Seasons of Life

New Home

2010-09-12T19:48:00.002-05:00

After much deliberation and discussion with Ashleigh...

I've decided to move my blog.

It's time. Time to close up shop here and move to a place that better reflects my life today.

So come on over and check out my new digs! Hope to see you there!

Hugs and much love....

(you can click here to head on over)

Hope

2010-09-09T05:19:00.003-05:00

The LORD is a stronghold for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble.
And those who know your name put their trust in you,
for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:9-10

So...we got the results of my mom's MRI. They say it confirms the original CT scan results and that the lesions on her brain are indeed cancer. She has an appointment with an oncologist tomorrow. (Thank you, to my dear friend Mitzi, for going with mom.)

My mom is being so strong. Me? Not so much. I had a good, long cry last night (now my eyes are swollen and puffy, which will be so nice when I greet the patients today!).

I am just so tired. It's been a long, difficult two years and I am tired. I cried out to the Lord last night and told Him I just couldn't take another thing. Really.

And you know what? He hears me (and He hears you). Psalm 9 was my devotional reading this morning...His words of promise, hope and love...to me (and to you). Thank You, Lord.

Thank you for continuing to pray for my mom... Hugs and love to you!! : )

Heart to Heart

2010-09-08T05:18:00.003-05:00

Still no news on my mom's MRI. Thank you for your continued prayers....

I am getting ready to head off to work shortly, but I wanted to share this blog with you. Ashleigh told me about Holley a few months ago after she met her at a blogging/writing conference. I *love* Holley's blog--so full of encouragement and hopefulness--which is what I am all about these days.

So if you get a moment today, head on over and be encouraged--and blessed!

Happy Wednesday! : )

Thanks bunches!

2010-09-06T10:04:00.003-05:00

Thank you to each of you that has been praying for my mom. She underwent various tests this past week and hopefully we will know this week exactly what she is dealing with. My mom is amazing and truly an inspiration as she trusts the Lord with whatever is ahead. She knows the One who holds her life.

I'll keep you posted!

Much love and hugs... : )

All things...

2010-08-30T07:23:00.003-05:00

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28)
This past weekend I flew to Alabama to see my mom (thanks to a son who works for an airline)...

And here we are: this is a very typical picture of us--me being silly and my mom not wanting her picture taken. : )

She's still protesting here--and I am trying to get her to smile. : )

We are quite the pair--pulling close, pushing away, just to pull close again--the way mothers and daughters do.

But these days? We are pulling close. Very close. Clinging, in fact.

My precious 'little Mama' as I call her (cuz she's itty-bitty) is fighting for her life. We found out this past week that she has a brain tumor. The ball is now rolling to find out exactly (although the doctors have a strong indication) what we are dealing with--which means a whole battery of tests.

If you think about it, could you please pray for her? We have a lot of major decisions to make over the next few weeks and we are pleading for wisdom to make the right choices. Thank you.

And I'll be honest with you, when I heard the news, my first thought was..."what else?" It's been a pretty rough couple of years around here. But as I drove to work that morning after finding out about my mom, I truly felt the Lord take my anxious thoughts and replace them with His peace...that passes all understanding. I really don't know how He does it, but He does it. Over and over again.

(And good thing, because I am constantly trying to figure it all out on my own.)

So today I am flying back to Omaha and will await the results of the tests my mom is having this week--and then we'll make some decisions--and I will keep you posted.

Thank you so much for your prayers...

Hugs and love! : )

2010-08-23T15:40:00.005-05:00

I read the most heart-wrenching, yet encouraging post today, written by the most amazing woman.

Alece has walked a very similar path as I have and when I read her post, it resonated with me as nothing else has. In fact, while it's not a long post, it took me almost two hours to actually be able to read the entire thing. It hit such a tender spot in my heart that I could only read a few words at time and then I would have to get up, do something else and read more later.

There are many stories of marriages that have been healed and restored after infidelity. And I praise God for those marriages and the healing that has taken place. To be able to move forward and choose to trust again, is truly a miracle.

But...there are also those of us whose stories don't have the happy ending. The other person chose to walk away. From God, from their vows....and in some cases, as in mine...even from their children.

And it's a very broken and lonely place to be because when you are in it, there is no rejoicing and the future is very uncertain. But you can be whole again. You can. If this is you, I encourage you to go and read Alece's post.

You are loved.

Truly.

A different kind of summer goodness...

2010-08-18T21:15:00.000-05:00

I work in small farming town just outside of Omaha. The folks that come into the clinic come from all walks of life, but most have some sort of ties to farming. My coworkers talk about the weather and how it affects crops and gardens.... and what they are going to can or 'put up' for the winter months. (And I am the lucky recipient of lots of garden fresh produce!)

