To say that I have wasted my time writing the over 120 different entries this site has would be a thick, negative inaccuracy, to say the least. Not only has this site given me an additional income stream, it has also changed my life in writing these articles. For every single article written here, there is probably a corresponding era of my life that went along with it. Never before and never since writing here have I dived more deeply into myself, made more positive growth, or expanded my awareness of life more thoroughly. It was during my time here that I changed my religious beliefs, increased my annual income, dated a number of girls, and talked to some of the most passionate, self growth oriented people alive on the planet.

Still, it is time to move on. Though this may not be the permanent end to the Scott Free Thinking title, it is definitely the end of these blog entries for, at the very least, a long, long time.

At the time of my writing this, much of my time has been spent working, finishing my psychology degree with the University of Houston, and working on the production company that started it all for me in high school: Barton Ct. Productions Inc. Barton Ct. Productions is a symbol of hope for independent artists both in Houston and across the United States. If anyone ever loses their spirit for creating art, I hope that this company will be one that people can turn to. It certainly has been a company that has kept art and film making alive for me in my own life, and I expect it to do nothing less for the people who follow it. I am also continuing to work on my own apparel brand, Dirty Mechanism, which I still see great potential for in the future. In addition to the on-demand t-shirts that have generated thousands of dollars in revenue I will soon be entering the world of street wear fashion design.

While it is true that my life is not about money, it is very true to know that I still have a long way to go in learning how it is I can best generate capital for my businesses. Meanwhile, I have seen myself create some of the most passionate, beautiful work that has ever come out of me during the past two years. From creating a feature length documentary, writing a book, writing dozens of articles, to writing my first soul filled heart wrenching music that has put some to tears - I have to say that if I were to die tomorrow people should remember me for the amount of passion, effort, and sheer emotion I put into my life & projects. I hope that I have touched all of your hearts as much as you have touched mine; it is my sincerest hope that as this site continues to get readers that their lives will be different because of my words, and that my life will be different due to their diligently reading eyes.

Thank you all so much, and goodbye.

Discuss Scott’s farewell & final entry for Scott Free Thinking at Personal Development Partners.

So the communication, the ‘permission’ you’re looking for, so to speak, is going to be nonverbal. You will look for what are called IOI’s, or indicator’s of interest, as modern day pick-up artists like to call them through different forms of body language and your own intuition. You will also look for other cues, specifically in their overall expression that will be telling you what it is they’re looking for. Verbally, single sentences and phrases to certain questions also can tell you a very large amount of information without having to say very much at all.

On the topic of intuition, there’s a very good book you should read called Intuition: Its Powers and Perils, by David G. Myers. In this book, Myers points out correctly with other recent authors who have been writing on the subject that the subconscious mind does indeed have an incredible power to deduce a vast amount of information and carry out complex problem solving aids when given very little information because of its ability to process so much information at once, but as Myers points out: only when emotional influence is left out of the picture. Especially when it comes to human relationships, this is where you can have a conscious filter going that will skew your intuition into something sour and poorly evaluated.

The fact of the matter is, your intuition is constantly trying to work for you. This is why first impressions are so valuable, but also why they stress that you “shouldn’t judge someone before you get to know them.” At first glance, you might think that when we form quick judgments about people upon meeting them that may be incorrect our intuition is at fault, we are actually looking at something other than our intuition with that initial feeling. Intuition and the entire process through which it operates works under the context of our own conscious interpretation, or conscious filter. If you take the first gut reaction you have as the correct one, you’re taking the first conscious interpretation you have as the correct one.

Coming back to the topic of relationships, you can see how maybe relying on intuition alone is not going to be a very good idea. Especially in the heat of the moment where you’re about to kiss that special someone or maybe walk them to their door - how can you possibly rely on intuition when you just might be going off of your own conscious interpretation of it? Well, on a long term note: developing an ability to understand both yourself and how your intuitive process works is going to help you in all areas of life in the long run. I would recommend reading my Introduction to Intuitive Social Analysis(ISA) when you get a chance, which describes how we can use our complex intuitive process to get information about people we never even dreamed possible. One person who is astonishingly good with interpreting their intuition is my friend Alex, who determined that my girlfriend owned a dog just by looking at a picture of her standing in the middle of a yard. Consciously, the whole thing seems ludicrous, but subconsciously - there’s more that we understand than we can possibly understand.

Having said that, sometimes your own interpretation is totally spot on. When I’m close to a girl and she is looking at me a certain way, I’ve come to know from experience what particular gazes and looks probably mean. For example, one day at work a girl was smiling a very particular sort of smile I had rarely seen from her before and staring directly into my eyes with a soft sort of stare. As you can probably guess from my trying to write about it: there’s only so many words that I can use to get you to imagine how I can just ‘recognize it,’ but like many of you I can promise I swear I know when I see it. Later on that same day after she had given me that look she told me she had feelings for me. Logically, the gaze could have been considered anything: she was thinking about an old joke or something. Intuitively, I understood: oh wow, she likes me!

