? Her reply to us was, “if you’re not sure, why not supplement with formula?”. We were shocked. That’s not what we asked for! It was some support and guidance. Or at the very least an honest assertion that she didn’t know, but would get someone in to help me.

Later on, another nurse came in to see how we were going with breastfeeding. She proceeded to try to pull my nipple toward baby. Shocked again. I knew from the class I took that it was easier to bring baby to breast. Also it was so intrustive and aggressive.

At about 11am the lactation consultant came in. Again we said we thought we were doing fine but not sure…? Then she vanished. It was weird. This was the person who when we went for our scheduled hour-long breastfeeding conversation with her (to replace the seminar that was cancelled), only gave us 20 mins of her time as she was instructing another couple in Chinese. During our scheduled appointment. We also noticed many posters of damaged breasts on her walls which weren’t encouraging.

That pretty much ends my birth story. But it was actually the start of a new beginning for me. Eight months later, after I had a miscarriage, I felt like I needed to know more about birthing naturally. I attended a coffee chat with The Gentle Birthing Group, which was a relatively new local support group for mothers seeking better births. As I got more involved, I realised that this was my future. I wanted to support other women in their pregnancies, I wanted to give positive breastfeeding advice. I am now, in a way, grateful for the way I birthed my beautiful son. Even if the birth wasn’t beautiful, I feel like it has changed me for the better and I hope to be able to effect some change in the way that humankind now supports women and welcomes new life into the world.

Labor and Birth Workshop in Jeddah

2011-05-28T19:29:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Getting Involved in Breastfeeding Awareness

2011-05-24T14:07:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I've been participating in a lot of pregnancy and birth education activities over the past few weeks, alhamdulelah. The topics have been varied but they all have touched on breastfeeding.

Even though they are unrelated classes, each one is building upon the last to broaden my understanding of the culture of breastfeeding, as well as giving me important information to help mothers who suffer difficulty feeding. Allah is the best of planners and it is becoming clear to me that this is an issue I need to get more involved with, subhan'Allah.

Please get in touch with me if you are interested in finding out more about how you could get involved in breastfeeding or natural birth education and awareness. Now on to the post...Getting Involved in Breastfeeding Awareness...

My own breastfeeding experience with my eight children was fairly straightforward, alhamdulelah. I successfully nursed each one without much difficulty or need for help. However, I realize that some women do struggle.

The other day, my husband made a comment to me that made me realize the importance of having the father's support when deciding to feed our babies. Because of this I wrote an article on Saudi Life about the Husband's Role in Breastfeeding.

Next I attended a doula meeting in Dubai. The topics varied from pregnancy to postpartum support for expectant mothers. I was extremely familiar with all of the material presented, until we hit breastfeeding. I was taking notes and was inspired with a lot of great ideas for my childbirth education classes that touch on infant feeding.

During our drive home from that meeting I began reading A Fading Art: Understanding Breast-Feeding in the Middle East by Dr. Modia Batterjee of the Jeddah Al Bidayah Center, a breastfeeding support center. I absolutely love the first chapter as it depicts the culture of breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia in an easy-to-read story format. It is also available at Jarir Bookstore here in Saudi.

But the best thing is a breastfeeding counselor training that I am currently attending. Up until now, I've never specifically been trained on the subject of infant feeding and how to assess, recognize, and correct problems often experienced by new mothers.

Once the class finishes we will have seven new counselors in Riyadh, insha'Allah. We will be working closely together to educate and reach women in our area with the important information we are learning. The class is being conducted in Riyadh by Anne Batterjee, an international leader in many breastfeeding organizations.

Amazingly, yesterday I heard from my dear friend and fellow blogger, Roa Altaweli. Considering there are never coincidences in Allah's plans, I find it no surprise, yet still incredible, that she recently wrote about her research into Breastfeeding in Saudi Arabia, masha'Allah. The article is very well documented and gives tons of resources into the importance of breastfeeding and the hospital's role in helping mother's establish nursing very early on.

Please check out Roataw's Blog. She is currently studying midwifery in the UK and will be bringing her skills to work in Jeddah when she's done, insha'Allah. I'm anticipating her return and I know she will be a great contributor to the natural birth and breastfeeding culture in Saudi!

There is a lot of work to be done in Saudi, the Middle East, and globally in terms of natural birth and infant feeding. Please contact me if you'd like to find a way to get involved.

Loving the Natural Birth Experience!

2011-05-09T16:06:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I love this mother's passion for natural, non-medicated birth, masha'Allah! I pray that all sisters can experience the joys and fulfillment of birth that she has.

You may first want to read her journey to natural birth titled No More Epidurals!.

I hope you enjoy the story and will consider contributing your own! Thanks, again, to this sister for sharing! Now on to the story...Loving the Natural Birth Experience!...

There I was, pregnant with baby number four, thinking this baby will enter the world sooner than his brother and sisters did. After all, my muscles have done this before. I didn't realize just how right I was! This is how the birth of my fourth and latest baby actually turned out to be.

I was 37 weeks into the pregnancy and getting excited for baby to come, not just because it is a new baby, but because of the pains of being pregnant. I knew he was a big baby, even though my doctor told me I measured average size. She estimated he would be about 7 lbs at his due date, alhamdulillaah. Regardless of my doctor's prediction, I knew he was bigger than that. (My second baby was a big baby and I recognized the tightness of my belly when space is limited in there.)

The pressure I was feeling at that time was so painful that I started hoping he would come soon. The days continued passing by and I started feeling very painful Braxton Hicks (false labor). This was something I had never experienced before, so I thought they were true labor pains...until they ebbed away each time.

I informed my doctor of these and she told me my body is becoming prepared for baby to come and hopefully it is a sign that the birth would be quick. I was surprised by these contraction and had no idea what they are capable of! I would definitely find this out when it was time for the real thing.

Forty weeks came and went, as did many more episodes of false labor. There I was, calling the hospital when I thought it was truly labor, only to be disappointed hours later. Alhamdulillaah, the nurses advised us to wait a few hours before coming in, which gives the body enough time to process everything.

The funny thing is, these Braxton Hicks felt like when I was dilating the last time I gave birth (that same feeling of a vice opening my cervix). I was sure I was dilating. What convinced me even more was a sister I knew who was pregnant at the same time, similar due date, and she would tell me she was dilated whenever she went to visit her doctor. I didnt know that was even possible, since I never had that experience and I never heard of it! Subhaan'Allaah! You may think it strange, I have three children yet I don't know about true and false labor? Well, they were so painful that I couldn't walk at times, they would wake me up from my sleep and i was not looking for any water being broken because they didn't happen except for my first childbirth. I just had to bite down and endure the pain. I didn't want to have to be induced as this was policy for those going past 42 weeks. I was amazed at how well baby was being held in my tummy being the 4th baby and having his sibling all come in my 39th week! Allaahu Akbar, isn't Allaah just amazing how He created the capability of a woman's body?!

