{scraps of jacki's life}

Once upon a time, in a place far, far away, in a country at the southern tip of Africa...

2011-09-29T16:56:53+02:00

The room is huge. It is noisy. It is filled with lots of people. They are all a-twitter: debating, arguing, and sharing information, all in short bursts. They are following each other. The decor is sparse. The rules are simple.

Many guests are scoffing at the social in the much bigger room next door. In that blue room, people are liking each other’s Faces and harvesting virtual crops. There, they say, the news is old, the conversations are mundane, and the guests complain every time the decor changes. In our room, they say, people are more real. More interesting. More fun.

In the corner of the room, is a radio booth. On duty tonight are @DJFreshSA, @Anele, @F1sasha and @GarethCliff. A huge crowd is gathered around them, repeating everything they say. On the other end of the room is another radio booth. There @MarkPilgrimZA, @BaileySchneider, @PabiMoloi and @samcowen are chatting. @WhackheadS pops up occasionally, nobody has told him his mike is off.

The southern part of the room is the busiest. There they all stand in the shadow of a huge table. There is a lot of alcohol, and some whisps of smoke. @SamWilson1 is partying, @Tertia is working on her laptop, and @MvelaseP, @helenzille and @ianollis are talking politics. But not with each other. @dorothyblack is talking about sex. @ettiennebeneke is surfing. @SquidSquirt and @kambabe are talking to each other.

In the tech zone, @shapshak, @AkiAnastasiou, @paulscott56, @walterpike, @art2gee and @simondingle are comparing gadgets, codes and websites. Nobody understands a word that they are saying, but everybody nods, intrigued.

Wait, who is that, on the couch in the centre of the room? Why, it’s @NonhleThema. She is shouting about how many millions she has for dayzzzz. She is telling her fanz to SIT DOWN. BOOM. Many people in the room are pretending not to notice her, but they are hanging on her every word.

Near the beer fridge and the big screen TV, are @KevinMcCullum, @RunningGolfer and @6000. Actually, there is a huge crowd of sports fans. Today, they are watching #RWC. They are reporting every move on the field. And they are repeating everybody else’s reports of every move. Also near the TV is a group of people complaining loudly about the sports watchers. Later, when #SAIdol is on, the sports watchers will, in turn, start to complain about the TV watchers.

There is a group of people complaining loudly to anybody listening about the bad service they are getting. A small group of brave company representatives are trying to pacify them. @WOOLWORTHS_SA, @Vodacom and @TheGautrain are trying hard to keep everybody happy. @MichaelJordaan and @Rbjacobs are doing a better job.

@CrownePlazaJHB is hosting all the cool parties. On chilly days @MelanieMinnaar hands out #TBD blankets. @News24 and @ewnupdates keep interrupting with the news, brought to you by @MandyWiener and @StephenGrootes. @phillipdewet is ducking rocks at a protest.

@simonwillo is travelling. @IvoVegter is disagreeing with everyone. @Sentletse is debating with everyone. @gussilber and @khayadlanga are being philosophical, and everybody is repeating their philosophies. @JJ_UFS is writing letters to his children. Wait! It is @SA_Trivia time...

In the interactive zone, @dan_vh, @clivesimpkins, @staceysuperr, @angelo2711 and @RayRott are chatting amongst themselves. @KeenyKeenz is chatting about bicyles and white people. @tumimalatsi is being noisy. @sdiedericks is checking in on 4square!!!!!! @alambchop, @norwin, @TanyaKovarsky, @Nicki_Dadic, @MingBean, @samcholes, @ExMi, @acidicice and @Taniar2 are talking about their kids, @BronyW and @HayleyM_ are talking about their dogs and @TheJoLurie is talking about her cat.

@Jane_Anne62 is reading the news, the more bizarre, the better. @HansHaupt is working on his thesis. @comradesipho is writing articles. @mikestopforth is arranging a @27dinner. @DazMSmith, @blackburnmike, @cazpi and @Jenty are discussing photography.

