Savvy Single Christian

Marriage is not a group activity, why spending time alone is wise before you tie the knot

2012-01-25T17:38:00.000-08:00

So-called "Biblical Dating" or "Courtship" models of premarital relationships are intended to maintain the sexual purity of a couple. If you aren't familiar with it, the general idea is:

Guy observes girl in group setting and decides he wants to marry her.
Guy decides to court girl by asking permission from parents.
Guy and girl continue to interact in groups and with family.
Guy and girl attend biblical premarital counseling where they discuss spirtuality and headship of the man, and attend church together (of course).
Guy and girl do not hug, kiss, or even go out to coffee together.
Guy and girl marry.
Guy and girl are suddenly spending time together alone and can't relate to each other. Misery ensues.

I get it. You get it. The whole idea is to avoid sexual immorality and keep the marriage bed pure. The trouble is that no one gets to know each other on a deep enough level to truly relate.

One of the main reasons men have for pursuing a relationship in this type of situation is that men are restricted from relating to women unless they follow this model. Moving straight to marriage is considered the only legitimate option for a serious relationship. I'm guessing that this comes from people having been hurt by go nowhere relationships in the past and hope to avoid that kind of hurt for their children and for themselves.

The truth is, it is just not possible to avoid hurt in life. If you've ever been "just friends" with someone who you would much rather be kissing, you've been hurt. You might develop an emotional attachment to someone whether you lock lips with them or not. Someone across the room in a Bible study might look sweet, respectful, and awesome yet have a double life. People often behave differently in groups than in a one-on-one situation.

Sometimes a person's interest may be a well-placed infatuation for someone who is not quite right for them. Compatibility is based on more than just spirituality.

In a group setting, possible sources of conflict might be smoothed over. It might seem like you have a great deal in common with someone who you attend Bible study together and attend other church functions; after all, the church makes sprituality paramount. But other than that, do you like each other?

I have an aquaintance who did not follow this model exactly, however was influenced somewhat by it. She says she loves her husband but didn't realize how obsessed with sports he was until after they married when their Saturdays became all about sports. And I don't mean ONE game, I mean TWO games in a day. And then there are other sports to watch. I mean there's ESPN, ESPN-2 and so on. As a married couple, they no longer go to the young adult group.

From what I know of marriage, a great deal of it is spent just two people managing a home together and sleeping in the same bad. And in order to do that, you have to talk to each other.

Do you like each other?
Do you enjoy each other?
Do you admire each other?
Is this someone who you would be friends with if you weren't romantically linked?
Do you want to hear each others' opnions on various topics? (Do you listen to each other?)
Do you make each other laugh? Do you want to? (I think my boyfriend's puns are hilarious. Not everybody would appreciate that kind of humor.)
Do you feel comfortable with the amount of affection you get from each other? (Do you really want to hold hands or cuddle and not just go straight to sex? Some people are comfortable with the courtship model because they don't like to touch and can hide behind it.)
Are you attracted to each other? Yes, it can grow over time, but it's important for marriage to be attracted to each other. You don't have to be 10s to have attraction or be perfect looking. Well-groomed and well-dressed often add points in this department.

Alone time before you marry is key to determining these kinds of things. Marriage isn't just about avoiding sexual sin. If all you can think about when you're with your partner is sexual sin, maybe you aren't ready to have a mature relationship.

Marriage isn't just about sprirituality, and discussing what Jesus did. It's so much more than that. It should be about two people creating a place for love in an imperfect world. If you don't like each other, and don't enjoy spending time alone together, you might not be with the right person.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

The Art of Obvious Advertising

2012-01-24T13:40:00.000-08:00

Since Americans seems obsessed with reality shows, the answer has become what else but MORE REALITY SHOWS!

Some of the more annoying entries for me have been "The Revolution" and Live Big with Allie Vincent.

The Revolution is a show in which everyone gets a trip to the Macy's closet for a ticket to dress better. Every week a woman goes through a much-needed transformation. Cue the sad music as she looks are herself in the mirror. And of course she gets a trip to the Macy's Closet! Chad Pennington gave up building houses for people for this schlock?

Live Big with Allie Vincent. Every week is about the same. Everyone gets diet tips and a trip to 24 Hour Fitness where they all get a workout with a trainer and a Body Bugg. That Body Bugg did not do it for me at all! I was told I could eat an astronomically high amount of 2,500 calories. When I said it wasn't working, and I was gaining weight, I was told I should try 2,000 calories a day. And when that didn't work, I was told I should try 1400 calories a day. The Body Bugg, meanwhile, continued to read like I was burning 3,000 or more calories per day. I wish!! All this show does is BUGG me!

I want to like Allie after her turn on The Biggest Loser. But since the show, she has gained 20 pounds back and it should make her more nervous than it does. 120 is a better weight for camera work. Sometimes she gets overly-frustrated with her guests.

Dr. Oz gives out great advice - yet at the same time we're told "get surgery and see your doctor" for unnessecary procedures and medications. At least this is somewhat balaced with cooking healthy meals and getting things under control yourself. There's a bit of debunking expensive beauty treatments while touting the latest cosmetic technologies which is actually useful.

Honestly, I think we give too much power to doctors and medicines. Take your health into your own hands! I've been doing a little bit of that on my other blog, Life Unsalted - www.LifeUnsalted.blogspot.com.