The key to this whole thing called intuition is practice. Practice understanding it and with everything, not just what you think might be intuition, practice your ability at understanding your own reactions to your thoughts, both in the first instance you feel them as well as later when things may not quite be so obvious. Also try doing actual follow ups later on, asking the people you interacted with about the experience. I often like to ask girls I’ve ended up with later on: “Do you remember that day when we shook hands and you…” where experiences can then be validated. Once you can understand specific moments in which the two of you were both mutually experiencing the same thing you’ll come to understand those instances in the future that much easier.

Actual IOI, or indicator’s of interest, are often distinctly different between the two genders of male and female. For females, playing with their hair, fidgeting a little bit more than usual, laughing more than they normally would, and being more touchy-feely than they normally would are all signs that they are interested. If you have just one of those indicators, things are looking up. If you have any three of them happening simultaneously, chances are good - make the move! For males, I’ve seen these things differ from individual to individual, and from my own experience I think that males IOI’s can be more subtle. Initiating kinesthetics, or touching, is something that is universal among both genders, and so is the dilation of the pupils. If it is a sunny day outside and someone is looking at you with huge pupils - it means they take an affectionate view toward you.

Of course, I don’t want you panicking if it is truly bright outside and people’s pupils are tiny, they’re squinting just to try and keep their eyes protected from harsh light - sometimes it really is just too bright! But it is also true that when you’re in a situation that it should obviously be different, dilated pupils can be a clear cut, non-deniable physiological sign that someone fancies you. The reason the pupils dilate is to let in more light for a more vivid image. It’s the brain’s way of telling the body that it hungers for a closer, more vibrant image of this person. Fundamentally at virtually every possible level, it’s attraction at its best.

Another universal IOI between both genders is the adoption and assimilation of certain traits, be it mannerisms or just personality isms. If there is a certain way that you talk and your desired special someone starts imitating those movements and gestures, you’re also looking at a good sign. This is something human beings do when they like anything, and it’s more simply known as imitation. Even kids in elementary school will imitate people they find entertaining or likeable.

When it comes to kinesthetics, or touch, the key is escalation. If someone is already engaging in kino with you, this is a wonderful sign! It means that they are already comfortable being close to you and that moving to a higher level with it will probably be much easier because the initial efforts have already been made. Kinesthetics are the clearest, easiest way to determine how to proceed with the next move, or the big “first move.” You can start by doing compliance tests. I know that I have a deeper level of connection with a girl who will actually give me her hand when I request so than a girl who won’t, and I know I have an even deeper level of connection beyond that when a girl will then let me touch her hand a lot while holding it to illustrate a point. The more intimate they allow contact to be, the more likely you’re able to kiss them or touch them elsewhere!

Words of warning, though: this does not mean to go grabbing a girl’s boobs or something and see what happens. You also want to always keep in mind the context of whatever situation or setting you’re in! Do NOT do this while you’re in the workplace unless you’re already sure compliance can happen without negative consequences, or particular other settings. You have to use your own discretion on that one and not all of the work can be done for you in a simple article. Of course, it’s also important to keep in mind that the context shouldn’t necessarily always stop you either. If you find yourself making tons of excuses in your mind as to why you should not do certain things, and those excuses are endlessly showing up no matter what, you’ve problem got a new problem to deal with: shyness.

Going back to my previous example of touching hands - hands are perfect, because hands are completely neutral limbs of the body. If I were to touch her legs, I might run into trouble. If I were to touch her arms anywhere above the elbow, I might also be running into trouble. If were to touch her stomach, definitely her chest, her neck, or her face: these are all potentially bad areas. But hands are fair game in tons of different contexts, so you’re often safe to play with her hands when she will comply. All in all, the ending doorway that you’re attempting to get to, whether you’re male or female, is touch. The compliance of touch is paired with emotional compliance, and emotional compliance is the essential lifeblood of any romantic relationship when it’s shared between the two people involved.

When all is said and done, it is entirely possible that you could be miles away from reaching that point. If a guy or girl is blowing you off with statements like, “I’ve got to take care of my pet guinea pig,” or they repeatedly say things to their friends in your presence like, “I couldn’t possibly spend time with [your name here],” then you’re definitely in trouble, and it is giving you a very laid out status report of where you two stand socially. Still, a common fact usually holds true: watch the body language versus the verbal language. Most of the time, the body language of someone should override what it is that they’re saying to you. If a girl makes out with me and then tells me, “I’m not interested in you,” her statement, in and of itself, is not believable at all. On the other hand, if she is saying that there are definitely some other factors I’m probably going to want to consider and look into.

