Scott's Thotts

The Bad Buddhist

2012-11-28T10:18:00.001Z

Broken Buddhas
Originally uploaded by MarkandJuliah.

So it’s time for transformation, and drawing this blog to a close. I have decided instead to set up a page on my new website (embodiedtransformation.co.uk) to blog from and keep all my stuff together, so please check out badbuddhist.co.uk from now on and keep in touch.

So why the Bad Buddhist? Every time I mention what a Bad Buddhist I am (usually on my Facebook page) I get people telling me I’m not, or that there’s no such thing.

Actually, it’s a joke - a bit of an in joke with me and my beloved. So just like everyone else I fall down a lot in practice or in the ways I behave, and I find a way into that through the humour of emphasizing what a Bad Buddhist I am. And I want this new page to be for all the “Bad Buddhists” out there... those who try to live by the Buddha’s advice in some way, but constantly find “life” getting in the way of those ideals.... and realise it's not really such a big deal anyways.

I will keep this blog page open as an archive of all my previous ramblings, hope you’ve enjoyed them and that I continue to annoy/frustrate/irritate with my new page ;-)

Yoga Sex Scandal

2012-10-17T11:27:00.001Z

Storm Waves
Originally uploaded by Damon Bay.

I have become embroiled in (yet another) yoga sex scandal.

Well, when I say embroiled, let me begin with saying that I am not (and never have been) “the accused party.” My life is complicated enough without that kind of shit going on for sure. But this one has actually landed on my front door, and I feel it necessary to dip my toe in at the very least.

Why do I usually not get involved in the posturing that goes on over yoga sex scandals? Most of the time it’s because I have a life (i.e. better things to do with my time) and the kind of petty flame-fest moral judgement bullshit that follows a yoga teacher having consensual sex with a student utterly bores the shit out of me. I get the whole “position of trust” thing, really I do - I worked as a cop for 12 years, 5 of those in the CID investigating sexual crimes, and I think I have an insight into the boundaries of acceptable behaviour that many never will. Maybe I hang about with too many Tantrika-s, but most times I read about “sex scandals” I find teacups full of whimpering storms that have no substance at all when you consider sex and relationship beyond the choking constricts of inauthentic Victorian values or phony Brahmacharin attitudes. They are usually just a forum for some people to feel morally superior at the expense of others.

Actually it’s often not the sex in the scandal that ruins careers and brings down entire Yoga empires overnight, it’s the lack of transparency and the deceit that goes with it. So perhaps a good way to stay clear of sex scandals is to be open and honest about relationships, avoid manipulating others and avoid doing anything that you feel a need to hide from the world (noting of course that this is very different from feeling the need to tell everyone about everything, and ordinary rights to privacy always apply).

But this case is different for me, for three main reasons. The first one is that it involves my former teacher, the biggest influence in my yoga teaching and a massive influence in my life to date, Kausthub Desikachar. Now I’m not talking about him being my teacher in the sense of those who love name-dropping on their website because they once went to a workshop by Shiva Rea or spent a few months in Mysore as an anonymous face that Sri K. Pattabhi Jois wouldn’t know apart from the guy selling coconuts in the street three crossroads away. I had a personal relationship with Kausthub, to the extent that I regarded him as a friend as well as my teacher.

As well as the Yoga side of studying in his Sanga in India from 2007 - 2009, sitting in hour after hour of lectures and lessons, and of helping arrange his trips to Scotland, I have dined with him and his family regularly, sat and chatted over tea in his home with him, received gifts and wedding invitations form his family, edited a book for him, even got up out of bed to go photographing along the coast of Tamil Nadu with him at 4am on a chilly Sunday morning. That said, I made the decision a couple of years ago to move on and find my way without him as a teacher, but not for any reason at all relevant to this situation. Still, I feel that I have insight into this situation and a right to speak my mind about the allegations i have heard to date.

The second main reason I am voicing my thoughts and feelings is the nature of the allegations. From the information I have seen so far, this is not one of those “yoga teacher has affair with student” type of allegations that is just a platform for whiney moralists to out their Victorian ethics and start quoting sutra-s and out-dated concepts they don’t even understand just so they can feel important/superior. From everything I’ve heard about this situation, from all the information I have about it, this particular scandal is about behaviour that amounts to actual physical sexual abuse which has led to serious criminal allegations and subsequent investigations by the police.

My bottom line with that is simple - no matter how good a friend you are or have been, if you have chosen to engage in non-consensual sexual activity then I totally, utterly, with every fibre of my being denounce what you have done.

There is no excuse, no justification at all from any valid authentic philosophy or approach to life that makes such behaviour acceptable. If what I’ve heard is true, and I have no reason to believe otherwise, then it is my unwavering position that what Kausthub has done is wrong and he deserves whatever is coming to him in terms of loss of all his privileges as a respected Yoga teacher and in terms of criminal prosecution. The most I can offer him in terms of compassion is that I hope, as someone who knows his brilliance as a teacher and witness of his potential beyond even what I have experienced of that, that he finds a way through whatever has led him to such deplorable actions and into some sort of clarity.

The final thing I feel a need to comment on (and it's a long one), is the knock-on effect through the Krishnamacharya tradition, and specifically a worrying email I received from a pathetic internet troll yesterday who anonymously forwarded me an email about this situation. To be clear, whoever you are at sunsalutations@hotmail.co.uk, let me call you out as a pathetic faceless coward. If you are driven to comment on this situation, you should do so with pride and your identity clear, otherwise you are just a rumour-monger and stirrer of shit. if you had something to say about the email you forwarded me, you should have engaged with me personally and at the very least told me why you were sending it to me.

Back to the email content itself - it claims to originate from a senior teacher in the Krishnamacharya tradition, R. Sriram. Unless it is a fake, and it doesn’t appear to be so, I find its content worrying, and surprising as I’ve only previously heard great things about Sriram.

While it may indeed be factually correct, I take issue with this message on a couple of counts. First, it actually provides details of some of the specific allegations that were made by the women making allegations against Kausthub. This is potentially illegal as it interferes with a defendant’s right to a fair trial. Every modern country has laws against the specifics of any case being made public in order to protect such rights - innocent until proven guilty in a court of law is the phrase. If the email forwarded anonymously to me was indeed sent by R. Sriram, he should be more wary, all it would take is for someone to send that email to the prosecuting authorities and he could find himself under investigation too for interfering in criminal process (never mind that it provides a basis for Kausthub to avoid prosecution on the grounds of inability to get a fair trial).

Legal dangers aside, some may argue it is necessary to protect others from further abuse, but from the broadcasts made about these allegations so far I think that enough has been done on that front without unproven specifics being released. It is well known that Kausthub has removed himself from his former position (or been removed, who knows) and the level of awareness of this scandal means, I am pretty certain, he will (quite rightly) never ever function as a Yoga Therapist or Teacher again. Despite what he has done, he still has the inalienable right to a fair trial in a court of law, and you cannot get that if case specifics are spread far and wide beforehand.

