Scandahoovian Family

Where I'm at is Never the Same as Where I'm Going

2013-10-07T14:28:00.003-07:00

I needed to get some thoughts written down. Its been a while. I'm a very busy person and often don't know how to do so many things at one time. I just somehow do whatever seems I can focus on in the moment that seems necessary, and move on to the next task. Looking from the outside it may seem illogical to the on-looker watching my method of accomplishing things. What may not be obvious is that I am living in the moment, letting my emotions drive my actions, and feeling free. What can be unfortunate about this sort of trait that I have is, it does not always align with deadlines and due dates.

I'm a master of distraction. There are some days when I will do anything and everything that's on my "To-Do List" BESIDES homework. I'm very skillful at avoiding the homework that I know is pressing and time-sensitive. It still doesn't matter though, my brain apt at alluding myself into so many other tasks. Maybe it has something to do with my emotional nature and creative instinct. My environment is always influencing my mood whether I'm conscious of it or not. I feel at peace when my environment is peaceful and organized. So there are days when my motivation in life is to organize my house, and it makes me so happy to spend hours tackling all of the little projects that have been on my list for ages. I come away from days like these full of life and appreciation for where I'm at.

The catch is though, the list never gets shorter. No matter what I'm always subconsciously adding to it. This list of mine that I keep in my head as a method to achieve the ideal world that I envision, is different from the lists I write down that others are able to see. Its the list of all lists that includes everything I want to be in life. All of the little, and big, accomplishments I strive for that represent the kind of person I imagine I'll become, and the life I'll be rewarded with from years of perseverance and lessons learned. No one else will ever see this list because its the most private vulnerable piece of me. But I think all of the little lists I do write down of tasks to complete like: laundry, grocery shopping, and assignments 1 through 4, are reflections of that private list; the motivation that drives all of the boring day-to-day tasks I find necessary to do. It is my fire within that keeps me going. To know me most intimately would be to know what is on my "To-Do List," and how it manifests itself through my daily, and ordinary life. What appears ordinary never really is such.

“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
― William Martin, The Parent's Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents

Failure Resume

2012-05-08T15:09:00.001-07:00

In an article titled, "Update Your Failure Resume," from the well daily blog, it is suggested to keep a resume that lists your failures as a way to gain perspective on how you've failed in the past, any setbacks, and lessons learned.

I've been thinking about writing my own over the last week or so and possibly what I could put on it. Facing and owning up to your failures in life is not such an easy task. Especially for me, who likes to put those types of things out of mind. I definitely don't live in denial or anything, but I do like to look ahead at what's to come and not dwell on the past if I can help it.

I particularly liked how the writers said, "Living in a world full of risk and failure, it's inevitable that we'll come face to face with it; it's what we learn from confronting failure that matters most."

Confronting failure...? How exactly does one do that? I suppose its a process. I'll start with my top 5 setbacks like the article suggests and see how I feel. I won't be posting my actual failure resume, as that would be a little too personal to share. But maybe I'll post anything that I found helpful from it.

As of Late

2012-05-03T14:26:00.001-07:00

What a whirlwind life can feel like. I've been having so many thoughts on injustice; corrupt people, businesses, government, food, what-have-you. And maybe the biggest sadness to me is all the things that fall between corrupt and good. The laziness or apathy that's like an illness; spreading around to those without the strength to take a stand for what is right. The lack of even the most basic common courtesy and respect every person deserves to be treated with, is sickening to me.

I strive for a good life filled with happiness. And I do this by being a hard worker, engaging in positive and meaningful relationships, being mindful of my impact on the environment and ways I can improve upon, also voicing my concerns when I'm being taken advantage of, or others around me, and lastly having the courage to change my situation when its no longer positive. And I believe everyone should be able to live their life as they want if its not hurting anyone else.

It takes effort to focus on the things I have control over, certainly. The anger seeps in when I have to witness those around me being treated unfairly for their handwork. When people are so ungrateful for the privileged life they live that they daily abuse their coworkers without hesitance. Not one thought being spared as to the respect and decency owed to anyone else but themselves. I just want to shout out, "You're not alone in this world! It isn't all about you!" Or to the people in leadership roles above me who abuse their power, "How dare you treat me as if you don't have the time to help me! Its your fricken job to be a leader and mentor, let alone the respectful thing to do for another person, especially when they are so hardworking and deserve to be rewarded!"