@al_ice #ChaseYouAroundTheKitchenTableDiveForYouGrabYourAnkleNibbleOnItAsYouTryToGetAway! Smile on this Toosday! @spillly and @BarryTuck are telling dirty jokes. @FionaSnyckers, @brodiegal, @MeyerDeon, @JoanDeLaHaye and @laurenbeukes are talking about books.

Do you spot someone in the crowd that i missed? Please feel free to tell me in the comments.

Disclaimer: All the characters in this story are ficticious. If any description reminds you of someone, you are clearly as mad as i am. The contents of this publication reflect the opinion of the author only. This publication is for informational purposes only. Opinions expressed should not be construed as medical advice. The particulars of any person's concerns and circumstances should be discussed with a qualified health care practitioner prior to making any decision which may affect the health and welfare of that individual or anyone under his or her care.

what does this button do?

2011-09-29T11:35:53+02:00

oh! look what i found under layers of dust and cobwebs? a blog with my name on it!

please excuse me as i oil my keyboard...

love, jax

Why i do this blogging thing...

2011-02-01T09:39:00+02:00

I have always been a writer. No, not an author, as in someone who has written a book, but a writer, as in someone who writes.

As a teenager I was a prolific letter writer, and people said that I should write books. When I was 19 and unmarried, and discovered that I was pregnant – with that wonderful boy, Francois - I put pen to paper, and dealt with my feelings of confusion and fear by writing. When my husband Ronnie died one awful April morning in a plane crash and left me behind, shattered, heartbroken, and in the depths of despair, I was pouring out my feelings on paper within days, and continued to do so for a whole year.

So, I have always been a writer. But I have only recently discovered blogging. Initially it felt uncomfortable. It was a chore, a commitment I wasn’t sure I could keep. I was, and still am, painfully aware that there are people who read this. Writing about life, and feelings, and fears, is like putting your heart outside your body, where people could step on it. You open little windows to your soul, and let people peep into them. You make yourself vulnerable. And yet, almost perversely, you want people to read this.

You need people to see. You hope people will understand you a little better. You need to share shards of your soul, some beautiful, colourful, and some cracked and scratched and ugly.

I have always been a writer. I need to think ‘out loud’, in writing, where I can re-phrase, re-read, edit, and really think about what I’m feeling, and why. Putting it in words helps to crystallize, to clarify, to process. Part of my growth process is to write it down.

It is commonly advised by experts, that a good way of dealing with deep seated issues, fears, anger, or sadness, is to write it all out on paper. Then that paper is burned, and the feelings are released into the atmosphere, as symbolised by the smoke. Being a modern and environmentally aware girl, I use this blog to process my thoughts. Once it is all written, I release those feelings into the blogosphere by pressing the 'publish' button. It really does have the same effect for me.

But, if it means anything to you, if you agree or disagree, if I make you think, if I make you smile, if I touch a chord, then please, please leave a comment. You can comment by clicking on the word ‘comment’ below each blog entry, and a block will appear for you to write in. It only takes a minute, but it means so much to me.

If you don’t, it feels as if I’m shouting in the wind, and nobody hears me…

Learning to trust God – a journey...

2011-01-29T14:08:05+02:00

For the first time in years i did not choose a word for this year. Not for lack of thinking about it, i pondered for weeks. It is just that nothing felt right.

Of course, the fact that my life is just drifting a little at the moment may have something to do with it. Not necessarily drifting in a bad way, sometimes we need to drift a little after having been pulled by the currents of life, just to spend some time resting. recovering. reflecting. Sometimes drifting is learning to trust the river.

But before i drift off too far, back to the topic.

For the last 2 years or more, i have been experiencing huge anxiety. The kind that causes sleepless nights and heart palpitations and sore necks and shoulders. The kind that needs medication. The kind that causes me to question God. And i have been trying to change things. Last year my word was ‘overcome’, which was all about my attempts to conquer those issues that cause me the anxiety.

And changing things is good. Of course. And it has helped. A little. I could write an entire blogpost about what i have changed, the biggest thing is of course the fact that i closed my shop. But that is not what this post is about.

“She was beginning to understand that there was a big difference between danger and fear.”