More worrying than that is the following part of the email, which disturbs me deeply as a former student at KHYF who has done nothing wrong whatsoever, has not committed any abuse or had any involvement in these allegations, and has actually never been taught by Kausthub in a manner that would lead to such abuse. I will quote directly from Sriram’s email so there is no confusion:

“We are called to advise people to boycott KHYF. I am in touch with several senior and long-time students of Sri Desikachar and active members of KYM and have taken their support in writing this letter. In Chennai there is an honest attempt to shut all teachers of KHYF out of the doors of KYM, the centre started by Sri Desikachar. This is a right effort for people to reinvest their faith in his life-project KYM, which is a non-profit organization. If it succeeds in shutting out the influence of Kausthub, there will be an authentic forum for students all over the world to learn yoga as the way it was envisaged by him.”

This stance, I must strongly stand against - the former students of Kausthub Desikachar are not responsible for his actions. Those with whom I have been in contact since the allegations have all, to a person, denounced Kausthub’s behaviour. While I am no longer a member of the KHYF and any such efforts to exclude people based on their teacher’s actions would not affect me, it is simply, utterly totally 100% wrong to discriminate against one person based on the actions of another when they had no part whatsoever. The fact that several people within KYM and elsewhere agree with Sriram provides no authority whatsoever, this kind of discrimination is totally unacceptable in the modern world - just as the son is not held accountable for the actions of his father, no student should be treated differently just because his teacher acted badly.

I have no vested interest in this either way, but I have many dear friends who are KHYF teachers who are good people, honest caring people who do not deserve to be excluded wholesale on the basis of one man’s actions over which they had no control or influence. I would say that as an organisation the KHYF has no future, and much would be gained by dissolving that and moving forward in a different way. But closing doors to people on a wholesale basis is pure and simple discrimination - it wouldn’t be tolerated on the grounds of race or sex, so why should it be tolerated on the basis of having supported the KHYF’s (yogic) ideals? The ideals were not wrong, only the actions of one man.

I worry in fact that what is going on here is some level of political machination - now that the heir-apparent to the KYM dynasty has fallen the wolves are gathering to fight out who gets to be in charge. And the best way to improve your chances of being leader of the pack is to exclude the competition. Speculative I know, but I can see no other reason why apparently intelligent people would choose the extreme action of exclusion on the faulty basis of collective guilt. If there are KHYF teachers out there who feel that Kausthub’s actions and methods were acceptable, then there is certainly no place for them within Krishnamcharya’s tradition. I also feel there is no place for people lacking the intelligence to discern between two. You do not throw the baby out with the bathwater!

The KYM also need to consider the massive role that most of those teachers of the KHYF played in building their future. Some respect is needed for the fact that it was KHYF fundraising from tours outwith India that raised the money for the new KYM building. KYM is indeed a non-profit organisation, but it needs income to survive. It is also true that many of the leading KHYF teachers who arranged these fundraising tours are doing incredible groundbreaking work in the field of Yoga Therapy and deserve the support of KYM, not doors shut in their face.

All in all, I am actually glad to be out of this whole mess, I guess I am not really embroiled in it other than by choice. Yet I choose to voice my concerns because, despite leaving KHYF and KYM behind professionally, I care deeply about the people I know and also about what has been an amazing tradition. I’ll repeat again to make it clear - the apples formed by the poison tree in this case are not poisoned themselves.

I was personally never taught anything by Kausthub other than to take care of people who entrusted themselves to me as a Yoga teacher. The fact that he has chosen to act otherwise, that he has failed to practice the high standards of care he preached, that he (as an individual) has chosen to undertake criminal acts, is entirely his to own. From 2004 when I first studied with him until our last contact in August 2009, I have never seen such a level of behaviour from Kausthub in my presence, and would not have tolerated it if I had.

Perhaps those involved with KYM will take a step back and consider this, and breathe deeply before the fire that is burning up the KHYF also engulfs the KYM too, and then destroys the legacy of Krishnamacharya. Perhaps they are panicking after seeing what John Friend’s scandal did to the Anusara tradition, worried that the same will happen to KYM. I’m pretty certain Patanjali tells us not to act while unclear, and it doesn’t need to be that way just because one man got it drastically wrong. When you have cancer, you don’t cut off all the affected bodyparts willy-nilly, you skillfully cut away the tumour and only the tumour, so that the rest of the organism can heal.

At a personal level, I am deeply saddened by these events, far beyond what I am showing here. I hope that everyone affected can now begin to get the help they need and move on with as little suffering as possible. I desperately hope that this strong, useful Yoga tradition won’t go down the toilet, but I guess that depends on those who are still manning that ship. Best of luck to them, they will need it in the coming storm.

A Path from Suffering

2012-07-29T11:05:00.001Z

lead me to the light..
Originally uploaded by Ray Wise.

That gnawing feeling you get, that aching restlessness - the need to do things, to move on, to make life different - that is Suffering.

That's what you’ll hear referred to as duḥkha in Yoga and Buddhist circles, the underlying human condition that the Buddha referred to in the first of his Four Noble Truths. It is inherent in everyone’s life, whether you notice it or not. In fact, one of the real problems of being on an embodied spiritual path is that instead of being anaesthetised to suffering (as most folks are), instead of “feeling better”, there can be a really long phase where your embodied presence means you REALLY feel it like never before.

Times like this can be difficult and confusing. I mean, the aim of such paths is to reduce (or remove) suffering, and there you are apparently suffering more than those around you who aren’t putting in the effort that you are in your practice. (I do say “apparently” because it’s not really so, such people are suffering just as much, they’re just not so aware of it and therefore don’t have the impetus to move towards freedom). But there in the thick of it, in that clawing dark cloud of doubt it can feel quite lonely. It can feel like you’re the only person suffering in the world, and the suffering can take you over, it really can swallow you up at times.

Given that, what can we do?

Well we can turn outside and seek comfort. This is our normal pattern - we find something else to do, we distract ourselves, find something that will swamp the senses enough that we cannot feel that underlying current. We watch exciting TV, drink alcohol or take recreational drugs, have sex, take up a hobby... and these are just the less destructive things we do. We can also take out our frustrations on those who are closest, start an argument over nothing, skulk about huffing and puffing over how things aren’t going our way, spread the misery or make someone else’s life worse than us so we feel better. We find people, enablers, who can give us these things (drinking buddies to share oblivion with, mother/father-figures to console) and help us keep our habits in place. We become reliant on these external factors to meet our needs, to placate our suffering.

And that's ok, sometimes we need to rest in that. But in the long term it is better to learn to use our own resources, because we cannot always be sure to have these external resources to help us - and even if we could (an endless supply of heroin or alcohol, that special person with us 24/7/365) we grow immune to its effects, we need more and more and it satisfies us less and less, until we’re right back at the beginning again. This type of refuge is a false one, it may be a safe place to shelter for a while but eventually when the bigger storms hit it will be blown away.

So in what way can we find true refuge? If we think about it, we need something that is sustainable and ever-present. We need our true self, whole and fully functioning. What we really need is to learn how to adapt our own mental-emotional processes to better cope with situations, in a new way that is beyond our current habits. We can learn to go in, to make changes on the inside - to find compassion for ourselves and the difficulties of our suffering, learn how to nurture ourselves so that we don’t need to find solace in other people or external events or substances, discover the ways in which we can give love to the part of us that is suffering.