There's talk about sheep and chickens...cows and pigs. Lots of talk about corn. This is Nebraska after all. : )

People talk a lot about helping each other and 'giving a hand' if you need it.

It's about community. It's about coming together when times are good...or difficult. It's about serving together and working hard.

I am completely fascinated by this way of life. This Cali girl has never been around folks like this, who live like this. I am such an outsider, but I am welcome. Always welcome.

And what a lovely feeling...to be welcomed...accepted. : )

Hugs to you all on this Wednesday--half way to the weekend--yay!!!

Morning light

2010-08-16T07:19:00.000-05:00

I've always loved the first light of the morning...the sun shining through the windows, casting long shadows against the walls and floor. Or the hazy light of a cloudy sky. Either way, I love morning light.

In my former California home, I had a favorite spot where I'd sit every morning--drinking my coffee, reading my bible, praying, journaling--enjoying the first quiet moments of the day. In fact, even when my children were wee ones, they knew that if Mama was in her spot, they must tread quietly. (Although they were always welcome to join me.) I loved the big picture window, with the view of our old mesquite tree and Joshua Tree National Park.

(And this is about as far as I allow my mind to go...for the memories are sadly, overshadowed with pain...)

Now in my Omaha home, the first moments of the day are met with the sound of an early morning alarm and the rush of getting ready to leave and work a 10 hour shift. And while my mornings are very different than my life in California, I am so thankful I have a beautiful, peaceful drive every morning. There is no traffic, no rush. Instead of desert landscape, I have rolling green hills and fields of corn--old barns and farm houses--that lead into the small (but very busy) rural clinic where I spend my days.

And then I have my Monday mornings. Oh, how I love Monday mornings! Sometimes I sleep in, sometimes not. I love the slower pace. If the weather is nice like today, I get to enjoy my coffee while sitting outside, watching the sun filter through the trees--I can read my bible, pray, journal, write a blog post. : )

So what about you? What does your morning light look like?

Blessings and hugs to you on this happy Monday morning... : )

And so it was...

2010-08-04T21:26:00.000-05:00

Sunday was my 44th birthday. I cannot believe I am 44! Sounds soooo old!

Celebrations are a bit different these days--not that different is bad--just different. My kiddos are in Colorado and I am in Omaha. Not too far--but far enough that we can't spend just a day together.

So on my birthday I did talk to my kids (fun, long talks) and to family and friends. Then Todd made me a yummy dinner and later, he and his boys brought an ice cream cake and sang happy birthday to me.

Later...Todd gave me my birthday present...

And can I tell you? I love my Nook. LOVE it!! I wasn't sure how I'd feel about an electronic book because I love real books. I love the smell of them, I love the feel of the pages....if you are a book lover, you know what I am talking about, don't you?

But you know....there is one thing about books and that is, it's best when you actually read them! And so far, my Nook is helping to read more. And that makes me happy. : )

And so it was...

Another year gone by. It was a different kind of celebration, but it was a special celebration.

I am blessed. Indeed.

Brodie

2010-07-29T22:02:00.000-05:00

Steadfast in affection and allegiance--faithful friend, best friend.

My Brodie-dog.

He's been with me with me through thick and thin these past two years. He's been there since the beginning of the end of our world as we knew it.

At the first sound of tears, he'd forsake whatever he was doing and come to me. On many nights he'd take up the empty spot on the other side of the bed--even though he prefers his own doggie bed. He'd keep me company as I spent many afternoons hiking in the desert hills. He moved with me from those desert hills, across the country to Omaha.

And he's here with me now--as we make a new life.

I couldn't ask for a better friend. : )

KC Trip...

2010-07-26T00:38:00.000-05:00

This past weekend Todd, his older son Tyler, his younger son Nick...and me...headed to Kansas City for Tyler's soccer tournament. What fun! I played soccer in high school and I LOVE to watch a good soccer game.

So under blue skies and lots of heat and even more humidity...

We watched Tyler play soccer...

Very intently...

And little brother watched (and maybe was a tad bit bored)....

And in the evening, after one game got rained out...

We headed downtown and saw a gondola...

And a fountain....

And I made Tyler and Nick stand in front of the fountain and act like they loved each other...which of course, they do! : )

Then...while we waited an hour for our table at PF Chang's, we walked around and saw beautiful buildings...

Our Kansas City weekend was a lot of fun! I've been a lot of places, but the midwest is a new experience for me. I was very surprised at how pretty downtown KC was...lots of fun shops and interesting buildings. I wish we'd had more time because I would have loved to take more pictures. Another day...