Two days after baby's due date i started having the braxton hicks again. So shrugging them off, i went to nap at around 5pm with the contractions. They were irregular like all those before and far apart. I didn't get very good sleep and awoke at 6:30pm to take care of the kids. The pains didn't go away, in fact they only got stronger and by 7pm my labour was in full swing. I was calculating in my head, "Ok. First baby- 15 hours labour, 2nd baby- 12 hours, 3rd baby- 9 hours....soooo 4th baby- 6 hours?" These contractions were intense! MashaaAllaah. I couldn't walk properly and i remembered my last labour how i only felt like this when i was dilated 7cm. So i looked at my husband and said, "Hurry. We have to go to the hospital now. I am far along and baby can come anytime now." Alhamdulillaah i sent my kids to my upstairs neighbour until my friend who i had asked to keep them when i go into labour could come to collect them. I didn;' want to risk waiting for her because i felt the birth was too close and she wasn't coming very soon. Off we went to the hospital my husband and I.

The contractions were coming stronger each time...and faster! Each time he hit a bump or went into a hole it was agony (sounds familiar: Speed Bumps...a Sign of Labor!). I was holding onto the handle bar above my head and reciting the duaa for ease as well as I could. But my concentration was failing me and the pain was taking over; I was slurring and forgetting to finish the duaa, so I kept restarting. For each contraction my feet were digging into the floor, even though I was trying to relax and breathe. The labor was progressing extremely quickly, a little too quickly, and I remembered my friend who had her baby in 1 hour. The time in between the contractions were shorter than my last labor.

Finally we got to the hospital after what seemed like ages. It was 8 pm the nurse at the desk asked me the routine questions and saw my face. She could tell I was far along and I convinced her that I knew I was. Consequently, I got that room really fast!

I undressed quickly and lay down with my husband again sitting on my right side and holding my hand. I was then checked, but I wasn't prepared for what I was about to hear (although it didn't surprise me).

"She's already 8 cm dilated!" exclaimed the nurse as she looked at me strangely. "When did your labor start?" she asked.

"About an hour ago," I replied between contractions.

She seemed to relieve her confusion by remembering that this was my fourth child. Anyway, I was sleep deprived and in alot of pain as this labor progressed so quickly. I was in no way prepared for what was happening. The finish line was almost there and I soothed myself with the thought of my last labor, although this was nothing like it!

The nurse was even better than my last one, alhamdulelah. She was wonderful, sweet and spoke to me, helping me through each and every contraction, masha'Allah. She stayed close to me, holding my other hand and coaching me. She saw my distress. I never felt pain like this before and I needed to hear some encouragement as that's what got me through my last labor. Alhamdulelah, my nurse did it well!

She put her hand on my tummy when I felt the next contraction and said to me so soothingly, "Relax and breathe. It's going to peak soon and it will last for 10 seconds." Then she would let me know when I was peaking; count the seconds with me and let me know when it was over. Alhamdulillaah! So I kept this in mind for the rest of contractions to come, at least for those I could even think through.

The time soon came where I was all out of being able to recite anything so I begged my husband to recite for me. He started saying a different dua. This was no time for me to school him (even though he knew the dua I was saying because he helped me learn it). I just couldn't think straight. Oh the pain!

The contractions were coming hard and fast. There was hardly any time in between them, until the pain just never went away. It was like contractions within a contraction if that's even possible. No one ever told me about this! I was beginning to totally lose it. I asked the nurse to come hold my hand again (even though my husband was still holding my hand). I found comfort in her Alhamdulillaah.

But she couldn't stay beside me because she was really busy preparing the room for when the birth. BUT she did keep reassuring me that she was right there and she coached me through each contraction, mashaaAllaah. I was groaning louder and she didn't mind at all. In fact she told me I'm giving birth and I'm allowed to scream! I didn't scream, but I did make it known that I was in labor! It's kind of like when you're exercising, it helps to shout or let out grunts as you work harder and push yourself.

Maybe it's self motivation? Yes, that's it, self motivation! Soon the time came and I got the feeling to push. I quickly told her and rolled onto my back to start pushing. She told me I was only 9 cm and tried to get me to stop pushing. But the baby was coming!

She hurriedly called the doctor and the doctor barged in saying, "If she wants to push, let her! She knows when she's ready." I believe she said this because she read that this is my fourth baby. I guess she assumed I was experienced. I wanted to laugh at that thought, but I was too busy screaming.

The baby was crowning and the pain was unbearable! The burning sensation was crazy and I quickly thought, "So that's the ring of fire!" Huh, another first! MashaaAllaah.

Right after that thought I found myself literally kicking and screaming, only to be yelled at by the doctor. She said, "This is your fourth baby! You know you're not supposed to scream!"

Yes, I did know, but the PAIN!!! And BURNING! My screams were actually gibberish for, "GET IT OUT!"

So the doctor told me to pull my knees back and start pushing and I complied. I couldn't hold my knees though; my arms were weak. So I begged someone to help me. Alhamdulelah, my husband did along with the nurse on the other side. I had actually forgotten he was there! I forgot everything!

Then after another big push the head came! I continued pushing and they told me to stop. What? Stop? Now? You had to be joking! The burning hadn't stopped, I just wanted it out!

It turns out that his arm was stuck and she needed to ease it out. I felt everything and even though it was painful, it was an amazing experience, mashaaAllaah. Baby's arm was free and now was the time to push him into the world. I was so happy it was over! I lay back and closed my eyes, finally pain-free!

"Look at him!" my husband cried, just like he did not too long ago when Yahya was born. "He's beautiful!"

I looked; he was white and big and all wrinkly in the face, like a teddy bear, exactly like my second daughter. "How's that beautiful?" I thought to myself.

I looked at the time and saw it was 9 pm. I had a 2 hour labor! That's something I had silently wished for every time I heard a friend's stories of short and fast labors. But I never thought I'd experience it. "There goes my prediction about the length of this labor!" I thought.

I closed my eyes again, with thoughts of my loving, sweet husband who truly believes all babies are beautiful, masha'allah. I smiled at the many blessings in my life at that moment, alhamdulelah.

I love how my husband says, "Sure!" with both hesitation and excitement, each and every time he's been asked if he wanted to cut the cord. He is part Arab part Baluchi and I know how men of his culture normally leave women to their "women business," as he would say. But for each birth he was there to witness it and cut the cord; he knew how important this is to me and he did this for me. I know too that he also wanted to be there for his children. He loves ALL children so these experiences mean something to him. He never said it, but his eyes and his actions shout it!

Anyway, remember my 15 minute rest/composure time allowance after birth for myself? Yeah, that didn't change. I refused to hold the baby at first. So they weighed and wrapped him and gave him to my husband who recited the adhaan in his ear, alhamdulelah.

He weighed 9lbs 2oz! That confirmed how well I knew my baby and my body. If only Dr. Hew, my Obstetrician, could hear that now! He wasn't my biggest baby though; my second daughter was 2oz heavier than him.

By the time my husband was done admiring him, I was ready to start nursing him.

Want to hear another great piece of news i was waiting for?... I didn't have any tears! Allaahu akbar! No stitches from this big baby, Alhamdulillaah! How great were the bounties of my Lord?! Countless! My Lord never ceases to amaze me! There I was with so many things to be thankful for, but I couldn't begin or end listing them.

Alhamdulillaah, this time we ordered a private room because I wanted my "hospital day" (equivalent to most women's spa day). A day to relax and enjoy my baby with no other babies crying except mine and no uninteresting conversations between other women and their husbands to listen to. I wanted peace and quiet.

However, there were no private rooms available. But I got to stay in the delivery room, which was much bigger than a private room anyway. Yay! Blessing number...I lost count! Allaahu akbar!

