Scientific Nature of the Whammy

How is my boy so big?

2010-02-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, Sam had his first real big-boy, sit in the chair and cooperate (with a pretty awesome cape btw) haircut. Last time he had his hair cut at a salon was when he was 2 and after that it all went downhill. That's when we started buzzing it because we could do it at home and no one else had to hear his screams... and the shorter it was cut, the longer before the next cut.

Last time he had a haircut was late last summer, and we buzzed it at home... but he DIDN'T cry. Somehow, we managed to change it from the clippers feeling bad to 'tickling.' So, it came up the other day when we were with Grandma, and yesterday Justin and I decided to take him to get a haircut.

First, here are a couple of pictures from our fun walk on Friday with Grandma at Boulevard park. I used hair spray that day, and Sam wanted some, so I offered him hair gel instead...

Now here are some pictures from yesterday.

He was so good! The woman who cut his hair was great too, she talked to him and told him what she was doing and did a great job.

And the final product - so cute!

It's always amazing how much older they look just after a haircut, isn't it?

Come See Me at Mamapedia!

2010-02-04T10:52:00.000-08:00

Today I have a featured post over at Mamapedia! My post on "Is Birthing a Business" is featured right there on the front page, and I'm so excited! I would love for you to head over there and check it out, and while you're there check out the rest of Mamapedia. It's a great community by moms for moms, and I'm excited to be a part of it.

Writerz Block? I Haz It.

2010-02-02T20:44:00.001-08:00

I have about 20 post titles saved in my drafts. Some of them have a few sentences with them. I WANT to write. But somehow, the words just aren't coming. It seems like a lot of work, and my brain is tired and all those things I want to write down about Sam and how he has been doing, about my favorite TV shows, the books I've read lately and the movies I've seen and what's been going on around my house? They are not coming out.

Soooo... here is some randomness.

I have 10 articles due by Friday. I have the topics all planned out, but I need to get started on actually writing. But instead of working on them at all while Sam has been at school the last few days, I've been on a cleaning rampage. That's right, apparently, I am nesting. We have a playdate here on Thursday, and I'm super excited because we're supposed to be having about 7 moms and their kids over... BUT that also means that I need. to. CLEAN.

I have gotten some good stuff done, and tomorrow I'll be doing the sweeping and wiping down and vacuuming stuff. Justin's working on completing a big clean out/organize/store of a ton of stuff from our living room, and hopefully will be done tonight. Then I'll finally feel like I can RELAX in my house.

See, I have mess-related anxiety. When my space is cluttered? I can't really relax fully. I look at the clutter and the mess, and I feel like I need to doooooo something, even if I'm too tired to do it. So, while I was sick and Sam was sick for 2 weeks? Not much got done. I'm excited to have things cleared up sot hat I can just do maintenance cleaning when Sam's at school and not have to do these huge cleanups in order to have people over.

I recently took over as organizer of the meetup group for Bellingham Moms that I'm in, and since we have such a great house with so much room, I'd like to be able to comfortable scheduling regular playdates every couple of weeks.

I was also excited that today I FINALLY got our front porch cleared off of some junk that's been hanging around out there since we moved in. Yes, as in 6 months ago. Now there are just a few toys and the little table and chairs and cat feeder that are supposed to be there. It makes me feel happier just walking up to my own front door!

Now, I just need to get stuff in order for this baby. Um, I kind of can't believe that I'm having a baby. I am so excited now! I had a baby shower last weekend, it was early because it was a joint shower with my friend Tara, who's due in early March. I'll post more about that later, but it really set me off into baby mode!

I emailed some friends today about the hand-me-down baby items we're getting. I can't wait to get the crib set up in Danny's room, that is going to make everything feel SO real for me. Of course, that requires getting Justin to get someone to help him take the extra bed out of our guest room so it can be Danny's room. I also found a friend who has a 2 year old and is now pregnant with a girl and she has a whole bunch of baby clothes that she said we could get some of, which will be great since we haven't gotten many clothing hand me downs as of yet.

I'm also blog-nesting... my husband said he'd make me a new blog design as part of my Christmas present. I have a whole new design in mind, and I can't wait, but right now he doesn't have time to work on it. Hopefully soon!

So, my brain is all over the place, obviously. I need to figure out when I'm going to go get my glucose tolerance test done and my February blood draw done, and finish the house cleaning and these articles and SOMEWHERE in the middle of that you bet your sweet butt I'm gonna have to find time to watch the final season premiere of Lost!

Here is a gratuitous photo of Sam petting a kangaroo.

Gah! What's on your mind these days?

LOST: I can't wait!

2010-02-01T13:33:00.001-08:00

As You Wish...

2010-01-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

I know, I know, it was TOTALLY time for more belly shots. So, here they are. Let's talk about them and what is scaring me a tiny bit.

Here is a shot from a few weeks ago, when I was 23 weeks with Danny. Bonus, a cute Sam in the picture!

Here is the most recent belly picture. This is from last Saturday, the day I turned 25 weeks. I am wearing a different shirt, but you may notice that I am giant. I am not doing anything to make myself look bigger as far as I know, just standing there.

Now, do you understand why sometimes I am surprised when I catch my reflection in shop windows? Let's talk about why it's strange to me. Here are some photos for comparison...

Me with Sam at 28 Weeks, AKA 3 weeks beyond what I am right now with Danny:

Here is a picture of me with Sam at 31 Weeks...

Sam at 36 weeks...

And at 38.5 weeks, 1.5 weeks before I had him. Close to the biggest I got with him.

Do you see? Let's recap for a second.

What the WHAT? How much bigger am I going to get? I already feel like my stomach is trying to become independent of my body sometimes. AND I STILL HAVE 15 WEEKS LEFT. Full size pics and the entire set of Baby #2 Ultrasound and Belly Shots are on Flickr here. This should be fun...