For a few months now, something inside me has been telling me that although dealing with the physical issues in my life is necessary, i also need to challenge my thinking about it. God has been whispering in my heart for months now. Mike has been echoing that message to me for a long time too. But since the beginning of this year, this message has been coming to me from all directions.

“She had no choice. Either she believed in God, in her Guardian Angel, or she despaired.”

On the first Sunday of 2011, in church, it seemed as though the word ‘Trust’ kept jumping out at me. Everywhere i found it, in the hymns, in the reading. And so, then and there, during the service, i pledged to learn to trust God this year.

Francois’ friend Emily read a book called Things Might Go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety (10 Simple Solutions) by Kelly G. Wilson, Troy Dufrene , and she and i briefly discussed it. It is about dealing with anxiety: "the ACT approach offered in this book is not about constantly arguing against your anxiety-provoking thoughts to defeat anxiety once and for all, but instead it's about how to cope with your anxiety and how to continue to live a full and satisfied life, even *while* feeling anxiety. The point of this book is not to eliminate anxiety altogether, but to stop anxiety from limiting your possibilities in life" (Emily's words).

On my beloved BlackBerry, i found a Bible app {youversion} that also offers Bible study plans. Of the many i could choose from, i thought i would start with a 14 day plan called ‘Should life hurt this bad?’ Earlier this week, Mike asked me how the plan was going, and i replied that unfortunately the answer was “Yes. Life should hurt this bad”.

“The night is just a part of the day,’ he would say. The night is just a part of the day. Therefore she could feel as safe in the dark as she did in the light. It was the dark that had made her invoke that protective presence. She must trust it. And that trust was called Faith. No one could ever understand Faith, but Faith was what she was experiencing now, an inexplicable immersion in blackest night. It only existed because she believed in it“.

You see, i HAVE had bad times before. I have had WORSE times before. And i did find the answers during that time. And the answers this time have remained the same. There is nothing new in that study plan. But i needed to be reminded.

“She had faith. And faith wouldn’t allow the forest to be peopled again with scorpions and snakes. Faith would keep her Guardian Angel awake and watching”.

So, my word for 2011 is TRUST.

“I learned about the Dark Night, she said to the now silent forest. I learned that the search for God is a Dark Night, that Faith is a Dark Night. And that is hardly a surprise really, because for us each day is a dark night. None of us knows what might happen even the next minute, and yet we still go forwards. Because we trust. Because we have Faith. Or, who knows, perhaps because we just don’t see the mystery contained in the next second. Not that it mattered. What mattered was knowing that she had understood. That every moment in life is an act of faith. That you could choose to fill it with snakes and scorpions or with a strong protecting force. That Faith cannot be explained. It was simply a Dark Night. All she had to do was to accept it or not”.

All the italics are passages from the book ‘Brida’, by Paulo Coelho.

This post is dedicated to my dear friend Stefan Diedericks, who is completely unaware of how often God has used him these last few months, and especially one rainy day over juice in Eastgate. God has used his voice, his tweets, his annoying positivity and constant cheer, and his wisdom gained from personal experience, to encourage me, and to shine His light over the rocky path that is this journey.

I have also been reminded that shining God’s light into the lives of others does not mean admonishing, preaching or judging. It entails saying out loud what God whispers into our hearts, because we do not know who needs to hear it. And it does not mean living a life devoid of sin, it entails living a life filled with Gods joy and light, because we do not know who needs to see it.

Book review: The girl who couldn't say no - the memoir of a teenage mom

2011-01-19T13:28:40+02:00

"There are people who think they have the whole 'tragic teenage pregnancy' thing figured out. they don't. they don't know squat, in fact, unless they've been there themselves."