My husband had to leave, per hospital policy. Baby was bathed a while later and dressed right next to me. Since baby was on the big side, the nurses had to keep checking his blood sugar every 3 hours as well as my bleeding. Alhamdulillaah, everything was great.

The next day, my friend came to the hospital to see me and my husband brought the children to see their new baby brother. My first son was shy; he didn't want to come near us. But he behaved wonderfully, Alhamdulillaah (and to this day he is loving and wonderful, mashaaAllaah).

We were able to leave the hospital after the 24 hours. My friend offered to keep the kids for the rest of the weekend so that my husband and I could rest. I was so grateful, especially she had to work on Monday! Another huge blessing, May Allaah bless her with Jannatul Firdous...Ameen!

My in-laws went back to their country as they had completed their purpose here and my husband and I had no relatives to help out. My friend cooked food for me to keep for one week. Allaah knows I needed those days! So did my husband, because the days to follow were the hardest we ever endured!

All in all, the birth was exhilarating. Even though I was disappointed in myself for not handling it calmly and collectively at the end, I am most happy that Allaah granted me my unsopken desires.

All though my children are all below the age of 5 right now, and i am tired of running behind them, I want to have those eleven children I've imagined for myself. I want to be pregnant over and over again just so that I can experience natural childbirth! It sounds crazy but I'm sure it trumps skydiving! I am a woman, hear me roar!

And even if We had sent down unto them angels, and the dead had spoken unto them, and We had gathered together all things before their very eyes, they would not have believed, unless Allah willed, but most of them behave ignorantly. Surah Al-An'aam:111.

Natural Born Breech!

2011-05-02T00:50:00.000+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

All too often women are whisked off to surgery because their baby is in breech position (bum first rather than head first). It's true that some breech babies are in need of surgical rescue, but more often than not, they can still be born naturally, or at least through the birth canal rather than abdominal surgery.

Unfortunately, many doctors are not confident in the body's ability to birth a breech baby. They would prefer to take control by turning to Cesarean surgery right off. As one senior obstetrician once told me, "The skill of breech birth is being forever lost to the skill of the knife."

This is a refreshing story, told by a doula in Dubai. It's so promising to read of birth attendants who value the doula's role and who encourage the mother to birth her breech baby without much intervention! I wish they all were as trusting in the woman's ability to birth her baby.

I hope you enjoy this story and will share yours too! Now on to the story...Natural Born Breech!...

I have to tell you it was the best experience as a Doula I have ever had. Her waters broke a week before her due date and her husband wasn't even in the country. She called me and said that her waters were not clear.

Next she called the hospital. The Midwife over the phone said, "Come in; you will need a C-section immediately!!"... nice.

We went in expecting some theater action. However, the same midwife from the phone came in and had obviously read the notes (which stated she wanted a natural birth). She said, "We'll see how the baby is doing. If he is ok we'll let you labor!"

When the obstetrician arrived the baby was doing okay so she said, "A little bit of poo is expected due to the pressure on the baby's bum. I'll give you the night to get the contractions going. But if nothing progresses, then we will C-section in the morning, or before if the baby is distressed." We felt a glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel!

When the fetal monitoring was done, we moved to another room. I pulled out all the Doula tricks to get her into labor and it started to work!

It was a very very long night! This was my first labor without her partner present. I actually thought it was better, no nervous jokes or comments, total silence at times, generally calm. It felt right!

From 1 cm at admission, to 3 cm, then through the night to 4/5 cm, and the early morning she progressed quickly to 8 cm. We were moved back to the labor room where she started to get the urge to push! I could even feel it when she was contracting as she liked my hands on her lower back. I could physically feel her pelvis enlarging!

The obstetrician came back and was concerned. She stated that she must have an epidural to take away the urge to push as the baby's bum and body was already through the cervix but the head was not...potential disaster!!!! So the epidural was done; she was fully dilated; but the doctor wanted to slow everything down.

So we waited. My lady was happy and relaxed and was giving me updates on which parts of her body she now couldn't feel. She has only rated her pain at 4 out of 10 just before the epidural so she felt it was crazy that women take it as an option so quickly.

Anyway, finally Hubby arrived (flew in from Africa over night) just in time for the grand finale!!! Typical.

The obstetrician arrived and the theater was on standby. The head midwife was directing proceedings really well and giving my lady loads of encouragement about trusting her body. (I loved to hear it). She was directed to push and slowly her little man emerged.

Scrotum first, then bum, body, legs flicked out and down, and then the head. It was superb!!

As the baby was Frank Breech I was not prepared for his legs to be all over the place which was a little shocking to see initially, however all was ok.

The doctor had been really welcoming of me as a doula and at no time did I feel like she didn't want me there. She even give me a quick lesson on the golden rules of breech birth: totally hands off, cervix must be fully dilated, the mummy's body will know what to do, etc!

She did mention however that she has come across some Doula's here in Dubai, who have overstepped the boundary of their role as a Doula, so something for us all to take onboard.

Overall it was physically and emotionally draining for me as a Doula, knowing that the risks were so high. However, it was all well worth it and the baby boy is beautiful!

P.S. After a check and double check by the doctors, mum was given her baby boy, skin to skin and he started breast feeding. :-)

Research Pays Off in a Lotus Birth!

2011-04-29T18:59:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Newborn baby, Badr!

I'm really impressed with this young mother's determination and research into birth. She really took time to educate herself and knew what she wanted, masha'Allah. However, I'm a little surprised at her doula's active role, as usually a doula only supports the mother emotionally during the birth and doesn't perform any physical examinations.

I hope you enjoy this birth story and would love if you share yours! Now on to the story...Research Pays Off in a Lotus Birth!...

I found out by surprise that I was pregnant when I went into the emergency room complaining of severe abdominal pain. I had thought I had the stomach flu. After some blood tests and an ultrasound it was determined that I was a already month along!

I had just turned 19. I was very excited, but also very nervous, as I had no idea what to expect.

We were living in Bahrain and I was a bit uneasy about delivering there. To top it off, I didn't have any family or friends for support.

One of my good friends suggested I have a home birth. She said that she had one and had really a positive experience. I had never really given my birth place much thought as I always assumed that it automatically had to be in a hospital. After talking with her I decided to look into it.

I went on CafeMom and talked with many women who had home births. Some also shared their traumatic hospital birth experiences. I told my obstetrician that I clearly wanted a natural birth. Unfortunately, I got the impression that birth is a disease and that they would need to constantly poke and prod to deliver safe babies.

From my research, I discovered that hospital births often come with unnecessary interventions. Some of which may lead to further complications. I especially wanted to avoid a Cesarean section; it just seemed insane to allow someone to cut open my body for their own financial gains!

I decided to order natural birthing books to do a deeper study on the subject. I found that home birth with a qualified midwife was a safe alternative, without all the intervention risks. I searched for many months but couldn't find a midwife.

Then I began looking into unassisted birth stories on Laura Shanley's Bornfree website. At that point I was seriously considering a home birth. My husband didn't mind being my birth assistant but I also wanted a female companion who had the experience delivering babies at home. I felt I may need her to be my support during contractions and to help me cope with my fear of labor and birth.

At 36 weeks pregnant I hadn't totally decided. I finally went ahead to American Mission Hospital to sign my labor paperwork. During this visit I felt hopeless because no one respected my wishes for a calm, relaxing, welcoming birth experience.