In a person’s body language and their verbal language are lined up in shunning you off - it’s time to move on. It really is that simple when it comes to those who are completely uninterested in you and there is nothing you can do to change that - the best choice you can make is to move on and walk away.

Hopefully I’ve given you some good information here and you will be better equipped in your future romantic adventures with that special someone! Discuss this thread further by leaving comments, or, if you’re a member of PDP, discuss this thread at Personal Development Partners.

The power of assertion goes far beyond simple necessity, however. When it comes to social situations of any kind, the individual who exudes self confidence over self insecurity will prevail, even influence others around him to follow his lead. During my time this recent college semester getting up in front of classes to speak on various topics, one of which was the topic of polyamory to my social psychology class, I have learned that being fearless is equivalent to being powerful.

For many of us, fear is the element that will often stop us in our tracks and determine whether or not we are going to succeed at something. Sometimes fear can make or break greatness. Sometimes fear can just stop that little bit extra that could have broke through the surface and allowed us to move to a whole other level. If I had been afraid to speak up on polyamory, I would not have gotten applause, or questions, and most importantly: I would not have made a difference on anyone’s mind in a room filled with over 25 people.

Think about that for a moment. If you walk through your life being shy, being shunned, and letting yourself step down from the stage every single time an opportunity strikes, how many lives will you not affect positively because of that? Whether you want to go with the whole Spider-Man philosophy of “with great power comes great responsibility” or not - you’ve got to admit that passing up opportunity to create positive change is definitely a waste of perfectly amazing potential. I bet I could sit down and within half an hour think of over a dozen different memories where I’ve made a positive difference on groups of people. Would I feel differently about life if I had not stepped up to the challenge?

This very blog can be an example of that. The amount of people who have come into contact with these articles is the equivalent of more than two or three small cities - over 75,000 people have read my writing. That means that I’ve had the opportunity to get my message, or at least part of it, across to that many people. Think about how many more times I might have the chance to speak up to classrooms filled with anywhere from 20 to 30 to maybe even 40 people. Over time, the numbers begin to add up, and the difference definitely becomes cumulative.

Think about the way that some ideas get spread, or the way that some people become famous. These things happen because of assertiveness and assertion itself, not because you’re sitting idly, watching the world go by. The only way a difference gets made is by people actually taking the time to make a difference.

But wait a minute, how does this apply to YOU?

I’ll tell you exactly how this applies to you, and everyone you know. You don’t have to leave a mark on thousands or even hundreds of people. Leaving an impression, or being assertive, with just a small group of people, is all you’ve got to do. Next time you find yourself in a situation where no one is introducing you, feel free to step up and take on the duty yourself. But remember, there is no need to be bitter. You are the one in control of your own destiny, and for that reason your choices must be made with a peaceful progression. If you are the assertive one among your friends, your friends will then look to you for guidance and follow your example. If you are the assertive one in a business setting your colleagues will do the same and often elect you to be in important positions which probably offer more benefits and rewards.

The main thing about being assertive is that it is not an overall attitude or lifestyle that fits everyone. Not everyone likes having the object of choice and decision put squarely in their lap. If you’re an ignorant or stupid person, you’re probably not going to want people to put you into positions of power and choice because of your assertiveness, because then you’re liable to screw it all up, aren’t you?

On the other hand, you have to have the confidence, the belief, and you must also expend the energy, the effort to understand thoroughly: you deserve the positions and the rewards that are gained from your being assertive. No one else can do that for you. The question to ask yourself is where do you want to be? Do you want to be on the lower end, sitting passively and allowing yourself to casually take part in a team activity where you’re simply another member of the team? Or do you want to be the head member of the team, in control of the resources, actively taking control of their own destiny and their own life?

The answer you have for me might just surprise me, because I think while most people will elect to be the one actively taking control and having access to the additional resources that come with assertiveness, many people do not have the courage to actually do so when the situation comes to pass. But perhaps we should also figure something else out: why do the assertive get access to more resources in virtually any social situation?

The answer is that the assertive are seen as knowledgeable, and the knowledgeable are seen as leaders. With assertiveness comes the image of experience, and a persona of leadership. To become assertive is to declare yourself, without having to directly say so, that you are a leader, not a follower, and that those who wish to accept you will have to do so under your own terms. It’s funny, but by communicating such things by simply being those things, people will almost never attempt to oppose you in that particular kind of position. The power of a group to influence an individual might be frightening, but perhaps more frightening to me is the power of an individual to influence a group by their own confidence and assertiveness in creating their own non-worded declared form of leadership.

We should not let ourselves get caught up in the terminology. In my Introduction to Social Psychology class the other day I noticed a lot of people were talking about a number of different mental disorders as though they were actual medical conditions. Granted, some of them are and some of them result from “biochemical imbalances,” but it is important to remember the underlying governing rule of subjective reality and on that note, fully subjective perspective. Anyone’s mode of thinking is going to dramatically affect them to be in either an unhealthy or healthy state.

