Seashell Mom

The Best Worst Mom Ever

2013-01-23T16:45:00.000-08:00

Today is my son's birthday.

I didn't plan a big party with a petting zoo and carnival rides, I didn't make any cute handmade banners as seen on Pinterest, or craft any favors or post on Facebook about how much he means to me. I didn't even get him a card, or a present.

We are all recovering from the flu and just got back into our house last night. All he wanted for his birthday was to be back in the house and to just relax all day and play video games.

He woke up at 5:21 a.m. and started playing Minecraft on the computer. His brothers had to do all of his chores today and he went back and forth between Xbox and Minecraft.

I rolled out of bed at 10 a.m. and rolled onto the couch next to him. We snuggled under the covers until his Grandma came with presents and then his Grandpa showed up with donuts and presents. After noon I went to the store and bought him Fritos and Bean Dip and Dr. Pepper which is what he requested for lunch. There were no antioxidants in any of it, to my knowledge.

Then I sat next to him while he played video games. I went online and read a story and a profile of one of his fanfiction buddies he had been telling me about. And he told me secrets. Although he will deny that part.

Years of birthday traditions were laid aside. The guilt and the shame of my lack of preparation threatened to distract me from enjoying the moment.

Dirty dishes littered the house. I found a half eaten chicken drumstick next to the clean laundry wrinkling on my dining room table. Half unpacked suitcases lay everywhere.

And he was having the best time ever.

Dear Jesus, you are enough for me, yet you gave me my son. Thank you for him and his brothers. It was his birthday, and you gave me this gift: the reminder that you are faithfully teaching me how to be a mom. How to be a gift instead of buying gifts. How to lead them to the One Perfect Gift. Birthdays bring the pressure to be perfect, you bring Grace. Please help me to give that gift generously, to him and his brothers, to myself, and to others.

Travel Hacks

2013-01-21T10:21:00.000-08:00

Here are a few items that I always like to pack when we head out for a trip:

1. Pump hand soap
Hotels will supply bar soap, but we have contracted the stomach flu on vacay, so I always like to make it as easy and as close to our home routine as possible to wash our hands.

2. Baby wipes
In between babies when everyone is potty trained, we still carry the wipes around. How does anyone get along without these things? I like to use baby wipes for peanut butter smeared faces and an antibacterial brand for wiping questionable hotel surfaces. Wipes also come in handy for cleaning up puke on the side of the road.

3. Paper towels, plastic baggies and a little trash bucket from the dollar store
We learned a little late to pack this essential. Don't let car sickness find you unprepared. Think about how long that smell is gonna linger in the car seats. I also think you can figure out how helpful a plastic (airtight) baggie can be in this situation, unless you are cool to throw out soiled clothing. I think we have discussed this one enough.

4. Duct tape for road trips
My Daddy swears that this will keep your car going those last 10 miles in multiple scenarios. Think busted hoses, hoods that won't close, etc. Trust me, you may have the car washed and waxed and perfectly organized when you leave on vacation, but by the time you pull up at your destination you very well may look like National Lampoons.

5. Tylenol, Advil, (whatever pain reliever/fever reducer your doctor recommends)
You may all leave for vacation the picture of health, but if an earache hits a little one at 2 am, you and all those in the camp sites or hotel rooms around you will wish you thought to bring this along. My apologies to Big Sur campground and all its campers on 7/21/2011.

6. A sense of humor
When you end up needing any of these items, whether you have car trouble, car sickness, or any of the minor bumps that seem major when you are far from home, remember that the vacation is not ruined. I read a book by Gary Smalley where he asked his kids about their favorite vacations. They all agreed that it was when the family had gone camping together. He was shocked, because they were often caught in a deluge of rain, or stuck with mechanical difficulties, or found they had forgot some important item at home. The kids had enjoyed working through the challenges together and looking back at them later. I always try to think about that to help me get through the situation without feeling like a failure and move forward. And my kids really do seem to forget the little set backs and remember the fun times. Or they enjoy making fun of us for the set backs. Which is okay, too.

Your Online BFF's Guide to Breastfeeding for Those Who Hope to Nurse or Having Trouble, Part 1

2013-01-19T15:55:00.001-08:00

If you are considering breastfeeding, many people may tell you how natural and beautiful it is.

If you are in your first couple of weeks of breastfeeding, you may find yourself wanting to rip those people's eyebrows off.

The first couple of weeks of nursing your baby are can be very disappointing if you are like most women who struggle with breastfeeding in the beginning.

In no time, breastfeeding will become second nature. Natural, easy, sanitary and always available. But you have got to hang in there those first couple of weeks when it is painful, messy and knocks away at all your confidence as a new mom.

If you are having a hard time breastfeeding,
just know that you are on the right path. Many great bf'ers get off to a bumpy start. Don't feel bad to bug your doctor, to make multiple requests for a lactation consultant, or to ask that sweet little older woman down the street.

I have breastfed all four of my little babies and am looking forward to nursing my new arrival when he or she gets here. I won't go into detail about every mechanic of the process. Most of that is available online elsewhere and are probably best addressed by a professional lactation consultant. But I will try to think of those things that helped me the most.