There just seems to be a lot of sad things going on in the world already like wars, poverty, illness, etc. that really its like why not have the most positive effect on those around you that you can? It doesn't have to be huge. It can just simply be interacting with people in a respectful way regardless. It can be focusing on being a better parent by being more patient with your kids. A huge one for me is being respectful of other people's time, which I've worked on a lot in the last few years. Communicating efficiently usually will cure a lot of problems that arise with busy schedules and emotional issues, so I try to focus on that every day.

I hope that anyone who reads this will take a moment to consider: Whatever state your life is in right now, always try to check your behavior first before making a judgement about anyone else. It is so easy to be swept up in our heads and emotions, that we don't realize how we aren't communicating or not being respectful of others. And after you've assessed your own behavior, and you can truthfully say you're being respectful, then its time to take a stand to whomever it is that is treating you unkindly. Communicate!

My Love-Hate Relationship with Soda

2012-02-25T14:05:00.003-08:00

So for years I have been a drinker of soda on and off, but mostly on. A couple of years ago, I think it was when I lived in California, I cut soda out completely and only indulged once in a while. It was great! I got to the point where I hardly craved it. I was over 21 at the time and would have alcohol 2-3 times a week so that was part of easing the axe on soda. I also tried to drink more tea for a while there, and I would make and keep iced tea in the fridge at home so that it was easy to grab.

So, it has come to the point in my life again where I really need to cut the soda addiction! Even having one a day has it's consequences, and I really just don't need it. When I became pregnant 2 years ago, soda had a full-fledged return into my life because I couldn't drink alcohol anymore and my cravings got the best of me. I craved a lot of sugary things like ice cream, candy, & soda. I wanted full fat sour cream, cheese, iron rich meats, french fries and so on. Pretty much all of the things I worked really hard at limiting in my diet I wanted when I was pregnant. Oh and then there's the whole sleep-deprivedness after the baby is born that, as we all know, limits our ability to restrain from indulgences.

In recommitting to my NO-SODA campaign, I wanted to remind myself why its so bad for me. I stumbled across this article today: http://naturalbias.com/beer-vs-soda-which-is-worse/ that gives a comparison between beer and soda, you know in case I was tempted to replace beer with the soda, and also gives a run down of the bad side-effects of each. Something I didn't realize about alcohol and learned from the article was the fact that the alcohol industry is not required by the FDA to list the ingredients in their products. Who knows what kinds of chemicals and additives could be in our drinks, and we'd be none the wiser! Also the bit about the lowest grade grains being used in the production of beer can mean we're drinking beer made from heavily fertilized/pesticide-sprayed grains. How awesome is that for my health!!?

So when my next craving hits I will just really have to tune into that logical part of my brain that knows I don't need it because its basically a can of sugar and high fructose corn syrup totaling 150 calories that my body doesn't really know how to process which ends up settling in my body as fat! I will also make an effort to drink organic beer when I do drink, which is maybe once or twice a week, and getting tea back into my fridge. Plus I could always be drinking more water!

Ode to the Modes

2012-02-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

I have not written in a while! I've felt all over the place the last few months, and part of that is probably because I haven't been using the writing process as an emotional release, which is why I started this blog in the first place. That and obviously its a way to document my life.

So for an update, I am still working both of my jobs as nanny and barista. Sometimes this makes me feel like I have two different lives and that my work week is actually two different weeks just because the two jobs are so different in nature. Maybe I should look at it more as switching modes? Anyway, switching modes does wear me down from time to time.

I decided in December that I would stop getting the Depo-provera shot for birth control. I was on it for about a year and started taking it because its safe while nursing. It was also nice to get a shot every three months and not have to think about it the rest of the time, especially while taking care of a baby which can really mess with your memory sometimes! I made this decision because I felt that the side affects while on the shot, for me, were unpredictable. I've had bouts of over-emotionalness, mood swings, cramps, and bloating at random times. And then there's the whole spotting and period stopping completely that ended up making my body feel foreign to me. Also while researching the shot in trying to decide if I wanted to continue with it, I came across many women's stories claiming that even after stopping the shot, its effects can stay in your body for a year. And then there's also the warnings from the medical field saying not to use it for longer than 2 years because it can cause loss of bone mineral density that may be irreversible, which can lead to osteoporosis. So! With all of those things to consider I really just wanted my body to be able to go back to normal, or rather for me to rediscover what normal for my body is after a pregnancy and without additional hormones coursing through me.

