The waves of life!

Dreams ride the waves of life. When they get to shore they break, unless caught by a surfer, only then are they brought into reality. We are all surfers on the waves of life, we choose which waves we ride and which waves pass us by.

I recently put up some new prints in our office reception, one of which is a photo of a huge, nearly perfect, barrel wave breaking. It got me thinking about how a surfing analogy can provide some insight into how we choose to live our lives…

We are the instigators of our dreams. We create the reality we desire, by acting upon our inspirations. The dreams that we have relate directly to our goals. We may not always get what we want, but often the problem lies not in obtaining what we want, but in firstly deciding what opportunities to follow.

The waves represent opportunities we can choose to follow. We can’t ride every wave, even though we might like too. On the other hand, we can paddle around being extremely selective, in the hope of finding that one elusive awesome ride (which may never come). Or we can get out there, take some reasonable risks and explore all that life offers us.

Taking risks enables us to experience new things. We may make a few mistakes, fall off our boards and even get ”wiped out”, but without taking any risks at all we cannot learn and grow. The wipe outs or mistakes allow us to reflect. They help us to identify changes we need to make so we can advance. But if we paddle around aimlessly without taking any risks, we will never fully experience all of the dimensions of living.

We may sometimes try to ride waves that we aren’t yet ready to tackle. The wave just behind or in front may have been a better choice. But this is really a matter of growth and wisdom; knowing which opportunities suit our personality and goals. We may pick the wrong wave or realise that something isn’t quite right with the ride but we learn and grow in the process of choosing.

The waves keep coming. Which ones will you choose to ride?

Deal with the negative in productive ways!

While negative emotions have the potential to be destructive, it is also important to understand them and learn to control them, so they don’t control you.

Negative emotions include sadness, anger, jealousy, hate and severe anxiety. These emotions can impede your ability to cope with everyday situations. However, negative emotions are a natural part of life and they provide a reference point for positive emotions.

Negative emotions are often natural and appropriate but it is how you express your emotions that really determines whether they are constructive or destructive.

For example, it is natural to feel resentful when you have been left waiting by a friend who arrives extremely late without reasonable justification, or to feel sad when a loved one dies. However, if you express your anger by yelling at someone or even ignoring them, this will probably lead to destructive outcomes.

Be aware of the possible negative emotions that you might experience and learn ways to identify and deal with them.

Children need to learn the difference between positive and negative emotions not only for survival reasons, but also to develop emotional intelligence and resilience. Most emotional intelligence programs for children include information on how to recognise and understand different types of emotions, as well as problem solving and coping with negative emotions in a constructive way.

Emotions have a biological component. Emotions are experienced as physical sensations in the body and the brain responds to these sensations by stimulating further neural and hormonal responses and also with higher level thought which adds additional layers of meaning to the emotions. This complex process can ultimately either have a positive or negative effect on your wellbeing.

There are many ways to deal with negative emotions. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Replace negative thinking patterns with more constructive and productive thoughts.
2. Exercise! Get regular exercise and try to exercise even when you don’t feel like doing anything.
3. Eat healthy food. Aim for a balanced diet with healthy foods and only occasional small treats.
4. Don’t blow things out of proportion and focus only on the negative aspects of a situation.
5. Try to understand your negative emotions and the things that trigger these emotions.
6. Learn to relax. Consider taking a yoga or meditation class or listening to relaxing music.
7. Leave the past in the past. There is no use worrying about what you can’t change. Quote: “The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.” – L.P. Hartley
8. Seek professional counselling help if required. Don’t be afraid to try a different counsellor if you do not feel comfortable with someone.
9. Learn about grief and try to understand the grieving process.
10. Sleep well. Try to develop a regular sleep schedule and keep to the routine, even on weekends.
11. Set realistic and achievable goals and work towards them.
12. Celebrate the small things in life. Take time to smell the roses, talk with a child or stroke your pet.
13. Think about the good things you have achieved in your life.
14. Look on the bright side of the situation.
15. Understand that life is not always easy, however it is often in our darker periods that we search for answers and find meaning.

Where did the holidays go? All those days of late nights and sleeping in…or all day (and night) computer game marathons!

And all the children go back to school....

Here are a few quick tips to help get back into the swing of things.