Part One---Nursing The First Couple of Days after Baby's Birth

Perfecting The Latch: Do not be afraid to make your baby latch and relatch and relatch again until they get proper form those first few days. If the baby latches and it is pinching, or feels like a rug burn, they don't have enough of the areola in their sweet little cheeks. The baby is getting tiny amounts of nutrient rich and immune boosting colostrum those first few feedings, but until your milk comes in, use this time to show your baby what you need. And that is to someday walk away from this with your nipples left intact (kidding-you'll be fine). If Sweet Cheeks just opens his mouth a small amount, gently nudge their tiny chin down as you hold their head in your other hand and guide them to the breast. And I am oddly not kidding when I suggest that you get your hubby, a nurse, or your sister to sort of flatten the end of your breast as your baby latches on (I do this myself with my free hand after I have taught the baby to open big and don't need to gently guide their chin open). It is kinda like grabbing your breast with one hand and closing your hand gently an inch or so toward the end in kind of a pinching motion to make it flatter and more easy to latch onto.

I know it may sound crazy to try to "teach" your newborn anything at only a couple of hours old, but without your encouragement, how else will they learn? They are struggling to get it right, their life depends on it, and this is a great time to establish that you will be there for them with patience and lots of encouragement. I literally told my babies, "No, no, cutie. Big Mouse. Bigger. There you go! Yay! That was better! Big Mouse!" Why I said "mouse" instead of mouth? I have no idea, except maybe "Big Mouth" sounded too derogatory. I did not care what the nurses coming in and out thought. Me and my babies was on a mission. Whether or not they got the latch right, they were gonna know that Mama saw how hard they were trying and that success brought celebration. You are setting the tone for your lifelong love affair with this baby. Your baby really can learn a lot in a couple of days with you on their side. All four of my guys have totally different personalities, and they all got it eventually.

I say eventually because I was so nervous with my first, that I let him get by with a small latch. It was so painful that although I toughed out the postpartum without pain meds, I actually took the motrin before he fed a few times. My toes would curl and I would push them hard into the floor to keep from screaming by the second week. I eventually ended up gently lowering his chin and stuffing the rest of the parts of my breast that he needed in while he was suckling away. It took much longer because I waited, but even then, it was fixable. So don't get too discouraged if it isn't clicking.

Engorgement: Once your milk comes in, your breast and areola may swell like a balloon that is about to pop and your nipple will be just a tiny nub at the end. It is really hard for the baby to get most of the areola in if you haven't shown them how to do this in the beginning and even if you have it can be challenging. If this happens, you may need to pump a little milk out or express it by hand. You will know if this is the problem because your baby's lips will slide off of your full breast and only be able to grab onto the very tip of your nipple. Painful for you and frustrating for them because they won't get the full gulp of milk they have been waiting days for.

Well meaning advice: Initially, you may be put off to even think about some big ol' nurse coming in and grabbing your baby and your boob and trying to make things happen. But even the most wackadoodle sounding ideas and techniques that you hear may eventually be something you can tweak to work for you. When my first son was born, he had to be in the hospital for the first nine days on a course of antibiotics. I had every nurse from every shift change offer me all kinds of advice, and opinions. I learned to soak up every word and then do exactly what worked for us.

One thing that doesn't seem helpful, but really is, is "tummy to tummy, arm around mummy". Wrap your little one's lower arm around your back and make sure their tummy is facing your tummy when you do the traditional nursing hold. This helps so much in getting junior positioned for maximum milkage. The tummy to tummy helps stabilizing them facing the breast, and putting the lower arm (their left arm if they are nursing on the right breast) around your side keeps it from being caught between the two of you where frantic hungry little fists can create a tiny gap. Just be careful not to tweak their delicate little arm when you lay back. The payoff for being diligent about this is as time goes on and baby becomes more coordinated, you may get some hugs or back pats from the little arm wrapped around you!

Stay tuned for Part Two: Nursing When You Get Home From the Hospital

Sweater Boots, Vomitus and Togetherness

2013-01-19T13:45:00.000-08:00

For this moment, we are living out of a hotel.

I am sick with the flu. Or croup. Or a flu that makes you bark like a seal.

I am sensing the morning sickness ebb away.

I feel like a terrible mom.

My kids feel like I am a great mom, because homeschool has been greatly condensed and they have gotten to watch more television and play more video games than the law allows.

We got to the end of what clothes I was able to pack during our lightning evacuation from plumbing distress. My husband laughed at my outfit. I ran away to Target in an attempt to better myself. He laughed even harder a half hour after I got back when he finally noticed my apparently sad attempts to better myself. I guess the sweater boots I purchased on clearance did nothing to improve my capri sweats and sweater outfit.

Sigh.

You know what? It's okay.

Sometimes, during the moment, we only see the challenges. Like the time we arrived at camp at 10 pm only to realize we left the tent poles at home. Or the numerous vacations where we have found ourselves on the side of the road trying to clean vomit out of the crevices of a car seat. Or a few days ago when we were huddled in the bathroom trying to convince my preschooler that it was okay---that he really wasn't missing anything---and it was time to fall asleep.

Time passes and the gift of perspective comes and it is the working out of challenges that bonds the family. Those challenges become shared memories and shared jokes. The "you had to be there" jokes where we were there. Together.

People Showering In My Driveway

2013-01-17T07:00:00.000-08:00

As my home is now a hazmat area, there is now a shower in front of my doorway for your decontamination.

I knew that one day that would happen if I kept putting off the dishes.

Wow

2013-01-16T15:03:00.002-08:00

I am so grateful that we are finally in a hotel that can accommodate us. We stayed in a hotel close to our house for three days, and it was OK as it had two full beds and a pull out, but we needed long term accommodations and were having lots of trouble getting any commitment from anyone as to who was going to pay for us to move out of the home we had already paid rent for.

