Saved by Grace and Caffeine

Garbage or Dog duty?

2015-06-10T19:57:00.001-05:00

I have a question for you, dear friend. Let's say I have two young sons, crazy, I know, but just roll with it. Let's also say that one Monday morning we were finishing up breakfast and sitting in the kitchen. Let's pretend I asked the older one to go to the bathrooms upstairs and grab the garbages, because, well, it's Monday and that's what we do. So he does. Pretend on some crazy occasion that at the same time I also asked the younger to go let the dog out from her kennel and feed her. And he also does. Now, not exactly earth-shattering, right? Ok. Here's the thing...

From both my vantage point, as well as from theirs, they are going in exactly opposite directions. So tell me this:

Which one is walking in obedience to their mother?

The obvious answer is, of course, both of them. Right?

Absolutely.

The not-so-obvious part is the application of this. I want to encourage you, dear sisters and friends to follow Jesus with greater zeal today than you did yesterday. You know why? Because if you are following someone else, even if that person is walking in obedience to Jesus, you might not be. I have so many role models...honestly, if I'm not careful they easily become idols. People and personalities I want to emulate, lives I want to model mine after, obedience and adventure that I crave. In the deepest parts of my heart and soul, I think that if I did what they do, then I would be accepted to God. The Lord is working with me on this so tenderly. My prayer is that he would draw me closer to Him, to his heart. That I might walk in the things that he has prepared for me. Following Jesus. Just Jesus.

What would be the point of me asking the boys to both go upstairs and get the garbages together when one can handle the task? I might, but I also might not. I ask them to do different tasks for multiple reasons, some of which include, efficiency, ability, individual responsibility and individual achievement. Not to mention, if they aren't together they have a few minutes alone and won't be bugging each other...but that's another blog. Sometimes I ask them both to clean the basement, because its a big job and one cannot do it alone. This isn't the case for every task. I know this is all over scripture especially in 1 Corinthians 12, but it seems we have a hard time believing and walking in this.

Be encouraged, dear one. Your path may not look like your best friends. The things that God will call you to might, in fact, look exactly opposite of what God is calling your sister to do. This is actually so good and so right. It would be foolish for my son feeding the dog to think that he is better than the son taking out the garbage, right? And if he did, he would be absolutely wrong. Each is doing the task I asked them to do, even though the tasks are entirely different and have them going in opposite directions. They find the assurance that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing from first me, and then when they grow in maturity (hopefully) from the other. I tell my older son all the time to encourage his brother in obedience. Encourage him, help him to walk in the things that mama and dad are telling and teaching you.

Sometimes I think we get caught up in feeling like we need to justify what or how we are spending our lives. And we do. But only to the Task Giver, Jesus. Follow Him. Keep your eyes on Him. Ask Him to grant you greater death to yourself that you might be able to hear and act on that which he calls you to do. Be assured: he has tasks to give you. Finally, encourage and bless and pray for your fellow brothers and sisters. Even if, especially when, they are called to do something completely different from you. Trust that God is speaking and leading and calling them. Pray that they would experience greater unity with the Spirit that they might walk in obedience and be a faithful servant. Let us not look outside to our earthly relationships to determine whether or not we are on track. Let us look above, always. That one day we might be called good and faithful servants and that all nations might worship the Almighty King.

I love you.

I can't get enough of this song. We can know Him, dear one. What an incredibly precious gift. There is no greater boast but knowing His Holy Name.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hK80n34OQkA

Light has Come

2014-01-03T10:40:00.001-06:00

My three year old son shuts the door and turns out the light on his younger brother. There are no windows, so the room is completely dark. I sensed this happening immediately as I heard the younger begin to cry.

I run to the room and open the door, turn on the light. I scoop Jude up and look for his older brother.

I relive it every time. The analogy more than simple. My heart jumps at the thought of it and combined with the raging hormones, don't be surprised if it makes me cry.

Light has come.

Those words, the grace of those words. It's like my soul knows their deepest meaning.

I find James and tell him to be a little boy who brings light, not darkness. He doesn't fully get it but someday by grace he will. I tell him that darkness is scary only because it means light is gone. An entire sense is lost in darkness. Sight is lost.

The thought of living without light, the Light, hits me more than talking about the theology of depravity, more than the thought of being dead and made alive. I'm not sure why. Maybe its because its so tangible, so experienced. Such a real reality of each day.

Isaiah 9:2

"The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in the land of deep darkness, on them has light shone."

This verse from Isaiah 9 and the rest of the chapter were so close to our family this year leading up to and during Christmas. The weight of living in darkness and the truth of the glorious light of Jesus coming to us that we might see.

That we might see Him.

Don't forget this: that we might see our need for Him.

These truths were made real for us in a new way. Grace.

One doesn't know they are in darkness until light comes. Darkness is always the absence of light. In this case, the absence of Him. We were without him, deeply without him and his light, without even knowing it.

Darkness doesn't know its place until light comes and kicks it out. Light it the only thing that can. Think of it.

It is foreshadowed back in the very beginning. The very first words out of Creator God's mouth were, "Let there be light."

God always brings light, James. Always. Things are always clearer with Him.

Be a little boy who always brings light too, this is the gift of the having the Gospel. You can...turn lights on, sweet boy. Does that make sense?

And even though it was such a short time ago that we remembered the coming of Light, among everything else that came that glorious day, my heart has forgotten. Even today I was weak, sitting in a puddle of pity, being and experiencing anything but the light that has come.

I forget. I am prone to this sort of short term memory loss everyday, every moment it gets hard.

And by grace, it came again. The gospel of Jesus is the only thing that would, that could, kick out the darkness I was feeling, being. And really, my need for him is made more real each time I forget. Again, grace.

And then this, just what was needed and a gentle reminder that that which was just officially celebrated must be celebrated and embraced each and every moment of the day:

Luke 2:10-11

"And the angel said to them, 'Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of a great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, [the Savior], who is Christ the Lord."

Friend,
The Savior, our light, has come. Let us bask in him, in his coming and all that he brought and brings, with him.

Why The Nesses Were Home Last Night (Oct 31)

2013-11-01T08:48:00.000-05:00

Wowza. Can I just say it is hilariously entertaining to go on Facebook or Instagram on Halloween? Once there you can find every possible picture you could want of kids in every possible costume (happy about it or not) parents thrilled or not, about their creativity this year. You can totally tell the kids that got to pick what they dressed up as, its serious, no hand me downs going on here, we got us some fresh costumes, people! Anyway, its just fun. Didn't see my boys on Facebook or Insta last night?

Yeah, well that's because they weren't.

Not because I don't love a cute costume, but because I didn't take the time to get a serious theme going this year.

Actually, we stayed home ALL night last night. And it was a blast. Not because we had family time hiding out with a movie in our basement, with all the lights turned off so no one would think we were home (which would have been fun too and quite humbly, we have done this in the past). But last night was a blast because I had every light on my main floor on, Jim Brickman playing on Pandora and a bowl of candy that my precious three year old couldn't wait to hand out.

Ok, let me back up.

It all started last week when Kevin asked me what I thought about Halloween. Ok, we talk a lot, but we both have many things, well, written in pencil, if you will. So our thoughts on different subjects change frequently as we read, study and pray.

It's actually really okay.

I hadn't thought much on the subject other than that I felt like a bad mom that I didn't have costumes for the boys yet. In all honesty, I have not known what to do with Halloween. Kevin explained that he had been challenged by the opportunity that Halloween gives to Christians. Seriously? I have to insert: Thank you Lord for this man who does more than talk and think good thoughts, but is active in his pursuit and mission!

I was on board right away.

I mean seriously, when else do you have the opportunity to have kids and parents from your community coming RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!??! People, it doesn't get easier than this. So we jumped in and I made sure we had the best candy at our house, none of this crap from who knows when that tastes like sweetened cardboard, no way man, we had the Snickers assortment and my personal favorite Reese's minis. Yum. Kevin got home and was ready to go to the store again to refill the tank. The point is, when you're wanting to love on people, you don't give them crappy stuff...especially not your left overs. Our heavenly Father gives good gifts and he is our model.