Fortnight of Flu

2010-01-26T09:20:00.001-08:00

Hi. Remember me? I used to blog here.

Every time I think I'm getting back into my rhythm with posting, something happens, and I disappear. This time? A fortnight of sickness in our house. It all started with Sam - a fever, sometimes up to 105, that lasted four days. Followed by several days of coughing and runny nose. Followed by my reward for taking care of him - getting sick myself! Last week I used 2 whole double rolls of toilet paper blowing my nose. In 5 days. It's taken four more, but I'm about 3/4 of the way through another. Yuck! So, by the time Sam's gone to bed I've just been totally exhausted. Plus he missed a whole week of preschool when he was sick, so no computer time for me.

But, things are looking up now! Sam is recovered and back at school. I am blowing my nose less and less every day. The house is finally getting cleaner! Hopefully this means I'm back. For real this time. At least until I have a newborn baby in a couple of months.

Speaking of which, things are great. I'm 25 weeks now and I feel giant already, when I compare pictures from last time I'm showing SO much more than I was at 25 weeks with Sam. I feel Danny moving and kicking all the time now. He's still sitting low, and I think he's still feet down for now. I am feeling fairly normal, although I get tired easily and exercise is still hard because I get exhausted fast and my body just doesn't feel normal. By the time I've walked around with Sam for an hour or two, I feel like my belly is trying to pull itself off my body. So, there's that.

Health wise things are great! My blood sugars have remained normal so far. It's about time that my midwife wrote paperwork for my glucose tolerance test, but I'm not sure I need to do it if I'm taking my blood sugars? I'm going to call the endocrinologist and ask, because if it's not necessary I really don't want to pay for it. I have not gained any weight so far. I lost about 12 pounds early on and have hovered within the same 4 pound range for the rest of the time. This is really great. I am overweight to start, so not gaining is not a concern to my doctors. It's nice for me personally because I worked really hard to lose the 30 pounds I lost before becoming pregnant, and I was afraid of gaining it back. It would have been all right, of course, for the baby. But it would have been a bummer at the same time. So, we'll see how the rest of the pregnancy goes!

So, I'm back! I hope. I have missed this place.

Who Am I To Talk Lurkers?!

2010-01-14T21:02:00.000-08:00

It's kind of funny that I'm posting this today since for the last week I've been a major lurker on all the blogs I read, as well as on my own!

Well, that's what you get when you have a kid with a 102-105 temp for four days, then a major cough for 3+. And he doesn't eat during that time. Then on the day he finally gets a bunch of his energy back? You feel like crap and the glands in your neck are so swollen that they hurt when you're not even touching them. WOO! Obviously, it's been a fun week here. Also, let's not talk about the disaster area that is my house with a super clingy kid not going to school.

Aaaaaanyway... today is Delurking Day.

Hosted by Greeblemonkey and Rude Cactus, it's a very special day for all us bloggers to ~~flash each other~~ come out of the silence and introduce ourselves!

I know you guys are out there, and I know a few of you, but there are WAY more subscribers than I know personally, and I want you to say Hi! Leave a comment... where are you from? What do you like to do? I'll come visit your blog if you do!

That's all I can manage for now... I am totally beat and my husband is in the kitchen making me some bacon.

The 2nd Time Around

2010-01-06T00:34:00.000-08:00

I spent part of my weekend transferring all my posts from the BabyCrowd Journal blog I used while I was pregnant with Sam to this blog's archives. Now they're all here and all of my blog writing I've done is all in one place.

It was interesting looking back at my first pregnancy and how different it was. It's just SO much different going through it the second time, already knowing a lot of what's to come and not being nervous about having a newborn around.

The closest posts to where I am right now in this pregnancy were from January 11, so I was about 24 weeks along. Right now I'm 22 weeks along in this pregnancy. I was just starting to feel Sam moving, which actually lines up - I've just started to feel Danny moving consistently in the last 4 or 5 days, and now I feel him pretty much every day, but still not too strongly. I had been feeling sick with some kind of flu and missed a day or so of work. Here's part of what I wrote:

The other day when I was talking to Brooke, she sort of reminded me, hey, you are really pregnant. I hate the fact that last week when I started to feel so sick, I didn't even feel like I could take a sick day to take care of myself when I'm six months pregnant. I think that's ridiculous. I think I've been pushing myself too much, and I'm going to pay more attention to what I'm doing now. I need to make sure I'm not working too much and that I'm taking regular breaks and eating real meals throughout the day. I don't feel incapacitated by being pregnant, but I am definitely starting to realize now that I don't have the same capacity that maybe I did before, I do get tired more easily and need to consider it. I feel like nobody else considers it either. I feel like if I were thinner and looked 'more pregnant', that people would treat me differently. As it is, I don't think people even think about it. On top of the fact that I don't feel like anyone at work even knows what I'm doing or appreciates it. I know Laurie does, but no one else even seems to understand how busy I am and how overloaded that I am right now. I don't feel like I fit in that well, I am not part of the regular staff because I am in sort of a position of authority to them, and the managers don't consider me to be on their level. It's like I'm drifting in the middle by myself and no one notices me unless I'm NOT doing the thing they want me to do. Anyway, only 57 more days left (not that I'm counting), and I'm working on hiring the people to take my job over so I can start training them and unloading some stuff.

Lastly, I'm starting to think a lot about what I need to do and the things I want to do around the house. I know there are four months left, but I feel like I want to start doing things now. I'm starting to make a plan for what stuff I want to pack up and send to the storage unit until we get a house. There's a lot of 'stuff' around here that I don't want to get rid of, but that it woud probably be good to have out of the way for now. I'll keep you all updated on what I do around the house. I think it's almost time for a visit to the container store soon to get a nother shelf for the baby 'stuff' that's already starting to be here.