‘Depression’ or ‘bipolar disorder’ are diagnoses. They are not defining columns of principle to identify a person. The same applies to anything else, be it schizophrenia, alcoholism, or attention deficit disorder. All of these words and phrases are terminology to label sets of characteristics, they are not all you need to medicate anyone or solve any particular problem.

Having said that, let’s think about another fact: parts of our brain influence our thinking based on the size of certain regions, as well as the blood flow to those individual regions. Brain scans are not going to tell us everything there is to know about a solution to a mental or neurological problem, but they have told us where certain problems are taking place within the brain. Serial killers have been shown to have different levels of blood flow to certain regions of the brain than those who are more peaceful and compassionate.

Blood flow and electrical activity are not everything; they have also found that the size of a brain can make a difference. For example, while there was nothing particularly different with Albert Einstein’s brain at a fundamental level, they did notice that his frontal lobes were slightly enlarged. This could have possible allowed a slightly higher than average excess of conscious activity to be processed simultaneously. Research in gender identification has revealed that a certain portion of the brain’s size appears to make people act more feminine or masculine, as well as identify themselves inherently as male or female.

Through evolution we know that we’ve come to be a certain version of ourselves that has remained constant for what they believe to be around 220,000 years. That is, approximately 220,000 years has passed by since the last version of homo sapiens, whomever our evolutionary ancestor may be. If different regions of the brain can form different sizes and function in different ways through evolution, then it’s a logical assumption: wouldn’t that be the thing that, after millions of years of evolution, has come to completely govern our thinking?

I believe the answer is no, because of the vast influence for human beings to mentally adapt and change. It has also been proven that if you put certain people in certain situations that the “power of the situation” will completely overwhelm their pre-existing sense of self and they will act accordingly. They say this is one of the ways in which Nazi Germany seemingly brainwashed much of its military populace. We’re just soldiers and we’re just following orders, we do not control this. The fact of the matter was that they did control it by their own personal actions. The only way a guy like Adolf Hitler can ever gain power and kill millions of people is if someone actually lets him do it via orders.

But soldiers at that time were performing a role, and most did not even realize how insanely violent they were actually being, or have the capacity to develop empathy for the “undesirables” they were getting rid of. On the other hand, rare individuals can override the situation by using their own philosophies and personal beliefs. One of the most signature examples of this is the Stanford Prison Experiment.

The fact remains. Everyone has a choice. And while we can prove that we can condition and train ourselves to be absolutely terrible creatures we have also proven that we can condition ourselves to do better. Athletes can visualize themselves doing better at their sport and then make it so. Students can gain confidence on tests and study using a variety of methods and increase their score. We know that we can all work on every single aspect. All it takes is learning, not some sort of passive evolution we have no control over.

Everything will remain here, and since the site pays for itself(and then some), I will enjoy keeping it here as a resource for others to gain benefit from. This past year was a very long year for me, and after writing over 100 new articles, selling hundreds of items through Dirty Mechanism, releasing a small new book, talking with dozens upon dozens of people through e-mails and helping them with their issues I am thoroughly exhausted with this blog. The creative spark and enormous energy that had first started my writing for this blog has now largely passed, and with it comes new energies to devote to other projects. This site has now made its mark by having its content read by over 75,000 readers and still counting. This isn’t saying much in comparison with some other bloggers out there - but it is something I can certainly be proud of on an individual basis.

As much as I love writing and as much as many others tell me what a prolific writer I am, I no longer feel like writing is wholly where I belong. Instead, I feel as though I belong with people on much more of an individual basis, able to connect with others on a more success based basis. Having said that, I want to start speaking, filming, designing, creating, and really getting my word out. I’m thinking of starting another blog site in the near future to help generate some extra cash and once again put smiles on other people’s faces, but we’ll see what happens.

To be clear, Scott Free Thinking is not actually getting shut down. Instead, SFT is simply going to be slowed down. I will not be releasing articles as much. Instead, I’ll be focusing on making a stride to have SFT be the “home base” to some of my new books and info products that I’ll be coming out with over the course of the next year or two. I’m not done with the articles, though, by no means! With recent events in my life, I have to say that the overall content of the articles is now going to change, however. SFT is now take a slightly different direction.

Recently something very important happened to me. The location is kind of irrelevant to the scope of the event itself, and unfortunately I can’t fully describe all of the details, but I faced, sitting right in the driver’s seat of my car, a huge shove through my own mental resistances. It’s odd. When I think about my life and all that I have in it, it usually makes me grin a huge smile these days, and I can’t help but feel like though I haven’t accomplished all of my dreams, there’s a large portion of them that are constantly becoming true all the time. Progress has happened, and sometimes I even feel like I’ve had all the “progress” I could ever need. Even with all that I currently have - my money, my clothing designs, my readers, my loved ones… I am still learning, still growing. I’ll always be learning, always be growing.