Alright, so Kevin was at work and I told three year old (tomorrow!) James that he was in charge of the candy bowl. Sounds like I might as well have let a bomb go off, but I am not kidding you guys, he was awesome. Everytime we had guests, I ran to the door and he ran to get the candy bowl. As I greeted and complimented their costumes, James came in with the candy in hand and by the end of the night he was walking outside to hand it out saying, "Here, you can have some"....ok, MELT MY STINKIN HEART, you guys!!! I was amazed at the opportunity this gave me to keep asking/telling him about how much fun it is to give, telling him that it is better to give candy away than to receive it and that when we give we are loving people and loving Jesus. Let me just say, it was a blast and a blessing for this Mama to watch him completely jump in. Let's be honest, he had NO CLUE that it was Halloween, he seriously, never asked why people were coming over, he just loved that they were.

I am not saying that James is a perfect kid or that because we stayed home last night my children's salvation is eternally secure. So don't even go there.

What I am saying and what I am challenging myself in is this: how am I training my children every day in the light of the Gospel and its message? How am I today reaching out to my community neighbors and taking every opportunity (especially the easy ones) to love on and bless them? I know my boys are watching and I want them to see parents that practice what they preach. I want to see my boys love on people even when they don't know they are, I want this to be "just the way things are at our house", if you will.

Now I will throw out there that we live in town and if we lived in the country boondocks with no neighbors and a long gravel dirt driveway, this would not be possible, so going out and meeting people in the community on a night like October 31st, would be another great and easy opportunity to be missional. For now, this works for us and we had a TON of kids! I tell you what, when you turn on every light on your main floor and your porchlight, they. will. come. Invite them with a smile and send them with a blessing, a wave to their Mama and some stinkin good candy.

I feel challenged today by the potential analogy of a porch light. How am I "keeping it on" constantly? Why do I feel more comfortable to shut it off and be alone with my family sometimes? Pardon the cliche, but would this really be what Jesus would do? I don't know for sure, but I know that I was blessed last night and I look forward to getting all the same kids and more back next year. I want to be a house that has its "light on" if you will, being an example and witness to the "True Light" John 1:9.

Love to you today, my friend. I hope that whatever you did last night (and not to mention today) you were/are intentionally blessing someone. Now, I gotta go get ready for a birthday party!

I kissed Facebook goodbye - Part II

2013-08-05T10:52:00.003-05:00

Wow! I have to say, people, I am not surprised by the number of you that either called me, texted me, messaged or commented on my last post. I think it is a safe thing to say that this social media stuff is a big deal and many of us don't know what kind of role is it supposed to play or not play in our lives and families. I am glad we are able to talk about it with each other, so thanks for jumping into the conversation! One person I interacted with pointed out this (it sounded profound to me, but then again I am pretty simple) he said, "we are the first generation to deal with social media, the fact that we question it and wrestle with it is a good thing".

Yep. It's pretty hard to learn how to do social media well from my parents who "got on" after I did.

I like to be a part of these conversations. Thanks for listening in and adding your voice!

One revelation that came to mind from that statement was, wait a second, that means I am going to have to teach my kids how to use social media for the glory of God.

Fantastic. One of the many things I teach and learn right alongside my precious cherubs.

So before I get too far into this, if you read Part I, I want to clarify a few things, just to make sure they are out there.

1. Not everyone should feel convicted about the way they use social media. Social media and the like is neither biblically sanctioned nor condemned.

Facebook is not inherently evil.

I can't believe I just wrote that. As if that isn't obviously clear. This is one of the many topics that falls in the gray area of Scripture. However, as a Christian I am held to a very black and white biblical standard in how I relate to people--be it through physical interaction or otherwise. Facebook is simply morally neutral (like money), and can be used to edify others or destroy them. In the past, I am certain that I was not always using this platform to edify others nor was I always looking for edification. The Spirit of God is working in me to change this.

2. This goes with numero uno...some of you may have read Part I and thought "I guess I shouldn't post happy pictures of my family because that means I'm a fake." I was not at all intending to project this onto anyone else. Happy families, date nights with your husband, memories at the cabin, etc. are all good gifts that should be enjoyed and shared. But with this is mind, if someone only knew me through Facebook, would they get an accurate picture of my life and the gospel that I believe? This was the question I wrestled with.

Aight, so the solution is not as complex as we might think. There's no magic formula by which to do social media well. No boxes to check. No quick list. (Sorry for you Type A's out there:)) I wish I could tell you how I am going to ensure that I am being transparent and opening doors to all of you and inviting you into my life rather than sharing filtered, inaccurate and destructive material with those of you who know me from both near and far.

The answer is simple and many of you will squirm a little bit because it isn't as clear cut as you may like...

It's Jesus.

That's all and that's all I need. I want to proclaim his gospel from my Facebook page. I don't want to proclaim myself. But Him and Him alone. (2 Corinthians 4:5 says, "For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus our Lord, and ourselves your servants for Jesus sake." Amen and amen.

The way I see it is that I can chose one of three options with most cultural experiences and opportunities. I can either Receive it, Reject it or Redeem it.

Many people reject Facebook saying it disembodies relationships, fuels pride and self expression in unhealthy ways, caters to the craving for attention and recognition and that it is altogether evil with no parts that can be redeemed.

Although I see this happen. I disagree that this is the best option. Which is why I didn't stay "off".

The other option is to Receive it as is. This is what I believe I was doing before. Simply jumping in the game and being a participant in the sharing of myself, expressions of myself and as long as it was good stuff that people would "Like", share away!

That didn't work out so well as you all saw in Part I where I shared my struggles and journey.

The final option, and where I want to land going forward, is in Redeeming this medium for the glory of the Most High God, the Savior Jesus Christ. My true desire is to make Him known and declare His presence in the everyday beauty and goodness of what He has given, as well as in the struggles and the just plain hard that comes with living in this fallen world. I want to share both with you.

Can I be honest?

I want to encourage Mom's. There is so much coming at you each day. I know because I am in this ballgame too, sister. There are crazy waters ahead for all of us. And we need the Lord Jesus every moment of every day. I want to encourage you in the days ahead and point you to Him. Sometimes all I need is a friend who reminds me to look upward and not inward. This is my desire and with the favor and blessing and gift of our gracious God I will be able to encourage you in your walk with Him, whatever stage that may be at today.

Do you know that I deeply and truly love you?

I really do.

I want you to know Him and the freedom that He brings. I am convinced that if we, as Moms specifically, (the rest of you, this is for you too, many of you at one time were a Mom or at some point will be a Mom...unless you are a dude, I guess) see ourselves the way our Savior sees us. If we would saturate ourselves in the deep and precious love that he has for us...well, the makeup and trials of our days would not necessarily change. Diapers still need to be changed, the kitchen still needs to get cleaned up 388 times a day, correcting, training and discipleship will need to happen at an all time high...but get this, we would be peaceful amidst the chaos. I am passionate for a group of women to come together and realize that it takes a village to raise a child and whether you breastfeed, formula feed, homeschool, send your kids to school, vaccinate, don't vaccinate, spank, don't spank, eat all organic or enjoy yourself some McDouble(s) every once in a while, these things are all secondary to Christ's work in and through us.

So that got long.

If you hung with me bless your heart.

If you have questions or wanna talk, I would be oh so happy. My eyes hurt from looking at my screen so long and tearing up without wiping my mascara off.

Love to you, friend. Use whatever you have for the glory of God this week. Actually, that's a big goal. Let's start here: Give all that you have to the Father, with hands and eyes wide open and see what He will do through you today. I pray you are a blessing in your homes and that in your struggles you can hold firmly to the truth of Romans 8:37 in which Paul reminds us that "...we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us". Let it be so this day, dear friend.

I kissed Facebook Goodbye - Part I

2013-08-03T08:53:00.000-05:00

I need to preface this post with this: I post this with the most sincere prayer that my words are humble and full of the grace that I am ever so desperate for.

I left Facebook almost 4 months ago. Yep. Just deactivated my account and took a break. When I first deactivated my account, it amazed me how many people asked me why I "got rid of it" (by the way, is this a cult?). I found that there were essentially three answers that I would share with people depending on the depth of our relationship and basically how much I felt like talking at the time.