This is a great example of how different this time is. Though I have the stress of trying to make sure Sam is taken care of and entertained, I forget how hard some of the work stuff was last time. I feel lucky that I'm home with Sam and not trying to juggle him, a job AND being pregnant. We also don't have much ready here for the baby. We haven't gotten most of the hand me downs from people, which includes the car seats and crib. We have a few small piles of clothes, but that's about it. We're VERY slowly trying to get a little more organized, but the living room needs to be cleaned out and the extra bed needs to be taken to the garage before the guest room really becomes Danny's room. We still don't have a middle name picked out, and don't know if we'll use cloth diapers this time (depends on whether the diaper service delivers here).

I'm trying to really enjoy this pregnancy because I know it's going to be my last. I know that if someday Justin and I decide that our family is short a member, we'll look into adoption. It's so strange to want to savor every moment of this and at the same time be so anxious to meet the baby.

I do have fears about when he arrives, we were in such an ideal situation last time and this time I'm goin to have to do things on my own a lot sooner. Justin won't be able to take much time off work because we can't afford time off without pay, and that means that I'll be left to cope with 2 kids before I will probably feel totally ready. I know I can do it, but I also know it's going to be a challenge at first.

In any case, it's kind of fun to look back and compare what I was doing then. It's really nice that it's so easy to match up since we are on almost the same schedule as last time with the due dates only a week apart. I'll end with this...

On the BabyCrowd site the provide you with monthly questionaires to answer about how things are going with the baby. Here's my current answers to the questions I answered in January 2006.

Buying maternity clothes was:
Way better than I thought! I had a gift card to Motherhood Maternity for $50 and managed to squeeze three whole shirts out of it, which was a bargain because maternity clothes are expensive. I had fun trying things on and choosing the ones I wanted!

The biggest change in my body has been:
The shape of my stomach. I have definitely started to REALLY show earlier this time, and even though the baby is lower, my belly is up high because all my guts have been displaced by my uterus.

My favorite change in my body has been:
This is a hard one, I really like the round belly because I actually look pregnant now!

What I never thought would change was:
The sickness! Oh my gosh, it was definitely worse this time, and I'm SO glad it's (mostly) passed.

At this month's prenatal visit I learned that:
Hm, this is a hard one too. I learned that if I qualify for Pregnancy Medical through DSHS, the whole birth will be paid for. I also learned that I have not gained any weight this pregnancy, which is good.

My hopes:
That the birth will go well and I'll be able to handle a natural birth. I am very excited, but I am also a bit scared because I know it's pain. I am pretty confident, but there's always a little fear.

My fears:
My biggest fear this pregnancy is that my blood sugar levels will start to be too high or I will develop gestational diabetes and not be able to deliver at the birth center. Luckily so far everything is awesome and I'm trying to think positive that it will stay that way.

Movie Fail

2010-01-05T00:34:00.000-08:00

On Friday my Mom and her husband finally got back from their 2 week Christmas vacation excursion to Belize. That's right, tropical beach. I can't wait to look at all of their pictures! She was nice enough to come over on Sunday so Justin and I could go out.

First we were going to see Avatar. But it started about 20 minutes after we were trying to leave the house, and I needed to eat first. So then we decided to go see Sherlock Holmes, which started a bit over an hour later. We went & ate at Applebees and got to the movie theater just as the movie was supposed to be starting. And it was SOLD OUT. What the hell? This is not the first time this has happened in the last year since we moved back to Bellingham, and it's a bummer! I have to get used to the fact that Bellingham has grown enough that movies actually sell out here now! And not just on opening night either...

So, we ended up seeing Did You Hear About the Morgans. See the difference there...? I am not a huge Sarah Jessica Parker fan, but I thought it was not bad. I do always enjoy ~~Hugh Jackman~~ Hugh GRANT (OMG this pregnancy brain is REALLY not impressing me this week...) and I absolutely love Sam Elliot and Mary Steenburgen, so having them in the movie as a couple was awesome.

When we went to the concession stand, I ordered a small popcorn and a medium soda, then asked for a large bottle of water. You know, the big Dasani bottles that they rob you $4.50 to buy? Well, they were OUT OF WATER. So I asked if I could get a cup of water and they tried to offer me one of those little dixie cup things they give out to let you fill up at the water fountain for free. WTF? I said, since you are out of bottled water, can I get a larger cup? And they WOULDN'T GIVE ME ONE. Because "cups are inventory". They did say that I was welcome to walk to the Rite Aid at the other end of the shopping center and buy a bottle to bring in with me.

I was so mad. First off, I have worked in retail and food service. I KNOW there is a way for you to adjust your inventory a-holes. Secondly, it's your fault for running out of inventory of water. They said that the only way for me to get a bigger cup was to pay the full price for a soda. I pointed out that they don't pay $4.50 per cup but they didn't care. They suggested I could talk to a manager, but she was selling the tickets and there was a line and our movie was starting, so I just paid for the other food and left. I just couldn't deal with arguing about it, but that doesn't make it any less ridiculous.

So, the whole experience was less than what I would have hoped for my first movie viewing of 2010. Oh well, I guess it can only go uphill from here!

2009 SNOTW Movie Awards

2010-01-04T00:34:00.000-08:00

Last year, I decided to do my own movie awards for 2008. I had forgotten all about it until I was looking through the year and when I found it, I thought, hey! Why not do that again?

In 2008 I somehow managed to see a whopping 70 movies in the theater. In 2009 I was down to 55, but still a good group to pick from! My full list of movies I watched in 2009 is here. Obviously, these won't be the same as the Golden Globes or Oscars since I'm only going to choose from movies I actually saw.