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Boundless - Take responsibilty for your dating life, the third option

2012-01-22T17:41:00.000-08:00

As a thinking urbanite, I find quite a bit of Boundless's articles to be frustrating. And so it goes for Biblical Dating: An Introduction by Scott Croft.

The way the article is written makes it seem that there is nothing in between so-called "Biblical Dating" and "Modern Dating." Boundless tries to make it seem that focusing on courtship under the careful supervision of Mom, Dad, and pastoral staff is the only way to fly. There is alot of ground in between the two.

I can see how many might think of "Biblical Dating" as the way to avoid the wounds of the modern world. However, it is just as harmful to deal with no one ever wanting to get to know you until they think they want to pursue marriage. It means no coffee dates, no hanging out, and no movies with guy friends. UGH! It's ridiculous. Why?

Every little thing a person says or does is still about figuring out whether or not to offer marriage without even knowing the person.

Take some responsibility. Just because family, father, or church are not involved in your coffee date, it doesn't mean you can't get to know someone and see if they aren't worth getting to know before making a decision about marriage. What ends up happening with many of my aquintences is that they avoid any relationships at all with the opposite sex because they feel like they have to know if they want to get married to them before even having a cup of coffee with them.

And acquinatance of mine who grew up in Colorado had parents who quickly jumped on the bandwagon of betrothal as the right way for their children to interact with the opposite sex. What my friend has actually seen is that many of his friends who used this method before marriage have serious problems in their relationships.

I'm entertaining a series on "Dating Done Right" - a guide for the rest of us.

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Bachelorette Shawntel Newton discusses faith, dating, and why grief is good

2012-01-18T21:10:00.000-08:00

Shawntel Newton became my favorite bachelorette immediately. Her quirky career choice of being a funeral director and mortician meant that finding love with bachelor Brad might be a challenge. Lying on an enbalming table proved to be too much for Brad and Shawntel was eliminated at the rose ceremony. I suspected that they kept her around purely for casting reasons. That still has to be the most memorable hometown date ever seen on ABC's The Bachelor.

It was a delight to see her again making a bid to steal the heart of Bachelor Ben on Monday evening's The Bachelor. I certainly hope that Ben will be able to see how catty all of these women are and not pick any of them. They were horribly mean to Shawntel. If I had been on that show, I certainly would have welcomed her. I would have wanted to have her in the house with me to hang out with. The likelihood of people actually finding real, lasting love is very low anyway, why not share???

In this article on www.TheOliveTee.com, Shawntel dishes about her deep faith in Christ. I love hearing about how she feels that being a funeral director in the family business is a ministry. I'm certain you will agree that she is a beauty both inside and out.

I'm going to give you a very special spoiler. Shawntel moved on very well from Ben's rejection. She finished a book and found love! Plus, she is also the model for the Olivetee T-shirt line. Please have a read about this very special woman of God

Exclusive Interview with Shawntel Newton - Jesus and The Bachelor

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A boyfriend or girlfriend for the holidays

2012-01-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

Some of you are, no doubt, still recovering from the holiday stress. Certainly more than a few of you found yourselves at the dinner table thinking, "Where is my significant other? When will I meet this person? When will those annoying questions stop????" You have been asking yourself these same questions, but when mom, grandma, uncles, aunts, and various other family members ask, "How about YOU??? Are you dating anyone yet?" *SHUDDER*

Well, I don't mean to stress you out any more than you already have been, but when you have been single for a significant period of time and you join your life with another person who has been single a significant period of time, it may not be as smooth as you think...

My boyfriend spent time with his own family for the holidays. For one week in November, he flew out to Colorado to spend time with his cousins - two of whom are mayors of neighboring towns. I was not invited to go. I guess we weren't at that point just yet.

When Christmas rolled around, he has had a standing tradition of spending Christmas with a friend from college. They also take a week to go diving every summer. Other friends came out of the woodwork and wanted to catch up around the holidays as well. And then he had to plan to spend time with his mother. In between all of this, his sister flew down from Alaska and stayed with him on and off for two weeks.

My family finally met him. But this only took about 4 hours of time in the entire holiday. I was at the point where the accusations of being picky had given way to discussions of what is good enough and not good enough for me as well as the merits of making a wise choice at this point in my life. The good news is that everyone liked him. *PHEW!*
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Relevant "You Never Marry the Right Person" by Timothy Keller

2012-01-15T14:28:00.000-08:00

Finally, an article in Relevant that makes sense. Pastor Timothy Keller heads up a very large congregation of mostly single people in New York. Apparently, New Yorkers are the pickiest people in the world when it comes to dating. I was there for 2 years and had a succession of dates with some very picky people. But, in truth, there are picky people everywhere.

There are picky people in church sitting right next to you who will not pick you for their own picky reasons. They won't pick anyone else either. And perhaps church has taught us to be pickier in hopes of creating perfect marriages which stay together perfectly, produce perfect children who grow into perfect examples of Christ and make perfect converts out of all they meet - and so on.