My first answer was easy. I deactivated my account saying that I was uneasy about having so much information out in the public about my boys, my family, my marriage, house, our vacations, our life. Which by now you know is bogus because I have a blog...clearly privacy wasn't my real reason. I'm sorry if this is the answer you got. It was actually my cover-up.

The other answer I gave was a little more personal and something I am still wrestling through. It has to do with caring about the hearts of others and needing to search my own. As I am not the first to realize, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and any other social media out there is a great place to make yourself look good. I was guilty of this. I found it is easy to post pictures of myself and kids happy, doing fun things, making it seem like we are a perfect family. Before I say more, I don't think it is bad to post fun things you do with your family. Not in the least. Having a rich family life is something to be celebrated, encouraged and shared.

However...

I found that it wasn't too hard to filter out the ugly and make it look like I have a perfect marriage
and as a family we only do fun things all the time,
and we only smile,
and we only have fun,
and we even have fun when we aren't having fun,
and you may want to leave your family and be a part of mine.

Here's the key and the problem: I wasn't even thinking about it. It wasn't like I was trying to make myself look this way. I just did. My family looks dang good and my life looks dang good on my Facebook or Instagram page. Don't get me wrong. I am blessed. I am humbled by my husband and children and the goodness of God in giving me both of them. But we are far, Lord have mercy, we are FAR from perfect. It is easy and it is what we do to pull our cameras out when there is a Kodak moment, but I think I found myself making moments that need to be savored and soaked in become moments that could get a lot of "Likes" if shared. You catch my drift? This spring I felt claustrophobic seeing everything everyone was doing all the time. For a while it felt like these sites was a train on which the people, or many of them, were racing to do as much as they could...and Lord have mercy, not do ANYTHING without posting it on Instagram or Facebook, or increase your audience, be safe and just post it on both. Guilty. Again, it isn't wrong to post the fun things you do with your kids...but I couldn't shake the fact that my Instagram or my Facebook was the only way some people know me...and get this, it wasn't and isn't accurate. That thought caused me some anxiety and questions.

The reason it caused anxiety (seriously, are people still reading this??) is the fact that there are broken individuals who are on these sites and see what I am posting. I had to asked myself, "is this real life?" and "am I connecting with people or making a great divide between me and my neighbor by giving a false sense of my happiness factor". In the end, it seemed pretty obvious and extremely unsettling that Facebook had turned into a hub that encouraged coveting and discontentment and shallowness and, let's just call it what it is, SIN. Untrue, annoying, and fake are a few of the words that come to mind here. I get that social media is not supposed to provide the depth and rich soil in which you would want to plant the roots of a friendship.

Even so, the thought had never occurred to me that for someone in a moment or season of identity crisis or questioning, Facebook obviously would be a very damaging place to be when everyone around you (on your screen shot) looks like they are always having a good time and always doing something exciting. This is what I wanted to protect my "followers" and "friends" from. I wanted to protect them from ME and my fleshly desires to hide my problems, my fears, my failings and without knowing it close the door to a true and lasting friendship.

Because I was and I am in need of help every moment from my Creator to be guarded and guard others from the side of me that is yet to be redeemed.

The final reason why I left Facebook was linked to the second one. If we were really close you may have gotten this answer. As a matter of fact, if you read the above paragraphs you could probably guess what it is. It starts with a P and ends with RIDE. I had become so judgmental of what other people were posting, how they were posting it and the Pharisee that Jesus died to save came out in me LOUD and STRONG! And I needed to fast and I needed to pray for mercy. And I needed some space from what everyone else was doing to sort through my heart in some peace and quiet.

That's why I left Facebook.

So now I'm back and you think I am the worst of sinners.

And I am.

So, I am glad we can agree. I am thankful for the cross and am moment by moment dependent upon the grace of Jesus in my heart and life...even as it relates to Facebook and this blog. In fact, especially as it relates to these places because I don't know who is reading my posts, my statuses or looking through my pictures. I may be your next door neighbor, I might go to the same church and we have yet to get to know one another, or we may live on opposite sides of the planet.

So let's try this FB thing again.

Part II coming with thoughts on how I would like to do this better this time.

Unsearchable

2013-06-08T09:43:00.002-05:00

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So my brother in-law recently purchased a Harley Davidson.

Sweet.

I have a husband who is 300% boy who, underneath his calm, sensible and protective casing really loves fast and dangerous things. Watching him drive this makes me think he needs to see a therapist. On top of that, I have two little boys who appear to be running from my loving arms and embarrassing baby-talk and jumping in their Daddy’s footsteps. It goes something like this: James likes anything Kevin likes and Jude likes anything James likes. Great. I can see that it won't be long before one is parked in our garage and I have lost all three of them.

This wouldn’t be a huge deal if James and Jude were a little bit older or even a little bit younger. But at this point, they are definitely not old enough or big enough to go for rides on this beautiful, shiny, fast and loud heaven. For the unaware, it's never a great idea to have something just barely out of the reach of a two year old. Especially when the kid loves anything that has wheels and the fact that it is loud puts a smile on his face money can’t buy. Yes, you teachers at heart out there, for the purpose of instruction it is good to have some sort of forbidden fruit in one's life, but let's be honest, sometimes I am so past the point of instructing. I just need the forbidden fruit to be out of sight out of mind.

Yesterday, it was this dang motorcycle.

In "The Explicit Gospel", by Matt Chandler, he opens his book by explaining the importance of our understanding of God in order to stand in awe of the beauty of Christ and his sacrifice. His way of explaining the greatness of God's understanding and ways was brought to mind yesterday. Kevin and I were being completely hounded by James about this motorcycle and his desire to see it. Bless their hearts, but kids (at least mine) often think they know so much more than they do. Sometimes its precious, yesterday it drove me crazy. Thankfully, in the end it brought me to the Gospel and a better understanding of myself and God.

It all started when were parked next to Dan's motorcycle. As we were getting James in his car seat we devised a plan so James could watch Dan drive. We knew James would love this and that ultimately, it would bring him so much joy. Our drive had barely commenced and James started freaking out about how badly he wanted to see the motorcycle. It doesn't stop, he is corrected for his whining and crying over and over and let me tell you, his behavior was ridiculous. I can bet Jude was looking at him like, "Calm it down, brother, sheesh". Finally, which really means about 4 minutes into the drive, we tell James that we are going to get to see the motorcycle soon, hoping this would calm him down and give him something to look forward to. Well this did nothing but make it worse. He was losing it wanting to see the bike. And I was losing it up front. I kept thinking, here I am trying to bless my kid with this opportunity that I know will bring him joy, and he is in the backseat, freaking out, not trusting that we know what we are doing. I am like (I didn’t actually say this), "Kid, I can't even talk to you about why you can't see the motorcycle right now, you have no clue what a two-way highway is, no comprehension about passing zones, or any of the other laws that go into driving. I love you, but you can't even sing the alphabet. And yet, you are going to act like you know better than me on this one?"

Eventually, Dan pulled up alongside of us and James was In. His. Glory. Seriously, even though the journey to that point caused me to nearly throw myself outside of the moving van. It brought me so much joy to see the smile on his face when he heard and saw the motorcycle next to him. It brought me joy to show James that we are trustworthy and know what we are doing. (Nevermind the whole part about the fact that we were rewarding him for his poor behavior. Oh well, there will be more opportunities for this, I am certain.) Even though at the time, he had no understanding of why he couldn't see the motorcycle when he wanted to and we were completely unable explain to him why he couldn't, he could trust us.

Isn't it this way with the Father?

How many times am do I find myself in the backseat screaming and throwing a fit over something that I thought was a promise, something that seems so right and easy and God is in the front seat saying, "Kid, did you create the world with your words? You have no clue how the stars stay in place or what makes the earth turn on its orbit each day. You don't even understand the mystery of the womb. And yet, in your pathetic state, you want to have a conversation with me about this. Are you serious? Please just trust me." Actually God does say this in Job 38, check it out for yourself. If God ever had an opportunity to tell us why things hard things happen, why we don’t always get what we think we need, why suffering exists, he could've done it in Job.