Now I am home and ready for the work week. Happy Monday!! : )

My new friend

2010-07-20T22:07:00.000-05:00

Meet my Nikon D5000!! Can I tell you am SO excited?!!

Some of you might remember I used to have a Nikon D40, but sold it to help pay expenses. I was totally ok with selling the camera as it was given as a gift and it brought back painful memories.

Oh, but I have missed having a nice camera! It's been almost frustrating to not be able to get the shots I wanted. So this past Sunday after church, Todd and I headed to the store to pick out my new Nikon. It was so much fun and I LOVE it!

The only problem? I haven't had time to use it!

Soon...very soon.

Be prepared. : )

The promise...

2010-07-16T00:07:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we had a crazy storm here in Omaha. It had been brewing all afternoon and by the time I got off work the sky was dark and the wind had picked up considerably. When it finally hit, the storm only lasted about 3o minutes, but it sure caused a lot of damage. Lightning struck a power pole, knocking out power for hours (with the heat index over 100 degrees...fun!), downed trees and branches were everywhere. It was a mess, to be sure.

But then...after the storm ended and the damage assessed...the sky began to clear and there appeared a rainbow. A double rainbow.

Thank you, Lord.

Yesterday had been very emotional for me. During the storm I was actually having a conversation with Zach as we talked about the awful days, weeks, months...after his dad left our home. Those were the hardest days we've ever endured. We spent many nights crying (Ashleigh too), just holding each other as we tried to make sense of what was happening.

Rejection in any form is always hard, but when it comes from a spouse or parent--especially one who had always said they loved you, wanted to protect and care for you--it is devastating. If you've ever been through this--abandonment, rejection--then you know exactly what I am talking about.

But then...after the storm yesterday, there was the rainbow (a double one at that!). The promise.

Thank you, Lord.

The same God who promised Noah he would never flood the earth again and gave a visible sign of that promise--was reminding me that He is a God of hope, restoration and new beginnings.

That double rainbow? It was a gift to me from my Lord.

Thank you, Lord.

Blessings and hugs to you... ; )

Morning chat...

2010-07-12T10:03:00.000-05:00

Isn't this cup pretty?

I found it one day while I was out 'thrifting'. My grandmother had dishes with the same pattern. When I saw this cup, it immediately brought back memories of a little girl sitting at my Grandma's kitchen table, eating toast with jam while she skimmed the newspaper and drank her morning coffee from a cup just like this one.

It also made me long for those years when life seemed so much simpler. I am sure it wasn't simple for the adults in my life (in fact, I know it wasn't), but I didn't know about those things when I was five.

Life is hard sometimes, isn't it? It's not always pretty. Things are often anything but simple. Life is complicated. There is pain. There is heartbreak and heartache. And it hurts...physically, emotionally, spiritually.

This is where I've been these past ~~twenty~~ few months. Trying to sort through this complicated life of mine. Trying to make some sense of what took place and at the same time, trying to move forward.

But moving forward is proving to be a bit more difficult than I thought because the past is always before me.

Writing about it isn't always easy, because while I have an incredible amount of love and support surrounding me, I also have those in my life (who read this public blog) that think the way I am dealing/healing/praying/worshiping, ect... isn't 'right' or 'fast enough' or...whatever else we can heap on the already burdened shoulders of our sisters or brothers in Christ. ::sigh::

And sadly, it's those voices that sometimes drown out the ones that remind me of what is real and true: Jesus, the lover of my soul... holds my life, my heart, my pain, my past, my future...in His ever-capable hands and I am trusting in Him. He knows the very intimate details of my situation and puts no man-made formula or timetable on my healing (or my children's).

So thank you to those of you who love and support my family and I--with your kind, gentle, heartfelt words and actions. Thank you for allowing the Lord to work and trusting Him to do it--according to His plan and His purpose. Thank you for allowing us to make mistakes--and giving us room to learn and grow from them.

Thank you for simply loving.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13

Much love from me to you... : )

(P.S. If you have a moment, please take time to read Ashleigh's post today. The Lord continues to use my amazing children to help in my own healing. I am blessed.)

Life...

2010-06-17T19:47:00.001-05:00

Hi. Remember me? : )

I cannot believe it's almost been a month since I wrote a blog post.

But when I look back over the past month and realize all that's been going on...well...then I get it.

Birthdays, proms, graduation, a visit from Ashleigh, a trip to Alabama, a funeral, a visit from Zach, work.

Life. That is what I've been up to.

Thank you for your kind words and checking up on me. : ) I hope to sit down this weekend and catch up.

