Saying Your Goodbye

Honour Guard: How a Long Term Care Facility says “Goodbye” to their residents

Maureen Dwyer — Thu, 16 May 2013 15:14:55 +0000

I work at a Long Term Care facility and we have an Honour Guard Ritual that we do for each resident that passes away in our facility. Once our resident has died, they are freshened up and dressed, the medical stuff has been taken care of and the family has taken whatever time they need to say their goodbyes… the funeral home is called. When they arrive we have a special “Dignity Quilt” that goes over the stretcher just before our resident leaves their room. This is our way of surrounding them with our love and as a sign of respect towards them. Residents and Family members, as they choose and are able, as well as management, staff and volunteers form an honour guard which accompanies the resident to the front door. We then stop and offer a moment of silence or a short prayer. (The prayer basically thanks God for the presence of this person on our earth and in our facility and offers them back to their creator. Silence is observed should a person not be Christian). After the prayer/silence the quilt is folded by staff and we follow the resident on the stretcher out to the transfer vehicle and maintain silence until the vehicle has left. We do the Honour Guard at two in the afternoon or at two in the morning.

I have been very touched over and over at how moving this Honour Guard is. Many times there is 20-30 in the Honour Guard. When I first began working in LTC the attitude towards the death of a resident and how they exited the building was very different. Other residents were put in their rooms or lounges etc and the body was whisked quickly out of the building… other places take residents out service entrances so no one will know. Guess what? They all know. Even the mood on Memory Care areas changes when a resident dies. While it might be upsetting to some, there is also the knowing that when it their time, they too will be treated with respect and dignity.

The families have commented over and over how moving this was, and how touched that their loved one was treated so well. They come in the door with respect and dignity and that is how they leave. I am happy to report that some LTC facilities and Hospice’s across the area do a similar Honour Guard. If you would like more information, please contact me.

Letting Go and Moving Forward

Maureen Dwyer — Sat, 04 May 2013 14:17:48 +0000

I have taken up walking again, now that the days are longer, and I am blessed to have pathways around two ponds and in a bush just across the street from me. I was enjoying listening to the Cardinals perched atop trees trying to out sing each other. I was excited to see the buds beginning to emerge into leaves on trees, the fragile stems of the dog toothed violets and the almost bloom of the trillium. It was a quiet evening, where it seemed I was the only one enjoying the outdoors.. (truth be told, that’s the way I like it best). The ground was still slick in low-lying areas from all the spring rain, but in other areas, the grass had taken its place along the pathway.

One thing that surprised me amid all this rebirth is that in the bush there were a few trees who were clinging onto their leaves from last year. The leaves were blanched white/tan by the winter, you could almost see through them and yet they clung to the past. It made me wonder what in my life am I still clinging to amidst a rebirth of the future. Sometimes we get stuck clinging to the past without every realizing it, and I think it prevents us from fully enjoying the present and looking forward to the future.

During this season of ‘newness’ it is time to examine our personal lives and in some areas to move forward. Does that mean we forget the past, forget the beauty of those leaves on the trees…. of course not.. it means we honour and remember them and walk softly into the future.

Earth Day 2013

Maureen Dwyer — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 13:19:15 +0000

Here we are celebrating “Earth Day” 2013. We live on an amazing planet and get to share it with so many amazing plants, animals, birds, insects. It is a day where we get a chance to look at our ‘carbon’ footprint and examine how well we are taking care of our small place on the planet. I ask myself… am I conserving, recycling or reusing as best I can? Are the purchases I make every week necessary? Do I advocate where I can for better packaging, or better use of materials? Are there things in my closet/home that I could donate or sell to others. Sometimes it is in de-cluttering our own lives that we reduce our ‘footprint’. Also we need to appreciate the gifts of nature in our own neighbourhood. Go to a local park and take a walk, breathe in the fresh air, listen for the sounds of nature and give thanks for the beauty that surrounds us. Happy Earth Day!

April is Stress Reduction Month

Maureen Dwyer — Thu, 11 Apr 2013 15:40:00 +0000

What is Stress

Stress is a process, not a diagnosis. Stress is experienced when there is an imbalance between the demands being made on us and our resources to cope with those demands. The level and extent of stress a person may feel depends a great deal on their attitude to a particular situation. An event which may be extremely stressful for one person can be a mere hiccup in another person’s life.
Stress is not always a bad thing. Some people thrive on stress and even need it to get things done. When the term ‘stress’ is used in a clinical sense, it refers to a situation that causes discomfort and distress for a person and can lead on to other mental health problems, such as anxiety and depression. Stress is a problem when a person feels they cannot cope

Reducing stress in your life

Eat right and avoid too much alcohol, drugs, caffeine, sugars or tobacco.

Regular exercise, even just walking, helps to relieve stress, tension and improve a person’s overall mood.

Maintain a regular schedule and get out of the house now and then.