Drama/Action

Best Picture: Invictus
Best Actress: Meryl Streep as Julia Child in Julie & Julia
Best Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio in Revolutionary Road (didn't like the movie that much, SO depressing, but he was so good in it)
Best Supporting Actress: Emily Blunt in Sunshine Cleaning.
Best Supporting Actor: Stanley Tucci in Julie & Julia (absolutely charming)

Comedy/Musical

Best Picture: The Hangover. Seriously? I was laughing so much I was trying not to laugh so I wouldn't miss anything.
Best Actress: Anna Friel in Land of the Lost
Best Actor: Joseph Gordon-Levitt in (500) Days of Summer
Best Supporting Actress: Heather Graham in The Hangover
Best Supporting Actor: Woody Harrelson in Zombieland

The Best of the Rest

Best Kids Movie: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. I loved Up too. But this is one of my favorite books of all time, and I loved the adaptation.
Best Action Sequence: I can't say a particular part, but it was totally 2012. Yes, I AM a disaster movie junkie!
Best Plot Twist: Orphan. Seriously. It was so over the top.
Hottest Actress: Kate Winslet. I heart her.
Hottest Actor: Taylor Lautner in Twilight. I'm sorry, it's a little creepy because it's total cradle robbery but oh well.
Creepiest Performance: Michael C Hall in Gamer. SO creepy.
Actor Most Likely to Turn Your Husband Gay: Hugh Jackman in Wolverine. Somehow, he is pretty much only hot when he's Wolverine (or the drover in Australia). How is that?
Actress Most Likely to Turn Your Wife Gay: Kate Winslet in The Reader. Okay, so it is not exactly the sexiest subject matter with the Nazis and all... but Kate Winslet? HAWT!

Oops...

Worst Picture: Crank: High Voltage. Just... barf.
Worst Choice in Greenlighting a Movie: The Ugly Truth. You somehow managed to make Gerard Butler TOTALLY not hot at all. Great job...
Movie With the Most Potential That Didn't Impress Me Enough: Paranormal Activity. All I heard was how scary it was, but I really thought that only a couple of scenes were REALLY scary. Or Extract. I just wanted more.
Most Gratituitous Violence: Crank: High Voltage

Most Unforgettable Moments:

Chinese guy jumps out of the trunk in The Hangover
Tobey Maguire loses it on his front lawn in Brothers
Bill Murray's accidental death in Zombieland
Airlifted animals in 2012
Dumbledore's death in Harry Potter & the Half Blood Prince

Yeah, so that was way harder than making my 2008 list. I don't know if it was the quality of the movies or the number I saw or what. Weird.

What were your favorite movies of 2009?

Movies Watched in 2010

2010-01-03T13:29:00.000-08:00

List of movies seen in theaters in 2010, linked to reviews if I write one.

Did You Hear About the Morgans?
Avatar
Legion
Book of Eli
Sherlock Holmes

Happy Happy

2010-01-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

SAFE HAPPY HEALTHY PROSPEROUS FULL OF LOVE BEAUTIFUL

AMAZING

2009? Well, I guess it was fine.

2009-12-29T18:25:00.000-08:00

Really? I don't know what to say to you. You definitely didn't suck as bad as 2008 did. We finally got to move in to the house we moved to Bellingham for, and now Sam is growing up in the same home as his Daddy did. We got pregnant, and despite the fact that I barfed for like 20 weeks, the sickness DID go away before the calendar turned over to 2010. We're still poor. We still don't clean our house enough. Oh well. It was an okay year. Kind of unextrordinary in a lot of ways. What I'll remember most...

- Experiencing the ABSOLUTELY AMAZING powers of the internet community and the support it can provide, especially (but not only) in the case of Maddie, Heather & Mike Spohr.
- Figuring out how different my views on birth are now... little did I know it would come in handy when I got pregnant again!
- My Dad being hit by a car and going to St. Louis to help him afterwards.
- Saying goodbye to Justin & my first pet together, our cat Piper.
- Moving into Justin's childhood home.
- Training and starting volunteer work for Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services.
- Losing 30 lbs thanks to medication for my hypothyroidism, PCOS and Insulin Resistance and Weight Watchers. Oh, and hard work. Right.
- Getting pregnant ON OUR OWN in August! Never thought that would happen...
- Sam starting preschool in November, and putting him on the bus for the 1st time.
- Some amazing friendships I made online, and especially the support of Kori, Audrey & Enz.

So that's that. See ya, 2009, don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. Let's raise our glasses to an amazing 2010, kay?

Oh, and in case you were wondering...

Thirteen Hopes, Wishes & Resolutions for 2009!
(Published Jan 2009)

1. Resolution: Okay, so my Dad got me a subscription to "The Economist" for Christmas. I admit that I have not read this magazine. So, my first resolution is to actually read every issue of this magazine that I get this year, and to become more knowledgeable about current events and the world in general. Didn't happen. I suck.

2. Resolution: Well, while we're at it... read every issue of Entertainment Weekly, which I also have a subscription to. Did a little better here, but still have several issues in my pile.

3. Hope: I can't wait to see Obama take office, and I hope that he'll be successful in starting the transformation that this country so desperately needs. Slow going, but at least it's not Bush. Can't wait to see what happens next.

4. Hope: I hope that Justin will get to work in a job that he really enjoys and that won't cause him the amount of stress that his work is currently causing him. Um... no new nothin here.

5. Wish: I wish for a less stressful year for everyone I know, I wish them good health and prosperity. In general, it seemed like a better year, but many people are still struggling and I'm still praying for all of us.

6. Resolution: I will get more exercise, I will use the gym membership my Mom got me at least 3 times a week. For the first time ever, actually DID the exercise resolution! I didn't necessarily use the gym 3 times a week, but I did get TONS more exercise than ever before!

7. Resolution: I will arrange for my Mom to watch Sam at least twice a month, on regular days, so that Justin and I can have scheduled date nights to look forward to and spend time nurturing our relationship and not just our family. Dude, my Mom is awesome. We totally got tons of date nights, and she loves spending time w/Sam so it works out amazingly!