As far as other things go, I would say I've been feeling restless. I have a tendency to slip into the frame of mind that I'm not doing enough in my life. I know most people would tell me I'm crazy. But I can't help it! I just have so many aspirations and good intentions that I often forget that life is about keeping things simple to enjoy the good things I've already got. It's hard not to compare myself to other moms and the things they do. At the core I do know that as a parent I'm unique and will always parent differently than all other moms, so it doesn't really matter what they do. Why can't I give myself permission to live at a pace that works for me in the present without the pressure of possibility in the future?

At the end of the day I am always smiling because of my beautiful daughter and wonderful & supportive boyfriend who fill my life with so many beautiful moments.

The Nannying Barista

2011-11-16T17:23:00.001-08:00

Its been almost a month now that I've been nannying for my sister-in-law's family. Ok, she's not officially my sister-in-law yet...but that is who she'd be if Kevin and I were married, so that's what I call her because I don't know what else to call her. Anyway, its been great! Quite an adjustment from one child to three, and she has two boys so that was also a learning curve. Its fulfilling work even though it can be tedious sometimes. I'm definitely enjoying taking the kiddos places to play, and taking the oldest one to preschool. Its nice to get out of the house even though it is kind of a production getting three kiddos in the car and out of the car, packing up the diaper bag, even just getting them dressed to go out takes a while.

So I nanny three days a week and work at Starbucks 2 days a week. I am so grateful for this transition in my life and the opportunity to spend so much time with Arden in her early years. Its also a good balance having the two completely different jobs to keep me sane and interacting with different groups of people.

In general we are being more active in the community. Arden and I just started going to a Holiday music class for 12-18 month olds at the community center. She really enjoyed it and basically just wanted to dance in the middle of the room the whole time! Maybe after a few weeks she'll catch on to the movements that go with certain songs and playing the instruments. We've also been more active with the playgroups I am a part of. I went to a Pampered Chef party this last weekend and enjoyed the time with other moms even though I had to bring Arden with me. I also love Pampered Chef products already and I am new to the line! I can't wait to get the items I ordered. Really anything that makes cooking easier on me is like the best thing in the world, even if I do enjoy cooking! I have a few Mom's-Night-Out (MNO) activities coming up, like tonight I have book group. I am just really enjoying getting out there and meeting new people and opening myself up to new things. I will be continuing to focus on it for at least the next month and a half and see what happens from there.

Professional Organizer

2011-10-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

Some day I will become a Professional Organizer.

Now it may not appear it by the looks of my own home due to limited budget and time, but I am actually really good with spaces and organizing them. I constantly am trying to re-work my house in my head if I had an unlimited budget, and when I actually have spare time and the energy I usually take on some cleaning project that clears out the clutter. In doing so, my mind is cleared and it's very therapeutic for me.

The instinct just comes naturally, I can't help it! When I'm in other people's homes I can envision how to improve the functionality of their spaces. Of course I keep this to myself, its kind of like a hobby in my head.

Also, at my Starbucks I've been a driving force in rearranging the lobby and behind-the-counter spaces over the last 8 months that I've worked there, as well as our desk space in the back room. And its not like I've been self-centered about it. I'm open and welcome to suggestions and critiques of what I've changed. I truly just want the spaces to function the best that they can so I just tweak them until they are right.

The market may not seem the best right now for this type of career, and I've made a commitment to be a nanny for the foreseeable future. So it's on the back burner for now. But its what I want to do and I will make it happen someday.

Update on Putting Myself Out There

2011-10-17T14:57:00.000-07:00

I researched a lot of things I could get involved with since my last post. Meetup.com is a pretty awesome place to find different groups to join with similar interests as yourself. I am a part of four different groups now, three of which are mom-baby focused but also family friendly. The fourth group is a Scandinavian heritage group which is pretty neat!

Today was the first time Arden and I participated in one of my groups. Its a playgroup for young families and they scheduled a meetup at Dizzy's tumblebus & bus stop for their drop-in play time. A few other mom's from the group brought their kids and the kids basically can run around in the gym area, play in the art room, play outside on the play area, or play in the actual school bus they turned into a gym. Anyway, we stuck to the gym/art room area indoors. Arden loves people so I think she enjoyed it. For me it was a nice casual way to get introduced into the group.