We "Priceline" 'd two different hotels for the next two days and because of the way Priceline works, you have great prices, but very little control over what hotel and what room you are put into. We ended up in single rooms with double beds. Which is always interesting because my preschooler (who doesn't go to preschool) absolutely cannot fall asleep with anyone else in the room. One night he was up until midnight. The next night we got him to bed by 10 pm by the five of us hiding in the bathroom from 8-10. That was not a pretty sight.

So, now we are in a room that is literally bigger than some apartments! The owner got ahold of someone who knew someone and got us in a room with a kitchen, free breakfast, a living room area and two bedrooms. Each bedroom has a full bathroom. We are booked for a week until a convention comes to town.

The property manager has convinced the owner to give her control over the renovations once the hazmat crew finishes their work. She has loyal vendors who will work 24 hours a day 7 days a week in hopes of getting us home.

I heard that they had some of our clothing out on the driveway packing it up into some sort of boxes. There is plastic everywhere, even the ceiling. The den, which is like a patio conversion, still has a slider and locking back door leading to it, which always bothered us. Well, now we are grateful, because my husband was able to move most of our belongings into it.

I couldn't bring myself to blog the last few days because I didn't want to whine and I was really ready to whine. Or cry. Or let someone have it. There are so many bigger problems in life and I am just grateful for all the blessings that I have. I know that God is working for our good. His plans for us are for our good and more amazing than I can hope or dream. But I was really caught up in the details of how to take care of meals and clothing and all those things that are not my strong suits anyway.

And it was freezing here in SoCal! Y'all can call me a wuss, but you have to remember, we own very few pairs of long pants here in California. Most of our clothing budget goes to summer dresses, capris, I could go on until you gagged for real. We practically wear flip flops year round. I haven't bought a jacket yet this season and my warmest wrap right now is a hooded sweater. And it was too cold to stand outside and dig in the trunk that held our belongings until I found it.

I thought of the homeless people who abound in SoCal. The warm climate shields them from the harsh elements. Whenever the thermometer starts to dip, we think of the cold souls huddled behind buildings. My sister said, "Wow, aren't you glad that you aren't homeless for real." It is so true.

On The Road Again

2013-01-11T07:34:00.002-08:00

Here is an update on our housing situation. Crews came with heaters and blowers and moved furniture and measured the moisture in the walls to see which ones have to be removed. They also marked the new floor the owners had put in a few months ago and plan to remove most of it. We are in a hotel down the street while all that toxic moldy air blows itself around. Thankfully our property management company and the owner have been helpful and willing to help us find a place to stay in the meanwhile. The owner's homeowner's insurance has not agreed to pay for the damage because the leak has not been found and we had not purchased renter's insurance yet. So, we are praying for God's guidance to where he wants us to be for the next two to four weeks.

Water Seeping Up Through The Floor of our House

2013-01-09T16:15:00.001-08:00

Otherwise titled, a good day to be a renter.

We recently sold our home and after putting bids in on different houses and getting sick of house hunting and staying in hotels (seriously), we got a rental close to family. It felt really weird to not be in a home that we owned, until water started squishing up between the floor tiles. Then we sorta felt relieved. Cause it's gonna be expensive.

Then the property management lady came and said they are sending a team to handle and assess our need for displacement.

Not so relieved.

But God is in control. And He is good.

So it is gonna be okay.

Show your glory, Lord our God. Amen.

Your Online BFF's Guide to First Trimester Pregnancy

2013-01-08T14:32:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: The information included on the Online BFF's guide are meant for enjoyment only. They are the equivalent of a chat between IRL BFFs over coffee and vanilla scones. Not only are they not meant to be taken as medical or psychological advice, or in the place of medical or psychological advice, they are strictly meant to be taken "as a grain of salt". They are from my heart to yours to keep you entertained until your next girl's night out. Love, Your Online BFF.

Pregnancy, the First Trimester

Let me start by saying that if you are in the first trimester of your pregnancy, Congratulations!!!!!! And bless your heart. This is such an exciting time in your life!!!!! But don't feel bad if you, well, feel bad. It is quite possible that you are a pale, queasy, gassy, moody, version of your former self. It will probably change for the better very soon, but until then please know, that I love you. I think that you are beautiful. You are doing a very hard thing. Hang in there. One day soon you will perk up and pink up. People will tell you that you are radiant. They will give up their seats and open doors for you again. They will even bring you gifts. But for right now, when all of the main development of your baby is happening and no one can tell that anything is going on inside of you, you are just going to have to hang in there.

Here are some of the things you may be experiencing:

Swollen and/or tender breasts

This is often one of the very first symptoms of pregnancy. Pretty self explanatory. You will know it when you see it and it can be a tell tale sign.

Frequent urge to urinate

This was so bad during the first few weeks of my fifth pregnancy, that I went to the doctor for what I thought was a bladder infection. Turns out that hCG, which is what makes that pregnancy test stick turn pink or into a plus sign for positive or whatever, was the culprit. I would still get checked if I had that frequent urge to go with very little to show for it, but I say this just so you know how bad it can get. Oh, and just a heads up, this one may come back for different reasons later in the pregnancy. Think about how kids enjoy trampolines. Enough said.