There is nothing about personal development that ever stops. Becoming a better person and better understanding your inner soul is something that becomes an endless endeavor. With everything that I have pushed through now, I know that I am one of the great explorers of the human soul. And what a marvelous place it is to explore. A great explorer, a soldier, a struggling rookie. Much of those feelings never seem to go away, but I look back at the feelings and events of years passed and realize how far I have actually come. What a long way, and my how it went by in a wink.

One interesting thing about this book is the fact that I intend to expand upon it greatly over time; this is only the first edition in a long line of releases for this book that will simply add more and more as time goes on. For its current price of $27, you can choose to sign up for the newsletter to receive updates and with that you will get each new edition that is released afterward free.

Principles of Social Attraction dives into the three core areas of social context, empowering you to take control and move the direction of any social situation, no matter with who and no matter where.

So far, the concepts of this book have definitely been life changing for me. On the official website, I describe just a bit of the story of how I came to alter my entire experience during my early high school years. High school definitely seems like a time when you sort of define how it is you are going to interact with people for the rest of your life. By that time, you have kind of figured out what manners and mannerisms you’re going to use, much of your character and personality has become well developed, and you’re probably finally about to set into the identity that you’ll hold for the majority of your lifetime.

For those of you who are frequent visitors here on Scott Free Thinking, I think you’ll absolutely love this book. It has everything that I know about personal development applied to a very specific area, ready for you to apply within the first day of reading the book. Those who have purchased the book also get to work with me personally in developing their experiences.

In this podcast I talk about:

• Why Taking the Leap is Something You’ll Want to Have
• Human potential - we do not have limits
• Learn how to learn
• The importance of philosophy. Why are the intellectuals not understood in modern society?
• Beyond the Law of Attraction - get more right now by learning practical techniques and how to go about inspired action.

Download: Click Here
Size: 8.35MB
Length: 8 mins, 54 secs

For so long, and in so many ways has the concept of ‘genius’ fascinated the average population and majority of mankind. The thing that we always ask ourselves about these talented individuals, is how do they pull off these things that they do seemingly effortlessly? It seems incredible to many of us when they seem to see things that no one else can see.

The key, some say, and some theorize is in symbolic and visual thinking. According to something I discovered in an amazingly fascinating book called The Gift of Dyslexia, is that visual thinking seems to surpass verbal thinking, hearing the words which translate to definition in your mind, and make up the base foundation of our thought. Without visual thinking, we’d be cruising along at what could seem to be nothing, because our subconscious often times relies off of its incredible power of visuals, rather than verbal thought.

Verbal thought, which is often times considered to be what goes on during an average reading speed, of around 200-250WPM for most people, is when we take words, and take punctuation, our known rules of grammar, then we can more or less often times relate it back to our also worded out, verbal definition, which then translates into what we often times associate with images that create the known verbal definition. So, the question we come back to after thinking about these two little short concepts is, is it really a way of thinking that creates it?

If not the way of thinking, or the astounding time spent on ability to link conscious and subconscious intellect with each other to create an astounding ’superintellect,’ then how would it be anything such as genetic superiority?

Books that study things like the subject of neuro-linguistic programming, studies on Psychology in general, and even books that go as specific as the topic of genius itself often times point out time and time again that the brains of these previously labeled ‘geniuses’ who were believed to have some sort of rare genetic advantage in using their brain efficiently, were later found during studies to have no visible difference when compared to an average human brain. Albert Einstein, probably the world’s best known genius in particular, had his brain examined after death. Indeed, it was completely normal when compared to a normal human brain.

Once you’ve looked at these two concepts, and obviously I’m wanting to lean on not only the closer-to-proven path of it being a normal brained thing, but also the more optimistic one that we can all become known as ‘genius.’ So then, the next thing we have to ask ourselves about Einstein, Da Vinci, or hell if you even want to head into the direction of Van Gogh being an artistic genius, then what is it that is so different about their way of thinking than ours?

Well, obviously, we come to a few pointers here. Think about yourself. Most people would not consider themselves to be geniuses, or even close to that. In fact, most people despise using their conscious abilities that they’ve basically become conditioned to go on somewhat of what you may call an ‘autopilot’ state where their teachings about being a “good” child during childhood have pretty much ruled their life, causing them to respond & react almost automatically to their environment, their authorities, and even themselves without question. Myself, I’m a firm believer in asking questions about everything. Because I mean, if you don’t ask questions, then how the heck do you expect to get the answers?