I also joined a book group for moms. Our first meetup is this Wednesday night so I'm excited about it! I've always wanted to join a book group and now I'm finally doing it. It looks like we will meet once a month so it seems totally manageable time commitment wise.

That is the update!

Conundrum

2011-10-12T17:30:00.000-07:00

I have been well aware of my situation since before Arden was born. My situation is that I'm the only mom within my close group of friends with the closest female family counterpart living over 5 hours away. I was optimistic heading into motherhood that it'd get better and I would put myself out there and make friends somehow with other moms, especially ones with kids close to Arden's age. I haven't quite made it there yet. I think in all honesty, that as a first time mother it took a long time to get used to the life. And once you feel pretty in control of everything, your child hits a new milestone and it starts the whole process over again of acclimating.

I don't want to make a ton of excuses, but it is my blog and my avenue for venting. So I will mention that Kevin and I working full time is one challenge. Especially when our days off do NOT coincide with one another's except for once a week. Another challenge has been hanging on to our group of friends. Which it isn't like we're going to dump them and say, "We can't hang out with you anymore because you don't have kids!" It's more that we haven't put ourselves out there to meet anybody new that also has kids. So the social time we do have isn't spent meeting new people. Also, it's been intimidating as new parents to join the club. There are so many activities going on all of the time, and other parents just seem so on top of everything that its scary feeling like we have no idea how to get out there and join things.

Probably the biggest challenge for me has been my lack of energy! I mean I do usually start work at 4:30am, so I have a little bit of an excuse for my tiredness. It just takes a lot of energy being a mom! I can't even begin to stress how much energy! Which all of the moms of the world already know, of course. Plus I try to balance all elements of my life like keeping my house in a reasonably clean condition, cooking meals, WORK, and spending time with Arden and Kevin. Oh yeah....and going on a date once in a while with Kevy. Oh wait, I left out me time. Woops.

Anyway, the ultimate message here is that I don't think I'm alone in this crazy land of "new parent" who doesn't have a clue about how to get out there and be social. I am working on it and trying to be brave. I think the biggest change I've noticed about myself in becoming a parent has been that I don't have time for the unnecessary! Whether it be people or an event or what-have-you, especially the DRAMA. And with this mentality I think I've become a more efficient employee, which I think has been good for Starbucks! But also, I think its allowed me to cut out a lot of people in my life that weren't committed enough to being a quality friend. The kind of friendship that is truly give and take, where your voice is heard and accepted without judgement, and its built on understanding, support, and flexibility. That is the type of friendship I'm looking for and the ONLY type of friendship that is healthy to engage in for me and for my family.

Here goes the search!

Back Again

2011-10-12T17:00:00.000-07:00

I have decided to my my blog back to blogger. I tried out Wordpress for a while and it just didn't feel user friendly enough. So hopefully you'll see me active on blogger again on a semi-regular basis!

Arden's 1st Birthday has Come and Gone

2011-09-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

I made a cute birthday invitation for Arden's party on Shutterfly as a keepsake for her in her baby book or keepsake box. I can't believe my little girl has turned one already. I think this 2nd year of her life will be filled with so many neat memories and milestones, just like the 1st year!

Party Time Girl Birthday Invitation

To view our collection of birthday card designs, click here.

View the entire collection of cards.

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Moved My Blog

2011-05-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

To those of you who read my blog, it has moved! It is now at http://whitneyrosenquist.wordpress.com/

Thanks for reading! I hope you continue to follow me!

My Distress

2011-05-17T10:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm in a personal crisis. There are moments each day I feel satisfied, happy, and content. Especially when spending time with Arden and Kevin. But aside from my family, I feel stagnant as a person. I constantly think about returning to school, earning more money, saving for retirement, buying a house, and having another baby. All of these things I passionately want. I just don't know how to achieve them all.

What should come first? Obviously my family's basic needs. What comes second? ???? I'm just not sure what I should focus on and for how long. Right now Kevin and I both work full time and Arden goes to the sitter's house usually 3 days a week. We usually pay our sitter around $200 a week. That is with Kevin working 4 ten-hour days which allows him 3 days off a week, and me working at 4:30 a.m. most days, and having split days off. I am not willing to pay our sitter any more than we already do because then there's almost no point in me working at all, but I don't think we can afford just one income. Basically we break even every month.