As a first time mother, the coming birth experience really meant a lot to me. I looked online some more to see if I could find anyone who would support me during my birth. Finally, at 39 weeks pregnant I found a mom who had unassisted childbirths and she had posted her story on BornFree. I was thrilled to find that she was also in Bahrain!

I was ecstatic and immediately emailed her to see if she was still in Bahrain! To my luck...she was! I was so happy when she agreed to support me as a doula in a planned home birth...YAY!

I really wanted to look good after birth so she and I planned a fun day out to the salon to get henna done on our feet. That morning my early labor started but I felt very energetic. I tried to count my contractions but they weren't very stable - they varied from 5-15 minutes apart. My doula assured me that everything was fine and suggested that it could be because it was my first birth and my body getting used to the contractions. We decided to go ahead to the salon as planned. I felt really relaxed there but I was also excited knowing that my baby was going to be in my arms soon, insh'Allah! It was a really nice treat.

The day passed and by 3 am the next day I had trouble sleeping. The pain from the contractions was becoming more intense and I don't think I slept very well, neither did my husband. He had to do back massages and hip squeezes to ease some of the pain.

In the early morning we went to get some breakfast and then we slept a bit. When I was in the car the pain was really bad I couldn't stand sitting while I was having contractions! The doula offered to come stay in her guest bedroom and to use her bathtub for the birth. I was very grateful for the offer.

At 9 pm I decided to take a long walk with my husband at the park near the airport. During our walk I felt like screaming because the contractions were really intense. I also didn't feel very comfortable as the place was crowded. When I visited the washroom I found my mucous plug, a sign that my long and painful back labor was progressing.

We decided to stay over night at my doula's home. I really hoped to have the baby there but by morning my labor had slowed down a bit. My husband and I decided to head back home. A few hours later, I was having hard labor so I called the doula to come in and help. I knew it was near time to deliver my baby and I had no idea what to do!

She guided my pushing because by that time I was exhausted from my long labor. I pushed for many hours and was surprised when she checked me and I could feel the skull high up; it was so surreal! My husband decided we take a break and get some fresh air, so we took a walk on the beach in my area and got some lunch.

At one point, as my doula checked me, my water broke. She was a bit worried as there was meconium in my waters, which can be a sign of fetal distress. I figured I would push for a bit and see if the baby would come out. It had already been a little over three days of labor. At this point I was very exhausted. We gave in and decided we should go to the hospital to deliver.

Before we were out the door, I wanted to have a hot shower as a last resort since I hadn't been in water all day. I had always thought that being in hot water would slow down the labor, but I was wrong! My husband went in with me and I suddenly felt some strange sensations. I knew something was coming down pretty fast!

I was afraid to push so I called out for my doula. She rushed in and quickly guided my pushing. After lots of pushing and hard work, we could see the baby's hair. There was a head full of very beautiful, long, soft, black hair, masha'Allah!

I focused so hard on my pushing to get the baby out. Finally, I felt the head come out, followed by the body with another contraction or two. I'm really not sure if my husband or doula caught him but whoever it was handed him directly to me! He was immediately red and crying, masha'Allah. I couldn't believe it! A baby came out of me! All that hard work paid off! We guestimated he weighed about seven pounds.

During my pregnancy I had read a lot about lotus births (not cutting the cord and just keeping the placenta along side the baby until it naturally detaches). After the birth we weren't sure whether to cut the cord or not. I really wanted the most gentle, welcoming for baby Bader so we decided to delay cutting the cord for at least 24 hours to see if it is still convenient for us, otherwise we would cut it without clamping.

I had read about using herbs to keep the placenta from smelling but we couldn't find all the suggested herbs. We decided to try dried rosemary and it seemed fine. On the third or fourth day the cord dried up and separated from Bader, masha'Allah. After it was detached we just threw away the placenta.

If anyone were to ask, I think I would just suggest sprinkling the dried ground up rosemary on the placenta, insha'Allah. As for the home birth, I would do it again, but hopefully the labor won't be as long, insha'Allah!

Improving Birth Practices in Saudi

2011-04-26T12:12:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo Credit: Umm Layth of

Wold of Umm Blog

This is a repost from a new blog designed to help build a feasibility study for birth centers in Saudi. Saudi Birth Surveys

The birth experience has lifelong health and emotional affects on women, babies, and families; and thus communities at large. As a responsible member of Saudi society, you have a right and an obligation to ensure that each baby, mother, and family have the best possible start in life, insha'Allah.

The over-medicalised culture of birth in Saudi Arabia is troubling. Thankfully, there are a lot of efforts being made within the concerned governmental agencies, public and private medical communities, and the community at large to find ways to protect women, babies, and families during this vulnerable time.

I hope you'll get involved by providing your important opinions for these surveys...now on to the request...Improving Birth Practices in Saudi...

On the authority of Abu Sa'Eed al-Khudree (radiAllahu anhu) who said : I heard the Messenger of Allah (SallAllahu `alayhi wa sallam) say :

Whosoever of you sees an evil, let him change it with his hand; and if he is not able to do so, then [let him change it] with his tongue; and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart - and that is the weakest of faith.

We are reaching out to all those who have an interest in the affects of birthing culture in Saudi Arabia.

Are you willing to answer a series of short surveys over the course of a few weeks (10 to 20 surveys) about your birthing opinions and preferences?

The following people qualify for the survey:

All men and women
Married or single
Over the age of 18
Residing in Saudi.

Click here to take survey

Allah (SWT) is the best of Creators. We therefore trust that the woman's body is perfectly designed to carry, birth, and feed our babies. We value lifesaving medical interventions when complications arise. However, studies prove that with proper diet, exercise, and education, most women can birth naturally, insha'Allah.

We believe that a natural-non-medicated birth, under the non-intrusive observation of trained birth attendants is the safest and gentlest approach to birth and has the best lifelong outcomes.

Our goal is to determine the feasibility of starting birth centers dedicated to natural birth. Natural birth means birth without medical pain relief or interventions unless truly necessary.

We realize that awareness and education are paramount as women need to know how to prepare themselves physically, emotionally, and mentally to birth completely naturally. Families have a right to know their options and the true risks associated with medical routines and elective procedures in order for them to make informed decisions about their birth.

To address this, we plan to create natural childbirth classes that will be sensitive to the culture and religious needs of the region, insha'Allah. This will provide community awareness and education and preparation to expectant parents who decide to birth naturally.

First we must determine if there is a large enough market for the service. If so, it will spread awareness of birthing options as well as create flexible, part time jobs for women who wish to teach natural birth classes, insha'Allah.

Assuming this is successful, the next phase, will be a feasibility study for home-like birth centers, staffed with midwives and other natural birth support professionals in Saudi, insha'Allah.

I hope you will give us a few moments of your time and commit to completing these surveys. It is an important part of the business planning process.

Jazzakallahu Khyrn!

Click here to take survey

A Midwife's UBA2C (Unassiasted Birth After Two Cesareans)

2011-04-24T08:11:00.002+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Art by: Amy Swagman
http://themandalajourney.com/

I'm honored to post this unassisted, home, water birth story. What makes it even more special is that she is an awesome midwife! It's rare to get a glimpse into the birth of birth attendants. Her knowledge and trust in Allah come shining through in her own birth story.