Keller hits the nail on the head when he says in years past that there was less emphasis on finding a perfect soul mate and more on making things work out. Yes, there were bad marriages and people were unhappy. It was a common practice in our history for a man to have a wife to have his children and a mistress who he loved for completely different reasons. Divorce was the greater scandal at that time. But now it seems that people attribute the ideal of finding the perfect person as the solution to making them behave perfectly in a relationship. Men and women are equally guilty.

Finally, I think someone may have written a book about marriage worth reading. Way to go, Tim! (I met him once and he said I could call him Tim. Someone in New York actually got mad at me after having called him Pastor Keller and giving me the "what gives you the right" speech.)

But before a date, you should still make sure to wash your elbows, seriously! ;)

check out the article.

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Atheist seeks recognition to organize?

2011-12-25T19:46:00.000-08:00

I don't agree with someone being subjected to being ridiculed for their lack of faith. But I find it distressing that this young atheist responded "no" when asked if he felt his life has a lasting purpose.

Even if you feel that there is no God and no heaven, it is still possible for one's life to have lasting purpose. The question doesn't ask if he believes there is an afterlife. My uncle's life certainly had lasting meaning to me, as did my grandfathers. My grandfathers were both atheists. In fact, one of them would walk my grandmother to the steps of the church, wish her well, and come back to walk her home.

How can an atheist have need of a chaplain? What would they say to each other at their group meetings? "Keep on not believing, bro! don't let those Christians tempt you with their Bibles." What would such a person say when an atheist is sick or dying? What words would provide comfort? The words of Thomas Jefferson? Aren't chaplains a bit to imitative of that religion which they seek to abolish?

Check out the weirdness here.

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Dear Atheists in Santa Monica...

2011-12-25T19:31:00.000-08:00

Atheists in Santa Monica, CA decided to protest the use of public space for religious displays. Atheists entered the lottery for spaces and filled the spaces with NOTHING.

Do holiday displays get you all riled up? Honestly, I find the over-commercialization of the holiday to be quite irritating. I mean, people camp put for days to get ridiculous door-buster specials.

Here's the rub: the Constitution doesn't guarantee freedom from any mention of religion. The public pay taxes and the public sometimes happen to be Christians.

I really don't see how a few nativity scenes and a Hannukah display force you to practice religion or establish anything other than religion exists. And a few empty spaces won't stop me from practicing mine.

I would have been happy to see Kwanzaa being honored, which is a non-religious expression honoring Black history.

Sounds to me like you and they've got a bad case of pushing beliefs on others with a religious fervor. Yours is the new intolerance in the name of no religion.

Couldn't you at least honor Festivus? Does a holiday created by Jerry Seinfeld count as "religious"? (Let us begin with the airing of the grievances...) Maybe you grinches should try a little humor.

I'm sure you appreciated having a day off. Too bad rest didn't make you less grouchy.

For more information click here.

This is a more embellished version of a comment I made on an Atheism blog.

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High stress mess

2011-12-21T01:31:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you guys, but I have a hard time keeping things neat when I get stressed out. Right now I have piles of papers that I must organize, unfinished projects, and laundry on my bed. Yet, here I am, writing another note about it. I'm hoping that writing it down will help remind me to dig in to it. But then, maybe, sometimes it's ok to let the mess be for a bit and rest. Sometimes other things really are a priority. Hopefully you won't see me on Hoarders! I think over the holidays, I will try to get all of this crazy stuff done which has been waiting for me. I haven't watched Hoarders in awhile, maybe that will inspire me to get some things done...

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Do you wear the pants in the relationship?

2011-12-09T02:44:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I have the most ridiculous friends. Thanks to Facebook, my friends have finally caught on to the fact that I have a real boyfriend. Well, for awhile there was something of a joke. At a recent Christmas party one of my friends asked,

Friend: So, tell me. Do you wear the pants in the relationship?
Savvy: Whaaaaaat? No.
Friend: Are you sure.
Savvy: OMG. Yes, I'm sure. What a weird question.
Friend: Well, it's just that you're really outspoken.
Savvy: So? My boyfriend likes that about me.
Friend: Yeah, but do tell him what to do, and stuff?
Savvy: This may come as a shock to you, but no.

I'm mystified by my reputation and discussed it with my boyfriend. Now, don't be offended or anything, but too much Christianity does appear to be harmful for singles. I don't mean a relationship with the Lord being a problem--I mean fake, quasi-sprituality, and sheep-like following of strange rules about relationships.

I'll admit that some people might find me a bit spicy and too hot to handle. But some people love that I tell it how it is. (Like maybe some of you, my regular readers.)

He thought the idea of me wearing the pants in the relationship was hilarious. He said, "Sometimes I run out of ideas of stuff for us to do, but, really?" That being said, I do make suggestions of things I would like to do. But often, it's my boyfriend who says something he would like to do and I agree that I would like to do it. If I mention things I like, he keeps them in mind.

For instance, he went to see Hugo with his cousins in Colorado. When he told me about this, I said I was only disappointed because I was looking forward to seeing that with him. He took me to see it. Also, he pays most of the time. So when I paid for him a handful of times it was treated like a big, huge deal.

I also bought dining certificates on Restaurant.com because he was always paying when we went out and sometimes the bill was high. I told him I appreciated it, but I wanted him to know that I enjoy his company and it was ok if we spend less. I really wish I got some kickback for encouraging you to check it out for your town, but do it anyway and thank me later. My boyfriend definitely appreciated that I got dining certificates. We've tried different restaurants that we otherwise would not have tried and just had fun. I think we are closer now.