I miss you!

Love and hugs,
Me : )

Restoring

2010-05-18T22:02:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Jeremiah 29:11-14.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the LORD, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

Two weeks ago I sat in church, listening to Nick Vujicic talk about his life without arms or legs. His is an amazing story of hope, joy, endurance, peace...despite the fact that he faces many challenges.

Talking about the fact that there are no medical reasons or explanations for his condition, nothing he can look at and say, this happened because....he quoted Jeremiah 29:11-14. He went on to say this is where his peace comes from...the knowledge that God has a purpose.

What struck me and has stayed with me, is when he said that he knew God could give him arms and legs. He is GOD, the Creator of the universe, after all.

But God hasn't given Nick arms and legs. He hasn't chosen to restore his body. And so Nick asked us...

When God doesn't restore the way you want/thought...do you still believe He is God? Do you still trust Him? Do you still believe He is in control?

I can tell you, I do. I do believe God is who He says He is. I believe He is in control--even in the midst of this mess that is my life right now. Even though my marriage ended. Even though my heart breaks, even though my children suffer, even though my life is totally different than I ever thought it would be.

And I believe that He is working out the plan He has for my life--and He is restoring. It's just not how I thought or even what I imagined it would be.

But I trust Him...with all my brokenness, pain and imperfections. I trust.

If you have a moment...please take time to read Ashleigh's recent post. What is the Author of your Life writing about you?

Hugs to you all... : )

Hanging out and catching up

2010-05-03T11:59:00.000-05:00

Today is my 'extra' day off. I work four 10 hour days and then have Saturday through Monday off. Nice, huh?

So I am just hanging out, doing some laundry, cleaning, catching up on blog reading and later, I need to color my hair and paint my toe nails. (fun!)

Basically, I am enjoying my day off. : )

While I was blog hopping, I came across this post from Alyssa at Resolved To Worship. If you have a moment, it's an excellent read, especially if you have had any involvement in the homeschool movement or any type of legalistic background. I love Alyssa's photo journaling of her family's life...but I always come away from her blog encouraged in my realtionship with the Lord. In fact, Alyssa's dad (a long time friend of our family) was one of the very few men (if not the only one--but that's whole 'nother post) who scripturally confronted Rande when he left, asking him the hard questions. I will always appreciate the fact that Norm tried.

Anyway...that's my Monday so far! And you? How is your Monday shaping up?

Hugs and love to you all! ; )

2010-05-02T06:44:00.000-05:00

Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Hi...Remember me?

2010-04-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Sheesh.

I am having such a hard time keeping up with blog writing/reading. There is so much I want to read...and so much I want to write.

But NO time!

This week I started working four 10 hour days and while I really like the idea of only working 4 days and having 3 off...it makes for some very long days.

All that to say...I am tired. I get home at 6pm and I am ready for bed at 7pm. : )

So yeah. I miss you people. Really. Truly. : )

Some good news...Todd moved into a new house this past weekend. Now he and his boys have more room and I am so happy for them. Plus they have a nice kitchen, which I of course, really like. If I am going to help by making dinner for the men folk, it sure makes it more pleasant to do it in a nice kitchen. You know?

I am hoping this next Monday, on my day off, to catch up with y'all. But until then...

Love and hugs! : )

And you?

2010-04-23T02:00:00.000-05:00

I used to love Mondays.

But now I love Fridays.

How about you? Do you have a favorite day of the week?

Happy Friday! : )

Good eats and a little anniversary...

2010-04-19T20:25:00.000-05:00

It's Monday and today marks my one month anniversary at my new job.

Actually, it was a pretty stressful day, as it was my first day scheduling appointments and answering the phone for eight doctors. I had never done it on my own before and I was hopping the entire time. Sure made the day go by really fast!

(And if you ever call your doctor's office on a Monday morning, please be patient with the person on the other end. They are probably doing the best they can. ; )

Anyway...doesn't this picture of a breakfast burrito look so yummy?! I love breakfast burritos. In fact, I make one almost every morning before I leave for work.

I usually just scramble up some egg whites and a little pepper--add a teensy bit of cheddar cheese and wrap it in a soft tortilla. If I had more time I'd add some green onion and red bell pepper--yum!!

So what about you? What do you like to add to your breakfast burrito?

And if you have any ideas for a quick, on-the-go breakfast...send those ideas my way!

Hugs and lots of love to you all! Happy Monday! : )

2010-04-18T08:14:00.000-05:00

Have you not known?
Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth,
Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak,
And to those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary,
And the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.

Isaiah 40:28-31

Ok, so here is my peppy post...