I hope you'll enjoy her story. Please let me know if you would like to share yours. Now on to the story...A Midwife's UBA2C (Unassiasted Birth After Two Cesareans)...

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh, Sisters.

Awaiting my youngest baby’s arrival was far harder than my other three pregnancies. I was more tired, far more uncomfortable, and struggling with the high heat and preexisting hypertension, none of which has been an issue for me with any of my three prior pregnancies. Although I desperately wanted a normal vaginal delivery, as I had with my first baby, I was certain that having the baby anywhere other than at home was going mean a cesarean for me due to hypertension and having two prior cesareans with my middle pregnancies. Being alone with three children, I knew that I was going to need my strength following the delivery and, insha’Allah, I wasn’t going to compromise my physical strength by allowing my baby to be cut from my body.

I had spent most of my pregnant months in Africa and, upon returning to America for the delivery, I was feeling at times very alone. But, Alhamdulillah, I had three wonderful friends that offered to come when I was birthing to help with the other children and food and cleaning, so I could just focus on birthing.

For weeks I had been feeling strong practice contractions…much stronger than with any previous pregnancy. It was tiring and emotionally draining at times feeling that birth could be imminent at any time and know how much I really needed things to be gentle for me and my baby. I could only pray and pray and pray. We were very blessed that some friends were coming by with food and to do relaxation techniques to help me through the final days. We were able to live for a while with some friends so I had a room that I could comfortably birth in.

Then, some many weeks after I expected he might be born, the day finally came.

Alhamdulillah, it was the first day of Ramadan and I had not yet gotten to sleep after Isha. I lay in bed wondering how I would get comfortable to fall asleep, when at 1:20am I suddenly felt a very strong surge that brought me fast to me feet. There was something inside that told me that was finally the real thing. I went to wake up two friends to let them know that I may need them soon. I began pacing the room, praying to Allah to make it gentle and to watch over my family. About 20 minutes later I felt another strong surge and then I was certain that it was coming. I wanted to sleep, but I was nervous to be laying down when another surge came because it felt easier to stand. At the same time I was worried that I would tire…my previous birth had been over many days.

I began to fill my heated birthing tub so it would be ready when I wanted to get in later. I didn’t have this available with my last birth and it was a major regret, so I was determined to have it filled and ready this time. My older boys were asleep in the bed beside me through all of the morning hours and I was surprised that my increasing moans were not waking them.

At 4:30am I called a friend to update her and she insisted that she should come. I was really happy to have the company even though I didn’t want anyone to touch me or talk in the room. By the time she arrived in the morning, I was getting myself into the tub and it really helped so much to get the weight off of my feet. With every surge there was so much intensity around the pubic bone, as if my pelvis might break, but I had expected this because it was a feeling very common for the end of this pregnancy, and even regular chiropractic only make it more comfortable for a short time, though I do think that treatment helped this birth to go smoothly and align my baby (who had been breech until just before labor).

Daylight was breaking and I could now hear the birds outside. In the late morning my boys finally woke from bed and decided to go out to play in the yard. My surges were very close, maybe 2-3 minutes apart at this point. My other friend soon arrived and now there were three friends helping if I needed, but I felt too much distraction with more than one person in the room at a time, so they took turns being around. It was nice to know that they were there handing me drinks to sip on and giving me a hand getting to the bathroom when needed.

Eventually the aching in my pelvis and back became quite overwhelming. I knew it would be good for my blood pressure to try and lie down, but I could only stay upright and I decided to ask my friends to push hard on my back to try and ease some pain in the front of the pelvis. It didn’t help as much as I hoped, but it did feel good to be trying something. Ultimately I knew that my baby just needed to come out to resolve that feeling.

Finally I could tell that I was beginning to bear down. Perhaps around noon time, it was. Initially it was light and I think I was not yet fully dilated, but probably just lightly bearing down, helping his head to rotate inside. I was mostly on my hands and knees in the tub at this time.

By 1:00pm I could tell that my body was about to really push my baby out, so I yelled out the window for my children to come inside and quickly they ran up the stairs. After three big pushes his head came. I leaned back and felt his hair swaying in the water. SubhanAllah, almost done! One more push and his body emerged into my hands. My friend, Kristin, helped lift him into my tired arms and I was overjoyed to meet him, as all mothers are. Alhamdulillah he was healthy and well. He looked around at first and then let out a small cry, but quickly quieted again and almost immediately began to nurse. His brothers were very happy to have seen him born and stayed close to us.

We stayed in the tub for about one hour and called his Papa and other family to share the news. The placenta still had not come, but I had no obvious bleeding at all. My friends were bringing in food for me and we relaxed together. But eventually strong surges came again. I believe that my placenta had detached and was resting in my cervix which was quite uncomfortable. I cut the cord and gave the baby to a friend so I could try to get more comfortable on the bed. But the discomfort was intense like labor again and I couldn’t find a comfortable spot. For about an hour I continued to moan and find comfort. I had no urge to push out the placenta, but I desperately wanted it to come.

A friend suggested that I feel inside to see if I could tough the placenta, so I felt and found that it was indeed just at the top of my vaginal canal. I quickly walked to the bathroom and gave a pull on the cord until it slid out into the toilet and boy, did that feel better!

I was then able to tuck back into bed with my baby boy in arms. He nursed some more until we both fell asleep. It has been almost eight months and, Alhamdullilah, he has barely given me any fuss. InshAllah he will remain as peaceful as he has been over these months for his whole life long. My older boys, too have been amazing brothers and I am so grateful to have their aid and support in caring for our family.

My physical recovery was very short and after just a few days I felt like I had not even given birth. I barely bled and I was so happy to be able to sleep comfortably again. I was getting the best sleep I’d had in so long, despite have a nursing baby! Unassisted birth is not for everyone, but I wanted to share my story to inspire mothers and let them know that, even if you have some health issues, life and death is only in the hands of Allah and there is still nothing wrong with choosing the path of least intervention. There is a quote I heard many years ago that goes: “The first intervention in childbirth is the one the mother does herself when she walks out her front door. It is from this that all others follow.” Fear of bad outcomes is no match for trust in Allah. InshAllah, we can all choose to be Maryam beneath the date tree, despite previous cesarean, despite hypertension, despite diabetes, despite being over 40, despite even having a baby with anomalies. It is extremely rare that there are complications that can not be resolved through exceptional nutrition.

I am a midwife, though I did not midwife myself in birth. After experiencing my own completely unhindered birth, I decided to primarily work doing consultation for families planning their own unassisted birthing experience. It is because of the story of another sister I read many years ago that compelled me to strive for this, and with cesarean rates approaching or exceeding 50% in most areas of the world, I pray that my story will inspire others to avoid giving their bodies and babies to strangers, as well.

Jazak Allah khairan for reading and sharing our gentle UBA2C (unassisted birth after 2 cesarean) story sisters!!!

The Power of Our Inner Strength

2011-04-16T17:20:00.001+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

Photo by: Christy Mountford
Brisbane, Australia

I want to really thank the mama in this story. I appreciate her sharing her journey with us here. I find three things to learn while reading this birth story.

The first was just how much we really long for the love and emotional support of our partners during birth. Sadly, when that piece is missing, although we can (must) still get through it, we can be left flat and often times depressed at a time that should be joyous and monumental.