Genius is made through having answers, and you get answers through asking questions. I know what you’re likely thinking now, though, “Oh well, just how are you supposed to get all these kinds of answers that these guys have gotten just by deciding to ask questions? What if you don’t get the answers?! How do I know I’m asking the right questions?! Would you call YOURSELF a genius?!”

I’d say that on some levels I call myself a genius, and on other levels, that’s all up to my current conscious intention. You’re probably right in your thoughts about a lot of things, of course, though. It’s not just about asking questions. Obviously, there’s got to be more to it than that! Now, as many of you know, I’m a huge fan of Learning Strategies Corporation, Win Wenger, and other people out there involved with researching the realm of genius, and the process of accelerative learning. Both LSC, and Win Wenger claim to have technologies, and applications that they’ve designed, or at least have adopted and assembled that can help you enter what many would call the world of a genius. Just how close to some of these experts come, though?

When we think about Einstein, and how this guy failed high school, then later came up with everything he did regarding physics, it’s almost impossible to believe that he could have done what he did. He was laughed at, mocked, but then somehow through all of the criticism and ridicule - Einstein emerged victorious with all the intelligence, and genius that perhaps he didn’t even know he had in him. In fact, the story of Einstein, and then relating it to all of the other ones in history who have been labeled genius - is remarkably nearly the same. Leonardo da Vinci had dyslexia, a so-called ‘learning disability.’ The most amazing thing about dyslexia, from what I’ve read is that the disorder is really not a disorder.

In fact, some of the most famous people today, even if they’re not labeled genius, have still been labeled often times with these learning disorders. Walt Disney, Whoopi Goldberg, Cher, and I hear even Thomas Edison all had dyslexia. I’ve also seen hundreds of kids my age who have been diagnosed with the supposed disorder known as ADD (attention deficit disorder), and ADHD (attention deficit hyperactive disorder). Both of these groups, I’ve seen do remarkable things. Maybe one thing that separates genius from ‘learning disability’ is the way we go about labeling and naming a certain way of thinking. It is altered from the normal state that many of us have chosen to have, and many times - before we’re even half a year old. So, you could say, that despite humans have been given free will, maybe our way of going about treating free will actually isn’t our free will! Imagine if something happened when you were a baby, and it happened because you made a choice, but somehow, you didn’t even know it!

Over at the National Foundation for Gifted Creative Children, they plan to strike back against the government for prescribing all of these medicines for simply other styles of learning. They have a list of what gifted creative children often are labeled with because of certain characteristics, and then you can also check out websites regarding ADD, and ADHD, and what those characteristics are. You’ll find that the two lists are remarkably similar.

Now, I could talk about the stories of famous, accomplished people who have gotten by with these so-called learning disorders for hours, but instead, I’ll talk about a kid I know named Chris. Chris has ADD. He has the worst sense of humor that I’ve seen from any kid, he’s annoying, he acts like he’s dumb, and he looks really goofy. Now, that’s what you can see. What you usually can’t see is how he probably plays guitar better than any other student in my school, does incredible paintings through methods that look like he’s just making a gigantic mess, and then once he really does want to concentrate, he’s smarter than I am - when he hasn’t even studied! Then, one day, he got put on Ritalin, the drug that is given to all of these kids who are usually diagnosed with ADD. Once he got on this drug, he lost all of his personality, he lost all of his happiness, but at the same time anger, and became basically blank. He could concentrate on anything he wanted of course, but then again - I believe he could have done that to begin with. In fact, that was the key. Most of these kids are just bored.

Think about Einstein. Did Einstein really not understand the material, or did Einstein have a hard time remembering it because it was dulled out, and irrelevant to him? Think about how much better you yourself can usually pay attention to things when you’re completely fascinated with them. Think about maybe a career that you wanted really badly as a child. Maybe you imagined growing up, and becoming an astronaut, or maybe you imagined growing up, and becoming a firefighter. Something really exciting, most of the time, right? Sometimes, you might find times when that was all you could think about, you couldn’t imagine doing anything but that! You’d dream, walk, think, talk, and live what you wanted to be as a little kid in fantasy and dream, but if anything like general arithmetic came along in your elementary school, who wanted to deal with THAT, right? Or even something that wasn’t useful to you in the future, like History class.

For an average person, the conscious mind can only concentrate on seven things at once. Then, their subconscious, the part of their brain that keeps their heart pumping 100,000 times a day without you thinking about it, can process 20,000 things at once! This can explain how these geniuses can go beyond what normal people often can, they have a way of tapping into that extra power that most of us somehow decide to leave dormant.

Is genius really so hard to believe? Is it really so amazing that you could hold the same power as they do? But hey…I don’t know, that’s just me. I could be wrong with my point. Food for thought maybe? Hrm…thought can get difficult though.

What sort of self esteem do you have? In class we received a handout that contained a list of all the different symptoms of individuals who have low self esteem, and as it turns out there is quite a few characteristics. See if any of these can be associated with you.