Gas and Bloating...and Constipation

Another early sign of pregnancy is gas and bloating. You may be a week or two late for your period and think, "What did I eat to make me this miserable?" Blame it on the extra progesterone that your body is producing. It relaxes your smooth muscles, including those in your GI tract. And if you are nauseous and not drinking enough water, you may get to experience some constipation as well. Some lovely mamas to be end up in yoga pants a month before they even start showing thanks to this symptom.

Nausea

Oh, Nelly. This one can really throw you for a loop. Or you may not experience it at all. In three of my pregnancies it was so bad that I stayed on the couch for too much of the day hanging on for dear life from weeks 8-12. I was nauseous from week 6 until week 14, but I just really could not function when my hCG was peaking there in the middle. My first pregnancy was better and my fifth was the best, peaking relatively mildly between weeks 8-10 and getting much better. So not only does it vary from person to person, but from pregnancy to pregnancy. The good news is, that although you may feel like barfing all the time, you may never actually end up vomiting. But then again, never mind.

Near Narcolepsy

Progesterone can make you very tired as well. Maybe it relaxes the smooth muscles in your eyelids. (Kidding.) But do not be surprised to find yourself suddenly taking catnaps for no reason. During one of my pregnancies, I would get up and shower before the morning sickness kicked in in earnest, feed my children, and then fall on the couch for a few, just to rest my eyes. If you know my kids, you know that was not a great idea and something I would normally never dare to do when they little and at the 'tearing up the house in mere seconds stage'. But during that pregnancy for some reason, the urge to snooze was just so strong that I made friends with PBS Kids television.

Increased Libido or Decreased Libido

The unique combination of estrogen, progesterone and hCG flowing in each mom to be can create some pretty, um, unique results. And that's all I have to say about that.

Moodiness

These extra hormones can make it obvious to you just how mean your husband, sweet MIL, friends and innocent bystanders really are. And how sad the news on television is. And how unjust government policies are. And how defunct your local homeowners association is. And just let them suggest that your hormones may be making you a little moody......

General Ugliness

I wish I had better news. But nausea, vomiting, waking up at night to go pee, showing a hair trigger temper and flatulating all day just may leave you feeling and looking less than your best. Some women even get acne. I'm not naming any names. Or making any confessions. I am just saying. But wait, I do have good news! By week 12, many of these symptoms have all but subsided. During your second trimester, you may be a glowing vision of energetic magnificence! The embodiment of feminine beauty. And it is this first trimester that makes this possible!

It also makes possible your sweet, precious, little bundle of joy! Once this baby is born, you will never regret a minute. As I was finishing this article, my 3 year old, who was supposed to be napping called me in for wipe duty. There he sat on the potty, not a stitch of clothing save the socks at the end of his little dangling legs and the bull horn crown from El Torito last night atop his little smiling face. It is all worth it, dear friend. You can do this!

My Favorite Free Mommy Apps

2013-01-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

When I first got my smartphone 2 years ago, I was obsessed with finding cool apps. Irritatingly so, as my family will tell you. Most of them were duds, or as cool as they were, I just didn't have time to pursue them. However, there are a few that I still use all the time. To this day. And so, I must recommend them to you, you savvy technological person, you.

Bible

The Holy Bible by You Version Bible App
This app has been so useful! I use it at home for reading to the kids, I have used it to bookmark verses for the LivingProof Blog Siesta Scripture Memorization Team, I use it in Church on Sundays when the Pastor says, "Turn in your Bible to Ephesians 4:21". It is highly rated, well regarded and around here it is tried and true.
Click here to download it in the android market.
Click here to download it to your iphone or ipad.

Daily Scripture Readings, Roboticode Ltd
I have Identity in Christ, Uplifting Psalms and Wise Proverbs. I turned of the thingie that sent me a reminder each day, but I have the icons on my screen and can get a quick word whenever I want that way. Robiticode has different versions now as well.
Click here to download in the android market.

Color Flashlight

Ok. This app is ridiculously helpful. We have used it at night in the backyard to put the chickens to bed. We have used it to find shoes underbeds. You can use it to look under the hood of the car, to find your way out of the building in the event of a power failure, to check on sleeping babies. I can never seem to keep track of the flashlights around here, but I ususally always have my phone handy.

Cozi

Cozi is an online organizer app. The best thing about it is that I put it on my husband's phone as well and he can instantly access our family calendar before he makes any plans. He puts stuff on there and if I go to schedule something on a Packer game day, he has already blocked it all out. It is super user friendly and I can schedule recurring events at the touch of a couple of buttons and enter notes such as the address or phone number for appointments. I can also use color coded buttons to show which family members are attending. Cozi is more than just an awesome calendar, it has a "To-Do" section and a "Shopping" section among other things.

Questions People Ask Me About Homeschooling Part 3

2013-01-07T05:30:00.000-08:00

The next question I get asked has to do with the qualifications that are needed to homeschool your children. While each state varies, I think that at the time of this post, California only requires that the homeschooling parent be "capable of teaching" and rhis does not mean that they have to have completed high school. The bottom of this post contains a link to the Home School Legal Defense website which clearly outlines the requirements of each particular state for a parent to homeschool their child.

3. Sure you can homeschool, you were a school teacher, but I could never have the knowledge, skill, expertise, organization, you name it, to do what you do.

I appreciate the confidence that teaching has given me to attempt to teach my own children. I appreciate the perspective that I have from seeing both sides of the equation. But, I have to say, there are many theories that I have had to unlearn and habits that I have had to leave behind. And furthermore, as a teacher in homeschool co-ops, I have had the opportunity to work with lots of homeschool children. Some of my best students have been sent to school with notes from parents who struggle with spelling and grammar.