School is expensive. It requires a lot of time and energy. Can I even fit it in with a child not even one year old? If I wait to finish school, that is also means the longer I wait to leave Starbucks, which is a great place to work, but not something I want to do for the rest of my life! I also don't think I could work my job at Starbucks and go through another pregnancy, its pretty rough on my body.

My financial goals are very important to me as well. I want to buy a house within the next 4 years which would be in time for Arden to start school. That requires savings! Lots of savings! To increase my savings I need to reduce my spending, obviously, which I struggle with everyday. I have made huge changes in my life and I am focused on things that are actually important which helps with spending less. Its just the way I am though, wanting nice things, projects to work on like home improvements and decor, books to read, a social life with movies, beer, dinner, and coffee etc...that make it hard to spend less. But I figure at least I can recognize this tendency about myself now, that is a huge step!

Anyway, the last want is having another baby. Kevin is so against this right now. And I think the biggest part of it is he can't fathom affording another baby when we barely afford our family right now. I understand his position entirely. It makes me even more driven to accomplish my financial goals because I want us to get to a place where we are not living paycheck to paycheck. Which makes me even more frantic about finishing school so that I can earn more money doing something more intellectually challenging day to day, and, eventually afford another baby someday! Its a vicious cycle really.

All in all I'm trying to embrace that life is not a race. I'm not competing with anyone for my happiness. I'm the only one that has to live my life so its important I choose what is best for me in my situation. Sometimes though the decisions are tough to make! And its hard knowing what is right at what time. Also I think to myself every day that even though my future endeavors are unclear, I wouldn't trade my life for anything.

Arden Can Crawl!

2011-04-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Arden had been verging on the edge of crawling for over a month, at least. And poof, the other day she just did it! She just started crawling! I wanted to cry from being so proud. And I was surprised at how I had been thinking that crawling was a simple feat for her to overcome and just kept wanting her to do it, but it really was a huge accomplishment! I was lucky enough to see it happen right before my eyes.

Adventures in Parenting

2011-04-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

Arden has been growing! At her checkup last month, she weighed 17.5 lbs. and was a little over 27 inches long, I think. I know she's bigger than that by now!

Arden got her first cold a couple of weeks ago. I stayed home with her the first day to nurse her as much as I could to help her fight the cold. Kevin stayed home with her the next two days because he came down with the cold too. It is so sad to see my baby struggling with a stuffy nose and then having to make her mad by sucking the snot out. I will celebrate the day when she can blow her nose!

A week and a half after her cold Arden and I traveled to Spokane to visit my family. The car trip there was a little rough and we stopped in both Ellensburg and Moses Lake to give her a break from the car. She did protest here and there while traveling, but what can you do? On the way back I was fortunate that she slept all the way to Ellensburg, where we then stopped, and I played with her at Starbucks for 45 minutes before hitting the road again. She did pretty well the rest of the way except when we were going over the pass and she decided to be fussy while it was snowing!

It was great to see my mom, sisters, and dad though! I just learned that traveling with a baby will always take longer no matter what! Next time I'm considering traveling in the evening/night when its Arden's bed time. And I will drag Kevin along with me.

Life is back to a regular schedule since the cold and trip to Spokane. Really the only struggle has been Arden's sleep schedule. I guess dealing with her cold and the trip really disguised the fact for us that she is totally ready to sleep through the night, in her own room, AND without her binkie! So last night Kevin and I decided to let her cry it out. We checked on her after 3 minutes, 5 minutes, then 10 minutes, and every 10 minutes following until she fell asleep. It took her only about 40 minutes to fall asleep on her own. She woke up an hour later but fell back asleep within a couple of minutes. Then she woke up 3 more times throughout the night. That was the hardest part! Not taking her out of her crib and just listening to her cry right next to our bed. But, we did it! And each time she fell asleep quicker than the time before.

Really it just came down to it that we have to let her grow up and develop the skills to soothe herself. Also, she was running our house and that is just not acceptable. Its funny how it just sneaks up on you though!

So....now for night 2. This time in her own room AND it's Kevin's turn!

Sunny & Cold

2011-02-20T13:12:00.000-08:00

This is basically just an update because I haven't posted an entry in a while. It has been beautifully clear and sunny these past couple of days but so cold!