8. Hope: I hope to join the Kulshan Chorus so I can sing with my Mom. She quit it. So there was sort of no point then.

9. Wish: I wish for some resolution to our housing situation, to figure out where we're going to be a little bit more long term than just six months, and to head towards settling down. Well, we don't know much about where we're going to be in many ways, but we do have a permanent home now, and it's wonderful.

10. Hope: I hope that I will be able to find a job so that we'll be able to actually pay our bills! Nope. But it became a moot point when I got preggo again, no point in working to pay for daycare. Also, no way I can put an infant in daycare.

11. Wish: I wish for happy and healthy pregnancies to continue for my friends Amy & Jamie! This came true! They both have ADORABLE little girls!

12. Resolution: To sign Sam up for a class with me, maybe a music class where we can sing and dance. We didn't do this, but we did get him in preschool! Money is slightly prohibitive because a lot of classes are pretty expensive.

13. Resolution: I'm going to renew my goal and up it by 2 - read 52 books in 2009! FAIL! I almost made it to 40, but missed by 15 this year. I'm still renewing the goal though, and have a list of 40 for next year already!

I think I'll post resolutions, wishes & hopes for 2010 next week!

My Danny Boy

2009-12-27T22:58:00.000-08:00

Dear Danny,

Hi baby. Things are starting to change. I think about you all the time, and it's no longer just because I'm feeling sick. You've been growing inside me for 19 weeks, though that means I'm 21 weeks pregnant. I know it's confusing, but the world is a big confusing place. Don't worry about that right now, you'll have plenty of time for it later.

I've started to feel much better, and I'm really looking forward to the next 19 weeks. This is the wonderful part of being pregnant, the part where I get to know you and love you more than almost anything in the world. My belly is getting bigger now, and I'm crossing the threshold from looking fat to really looking pregnant. I've started taking pictures every week because I wished I'd taken more when I was pregnant with your brother.

I'm finally starting to feel you moving in there. It's not a lot yet, and I can't wait until I feel it strong every day. I know how strong you are because you made me so sick, but you are still so small that I haven't felt you much yet. Right now it's just little twinges, but I've felt you at least once the last couple of days. I'm sorry if you've felt me pushing, I poke at my belly and try to get you to move. Sometimes it works. It's my very favorite part of being pregnant, and I will miss it when you finally come out to meet me.

Yesterday morning I sat at my computer and tried to think of everything we need to gather before you get here. We're so lucky to have friends and family giving us a lot of the big stuff, but we still need lots of clothes and blankets and bottles for you. We have very generous friends, and one of them is throwing us a shower in only a month. I can't wait for you to meet all the people in this world who already love you.

One of those people is Sam. We talk about you all the time. He knows that sometimes I get tired because you're in there. I can't wait to hear him laugh about how big my belly gets. He wants to teach you everything - how to play, how to jump, how to be a little boy. I know that it will be hard for him at first - waiting for you to turn from a tiny baby into a little toddler who can actually play with him. But I know that you two are going to have great adventures together. I know that he will love you.

We finally have a name for you. Well, half a name anyhow. You'll be our Daniel. We didn't pick the name based on it's meaning, but on it's meaning to us individually. It's our family connection, your father's middle name and Grandmother's maiden name. The meaning of the name is from the bible and it's "God is my judge." Thinking about that now, I kind of like it. To me, it means that no man is your judge. You'll be free to be who you are, always. I hope that gives you strength. Your middle name is still under consideration, but in my head you are Danny. My Danny.

I am getting really excited to meet you, and this is all starting to feel really real. I want to enjoy the rest of our special time, this time when you are mine and mine alone. I know that this is my last time feeling a little baby move inside me, and even though I can't wait to hold you, I am going to savor every moment of holding you in my body. I just can't wait... for all of it.

I love you,
Mommy

Baby Pictures!

2009-12-16T00:34:00.000-08:00

Today's theme: baby! Finally took my first belly shot at 19 weeks pregnant. I feel like I look enormous in this picture, and I'm not sure why. It also makes me scared because I'm only 1/2 there and what the hell am I going to look like when I am 38 weeks?! We've been talking to Sam about the baby and how Mommy's belly is going to get really big, I can't wait to see his reaction to the growing belly!

Here are a couple of shots from our big ultrasound last week. The first is a shot of the baby's spine. I just think it's really cool how perfectly you can see, and he is healthy!

And, Justin asked for a little video. I like this one because you can see the little dude moving his hand.

So, that's our little dude! We're in the process of searching for names. With Sam it was easy, we decided on a name before we even got pregnant. We had a girl name picked out last time that we would have used with this one, but we never really settled on second boy name. So, we're looking. We're thinking about involving Daniel somehow, which is Justin's middle name and his mother's maiden name, but we haven't decided for sure or on first/middle.

I'm still not really feeling the baby move much, and I can't wait to feel him every day. I am starting to feel a bit more pregnant, and am having to move around a LOT during the night when I'm sleeping. It's really weird because no matter how tired I am before I go to bed, I lie awake for a long time every night becasue I can't stop thinking about this baby. I think about questions for the midwife, the birth, everything, my mind just races.

We have a little pile of clothes on the changing table, and I can't wait to get the hand-me-downs from my friend Liz. Now that we know what it is we can do a real baby registry. I also decided to get the same baby book for this one that we did for Sam, and it came in the mail yesterday!

Have a Little Faith

2009-12-15T13:00:00.000-08:00

There were other things I was planning to post today, but something has really gotten under my skin.

Last night, a woman named Sherrie lost her 2 year old son in a drowning accident. After this horrible thing happened, she used her twitter account (@Military_Mom) to post the following: "Please pray like never before, my 2 yr old fell in the pool." Five hours later, she posted a few pictures of her son, and a thank you to the people who had offered support and prayers to her.