But he didn’t.

Instead what he does is bring us back to him. He points us to himself and His greatness and glory and basically says,

“Look around you, little one, see what I have done. You can trust me with this.”

Friend, I know that today may be a new kind of hell for you. Your pain is so real and so great and like me, your understanding is so small. I may not have the same experiences as you, but we have the same Father. I know Him and I pray you know Him too. His love for you is so real and so great and so wide, you and I cannot even begin to stand in the presence of it, much less comprehend it. The Creator and Maker (yes, these are two unique ideas) of the Universe intimately knows and loves you, while at the same time He makes time go on and causes the sun to rise and fall. Nothing. I said, nothing, happens without Him knowing it first. Romans 11:33-38 has been on my heart and mind over the past couple of days and I want to share it with you.

Let it bless your heart this day, friend.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.

Jude Christian is HERE!

2012-09-15T13:53:00.001-05:00

Amazing.

Simply amazing.

Our second little boy is here on earth and has been for nearly a month.

Goodness. I have asked myself countless times over the past month and I think I actually asked it the first night he was with us..."Where did you come from?" It's overwhelming to think about bringing life into the world. Truly it is a grace-filled event...all nine months of it. This time around, I have been comtemplating this question more than I did with James. Maybe because I am not crazy obsessed with his breathing irregularities (that are actually just regular) or trying to feverishly keep up with the numerous charts that monitored his pooping, peeing, eating, sleeping and temperature (just to name a few). With Jude I have been thinking and praying about the implications that Psalm 139 has on his short life thus far.

He has been with God for the past nine months.

He has not been with me.

He has been with God. This has sunk in...at least in part.

Psalm 139 13-18 reads...
For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

Jude has come to this world, to Kevin, James and I, straight from the hand of God. I am overwhelmed by the weight of this thought and incredibly grateful and thankful to have the God of the Universe care for my son, give me my son, form him, know him, create him, and love him first, before I ever even looked into his precious little eyes.

Jude, I look forward to the days that the Almighty Father has set before you. I trust He has great plans for your life and my prayer is that you would grow to desire him, to see him as beautiful and lovely. I love you very much and praise Jesus for calling me to be your Mommy. At best, I pray for the grace to point you to the Father above who loves you perfectly and will never, ever fail you.

I love you, Jude.

GOSPEL

2012-06-08T14:09:00.000-05:00

Forgive me, but I am not usually one to jump on board with the latest Youtube video explaining Christianity. Why? I don't know, usually the rap is too distracting for me and ultimately the message gets lost in translation for this girl. But that really isn't very important. Recently, I have been working on some material for me to take my girls through for the summer. I knew I wanted us to bask in the glory of the GOSPEL of Jesus these next three months, so I was trying to find some materials that would help me teach it to them in a way that they could interact with and engage in. Long story short, I came across this video down by Dare2Share ministries. Needless to say, it had me in tears.

No, not because it was a beautiful rap.

But, because of the story of the Gospel of Jesus that it tells. I just wanted to share it with you all. I think it is very well done, mostly because it is true to the Gospel we find in the Word. Every time I hear, read or witness this beautiful story, I am reminded why it is THE most important message ever told. SO here is just one more explanation of the gospel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Ymfh6RJezQ4

Oh, Jesus, that this story would remain beautifully life-changing for each of us, every day in every relationship and situation we find ourselves in. the glory and mystery of your Gospel is something we so often times skip over and neglect. Forgive us. It is instead the very essence of our faith and the means by which we accomplish your will on earth. Thank you for writing this beautiful story. May it captivate us every day for the rest of our earthly lives that we may share it, live it and love it until we witness the culmination of it at your heavenly throne.

LIFE. this is the Gospel.

Also, I just have to share this because it totally blew me away...in my study today I learned the meaning of salvation.

Ok, brace yourself. It's pretty sweet.

So the Hebrew word for salvation is Yasha which means "to be open, wide, or free". Let that sink in. Salvation is a wide open space to be free. Certainly, this is experienced not only in our heavenly dwelling, though it will definitely be more complete then, but it is experienced today in this life as salvation has come to us through Jesus, in the story of his Gospel.

Are you living in a wide open space of freedom in Christ? That's what it means to be saved.

Always? Yes.

2012-05-15T13:49:00.001-05:00

Kevin, has a tendency to pull out whenever I use the words "always" or "never". He doesn't let me get away with using them most of the time...and he does so for good reason. While "always" or "never" doing certain things can be good by providing consistency for your family, there are some things that just cannot and do not fall into these categories and we would be wise to not use the terms except for these circumstances.

There are a few things that must fall into the category of "always", but I only want to share one of them with you. I share this one, because it is imperative that we not forget that we were once bound in chains and shackles, destined for a life of destruction, with darkness filling our entire being. We, by the grace of God were known by the Father, loved by the Father, captured by His love, turned around, given new eternal eyes, pulled from a lifeless state and made alive by being brought into His glory, glory that is not fully attained until we meet him on the other side. In case you have forgotten, you and I are still on earth, therefore, the taste of the kingdom through the Spirit that we have been given is only in part (isn't that awesome? We only see a mere shadow of the heaven that awaits). We live in an already-not-yet-kingdom state. Therefore, there is still a war to be fought with your flesh and the fleshly world around you...everyday. (Now if that wasn't obvious, you're only kidding yourself)

Remembering this war, in light of the truth I bring (only because Jesus brought it first) to you, allows us to see our husbands, marriages, children, churches and friends correctly and in light of the gospel. More importantly for this girl, it helps me see myself correctly and in light of the gospel. So here's the truth that is glorious in the not-so-glorious state that we still find ourselves in...

We always need God's grace.

Always.

Yes, even you that have been already claimed your salvation. In fact, especially you.

Can I p-lease get an amen?

After struggling for much of my teenage and early twenties with a strong sense of guilt over what I was doing for the Lord, my parents, coaches, friends and family, I was led to one truth. Forever. Dear friend, until Jesus comes back, there are always more church activities you can do, more time you can spend in the Word, more Bible studies to be in, church committees to serve on, and the list goes on. These "activities" just lead to unnecessary busyness when they steer us to the "works based gospel" that is profoundly false and truly undermine the gospel of grace that Jesus brought. You and I accomplish nothing for anyone, apart of what is accomplished by the grace of Jesus alone. Living, like my Christian merit was dependent on how I did in AWANA, BIC and the number of Bible studies I was in, did nothing but tear me apart and fill me with guilt. More than that, it actually undermined Jesus in my life and undermined the gospel as a whole. Yesterday, today and forevermore,

I always need God's grace.

You, always need God's grace.

We all, always need God's grace.

What an amazingly freeing and glorious truth to live by.

I am, (and, might I add that you are) indeed a failure by every meaning of the word. So, let's be done trying to minimize our failings and our shortcomings. Nobody benefits by Christians acting like there lives are all together...especially the Christian them self. What's more, this is not true to the gospel of Jesus and is therefore a false gospel. Indeed, our future is secured and we have been given amazing hope and life in this present world that only naturally leads into our eternal life. Praise Jesus! But I beg you to join me in increasing our level and ability to confess to our children and husbands when and where we have wronged them. Let's ask God to show us the empty places in our life, and the areas that we have not given to Him. The closer we get to Him, the more we ought to see our need for him because His glory is made more evident and our sin is made more evident and distasteful. Let's pray that we would live transparent lives and see ourselves as the worst of all sinners that Jesus alone came to save (1 Tim 1:15). Quite honestly, the more we do this, the more we live out the gospel of grace. (Might I add that the apostle Paul was great at this.) The less we do this, the more we undermine the cross and the grace that was poured out on us there.

If you and I don't need grace, then we didn't need Jesus. Certainly we would never say this, but I pray that it would not be so in our attitude. If we confess that we needed Jesus yesterday, then we still need Him today and tomorrow and every day until we are with him face to face.

Rejoice in this.

Rejoice that he didn't save you once so that you would be perfect going forward.