Symptoms and Signals of Low Self Esteem

• Dependency and need for approval from others
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Comparing yourself unfavorably to others
• Fear of speaking up for yourself
• Lack of confidence
• Unhappiness
• Feeling unworthy of love
• Inner feelings of incompleteness or emptiness
• Self doubt
• Self hatred
• Sense of shame
• Believing you’re not okay unless you’re in a relationship
• Feelings of insecurity and insignificance
• Violating your own values out of fear of what others think
• Too eager to please and follow others
• Tendency to focus on what’s lacking rather than what is
• Trivializing your skills, knowledge, gifts, and achievements
• Giving credit to others but not to yourself
• Giving more importance to other’s criticisms than to compliments
• Putting yourself down
• Low achievement
• Hostility towards others
• Feelings of apathy, helplessness, powerlessness and isolation

There are a few interesting items on this list that I would like to talk about. Low achievement, feelings of incompleteness or emptiness, and tendency to focus on what’s lacking rather than what is.

Those three things tie in directly with what we know to be the Law of Attraction, where like attracts like and all of the things that of course go with it. But that is not really my point. It comes back to a sort of question that involves the sort of “chicken or the egg” dilemma. If you have low levels of achievement in whatever it is you do, this list essentially says that you probably have low self esteem. If you feel empty, incomplete, or you’re upset about what you don’t have, then again - you’re likely to have low self esteem. If you are depressed, or vice versa, you are likely to have low self esteem.

The opposite might also be true however when these items are given an inverse. If you have low self esteem, you may have low achievement. If you have low self esteem, you may be focusing on what’s lacking rather than what is. Whatever the case when it comes to self esteem and success, it is important that all of these concepts can be flipped to mirror what you are currently accomplishing or setting out to achieve.

A very good friend of mine recently remarked that he considers himself a failure simply because he is not in school anymore. I tried to point out to him that not everyone who is successful went to college, and many of the greatest minds in history were not college educated. Entrepreneurs and brilliant people who get involved in their own independent marketing/selling projects and end up earning a huge amount of money are not always college educated. Resourcefulness and adaptability go far beyond what your academic degree dictates. This is a fact that I know not only should make him feel better, but it is a fact that I have researched extensively and I know to be true.

He replied to me, “Well it is all in the eye of the beholder. I’m the beholder and I consider myself a failure.”

You’ve got to be kidding me, I thought. All throughout any sort of struggles I have had, I have always fallen back to what I knew to be possible. Perhaps for some, it is easier to have a sort of undying faith in the future possibility for attaining any sort of greatness. In the back of my mind, I have always held out hope in my times of darkness. I have always had a lingering dream or desire that things will improve, and I think that when people start looking deep into themselves to understand that is about the same time that they can begin to improve their own self outlook.

Could this friend have low self esteem? Yes. In fact, he has even admitted so. The whole thing is a bit confusing, though. If someone has low self esteem, and they know it, are they not then empowered to do something about it?  Well, I’m not here to judge, but I know that when I imagine myself, I have always been empowered upon realizing my own feelings to then change them.

When you have high self esteem, you likely have high self confidence, and self confidence is highly important.  Have you ever met a business CEO who was highly anxious, not very confident, and uncertain about what to say to you, even from the start?  I know I haven’t!  A part of any successful person in the business world is that they are sure of what it is they’re saying, doing, and thinking.  Not only is this the way it is, this is definitely the way it should be, especially in the publicly held corporations.  I’m not talking about the guy who owns the fruit stand downtown or the snake oil salesman, I’m talking about the guys earning six figures who also have staggering levels of personal wealth.

Identity and how self esteem ties into that is so vitally important it can literally cause you to miss opportunities, give bad impressions, and disrupt situations that normally would go smoothly or that you would gain benefit from.  So whatever you do, feel good about you, it’s good for you!

Now, there are entire books written on the subject of social networking, even on a personal level. But lately, I’ve been spending a number of nights out late and having fun with friends. When I come back to sit down and write for the blog, I get to thinking about the mechanics of it all. And that is really what this is about. Do you want to have fun? Do you have a business situation that involves a particular group that may be your clientele, or potential clientele? This is the kind of methodology I have been examining. So, if your goal is to somehow work the networks of Hollywood to meet Tom Cruise in person or something like that, you’re looking in the wrong place. Otherwise, read on.

Some Words About a Little Thing Called Self Esteem

Your self esteem is probably the most important part of being “the man” in any given situation or in the middle of any social group. But being the top notch guy who is number one on everybody’s list should not be your goal. Due to the constant competitive nature of any group dynamic, this is something that simply will not happen. It is unrealistic to pursue the top position at all times, and, as I will also point out: not tactful either.