Tracy Engelbrecht was a good South African girl. a normal girl. no difficult childhood. no broken home. no addicted parents. just a normal girl from a normal home. who fell pregnant at 14.

this book is her frank account of how she fell pregnant, how she told her family, friends and school, how she decided to keep her son, and how she is coped with motherhood, homework and dating.

it is also a story about how she grew up.

so many aspects of the story were close to home for me, i myself was 19 and unmarried when i fell pregnant. i married the guy, and my son is now 24. many issues in Tracy's story were so similar to mine.

this book was easy to read, and has a delightful balance between humour and depth. it had me laughing and nodding, and wiping the odd tear. it is written in an informal, chatty style, that is charming and amusing, and it feels like she is telling you the story over a cream soda float.

i would recommend this story for teenagers and their moms, as an easy-to-read illustration of consequences. it clearly shows that while some choices have a very high price, nothing that happens to us is so bad that we cannot deal with it with love, humour and hard work. and that sometimes, when we look back, the worst thing that ever happens to us, can be the best thing that ever happened to us.

in her words: "it is not a cautionary tale of a Good Girl Gone Bad or even of a Bad Girl Made Good... it's just a little story of changes and adjustment, of love and destiny. it is just my story. that should be good enough, I reckon."

but this book is also enjoyable and universal enough for a even wider readership. it is a lovely book. read it!

you can buy your copy of The girl who couldn't say no' here.

you can read more about Tracy's life on her blog here.

you can follow Tracy on twitter here, and you can follow me on twitter here.

happy 2011

2010-12-31T18:49:37+02:00

i was just fiddling about in photoshop. and if you see this in your facebook feed, it is an animation, not a typo!

frustratingly, i cannot get this animation to work in the post, like my 'love, jacki' blinkie does below. i don't know why. but if you click on the image, it will open in browser, and work there.

for a lot of reasons that i am not going to blog about now, 2010 has been a very difficult year for me. here is to a fresh start - and a very happy 2011!

Thoughts on having an eBook reader - Amazon Kindle 3.0.2 with Wi-Fi and 3G

2010-12-09T06:30:00+02:00

When I was thinking about buying an e-book reader, I searched online for opinions of others about the topic. And I found no shortage of reviews on specific readers. But they were all technical reviews, on the specs and the size, and how the e-ink works, and having a backlight versus no backlight. All very useful. So I am not going to write in depth on that topic. If you need more technical info on the Kindle, see here.

This is about the question that I did not find the answers to: why would I want an e-book reader? Would it be difficult to read on? How does the book get on there? What do I do once I have one?

I have to start by saying that I have quite an emotional relationship with books. Books are never just inanimate objects; they are more just the sum of their parts. Books are my friends. Books are more than just words on paper, I see them, feel the paper, smell the ink. Having books close by me, displayed in my bookshelf or piled on my bedside table, is part of the experience – the anticipation of the unread ones, and the soft voices in the lingering memories of the finished ones – I read with all my senses.

I was, and still am, very concerned that reading books on an e-book reader will be fundamentally different. And generally, every booklover I have spoken to has voiced the same concerns. I have come to the conclusion that it is probably a compromise.

The e-book reader will never take the place of books completely, but it is a good supplement. It is lighter and smaller than a book, and fits nicely in my handbag. That also makes it more practical and accessible than a book. It can contain a huge number of e-books and e-magazines and e-newspapers. It is more practical to carry around than a book. Just recently I spent the 12 minutes it takes to get from Sandton to the East Rand in the Gautrain, reading. And the few minutes I wait in the car at my son’s school are also spent with my nose in my, er, Kindle.

But I am also often a spontaneous reader. I buy a paperback at my supermarket with my groceries. I blow my budget with an impulse buy when browsing through a bookshop. I buy books from second-hand bookshops. And I borrow books from friends; I get it from her along with her vocal, on-the-spot review. So I don’t think I will ever give up on paper books either. The Kindle will supplement my books.

Buying a Kindle, and buying eBooks

Buying Kindle is simple. You go to www.amazon.com and look around there, and if you are ready you just click to follow the instructions. From the moment of purchase to having it in my hands was one week.

Once you have it, you go back to Amazon’s website, and follow the prompts to register your Kindle and linking it to your credit card, and from then on buying a book is incredibly easy. From the moment of purchase till it is on your Kindle is a matter of seconds. You can buy directly from your Kindle, or from your computer. I find browsing their shop easier from my computer, simply because it is easier to navigate. The book you purchase is sent to your Kindle via Wi-Fi as first option, and if none is available, 3G. (More on 3G later)

I got the Kindle without a cover, and since I will be carrying it around in my handbag, I found a cover very necessary. They are almost impossible to find here, so when you are ordering your Kindle, you may consider ordering one of the many cover, pouch or skin options they have available, at the same time.

