Say what you mean and mean what you say!

formspring.me

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Thu, 30 Jun 2011 00:21:00 +0000

Ask me anything (that I can honestly answer) http://formspring.me/chelcie3

Have you heard about Sugar Free Comedy?

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Sat, 16 Oct 2010 15:53:00 +0000

Have you heard about Sugar Free Comedy?

Answer here

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Fri, 15 Jan 2010 17:29:00 +0000

This just in. Rush Limbaugh and Pat Robertson were both found in an H&M dressing room...with their pants on the ground.

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 04:54:00 +0000

Letterman is killing me!!! AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 02:09:00 +0000

Mike Tyson truly looks like a deer in the headlights tonight

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:52:00 +0000

Congrats @foxnews. You really deserve Sarah Palin. One new idiot to the existing bunch. LOOKING GOOD!!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:16:00 +0000

Don't mind me. I'm just laughing my ass off at Mark McGuire. HA! yeah that's what I said... HA!!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 00:04:00 +0000

Some people will literally if not metaphorically show their ass just to be on TV. SMH

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:21:00 +0000

Anybody out there using social media to promote should use Ping.fm. It updates all your sites through one portal

Lending a helping hand

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:59:00 +0000

Well the holidays are now over and everybody has their nice new techie gifts and all of a sudden…THE SHIT BREAKS!! What to do? Ok…I unfortunately do phone support for an extended warranty company. So out of the goodness of my heart I'm going to teach you good folks the do's and don'ts, the ins and outs of dealing with support.

Now here's something really simple to start with. READ THE FUCKING MANUAL!!! Mostly everything you need to know about your manufacturers warranty is in there. So when the thing breaks a few days after you got it…call the manufacturer!! It has at least a 90 day warranty. So if you bought an extended warranty, there's no need to call the company of your extended warranty. Why? Manufacturer's warranty is still in effect!! You have no idea how stupid some people are. They think that there is no such thing as a manufacturer's warranty or it disappears when they buy an extended warranty. Sorry to say it but many of these dumbasses live in the South.
Next…when dealing with a support person, try to be patient. We try to do the best we can with what we have and there's nothing more beautiful than never to hear from you customers again. So we want to help resolve your issues and never have to speak to you again about the same friggin' thing. No need to shout and start screaming for a supervisor. Just give us a chance. Because if you don't…well there's a little thing we call gangster hold.
Have you ever been put on hold for over 5 minutes? If you have…you've experienced gangster hold. Known side effects of gangster hold are drowsiness, irritability, bloating, hallucinations, and hope. To avoid gangster hold, do the following. Keep control of your lip. No back stories about where you work, who you are and how important your business is or how much time you've lost. We don't care. No yelling. Don't use the bathroom while you're talking to a tech. And most of all…don't be a smartass. That will induce gangster hold in an instant. Pssst! And remember…when you say something disrespectful to a tech…they have your address. And he or she might be local. All of them aren't in India.
Another thing…don't ask to speak to a supervisor. They don't want to talk to you. Why do you think they became supervisors? And if you're hard of hearing…why are you on the phone? Get someone to help you.
Well I hope I helped many of you diring this wonderful time of joy. Enjoy your new camera, TVs, Ipods and whatnot. And always remember…it's our job to give you the business!!
P.S.
Suck it!

I had to do it!! Sue me!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 23:30:00 +0000

Theres a bishop on th' loose..
running like a scalded goose.

Got th' folks in A-T-L...
'Bout to go and grab a noose.

Rumor says that he is gay..
Then he lead his church astray...

Bishop Thomas Weeks ...WHERE ARE YOOOOOOOOU?!!

YOINK!!

A better understanding

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 14 Feb 2006 22:04:00 +0000

By now a few people probably think I'm a bit of an ass from some of the things I've written on this blog and my other one on Blogspot. I'm really not as bad as you may think.
The thing is I come from nowhere. Much like many other people do. Where I grew up there was nothing to do and nothing to see. I grew up around shit that would just keep you depressed. And I guess I kept some of that depression in my to this day. The only thing that really kept my imagination going was books and television. Encyclopedias, comic books, whatever. So with a strong imagination you can see that growing up in NE Georgia was like being in prison. So when I left that place and got exposed to things I always read about I was on fire! So with that said...how could I accept anything else from my life except something interesting and exciting? I was once a musician now I'm a comedian. Go figure! The one fear I have always had is ending up in a town like Toccoa, Ga with nothing to do except go to work all week and sit around on the weekends listening to my wife and kids. B-O-R-I-N-G!!! The Navy had an ad a while back that said " if someone wrote a book about your life...would anyone read it?" And I said you're damn right. I want someone to read a book about me. So if I seem like an ass for not wanting some domestic life or wanting to play daddy for the rest of my life then so be it. I'll meet you at Borders for my book signing!! In Your FACE!!