Secondly is just how much birth is really all our own. Whether or not we have the emotional support we desperately long for is truly irrelevant. Regardless, we have a journey to travel and it will happen with or without the support we want. Frankly, this is true of the entire journey through life. We long so much to share it, but the reality is it is truly our own. The one and only truly with us is Allah (SWT) and the more we can learn to depend on HIM the easier everything becomes, subhanAllah!

Third is that our bodies are amazingly created to carry and birth our babies! Trusting in the natural process and perfect design will get us through without the aid of man-made drugs and interventions! Way to go, Mama, ya Rab!

I hope you enjoy this story. Please let me know if you'd like to share yours. Now on to the story...The Power of Our Inner Strength...

My third pregnancy was not the easiest. It came from a relationship that was also coming to its end and I was not the happiest of pregnant women. The entire pregnancy had been long, hot and exhausting. By the time I reached my ninth month, I was ready for it to be over. That’s just how I felt.

Waking up at 3am with that heavy pressure, a bloody show and those familiar stomach pains sprung me into action. My husband was about to go on a trip to another state and I knew that I would be doing it alone.

I called him on the phone to let him know that I was in labor (he was always working). He came within 30 minutes. “Are you sure this is it?” he asked.

“Yes,” I said through tight teeth, “this is it!”

The contractions were probably coming every three minutes. He got me to the van and then realized that there was a high likelihood that my waters would break; so he ran back into the apartment to get towels and put them underneath me.

We started driving to the hospital, first dropping off our other two kids to a friend’s home. On the way he realized that he needed to get diapers for one of the kids so we stopped by the store first. I remember trying to breathe through the pain waiting anxiously for him to come back. By this time the contractions were probably coming 2 minutes apart. I really don’t know as I didn’t time them. I just remember a couple looking at me through the car window and feeling scared. Eventually he came with the diapers and got me to the hospital.

Walking to the triage was hard. I could barely get through one step without having to stop for breath, but finally I was there. There was one other girl there who seemed to be in way more pain than me. She was sitting with her friend screaming.

I just wanted to get through the contractions. My husband couldn’t stay with me; he had to catch a flight. However, my friend was on her way to be with me. I lied and said, “I don’t mind; just go. I can handle this.”

I remember sitting in the triage with a newspaper in my hand trying to breathe through my pain. I sat there for about 20 minutes and then felt the overwhelming urge to push. I walked up to the nurse in the triage and said, ”Excuse me, but I want to push now.”

At that point the place went into total bedlam. There were nurses everywhere and somehow I was on a bed in a room. I was examined and told that they were going to break my waters as I was totally effaced and ready to push. After that the pain really kicked in but it was too late for pain meds. I just went into the business of pushing.

This pushing seemed to take forever. I was pushing hard. They told me to stop pushing while he crowned. At this point the room seemed to fill with doctors. There were about seven and I remember one looking at me with the biggest eyes and saying, “Push, come on push!”

I knew there was something special about this baby! I pushed as hard as I could; I pushed so hard, my head spun! Suddenly he came out. Everyone looked so relieved and happy.

When they told me how much he weighed, I understood why there were so many doctors in the room…10lbs 6oz! The last measurement had placed him at 8lbs. I couldn’t believe I had given birth to a baby that big without medication!

Alhamdulllah, I know I wasn’t alone. I gave birth to that baby without pain meds and had a very quick recovery. That was when I realized that our bodies can handle natural birth, even with a big baby!

A Plea for Natural Birth

2011-04-13T03:27:00.004+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I am pleased to share this thought provoking article by Zuzana Nadova, a trained midwife and dear friend. She shares her research about some very important points concerning the risks and effects of the all-too-common practice of interfering with laboring women's natural patterns of hormonal secretions for birth.

Most mothers who agree to drug induced labor induction, augmentation (speeding labor), and non-emergency Cesarean are unaware of the interference in the natural hormonal symphony that is designed to take place in our bodies during labor for a reason, subhan'Allah. These important points are brushed over by the medical community, usually without a single mention to the mother who usually puts her unquestioning trust in her doctor.

I hope this article raises the awareness of many mothers and will cause them to think twice before allowing their birth team to interfere with the natural hormonal plan provided to us by our Creator.. I welcome such thought provoking articles and would love to share others...now on to the article...A Plea for Natural Birth...

In modern societies most childbirths occur in hospitals with the assistance of the latest technologies. Protocols are being carried out and policies followed. But what about mothers and their wishes or decisions? What do we really know about the consequences of such approaches to pregnancy and childbirth, the beginning of a journey of a new human being? Can we comprehend the effect it will have and what we will face in the future?

Currently, a lot of births are conducted as follows:

Induction (forcing labor to start) by the administration of drugs (oxytocin and prostaglandins)

Augmentation (speeding spontaneously occurring labor) by administrating drugs (oxytocin)

Use of analgesics and epidural anesthesia (pain medications)

Cesarean sections (surgical removal of baby) and even elective Cesarean section

Deliveries in an unfamiliar environment (hospital)

Birth is a unique hormonal process activated by the body`s own production of oxytocin. This serves the purpose of safe delivery of the baby, the onset of lactation (milk in the breast), and creating a bond between the mother and child. During the birth many cascading neuro-hormonal reactions (prostaglandins, prolactin, endorphines) take place which ensure progress and coping with labor.

Oxytocin is hormone which produced in brain. It stimulates:

Peripheral action

uterine contractions
let down reflex of lactation

Central effect

decreases fear
increases trust
encourages bonding
stimulates maternal behavior

Synthetic oxytocin, which is routinely administered during induction and augmentation of labor, does not cross the blood brain barrier like natural oxytocin. Therefore it provides only peripheral actions which have effects on the uterus and breasts. It cannot affect the mother's feelings or behaviors, thus depriving her of natural releases of stress and anxiety. Also administrating synthetic oxytocin may interfere with the natural progress of birth.

Prostaglandins regulate contractions and are directly responsible for contraction of the uterus during labor. Synthetic prostaglandins, which are administered during induction of labor, suppress prolactin secretion , the hormone responsible for milk production, and thus cause difficulties with breastfeeding.

Endorphines are produced in brain during pain and prolonged workouts like childbirth. They resemble opiates and produce analgesia (natural relief from the pain). They also cross the placental barrier and help the baby coping with labor. Administering medical analgetics and opiates during labor may disturbe the natural opioid system and decrese the production of natural endorphins, thus decreasing the natural supply to the baby.

Delivering by Cesarean section disturbs hormonal balance and processes that are meant to take place during childbirth.

Childbirth in an unfamiliar environment may produce anxiety and stress. During stressful situations the body releases adrenalin to cope with emergencies. Adrenalin acts as an antagonist to oxytocin, so a stressful birthing environment can slow the progress of birth and endanger its results.

Clearly, interventions and the use of medications during labor have immediate effects on the mother and baby in terms of the spontaneous progress of labor. Interventions also create need for more interventions. Notably, many interventions result in difficulties with breastfeeding.