While the real solution lies in changing your inner world, getting help from someone else isn’t a problem in itself. It may be that the suffering seems too strong at that time to begin so directly - often people are wise enough to know that they need to make internal changes, but in the midst of such a battlefield it is an overwhelming thought that we need to find more strength, more courage, and simply do it for ourselves. So is there really no role for “other people” in this innermost path of transformation?

Of course there is a middle path to tread between total (excluding others) independence and absolute (helpless) dependence. By treading the line of interdependence with skill, we can definitely help each other. On that path we can receive compassion from other loving, caring beings in order to help us find that in ourselves. It is like being in a dark room and going outside to find the doorway in - once you've done that you know where the door is and can find it again. So although we need to do that hard work of changing habits “on our own,” it can be pretty destructive in the depths of our misery if someone we turn to says (however truthfully), "I can't do anything for you, you need to do this for yourself." It is just as useless for that person to play superhero and just let the suffering person become dependent on their caring.

So we need to be conscious when helping someone (or when seeking help for ourselves) out of suffering that we don’t let them drift into needy dependence - the truly caring thing to do is to let them rest a while, and then help them find that place of caring interdependence that leads them to wholeness again. It is with an attitude of, "Hey you're suffering, let me help you. Rest in my love a while and from that let me help you find a way in to love yourself."

That, I feel, is truly skillful means; that is compassion in action.

Pure as the Driven Snow

2012-07-22T12:24:00.001Z

Week 11/52: Pure snow, pure heart
Originally uploaded by ilovestrawberries (Carmi).

I hate purity.

In Yoga circles, and in wider “holistic” arena, you hear and read again and again about matters related to purity - purification practices, becoming pure, removing impurities, detoxifying... pure, pure, pure ad infinitum.

Sounds perfect, huh? And what could be wrong with that. If our bodies or minds (or spirits) have something impure in them, we want rid of that, right? I mean who wants to walk about knowing there are impurities - we really then should be doing something about it?

I’m not so sure I have a problem with purity in itself. Understanding the idea of purity, I have pondered how I would react if I met a “pure” being - I mean some sage-like person such as Ramana Maharshi or Amma or that ilk. To be honest I think that would be amazing and I’d feel blessed to have that experience, probably find it life-changing in so many ways.

But the idea of pursuing purification really noises me up. Why? Because it seems so judgemental, like someone has set a standard that we must attain, like there’s work to be done, like we are not perfect exactly as we are. People often use this attitude in order to sell you stuff. Look at the whole “Detox” industry of diet plans and vitamin sales.They are all trying to sell you something, an add-on to your life, and make their sale on the basis that you’re not “pure” enough as you are.

Let me give you a little insight that I have after so many years of study of this body and mind - your entire being is just one big detoxifier. That’s what every system in your body does, it detoxifies - your mind, your body, your spirit.

Okay, that’s a given, but we all need nutrients to keep us going and help the body too. And we do need to do things in our live, to take actions, that help this process rather than hindering it. So my reaction cannot be just the fact that people are selling stuff that may (or may not) help the process. Perhaps it is just an aversion to the “magic pill” idea that the advertising of these detox diets and purification practices push, that we do this and everything will be alright.

Part of the problem is that in many ways I have come to see purity as boring. The people who tend to engage in it do tend to be the “love and light and peace and happiness” (LALAPAH) brigade who desperately avoid the shadow and find everything in life to be happy-clappy. A lovely world of nice people and rainbows and unicorns does not sound so attractive to me. Maybe I dwell too much in the shadow realms, but that kind of “nice” attitude to life makes me want to hurl, it seems so deluded and ignorant of the fact that every light casts a shadow.

Closer to the truth, the idea of purity seems to gnaw on my sense that actually, underneath it all, everything IS alright anyway. An idea that is easy to write and say, much harder to experience and even more difficult to live! Note that I’m not saying we shouldn’t take action to make things better, but that we should start from a position of radical self-acceptance, and from the clarity of that stance we can make decisions and act.

You see the whole “purity” thing seems to me to be just another expression of a good friend of mine that I like to call “not-good-enough.” Or maybe that is just the way that most of us pursue it, as something to be “done”, use it as a stick to beat ourselves with. The idea that we need to make ourselves pure, perfect, just doesn’t sit well with me.

And yet I work in the transformational field, which (by definition) revolves around practices and teachings that undoubtedly aim to make changes - and if those changes are positive, then isn’t what I am doing really all about purity too? Here I would quickly say no - I am nothing to do with purity in any way. I couldn’t care less if you are pure or not. In fact I seem to really like “impure” people (and thoughts and deeds). I want your faults and your flaws, those skeletons hidden in your closet. I don't trust people who seem to have no shades lurking in their subconscious. Perhaps it is that the very idea of purity seems to me to be an external standard that is by and large irrelevant in life unless we want to have a measure against which to fail (or more often, against which to chastise others for failing and make ourselves feel better in the process).

So what kind of changes do I look towards in my practice? Still a concept, but I would say that I work towards, and would love to help others towards, a sense of wholeness. Wholeness is not perfect, it is not pure, it is just exactly what you are - it is all that you can be and all that you will ever be. It is an integration and acceptance of what we often see as fragmented and dissonant parts that make up our being. A sense or a feeling of wholeness is all we ever need. It is the knowing (not knowledge) that we are authentic, and that this unique being, despite also being composed of “the same rotting organic matter as everything else” has its place in this wonderful existence. It is a sense of belonging that comes from dropping away concepts of something to do or somewhere to go. This is a truly holistic approach.

So you can keep your purity and give me all your shadow, though I don’t think you’ll getting the best of that deal. I will take that shadow and eat it for breakfast, absorb it (along with its corresponding light) as part of my whole. Or at least I will try, because you see although I am good enough I am not quite perfect...

“Calling out to hungry hearts.
Everywhere through endless time.
You who wander you who thirst.
I offer you this heart of mine.
Calling all you hungry spirits.
Everywhere through endless time.
Calling all you hungry hearts
All the lost and left behind
Gather round and share this meal
Your joy and sorrow
I make it mine.”

The Gate of Sweet Nectar by Krishna Das

The Great Perfection

2012-07-18T09:49:00.001Z

Suicide Rainbow
Originally uploaded by ▲D A M R O W N E Y.

Perfection is an external ideal, a mental construct based on conditioning and excessively high (often impossible) expectations. It often involves concepts such as purity and moralistic judgements, leading to "purification practices" and striving to be "good enough." Perfection is not attainable.

Wholeness, on the other hand, is an internal matter. It is about reorganising what you already have, clarifying who you really are, into a space in which you can live comfortably, happily, without adding that extra dose of suffering. It involves more subtle practices such as sitting, watching, feeling your way into the body, breath and mind, to discover who you really are beneath the usual quagmire of neurotic thoughts and wild emotions. It takes hard work, harder actually than the externally focused work of perfection.

And it takes longer. But it is real, and it has solid ground underfoot. The bottom line is you will never be "perfect" but you can be whole.