As a homeschool parent, you are not teaching your students everything you know. You are teaching them how to learn and infecting them with a contagious curiosity about the world around you, its people and its wonders. They can and will surpass you in some areas of their passion as early as the fifth grade. Another bonus is, you get to, uh, "relearn" some of this stuff for the first time. Punic wars, anyone? Latin declensions? Solving quadratic equations? Yeah, some of that you will skip this time around, too, thanks to wonderful DVD's, co-ops and online classes.

One thing that I learned from public school is that one of the most important factors in how much a student will learn in any given year depends less on the expertise on any given subject or on having a certain type of degree, but more on how much their teacher believes in them and the encouragement that they get from them. Who better to do that than the person who loves them the most in this world?

Quick facts: 41 states do not require homeschool parents to meet any specific homeschool qualifications. (Three states—CA, KS, and NY—require homeschool teachers to be "competent," "qualified," or "capable of teaching." In California, Kansas, and New York, a parent can be recognized as competent or capable of teaching without having a high school diploma or GED.)

The nine states that require only a high school diploma or GED are: GA, NC, ND, NM, OH, PA, SC, TN, and WV.

To find out more about the exact legal requirements for each state, go to Homeschool Summary of Laws.

Note: In addition to teacher qualifictions, each state has it own records that it requires. HSLDA is a great resource for this as well.

Questions People Ask Me About Homeschooling Part 2

2013-01-05T05:30:00.000-08:00

This is the second part of a 3 post series with honest answers to the questions people most often ask me about homeschooling.

2. How do you stand being home with the kids all day?
Yes, I have actually gotten this question from friends who really love my kids and their own but admit that they would have a hard time dealing with the mess, bickering and chaos that they imagine would ensue if their kids were home all day with them.

I love being home with my boys and consider it one of the great privileges of my life to have this time with them. However, there are some things that we have to be very purposeful about if we want to be together all day and enjoy it.

One thing is that my boys do lots of chores. Before they eat breakfast, their beds are supposed to be made and their rooms clean, as well as a certain area of the house they are responsible for. There are a few reasons for this. The first is, well, they just absolutely love to dump a puzzle out, finish half and then go and get a Lego city started and then the baby comes and mixes that all together with a handful of cereal from the kitchen and this process repeats in some form all day. Instead of freaking out, we use this as an opportunity for them to practice cleaning up after themselves. Secondly, they have a lot more free time at home than publicly schooled children and so I see no reason why they can't put away their own messes. I mean students are expected to do that at school, too. Also, I need some sort of order to function and while I love to be with them, I don't love to clean and I don't love to whine about a dirty house. So we all have to pitch in. Some homeschool moms are very diligent about keeping a sparkling home. A friend of mine mills her own grain and bakes her own bread from scratch out of her downtown kitchen. I have been known to defrost my kids "Uncrustables" on the dashboard of our SUV as we run late to meet her at the park. Homeschool families come in all kinds and it looks different in every home. We all do what we can in our own ways to make it work and to make our home a place we want to learn. Together. All day.

Like all parents, I want my children to get along and love each other. Being that it is crucial to the atmosphere of our school, I have to take a hard line. I have seriously cut back on some of our social engagements at times because they weren't being good to each other. We worked on our socialization problems (selfishness, stubbornness, etc. and that was just their mom) and then resumed our normal social lives. As I type two of them are wrestling behind the couch and the four year old bonked his head, and the other two were having some disagreement over what kind of lego city to build, so I am not saying it is not all smooth and perfect, but I have chosen to homeschool and I have the time and the responsibility to make our home as harmonious as possible and meanness, bullying, selfishness, etc. are not tolerated. We work on that stuff all day long. We call it socialization.

My Mom was a single mom and she got up early, worked hard all day, picked us up as it was getting dark, got us dinner, tried to do housework and would collapse bone tired. I won't forget the tears that formed in my Mom's exhausted eyes when my sister and I bickered and argued as children. That is my inspiration as I fight for my boys to be kind to each other. I have the time and energy to do this and I won't forget that my Mom did not. And getting to see her smile when my boys pat and hug each other is precious to me.

So, I guess that the short answer to that question is that we do what we have to do to make it enjoyable for all of us. When I taught in the classroom, I did what I could to make sure that the environment was encouraging, respectful and conducive to learning. I do my best to remember that here at home.

Multiple Intelligences

2013-01-03T11:15:00.001-08:00

When I was teaching in public school, it became very clear to me that although some of my students really struggled with their bookwork, they absolutely excelled in areas that others found elusive. Their parents would worry that their child just was not smart because of sub par reading test scores, while I knew that their child could play an instrument like a child prodigy and solve disputes between classmates with more diplomacy than the adult playground monitors. I would think to myself, if only their parents could be assured that even though their child might never excel in a formal school setting, the skills and intelligences that their child DID have would make them very capable of achieving a HIGH degree of success in a "real life setting". Social intelligence and musical intelligence could combine to make their student the most highly acclaimed musical teacher on the West Coast. And no one would ever ask what their reading level was after they left school. They could hire 3 assistants to edit and write their marketing literature. School intelligences aren't everything in life, they just feel like everything when you are in school. How many of your adult friends have ever asked you what level of math you completed in high school?