In any case, I think a real relationship has an ebb and flow. People have to listen to each other in order to have a quality relationship. And I think that we really do. Yay! it's about time. I've been in other relationships and none ever worked this well. (Yes, that includes my moments that I have freaked out over not being sure how much he likes me, etc. and writing about it here.)

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Why women play with their hair

2011-12-09T00:11:00.000-08:00

It's out there. The recent investment bankers letter for a second date posted to Reddit even referred to the myth. You've been told that a woman playing with her hair is a sign of flirting. It's happened to me. I was on a date with a man and I was playing with my hair.

He: I've heard that a woman playing with her hair is a sign of flirting.
Me: Umm. Oh. I've never heard that before.

Reaction? Immediately stopped playing with hair.

Note to self- do not play with hair on dates with men I haven't met.

Possible solutions -

cut hair short.
wear extensions which make playing with hair precarious.
wear hair up.
shave head.

What are the real reasons a woman might play with her hair?

She bored.
It's soothing.
She has an OCD which makes her want to touch her hair.
She's a teenager who is self-conscious.
She needs a haircut because her bangs are too long.
She's self-conscious about a cow lick and keeps trying to press it down.
She's nervous.
She likes how her hair feels.
She's wondering if she should get it cut.
She wonders if she should dye it.
She's decided to dye it but is contemplating the color.
She just dyed it and is wondering if it smells ok.
She just dyed it, it smells ok, and she's trying to admire the color at the tips.
She just dyed it or straightened it and wonders what conditioner she should use to make it softer again.
She's deciding if she should pull her hair over her upper lip like a moustache.
She realizes you might think she's a huge dork if she does.
She decided against it.
She wonders if you're too uptight to appreciate her sense of humor.
She wonders why her hair can't have that perfect look a model has.
She wishes her hair looked like Taylor Swift's hair. (Or other young celeb)
She spends about five minutes imagining she's Taylor Swift. (or other young celeb)
She wonders if her hair is still curly because she spent a long time on it this morning.
She wonders if she should grow out her bangs.
She just cut it and is thinking of new styles.
It's hot and she thinks she wants to put it in a ponytail.
She just cut it short and wonders how long it will take to grow it out again.
Her bangs keep going flat and she can't wait to ditch you and get to the bathroom to fix it.
She has very curly hair and is trying to smooth it because it gets frizzy.
She wonders what it would be like to be a nun and wear a habit or Muslim and wear a burqua.
She is convinced you can see her first gray hair she just found. In that case, repeat steps 1-30 or something like that. Cause this isn't exact science or anything.

I say these crazy things because I play with my hair all the time. I think it feels smooth and soft. I like how my hair feels between my fingers. Sometimes I twirl it to make it curl more. I've worn it out to the point of split ends because I played with it so much.

Most of the reasons why a woman plays with her hair have NOTHING to do with a man. You might have to look for other signs of flirting. You might have to just ask her out and see if she says yes.

The guy who wrote the letter is looking so hard at the signs that he even counted eye contact per minute. That's kind of weird. I wouldn't go out with that guy again either. Google searches be damned. In fact, Google searching proved that the results were inconclusive.

This advice goes well with some of my other articles:

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Sometimes relationships can suck for stupid reasons

2011-12-01T01:09:00.000-08:00

So, I have a boyfriend. At least it seems like i have a boyfriend some of the time. He went away for Thanksgiving and came back on Sunday. We have only talked on the phone for 7 minutes this week.

The funny thing is that most people think that relationships fail for more dramatic reasons. Some people think that him not being a Christian is the worst thing that could possibly happen. Nope. I'd say that the most difficult things are other conflicts.

He's a great guy and I really enjoy spending time with him. He's got 90% of the stuff that I'm looking for in a guy. Maybe it's that he's a bit of an intellectual nerd and doesn't get very emotional. Maybe it's that he's totally used to being single and doesn't really let girls into his heart. But oftentimes I feel a bit too left alone.

I'd like to be a little more inconvenienced and have a little more time demanded of me. We only see each other one or two times a week. It just makes me wonder how important I really am to him. It makes me wonder if I should tell my friends more about him or if I should change my status on Facebook. I just don't know.

Just wondering, how much time do you feel like you need to feel comfortable in a relationship?

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The Pickup Artists from Simple Pickups

2011-12-01T00:58:00.000-08:00

Are they cool or are they cads? "I've always dreamt of helping people. We're less than average guys."

Well, they've done it all. They have dressed as Super Mario, the Tooth Fairy, and the Statue of Liberty and still scored numbers. They have picked up on girls as they sat in wheelchairs. For what? To show that anyone can pick up girls.

How does it work? check out this full article from ABC's Nightline. And this video.

I'm not gonna lie, they say some dirty things!

I'm not sure that this would work on me. I might laugh it off completely. I don't know.

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Health Concerns - living life unsalted

2011-11-29T00:09:00.000-08:00

Hey everyone,
I don't know how you feel about doctors, but lately my opinion has changed. Basically, I don't want to see a doctor unless I'm dying. I sincerely believe that we need less doctoring and more prevention.