Another brilliant feature is the ability to buy a sample book. Any book available to buy, gives you the option of getting a sample book first – the first few chapters of the book are sent to your Kindle free of charge. When you have finished reading those you can buy the rest of the book with a click from your Kindle. I love this option, as I am not always sure if I want the book, without browsing it first. I recently bought a wrong book accidentally, and I wrote an email to Amazon support from the website. Within minutes I received a reply, and within a day or so the amount was reversed on my credit card. No fuss.

It is also instant gratification. Once my account was set up at Amazon and linked to my Kindle and credit card, I had instant access to any book I could think of. Many of the classics from Shakespeare to Sherlock Holmes are very cheap or free. Other books that would require a search in bookshops are at my fingertips. Bestsellers are available even before the bookshops launch them, and at a better price. So, if it is a specific book I am looking for, I can have it on my Kindle within minutes. While thinking about buying, you can browse the range of books here.

Reading on the Kindle

Reading on the Kindle is surprisingly easy. There is no screen glare. Ever. Under any conditions. As difficult as it is to imagine before you have tried it, it really does read just like a book. Except that it is lighter, and easier to hold. Once I got the hang of turning the pages by pressing a button, it was easy to forget that it was not a paper book. You can set the font size from rather small with more lines per page, to rather large with fewer lines per page. One thing I love is the built-in dictionary (there are 2); when you move the cursor to the beginning of a word, it will bring up the definition of it, and you can click if you need even more info. You can also highlight and save quotes and clippings, for later referral. The screen is black-on-white. This is easy to read, but might be a little detrimental if the book you are reading has a large number of photos. Especially if you are going to be using your Kindle for reading magazines, it may be a drawback. But for ordinary novels, it is perfect.

Because it is not backlit, it is easy to read in any light conditions, and it is easier on the eyes, but it does mean you need a light when it is dark. The absence of a backlight also make the battery last longer.

Having a Kindle in South Africa

This was a big concern to me. Most reviews I had read, were about owning a Kindle in USA, and I was worried about spending all that money, and then it didn't work here.

first: if you have any concerns about Amazon not shipping to SA, you can read what Simon Dingle says about that here.

Having a Kindle here is really not very different to having a Kindle in USA. Once you have your account set up, it works very much the same. Many of the books available for free in the Kindle books store on Amazon to users in USA, are available to international readers for $2. South African online bookshops like kalahari.net and exclus1ves are moving into the e-book market, and are adding titles to their ranges all the time. The books available from these sites are very well priced. Kalahari is now also offering Huisgenoot and You in eMagazine format, with other titles to be added soon.

Other features

Some of the other features offered with the Kindle are a PDF reader, the ability to play your music files (experimental) and a text-to-speech feature. Although you can download and listen to audio books, the text-to-speech feature means your Kindle can read all your books to you, even the ones that are not audio books. You can choose between a male and female voice, and reading speeds. The voice is rather electronic and monotonous, and the accent is annoyingly American, but the feature has its uses.

The browser is 3G, and it is free. It does not use a simcard. This makes it possible for you to buy books anywhere, anytime. It does browse the internet, and is bookmarked with Twitter, Facebook, Wikipedia and more. The browser is very clumsy and slow, and browsing is not very comfortable. It was never meant to be a tablet computer, and browsing on my phone is faster and easier.

All in all, I am thrilled with my Kindle. I love the convenience and the portability. It is a great tool for any book worm, and a great gift.

Specs:

• Available from Amazon.com here

• Weight: 8.7 ounces - 232.46609 grams (lighter than any book)

• Reading area: 6” – 15.24cm diagonal

• Thickness: 0.335” – 8.51mm

• Cost: $189 without shipping costs

• Holds up to 3 500 books

• Battery life is about 1 month if Wi-Fi is switched off

Do you have a Kindle? Or another eBook reader? Do you like it? Where do you buy your eBooks? What is your favourite book that you have read on it?