Why am I a comedian?

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Mon, 16 Jan 2006 05:10:00 +0000

Last night we did a really good show at the Showcase. After the show a guy came up to me and said I almost made him shit himself.

That's why I do comedy...the laxitive effect. All I'm saying is...bring the depends!

Comedy is my life!

Why do I even try?

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Mon, 26 Dec 2005 19:58:00 +0000

Ok...so I said I would be nicer this time of the year. So I sent out my Christmas emails (don't gimmie' that "you should have mailed cards" crap! Nobody gives out thier mailing address anymore!!)So I sent the e-cards...did I get any replies?! A thank you? Any happy holidays back at 'cha? Hell no!
Just goes to show you what being nice will get ya'. As far as I'm concerned...everybody is getting rabbit fur earmuffs for Easter!

Go home Richard

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Fri, 16 Dec 2005 02:18:00 +0000

A friend called the other day and said he heard that Richard Pryor had died and he thought about me. Now I thought it was odd that he would think of me. But after really thinking about it...it actually made a lot of sense.
Richard's comedy influenced me more than I realized and I guess it shows in the way I talk and the way I act. It's mainly because Richard acted out characters much like people I grew up around all my life. His ability of storytelling was just like my father's and his cousins. Mudbone was just like this cat that lived around the corner from us. So Richard was just another cat from off the corner to me. I actually lost a part of my life the day he died. I can only hope that I can leave such a vast body of work after I leave this earth. Some people say Richard wasn't all he seemed to be. I disagree...he was everything he showed you onstage. Fragile, tempted, proud, determined, daring, all of it. In spite of his HUMAN faults and shortcomings, I know when he reaches glory God will say "well done." We'll keep you alive Rich...no worries brother.

Ok...here's my new store!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 13 Dec 2005 22:17:00 +0000

I figured I liked www.spreadshirt.com better. So check it out. I'll be having contests for free stuff from the shop soon. See ya! Click on the hoodie to go to it.

Me and marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 17:23:00 +0000

A friend asked me why men aren't interested in marriage but would rather have sex partners. I replied with this answer...

I don't think it's just men. I think both sexes are really smart enough to realize that marriage is not loneliness cure or even necessary for that matter. The media has us all believing that we are sad, pathetic people because we don't have relationships like we see on tv. Well I don't give a shit if Jennifer Anniston gets re-married! Let her turn tricks on Sunset Blvd. if it makes her happy. I for one don't have anything against it (marriage) but my life is mine and it can be beautiful whether I'm with someone or not. it's all up to me. If I sit on my ass and piss and moan about not having a life or not having a girlfriend or wife, then I deserve to be alone simply for not making a life for myself and trying to live up to some set of ideals that's just becomg obsolete. The problem is two people not having the same goals. He may want a life partner and she might not. COMMUNICATION...that's what's missing and on another note...that's what's good about online relationships. It makes the communication stronger because thats all you have. If you ask me...gays and homosexuals have a better understanding of what marriage is supposed to be about. Why? Because they were never allowed to do it. You appreciate freedom more when you've been imprisoned.

That new NASCAR smell!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 01:04:00 +0000

I saw a new Old Spice commercial the other day that went..."Most NASCAR fans choose Old Spice". Funny...I thought it should be "Most NASCAR fans can only afford Old Spice" Unless they make that economical step up to Stetson!

Where can I get treatment?

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 00:22:00 +0000

I have a sort of rare and chronic disease. It's called paininthassgirlfriend-itus.
It seems that every woman I date is infected with this virus. I can remember this country tramp I dated back in '86. I liked 'em dumb with a nice booty back then! But this woman was divorced because she slept around on her ol' man. Didn't bother me! I wasn't married to her! But I failed to see her short comings. She obviously was free with the sex. Giving it out like she was serving Dim Sum." Oh my... that looks delicious! What are you serving?" Oh it's our special..the ho tray sampler!" She eventually dumped me because she was tired of my "bullshit"about going on with my education. Apparently this frightened her because lord knows that an education is like poison in this world! Why I could have become a teacher or a lawyer or something!! Makes me shiver just thinkin about it! She met some dude in a New York hotel and married him. Had 3 kids and he left her around Christmas a few years later. Karma is working overtime folks! Watch your ass!!!
But you see...I never thought about how truly scatter brained this woman was in the beginning. Why didn't I run after finding out she cheated on her husband? Did my infectious relationships end there you ask? HELL NO!!
To be continued...