Why? Well, I have suspected for quite some time that I had a hypothyroid problem. I had six or more of the major symptoms -

Tiredness
Water retention
Hair loss
Weight gain
Cold hands and feet
Puffy face, hands, and feet
Hoarseness
Heavy periods
Constipation
Dry skin

Lately I've been watching that Doctor Oz show, which is actually very good. He explains things thoroughly. And he said of hypothyroidism that sometimes symptoms trump blood tests. This was the first I had heard this.

Let me tell you, the response of most doctors is not "Let's put you on thyroid medication." The response I have experienced is, "It sounds like your depressed. Here take these antidepressants." Antidepressants are recommended for a wide variety of symptoms. The problem is that they do not fix the thyroid problem and they cause more problems. Sometimes they cause more weight gain, more hair loss, and even dryer skin.

I would think of it as an anomaly if I had only had trouble with one doctor, but it's been three doctors. Why antidepressants? Doctors most likely don't get kickbacks for thyroid meds. Thyroid meds aren't glamorous. But anti-depressants get many research dollars behind them and tend to be considered to be more glamorous.

The attitude continues. Yes, water retention is a symptom of hypothyroidism, but it can also be due to a salt sensitivity. I have decided to attack with both things. I am taking thyroid medication which is available over the counter. Bovine thyroid just isn't considered to be real medicine. Well, more power to me. I really don't care if the medical profession thinks it's not real medicine. It seems to be helping.

I have decided to dedicate myself to living as salt-free as possible. I was given blood pressure medication for water retention. I am already taking half. And I plan to go off of it completely. I don't have high blood pressure. In fact, it's low. I think it's time that we take medicine into our own hands. I'm very tired of being given drugs I don't need.

I was thinking about starting a salt-free blog, but lately I've been having a hard time keeping up with everything.

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Internet fraud hits a new low - music lesson fraud

2011-11-10T00:12:00.000-08:00

One of the things I can do for work is teach music lessons. I have not been able to sustain a studio because I didn't have a place to teach lessons. I now have a place.

It started out normally enough. I got an email from a woman named Rose Magreth who wanted me to teach her daughter a series of lessons while she visited the US and then joined her in Frankfurt. She wanted to know what I could teach, how often, and seemed to be satisfied. It seemed OK.

And then it got weird.
She wanted to send a check to me for the full amount. In advance. No one ever does that. She then said she would include some extra money for me if I would just forward some to her agent in the US. Alarm bells went off.

I never thought that I would ever fall for an internet scam. I usually delete those lottery ones. They are becoming more sophisticated.

In the meantime, I reported the attempted fraud to the FBI Internet Crime Complaint Center. If something like this happens to you, please contact them at: http://www.ic3.gov/crimeschemes.aspx

If someone uses the mail to send you a fraudulent check (product, etc.) you can also report it to the Better Business Bureau, and even the U.S. Postal Inspection Service https://postalinspectors.uspis.gov/ whose mission it is to investigate and prosecute mail-related crimes.

As it turns out, this scam is out there hitting music teachers everywhere. I'm hoping that since I actually fell for it at first, that the FBI can use me to sting the people here who are engaged in this. I'll let you know.

And by the way, I don't think she is in Frankfurt. I think she's actually in Nigeria. I don't know how much they can do to her there. I also think both of these are Rose Magreth on Facebook. Looks like the same person, but with different makeup. Punky Rose imma git you!

www.facebook.com/rmndunguru
www.facebook.com/punky.rose1

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Foreign women for love (or just your money and citizenship)?

2011-09-04T13:01:00.000-07:00

It's clear that the guy in this video is a hopeless romantic looking for love. I'm stymied as to why he wouldn't be able to find someone nice-unless he's looking for someone much younger, something which many younger girls don't want. He's twice divorced and has two kids. Is he a closet asshole? Inflexible? Does he steal all the sheets? I almost want to go out with him just to find out.

Age doesn't matter to some of these women because they want money. Marriage matters to them because they want to move to the US and become citizens. Love isn't guaranteed. Some of the women who advertise are after a good time and a good meal. Others live in abject poverty, eeking out a meager existence. Some are prostitutes. It's ironic to hear a man complain about American women being golddiggers when so many of these foreign women are doing just that. One girl asked a guy to buy her an iPod and a juicer. Really?

Maybe some guys need to take responsibility for their own bad habits and mistreatment of women. Just sayin'. In one tale from Nightline, one of the women came to the US only to be told she was there to do housework and have sex with her husband. She was also there to be beaten. Sorry, that's just not right. Women are not slaves, sex slaves, or indentured servants. The man stalked her and was killed in a police shootout because he wouldn't stop stalking her and posed a danger to her and to others. Scary!

These guys are being hoodwinked into spending thousands of dollars to be set up on dates. I'm sure they get more attention than they would ever get back home. But let's face it, many of these women can be flirtatious with a man for a night or for a few hours on a date and then change their minds, just like any woman would do in America.

When someone you have just met or have been corresponding with for a short time asks for money, RUN. Use sites like A Foreign Affair and Loveme.com with caution.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

HOARDERS (I will not hoard, I will not hoard, I will not hoard.)

