Saviabella

You know you've had an interesting night when...

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 03:04:00 +0000

...you open up your purse the next morning and find a note from your friend that reads: "I don't want my labia to be able to engulf a small Japanese town." Man, that was a lot of wine.

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Worst date ever. No, really.

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 03:28:00 +0000

I had a few reservations about meeting Pipe Fitter Dude. Our online conversations started well (zombie apocalypse and global pandemics!), though they took an odd turn when we got into a huge debate on adoption. He asked me if I wanted kids and I said I wasn't sure; I didn't think I wanted to...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Sometimes, this is all it takes

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 22 Oct 2011 01:44:00 +0000

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

No big loss: I don't date plagiarists, anyway

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Thu, 20 Oct 2011 21:39:00 +0000

I ran across a profile on the dating site that knocked my socks off. It was clever and witty and completely over the top. I didn't contact the guy for a few weeks, because I was so intimidated (and it's pretty damn rare for me to be intimidated by a smart guy, particularly because they're so rare...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

How not to date online, part 3

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 20:32:00 +0000

I noticed an artsy type guy on the dating site and sent him a message saying, hey I'm involved in the arts, too! As an example, I gave the following: My latest endeavour is performing in a burlesque show as a douchy guy with a mullet, who wears a shirt professing a love of bacon and likes to...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

It's funny because it's true

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Mon, 03 Oct 2011 00:09:00 +0000

...at least, I assume it's true; I'd never let an illiterate man into my bed. Up against the wall, however, is another story altogether.

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Spelling matters

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 05:14:00 +0000

Okay, dude, in your online dating profile where you call yourself a "raper/writer," I'm thinking that you meant to say "rapper." Unless you didn't, in which case, on behalf of women everywhere, thanks for the honesty. Love, Savia

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Message of the day

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 24 Sep 2011 22:52:00 +0000

This is at once the sweetest, creepiest and most ironic message I have received on the dating site thus far: Wow,I never thought I'd be so turned on by good grammer before. Your very good with words. Great to look at too. I could read u n look at u for hrs. Loved the angry-looking picture...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Plenty of nuts

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 05:48:00 +0000

The first guy I met on the dating site seemed alright. He was kinda cute, got my sense of humour and didn't mind that I mocked him relentlessly. There was a potential for chemistry there, but there were also a few alarm bells that I wasn't sure whether to heed. Were they just fire drills or the...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Gimme a break

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 01:19:00 +0000

Savia is on the best date ever. Just one reason it gets that moniker: Cute Lawyer Dude: Why should smokers get breaks at work to smoke? Why not other habits? Like binge-eating breaks or masturbation breaks? Savia: I absolutely support masturbation breaks at work. Cute Lawyer Dude:...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Here kitty, kitty, kitty

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 02:15:00 +0000

I was surfing on the dating site when a chat window popped up. I don't believe in chats, plus this guy had The Crazy Eyes, so I automatically clicked, "no." A few minutes later, I received a message from him. Crazy Eyes: what does it mean when a cat has babies. and doesent go back to them does...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Suck it, shorties!

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Tue, 13 Sep 2011 00:23:00 +0000

Savia is at her favourite fish store, spending too much money on seafood and bantering with the fish store dude. Fish Store Dude: Are you wearing green toenail polish? Savia: Green with turquoise crackle polish on top. FSD: [coming around the side of the counter] Look! His toenails are...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

How NOT to date online, part 2

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sun, 11 Sep 2011 22:35:00 +0000

So, I was messaging this guy who, it turns out, works with a friend of mine. He described my friend as "the office Papa Bear and we all respect him as such." I couldn't let that one go, so I messaged back: "Do you call him that because of his big, bushy beard, or because his bed is too hard? If...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

How not to date ME online

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 10 Sep 2011 04:29:00 +0000

As I mentioned before, I am letting it all hang out when it comes to online dating. My profile is no exception and includes statements such as: I have a warped sense of humour and appreciate when people don't look at me like I've killed their kitten when I crack a joke. Because, really, I...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

How NOT to date online

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Mon, 05 Sep 2011 15:57:00 +0000

Out of boredom, and the fact that I've clearly forgotten how to read signals in real life, I've decided to dip my toe into the online dating ocean. And, in true Savia fashion, my strategy is to let it all hang out, in my profile and my messages to dudes. I don't care what anyone thinks of me,...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Seasonus interruptus

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sun, 04 Sep 2011 16:40:00 +0000

Dear Autumn: It appears you have come too soon. There are creams for that. Next time, use them. Love, Savia

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Reverse beer goggles

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 04:56:00 +0000

My deck was rotting to the point where it wasn't a question of if, but when, someone was going to fall through it, so I called Fix-It Dude. Just as he was tearing it apart, he ran into a snag: a massive bee infestation underneath my house. Not wasps. Bees. Hundreds and hundreds of bees. It was kind...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Naughty negotiations

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sun, 21 Aug 2011 01:09:00 +0000

A good friend of mine was looking for a new apartment and not having much luck. She had the option of paying $1,200 for a two-bedroom apartment or $600 for a 350-square-foot bachelor suite, without any options in-between. That, and she'd had lovely phone conversations like these: Friend: Hi, I...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

I'm feeling wicked

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 13 Aug 2011 21:23:00 +0000

This week, I had the pleasure of going to Wicked: The Musical in Saskatoon with two sexy ladies, Madam Diva and MayB. Diva was my official date, because I knew that I wouldn't even have to buy her supper to get her to put out. I had already seen the musical in London back in 2007, but when...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Snarking at my Lululemon bag, part one

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 01:19:00 +0000

I bought a couple of headbands from the sale section of the Lululemon website a few weeks ago, and when they arrived, they came with a reusable Lululemon bag, emblazoned with the company's "manifesto," a bunch of supposedly feel-good affirmations. I didn't actually read it until today, and then I...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Feline refugee

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 00:49:00 +0000

Last week, we had an interesting day at work. We were just hanging out, doing our jobs like good employees, and watching the weather go completely nuts. In just a matter of moments, a clear sky became a foreboding dark grey-blue and the wind began to howl. The back door of the office began...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Sauced salsa

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Mon, 09 Aug 2010 21:12:00 +0000

A friend of mine was hungry after the Folk Festival, so we went to Denny's, one of the few places still serving food at that hour. I was just looking for a snack, so I ordered a small nacho plate. Denny's version of nachos is...interesting. The small is very small, and covered in some kind of...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Batshit crazy

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 03:25:00 +0000

Franklin the cat had some digestive issues, so I took him to the vet to have a finger stuck up his butt (good times - I never knew a cat could make such ungodly sounds). However, I couldn't get into my regular dude, oh he of the mustachio and big belt buckle of manliness, so I went to another vet...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Meet Freak Magnette

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 18:26:00 +0000

After listening to a litany of hilarious bad date and freak stories that included: stalkersflashers, and drawers of disturbing used sex toys, I finally convinced a friend of mine to start a blog about her crazy experiences. It's tough being a single gal in your 30s, especially if you're a freak...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]

Of drag kings and land sharks

noreply@blogger.com (savia) — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 04:51:00 +0000

Some friends and I were playing that game where you type in "[your name] wants" into Google and see what pops up. And then we took it a step further and wrote stories for each other based on the lists. The fabulous Diva wrote my story. Enjoy! The list... Savia wants: ...to kill her as well, but...

[Hello, my feedreading pretties. Me love you long time.]