Rejoice that he wants to save you everyday, in every way in every situation where you fail.

Daily work out your salvation (Phil 2:12), in other words, daily seek your salvation, not as though you have already attained it, but as it is the ending prize of a life lived out of the greatest grace, that is, the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Refreshing Family Time - Orlando, FL

2012-05-03T12:49:00.002-05:00

As the end of April came, Kevin, James and I had the opportunity to get away from the routine that we call normal life and head down to beautiful Orlando to enjoy sun, warmth and time with my family. Looking back, it cracks me up to think about how much I used to love flying in an airplane. I always enjoyed how flying could essentially make time stop for the period that you are in the air. Unless you are working, as I realize many do, one really can't do much but read, watch a movie, do a Sudoku or talk to your neighbor while in flight. Now, how fantastic is that?! No one has anywhere else they can even try to be while they are 10,000 feet above the earth. This has always been the beauty of flying, at least to me. Call me weird, but I have always thoroughly enjoyed flying.

However, as life has (drastically) changed in the last two years, the beauty of "time stopping" while in an airplane isn't so beautiful and is, in fact, a huge problem when you are flying with an 18 month old. To be fair, James did very well both ways on the plane. But, no matter how well he did throughout the flight, I was NEVER relaxed. Perhaps this is due to my knowledge that at any time, his temperament has the ability to change. Seriously now, what other obnoxiously public platform for parenting is there than an airplane? One cannot hide, cannot take one's little one out of the room, you are stuck parenting with a hundred onlookers and a hundred opinions of how well, or not so well, you are doing your job. Yep, that pressure is likely the cause of my anxiety. Pathetic that I care what people might think, but that's something Jesus and I are working on daily, nope wait, constantly. Anyway, we did have a few successful "stations" set up on the airplane with different activities or snacks at each (thanks to Mom, Dad and Kev!) which helped immensely, not to mention the presence of a couple new books (thanks Auntie!) and a new toy car from Kev and I. It is funny to note that even when James was sleeping on the flight I could feel myself tense up as I tried to cover his ears from the on and off beeping of the seat-belt notifications and the sometimes very loud announcements, not to mention other children or people who just haven't realized (at no fault of their own) that your little Curious George has finally fallen asleep.:)

But, we made it there, and we made it home. I don't think even one tear was shed. Thank you, Lord for the peace you gave James (although, looking back maybe I should have prayed for an extra dose for myself!)

Anyway, just fun to think back to the days when traveling was relaxing....I will admit though...vacation before James wasn't nearly as....well, fun....as it is now. Now there is much more adventure to be had, sand to hide, puddles to be conquered, ice cream to enjoy and ducks to be fed then I ever remember there being. It's the little things right?

Here are some of my favorite shots of our trip...we had a blast! Thanks Mom and Dad for getting the timeshare...and more than that, inviting us to join you in it!

Without a doubt, this is the BEST pool for toddlers.

Playing in the water with Nana

We drove over to Cocoa Beach on Monday...what a HUGE sandbox!

Daily highlight for this little boy.

Tired eyes...enjoying oranges at the pool.

"In The Rock Tumbler"

2012-03-27T13:39:00.000-05:00

I am reading one of my favorite books right now. This book is one that I have read it's chapters over and over again just for the encouragement of its words...ever had one of these? These are the kinds of books that go right with my Bible and are read just as much. Reading it kind of feels like sitting with an old friend and being encouraged by her experiences over and over again. Now, while the preferred genre of my book reading hasn't shifted too much lately, the topic sure has! Now I read to be encouraged by the womanly saints that have gone before me, those wives and mothers who have much wisdom to give to someone like me...can you say "Newbie"??

Anyway, this particular book is called, "Loving the Little Years: Motherhood in the Trenches" by Rachel Jankovic. I am so encouraged by the biblical, gospel driven way in which she views and talks of motherhood. There are so many practical, heart-driven thoughts and ideas that she shares with her readers. What I absolutely can relate to the most in her words are the ideas that point me back to the importance of my heart toward my children (I can say "children" now right? Cool). I can't do the book justice by explaining it, but perhaps you would let me share its first chapter with you. Well, here it is whether you want it or not! The chapter title is, "In the Rock Tumbler".

...
I remember a time when I used to be much godlier. It was sometime in junior high and my room was clean. It must have been beautiful weather outside because the lighting was very nice in my room where I was reading my Bible every day and feeling really good. It was quite clear to me that my sanctification was progressing very well. As the feeling wore off, I remember looking back to that time as a high point. That was really living the Christian life.

The truth is my Christian life then was like a rock being refined by a slow river in a quiet place. It wasn't as though I wasn't growing spiritually, but my word! So easily! And so little!

But God took me out of that life and threw me into the rock tumbler. here, it is not so easy to feel godly, because we spend our days crashing into each other and actually getting our problems addressed. Here there is very little time for quiet reflection. I do a lot of on the job failure and correction. Repenting and forgiving. Laughing. Lots and lots of laughing. Because if there is anything that life in the rock tumbler will teach you, it is that there is no room to take yourself seriously. Like trying to strike "cool" poses on a rug that someone is continually pulling out from under you, self-seriousness in mothering is totally pointless and probably painful!

The opportunities for growth and refinement abound here-but you have to be willing. You have to open your heart to the tumble. As you deal with your children, deal with yourself always and first. This is what it looks like and feels like to walk with God, as a mother.

God treats us with great kindness as we fail daily. He takes the long view of our sin-knowing that every time we fail and repent, we grow in our walk with Him. It is easy for us to accept this, because our sins are, well, ours.

But our children sin against us, annoy us, and mess up our stuff. We want to hold it against them, complain about them, and feel put upon by their sin. We have a much harder time accepting that every failure from them is a wonderful opportunity for repentance and growth and not an opportunity for us to exact penance.

It is no abstract thing-the state of your heart is the state of your home. You cannot harbor resentment secretly toward your children and expect their hearts to be submissive and tender. You cannot be greedy with your time and expect them to share their toys. And perhaps most importantly, you cannot resist your opportunities to be corrected by God and expect them to receive correction from you.

God has given us the job of teaching His law and demonstrating His grace. We ar eto be guides to our children as they learn to walk with God.

Sin is just a fact of life. It is the way we deal with it that changes ours.
...

My favorite part comes right at the end of the chapter. How amazing is it that I have been given the opportunity to live the gospel everyday to my little boy as the gospel continually changes my own life? But, Lord knows, this Mama needs some help and will make plenty of mistakes along the way!!
Lord, give me grace as I try to do model and teach this gospel-driven and centered life...it is only with and by your help and your gospel of grace that this life is even made possible.

It's My Birthday!

2012-03-14T01:23:00.000-05:00

Every time I hear that phrase I can't help but think of an SNL skit that we watched in the hospital the night before James was born. Hilarious...but that really has nothing to do with this blog post. Sorry.

Being that this is my first blog post, there are a couple of preliminary considerations that need to be addressed:
#1--Don't be overly concerned about getting much out of this post...it's not really for you anyway
#2--Avoid being critical of my grammar/sentence structure errors...I did not take "college writing" until the spring of my senior year.....you can stop laughing now.
#3--This post does not reflect this site as a whole...check out the other posts before you run away.
#4--This post does zero justice to the person I'm writing about
#5--Yes, I am a man.
#6--I am a man who loves his wife...my apologies if things get a little uncomfortable.
#7--My name is Kevin...Greetings

I will make this brief as I am generally a man of few words, but realize that these words come from a bounty of thoughts and an overflowing heart towards the woman I love. So here we go...

"I am a blessed man." I have challenged myself to say this often throughout the day to help it really soak in. It's easy to let the days go by and take for granted all the things that God has graciously given. I realize that I need to have a greater heart of thanks in general, but where I really want to focus is on the gift of marriage and the woman that I'm married to. I am incredibly blessed.

Today I want to honor my wife in a more public way on her birthday. She may delete this post when she sees it in the morning, but that's ok. That urge would just be a small reflection of the humble heart she has.