So, in honor of my many super talented students, I wanted to write a quick synopsis of multiple intelligences for those of you who are unfamiliar with them. I have included a link to a simplified test to help you figure out where your strengths may lay.

In 1983, Howard Gardner, a Harvard psychologist, published a book outlining eight different kinds of intelligences, challenging the long held belief on IQ as being a discreet type of intelligence. He suggested that there are different ways to be "smart".

Kinesthetic---Body/Physical Intelligence
Logical---Numbers and Problem Solving Intelligence
Interpersonal---Intelligent about people
Intrapersonal---Intelligent about yourself
Visual/Spacial---Smart with what you see, pictures, charts
Musical---Musically Intelligent
Naturalistic---Nature Smart
Linguistic---Intelligence with words

Although Gardener's work lacked empirical evidence and was dismissed by people who said that what he viewed as "intelligences" where actually just individual strengths, personality traits, skills, etc., many teachers who have worked directly with scores of students still swear by the insight in his work.

What type of intelligences do you excel in? What about your spouse and children? Do you think Gardener was on to something?

Take the test for yourself: http://www.bgfl.org/bgfl/custom/resources_ftp/client_ftp/ks3/ict/multiple_int/what.cfm

Homeschool Questions Public School Parents Ask Part 1

2013-01-02T14:53:00.000-08:00

I often get the same questions over and over from curious parents. Here is the first and by far the most common question people ask me when they find out that I homeschool.

1. What about socialization?

Thankfully, in this day and age, socialization has not been an issue for us. With all the homeschool groups and kids nearby, we really have to seriously limit the amount of socializing that we do in order to have enough time to get through our daily lessons. I know this sounds odd, but just for example a typical week for many homeschoolers might look like this:

Mon. Breakfast, chores, schoolwork, lunch at a park with homeschool friends, home to rest and reading/literature, basketball practice, dinner, outdoor play with neighborhood kids.

Tues. Breakfast, chores, schoolwork, working on the vegetable garden, lunch outside, water play in the backyard, rest and reading, dinner at Grandma's with cousins, home to play with neighbors.

Wed. Breakfast, chores, Bible, Math and Penmanship, Fieldtrip to local Aquarium, dinner at Church, Church Youth Group/AWANA.

Thurs. Breakfast in the car on the way to Co-op for Spanish, History, and Science. Pizza Party lunch with co-op friends. Home for rest and reading. Basketball Practice for one child, 4-H for another.

Fri. Breakfast on the way to homeschool PSP where kids do P.E., Music and more Science. Lunch in the park with friends. Home to rest and rest. And rest.

This is just a sampling, I have cut my schedule way back now that I have four boys and they seem perfectly content staying home and bonking each other on the head with lightsabers and playing outside with the neighborhood children. But we can go to midday Kung Fu lessons for homeschool kids, swimming lessons and we enjoy our period of rest during the afternoons which gives us the energy to enjoy chess club, basketball, football, golf, tennis lessons, 4-H, boyscouts, Church youth group, whatever we choose to do without being stressed by homework and tight evening schedules.

Look for the next 2 posts in this series as they are published throughout the coming week.

How to Start Homeschooling

2012-12-30T18:26:00.000-08:00

Steps to Start Homeschooling

1. Determine your reasons for homeschooling.

Don't be tempted to skip this step. This more than anything will help direct your course. There are many reasons to homeschool: to exercise religious freedoms and answer a God given call, to pursue academic excellence, to nurture a special skill or talent for an individual child, to remediate skills or overcome learning challenges, to transmit family values, to protect from bullying or dangerous situations at school, etc. These are just a few of the reasons families choose to homeschool and many do so for a combination of many of these reasons.

2. Decide what learning style works best for your family.

The next step is to figure out what kind of learners you are. This includes the parent. You want to be able to choose curriculum that is a good fit, making learning more enjoyable and efficient, but if the kids balk when the books come out, or you as a parent dread getting started everyday, chances are that the shoe is on the wrong foot. Sometimes a switch in expectations and approaches can help restore learning to the adventure it was meant to be.

3. Purchase curriculum to help you along the way.

A mentor of mine used to say that all you really need to homeschool is a math textbook and a library card. The longer I homeschool, the more I tend to agree. There is just nothing that can replace a God given curiosity on fire. But I have been grateful for the many texts that have walked me through uncharted territory and periods when I have been a little sloppy along the way. In my personal experience, God's Presence in our day has been the biggest inspiration, hands down and you can read more about that on my blog. We still use lots of different curriculum as well. And we have wasted lots of money on curriculum that just did not work for us. Do your research and enjoy this part of the preparation.

4. Find some groups to link up with to help you on your journey.

Another mentor of mine compared homeschooling co-ops to a wagon train. She said you surely could have traveled across the open wilderness solo, but why would you when you could have benefited from the support, encouragement and protection of the train that circled at night around a warm fire. There are so many homeschool groups these days, that even in the boonies many extol the virtues of the homeschool group. Check meetup.com and google for groups in your area. Each one has its own focus and flavor, so you may have to kiss a few toads before you eventually find the group for you, but the rewards of having friends for yourself and your children will be worth it. Friends, field trips, fellowship, park days, specialized classes all await you.

5. Get your children excited!

The last step before you start is to get your children excited about this new adventure! There are lots of fun things that are a part of homeschooling like field trips, library trips, and being able to choose your own subjects to study. Is your child interested in robotics? Gardening? 4-H? Martial Arts? You have lots of latitude in planning your electives and your days. The more your schedule reflects your family's priorities, values and interests, the more everyone will enjoy the journey together.