Last night we had our 3rd Annual Buca di Beppos dinner. It was tasty as usual. How it started 3 years ago was an impromptu dinner on a Friday night in January with friends. I had just moved to Seattle a few weeks before and hadn't really seen Dani yet who had been living in Seattle about 6 months. So, she invited me to dinner with some friends she had been hanging out with recently. That night I met Tony, Kevin, and Brandon for the first time. Dinner was a blast. Since then our "group" hangs out often. Melissa is also a part, but couldn't be there that first dinner. And from our friendships has come two romantic relationships, one being a marriage, and the other producing a baby! Oh how things end up!

In general life is basically good. Arden is growing and trying to do new things like reaching for things which makes it hard to eat with her in my lap, and is almost able to get up on her hands and knees. Arden LOVES her jumper. Its fun to watch her jump away all by herself. She also loves it when you watch her jump.

As for me and Kevin, we are doing well too. We finally bought a car to replace my Caliber and Kevin's stolen Subaru Legacy. We got a 2001 Subaru Outback which most importantly is a manual, well important to Kevin anyway. I am finally being promoted. I start at my new store on Tuesday and am pretty excited to just be on my way with this new challenge. I know I'm going to be great at it but I also know there are always new things to learn.

We paid off hospital bills and some other debts with our tax return this year! It feels good to take care of business. Now we are just focusing on sticking to a budget . Kevin is quitting his second job in a couple of weeks so that will free up a lot of his time to complete his house projects, work on his hobbies, and also watch Arden more.

I am wanting to travel to Spokane within the next couple of months to see family and friends. I also want to go on a camping trip this summer, which some of our friends are wanting to do too. It will be fun to take Arden and see her explore the outdoors.

Anyway that is just what our little family is up to these days.

Love my life! (LML)

Budget

2011-02-06T17:33:00.000-08:00

I've been hearing about Mint.com for a while now, and today I finally decided to check it out for myself. Let me tell you that it is amazing! You can link up all of your accounts, and don't worry, its a secure website. So basically you can see all of your income, debts, spending, investments, etc right in front of you in one spot.

I think Mint.com will be a great tool for really getting a budget set and some serious savings set aside. I have some financial goals to reach in my future, like buying a house, paying off debt, saving for Arden's education, and having a good emergency fund.

Another good website for financial information and guidance is Get Rich Slowly. I've read many articles that have made me excited about getting my finances straightened out. It isn't only the responsible thing to do, it also makes me feel smart, and in control.

A Tidbit

2011-01-26T15:37:00.000-08:00

I love when a glimpse of Spring causes activity to flourish. On my walk today with Arden on a sunny 57 degree afternoon in January, we saw neighbors out walking their dogs; kids were playing with their siblings in their front yards; and my favorite was watching a dad hauling out his daughter's portable slide for her to slide down from my front window when we concluded our walk.

Not only has it been a beautiful day outside, it also just feels good to be alive and to be spending time with my little and not so little, almost 5-months-old, baby girl. Watching her grow everyday is the best pastime.

Ego Friendly Principle:

Discovery is not stumbling across something you never knew before; it is gathering data and growing from there. Use the wisdom you have received to judge the data life throws your way.

A Revised Outlook

2011-01-25T13:48:00.000-08:00

Being pregnant took its toll on my body, and it really has taken a while for me to feel mostly normal again. I feel like I've come to that point where I have more energy/drive to accomplish more in my day than just changing diapers and feeding baby.

So....I've pledged to lose 30 lbs. in the pound for pound challenge by the end of May! I found out about it through my friend Holly who has also pledged 30 lbs. as well as her mom! Its fun to have a goal and a challenge. I don't know if I will make it to 30 lbs., but I sure will try! Its about time to lose the pregnancy weight and gain even more energy that being a mom requires.

Along with the pledge I've also decided to focus on different things in my life. I love reading the blog on ego.com. The posts are always positive and remind me that I need to do things I enjoy in life. If I envision positive things happening to me, then they will. I have to try to achieve my goals and to not live in fear of failing.

As we all know we go through "funks"from time to time, and I've definitely been in one for the last couple of months! But I've finally regained some clarity, and its funny how once that happens every area of your life starts to click into place. Sometimes we just have to remember there are always more options than what there seems to be, and we need to be flexible about the ways we achieve a final outcome.