Since then, she has been what I can only call attacked. Several people on twitter decided that they needed proof that the child had died, and that they needed to start posting messages asking if anyone had confirmed it, bringing up the balloon boy hoax, warning people not to give her any money. I should say here that as far as I can see, Sherrie herself has asked for nothing but prayers for her little boy.

But that's not the worst of it. When I read the worst of it, it made me so mad I wanted to vomit. Multiple people accused Sherrie of CAUSING HER LITTLE BOYS DEATH. They said she must have been too busy twittering and posting pictures of her pets to pay attention to her little boy. That it was surely her fault he drowned because she was not paying attention.

Let's break this down a little bit... When I see that first tweet asking for prayers? I picture a woman, standing by her pool. Maybe she got distracted by an animal moving. Maybe she blinked. Maybe she looked away for ONE SECOND. Her son fell in the pool. It was an accident. Now, paramedics are there, trying to save her son. She is forced to stand back and there is nothing she can do. She does not have any friends with her there, she is alone. She is scared. So, she reaches out to the one place she can - her online community. It takes less than 30 seconds for her to ask for prayers as the EMTs try to revive her toddler in in front of her.

Just think about that for a minute. About watching your child die in front of you. About the fact that you could not prevent the accident. About how you will ALWAYS feel guilty/responsible about it no matter how many people may tell you it wasn't your fault.

It. Is. Heartbreaking.

Now, I fully admit that I don't know this woman. I am sure there are some people out there who would make things like this up. However, if they were, wouldn't they post about it on their blog? Wouldn't they post MORE tweets asking for things? For attention? My point here is, why not give people the benefit of the doubt?

It is easy to live your life and walk this world thinking the worst of everybody. You can believe that the internet is full of liars, that there is a child molester on every corner, that your child is inches from being abducted every minute. You can believe that people will try to swindle you at every opportunity they get, that people want to steal your money and your possessions, and that you are not safe walking to your car at night. You can. You can live in fear and paranoia if that's what you want.

But WHY? What is the point of living life feeling this way? I know that bad things happen. But I make a conscious choice every day to try and think positively. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I choose to believe that the majority of people are good. I have seen amazing things in my life and in my online life. I have seen hundreds of people support parents who have lost their child, by offering prayers and well wishes and peaceful thoughts. I have seen people in my community support one another. I have seen people provide for others who are having a hard time financially.

What really gets to me is that it was completely unneccesary for anyone to attack Sherrie. If you don't know someone, sure they could be lying. But WHY say it out loud? Whenever I am faced with this kind of situation, I always go first to "what if?" What if it is true? If it's not, what do I lose by offering this woman prayers and sending whatever good vibes I can her way? NOTHING. What do we have to lose by offering people compassion? If what they are saying IS true, perhaps you have given them a fraction of a second of comfort. If it's not... you have not lost anything.

In this particular case, I know that some people will not understand how she could be online. But honestly? What are you SUPPOSED to do if your child dies? If my son died I would be absolutely out of my mind. I would be in shock, and I wouldn't know what to do. I would probably reach out to my friend online too, because whether other people understand it or not, they ARE friends, and they are a part of my life. Who's to say which way of grieving is okay?

I guess the bottom line, to me, is why can't we all have a little faith, have a little compassion? Why can't we treat each other nicely, and as we'd want to be treated? If you don't have anything nice or helpful to say, then maybe you should just not say it. No one loses anything that way. You don't hurt anyone who may be having a really bad day. I know it's a cliche, but I really do think that we could all use a little more love in this world.

I am SO outnumbered

2009-12-11T10:20:00.000-08:00

So, we had our big 2nd trimester ultrasound yesterday. The test came back positive... for WEINER! That's right, we are having another little boy. I thought that I would cry if the tech toldmethat, but I actually felt pretty okay about it at the time. I went over to the mall after and bought a couple of outfits for the little guy.

Today I am not feeling so great though. It seems like my pregnancy hormones are working overtime and I got snappy at Justin this morning. It looks like only one person is coming to the playdate scheduled here today and for whatever reason the prospect of spending most of the day alone with Sam feels exhausting. I went out to the garage to try and find a box of clothes that I'd kept from Sam - we got rid of ALMOST everything but I'd kept a box ofmy very favorites from when he was a baby - and I couldn't find it. Ican't think of anywhere else it would be. When I came back in the house, I felt like crying. Maybe I am just having a post ultrasound never having a daughter hormone hangover. And before you tell me the next one will be a girl, I'll say that we are only planning on 2 kiddies. Seems like a good number.

I am still super happy about the baby, of course I am. And I think Sam will love having a little brother. I love them both more than I can say. I have just always wanted a daughter and n
ow I know there are certain things I will never get to experience and I may not quite be used to that idea yet. Soon I will just be feeling him move and feeling super blessed that he is healthy. Soon I will let go of dreams of leggings and ruffles and pigtails. Just not this second.

Please forgive any typos here, I am writing this on my phone because we don't have iternet on our computer until Justin hooks up our new router tonight. When he gets it up, I'll post some pics from the ultrasound, we got a few great ones.

Merry SITSmas: 2009 By The Numbers

2009-12-08T00:34:00.000-08:00

Can you believe it's December already? I can hardly believe it! A whole year has gone by since my first SITSmas, and I'm super excited it's here again! SITSmas is the annual Christmas bash hosted by the awesome ladies over at SITS - The Secret is in the Sauce. It's all about commenting and bloggy love, and on SITSmas it's about sharing greetings and awesome giveaways every hour! So, if you're visiting from SITS, welcome to my humble abode. Last year I managed to visit almost every SITSmas post, so we'll see how I do this year!

Like the major procrastinator I've become, I have not done anything about our annual Christmas letter or cards yet for 2009. So, for today I've got something else that's been on my mind: 2009 by the numbers!

6 - Months we'll have lived in the house my husband grew up in at the end of this year.

3 - Hours it took my husband to clear all the fallen sticks and branches off our driveway last night.