For Parents:

1. Start the year in the same way you would like it to end. If you want clear boundaries and guidelines, set the ground rules early and stick to them!
2. Limit computer games and TV – you are the parents so you set the rules. Remove the power cord if you need to!
3. Take an interest in your child’s day. Ask what they enjoyed. Ask about homework. Ask about what homework was set, rather than a question that produces a simple yes or no answer.
4. DON’T BUY ANY JUNK FOOD! If it is not in the house it is less easy to access. Provide nutritious snacks, meals and drinks with plenty of options that are not processed.
5. Encourage a balance of activities.
6. Set bed time limits. Lights out at …
7. Teach organisational skills. Help your child write lists and get organised. Have a planner for the family in a place where everyone can see it and encourage all your children to write on it and look at it daily.
8. Ask your child if they need help.
9. Encourage positive friendships and relationships.
10. Spend quality time with your children and plan fun activities for the whole family.

For students:

1. Be as organised as possible. This means a clean room, books labelled and in folders and a school dairy that you use – record important due dates, events and homework and look at it each night.
2. Establish good work habits. As soon as you get home grab a quick snack and then get stuck into your homework. Use TV, computer games and Facebook as a reward, once you get the work out of the way.
3. Ask for help! If you don’t know something, make an effort to research and learn it. Make a list of questions and ask your teacher or a friend the next day at school. This is really important – especially in maths.
4. Eat well. Yes, healthy food is good for you! Opt for whole fruit and water rather than juice, soft drink, sugary or salty snacks.  The less processed food you eat, the better your brain will function and the better you will feel. Eat a banana or an apple instead of a muesli bar or chocolate bar.
5. Stay connected. Yes, Facebook is fine in moderation. It is important to socialise with your friends and feel part of a group. We all need friends to help us through.
6. Get enough exercise! Most students have compulsory Physical Education classes at school but sometimes you might need a bit more. Take the dog for a walk or go to the gym with a friend.
7. Get enough sleep! Teenagers need 8 to 10 hours per night. And you also need to catch up on any sleep that you missed. Therefore if you stay up all night on Saturday you will need to catch up on that sleep during the following week.
8. Plan for some FUN time! What do you really enjoy doing? Life is a balancing act; you need to make time to have fun.
9. Plan time to relax and just chill out. Listening to music, or going for a walk is a great way to relax and unwind.
10. Write down some goals.

I hope 2011 has started well for you.

You may have wondered why I haven’t written a blog post for a long time…

Well, I have been busy finding, renovating and moving into a brand new office!

We are now at:

Suite 1 / 11 Beach Street
Port Melbourne

The new office is located in a lovely position on the beach and the rooms have a fun beach/ocean theme, as you can see in the attached photos. It is also just around the corner from the Bay Street shopping strip.

View map of location

As a quick reminder, my main services include:

• Practical solution-focused counselling for students and parents
• VCE coaching with tailored study skills and strategies
  and
• Cognitive and educational assessment with detailed recommendations for school and home

Although the school year has only just begun my calendar is already filling quickly, so please get in touch ASAP if you would like to book any appointments during term one.

Best wishes,
Deb

Front of Office

Front Reception

Meeting room- Atlantis

Dolphin Cove - Deb's Office

View from the hall

Success begins with you...one piece at a time!

The year is past half way and many students should be thinking about preparing for the end of year exams. Here are a few tips:

1. Do something – even if you don’t feel like it!
2. Focus on your goals. What do you hope to achieve by the end of the year? How will you feel when exams are over?
3. Live in the present. Don’t put off untill tomorrow what you can do today.
4. Study with a friend.
5. Write checklists and tick them off when you have done each task.
6. Stay organised, but don’t confuse organising your work with genuine study.
7. Write notes, learn notes and rewrite notes.
8. Look at past exams and understand the exam format so there are no surprises in the exam!
9. Do as many practice questions that you can get your hands on.
10. Have a good attitude towards study. (Yes, you can do it and you can do it well!)

Quote of the day:

Ability is what you are capable of doing. Motivation determines what to do. Attitude determines how well you do it!
– Aldous Huxley

It is well know that phonemic awareness is a powerful predictor of success in learning to read.

Furthermore, children who are able to sound out and isolate specific sounds in words are usually better at spelling.

When children struggle to hear or manipulate sounds in spoken words they have trouble with decoding (the process of transforming information from one format into another; e.g. combining letters to form words while reading).

Unfortunately, in the past many children were taught the “whole language” approach to reading (also known as “look-say” or “sight reading”). In this approach children attempt to memorise whole words by sight rather than sounding them out phonetically.  As a result, many people have struggled to learn how to read effectively.

Research has demonstrated that explicit training in phonemic awareness benefits all readers.

Parents often do a great job at teaching their children the symbols (ABCs) and some whole words, but they often miss important steps in developing phonemic awareness.

What can parents do to help?