6 great tips from "Expand Your Ego":

1. Get feedback. If people are reacting to you negatively, it means that you’re doing something to create that reaction. Ask friends what they think. It’s humbling, but you’re likely to learn things that can help you change.

2. Observe your behavior. Does fear of failure keep you from taking risks? Do you complain without taking action for change? Do you try to change circumstances without changing yourself?

3. Examine your dreams. In dreams, the subconscious has free reign. Do you dream of playing the victim, being unprepared, or running away? Dreams often mirror our characteristic ways of dealing with life.

4. Monitor your reactions. Does your ego go into an uproar if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you have a panic attack if your best friend doesn’t return your call within the hour? Symptoms of ego distress often show up in out-of-proportion reactions to everyday events. If you can reprogram the way you interpret life, you can choose a response that’s healthy and realistic.

5. Acknowledge your feelings. The subconscious expresses itself in emotions. Do you feel upset if your every post on Facebook doesn’t get at least ten comments? You may have an excessive need for external validation. Are you willing to let it go? Can you be happy with only 3 comments, or none at all?

6. Practice positive affirmations. It sounds corny, but do it anyway. It’s one of the easiest ways to reprogram the subconscious.

How to Retain Your Integrity or Your Soul?

2011-01-17T20:16:00.000-08:00

I am conflicted.

I work for a certain corporation that I generally love to work for. I receive competitive wages compared to the industry, and receive pretty decent benefits for the hours I work. With this job comes a level of "kissing ass" and pleasing customers beyond what you really want to put up with; pride-swallowing kind of encounters sometimes.

I am trying to move my way up again. It has come to be quite an ordeal. When I first considered taking on a leadership role again, my boss at the time said I couldn't because I was pregnant. Which, is discrimination! Ultimately he made it extremely difficult for me to make any progress whatsoever towards a promotion, which, made for multiple months of hell at work. I finally came to work for my current boss a few weeks before my maternity leave. She has been great at setting me in the right direction. However, when I came back from maternity leave my workplace went through A LOT, and I mean an unusual amount of turnover among other issues. Plus, it was the holiday season so for the time being, my promotion was on the back burner.

Now, I am interviewing next week to hopefully get the green light to meet with the district manager, who will hopefully give the final green light!

The part that is so conflicting for me is at times I feel I work way harder than I should have to and am more dedicated than the leaders I work under. I see poor leadership examples all of the time and wonder why it has taken me so long to get through this promotion compared to others who honestly can be incompetent part of the time.

It is what it is I suppose. I just need to focus my efforts on being positive for this upcoming interview. At the same time though, in the back of my mind, I continually try to evaluate if I'm being treated unfairly and not receiving the proper rewards for my hard work.

When is it appropriate to call people out on their laziness?

How much of yourself should you fake to be successful in an industry that isn't as important as say, world peace?

And, when is it time to let go of all of the things you can't change or control?

I need to save my soul somehow; just not sure how much of it I can save.

2011-01-15T13:42:00.000-08:00

Content.

Isn't it what people strive for? Being content.

I am 25 years old. I am a mother. I have a significant other. I have a roof over my head and a job that I word hard at. I have learned what is important in life and what is important to me. At the end of a path 8 years long, I finally started to embody the person I am now, the person I was striving to be my whole life. It only took 8 years to grow up into my adult self, but it was a path that ran it's course and served it's purpose.

We live to make mistakes and to make the best of every situation; to chase after the things we think we want until we realize what we actually need. I suppose some people believed I had everything when I was married to my high school sweetheart. I made myself believe that too for years. I didn't want to fail and let everyone down. Mostly I didn't want to believe I was wrong. I lived that life as half a person; always wondering when my turn to prove myself would come; always wondering when I would find my purpose in life, and to truly feel like myself. I felt uncomfortable in social situations as his wife. Really, I just felt uncomfortable. I felt I was missing out on something that I could never put my finger on. There were many signs over the years, and I don't know if it is to our credit or not, that we stuck with it for as long as we did.

It is refreshing living a life detached from the people who knew me back then. I feel as though I've created a whole new circle around me. The people I know now are in my life because of the relationships I've created with them all by myself. I am a redefined person and I've earned it.

I mean no disrespect to those who have been hurt through the whole process. It is what it is and I have to live my life for me.

I look onward towards all the joy that is before me with my growing family. We are young and there are still many more mistakes to be made. But I feel that I am an individual strong in my convictions. I am confident in the choices I make and am always willing to work hard for the things that I want.