Ring In The New

2012-12-30T14:13:00.000-08:00

¹¹The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:11)

Today in Church the Pastor talked about prioritizing for the new year. Whoa, I am so caught up in getting the decorations down, catching up on laundry, and getting the boys gifts put away and organized---and this is all just in the planning stages, mind you, that I have yet to do any serious reflection and vision casting for the new year.

To be honest, this year has been so full of challenges, that I just want to celebrate making it through! And it has been even more full of miracles, blessings and rewards, that I just want to savor and let sink in deep.

But when he said that as he looked back over his year, there had been a lot of busyness, but not a lot of things that he felt he truly accomplished, he had my attention. I used to thrive on busyness and wear it as a badge of pride. How much I could accomplish in a day would dictate how successful I felt. Now, however, as a mom, I have come to believe that God is showing me some of the most important stuff I am accomplishing is still laying beneath the soil. Seeds ready to spring to life at His perfect time. I can only trust Him and walk in faithfulness knowing that if I make Him my priority, then the details will fall into line.

That is hard for me. A lot of my prayers contain phrases like, "Am I hearing your right? Is this really what You want me to do? Am I going the wrong way with this?" That is an aweful lot of "I" right there. How about, "He will not let your foot slip-He who watches over you will not slumber..." (Psalm 121:3) If I ask Him which way is the right way to go, whether to the right or the left, then I need to trust that He is able to get it through to me.

Thank you Pastor for the reminder. I really needed to get my priorities in line. I needed the reminder about busyness as "sign up for stuff season begins". I needed to think about what has lasting value.

I needed a verse for this year.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you." (Matthew 6:33)

Flu and Sympathy

2011-02-02T13:57:00.000-08:00

When my husband got home from work, he waded through the messes of the day to where I lie motionless in our marriage bed.

"How are you feeling?" he inquired tenderly.

"I am febrile. My back is killing me." I held nothing back.

"Whoa, what's wrong with your face? It's all puffy. It didn't look like that this morning," he replied, a mixture of concern and repulsion in his voice.

"I'll be alright. Probably just a mild case of viral meningitis," I assured him, "which can actually be less serious than the normal flu. As long as you can be 100% certain it is not bacterial, in which case immediate hospitalization would be required."

He started to give me that look. So I hurriedly finished my google infused speech. "Unless of course there is any facial edema, which would indicate a possible case of encephalitis."

To which he immediately got up and started to leave the room. "O.K. I think we're done here. You sound like you're going to be just fine."

"Wait, no. It's my meninges. They're aching."

The door shuts.

I am alone with my flu.

Maybe I should text a quick update my Mom to let her know how I'm doing.

If I posted it to facebook she would get it just as easily.

And if she doesn't respond, I'll put it on my blog.

One of the real reasons I homeschool

2011-01-31T11:02:00.001-08:00

Last week while my Mom was visiting, she asked, "Have you talked to your sister?"

"No, why?"

"Well, your nephew got sent to the office for returning from lunch with no shoes on. He got in trouble, and eventually they retrieved his shoes from over the school yard fence, but they had no idea why he did it".

"He ended up telling your sister that after playing "it" on the playground, a mob of 2nd graders had attacked him. Two boys held him down so a little girl could slap him. After hitting him, spitting on him and calling him names, they threw his shoes over the fence and told him that if he told anyone, they would shove him in the trunk of a car. So, he didn't tell anyone."

But his Mama sure did! The principal and teachers held a meeting with some of the kids and whatever happened, whatever they found out, ten 2nd grade students were suspended from school. The teacher told my sister that she had never seen or heard of anything like it from such little ones.

He went back to school today, so my heart is heavy for him. But I trust his Mama who has chosen this path for Him. And I trust the Savior that she follows. I know that even though my initial reaction was, "He can just come to Auntie's house and get his schooling. He never has to go back to that place!" that every mama knows best for her own children. God speaks to each mama about her own babies. And God has a plan for each and every one of those babies. Whether they go to private school, public school, homeschool, or a combination of each at different seasons, God knows the "when" and the "why". And His plans are for good.

"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,' declares the LORD..." Jeremiah 29:11-14a

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Random and Lesser Known Reasons Why I homeschool

2011-01-26T20:26:00.000-08:00

Besides the fact that I want to train up children to love God and serve Him with their whole hearts, the fact that I love spending all day with my guys, that I want the privilege of teaching them and discovering their God given gifts and talents with them, and that I will never forget the day my then 3 year old son sounded out his first word and immediately looked up and thanked me, besides all these major reasons, their are a few trivial and less publicly mentioned reasons we moms homeschool.

I homeschool my children because:

It is easier than getting them all dolled up in matching shoes early in the morning.

They are the only ones who can stand to spend the whole day with me.

The lines are shorter if you take them to Disneyland on a Wednesday.

I really wasn't paying enough attention the first time I did 4th grade. It was the 80's and there was a lot of neon clothing involved.

Yellowstone is less crowded in October.

We can head to the beach and start working on our tans in May---and put it in our lesson plan books for school credit (Woot, woot, Nature Studies---starfish and sandcastles).

WalMart is so less crowded at 10 am.

And, well, my husband doesn't trust me at home alone all day---I might start a blog, or cut the cable (again), or sign up to host foreign exchange students. He doesn't like to see me bored. He figures four boys will keep me busy. So I am teaching them how to dream big and drag him into wild schemes as well. All day long. Except when I'm blogging.