In Tibetan Buddhism they refer to Dzogpa Chenpo, the Great Perfection. I feel one interpretation of this is that instead of the minor perfection we seek, there is a Greater view that shows us that simply by residing input true nature, our original state, things are perfect just as they are. Again this needs to be realised experientially, merely knowing the theory and agreeing with it just doesn't cut it.

So it's up to you what you want - minor "perfection" or the real, true perfection of wholeness. Choose well...

Business for Sale

2012-07-13T11:12:00.001Z

Cash Money
Originally uploaded by nathangibbs.

Over the past 6 years I have built up a self-employed sole trader business from scratch. I took the time and the risks, did the marketing work, built and maintained the website, brought in the customers, established goodwill and word of mouth, invested my savings and suffered the losses that come with any new business for the first few years. And I finally have a steady income-generating business that not only makes money, but has great growth potential for making more.

Thing is, I’m looking to move over to the other side of the country to move in with my girlfriend. So it is time for me to move on and start my business up afresh in a new location. Time to go through the cycle of risk and losses again - time to do the hard work of website building and search engine optimisation, finding business locations, building up a customer base and finally reaching the point of profit, all in the middle of a pretty horrible recession.

But since I have an existing business to sell, one that will make the new owner money right from the outset, I should be able to sell that business, right?

Well it would be correct in most any other circumstance other than selling a Yoga business. Reactions so far to my plans to sell up and move on have been interesting to say the least. And I offer this without judgement, largely because I can see why people in Yoga circles act this way, and there’s no real “blame.”

The general reaction seems to be that Yoga teachers are very interested in taking on existing classes, more than happy to slot right in and take the money every week - so long as it doesn’t cost them anything in return. There is an expectation in Yoga circles that when you take over someone’s class, they just give it to you. So my background efforts to sell on my Yoga business so far have been met with interest right up to the point here I mention the (very reasonable, unbelievably ridiculously small) amount I’m looking for in return.

So why is this?

Well, my first observation is that this is just the way things have been for a very long time in Yoga circles - so it's the habit, the "industry standard" way of doing things. Until this century turned, UK yoga teachers have mostly run classes on an amateur hobby basis - please note that I am here referring to how they run the business side, and not what goes on during the class. Most teachers have taught one or two classes a week, part-time whilst holding down another job or jobs that actually pay the rent. So if they move away they find someone to take over their classes as a duty to their loyal students (a consideration for me too, I wouldn’t want just anyone taking over my classes for sure) - but since they never thought of the classes as a business, they don’t consider taking any payment for the income-generating enterprise they built up over the years.

The next thing I see is that most Yoga teachers are not business-minded. Their work and life experience has given them a different viewpoint, so even if they get the calling to teach full-time, they are incapable of making the non-Yoga decisions of marketing and finance on a business basis that are so necessary to make a sustained income in this difficult arena. So when a decision comes to invest, it is often made on an erroneous basis (i.e. something other than profit), or with a short-term attitude of “that’s going to cost me money now” where a clear insight of “this is an investment now that will pay out in a sustainable way in the future”. This is why so many people, who are great Yoga teachers, fail in their endeavours to make a living from it.

Of course I’m not promoting heartless Gordon Gecko-style commercialism - there’s a balance point that can be reached with a grounded awareness of financial methodology. That’s a grandiose way of saying it’s possible to do the right thing without losing money hand over fist. You can keep your integrity, follow the Yama-s and Niyama-s AND earn enough money to make a living from Yoga. In fact consider this - if a class makes a financial loss, it is not sustainable (unless you’re very rich or have external funding), and so it will stop running, and any good that you could have done DURING the class cannot occur. Taking it further, if you get the financial mix right it can also allow you some space to give discounts or freebies to those who are less able to pay.

These experiences have got me thinking more broadly about Yoga and business, and ultimately, its relationship with money, which seems often to be an uncomfortable one. People often hark back to Yoga teachers in India who never charged money for their teachings, but as my teacher pointed out EVERY Yoga teacher throughout history has been supported by his students. In the past it was done by the student begging for his teacher, or by the support of rich patrons. It is simply that nowadays, as modern Yoga teachers in a modern world where begging and charity for Yoga causes are not supported, the means of students supporting their teacher, of showing the value of their efforts, is with their own hard-earned money.

Unfortunately the romanticism of a noble age where Yoga is “free” persists, and taints the onward evolution of Yoga for some. There is nothing wrong, nothing inherently “wrong” in an organisation or individual being well resourced, or in them charging their value in return for their services (and so many Yoga teachers under-value themselves and what they do). I think that by and large this has been overcome in places like the USA, and since we seem to follow them a few decades behind, hopefully this attitude is changing.

Actually I’m pretty sure it is changing, as we see places like England full of professionally run, well-equipped studios that are an amazing resource for professional teachers to do their work. And even in Scotland a number of brave souls have taken the risk to start up studios or to give over their lives to teaching Yoga as their main income. It’s often a hard path, not the glamorous life of the Bikram Choudry’s and Shiva Rea’s of this world when you’re scrubbing studio toilets or sitting for weeks facing a class of one person knowing that you don’t have enough money to pay the rent. (To be fair, I’m sure at some point Bikram and Shiva did the hard work too.) I take my hat off in salute to everyone in Scotland (and elsewhere) who journeys this way.

So I guess after this rambling (hopefully not ranting) I come to my point, and that is to remain aware of honouring the value of those Yoga teachers who take the risks. If you’re still reading, I realise I am probably preaching to the converted at this point, so forgive me for pointing out the obvious. But if not, I guess I would ask you to reflect on the way that the money you give your Yoga teacher is actually an honouring of what they have done to keep the Yoga tradition alive and evolving. It is only by continuing to honour them in this way that this thing we value so much, this Yoga of ours, can flourish and you have our thanks for doing so.

And for us who are teachers, please do not undervalue what you give. I remember when I first started teaching I physically refused to handle cash until my students had left the room, which was just plain silly. I still sometimes feel awkward asking for money when someone forgets to pay and are leaving class, or when someone asks how much I charge. We need to move beyond this and realise that money is an essential mechanism of sustaining Yoga classes, whether it is the money we receive from students or the money we pay to rent halls or invest in new classes in whatever way we need to. Every pound earned or paid is in the service of Yoga, of helping people, so we should be proud to do so.

PS Yoga business for sale in Ayrshire, Scotland - one careful honour, full karmic interior, finance terms available, just drop me an email via www.exploreyoga.co.uk ;-)

Initiation

2012-07-10T20:55:00.001Z

Darkness Calling
Originally uploaded by Midnight - digital.

And if I speak of sunlit spaces,
Open wilds with skies where seagulls soar
It is with less than one iota of the dark desire I feel
When gushing thoughts coagulate into a memory
Of lying in that ancient forest clearing where She dwells.

That shadow grove where perforated pinholes,
Flickering candle’s light,
Reveal our altar and each twisted stoney mask
Waiting in delight
In fervent desperate hope anticipates
Her boons, Her bliss, Her terrors all so sweet.