18 - Week pregnant I am with our 2nd baby.

2 - Days until I get to find out if this one is a boy or a girl (send pink vibes please!).

52 - Articles I've ghostwritten to be published online - one of my favorite things that happened this year!

287 - Blog posts I've published in 2009 so far.

36 - Books I've read in 2009, falling far short of my yearly goal to read 52.

40 - Books already on my "to read" list for 2010.

52 - Movies I've seen at the theater in 2009.

31 - Pounds I lost before I got pregnant.

12 - Pounds I lost after I got pregnant.

10 - Years my husband and I have been together as of December 4.

4 - Years old my sweet son Sam turned in May.

2.5 - Hours that Sam is now at school three days a week!

8 - Friends I have who are currently pregnant and due in the first half of 2010.

1 - Cat we had to say goodbye to this year.

2 - Cats we gained when we moved this summer.

2 - Approximate number of nights Sam has slept through in his own bed since we moved.

125 - Subscriptions in my Google Reader. This number is liable to go up after I blog-hop for SITSmas!

100 - Dollars per month our health premiums were going to go up, forcing us to switch to a high deductible plan. Then I got pregnant. Sigh...

85 - Approximate number of times I have to pee every day even though I'm not even halfway through this pregnancy.

4 - Size my 3.5 year old son is now wearing in pajamas - too tall!

29 - Years old both my husband and I turned this year.

I'm sure there are lots more things that happened this year, but I think that the moving and the writing and the new baby are the big ones!

Merry SITsmas, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays to all of you out there. Blessings and happiness for 2010 - may the new year bring only improvement, no matter how this year was!

To go to the next SITSmas post in the linky, Marina at Energizer Bunny's Mommy Reports, click here.

To visit the linky with all the SITSmas posts listed, click here.

Mushroompalooza

2009-12-04T00:34:00.000-08:00

About a month ago I was out in the yard with Sam and since it's gotten colder and wetter, it's gotten mossy. I looked down and noticed that there were mushrooms growing. Of course I was excited to show Sam, then when we started to look around there were dozens and dozens of them!

So Wednesday morning after Sam got on the school bus I got out my camera and took some pictures. I thought some of them turned out pretty cool, I'd like to take some more when the light is a little different and there are less shadows.

For the full set and full size images, click over to my Flickr set.

13 Things About "Morning" Sickness

2009-12-03T00:34:00.000-08:00

I haven't been writing my Thursday Thirteens every week, but a list has been writing itself in my head for the last few days. And, well, if you know me, you KNOW how much I love my lists. You know what one of the worst things about "morning" sickness is? Well, I do. I know a few. But I'm not going to tell you right now, because that would spoil your fun of reading my list. Ha. If you're like me and you love lists, Thursday Thirteen is a great way to get them out into the world. Also, who doesn't like alliteration? And cute pictures of sleeping puppies. So. Cute.

Thirteen Things About "Morning" Sickness

See those quotes around "morning?" There's a reason for that. Whoever decided to call it morning sickness obviously didn't have the pleasure of experiencing the full joy of being pregnant and nauseous. It's more like "all the time night and day 24/7 sickness." At least for me.
If I don't eat enough, I feel sick. But...
If I eat too much, I feel sick! Sick all the time. It's like winning the lottery. I can also win that by not eating often enough. It's a cycle, because the longer you go, the worse you feel but at the same time the LESS you feel like trying to eat anything!
You haven't barfed until you've barfed in public. Seriously. Whether it's the bathroom at your favorite Target or your favorite Mexican restaurant, or barfing in the trash can outside the move theater (see #8), it's a whole new world.
Even when you're not barfing, you might not be able to stop THINKING about it. Like lying in bed at night trying to go to sleep, if you're nauseous you might start to think about whether you're going to throw up, and that in turn may make you MORE nauseous. It's like a neverending cycle.
When the doctor or midwife told you you'd probably start feeling better around 12 weeks? That was a BIG LIE. No one knows when it will end, you might not be lucky enough to have it end after the first trimester.
If movies like "The Blair Witch Project" and "Paranormal Activity" with their handheld shaky cameras don't USUALLY cause any problems for you? All bets are off when "morning" sickness enters the picture. Lay off the red vines because you might see them again soon.
It doesn't have to end with nausea. If you're like me, maybe your body will ALSO decide to produce about 10x the normal amount of phlegm so you can spit and blow your nose about 100 times a day.
If you do have to spit a lot, your husband will not appreciate coming home to find a drinking glass full of loogies on the table in the living room because you were too ~~lazy~~ sick to get up and run to the bathroom every time you needed to empty your throat.
If your doctor or midwife suggests that you can take 1/2 a Unisom a couple of times a day to make the nausea better? Don't WAIT to try it. Go get some, like right now. It might help.
There is not much sadder than sitting in the bathroom wretching while your child stands by and tries to tell you to be done because he needs something.
There is one good thing about being nauseous all the time. You won't gain a whole lot of weight, now will you? I'm still down 12 pounds from where I started and don't expect it to be much of a problem during this pregnancy.
Oh, there might be one other good thing about "morning" sickness. In the end, you get to HAVE A BABY! YAY!

Aren't you glad you decided to read my blog today? I know you are. It's possible you're feeling a little nauseous yourself right now after reading about some barf. Well, suck it up sucker. It's worse over here.

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In Black & White

2009-12-02T00:34:00.000-08:00

I am surprised by how much it hurts.

After an e-mail from my Aunt, I ask for the official report. My Dad sends it to me, and I read.

I have to pause several times as tears come and my vision is blurred.

It's not entirely unexpected. At 84 years old, it has been apparent for some time now that my Grandmother is not quite who she used to be.

After my Grandfather died in 1990 and she supported herself as a realtor after that. For some retirement is easy, but my Grandmother was not one of those people. She worked part time until she was 80. She has supported herself and been self-sufficient for a long time.