Jennah, you are an amazing woman who has blessed me and countless others in a profound way. Your love for other people is a pure reflection of the Jesus that's at work in your heart. I know this because by the grace of God I get to see it at work every day.

In case you ever forget, I want you to know a few things about yourself. You are kind. You are loving. You are lovely. You are beautiful. You are selfless. You are humble. You are a servant. You are patient. You are wise. You are a great mother. You have been ransomed. You have victory. You are free. You are being made perfect. You are a daughter of the King. You are my beloved. Your husband is cray cray about you and loves you deeply:)

To think that I have the privilege of calling you my wife....blows me away. Additionally, and more profoundly, to think that I have the distinct honor of leading you and our family...is crazy. Futhermore, to know that Jesus has called us to join with others for the advancing of the gospel locally as well as to all nations, is....humbling. We are not worthy of such a calling. Praise God that He uses us to spread His Fame in all the world.

You have taught me much about Jesus. I am compelled more and more each day by the Jesus you serve and worship. Thank you.

With all that to say (and much, much more) I want to wish you a very happy 24th birthday. I love you.

For the sake of His name in all nations,

-Kevin

(To all readers, this will probably be my only post on this blog. Feel free to celebrate.)

Living in the Tent...

2012-03-07T21:02:00.000-06:00

2 Corinthians 5:1-10

For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, who has given us the Spirit as a guarantee.
So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord, for we walk by faith, not by sight. Yes, we are of good courage, and we would rather be away from the body and at home with the Lord. So whether we are at home or away, we make it our aim to please him. For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may receive what is due for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

I don't know what it is, but I cannot get over this chapter of Scripture right now. The first 10 verses definitely have had me captivated for about a week and a half and the rest of the chapter has gripped me since I was in Haiti last month.

I have no other words. I just had to get it out there and another day I will write about what I am being taught by these verses. Tonight, well besides the fact that I have been discussing these verses with my high school girls for the past two hours, it is just a little too late to dive into them.

So just read them, and re-read them, and then read them again, and again.

I had to share them with you.

Just a Little Life...

2012-03-01T15:14:00.000-06:00

Hey Friend-ies...

What up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up, what up?

Sorry, sometimes once you start it's hard to know when is the right time to stop. Try it.

So, I just feel like I need to catch up on some things going down here in the Ness Walls. So, Kev is still working hard at getting his business off the ground. Gosh, why didn't anyone tell me what it would be like to be married to a man trying to start a business from basically the grass-roots? Right now it isn't so much the time, but the endless lists of things he is trying to accomplish, the sometimes lack of confidence and need of pep-talks and "I believe in you, honey"-talks, not to mention the nearly constant question..."will this work?". But we are trusting in the Father who has been more than faithful to us, and who has more than given us the confidence we need to continue on. He is doing well otherwise...maybe a bit more stressed than normal, but enjoying what he is doing and thankful for the opportunity. For those wondering, Strength Studio is located both in Dassel and Minnetonka and has some relatively attractive trainers (if I do say so myself) ...three of the four are taken...but one remains open and on the market.:)

Me, well, I am still loving being home with my babe all day. James and I love to keep busy with friends, errands (Target), playing, reading, teaching him the basketball basics in the basement, watching trains and of course trying to make a meal here and there.

J-baby is doing very well...well why don't you just catch up with him here...

Latest fad...to go to the closet and put on this (nasty) hat before doing anything else!

Seriously, could you resist that?

Sometimes its fun to drive the bus with an oven mitt on...why not!?

And then attack Mommy with it!

Got me.

Working on our dunking...

Making sure I caught the follow-thru...

We could do this one for a while...:) James loves to find and put the covers on and off of anything...over and over again!

We love to babble, yell, and come down the last stair big boy style!

"I'm gonna get that camera from you..."

Trying to get out the window to see and catch the choo-choo outside...

Working on the tractor.

Friends...

Jamesy, (as I embarrassingly call him quite often) is 16 stinkin months and I still can't get over that little face. Loving every moment (or most, anyway) with this little guy. Oh, and in case you are uninformed...he will be welcoming a little brother or sister around August 15th! We couldn't be more excited. Praising Jesus for these two amazing gifts!

Well, there you have it! Not so much a catch-up, but more of a good way for me to show off my two boys...love it.

What Am I Doing?

2012-02-24T14:53:00.002-06:00

WARNING: This is going to be another random blog by Jennah.. Thanks for letting me "dump it out":)

The question posed in the title, is one I have been asking myself lately, especially since returning from Haiti. Honestly, at times my answer to this question has been less than glamorous. Other times, God's faithfulness has seemed so thick and my response comes out easily. At still other times, I have found myself in a place where I have had no answer at all.

So what am I doing here? What am I doing with the things that I have seen, heard, witnessed, watched, felt, in the poorest country in the western hemisphere?

When I returned from Haiti, my answer was...I have no flipping idea what I am supposed to do, but I have to do something.

After one half-day in Haiti I was asking myself in a journal entry, "how do I go back to America with the things that I have seen?" Seriously. One half of a day and I knew I could not go home the same person.

Honestly, in many ways, I am still waiting. I wish I could say that we have decided to do extreme things, that we have decided to sell our home, belongings and give to those in Haiti, but we haven't. I wish I could say that we have a clear vision of what James 1:27 looks like and plans are in place to change our life forever...but that hasn't happened either. Honestly, I feel like God has us on simmer. I can't taste what He has yet, but it is simmering. Sure, we have started to pursue other interests, think about other ministries we could start, have a deeper interest in our missionary support and our conversations are different than they were before the trip. But I have no answer for you who are wondering, "what can we do for Haiti?".

What I can say is this. Since going to Haiti, Kevin and I have come to have a deep love for the global body of Christ. (If only I could share the things that the Lord called him to while I was gone! He probably learned just as much as I did!) We want to help it, grow it, be a bigger part in it, know it, encourage it and be open and free inside of it.

So what are we doing?

Trying to be faithful...today. My prayer for you too, friend, is that you are too. We are all on the "simmer" dial in one way or another. God has great things for those who are His children. So, what can we do today? What must we do today?

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12

Oh Lord, give us the strength and desire to be faithful in each and every day that you give us. Give us the ability to remember the things you have shown and taught us and put them into practice.

Home from Haiti

2012-02-07T09:58:00.000-06:00

Hi friends,

Thank you to all of you who took the time to pray for myself and our team last week as we were in Haiti. I am still praying and working hard to gather my thoughts and emotions from our time with the Haitian people. My experience is starting to come together and I am amazed by the things that God has been bringing to light since being home. I look forward to sharing these revelations with you...and perhaps my journal entries from our time in Haiti, as well. For now, I just want to show a few pictures of our time, keep checking back...I have much to share of God's glory, goodness and the amazing work He is doing in Haiti and around the globe!

Praise the Name of Jesus - the nations are!

Playing a balloon game with the children at the top of the Mountain Walk

Welcome to Haiti...this is a river absolutely filled with garbage. Many will bathe in and drink this water.

This is Lovely, the little honey I spent most of Sunday morning with. She is an orphan at Lighthouse Children's Home.

Welcome to Victory Bible Church. We worshiped with about 500 believers here on Sunday. What an amazing blessing that was!

This is Monica...she is such a little sweetie. She too is an orphan and stays at JiHM's Lighthouse Children's Home

Hi, Johnny! He was such a little poser! Another one of Lighthouse's kids.

Playing outside of Lighthouse with the kids.

Walking to a small village at the top of the mountain...we picked up a little boy along the way to join us!

This is the space that will soon be home to the new Victory Bible Church and Grace Emmanuel school. The vision is that a Children's home will also go up in this space someday.

Playing games with the kids at the end of the RiverWalk

Words cannot describe the blessing it was to meet with these women in their homes. We had the privilege of studying the word with them one morning and getting to have lunch with them another day. Their faith put mine to shame.

handing out candy to the kids at the end of the RiverWalk.

These two "attacked me each time we went to Grace Emmanuel School. This is Anzy and Dada. Such sweeties.

This is the monument at the mass grave where it is expected that 150,000 bodies were brought in by dump truck after the earthquake.

Thanks! Check out this video!