Working Hard

2011-01-08T15:07:00.000-08:00

And so it is; another new year. I don't have any big expectations for 2011, crazy aspirations, or even resolutions. I simply want to sustain a healthy family.

In the past five years, I have been through more than I really like to think about. However, the journey has brought me to a place I find to be the best I've ever known; motherhood. And with becoming a mother, I also share my beautiful baby girl with an amazing man that I am so appreciative of. I love our life together as a family.

All that I can really hope for in this new year together is that we are rewarded for our hard work. Kevin and I have truthfully worked really hard at our jobs and have sacrificed to make our family work for us. I don't think I'm greedy in hoping for a little kickback. I know we both deserve a little break.

Finally I will mention that along with my little family really identifying itself, our friends have adjusted to the new ways of our social circle. And I want to say that I couldn't be more grateful for their help and support!

So cheers to 2011. “You have a right to experiment with your life. You will make mistakes. And they are right, too.” Anaïs Nin

Motherhood

2010-10-18T22:49:00.000-07:00

There is no greater fulfillment in life than becoming a mother. That is what I believe anyway. And it is one of those experiences that you'd have to have been through to truly understand. Motherhood embodies your entire being. I've never been so in love or so happy despite the hard day-to-day demands of a new baby. But it is truly worth every second of discomfort, stress, worrying, sleep deprivation and so on. I now know what it means to be truly selfless.

I've enjoyed spending countless hours with baby Arden in the last 6 weeks since we brought her home. I've loved getting to know her, and discovering each new achievement of hers. Such as she is starting to smile a ton! I could watch her little sleeping face for hours as she dreams away and grows up right before my eyes. Its almost saddening as the realization sets in that she will, in what seems like a second, be moving out of our house and off to college. It will always seem like there is just never enough time.

Here is the reason for everything that I am and everything that I do now:

Things Never Go as Planned

2010-08-22T18:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows this...life's plans are always interrupted. And it always seems to happen when you aren't prepared for it.

Right after I decided to start menu planning the weather got hot, really hot, and I became even more tired and unmotivated to do much more than what I had to do, which is make it through the work day. Cooking in an 80+ degree kitchen is not fun, and cooking hot meals aren't really appetizing so we ate out a bunch during the heat. I figure I won't be pregnant forever and right now we can be a little lenient.

Oh well, I'm still trying to plan meals ahead of time when I can. I look at recipes everyday and save the ones I would like to try. I am also working on evaluating recipes and trying to simplify what I can so that I'm not spending hours in the kitchen on my feet. Cooking well doesn't have to be a big production, and the more you do it the more shortcuts you find!

So I'm not making any promises as to what I will accomplish on a daily basis for right now. Being 39 weeks pregnant is definitely wearing hard on me. Throughout my whole pregnancy it has been a challenge adjusting to not having the energy or physical stamina I used to have. I just want the baby out, and start the whole new journey of raising a child! Plus, I really want my body back to myself, well, mostly to myself ;)

Day 2 and 3 of Menu Planning

2010-08-10T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Monday, was the 2nd day of menu planning and it didn't go according to plan at all! I worked in the morning and my manager asked me to stay later at work, and for some reason this completely wiped me out! When I got home I just didn't have the energy to go to the grocery store and then cook dinner. Plus, I took a way longer nap than I intended, but I guess I needed it! So, we ended up ordering pizza which seems to be our fall back dinner.

Today, day 3 of menu planning, went a lot better. I did work today, but a shorter shift, and didn't have to get up at 4:30am, only 8am! I came home after work to gather my shopping list and what not and off to the grocery store I went. I actually like to grocery shop but I like to always have my list and take my time while I'm there. I got all of the ingredients I need for the rest of the week's dinners plus some items to stock up on.

For dinner I found this recipe for Swedish Meatballs, which I've never tried making before. What I like about the recipe is that it lets you choose different ingredients based on what you already have in your kitchen for each step. Which, is traditionally how Swedish Meatballs were made anyway....throwing together what you needed to use up. It took probably an hour and 15 minutes to get everything completed. I also made homemade mashed potatoes and microwaved some frozen green beans. Nothing too fancy! We had a short drop-in visit from Kevin's mom, and our friend Tony joined us for dinner so it was a nice laid-back evening!