On a practical ways to reduce stress each day.

identify your stressors each day take about 10 minutes… make a top 10 of the week and see if you can eliminate or weed them out
eliminate unnecessary commitments ie to kids, family, outside groups.. its okay to say no once in a while
find ways of taking care of important stuff now
being late is a stressor, learn the habit of being early, be realistic about driving times etc
learn to let go… accept the wa people are and the way they do things, control only yourself… delegate to others
learn to do a single-task, multi tasking actually slows us down and stresses us out
eliminate energy drains
avoid difficult people if possible
simplify your life
unscheduled, you do not have to schedule every minute of each day.. keep larger time segments for important or lengthy tasks…. Don’t check your email, or answer the phone every time it rings… turn off the sound, get work done and check them in an hour or two.. the time to listen to a message and have a response ready will save you time
slow down, breath, eat slowly and enjoy, go for a walk
mini-breaks throughout the day, drink water, short walk, breath of fresh air

Start a personal journal on paper or on computer. Start with today I feel….

At bedtime, try writing down 3 things to be grateful for

Try a new activity such as:

Gardening/Planting flowers, Painting, Woodworking, Photography. Learn a new craft, Poetry Writing, Scrap booking, Mediation, Prayer, Walks outdoors, Phone Calls, Letter Writing, Exercising/Tai Chi/Yoga/Dance, Music, Join a community exercise class/swim group/yoga/tai chi, Join a singing group. Attend Gallery openings and art walks, Volunteer, Attend Literary readings, Enjoy free lectures/community events/lunchtime concerts, Join a book club or discussion group, Sign up for a new pastime: bridge/euchre, Plan a date night with your spouse, Join a community sports team: baseball/volleyball/floorhockey, Take a course at a library, community college/university

Conclusion:

Part of my business is to help you work through how to deal with those stressors.. ie Saying your Goodbye’s to stress… and I would be happy to assist any of you should you have that need… however

When is your stress more than ‘just stress’ and you need to see your doctor

Severe localized headaches, blurry vision, slurred speech

Chest pain with or without tingling or pain in hands, arms, jaw or shoulder

Fainting, sign of not enough sleep, food, hydration

Extreme abdominal pain

Severe mood swings, extreme levels of anxiety and sadness

Starting the Conversation: End of Life Care

Maureen Dwyer — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 17:32:30 +0000

Even if your parent hasn’t’ said anything about later life care, they may have thought about it. Here is how you can prepare

- Find out what services are available for seniors in your community (adaptive/safety items.)

- Educate yourself about their needs… do they have arthritis, dementia or diabetes or a heart condition

- Meet with other family members, each person may have a different piece of the puzzle of how mom or dad are doing… but be careful as you don’t want mom and dad thinking everyone is ganging up on them.

- This is a process, not a one-time conversation. Use everyday occurrences to start… i.e.… my friend at work’s father had a stroke and they are having a hard time deciding how to care for him, since they never talked about it before… Have you and mom talked about what you would like if there was an emergency?”… or “You know my friend John… his father is having trouble with arthritis and making meals.. How is your arthritis doing.. Could you use some help?”

- Parents may need simple things done to their home just to make it safer: like handrails, grab bars in the bathrooms and showers, they may need their living space rearranged to eliminate stair climbing…lighting improved and throw rugs taken away to eliminate falls (huge reason for broken bones and needing to move out of the home)

- There are people that come in and assist with dressings, bathing and eating, people that help with cleaning and laundry or shopping… there are day programs that give one parent a break while the other who may have early dementia gets out of the house for a while…

- Keep the conversation informal and relaxed: Christmas Dinner, a wedding or a busy restaurant are not good locations or times to be carrying on this conversation

- Use words like ‘plan’ ‘keep control’ ‘maintain’. This should be talked about more as a planning time rather than an existing problem. Instead of saying “You’re not eating enough… you need Meals on Wheels” say “ Mom, I am worried that your are not eating enough, are you finding it harder to prepare meals these days… What would make it easier for you?” or “Dad, there are dents on your car… You shouldn’t be driving anymore”… use phrases like… “I am concerned about your driving” or “I’ve been thinking…”

- Be respectful… and be a good listener. Listen to what your parent is saying, or what they have already thought of.

- Focus on what’s best for your parents

- Don’t make promises you can’t keep… it may not be feasible for them to move in with you… or to keep them at home ‘forever’ tell them you will do your best to meet their wishes

- Involve the family doctor if need be

- Conversations revolving around end of life care are important too… ask things like…. Should you have a medical emergency and are unable to speak, what medical interventions would you like or not like? i.e. CPR, to be on a feeding tube, ventilator. Who would you like to speak on your behalf should that occur? This is where the family doctor can be of assistance.

- Also ask them if they could use some assistance in paying the bills and managing their finances.

- Its about making life easier for them… so they can enjoy their retirement.
What if you hit a brick wall?

– Some seniors don’t ever want to discuss later life care. They insist things are fine when they are not… try again another time, but not the next time you see them, or they will build a bigger wall… if there is a need to carry on the conversation and relations have been strained, maybe you want to involve a 3^rd party, like clergy, family doctor etc.