Breakfast Hotdogs anyone?

2011-01-26T10:40:00.001-08:00

So yesterday I was a little freaked out about the amount of buns we had left vs. the amount of actual hot dogs in the fridge. I was a little concerned that the poor buns would languish on the counter without a mate until they finally got thrown out. (No, there's no deep psychological significance here from my college days, really). So, I tried to sell the boys on the hottest new breakfast item on the menu. Banana instead of dog, peanut butter instead of mustard? Who wouldn't love that? I threw a little cinnamon on the top as insurance and made my pitch. I had two takers and a third who broke down after watching the others' delight. The other buns got slathered with butter, sugar and cinnamon and sold at a discount. I'll have to talk to Hubs about nailing down a more accurate bun::dog ratio next time.

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Creative flow

2011-01-12T10:08:00.001-08:00

He is very serious about his work.

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Making my men happy

2011-01-05T21:48:00.001-08:00

Today was a happy day indeed for the men in my house. A recent bout of laryngitis has rendered me physically unable to scream, yell, nag or otherwise indulge in any of my likewise helpful habits. My Dad has benefitted the most from this I think. He was not shy in his enthusiasm for my condition.

I spent the day researching tearooms and sending emails inviting My Mom and sister and even a long lost friend to compensate.

On a serious note, i feel it was a good spiritual lesson for me. I have been trying to learn to be patient and hold my tongue. Today helped me to choose my words carefully and think about the value of our speech.

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Dopplegangers: Four Score and Twenty Pounds Ago.....

2011-01-02T12:46:00.001-08:00

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The New Year

2011-01-01T16:36:00.000-08:00

I have been making all kinds of resolutions in my head. Getting up earlier, going to bed earlier, starting a new diet, focusing on some values that I want to pass on to my boys (Amy Carmichael's tenets of love, loyalty, unity and service), new homeschool routines. Over the last several years I've gotten down the habit of rehearsing my shortcomings and making a plan of attack. It feels good to start the year with a plan.

But as I went to write these in the journal that I use to write my letters to God, I felt a little foolish. These "plans" seemed so trivial. Not bad by any means. Who has never heard that "to fail to plan is to plan to fail"? But here I was, standing before the God of the universe who cares so deeply for every detail of my life that He planned them all Himself before time began. And I changed my mind.

My goal this year is Jesus.

That is all. I have resolved to love God with all my mind, heart and soul. To focus on the Hub of the wheel more than all the spinning spokes, which has only served to overwhelm and dizzy me anyway.

I want to be so focused on Him this year that I can taste Him.

"Taste and see that the LORD is good." Psalm 34:8a

I want Him to open my eyes.

"I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you..." Ephesians 1:18

I have my little goals scribbled on scrap paper anyway, to keep the health department from shutting down my kitchen in the meantime. But I want my focus to be to draw near to Him each minute of each day. I know He will tell me what He wants me to work on in my life and when He wants me to work on it.

Of all my past goals, the ones that revolved around Him where the ones that mattered anyway. If I could distinctly identify one habit that has changed my life the most over the years, it has been my (near) daily Quiet Time with my LORD. No weight loss program, organizational tool, or cleaning strategy has changed my life the way God has used my daily Quiet Time to change me. And I am joining a Scripture Memory Team through the LPM blog that will hold me accountable to memorize 2 Scriptures a month because the blessings I reaped from my far from perfect participation 2 years ago blessed me beyond measure.

But just right now, I don't want any smart action plan to distract me from the importance of the One the plan is for.

There are some good things on T.V.

2010-09-20T06:54:00.000-07:00

My family has two shows on television that we really love to watch together. Every week that either of these shows run, my husband keeps a close eye on the DVR to make sure nothing messes up the recording. It is like we are waiting to check in with the Roloff Family and the Duggar Family. If you had told me years ago that I would feel so much love and concern for TV personalities who don't even know me, I would've thought you were crazy.

I just absolutely love watching the way the Roloffs handle their challenges together as well as the way they celebrate life together. The father, Matt Roloff, is a Little Person (dwarf) who dreams big. He has been through a lot of adversity in life, but has used his tender heart and huge vision to come out stronger and more appreciative of every blessing that comes his way. His wife, Amy, is the anchor of the family. While Matt stands on the stern of the ship with his telescope to his eye, scanning the horizon for uncharted territory, Amy keeps things on an even keel. Her dedication to her family is an inspiration. The best part is, they don't hide who their True Anchor is. I particularly love watching how Amy deals with her twenty year old boys. We have been watching since they were 14 or 15, I think, and it has been precious to see their relationships evolve over the years. My boys love watching the brothers interact. My Dad loves watching and saying, "Now that is just some beautiful country up there, I'll tell you what." And as it is filmed in Oregon, it really is something to behold every Autumn.

I do think that many people have heard of the amazing Duggar Family and their 19 beautiful children. My boys will replay episodes of the show "19 Kids and Counting" over and over. There is just so much wholesome goodness packed into this show. Such a strong Christian testimony. So much love. The children have become so dear to us! Each of them has their own personality and their own strengths, yet all of them are so full of character and joy!

I am so glad that I found these two gems on T.V. that I wouldn't want anyone to miss them! They are on TLC or Discovery on Mondays for the Roloffs, Little People, Big World and Tuesdays for 19 Kids and Counting.