2012-01-25T12:54:00.000-06:00

After my last couple of posts I have been overwhelmed by the number of people that have emailed, messaged or called me to tell me that they are praying for our trip and the work that we are anxiously anticipating that God will do while we are there...they, along with me, can't wait to see Him work!

So, as a result, I thought it would make sense to post a video from the ministry that we will be partnering alongside while we are in Haiti.

I hope this video "lets you in" more to the Jesus in Haiti ministry and provides you wisdom and clear minds as you pray for us.

Enjoy and again thank you so much to those who have committed to pray for us and the beautiful people of Haiti.

Click here to see the video!

"Choosing to SEE"

2012-01-24T16:07:00.001-06:00

Ok, all this is is a shout out for a book that I finished a couple weeks ago and enjoyed. The emotions and experiences shared are unbelievable. It is so encouraging and enlightening for me to read of the many stories our fellow brothers and sisters have to share. It seems to give me a different glimpse of God when I see how He works and shows up in other people's lives. In this book, Mary Beth Chapman doesn't hold back. While reading it, I felt as though she was sitting across the table telling me her story.

Check it out!

What does it cost you?

2012-01-24T13:35:00.002-06:00

In 4 short days I will be going to sleep in the country of Haiti. Wow. It is hard to believe that the time is so close. I came across a verse yesterday that I had never seen or heard before. Now, I have not studied 2 Samuel in depth, ever, so I can't give you an in depth context but, I can tell you by reading before and after this verse that the context is that David is going to buy the threshing floor from Araunah in order to make an alter there for the LORD. Araunah wants to give it to him as a gift and David says...

"No, I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing." 2 Samuel 24:24

Now perhaps I am taking this WAY out of context, but I can't help but see sacrifice written ALL OVER this!! I was deeply convicted by that line...'I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD that cost me nothing'. So often times I see something as the "right thing to do" because it seems like it cost me nothing...so reason tells me "God is opening the door"...ya know that logic, right? I am sure you have used it before too! Here, instead of seeing it as a golden opportunity, David, in God's wisdom says, No WAY! I will NOT offer something that costs me nothing. Makes me think of the woman who gave her tiny offering in the Gospels and Jesus praised her for "she gave all she had" and gave out of nothing instead of giving out of abundance.

What does it cost you to live the life you are living? I am not just talking about the tithe money you give to your church, certainly anyone could argue that that "costs" you something. Get a little deeper here. If you too, like me are trying to live a life that is an offering to the LORD, sacrifice must be happening almost constantly, right? Hm, or maybe it isn't? If it is, count the costs...is your sacrifice to God free? Maybe you already feel like there is no way you could give him more of your life because you are constantly giving thanks, praise, glory, time, respect and obedience to the Lord? Well, that's not me. What are you willing/called to give? What are you currently giving Him? Anything? And what does your current giving cost you? I am asking myself all these same questions...

I will not offer burnt offerings to my Lord that cost me nothing.

Lord, help this truth to penetrate my own heart deeply and show me where I am totally playing with you, thinking I am offering more than I am, and in the end, only blinding myself to the glorious riches you have for those who are your true, faithful children.

The Haiti Countdown is ON!!!!

2012-01-13T10:22:00.003-06:00

Hi Friends,

Some of you know, but most of you do not, that I am heading to Port Au Prince, Haiti TWO WEEKS from tomorrow! Craz.y. I will be going with a few other members from our body here in Dassel-Cokato, including my father who will be leading our team. We will be there for one week ministering alongside of Jesus in Haiti Ministries. We will be primarily working in the surrounding villages in their orphanages, spending as much time as we can with the children who have been left homeless and parent-less by the earthquake of 2010. Additionally, we will be doing ministry with both men and women of the area working with the missionaries that are already present.

So I'm a little....scared. I know God tells me to be anxious for nothing, but I am. And I need Him to rid me of it. It is my desire that I would be soft. I have to be sensitive to the Spirit while I am there, that's part of my mission. However, at the same time my fear is that I will come home and have a hard time living this life. Pathetic, huh? I am scared because I am comfortable. I am nervous of the things that God, through Haiti is going to teach me. I have done this before and it isn't easy. It isn't easy because often times, like other experiences I am sure you have all had, you can't do something and then remain unchanged. So anyway, I am nervous, while at the same time, crazy excited for what that will look like. These are tiresome emotions. I am also incredibly uncomfortable with being away from Kevin and James, they are the most precious things in my life and I hate being without them. I know in my head that Jesus is all that I need, this needs to keep moving down to my heart, I pray it will by the time we reach our destination. Kevin and I are so confident that the Spirit is stirring and preparing us for something great. We know that this is what I am supposed to do and where I am supposed to be. Without this confidence, I would be a huge mess.

If you would be able to fit it into your already loaded prayer list, and you can throw in "Lord, give Jennah your peace". I would be incredibly grateful.

My heart is with the children of Haiti already. I already feel myself drawn to these beautiful people. All that keeps coming to mind is the way that God tells us in John, "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." John 14:18.

If I can bring even the smallest taste of His love to these people, my mission will be complete.

He owes us nothing...

2012-01-11T21:22:00.003-06:00

Hey Friends,

Just winding down after the usual Wednesday night craziness that is our house filled with high schoolers...yes, of both genders. Always interesting. :) For example, tonight a boy from Kevin's group came in the front door while I was meeting with my girls on the main floor (in our living room right off the front entry). As soon as he walked away (still within hearing range, mind you) one of my ninth grade girls exclaims, "he looked right at me!!! I swear he did!". Do you remember the days? Goodness.

I am a sucker for an alter call. They drive me nuts even to this day. Who in the world, when asked if they wanted more of Jesus in their lives (which always seems to be the general direction that alter calls go), would say, "No, I am just going to sit here. I am a Christian and I don't want more of Jesus, thanks, though."?

I mean really?

So growing up, if there was an alter call...yes, you guessed it, I was up front. How annoying after a while. Now I just run out of the room.:) I always took alter calls as a time to repent and change and point my life in a new and right direction. They always consisted of asking for forgiveness for something and having someone pray for me because of a certain sin.

I always left feeling good. Right with God.

Until the next day when I would fail again. Nice, huh? Definition of insanity if you ask me. And we have these alter calls to this day, even if they don't include the typical going up front at church and committing to live a new way. We commit to change, we commit to new resolutions, and acting or thinking a certain way. We ask for forgiveness and commit to change.

Here's what I am thinking....

This is NOT true and full repentence. Repentence is not just stating your sin, asking for forgiveness and committing to live a different way. I just don't see it in Scripture. Didn't they like tear their clothes over their sin? Didn't they scrape themselves with ashes? (Matt. 11:21) Didn't they spend days in prayer and anguish, talking with God and being so burdened over their sin that they could do nothing else? Weren't they separated from people so that they could make things right with God? For those smartie pants people out there who are saying that this only happened in the OT, didn't it drive Paul nuts that he sinned and even stated a number of times that he hated his sin and hated that he kept committing the same sin even though he didn't want to? He hated his sin. Do I hate my sin?

So if you hate something, logic says that you would want to get rid of it. But the how you get rid of it is the question. Is it in your power, will, commitment, desire and/or heart? Is it just about what you do?

Repentence, in my humble opinion, has to include begging for mercy from a God who owes you nothing in return. He is the only one who can rid you of your sin. Do you believe that? Or is it safer for you to think that you can "will" your way out of sin and into Light?

Say you want to commit to love someone. No matter how hard you try to love this person, without the love of Christ, you won't truly and fully love them the way that Christ calls us to. If you want to get into the word, no matter how much you want to desire to read His word, you won't do it with a willing and humble heart without His Spirit that calls you to Himself. (Acts 2:38)

I might not be making any sense.

Repentence is begging for mercy from a God who can fill you with more of His Spirit (this is the NT beauty), more of his law, heart and mind, so that you can love His word, desire Him above all others, seek others interest before your own, love your husband and children and the person who has wronged you, and be more filled with the spirit than like the flesh. (Acts 8:22) This is what will enable you turn your back to sin and your face towards Christ. (2 Cor 7:10). Repentence has everything to do with salvation, being sactified and made more like Christ.