2011-09-03T11:27:00.000-07:00

I've had some personal issues with stress-related illness and injuries. I got really behind on chores at home. I also ended up doing a bit of compulsive shopping which seemed to make me feel better in some ways, but worse in others - like when I got the bill. In any case, I ended up with way too much stuff...

And then I looked at the stuff and decided it was time to get a grip on this stuff and accumulated dust. It started with the bathroom. I realized there was some fairly unhealthy stuff growing on the walls. First I tried attacking it the lazy way with those sprays that are supposed to keep your tiles clean. There is just one problem, those only work to keep things clean, they really can't attack stuff which has a healthy growth. Eww. Sorry. This is my confessional, here.

I broke down and bought a mask which is supposed to keep out the smell and dust particles along with gloves and eye protection. I'm not gonna lie, the dust on the bookshelves in my old room was pretty thick. I got rid of books I didn't need, had to dust each book, and also cleaned the shelves with a Swiffer duster and chased it with lemon Pledge and a wipedown with a paper towel. Wow! It took two days of exhausting work.

I went to Target for the bathroom supplies I needed. I now have a cleaner brush with an extendible handle so that I can reach the back wall and even the ceiling without needing something to stand on... Why? Well, I realized after watching an episode of Hoarders on AETV.com that mold was also growing on the ceiling, of all places. I think it might have to do with the higher door that was installed a few years ago. Airflow in the bathroom just isn't as good as it once was. The mold is in a losing battle against me with a mask and watered down bleach I'm spraying. Once I get it under control, maybe I can switch to something more environmentally friendly.

I attacked the counter tops. My mother had a major pile of stuff. I decided to claim that a bunch of my things got stuck in there with her things. I found gloves she had used once and saved, nylon stockings she no longer wears, used razers, bits of soap, and a million mini bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and body lotion fromm hotels. I threw stuff away and then gave those mini-bottles to our gardener.

The thing is, if you lose track of keeping things clean, it takes alot of work to catch up. It's harder still if you have to switch to doing everything left handed, as I have had to do. Long story.

It's overwhelming. I understand a little bit how these hoarders get overwhelmed and just can't do some of this stuff.

I have a closet too many clothes, too many shoes, and other junk. I have a bookshelf with too many books. I keep thinking that I intend to use some of the or read them again. I really ought to let some go. I'm looking at desk drawers with far too many pens, matchbooks, and other office junk. Ihave two printers on my desk. TWO! And I just got rid of one once I used all of the ink.

I ask myself what is wrong with me, and the truth is that there is nothing wrong. I have used matchsticks in the event of a power outage. I just don't need twenty books of matches - no matter how cool the locale or how cute the wedding.

I'm challenging you to get rid of things you don't need. Sort through that pile of papers, and reevaluate what you are keeping along with me. And watch Hoarders with me! If you don't have cable, you can catch 20 episodes online and some deleted scenes. I won't lie, some of what you see will be shocking. I don't have anything shocking, just less than ideal. I'm going to make sure I never get to that point. If the stuff I have is truly good stuff, then someone else should be able to use it and enjoy it. If not, hopefully it can be recycled.

Some of these unfortunate people on the show are at the end of their rope, in dire health circumstances with their children removed. Some conditions are so unhealthy that you wonder how they have survived at all. Many of the people look rather ill and pale. Hoarders gives many of them hope for a better future. What's your story?

http://www.aetv.com/hoarders/

Back to cleaning. It's exhausting work!

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Smooch shortage? Hmmm...

2011-08-30T23:25:00.001-07:00

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

manese - what he means by maybe

2011-08-28T18:56:00.000-07:00

For those who feel a bit lost diciphering what men mean when they say certain things, here's a clue. Men usually mean what they say and say what they mean. The problem is that women often feel frustrated because they don't hear all of what the man said. They then assume that Manese is an impossible language to understand. It's really quite simple.

This applies to men of all faiths in English-speaking countries. This is one of those practical aspects of relationships which all women ought to know.

He says: maybe we can do something on Sunday.
She hears: let's do something on Sunday.

He says: I'll maybe give you a call on Tuesday.
She hears: I'll give you a call on Tuesday.

In written form, it's easy to point out the qualifier here is the word "maybe". Don't let wishful thinking get the best of you. Maybe means maybe yes, sure. But it also means maybe no. It basically means nothing. When a meteorologist says there's a 50% chance of rain, its about the same as a man saying maybe.

So if a man says maybe, listen carefully and just do your own thing. If a definite plan comes your way, go with it.

Other meaningless phrases to watch for:
We'll have to go there sometime.
We'll have to do xxx..
I'll have to take you...

I'm sure you are wondering why a Christian man might talk this way - or any man for that matter.

Men like fantasies just like women do. When they say maybe we can go here or maybe we can do something, they are thinking out loud about where a woman fits into their lives. They are entertaining possibilities. But just remember to hear any qualifying phrases that are mixed in. Might, maybe, have to, we can, ought to, it would be nice if, I'd like to... It's an aspect of discernment that you can use with people in your life.

Sorry about the typos previously. I tried to post this from my telephone. Autocorrect is not your friend.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Social Kissing for Christian Dummies

2011-08-18T19:50:00.000-07:00

Gimmie that Christian side hug? I think not. And I think it's one of the most ridiculous Christian conventions seen in modern times. It's a matter of social customs. If you were raised with social kissing being acceptable, it's a bit difficult to understand the Christian taboo. Americans in general tend to shake hands. But, perhaps it's time to accept that you might run into these social customs and learn how to handle them with grace rather than a horried "I only side hug"expression.