The clay cup tumbled on the floor,
One earthen amber drop drips bitter from its rim,
And retching glorious thunder weaves its way down to my gut,
Squirms fast through every channel of my soul,
Cascades through distant reaches of that lifeless corpse,
And, anxious, claws as if to burst and rend my skin apart.

Soft silence,
An eternal moment made of peace,
Then rushes up
Bright star explodes and fills the world,
Release!
To herald angels, devils,
Mara’s hordes descend,
Relentless yielding icy fire still swirling,
Heart and mind succumb,
Life's end.

Vast brilliant colours heard
And music seen,
Sensations fall as tastes of what will be
And scent of what has been,
A nature’s feast in deluge
Rainbow torrent trumpet’s roar,
Arms raised to shield,
No more I cry,
Too much,
No more,
No more.

Amidst accursed clamour sussurates Her song,
A mother’s warming presence, Her chant never wrong.
Say yes,
Her only comfort bids,
Say yes and yield,
Sound out your very heart,
Amen,
Take to the field,
And reap the harvest of your life
Make sharp that blade you wield.

Amidst those swathes we clear a murky lake,
And staring past our masquerade’s reflection tread so cautious,
Fearful and yet desperate to awake,
The slumbering giant who bears our True face as if it were his own,
And staring deep into those eyes remember
Everything,
Recall what we have always known.

The merest glimpse She shows and then the dawn
The forest clearing brightened with the morn
Our broken bodies scattered ‘cross the floor
Exhausted breath
And our life metamorphosised
Forever more.

A Gateway to Self Compassion

2012-07-03T09:42:00.001Z

Bodhisattva
Originally uploaded by h.koppdelaney.

Lately my focus has turned to Self Compassion, largely on account of my lack of it. I wouldn't say that I am driven, not a particularly ambitious person, but I do have an inner critic who is very much a perfectionist, and who likes to criticise both myself and others. I've been pretty sick of that for some time and looking for ways to change it.

Threats and force (mental of course) just don't work as it's like a Gollum-Smeagol situation - threatening or acting forcefully against a part of yourself is an action that perpetuates self-criticism. Even loving those parts doesn't seem to work, as their ingrained habits take advantage and persist.

I asked Annu what to do, and she showed me that I have very little compassion for myself, and that seems to be exactly what I need. And so I began to look into this interesting area, which has always struck me as gushy sentimental nonsense. Luckily I found the work of Tara Brach, which quickly showed me that it is not, it is in fact a sold, logical basis from which to live an authentic life.

And still it is difficult to change the habits of a lifetime. I've always wondered where my lack of compassion came from, where the source of my resulting (as I see it now) negative world view and my journeys through anxiety and depression. I've not had the trauma or difficulties that many experience through life, so it's been a puzzle.

So I asked the Universe to show me my gateway to compassion, and on Sunday night I had a "dream".

In this dream I was very anxious, like my daily anxiety levels ramped up a thousand times, feeling edgy in every fibre of my body. I sank deeper into that anxiety and began to look for its source, and suddenly became a 10-year old me, lying wrought with anxiety and worries over what the world would bring. I went back to the time I first realised death and started thinking of the future. I had so many questions, minor questions about things i didn't know how to do - how do taxes work, how do you learn all the stuff you need to know in life? There was much more to this time, but the element i had forgotten was this feeling that started then of me not knowing, not being good enough, not having what it takes to get by...

As I watched this ten-year old me suffer and writhe, I felt his confusion and fear, and a massive sense that nobody understood, that nobody could help. And with a smile I realised that I could help, so I reached out and held him, took him in my arms and told him that everything was going to be alright. I told him that he would learn these things gradually, that he didn't need to know them right now but they would come. I told him that he was enough, that he was good enough, and if he needed help or to know anything then just to ask me.

I've often wished I could travel back in time and tell myself how to do things, give myself advice. Of course I can't do that literally, but here is an amazing doorway to help those fragmented parts of my deep mind heal and move on - the ability to go back in my deep conscious, and rewrite history for the better. It's not delusion, it's not as if I actually think that happened historically. It's happening in my mind, a softening of embedded concepts that helps me to free up and open my way of approaching life.

This is my gateway to self compassion that opens up a path back to wholeness.

Light Blue Touchpaper

2012-04-01T15:03:00.001Z

#190-365 ~ LOVERBOY
Originally uploaded by Julian Holtom Photography.

My emotional reactivity has really been coming to the fore of late. It’s not very pleasant for many around me, and the closer you are the worse it is. It’s also not an enjoyable ride for me, and I’m sure those reading will realise I’m using understatement strongly here. And when I say “lately” I probably mean that I’ve been difficult to be around for the last 42 years or so.

I’m not seeing many looks of surprise from those who know me...

Working with these habits of reactivity is very tough territory, and to be honest I haven’t really made much impact on them. Very little has made much effect, though I have found sitting in Zazen helps. But it is such a long term practice in that way, I’d probably need another 42 years to make an impact. To be honest, while I accept that I am as I am, I also need to be making changes not only for my own sake but for those I love and care about.

So far I’ve not put in any directed, concerted effort to this specific area, apart from my Zazen practice. Sure, Yoga can help ease off the symptoms and relax, and probably has made some changes, but there’s still a strongly reactive undercurrent to my emotional life that leaves me in meltdown city all to often for sure.

So what to do about it? Acceptance is an important aspect, that’s for sure. After all without the basic recognition of where you are, and an acceptance that this is your starting point, how can you even begin to make strong positive changes? I think I got to that point today in talking with my beloved, an acceptance that this is the way I am and it is not very helpful. So I decided to change my emotional reactivity, set my intention and it was pretty amazing how quickly and how strongly I got help.

I put the phone down and turned to my desk to see a book I bought about 2 years ago, “Emotions Revealed” by psychologist Paul Ekman. I bought this out of interest in a TV series “Lie to Me” starring Tim Roth, which is about a “human lie detector’ and his work. The idea for the lead character is based on the work of Paul Ekman in researching human emotions and specially the use of micr-expressions to tell what emotions a person is experiencing. I bought it, and never got round to reading it but for some reason the other week I found it again and sat it out at my computer. Funny how things work, huh?

So I pick it up and start reading, having a look at the chapter on “Behaving Emotionally.” Now this is hardly a self-help book, it’s all about Dr. Ekman’s research, but he does go in to why we get emotional and how to change the impact our emotions have on our actions, so there was a lot to help. His key point is that we can do so only by getting ot know ourselves better.

He talks of emotional events having a “refractory period”, being a period of time during which we are caught up so deep in emotion that we cannot assimilate any information that contradicts it. So I get angry because I think someone is being disrespectful, but during the refractory period even if that person were to explain the valid reasons for their lateness it would be of no use. I have a lot of experience of this, a period where I just cannot listen to other people’s reasons and explanations (as it feels more like “excuses”). This is important to know as I often feel guilty when I get stuck in emotions then afterwards realise I was being “unreasonable” in not accepting valid explanations. I guess though an apology might still be in order in such circumstances.