You can disagree with me. But I think this way truly produces more sustainable results than simply willing yourself to change. Everytime I have "willed" change or committed to change on my own, it has ended in frustration and despair.

Forgiveness happened without you asking for it. Repentence has everything to do with anguish and mercy. Does my sin burden me to the point of anguish? Mercy and grace are what changes me, not my desire to change. I was forgiven in the gospel of Jesus. It was done on the cross. Instead of constantly asking for forgiveness and thinking this is repentence, I must get in the habit of falling on my face in humility, asking the God of the universe if He would come and make much of himself in my life. Asking for HIM to change my heart, that He would give me a desire for himself and good things. That he would have mercy fall upon me so that I wouldn't have to live for myself anymore but that I could live more fully and completely alive for Him.

Stop living old covenant practices in a new covenant reality.

2 Peter 1:3

2011 Memories

2012-01-09T15:07:00.000-06:00

"Praise the LORD, all nations! Extol him, all peoples! For great is his steadfast love toward us, and the faithfulness of the LORD endures forever. Praise the LORD! Psalm 117:11-2

As I sit here, Diet Coke in hand, attempting to write the Christmas letter that never got finished because I didn't know how to accurately and completely write about 2011, this verse is on my heart and lips. My, oh my, what a year it has truly been! As Kevin and I have been reflecting on 2011 over the past week or so, we have attempted to give each other a run-down of each month as we recall it. We remember and talk about where we were living (we lived in 4 different places over the past 12 months), what we were praying for, what we were doing, peeks and valleys with the Lord and with each other, developmental milestones James has had and on, and on. Quite honestly, each time we have attempted to do this I don't think we have gotten passed January. Guess its just been one of those years.:)

One thing that I can't get out of my head from this year is this...the LORD is good. He is good. No matter what I am going through, not matter what hurt or pain I am feeling, no matter where I am with the Father on a given day, or week, or month, He is good. His Word tells me so....hundreds of times.The way he has opened my eyes to see his word tells me so. The year has not been easy, in fact I just got fitted for a mouth guard the other day because I have been clenching my jaw at night to the point that I sometimes can't open my mouth in the morning...ok, I think I have been more stressed than I thought. Despite what has comprised the year, the Father has been so good to us. I can't believe that one year ago our little one was two months old, we were in our tiny apartment in New Brighton, Kev was working at Wells and we were VERY uncertain of where our lives were headed.

Honestly, I can't give you much more a run-down than that, but I can respond to each of the situations mentioned above. Today, James is 14 months old (wha??), we are in our HOME in Dassel, MN (wha??) Kevin has opened his strength training business in Minnetonka (wha??), and well, we are still uncertain about where our lives are headed (no suprise there), but I can't tell you the anticipation we have for this coming year. The Spirit has been stirring deeply in both of our hearts and as we look ahead we are convinced that yet again this will be a year that will change our lives forever. I love the way that God uses time to change us and the things that we know and believe!

Dear Friend, as you look ahead and as you have probably made countless resolutions for what the year will bring, are you just crazy excited for what God has for you today, this week, month and year?? Do you realize that He has great plans for you? Do you know that on both sides of you stands eternity and you were placed as a dot with a specific plan and purpose? Don't miss this purpose. You were called to a crazy life of radical love and obedience to the Lord.

I feel out of control right now, so thrilled to be a daughter of the King and so honored that he would love me and call me to do His work!
Ok, maybe it's just my Diet Coke (with caffeine) kicking in...my fingers are quivering...
very possible its the caffeine...
but I still like to call it the Spirit, the spirit of caffeine? Sure, roll with it.

Thanks for hanging out...can't wait to share this year with you!!!

Cuteness. He's crazy excited for this year as well.

Dwelling in Peace

2011-10-27T12:33:00.002-05:00

Hi friends,
I wanted share with you a blog that I came across from a friend a couple of weeks ago. It has been a huge encouragement to me, that is, when I have the time to check it out! The blog is by a group of women who are daughters and sisters. Their husband and father is the well-known CJ Mahaney, who is the pastor of the Sovereign Grace Church. This church is doing massive work for the kingdom.

Anyway,numerous times throughout my short life, I have questioned what true forgiveness really is and what it looks like, sounds like and feels like, if anything at all. As often happens when I ask these sorts of questions and search for the Lord's thoughts as given in Scripture, the response always seems to refer back to the state of the heart. In this blog I am going to share, what Carolyn Mahaney is referring to, is not something that I have experienced, at least certainly not to the degree that I am sure that she has. Regardless, I still think her thoughts relate to the average person on the average day. Are we not constantly confronted by things that could and try to ensnare us into thinking wicked thoughts, lashing out in reactive actions and saying hurtful words?

I know I certainly encounter these temptations on a nearly daily basis.

Be encouraged by this blog post, she has great wisdom to share. Check it out at:

Www.girltalkhome.com

A book I can't wait to get my hands on...

2011-10-07T09:35:00.001-05:00

Hey Friends,

Just a quick note. As I was scanning the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood website last night, I saw this posting regarding a new book that has been released called, Gospel-centered Family: Becoming the Parents God Wants You to be by Tim Chester and Ed Moll. Read what blogger Jeff Robinson had to say about why this book is a good one to add to your home's library....

He writes...
"Consider these two posts from an online bulletin board on parenting:

It's great to be a Christian parent. And I thank God for my children that their parents are not like others - immoral, selfish and lazy. We have such a great time when we start the day with family devotions. We never miss a day - even if we're on the car-ferry or at the airport! Our home is a haven of purity. And we do so much for missions. Our children know the names of every missionary we support. We alternate their names with learning chapters of Romans at bed-time. Must dash. Thank you Lord!

Or:

Lord, I feel useless. Please have mercy on my kids because, with a parent like me, they sure need it."

Ok, if you are like me you read that first post and thought...hmmm, yikes, I must be missing it somewhere.

****Read the rest of this post at http://www.cbmw.org/Blog/Posts/The-liberty-of-Gospel-centered-parenting it is definitely worth it.

You may think it is daring for me to recommend a book that I have not yet read, however, need we read any further than the title "Gospel centered Parenting" to realize it considers the absolute significance and purpose in our parenting journey. Check it out, friends.

Lord, the task of parenting is too great. It is too great for me today and will be too great tomorrow. Protect my child from my ignorances and guard him from my sin.

Fall-ing

2011-10-06T14:37:00.002-05:00

Hey Friends!

We just got back from James' first day at ECFE! I told Kevin we needed to take a "first day of school" picture before we left...but I refrained from doing so. It went really well. Initially, James wasn't too sure about the other kids in the class and played the shy, snuggly boy that I absolutely adore. I chuckled to myself when they told me to put him on a circular baby play-mat that was about 2 feet in diameter. As I expected, he wanted to be anywhere but that tiny space as eventually, he was exploring the new toys and fun ...of course with the periodic "check-ins" to ensure that Mama was still in the room. Anyway, it will be fun to attend this once a week over the next month and a half or so. I could not hold back, after we got home, I did take a quick shot of our little boy who is creeping up on his first birthday...too stinkin cute, in my biased opinion.

Also, I did want to pop in and share a few pictures from our adventure at Carlson's Apple Orchard last week before Daddy left on a hunting trip. We had a blast. James could not get enough of the apples and loved crawling...in the dirt...and "throwing" the apples down the hills of trees (i she a boy or what?!? Oh, don't worry he can't throw very hard, I think the owners would be ok with the gentle "drop" that is his throw).

This cheese-ball pose was obviously my idea, (clearly apples were not my primary focus, instead I was rightly thinking ahead to his "first year" book that will soon be made!)

I wish I could show you how he was just babbling at these apples...unfortunately I didn't get a video of it, but he was having the time of his life surrounded by these interesting and new "balls".

Showing his new finds to Daddy and Mama...

So Proud....

And back at it again....

I am certain that he would have been happy here all day.

Who would've thought one could have such affection for an apple?

Eventually, our time did come to a close...

Happy Thursday, Friends!