When people are not familiar with the custom of social kissing, their fears and apprehensions about what kissing means become unrealistic. Perhaps they fear it will look like this purposely scandalous video. I'm sure you can see that there is a difference.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Table Manners - Emily Post is after us all!

2011-08-18T19:05:00.000-07:00

If you are confused by table manners, the standards have not changed. Notice, there was no texting or tweeting back then. There should not be now. This video covers every course from soup to dessert. It's the difference between grace and lackthereof, between getting a second date and never seeing someone again.

Practical aspects of dating and courtship - table manners and the man

2011-07-28T21:23:00.000-07:00

In the Christian world, there is an amazing amount of emphasis placed on the spiritual aspect of a relationship. While that is all well and good, it's not enough to make a relationship successful. It's important to have someone who respects your spiritual life. But I have seen many a Christian couple deal with issues which no one seemed to think were as important as they are.

I'm talking about pet peeves...

You have a right to your pet peeves. Some of them are important things. Some of them you don't realize you have until you are in a relationship with someone and they hit your pet peeve on a regular basis.

So, how do you deal with that?

I'm working on this right now. I have been dating a man I really like in many ways. He is kind, loyal, interesting to talk to, he calls when he says he will call. He speaks a few languages. He is interested in cultural events - we've gone to museums, we enjoy many kinds of music.

BUT he has some issues with table manners.

I'm starting to realize that alot of men do not have very good table manners. And here is a piece I wrote two years ago that pretty much sums up how I truly feel about table manners. Sexy Table Manners

I'm calculating it this way. If we go out 3 times a week, that's three meals during which I have to try to turn the other way and not look while he eats way too fast and shovels too much food onto his fork and into his mouth. It's not pretty to watch. Not at all.

He once spoke of an interview conducted over dinner. He felt like he was truly qualified for the job. The interview dinner was expensive. At the end, he was mystified that he did not get the job. I know why. I'm pretty sure that he suffered the professional repercussions of his terrible table manners. Even on our first date his table manners weren't that great, but they were better than his table manners on our last date.

The thing is, I think he KNOWS about it, but there is some inherent reward in not being bothered enough to do anything about it. I don't know what that is. Perhaps it is the secret joy of being naughty because his mother got on his case about his table manners growing up and still gets on his case about it. How do I know?

He licked his knife in front of me... The server came to take plates away.
Server: Oh, you might want to keep your knife.
He took the knife off the plate, stuck the whole blade into his mouth to clean it off, pulled it out, and placed the knife on the table. He then continued his conversation with me as if he had done nothing out of the ordinary. He may have continued talking, but all I heard was
Blah, blah, blah.
Me: I'm sorry, I'm completely distracted by you licking your knife.
He: Well, it was dirty. I didn't want to put it on the table.
Me: Next time, just get another knife. Or use a napkin.
He: My mother always gets on me about stuff like that.
He then stuck a fork into his mouth to clean it off. Then he took out of his mouth and used it as a back scratcher.

I had a few options at that point. A. Show complete and utter disgust. B. Redirect the conversation.

I redirected the conversation.
Me: You don't like anyone to tell you what to do, do you?
He: No, actually I don't. I used to be worse about it and tell people off. I've mellowed considerably.

So now I'm trying to figure out how to tell him that this is something important to me and that I really need him to consider what I am seeing across the table and to be more sensitive about it. And that I really feel attracted to a man who is considerate in that way.

The truth about relationships is that we sometimes have habits which are offensive to others that perhaps have nothing to do with spirituality - unless the spiritual condition is selfishness.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

How to drop a hint so a man asks you out

2011-07-28T11:27:00.000-07:00

I went to a going away party for an old boyfriend of mine who somehow got involved with a group that sings sea shantys. Some of them were a bit salacious, but it was all in fun. At one point, one of the guys came up to me...

He: You look really familiar.
Me: Oh? I don't think we've met before.
He: I'm pretty sure I've seen you somewhere, though.
Me: I get that all the time.
He: Where could it be?
Me: Are you picking up on me? Cause if you are, that's totally OK.
He: No, but I'll see what I can do.

He then went back to his seat. After a short time I asked for a song which he had in French and we went out to take a look at it and see if we could perform it. (Speaks multiple languages?? DING DING DING. We have a winner!)

Toward the end of the evening he gave me his email and I dropped him a quick email while he sat there so I didn't lose it. Ah, so I guess the hint worked!

------------------------
Hey! Wassssup?
------------------------

Jus' watchin' the game and havin' a Bud.

Enjoyed singing with you this evening - you have a beautiful voice; we'll have to do it again some time.

Honestly, I thought he wasn't that interested when he wrote that, so I decided to relate backto our conversation and encourage him about my availability without really asking him out. Some people say this is "forward". I disagree.

-------------------

Thanks for the compliments. I had a great time. I never know what Chris will drag us all into, but it's usually something fun. And I love to sing.

I would be definitely enjoy hanging out with a man who has heard of Anonymous 4. Alot of stuff is on break for the summer, but I'm sure we can find something to do, no?