He also speaks of the programs and scripts we have to deal with our emotions, some of which are closed (unable to be changed) and some open. The closed ones though he believes can be managed, and are usually found in animals (e.g. survival instincts). The open ones can be changed, albeit with a lot of hard work.

it is really great that his first step in changing emotions is attentiveness, a word he describes as being the same as mindfulness but he chooses not to use that word because of tis other associations. Dr. Ekman does say that he believes meditation practice can be a good way to improve attentiveness, but this can take a long time to take effect. He also states that reviewing emotional situations after they happened gives us great insight. He feels practice at attentiveness makes emotional control easier over time, but also points out that many external factors (e.g. intensity of experience, new emotional scripts, tiredness, physical pain, etc) can make it impossible to even be attentive in the first place. I guess we need a lot of compassion for ourselves (and others) in this respect.

He sees two ways to change our emotional behaviour once we have achieved attentiveness. First we can reappraise our response to those emotions, and if we find it was inappropriate we choose to change it. Second we can choose to interrupt the course even if we still feel it was appropriate in order to choose how we act. This leaves me a bit uncomfortable as I think one of my worries in this area would be repression, or even just becoming emotionally cold, so I need to think this one over for a bit. Still, I can see that what he is offering here is a framework for choice - that is, you can still choose to have an emotional response if that seems appropriate, or you can choose to go another route.

But how do we do this? It is very important to get to know your emotional triggers - the kind of events that set off one or another of our emotions - and the underlying causes of them. In his case he cites a feeling of abandonment by his mother died when he was 14 years old as a major trigger in his daily life. So anything that reminds him of this feeling of abandonment tends to trigger off strong emotions. Luckily he feels that these can be managed to some extent, both by anticipating situations in which they will arise and learning to deal with them when they arise without and prior preparation.

Also he looks at how we should consider what we know about the other people involved in the situation. If we know that someone doesn’t like telephones for example, we can take that into account in advance and not have such high expectations of them phoning. This is an area of work in itself, especially if you are an idealist/perfectionist and want everyone to go to the beat of your drum, but that’s another story.

As a tool for gaining knowledge about our emotions he recommends keeping an emotional diary, particularly journalling the times when we were very successful and very unsuccessful in managing our emotions.

So I am going to seriously read the rest of the book (that’s just gleaned form one chapter) and do some practice. I’ve avoided such approaches in the past as feeling too clinical and repressive, but I feel it is worth some effort. I’m sure I’ll let you know how that goes.

En·gage·ment

2012-03-18T11:42:00.001Z

She Came From Above
Originally uploaded by Ryan Brenizer.

en·gage [en-geyj] -gaged, -gag·ing.

1. to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons): He engaged her in conversation.

2. to secure for aid, employment, use, etc.; hire: to engage a worker; to engage a room.

3. to attract and hold fast: The novel engaged her attention and interest.

4. to attract or please: His good nature engages everyone.

5. to bind, as by pledge, promise, contract, or oath; make liable: He engaged himself to repay his debt within a month.

Isn't it interesting when you look into the real core meaning behind a word that has a common (and IMO lesser) meaning... being engaged with your partner in this sense is FAR more important to me than the watered down social ritual... It's really ALL about the attention!

I also like something David Whyte said about such engagement (attentional, not marital)... essentially that if you don't bring your ball out with you (i.e. your full attention), don't be surprised if the universe doesn't want to play with you.

Engage engage engage!

Emptying the Cup

2012-03-08T08:10:00.001Z

Overflow 107/365
Originally uploaded by Blue Square Thing.

Most of us know the story of the Zen master and the new student who comes to him loaded with ideas and concepts of how things will be. As the student talks and talks the Zen master pours tea into his cup... And keeps pouring and pouring... Eventually the student notices that the cup is overflowing and still the master keeps on pouring.

"What are you doing?!" he cries out. "That cup is full, it cannot take in any more."

The Zen master stops and looks at him.

"You are like this cup, filled up with all these things you think that you know. You have no room for the Truth until you empty your cup to receive it. Come back to me when you have emptied your cup."

This struck me very strongly today. I also see it so clearly now in others about me. We want something but are still (often desperately) clinging to the very thing that obstructs us getting what we want. We cannot fill our cup with tea while it still has water in it. Well we can, but what we get will be watered down and so very unsatisfactory.

I find myself at a real tipping point in my life. I have exactly what I want right in front of me. But in order to reach out and embrace it, I need to let go of everything I've been holding on to already. It is a scary place. There is comfort in having your hands full of something, even if it is the wrong thing, but this transition demands that I let go of my "stuff" and start from a place of emptiness.

It will take faith to do this - real pure faith. And I mean faith here, not "belief," as in knowing that things are this way or that way, that the outcome is certain. The outcome is uncertain. I may not get what I want. Somewhere in between letting go of the past and reaching out for the future I may stumble (or be pushed) and end up tumbling down.

This kind of faith cannot really be about reaching the point of "mission achieved". The faith I'm talking of is much broader, a wider sense of knowing that if you set your sights and take the courageous first step forward, life will take you exactly where you need to go. Maybe not to the destination you've set your sights upon -maybe to a land of heartbreak and disappointment instead of joy and fulfilment. But nonetheless you will find yourself exactly where you need to be.

And it all begins with a choice, with the decision to do just that. It all begins with your intention. You can choose not to do that and wallow in places like "not ready yet" or "don't believe it will work". You can dwell in the murky swamp of "that's not my experience in life" as I often do. And if you choose to do that then you will get exactly what you paid for - absolutely nothing of value. If you refuse to bring your ball to the Universe, don't be surprised when it doesn't want to play with you.

Funny thing is I know this. It's just a re-membering, a re-affirmation of a Truth already learned. But obviously I need reminding. And this to me is Tantra, having the faith to just immerse yourself in the new incarnation that life brings you every day, even if it means feeling vulnerable, afraid and uncertain for a while and having to put in hard, fiery emotional work to make the transformations and reincarnate in a different form. This is what I choose over stagnancy and fear.

Do you remember now too? Will you have the faith and courage to empty your cup and receive a new cup, to engage in its possibilities and see where it will take you? Dare to live that life, travel that journey, make those changes.

(Falling) To Pieces

2012-02-17T12:48:00.001Z

Day 349
Originally uploaded by Arjunaweeping.

That thing you want...

You know the one - just can't quite put your finger on it, but you know it's there, just out of reach. All your life you've had this feeling like inside of you there's a missing piece to your jigsaw. You feel that hole, that dark empty gap, and so long to fill it that the rest of your body aches.

So you look outside for the thing that will fill that hole... for a lover, a purpose, a god... for Love. And instead you find despair, for everything, no matter what you take in, no matter how you spin it, seems to slot perfectly into that crazy little jigsaw space.

Want to know why?

Truth is that all of these things can help you find it, but none of them are it. Because IT is inside of you. What you're looking for is inside of you, and has been all along. That is why nothing outside will satisfy you.

But it's an elusive piece, and you need to be very quiet and very patient to get a good hold on it. You need to be quiet and listen in closely, hear its tiny rattlings as it patters about in your deepest recesses. You need to be delicate as you reach out to it, if you grasp strongly it will slip through your fingers. Treat it like a cat, just focus in and set your intuition to receive it. As you wait it will come to you, and you can slide it gently into place in your life.