Instead, you should be making a goal to be in harmony with any group, but still be the one who is leading the direction of the whole process. Some people might wonder why it is so important to do this, and for me, I would say that the benefits of it are simply too great to ignore. Just remember this: a strong positive self direction will also equate to a strong positive group direction. If you feel good about yourself, feel good about what you’re doing, and you let that very energy show then you will find the group growing warmly attached to that.

Self esteem is also important in different situations in terms of holding your ground. To create true value, the real truth in doing so is that you must follow some of those philosophical ideas that the jocks in high school could never really get their hands on. Follow the golden rule to a large degree and treat others as you wish to be treated. Or to be more specific: do not be the cool guy(who is not really cool) and work together with other people to reject someone from the group for bad reasons.

Rejection, no matter if it is provoked or something that simply happens as a side effect of something somewhere, just sucks. In fact, I have even read that there was a study done where they did an MRI graphing on someone who was thinking about being rejected romantically and the same areas of the brain involved in physical pain were actually lighting up. That means that, quite literally, rejection hurts.

Whether you are talking about a group of three people or a group of twenty people, there is too strong a chance that someone in the group will later have the ability to diminish your value by pointing out your advocacy for singling out people and excluding them, or a variety of other bad scenarios. If you find that there is a group where rejection is the ‘cool thing’ do everyone a favor and you reject that group for being idiots. Hanging out with them will ultimately diminish your value.

All of that aside, it can be pretty frustrating that I even have to justify behaving in such a way as to show tolerance and acceptance to others, as morally it is kind of obvious. But just to be sure and just to reinforce the point here - it is maladaptive, or bad for you, to exclude anyone. Does this mean you have to give everyone an equal amount of attention or you always have to be giving them rewards? No, of course not, as this is not a natural thing to do anyway, nor would it probably even be possible.

Feel good about yourself, and take empathy with those around you. That is the first, fundamental step, about social group harmony.

“Working Your Way In”

Over time, I have learned many tricks and tools that allow me to basically appear out of the blue and work my way into a group. The thing is, not every group is going to be responsive to you, and that is okay. Not every group has things in common with you, and more importantly: you probably don’t have much of anything in common with them either. An important component to all of this is to always be thinking in terms of multiple perspectives - what are they thinking? In a one on one situation, another person might have all the same worries as you. In a group, the tendency is to protect the familiar and reject anything that may be different for fear of what it will do to the establishment, no matter how small the group.

Have you ever heard the quote from Shakespeare, “all of the world is a stage?” Well, it is really is quite true. Anywhere you go, whether you realize it or not, you are basically selling something. In the case of normal social groups and perhaps the situation of just going out for a good time, you are indeed selling yourself. The big goal, whether we are talking about romance or not, is to create attraction. If you are a fun person, other people who either consider themselves fun or people who just want to have fun are likely going to be attracted to you if you have created that perception with them.

I suppose a good hint I can give you is to simply take whatever the overall ‘vibe’ of the group is and then amplify it within yourself. If the volume is quiet, speak just a tiny bit loud. If the laughing is constant, be the person to laugh a little more hysterically, or, you could also go in the other direction and laugh a little less. Tweak your actions and options and see how the group responds. Everything you do in social interaction of any kind should always be thrown out in action, then watch from a neutral perspective to measure the results.

There are literally entire books written on the subject of “the approach” and most of it is all written in the scope of a romantic context. But the approach is very important; you want to follow the common rules of manners and etiquette, as well as use those to your advantage. If you approach a group of strangers and seem to get a positive response from one person but a negative response from another, take sides with the positive person as if you have known them forever and say something to the effect of, “so what’s their problem?” Carry on the conversation as if nothing off is happening at all, and you may be surprised how often you will land on your feet.

When it comes to getting to know new people, male or female, the whole idea is to be tactical. Use social tactics to counter their attempts at rejection or blow offs. Examine group dynamics, forget your self confidence and simply focus on what is happening and why. It is interesting to note that the day you forget your self confidence in order to pursue the mechanics of the situation is the same day your self confidence will increase naturally due to your increased success.

Don’t Burn Yourself Out

If you are like me, you are in big trouble if you like doing nights out and spending time with a large amount of people all the time. It gets tiring, and it gets tiring fast, because when you are spending a lot of energy on examining the small details, it is easy to burn yourself out. At the same time, I would recommend that you also do not simply be too lazy or idle about the entire situation either. If you are a shy person who is wanting to break themselves out of shyness, then you may want to start spending four nights a week out on the town meeting new people. Start making strong goals that push yourself, but do not overdo it to the point where your anxiety takes over and kills you. Of course, I know I probably don’t really have to say this, but it is a good idea to not let your social life get in the way of your work or school schedule (who am I, your mother?). Four nights a week is very strong, however, and after doing this for a consecutive month you may want to take a step back and do about two or three nights a week instead.