But lately, we've all known that she can't take care of things as well. It's hard for her to keep that big house clean by herself.

Earlier this year, she got lost on the way to the Ocean City shore house she's been going to for decades. She has bumped curbs and bumpers.

Sometimes, she has to be reminded of who the people are in the pictures around the house.

Depression. Moderate dementia. Alzheimer's.

I guess it doesn't matter what you "know."

Somehow, seeing it in black and white on a piece of paper just makes it real. Somehow, reading the test results and the numbers from a neurological evaluation is just different.

I cry partially because I feel helpless. Living clear across the country, there isn't much I can do to help. I will send a letter with pictures later this week, because I know she'll like it. But I wish that I could be there to just spend more time with her.

She is Sam's only living great-grandparent. Even if he remembers her, he won't be able to remember her how I'd want him to.

I cry partially because I know she will be heartbroken, she will be resistant. She never wanted to see the doctor in the first place, and she doesn't think there is anything wrong. She is stubborn, but at 84, who wouldn't be, really?

Even if she knows, what must it be like to know that you are losing yourself? It tears at my chest even thinking about it.

I didn't expect it to hurt so much.

Book & Movie Lists from Past Years

2009-12-01T22:26:00.000-08:00

Here are links to my lists of books read and movies watched in theaters for past years. My ongoing goal is to read 52 books per year, missed the mark in 2009, hopefully will be back on track in 2010.

Books Read in 2009 (37)
Books Read in 2008 (50)

Movies Watched in 2009 (55)
Movies Watched in 2008 (70)

Tis the Season

2009-12-01T00:34:00.000-08:00

I admit it, I'm TOTALLY looking forward to a Christmas tree this year, more than I have in several years, and I love presents as much as the next gal. But I also try my best to remember that the spirit of Christmas all originated with Jesus. At his core, he was an amazing man and his example of love and caring for others is inspiring to me. So today, I'm going to think about all the people I've come across lately that could use a little more love, a little more happiness, a little more support, and a little more lifting up.

Like I've said before, I know not everyone is religious and that's cool with me. But most of us have SOMETHING we do. We pray. We send good thoughts, or good vibes. We type and give out virtual hugs, we hold each other's hands physically or in our hearts. Whatever it is you do, whatever energy you have that you want to give away, here are some people who could use it.

~ Mimi at Screaming Mimi just found out that her mother has cancer. Please pray for a treatment that will work, and strength during the process.

~ One of my absolute FAVORITE online friends, Audrey from Barking Mad, has had a rough couple of years and FINALLY things are starting to go her way! Her husband got laid off, but VERY quickly, especially for this economy, got a new job! Now Audrey is getting ready to move to New York. I was disappointed she's not moving closer to me, haha, but please send good vibes and prayers because, well, moving sucks, even if you're going somewhere cool.

~ I don't know Anissa Mayhew, but a LOT of you out there do. On November 17, Anissa experienced a stroke. She's currently in the ICU. Anissa has small children and a wonderful husband, and she's fighting really hard to be able to wake up and see and talk tot hem again. You can read updates from her husband here. When she had the stroke, there was a huge outpouring of love and prayers in our bloggy community. I can only hope that if something were to happen to me, so many people would care and want to help my family. There are a lot of people praying for Anissa, but a few more can't hurt.

~ Dawn from Must Love Tots has been struggling watching her mother battle cancer for the past 3 years. Now, the cancer is growing and they are almost out of options. The doctors are not sure that anything can be done. Please pray for peace for Dawn in the face of some really hard times ahead. If you'd like to do something, you can find an address here to send a card to Dawn's mom.

~ Guess what? Bee's Mama is preggo! I'm SO happy for her to finally have her good news after trying for quite a while. Here's to a happy and healthy 9 months for her!

~ One of my best friends, Sati, is trying to start a family. She is an amazing woman, and she's waited a long time for this. So far, she hasn't been able to conceive, and just found out her sister is expecting a little surprise. Please keep her in your thoughts and send lots of fertility vibes to her. I struggled with watching friends get pregnant while I was waiting for my turn, and it was really hard.

~ My friend Amy and her husband are looking into possibly buying their first home. They live in a 2 bedroom apartment with their 2 kids, and it would be absolutely amazing for them to have a real place of their own. Please pray that it will work out for them!

As always, my prayer request list can be found anytime by clicking the Pray, Love, Lift link at the top of the blog. Is there anyone you're praying for these dayss? Please leave any prayer requests in the comments for me!

Pieces I Left Behind: Part 2

2009-11-30T00:34:00.000-08:00

15 years after one of the weirdest moments of my life, I am wondering about you.

It's been so long since that summer before ninth grade when you tossed aside our friendship. I wonder if I talked to you now whether you'd admit how bizarre it was for you to tell me a tall tale about the baby you'd had with the boy you liked while I was out of state for the summer. Would you acknowledge that this was a strange way to end our friendship? That the fact that you mockingly stuck with this story you'd made up just for me throughout high school was absolutely weird?

Some days I think about emailing you. Not much to lose, but how could I deny that it's a little weird that I'm still thinking about this? How weird is that exactly? The why of this situation is one of the great mysteries of my life, and I wonder if you ever think of me.

The other night, I dreamed I was working with your father and that I was finally building up the nerve to ask him he he knew about what happened between us and if he may have any insight into my perpetual question of what happened there.

As with all dreams, I had to wake and this time to unsettling unanswered questions.

15 years later my memories of the 2 years we were inseparable best friends are mostly fond. Perhaps they still haunt me because I don't' think I'll ever know why you decided not to be my friend, why you chose to realign yourself and forget me. You'll probably never know how your decision affected me, and I don't know if you'd even care.

In the end, it's just another piece of my heart I left behind, a piece I gave to someone and now I live without it. Maybe you still have it, maybe not. 15 years later, does it matter?