And it will stay for as long as you hold it gently, with loose reins. When they tighten, it will pop out again. But you know what to do, and as soon as you loosen up, open out, focus in, you can have it again.

It belongs to you. You are complete. There is nothing more you need.

The Stone Buddha

2012-02-03T09:45:00.001Z

Last light
Originally uploaded by nagillum.

Sometimes I feel lost
Like stumbling through a forest's dark
Trees packed tightly
Branches clutching at my flesh
And driving furious, running faster through the panic of no-way-out
Tired, relentless, on and on until
Exhaustion brings surrender
And I find my way into a clearing
Where sits a grey stone Buddha
Into which some Titan's hand has carved
My face.

Calm of breath I look around
And see the path that leads me
Deeper in.

Grounded

2012-01-18T16:45:00.001Z

Whirlpool take me to the Deeps below
Originally uploaded by onkel_wart (busy busy busy....).

Where were you when the ground fell away from where I stood?

Where were you as all my rigid constructions tumbled down around me?

Where were you my love?

Where?

I know exactly where you were.

Without a moment’s pause, you threw your body down beneath me.

You gave me solid ground,

Something to stand on,

Purchase to push up and grasp the nearest branch.

So now I reach back down,

Outstretch my arm,

Uncurl my fingers and take hold

And pull you clear.

With all my strength I haul you up to join me,

Back where you belong.

Remembrance

2012-01-16T22:37:00.001Z

Chiu (Jiu) Gonpa and Gang Rinpoche,Mt. Kailash,གངས་རིན་པོ་ཆེ།
Originally uploaded by reurinkjan.

Clutching clawing gripping wrenching rending thoughts,
And then She says,
Remember who you are!

Shiva on Kailash, the poison held fast in his throat.

Gatuama ‘neath the Bodhi Tree, Mara’s armies dead at his feet.

Jaguar through the jungle trees, Yage sounds and colours exploding all around.

Old Grey Wolf lies in his lair, the cubs playing, yawns and rests his head to nap.

I smile, clear and steady,
I remember.

I remember.

The Endless Well

2012-01-11T12:04:00.001Z

crying eye. blue highkey version
Originally uploaded by starush.

These tears that fall
flow heavy and salted
from an endless well.

So we can cry forever if we like
or
as pure Awareness dawns
we simply choose to...

Stop.

Turn around.

Move back into the Light.

Another endless well where we can drown
and drown
and drown again.

Temple Girl

2012-01-04T18:28:00.001Z

Diwali_18(BW)
Originally uploaded by Mukul Banerjee (www.mukulbanerjee.com).

Every night
Darkness falls
She wanders through the Temple halls

Lighting candles in every shrine
Each lit flame
Each soft foot step between
With more devotion than
In all the pomp and ceremony
In all the Sanskrit chants rehearsed and regurgitated
In all the mindless gestures and heartless rituals
Of the Brahmin priests.

Shiva watches with a smile
He knows
Who will sit by his side.

The Burning

2011-12-30T11:05:00.001Z

Flame Hair
Originally uploaded by nEoPOL.

Do not wish away the Burning from your life.

Without that fire, the dark numb cold will be your path.

Look closer, pay a deep attention to your searing flesh.

And there inside you will see,

This very flame,

In Truth,

A lover's soft caress across your Soul.

The Faces at Braga

2011-12-16T11:46:00.001Z

inner peace..
Originally uploaded by PNike.

In monastery darkness
by the light of one flashlight
the old shrine room waits in silence

While above the door
we see the terrible figure,
fierce eyes demanding, "Will you step through?"

And the old monk leads us,
bent back nudging blackness
prayer beads in the hand that beckons.

We light the butter lamps
and bow, eyes blinking in the
pungent smoke, look up without a word,

see faces in meditation,
a hundred faces carved above,
eye lines wrinkled in the hand held light.

Such love in solid wood!
Taken from the hillsides and carved in silence
they have the vibrant stillness of those who made them.

Engulfed by the past
they have been neglected, but through
smoke and darkness they are like the flowers

we have seen growing
through the dust of eroded slopes,
then slowly opening faces turned toward the mountain.

Carved in devotion
their eyes have softened through age
and their mouths curve through delight of the carver's hand.

If only our own faces
would allow the invisible carver's hand
to bring the deep grain of love to the surface.

If only we knew
as the carver knew, how the flaws
in the wood led his searching chisel to the very core,

we would smile, too
and not need faces immobilized
by fear and the weight of things undone.

When we fight with our failing
we ignore the entrance to the shrine itself
and wrestle with the guardian, fierce figure on the side of good.

And as we fight
our eyes are hooded with grief
and our mouths are dry with pain.

If only we could give ourselves
to the blows of the carver's hands,
the lines in our faces would be the trace lines of rivers

feeding the sea
where voices meet, praising the features
of the mountain and the cloud and the sky.

Our faces would fall away
until we, growing younger toward death
every day, would gather all our flaws in celebration

to merge with them perfectly,
impossibly, wedded to our essence,
full of silence from the carver's hands.

David Whyte, Where Many Rivers Meet

UnChained

2011-12-03T10:59:00.001Z

Chains
Originally uploaded by Shay B. Malden.

Breaking free is hard
So tough
It almost breaks us
Until one day
You realise the Truth
That there is Nothing
Nobody
No Place
To break free from...

Just to remember
Who in Truth you really are
Is all you need...

Like Gathering Storm

2011-11-23T14:07:00.001Z

Paige Melanson at Healing Hands Massage in Seoul
Originally uploaded by Buddha baby.

After many years in and around the "spiritual/holistic zone" in Ayrshire, I have come to a definite conclusion – there is no such thing. There is no strong network or community of like-minded souls in this neck of the woods at all. Go to Edinburgh or Glasgow and you’ll see regular events hosted locally with people really putting effort into maintaining communities and groups and working hard to keep them going. (That’s not to say Ayrshire folks aren’t doing so, it’s just we seem to need to go to Glasgow in order to find a crowd with similar drive and interests).

I realised this 2 years ago, and wanted to do something about it. So I got to work and opened StillPoint Holistic Therapy Centre, hoping that would be a focal point for spiritual and holistic practitioners in Ayrshire to work from in developing what should be a thriving community.
To be blunt, despite all my hard work, that really hasn’t gone so well. The current recession has been part of the problem, but even more so I have found the problem lies in the therapists and teachers who say they want to work as teachers or healers in their chosen modalities but then either lack the business skills or simply don’t put in enough effort to make their businesses work.

So what’s the solution? Well, first option is to give up and let it evolve on its own (if ever). I have seriously considered this, but I’m not the giving up type.

So maybe a change of tactics is required. So far I have tried to let people come together and do their own thing, but then they tend to just wander off aimlessly still doing their own thing. Perhaps this little flotilla of therapists and teachers needs an Admiral to give direction and turn them into a fleet.

Am I that Admiral? Well I really hate the egotistical way that it may sound, but let’s have a look at how it lies objectively. First, I have a big boat – I have almost unfettered access to a venue that we can use to get our efforts together for either zero or (preferably) minimal cost. To clarify that situation, it costs me a fortune to run the Centre and I do have costs, but I am looking to create a community here and so long as that’s happening I can do all this without looking to be earning full business rates.