You can help your child develop phonemic awareness by:

• Teaching them to rhyme by singing songs, reading books that rhyme (Dr. Seuss is wonderful!) and creating their own rhymes.
• Engaging in alliterative language play by listening for and generating words that begin with the same initial sounds. E.g. “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers”.
• Identifying ending phonemes that are the same. E.g. What words end with the same sound, brick, tack, and mouse?
• Breaking words into syllables. E.g. by clapping or tapping out syllables.
• Joining phonemes together to make words. E.g. what word does “k”…“at” make?
• Segmenting words into phonemes. E.g. what two sounds make up the word “cat”?
• Making new words by substituting one phoneme for another. E.g. “cat” could become “hat”.
• Tracking print when beginning to read.
• Sounding out unknown or new words, one phoneme at a time.

The more phonemic awareness your child can develop, the better equipped they will be for learning to read, spell and write at a high standard.

Reference: Harwell, J, M. (2001). Complete learning disabilities handbook. John Wiley & Sons: San Francisco

The right toys are essential!

Toys are an important part of every child’s early development. However, choosing the right toy is essential.

Recently, I have been researching children’s educational toys and books and this Scientific American article about toys grabbed my attention:

Thinking Outside of the Toy Box: 4 Children’s Gizmos That Inspired Scientific Breakthroughs

The article contains several intriguing examples of scientists who gained inspiration for their research from childhood toys.

That’s right, toys can be inspirational…even for adults!

But what types of toys are best for children?

Over the next few months I will be searching for the best educational toys and books I can find, and, as my list grows, I will share my thoughts here on the blog.

So stay tuned…

Homework needs to be part of the daily routine

Homework is an important part of your child’s daily routine. Good habits, established early in school, help children consolidate what they have learned at school.

Here are a few tips for parents to help with homework:

Develop a homework routine and schedule

• Together with your child, establish a specific time and place for homework. Set a specific time allocation each day for homework and stick to the routine.
• Ensure that all extracurricular activities, medical appointments, chores and responsibilities, meal times and bedtimes are accounted for in the schedule.
• Be aware that some children prefer to start their homework immediately after school, however other children need to play and relax before settling into their homework. Experiment with different times to see what works best.
• Keep an eye on things to ensure that homework is actually being done during the agreed time.

Create a better work environment:

• Make sure your child’s study is free from distractions and is easy for you to monitor.
• Limit distractions in the home during homework hours, such as noise or interruptions from other siblings.
• Turn off TV and radio.
• Remove phone and if working on the computer, close email and the various chat and social networking sites.
• Be sure all books, pens and homework resources are within easy reach.
• Consider placing a couple of motivational posters on the walls in the study area.

Help with preparation and structure:

• Expect your child to have all assignments and homework recorded.
• Review each task with your child.
• Encourage your child to review tasks each night and make a plan before beginning.
• Write a to-do list with estimated time to spend on each task.
• Encourage your child to check off tasks once they have been accomplished.

Increase motivation:

• Use a timer to challenge your child to stay on task.
• A “beat the clock” system is often effective – motivating children to complete the task before the buzzer goes off!
• Remind your child to complete homework and offer incentives: “When you finish, you can play computer games.”
• Praise work well done.
• Withhold privileges until a certain amount of homework has been completed.

I hope these tips help to make homework time run more smoothly at your house!

Help your child develop good reading skills

It is well know that phonemic awareness is a powerful predictor of success in learning to read. Furthermore, children who are able to sound out and isolate specific sounds in words are usually better at spelling.

When children struggle to hear or manipulate sounds in spoken words, they have trouble with decoding (the process of transforming information from one format into another; e.g. letter combinations to words while reading).

Unfortunately many people in the past were taught the whole language approach to reading. (Also known as “look-say” or “sight” reading.) In this approach children were taught to memorise whole words rather than sound them out. This has caused many issues with children learning to read.

Research has demonstrated that explicit training in phonemic awareness benefits all readers. Parents often do a great job at teaching their children the symbols (A, B, C, etc.) or even some whole words, but they often miss important steps in developing phonemic awareness.

What can you to improve phonemic awareness in your child?

You can teach your child to:

• Hear rhyme by singing rhyming songs, reading books that rhyme (Dr Seuss is wonderful!) and generate their own rhymes.
• Engage in alliterative language play by listening for, and generating, words that begin with the same initial sounds. E.g., “Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.”
• Identify ending phonemes that are the same.
• Break words into syllables. E.g. clapping or tapping out syllables.
• Blend phonemes to make words. E.g. what word does “c” or “at” make?
• Segment words into phonemes.
• Make new words by substituting one phoneme for another.
• Track print when beginning to read.
• Sound out unknown or new words.

The more phonemic awareness we can develop in our children the better equipped they will be to learn reading, spelling and writing.

Reference:

Harwell, J, M. (2001). Complete learning disabilities handbook. John Wiley & Sons: San Francisco