Some scientists are examining the long-term effects of such labors, hypothesing about possible conseqences after interfering with the natural hormonal system. They are studying the possible links between hormonal interference during labor and the baby's stress reactions, human bonding, anxiety disorders, depression, and even autism.

http://www.midwiferytoday.com/enews/enews1215.asp#main

" 80% of the blood reaching the fetus via the umbilical vein goes directly to the inferior vena cava via the ductus venosus, bypassing the liver, and therefore immediately reaching the brain: it is all the more direct since the shunts (foramen ovale and ductus arteriosus) are not yet closed. . . . Furthermore, it appears that the permeability of the blood-brain barrier can increase in situations of oxidative stress—a situation that is common when drips of synthetic oxytocin are used during labor. We have, therefore, serious reasons to be concerned if we take into account the widely documented concept of “oxytocin-induced desensitization of the oxytocin receptors.” In other words, it is probable that, at a quasi-global level, we routinely interfere with the development of the oxytocin system of human beings at a critical phase for gene-environment interaction." M. Odent

REFERENCES:

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2009.02256.x/full

http://www.wombecology.com/physiological.html

S Jordan1, S Emery2, A Watkins3, JD Evans4, M Storey5, G Morgan6: Associations of drugs routinely given in labour with breastfeeding at 48 hours: analysis of the Cardiff Births Survey

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1471-0528.2009.02256.x/full

CG70:Induction of labour:NICE guidline
http://guidance.nice.org.uk/CG70/NICEGuidance/doc/English

Begley C. The effect of Ergometrine on breast feeding. Midwifery 1990;6:60–72.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/2195299

Winberg J. Mother and newborn baby: mutual regulation of physiology and behavior – a selective review. Dev Psychobiol 2005;47:217–29.

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/dev.20094/abstract

Dunne C, Da Silva O, Schmidt G, Natale R.:Outcomes of elective labour induction and elective caesarean section in low-risk pregnancies between 37 and 41 weeks' gestation.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20085677

Alfirevic Z, Kelly AJ, Dowswell T.:Intravenous oxytocin alone for cervical ripening and induction of labour.

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/19821304

Elkamil AI, Andersen GL, Salvesen KA, Skranes J, Irgens LM, Vik T.:Induction of labor and cerebral palsy: a population-based study in Norway
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/21275920

Anim-Somuah M, Smyth RMD, Howell CJ:Epidural versus non-epidural or no analgesia in labour
http://www2.cochrane.org/reviews/en/ab000331.html

Gülmezoglu AM, Crowther CA, Middleton P: Induction of labour for improving birth outcomes for women at or beyond term
http://www2.cochrane.org/reviews/en/ab004945.html

No More Epidurals!

2011-04-10T15:25:00.003+03:00

Bismillah al-Rahman al-Rahim

I love this mother's journey and dedication to natural, non-medicated birth, masha'Allah! I pray that all sisters can learn from her experiences and find the dedication and courage necessary to birth naturally.

The thing that stands out for me is, sadly, the mother, her husband, and her mother would have benefited so much from childbirth education classes. I feel for her husband and mother as unprepared labor companions often feel at a loss for what to do.

I hope you enjoy the story and will consider contributing your own! Thanks to this sister for sharing! Now on to the story...No More Epidurals!...

I was pregnant with baby number three and determined not to undermine myself and my capabilities as a woman. I convinced myself, for the third time, that I will do this naturally, without any pain medication, insha'Allah.

This time I was having a baby boy, after having two girls, and my pregnancy was a good one, alhamdulelah.

I think I should mention a bit of personal information as well as history. I am not very good at pain tolerance; I never had painful periods and I have a low threshold for pain overall.

Baby Number One

For my first child I wanted to birth her naturally, without any pain medication because I believe this is the ultimate proof of womanhood. So it was a personal challenge.

Sadly, I failed for two reasons:

I was uneducated about being pregnant and we couldn't afford prenatal classes or a midwife.
I had no support or help from family members since they belong to a generation which believe, "the doctors will handle everything and let you know everything."

I lived in a different country from my mother who, herself took pain medication to birth me, an only child. I had no one else except my husband, who obviously is a man, and thus even more clueless than I was.

After 12 hours, I was not dilating, not even one scrawny centimeter and my water had broken since the beginning. Being in a medical environment, they obviously gave Pitocin to speed my labor.

The pains came on fast and furious and I couldn't handle it. I was screaming; the nurse was angry with me, saying she can hear me down the hall; and my husband was with me not knowing what to say or do. So, epidural it was.

I slept for three hours then magically awoke to baby engaging and in 10 minutes she was out with only a few pushes. Yes, I tore. The wonderful thing about the hospital was that there is a policy that they do not perform episiotomies. So I guess among all the negatives there was a positive.

Baby Number Two

With my second child, my mom was holding my hand. She was totally speechless (poor her, you should've seen the frown on her face from not knowing what to do or say). My husband was not there and I was scared.

I was dilated to five centimeters and couldn't take the pain. I still wanted to do it naturally but again, I hadn't educated myself. I didn't know what to do or how to manage the pain and I was crying.

So naturally, I took the epidural again. I slept, baby came out soon enough with a few pushes and I tore...again. This birth was shorter in length, about 12 hours long.

After these births, the shooting pains up my back which followed was too much to desire an epidural for my third birth. Alhamdulillaah, I had a gym membership and the back exercises helped eliminate the pain after a long time.

I knew that women have been through childbirth without epidurals since the beginning of time and lived to tell the tale. Why couldn't I do it too? I felt like a failure. Not to mention thinking about my health.

Preparing for Baby Number Three

So I reverted to my first and second plans for natural, non-medicated births. I mentally prepared myself for it this time. I spoke to women I knew about their unmedicated births.

A friend I knew had her baby in one hour from the onset of her contractions. She said it was so painful, but she had to push it out and afterward had no pain, alhamdulillaah. She said she was reciting dhikr (praises and remembrance of Allah) and making a lot of duaa (supplication to Allah) that got her through.

I told myself I could do this and I was determined that I would do this, insha'Allah! I felt that I needed my husband there with me. In addition, I had to psyche myself into not taking the medication and reaching the irreversible dilation.

I prepared for when the nurse would ask me if I wanted medication. I knew that I would have to keep saying no, until I reached that point where I could break down, longing for it, but couldn't have it- the last lap of the labor.

However, I didn't let my husband know this. I felt that I had to do this on my own. Last but not least, I learned a special duaa to recite from the beginning of labor, the "duaa for ease."

It was an overall normal pregnancy, normal pains, normal fatigue, normal hormonal episodes. I was heavy due to my untoned, weak muscles and down to the last weeks I was having a lot of pressure and pain. No false contractions, just the normal dull pains of the baby being in selfish positions. I was ready for the baby to come out, although they are much easier being in (at least that's what I think!).

Almost Time for Birth!

Finally my 39th week arrived and 3 days before my due date those contractions began. It was not long after the Fajr prayer (morning prayer for muslims). I started walking at the onset of labour and reciting the duaa. I didn't speak otherwise unless necessary. I just kept repeating the duaa.

I made breakfast for the two older kids while getting my things ready to go to the hospital. Then when my contractions were seven minutes apart I decided it was near time to go to the hospital.

The pains were coming on stronger and I knew I was dilating. I could feel my cervix opening with each contraction, as if a vice was there and forcing it open, masha'Allaah! Due to previous epidurals, it was a feeling I had never felt before! So that's what dilation feels like, huh!?!

Off to the hospital my husband and I went. My in-laws had come over to look after the kids, alhamdulilah. I was grateful that my husband could be with me for the birth.

When I got to the labor room, I continued my walking and reciting and stopped to hold on to the table during contractions. My water hadn't broken yet. When the doctor came in he broke it for me to encourage the labor to progress quickly. I didn't mind this.