Second, I survived working full-time as a yoga teacher for over 5 years in Ayrshire. That’s no mean feat, it wasn’t easy. It still amazes me that people ignore the advice I give them to help them with their business – I’m no Donald Trump but the advice I give isn’t complicated – little gems like getting a website or using PayPal buttons are very simple to do, take little time, and bring clients in. So I know I can be of help to people in their own businesses and in creating a community that will bring clients to us all.

On the downside, we need to consider what I can’t do. I cannot do it all. I don’t have time to do this on my own. I probably don’t have the energy either. I need the help of other like-minded people with the drive to succeed. Open-minded and open-hearted people who want to create something for Ayrshire that is beyond our lesser selves.

So I am asking those of you who live in and around Ayrshire, are you up to that? Are you up to the challenge? Will you stand with me and try to create something good for our area?

Join in with these efforts on the Facebook page for the Ayrshire Holistic Community or email me at scott@exploreyoga.co.uk, but only if you are a do-er rather than a dream-er <3

Come Up Smelling of Roses

2011-11-10T23:33:00.001Z

Vinayagar Chaturthi Helps Us Realize The Unity Of All Life. It Teaches Us To Drop Off Our Ego-Centric, Individualism For God-Centered Universalism.
Originally uploaded by JourneyToNoWhere.

"Just as the trunk of an ordinary tree
Lying in the forests of the Malaya mountains
Absorbs the perfume of sandal from the moist leaves and branches,
So you come to resemble whomever you follow."
Patrul Rinpoche

I have had a difficult decision on my mind for a couple of years now (one among many). I read this quote this morning and it has clarified matters for me. If I don't get up and move on I will begin to smell of sandalwood too. It is time to leave the forest...

PS I actually like the smell of sandalwood, this is purely metaphorical ;-)

Virtual Duality

2011-11-04T23:50:00.001Z

tango_underwater_4
Originally uploaded by theoryofcolour.

Soft satin brushing lips made moist
The salty darkness in between
Entwined
And tumbling
Tumbling
Deeper down we glide
In joy
Immersed.

This Sacred writhing
Wrapped and so enrapt
Fierce eyes that penetrate the watery gloom
To pierce two hearts with one thin sacred cord,
To cloak our naked bodies in the black of the abyss,
And share each moment’s spacious Siren song.

Yet there within each note, each word, each haunting melody
We hear the Truth
That all the glory of this Union made of Two
Serves only to remind us to gaze inwards and pursue
The Union made of One
And One alone.

A letter to my self

2011-10-28T09:02:00.001Z

Be More Human / Mehr Mensch Sein
Originally uploaded by an untrained eye.

Dear Scott

I am writing this to me as a reminder of something that I have just learned.

I am writing it after a very intense meltdown where I let mind stuff wreak havoc in my life when there was nothing actually wrong. I am writing in full knowledge that this will probably happen again, and that I will at that time be totally unable to remember these lessons, and will create more wreckage as I do so. I am writing this in the hope that at such times I will read this letter, or be prompted by those dear to me to read it when the you or I realise I am back there again. I am writing in the hope that when Ire-visit these lessons it will short-cut my process and limit the suffering I cause to others and to my self.

You are caught up in a big maelstrom of thoughts right now. Thoughts have no substance, and they do not equate to reality, not matter how real they may seem. They may have some truth in them, but they are not “The Truth” no matter how powerful they may seem. That in itself does not help, but it is a good starting point to bring clear, conscious awareness to this delusion you are immersed in right now.

Other people have their own delusions, and you may end up in a huge reactive cycle based upon this interplay between conflicting viewpoints. They are not wrong, but neither are you. It is just a viewpoint, like when one person views the moon with the naked eye and another looks at it through a telescope. They see different things. These views can conflict, and there is no resolution to that discord. But you can choose not to enter into such a downward spiral with them. It really is a good idea to step away from it and find some space. You don’t need to give up your viewpoint or give in as you do it. Just make the clear conscious choice to stop feeding the destructive interaction between you and them, and find some clarity.

Not easy, by the way. Very, very difficult. But you are strong. And beautiful, and intelligent and all those things you sometimes worry you are not. You will survive, in fact if you make choices with clarity and not the befuddled mind you have right now, you will transform the situation and prosper – be stronger, wiser and more clear than before. This is a choice you make and then you do it.

How do you do it? Well first of all, don’t look for ways to do it outside of yourself. You must look in. Find the fear and suffering that is plaguing you, the doubts, and face them head on. Do deeper in. Only that way can you come through the other side. Don’t be afraid. These are thoughts, they have no substance and they have no power over you. You just sometimes forget that, in fact, it is you who has power over them! But now you remember, and so now you can return to being their master and not their slave.

Take some time and sit. Alone, still, be quiet and go in. Take the suffering and pain and let it burn you. These are just emotions and they will pass. When they do, there will be no damage and the suffering will be gone. IT IS NOT REAL!

Now in the time you have been going through this process before you found your way back in, you may have let your suffering out and inflicted it upon other people. How they react to that is not really your problem, but show some compassion and take responsibility for your part in being the stimulus to their own suffering. Be open and express what you were going through to the other person. Let your vulnerability shine out and take whatever they throw back at you, open-hearted, and help them to see past their own suffering.

You have done some damage and while it may not even be able to be repaired, you can at least express regret at the effects of what you did – even though you know you had to go through that process, you can acknowledge that you didn’t mean to harm anyone. You can tell them how you have evolved and how you will be making efforts not to do the same again. You can help them to evolve into forgiving you. Anyone who cannot, who closes down to you, well that is not your fault. Just keep loving them the way you do and see what happens.

It is time to move onwards and evolve. If you have any lingering feelings of being done wrong to, then choose forgiveness for that person. Make it a choice not to have whatever slight you feel they incurred bother you at any moment for the rest of your life. Let go of the negative stuff, this is renunciation – we don’t need to renounce the good stuff, but it really helps to renounce the stuff that is hurtful and causes more damage in our lives.

You are not perfect. You will make mistakes, you may even make this one again. You deserve forgiveness and a chance to grow. Be strong and hold out for that, at the same time letting go of any worries or fears about what might happen.
Just let it go!

So that’s it really. Go inside, suffer your way to clarity, sort out any damage you have done and let go of any negative feelings over what happened in this petty (in the grand scheme of things) meltdown. Forgive and leave space to be forgiven.

You are actually amazing. You have changed so much from this, and will evolve even more to become such a wonderful, compassionate being who can help others. Never forget it.

All my love,

Scott

I am NOT a Yogi

2011-10-19T21:58:00.001Z

the ice musician
Originally uploaded by aziouezmazouz.

I am a Yogi.
I am not a Yogi.
I am a both a Yogi and a not-Yogi.
I am neither a Yogi nor a not-Yogi.

At the point where you can reconcile these four statements and hold them all equally valid at the same time without contradiction, experientially and not intellectually (because they cannot be resolved intellectually)... THAT is realisation.