2010-04-14T18:21:00.000-05:00

Well, it's sort of peppy.

I am having to figure out this whole tax thing on my own, for the first time. I have help, but it is still confusing and time consuming. ::sigh:: That is not fun...or pep inducing!

And the happenings around here? Well....I've been pretty consumed with my new job and the training, getting used to the hours, ect... I really, really like the people I work with. I couldn't ask for a more helpful bunch of ladies.

The hospital I work at is small-ish and in a more rural setting...very similar to the one I worked at in California. It has a very small town feel to it and I like that. The hospital just went through a major renovation, so everything is so pretty and new. I like that too. : )

Right now I am working five days a week, but in a few weeks I will be working four, 10 hour days. It will be nice having three days off in a row.

Oh...and I did solve the cute vs. comfortable shoe dilemma and now I have shoes that are cute and comfortable. It's all good now. : )

I really like the church I attend, but this past Sunday I decided to try another church....just because. I checked out their website and on Sunday gave it a try. I enjoyed the sermon and music very much.

It's still hard to be in church. Not because I don't want to be there--I very much want to be there. But it's painful. I have a lot of issues, you know? But that's another post, for another day. This is my peppy post! : )

So at the church I went to on Sunday, they announced they are hosting a Guy Penrod concert. If you are familiar at all with the Gaither Vocal Band, then you'll know who Guy Penrod is. If not...he's a southern gospel singer. I am not a big huge fan of SG, but my kids like it and it's familiar, so I'm going. Actually Todd got the tickets and we are going and I am actually really looking forward to it.

I am liking Omaha more and more. I don't miss California, but I do miss my family and friends and trying to build a life here is challenging. I have always been a pretty outgoing and 'people' person, but I am finding myself a bit more introverted and cautious these days. (Gee...I wonder why?) But I am trying.

So that's my life these days. I am still trying to move forward...taking one (cautious) step at time. And the Lord is good...

He is always good.

Hugs and love to you all!

Seeing

2010-04-12T23:05:00.000-05:00

I should be in bed.

Well, actually, I am in bed...but I should be sleeping. My hours have changed this week and I have to be at work earlier.

I really wanted to write a peppy little post telling y'all how much I am enjoying my new job (which I am) and give you a little update on the happenings here.

But I read Ashleigh's post from today and I just can't do peppy. (And I can't do long because I am indeed tired and need to go to sleep.)

Oh, how my heart aches for my girl... actually for all of us.

I so appreciate her honesty. I appreciate her being real and not afraid of talking about the struggle....and the reality of Jesus loving us in the midst of that struggle, when our lives are messy and we are trying to find our way.

In this strange and awkward place I find myself, I long to see the reality of people loving and following Jesus. They are the examples I want see. Theirs are the examples that truly encourage me. And sometimes those examples have come from people I would never have seen if it weren't for what I've gone through this past year.

And sometimes the example is found in my own children.

I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth." 3 John 1:4

I'll take an earthquake over a tornado, please

2010-04-07T19:35:00.000-05:00

I was born and raised in California. Earthquakes were a way of life. I lived the last 20 years on a major earthquake fault. In fact, our little desert town was known for a 7.3 earthquake back in 1992.

I still remember growing up, every time there was an earthquake, my mom would run through the house to hold the bust of this statue thing-y we had so it wouldn't topple over.

The funny thing was that my mom was literally 100 lbs. and like, 5 feet tall. The statue was twice the size of my mom!

So it was a weird thing to hear the news about the big earthquake this week and not be a part of it.

But here in Nebraska I had my own issues going on...

I guess it's 'Severe Weather Season' here in the midwest and I was initiated on Monday night. I was awakened by the sound of hail pounding my window, lightening lighting up my apartment like fireworks and thunder that sounded like the world was coming to an end.

Ummm, I was a teensy bit scared.

Ok, I was a lot scared.

I texted Todd to see if he was still awake (he was) and then texted my neighbor Jessica to see if she was awake (she was). Todd chuckled when I asked if I should be concerned about a tornado and Jessica was sitting out on her balcony watching the 'light show' as she called it.

Sheesh. What's with these people?

Nobody seemed concerned....except me. So yeah. : /

The storm lasted less than an hour, but I stayed in my bed with my Brodie-dog, who was shaking like crazy and together we made it through our first Nebraska storm.

The next morning when I told the ladies at work how scared I was, they chuckled too. What's up with that?

You can be sure I will be heading to Target this weekend to get a flashlight, radio and batteries. I was a Girl Scout ya' know....gotta be prepared. : )

So.... which would you rather live with....earthquakes or tornadoes?