The nurses assumed I would be many more hours and thought to send me home, but the doctor said he didn't want me giving birth in the car. It was my choice to stay.

Luckily I listened to him. I didn't want to go back home when I too knew that I was progressing quickly. Besides this, I really didn't want to give birth at home as I was not prepared for it and the hospital is a personal comfort for me (I will explain why).

My Faith in Doctors

Since I was a child, my father would take me to the doctor. Even at one am, just for a fever. Thankfully, the doctor lived just a few houses away.

In a third world country, the villages and towns bore people of warmth and hospitality. So every time I got ill, I was taken to the doctor. Our doctor was no ordinary doctor. He would give the conventional medicine then tell us, "If you want to take yuh bush-medicine, feel free, it eh go kill yuh."

I love him to death! He was my doctor until the day I left my country. Because I knew him to be a comfort when I was ill, I associate him with every doctor's office or hospital.

Naturally, I feel safe in a hospital environment. However, after being in this country, I have been weaned off conventional medicine and it wasn't by personal choice! The doctors here do not give ANY medication to a sick pregnant woman except for acetaminophen and amoxicillin...if you end up in a walk-in clinic or your virus is persisting more than three days and you're not improving.

Another medicine called diclectin which is solely for nausea experienced during pregnancy is given and it is only a B vitamin-Antihistamine combo drug, only sold in Canada. It really works!

Children under six years of age also are given nothing when they are ill and parents are discouraged from using even acetaminophen for fever. They encourage the use of cool towels and letting the child's immune system rid the body of fever.

I have found that some doctors even encourage the herbal remedies and the major pharmacies carry herbal medications, masha'Allaah. It's so ironic because if you do happen to dodge your family doctor and go to a walk-in-clinic, THAT'S when you will get bombarded with antibiotics etc. by the immigrant doctors. Anyway, back to my story.

Birth of Baby Number Three

After only two hours, I was past seven centimeters. My husband had worked the night shift and was exhausted. It was daytime so I let him sleep until I really needed him. Soon enough, when I couldn't stand anymore, I woke him up and asked him to take me to the shower. I hoped that would help as I had never tried this before.

I couldn't stand there either. The pain was too much and the water on my back was irritable. So I asked him to help me out and I finally went onto the bed. I lay down; he sat next to the bed and held my hand.

The nurse came in; saw me; checked me, and told me to lay on my side so that the labor would continue progressing as it was doing. I did so and it kept progressing, alhamdulilah.

I couldn't recite anymore while lying on the hospital bed so my dear husband picked up where I left off, praying for me. He saw my pain and started whispering to me,"Say what you want. You don't have to be a hero."

I looked at him briefly and said, "No, I don't want any epidural." I continued shaking my head saying no to him and the nurses who were gently suggesting it. Alhamdulilah, this time I had a wonderful nurse. She was kind and told me to breath through the contractions, not to push, and to relax.

She helped me when she saw me breaking emotionally. She showered me with encouragement as she realized I was going to do this naturally. Then the irreversible point came; eight centimeters and I was both thankful and in intense pain.

My head was becoming dizzy with the pain, tears were rolling out of my eyes; but I was not crying. I kept my voice low (since I didn't want any nurse yelling at me this time). I kept saying, "Help me please, I can't do this."

And there she was, the nurse, encouraging me and telling me,"You're nearly there, a few more contractions. You can do this! You're doing great!" Her words did help and they were what I needed to hear.

I kept looking at the clock which was right in front of me and I thought, "How MANY more contractions?! Two? Ten? If it is ten then I don't know how I'll do this!" My husband held my hand still praying and encouraging me.

After twenty minutes the baby started engaging. Thankfully that was only about three contractions later. I was not quite ten centimeters, but I wanted to push so badly.

So THAT is what the urge to push feels like! I was so happy with myself, but I was in pain and was tightly grabbing onto another nurse's arm. Unknowingly, she got angry with me, subhan'Allaah!

I released her and apologized. Then I refocused on my labor. The kind nurse stretched me because the baby was coming down. I was so thankful she did that because he started to crown. She was yelling for the doctor to come.

Finally, he strolled in. I was told to push and as soon as I did the baby came out! It was that quick! The nurse nearly delivered him!

I DID IT!

It was over already? Wow. So many things to say now with thoughts rushing through my head at the moment he was born and the things happening around me.

I was amazed it was over this quickly! I felt no more pain. I closed my eyes and started to relax. It seemed as if I'm lying there and everything around me was moving in fast-forward. It was a priceless time.

My husband kissed me and said, "Look at him! He is so beautiful. He has my nose!" That was super funny since I never thought I would hear him say something like that at that moment. I smiled, barely opening my eyes. I just wanted to sleep.

The nurses offered him to me as soon as my husband cut the cord. I refused because I was too tired and just wanted some "me time". They strongly suggested I take him and put him skin-to-skin but I strongly refused and let dad take him so that the adhaan could be recited in his ear.

The Beautiful Bonding Moments

After he was taken for eye ointment and brought back, I held him. That gave me enough time to want to hold him. Some may say I'm weird or heartless to not take my baby immediately, but I needed to have that little fifteen minute rest to gather myself and my strength to begin nursing my baby, which in itself is a big task (for me).

When he was brought to me, I started feeding him and the nurses took care of everything else. One more bonus from this birth? I had no tears, so no stitches! What a bonus masha'Allaah.

I was so amazed at the wonders of my natural childbirth! The birth was only nine hours long and he was my smallest baby so far, 6lbs 11oz (maybe that's why he slid out so quickly and easily?).

I was so happy with myself now; proud that I did this! Even from that moment I was anticipating my next natural birth! I was not scared anymore and this was an overall pleasant experience that I wanted to experience again and again, insha'Allah. I had psyched myself into thinking it was going to be much more painful than it actually was so this was another bonus!

After some hours, the nurse came in to give him a bath (I'm grossed out by bodily fluids and didn't want to kiss him and wanted him bathed as soon as possible- as did happen with all my other children when they were born).

She bathed him right next to me. This is how it's done here in the hospital, thankfully. She dressed him and then I got him to kiss-up as much as I wanted!

They left the hospital bassinet next to the bed and dimmed the lights so that baby and I could get some rest. My husband had to leave due to hospital policy. I had to stay 24 hours for them to do jaundice and sickle cell testing, also hospital policy. I didn't mind staying as I knew I would get some rest and not have to deal with my two toddlers at home, in addition to the new baby.

I like that one night to bond with my new baby and give him undivided attention before returning to the drama the following day. The nurses checked on us routinely and there was the pantry where I could get snacks in between my meals (such as milk, crackers, peanut butter and jelly). It was an unlimited supply! I enjoyed the pampering for this one night. (Generally this is how it works. I have had the same experience with my previous two births in the hospital: same routine and pantry access).

Alhamdulilah, the nurses were trained to be more humane so I did not mind being in the hospital this time. I felt like I was in a hotel!. Some mothers get a spa day; I get my hospital day when I deliver my baby! That's good enough for me!

Going Home

I returned home the next day to my two screaming princesses. They were waiting for their little brother prince to hold and play with like a real doll. I felt like the woman I was longing to be and I couldn't have been happier!

I hope you enjoyed my birth story. I have one more story to tell, baby number four...but let's give someone else a chance before I tell that one, shall we?