Al Sharpton...give it a rest!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Tue, 07 Jun 2005 00:11:00 +0000

Al is all upset because of what this cat Fox said about Mexicans taking jobs that even Black people wouldn't take. personally I'm not quite offended by this statement because it's true. Speaking as a Black man I'm not cuttin' no fucking grass for a living. Period! I'm not picking or planting anything. I'm not painting anybody's apartment and I'm not standing on the corner waiting for some White man to give me a job doing any of that shit. To any White people reading this who don't understand here's why...because we did all that shit 500 hundred years ago!! Plain and simple! I'm not mad at the Hispanics doing all this stuff Nor do I disrespect them for wanting a better way of life. Apparently it's the American way of making it if you're not White. Why aren't the Asians cutting grass and painting walls? Because they worked thier way out of having to do that crap! The only problem I have with that statement is why he chose Black people of all the non Whites that built this country. Why else? Because he's upset that his fellow countrymen are the new niggers in America. Well I have news for him...America will never let another non White be the new niggers. When you hear the word nigger what do you think of? Mexicans? I doubt it. So all I can say to the Hispanic community is suck it up. As soon as you guys get about 500 years of oppresion under your belts you'll be good to go!
Oh yeah...brother Sharpton...take a chill pill please. We totally understand.

The Runaway bride

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Sun, 01 May 2005 21:14:00 +0000

Personally I think a runaway bride is every single man's dream. I mean c'mon...it's like getting a pardon from the govenor!
As for Miss Wilbanks coming home after running out on her wedding...if I were her fiance' I would have that house full of strippers when she got back. " Oh hi baby! What? The girls? Well shit I thought you were dead!"

People say the darndest things!

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 00:36:00 +0000

As most of you know I work in a call center. I noticed something the other day...many people will say almost anything when they're dealing with someone over the phone. I'll get cursed out, threatened, all kinds of stuff. But will these people say it when they are in the store? Hell no! Because they know the minute they curse someone out in the store 3 things are going to happen. 1) They'll hear someone clock out. 2) They'll see a flash of light. 3) They'll wake up in the emergency room , face down with their new fax machine stuck up their ass!

Hmmmmmmm...

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Thu, 14 Apr 2005 16:20:00 +0000

I have a Dell computer. I called tech support and I wondered...where are all the white people I saw on TV?
Hmmmmmmm....

Michael has found his way home.

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Sun, 27 Mar 2005 01:16:00 +0000

Yeah I know...this is old and hack but I had to post it.
Michael Jackson shows up to court late, and in his pajamas.
I always knew it...deep inside Michael was a nigger trying to get out.

How can I assist you?

noreply@blogger.com (Comedic1) — Sun, 20 Mar 2005 22:18:00 +0000

Lot's of people ask me why I want to become a stand up comedian. Let's look at it this way...I'm 40 years old, unmarried, no kids, barely employed in a call center, working part time in a retail store while living in a 1 bedroom sardine can. I was made for stand up comedy!!!

While we're on the subject of my current profession ( using the term very lightly) I'd like to give you folks some insight into what we here in a technical call center do at work. And I would like to let you in on what we do and say about you...our customers.

First thing you need to understand is...We do not care! Not one tiny bit. You're hard drive crashed? Damn shame...please hold! MY hard drive is fine. If MY hard rive wasn't working properly then that would make for an even better work day! Because someone else needs to fix it. You on the other hand...well, pull up a chair and wait. You like Johnny Mathis tunes?
Now if you get put on hold be aware that we're talking about you big time. You're being called everything but a child of God. Especially if you're being an asshole. You don't know how many times we laugh at customers while we put them on hold. Old ladies are the best. And if they are mad? Or crying? Then it's party time! Best advice I can give you as a potential caller is be nice. Because you never know who you're gonna get on the other end. Anyone care to share an experience? Let me know what your worst experience was and I'll tell you what may have gone wrong and what the person you were talking to probably did while you were on hold.

Chelcie