------------------

Sounds good to me; I'll look around and see if there are any concerts going (McCabe's usually has something on the weekends) - also open to suggestions. Figured out why your face was ringing a bell - I saw your picture previously via Chris' fb profile. Duh.

How ironic, we met through a former boyfriend of mine. We actually did go out.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Why getting along with Muslims can be a bit tough

2011-07-22T10:48:00.001-07:00

There was recently an explosion in Oslo, Norway. Terrorism is rampant everywhere. But there is a reason why we just can't get along.

True, many are peaceful. They also probably don't take their religion as seriously as those who act on these verses...

I did not make this stuff up!

-Christians are infidels. Koran 5: 72-75; ,

-Decapitate infidels. (anyone who stands against Mohammad). Koran 8: 12-15;

-Slay Idolaters. Koran 9: 5, 6;

-Regarding infidels (unbelievers), they are the Muslim's "inveterate enemies" (Sura 4:101).

-Muslims are to "arrest them, besiege them and lie in ambush everywhere" (Sura 9:5).

-seize them and put them to death wherever you find them, kill them wherever you find them, seek out the enemies of Islam relentlessly" (Sura 4:90).

-"Fight them until Islam reigns supreme" (Sura 2:193).

-"Cut off their heads, and cut off the tips of their fingers" (Sura 8:12).

-If a Muslim does not go to war, Allah will kill him (Sura 9:39).

-A Muslim must "fight for the cause of Allah with the devotion due to him" (Sura 22:78).

-Muslims must make war on the infidels (unbelievers) who live around them (Sura 9:123).

-Muslims are to be "ruthless to unbelievers" (Sura 48:29).

-A Muslim can kill any person he wishes if it be a "just cause" (Sura 6:152).

-Anyone who fights against Allah or renounces Islam in favor of another religion shall be "put to death or crucified or have their hands and feet cut off alternative sides" (Sura 5:34).

-Whoever changes his Islamic religion, kill him. Sahih Al-Bukhari (9:57).

-Slay the idolaters wherever you find them, and take them captives and besiege them and lie in wait for them in every ambush. (Koran 9:5)

-Christians are infidels for believing Christ is the Son of God. Koran 5: 17 – 19

-Cut off hands and feet, crucify, and banish those who stand against Islam. Koran 5: 33.

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Gonorrhea becoming incurable!

2011-07-22T01:02:00.000-07:00

It was bound to happen. Many people nowadays think that everything can be cured with a pill. It's time to wake up and smell the coffee. Organisms like bacteria and viruses mutate over time. After a round of antibiotics, people are often left with a few that just won't die. Doses that were once effective are now not enough.

It's time to start thinking reality. Abstinence is truly best. It's truly best to wait until marriage. It's the way were were designed. Sex isn't just for pleasure, it's for pleasure in a committed relationship. The Christian life isn't just about killing your joy - but gonnorhea and STDs sure will kill your joy if you get them!

I stole this from somewhere:

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports:

"The measurements we're finding in the laboratory do show concerning trends of declining susceptibility to cephalosporin antibiotics... What we've been noticing is really since 2009 and 2010, it's taking higher concentrations of antibiotic to kill the bacteria. This could mean resistance to the last antibiotic we have for gonorrhea could be on the horizon."

The antibiotic cephalosporin isn't the first to become resistant to gonorrhea. Penicillin and tetracycline stopped working in the 1970s, fluoroquinolones stopped working more recently, and in 2007 the government stopped recommending all three of those drugs for gonorrhea treatment. Now, the last treatment seems to be following the same pattern as fluoroquinolones took when it became resistant a few years back, first in Japan then in the US.

http://www.stylecaster.com/lifestyle/14010/incurable-gonorrhea-one-more-reason-practice-safe-sex

Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment! (Thanks also for lurking. I don't allow anonymous comments. SavvySingleChristian@yahoo.com)

Savvy Single Christian

Marriage is not a group activity, why spending time alone is wise before you tie the knot

The Art of Obvious Advertising

Boundless - Take responsibilty for your dating life, the third option

Bachelorette Shawntel Newton discusses faith, dating, and why grief is good

A boyfriend or girlfriend for the holidays

Relevant "You Never Marry the Right Person" by Timothy Keller

Atheist seeks recognition to organize?

Dear Atheists in Santa Monica...

High stress mess

Do you wear the pants in the relationship?

Why women play with their hair

15 Reasons Why A Girl Doesn't Call

Manese - what he means by maybe

Biblical Ways of Knowing She’s the ONE

How to drop a hint so a man asks you out

How to hold the door open for others, everyday etiquette

Why I thank God I'm single, some very real reasons to rejoice

Sometimes relationships can suck for stupid reasons

The Pickup Artists from Simple Pickups

Health Concerns - living life unsalted

Internet fraud hits a new low - music lesson fraud

Foreign women for love (or just your money and citizenship)?

HOARDERS (I will not hoard, I will not hoard, I will not hoard.)

Smooch shortage? Hmmm...

manese - what he means by maybe

Social Kissing for Christian Dummies

Table Manners - Emily Post is after us all!

Practical aspects of dating and courtship - table manners and the man

How to drop a hint so a man asks you out

Why getting along with Muslims can be a bit tough

Gonorrhea becoming incurable!